“The Ultimatum: Queer Love” Recap: The Dyke Drama Gets Steamier in Episodes 5–8

Welcome to a mega recap of episodes five through eight of The Ultimatum: Queer Love, the Netflix series that dares to ask the question: What if we get a bunch of monogamous queer couples together and pretended we invented polyamory but also made them, like, fake their way through being poly? For a refresher on the actual premise and/or a breakdown of what came in the first four episodes, revisit my previous recap.

The Ultimatum: Queer Love Recap – Episode 5

It was at this point in the series where I decided it should be renamed Gays Having Intense Conversations Under Fuzzy Blankets. As a reminder, everyone is still in the midst of their trial marriages to new people.

Xander & Yoly

Okay love birds! Here we open with an instance of Gays Having Intense Conversations Under Fuzzy Blankets, as Yoly and Xander — who I’m pretty sure has either a hickey or lipstick smudge on their neck — discuss the group night out gone wrong. Yoly reveals to Xander that Vanessa and Rae hooked up and that Vanessa said she has no sexual attraction to or romantic interest in Rae. It feels a LITTLE slut shamey, but also I do have to ask what were Vanessa’s motives for the hookup? Was it just to get off? That’s fine! Or was it to purposefully sow drama? Also…fine! By reality television standards, that basically counts as doing her job?

Xander and Yoly get lunch with Xander’s best friend Blair and continue to seem as if they’ve been dating for many months rather than a couple weeks! Xander talks to Blair about how she is ready to get married and have a family and how Vanessa isn’t ready for that. Yoly jumps in to say they’re already on the same page for a bunch of stuff, including what they’ll feed hypothetical children (vegetarian!). Blair says a few things that make it pretty clear to me…that she does NOT like Vanessa! She says it nicely and even says “I’m not saying I fully dislike her” but…I’m picking up what you’re putting down, girl. When Yoly leaves the table, Blair asks Xander if they’re in love, and Xander replies in the affirmative.

Yoly and Xander spend a date night doing tie dye, which is cute but messy to do indoors and not in the bathroom? I guess they put a sheet down, but I’m still concerned! They try to talk about the future, and Yoly brings up the fact that she falls in love easily, and Xander says she doesn’t but she also feels like they aren’t just a “byproduct of the experience” — the subtext being that this didn’t just happen because of the reality show premise. “I’ve known for a while that I love you,” Xander says.

On the beach for a day date, Xander fake-proposes to Xander with a Ring Pop. Listen…I know two dykes who did this same thing and then actually did get married a few years later, soooo!!!!!

Margaux the Frenchie is very sad that Xander is leaving Yoly! These two are the only ones who do an on-camera goodbye kiss. Xander tells Yoly she wants her to decide what’s best for her. Yoly talks about how easy and effortless this has been, and I would like to remind them all that it has been three weeks and furthermore three weeks away from regular responsibilities and bills. They also hook up one more time! Good for them.

Vanessa & Rae

When Vanessa and Rae have their own Gays Having Intense Conversations Under Fuzzy Blankets moment, Vanessa presents a not entirely truthful account of her argument with Lexi and the others. She says Lexi said that Rae was bragging about fucking Vanessa, and unless that was edited out, I didn’t see that! Rae, run away!

Vanessa and Rae hang out with Vanessa’s dad Mark, whose own attitudes about relationships clearly inform Vanessa’s. He quite literally calls marriage a “life sentence” and also that he thinks marriages should work like a “seven year lease.” I think it’s fine if Vanessa never wants to get married! It just means she needs to leave Xander.

Rae is already packing on her last night with Vanessa, almost like she can’t wait to get out of here. Vanessa is a last minute packer, because of course she is!!!!! Chaos demon!!!!! Rae admits that these next three weeks with Lexi are going to tell her a lot.

Mal & Lexi

Lexi quite literally cannot stop talking about Rae and Vanessa hooking up, and it’s starting to bother Mal a bit which is understandable! Lexi keeps trying to say it isn’t really about the sex but who it happened with. And I honestly just think Lexi isn’t comfortable with the thought of Rae hooking up with anyone else. Mal asks Lexi to please stop talking about Vanessa, and the two snuggle under the blanket on the couch together. Lexi promptly…starts talking about Vanessa again.

