No Filter: Shane, Tasha and Alice are Making Guac for Pride
Welcome back to No Filter, our once-weekly stroll through the lush gardens of queer celebrity Instagram. This week, Tessa Thompson is just fucking with us:
EXCUSE ME WHAT DOES THIS MEAN JUNE IS SO CONFUSING pic.twitter.com/q1G9MkJPQF
— Nic 🍉 (@njnic23) June 26, 2018
And with that, let’s get to work.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bkf3dv0h3xz/
Janell Monáe IS pride, I don’t know what to tell you.
DJ Kittens (the glue that binds all forms of The Chart together) seen here carousing with Carmen de la Pica Morales, who’s doing great all these years after being left at the altar by Shane McCutcheon, known lothario.
Just down the street, Shane, Tasha and Alice are cooking something together; judging by the ingredients I would like to believe it’s a margarita but since it’s in a bowl I can only assume it’s guac.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BkbBpIxAG4f/?taken-by=gabyroad
Jeez, let Gaby Dunn ride with the Dykes on Bikes one time and suddenly she declares herself the goddamn duchess of bisexuality.
I would pay money to hear this conversation between Caleb McLaughlin and Lena Waithe right now.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BkYYOVngHM1/?taken-by=bishilarious
If there is one thing in this world I truly love, it is Brittani Nichols interacting with farm animals.
I would like to start using the phrase “the most Blanche Devereaux thing I have put on my body” more often, please.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BkgPKQnnVb5/?taken-by=evanrachelwood
If you leave Evan Rachel Wood alone anywhere for five minutes, she will return with an 80s montage. It’s just science.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bkbw4Tlnznn/?taken-by=kehlani
Hayley Kiyoko and Kehlani joined forces to beam rainbows out of their goddamn stomachs like a pair of lesbian care bears in San Francisco.
Previously on Hayley Kiyoko, apparently this is what she looks like when she wakes up.
Am I cheating by including the greatest celebrity of all, Autostraddle CEO/CFO/Editor-in-Chief Riese Bernard’s very famous dog Carol? Look how much pride she has!
Laneia’s Team Pick: WATCH IT AGAIN “Shane and Jenny – Forever (Shenny)”
How many times have you watched Shane and Jenny — Forever (Shenny) The L Word since it was published in January 2018? NOT ENOUGH TIMES! Today’s a great day to put this perfect video on loop and masturbate on your sofa.
Also hot tip: adding Alekseev’s “Forever” to all of your playlists, regardless of theme, will make each one more balanced, honest, and fated, just like Shenny! ❤ ❤ ❤
38 Inspirational Ways You Weirdos Described Your “Types”
Two weeks ago for the Friday Open Thread, I asked you what your “type” is and my friends, you did not let me down! It felt like a 90s slumber party with 150 of my best friends and I can’t wait to hang out with you again soon in an open thread! You all were so specific and earnest and honestly, I’m inspired to seriously hone in on who I want to crush on from now on. Thank you so much for your contribution to last week’s thread, and for your pleasure, here are 38 of the ones that inspired me to go out there and demand what I want, presented in list form.
1. Femmes who are probably social workers
2. Mean femmes
3. Glammed up butches
4. Overextended busy queers
5. Southern charm
6. Unavailable
7. “Someone who might wear a sundress sometime & tenderly murders me with a look.”
8. Shane (from The L Word)
9. “Grown-up Spinellis”
10. Bean-shaped
11. Anything but men
12. Scorpio
13. Tender sci-fi tomboys
14. Wholesome and puppyish
15. Old wealth
16. “Shirley Manson femme”
17. “Femmes who can murder you”
18. Rachel Maddow on screen
20. Rachel Maddow off screen
21. Everyone but actors
22. “Dominant nature loving perverts, willing to engage in artistic/creative endeavors, have sex in the woods, and tie me up.”
23. Nice Jewish Girl ™
24. “Andro/MOC folx with soft curvy bodies and crazy hair”
25. The recently divorced
26. Boaters
27. Bookish butches
28. Gregarious introverts
29. ?️Older women
30. Smart girls who look like they played soccer
31. Bisexual Jewish therapists
32. Assertive organized girly girls
33. “Apparently women with the name “Carmen” which started with Carmen Cortez in Spy Kids as a child until I graduated to Carmen de la Pica Morales. Women totally out of my league.”
34. Younger, hot, queer Meryl Streep
35. Little spoons
36. Scary, brooding people
37. Masculine-of-center STEM majors
38. Straight women
The Astrological Signs of Everyone’s Hair in The L Word
The year: 2018. The topic: The L Word. Not the reboot, the original show. “Please,” the people cry, “make it stop.” They look to me, perched on my observational ledge taking in our broken world, and I turn. “No.”
What I give them instead is a content package so unnecessary that it rains down on them like AA batteries. They run from me, but still it falls: The Astrological Signs of Everyone’s Hair in The L Word.
I do need everyone to stop running though, because we have a lot to cover. Within reason! I mean, clearly, tracking and analyzing every hairstyle within the framework of the astrological signs on a show with sprawling main and supporting casts that spans a critical time period of early aught culture into late aught culture, which in terms of fashion is a contender for one of the biggest aesthetic jumps within a single decade, and about a subculture known for their hair choices, is a task for academia, not for someone as on-the-go as I think I’ve proven myself to be time and time again. For now we’re going to be covering the highlights of the main players as well as some fan favorites.
Shane, Season 1
Gemini
Shane’s hair in this season has absolutely no idea what it wants to be at any given moment. Does it want to be flat-ironed straight or does it want to have face-framing curling-ironed strands? Instead of choosing, it does both.
Shane, Season 2
Aquarius
There’s a lot going on with Shane’s hair in season two. It’s innovative, I’ll give it that! It’s sort of a pixie cut meets “the swoop” meets crust punk rat tail life – aka is in a constant state of rebellion.
Shane, Season 3
Shane’s Season 3 hair is a Cancer
Cancer
‘Cause baby you’re a firework come on show them what you’re worth.
Shane, Season 4
Pisces
Post-Carmen and Dana, Shane adorns this weird sadness helmet that she hides under. (By the way I’m a Pisces so I can say this and no one can get mad at me.) It’s elusive – like where, exactly, do the bangs start?
Alice, Season 1-2
Sagittarius
It’s a playful ‘do with a blunt finish! It’s independent in that asymmetrical, one side isn’t totally locked into what the other side is doing kind of way.
Alice, Season 3
Libra
Alice’s hair plays it safe this season, and quite frankly? That’s fine. She had a solid couple of seasons of looking like a homemade jerky enthusiast so we’re going to allow her to look like she models knit sweaters for Madewell for a bit if that’s what she wants.
Alice, Seasons 4-6
Capricorn
These smell like money and ambition thanks.
Bette
Leo
Aside from a rogue bang or straightening moment, Bette’s hair presents as this physical manifestation of an aura – as if a halo. Something, let’s be honest, Bette knows. If Bette’s hair were wine it would have a very pride-forward note about it. It’s voluminous and effortlessly commands an entire room’s attention.
Harrison
Capricorn
This hair goes the distance. You’re going to find this old reliable throughout the decades, because it is a tried and true concept.
Jenny, Season 1
Taurus
This is a very low-maintenance, chill-ass look that Jenny rocks with an equally chill ensemble of a ripped shirt and ripped pants/leggings for the entirety of season 1.
Jenny, Season 2
Cancer
There was a lot of… emoting behind this cut.
Jenny, Season 4
Virgo
This one had a very 50s housewife who’s just spent all afternoon cataloguing the utensil placement faults she found at her most recent dinner party in the margins of her Ladies’ Home Journal to it.
Dana
Aries
Honestly, this haircut looked ready for a fight at all times.
Marina
Libra
Marina’s hair is an instagram influencer post of random items against a plain background. You’re not entirely sure what it’s selling but you know you should feel bad for not having it?
