Help Find Nat Garcia’s Missing Dogs! (UPDATE: One puppy is home!)
Our very own Nat was in a horrible wreck on Monday, and while she made it out relatively okay, her amazing, adorable dogs are missing! She could use any helping hands in the LA area to look for the puppies, who appear to have fled the scene. Seriously, these dogs are amazing, and Nat absolutely loves them. If you could do anything at all to help, don’t hesitate to comment — even if it’s just incanting or sending good vibes or something. Please share this, and repost it all over the place like you do already with all the other stuff that isn’t about missing puppy dogs.
Here’s the story according to the Orange County Register:
“Volunteers will swarm San Clemente on Wednesday in an ongoing effort to find two dogs that fled an accident scene Monday along the I-5.
The crash at 2 p.m. sent three cars flying across the freeway, north of Camino de Estrella. A Volkswagen Bug was sent end over end, injuring the driver, Natalie Garcia, and knocking out all of the car windows.
Garcia’s dogs, Maggie and Pistache, ran from the upside-down car.
Garcia, a West Hollywood resident, has enlisted 16 friends to help her comb city streets for her two female dogs.
San Clemente animal control authorities andOrange County Animal Care have been notified to be on the lookout, too.
A caller reported a potential sighting around Avenida Pico, but so far, neither dog has been seen.
Maggie is a 6-year-old blue heeler-Shelty mix and is mostly grey with black ears.
Pistache is about 2 years old and recently had a litter of pups. She was rescued from Mexico about 6 weeks ago by Garcia.”
Maggie
UPDATE: Pistache, the doggie on the left above is home! Still on the hunt for Maggie!
It Gets Better: 23 Lesbians, 10 Animals, 2 Children, 1 Message (#itgetsbetter)
Unless you’ve been living under a rock (we’re not judging if you do, it happens), you probably know about Dan Savage’s It Gets Better Project, which enlists homos to speak to youths via YouTube about how high school is a battlefield for your heart. Celebrities with shiny hair tell schoolchildren about how much better things are when you have a hit record and bang hot lesbo-chicks all day. In between those vids, you can hear real stories from normal not-fancy human gays all over the world. You might cry a little.
You probably wondered, where’s Autostraddle’s video, are they too busy reading editorials of the It Gets Better project to actually get better? Nah. We just needed it to be special and wanted a big complicated project to ensure a constantly haphazard publication schedule.
“Why are we waiting for permission to talk to these kids? We have the ability to talk directly to them right now. We don’t have to wait for permission to let them know that it gets better. We can reach these kids.”
We enlisted the worldwide troops for this one. However we can’t figure out how to get it on their site I keep getting an error message help.
The It Gets Better project requires you to put your location in the title. We can’t fit it all in there, so how’s this… (location is where the video was shot)
Starring:
DJ Carlytron & Photographer Robin Roemer (Autofocus) — Queens, NY
Actress Sarah Croce (Miss April) & AS Design Director Alex Vega — On the Road somewhere between New York and California (two bois, one road)
Celesbian Nat Garcia (Autonatic, More to L) & her dogs — Los Angeles, CA
Comedians Gloria Bigelow & Dalila Ali Rajah (Cherry Bomb TV) — Los Angeles, CA
Actress Julia Osen Averill (Miss February) — Brooklyn, NY
AS Intern Elizabeth — Chicago, IL
AS Intern Daphne Duck — Belgium
AS Intern Lily (College Lesbianage) — New York, NY
Tech Blogger Morgan — Boston, MA
Technostraddle Editor-in-Chief Taylor and Video Assistant Kelsey — Oakland, CA
Nicole Pacent (Miss June, Anyone But Me) & Jenn Klein — Los Angeles, CA
Vikki (Up Popped a Fox) and her cute family — Minneapolis, MN
Editor-in-Chief Riese Bernard & Managing Editor Sarah F. P. — Ann Arbor, MI
Actress Haviland Stillwell — West Hollywood, CA
Comediennes/actresses/executives Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard (In Your Box Office) — Los Angeles, CA
Real L Word #105 Recap: Free Pass (To Do What I Want)
The Real L Word is the best show on Television. It’s about real lesbians like you and me. Sometimes you can spot them from 50-100 feet away!
I was so excited for this week’s episode, I’d already wet my pants five times before even seeing the preview featuring a cage-dancing Sara wearing a gigantic doily stolen from Jenny Schecter’s Secret Attic. Laneia agreed with me that we hadn’t been this excited for the teevee since Max’s Baby Shower. See:
Riese: This is what I’m looking forward to: I just ordered Chinese food.
Laneia: Omg jealous.
Riese: It should be here in 10-15 minutes.
Laneia: Your life = good.
Riese: Also I am looking forward to Tracy Ryerson and Nat Garcia‘s photoshoot for Lucky Dog Leather with Jill Bennett and Cathy Debouno.
