“Bachelor in Paradise” Finale: Demi and Kristian Broke Rules, Mended Hearts, GOT ENGAGED!

When the first teasers and trailers for this season of Bachelor in Paradise featured Demi Burnett proudly exploring her sexually fluid identity, I admit I was skeptical, afraid to get my hopes up. So often queer people, and especially queer women, have their stories twisted and manipulated for ratings — and someone like Demi, white and cis and petite and blonde and outspoken and gorgeous, was the perfect candidate for messy drama and ridiculous edits. The show took its time bringing in Kristian and letting their connection build, and yet I honestly never expected to be on the edge of my seat during last night’s final episode, watching not one but two queer proposals, live and on primetime television. Truly, it’s a strange and magical time to be alive.

Last night’s three-hour finale packed a lot in — overnight dates, fantasy suites, terrible communication, dramatic breakups, emotional proposals, the shocked faces of a live studio audience, reunions, interviews, children, arguments, and endless mentions of Stagecoach. On top of everything, the producers somehow managed to squeeze in deeply uncomfortable couples’ counseling and a gender reveal announcement, just in case anyone was concerned that a queer proposal might ruin The Bachelor’s reputation as the straightest reality dating show on television. But in spite of all the nonsense, Demi and Kristian still managed to shine, proving the strength of their connection and the authenticity of their relationship.

The episode kicks off with overnight dates, sending each of the couples to their own private spaces and letting them choose whether or not they’ll take advantage of the fantasy suites provided. Demi speaks very frankly about the pressure she’s felt during her time on the show, knowing that her reputation from Colton’s season as authentic and bold would raise expectations for how she should act in Paradise — but explains that after being here, with Kristian, she feels like she is now being truly and undeniably herself. Kristian is earnest and proud as she praises Demi’s bravery, saying, “You changed my perspective of a lifelong partner — I never thought I would find one.” They both seem so surprised and happy to have made it this far, to recognize the depth of their connection and their commitment to one another, and look ecstatic to be together as they slip into their room and shut the door.

The next morning we get some adorable snuggling and a glimpse of Demi in her glasses as the women kiss and discuss their nerves. Demi gushes, “No matter what happens, I know that it’s gonna be a good day, and I’m just excited to be with you,” and Kristian immediately counters, “Forever?” (Reader, I may have let out an undignified shriek.) We get some cuts of them getting ready, then see Demi in a long dress, carefully navigating the sand in clear lucite heels.

If you haven’t seen the show before, this is the point where couples meet on a special, strange little platform, offer roses, and either propose or break up. It’s cheesy and awkward and presumes a lot for relationships that are usually only a few weeks old, but makes for intense and dramatic moments. Kristian joins Demi, wearing an incredible white jumpsuit, takes her hands and begins, “Demi, you’ve changed my life forever.” She expresses her initial fears about Demi’s choice to come on the show, how risky it felt to watch her go, but how ultimately it revealed to Kristian how powerful her feelings were. “I give you my full heart, and I promise to protect yours now and forever.” They’re both trying not to cry as Demi takes over: “I came here to find myself, but I found myself in you. I love you so much and I am so in love with you. I didn’t even think it was possible to feel this way about someone.” Then she slides over to a nearby table, pulls out a ring box, and PROPOSES. ON TELEVISION. TO KRISTIAN. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. They’re gorgeous and happy and crying and it’s so fucking wonderful.

And then! The reunion is mostly trash, with the mediocre men we’ve hated all season continuing to prove that they’ve never been worth our time. Demi and Kristian are the last to be interviewed, because the producers know that we’ll fucking wait — but when they do appear, it’s absolutely worth it. Demi is radiant and Kristian is sporting another incredible suit, and they come out holding hands and smiling from ear to ear. They speak clearly and candidly about the open relationship they’d established before the show began, and the ways that their time apart clarified the intensity of their connection. The women take turns gushing about each other, with Kristian saying that Demi is “courageous in everything she does” and Demi calling Kristian “the easiest person to love, ever.”

Then Kristian stands up, explaining to Demi that she has something else that she wants to get off of her chest. “When I met you, I was instantly captivated by you. I love your laugh. I love when you wake up throughout the night and whisper, ‘I love you.’ You say ‘forever’ and I’m so grateful that you went to Paradise and it gave us the opportunity to grow our love for each other. That last day in Paradise was the best day of my life, and I wouldn’t want to do this life with anyone else but you.” And then Kristian slides over to the nearby Chris Harrison, pulls out a ring box, and PROPOSES BACK. We get rose petals and more tears and a standing ovation, and I fully screamed at my television, scaring my dog and likely pissing off my neighbors.

This season has had its ups and downs, and the way that this storyline was handled was often messy, causing unnecessary drama and public backlash for the women. Most of the cast knew each other beforehand, hooking up or traveling to spend time together or coming to Paradise specifically to meet certain people, yet the way Kristian was brought on and the couple’s choice to stay on the show together was framed by many as “breaking the rules.” Demi’s understandable reluctance to be overtly physically intimate with Kristian was criticized by many on social media, who cited her easy affection with Colton as proof that she was lying or that their relationship was fake. And rumors were constant and vicious, with prominent reality bloggers reporting that the entire thing had been planned from the start, and that their relationship was simply a ploy for fame.

But I was expecting a lot more lingering shots of the women kissing or cuddling, when in fact the editing seemed surprisingly reserved, even respectful — and although the previews often showed Chris Harrison dramatically announcing that he would be “changing the game,” the rose ceremonies were handled with quick grace, letting Kristian and Demi take turns choosing each other before moving on to other couples.

It’s hard to believe in much these days, but the relationship between Demi and Kristian has been one of the most authentic, powerful, and intimate connections I’ve ever seen on reality television — and the fact that it’s between two queer women, on a long-running straight dating show, is absolutely incredible. Beyond making Bachelor history or breaking boundaries, the conversations these women have had about jealousy, internalized homophobia, coming out, physical intimacy, open relationships, fear, and communication have far surpassed what we normally see between couples in these charged, difficult situations. They’ve consistently demonstrated their ability to listen openly, process feelings, apologize sincerely, adjust behaviors, defend and support each other, and be incredibly vulnerable, all in a space designed for heteronormativity and surrounded by dozens of cameras and crew members, with none of their friends or community around them for support.