Tina
Gemini
Happy to be here, lookin’ to chat.
Lara
Taurus
Reluctant to let go of a probably decade-old chunky highlight trend, Lara’s hair remains devoted to the flash of it all.
Tim, Season 1
Pisces
Prior to one of the biggest traumas of Tim’s life, his hair looked like a freshly-hatched baby chick’s. It’s gentle, like it’s just woken up, ready to emotionally bottom for you.
Tim, Season 2
Sagittarius
By season two, Tim hair has gone full on golden retriever. It’s friendly, but, based on the kind of attention it usually gets, it’s a little cocky.
Mangus
Taurus
It’s here for a good time not a long time.
Phyllis
Virgo
This is the kind of hair flip that gets only turned on by a routine.
Peggy
Scorpio
Look at this hair and tell me it’s not motivated by power.
Kit
Scorpio
If there were ever hair that held secrets, it’s this hair.
Carmen, Season 2
Aquarius
Well, here they are, maybe the worst set of extensions to have ever been put on someone’s head. Why did they do Carmen this dirty? Her real hair is very much keeping its emotional distance and pulling an I Don’t Know Her.
Tonya
Aries
High energy here kept in some tightly wound curls that when straightened somehow remained the same length.
Max
Taurus
This haircut is lookin’ for the snacks!!!
Tasha
Virgo
One practical updo for a beautiful woman of service, please!!!
Helena
Pisces
This hair still wears the bracelet it got from its latest concert at Red Rock where it was given molly and convinced itself the moon was its aunt.
Every Way To Find A Date, Ranked By A Shane
I have a confession to make: I’m watching The L Word for the first time this summer. Well, actually I watched the first season forever ago but I stopped at season two when my body would not physically allow me to continue past the opening song. But this time around, I gave in and let the opening song sashay, shante and Stockholm Syndrome it’s way into my heart. And can I just say how honored I am to share the soundtrack to my fever dreams with you?
The best part about watching The L Word is finally getting to choose which character I am. I was hoping to be Dana, because you were right, person who sighs her name breathlessly at parties while I shove a cheese cracker into my mouth and pretend like I know who you’re talking about, Dana’s for sure the baby angel emoji. But here’s what I realized: you don’t get to choose a character for yourself. It’s more like you find yourself relating to a character and then resisting this feeling with a combination of awe and terror before you can no longer deny who you are in your heart. This is how I discovered I’m a Shane.
Look, I didn’t ask for this fate. I didn’t ask for monogamy to be the source of my ruin. And I hope that in the “Where Are They Now” interview, Shane reveals that after the show ended, she discovered the joys of polyamory and is now leading a fulfilling life with multiple partners, minus the guilt and self-loathing. And you know what? I feel like the more well-adjusted Shanes of the world have a lot to offer in terms of dating advice. And there are so many new ways post-L Word to get a date in this world of digital-virtual-hijinks! So here we go, apropos of nothing:
12. HER
This app is the LifeAlert™ of the queer dating world. You think downloading it will save your life, but then when it doesn’t actually work, you return to your regularly scheduled programming of “help I have fallen and I can’t get up.”
11. Bumble
Keep this one for motivation when you’re having a hard time connecting with people on dates, because scrolling through it will remind you how simultaneously weird and boring straight people are, and at least you’re not that!
10. School
This one is good if you know that every Tuesday and Thursday at noon you will be in a class with this one person who is really dreamy but you need approximately two months to muster the courage to talk to them specifically. This one is bad if you don’t like the breaking up with said person after a tumultuous love affair and getting stuck in a class with them again next semester.
9. Work
This one has very similar pros & cons to school, so plan accordingly!
8. Sports
I know, I know, don’t date anyone in your roller derby league. Counterargument: y’all. Are you for real telling me to sign up for the gayest activity invented and then repress my very gay feelings in this space that was, I repeat, invented for gayness? (winging the history of roller derby here, but it feels right) Lucky for you, I’ll never sign up for roller derby because the only convincing thing I can do with my body is dance.
7. Facebook
Some people are like: “But Cecelia, how do you do it?” I think, dear readers and fans, that maybe you think being dateable equals being charming and confident and smoldering all the time, but I come prepared with receipts to show you that everyone, even Shanes like me, meet strangers through the internet the same way everyone else does: awkwardly and dare I say, abrasively!
6. Instagram
I gave you a really thorough defense of Instagram as a dating app a few months ago. Check in: how did that work for you? As a reminder, here’s the Instagram formula: 1) Do they like your photos? 2. Do they also follow you? 3. Slide into those DM’s with confidence and poise (see above photo for inspiration).
5. Twitter
Like the age-old nursery rhyme says: “First comes Twitter, then comes Snapchat, then comes texting nudes to a complete and total stranger.” Patty-cake to that one, kiddos. No but seriously, I’ve never met anyone through Twitter. What I have met is people living in other cities who I will awkwardly DM if I ever visit their city.
4. Art Opening
Look at that girl, staring thoughtfully at the crumpled piece of wet cardboard on the floor. So delicate. So pure. Quick, can you learn the words “postmodernity” and “materiality” fast enough to get her to fall in love with you? Good news: all of the girls here are queer. Bad news: every single one of them will splatter your heart like a Jackson Pollock.
3. A Bar
A classic that has stood the test of time. I have nothing bad to say about this opportunity except for consent is sexy and I believe in you.
2. Tinder
This one is great because you either talk to someone and go on a date or you don’t talk to someone and then go on a surprise date that can happen anywhere from the grocery store to the gynecologist, and starts with: “Hey, I’m Stephanie, we matched on Tinder and you didn’t respond.”
1. A-Camp
If The L Word opening song is the true measure of the way that we live, this is the only place where you can check all those verbs off your list. Breathing? So much it hurts. Cheating? If you mean cutting the dinner line to get food faster, sure. Kissing? I mean, maybe. I wouldn’t know from experience, per se, because I’m an extremely professional staff member who doesn’t kiss campers or staff members or literally everyone who expresses interest, but I’ve heard this is the Number One place for making out. Actually, meeting people here isn’t the problem — it’s deciding between the five soulmates you meet that’s hard.
No Filter Is Deeply Invested In Ruby Rose
https://instagram.com/p/3wQojNF49m/
Welcome back to No Filter, a column about things we’ve been absent-mindedly double-clicking on while patronising public restrooms. This week, Orange Is The New Black is back and it’s all we can think about, so bear with us. Last week, Ruby Rose was a very pretty person who we heard was sort of a thing somewhere and who we hoped would be an interesting addition to Litchfield. This week, Ruby Rose is the love of our lives and we’re vowing to spend the rest of our lives gazing deeply into her eyes. Also, some other famous people existed, took pictures of it.
https://instagram.com/p/3xekj-MZb3/
First of all, Ruby Rose achieved my previously-unknown livelong dream of being bitten by Dascha Polanco, and then Dascha Polanco achieved my previously-unknown lifelong dream of biting Ruby Rose. Then Diane Guerrero and Jackie Cruz probably said something amazing.
https://instagram.com/p/3_zrEEsZV6/
https://instagram.com/p/3_z7GbMZWh/
This just in: you could adopt these dogs that have been held by Ruby Rose. Also if you hang out at the Silverlake dog park, you could have Ruby Rose hold your dog. I used to date a girl in LA who took her dog there; if you are reading this, please take your dog to the Silverlake dog park right now.
In other news, since Jenny is dead, the coast is clear for Carmen and Shane to get back together and pretend that eternal love is possible in this cold, cruel world.
Laura Jane Grace wore this amazing tank top made by my cool friend Nina and her friend Marie at Against Me!’s show at Northside Festival this past weekend. Proceeds from the tanks are being sent to assorted queer organizations including the Audre Lorde Project, the Sylvia Rivera Law Project and Trans Lifeline. Also, Laura looks really cute in it.
