There’s Something About a Stud With Dimples

“There’s Something About” is a series where writers chat about the type of babes that make them all hot and bothered by showing you fictional Pop Culture hotties that fit the bill.

Just a little over a year ago I hopped onto Beyoncé’s internet and made a proclamation: “I love Black butches. Studs. Masc folks. I love them when they’re quiet and when they are loud. I love it they are soft — and when they are hard. Just a whole Dr. Seuss rhyme of loving them in all their glory.”

Truer words have never been spoken. And while not every Black masc queer person automatically identifies as a stud (though, don’t get it twisted on the inverse, in this house, all studs are Black), the characters on this list are at least stud coded, even if it not explicitly named as such — because since when does television ever take time to dig into the nuances of queer Black understandings of gender! That said, at least one person on the list explicitly names herself as a stud (Hattie on Twenties) and all versions of Black queer masculinities are so damn beautiful in their many, many dimensions.

(*Being “horny on main” is not my usual brand of choice, so please consider this an End of Year gift and then also politely look the other way when I run away mortified. Thanks!)

Poussey Washington — Orange Is the New Black

I figured we could start here, get the pain out of the way. Ever since Orange Is the New Black decided to murder Poussey as a Black Lives Matter martyr in a racist storytelling decision that will never be justifiable by any means, I worry that her life has become overshadowed.

But in my mind’s eye, it will always be the warmth of her smile, first and foremost. That way she’d brush the waves of her hair back-to-front. It will be every ounce of bravery in Samira Wiley’s small frame when she stood up to drug dealing prison mom Vee in Season Two to protect Taystee, the shyness when she wondered if one day Taystee might love her back. It will be the genuine care she had for books and how unbelievably fucking hot she was when she spoke German.

More than any of that — and it’s fitting for this time of year — it will be the Christmas pageant episode of Season One. In the first season of OITNB, Poussey was largely a background character, but Samira Wiley stole every scene. In the finale, Taystee, Cindy, and Poussey joined together to do a joking Christmas carol as a part of Litchfield’s holiday performance. The other two take their bow, but Poussey keeps her back straight and begins the opening of Amazing Grace, Samira Wiley’s alto on full display. It was the first time she was allowed to be soft, vulnerable. And, frankly, she’d never been sexier.

Hattie — Twenties

The first time I discovered my type, it’s because I was read for filth by my best friend as we froze our asses off outside of a party in DC. There was this sexy-ass person that we could see ahead of us — glasses, Jordans, a yellow and grey cardigan stretched across their broad shoulders — and my friend teased, “Oh you should go ahead make that move, their definitely your type.”

“How can you possibly know my type? I don’t know my type!”

“Studs who read James Baldwin. That’s your type.”

In the pilot episode of Twenties, Hattie gets thrown out of her apartment and sits in the driveway with her Black and Carolina Blue Js propped up while reading If Beale Street Could Talk. Emotionally impulsive, never able to keep a job, immature, loves Whitney Houston and Baldwin, can make the panties absolutely drop with a well-placed “hey ma” and lip bite. How many Hatties did I date in my 20s?

All of them. I dated all of them. And I wish I could tell you that I’ve learned my lesson, but that would be a damn lie.

Cleopatra “Cleo” Sims — Set It Off

Technically this is a TV list, and Set It Off is a movie, but Cleo is the archetype and we simply must pay our respects.

The thing about Cleo is that for a lot of us, I think, she was the first stud we’d seen on screen, and she was a muthafucking action hero!! For Set It Off’s 25th Anniversary, I described Cleo as “young, mighty, unadulterated… sexy in the way that only studs can be — an energy that radiates beneath the pores and melanin; the quiet, intoxicating confidence that comes from truly owning your shit.” That’s still true.

But Cleo’s more than that. She’s loyal. Steady. Sweet to her friends. Strong. The backbone of her crew. Cleo’s just the complete and total package.

But also her strap, I —

Tasha Williams — The L World

When I encountered Tasha for the first time, I was still inching my way out of the closet. I was still watching The L Word YouTube clip compilations with my laptop screen dipped low and headphones on, so my roommate wouldn’t know I was gay. I was still trying to figure out what turned me on.

Then Tasha sauntered into the fourth season with her motorcycle, her gravelly voice, her husky laugh. Those high cheekbones and that severe neat part in her hair.

She blushed and told Alice that she was attracted to “girly girls” and I could feel my knees part on their own, just a little bit.

Denise — Master of None

I’ve gotta be honest with you, Denise is a mistake that I would most definitely make. I want to tell you that I’d find her emotional walls to be a turn-off. The fact that she’s proven to be a selfish partner (and cheater!) should be a problem for me. IT SHOULD.

