15 Of Those Actresses Who Were In That Show

You know the ones: the actresses you keep seeing in everything and you don’t know their names but you swear you’ve seen her in something else! Firstly, I hope you know Jane Lynch’s name, if not, it’s probably Jane Lynch. Or is it Lili Taylor? Lorraine Toussaint? Double-check, I can wait.

Okay. So: they aren’t ever the lead character, they’re not getting interviewed on talk shows or put on the cover of magazines. They’re not winning huge awards or starting fashion lines or having their relationships invaded on TMZ.

But they keep showing up on our shows!!!

They’re not always playing the queer character — ’cause if they were, we’d know their name — but these actresses all have a knack for showing up on shows that have some kind of queer content or are otherwise on our radar.

1. Aasha Davis

Remember when she was: Chelsea on South of Nowhere
And then you saw her in: Pariah

Wherever you are, she is too: breaking Alike’s heart in Pariah, getting preggers in South of Nowhere, trying to keep Smash in line in Friday Night Lights. You’ve spotted her in Criminal Minds, Chasing Life, House, ER, Gilmore Girls and Grey’s Anatomy. She’s also starred in two queer webseries, Nick & Nora and Cowgirl Up; and one not-queer but super-awesome webseries “The Unwritten Rules” about “the comedic realities of a Black Co-Worker in a predominantly white workplace.”

2. Kim Dickens

You know her from: She was Saracen’s Mom on Friday Night Lights
Wait is that Saracen’s Mom in: Gone Girl

She’s remarkably versatile but still has such a memorable face. You may know her from her recurring roles on House of Cards, Sons of Anarchy and Treme. I first noticed she was one of those women I saw everywhere when the woman who long-conned Sawyer on Lost showed up on Saracen’s doorstep. Then there she was, not having aged a wink, playing a cop on Gone Girl! She’s also dropped in on White Collar, FlashForward, 12 Miles of Bad Road, Numb3rs and Spin City.

ETA: And apparently she played a lesbian in Deadwood!

3. Adina Porter

You know her from: Tara’s Mom on True Blood
You were pretty sure that was Tara’s Mom you saw in: The Newsroom, The 100

She played Tara’s mom, Lettie Mae Thornton, on True Blood, and Grounder warrior Indra on The 100, but she’s also shown up in queer favorites like Grey’s Anatomy, Glee, American Horror Story and lesbian classic Gia, in which she played “the girl at group therapy.”

Aside from her gigs on True Blood, The 100, The Newsroom and the 2002-2003 series American Dreams, she’s rarely a series regular. That’s given her plenty of time to appear in one or two episodes of every other show in the world: NYPD Blue, Crossing Jordan, ER, CSI:NY, Prison Break, Without a Trace, House M.D., Law and Order SVU, Cold Case, CSI, Saving Grace, Hawthorne, Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior, Private Practice, Ringer, Prime Suspect and The Vampire Diaries.

4. Anne Ramsay

You know her as: The first woman who dared to date a post-Marina Jenny on The L Word
But you might also remember her from: A League of Their Own

I’m so consistently surprised when people don’t know who Anne Ramsay is. She has been in EVERYTHING, y’all! She was Jenny’s girlfriend in The L Word. She was an out lesbian Mom on Secret Life Of the American Teenager. She played ball in your favorite not-gay gay movie, A League of Their Own. She was even in my favorite show of all time, Six Feet Under! But if you’re of a certain generation you might know her best from Mad About You. Regardless, it’s impossible to have missed her boat entirely, as she’s played recurring roles on Hart of Dixie, Hawthorne, Dexter, Related, Dharma & Greg, Star Trek: The Next Generation and, most memorably, on Mad About You.

5. Annabeth Gish

You know her as: The therapist on Pretty Little Liars
Or maybe: The X-Files, The Bridge

This is a generational situation — if you’re young, you probably saw her for the first time in Pretty Little Liars. If you’re my age or older, though, you probably have been aware of her for a long time. I mean, she was nominated for a young actress award for Mystic Pizza! Remember Mystic Pizza? The first time I looked her up was when she showed up on The Bridge, and I was like, WHERE DO I KNOW HER FROM. Mhm. Dr. Sullivan, y’all. Also The West Wing, obvs. But you’ve also seen her in The X-Files, Once Upon a Time, Parenthood, Parks & Rec or Sons of Anarchy and movies like Beautiful Girls and SLC Punk!