Still unclear.
https://instagram.com/p/2Q0BlquyA0/
At what point does this stop being a parody of anything and start just being what Fred Armisen’s hair looks like?
Join us next week when Ruby Rose and I adopt a family of rescue wolf dogs and raise Kristen Stewart together: coming this fall to NBC.
Evan Rachel Wood And Kate Moennig Break Up, Earth Implodes, Sadness Ensues
feature images via Getty
In mid-October, we breathlessly reported that the glorious romantic union of fictional Lothario Kate Moennig and Evan Rachel Wood Bisexual was a real thing happening in our lives. We were delighted to learn that two very goodlooking, very famous human beings were maybe/definitely kissing each other on the regular. How innocent we were then! So young and full of promise! It is with our deepest regrets that we inform you that according to trustworthy sources at Us Magazine, our favourite power-couple of 2014 may have gone their separate ways. We never even got to give them a catchy name!
Although the two had been reportedly text-flirting since February of 2013, it seems that the relationship itself was only a couple of months or maybe even weeks old – a great deal of anticipation for a relationship that burned too brightly, and could not last. You were too pure for this world, Kate and Evan. The world just wasn’t ready.
A forlorn Evan Rachel Wood Bisexual has been tweeting very sad things, the modern equivalent of leaving a bunch of heart-wrenching Fiona Apple lyrics in your AIM away message.
…all the time, to keep you off my mind!
— Evan Rachel Wood (@evanrachelwood) October 27, 2014
ok excuse me everyone, 2001 throwback song of the day ‘gone’ #nsync — Evan Rachel Wood (@evanrachelwood) November 3, 2014
Kate Moennig has tweeted a lot about television shows she’s been watching.
To be fair, the only solid evidence we have of this (dreamy) affair is their singular appearance at a Los Angeles gala last month – beyond that, their relationship remains a complete mystery. The two were rarely photographed together, never spotted gazing lovingly into each others’ eyes over a $30 kale salad, never adopted a rescue cat together. A solid 99.9% of their relationship happened inside my own imagination.
Like the relationship itself, the reasons for the break-up have been very private. At this time, there is no reason to suspect that Moennig left Wood at the altar at a picturesque ski resort in British Columbia, paid for by a very rich British woman the couple barely knew. A source tells Us that the split may only be a break, which fills our hearts with hope for the future.
Commenters on said Us Magazine article made sure to remind Evan Rachel Wood that she only just divorced her husband (determined ballet dancer Jamie Bell) this past spring, and that probably she isn’t really bisexual anyway. Those people are all gross.
In these trying times, dear reader, we hope that both Moennig and Wood are taking excellent care of themselves, not watching each others’ movies obsessively and crying in the shower (which is what I’d be doing/am doing, whatever). Evan, if you want to get brunch and talk about your feelings, I’m around all week and I’ll even buy you a mimosa. It’s good to get out of the house, girl. We’re all here for you.
…Oh girl.
Wait, Are Evan Rachel Wood Bisexual And Kate Moennig Dating?
This past May, Gothip Girl reported that newly single Evan Rachel Wood was prowling Los Angeles ladies’ nights, potentially in search of new paramour situations. It could have been you, dear reader, but it looks like you may have missed your chance. Today, Page Six reports that Ms. Wood may have landed the great white whale of this great queer ocean: Kate Moennig, aka The L Word‘s Shane McCutcheon.
Take a minute, catch your breath, and let’s review the facts.
In February 2013 (long before Evan Rachel Wood Bisexual’s separation from husband Jamie Bell was public knowledge, or perhaps even a thing), Ms. Wood encountered Ms. Moennig at a flea market. Maybe their hands brushed against each other as they both reached for the same box of dusty cassette tapes. Maybe their eyes met across a table full of handmade bangle bracelets. Regardless of the circumstances, what is known for certain is that Evan Rachel Wood did the only thing a red-blooded American can do in the presence of Kate Moennig, and she blushed, got flustered, bolted and then tweeted about it like a total nerd.
@evanrachelwood you should have said hi. :)
— kate moennig (@katemoennig) February 10, 2013
This happened to me once with Samantha Ronson and I died, so.
From what we can discern, the two struck up some sort of Twitter-based relationship, and Wood continued to moon over the spindly seductress, even tweeting about dreaming about the two falling asleep together in a cab during NYC pride. You have probably also periodically tweeted about Kate Moennig-based fantasies, but you, dear reader, you aren’t Evan Rachel Wood.
Although Kate Moennig was most recently reported to be in some sort of relationship-esque arrangement with mysterious hat aficionado Holly Miranda, noted Instagram behavioural analyst Crystal Silvester reports that “…Holly Miranda has not posted a photo of Kate Moennig’s dog for at least three months now, which indicates either nothing or everything re: their relationship status.”
At the Hammer Museum’s Los Angeles gala (honoring artist Mark Bradford and singer Joni Mitchell) this past Saturday night, Wood and Moennig arrived holding hands, both nattily dressed in blazers, appearing “very much a couple.” Page Six’s source also notes that the two “kept close all night” and spent time at a “secluded table,” which (as we all know) constitute the two primary girl-on-girl sex acts. Although the two were not specifically reported to be “canoodling,” it is heavily implied that this was the case.
The two were not photographed together, but here is a composite image we have put together from photos from the event. Our resident body language expert Stef Schwartz notes, “these two are all about it.” Evan Rachel Wood looks resplendent, even glowing, and as always, Moennig’s hair remains full of secrets.
Photos: Donato Sardella/Steve Granitz/Getty
At press time, neither Kate Moennig’s three-legged chihuahua nor her haircut could be reached for comment.
Kate Moennig’s New Lesbian Character Debuts In “Ray Donovan,” A Terrible Show About Terrible Men Being Terrible
Universal lesbian heartthrob Kate Moennig, aka The L Word’s Shane, finally made her triumphant return to the world of lesbian TV characters last night on Showtime’s new summer show Ray Donovan, which we first told you about a few months ago. Ray Donovan is a man-show about a man who helps famous men hide their dirty little secrets, and Moennig plays one of Donovan’s employees, Lena. The show’s debut hit a new record for Showtime with 1.35 million viewers turning in for its premiere.
No, I will not be addressing any questions about Ilene Chaiken at this time.
Showtime’s official description of Lena left me wondering if they weren’t, perhaps, pandering a bit to the Shane lovers of the world. Not that I’m complaining:
“Lena handles Ray’s office and research for his operation. She is a no-nonsense lesbian who is both sexy and tough. She is an asset to Ray both in and out of the office.”
For those of you paying attention, that means there are two lesbian Lenas on TV this summer.
Showtime even released a character profile for Lena as part of their Ray Donovan promotion.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSR4PjbPxow
The problem is that the pilot of the show really sucked. It was boring, overwritten, too sprawling and featured a solid five minutes of really really excruciatingly terrible unchecked transphobia. One often finds oneself thinking, “why is this a Showtime show and not a TBS show?” I can tolerate a whole lot of boring awaiting lesbosexy action, but this show’s problems go beyond “boring.” It seems Ray Donovan needs a major overhaul before it will be palatable.
Todd VanDerWerff at The AV Club points out in its excellent review of the episode that “Ray Donovan never suggests a good reason for its own existence, beyond the fact that shows with troubled, male, middle-aged heroes have been popular these last few years, so maybe there should be another one. There is not one thing that’s remarkable about Ray Donovan, the protagonist, to suggest that he should be at the center of his own television show.”
Emily Nussbaum at The New Yorker declared Donovan “straight out of antihero central casting: a sinner, but smarter than everyone else,”
Tim Surette at TV.com noted that “at times the pilot was good, at times it was shockingly bad, but mostly it stayed within that region no television show wants to be in: uninteresting.”