Seeing Demi’s willingness to be completely open about her struggles and Kristian’s grounded, patient, soothing presence was both astonishing and inspiring, and for so many viewers this has been a powerful and deeply intimate view into a real queer relationship, one built on mutual respect and trust.

Between the delightful clusterfuck of Are You The One? and this surprisingly authentic relationship on Bachelor in Paradise, it’s been a busy summer for queer dating on television. The upcoming season of The Bachelor will likely double down on its straight roots, going back to its tried-and-true formula of one straight, white, cis man and the women who fight for his affections. But seeing the genuine, intense connection between Demi and Kristian has been an unexpected joy for me, and one I hope will open the door to more nuanced portrayals of queer relationships in the future.

Boobs on Your Tube: These “Bachelor in Paradise” Queers Will Not Be Outdone By “Are You The One?”

This week is the most important week of the TV year, the week we open voting in our GAY EMMYS! (Get those votes in before this weekend is up, friends!) Also this week, every queers favorite summer pastime of came to an end as Are You The One? aired its finale. Riese went to a party with the cast in Los Angeles. Stef interviewed Paige! A whole new episode of To L and Back made its way to the podcasting app of your choice. Valerie let you in on some seestra secrets in the new seralized novel of Orphan Black. And Natalie ran down the top ten sketches from this summers brilliant A Black Lady Sketch Show.

Notes from the TV Team:

+ Ryan Murphy’s latest entry in his American Horror Story anthology series, 1984, debuts on Sept. 18th. — Natalie

+ Pose and AHS: 1984 star, Angelica Ross, held court on the latest episode of “Black Women OWN the Conversation.” She was fabulous, as usual, and this segment with her mother left me in tears. — Natalie

Grand Hotel 113: “A Perfect Storm”

Written by Carmen

Grand Hotel took it’s likely final bow this week, a fact that I am personally mourning even though I think I was one of only five people that actually watched this soapy pot of goal. It’s fine. Just mix me another mojito and point me towards the beach.

The finale solves the mystery of what happened to Sky the night of the hurricane (spoiler: she died; but I think everyone knew that already). To answer the Whodunit, the show takes us through a variety of flashbacks highlighting Sky and Yoli’s young love. Most important? Shortly before the hurricane, Yoli snuck Sky up to her parents penthouse where they cooked dinner, made out, and told stories about their childhood.

Sky always wondered what it would have been like to grow up rich like Yoli instead of in foster care, which gives Yoli a brilliant idea – they can play dress up in her mother’s closet the same way she used to with her sister as a little girl. Watching them try on and make fun of Gigi’s clothes is PEAK CUTE, that is until Yoli opens up Gigi’s safe.

Inside the safe are the kind of diamonds that could be pawned for the equivalent of a small private island, but Sky notices something else instead. Behind the jewels in a secret compartment is a letter – the suicide note left behind by Beatriz, the OG matriarch of the Mendoza family.

PAUSE. We learned a few weeks ago that Sky and Yoli used to fool around in a secret room in the hotel where, years earlier, Beatriz died by suicide. Gigi, Beatriz’s best friend, discovered her and that note. It details that Beatriz found out that Santiago was unknowingly the father of an employee at the hotel. Gigi hid the note – supposedly to protect Santiago from the truth, but also I think to protect her own daughters’ (Santiago’s step daughters) future stake in the hotel. UNPAUSE.

Sky steals the letter and wants to blackmail Gigi. Gigi’s not having that so she tells everyone that Sky stole diamonds and must be fired. Yoli freaks out of course, because she thought that she and Sky were true love but now thinks her girlfriend is a thief (to be fair, Sky is a thief. Just know in the way Yoli assumes).

Gigi confronts Sky the fateful night of the hurricane and corners her outside. Earlier in the season we already saw security camera footage of Gigi soaking wet from the storm, sobbing and covered in blood – so clearly some bad shit is about to go down.

However, it turns out that Gigi didn’t kill Sky after all! Another hotel employee hit her in the back of a head to protect the family secret.

As much as I loved Grand Hotel, it is a bummer that it went off into the Miami sunset on a Dead Lesbian note. Even if we knew she was dead from the start of the series. Rest in Peace Sky Garibaldi. We barely knew you.

Bachelor in Paradise 611 & 612

Written by Meg Jones Wall

On Monday, Demi explained to both friends and the cameras that Kristian’s easy physical affection with other female cast members made her uncomfortable. And while the initial interviews come across as simple jealousy, Demi’s eventual conversation with Kristian revealed that she’s actually wrestling with both deep-seated insecurities and internalized homophobia, so worried about what everyone around her thinks that she’s afraid to be outwardly demonstrative in her relationship. Kristian is supportive, encouraging, and a goddamn dream, reminding Demi that coming out, establishing a relationship with a woman, and being filmed the entire time is a particularly stressful (and deeply abnormal) situation. Kristian says over and over, “You are enough,” and it clearly means the world to Demi. It’s one of the most open and honest conversations on this topic I’ve ever seen on television, and it’s frankly mind-blowing to see it on Bachelor in Paradise.

Tuesday brought the final rose ceremony of the season, and afterwards Chris Harrison told the cast members to shit or get off the pot. Each couple had to decide if they want to break up or give their relationship a shot in the real world, with couples that choose to stay together getting an overnight date and everybody else going home. We got a bit more of Kristian’s perspective, where she explained that she’s used to being “the rock” in her relationships but it ends up making her feel unsupported and unsure of where she stands with her partners. When it’s time for the women to have their conversation, they were each open and honest about their fears, Demi worried that if she shares too much of herself Kristian won’t like what she sees, and Kristian concerned that Demi isn’t ready to be in a fully committed relationship with her – but the women both listen and communicate clearly, reassuring each other and ultimately deciding to stay. “You’re the only person I’ve ever felt this strongly about and wanted to be with this badly,” Demi said through tears. Kristian looked deeply relieved, Demi looked thrilled, and they both said “I love you” a bunch more times and the whole thing was very sweet.

