What Should Your Questionable New Year’s Resolution Be, According to Your Sign?
Listen. 2023 was a little much. And if you’re anything like me, then you’ve already made a plan to kidnap 2024 and MK-Ultra this year into submission in your basement before we even get started. Because listen, we’re not pulling another 2023. So let’s all agree to make THIS year call us “Daddy.”
So how are we going to do this, hmmm? With these totally, absolutely, not not not not unhinged New Year’s Resolutions for you, based on your zodiac sign, many of which are actually New Year’s Projects that I can, at the bare, bottom-of-the-pit minimum, assure you will have an effect on your year. So, raise a glass of whatever fizzy or flat thing you’re guzzling, and let’s toast to a year where we gain a sense of control over our fates by whatever means necessary!
Aries
Get serious about prepping. Now, there are different kinds of disaster preparedness. I am going to say this now, hoping dear Aries that you didn’t just read the first sentence and run off to build a bunker with a tilapia tank. Okay, you’re still here? Good.
Emergency/disaster preparedness can take many forms. It can mean making sure you have enough food, water, shelter, and first aid supplies accessible and well packaged should you need them. It can also mean actually ensuring that your closest people have each other’s’ phone numbers and that you have secondary contacts for them in turn. It might mean that maybe that you’ve undergone some basic first aid training.
But Aries, I know you want more. This year, why not learn some basic electrical, get trained on how to Stop the Bleed, or organize a local group of queers to practice basic self-defense together? If you don’t know self-defense, someone in your network surely does. Download Signal. Start participating in mutual aid and jail support groups if you don’t already. Learn to recognize and treat hypothermia and heat stroke. Get to know your neighbors. Make a go bag.
Why is this questionable advice? Because I know that an Aries is likely to take this too far, get a little obsessive, maybe develop a sense of know-it-all expertise. But, um, hey. At least if there’s a hurricane or other natural disaster in 2024 (not less than likely), your friends are going to know who’s got the generator and the extra food.
Taurus
Stop buying things. Stop buying anything at all except groceries and basics. Do not get liberal when it comes to defining “basics.” See how long you can go.
Even better, shout about it on social media. Make a big deal of it. Really trap yourself in this commitment by making sure your entire circle knows about your year of not buying things.
You heard me. I already know you don’t like it. I also know you’re spending too much money. Now, this is going to tear you right out of your comfort zone. What are you going to do when you can’t get a new candle or robe or piece of quartz or nose ring? You are going to sit there and cope. And if you cannot cope without new material comforts in your life, you are going to have to get there and find clothing swaps or clean out your closet and make trades with people or get crafty.
I don’t know, Taurus, what you might be going through, but it’s time to clear that online shopping cart because it’s not going to help anyway. This might be sound advice, except I don’t know that you’re ready to look at the ways you’re obscuring a deeper connection to yourself and the world around you through your fixation on making the perfect nest, on making sure your appearance is just as you want it. What happens if you say fuck it to coziness? What could you accomplish? I think that if you redirect your energy, you might come out the other side a completely different person.
Gemini
Actually summon a demon, though.* Like, you need some help getting your New Year’s Resolutions moving? You want to feel more spiritually connected? You’ve got at least 72 ancient and tried and true options. Kayla didn’t tell you how to in her post, but in honor of my fellow air sign, our Gemini Managing Editor, I am going to tell you how to do it (draw a scary circle on the floor summoning a demon but also summoning the angel that many recommend you need when doing this as well). Keep in mind that a lot of people have various problems with Thelema/Crowley/Ceremonial style magic, and that’s because it is in fact problematic. But I’m not here to give you Woke Witch advice. You said you wanted to summon a demon. So now I’m here to tell you how to summon a demon.* Don’t say I never did anything for you:
- Start with a book like this. As Kayla suggested, you may also be able to get one of these books from your local library. This one is recommended for its updated and modern approach, but you can also raw dog it with some Crowley though that is going to be rather more dense.
- Choose a demon. There are 72 in the Ars Goetia — cool. There’s even a demon for learning geometry. Like, you can get specific.
- Follow instructions. You might need some chalk, candles, sundry items.
- Leave me out of this.
*I do not actually advise doing this. Proceed at your own risk, etc. etc.
Now this is absolutely questionable advice to give a Gemini specifically because you know they’re gonna succeed if they try. Those silver-tongued babes are gonna recite their Hebrew and their Latin. Luckily, I don’t actually know Gemini exes to be thaaaaat vindictive.
Cancer
2024 should be your year of asking for help from others, recklessly, with abandon.
Ask for help from family and friends, and then ask for help from strangers. Ask for help when you don’t need it. Don’t get all Ted Bundy and weird about it. Keep it relatively safe for the other person, just emotionally unsafe for you.
Now, why do I think this is potentially a bad idea? Because people are going to disappoint you, Cancer, if you give them the chance to. They’re going to let you down. You might come out of this with fewer friendships than you started with, but also, you’ll know who your real friends are. They won’t just be the people who you’ve been continuously initiating plans with. They’ll be the people who come around on their own. You also might find that you did, indeed, get help with some things that you needed, and now you’re going to have to live the rest of your life with that vulnerability.
Leo
Start sneaking into places and telling elaborate falsehoods. Look, Leo, we know you’re always fibbing a little bit for effect, or, on the other side, being completely blunt for effect. I can’t say what’s going to be on the other side of this, but if you’re really going to push your nature to its limit, I want to see how far you can go. Can you sneak into an event by carrying a box and wearing a pair of coveralls? Can you crash a straight wedding? Make up a new persona when flying. I’ve heard people do this. Get really into it. Start making up new personas on the bus. Start making up new personas at bars. Never be yourself, then ask yourself: what do my fake selves have in common, and “what am I missing from my life and how I treat myself that I could concentrate on in order to bring myself into greater alignment with who I want to be?” Or just have fun embracing your trickster self. Don’t get caught, and if you get caught, don’t get in trouble! And remember, I’m definitely not telling you to do anything illegal!
Virgo
Take up karaoke. In a big way. Tegan and Sara are Virgos — did you know that? No matter what your voice sounds like, I want to hear you sing. Already into karaoke or truly refuse to sing? Fine. I want you to take up doing an even more elaborate public performance, then, like burlesque or stand-up.
Virgo, in 2024, you are going to get on stage. You are going to fuck up. You are going to embarrass yourself, and you are going to persevere — or not, but you are going to say you tried. I want you to challenge yourself with the fact that you can prepare and prepare and prepare and then inevitably there is going to be a drunk person in the crowd or a technical mishap or you’re going to forget one of your lines and you are going to have to cope, or not.
I don’t know how you’ll do, but you can’t live in your little bubble of order forever. As a bonus, leave the dishes undone one night when you’re tired, skip a workout to play video games, get takeout instead of cooking — not all the time, just once or twice.
Libra
This year, as a New Year’s resolution that is really a project, I want you to start writing letters to people you admire. No, not emails, not DMs, not “conversations in your head.” Letters. In the mail. To people who you don’t know, famous people even, or less famous ones, just ones who are doing things you think are cool. I want you to start doing this and I don’t want you to stop (in a non-stalker-y way. Like, please don’t keep sending someone who never answers you letters unless this is some kind of art project). All year. You hear me?
When someone inevitably writes back, I want you to keep up correspondence. If you really hit it off, I want you to find a way to visit or run into each other in person. There, now you know a whole new person who you previously only admired from afar. Good luck out there. People are just people, after all.
Scorpio
Re-wild yourself in 2024. Take this seriously. I want to see you off-grid for extended periods of time this year, dear Scorpio. Sure, you’ve got responsibilities, sure there’s a society that we live in. In 2024, I want you to resolve not to touch grass, but to smell the dank under-belly of a pile of leaves, to sink your fingers into black compost, to having gone so feral that one night while you’re looking up at the full moon in complete dark you realize that you have not one but two sticks or brambles or pieces of debris stuck in your hair. Pull them out or don’t. You should be getting scrapes and bruises, poison oak or ivy, a mysterious bug bite or seven, learn how to react to whatever dangerous wildlife inhabit your area. If your phone screen breaks, let it stay broken for a week or two before you fix it. Take a friend if you need to, for safety. I didn’t say you had to go it alone.
You might think, why me? Why Scorpio? “I’m a sign of secrets and boudoirs, libraries and tombs,” you say. But if you look at the Death card in the Tarot, go and pull it out or google it, you’ll see in the Rider Waite version a five pointed white rose on the flag death carries. This rose represents purity through change — and the number five is one of change — change that comes from stripping yourself down to your most basic elements. In the Thoth deck, Death is depicted almost in their fisherman form, surrounded by sea creatures, symbols of fertility. Dead marine life makes for some of the best fertilizer, and it’s time to consider what needs to die in your life so that you can actually make sure your soul is fed. By making sure you are not just playing the role of a tourist in nature, but instead, fully recognizing your place in the all-encompassing thing that is nature, you can actively work to remember that you are also an animal, as much as you are a human. Our bodies are animal bodies. See what priorities come to the surface when you slip on a wet rock or on a loose patch of dry earth and you think for a second that you might fall.
Sagittarius
Religiously record your weird thoughts as voice memos to a character who you’ve made up. Do not re-listen, share or review these memos until year’s end, when you should have a listening party. I’ll leave who, if anyone, you invite to said party up to you.