June Thomas at Slate wrote in “Enough With the TV Antiheroes Already” that we’ve seen all this before: “I’ve also seen damaged tough guys, demanding wives, selfish parents, messed-up siblings, snake-in-the-grass Hollywood lawyers, dumb actors, and deluded agents. And I’m very familiar with your way of introducing a female character and then involving her in a sex scene in a matter of seconds.”
Maureen Ryan at The Huffington Post describes it as “an awkward melange of anti-hero tropes.”
Yet it’s got a 75 score at Metacritic, which means a lot of reviewers really liked it, too.
It’s pretty clear to us that the only original and interesting thing about this show is that Shane is in it, but unfortunately Moennig only got about fifty-three seconds of screen time in the pilot. Fortunately, one of those seconds included Moennig waking up next to a cute girl and telling her to get dressed.
The L World Season Seven
It remains to be seen if Ray Donovan will get it’s act together such that we can stand to watch it. I hope it does and that Lena will be our favorite new TV lezzie. Or a rehash of Shane. Or even both. In the meantime, treat yourself to just Moennig’s scenes from this week’s pilot episode, The Bag or the Bat!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ErAQjtNkPk
Style Thief: Couples Formal Attire Part One – TV Couples
Welcome to the fourteenth installment of Style Thief, where I steal the clothes off queer style icons’ backs. Metaphorically, that is. I’ll try figure out just exactly what makes queer style icons tick by breaking down their look into itty bitty bite size pieces. I get a lot of questions about how to look like different celebrities/characters, so I’m finally tackling the question “How the hell do I dress like that?”
Header by Rory Midhani
This week on Style Thief we’re doing something totally different! Instead of looking at individual’s styles, I want to sneak a peek at a few great couples styles. Couples styles for fancy-pants parties. It’s wedding season and DOMA just got struck down so you know you’re about to attend a dozen engagement parties and weddings. If you’re fortunate enough to have made your way out of the singles table, then you might just be trying to coordinate outfits with your lady friend. While it’s, of course, totally okay to each wear whatever the heck you want, sometimes it’s fun and refreshing to coordinate your outfits. I mean, just think of the pictures!
It’s hard enough to put together cohesive outfit alone, let alone with with your significant other. There are no rules for lesbians the way there are for straight couples. You can’t just say, “hints of the color scheme of her dress in his tie.” Well, you can if you’re rocking a traditional butch-femme look, but for many couples that’s not their personal style. You have to find a balance where you like the way your outfits look together, but you avoid twinning out or looking like cheesy prom dates.
This week I’ll be starting with TV couples because their outfits are optimized by a costume designer/stylist to best compliment each other without overshadowing one another.
Quick disclaimer: You might notice there are no butch-butch couples or even super MOC women in this article. I really tried but TV hates us BOTP.
Carmen and Shane, The L Word
If ever you don’t know how to coordinate outfits, black and white is a great place to start. Carmen (left) and Shane (right) are wearing outfits that have almost nothing in common. Between Shane’s more formal tie and Carmen’s crop-top, the two could practically be attending separate events. Yet, despite those inconsistencies, by wearing black their outfits appear to go together. That being said, it’s good to incorporate some white in at least one outfit, as side-by-side all black tends to make you look like you’re attending a funeral.
Lena and Stef, The Fosters
The Fosters is ABCFamily’s new show staring a couple of good old fashioned lesbian moms. I know they look here like maybe they’re getting married, but actually they’re look super fresh to attend their daughter’s quinceañera. Interestingly, Lena (left) tends to be the more hippy-dippy mom while Stef (right) is the hardcore cop mom. Instead of translating this into more traditionally masculine or feminine formal attire, here this translate into Lena’s more free spirited outfit versus Stef’s more “conventional” one.
Lena and Stef’s outfits work so well together because, while they don’t share a color palate, the two outfits are thematically similar. Fundamentally, both outfits have airy, light fabric that utilizes short lines at the hems. This gives both looks a similar “flow” to them. Additionally, both women utilize V shapes in different ways. The Vs of Lena’s pant hem, pointed shoes and blouse neckline complement the V-neck of Stef’s dress. Finally, both outfits incorporate just a hint of sparkly; Lena down the front of her blouse and Stef at her waistline.
Tasha and Alice, The L Word
Tasha (left) and Alice (right) exemplify one of my favorite ways to tie together two outfits: using different shade of the same color. The key with using similar shades of the same color is to aim for shades that are distinctly different. If you end up with shades that just barely match, It appears that you’ve attempted to perfectly match and failed, and the look ends up sloppy. If you are successful in your perfect match, you often end up with the prom date effect.
While it can be really difficult to find those two perfect shades in a color, grey is a much easier way to begin. If one partner wears a true grey or charcoal, this leaves the other partner open to explore the vast shades of blue-greys and purple-greys. This is particularly great if one partner feels like they will have a more difficult time finding something to wear. It opens up a wide array of options without compromising cohesion.
Fiona and Imogen, Degrassi
Fiona (left) and Imogen (right), show us another great example of wearing complementing but vastly different colors side by side. While you might not initially think to put hot pink and tangerine together, they both pack a serious punch; Imogen and Fiona are widely successful.
Here, it’s all about the accessories. While the outfits are different in shape and fabric, you could still transpose elements of each on to the other. Imogen and Fiona could easily swap shoes, and Fiona’s leather jacket would look just as brilliant with Imogen’s dress as Imogen’s lace glove would look on Fiona.
A great trick here is to buy both outfits and/or accessories at from the same designer or store. Designers plan their clothing under the assumption that someone will wear individual pieces together, thus those same pieces often work well side by side. This is particularly handy when you can shop at a store that sells both men’s and women’s attire.
Santana and Brittany, Glee
It’s rare that I don’t love anything about Santana (left) and Brittany (right), but I’m going to level with you. I don’t like Brittany’s outfit here. I’m just not crazy about little hats. What I am crazy about is the way in which Santana and Brittany’s color schemes complement one another. This is the perfect example of how you can wear completely different outfits that still look nice together.
Both girls manage to wear different but in-style colors and shapes, while avoiding clashing with one another. No one on the planet looks better than Naya Rivera (Santana) in red tones, so it seems natural that she would wear her form fitted one shoulder dress. Brittany, on the other hand, goes to the entire opposite end of style spectrum with a big skirt in a cool color. Yet, together their outfits still work because the colors themselves go so nicely together.
The key here is finding colors that look nice together, but that is easier said than done. One big trick is to look at the colors currently used together in patterns and jewelry. Turquoise and coral are both extremely in style right now, and have appeared together all over the place. With this in mind, pairing together coral and turquoise dresses does not seem like such a big jump.
Of course, these are just a few of the ways you can look awesome with your beau all party season long. There are a million ways to coordinate regardless of your personal styles or the event your attending. With that in mind, we’ll continue looking at couples next Style Thief when we move out of TV Land and into the real world!
If there’s a queer style icon you’d like to see stripped down in Style Thief, send me an ASS message, ask on my tumblr, or tweet me @Ohheyitslizz
Style Thief: Underwear Week Special Edition
Welcome to Underwear Week, a whole week dedicated to your favorite bum-hugging clothesthings. As we said many moons ago, we feel a lady is at her best when she’s not wearing pants. And while our last adventure around this neck of the woods took us only as far as boyshorts, this time around we’re exploring the vast and many-flavored land of underwear. From edible panties to hoopskirts and history, we’ve got you covered. Just like your underwear.
It’s Underwear Week! A very special week if there ever was one. To commemorate this holiday, I’ll be bringing you nine of my vary favorite queer celebrity lesbians (or gay-for-pay actress ladies) in their most lesbosexy underwear styles.