Laneia: Yes that Nat Garcia!
Riese: She’s a looker!
Laneia: If Nat intros herself as being from Autostraddle, I’ll down this beer.
Riese: YES. DRINKING GAME RULE.
Laneia: If Nat mentions AS, chug.
TOO SOON, HELENA, TOO SOON
Today we open with everyone’s favorite party game, “Ask the lesbians questions they are already sick of answering!” This round is about 100-footers. No, not 20 five dollar foot-longs — good guess though!
A “100 footer” is someone you can tell is a lesbian from 100 feet away, like when you’re seated upstairs at a Tegan & Sara concert.
Q: What is a “hundred footer?”
Mikey: “Is it a description of my penis?”
Nikki: “A lesbian you can see from 100 feet away.”
Jill: “Sounds like a Subway sandwich.”
Tracy: “You can kinda guess but who knows now. They might be a hipster. They might be German. We like to play that game, “German or Gay.”
Laneia: Omg that was hilarious?
Riese: My mouth muscles moved into a position of smile & laugh?
+
Whitney says she is identifiable as homosexual from 50 feet while toting a hammer or fixing a fence. Or building fences around her heart!
Anyhow, based on the uniform described by the ladies, which includes: a crew cut, hipster pants, a strap-on, a flannel shirt, birkenstocks, something “1970’s San Francisco” and a hammer, Taylor was supposed to make you a doodle but there was some kind of technical difficulty so instead we have this photo from Getty Images described by Getty Images as “a lesbian with fairy wings.” I don’t know why this image is labeled “a lesbian with fairy wings,” but can only conclude that even G*d can tell she’s a lesbian, all the way from the sky.
If anyone wants to draw us that doodle, please do tell, you will win a free cuddle session with Taylor. Contest is closed! Wasteunit has kindly illustrated a “100-footer” so now you’ll know what Ilene is talking about. Awesome:
This “100 foot” question relates to the rest of the episode because this week, most of the cast members are totally blind in one or both eyes and repeatedly misidentify/mislabel humans/experiences/ideas, that are seemingly visible to the naked illiterate eye, as being much better than they truly are. You’ll see. Or will you?
+
The Real L Word: Things You Apparently Can’t Tell Just From Looking at Her Edition
+
In which our heroines seem to be blind in one or both eyes, as described above, or wearing sunglasses to bed because we ain’t seeing what they’re seeing:
1. Rose: “I’m being extremely good. I’m being a saint.”
+
2. Whitney: “That lace onesie is hot as FUCK.”
3. Whitney: “The other girls are like oh here I am, I’m ready for you — they’ve got it all out there. But Sara’s like, I’m not really sure…”
those are her legs in the "v"
+
4. Mikey: “This would be the best space [for LA Fashion Week]… it’s a great location.”
it's a parking lot
+
Regardless, thank G-d this guy is paying attention:
We’re switching it up today and recapping character-by-character because: 1) I want to, 2) An error with how the screencaps were saved to my hard drive, which I won’t go into, because you should save your melancholy half-attentive moments for later, when Nikki reads her email out loud to Jill, 3) Unless Robert Altman is directing the last episode, these are all separate stories anyhow amirite? 4) For funsies.
1. Whitney
All Dressed Down & Someplace to Go
Whitney’s going to San Francisco because Romi & Tor are both mad at her, so, you know — why not? That’s the same way I feel about going to get a spring roll, so I do. Then I return to the teevee.
Riese: What did I miss?
Laneia: Whitney’s going to San Francisco with Scarlett to see Sara!
Riese: I hope she goes to Alcatraz.
Tor, who’s totally over Whitney, agrees:
Whitney: “L.A.’s the place to live, but things get debaucherous in San Francisco. That’s all I have to say about that.”
I mean how much can you really say about something that doesn’t make sense, yannow?
Just Don’t Get All Harvey Milk On Me Now, Okay? I Want You Home in One Piece.
It’s an eight-hour drive, but luckily Whitney’s got eight girlfriends so there’s plenty to talk about between This American Life episodes! Like how Sara & Whitney are a lot alike and Whitney wants an all-night lovemaking session with Sara, like in the Boyz II Men song “I’ll Make Love To You.” There’s just! One! Problem!
Whitney: “Can I just do a handstand or something to keep this period from not coming out of my body because there is a lot to do in San Francisco…I wish there was some pill you could take to put it off for like a day.”
Actually, there is, it’s called Yasmin? Or really any birth control pill. Also, you never get preggers but are always depressed!
Whitney: “In lesbian sex you can be fucked if you have your period or the other girl has her period — until you get into a rotation where you’re kinda synced up, you’re kinda working with 2.5-3 weeks of good sexing. But you know what? Personally I don’t care. I’ve earned my red wings.”