Why do this? Because I don’t think you know yourself, Sagittarius. You’re changeable, your heart always wants, but what it wants can be so inconsistent. There’s an ephemeral beauty in that, though, and a challenge to distill the truer parts of yourself at the same time. So, while you’re on those impulsive road trips, crying in the bathroom after rage-quitting, bouncing back after getting your heart broken, slaying it at a costume party, or deep-diving into scholarly articles on your topic of the week — leave yourself a weird little voice memo. Do it.
Then face down who you are and all the moments you forgot about from your year in a medium that is, by its very nature, time-consuming to consume and not very Insta-gram-a-ble. You’re welcome.
Capricorn
Investigate a mystery! I’m serious. You’re always using your analytical skills and work ethic for such normative measures, Capricorn, and it’s time you embraced the darkness within and put those skills toward uncovering things that someone else would rather be left hidden.
Yes, I’m suggesting that, if you go in one direction, you could go all Misty Quigley Citizen Detective. That is one option. Go, go find the message boards. See if you can’t put the pieces together about a local serial killer. Good luck, stay safe.
You could also start taking a look at your local city council or school boards or any number of places where Moms for Liberty types are starting to infiltrate, get to know what they’re going for, do opposition research on them, and start showing up and pushing back.
If you want to go even further, you can start trying to infiltrate and expose local rightwing groups. I don’t know! You can probably get into a private Facebook group or on a Discord pretty easily with a few strategic Capricorn lies. Then, it’s time to screenshot and expose! Remember to protect your identity. Don’t get doxxed, cutie. Remember that finding and exposing fascists is a great way to prevent them from taking future action; it deflates their clout and makes them compromised from a security standpoint and useless to their movements!
You can also, like, go in an old tunnel or something.
Aquarius
Start going to sex parties, unless you already are, in which case, take up gardening, and if you already do both, are we friends? We’re probably friends. Anyway, it’s going to be time to start seeds, soon, so get out your seed catalogs and make this our year for blossoms and fruits and eggplants and juicy things galore. You’re never too old to get some more bruises on your knees. From gardening.
Is this questionable because both these practices are great building blocks when it comes to acquiring the skills, aptitude and attitude it takes to be a cult leader? Mayyyybeee. Look, dark times are ahead and if there are gonna be cults, you might as well be heading one up because you know what’s best, right? Gaslight, gatekeep, girlcult.
Pisces
Start and finish an extremely complex and potentially life-altering project.
Some ideas:
- Start an alternate reality game. Tell no one at first. Then, tell only the other people who you bring on as other architects of your game. Watch We’re All Going to the World’s Fair and say, hey, yeah that seems like something I want to both bring into the world and participate in.
- Dig a tunnel under your place of residence.*
- Learn to fly planes.
- Make a plan to hike one of the longest trails in the U.S. either by year’s end or in 2025. Follow through.
- Write a novel.
- Start your own business, and it’s something you’re actually passionate about.
- Find an Aquarius and team up to start an intentional community.
- Go to circus school.
Pisces, you’ve got the deep thinking and the dreams, and also, not always the most practical judgment. This year, you’re not going to listen to the naysayers, though, because it’s time to follow your heart and make your dream a reality, with or without financial reward, potentially with serious ramifications. If you dream it, you can be it, and that includes becoming a literal clown if you want.
*For legal reasons, this is a joke.
What Dish Should You Bring to Friendsgiving/The Potluck Based on Your Sign?
It’s that time of year where queers of every Zodiac sign gather for anti-Thanksgiving, for Friendsgiving, for a fall or autumnal celebration or for a fundraising potluck because we still want to gather but not in the name of genocide at a time when many of us have time off from work. This installment of Trashology is for the as-of-yet undecided, where I will suggest something that you can bring to the potluck/gathering/D&D dinner and a game of your choosing this coming week, all based on your Zodiac (sun) sign.
Aries
Seitan Roast
Hail seitan! Aries, whether you’re vegan or crushing on a vegan or just in the mood to challenge yourself, I see you making something that almost shirks convention — a seitan roast. Sure, it’s vegan, but it’s still decidedly a centerpiece, and while you may not be as known for seeking attention as your fellow fire sign, Leo, you certainly still enjoy it. And you’ll get that attention, too, if you can pull off making seitan from scratch! In my opinion, this is not easy.
(You also might want to bring a can of cranberry sauce because you genuinely like it and it reminds you of your childhood in a way that is comforting.)
Taurus
Macaroni and Cheese
Comfort. Coziness. Macaroni in the pot. That’s you, Taurus — and it’s also what you’re bringing to your Sagittarius friend’s gathering. I don’t eat cow dairy, so had to ask the team what they’re favorite recipes are for you, dear Taurus, and they had Some Thoughts: Kayla our Managing Editor uses this anti-recipe for macaroni and cheese, Carmen, our Editor-in-Chief follows this recipe when she wants something fancy that takes effort and this recipe when she doesn’t have “Martha Stewart time.” If she REALLY does not have time, Carmen will use this recipe which she outlined coveniently for y’all! Riese, our co-founder and Senior Editor, likes this macaroni and cheese recipe that uses three cheeses. Kayla noted the gruyere was one of her favorite cheeses to use. Finally, if you’re vegan or dairy-free, there is still plenty of information out there on how to make a creamy and comforting vegan mac. Listen, so many of our gay hearts can be reached through our stomachs, but for you Taurus, that’s especially true, and making comfort food to share with your friends is one of the truest ways you show your love.
Gemini
Milk Punch
Air signs are all weird, actually. I know when it comes to the Zodiac that Gemini doesn’t usually get the Weird rep when Aquarius is around to be such an ALIEN about things, but listen, you’re an odd duck, often shirking convention in your own way, liking what you like, and maybe bringing an alcoholic beverage called a Milk Punch to the gathering. Who knows!
Cancer
Brussels Sprouts (with Balsamic)
Much like your hard exterior disguises a rich, complex interior, Cancer, the idea and stigma around brussels sprouts (apparently because they used to be more bitter but are less so now!) keeps us from going deeper, realizing something way tastier. Balsamic vinegar and brussels sprouts are incredibly, deeply gay for each other, and here’s a recipe to prove it. I think that whatever you bring, whether it’s these balsamic brussels sprouts or another dish, it’ll either be an adult version of a childhood favorite or a completely transformed and accessible version of something usually considered an acquired taste.
Leo
Cheese Ball and Crackers
Leo, the holidays stress you out just as much as the next person, but when you get in the room and see all your favorite people there, you’re in your element. Your favorite time is the period before everyone sits down to tuck in, the hour or two of catching up with drinks and snacks, so you’re bringing some pre-dinner snacks with you! You really DO want to know how everyone’s DIY project or kids or grad school or rugby team is doing. If you’re going for some EXTRA nostalgia and the specific feeling of getting to eat something only once or twice a year, might I recommend revisiting the classic cheese ball and crackers? It’ll be a hoot!
Virgo
Mashed Potatoes
Virgo, you are making mashed potatoes — but done Exactly Right. You’re a perfectionist, Virgo, but not a blatant show-off. No, your satisfaction will come when someone inevitably mutters these are the best mashed potatoes they’ve ever tasted, and you’ll know they’re not just saying that, because you are going to — even if it isn’t mashed potatoes exactly — take a simple dish and do it so well it’s an art form. Kayla recommends this mashed potato guide, and Carmen reiterated the key is an obscene amount of butter and also to use heavy cream. Kayla said she sometimes uses sour cream, and her “secret” ingredient is horseradish.
Libra
Latkes (samosa-spiced) or Something Similarly Complex
You’re making something that people might not expect, because you like to both delight people and catch them off guard! You’re definitely here for something complex, pretty, and above all — a recipe you can guarantee no one else is bringing. (Yes, there was a shared doc and a group chat, but you know there will always be someone who doesn’t listen, and you’d rather have your cavity stuffed with bread than be the one bringing the less-appetizing apple pie.) That’s why you’ve committed to peeling and shredding and chopping and frying and are bringing something that’ll be gorgeous on the palate and will leave your kitchen in ruins like these samosa-spiced latkes with pear chutney. And hey, that’s the beauty of someone else hosting. You can leave the dishes in the sink, focus on getting ready for the party, and worry about them later when you’re fueled by all the compliments you’re going to receive on your contribution.
Scorpio
Scary-Face Pie
You’re not ready for Halloween to be over, and you’ve got the pie to prove it. This is so scary, bud, but I would be into it, and gays love Halloween so I do think if your Scorpio self wants to bring a “scary face” apple or cherry pie to the function, you’ll get some rave reviews. Plus, it’s very you. Be sure to wear black. You’ll look stunning. Bonus points if you engage in some light knife play before cutting into this beaut.
Sagittarius
Roast Turkey
You’re hosting, and you’ve also told everyone you’re roasting a whole turkey. A WHOLE TURKEY. You’ve got the whole day planned around this, though, including the entire vibe you will be feeling as you simultaneously attempt to make sure the turkey comes out just right AND flit around your apartment cleaning AND curate the perfect playlist. I’m exhausted for you, but as a Sag rising and moon, I also know you’re in your happy place! Anyway, if you’re looking for a recipe, I don’t think I’ve ever forgotten the episode of Good Eats where Alton Brown taught me how to roast a turkey.
Capricorn
Pot Brownies
Everyone is always like “Capricorns are like Bette Porter,” “Capricorns are one of the hardest working Zodiac signs,” “Capricorns never stop,” and yes, actually, these things are on point. But no matter what you’re working hard at (and you tend to tackle whatEVER you’re doing head on and thoroughly), you bring the same level of rigor to your play time. If you’re off work, if you’re eating and enjoying company, you’re going to elevate the occasion. That’s why I think you’re bringing pumpkin pot brownies (the pumpkin’s seasonal).
