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A List of Lesbian Moments from the 2017 Tony Awards

  1. Cynthia Nixon’s dress and win for Lillian Hellman’s The Little Foxes
  2. CYNTHIA NIXON’S REDHEADED ADORABLE CHUBBY BUTCH WIFE!!!!!!!!!

    She loves her wife SO MUCH!!!!

  3. Tracie Thoms (my root) and Betsy Wolfe as “the lesbians from next door” in Falsettos
  4. Laurie Metcalf looking Mommi as hell in a draped cowl neck dress sitting in a theatre seat introducing a Best Play nominee

    She’s proud of you even though she won the Tony

  5. Jenn Collella in a very gay patterned button-up as a Canadian pilot while being a real life queer polyamorous human who is publically dating at least three people right now.
  6. Close up on Marya and Helene (from Natasha, Pierre & The Great Comet of 1812) making out.

    Happy Pride!!!!!

  7. Paula Vogel
  8. Bette Midler proposing to her lighting designer for making her look 20-30 years younger every night with a simple, “Natasha, marry me please?”
  9. Rebecca Taichmin (not gay) wins for directing Indecent by Paula Vogel (gay)
  10. Whoopi Goldberg dressed as the Babadook

    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

  11. Robin Wright as a silent but intimidating Claire Underwood: Daddy™

    We needed this

  12. Patti LuPone singing while drunk at the end of the show in a white caped mother-of-the-bride dress from David’s Bridal made me feel gayer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9nTUqcjg6o

Who Tells Your Story?

After a tragedy, my self-care looks a lot like looking the other way. After the day I had on Sunday, it looked like a few hours of work, and then live tweeting the Tony Awards using #powerbottomstweetthetonys. It was three and a half hours of pregnant ladies tap dancing, casts doing full musical numbers in their evening wear, a host that changed suits at least six times, and truly earnest and emotional speeches. This year’s award show was deeply healing for me. I needed the Tony Awards.

The big highlight of this year’s awards ceremony was, of course, Hamilton. The musical, if you haven’t heard of it, is about Alexander Hamilton, a founding father, and can be summed up in the first sentence of the show. “How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore and a Scotsman, dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot in the Caribbean, by providence, impoverished, in squalor, grow up to be a hero and a scholar?” The creator of Hamilton, Lin-Manuel Miranda chose to cast the parts of American revolutionaries and founding fathers as people of color. The only white people in the show are a few in the chorus, and the British—the bad guys.

What Miranda does that is so powerful in Hamilton isn’t that he changes what the story was—it’s fairly accurate, and based off a biography by Ron Chernow— it’s that he changes how the story is told. The thing about theatre is that in its most pure, honest, utopian state, theatre really is the great equalizer. It’s supposed to be the place where the only thing that matters is your dedication to the craft and your talent. But the American theatre is a spinoff of America itself, and it is not a place of endless possibilities for most people. Hamilton brings us just a little closer. I think as queer folks, Hamilton has been so important because it reminds us that our stories are everywhere, and we can tell them however we want.

By placing actors of color in all the most important roles in the musical, Miranda shows us that the story of America doesn’t only belong to white men. And I saw that so much watching the Tony Awards this year. I saw it and felt it in more ways than I have in a while, and it made me hopeful. Shuffle Along, another nominated show, had an almost all Black cast. The revival of Spring Awakening starred deaf actors and included an actor in a wheelchair. Marlee Matlin introduced the cast’s performance using ASL, and her introduction was translated for hearing audiences. So often, it’s done the other way around. Cynthia Erivo won the Tony Award for Best Leading Actress in a Musical for her portrayal of Celie in the revival of The Color Purple. Every single category for performance in a musical went to a Black person. So many of the people and shows honored tonight were not voices that we hear from. It felt good to be heard.

This year’s awards felt so good to watch as a Black person, a queer person, and a theatre artist. It felt like the theatre was finally listening to the voices that were being ignored. I think the theatre is full of possibilities, it’s full of room for any and everyone’s stories to be told. This year’s Tony Awards reminded me that there was room for my stories to be told and that they would be celebrated. Last year, when Fun Home was winning everything, I think we got a peek into what our theatrical future could be.

Now, more than ever, in the climate we’re in, our stories need to be told. And our stories include loving, joy, revolution, dancing, crying, raging, surviving, and so, so much more. We have so much to tell, and it’s so important that we do. Miranda wrote a sonnet as his acceptance speech for Best Score. He summed up why the Tony Awards felt so important this year, and what to do with these voices and these stories that need to be heard.

…We chase the melodies that seem to find us
Until they’re finished songs and start to play
When senseless acts of tragedy remind us
That nothing here is promised, not one day.

This show is proof that history remembers
We lived through times when hate and fear seemed stronger;

We rise and fall and light from dying embers, remembrances that hope and love last longer
And love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love cannot be killed or swept aside.
I sing Vanessa’s symphony, Eliza tells her story
Now fill the world with music, love and pride.
Let’s go make some magic!

“Fun Home” Made History Last Night and This Is Entirely About That

On the evening of June 7th, The Tony Awards were broadcast into a whole bunch of homes via teevee.

On the evening of June 7th, history was made when Lisa Kron and Jeanine Tesori became the first entirely female writing team to win for book and score; when Sydney Lucas sang “Ring of Keys” to theatre enthusiasts across America; when the only show ever on Broadway about a butch lesbian won Best Musical. Fun Home took five total Tony Awards: Michael Cerveris won for best actor in a musical, Sam Gold won best director of a musical, and Jeanine Tesori and Lisa Kron KILLED IT as previously mentioned.

On the evening of June 7th, I sobbed uncontrollably on my couch, refreshing my Twitter feed and various live blogs because this is a day I legitimately never anticipated.

Fun Home is a show about memory; about writing memoir. There is no such thing as truth when human beings are involved: everything is wilting flowers and a writer (or a cartoonist) is constantly grabbing at thoughts and events that decay so much faster than we expect them to. I had the opportunity to see Fun Home, a musical based on the graphic memoir by Alison Bechdel, before it opened. They invited every lesbian in New York that has ever written words, I think. No expectations attached. We wound up sitting next to friends we hadn’t seen in a while (queers) and we screamed when we saw them squeeze past knees to sit in the two empty seats adjacent. But I digress. Which is perhaps appropriate, given the show is a show about memory. Digressions become the story.

I was, oddly enough in retrospect, worried the show wouldn’t pass The Bechdel Test. I’ve just become so accustomed to Broadway’s particular brand of misogyny — one which we all know and excuse, one which hasn’t stopped me from loving Broadway — that I couldn’t imagine any other kind of show. I was worried even though Fun Home originally opened at the Public, off-broadway; even though Lisa Kron did the book and lyrics; even though Jeanine Tesori wrote the music; even though it’s based on Alison Bechdel’s memoir in comics and that the book certainly passes. That’s how strong the flower-fication is with Broadway.