Red Wings are a lot like sanitary pads with wings, except swap “tongue” for “sanitary pad,” take off all your clothes, do a handstand, and put down a towel.
Red Wings
Riese: My jaw just dropped.
Laneia: I’m biting my lips. Both of them. I look like my grandma
because of Whitney.
Riese: She made a good point about timing which I related to.
Laneia: I think that may’ve been the most honest thing that Whitney’s ever said. Ever.
Riese: I actually completely agree. She almost seemed like a real person during that conversation. Maybe it’s ’cause she was traveling with Scarlett, who AS FAR AS WE KNOW she has not hooked up with. Usually she announces that straight away —
Laneia: SARA
Riese: ROMI
Laneia: TORRRR
Riese: I wish TOR’s name was “THOR.”
Laneia: Two types of people Whitney knows: those who’ve fucked her and those who haven’t.
+
The ladies arrive in San Francisco. After Mikey & Raquel skipping Bodies: The Exhibit at The Luxor while in Las Vegas, I hope to G-d that Whitney doesn’t skip The Beat Museum, but I have a feeling that she might. She seems preoccupied with the Museum of Whitney’s Face.
Definitely a Cullen
Very attractive people go to tonight’s party, Flourish, says Whitney, but tonight Whitney’s not one of those people ’cause her eyes “look like saggy vaginas,” which is a side effect of having excess vagina in your face/eye sockets. That’s okay, Scarlett will fix it with her Soft Butch Fairymakeupwand:
+
Laneia: WHAT DID SHE SPRAY ON HER FACE?!
Riese: Pepper spray I hope?
Scarlett’s not going out tonight ’cause one of the promoters is her ex-girlfriend, and also Scarlett has a cybersex date with me later.
+
Laneia: Whitney just said that Scarlett staying home from the party was ‘responsible’ and ‘adult’, so she does understand the concept. This is promising.
Riese: It is. Self-awareness could turn out to be a path. Like, to enlightenment.
+
All of Whitney’s good-looking friends are at Flourish! Um, we actually recognize some of Whitney’s friends, or rather, every episode seems chock-full of faces we recognize from various lesbian activities? Sometimes this show makes us nervous that the lesbian world is really, really small. Like, what if there aren’t that many lesbians in the world? Maybe they’re all just cranky and like to write their complaints about the world in books and on the internet so we end up hearing from ALL THE LESBIANS and therefore perceive there must be more where that came from, but maybe there isn’t. We thought there were more but it looks like probably there aren’t. Sorry.
Riese: ALL OF THE FRIENDS!
Laneia: All of them!
Whitney knows that this party is gonna be off the hook! Not ’cause of this part, which maybe was just b-roll, ‘CAUSE NOBODY MENTIONS IT:
But ’cause of the “lesbians taking pictures”…
Also you know, weird things like this. It’s lesbian cheek-eaters:
and “girls in cages, dancing”….
I Heard the Caged Bird Sing, and she said, “sex”:
Whitney describes the party as “a teenage boy’s wet dream.” This also applies to grown women with teenage boy personalities.
+
Laneia: Oh dear god.
Riese: Is this real?
Laneia: I want to cry. This is what happened at Truck Stop and I wanted to cry.
+
+
Back to Sara, the Lady of the Night…
Whitney: “Sara, of course, in her nature is go-go dancing tonight. Oh my God she is so hot. G0d has answered my prayers and those prayers came in a lace onesie.”
Yes I believe that’s in The Book of Revelation after the Horsemen of the Apocalypse arrive.
Whitney normally don’t get all jealous, but tonight that’s tough because she is coming in her pants/all over her tampon and just wants Sara in her bed. Or like, in the shower, whatevs. Whatever is available.
+
Everyone takes turns pointing at Sara like she’s got her fly unzipped. But this is a no-fly zone, people.
It’s a Bird!
Girl, that looks like a plane!
No, it’s just Go-Go-Gadget-Sara!
+
Lucky for us, or not, depending on how you look at it, Whitney gets to take Sara back to the hotel lobby which is after the after-party, according to a popular hip-hop song. It’s a brisk night for a semi-nude swim, isn’t it?
Pool Closed, Legs Wide Open
Now that we’re ALL WET we should probably go inside…
Sara, still feeling sea mammally, and Whitney, who might end up making her guest spot next week on That Time of the Month, is feeling feeling Sara naked in the shower and hey-o! Looks like we’re INVITED!
+
“Won’t this be special? We’ll get to have sex in front of the whole country!”
+
Yes! Just two girls, a boom guy, and the camera operator:
+
+
Riese: So THIS is how lesbians have sex. They hug in their underwear in the shower.
Laneia: WHY IS THE FUCKING CAMERA IN THE BATHROOM, there is NOT enough room in the bathroom for this shit.