But to that, I have three words for you…

Her. Arm. Sleeve.

Y’all would just have to pour one out for me and wish me well on my journey.

In conclusion, to quote the prophet Young M.A, “Ooh, that’s a bad bitch, You can tell she eat her collard greens and catfish/ I’m trying to make your daughter cry, sorry Miss Jackson/ I wear that pussy on my face like it’s in fashion.”

There’s Something About Bookish Men I Can Step On

“There’s Something About” is a series where writers chat about the type of babes that make them all hot and bothered by showing you fictional Pop Culture hotties that fit the bill.

I am a sucker for a person with a pair of tortoise-shell glasses, wearing a sweater, and reading a book in case anyone was wondering. They love to read, are shy, are deeply invested in their area of study — AND TEND TO WEAR SWEATER VESTS! DEAR GOD!

Also, I love what it demonstrates when someone has the patience and skill set to be a teacher, especially when they can teach kids and mentor others. Opening doors for the next generation is hot! Pass it on!

Remus Lupin — Harry Potter Books & Films

Professor Lupin has a neck that is begging for a boot or a high heel, depending on the day.

This bookish man is a sweet and salty snack. He’s good with the kids. Cute! His partner is played by Natalia Tena who I know nothing about besides the fact that she has killer brows and is hot! That’s great! He’s got secrets stashed so tight in his ribcage they’re a part of everything he is which is very Scorpio rising of him. Lupin’s the kind of bookish man whose layers you can peel back just like the layers of his outfits which often include a shirt AND a vest AND a jacket. Hot!

There’s also just something about Remus. That something is that he is queer. Whether it’s his close relationship with Sirius that the aggressively heterosexual Harry Potter is oblivious to or the fact that his queerness is embodied in his being a werewolf, transforming and changing — it’s all there if you want it to be there. Do your own close reading of the book or film and find all those little nuggets. I mean, he seems to have changed his name on coming into his werewolf hood? I don’t buy that the name “Lupin” came before the wolfening is what I’m saying. His queerness makes him even more attractive.

Chidi Anagonye — The Good Place

I think The Good Place is a boring show. I tried to watch it at the urging of friends who liked it, but I feel like I wasted my time. All I got was my partner telling me that my concept of time is “Jeremy Bearimy” and an attraction to the show’s resident bookish man, CHIDI. So, Chidi! He’s smart, he’s thoughtful, and honestly pretty generous with his time. That last bit is probably to a fault. Boundaries, Chidi! Boundaries!

I feel like his philosophy class is way less stressful than the philosophy class I had to take where we “debated abortion” (that wasn’t appropriate at the time and it hasn’t aged well has it professor-whose-name-I-don’t-remember?). I feel like Chidi could actually teach me about philosophy, and that’s hot. His apartment is filled with books and some houseplants, also hot. He’s not afraid of keeping a nice home and of paying attention to the little things. He knows what he’s talking about in his field and won’t settle for mediocrity to the point of obsession. Hot!

If we’re being real, of the three men presented here Chidi is the most anxious. The other two fictional folks come with their own anxieties, but Chidi! He has so much anxiety! He can’t decide on anything! I think exploring what it means to just be present could really work for him. It would help if he wasn’t in Hell, too, I guess.

Rupert Giles — Buffy the Vampire Slayer

So far, we’ve talked about a werewolf and a guy living in literal Hell, but the least realistic of the bunch honestly has to be Rupert Giles — full living human and unshakably decent guy. That’s hard for me and where we really veer into the territory of this being a fictional type. Where does this man exist in real life? Nowhere I’ve seen personally. And that’s why he’s really just a kind of TV/film archetype. I’ve seen people like this in moments, glimpses of a kind of masculinity that is actually kind. In a professor trying to get me not to drop a class, in fellow queers lifting each other up with words of encouragement and sharing knowledge, in myself while I’m trying to keep a bunch of stressed-out people calm while we work together.

And that’s where things start to get tangled. When we arrive at Rupert Giles, I have to ask, do I actually think Giles himself is attractive? Do I want to fuck him on top of a pile of demonology books? Or do I want to be him?

I think that it all comes back to Giles, in a lot of ways, because (Joss Whedon’s hatred of women aside) the way Giles was written represented a kind of masculinity that was good, that was divorced from so much of the toxicity that normally comes with masculinity, but doesn’t have to. His brand was all about caring and learning and tea, where strength was in doing the right thing, where you didn’t need to prove yourself. It was just a way to be. It’s taken me a long time — a lot of starts and stops and returns to this kind of masculinity — to want to embrace it more and more for myself. This character represents a homecoming in a lot of ways.