The show passes, of course it does, it has to, the show is centered on the character of Alison Bechdel. Three extraordinary people play Alison at various points in her life—Small Alison (Sydney Lucas) paints us a picture of childhood; Middle Alison (Emily Skeggs) is going to college (and coming out in college); Alison at age 43 (Beth Malone) is trying to string all the flowers together, to find the inbetweens that are memory. Not only does Fun Home have a named female character who talks to another named female character about something other than a man, it has a woman so dynamic and multifaceted that it takes three actors to play her. Watching someone harmonize with oneself, reverberating through the past and the future, is the closest thing I’ve ever seen to the experience of memory in performance.

My name is Alison, too, and I’m not the same person I was when I was Small Alison. I’m not even the same person I was five years ago, as Middle Alison; no one is.

I found reminders of who I used to be when I reread the book before seeing the show—not just in memories (which are never to be trusted), but in the physical evidence. Like when I discovered I’d left a streak of blood at the bottom of page 14, despite having promised myself that I’d resist my typical urge to gnaw at my cuticles while reading this time, and then realized that the streak was dry. I’d bled on it five years ago, back in 2010.

In the middle of the chapter titled “In The Shadow of Young Girls in Flower” (borrowed from Marcel Proust with his tea-soaked madeleine memory), I found a leaf.

“Look at this!” I said to my fiancée Abby.

“You don’t remember that?”

“Not at all.” It wasn’t surprising—I have a memory like a wiffle ball.

“I found it there when I was reading your copy—I showed it to you. It’s from when you first read it, I think.”

Right! Yes, I’d been sitting on a stone bench in a grey henley outside Scott Hall, for once actually washed, dried and groomed because I had a raging crush on Professor A, the first masculine-of-center queer woman I’d seen regularly with my own eyeballs since coming out. A leaf fell into my book, like something that would happen in a stock photo.

I first read Fun Home while taking Professor A’s creative writing class at Rutgers University. I was twenty-two. The pages were xeroxed because it was a 101 class and we couldn’t be trusted to purchase anything. I don’t remember which chapter was assigned, but after reading it, I immediately went out and bought the whole thing.

I was newly out, newly heartbroken and newly back from Paris. I had newly beaten my disordered eating (sort of—at least I was putting food in my mouth again) and despite having cut a full two feet off my hair, I still managed to look like a cast member from the musical Hair— still soft like petals in the eyes, patchouli-scented, earnest and often reading in the grass. I still thought I was going to be an actress forever and I was about to graduate with a degree in theatre.

It was an exciting time full of great change; I was panicking. This is how I was, as Middle Alison.

My problems were tiny buds in comparison to those of Alison Bechdel’s. Her problems were in full bloom. I devoured the book in a time where I was barely eating, when I was trying so hard to be girly — I don’t do that now. I am now what so many women fear becoming: a masculine woman with short hair and a perpetual button down shirt. The leaf fell in the shadow of the young girl in flower and it stayed there. I probably hoped Professor A would pass by and see me reading it. I was probably wearing tie-dye under that grey henley. I was probably still wickedly skinny, pitching my voice higher and trying to laugh softly. Femininity was important, especially as an actress.

One of the last images in this chapter is young Alison as she sees a butch woman for the first time — her father, Bruce Bechdel, asks her if that’s what she wants to look like. It is a question loaded with shame, as most girlhoods are. She lies, “no.”

Five years ago, the panel struck me. But it didn’t reach me. It’s been a journey. Middle Alison didn’t recognize the message: this is you, this was you, this will be you. This is how you will look; you will look this gay. Alison today can’t figure out how she didn’t: the professor was a masculine of center woman; the leaf fell on these pages in particular; she (me) was so uncomfortable in her (my) body because it was undesirable for theatre and she (I) sought out this book when it called. Christ, I even share the author’s name, which has the curious effect of convincing me that all the characters are speaking directly to me, through the pages and into my world. That was me, but I couldn’t see it yet.

A different person would certainly have to play me, were this a musical of my life. I went from straining to be a flower-child in a flower press to comfortably taking up space in the men’s department; getting my hair cut with clippers; laughing like a barking dog instead of like a sighing plant, making noise only because it was moved by the wind. Now, people call me “sir” and get flustered when I open my mouth and sound a lot more like Glinda the Good Witch than they expected. But I don’t mind. I’m Alison, now. And I recognize just how damn hard it is to be Middle Alison.

Photo credit: Joan Marcus, via The Public

Photo credit: Joan Marcus, via The Public

Perhaps saying “no” to masculinity wasn’t a lie. I wanted to be an actress, and actresses who are masculine don’t work. There are no roles for masculine woman. There are barely roles for women who take up space. So it wasn’t that I’d never seen a butch woman before these pages and didn’t know that masculinity was possible in women. It just didn’t occur to me that it was a possibility for me. So I kept trying to fit my body into clothes and plays that weren’t made for it.

There is a lot right about theatre culture, but there’s a lot wrong with it too—I felt the pressure, and when I was unhealthy-skinny I got cast so much more. Small is feminine, said the numbers to me. Broadway musical theatre was never meant to grow roles for women other than those of delicate flowers.

In the days leading up to seeing Fun Home at Circle in the Square, I tried to think of Broadway roles for masculine-of-center women in musicals. I’m no theatre historian, but I’ve taken so many Theatre History classes that knowledge has fallen on me like so many watermelon seeds, spit from the mouths of those who know better than I; they took root and planted jazz-hands in my heart forever.

And I could think of only one role: Shirley, from The Producers. She sings one phrase (“keep it gay”); she is fat, speaks in a humping voice with her thumbs in her tool belt; she’s a punch line, held up against the glamorous (feminine) gay men.

I’m not a person who gets upset with jokes made at my expense—I see nothing inherently wrong with Shirley in The Producers. To any person who’s spent time in technical theatre, that joke is about the business and the stereotypes therein (many lesbian electricians). But with an average audience, this subtlety might be reduced to laughing at a manly dyke. A woman who takes up space. Even so, I have no issue with it. My beef is that it’s the only role I can think of.

If I stretch real hard, I can include Joanne from Rent. But I have to stand on my tip toes to come close on that one — she is a lesbian, and androgynous, but not masculine. If I reach around in the other direction, I can include Peter Pan — but that character is a boy and I’ve reached too far again.