+
+
Riese: oh my god
Laneia: OH MY GOD!
Riese: This is really weird
+
Someone discovered Garage Band and found the “cheap porn” track!
+
Laneia: omg the editing.
Riese: omg the music.
Laneia: I just screamed. And covered my eyes.
Riese: I never thought I’d say this in my life, but I’d prefer EZ Girl?
+
+
Here’s the real question of the day: why did we spend six years of L Word-watching feeling like Beavis and Butt-Head chanting DO IT DO IT DO IT ’cause we wanted everyone to disrobe and fuck….
… but now that it’s happening in The Real L Word, with actual people instead of actors, we aren’t like DO IT! We’re like, you know, THIS:
Which is actually how we feel watching anyone have sex on a reality show — gay, straight, or not. Like we’re invading? Also actors get paid more to disrobe. Reality stars don’t.
+
I’m Gonna Take Out my Tampon And Start Splashing Around
+
I think it’s gonna be a long long time…
+++++
The next night they all go out to dinner and the girls have that conversation about how they had crushes on their best friends when they were little girls. You know the one.
Whitney: “I would convince my girlfriends that we were practicing for boys, that was my excuse.”
Sara’s ready to one-up it with Sweet Fables of Pre-Pubescent Oral Sex Parties, which is gonna go over real well for our Image:
+
Like this!
Then You Just Rub Your Nose in It Like a Bunny
This classic tale ends with a tinge of sadness, as Sara recounts how “Pamela” had three pubic hairs and therefore nobody wanted to go down on her and Pamela hid in the closet crying. Hahahaha!
Then one day, Pamela grew up, changed her name to Ilene Chaiken, and has been punishing the lesbians of America ever since. Or mysterious “Pamela” is watching this right now having PTSD. Sara’s a bully and I hate her.
Can girls fuck like boys do without feelings? Someone asks. Sara sure can! Despite her ability to be “intense and passionate” in the moment, she doesn’t get attached. Neither does Whitney. But regardless, Whitney prefers to be the one in control and if they’re both unattached, then nobody’s attached, and then IT’LL BE ANARCHY!
Riese: I feel like Whitney got her early-girl-kissing story from a magazine.
Laneia: Having sex like a man means that you don’t have a connection?
Riese: Right-o. Men and women, Venus, Mars. So different.
Whitney: “I can relate to [Sara’s ability to not get attached]. I’ve done similar things in the past. But I would hope that it wouldn’t happen to me.”
Look, It’s Your Hair, Okay? It’s Your Hair.
Whitney and Sara later hash this out mano-a-mano. Sara’s not in a rush. Whitney says that she has had other girls she’s hooked up with, but she’s feeling Sara the most.
Whitney: “Sara is the Queen of Mixed Messages.”
I guess that makes Whitney the King of Mixed Messages. And if she’s the king, she needs a crown, amirite?
Sir Mixed-Messages-A-Lot
Laneia: WHITNEY STOP TOUCHING YOUR HAIR STOP IT
Riese: Whitney, seriously? A therapist could crack this sitch open like an egg!
Laneia: Here’s how you DON’T tell someone that you have feelings for them: “I’ve slept with other girls, yeah, but–”
Riese: Basically she doesn’t feel safe unless the girl is completely maniacally obsessed with her? I used to do that. You should never do that. You can’t ever really be obsessed with a person anyhow.
Whitney: “I’ve let people in and trusted them only when I knew they felt more for me than I do them. You know, I don’t wanna get hurt. When you finally put yourself out there, you’re left hanging…” [THINKS!!].. And as I’m finally saying this, I’m realizing that I probably do this to girls myself.”
Self-awareness!
+++
Let’s celebrate with GIANT GOBLETS OF POTION:
These Goblets Are Also Fit for a King
But what will happen when Sara and the girls/bois move to L.A.? Well, says Sara, there’s this girl Victoria who needs a place? Whitney starts laughing, and Scarlett looks cute in her hoodie:
Whitney: “Sara’s dead serious, she would absolutely live with Tor. Sara has no idea that Tor and I have hooked up in the past. But you know what fuck it! Why doesn’t Sara, Romi and Tor just get a house together! They’re all makeup artists and hairdressers, they’d probably have a lot in common!”
Haha that would be funny! Anyhow, have you noticed that “makeup artist/hairdresser” is to The Real L Word as “dancer/model” and “waitress” was to A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila?
Whitney says it’s been a successful trip. She fucked a girl in the shower, saw girls dance in cages, saw ALL THE FRIENDS, made a lot of toasts… Did she get her period though? Maybe we’ll find out next week.
+
Next: It’s time for Tracy’s photoshoot and Jill & Nikki’s kitchen table!