Mal and Lexi go out with LEXI’S PARENTS!!!! Who don’t seem at all confused or concerned about the premise of this series and just ask questions as if they are genuinely meeting their daughter’s new partner. Okay! When her parents ask how Rae is doing, Lexi at first seems like she’s going to avoid the question but then says Rae had a moment of intimacy with her trial wife. Lexi’s mom points out they were broken up when it happened, and you know what? Thank you Lexi’s mom. There aren’t really voices of reason on this show (other than cast members’ friends), but I do think Lexi’s parents actually offer some good relationship advice, including cautiously telling Lexi she probably isn’t ready to take the next step with Mal yet. Lexi’s dad is a jeweler and says he has seen all sorts of engaged couples through the years and sometimes it doesn’t really matter how long they’ve been dating.

Speaking of cast members’ friends who are voices of reason! Mal’s friend Alicia meets up with Mal and Lexi and is openly confused about what is happening, prompting Mal to say “this isn’t the Get Out movie.” Alicia says she’s confused because Yoly is her homie. Lexi is a stranger! And when Alicia finds out Lexi and Mal’s age gap, she calls it a cute red flag. She also points out that sometimes Mal’s kindness gets mistaken by people for a deep romantic connection. She understandably cares about Mal and about Yoly and their relationship. She has no allegiance to Lexi and nor should she! I love when these little pops of REAL reality come through.

Lexi initiates an intense conversation with Mal about soulmates, and they both agree people can have multiple soulmates. Lexi says she thinks Mal is one of hers. “That’s a lot of pressure,” Mal says. “How do you know that?” They both agree they’ve never met someone with whom it’s this easy three weeks in. When they get in bed, Mal confesses they tend to pull away from the people they love to protect themself. “Choosing you was easy,” Mal says to Lexi. “Having to let you go sucks.”

Mildred & Aussie

Aussie returns home to Mildred, and they both start recapping their nights, but when Mildred presses Aussie to talk about Aussie’s feelings and the conflicts they’ve been experiencing together, Aussie completely and totally shuts down. This is perhaps the worst match of the season. Mildred can be pushy, and Aussie can be avoidant. It gets to the point where Aussie walks out entirely — and then moves out, ending the trial marriage early and only leaving a brief note for Mildred. According to Mildred, this kicks up old baggage of having been abandoned by so many people in life. I don’t think that’s entirely fair to put on Aussie, a near stranger. But I also think Aussie could have been just a little more communicative. (I also just ultimately think Aussie is dealing with a lot of heavy gender stuff and that reality television isn’t the right place to process that.)

Tiff & Sam

Tiff and Sam claim they’re on much better footing these days, and they indeed banter about Disney princesses and sexy vs. unsexy names while driving, but it’s all very much a friendship vibe.

Sam and Tiff meet up with Tiff’s friend Natasha, and is it just me or SHOULD SAM HAVE LEFT WITH NATASHA? Natasha says that if Tiff’s relationship with Mildred isn’t working then they should end it (the subtext being…instead of joining a reality show). Natasha says point blank in testimonial that Tiff and Mildred aren’t right for each other because they break up and get together a lot and can’t communicate. Natasha asks if Sam and Tiff are hooking up, and they say no and immediately get shy. Natasha asks them to hold hands and when they refuse, Natasha holds Sam’s hand. SAM, LEAVE WITH NATASHA!!!!! IS THAT ALLOWED????

On their last night together, Sam sifts through the journal she has been keeping during The Process™ (drink!). They thank each other and joke about a ship name for themselves: “Stiff.” Sorry to say, but I am not shipping these two, mainly because I think Tiff has a lot of work they need to do on themselves. And also their chemistry together just has more of a giggly friends vibe.

The Ultimatum: Queer Love Recap – Episode 6

It’s time for everyone to go back to their original partners for a second three-week trial marriage with them! First, a family dinner hosted by straight host JoAnna Garcia Swisher. I like her dress, but I still don’t like that they couldn’t have tapped a queer host. They’re all asked to recount their trial marriages, and it’s basically just a recap of everything we already know with a few reveals.

Here’s what they go over in this opening sit down: Aussie walked out, and Mildred resents it. Tiff has anger issues they took out on Sam. Tiff then proves their own point by coming for Aussie in a weird way for “leaving” Mildred. Rae and Vanessa bond over…their selfishness? Rae and Vanessa also talk about their hookup, and Rae admits she wishes she had more of a spark with Lexi, and Vanessa again alludes to the fact that she might be poly.