We are definitely seeing more points in favor of the “wanting to be him” argument. Points deducted for my uncanny valley Photoshop homunculus.

And also, I totally think Giles would want me to step on him. AND I WOULD OBLIGE.

What’s My Type? I Dunno, You Tell Me!!!

“There’s Something About” is a series where writers chat about the type of babes that make them all hot and bothered by showing you fictional Pop Culture hotties that fit the bill.

One of my favorite things about writing for Autostraddle is sometimes we’re given a fun prompt like “describe your type with four examples” and I take that as “have an existential crisis.”

See, for years I could’ve easily answered this question. I sort of did with my top ten television characters list filled with lots of Mean Mommis™ both literal and spiritual. But in the year and a half since writing that I have… grown? Gotten… healthier? More… well-adjusted? I know. I can hardly believe it either.

I reflected on my longtime crushes that still make me swoon and came up with this very random list. I don’t know what unites them beyond good at banter and could probably beat me up (but also probably won’t). So consider this an interactive entry in this series — What’s my type? I dunno you tell me!

Various Characters as played by Katharine Hepburn

Katharine Hepburn is one of my earliest loves. Her characters in Bringing Up Baby, Adam’s Rib, The Philadelphia Story, and so many others taught me what kind of woman I want to be with and what kind of woman I want to be. She was confident and funny and extremely stubborn — a double Taurus after all — and I just love her so much. Also shoutout to how extremely gay and trans she is in Sylvia Scarlett.

Barbarella as played by Jane Fonda

I love IRL Jane Fonda. She’s one of the few celebrities I feel comfortable stanning. She’s always been political in a way that goes beyond the lip service of most famous actors and after so many decades she’s rarely let me down. So then why of all her roles have I chosen the one where she’s a horny space bimbo? I don’t know! This is an interactive experience remember?? I was obsessed with Jane as Barbarella as a teen and I still am. She’s curious and wears cool outfits and fights bad guys and has a wild sex drive. What’s not to love?

Legs Sadovsky as played by Angelina Jolie

At one point in my life, this list could have been comprised entirely of characters like Angelina Jolie in Foxfire. She’s edgy and dangerous and damaged and very very very gay. And while, as aforementioned, I’ve matured to a healthier place, there’s still something about Angelina’s violent soft butch that still extremely does it for me. She’s just so hot and cool and her chaos is directed in very understandable and admirable places! I would take a tattoo from her any day.

Monica Wright as played by Sanaa Lathan

Talent is hot. Working hard is hot. Sanaa Lathan in Love and Basketball is HOT. I’m a Capricorn who will always put my work and passions first and I want a partner who will do the same for themself. I love Monica’s drive and her temper and her unwillingness to compromise. And going back to my favorite thing banter, she and Quincy have banter that lasts them decades. Being serious about your path in life doesn’t mean being humorless and I love how Monica brings the same competitive spirit to a flirty battle of wits as she does a high-stakes game of one-on-one.

Okay so tell me… what’s my type??

There’s Something About a Scary Woman With Questionable Morals

“There’s Something About” is a series where writers chat about the type of babes that make them all hot and bothered by showing you fictional Pop Culture hotties that fit the bill.

Maybe it’s because I had my first kiss with a goth girl who spent a lot of time in detention and was weirdly obsessed with John Dillinger. Maybe it’s because I’m a thrill-seeking, Aries Sun/ Scorpio Rising, top-leaning switch who loves a challenge but — I’ve always adored bold women who rattle my sense of right and wrong.

So please enjoy this list of fictional characters who made me the homosexual I am today.

Morticia Addams — The Addams Family

I grew up watching the 1991 film The Addams Family and its sequel The Addams Family Values, in which Anjelica Houston stars as the vampiric femme fatale of my dreams who also lacks any concern about her family’s physical safety. Morticia only gently rebukes Wednesday when she tries to electrocute Pugsley (just for fun) and doesn’t seem rattled when her children attempt to murder their infant sibling by throwing him off a roof. But she wins my adoration with swoon-worthy quotes like, “I’m just like any modern woman trying to have it all…I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade.”

Annalise Keating — How to Get Away With Murder

Viola Davis is undeniably powerful, and when she’s playing the stern, power-suit-wearing lawyer/ law professor Annalise Keating, her Hot Older Woman Appeal intensifies. Sure, she lies her face off and attempts to cover up a murder. But as far as I’m concerned, Annalise can do whatever she wants.