Maybe I’m forgetting someone, but that’s not really the issue, even though memory is the star of the show. The issue is that, whether the role exists or not, I couldn’t access it.

When I quit theatre, I was allowed to change; I didn’t have to reach, to contort, to shrink, to press. I didn’t have to bloom into a flower. But listen, here’s the point: if I had stuck with acting, to the point where I was maybe really good, or even great, and I auditioned for anything on Broadway there would only be one role for me to play. And that role didn’t exist when I left.

That’s why it’s hard to be Middle Alison, trying to figure out who you are in a culture where no mirrors reflect you. That’s why it’s hard to be Small Alison, and reach your roots into soil without having all the information.

When Beth Malone stepped onto the stage as Alison Bechdel on the night I first saw Fun Home, I wept. I cried for almost the entirety of the performance. I tell you this because I missed things. I might have missed a connection, the stability of a lyric, the soft scent of a leitmotif sprouting. Such delicacies might have gone under-appreciated with tears and snot running down my face.

The only thing I could see in front of me was me. Even with our lives so vastly different, this was the mirror I never had in the place I wanted it most five years ago. I can blame the tears on the uncanny coat of pollen that is the personal intersection with a piece of art; I am allergic to something I’ve never been exposed to before and it feels so good. I could curl up in the shadow of this tree forever.

I saw myself in Malone’s portrayal of Alison—a walk with legs far apart, leaning forward; a tee-shirt and jeans; short, short hair. And I saw myself as a writer there, too— pen always between her fingers as she gestured, and toward the end of the musical frantically trying to draw things out as they vanished from her memory. Malone captured the experience of flowers dying in her hands: “What’s this? ‘Table in the living room with / jack in the pulpit.’ Oh. Oh. I was going / to draw that in this panel.” Oh. Oh. Why am I crying again at this musical? I can’t quite remember.

I saw myself in Small Alison, too. The song “Ring of Keys” illustrates the moment where Alison sees the butch woman for the first time. I knew what was coming when the clank and noise of the diner began and I grabbed my fiancée’s hand, expectantly. It opens with Small Alison arguing with her father, as she has been the whole show, about wearing a barrette. He argues the barrette can suitably function to keep her hair out of her eyes.

“So would a crewcut,” Small Alison replies. It was a song about desire sung by a child; not sexual, but physical. The desire to know, to understand. To find one’s reflection in a sea of people not like you. I understand that—every gay person understands that. It’s not a song I ever thought I’d see on Broadway, a song about seeing yourself in adulthood (“It’s prob’ly conceited to say / But I think we’re alike in a certain way,” she sings), for finding a woman “handsome.” That is how I was, as Small Alison.

And it was just broadcast during The Tony Awards.

And Middle Alison. Gosh. Middle Alison. We get to see Middle Alison realize her first crush, on a woman called Joan (Roberta Colindrez). We see the first time they have sex, the aftermath — Middle Alison sings that she’s changing her major to Joan, still in white underwear and socks. Joan remains asleep as Middle Alison whisper-trills, “So by the time you’ve woken up / I’ll be cool, I’ll be collected / And I’ll have found some dignity / But who needs dignity? / ‘Cause this is so much better.” I remember stepping into the hallway in my underwear, bare feet on cold tile, after I slept with my version of Joan and jumping around. I was confused but optimistic and I liked it. That is how I was, as Middle Alison.

They were all there, all together, all singing, all occupying the same space on the stage. All these Alisons who are one person. Broadway grew up. Broadway presented everything in a woman that it had been distilled to laugh at. The show already made history without the Tony Awards. And then.

Tonight, this kind of representation was awarded. Tony history was made with the first all-female team winning for best score — women take up space with their songs and stories. Children who saw Sydney Lucas sing might have found a mirror; every gay adult found a mirror for the kid they once were. Actresses who might have otherwise sent themselves through the flower press can point to this musical and say, there. There. It is the Best Musical. For once in our damn lives, something made for mainstream labeled the masculine queer woman as “best.”

This is a show about memory. If singing with yourself works backwards, could it work forwards too? Since my Middle Alison and my Small Alison live in me though they are long gone, does that mean they saw this? I’d have to assume yes—that they took note of the remarkable resemblance between Joan and the woman who broke our hearts back then; that they know we have a song to belt out while doing the dishes that does not require the suspension of our own disbelief; they can see we quit acting for so many reasons, and that if this show — the only show about a masculine-of-center lesbian on Broadway ever — had won a Tony back then, that would have been one less reason. One more road sign. One more way we could have seen ourselves in the world while we were panicking. It is so hard to be Middle Alison, to be Small Alison, but I think they feel better, somehow.

I would’ve saved so much time I lost in searching. But mostly, I think, my Alisons are excited to feel the cartoon tap tap on her wrist and the un-shy, un-floral and unabashed belted song: “I think we’re alike in a certain way.” Tonight, the theatre world just told us they know us. They sang it to us. Thank you, Alison Bechdel. Thank you, Fun Home.

Rhymes With Witches: Broadway Badass Elaine Stritch

feature image from Elaine Stritch: Shoot Me 

On Thursday July, 17, Elaine Stritch passed away at her home in Birmingham, Michigan. There have been some amazing and wildly talented women that have lit up the stages of Broadway but none were brassier or sassier than Elaine Stritch. I always thought of theater as one of the most magical experiences anyone can experience and Elaine Stritch was one of it’s most skilled sorceresses. At 89 years old, she has worked with everyone from Sondheim to Dean Martin to Tina Fey (with numerous Tony and Emmy nominations thrown in for good measure). She will be equally remembered for the brassy characters she played and her brassier personality. What I’m trying to say is that, Elaine Stritch was a bitch and she didn’t give a f*ck what you thought about her. She was outspoken, uncompromising and FIERCE. She was the director of her own life and her tenacity and strong spirit will be sorely missed.

To pay tribute to this amazing woman I have collected some of my favorite moments from Elaine Stritch’s amazing career and hope you enjoy.

 

“The Ladies Who Lunch” from Company

Though Stritch made her Broadway debut when she was 21 years old, in 1946, she carved herself into Broadway history with Stephen Sondheim’s groundbreaking musical, Company.

 

Acceptance Speech at the 2004 Primetime Emmys

Oh yeah, in case winning over theater audiences wasn’t enough, she also had an extensive career in the big and small screens. She was nominated eight times for an Emmy, and won three. In this clip she just won an Emmy for her one woman show Elaine Stritch at the Liberty and her acceptance speech is the best thing ever.