Jackie Warner
VIA JACKIEWARNER.COM
Are those technically shorts? Maybe, but I guarantee you there isn’t anything under them. Either way, Jackie Warner’s black sports bra and black boyshorts are an instant classic. Sometimes it’s really nice to be neutral of neutral. So whether you’re butch, small busted or even actually athletic, this look is as versatile as it is hot.
Jillian Michaels
JILLIAN MICHAELS
If you prefer something just femme of Jackie Warner’s look, Jillian Michaels offers up an equally hot option. Her shorts are shorter and her sports bra is, well, less functional, but her look remains athletic, simple and sexy.
Sara Ramirez as Callie Torres
http://youtu.be/2RrTQVBw-gQ
One of my top five TV moments of all time, Callie Torres’s underwear dance scene on Grey’s Anatomy cannot be appropriately appreciated in photographs alone. Callie Torres proves once again that there is potentially nothing on earth as sexy as someone dancing alone in a T-shirt and underwear.
Naya Rivera
NAYA RIVERA FOR FHM
Naya Rivera has blessed us with so many hot underwear looks that I had to feature her a second time. In a contrast to her usual matching set of balconette bras and panties, this look stands out because it’s just so real. For better or for worse, white cotton bikini-cut underwear is probably the go-to underwear for millions of women across the age spectrum. To me, there is something comforting and sexy in that alone. I wonder how many women out there right now are wearing white cotton bikini cut underwear and whatever shirt they wore to work that day.
Lindsay Lohan
LINDSAY LOHAN BY TERRY RICHARDSON FOR LOVE MAGAZINE
Lindsay Lohan is an excellent model who can work any look; however, there is something standout about this style. I love how her retro high-waisted underwear feels just a little bit queer. Yes, she is wearing the omnipresent virginal white satin lingerie set that was probably worn by plenty of our grandmothers back in the day. Still, no one really dresses like this anymore. With the exception of Spanx and other “shapewear” high-waisted underwear is largely a thing of the past. I think there’s something spectacularly sexy in reclaiming super high underwear as an option. It’s like pretending old world Hollywood glamour could ever be as good as we imagine and pretend it might have been. I know, starting off our underwear styles with Lindsay Lohan does feel a little bit like starting dinner with chocolate cake, but I promise the best is yet to come.
Romi Klinger
ROMI KLINGER PHOTOGRAPHED BY ROBIN ROEMER
If you’re not quite prepared to go full on retro Lindsay Lohan, Romi’s look offers an alternative that alludes to that same classic pin-up feel without having satin fabric all the way up your waist. That’s probably not going to work with most of your jeans. Romi’s mid-rise hipster-cut lace underwear is flattering and, in my personal opinion, outrageously comfortable. The stretchy lace removes the need for uncomfortable elastic waistbands and, with that, panty lines. She pairs it here with a similarly retro full coverage balconette bra, but it could just as easily be paired with anything black and lacy.
Beth Ditto
Never one to play it simple, Beth Ditto’s look is both clashing and coordinating. The bright purple and dark turquoise are unexpected yet complement each other so nicely. It’s easy to get stuck on ideas about what underwear should or shouldn’t look like. I think this is particularly true if you’re on the bustier or smaller side and feel like you have fewer options. I love this look because it reminds me that underwear doesn’t have to be all about perfectly matchy matchy tan, white, red or black lace sets. Underwear can be as patterned and crazy as anything else.
Kate Moennig
ICONIC
I have to be honest when I say this look is important to me. I know I probably sound silly, but I believe this underwear, and the whole slew of underwear Shane wore on the L Word, sends a very specific and earth shattering message. It says, “This is something I am wearing for the intentionally for the purpose of being attractive to queer women.” There can be no mistaking it. Yes, we also have “comfortable,” “athletic,” “cute” and “sexy.” Those styles are no less queer or less attractive. Still, I have to admit I find something important and powerful in plain cotton whitey-tighties that sends such a strong singular message. Plus it’s really hot.
Underwear is personal, fun and for every ounce about fashion it’s an ounce about comfort. What all these awesome women have in common is that they own the skin they’re in and the skivvies they’re in too.
Sure you can always stick to your same old underwear, but there’s not reason not to try something new. No one will see it but you. Unless you want them to.
If there’s a queer style icon you’d like to see stripped down in Style Thief, send me an ASS message, ask on my formspring, or tweet me @Ohheyitslizz
Top 12 Best “L Word” Episodes Ever
We would not be here today if it wasn’t for The L Word, because it was various online communities developed around that show that eventually evolved into this website! Every now and again, it seems important to revisit our roots, and today we will do so via my Top Twelve Favorite L Word episodes ever. My qualifications to write this list include that I was the L Word recapper for The L Word Online for Seasons 3-5 and hosted Showtime’s L Word vlog Lezberado for Season Six. Also, Ilene Chaiken hates me.
This list was incredibly difficult to put together, especially because so many of my favorite scenes took place in so many terrible episodes. Worse still was the abysmal situation known as “Season Four,” a sprawling mess of nonsense which managed to corrupt one of the series’ best scenes ever — the basketball scene. We popped in 404 (Layup) to screencap it for this top ten, and suddenly I was met with an onslaught of terribleness — Jenny’s bizarre dog adoption to get back at Stacey Merkin situation, a Mount Holyoke student telling Max he’s a freak and storming out of the restaurant, the random Russian Nanny Natasha telling Angus he’s “too hot to be a papa” and then giving him a beejer, Alice’s pursuit of Papi’s solar system, Jodi’s weird art situation and just really so much terribleness I can’t even. So we had to strike it from the list. Luckily we already have a Top 15 L Word Sex Scenes list, so those choices have been made.
I also wanted to include at least one episode per season, otherwise I just would’ve listed all of Season One and included a few photos of Shane’s nipples. These are the important decisions I have to make every day in this job!
Oh, one more thing! Apparently not everybody has seen this show because sometimes people ask me “where to start” with The L Word if you’re watching it for the first time.
Honestly, I’d say you should watch every episode of every season, just like your foremothers before you. If you insist upon an easier way that will require less hours because you’re v. busy and important, my suggestion is below. [Also, some of the recaps from my old recap site have been moved to this site. The formatting is probs weird from the transfer and I was younger/stupider then, but they sure are funny!]
So, for L Word Virgins Who Don’t Want To Watch Every Episode Seventeen Times Like I Did…
Watching The L Word For the First Time – The Fast/Easy Way:
however you really should watch all of it!
Season One: Season One from start to finish.
Season Two: 201 (Life, Loss, Leaving) for continuity’s sake and to meet Carmen. 204 (Lynch Pin), 205 (Labyrinth), 206 (Lagrimas de Oro), 210 (Land Ahoy!) and 211 (Loud & Proud) ’cause they’re fun, and 213 for continuity’s sake and to meet Sharmen.
Season Three: 301 because obvs, 302 (Lost Weekend), 305 (Lifeline) because sex, 311 (Last Dance) because although it’s pretty terrible, it’s also chock-full of relevant and necessary flashbacks to the early days of Dana Fairbanks, which you must see. Then 312 (Left Hand of the Goddess) because it’s the finale and you always have to watch the finale.
Season Four: I think you could watch the entirety of Season Four while doing other things, like housecleaning, sex, raising children or planning a dinner party. The reason I suggest watching Season Four while washing your vagina or the coffee table is because there are lots of good scenes in it and it’s very fun — especially after the epic downer of Season 3 — but only one good episode (406: Luck Be A Lady) and one pretty-good episode (405: Lez Girls). So if you’re watching Season Four while Henry clips his toenails, start out with the premiere, 401 (Legend in the Making), watch 402 for the papi intro, 403 (lassoed) because it’s fun, 404 (Layup) to meet Paige and Jodi and for the basketball scene, 405 (Lez Girls) (meet Tasha!) 406 (Luck Be A Lady), 408 (Lexington & Concord) for Talice, the parts of 409 (Lacy Lilting Lyrics) where all the girls are in Alice’s bed and 412 (Long Time Coming) because it’s the finale.