Autonatic #4: Real L Word’s Nat Skips Town, Leaves Dildos Behind
On this week’s brand new episode of Autonatic, Nat Garcia gets her shit from her ex-girlfriend’s place in Denver and visits her amazing single artist Mom in Albuquerque and discusses topics including coming out, condoms, seatbelts and the age difference in her former and present relationships.
What happens when Nat leaves some dildos behind in her childhood home? You’ll never guess REALLY you’ll never guess!!
Again big up to Showtime for their assistance in budgeting, filming, editing, storyboarding, producing, hosting, and releasing this episode of Autonatic, otherwise known as “More to L With Natalie.”
+
This show is clearly the superior program to the one on the teevee and so we are even ten thousand times more glad that Nat decided to do this one instead of the other one, because that recap is gonna take us forever-ever and this one is good just on its own. Srsly, just wait ’til Tess is in it!
Real L Word Premieres Sunday, Hated It
The Real L Word premieres this Sunday on Showtime and all you motherf*ckers better watch it because we cannot witness this monumental occasion alone, and I’m feeling a lot of pressure to recap it, like when you’re 12 and suddenly your Mom is like, “hey you’ve got a year to learn Hebrew, memorize a Torah portion, write a speech about it in preparation for an upcoming Saturday morning in September where you’ll have to stand on stage in a dress and chant like a crazy person” and if you don’t do it, G-d will hate you forevs. You know?
Hey but first wanna hear the best news you’ve ever heard about The Real L Word?!!
Autostraddle’s very own Nat Garcia of Autonatic will be interviewing new Real World cast members every week after the episode airs, right on Sho.com. On the 20th Nat will be interviewing Whitney.
Will Nat appear elsewhere in the universe of The Real L Word? You’ll have to wait and see. Obviously she is a shining star of lightbeam in any sunburst, raincloud, or otherwise-identified multi-gendered weather situation.
Tracy Ryerson & Nat Garcia
So there’s one of a few reasons to watch. And furthermore, y’all must watch it to ensure Showtime continues providing us with the steady flow of DVD screeners required to recap this program in a timely and potentially thought-provoking manner.
Get your clits out, girls, and please do take several drinks — ’cause I might be bad at recapping this!
Let’s talk about different kinds of television.
See, The L Word OG was an hour-long serial ensemble drama. That’s my favorite genre of television! Other favorite shows of mine include Queer as Folk, Dawson’s Creek, Skins, Party of Five, The O.C., The West Wing, Beverly Hills 90210, My So-Called Life and Six Feet Under. The genre’s dedicated to character development. Each human being is given a chance to evolve, complicate and grow up along with the audience. I felt qualified to assess a series’ potential for excellence and recapped with confidence.
However, The Real L Word is a docusoap reality show, my least favorite style of television ever. As my (joking) title implies, I don’t need to wait for the premiere to hate it. I already hate it. (Update: I’ve now watched the pilot. I stand by my prediction.) Aside from the first ten or so years of MTV’s The Real World, Intervention, Hey Paula, and about four episodes of The Simple Life‘s first season, I’ve mostly stayed away from reality TV and definitely from any docu-soaps. I’ve never visited The Hills, The City, The Laguna Beach, The Jersey Shore, or the Real Housewives of any city, nor have I kept up with the Kardashians, Lived Lohan, Swapped Wives, or Inked Miami. Furthermore I’ve not Survived, Raced Amazingly, required Charm School or Tool Academy. And as far as love goes, I’ve never wanted a Rock or Flavor of Love, a Shot at Love, or the Love of Ray J. Howevs, I read a lot online and edit other TV writers and therefore am peripherally aware of these shows’ continued existences.
+
Once upon a time while recapping Two & a Half Men (I don’t know, I was feeling reckless) I made a graphic for you to illustrate my feelings about television:
+
I’m not judging those who do enjoy such programs, but I’m just warning you that I am one of those people who just doesn’t get it. I flee the room when Millionaire Matchmaker is being watched. I know many find these programs to be guilty pleasures but I’ve never found pleasure there, let alone guilt.
I need a heart to grab onto when I engage in a story: I require something fleshy and honest and sincere in there to focus on and feel for. Actors are better at honesty than reality TV “personalities” because being honest in “real life” while being filmed is literally impossible; the presence of the camera inevitably taints your behavior and that of those around you, particularly when the activities being filmed are supposed to be things you do every day regardless of the camera’s presence.
But in scripted television, actors can rely on writers to do the truth-telling. It’s an arrangement which’s worked well for centuries. Then the actors learn the lines and say them right and ta-da! We have excellent, honest television like The Office and Glee where even if the plot is heightened/”unreal,” the emotions are genuine.