Faith — Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Most queer folks who grew up watching Buffy are Willow/Tara fans, and while I appreciate Willow/Tara as one of TV’s first witches-loving-witches couples, those characters were too soft for me. I like women with an edge. Faith, while not explicitly queer, was queer-coded enough for teenage me to fantasize about getting her dark lipstick all over my face. Did she technically kill a guy? And did she technically switch bodies with Buffy to avoid punishment from the Watcher’s Council? And did she technically send a bunch of teenagers to their death during the battle against the First Evil? Yeah, but let’s focus on the leather pants, shall we?

Dr. Callie Torres — Grey’s Anatomy

Let it be known that I had a crush on Callie BEFORE the character’s bisexual awakening. Please, for a moment, imagine my UTTER DELIGHT in 2008 when I, a senior in high school at the time, got to watch my fictional crush start a woman-doctor-on-woman-doctor romance on TV. Callie may have a heart of gold, but she’s quick-tempered and definitely a little scary — her favorite part of orthopedic surgery is the part where she gets to break bones. She also makes some questionable choices, like when she incites a custody battle with Arizona and when she starts dating Penny (who, for the record, is painfully boring in comparison to Callie’s other lovers — #CalzonaForever). Despite her impulsive decisions, Callie always charms her way back into my heart.

Theo Crain — The Haunting of Hill House

I’ve managed to watch this incredibly morbid series in its entirety three times, mostly because I love a character study with paranormal elements, but also because I’m a sucker for any angry queer woman who has psychic powers that REQUIRE HER TO WEAR LEATHER GLOVES AT ALL TIMES (?!?!). ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! There must have been at least one kinky person in that writers room. Theo yells — a lot. And she rarely considers the impact of her harsh words. She also tries to kiss her older sister’s husband after her younger sister’s funeral. At least she’s willing to own up to her mistakes. I couldn’t care less about Shane fucking a bridesmaid, but when Theo did the same thing, I rejoiced.

Bette Porter — The L Word

I don’t have to explain this one. Bette speaks for her damn self.

Thank you for appreciating these women with me. Now go out there and make some dubious life choices!

There’s Something About a Vulnerable Bad Boi With a Troubled Past

“There’s Something About” is a series where writers chat about the type of babes that make them all hot and bothered by showing you fictional Pop Culture hotties that fit the bill.

These bad bois (and grrrls) fall somewhere in between the type of people I am legitimately into in real life and hot people I would date in an alternate reality. Would I actually go out with a soulless vampire who has murdered thousands? I hope not! Would I make the mistake of falling for a Shane-type? Sadly yes.

Are there two characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer on this list of four people? Of course, because the series’ two bad bois who I first encountered in my teenagehood were likely the start of this whole type which I’m apparently stuck with for life now.

Faith — Buffy the Vampire Slayer

I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again: Faith on Buffy the Vampire Slayer is my root. From the moment she arrives, acting all cool and tough and sexy and sharing stories about wrestling alligators in the nude, she had my heart. Of course, even in the first episode where she appears, we see she isn’t as tough as she seems — she is terrified of the vampire who killed her watcher and eventually opens up about it. It also becomes increasingly clear that, unlike Buffy, for her becoming a slayer was a big improvement over the life she’d had so far. Going over to the dark side later (hot!) is a result of no one looking out for her. Faith just wants Buffy to love her!!

*Shout-out to Sarah Michelle Gellar playing Faith in Buffy’s body and delivering this jaw-dropping monologue to Spike: “I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I’ve got muscles you’ve never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you pop like warm champagne and you’d beg me to hurt you just a little bit more. And you know why I don’t? Because it’s wrong.”

Spike — Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Speaking of Spike: Faith is a vampire slayer and Spike is a vampire, but otherwise, they are so alike. They both just want Buffy to love them! Oh, Spike does a good job appearing the classic bad boi with his Billy Idol look (Billy stole it from him, remember?), his punk music taste, and his murderous schemes. But we all know he started out as a big softie writing terrible love poetry and he is very much still that guy. I mean, there’s a reason Harmony nicknamed him blondie bear. He’s also the guy who loved his mom so much he turned her into a vampire only to have her go super creepy and try to assault him, causing him to have to kill her. Ouch, that’s a troubled past and a half.

Shane — The L Word

Shane as the epitome of my type is a bit embarrassing to admit because it is so basic, but I’m being honest here. Shane was a big part of my coming out circa 2006. I’m mostly referring to Shane as she appears in the original series, as a lady-killing, non-committal, rakish lesbian. The Shane who had such a heart of gold that she forgave and slept with (again!) the woman who was stalking her and putting up slanderous posters all over town (Great performance, Tammy Lynn Michaels). Like Faith and Spike, she has the look and feel of the bad boi down pat: tousled hair, ample dark eyeliner, and low husky voice. We also know Shane’s childhood was shitty, her dad left, and she spent some time on the streets. But despite that background, she’s consistently the series’ most loyal friend and really has grown up in Generation Q — I think.