Vanessa brings up that she and Xander had agreed to not do anything physical while here, which is a little shocking because they both sure did! Lexi still claims that if Rae had hooked up with anyone else she would have been fine with it, but I don’t entirely believe her (and I’m not sure she believes herself). Vanessa apologizes to Xander for not telling her about the hookup herself. Vanessa then reads something she wrote, which is going to become a theme! Vanessa apologizes to everyone for…not believing in marriage. Yoly calls the apology performative. Xander sticks up for Vanessa and says they should all be allowing for growth.

Mal brings up that they didn’t want to “consummate” a new relationship because it would confuse things for them. So I guess it wasn’t just Lexi’s fixation on Vanessa that led to them not hooking up. Xander and Yoly speak highly of their trial marriage, and Vanessa looks genuinely hurt throughout it. Xander says she has a lot of fun with Vanessa but that she’s looking for more at this stage of life, further emphasizing how badly she wants a family. Mal is hurt, too, and asks Yoly if she wants her to propose first. Yoly says she’s looking forward to seeing Mal’s growth, and Mal asks if she’s excited to come back to her. Yoly…kind of dodges the question! And just further talks about how good she and Xander were as a couple.

Vanessa asks them if Xander and Yoly were physically involved. Xander talks about the emotional connection they had and then says the physical attraction grew from that. So they also kind of dodge this question. Y’all know people are gonna see this on television, right! Vanessa admits she wasn’t expecting any of this, meaning she didn’t come into this expecting Xander would have a genuine connection with someone new. Vanessa says she has moved closer to the idea of marriage with Xander and it feels like Xander is retreating, and Xander counters by saying they feel like everyone here still has feelings for the person they arrived with but that there just might be new growth and new feelings in the mix. Xander says they want the experience of the trial marriage with Vanessa, and that seems to be exactly what Vanessa wants to hear.

Time to see how the trial marriages between original partners begin!

Lexi & Rae

Lexi says Rae doesn’t feel like the same person she gave an ultimatum to. She tells Rae she doesn’t trust her, and Rae says she’ll sleep on the couch.

Rae and Lexi go for a day date on the beach with tacos, and things are still really tense. Rae brings up that it was really hard for her to say yes to doing this, confirming my theory she didn’t really wanna be on reality television in the first place. Tacos on the beach quickly turns into processing and arguing on the beach :( Neither of them feel heard in the relationship. Lexi feels like a guest in Rae’s home. Rae feels like Lexi isn’t listening to her. I DON’T THINK THEY TAKE A SINGLE BITE OF A SINGLE TACO. The date ends with Rae crying, asking herself questions about who she is, what she wants, whether she loves herself, and whether she deserves love.

Lexi and Rae get dinner with Lexi’s parents, and Lexi continues to steamroll Rae. “You could’ve left at any point of time,” Lexi says. Her mom kind of joins in on this, and none of it seems entirely fair to Rae. But I also just think these two should split ASAP. Lexi says she feels betrayed by the hookup still, and Lexi’s dad gently brings up that they were on a break. Lexi reiterates that they didn’t have a pact to not do anything physical, BUT apparently Rae DID voluntarily promise she wasn’t going to sleep with Vanessa. So yeah it does sound like some trust was genuinely broken there.

Xander & Vanessa

When they get home, these two do a Long Gay Hug. Xander is overwhelmed by Vanessa’s sudden decision to want to marry her. Vanessa asks Xander how physical they got with Yoly, and Xander says they had sex, and then Vanessa bizarrely asks: “with mouths?” What an odd choice of words! She wants to know details, and Xander says she doesn’t want to share that, and Vanessa presses more. Vanessa gets into Xander’s lap. “Do you love Yoly?” Vanessa asks. “I don’t know,” Xander says. They kiss. I think Xander is easily manipulated by Vanessa and that this is a longstanding pattern!!!!

Vanessa confesses to Xander that she looked through Xander’s Instagram and saw that she had been messaging Yoly, including a selfie and “hot emojis” and “winky faces.” Vanessa says she feels stabbed over and over. This intense conversation is being had on a bench on a public sidewalk by the way. Xander says she wants Vanessa in her life. Vanessa says she feels a future with Xander and can see them being married. It just really seems like a situation where Vanessa didn’t want Xander until…she lost them! “I love you,” Vanessa says. “Say it back.” Finally, through tears, Xander says “me too.”