Aquarius
Creative Simple Syrups
You’re toting along some wild simple syrups that you have made from local ingredients you (sustainably, ethically, safely) foraged…and also sparkling water, so people can make sodas! You’re probably bringing these in still-sticky mason jars, because you’re more function than form a lot of the time, but that’s okay! It still tastes awesome. Just please label them. If it’s your vibe, you also brought some booze to mix in. In your mind, you know everyone else is going to be showing up to win when it comes to food, but you, dear water bearer, are into making sure there’s something interesting filling up every person’s cup, too. Plus, you like to make sure that your friends who aren’t drinking still have something adult and seasonal to sip. That’s the kind of considerate you are — seeing what other people might not think to account for. You also brought a boxed Tofurkey to heat up.
Pisces
Tinned Fish
Pisces, I love you, and also you have managed to run yourself ragged once again. Somewhere between either being hyper-social or turning yourself into a human blanket burrito, you didn’t really prepare. But not to worry, my watery friend, because everyone loves tinned fish and it’ll make a great protein-based appetizer to keep everyone happy until the main event. It’s also a very nice thing to bring to a gathering!
What Three Horror Movies Capture Your Evil Essence, According to Your Sign
It’s Gay Christmas, my dear LGBTQ family, and what would a celebration be without another round of Trashology? That’s right. This column is called Trashology because it’s “pop” astrology, not like, real in-depth astrology. But, no need to fear…yet because we do in fact have a queer astrologer who writes for us! So go get your October horoscopes before they turn into pumpkins!.
And now, I’m going to give you not one, not two, but three horror movies that capture your sign’s evil essence. And when I say evil, I do in fact mean the aspects of your sign that are…less than pleasant. Take a look at both your sun and your rising sign, if you dare to peek behind the curtain and stare into the abyss that is your shadow side. Is this in any way an endorsement of these movies or an implication that they’re good, bad or otherwise? No, this is about the energy these horror flix bring and how the evil aspects of your zodiac sign are matching that energy. Much like drawing three Tarot cards in a reading to get a sense of a situation from multiple sides (and I am, in fact, a Tarot reader with 20+ years of experience), we are looking at three movies that reflect your sign’s nefarious side, the skeletons in your closet (or maybe deep freezer), the monster under the mask. This is maybe more trick than treat, so, in advance, you’ve been warned!
Aries
Bodies, Bodies, Bodies
Spoiler warning: This is about the twist. It’s not immoral in and of itself to jump quickly to conclusions, Aries, but your tendencies to make assumptions and to, at times, assume bad faith intentions on the part of others can lead to disastrous consequences! Like nearly everyone at your party getting killed! Also, Pete Davidson gives off Aries vibes, even though I looked him up and he’s a Scorpio. So, bonus points for that.
The Purge films, all of them.
The concept of “The Purge” sounds like something my dad, an Aries, would come up with when trying to imagine a way to solve societal issues. He’d be like “universal healthcare…and maybe a purge.” That’s Aries energy, sorry. Why do you always feel like a hammer and like everything looks like a nail? Your blanket solutions are not really going to solve anything longterm, and likely, they’ll make things worse. Also, though, the absolutely ham-fisted anti-Capitalist-ish eat-the-rich-ish bent of these movies likely also speaks to your fiery heart, dear Aries. But you know, maybe think twice before metaphorically declaring THE PURGE in your life. I know you won’t listen, but you know, had to say it.
The Omen
Sometimes you can really keep up that innocent act, Aries, when you are in fact, plotting and scheming and up to no good. I don’t know if it’s because you do in fact have charm and a youthful charisma, but you can genuinely make people forget today that you were only just calling for The Purge yesterday. When you’re at your worst, you absolutely give off Antichrist — but dressed up as a little kid.
Taurus
Midsommar
You long for structure, and you’re stubborn as heck, so, surface level, you’d be truly at home in the cult in Midsommar. However, what we’re here to talk about Taurus, is how deep down, you long for someone else to do your dirty work for you. You like to put on a big show about sticking up for yourself, but sometimes you can’t get out of your head and you find yourself assuming a more passive role, avoiding confrontation. But when that happens, you’re more than willing to engage in an unhealthy codependency with other people or even a whole cult who will help propel the confrontation forward. The problem, though, is there’s no nuance, is there, when you both ask for and give unwavering loyalty against the people you consider your enemies. Your ex sucked, sure, but they aren’t pure evil. I’m not sure they deserve what your friends have planned for them, Taurus. Maybe you just should’ve talked!
I Know Who Killed Me
Your capacity for holding really petty grudges can get the best of you, Taurus! (And then Lindsay Lohan is going to come get you, sorry.) Like, the revenge situation against Lindsay Lohan’s one character in this is so wild? I believe her offense was…not playing piano? So her piano teacher kidnaps her??? That’s you at your worst, Taurus. Calm down.
The Blair Witch Project
This movie has the energy of a bunch of earth signs yelling at each other while camping in bad weather. If you’re going to do a group project, Taurus, you need to remember you actually are not a very chill sign and you have a short fuse and a tendency to lash out when your blood sugar is low. Pack plenty of snacks, take breaks, and maybe don’t plan a multi-day camping / hiking excursion to find a local witch with some classmates because you know what? You’re going to get grumpy.
Gemini
M3GAN
Geminis are GREAT friends. But also, you don’t deal with rejection well. You might appear to have a healthy attitude about it, but I know it secretly eats you alive. You might channel this into working harder, making new friends and connections, or working on your “glow up,” but at the end of the day, being told “no” under the wrong circumstances is sure to send you over the edge. You’re not unlike M3gan, in that way. You should be perfect. You want to be perfect. But other people aren’t letting you be perfect!
Sissy
When people talk about watching out for Geminis, I think they’re often referring to the way you can weave a narrative, spin a personal story or present yourself just the way you like to be seen. This is even more pronounced over social media. In the darkest recesses of your heart, Gemini, you’re tempted to be like Sissy, to take a short-cut around authenticity and to just construct a mask that serves your goals, instead.
Us
You creep! Both of Lupita Nyong’o’s characters in Us, besides the twinning aspect that runs through this film, capture the heart of what can make Geminis so chilling. You, Gemini, can commit to a bit so well that I can never be sure that you’re really who you say you are, that you really feel the way you claim to feel, what you’re actually thinking, deep down. You’ve got layers upon layers and only the first few are penetrable. We just have to hope that deep down, we’re in your good books.
Cancer
Suspiria (2018)
Yes, Cancer, the Witch Mommi vibes of Suspiria suit you, but this is about the evil that lurks within you, which is not the same as the hot witch. Cancer, it’s one thing not to let people in past your hard exterior, to keep your secrets and your spells to yourself. It’s an entirely other thing to want the facade of whatever realm you’ve taken ownership of to appear perfect, no matter what’s going on behind the scenes. The problem with this, dear Cancer, is that when you invite other people into this space — a home, a friend group, a relationship, a workplace, whatever it might be — they only know about the good parts and the good parts appear so much grander than the drawbacks. This leaves the unsuspecting people who’ve been drawn in by your cookie cutter presentation vulnerable to stumbling, to getting hurt. You’ve constructed a dancing school and painted it with prestige, but what’s inside? Witches, pain, sacrifice, and people who should be caring but who actually have their own agendas. It’s a bit evil because it’s a bit selfish, isn’t it, and because it’s not treating the people around you like they’re humans, adults who deserve to know the whole truth.
Superhost
The killer in this one (spoilers, the superhost) gives me Cancer energy when a Cancer is at their most frenetic, least secure. The host is simultaneously bubbly and nosy, over-attentive and invasive and, for whatever reason, obsessed with the running of her small business. Deep down, Cancer, I know there are times where you want to conveniently “forget” other peoples’ boundaries and just jump in there and Make Everything Perfect already because obviously you know best!
What Keeps You Alive
A Cancer that gets tired of harboring watery feelings might get so into building up their defenses that they take it too far, that they stop feeling altogether. The murderous Jackie explains to Jules that she never had any feelings. A Cancer that gives into the temptation to be all hardness, to reject their inner softness, their crab rangoon filling, is a dangerous person.
Leo
Pearl
“I’m a star!” We know. We know. We’re sorry. Please don’t hurt me! You, Leo, at your worst, can get quite upset when the world doesn’t see the talent, the sparkle, the shine you so clearly see in yourself. But the world doesn’t revolve around you! I’m sorry!
Creep
Much like the creep in Creep, you can also be overbearing when you let your ego get the best of you. You want to control every detail, and that includes what other people are doing around you. But please, PLEASE don’t make anyone film you having “tubby time.”
The Hunger
When you’re into someone, Leo, you’re into them, focused on them, loyal to them. But if you’re not careful, you’ll wind up promising the world to to someone you’re not that serious about. And, while they may not be cursed to an eternity of withering and decay like David Bowie is in this movie when Catherine Deneuve moves onto Susan Sarandon (an understandable choice), they’re certainly going to have their heart broken. Naughty of you!
Virgo
Perfect Blue
This psychological thriller about a pop idol struggling as she starts to pursue a career as an actress is terrifying even though it’s animated, and so is your ability to wear yourself down to a nub with your relentless self-criticism. When you turn your critical eye to yourself, it can feel like you’re haunting yourself, taunting yourself, holding yourself up to impossible standards and flagellating yourself when you fall short. You’re your own tormenter, Virgo. It’s pretty scary.