 

Colleen on 30 Rock

Most of you probably know Stritch as Colleen, Jack Donaghy’s (Alec Baldwin) fabulous mother. It’s rumored that Stritch insisted on wearing her own fur coats and jewels to shoot the show, but was actually sending the bill to production and keeping her wardrobe! Oh Elaine, you sneaky little bitch.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15a5jz6J0lM

Elaine Stritch at the Liberty

For a better (and much more entertaining) telling of Stritch’s life and career check out her Tony and Emmy winning one-woman show. In it, she talks about overcoming alcoholism, dissing Marlon Brando, and failing the audition for Golden Girls all while wearing no pants!

 

Elaine Stritch: Shoot Me

Thankfully, this past year someone was brilliant enough to dedicate an entire documentary that captures the complex and multi-dimensional woman that is Elaine Stritch. Along with interviews from friends and colleagues (including Tina Fey, Cherry Jones and James Gandolfini), the film follows Stritch (87 years old at the time) as she struggles with aging, diabetes and alcoholism while managing a packed schedule full of stage performances and guest appearances on TV. While I have not seen it (YET!) it’s been revered as a tender and intimate look of a complex woman and artist.

Here I leave you with some of my favorite quotes from Elaine Stritch through the years:

“All you have to do is say, ‘I’m going home’, and you’re the most popular girl at the party.”

“I never found anyone who could look after me as well as I could look after myself.”

“You can’t be funny unless you’re tragic, and you can’t be tragic unless you’re funny.”

“This age thing is all up to you. It’s like happiness is up to you. You just have to understand what it is before you get it.”

The 2013 Tony Awards Liveblog Feelings Situation

DAVID BURTKA AND HOST NEIL PATRICK HARRIS ON THE RED CARPET/BEING CUTE, Image via Getty Images

DAVID BURTKA AND HOST NEIL PATRICK HARRIS ON THE RED CARPET/BEING CUTE, Image via Getty Images

Hello, freaks and geeks, and welcome to our 2013 Tony Awards internet party!

Every year, Tony Awards are awarded to the best that American theatre has to offer; any show, whether musical, play or special event, that played in one of about 40 New York theatres that are considered Broadway and that opened within the last year is qualified. The awards themselves are mostly meaningless, but damn it if they aren’t ridiculously entertaining. This year’s awards will feature performances from eight new musicals as well as appearances from tons of older shows. Neil Patrick Harris, who is hosting for his third consecutive year, said that “it’ll be bigger than last year,” which is either a bizarre come-on or an ambitious promise.

It was a big year for musical theatre just about everywhere except Broadway — “Les Mis,” “Pitch Perfect” and “Smash” happened; Sutton Foster, Andrew Rannells, Josh Gad, Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Aaron Tveit all have their respective TV shows; “Glee” continues to plague us. It should be interesting to see how the beating heart of the theatre world handles a year where no original musicals were nominated for any big awards. Apparently Mike Tyson is making an appearance tonight? The night is young and full of possibilities.

Here is a full list of the nominees! The awards kick off at 8 p.m. EST/PST on CBS, so grab your favorite bionic diva and get comfortable. Comment your feelings below and/or tweet me @GraceCEllis. It’s all happening.

7:44p: I wish “60 Minutes” would just re-air their special on “The Book of Mormon” because whatever they’re doing right now is super boring.

7:57p: Apparently Jesse Tyler Ferguson hosted the non-televised technical awards! Which is especially funny because last year’s opening song included a joke about him understudying NPH. As per usual, I wish they had just shown the technical awards. Forever disappointed.

8:00p: I have almost the exact outfit that Neil Patrick Harris is wearing. #gay

8:02p: Mike Tyson! That didn’t take long.

8:04p: “On Broadway, we don’t need extreme close-ups to prove we’re singing live.” The lyrics in this opening number are kind of incredible? I would argue that they’re better than anything in “Kinky Boots,” but spoiler alert, I don’t really like that show. I find it cloying.

8:07p: Ok, that number was beyond amazing. I’ve done nothing but watch original Tony songs the last two days, and that was maybe the best. It was everything it needed to be: It had everyone in it, it was energetic, and it only had one “How I Met Your Mother” joke. The crowd is going nuts, I am going nuts, Neil Patrick Harris is going to go backstage and vomit from all the running he just did. It was like a gay explosion but not in a sexual way, unless you’re into that, which: Who could blame you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BraXq07kkM

8:10p: Courtney B. Vance kicks off the night with a win as Best Featured Actor in a play. I am 0 for 1 in my guesses so far.

8:11p: Oh gawd, characters are presenting awards. This is going to be, uh, interesting. The Newsies are endearing, at least.

8:12p: “Matilda: The Musical” opens up the performances, probably so the kids aren’t falling asleep by the end of the show. It’s so interesting to hear what a chorus of children sounds like today compared to what they sounded like when the original “Annie” was playing. These kids are good.

8:14p: This staging looks like “Spring Awakening.” Not in a bad way. There’s a reason it was heavily lauded on the West End.

8:15p: The “Matilda” cast is riding scooters! Because “Little Mermaid” stole their idea for Heelys, probably.

8:16p: Aww, all four girls who play Matilda are singing! I’m glad there are so many good roles for young women on Broadway this year.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Evj1z3l5hco

8:21p: This play-musical mashup thing Neil Patrick Harris is doing right now is ripped right from Twitter, I just want you guys to know that. “Bring It On Golden Pond” was a good one, though. Good work, champ.

8:23p: I would like to take Tom Hanks’ mention of Julie Andrews to plug the greatest blog of all time, Julie Andrews and Cabins dot tumblr dot com.

8:25p: Judith Light wins a Tony for the second year in a row! Holy cats, that’s insane. What an incredible woman, what an incredible speech.

8:29p: Oh wow, “Bring It On” is killing it. I’m really glad Lin-Manuel Miranda has a new show — as much as I love musical theatre, there is an unforgivable lack of representation for people of color. Besides, he’s such a talented writer that everything he touches turns to gold.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FD3ymJl7fKw

8:30p: “That last number just described the starting of a high school GSA, right?” –Intern Madi

8:31p: Really upset at the lack of mishaps this year. I miss the good old days of 2009 where the entire show was a tribute to live theater mishaps.

8:36p: Mufasa is talking about presenting technical awards. Last year, that would’ve been a joke.

8:38p: Alan Cumming! What a babe. His bowtie looks like a prop from “Pippin,” which is AWESOME.

8:39p: Gabriel Ebert wins Featured Actor in A Musical for “Matilda,” also wins a place in my heart.

8:40p: My wish came true! The mic won’t lift high enough! YES! Good work, tech team! The tradition continues.

8:41p: Oh good, “Rock of Ages” is introducing “Cinderella.” A hint of irony would do everyone some good right now.