Vanessa pretty much confirms that she is drawn to Xander because Xander has pulled away from her in testimonial. Vanessa takes Xander on a surprise hot air balloon ride, where she delivers another one of her written speeches. The hot air trip is romantic but in a very fleeting way! The prepared speech is…fine? It’s still hard to not feel like Xander is being manipulated. I don’t think Vanessa actually wants the same things as her! It ends with Vanessa asking Xander not to talk to anyone else, and Xander promises.

Mal & Yoly

Mal holds precious Margaux, and Yoly is crying because she feels weird. “I had a whole ass relationship with someone else,” Yoly says. Mal asks if she’s mourning no longer coming home to Xander, and Yoly nods. Mal takes this in stride. Mal is without a doubt the most emotionally intelligent member of this cast. Yoly admits to Mal she fell in love with Xander. Yoly also tells them they had sex, and Mal asks her to clarify that she’s in love with Xander, and Yoly confirms it again. “I still love you,” Mal says, pointing out that Yoly gave her the ultimatum. “I think you deserve to be loved by this person,” Mal says, reiterating they aren’t going against Xander. Mal mentions they’ve been thinking about hitting up Lexi’s dad for a ring for Yoly. Yoly’s love for Xander is bringing up the exact anxiety Mal has had about their relationship: that Yoly falls hard and fast for people. Yoly, I think, is probably just poly! I think she genuinely wants to be with both Xander and Mal.

“You’re having a human experience, I don’t hate you for that,” Mal says. It’s just their ego that hurts. But they don’t unlove Yoly.

Yoly is working on a puzzle while Mal chills on the couch with Margaux. Mal says the only thing that isn’t confusing for them is that they love Yoly. Mal says she has always known she wants to get married but just drags her feet. Mal says they feel like they’re a damn good partner. Yoly says she needs security and support, especially if she’s bringing a child into this. She says she needs Mal to pick up and do errands around the house and stay on top of the toilet paper inventory. She basically wants Mal to think more about the household. Finally, some real shit! These types of arguments didn’t really make sense between strangers, but it makes sense for people who have been together a while. There seems to be some ongoing resentments about domestic tasks. This may seem boring, but this is actually the kind of drama I’m sometimes fascinated by.

Aussie & Sam

Sam tells Aussie she knows how to speak up now, and Aussie jokes she’s like a mini Mildred now. These two get right back to physical intimacy, and I love to see it! Aussie and Sam are having their first meal together, and Sam tries to talk about some real stuff. “Do you feel like you’re on track to get engaged yet?” she asks. Aussie says yes. Sam says it’s refreshing to have Aussie sit here and not walk away. It’s clear that’s a recurring pattern. Aussie immediately becomes activated and asks Sam to stop. “I’m getting hot,” Aussie says, and Sam offers to turn the air on. Aussie asks Sam not to bring Mildred into this. Sam tries to talk, but Aussie needs a moment. Aussie really does seem incapable of talking about any feelings. Sam says she used to let things slide and is now realizing her value and her worth.

Mildred & Tiff

Of course Mildred and Tiff waste no time before hooking up on camera. I think this is a kink of theirs! Mildred and Tiff meet back up with Natasha, who has some good questions again. Tiff and Mildred’s bad communication skills immediately are on display. Natasha asks them how often they break up and get back together. Tiff says at least once a week and then “at least 50 breakups” (they’ve been together for a year and 11 months). Mildred and Tiff say they went to couples therapy but that the therapist gave up on them.

Natasha talks about having been married and divorced and says they shouldn’t rush anything. Natasha also says the communication stuff won’t get fixed in 21 weeks and that it seems like Tiff is being pressured. Well yeah, an ultimatum is like the most extreme version of pressure!

The Ultimatum: Queer Love Recap – Episode 7

Trial marriages with original partners continue! We’ve got ten days until the ultimatum is ANSWERED!!! There’s a group hang! It gets messy.