Every now and then, an actual human creature lands themselves on a Reality TV Show but is not really a Reality TV person (often they landed there on a “dare”), good examples include the people we often discuss here: Adam Lambert (American Idol), Dani Campbell (A Shot at Love), Kim Stolz (America’s Next Top Model), Kelly Clarkson (American Idol), Ashley Merriman (Top Chef), half of the casts of the first several seasons of The Real World (excluding Miami) — people you’d just as easily be friends with as you’d want to observe on a TV set. Those “characters” have the power to make or break a show.
Perhaps I’m kidding myself to insist there’s something sociologically fascinating about how drug addictions evolve and how families struggle to enable/detach and how Allison inhales so much computer duster she thinks she’s walking on sunshine while simultaneously insisting that Lauren Conrad has not and never will speak a word I want to hear.
But drama for the sake of it — particularly when staged by real people instead of by actors — just really bores the fuck out of me.
In other words, I’m destined to hate this, just like I hated Gimme Sugar (with all due respect to Charlene, who is a lovely girl)! I mean, this show is basically Gimme Sugar: Five Years Later.
BUT I’m hoping that a little heart-shaped feeling will pop up in future episodes. I think it will. I have some specific hopes. I can see places where a heart-shaped feeling might grow.
My second concern w/r/t recapping is that I feel weird that the cast of The Real L Word are actual human beings. Luckily, I’m pretty confident they’ve been made into ‘characters’ to a degree where I can’t possibly be criticizing anyone besides my nemesis Ilene Chaiken. I was put on this earth to criticize Ilene, so this is perfect. It’s still her story after all yeah?
You’ll have to tune in for our full recap on Sunday after the 10 PM premiere on Showtime. In the meantime, there’s plenty of advance word to increase the “guilt” of the guilty pleasure you’ll be enjoying.
+
1. New ‘Real L Word’ Clips
+
Preview Clip One: Whitney Cannot Multitask Ladies
In Showtime’s first offering, Whitney learns that “multi-tasking is bad for you.” If you’re interested in why multi-tasking is bad for you, I’d suggest Walter Kirn’s 2007 article from The Atlantic, The Autumn of the Multitaskers. However Whitney isn’t here to teach you about words, this is the REAL L word, not everyone can learn sign language or English overnight here.
In this context, “multitasking” means running into a girl you hooked up with at a lesbian bar. This happens all the time, actually, so on a scale of 1 to 10, this counts as “stopping being polite and starting to get real.”
Preview Clip 2: Rose vs. Natalie
All her life Rose has been going out with girl after girl after girl, just like Papi. Then she met Kit Porter and knew it was time to change her ways, she even brought flowers to the botanical garden Mangus was building in Kit’s office after diddling the conehead Nanny Robotress (long story) to seduce her straight paramour. But now Rose has met Natalie and this has inspired her to keep her clit in her pants. In this scene, Rose communicates with another human female and her girlfriend freaks out. Watching this scene is like taking two Xanax while your parents fight in the other room.
We’ve also seen this season’s premiere. we have some feelings about it JK no we don’t. There are no feelings in this show! Just “fighting about nothing” and “having fights about having sex” and “tattoos.” Do I have feelings about animated lezbot sex/money robots? Not really.
+
2. New ‘Real L Word’ Press & Reviews:
AFTERELLEN:
The cast of the The Real L Word (sans Tracy) celebrated with Mama Chaiken at the show’s premiere and enlightens us with new facts about the show.
– Whitney uses a strap-on and you will see her use it on your TV
– Nikki & Jill won’t let cameras in their bedroom
– Tracy is half Puerto Rican and half Jewish
– Rose‘s family is Puerto Rican and will appear on the show
THE NEW YORK TIMES:
Gay, Female and Overworked Like Everyone Else:
“Too often “The Real L Word” feels like sitting in a restaurant and hearing about some incredible specials that happen to be sold out. Anything genuinely interesting seems to have already taken place. If you are wondering, for instance, how Tracy’s girlfriend wound up with joint custody of three children, or how they came to be named Jagger, Dautry and Nikos, “The Real L Word” isn’t inclined to tell you. For all of its nonsense, the fake “L Word” never seemed this stingy.”
NEWSWEEK:
Ramin Setoodeh did not write this article:
So while Chaiken may not purport to introduce America to Lesbianism 101—as she once told The New York Times, “I won’t take on the mantle of social responsibility”—between the tits and ass, the lights-out groans, and constant references to “f–king,” she does more to glamorize that tired old Sapphic fantasy (girls making out? hot!) than to teach us anything about real-life lesbians. Even an on-air discussion of “sexual fluidity”—the idea that people can be attracted to others, regardless of gender—is completely negated, as references to “pants and pumps,” Mikey’s complaint of “starving to death” because her woman hasn’t cooked her dinner, and the production’s entire undertone, which is more or less an excuse to show hot chicks making out, couldn’t be any more stereotypically gendered. It’s entertainment, sure. But if The Real L Word wanted lesbians to be seen as real people, for real—maybe it should have stripped away the pseudo-“reality” and shown real life.