8:42p: “Cinderella”! This is one of my favorite shows this season. Remember when Brandy and Whitney Houston did a movie version of this show? That was cool. Anyway, the costumes are pretty much unparalleled in this revival. Laura Osnes is nominated for Best Actress in a Musical, and if that performance is any indication, she’s definitely got a fighting chance.

8:45p: Wait, do they have a camera person literally onstage with them? That seems unnecessary? Ps, the bump music they played after the performance is my favorite song in that show, “Stepsister’s Lament.” Rogers and Hammerstein could write the shit out of an ironic upbeat number, I’ll tell you what.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWFga2eqkKU

8:50p: Take a shot every time someone says the word “kinky.” Contract alcohol poisoning within five minutes.

8:57p: Diane Paulus won for directing “Pippin”! Pam MacKinnon won for directing “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?”! A TWO women directors won this year! THIS HAS LITERALLY NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE! FEMINISM, YOU GUYS. It’s all happening.

9:00p: I really like the light and projection design of this “Motown The Musical” performance. Everyone is so high energy! It’s going to play for the next billion years, approximately.

9:01p: “I WANT YOU BACK” IS MY FAVORITE SONG OF ALL TIME. Little Michael Jackson is much better than I was anticipating. Kids these days, with their Broadway-caliber voices and what-have-you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBZRdrbR01w

9:08p: A commercial for the “Wicked” tour just played on my local station. That may be the most lesbian moment of the evening.

9:10p: I wish Jane Krakowski had presented that award in character as Jenna Maroney. THAT would’ve been worthwhile. Someone write that down.

9:11p: Jesse Tyler Ferguson screamed “GIRL, YOU’RE GONNA HAVE FUN TONIIIIIIIGHT,” when announced Cyndi Lauper’s win for Best Score for “Kinky Boots.” We have reached Gay Saturation.

9:12p: Cyndi Lauper is the first woman to win Best Score without a cowriter.

9:14p: “Hey, Spider-Man is an orphan, just like Annie! Wouldn’t it be awesome if an army of Spider-Men introduced “Annie”???” No. It would be weird.

9:16p: Jane Lynch is singing “Little Girls,” which is actually great casting, in my opinion, although all of America has already seen this performance since she did it on “Glee.” This is the new Most Lesbian Moment of the Evening.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LK838uSAyf4

9:23p: Omg omg is Andrew Ranells going to sing a duet with NPH?!?!

9:23p: Omg omg omg HE IS.

9:25p: I’m glad we’re hanging a lampshade on the fact that Broadway star’s TV shows keep getting canceled. This is cute.

9:27p: Andrew Ranells, Megan Hilty, and Laura Benanti singing that song will be the highlight of the night, I bet. Additionally, I recommend checking out Glitter and Be Glib, which Forbidden Broadway wrote about Kristin Chenoweth and the same subject.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whVVVAbHffs

9:29p: Anna Kendrick, be still my heart. She’s got mad singing chops, I wish she would sing now. I hope she does another show someday soon.

9:31p Andrea Martin is the light of my life.

9:34p: There’s gotta be a better way to summarize the season than whatever is happening right now.

ETA: There is a lesbian kiss in that clip package! According to my friend Drew, it’s from the play “‘The Performers.’ It’s two straight porn stars, played as a joke.” The play itself is really good, though, he says.

shut it down

shut it down

9:40p: Jessie Eisenberg is talking so fast because he is too famous to be here.

9:44p: “Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike” wins for Best Play, much to no one’s surprise. I haven’t seen it, but I’ve heard nothing but good things. Shout out to the guy on stage playing on his phone right now.

9:46p: Neil Patrick Harris just made out with the dog from “Annie.” The gay agenda has revealed itself.

9:48p: Oh wow, that kid in “A Christmas Story” is tap dancing in a way would make the cast of “Anything Goes” jealous. Sutton Foster, eat your heart out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZDSDq5KtJM

9:50p: Sidenote, I really want “A Christmas Story” to win something because I love the composers Pasek and Paul. They used to write a lot of cabaret-style stuff, but you might know them from their work on “Smash” or their other musical “Dogfight.” Check, check, check it out!

9:55p: Having someone smash NPH’s phone is a good example of simple jokes and knowing your audience. Having Simba introduce “Pippin” is a good example of a directorial choice that didn’t pan out as well as they wanted it to.

9:58p: Aww “Pippin” is so much better than I thought it would be! And Patina Miller as the lead player is inspired casting. I’m gonna need a cold shower.

10:01p: Don’t you break that fourth wall, Pippin. Don’t you do it.

10:01p: They broke the fourth wall.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWIjfxmZXf4

10:03p: Sigourney Weaver in a blue dress.

10:05p: “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” wins for best Play Revival. We are approaching “Gilmore Girls” levels of fast-talking here.

10:06p: Someone write a “Gilmore Girls” musical with me.

10:10p: Twenty years from now, when the girl playing Annie is all grown up, I hope she teams up with Andrea McArdle to do a revival of “Grey Gardens.” Where is Andrea McArdle tonight, actually? I have such a crush on her. I wish she were singing.

10:12p: Hal Prince’s speech was almost as long as Phantom’s run! These are the jokes, take ’em or leave ’em.

10:14p: “Oh great, ‘Phantom.'” -The audience at Radio City, before leaving to go to the bathroom

10:16p Billy Porter wins Best Actor in a Musical for “Kinky Boots”! Holy crap, I don’t even like “Kinky Boots,” but his excitement is contagious. He’s so fierce in that show. Hey, that’s the first time I’ve said the word “fierce!” That’s the second!

10:19p: I just wish “Kinky Boots” wasn’t actually about a straight dude? I’m really bored of gay stories being told via straight people. Anyway. Billy Porter is very cute, and I’m so relieved he won.

10:22p: Tracy Letts wins for Best Actor in a Play. I just remembered that he’s an actor and not just a playwright. Life!

10:23p: “In Memoriam,” starring Will Schuester’s tie and Cyndi Lauper’s mohawk.

10:25p: “Is this a tribute number or a tv high school lesbian sex scene?” –Intern Madi

10:28p: So when is Patti LuPone going to appear in a cloud of smoke? I hope it’s during the “Kinky Boots” performance for maximum impact.

10:32p: These teleprompters are show-stopping, LITERALLY. #dadjokes

10:33p: Jake Gyllenhaal is presenting because his name was drawn at the “we need to have one outrageously hot famous guy at the Tonys” reaping.

10:35p: Somewhere, someone is transcribing Cicely Tyson’s speech for Best Actress so that she can use it as an audition monologue for community theater. Incredible.

10:40p: PATINA MILLER! BEST ACTRESS IN A PLAY! I am straight-up swooning over here, y’all.