Mal & Yoly

Mal wakes up early, feeds Margaux, and prepares some fresh strawberries and blueberries and yogurt for Yoly. It’s clear Mal has internalized what Yoly has expressed she wants. She also has been cleaning up. Yoly says this is all great in a roommate sense but that she wants it to feel more romantic. “In a romantic way, I’m having a hard time coming back to you,” Yoly says. They both reflect on the first night and morning together, and it’s really sweet. I don’t think these two are necessarily meant to be together, but I WANT MAL TO BE HAPPY!!!!!!!

Mal and Yoly go play pool, and they seem to be doing better on a flirty level. Then they go home and hook up. The intimacy is back!

At the group hang, Mal confronts Xander and asks if they choose Yoly, because Mal says they’ve chosen Yoly over and over again even thought the bad times, trauma, etc. Xander basically says they can’t choose right now, and Mal asks if Yoly knows that. They bring Yoly in, and Mal reiterates they’ve loved her at their worst. Mal asks again if Xander chooses her, and Xander says she’s choosing herself and that she hopes Yoly is choosing herself also. It’s not the decision night, Xander points out.

Mal and Yoly end the episode in a fight :( Yoly says she’s in love with Mal but the romance isn’t there for her, even after the hookup. Mal says she’s here and showing up. They promise to make it consistent. They want to try intimacy therapy but also don’t want to neglect themself. “Is Xander your hell yes?” Yoly says. Yoly doesn’t answer but does say it doesn’t seem as cloudy with Xander. Mal says she also deserves her hell yes. Mal is finally pushed to the point of crying finally and asks if Yoly wants them to be fighting for her. Mal walks out and has a bit of a meltdown, and I don’t blame them! She cries in the hallway and says she’s shutting down and is done. “I am done with this entire thing,” they say directly to the camera.

Aussie & Sam

“I think you’re on a track for being a really good househusband,” Sam says, and Aussie is like I’ve always wanted that. Sam says, though, that a househusband should do more than cook and do the dishes. Aussie talks about views on gender and gender roles and admits there have been some changes in recent days. “For me to feel masculine, which I do on the inside, I have to be the breadwinner,” Aussie says. It’s how Aussie was raised, but now Aussie isn’t so sure things have to fit that anymore. Sam appreciates this change and that it was recognized in the first place.

Eight days before the ultimatum is answered, Sam and Aussie meet up with Aussie’s brother Ron, and Aussie tells Sam Ron is the first person to use Aussie’s name rather than Aussie’s dead name.  I think Aussie very clearly has a lot of familial baggage. Ron uses she/her pronouns for Aussie even though according to a press release sent out by Netflix, Aussie’s pronouns are Aussie. Ron confirms Aussie isn’t out to their parents. Sam says she can’t imagine what that means for their future together. Her ex before also wasn’t out and it was hard having to pretend. Ron asks if Sam is actually leaving Aussie if there is no proposal, and Sam says yes.

At the group hang, they open up to Mal about things being good but hard.

Rae & Lexi

Ooo time for another session of Gays Having Intense Conversations Under Fuzzy Blankets! These two seem to be doing better! They’ve reconnected emotionally and physically, alluding to a hookup they had the night before. Lexi says she feels excited about “us” right now. WHERE DID ALL THESE PLUSH BLANKETS COME FROM? SHOULD I RANK ULTIMATUM BLANKETS? “The Brady to your Gronky” Rae says to Lexi in a sports metaphor I do NOT UNDERSTAND.

During the group hang, Rae and Lexi walk away from Vanessa right away. Rae makes a point to tell a story to Xander and Rae at the same time, and Lexi thinks it’s another one of Vanessa’s games.

After while debriefing, Lexi says Rae should have just been honest with Vanessa and told her she was avoiding her. Lexi wants Rae to set a firm boundary with Vanessa. She is, it appears, overreacting again. Rae points out Vanessa hugged Lexi first. “She clearly still has power in this relationship,” Lexi says, and Rae rolls her eyes. They’re not communicating well under this blanket.

Xander & Vanessa

Xander is being a good Grilling Gay making dinner for Vanessa outside on the patio and says it’s nice to feel like they’re dating each other again. My my my, these two have just fallen right back into each other’s arms.