Season Five: Start to finish. (The finale is probs the season’s weakest episode, but you need to watch it anyhow.)
Season Six: Let’s just pretend like it never happened!
Now for the list!
My Favorite 12 “L Word” Episodes Ever
12. 607 – Last Couple Standing
[watch]
written by Ilene Chaiken, directed by Rose Troche (Go Fish)
Season Six, better known as Season SUCKS, was an exercise in slow water torture from which nobody emerged unscathed. Actually I’m not sure if you heard, but Jenny actually died as well. Anyhow, before collectively dying in a metaphorical fire, everybody danced one last time and we all pretended like 607 was the end of the season because 608 was the worst 59 minutes in the history of television for real.
11. 305 – Lifeline
[watch]
written by Ilene Chaiken, directed by Kimberly Pierce (Boys Don’t Cry)
Season Three was a heedless and usually sexless march towards The Untimely Death of Dana Fairbanks, cluttered with other situations such as Bette’s sudden appreciation for flowy tunic frock shirt things. But in 305, the following things happened: Alice had sex with a Vampire, Shane and Cherie Jaffe had reunion pool strap-on sex and I believe also Dylan and Helena took a train to tuna-town.
10. 502 – Look Out, Here They Come!
[watch]
written by Cherien Dabis (Amreeka), directed by Jamie Babbit (But I’m a Cheerleader, Itty Bitty Titty Committe)
After Season Four I was pretty sure The L Word was gonna suck forever, but then Season Five happened! The premiere wasn’t thrilling, so 502 was like the unicorn who comes into the forest on a rainbow of lightbeams and says “there is hope for this show to be good and fun again!” It was funny, is the thing, and opened with the theoretical sex conversation that was probs like a shipper’s dream come true. Also so much sex!
9. 406 – Luck Be A Lady
[watch]
written & directed by Angela Robinson (D.E.B.S, Girltrash)
Praise goddess for Angela Robinson and her ever-loving light of mercy for shining upon our hapless cast for one brief hour in Season Four, is all I can say about this one. It was fun, Papi’s rules of poker are the best rules of poker ever, Tasha and Alice meet and everybody looks very Shane today. I tend to prefer episodes that involve most of the characters convening in the same room and stories about their friendships. We found the opening phone chain so amusing that we filmed our own version of it for funsies/because we’re weird.
8. 210 – Land Ahoy
[watch]
written by Ilene Chaiken, directed by Tricia Brock
Despite fairly consistent decency and a lack of Absolute Suckage, Season Two failed to deliver a flawless episode. It’s actually chock-full of great scenes stuck in lackluster episodes, which’s difficult for me to handle re: this Top 12. The problem with every single Season Two episode is that it inevitably involves a creepy Jenny strangewhisperyintensefeelings carnival/holocaust/sexual assault flashback/dreamscape/short story/The Mourner’s Kaddish. Also; Mark and his “rapey cameras” hang like a dark cloud all season long, but in 210 and 211, Jenny’s reaction to his revelation was some really tough but well-done stuff. Anyhow I haven’t even begun speaking about this episode! I picked Episode 210 for this list because of the cast commentary on the DVD. Real talk: Erin Daniels also hated those pants.
8. 205 – Labyrinth
[watch]
written by Burr Steers (Igby Goes Down, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days) directed by Rose Troche
Unfortunately I couldn’t actually decide whether 205, 210 or 211 should be chosen as tribute to represent their season, but it’s possible 205 is slightly better than 210 (above), especially because it’s much lighter on the BETTY and it’s super-heavy on the Dana-Alice, and by heavy I mean “HOT AND HEAVY.” The serious stuff played well here too — like when Bette’s forced to get emotional comfort from Jenny of all people and it kinda works, and it’s tender and both characters grow a little from it.
7. 302 – Lost Weekend
[watch]
written by A.M. Homes (author, The Safety of Objects, The End of Alice), directed by Bille Eltringham
If I ever lost a weekend, I’d go find it. Or I’d watch “Lost Weekend” and witness Helena hosting a private intervention with Alice’s psychotic Dana-Shrine (she wasn’t even dead yet you guys), Jenny going badass with a stun-gun on the homophobes (“we’re dykes, not faggots you assholes!”) and Shane’s opportunity to explore her softer side via Quinceañera and a giant doily. Jenny’s evolving relationship with Max was still pretty compelling and not-absurdly-problematic at this point, and Dana hadn’t started dying. Also, Carmen’s sexy dance. Also, Alice’s cute bisexual love addict glasses.
6. 103 – Let’s Do It
written by Susan Miller (Anyone But Me), directed by Rose Troche
The Mission To Ascertain The Disposition and Intent of One Miss Lara Perkins. The beginning of The Chart. So everything.
5. 509 – Liquid Heat
[watch]
written by Ilene Chaiken, directed by Rose Troche
The best part of Episode 509 is the part where everybody had sex, and the second-best part is the mafia showdown meeting between SheBar and The Planet.
4. 112 – Looking Back
written by Guinevere Turner (Go Fish), directed by Rose Troche
Watching the Dinah Shore episode will inspire you to think either “I love my lesbian friends so much!” or “I wish I had a fun group of lesbian friends!” Worth it for the flashbacks alone, honestly.
3. 101 – Pilot
teleplay by Ilene Chaiken, story by Ilene Chaiken & Kathy Greenberg & Michelle Abbott, directed by Rose Troche
If you overlook the fact that the show’s first line is, I believe, “I’m ovulating!”, the pilot will always be the ultimate L Word episode. In two well-paced hours, we meet the girls for the first time, Jenny and Marina have passionate ladysex, Bette and Tina rekindle their flame and everybody falls in love with Dana. Also I met Shane and would never be the same again.
2. 510 – Lifecycle
[watch]
written & directed by Angela Robinson
I’d argue that, outside of Season One, Episode 510 is the best overall episode of The L Word ever produced. It’s mercilessly free of ridiculous sub-plots — there’s some Adele nonsense brewing, but nothing too hard to handle — and the overall composition of the episode feels more deliberate and artistic than we usually see. Plus, so much happens in this episode, from Bette’s big reveal to Molly and Shane’s reunion to what’s probably the peak of Jenny’s romance with Nikki, replete with a hot strap-on sex scene. Also the music was good.
1. 114 – Limb From Limb
[buy]
written by Ilene Chaiken, directed by Tony Goldwyn
This episode actually ripped my heart out of my chest, and it did so in such an authentic, honest way. Also contains one of the best sex scenes in the history of television.
Related:
The L Word Vaults (links to recaps, episode guides, quotes, etc.)
Top Ten “L Word” Guest Stars: From Tegan & Sara to Alan Cumming
Autostraddle Presents “The L Word: WTF!!?” Video Part #2
Autostraddle Presents: “The L Word WTF?!” Video Part #1
The L Word Top Ten (okay, 15) Best Sex Scenes Of All Time
Live From Australia: Ten Things I Don’t Understand About “The L Word”
As per ushe, if I’ve left out your favorite episode, be sure to comment as if I have just burned down your house and use lots of punctuation, no punctuation, and as much all-caps as possible! xoxoxo
Playlist: Shane McCutcheon
Recently a formspring question-asker asked, “Is it too soon to request a Shane playlist?” and the answer is that I can’t believe that this wasn’t our idea, that we didn’t think to create a Shane McCutcheon playlist years ago.
What kind of music do you think Shane McCutcheon listens to? Were her music preferences explored on The L Word? I can’t recall. Does everyone remember that time when the gang utilized the lesbian phone tree to book P!nk for the grand opening of The Planet and the crowd appeared genuinely super psyched when BETTY showed up to play instead, as if they were a totally acceptable substitute, AND THEN Shane kissed EZ Girl instead of Carmen, causing Carmen to make out with Jenny “Dead Meat” Schecter? I’ll never forget.