6. CCH Pounder

Recently crossed my radar as: Mrs. Frederic on Warehouse 13

If you already knew this woman’s name than you are a wiser and better human than I am, because she’s one of the most accomplished working actresses of all time and yet I didn’t know her name until today. She’s scored regular roles on NCIS: New Orleans, Sons of Anarchy, Law & Order SVU, The Shield, ER, Women in Prison,  and Brothers. She was featured in Avatar, Face/Off and Orphan and has lent her talent to shows ranging from Cagney & Lacey, The Cosby Show and Hill Street Blues to The Practice, Girlfriends and Revenge.

7. Senta Moses

She danced the night away with Rickie on My So-Called Life and I forgot about her entirely ’til she reappeared as Principal Penelope on Faking It. But she was also Kevin McAllister’s cousin in Home Alone! Or maybe you saw her in Rizzoli & Isles, Castle, Greek, Girl Meets World, NCIS, Beckman’s World or Sister, Sister? Her hair has been perfectly curly for ages.

8. Rekha Sharma

This woman who is long overdue for a magazine cover: Canadian actress Rekha Sharma has navigated the murky ethical codes of the post-apocalyptic human race in featured roles in The 100 and Battlestar Galactica as well as popping up on Arrow, Supernatural, Once Upon a Time In Wonderland, V, Dark Angel and Smallville. She also allegedly appeared as “Lori” in the first two episodes of The L Word but I can’t find her in it for the life of me.

9. Michelle Hurst

You know her from: Orange is the New Black
You saw her again in: Law and Order
and again in: Law and Order
and also one more time in Law and Order

As Stef noted in her epic And Now Every Character From “Orange is the New Black” As They Appear In “Law and Order”, Michelle Hurst has played nine different characters in various shows in the Law & Order franchise. She’s also shown up on queer-friendly shows like Broad City, Last Tango in Halifax, The Good Wife and Sex & The City. 

10. Kathryn Hahn

You know her from: You’ve been thinking that she’s Ana Gasteyer this whole time

She was that rabbi who made the mistake of falling for Josh in Transparent, but she’s also been in Girls, Hung, The Newsroom, Parks & Recreation, Kroll Show and 115 episodes of Crossing Jordan. She looked the most like Ana Gasteyer in We’re the Millers. That picture of her is from Anchorman.

11. Beth Grant

Beth Grant has 182 IMDB credits! She’s been in over 70 feature films, appeared in over thirty plays, guested on every television show to ever exist… AND YET. She’s Beverly on The Mindy Project, but you’ve also seen her in Criminal Minds, Friends, Six Feet Under, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, CSI, Everwood, The Secret Life of the American Teenager, The Office, Grey’s Anatomy, Modern Family, Pushing Daisies and Bones.

ETA: LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE

12. Amy Hill

You might recognize this Japanese-Finnish-American performance artist and actress’ voice moreso than her face, but you probably recognize her face, too, ’cause this woman has been working. I think I first saw her when, at the age of 41, she played Margaret Cho’s 65-year-old grandmother in All-American Girl. In addition to doing voices for Lilo & Stich, Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness, American Dad!, The Legend of Korra, King of The Hill, Kim Possible and The Life and Times of Juniper Lee, she played Judy Harvey in Enlightened, Dr. Laura Brown in General Hospital, Mrs. DePaulo in That’s So Raven and did guest spots on Grey’s Anatomy, Ghost Whisperer, Glee, Law & Order, Arrested Development, The League, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Frasier, Six Feet Under, Without a Trace, Friends, Third Rock From The Sun, The Hughleys, The Closer and Desperate Housewives. Her film work includes 50 First Dates, Cat in the Hat and Next Friday.

13. Justina Machado

She was definitely Rico’s better half on Six Feet Under and also has played recurring roles on ER, Goode Behavior, Private Practice, Three Rivers and Welcome to the Family. She also turned up in Season One of The Fosters and has guested on shows including Ugly Betty, Switched at Birth, Desperate Housewives and Kath & Kim.

14. Melora Hardin

You know her from: She played Jan on The Office
And weren’t sure where you recognized her from when she showed up as: a lesbian on Transparent

Melora Hardin has 103 credits on IMDB, and is known primarily for The Office and The Hot Chick — but she’s actually been working consistently since she was nine years old. So in addition to popping up on classics like Lois & Clark, Murder She Wrote, Friends, Matlock, Little House on the Prairie, Diff’rent Strokes, The Love Boat, Quantum Leap and starring in the failed 1988 Dirty Dancing TV series, she’s also been busy these days with stuff like Scandal, Wedding Band, Outlaw, Monk, Gilmore Girls and Cover Me. Also she had lesbian sex in Transparent, so.