The finale airs Tuesday September 17th, and will include fantasy suites, proposals, a reunion show, and the reveal of the next Bachelor. Demi and Kristian have easily been the best part of an otherwise tedious season, and here’s hoping they’ll get the happy ending we all deserve.

Why Women Kill 105: “There’s No Crying in Murder”

Written by Natalie

“Nice girls, they break the law every day, when they need to…”
*GULP*

Despite Eli’s urging and the fallout from Duke’s assault last week, Taylor’s intent on taking a trip to Fresno. It’s partly a work trip — she’s been slated to attend a legal conference for months — but, really, she’s going to share the news of her throupling with her sisters. She wants them to know about her new living situation before they show up at their house. While Jade helps Taylor pack, Eli is recruited to take the door out, only to run into his agent, Lamar, as he makes his way outside. Turns out, Eli promised Lamar a new script — one that his agent had been hyping to Paramount — a month ago and has been ducking Lamar’s calls ever since. Lamar gives Eli an ultimatum: either he turns in a script in 24 hours or he’s dropping him as a client.

Instead of getting to work, Eli throws a pity party for himself on the living room floor. While gorging himself on cheese, Eli laments that his one successful movie was a fluke: he’s only written 50 pages and they’re all terrible. Jade volunteers to read those 50 pages and offer the man-child some constructive criticism. She advises him to make changes to his main character — make her less of a damsel in distress — and suggests an alternative plot. Unless Jade just got done binging The Wire, her suggestions seem a little ominous to me, but, of course, Eli thinks nothing of it.

Meanwhile, Taylor tentatively wades into a discussion with her sisters about her new living situation over lunch. They’re elated about the prospect that she left Eli — I like the sisters already — but Taylor corrects them: she’s moved her lover into their home and they are officially a throuple. Her sisters are shocked but there’s far less yelling about it than I would’ve imagined; instead, the question all the things Taylor hadn’t yet considered, namely how she’ll feel if and when love sprouts between Eli and Jade. The sisters refuse to judge Jade but they are more than ready to judge the fuck out of Eli for all he’s put their sister through. Taylor assures them that Eli’s change but the sisters are not having it.

“Men never change,” one sister warns, while the other adds, “they just get better at keeping secrets.”

Later, Jade finds Eli collapsed against his laptop and offers him an Adderall to help him stay awake and focus. Though he’s reluctant, he eventually takes the pill and rushes to complete his work. He doesn’t finish but he delivers to Lamar what he has and his agent calls it the best thing Eli’s ever written. Eli thanks Jade for her help and then, predictably, they fall into bed together. After they’ve done the deed, Taylor calls and Eli tells a transparent lie about what’s going on at home…and suddenly the worst case scenario comes into focus for Taylor: maybe her sisters were right.

BH90210 106: “The Long Wait”

By Riese

See that woman over there with those sad unadorned packages? That’s where Tori snatched all her bow.

My friends, during my six-week mental health sabbatical there were many moments when I missed you, but perhaps no moment more intense than the moment in which Betty from Bomb Girls kissed ANDREA ZUCKERMAN.

At the pilot wrap party, Gabrielle tells Jenny and Tori she’s working things out with Chris ’cause she’s not ready to throw away ten years of marriage with that guy to pursue self-discovery, and also finally spills regarding her lip-lock and subsequent consent form signing experience with Christine Elise, who later in the episode wore this outfit, which ruined my life.

“Hello I’d like to turn myself in for a crime against fashion?”

Tori goes behind Chris’ back to get the test audience feedback reports, which the cast responds to as if these relatively tame tidbits from humans paid to provide brutally honest feedback on a television program is the first negative feedback they have ever received in their lives. Gabrielle, going on a jog with her lesbian haircut and probably listening to her Upbeat Tegan & Sara playlist, learns that audiences find her “gay or bi” storyline to be “funny,” which she finds upsetting.

At the Peach Pit pop-up (this actually exists and is very close to my apartment and the interior looks great in this episode but IRL the exterior bears MINIMAL resemblance to the actual Peach Pit!!! JUST SAYING) party, Chris shows up in another illegal outfit that is throwing its very own party in the back. She reveals to the cast that Fox has only one slot left on their schedule and it’s between them and an O.C. reboot. For the latter, Mischa Barton has allegedly been grilling tilapia for 24 hours at The O.C.’s pop-up seaside cafe, almost as if her character did not already die in a fire!!  Also Shannen Doherty saved a possum who’d been hit by a car and thus she showed up covered in possum blood, and my full entirety of a reaction to this can be summed up thusly and following: SHAVEN’T. SHANNON YOU SHAVEN’T HAVE.

The following day the cast gathers at Brian’s place for a fully catered barbecue, which Gabrielle shows up to in a white Escalade, blasting hip-hop. Great news: the show got picked up!!!!! I hope they have a Christmukkah episode though.

Next up is a laborious cross-country journey to New York City for a kick-off party mostly focused on all the cast kinda still wanting to do the horizontal mambo with each other. Gabrielle brings her husband, which leads to a not at all awkward encounter with Christine in the hotel lobby. When Gabrielle reveals to her husband later that Christine was indeed the lady with whom she fingerbanged, he says he figured but also isn’t sure how much longer the “I don’t know” stage of her journey is gonna work for him. Then she says he’s her best friend and kisses him, so, eek.

Just before the cast is due onstage to discuss the reboot, Chris tells them the show will be shooting in Canada, they’re replacing the guest cast and reshooting the pilot but also cannot afford to bring all seven of them back, which doesn’t really make any sense! In addition to existing for six mere episodes, BH90210’s yet to get a Season Two pick-up. You cannot dangle a queer Andrea Zuckerman in front of my face and then snatch it back, fox. You cannot! Also, remember when we wrote about the 90210 characters we wanted to fingerbang on 90210 day? What a time THAT was to be alive.