10:44p: “Kinky Boots,” doing their best Ok Go impression

10:45p: I’m sorry that I don’t like “Kinky Boots.” Forgive me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4E063VozoTU

10:52p: I was kidding about Patti LuPone, but THERE YOU ARE. (Zing.)

10:53p: “Pippin” wins Best Revival of a Musical, which Patti is apparently very pleased with.

11:00p: “Welcome back to the Tony Awards. Have the gay person next to you describe what’s happening because it’s already 11:00 and the time for giving you context has long passed.”

11:02p: Bernadette Peters: Diva of the Century

11:03p: “Kinky Boots” wins Best Musical. A SHOW CALLED KINKY BOOTS IS THE OVERALL BEST MUSICAL THAT OPENED THIS YEAR. I’m not sure, but I feel like we can do better.

11:04p: Neil Patrick Harris is rapping! Audra McDonald is singing! My eyes have turned into hearts and are exploding into fireworks!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whlsf_hISP4

11:06p: AUDRA MCDONALD WITH THE MIC DROP. TONY AWARDS OUT.

WHAT

And that’s the end! Thanks for sticking with it. I correctly guessed 12 out of 26 awards, which is pretty good for me! Here is a full list of the winners. How do you feel about all of this? What was your favorite NPH moment? Why can’t I call him anything but his full name? Has anyone set up a parody Twitter for Patina Miller’s arms yet? Comment with your answers!

“Gilmore Girls: The Musical,” coming to Broadway in 2014. If you can dream it, you can live it.

The 2012 Tony Awards Super Ultra Mega Gay Liveblog Situation

David Burtka and host Neil Patrick Harris on the red carpet/being cute

Hello, you wacky theatre people, and welcome to the 2012 Tony Awards, the gayest night of the live entertainment year! We talked about the Tonys last year, and now we’re back!

For those of you who are new to this silly game, the Tony Awards are like the Oscars of the Broadway world: Any show, whether musical, play or special event, that played in one of about 40 New York theatres that are considered Broadway and that opened within the last year. The Tonys are important because it’s a way to publicize shows and up attendance. Let’s be honest, though: The Tonys are mostly about watching talented performers you wouldn’t normally get to see and whining about the inevitably undeserving victors. You can find a full list of nominations here, and I made this playlist of musical nominees just for you!

In short: The Tonys are all fun and games, and they’re hella gay and usually awkward, so here we are. Will Neil Patrick Harris rap again? Will anyone get hurt this year? How many times will the camera pan to a movie star who’s too famous to be there? Only time will tell! It’s all here, live in living color.

Prepare ye the way of the gays. Shit’s about to get real at 8 p.m EST on CBS. Comment your feelings below and/or tweet me @GraceCEllis. Let’s do this.

7:45pm: The fact that CBS doesn’t broadcast the behind-the-scenes awards is very upsetting to me and probably a dozen other people, but 60 Minutes is talking about “Book of Mormon” in a beautiful act of pandering, so. I ain’t even mad.

7:58pm: Tonys politics drinking game: Drink every time someone does something egregiously liberal, drink twice for every Obama campaign commercial.

8:00pm: Omg omg omg “Book of Mormon” parody already. Good feelings for everyone.

8:01pm: There’s something universally wonderful about flashy Mormons singing musical theatre numbers, I can’t explain it.

8:04pm: Neil Patrick Harris called the Tonys “Fifty Shades of Gay,” and I am forgiving him because he’s so charming. I would forgive him so much more if he would sing, though.

8:06pm: Oh. He’s singing now.

8:08pm: Patti LuPone is pushing a lawnmower. This is already my favorite Tony opening number ever. This is perfect.

8:10pm: I’m so excited to watch that opening number like a billion times on YouTube until it gets removed for copyright violation and then someone else puts it back up!

8:13pm: Judith Light won her first Tony for “Other Desert Cities!” I appreciate how breathless and weirdly aggressive her speech is because I think that’s how I would feel if I beat out Celia Keenan-Bolger.

8:15pm: I don’t like Nick Jonas, and I am bitter he’s introducing “Newsies.” That is all.

8:17pm: Hey, remember way back when I told you about “Newsies” before it was a real thing?! Look how good they are now! I have such a bro-crush on Jeremy Jordan.

8:19pm: I would be lying if I said I wasn’t pulling for “Newsies” to beat out “Once” this year. I’m a sucker for backflips and newsboy caps, what can I say. Here’s their performance. You should go watch it. I’ll wait.

8:20pm: “Once” won for Best Orchestration when no one was looking! That was a good win; the orchestrations in “Once” are really subtle and soft and wonderful.

8:24pm: My secret favorite part of the Tonys is the weird choice of bump music they have. “Jesus Christ Superstar” for a “Newsies” win? Why not, I guess?

8:27pm: For those of you playing along at home, that was first mention of the new “Les Mis” movie. Everyone drink!

8:28pm: Michael McGrath wins for Featured Actor in a Musical, which I’m sure was disappointing for Michael Cerveris, who definitely thought he’d won for a second.

8:30pm: Bernadette Peters is so great, “Follies” is so great, but nothing is as great as Danny Burstein’s loud suit right now. Give that suit a Tony.

8:33pm: If “Follies” doesn’t win Best Revival, I bet Bernadette Peters cries. NO ONE WANTS THAT, TONY VOTERS.

8:37pm: These ads for Neil Patrick Harris on “How I Met Your Mother” seem… redundant? You’re preaching to the choir, probably literally.

8:38pm: “Ghost: The Musical” is performing. It reminds me so much of last year’s “Spider-Man” performance in that I adore the woman singing (Caissie Levy) but this song is so unremarkable I am going to vomit on all of its weirdness.

8:39pm: What is even happening right now, “Ghost.” This seems like a poor song choice, but they are belting the absolute shit out of whatever words they’re singing.

8:42pm: “Once” director John Tiffany won Best Director and also Best Accent in the World.

8:46pm: Mike Nichols won the Tony Award for Best Direction of a Play for “Death of a Salesman,” talked about a pie-eating contest and started crying. The Tony Awards, everyone.

8:48pm: Ben Vereen is the best. Go listen to “Pippin” immediately. After the Tonys. Listen to “Pippin” after the Tonys.

8:51pm: Josh Young performing for the revival of “Jesus Christ Superstar” looks like Josh Groban, which is appropriate because that’s exactly what I want Judas Iscariot to look like. He’s really good, but the set looks at little like someone took LSD and stared at a TV for a really long time.

8:56pm: Sara Gilbert in a commercial! Lesbians!

8:57pm: And now back to your regularly scheduled gay men. Neil Patrick Harris is hanging upside down ala Spiderman.