Frankie — Lip Service

Is Frankie just Scotland’s answer to the American Shane? Maybe! But I am talking about my type here, so if Frankie is a lot like Shane that’s not my fault. She also has tousled hair, wears lots of dark eyeliner, and had a troubled childhood with shitty and/or absent parents! Perhaps to differentiate her from her American counterpart, Frankie is refreshingly bisexual, something we don’t see a lot with androgynous women characters. She runs around acting all bad, partying, sleeping around, and behaving terribly most of the time. She starts the series having ditched her one true love Cat right after convincing her to leave her current girlfriend for her. But it’s just because she was scared and didn’t think she deserved Cat, not because she’s really bad!

Okay people, tell me I’m not alone in loving these bad bois with troubled pasts and ooey-gooey vulnerable centers. And please, share with me more examples of these irresistible baddies so I can expand my repertoire.

There’s Something About a Commanding But Goofy Tomboy

“There’s Something About” is a series where writers chat about the type of babes that make them all hot and bothered by showing you fictional Pop Culture hotties that fit the bill.

I watched a lot of television as a young person, and I was also a nerdy goody-two-shoes desperate to fit in with the populars. So it’s no surprise to me that the characters that burrowed into my psyche (in what I now recognize as crushes) are a sort of a rebellious but still silly tomboy. I never understood the whole brooding bad boy thing, but someone who could stand up to the meanies in their universe and also had a silly side has always done it for me.

Is this just the closest thing to soft butch representation I saw on TV in that era? Maybe! In real life, I tend to be the louder, more intimidating person in my relationships, but that doesn’t stop me from crushing on these characters or imagining us arguing over who is better at opening jars in our partnership.

Callie Torres – Grey’s Anatomy

Callie is a badass orthopedic surgeon who frequently wrestles the bones of professional athletes back into their sockets! Portrayed as an outsider from the beginning of her stint on Grey’s, Callie loves the gore and grit of ortho, and for a bit lives in the basement of the hospital in an honestly pretty cool but grungy cave. Rocks a leather jacket, intimidates the hell out of the mean girl clique at the hospital and is still goofy enough to dance around in underwear. Dream babe. (And it’s just icing on the cake that Callie was played by the irl nonbinary dream babe Sara Ramirez.)

Missy – Bring It On

While Bend It Like Beckham is the canonical “gay but not” film from this era, I have to acknowledge the searing gay tension in Bring It On. From the moment Missy uses her finger to smear the fake arm tattoo she’s given herself, I was smitten, and honestly so was Torrance! And though I wish she hadn’t had to conform to the cheer teams looks, who can forget the silly little dance she does when revealing her cheer uniform to a car full of teammates?

Khadijah James – Living Single

This show was my favorite to watch any time I stayed home sick from school as a kid, and I’m honestly due for a rewatch. I don’t remember any specific plots or episodes, but what’s never ever left my mind are all the jerseys Khadijah wears, her being an absolute boss in her romantic relationships and career, and. that. SMILE! It was enough to manifest a lifelong love of Queen Latifah in me. Forever and ever, babe.

Robin Scherbatsky – How I Met Your Mother

Let’s get one thing out of the way first: is How I Met Your Mother a good show? No, and on top of that, it’s frequently transphobic, racist, homophobic, misogynist, the list goes on. But. BUT. Robin Scherbatsky, the on-again-off-again girlfriend to the excruciatingly boring and often horrible lead man on the show, made a compelling argument for me to watch every episode of this show ever made….TWICE. Once a Canadian teen star whose biggest song was “Let’s Go to the Mall,” Robin is now a newscaster who swills scotch, smokes cigars, and doesn’t ever want to settle down. She swears, she’s loud, and she’s sometimes mean for no reason. She’s perfect and I would never ever ask her to settle down. RIP to Ted Mosby, but I’m different.

Upon reflection, what we have here is a classic case of “Do I want to be them, or be with them?” I think it’s a little of both, and it’s changed over time.

When I was younger and still hoping to impress frat bros in college or the straight boy jocks at my high school, I loved that these characters were “not like other girls,” that they were cool AND hot, extremely confident in themselves, and above all — wanted. I really wanted to be like that, so assured in my own skin. And now that I’m older, wiser, and a lot gayer — I mean, more confident! — I understand that I don’t just want to be like them, I also want to date them.