Boobs on Your Tube: Okay, This “BH90210” Middle Age Bisexual Storyline Is Actually Really Great

If you’ve been reading Boobs on Your Tube regularly this summer, you’ve probably started wondering if this was some kind of record-breaking season for queer women of color relationships, and yes, actually! Our TV Team ran down all nine of them! Also, Valerie Anne reviewed your new favorite Canadian bingo show: Workin’ Moms. And Riese and Carly brought you an all-new To L and Back.

Some notes from the TV Team: 

+ Mica Burton’s stint on Critical Role continued to be a delight to the very end. Reanie is a gift to us all, and also her ship name with Marisha’s character is “ReanBeau” and she already making a playlist for them because she’s my kind of dedicated queer nerd. — Valerie Anne

Bachelor in Paradise 607 & 608

Written by Meg Jones Wall

After spending so much of last week on Demi and Kristian’s rekindled romance, it’s no surprise that the pair barely appeared on this week’s episodes of Bachelor in Paradise – but the title sequence now features the two of them holding hands while everyone else continues to be introduced alone, which is…cute? Between both episodes we see some brief moments of them snuggling and kissing by the beach, a short conversation where Kristian expresses concerns about fitting in and hoping Demi is being sincere, and a rose ceremony where awkward wedding officiant Chris Harrison “changes the rules” so that Demi can give a rose to Kristian before the guys proceed, but that’s it. This week was dominated with tears, fights, and yelling by some very dramatic straight men, who managed to make a lot of women cry, disrupt a wedding, and scare off some tiny island creatures. A few particularly mediocre “fan favorites” proved they lack even the most basic listening comprehension, and at various points it seemed like the cast was competing over who could sob in the most hysterical fashion.

Frankly, if you’re watching Paradise for queer content, you can completely skip this week. The most entertaining bit is the last few moments of episode 8, where Demi offers some bad lip readings (complete with impersonations) of Conner, Caelynn, and Kristina, who are not very interesting on their own but seem to come alive under Demi’s deft vocal stylings – but alas, this is also not strictly queer content. Fingers crossed that we get more of Demi and Kristian next week, and that we get to see them doing more than just offering their thoughts on other relationships.

Why Women Kill 103: “I Killed Everyone He Did, But Backwards and in High Heels”

Written by Natalie

Green (leopard print) with envy…

Watching a show like Why Women Kill, where the threat of death looms so large, can be a challenge. Through the show’s first two episodes, I was comforted by the belief that if either Taylor or Jade were driven to kill, they’d target a man and, at least, we wouldn’t end up with another buried gay. But this week, tables turned and it became easier to imagine a scenario where one queer woman dies at the hands of the other…and now I’m watching this show with a whole new level of anxiety.

Taylor returns home from a long day at work to find her husband strumming his newly acquired bass guitar. Jade offers her a respite — a night out dancing — and Taylor relishes the opportunity to spend some time together, alone. But before Jade and Taylor can cement their plans, Eli strolls in and invites himself along…and, surprisingly, he turns out to not be the most annoying interloper of the night.

Just as Taylor and Jade are about to make their way to the dance floor, two friends of Jade’s, Willow and Mischa, call out to her. They greet her warmly…too warmly for Taylor’s tastes and warmly enough to assure Eli that they definitely weren’t Jade’s first threesome. With every flirtatious touch, Taylor’s ire grows and when Wischa — who are every bit as ridiculous as their portmanteau suggests — invite Jade on their next Instagram Influencer adventure, Taylor can barely contain her emotions. She finally steals a moment alone with Jade and her hurt, jealousy and desperation comes out sounding like anger, fueled by alcohol, and Jade urges her to go home.

It’s not until she’s sobered up the next morning that Taylor realizes that she needs to find Jade and apologize. She tracks Jade using the Find My Friends app — no, that’s not creepy at all — and rushes to talk to her. Eli chases his wife down the stairs, encouraging her to just wait until Jade returns, but Taylor is desperate. Without Jade, she says, everything falls apart. Eli’s flummoxed by his wife’s admission and climbs atop her car to force a confrontation.

“This is too hard…my life is so hard,” an exasperated Taylor shrieks. For two years, she’s had to shoulder the burden of being the lone breadwinner and she can’t complain about it because, if she does, she’ll be considered a bitch. She admits, “Jade is the only thing in my life that is easy, ’cause she doesn’t take, she only gives. If she leaves, I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

When Jade returns to the house, she announces her intention to go abroad with the “low-rent Kardashians.” Eli and Taylor’s house is starting to feel like home and Jade’s worried about being the one hurt in the end. Eli interjects and asks Jade to consider this her home, permanently. She accepts, taking Taylor’s outstretched hand, and our throuple becomes OFFICIAL….and my Bury your Gays PTSD has started to kick-in.

Killjoys 506: Three Mutineers

Written by Valerie Anne

Much to everyone’s delight (especially mine), Delle Seyah and Aneela are back together, traipsing through the woods together with their son, on an adventure, and all feels right in the world..

Sometimes I genuinely forget that Aneela is also played by Hannah John-Kamen because she’s got that Tatiana quality about her.

But as soon as they kiss Aneela can taste that Kendry isn’t hullen anymore. She’s human. She pulls back, and Kendry is just as surprised that Aneela is still hullen, since they destroyed all the green (I guess being in the cube spared her?), and they decide to just get back to their mission instead of getting it on after this new revelation.

PS. During her plot over on the prison ship, Dutch puts on the warden’s vest and tie and uses a boss butch voice and it almost killed me swifter than her fighting in the last episode did.

Anyway, Aneela is acting a little dodgy and only asks for two tickets of passage and her and Dellle Seyah start to argue until Jaq interrupts them by saying, “Mom?” and then they both respond, “Which one?” and it’s such a cute Jaq-has-two-mommies moment. They get attacked briefly but the moms shut that shit down right quick and Aneela says if they touch her family again she’ll feed them their own skin so obviously she still loves them fiercely, so what’s all this weirdness about? Kendry asks her, and assumes it’s because she looks down on her because she’s human, but she’s still a queen gods-dammit.