8:58pm: Bless the American Theatre Wing for recognizing that they’re boring and that the time dedicated to their speech should be dedicated to staring at NPH hanging upside down “accidentally.”

9:00pm: Christian Borle wins for “Peter and the Starcatcher.” He’s really great, despite all the Sutton Foster drama that I still haven’t forgiven him for.

9:02pm: I’m sorry, Matthew Morrison, that “Glee” ruined all of your theatre cred. You were really good in “Light in the Piazza.” I’ll never let go, Matt.

9:04pm: I really appreciate the good orchestrations in “Nice Work If You Can Get It,” almost as much as I appreciate Kelli O’Hara in that sick little newsboy cap and vest.

9:14pm: Judy Kaye won Best Featured Actress in a Musical for “Nice Work If You Can Get It,” noting that “I guess chandeliers have been very, very good to me.” Hahahaha inside theatre jokes. She was in “Phantom of the Opera,” GET IT?!

9:16pm: This “Peter and the Starcatcher” is my favorite thing so far. If the Tonys were nothing but “Peter and the Starcatcher” performing, I would be more than satisfied. What a good year for plays.

9:17pm: In my mind, I am best friends with all three of the Keenan-Bolger siblings. Someone should tell them.

9:21pm: Oh, today is also Judy Garland’s birthday! No wonder there’s so much Judy happening. Talk about a gay holiday.

9:22pm Grace: Ellen on a commercial!
Meg: Are you gonna liveblog it?
Grace: I already liveblogged a lesbian commercial.
Meg: But it’s Ellen, The Queen of All Lesbians. Unicorn couple!
So, there’s that.

9:28pm: I am very satisfied with this super intense medley NPH is singing? This is so impressive, I can’t even.

9:32pm: Alan Menken wins a Tony for “Newsies,” FINALLY. It’s about damn time. EGOT the man.

9:33pm: Ohhhh “Porgy and Bess.” Audra McDonald is my actual hero. Have you seen her sing The Spongebob Squarepants theme song? She’s singing “Summertime” right now, and my heart and my eyes are crying because it’s so good. I really wish there were more people of color on Broadway, and I wish it didn’t take a “Porgy and Bess” revival to make it happen. Come on, people.

9:38pm: Paloma Young win Best Costume Design of a Play for “Peter and the Starcatcher,” is completely adorable. Oh gosh, crush.

9:44pm: “Death of a Salesman” won for Best Revival of a Play! Ok!

9:45pm: “Once” is finally performing. I feel kind of bad because it’s supposed to be really intimate, but you really can’t because the theatre is so big, so it just looks like a concert. A very pretty concert I would very much like to attend, but not what they’re normally going for, methinks.

9:57pm: Jim Parsons is finally talking, which means they can stop telling us that he’s going to talk. Exciting!

9:59pm: I wish there were a better way to talk about all the play nominees than just summarizing them.

10:00pm: It’s really hard to focus on what Jim Parsons is saying when people are having sex “Spring Awakening”-style behind him.

10:01pm: “Clybourne Park” wins for Best Play! That little snippet they showed really didn’t do it justice. Find a copy of it somewhere are read it, if you can’t see it. I secretly wish “Peter and the Starcatcher” had won, though.

10:03pm: Stop the presses, Cote de Pablo in a red dress. Be still my heart.

10:05pm: Ricky Martin is surprisingly good as Che in “Evita,” but his dance partner is making him look way better than he actually is, I think. I wish Elena Roger were singing always.

10:10pm: THEY ARE SHOWING THE LES MIS TRAILER. What is the sound of everyone crying?

10:13pm: The not-nominated “Godspell” is performing, including the much-heralded Corbin Bleu, who is the opposite of impressive. The cast is doing their best “Hair” impression, sans nudity. Everyone is disappointed for a variety of reasons.

10:16pm: Mandy Patinkin and Patti LuPone are singing. I’m sure everyone is having a veritable rainbow of feelings.

10:18pm: “Porgy and Bess” wins for Best Revival of a Musical! This is the best, well-deserved. Super bummed that a white guy is giving the speech, though. It will take much more than the wrap-it-up music to stop him! Mwahaha. Sorry, “Follies.”

10:19pm: And now the image of Harvey Fierstein in an inner tube is a part of my visual vocabulary forever.

10:20pm: Satisfying things that could’ve happened that weren’t a cruiseline version of “Hairspray” include: “Lysistrata Jones,” The new cast of “Annie,” my high school’s production of “Phantom of the Opera,” Kristin Chenoweth tweeting on Ambien, and/or Audra McDonald clipping her toenails.

10:24pm: What is happening in the audience behind Neil Patrick Harris? I feel like we’ve lost control of everything that’s happening.

10:30pm: Hugh Jackman’s wife is wearing so many feathers. Just so many feathers. Also she made a sex joke? I don’t know, these awards have taken a weird turn.

10:34pm: I wish Neil Patrick Harris would just present all the awards.

10:35pm: Steve Kazee wins the award for Leading Actor in a Musical for “Once,” which I’m sure he deserves, but I still feel weird about him beating out a strong pack of nominees. I will say that this group losing nominees have the best disappointed faces so far. I’m looking at you, Danny Burstein.

10:39pm: James Corden wins for Leading Actor in a Play for “One Man, Two Guvnors” and is legitimately and refreshingly humble. I would give him a hug, but he looks sweaty, so.

10:41pm: Well, this “Leap of Faith” performance is certainly a thing that is happening.

10:43pm: I guess I just don’t understand why “Leap of Faith” is nominated for Best Musical at all? That’s literally the only nomination it has. I love Raul Esparza as much as the next person, but this seems unnecessary.

10:52pm: Nina Arianda wins Leading Actress in a Musical for “Venus in Fur.” A combination of her gushing over Christopher Plummer and her insane arm muscles make me want to keep her in my pocket forever.

10:55pm: Everything is Audra McDonald and nothing hurts. Best Leading Actress in a Musical. Damn right.

11:01pm: Trey Parker and Matt Stone make me nervous, but oh my gawd, nicely done, guys. So funny.

11:03pm: “Once” wins best musical! The award is being accepted by producer Frederick Zollo, prompting Meg to say “YOLO, Zollo” and ruining all of the moment’s sanctity. All my “Newsies” feelings are hurt.

11:05pm: This closing song is adorable. I kind of wish the Tonys were done completely in song. Make everyone rap their speeches ala Lin-Manuel Miranda. That would be awesome. I’m tired.