Shane McCutcheon Playlist
[STREAM THE PLAYLIST HERE]
Bad Reputation – Joan Jett & The Blackhearts
Phenomena – Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Boys Wanna Be Her – Peaches
Heartbreaker – Pat Benatar
Twentieth Century Fox – The Doors
Androgynous (The Replacements cover) – Joan Jett
Nancy Boy – Placebo
Womanizer – Britney Spears
Call Your Girlfriend – Robyn
Crush – Sleigh Bells
Rebel Girl – Bikini Kill
Shutterbug – Veruca Salt
I Cut Like A Buffalo – The Dead Weather
Howlin’ For You – The Black Keys
Gloria – Patti Smith
Bad To The Bone – George Thorogood & The Destroyers
What songs remind you of Shane? What do you think Shane’s favorite band is?
Want to suggest a playlist theme? Hit me up on Formspring and someone of the team will make it for you.
The One Where I Cover all The L Word Stuff At Once: SCOOP on Kate’s Three Rivers pilot, New Lezberado, Interrogation Tapes, etc.
1. The L Word is Life Goes On … Round-up:
Kate Moennig/”Shane”: This morning The Hollywood Reporter reported that Julia Ormond will be playing the head of surgery at Three Rivers Hospital in the CBS-commissioned pilot Three Rivers. Ormond will be working alongside actors Alex O’Loughlin, Christopher J. Hanke, Justina Machado, Daniel Henney and YOUR FAVORITE ANDROGYNOUS STAR OF STAGE & SCREEN Katherine Moennig. The one hour pilot will film in Pittsburgh and if it gets picked up will continue filming in LA I believe.
EXCLUSIVE! (if you re-post this information obtained directly from Autostraddle, please credit the source (autostraddle) or Shane will hunt you down and cut your tits off, and — BONUS! — if/when things change you can hold my ass accountable instead of yours): Pilots often undergo massive revisions and restructures before getting picked up, let alone on air and commissioned for additional episodes [you may recall Pam Grier’s initial role on The L Word — initially known as Earthlings — was a lesbian who videotaped everything and had the chart tattooed on her back]– but as it currently stands, Kate’s role “Miranda Foster” is a surgical fellow at a organ transplant clinic — Pittsburgh’s William Foster Transplant Institute. Yep. That’s her Dad who was a great doctor with lots of Beliefs and then he died. Her Mom, it seems, is also not in the picture. [Shades of Grey’s, anyone?]. At the show’s start Miranda has just left her last gig on bad terms with the head of surgery who banished her from the OR ’cause of her fiery volatile personality and cursing/mouthing off during a procurement (Miranda blames this on a bad period following her Dad’s death, re-states desire to be a good doctor, also argues that she was right in the situation to be upset, puts the patient first at all costs, etc.). Miranda’s intelligence is appropriately shaded by an unshakable ethical core. She yells but it is for! the! good of the patient! Like Shane, Miranda is self-destructive and tattooed and loyal to the bone. Will Miranda be a return to the universe of heterosexual characters for the consistently gay-typecast Katherine Moennig? I really don’t know. The fact that I don’t know suggests that she’s gonna be a het. Or maybe a realistic bisexual character or something? OMG! THERE IS A UNICORN OUTSIDE MY WINDOW RIGHT NOW AND SHANE IS ON IT!
2. Jennifer Beals/Bette: will be joining the cast of Fox’s Lie to Me for a multi-episode arc as “an assistant U.S. attorney by the name of Zoe Landau” who hires her ex-husband (and father of her daughter) played by Tim Roth to help her with an arson case. Thanks to reader Nicole for the tip.
ETA: AUTOSTRADDLE REPORTS that Bette Porter fans can look forward to seeing Beals in another ball-busting quick-thinking role — always the first with a subtle dig, relentless in her dedication to her work and passionate in her beliefs (justice, privacy, self-sufficiency). Landau and her foil, “fib detector” Lightman, have lingering issues although Landau is now in a new serious relationship [with a man].
3. Leisha Hailey/Alice : will be playing at Dinah Shore with her kickass band Uh Huh Her . That’s all I got. Probs after that she’s coming over to hang out with me/feed me bananas, make videos with me, etc. I am going to ask Miss Cleo about this, but Showtime’s picked up a few new pilots and there’s still no word on The Farm . Personally, I actually don’t want it to be picked up. With all due respect, I don’t think we need more IC projects on our radar. I’d rather see our “empty” canvas as “open” than have our little lesbian quota filled by another shitty show by the woman that fucked up the first time around. I’m willing to wait — we waited so long before, after all – for something that’s really good, rather than settling for this. Leisha’s a great musician, and I’d prefer another Uh Huh Her show, I always love those & feel somewhat changed by them. Or a really good show written by lesbians that told the way we actually lived and was also funny and sexy and smart. OMGUNICORN ALERT!
4. SPEAKING OF! Here we’ve got the latest episode of Showtime’s hit online television series Lezberado, starring me Riese as a girl named “Lezberado” who likes The L Word. I actually kinda love this episode and I think his editing is BRILL. I’m being serious. Also I was doing an imitation of Janet from Intervention reacting to the cancellation of The L Word in one part. Give it five stars!
ETA: International viewers — even dear Canadians — have reported difficulty viewing this video so I’ve talked to Showtime and they are looking into this problem — obvs, prior Lezberado eps haven’t been blocked internationally and this one isn’t supposed to be either. Check the comments for other tips on how to watch it from another country.
Here’s a viewer’s guide if you need assistance:
5. Some of y’all have asked me about the Interrogation Tapes — if I want to recap them, etc. Soooo … here’s the scoop: they kinda piss me off!
It’s like when you finally break up with your girlfriend, and then she starts doing all that shit she’d been incapable of doing while you were together and you’re like, “okay, so you could’ve done this all along but you just chose not to until the shit hit the fan?” I’m trying to send positive energy into the world and don’t wanna dwell on the negative but! Lord, it just feels like a The Farm commercial from Ilene for Showtime and the fans. It strikes me more as very clever marketing moreso than as actual entertainment or artistry.shaneshaneshane carmencarmen lezberadolezberdoesn’thavearingtoit.
6. Huzzah! Carlytron’s TV post will be up soon. You must must read green’s interview of Meaghan O’Malley of Queering Domesticity [I’m really into that stuff] and Stef’s latest SXSW update which’ll drop Tuesday at some point. Robin and Crystal on deck. It’s like the Olympics.
ALSO! Vermont voted in favor of the same-sex marraige bill – so the bill is moving on to the house! Thanks to Intern Vashti.
7. I will add to this post as new information rolls on in, so check back for this and the regular daily fix tomorrow.
Come on Ilene, I’m Begging You Please!
or
“I wanted to name this post whatever the female equivalent of “blue balls” is, and then I realized that there wasn’t one, except ‘lesbian bed death,’ which relates to emotion and to a couple and to a permanent situation involving metaphorical DEATH rather than a sexual state that needs immediate and obtainable relief, which pretty much sums up everything I want to say about this.”
or
“Why it Matters So Much That No One is Fucking on ‘The L Word'”
(more…)
Why Shane is the New Jordan Catalano
This essay was originally published in 2007 on my personal blog, This Girl Called Automatic Win.
In honor of tomorrow’s Season Four Premiere of The L Word, I’m posting an essay I wrote for my nerve intern application about two years ago. I tried to update it a little to reflect the unfortunate circumstance we know as “Season Three,” but then my eyes started to hurt. Hopefully it still makes sense.