THE BARKY:
Not Enough Sex, says The Barky:
“Their trials, tribulations, betrayals and sex talk without the sex aren’t exactly enthralling. Nikki and Jill are the most relatable stars of Real L Word. But wishing them well doesn’t exactly get the blood flowing.”
THE NEW YORK DAILY NEWS:
Showtime’s “L Word” needs some real drama:
“You get the distinct feeling some cast members see this show as an opportunity to make a sex tape.”
VARIETY:
“When the second hour opens with the participants being asked, “What kind of lesbian are you?” the most honest answer in TV terms would be, “Shamelessly derivative ones”…”I don’t play games,” Whitney says during the direct-to-camera confessionals, the content of which — other than the same-sex orientation — could be culled from almost any network dating show.
+
3. Final Thoughts:
a) We are so excitant about Nat! Every episode she’ll be asking a new cast member questions afterwards live on Sho.com, somehow this will involve an iPad, and you will have lots of questions for her to ask I’m sure. You all must go to Sho.com right after the show on Sunday okay? Thx.
b) We are gonna do this thing because despite Autostraddle’s commitment to convincing you that we’re super-smart and intellectual, the fact remains that Autostraddle.com itself was birthed from the belly of The L Word. It was my own little L Word recap blog which led me to The L Word Online (s4, s5, s6) which led me to an unpaid OurChart guestbian gig (remember OurChart you guys, wasn’t that so much fun? Were you on it? I was totally on it.) (our Executive Editor Laneia also not-enjoyed a columnist position at OurChart!) and then to Showtime’s Lezberado and then to creating this here Autostraddle.com! — when The L Word ended, I didn’t want to lose the online community we’d built around it, so I thought I’d try to build a new one around something smarter. One year and three months later, here we are!
Therefore I am obligated by some sort of cyber-peer-pressure or karmic retribution to recap this television program for you. This show’s got nothing in common with the original, I think Ilene Chaiken just likes to call everything The L Word so that people remember what she’s the Producer, Creator, Writer and Masterbrainer of. She’ll probs name her next daughter “The L Word.” People will be like, “Hey L Word, you big Gaymo.” Regardless, Nat is super cute and Tracy Ryerson is a supreme being and lesbians love hummus.
VIDEO: AutoNatic Does GLAAD 2010 in LA – Glambert, The Lynch & More!
Relative to the entire timespan of human history, the Los Angeles GLAAD Awards occurred pretty much an hour ago. You already know who won, and you already know how cute everyone looked, but until you see Nat Garcia for AutoNatic at the GLAAD Awards 2010 in Los Angeles, you have no idea.
Watch Nat give a lot of high fives and interview our favorite people in the entire world including Adam Lambert, Constance McMillen, Wanda Sykes, JANE LYNCH BECAUSE THE LYNCH CAN DO NO WRONG, the ladies of The Real L Word, Bryan Batt aka Sal from Mad Men, Nicol Paone and more! Also, she gets Johnny Weir to pretty much come out on Autostraddle today, which is, coincidentally, on Cinco de Gayo! (more…)
VIDEO: Nat Garcia Behind the Scenes at Club Skirts Dinah Shore
Club Skirts Dinah Shore’s Fashion Show was a very special spectacular this year due to the very special specialness of the outfits worn by the celesbian models present! Autostraddle’s very own vlogstar cutepants Celesbian Nat Garcia, aka Autonatic, went behind-the-scenes at the Dinah Shore Fashion show to capture the sentiments of her fellow celezzy fashion models.
AutoNatic describes her outfit as “a carrot” and Erin Foley feels uncomfortable with her aquamarine jumpsuit from 1986. Foley and girlfriend Nicol Paone, recently featured funny lady of LOGO’s Big Gay Sketch Show, discuss the broad appeal of Autostraddle, from the bicurious to crackheads to owners of pet racoons. Inclusivity, people!
Meredith “the Baxta” Baxter & her girlfriend Nancy lounge with Nat pre-show. Elizabeth Keener and chefmasterhottie Jamie Lauren discuss the wonders of cooking as well as eating out. Wink.
AutoNatic also meets up with Thea Gill, actress from the popular series Queer as Folk, who recently started her own Wonky Girl Productions and is starring in the upcoming TV mini-series Riverworld on the Syfy Channel alongside Alan Cumming.
Enjoy!
+
+
+
Glaad Awards 2010 Photos: Nat Garcia Meets Homostars on Red Carpet
The 21st Annual GLAAD Media Awards happened in Los Angeles on April 18th, 2010 and who was there? Pretty much everyone we love and more. We sent Nat Garcia to the red carpet accompanied by Rocco of Wingspan Pictures who filmed the shenanigans along with her photographer who took the pictures you see in the gallery below.
