You Need Help: She Is Going Down For 15+ Minutes

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Q: I’ve been with girlfriend for over 4 years now and i care about her A LOT and we are pretty normal lesbians i guess. When we do the dirty, it always takes me at least 15 minutes to climax with oral and I always end up saying sorry because it takes so long. Hers is very fast and I feel like crap for taking so long :/ what do I do?

A: Listen up, Dirty Girl: making love means never having to say you’re sorry. If I apologized every time it took me at least 15 minutes to climax with a partner I could publish an epic poem consisting only of the word “sorry” over and over again for 15 pages. If that sold well, I’d then release a prequel entitled “Sorry about that, boys,” which’d be a 45-page tome of apologies to my first three boyfriends about not being able to climax at all, ever.

But enough about me! Let’s talk about how although it’s fun and also relatively common for a girl to come super-fast, it’s also fun and relatively common for a girl not to come super fast. Men’s Health Magazine says that “studies show that it takes 15 to 40 minutes for the average woman to reach orgasm.” An informal survey of the only four people I talk to all day confirms that 15+ minutes is perfectly “normal,” or even “on the low end of normal.” Also, anecdotal evidence suggests that the universe often matches people who get off really quick with people who don’t. Maybe.

I’m unsure how your girlfriend reacts to your apologies, but I hope it’s something along the lines of, “you have nothing to be sorry about because I love you and would eat you out all damn day if we had the time.” Like a significant majority of “pretty normal lesbians,” she’s probably pretty happy to have her head between your thighs to begin with, you know what I mean? If she’s been clam-diving in your ocean for four years she’s probably enjoying herself quite a bit.

The one and only potential downside to an extensive canyon-yodeling session is jaw pain or cramping — by “extensive,” however, I mean a lot longer than 15 minutes — but that can usually be avoided by mixing up techniques and just paying attention to avoid keeping one’s jaw in the same position for too long. Or she can give her mouth a rest by employing her fingers, YOUR fingers or sex toys OR by devoting attention to other erogenous zones. I don’t think you need to try and hurry it up, but if you truly feel that you must, those other erogenous zones can do wonders to get you very “warmed up” pre-lunch-boxing without feeling the psychological pressure to orgasm just yet. Some people find it easier to come with some surprise g-spot action near the end (or throughout, whatever floats your boat!) (or floods your canoe!), or by combining oral sex with finger-blasting or anal stimulation.

Also, I hope you don’t feel like you have to have an orgasm every time you have sex! Sex is fun with or without getting off. I mean think about it, if you weren’t stressed about how long it takes you to climax, it’d probs be dandy to have your lady playing in your sandbox, kissing your mouth or touching your naked body with her naked body more or less constantly.

Ultimately, sex isn’t two people taking turns making each other feel good; sex is an experience that makes both partners feel good. Going down on someone is a turn-on for the giver and the receiver. I’m sure the readers will also have plenty of advice for you as I’m not exactly a professional sexologist, but whatever happens — stop apologizing for showing your lady such a good time!

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