Sick
Judgey judgey! Spoilers: In this movie, the killer(s) pursue people who aren’t taking COVID quarantine and social distancing protocol seriously. The fact that they’ve taken this vigilante justice on themselves? It’s a lot! When unchecked, your self-righteousness can turn into a weapon you’re wielding against others, Virgo.
The Saw Movies
Stop! Judging! People! You could use to remind your inner Jigsaw that those who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
Libra
The Ring
First of all, we KNOW you can’t resist showing other people a video you found. Second of all, that moment in the movie where Naomi Watts’ character briefly convinces herself that Samara is in fact just a ghost in need of saving and not inherently evil — Libra move. Sometimes people just have bad intentions, Libra! You gotta learn to spot it so you don’t wind up at the bottom of some well hugging a girl who’s about to be making VHS tapes in a world of DVDs. And maybe if you were a bit more aware and didn’t give into your people pleasing tendencies so often, you wouldn’t feel the need to overcompensate by cutting people out when you’ve finally decided that they’ve hurt you too much. This! Isn’t! Balance!
Swarm (I know it’s a TV series, but it’s basically a long movie)
Listen, Libra, you give up on people and cut them out of your life (hopefully not as literally as Dre does in Swarm, but hey you do you) too easily sometimes! You pretend you’re a fair and balanced person who gives a lot of second chances, and you do and are a lot, but sometimes…you just nope right out of a relationship, never speak to someone EVER AGAIN. It’s not healthy! I know they did you wrong, but you are just going “snip snip snip” and if you keep trimming, what are you going to have left?
Carrie
The tragedy behind the ending of Carrie is that there were a few people making fun of her, a decent number of people who felt neutral about Carrie, and a few people starting to care about her, and then she freaks out and burns just about everyone because she hasn’t done any work on her trauma and she doesn’t know how to direct her hurt. Better to burn it all down than suffer any further! Libra, sometimes you’re trying to balance the scales, to see both sides of something, but woah when the scales tip too far, or, even worse, when someone takes a stab at (or dumps a bucket of pig’s blood on) your ego, you will burn a bridge (school).
Scorpio
Hellraiser (2022)
Scorpio, when you don’t remember that other people are their own people, you can be just like a cenobite. Not everyone likes the exact same things you do, and they don’t suck if they don’t! Just because you’re into something niche or dark or scary, it doesn’t make you better than other people. But in that sharp, scorpion mind of yours, you might let yourself feel superior and that will keep you lonelier than anything — and hurt other peoples’ feelings in the process. But it’s a self-perpetuating cycle isn’t it? You distance yourself because you think you’re better, and then you have to think you’re better to explain why you feel so alone.
Lamb
Scorpio, we know you’re loyal. You’re amazing for that. However, sometimes, you put up with too much from a partner and you let things go too far. You would totally just quietly accept a little soft butch lamb/human hybrid that you believe your partner fathered in an act of bestiality and raise it as your own without breaking up with them. But what’s wrong with you??? Don’t you want better for yourself? Wake up, Scorpio!
The Strangers
It’s the fucking worst when you can’t tell what a Scorpio’s thinking or why they hate you so much! Or if they hate you! Maybe this is just their face! Throughout this movie, there’s no reason given as to why these three masked people are terrorizing and torturing this couple. You can lock your reasoning and your feelings away in a vault, Scorpio, but it doesn’t keep you safe, it just keeps you from others.
Sagittarius
The Evil Dead
You would open the book. You would read the book. You would be all like “Hey, guys! I found a book! And some records! A lot of cool stuff down here! Kind of creepy though! I’m gonna put it on Instagram,” because you also can’t resist letting everyone else know how smart and inquisitive you are. You’re also into Eldritch horrors and I do suspect that you kind of want to fuck them? Like you feel as sexual about monsters as they feel about you? Also, giggling and mocking someone else with your knowledge like a deadite is a Sagittarian vibe. Your desire, your insatiable need to be the smartest or most interesting person in the room might sometimes be cleverly disguised, but I think we all know what’s going on (and it’s not that you have ancient and ineffable arcane knowledge).
We’re All Going to the World’s Fair
Sagittarius, you’re fun and all, but you’re not always the most honest. If I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt, then I might think that you genuinely believe others are in on the game, in on the joke. But your desire to manipulate another person’s reality with your words isn’t a game someone else can consent to if they haven’t been let in on the fact that they’re playing, Sagittarius.
Ju-on
You’re really the least scary of the fire signs, dear Sag. When a Sag is dealing with someone who hurt them, then much like the ghost in this movie, you’re inclined toward revenge, sure, and you might even get it, but you’re also going to be a miserable sad sack the whole time. For you, anger and despair are often intertwined. How dare someone interrupt your carefree adventures in order to cause you hurt?! You’re no stranger to crying rage tears. Dear Sagittarius, take care of yourself out there. Because this isn’t it.
Capricorn
The VVitch
Dost thou like the taste of butter? Yes. You are grabbing that quill. You are signing that book. You are done with this dull life. Capricorn, you’re always after something better, something tastier, something that more exciting. At your worst, it doesn’t matter to you who you discard on the way, who you hurt, who you betray.
The Babadook
You didn’t talk about your feelings and now your depression is a Literal Monster. At least he’s a gay icon. You should work on that though, and also on not making your issues other peoples’ issues in a projection kind of way.
It Follows
When you’re pissed off Capricorn, you’re relentless, like a dog with a bone. I suppose you’re just applying the same level of commitment that you do to any other task, but making sure, really making sure, that whoever you’re upset with gets the message that you are in fact now their enemy, really does get kind of scary, especially when you don’t leave well enough alone when it’s been time to leave things alone. Stop stalking your ex on Instagram, at the very least!
Aquarius
Host
Not enough people talk about your flakiness, dear Aquarius, but here’s the thing, you don’t always flake, but when you do flake, it’s epic and it can leave a lot of people in a lurch, probably because you’ve promised a lot. And then you’ll just be like “oopsie” or deny that it was even that bad! Much like the medium in Host who opens a PORTAL to the SPIRIT REALM that allows a MURDER DEMON through and into everyone’s homes via a Zoom call, and who then peaces out because her internet isn’t working, you, Aquarius, can sometimes have a dangerous relationship with [not] taking responsibility.
Videodrome
Aquarius, you’ve got a god complex, for one, and that god complex can lead you to treating the world like your own personal psy-op. But have you ever considered not trying to MK-Ultra everyone and to, instead, maybe make some friends? No? You’re going to become a cult leader, instead? Because you’re too smart and visionary and brilliant to have friends, you’re supposed to have followers? Great.
The Mothman Prophesies
You were right! Like Mothman, you warned everyone, they didn’t understand or didn’t listen, and then they learned the hard way that you were in fact right. The problem, Aquarius, and the thing that it wouldn’t hurt to set your ego aside (as we’ve been discussing) and unlearn, is the fact that you don’t have a shred of empathy for the people who didn’t listen to you, even though you cared to warn them at one point! Do you only care about people when they tell you how smart you are, and is that then really care?
Pisces
The Descent
Not everyone realizes that a Pisces can be super reckless, but y’all have it in you, and you’ll take everyone down with you, too! You can lie just long enough to get everyone together in an unmapped cave, and then next thing you know, it’s all broken bones and carnivorous cave creatures. The risks you take aren’t just risks that affect you, Pisces! You and others are not immortal or indestructible even though sometimes you forget that. Be more considerate and careful with other people and their lives!
Possession
Even if you’ve never been married, I feel like all Pisces carry a “divorced” energy to them. Maybe it’s because you’re an old (divorced) soul. But the reason this movie is here, Pisces, is because when you decide to cut someone out of your life, it is so sudden and the silent treatment you’re capable of is monstrous. You know how to add in other elements, like glaring, crying diabolically, all sorts of things to really amp up the discomfort. Terrifying of you.
The Lure
This dreamy, watery, artsy, mermaid horror film has Big Pisces Energy. It also, because it’s based on the original telling of The Little Mermaid, has a story of unrequited love, of codependency, of pining. Pisces, you’re at your most destructive (and self-destructive) when you’ve decided to fixate on a person. You’ll convince yourself that they’ll solve all your problems, and then next thing you know you’re getting surgery to replace your mermaid tail with legs for a situationship that doesn’t even treat you right. This is not a noble quality Pisces! It’s not serving you or others to let yourself live in limerence like this.
Thank you for reading and for consenting to being read. Don’t worry, I don’t actually think you’re evil. Oh, and if it makes you feel good to know that you’re giving off Elvira energy this Halloween, then you, in fact, are. And, and, and if anyone wanted to grace me with a photo of their pets dressed up for Halloween in the comments, for absolutely no reason, I wouldn’t say no!
The Cozy Under-The-Covers Sex You’re Having This Fall, According to Your Zodiac Sign
Hey there my absolutely down bad zodiac-sign havers. Wondering what kind of queer sex your sign’s going to be having this fall? I’m going to tell you, don’t worry. Take it as a suggestion, by the way, not a prediction. These are goals to lean into, vibes to ascend to, hot thoughts to think. YMMV.
Virgo season is over. And as horny and kinky as Virgoes can tend to be, this season also occurred with a Venus Retrograde, which I’m hearing is all about discovering, learning, accepting the kind of love you need and deserve — and if breakups were involved, facing facts about the kind of treatment you do not deserve. Now, it’s time to put away your to-do lists and get out your Who-To-Do lists because temperatures are dropping, there’s a chill in the air, and Michael’s apparently has pastel Halloween decor on sale.