But then Aneela explains that it’s quite the opposite. She was afraid that now that Kendry was human, she would see her hullen girlfriend as a monster. Kendry physically relaxes, relieved, and assures Aneela that she’s still a terrible person and they can still be lean mean Green Queens together. Aneela is ready to rip Kendry’s clothes off right there in the woods, infant teenage son be damned, and frankly with that leather sleeveless archer outfit, I don’t blame her. But they have to tuck their kid into his safe little cube so they can go off and save the world together.

Ambitions 111: “A Change is Gonna Come”

Written by Natalie

This kiss is what got them in trouble…

When Ambitions picks up this week, things appear picturesque: the Lancaster family’s gathered around the table to enjoy breakfast together. Evan tells his daughter that he ran into Tony Award winning director Kenny Leon who’s spearheading a theatrical exchange program with the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art. Though Stephanie’s quick to assume that the only reason Carly’s on Leon’s radar is because of who her father is, Evan clarifies: Leon saw Carly’s performance in For Colored Girls and was impressed. Still irritated by her mother’s involvement in her break-up, Carly snaps back at her mother. But before Evan can gain any clarity on the tension between mother and daughter, Stephanie’s father storms in, irate that a TMZ-esque site has posted a picture of his granddaughter kissing Lori Purifoy.

Carly sits quietly, stunned at being forced out of the closet in this way, as her grandfather foments one conspiracy theory after another about how the picture came to be. Finally, with tears streaking down her cheek, Carly speaks up, “Lori didn’t ambush me, we were together, we were in love. I’m gay.”

Her admission does little to placate her grandfather’s anger, if anything, it only inflames it more. But when her grandfather crosses the line — calling Carly’s actions “ungodly” and chastising Stephanie for letting it happen — Evan intercedes, kicking his father-in-law out of the house. Later, when Stephanie’s father shows up at her office to continue his homophobic, anti-Purifoy rant, she’s puts him in his place: she won’t allow anyone to make Carly feel bad about her sexuality, including him. It’s one of the few maternal moments we’ve gotten from Stephanie Carlisle Lancaster.

Meanwhile, over at Purifoy Pharmaceuticals, Carly alerts Lori that the photo of them has leaked and Lori rushes to tell her father about the photo before someone else can. To say he takes it well is a profound understatement; he’s positively giddy. But lest Hunter Purifoy be mistaken for a caring dad, he quickly reveals the reason behind his interest: a relationship between a Carlilse and a Purifoy undermines the negative publicity that the Carlisle family has drummed up with their lawsuit. He encourages his daughter to rekindle her relationship with Carly.

But will she have that chance? A spot’s opened up in the theatrical exchange program and she’s decided to take it. While her father begs his daughter to stay, Stephanie’s delighted that Carly will be able to follow her passion and that the exchange will put an ocean between her and Lori. But given that Ambitions‘ mid-season finale ends with Carly’s grandfather dead and her half-brother kidnapped, maybe she shouldn’t start packing those bags yet.

BN90210 104: “The Table Read”

Written by Carmen

Kiss the women you want to kiss.

BH90210 opens up this week with Gabrielle Cateris’ nightmare. We’re back in the ‘90s at the Peach Pit, and she’s back wearing all of her ’90s costume. Donna, Kelly, and Brenda are all having a milkshake in the corner and Emily (that’s Christine Elise’s character from the OG series, shout out to the readers who took time to let me know last week!) is behind the counter. She and Emily awkwardly exchange hellos and then the other girls start to bully Gabrielle! Then there’s some nightmare smoke and suddenly Gabrielle is in a Carrie style prom dress, wielding a weedwacker and screaming at the top of her lungs, “What do you people want from me???”

So yeah, that’s not great.

In real life, Gabrielle is nervously sucking down a martini at a fancy restaurant when Christine saunters in, upset about ongoing production troubles for the Beverly Hills reboot. Gabrielle tries to switch subjects, this is a first date after all, and ends up spilling Martini all over the table. Christine can’t help but laugh – Gab thought this was a date?? Oh no, she meant pinging her on fake!Tinder as a gesture of friendship. (People, don’t do this! It’s mean!)

Later, during a cast and crew get together, Gabrielle spots Christine alone swirling a shot glass in her hand. Once Christine sees her, she tries to cover it by looking “busy at work” on her phone – but it’s already too late. Gabrielle sits down with her and the tension between them is THIIIICK. They look at each other, then they look at each other’s lips, and it’s quiet, there’s a breath. I was giddy with anticipation! And then… it’s over. Gabrielle doesn’t want to do this until the time is right, and she’s certainly too tipsy for the time to be right now.

That same night after everyone has gone home, Gabrielle visits Christine at her office. (BTW real life Gabrielle Cateris looks HOT in this all white suit, and dear reader, you deserve to know that.) She barely says a word, sitting down and gathering Christine’s face in her hands. They start to make out, but Christine stops her. Didn’t Gabrielle want to wait until the time was right before she had sex with a woman for the first time?

Well, you know what? Life is short. And the time is right because she is with a person that she’s developing feelings for. It’s sweet and romantic and dammit, if you would have told me that BH90210 was going to end the summer by gifting us the sexiest queer couple over 45 I’ve ever seen (well, until The L Word comes back in December) – I never would have believed you! And yet, here we are.

“Bachelor in Paradise” Pays Off its Queer Relationship Promise in a Major Way

If you’ve been watching this season of Bachelor in Paradise, you know that Demi Burnett’s pre-Paradise relationship with a woman has been heavily promoted, to the point that it felt like it might be a fake-out. And while other worldwide versions of ABC’s popular show have included queer relationships, the American version has kept things almost pathologically heterosexual, with the one major exception coming across as a potential villain instead of being encouraged to fully explore relationships. Demi has been partnered with Derek for the first few weeks, and although she’s been open about her existing relationship with a woman in LA, the pair decided to stay together for the time being. But this week, we finally got what we’ve been waiting for – Demi’s girlfriend Kristian Haggerty arrived in Paradise.