Group hang time! Vanessa apparently had made a point to tell Mal over DM that Xander and Yoly have been communicating, and Mal says it feels manipulative. Mal says Yoly told her about it already. Mal says Vanessa thinks she’s a fire starter but is more like a fruit fly in testimonial. Mal says Yoly asked for a selfie, and Mal says Yoly didn’t tell her THAT PART. Yoly and Xander kind of act like they can’t remember this. Omg, be honest y’all! Xander excuses themselves from this mess to go take a shot.

Yoly and Xander end up reconnecting at the group hang, and it’s clear they’re both still hung up on each other. Xander asks Yoly if she got over them, and Yoly shakes her head and is on the precipice of tears. They’re still flirting a lot and at one point want to move to a spot where no one else can see them. Yoly also uses Mildred as an excuse to actually talk to and be close with Xander. Mal asks to step in and asks what Yoly wants, and Yoly says she doesn’t know. YOLY, BE HONEST WITH MAL! You should want to talk to Xander!!!

Back at home, Xander and Vanessa get under a blanket and process the evening, and Vanessa says she was upset about Rae not talking to her. I’m surprised she’s fixated more on this than on Xander and Yoly running around. “I was so proud every time I looked over at you tonight,” Xander says. Vanessa and Xander have sex at the end of the episode.

Mildred & Tiff

During a fireside chat with each other, things start off okay but then quickly veer left. “We don’t value each other’s voices,” Tiff says. Mildred takes Tiff saying she interrupts them a lot as not having permission to speak at all. They argue about they both talk a lot. It’s exhausting! Mildred says she is Latina and that in her family everyone speaks over each other. “You can stop being an asshole, but I can’t stop being Latina,” Mildred says. “Being respectful has no race,” Tiff says, adding they feel like she using her identity as a card. YIKES!!!!!!!!!! This is all bad. These two, I reiterate, should not be together!

The next time we see Mildred and Tiff, they’re making out and opening a bottle of wine poolside! I can’t keep up with these two! Actually, I can. I think they like to fight and then fuck to make up. Tiff says they feel like the one way they can show their love right now is to stay. Well, Mildred does indeed have abandonment issues. I still don’t think this means they should be together though! It sounds codependent as hell.

The Ultimatum: Queer Love Recap – Episode 8

The second trial marriages are finally coming to an end! Pretty soon, people will have to make choices!!

Tiff & Mildred

Tiff and Mildred take their beloved dogs to the beach. Tiff says they should have alone dates sometimes. Mildred talks about her son, who is 16, and she asks Tiff what it looks like for them when times get stressful with him. Tiff discloses in testimonial that Mildred’s son has a disability. They speak highly of Mildred as a parent. The dogs interrupt the date with a sand attack.

On the last night of their trial marriage, Mildred says she wants to stay in and cuddle and talk about life. Tiff admits they weren’t deeply thinking about marriage before the experience but now are. Mildred says she married her ex wife because she trusted her, and this confuses Tiff, who says it’s scary that Mildred married her wife who she was never in love with. Tiff is worried Mildred might not actually love them. Mildred says it isn’t fair for Tiff to bring Mildred’s past into this. They are, of course, under a blanket during this conversation.

Aussie & Sam

Aussie and Sam go out with Sam’s friend Sharmaine, and things go south quickly. Sam talks to Sharmaine about how Aussie doesn’t communicate, and Aussie admits to being short while stressed. “You’re so in your head you don’t even know what’s happening,” Sam says. Aussie denies this, and the old pattern starts resurfacing. Aussie brings up that Sam doesn’t seem different. “I’m saying the new Sam might be overcompensating for her own needs which were not being met prior,” Aussie says. It’s tough to watch them fight in front of a friend!

Sharmaine tries to reel it in and calls Aussie out for calling Sam’s feelings bullshit. Aussie gets up and walks away. Sharmaine goes outside to be with Aussie, who is sitting on the curb very emotional. “Maybe I’m not good enough for her,” Aussie says. Aussie feels dismissed, and a lot of anger and hurt comes through. Aussie says Aussie was blamed for a lot of things as a child. “I fucking didn’t do shit,” Aussie repeats over and over again. It’s clear there’s a lot of trauma resurfacing. Sharmaine holds Aussie, and Sam comes out and looks around for Aussie, who has already left in a production van.