It’s time for our favorite thing, which is finally being able to sleep under heavy covers again — a gift that climate change is slowly, gradually robbing us of as it shaves off more and more cool nights every year. Might as well enjoy it while we got it, right? Also, Mercury is pulling out of retrograde, so get ready to feel like you can actually communicate again. Which, as a frequent advice giver and editor here at Autostraddle — I can tell you that one thing we will never shut up about is the fact that when it comes to sex and queer sex, communication is key.
So get ready to hop under the covers, rot (hotly) under a weighted blanket, or dive into that pile of stuffies with someone sapphic and sexy and read on for your fall sex horoscope!
Virgo
Hand Sex
Put down your pencils and do your carpal tunnel stretches because we’re getting back to basics. Not only is this a classic for a reason, it’s also coming up for your zodiac sign’s sexy horoscope outlook because this fall, you’re going to want to pay attention to your partner and learning more details about them. With hand sex, fingering your partner, muffing your partner, fisting your partner, or receiving any of these things — the meeting of those sensitive nerve endings under the pads of your fingers and the blood and nerves and energy pulsing under your partner’s skin (or vice versa, can’t leave the bottoms out of this) will teach you so much, about what feels good, about what your partner desires, about where you are, how to be present, and what you want.
Libra
Edging
Libra, you’re not exactly known for your enjoyment of delayed gratification, but as we move out of the recent convergence of retrogrades and embrace intentionality and slowness, there’s no better time to get comfortable under the covers and draw things out, nice and slow. New to the concept? Here’s how to edge. Whether you’re edging yourself during some under-the-covers-autumnal-masturbation, edging a partner or being taken to the brink again and again by someone yourself, this exercise will help you let go of your need to always be thinking three steps ahead. It’s time to be present, Libra, maybe so present you forget your own name.
Scorpio
Putting Your Secret Fantasy Into Words
It’s time to put in the effort to enact a long-thought-about but under-discussed or under-realized fantasy of yours. Whether you’ve been hesitant to explore these thoughts yourself, or you’ve given yourself pause with a partner, it’s time to ask yourself what you’re losing by not opening up the floor to give these ideas some air. You’re a dark Pandora’s box of desire. What’s the worst that could happen if you cracked the lid? Maybe not the best metaphor, but you get it. That thing that’s pulsing inside of you? There’s no better time to whisper it into someone else’s ear than when you’re snug and cuddling under fluffy blankets in the dark. It’s like they can barely see you. And then, who knows, you might just get what you ask for.
Sagittarius
Outdoor Sex
It’s still under the covers… but you’re outside. Under the covers and outside! The covers here might be a sleeping bag, but it still counts! And really, aren’t you under the ultimate cover, the stars and the night sky? There’s something that comforts you deeply about the crisp outdoor air catching on the spit leftover from kissing someone, while your body is toasty and wrapped in your bag. Out here, your roommates aren’t going to hear you moaning. Plus, your hair probably smells like campfire and so does your partner’s. Inhale deeply and appreciate the fact that you’re alive. This activity can be done solo, with a partner, even with one or more friends! And while outdoor sex scratches one itch, the fact that you got away for a little while before winter sets in is sure to do it for your get-up-and-get-out tendencies.
Capricon
Strap-On Sex
You’re a deep one, Capricorn, but you’re also a horny goat who wants to bury yourself deep inside a partner (or experience same). This fall, you’re pitching a tent under the covers as you wear your favorite strap-on harness — or test out a new one — and generate so much friction and heat that you’ll be able to delay turning your thermostat on for yet another night. A lot of people love to rag on the “work hard” aspect of your zodiac sign, but they really should give the “play hard” side you keep wrapped up a chance. Why? Because you’re hot.
Aquarius
Costumed Sex
When it comes to the zodiac signs, dear Aquarius, your thriftiness is oft-overlooked. This fall season, in pursuit of making under-the-covers sex more weird than cozy, your zodiac sign is hitting up the clearance section of your local Spirit and other Halloween stores. What for? You’re on the hunt for creepy contacts, realistic vampire fangs, wigs and body paint and long, sensually scratchy claws. You’re in the mood to invite the monster that lives under your bed up to join you under the covers, to be the monster, to let something nefarious and queer take over your soul and turn you into a cannibalistic succubus or a vampire priest or whatever your heart desires. Your heart does desire some pretty out-there things, though.
Pisces
Sex Inspired By Your Latest Erotic Reading Material
Hey there, friend. I know summer was hard, maybe a little busy, and that you needed some time to escape into some erotica or fanfiction or sensual audio stories. You might even be feeling like that time was lost. Not so. I think you learned a lot about yourself and your desires during. Now, comes the dare. Either share a sensual scenario with a partner or revisit one by yourself — and bring it to life. You wanted to be seduced by a sword-fighting lesbian? Did you know you can roleplay that? Did you listen to a story where someone used a certain technique or toy and found yourself absolutely pulsating thinking about the possibility? It might be time to make it a reality. You’re a dreamer, but under those soft covers, it’s a safe space to weave words from a page into out-loud moans and slippery fluids that feel like the exact opposite of paper when they’re sliding between your fingers.
Aries
Sex With Rope
Babe, I don’t even know if this is special for fall, but you are all about it. You’re spending a little more time indoors, now, maybe practicing your knots. If you’re currently sexing it up solo, self-bondage can be a soothing avenue to explore. And if you’re tying up a partner, it can’t hurt to revisit some classic ties. Plus, all of the tension between the rope and the fabric of the blankets, the comfort and the restraint, will make for some delicious play!
Taurus
A Threesome! (Or Fantasy Thereof.)
That’s right, Taurus, your zodiac sign has the potential to have a threesome if you can actually get everyone else involved on the same page. It’s no time to feel like someone else, even a Virgo or a Capricorn, is going to take the organizational load. They’re off in their own world, dealing with their own stuff. If you want people to step up to the plate and step into your bed, trust that the other adults who are into you might be willing, but you might have to do some admin work to bring the plan home.
Gemini
Morning Sex After Hot Coffee in Bed
It’s a little past your season, you sweet spring babe, and you might be tempted to sleep in. But, hear me out. What if you (maybe with a partner or two) poured yourselves some hot coffee (or tea or beverage of your choosing) and crawled back into bed to flirt while you woke up just enough to manage some sleepy kisses, and then some sleepy hands slipping under the sheets. Bonus: when your friends and coworkers ask about your healthy glow, you get to be a little coy.
Cancer
Sensual Sex While Wearing Robes Fit for Divorcées
It’s getting cold but, Cancer, your zodiac sign is having hot sex any time of the year. People think of you as a crybaby sometimes, and a nurturing figure other times, but they don’t think enough about the fact that when you’re between the sheets, you’re practically a boudoir model. You’re in search of soft or silky or lacy fabrics that make you feel like a deity. Whether you’re topping or pillow royalty, I recommend that you turn your attention to primping your appearance just before sex, so that you can really lean into the fact that it’s fall and your face no longer feels like it’s melting off. You’re trading feeling sweaty and hot for hotness, lighting scented candles, breaking out the massage oils and taking things at a measured steady pace. Maybe take a few photos to save for the winter, for when even poking your head above the covers will feel like a trial. You often worry about the future, but my recommendation is to take that energy, and use it to make memories now that you can hang onto in the long run.
Leo
Butt Stuff
Leo, you’ve been running around all summer, feeling the spotlight shining on you. But now, the spotlight has turned to your butt, or your partner’s butt, or all of the above. New to butt stuff? My dear, brave, Leo. Look no further than this butt toy guide. Anal play need not be about railing or finger-banging or moving quickly. It can also be sensual and spicy — like a Pumpkin Spice Latte! If you’re finding that your under-the-cover sex could be bolder, then it might be a good time to try some impact play. You can always soothe your partner’s peach (or have your partner sooth yours) with soft touches and warm kisses under your quilts and weighted blankets when you’re done. Feeling the distance with your long-term relationship? Start your morning by using the golden hour to take a butt selfie to send them to admire over their morning coffee.
So, what kind of under-the-covers sex are you hoping to have this fall?
Questionable Life Choices You Can Make During Tomorrow’s Blue Supermoon
Tomorrow, August 30th, 2023, we will experience a Blue Supermoon in Pisces. It’s not really important that it’s a blue moon. That’s just a byproduct of our calendar system. What IS interesting, however, is that a supermoon is a full moon that occurs when the moon is closest to the Earth during the course of its elliptical orbit. For those of us who want to look at it, that means it appears bigger — especially as it’s rising. There’s also speculation the moon may have more of a gravitational effect when it’s closer. Regardless, this lunar lesbian in Pisces is going to be kicking up some changes.
For the fixed signs — Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius — it’s going to be asking you to change things up before change comes for you like a car door opening into a bike lane when it’s too late to swerve. You choose to change lanes or the lane change chooses you. The cardinal signs — Aries, Capricorn, Cancer, Libra — are going to experience shifts in power and a lot of intensity. Everyone, but mutable signs especially — Sagitarrius, Virgo, Pisces, Gemini — will see truth come to light.
Uranus is going retrograde, and that means we’re going to see realities that were previously hidden start to surface. Lies will come undone. Hidden truths will emerge like bats out of cave. No matter your sign, you should be warned. This supermoon in Pisces is going to show you some things — about yourself, your life — you might not be prepared for. Hopefully your actions don’t leave you with too much to clean up when all’s said and done. No matter the advice below or anything else you might feel compelled to do, do be careful.