And that’s all she wrote! Here’s a full list of the winners, and here’s the entire show as it appeared on TV, and I went back and linked as much as I could to its corresponding YouTube-age. What do you think of all this crazy nonsense? Which NPH song was your favorite? Can we just talk about Audra McDonald? Tell me all of your feelings below!

Playlist: Tony Award Musical Nominees 2012

Kelli O'Hara deserves a Tony for this picture

Tony Award season is upon us! In less than two weeks, the American Theatre Wing will hand out a bunch of statues to a bunch of really good-looking people who danced and sang better than anyone else did this year! I love the Tonys, and despite not living in New York and having seen exactly zero of the nominated shows this season and not actually caring about who wins, I am absolutely watching the awards. I’m a sucker for a good musical number, and Neil Patrick Harris hosting doesn’t hurt either.

So here’s a playlist of some of the notable songs from some of the nominated musicals this year. Not all of the nominees have released cast albums yet, so some of these tracks are demos or ripped from live performances, but they’ll all give you enough fuel to whine about whoever eventually wins. That’s what’s really important here.

Tony Nominees 2012 [on 8tracks]

Falling Slowly – Once (11 nominations)
Carrying The Banner – Newsies (8 nominations)
Santa Fe – Newsies
How ’bout a Dance – Bonnie & Clyde (2 nominations)
Don’t Cry For Me Argentina – Evita (3 nominations)
Summertime – Porgy and Bess (10 nominations)
Someone To Watch Over Me – Nice Work If You Can Get It (10 nominations)
Step Into The Light/Leap of Faith – Leap of Faith (1 nomination)
The God-Why-Don’t-You-Love-Me Blues – Follies (8 nominations)
Could I Leave You? – Follies
If The World Should End – Spider-Man Turn Off The Dark (2 nominations)
I’m Outta Here – Ghost the Musical (3 nominations)
Superstar – Jesus Christ Superstar (2 nominations)
Give It Up – Lysistrata Jones (1 nomination)

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The Tony Awards are on June 10 at 8 p.m. EST on CBS! I requested off work. That’s how excited I am.

Want to suggest a playlist theme? Hit Crystal up on Formspring and someone on the team will make it for you.

The 2011 Tony Awards Were Really Gay, Kinda Awesome

The Tonys are the perfect award show because there’s singing and dancing and it’s too gay to function. It’s a little bit about the awards, but it’s mostly about the performances.

Like any good non-New Yorker theater fan, I set aside a night to watch the Tony Awards every year, and I have to say, this was my favorite in recent memory. Yes, “Spider-man” was boring, “Memphis” was unnecessary, and Chris Rock needed to stop, but whatevs. There were a lot of great things that happened, too, especially if you like men’s choruses, which I do but for reasons which would not be appropriate to this situation.

Neil Patrick Harris was totally charming as the host. Everyone knew he was there to sing, and he did.

This year’s opening number was called “(Broadway Is) Not Just For Gays Anymore,” although a more appropriate titled might be “Not Just For Gay Men Anymore.” Not even Brooke Shields could ruin it.

This is one of those times when it’s important to separate the “G” from “LGBTetc.” Let’s be real: Out Lesbians, bisexuals, and trans* people haven’t been as visible both in scripts and behind-the-scenes, historically speaking, as the gay men. The Tonys were mostly for guys this year too, except for “Sister Act.” It’s not that the stories they’re telling are unimportant; they were just predominantly male-driven.

BUT I DIGRESS. Another topic for another day.

Neil Patrick Harris sang a duet with Hugh Jackman, who’s hosted the awards before and also was in “Oklahoma!” many moons ago in a far off place. In a night of gay things, this song may have been The Gayest of The Things. And “Priscilla Queen of the Desert” performed, so that’s saying something.

TV ACTORS IN OUR SHOW, WHAT COULD BE SWEETER?

Neil Patrick Harris was also a part of this random performance from “Company” that had a bunch of famous people in it, including Christina Hendricks. For like, half a second, it looks like there’s a lesbian couple! But there’s not, DON’T WORRY.

Eve Ensler was given the Isabelle Stevenson Award for “The Vagina Monologues” and for founding V-Day, which is kind of a big deal but they didn’t even mention it on TV.

In other news, Sutton Foster is the perfect human.

She won for Best Leading Actress in a musical for “Anything Goes” and for being awesome. Seriously, watch her tap dance (and then stand awkwardly at the front of the stage for a verse) and then mix/belt her face off. Woah.

This is how a dream comes true. Also, like she did in her first Tony acceptance speech, she gushed about her dresser. Guys, I teared up. It was great.

But the real star of the night was Frances McDormand, who won for Best Leading Actress in a Play for “Good People” and accepted the award looking like she just got off the subway. She’s my hero. She and Mark Rylance because who recites a poem instead of thanking people? Badasses, that’s who.



The other great speech of the night was Nikki M. James, who won Best Featured Actress in a Musical for “Book of Mormon” (over Patti LuPone!). She looked gorgeous and cried and refused to leave the stage when they told her to wrap it up.

Much to no one’s surprise, “Book of Mormon” cleaned up with nine awards, including Best Musical.

Like it’s closest relatives, “The Producers” and “Avenue Q,” it’s meant to be offensive, but here’s the thing: It’s really great that this won. The past decade or so of Broadway has become less and less original and more and more based on movies. People don’t want to invest in something they aren’t sure of, so if they have a choice between “Rocky” the musical and something unknown, “Rocky” will win every time.

“Mormon” has a lot going for it: catchy music, an irreverent story, and most importantly, a well-known creative team. Honestly, “South Park” is probably what gave the show the boost it needed to succeed. But the story is original and smart and funny, and that’s what American musical theater has traditionally been. It’s a nice change.

Daniel Radcliffe performed with “How To Succeed Without Really Trying” or “How To Succeed On Broadway Without Being a Broadway-Caliber Singer.” I know a lot of people liked it, but I was not one of those people. Harry Potter, I love you, but you’re not a good enough singer for that role. I’m not apologizing.

I don’t know very much about the plays this year, to be honest. “War Horse” won five awards, including Best Play and also has a giant puppet of a horse that looks like something from “Lion King.”

The other big winner among the plays was “Normal Heart,” which won Best Revival, Beat Leading Actor in a Play and Best Leading Actress. It’s about the AIDS pandemic’s effect on the gay community and is really heartbreaking. You should at least read it, I am thinking.

The show closed with Neil Patrick Harris doing a freestyle rap that made me miss “In The Heights” and Lin Manuel Miranda. It was a run-down of the awards, but the end was pretty relevant.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You can find a complete list of the winners here.

So what do you think? Were you OK with how everything went down? Were you following Gavin Creel‘s drunk tweets? I heard there was also basketball on last night, but that must’ve been on a different channel.

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