Drew Barrymore and Wanda Sykes were honored on Sunday night, and the photos it looks as though Nat got a lot of one-on-one time with Ms. Sykes herself.
I have so many questions besides why don’t I live on the west coast(?!), like: isn’t Nat so cute in her little green dress?! Doesn’t Johnny Weir look so damn hugable?! Jane Lynch! Why does Adam Lambert have this hold on my heart? OMG NAT AND ADAM LAMBERT SHARED AIRSPACE. (more…)
Join Tammy Baldwin & Nat Garcia at the Fenway Women’s Dinner (Also: NEW AUTONATIC-VIDEO!)
If you are a queer lady and you live in or around Boston, perhaps you have lamented to yourself the lack of awesome queer parties and events in this city. We’re all tired of coming home from one more night at Pearl where the only other people at the bar were a six women who look like your mom on a girl’s night out, a drunk sorority girl in a Sox cap, and someone’s gay boyfriend.
But finally, on March 13th, justice will be served! A totally baller lesbian event is happening in our city! And as if that’s not enough, rising vlogstar Nat Garcia, who is very pretty and also fun to be around, will be there to hang out with you! In fact, she’s hosting her own Auotstraddle.com Table and you still have a chance to sit at it!
VIDEO: Autio/Video Teaser of Autostraddle’s New Webseries
The future is f*cking bright, kids. I hope you’re wearing 1-5 pairs of sunglasses.
We have been keeping a big secret from you which involves our favorite comedian of all time doing a webseries for Autostraddle called Julie & Brandy in Your Box Office.
BUT! Also. also. also. Though we’ll be bringing you a FULL teaser for our new show AutoNatic (I know, we voted on Nat’s What She Said, but we do what the pretty girl tells us to do Nat was so cute about liking AutoNatic better that we had to submit to her desires, but we have serious plans for a Nat’s What She Said SPECIAL SEGMENT) very, very, very, soon…
…today we are going to bring you a very special teaser for all of our brand-new webseries! You know, like they do on Showtime and stuff. Right? We’re fancy!
We don’t want to say too much more. ‘Cause we want you to be surprised, and maybe have a party in your pants? Is that too much to ask? When was the last time you had a real party in your pants…?
+
+ (more…)
Help Autostraddle Name Our New Webseries Starring Nat Garcia! VOTE!
So, obviously we’re working our asses off to make 2010 at least 400 times better than 2009. We launched Technostraddle yesterday, and now we’re preparing for our first original Autostraddle web-series starring experienced vlogstar Natalie Garcia, the Cutest Sweetest Lesbian in the Universe, which will debut at the end of January 2010.
It’ll be unlike anything you’ve ever seen before on the internet so we can’t reveal too much just yet — all you need to know is it’ll be a mashup of reality doc-style journalism & celesbian & straight people interviews, woman-on-the-street adventures, Funny or Die style whacky/absurd vloggetry to the max.
A little more about Nat: this Hispanic Lesbian social activist animal-lover was born & raised in New Mexico, moved to Denver in 2007 (she LOVES DENVER ALL CAPS) and now resides in Los Angeles a.k.a. Lesbian HQ, where she actively pursues an alternative lifestyle and also enjoys playing with her dog Maggie, making tea, the beach, swinging on swings, eating sushi, and hanging out with her cat Pumpkin who “is a gansgter, missing parts of his ear. He is like 50cent as a cat.”
She also loves dancing — as in; ballroom, swing, two-step, waltzing, salsa and some oldies. Favorite things in life include Dolly Parton, The Graduate, Harold and Maude and The Golden Girls — because she is apparently 79, hopelessly trapped in the body of a 23-year-old. This seems to be working out okay for her though.
Nat is gonna be a killer addition, brave ambassador and beautiful face for Autostraddle.com 2.0: THE REVOLUTION.
Nat Brought Dana Fairbanks Back to Life!
But before we reveal the top eight to you, we should take a moment to honor some of the suggestions that did not make the final cut, because we think they are hilarious, and perhaps you’d like a t-shirt. Most of these suggestions are from Intern Lola, who graduated high school when she was 15 or something. Clearly you can see why:
– Honey Nat Queerios
– Au Naturale
– Walking with a Nat
– Nat’s Got Your Tongue
– Nat-o-Matic
– Nat Outta Hell
– Nat on a Hot Tin Roof
– Holy Natrimony
– There’s More Than One Way to Skin a Nat
And my personal favorite, “Nat Takes Her Clothes Off and Has Sex With Other Women On Camera,” which unfortunately is just a bit wordy.
Okay ready to vote? If you have any particular feedback, comment it up, ladies!