15. Tina Majorino

One of the most notable aspects of this actress’ career is that you’ve maybe accidentally seen everything she’s ever been in, and she hasn’t been in a ton of stuff. Just, you know, stuff like Napoleon Dynamite, Big Love, Grey’s Anatomy, Veronica Mars, True Blood and Bones. She was a child star when I was an aspiring child star, too, turning up in all my favorite films like Andre, Waterworld and Corrina, Corrina. Yet so many people still get her mixed up with Jenna Malone! I feel like she’s one TV show away from the cover of BUST Magazine. Am I the only human on earth who didn’t already know her name, though. Be honest with me.

So, how many of these actresses did you already know?

Top 5 Ways To Make Your Desk Job More Exciting

We’re celebrating Autostraddle’s Fifth Birthday all month long by publishing a bunch of Top Fives. This is one of them!

My day job is pretty cool, and I’m really lucky to have it — I get to do things I like, I’m friends with my coworkers, and I JUST GOT MOVED next to this awesome window, with a view of a small wind turbine spinning inspiringly in the distance. Still, when I quit being a gardener a couple of years ago in order to sit down all day and look at a screen, I quickly noticed a pronounced difference in my mood, my energy level, my attention span, and my propensity to freak out over trivial things. I realized that — just as you’ve got to train your brain and body to do the things you want them to do — you’ve got to train your mood and your environment, too. Here are some ways I have succeeded in bringing adventure into my 9-5.

ADVENTURE. (VIA SHUTTERSTOCK)

Note: making your desk job more exciting is totally different from making your desk more homey (though that’s also a noble goal). For that I suggest starting with a terrarium, photos of your friends/family/pets/other important people and animals, and tasty, easy homemade lunches.

1. Use lunch breaks wisely. Can you go walk around outside while you eat your PB&J? Do it! Can you set aside enough change to take yourself to that cute sandwich stop down the street every once in a while instead? Do that too! Do you have a cool coworker with whom you can set up mutually beneficial, Jim-and-Pam-esque scavenger hunts in the surrounding hallways and streets? Why haven’t I thought of this before. I’m going to do that tomorrow.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO TAKE IT THIS FAR

This goes for smaller breaks as well — think up something that intrinsically excites you and find a way to build it into your day. I have been known* to stash issues of The New Yorker in an out-of-the-way supply closet and read them in the hallway — you can totally get through a Talk of the Town before anyone comes looking for you. (And yes, I could read this same Talk Of The Town online, but that would be much less clandestine and fun).

*I have not actually been “known” to do this because I hadn’t told anyone about it, ever. But maybe now I will be.

2. Learn a skill. Think about concrete things your job requires. Do you have to type a lot, or do quick calculations? There are all kinds of programs and websites that can help you speed up your typing or your mental math. Would learning a little bit about how to code help you communicate better with your web developer? Everyone else is doing it.  Did you get your awesome position partly because you know another language? Consider asking your boss if you can spend a little of your day brushing up on it.

THIS DUDE HAS NOTHING ON YOU.

Getting measurably better at something that will help you no matter where you end up is one of those endeavors that feels purely good — especially on those days when everything else you’ve done seems like a pointless paperwork. It’s basically the opposite of constantly refreshing Twitter.

3. Play daydream games.  When you’re sitting in a chair and staring straight ahead all day, chances are you will have moments when your mind empties of its own accord. And, as we all know, an empty mind is the devil’s playground. My blank mind tends to attract repetitive thoughts of frustration and worry and boredom, so I like to distract it with what I call daydream games — enactments of little scenarios that are totally divorced from the real world, and have no consequences and no limits except for the ones I want.

YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU MIGHT FIND!

These often build themselves, but when nothing comes to me immediately, I tend to turn to childhood classics, such as Ways I Could Get From This Roof To That Roof If I Were Spiderman and What If There Was No Gravity In This Room All Of A Sudden, as well as contemporary favorite How Can I Incorporate That Weird Team-Wide Skype Conversation We Just Had Into My Future Television Show, The Office.

4. Talk to people.  Offices are generally tech-enabled, and it’s easy to have an entire day that’s full of conversing and planning and communicating without ever actually looking at anyone’s face. It may also seem preferable, but eventually never speaking to anyone takes a toll and your day begins to seem like it doesn’t belong to you. Avoid this! Break the cycle! You don’t even have to talk, actually. My mornings have been much better ever since I started compulsively high-fiving the person whose desk is between mine and the door.