So, hey, as an Aqua sun, Sag rising, Sag moon, I need to warn you. There are other places on the internet where you can find good advice. This is questionable astrological advice. Take it with a grain of salt. Or, better yet, maybe don’t take it, if you can help it, if the moon’s pretty little chokehold on you isn’t too enjoyable.
Still here? Let’s see what the blue supermoon in Pisces is telling you to do on your worst behavior, based on your zodiac sign.
Aries
If you knew what was good for you, you’d take a step back, you’d rest. But you don’t know what’s good for you or you don’t want to, do you, dear Aries? It’s been a hard year. You’re wounded, and the truths erupting around you from this blue supermoon in Pisces are making you feel things you weren’t prepared to feel. What if you gave in, and while you took a step back, engaged in some light, harmless emotional manipulation. Go ahead. Dramatically step back. Announce a social media break for mysterious reasons. Tell your side of a story that is really not so based in reality after the number of revisions you’ve given it in your head. Leave cryptic breadcrumbs that make your friends go hmmm. Really try to make your enemies feel guilty. Bask in the little bit of power you’ve gathered in your corner of the world. You’re the youngest of the signs, so why not set things up so that you can be babied a little?
Taurus
Quit your job (or your relationship or your shitty friendship or your living situation). Burn it down. They don’t love you, never have. Or at least, that’s the story you’ve been telling yourself because you’re unsatisfied. The good advice would be to take a careful look at your circumstances — especially work and career — and assess what’s working and what’s not. Make some serious yet reasonable changes that center on how you, yourself, are moving through the world. But sometimes how you’re moving through the world is like a bull in a china shop with mommy issues. And this full moon has you leaning into your feelings. Sometimes it feels good to tell at least one person to fuck right off. I can’t be held accountable for any consequences you might face from your actions, however. After all, you’re the one who makes your choices, regardless of the stars, the planets, the blue supermoon, or this shitpost on a queer website.
Gemini
Your spells are working, Gemini, whatever magic you’ve wrought over the course of the year — whether that’s hard work in your career, the careful and steady seduction of a lover, the plotting of perfectly planned revenge (but of course you’d never) — now is the time to claim your crown. The only thing that stands in your way is a parental or authority figure. What are you going to do about that, now, hm? You can stand up to them, sure, but that can look all sorts of ways.
Cancer
The moon is at its natural home in the waters of your sign, and its powers and waters are flowing through you. Full moons are a time for a harvest, and your harvest is tears. All of the hardships you’ve faced this year, all of the people who’ve caused them, let those sorrows run through you. Collect your tears in a glass vial. Send them to the one who hurt you. Text your ex.
Leo
You’re facing some hard truths Leo. Where are you being taken advantage of? Who isn’t respecting your boundaries? Sure, you could communicate, but you could also take a well-deserved, hard, non-communicative break. Turn your phone off. Let it go to voicemail. Go outside, into the moonlight, into the water, take care of your damn self. Never respond to their texts.
Virgo
Yeah, you should absolutely, assuredly, rabidly, ravenously, consensually fuck them. There might be consequences, but lust wants what lust wants. This supermoon in Pisces is calling you to take care of your body, to get your parts in working order, and I think we all know about certain acts that count as really good exercise.
And if it winds up being love? Well, Venus is kicking things up in your sign, so that’s not surprising. Mind you, though, Venus is still in retrograde, so things that start now burn hot and bright but not necessarily for long. I told you there would be consequences.
Libra
Sometimes balance is unbalance, Libra. You can’t even out what’s happening right now because you are in such a seismic shift that to try to correct anything would be counterproductive (and there are many such seismic shifts predicted with this blue supermoon). We’re balancing the Big Scales here, and that means it’s going to feel like you’ve tumbled down a bottomless rabbithole. What if you enjoyed it, though? I’m not saying you could do with a bit of a spiritual journey, but I’m also not not recommending you take some shrooms and see what you learn about yourself. What could letting go do for you?
Scorpio
This supermoon in Pisces is getting your creative juices pumping, pulsating in your claws. After all, you’re powered by the dark waters of the River Styx, by the cycles of death and rebirth, by the knowledge there is fecundity in decay. The summer’s harvest will soon be rotting in the fields beneath dry leaves and it will be your time. So, as your season approaches and you prepare to wait it out patiently through the rest of Virgo and then Libra season, start plotting. What kind of shit can you start? Most importantly, who are you going to rope into this? Plan a night escapade with some close, trusted friends or frenemies. Go swimming in a quarry under the stars, do shots at the gay bar and dance with hot dykes, write things in your journal that you’d rather pluck your eyes out than ever have someone find and read — and then make art about them. And then show someone that art.
Sagittarius
Take that trip back to your hometown Sagittarius — or plan it and don’t back out. There’s something there calling you. It might be a shitty parent you need to level with, a friend who’s fallen out of touch, a deep needling sense that there is some trauma you’ve forgotten that you could unearth if you just went back to that place and looked around, smelled its smells, saw with your memories. The aftermath? That’s what therapy is for, baby.
Capricorn
You need to say something. It’s been bothering you. You have to get it off your chest, bleat it out, hear it echo in the air like a cry through the mountains. And you know what? You’re also going to mess this up. You might be able to make things right if you can communicate well enough, if you can explain. But I don’t think you’ll be able to resist letting the words out because you want so badly to be heard, don’t you? Even if you’re not understood. Maybe try not to do it over text message.
Aquarius
You are a fixed sign, and that means this full supermoon in Pisces will have you shaking things up, letting them spill out. If you’re in the right mindset, you’re going to welcome the cleansing flood. The problem is that what it’s sweeping away are the things you once thought were your dreams. Where there once was hope, you’re feeling an empty hole. The better advice would be to take this full moon to stay home and reflect and plan on what you’re going to build next. My questionable advice is to realize that this change has made you all the better. Go out. Show yourself off. Download some dating apps. Stay up late. Your eyes are sparkling and your tongue is sharp, and the only thing that stays constant is change so you might as well help it along with a sledgehammer if you need to. Burn your planner. Trash your routine. There is no longer any such thing as “normal” time. You can sleep in the fall.
Pisces
You, Pisces, are the most effected by August’s blue supermoon because it’s in Pisces, your sign. You’re a psychic, a dreamer, and with Neptune and Pluto sextile, we’re seeing the supernatural come to the surface, the veil thinning. So, my questionable advice for you, Pisces, is to believe your dreams. Literally. Believe. Your. Dreams. Is your partner mean to you in your sleep? Ask them about it. Does your best friend turn into a monster at night in your head? Maybe they are. Look into that. Listen to your intuition. Your dreams might be unhinged but they are not necessarily wrong.
Or, you could be absolutely missing the mark! But that wouldn’t be any fun. Because this is questionable, barely even astrological advice. Whether you decide to be a responsible human, or not, remember you’re under no obligation to be anything but yourself. Here’s hoping August’s blue supermoon’s truths are more revelatory than harsh. Good luck out there, kid.
Barbie-ology: Your “Barbie” Character, According to Your Zodiac Sign
I went to see Barbie as one must in order to be a part of The Conversation happening right now, and also, with the express purpose of trying to assign a Barbie (or Ken) to each of the zodiac signs.
As I sat next to my friend in the “Ken” jacket they embroidered and listened to the echoes of explosions from Oppenheimer coast over an emotional moment between Margot Robbie’s Barbie and Ryan Gosling’s Ken, clarity visited me — I knew which zodiac sign Stereotypical Barbie was and the rest of the pieces started to fall into place after that. Because what better thing to think about as wildfires rage and the hand of state repression slowly closes around us than which Barbie character you are according to your zodiac sign? But in all seriousness, let’s have a little Barbie astrology fun!
And also do you ever think about dying?
Aries: (Mar 21 – Apr 19)
Ken played by Simu Liu
You’re kind of an antagonistic guy, aren’t you? But it’s really just because competition is just a part of your character, like it came packaged with you in the box with all your accessories. Still, at the end of the day, when push comes to shove and pecs come to pecs, you know where your heart is (it’s under your pecs). But also, your friends have your heart, even if you give them a hard time sometimes. It’s only because you’re secretly just as vulnerable to getting your feelings hurt as the next Ken.
Taurus: (Apr 20 – May 20)
Supreme Court Justice Barbie played by Ana Cruz Kayne
Work hard, play hard, and do it with a smile so bright it’s blinding. As a Taurus, you’re stubborn and bullish enough to push yourself to the highest court in Barbieland. And hey, if so many of our IRL Supreme Court Justices can have the morally bankrupt backgrounds that they do, I don’t see anything wrong with you being a bit of a (plastic) party girl.
Gemini: (May 21 – Jun 20)
Gloria by America Ferrera
Just when we think we know who has the most Main Character Energy, you show up. You’re a dark horse of a main character because you don’t have a problem letting other people shine, but when you open your mouth and throw down a monologue — you can bet it’ll be some serious truth. No one can pick a friend up out of a depressive funk like a Gemini, and if my alternate dimension city-state without real food ever had a crisis, I’d call on you.
Cancer: (Jun 21 – Jul 22)
Mermaid Barbie played by Dua Lipa
Pools! Fins! Glamour! Glitter! Big Siren Energy! You’re ruled by the moon, by dreams and psychic visions — and what kid didn’t secretly wish they could breathe underwater, swim like a dolphin, find sunken treasure and sing out across the ocean waves? You might be an adult, now, but you still carry that dreaminess, that vision of something that is just a little bit more than reality with you wherever you go — and the tail thing is kind of hot.