Set up as a surprise for Demi by host, producer, and possible sociopath Chris Harrison, Kristian welcomed Demi with tears, hugs, and kisses. They immediately headed to the beach, and after emotional conversations and Demi pulling Derek for one of the most mature break-ups I’ve seen on this show, Demi and Kristian decided to stay in Paradise together, as a couple. The show shifted immediately to interviews of the cast gushing about how cute the women are together, and how real their love feels, but in spite of the almost saccharine support it was pretty great to see so many well-known Bachelor personalities expressing their love for Demi and Kristian. No one challenges their right to be there, no one accuses Demi of being flaky or indecisive or cruel – they all simply celebrate the connection the two have found, and express pride in their courage to own their identities. (And while Twitter has been predictably furious over the women staying in Paradise, the cast continues to show solidarity through social media, with Derek being among the most vocal defenders.)

Pretty much immediately after the ally montage, Kristian and Demi received a date card, and headed away from the beach for the evening. After another intense conversation about the challenges they’ve faced, Demi emphatically stated that she doesn’t want to let fear run her life anymore, and that she wants to commit fully to Kristian. Then they say they LOVE EACH OTHER and MAKE OUT. Kristian and Demi got the full romantic edit, complete with candles, dramatic music, lingering camera pans, slow motion kisses, and voiceovers pledging love and commitment. It’s the same cheesy romance that we see so often on this show, but by featuring two women it feels absolutely groundbreaking. Watching these two kiss with champagne by a pool just like any straight Bachelor in Paradise couple on a date had me fully screaming at my television.

Yes, this breaks all the “rules” of the game. Yes, this sucks for Derek. Yes, if Demi wanted to be with Kristian she “could’ve just gone home.” Yes, an established partner showing up to pursue a relationship is completely outside the usual realm of this show. And yes, apparently Demi doesn’t know who Nelson Mandela is. But The Bachelor and its many spinoffs constantly break their own rules, creating and milking drama for the sake of “good television.” The show is, at its core, completely ridiculous. It knows that, and it thrives on it. And if breaking those so-called rules means we get to watch two women profess their love for each other and make out by a pool during primetime, on one of the longest-running reality shows in the US? I’m fucking here for it.

Boobs On Your Tube: “Why Women Kill” Is The Bisexual Polyamorous Misandrist Dark Comedy of Your Dreams

Welcome back to Boobs on Your Tube, just one of the many places on the internet you’ll find Heather Hogan flipping out about Jenny Schecter still being alive. Speaking of, there’s an all-new episode of To L and Back for you this week. Also, Carmen reviewed the brilliant, hilarious A Black Lady Sketch Show and Nel recapped a really heartwarming episode of Pose.

Reminders from the TV Team: 

+ I’m back from EH Con and as promised, I have something to report: there was a very cute panel called The Newlywed Game and it was WayHaught vs Jettri (Jeremy and Robin) and it was very fun and sweet. And let’s just say, the answer for “what’s Nicole’s favorite thing to eat” was epic. The con is transcribing the panels before uploading so it might be a minute before they go up but I’ll be sure to link you in Boob Tube when they do. I was also on a panel about LGBTQ+ representation that I’ll also link eventually, if you want it. — Valerie Anne

+ Speaking of Wynonna Earp, Emily Andras is developing a new show and the title alone (Axeholes!) is amazing, but the concept of comic-con nerds ending up in their show’s universe is literally a dream come true. And it’s Andras, so you KNOW it’s gonna be gay. — Valerie Anne

Claws 310: “Finna”

Written by Natalie

This is how I look watching this show now.

Two weeks ago, their clothes still stained in blood, Melba and Desna paid their debt to Benedict and the Chinese mob. When Benedict dismissed the death of her husband, Melba lashed out and Desna’s forced to restrain her. Once Melba’s out of sight, Benedict makes it plain: Melba has to go. He explains,”grief makes people unpredictable and we can’t afford unpredictable.” Turns out, he should’ve taken his own advice.

Determined to ingratiate herself to her new boss, Desna offers up her connection to Henry Zayas — Ann’s brother and the newly crowned frontrunner for governor — as a reason that Benedict should spare her life and keep her on his payroll. With the new connection to Florida’s power brokers, Benedict’s plan to open three casinos across the state is still viable, so he agrees to the partnership. Despite having promised the casino to Joe, Benedict also acquiesces to Desna’s demand that she and her crew be left to run the casino.

Back at the salon, Desna tries to persuade her crew that this time they’ll truly level up, but no one’s convinced. Ann returns to the salon as a way to distract herself from the grief and she barely has time to fold the towels before Desna asks for a favor. She explains Benedict’s offer — the casino, in exchange for access to Ann’s brother — and Ann is, understandably, apoplectic. I’m not sure why Desna thought this would go any other way but she persists and, though she considers it for a moment, ultimately, Ann refuses to drag her brother into this mess.

After discovering that Ann’s been talking to the police, Benedict orders Desna to fix the situation and she once again begs Ann to talk to her brother to avert more blood shed. Eventually, Ann gives in, setting up a meeting between Henry and Benedict. But ultimately that just turns out to be a ruse: once Ann’s got Benedict alone, sans phone and guards, she and Benedict’s disgruntled “partner,” Joe, lock him inside and set the entire casino ablaze. Benedict was right: grief really does make people unpredictable.

When Desna shows up to survey the damage, Ann takes credit for the fire and Benedict’s death, to her boss’ dismay. Ann notes that she only did what Desna couldn’t — or wouldn’t — do because things had gotten out of hand. She adds, “you wanted to have it all, hope it was worth it.”

It feels a bit meta for Claws‘ third season to end this way. Things have gotten out of hand and the show’s ratings (and its lack of renewal) reflect that…hopefully, by burning it all down, Claws gets a chance to start again and reconnect with the things that made the show worth watching in the first place.

Ambitions 109: “Giving Up”

Written by Natalie

Oh, Carly, do I have a playlist for you…

Lori’s hosting a mixer at Purifoy Pharmaceuticals when she spots another woman checking her out. She beelines over to her and asks the stranger if she sees anything she likes. The mystery girl says they both do — her and her boyfriend — and invite Lori to leave with them. Now, let’s be clear, Lori Purifoy is, to quote one Atlanta legend, “fine as all outdoors” but having two attractive strangers dropping a threesome in your lap, seconds after meeting them? Yeah, that’s a little too good to be true. But Lori’s too much of an egotist to stop and question the moment and, instead, heads to bed with her new playmates. I guess we now know why that bisexual mood lighting follows Lori everywhere.