I hadn’t seen anything like her before and I just couldn’t stop thinking about her. I also couldn’t believe it had taken me so long (ten actual months since the premiere on Showtime) to Netflix the first season of The L Word, which I had done on a whim so arbitrary that I can’t even remember what small shred of desire shaped that whim to begin with. But after that first week of compulsive viewing of the entire season, there was nothing whimsical about my all-consuming obsession with Shane “I don’t do relationships” McCutcheson, the androgynous sexy sinewy smoky-eyed woman who fucked with abandon and broke hearts like I break wine glasses.
I confessed to my roommate and viewing partner, Krista, that my burning desire for Shane, reflected by my new Shane-influenced fashion sense (vintage rock t-shirts and paper-thin sheathes of men’s wifebeaters, no bra, distressed jeans just barely hanging on bony hips), was ruining my relationship with my boyfriend (he liked me being mostly hetero and wearing yoga pants). Krista felt the same. Like teenage boys with Brooke Burke posters and Brittney Skye DVDs, we shunned the girls from our class and mourned the impenetrability of a fictional character, the sweet wet dream that is yearning for the non-existent. “You know what?” Krista asked me, staring wistfully the television screen, which was dutifully re-playing our favorite Shane-Cherie sex scene–“I haven’t felt this way about someone since Jordan Catalano.”
Like all daughters raised by feminists in the “Free to be You and Me” generation, Krista and I had never plastered our teenage bedrooms with glossy Kirk Cameron posters from Tiger Beat. My first star-crush, I believe, was for the Hard Day’s Night– era Paul McCartney. Star crushes were for lonely teenagers in square-shaped states who’s parents subscribed to TV Guide and still had the Friends finale on VHS. We were above all that, so when someone manages to penetrate our countercultural hearts, even now, in our mid-twenties, they hit us hard. Over the years, only a few men and women have emerged from the airbrushed pack to assert themselves as Worthy. 
These are characters with on relatively well-written shows or movies, though they were often too mysterious to speak many lines, well written or otherwise, themselves. Characters who to us, seemed real enough that the unavoidable fact of their non-existence was nothing short of heartbreaking.
We want to make love to these characters. We want to slide underneath their smoky exteriors and watch them sleep. We want to extract tales of their troubled childhoods like organs, and then dress ourselves in them. We want to strut down the hallways of our mind-numbing public high school or through the catty girl-clubs of West Hollywood with people so potent that you get wet just looking at them. Or, as Rickie from My So-Called Life (the vehicle for aforementioned Jordan Catalano) would say: “You’re so beautiful, it hurts to look at you.”
What Jordan Catalano had, and what Shane has, is casual sex appeal. It is possible to theorize that Shane is a grown-up Jordan, and Jordan is a budding Shane, but no one could possibly claim that, at the age of their capture, the two have similar personalities. Their only similarity—which cements their mutual ability to sneak into our conscious and unconscious dream-life—is not simply being good-looking, but being the right kind of aloof.
We never questioned 15-year-old Angela Chase’s (Claire Danes) attraction to Jordan, though they had never spoken and, as was often pointed out to Angela, he couldn’t even read (How beautiful and damaged! How much we could help!). Carmen delivers a snarky glance to Shane after declaring that she would sleep with a Republican because: “Stupid, Shane, can also be sexy.”
But Shane and Jordan are both products of neglectful or absent parents and have experienced a relative amount of formative damage and, as such, are completely self-sufficient, if uneducated and possibly poor. They have skills—Jordan fixes cars, Shane fixes dyke-mullets—and skills, it seems, can also be sexy.
Most Americans work too much and are constantly on the verge of a heart/anxiety attack, which is not exactly sexy–the second shifting women and ladder-climbing men of our social climate have bodies that grow slack from the sedentary lifestyle of car seats and cubicles and libidos that find easier release during the morning shower than in pursuit or seduction or that old feeling we called Tenderness. Relationships either function immediately or are discarded, like so much extra baggage. We love Shane because she doesn’t give a shit and she’s never in a hurry. We love her because she breathes, visibly. Jordan breathes, too. They breathe. Breathing is sexy. It was hot then, and it’s hot now, too. Angela overanalyzes things until “they barely even exist,” and Jordan doesn’t think that much about anything.
We want to sit with them, and breathe. We want to inhale calm, and then be fucked by it, passionately, the kind of passion that seems to be reserved by artists, nomads and Buddhists. While everyone else is resume-building, Shane and Jordan are fucking. And they aren’t about to apologize for their shoddy resumes, either.
Furthermore, we know that when they do fall, they fall hard. In Season One, Shane falls for Hollywood socialite Cherrie Jaffee and is quickly burned when Cherie’s husband uncovers their affair and forbids them to see each other. Shane protests: “You know..my entire life, people have said that I would become a psychopath if I didn’t learn how to feel. But I wanna know, Cherie, what the fuck is so great about feeling? Because I finally let myself. And I feel like my heart’s been completely ripped out.” In living rooms across America, lustfilled lesbians collectively sigh—if Shane loved us, we would love her back, and we would do it right! Because ultimately, Cherie rejects Shane’s heart and the aura that attracted her (and us) to Shane in favor of her socialite lifestyle. Cherie tells Shane that their emotional love doesn’t have a fighting chance against her charity balls and East Hampton beach houses: “In this fucking ugly
world, that kind of love does not exist.”
In Season Two, Shane’s steely heart faces a new challenge. Carmen. The two share some steamy sex scenes but eventually, Carmen loses her patience for Shane’s emotional distance and starts dating her roommate, Jenny—thus leaving the allegedly free-spirit to do drugs, drink a lot, start fights, fuck dumb-looking girls and cry to herself. Carmen is utterly likeable, honest, approachable and beautiful. When Season Three begins, they are a seemingly functional couple, until a now-divorced Cherie books an appointment at Shane’s hair salon and later tears off Shane’s clothing by her private pool. Shane fucks her with a strap on. It’s more or less the hottest thing that happens all season.
Shane and Carmen argue over this for a few episodes, but after Dana’s death, Shane pulls a Brian Kinney and proposes marriage during the gang’s trek in the woods to spread Dana’s ashes. Lest we believe that Shane could ever really abandon those roots that colonized her figure into our libido, she stands Carmen up at the altar.
Jordan’s realization that he has fallen for Angela is equally touching; we love a good wall-crashing, especially when it’s our protagonist with the anvil. Jordan’s story was stopped at the end of MSCL’s brief television run, just after he discovered: “It’s like you think you’re safe or something, ‘cause you can just walk away, any time, because you don’t like, need her. You don’t need anyone. But the thing you didn’t realize is, you’re wrong.” 
Jordan made the mistake of sleeping with Rayanne, which made him realize how much he loved Angela. Sound familiar?
In the second season of our minds, many placed Angela with the deserving Brian Krakow (played by Devon Gummersall, who later resurfaced on The L Word as a “lesbian-identified male”). A majority of watchers, myself and Krista included, just couldn’t break up with Jordan.
“Have you ever noticed that every time Shane walks into a room, someone leaves crying?” Bette (Jennifer Beals) asks in the pilot episode of The L Word. In the My So-Called Life pilot, Angela moans to her best friend: “I just like how he’s always leaning. Against stuff. He leans great. Well, [I’d like] either sex or a conversation. Ideally both.”
Ultimately, Jordan looked really good, with his touchable hair and classic baby-blue eyes, and his Cobain-esque flannels draped a absolutely fuckable bod. And Shane, with her scrawny strut, pouty lips and rock-star wardrobe, is relentlessly attractive. In fact, with Jared Leto’s latest reincarnation as an emo-pop-punk rock star, the two actors are virtually identical.
Jordan left us before his murky character could ever be fleshed out, but Shane was renewed. And as long as The L Word is on, we will continue to yearn for her like the adolescents who dreamt of Jordan Catalano, dream of a love with a lanky lady who is so beautiful, it hurts to look at her. And, for just a moment, we’ll breathe.