Leo: (Jul 23 – Aug 22)
Ken played by Ryan Gosling
When you’re bringing the camp and the peacocking and the loyalty — you’re a lot of fun. But, Leo, when you’ve had your pride wounded, I know we all need to watch THE FUCK OUT. You’re kind of scary when you get on one, did you know that? Anyway, keep stylin, try to keep that fire energy in check and know that you, Leo, are Kenough, whether it’s your turn in the spotlight or not, you always bring your own shine with you wherever you go.
Virgo: (Aug 23 – Sep 22)
President Barbie played by Issa Rae
Barbie, Virgo, Madame President, you have a presence that holds the attention in a room. It’s not because you’re showy, it’s because you’re In Charge. However, there’s also a bit of michieviousness to your character, played by Issa Rae. Rae recently said she regrets not stealing something, anything from the Barbie set for her niece. I love that you’re in charge, but that you also know you have to let off some steam and get a little naughty sometimes, too. When you’re going about your day today, know that the rest of us are all grateful for the items you check off your to-do list, because in so many important ways, you make the world go round.
Libra: (Sep 23 – Oct 22)
Sterotypical Barbie played by Margot Robbie
IIIIIT’S STEREOTYPICAL BARBIE! Libra, you’ve got a closet, but you’ve also got brains. The thing is, you might just be the most glammed up person at the party, everything perfect and on point — and then, yes, you will totally just say “Do you ever think about dying?” while some of us are just trying to chill. You’ll be painting your nails or bedazzling an item for your next dance night and telling your friends about this serial killer you were researching. When faced with unfairness, you’re at once inspired into action and overwhelmed because it guts you. You just want people to get along and for the world to be just! And it isn’t! That can be hard to hold, Libra, but I believe that you’ve got this. You’re pretty and pink, you’re staring into the abyss, you’re cognitive dissonance, you’re Barbie!
Scorpio: (Oct 23 – Nov 21)
Mattel CEO played by Will Ferrel
You trade in pink plastic and dark secrets, all with a smile on your face. Even if a Scorpio has never said “Call me mother” in a soft voice to me while trying to restrain my wrists, I do believe it is exactly what a Scorpio would do.
Sagittarius: (Nov 22 – Dec 21)
Lawyer Barbie played by Sharon Rooney
Sagittarius, you have a lifelong love of learning that could certainly lead to you obtaining an advanced degree and passing the bar, but this is less about being a lawyer and more about the energy that Sharon Rooney is bringing to this role. The way she screams, the way she moves, the way she tricks the Kens when she snaps out of it — and above all, her introductory impassioned speech. This is you, your energy. You’re a little (or a lottle) silly, but you’ve got a razor sharp wit and are fueled by that firey Sag electricity that anyone who knows a Sagitarrius is familiar with.
Capricorn: (Dec 22 – Jan 19)
Doctor Barbie played by Hari Nef
Capricorn, you would be both a medical doctor and a DJ. It’s just what you’re bringing to the table. You’re not afraid of a little blood (or…? whatever is inside these Barbies? now I’m picturing a Barbie full of blood). You’re smart as heck, but you’ve also got a side that is in touch with your most primal desires. You can lose yourself in a good beat, in another person’s embrace, in a night of revelry — and show back up the next morning to do it all again. You might not have the most comforting bedside manner, and this might extend to social situations as well (please see: being the first to vomit at Barbie’s flat feet), but when you need to take charge and handle a crisis, we’re just lucky to have you around.
Aquarius: (Jan 20 – Feb 18)
Weird Barbie played by Kate McKinnon
I think you knew this was coming, Aquarius. How many times have you had to be the queer that your straight friend seeks out when her life is falling apart? How many times has this straight woman not even really been your friend, but still needed your Doc-Martin-Wearin’ perspective? You’re so individualistic that people often feel like they can be open about how strange they think you are to your face. But don’t let that get you down. Your Tank Girl / anchoress / model-building sense of self and un-brain-wash-a-ble perspective have frequently been life-saving. Guard what makes you precious, even if it isn’t always so pink or pretty. You — and the people around you — need you just as you are.
Pisces: (Feb 19 – Mar 20)
Allan played by Michael Cera
There’s only one Allan! Ken’s clothes fit you! Allan is deeply queer, not in ways that are about flash and camp, but to his core — and so are you my dear friend. Allan is also the perfect embodiment of the oldest sign of the Zodiac for his quiet wisdom. He doesn’t side with the Kens, and instead, does his own thing, often socializing with the Barbies or taking his own place between the strict binary worlds of the Barbies and the Kens. I swear that if we got to spend more time with you, Pisces / Allan, we’d find out you were an oracle or something. You, Pisces, know that you don’t have to be loud and flashy to be Queer with a capital “Q,” you just have to kill the gender cop in your head (and drop kick anyone trying to build a wall). Thank you for showing us the way to a quiet kind of freedom.
This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors who are currently on strike, movies like Barbie one would not be possible, and Autostraddle is grateful for the artists who do this work.
How Is Your Zodiac Sign Celebrating Pride This Year?
It’s Pride, and I’m starting this gay astrology post with a warning. Should you have found your way here from the broader internet, first, welcome. We’re hospitable. Second, yes, everything is gay. Every zodiac sign is gay. This is a Pride Horoscope. It’s going to be queer. Last time I whipped up some extremely wise and totally even-keeled astrology here, I got comments asking why it was gay! To that, I say “shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” in a tone that maybe makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up because it is, in fact, a little threatening. Happy Pride.
Gemini
If queer astrology isn’t real, then explain how this photo screams GEMINI.
Having your zodiac sign’s season usher us into Pride has always made you feel like you’re born anew just in time for the season. Your annual Gay Pride Party, in that way, also doubles as a second birthday celebration — but you don’t tell anyone that. You spend weeks constructing a menu, testing gay cocktails and rainbow-colored mocktails, and experimenting with allergy-friendly ways to create colorful hors d’oeuvres. I have a friend who says that if you’re shy or a little unlucky, all you need to do is find a Gemini and follow them. The guests at this soiree are people you’ve met on all your travels, from all your social groups, from all these different eras of your life. This Pride, I hope you can look up from your duties as the commensurate host, and realize that your truest talent lies in the way you connect so many queer people, like a second, other, gayer kind of gravity. People are just drawn into your orbit, but it’s not a bad thing, because you’ve always taken care of your fellow travelers. Happy Pride, Gemini. This Gay Pride Horoscope-er says is raising their glass and saying cheers to you!
Cancer
You’ve got one source and one source only for your Pride celebration inspiration — and that’s the music video for Janelle Monaé’s Lipstick Lover. You’re choosing pools over a hot sticky parade. You’re choosing pleasure over worry (okay your zodiac sign is Cancer so you’re probably still concerned at times but you are WORKING on letting go. But if we’re being real, you are a little worried about your Sagittarius friend who hasn’t texted back in a few days, until you reassure yourself that this is normal for them — and then there are bills and…) SHHHH You are choosing PLEASURE OVER WORRY.
This Pride you’re locating a pool, your friends, any and all crushes, the outfits and music and beverages that make you feel the hottest. Then you, Cancer, are washing your troubles away in the crisp splash of chlorinated liquid crystal, the smack of flip flops on rough pool-side concrete and the laughter of chosen family. You deserve.
Leo
My dear Leo, performer of the queer zodiac, you are somehow ON STAGE this Pride. And, if for one second, you are thinking that this queer Pride horoscope might be in the wrong about that, consider whether you at any point have been “on stage” during Pride — center of a dance circle, or the one cracking everyone else up with their gay-ass jokes, you get it. Whether you’ve spent hours perfecting your Drag King look or your five-minute standup routine for a fundraiser at the local Gay Bar — or you pretended your friends were pushing you to sing YOUR song at queer karaoke but actually, secretly, you were never more ready for this moment — your heart and soul long for the spotlight. You don’t need it all the time, just like we only need 10 minutes of sunlight a day to get adequate vitamin D, but when you get the chance, Leo, you are going to soak up that sunlight, those stage lights, that attention. Don’t ever be ashamed of who you are this Pride. Your boldness lifts all our hearts.
Virgo
How did this happen, Virgo? One moment, you were sweating your first Pride, and now, at least according to this particular gay horoscope-er, you’re a source of stability, support and mentorship for someone else. Whether you’re the queer auntie, a teacher, the 30 or 40 or 50-something friend to a much younger gay, or involved in your local queer community in a way that puts in you in a position where you can offer your wisdom and support, you’re a pillar of strength, now. Of course, all that inter-generational queer responsibility doesn’t mean you’re not going to let loose. Of course not. You’re an absolute freak in the spreadsheets and the streets after all. And if our overall culture weren’t so repressed, it wouldn’t seem like there were any contradictions at all between being a mentor to the younger queer(s) in your life and loving a raucous party now and then. You might be ushering a kid to their first Pride, taking a friend to their first gay bar, or just having some deep heart to hearts this June. Whatever form your contributions take, thank you for everything you’ve done and that you’re doing for our fellow queers, Virgo. Hats off to you! Also, no, thank you, I do not need to be spanked right now, but thank you for modeling good consent practices.