Later Lori gets a text message from Carly to stop at her at her parents’ house but — surprise! — it’s not from Carly at all, it’s from Carly’s mother, Stephanie. She invites Lori to stay for a drink and in walk the other two-thirds of Lori’s threesome to deliver them. It was all a set-up. Tired of waiting for her daughter’s relationship with Lori to implode, Stephanie took it upon herself to move things along. While Lori contends that she and Carly were never exclusive, Stephanie knows that her daughter will see it differently. Lori will just deny the cheating allegations — who’s Carly going to believe, her or two prostitutes — but then, of course, Stephanie admits that she has video of the torrid affair. She gives Lori an ultimatum: break up with Carly or she’ll leak the sex tape.

When Carly gets out of class the next day, Lori’s waiting by her car. She does as Stephanie’s instructed — belittling her relationship with Carly in the process — but eventually, she just tells the truth: she had a threesome with some randoms she met at the mixer. Lori defends herself by saying that they hadn’t really defined their situationship but Carly calls bullshit: they were a couple. Lori concedes the point, admitting that she screwed up but warns Carly about her treacherous mother. Lori explains that Stephanie hired people to seduce her and while it’s enough to inflame Carly’s anger at her mother, it doesn’t save their relationship.

Later, Carly joins her family for a dinner in memory of her grandmother, Thelma Lancaster. As soap opera dinner parties are wont to do, everything quickly goes awry and Stephanie’s fingerprints are all over it. After watching her mother’s actions compel everyone to leave the the party abruptly, Carly realizes that everything Lori’s told her about her mother is true…and she follows everyone else out.

Why Women Kill 101: “Murder Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry”

Written by Natalie

BAWSE.

Why Women Kill is the story of three women who live in the same house, decades apart. Beth Ann Stanton (Ginnifer Goodwin) is a homemaker who lives in the Pasadena home with her husband, Rob, in the 1960s. By 1984, the house is occupied by Simone Grove (Lucy Liu), a thrice married socialite, and her husband, Karl. And then, in modern day, the home is being redesigned by high-powered attorney, Taylor Harding (Kirby Howell-Baptiste), and her screenwriter husband, Eli. From the opening title sequence, it’s clear that the men are not long for this world but the who, what, when, how and why of it all is a mystery….a mystery that unfolds a bit more in every new episode.

When we meet Taylor, she’s inquiring about a change in the blueprints for the remodel: she wanted a new window on the side of the building, while the contractor added the new window to the back. The contractor’s dismissive and assures her that she’ll like what he’s doing. Unsatisfied, Taylor persists. The contractor responds that Taylor doesn’t understand his language so she’ll just have to trust him, adding a “sweetie” at the end to make himself even more insufferable.

“I may not understand construction, but I do understand contracts, especially the one you signed, which clearly states that I don’t have to pay you unless the work is completed to my satisfaction,” Taylor explains. “And that means, for the purpose of this, and all future conversations, my dick is bigger than yours. Am I speaking your language now…?”

Okay, Taylor, we are going to get along just fine.

Later, after a long day of work, Taylor comes home to her husband and before they can order dinner, her friend, Jade (Alexandra Daddario), calls. As Taylor collects her jacket and keys, we discover that Taylor and Eli have an open marriage — at her urging, not his — and Jade is one of Taylor’s “hook-ups.” Their open marriage has rules, including “don’t bring hookups into the house” and “don’t become emotionally involved,” both of which Taylor violates when she rescues Jade from her stalker ex-boyfriend. Eli’s mad at first but Jade walks in and, suddenly, all is forgiven…and the fact that Jade spends her time cooking and cleaning helps him ignore the blurring lines.

At first, Taylor and Eli are the model of good communication in a poly-amorous relationship but the longer Jade stays, the more Eli’s attraction to her grows and he doesn’t bother to share that with his wife. He swears he’s just being a good guy when he volunteers to let Jade stay at their house for as long as she needs. Because, of course, he does.

Bachelor in Paradise 602A & 602B

Written by Meg Jones Wall

While Demi’s initial introduction to Bachelor in Paradise included a staged conversation with the previous bachelorette, giving Demi an opportunity to come out as sexually fluid and explain that she’s been “casually dating a woman in LA,” the majority of this season’s Paradise has been dominated by love triangles, miscommunications, and heterosexual nonsense. But this week, Demi’s sexuality and struggles became a more central storyline. In camera confessionals and conversations with friends, she admitted that she came to Paradise hoping to take space from her growing relationship, worried that she’s been too “in it” with this woman to have clarity around what she truly wants. Through tears, Demi explained that she only recently came out to her parents, and that she’s tired of keeping up a shield and “hiding all the layers of herself from the world.”

Since arriving on the show, Demi’s been partnered with Derek, a John Krasinski lookalike that’s been clear and consistent about his attraction to her. While she initially avoided telling him about her existing relationship, on Tuesday Demi shared everything, beginning an honest and respectful conversation about their connection. And though Derek and Demi agreed to continue getting to know each other, the teasers for next week indicate that more drama is ahead.

As ridiculous as this show often is, I was surprised and even moved by the authenticity and respect that Demi’s storyline has included. Previews have hyped Demi’s sexuality and confusion for drama, but seeing her honestly express her fears over rejection, openly explain what she wants, and receive nothing but generosity and warmth from her fellow cast members was a huge relief. It’s a beautiful and genuine series of moments from a show that typically emphasizes drama, snark, and disrespect, and made watching 8 full hours of BiP worth it. (Mostly.)

BH90210 102: “The Pitch”

Written by Carmen

Imagine coming out of the closet and immediately being in Bette Porter’s age bracket? How lucky can one woman get.