Later, Aussie opens up about the childhood feelings resurfacing. “You’re going through a lot of really heavy stuff,” Sam says. She adds marriage is about growth and that they can’t have unrealistic expectations of this experience. Aussie says “I love you” to Sam but also “I don’t feel safe with you just yet.” Sam says that isn’t easy for her to hear. “A lot of things that you do come off as selfish,” Sam says. Sam asks how the situation is going to change, and Aussie says the answer is obvious but then doesn’t say what the answer is. Aussie calls the question dumb. Again, the communication falls apart. Aussie calls Sam “mate,” which upsets Sam. Aussie, surprise surprise, walks away! Aussie removes a mic pack, and Sam says she doesn’t want this in a marriage. Aussie leaves the apartment entirely.

Aussie opens up in testimonial and is able to access emotions more easily here. I think Aussie needs therapy and also to wait on marriage, which might mean a break from Sam or losing Sam altogether, but I think it’d be for the best for them both. Aussie does come back and apologizes.

Sam admits to Aussie that sometimes she can physically feel the walls Aussie puts up. Aussie commits to hearing more of Sam’s needs. Aussie needs to achieve self love in order to love Sam more. Aussie expresses embarrassment about Sam meeting Aussie’s parents. It does seem they both need to talk about this aspect a little more before marriage.

Rae & Lexi

These two are communicating better, for now. They both agree that they don’t wanna be the type of married couple that plays games.

On their last night together, they go out to a restaurant. Lexi reminisces on an early date when she had handwritten a menu for their dinner together. Lexi says she has always known Rae is the one for her. I just realized she was only 21 when she and Rae got together. Lexi says she needs more concrete answers, and Rae admits to still going through some uncertainty. She says forever is hard.

Vanessa & Xander

Vanessa’s father is back for a hang. Vanessa tells her dad she wants to marry someone and have a kid and that she can see it with Xander, who talks about how a month ago they thought they were going to figure out stuff in their relationship with Vanessa during this process. She tells Vanessa’s dad about her connection with Yoly and how easy and natural it was. Vanessa’s dad admits he has been in situations where he tried to win someone back who was pulling away and that it was based on his ego. He seems to be warning Vanessa she might be doing the same thing.

On their last night together, Vanessa and Xander have a quiet night on the couch talking about their feelings. My god, the processing is next level on this show, but I suppose that is entirely the point! Vanessa says she feels like she didn’t know how to love before. “I’m not over this yet,” Xander says. They hook up on their last night.

Mal & Yoly

Mal and Yoly meet back up with Mal’s friend Alicia and tells her about falling in love with Xander, and Alicia is rightfully confused. She says she’s in shock and that Mal is Yoly’s person. Mal admits to feeling bamboozled, and Alicia says it doesn’t sound real. “It never made me feel like I loved Mal any less,” Yoly says. “No no no no no,” Alicia says. “How does three weeks measure up to three years?” Yoly says she can’t necessarily see starting a family with Mal and is unsure what kind of parent they’ll be, and Mal brings up that she’s a godparent to multiple children and Yoly is not.

Yoly brings up that Xander and her already talked about their finances and how Xander has an account with a lot of savings for urgent expenses. Mal says this is the first time she has heard this and now it’s making more sense why Yoly fell in love so quickly. Yoly accuses Mal of not saying up for IVF. Yoly walks away, and Alicia and Mal agree that this entire situation is trash. Mal asks if Alicia would still approve if she proposed, and Alicia pauses for a while. “What is best for Mal?” she finally says.

Yoly says she wants their last night together to be peaceful and full of love. Yoly also says she wants pizza, and Mal says that’s her sad girl food (GIRL SAME). Mal says Yoly feels like home to her. Yoly admits the trial marriage started hard and that she was mad at Mal but that Mal has been showing up even more than she asked for.

The Decision

The Decision teeeechnically starts in this episode, but it’s really just a tease. Mal and Yoly are the first couple up, and Yoly rides in the car on the way to meet Mal at the gazebo where everyone will either get engaged or break up. They both look great! They’re both very nervous!

“I just want you to know that I’m still in love with somebody else,” Yoly tells Mal during their sit down. Mal says she wrote her something and reads it. It sounds very much like a proposal……………AND IT IS!!!! Mal proposes, and Yoly is crying, and we do not get to see her decision UNTIL NEXT WEDNESDAY WHEN THE FINAL TWO EPISODES OF THE ULTIMATUM: QUEER LOVE DROP.