Libra
Libra, you’re going to the kind of Pride Party that either a) requires an invite and the location isn’t published, or b) feels like that’s the case even if it isn’t — and yes, I’m a little bit jealous. There will be actually good dance music, celebrities, local or otherwise, and a good smattering of your friends because you also know everyone in your town. Your outfit will be on point, except for the fact that your shoes might make your feet bleed a little. It’s okay, though! Because you’re having fun dancing and blisters are a Tomorrow Problem, much like what you’re going to eat for breakfast because your fridge is empty. Here’s to letting go for a night and living in the now, Libra, because goddess knows you’re always living in the future despite what a pleasure it is to be around you in the present. Breathe. Breathe again. Dance. And don’t forget that the rest of us would very much enjoy living vicariously through your Instagram stories.
Scorpio
Scorpio, you are either literally doing magic this Pride season or, you know, you’re metaphorically stirring the cauldron. Your zodiac sign is known for its mystery, and also its proclivity for revenge. You could be doing a spell with your besties to attract love, or you could be pissing into a jar because your ex won’t return your vintage lesbian pulp fiction collection. Whether you’re going to roll up your black lace sleeves and dig into actual spellwork, or you’re simply leaning into your bewitching side, you’re here to remind us all that we can wear black any time of the year. Thank you for reminding us that the season’s not always about the rainbows and the shouting, and that sometimes queer life’s about leaning in a doorway mysteriously in good lighting.
Sagittarius
Sure, you’re queer all year, but as I consult my room-scaled mental model of the cosmos for this queer Pride horoscope, I can see that nothing fills your heart with the urge to go absolutely rogue like the sound of Pride flags snapping in the wind on a climate-change-turbo-charged-record-temperatures-hot June day. Pride is a celebration, but you’re not going to forget its riot roots. That’s why you’ve enlisted several of your craftiest friends to construct an effigy of Ron DeSantis and several protest signs to go with. You cover your faces and tattoos, leave your phone at home and keep the plan locked down — no one but your small group knows about it. When all is said and done, the image of your Ron DeSantis effigy, latched to the outside of a pedestrian bridge over a highway, burning against the starless sky will be one of your most treasured Pride memories. You go to sleep that hot June night wrapped in a wet sheet, next to your window A/C unit, still hearing the echo of banner drops flapping over the sound of traffic and car horns below.
Capricorn
Your Pride look is impeccable. You’re ironed and lint-rolled and you’re, in fact, not going to Pride. You’re attending a tasteful hang with some of your older friends where the host is a Gemini. You know she’ll have a tasteful array of cocktails and mocktails in an array of rainbow colors, but you’re also bringing what you remember is her favorite wine. You arrive an hour late, but are still one of the first ones there so you help set up, and once things kick off, you’ll enjoy moving, with poise and ease, from conversation to conversation, because this is about being among your people, and these are the people you’re proud to call your friends.
But what you’re really excited for is the fact that you meticulously cleaned and laid out each of your sex toys because you’ve got some personal Pride plans for your partner / sweetheart / date / yourself tonight. Enjoy, you multi-faceted horned and horny babe.
Aquarius
Oh Aquarius, the visionary of the queer zodiac, this gay pride horoscope finds you completely forgetting that it’s Pride. Sometime during the weekend, you’ll wrap up whatever project you’re working on and hear the call — like the graze of a feather made of seabreeze in within the folds of your ear — of the magic mushrooms that you’ve had stashed just for a lazy afternoon such as this. It’s possible, that as the day starts to balance on the glimmering, pulsating, rainbow-outlined edge of the evening that you might get that old familiar “get-up-and-go” call to action. You’ll pull on some sneakers and remember to pack water and your keys and head out for a walk. The walk might take you downtown, where, through no intention you’re aware of, you stumble upon your city’s Pride festivities. You accept the universe’s invitation and make your way inside, walking around slowly, smiling, complimenting others’ looks and basking in the love and joy and beauty of humanity in the way that only someone who’s a little bit of an extraterrestrial — and a little bit of an outsider — can.
Pisces
Oops, you’re enjoying nature again! This gay Pride horoscope finds that you, Pisces, in that particularly effervescent and watery way of your zodiac sign, have decided that you’re overwhelmed by the fast pace of parties, the noise of parades and the pressure to have a memorable Pride. Instead, you and a select close friends are electing to spend time outside of the city and paying attention to your own mental health. You’re focusing on listening to the birds, smelling the June flowers and tending to your food over a fire. This might be a low-key backyard barbecue, it could be a multi-day camping venture, or it could be a day-trip to a hiking trail you’ve wanted to try for a while. Pisces, your zodiac sign’s lesson for the rest of the queer community is that it’s okay to need to escape sometimes, okay to prioritize healing and that it’s okay to be present in our bodies in ways that are, well, objectively quite healthy. You’re the oldest sign of the zodiac, and though your wisdom is often quiet, it’s so, so meaningful.
Aries
SOMEONE had to actually go to the Pride Parade, and according to this gay pride horoscope, it’s you, Aries, the baby of the zodiac! The youngest of the signs! The cycle starts anew with you and there is no one better to carry on old traditions with fresh energy than you! Get out there and do what you’re good at, shout and party and play and show us all what the intersection of riot and revelry really means! Whether you’re going in your best leather or draping a trans flag across your shoulders, your very presence is going to make the Pride festivities this year feel that much fuller. We love to hear you over the megaphone, shouting Pride slogans! Lez march.
Taurus
Taurus, Taurus, my comfort-loving, boundary-setting, snack-munching, gay and proud Taurus. According to all the power vested in my grasp of gay astrology, I am seeing that you’ll be in bed, on your couch or firmly ensconced in some outdoor furniture with queer movies flickering in the warm, firefly-lit evening air. Now, listen, the writer of this gay pride horoscope knows that this isn’t a last-minute-canceling-plans kind of decision. No, this is the event. You’ve been planning this adventure for yourself, you and a partner, or you and a close friend or two — FOR LITERAL WEEKS. You have the list of movies, you have them downloaded. You have a cooler full of drinks. You have snacks. Snacks that you pre-prepped. You’re showered and pampered and in your comfiest loungewear. This is an at-home chill hang, but you are doing it to a T. (The T is for Taurus.)
Your Zodiac Sign as a Creepy Vintage Valentine’s Day Card
Fun fact: My great grandfather and great grandmother owned a card shop in Buffalo, NY. He was a poet, a dreamer, kind of a schemer (family lore said he made money during the Great Depression by buying day-old cakes from bakeries and then re-frosting them and selling them at a markup). My great grandmother was the shrewd one and forever telling him to copyright the poems he wrote for the cards, but he never did. My grandmother, who worked in the shop after she married my grandfather, would find some of his poems in contemporary Hallmark cards on occasion, living on behind someone else’s design. His cards were gorgeous. Think, a dove with paper feathers cut out and layered, the work done with a knife so delicate that the paper feathers felt soft to the touch. It really was a different time.
Speaking of different times, my grandmother ALSO used to say that every Valentine’s Day, each man who came into the shop would buy two gifts, “one for his wife and one for his sweetheart.” Truly love her use of the word “sweetheart” here. It’s very of the time. She’s also a Sagittarius, so she never let anyone tell her what to do and generally seemed unbothered by what most other people did or thought. She also once told me when I was four and we were sitting in her backyard and she was rocking me back and forth in the hammock, “a very wise man once said, ‘Hell is other people'” — and she would be right. Hell is also these creepy-ass Valentine’s Day cards. These are not my great grandfather’s cards, but what they ARE is an encapsulation of your energy based on your zodiac sign. Happy Valentine’s Day, you weirdo. No returns.
What Creepy Vintage Valentine’s Day Card Best Represents Your Zodiac Sign?
Aries
I feel like most days I can tolerate an Aries but not this one, not today. If this card came out today rightwing Youtubers would be calling it out for its Satanic imagery but in this case they would actually be onto something.
Taurus
What does this even mean? I know Taurians love food, but I feel like that specific bologna right there is human meat. Normally Trader Joe’s isn’t like this!
Gemini
These eggs are gay, and so are you. They are also going to die.
Cancer
I don’t think she wants to talk to that person. In this image, the person who is trying to enjoy life behind their walls is the Cancer. Vade in pacem!
Leo
There is no soul in those eyes, but there sure as heck is a point to that sword. Don’t be fooled by how cute a Leo is or by a certain lust you might have for gay and genderqueer pirates, their tongues will CUT YOU.
Virgo
There’s a decisiveness here that oozes Virgo, as well as a direct and unapologetic horniness that is also…very Virgo. Also, I can see a Virgo not even needing a sword to threaten. They could threaten you with skis. They could.
Libra
Always. Always. Always compliment a Libra’s outfit. You don’t want to find out what happens if you forget.
Scorpio
This Scorpio has never been scared a day in their life. They also look like they’ve been up for three days pounding Red Bulls and Kratom.
Sagittarius
The implication here is that the message on this card is being voiced by someone just off-page, watching their “Valentine” struggle in this moustrap. At least the outfit is dapper.
Capricorn
Capricorns love puns. We all love that one queer who chops wood on TikTok. I personally love that shacket she’s wearing right here and it looks great with the lipstick but at the same time I am seriously regretting going on a remote getaway in the woods with someone I’ve only been queer dating for like two weeks. It seemed so sexy! I loved that she planned it all out! But now I am suspecting there are some other plans happening here.
Aquarius
Ah yes, the menacing water bearer. The energy of this one. There’s a lot to process.
Pisces
I feel like a Pisces can actively look you in the eye and say they are doing one thing while doing something completely different, like boiling you alive.
Bonus:
Queers with Knives
I am in no way comforted by the way they keep talking about “leave no trace.”