So, Gabrielle Carteris (if you were a ‘90s teen, probably know her as Adrea Zuckerman, but it’s fine) is definitely still processing her big gay make out with an overly zealous 90210 fan named Betty McRae (if you’re anything like me, you remember from the 1940s, it’s still fine). Gabrielle is processing it so much that she actually turns to her friend Jason Priestly for advice!

To his very bare minimum middle aged white man low bar standards, he reacts very calmly when his best friend of 30 years tells him that not only did she kiss a woman the weekend they were all in Vegas, she’s had romantic feelings for women for quite some time. Still Jason asks, why now? Why this woman? What made this time different?

Gabrielle looks down at her infant granddaughter sitting in her little baby carrier on their LA patio. She sums it quite simply, she wants her granddaughter to be her most authentic self. She can’t do that if her grandmother is a hypocrite. And that means that Gabrielle still has a lot to work through ahead of her! Which is how she comes up with a laughably brilliant idea! What if in the 90210 reboot, its Andrea Zuckerman who is working through all her big gay feelings and late in life coming out? Get it? The story within the story! TA-DA!

Tori Spelling – who’s become the makeshift producer of this entire delightful train wreck, but that’s a different story for a different day – agrees to Gabrielle’s terms. After all, a little extra diversity and sizzle never hurt a reboot, amirite?

The episode ends with Gabrielle enjoying a glass of wine with her husband on the couch. It’s been a long few days, but at least the reboot is officially underway. The problem is that now she realizes she just can’t “act” her feelings through Andrea. She has to face her own truth. She turns around in his arms and starts to cry, that cry you cry when you’re growing and you’re afraid your growth is going to hurt someone you love. Andrea’s coming out, and so is she.

“Bachelor in Paradise” Season 6 Will Feature Queer Queen Demi Burnett

For those of us who slogged through this most recent, particularly miserable season of The Bachelorette, the upcoming sixth season of spin-off show Bachelor in Paradise and its near-constant drama comes as no surprise. But if you’ve managed to avoid ABC’s long-running reality dating show, you may have missed the news that for the first time in the franchise’s history, a queer relationship between two women will be featured on-screen. A new preview was released a few weeks ago, and while it mostly highlights the standard tears, hysteria, breakups, fights, and heterosexual clichés that have made the show famous, the teaser also includes self-proclaimed queer queen Demi Burnett openly declaring her love for another woman. “I don’t care who sees this — I know that I love her. I’m just so happy that I found her, and I can definitely picture being with her for the rest of my life.”

We have SO MANY QUESTIONS. Meet us on the beach for #BachelorInParadise in 2 weeks! pic.twitter.com/FB811f1Ckc

— Bachelor in Paradise (@BachParadise) July 23, 2019

The 23-year-old interior designer from Texas made a big impression during Colton Underwood’s season of The Bachelor earlier this year, with her outspoken charm and willingness to defend her choices making her an early fan favorite as well as a bit of a villain. And while she didn’t talk explicitly about her sexual identity during her time in the mansion, Demi has never been afraid to voice her opinions or go after what she wants. Her time on The Bachelor was defined by her ability to clearly articulate her desires, grabbing Colton anytime she wanted to chat and openly sharing her strong opinions on both herself and the other girls in the house with anyone who asked.

And while Demi rarely played by the rules, sneaking away from a grub-hunting group date to bring burgers to her team (“The other girls can suck maggots — I’m drinking champagne”) and setting up private massages and surprises for Colton, she certainly made a lasting impression. As soon as the Paradise preview was released during a recent Bachelorette episode, Demi immediately started tweeting, proudly sharing her queer identity and soon after, defending herself and the LGBTQ+ community from hateful remarks and homophobic attacks. The general mayhem and lighter restrictions of Bachelor in Paradise will most likely be a better fit for her than the original show, allowing all of the contestants space to explore a variety of relationships and giving Demi a perfect platform for her snarky one-liners and unabashed self-assurance.

If you’ve never seen either show, allow me to offer a quick primer: The Bachelor is essentially just a weekly dose of Straight People Watch. Each season, a bachelor or bachelorette gets to know 20-30 contestants, who all live together in a big Malibu mansion. Episodes feature awkward group dates, bizarre challenges, and trips around the world, usually including a ceremony where the featured single offers their chosen partners a rose, requesting their consent to keep dating. The show rarely results in long-term couples, though the finale almost always features a marriage proposal, and is usually more about drama, villains, being present “for the right reasons,” and compulsive heterosexuality over true love or lasting partnerships.

Bachelor in Paradise, on the other hand, invites chaos a bit more than the original 2002 concept. Putting a group of rejected contestants from previous Bachelor seasons together into a sprawling beach resort, people come and go depending on how quickly they connect with other singles. Roses are still distributed, uncomfortable dates are still had, and there are still endless tears, fights, and breakups — but the structure is much looser, allowing for multiple relationships, constant hookups, and daily drama. Bachelor in Paradise doesn’t come close to the brilliance of queer-focused gems like A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila or the absolutely bonkers Are You The One? (which you should definitely be watching), but at least one season of The Bachelor (and later, Bachelor in Paradise) included a queer contestant, and The Bachelor Vietnam became famous for showing two women choosing each other. But perhaps more importantly, ABC’s franchise has a much wider, long-term audience, and could be the first time many viewers see a queer relationship developing on network television.

While The Bachelor and its spinoff shows have a history of teasing drama in previews only to take weeks to reveal it (or to mislead the audience entirely for ratings), interviews and rumors indicate that Demi’s on-screen partner is Kristian Haggerty, an entertainment professional that was introduced to Demi before the show by a mutual friend. Unlike most of the singles that come to Paradise, Kristian has never appeared on any of the franchise’s previous shows, and was instead invited on by producers due to her connection with Demi. And while previews feature Demi kissing some guy in a hot tub as well as making out with a blonde in a dress, the main teaser ends with her walking along the beach, musing about a possible engagement. Let’s hope Demi’s unique brand of chaos and confidence leads to a happy, queer ending.

Season six of Bachelor in Paradise premieres tonight, August 5th, and airs Monday and Tuesday nights at 8pm EST on ABC. And if you watch the episodes live, join me on Twitter using #QueerQueenDemi.