:”””( (VIA NBC)

If you’re shy like me, invite interaction via a “conversation piece,” such as a strange desk decoration. Try to pick up on coworkers’ conversation pieces as well. Why else would someone have a “Fifty Shakes Of I Don’t Give A Shit” mug on their desk? They want someone to laugh at it. That someone could be you.

5. Invest in a Slinky. I think there’s probably some corporate-culture thing where Slinkys are good for productivity/mind-speed/empathy/sales. I have definitely come across articles along the lines of 9 Surprising Lessons Slinkys Can Teach Us About SEO. Don’t worry about those things. Having something at your desk that you can mess around with can turn a sleek, functional desk into a sleek desk WITH A TOY ON IT.

MAKE SURE YOUR BOSS UNDERSTANDS (VIA COMEDY CENTRAL)

Also see: that weird magical sand stuff, a yo-yo, Legos. If budget/appearing outwardly childish is a concern, very ordinary office supplies can also be easily repurposed as toys. You’re not a huge weirdo, you just happened to find yourself with an excess of paper clips and sticky tack and non-dairy creamer.

Header Image by Rory Midhani

Brittani’s Video Party: Aubrey Plaza Watches The Office with Calvin and Hobbes on the Death Star

Greetings. This is Brittani’s Video Party, where I bring some of the “best” videos from all over my internet together so we can clap, cry or deconstruct. Have you ever gotten to a video and it already has 33 million views and you wonder where the heck have you been? Well I’m here to help you so that you see it when it only has 32 million views. Aim low, world. Aim low.

Header by Rory Midhani

Marisa Tomei and Elodie Bouchez play a divorcing couple attempting to divide their possessions through mediation and Aubrey Plaza finally plays a queer lady in this Funny or Die short. Has Plaza played gay before? I feel like she hasn’t but will many more times in her career. Wishful thinking perhaps but I know I’m not alone.

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/838b7c3e30/she-said-she-said

If you are one of those people that prefers the original Office to the American one and lets everyone know how superior you are because of it then you might appreciate the return of Brent. If you prefer Michael Scott then maybe you should just watch the “Equality Street” music video and see how you feel.

People are really into Calvin and Hobbes. I’m not making that up, right? Well someone decided to animate one of their more famous strips. You might think this is awesome. You might think this is a bastardization. Won’t know unless you watch though.

It’s March Madness. If you like college basketball then, you know, duh. If you don’t, then you probably think it just some nifty alliteration you can use whenever anything crazy happens to you throughout the month. Regardless of your basketball feelings, your Star Wars feeling will be the guiding force in this video. Get it? Force. Anyway, this is March Madness explained using Star Wars.

If you have a video you think everyone should see, tweet it to @bishilarious for consideration. And of course feel free to post your favorite videos from the week below.

Televisionary: Two Annies, Three Tammys, and a Ron

We had a little mixup and put some of this post’s shows (thursday shows) into this post (wednesday shows). Sorry! Still, there’s just SO MUCH TELEVISION to talk about. Today we will discuss Community, Parks & Recreation, and The Office.

Community

By Brittany

This episode of Community felt like an old episode of Community. Not in the ‘back to laughing out loud’ way. In the ‘return to Annie and Jeff’s creepy relationship’ way. Annie finds competition in newcomer, Asian Annie, Britta files going to college as doing nothing with her life, and Chang begins his job as Top Flight Security of the World.

In “Annie vs. Annie,” Community continues to make Nerd TV with a Model UN face off between two Earths, each led by a different Annie. The study group, minus Britta, forms the perfect United Nations as they agree on everything and are nothing but helpful to each other. Troy is surprisingly knowledgeable on Georgia’s position despite giving all of his contributions in a southern accent. Martin Starr (Freaks and Geeks, Party Down) presides over the battle as Professor Cligoris (pronounced kli-gə-rəs or kli-ˈgȯr-əs).

Abed: Are there parallel Earths in different galaxies or identical Earths in different dimensions?

Professor Cligoris: The latter one.

Abed: But what does that say about free will?

Professor Cligoris: Ready, set, peace.

When it seems Annie will inevitably lose to Asian Annie, she throws a fit reminiscent of ‘blowing it off.’ Jeff informs her she’s “acting like a little school girl. And not in a hot way.” He admits that sounds kind of creepy which I think speaks to their entire relationship. Abed devises a plan that garners them the win since Model UN, like the real UN, is about “high-minded rhetoric and empty gestures.”

Jeff: Abed, you can’t just mumble nonsense. No one’s cutting away.

Meanwhile, away from the bonding, Britta regrets selling out from her rebellious self-righteous ways of yore. After an episode long back and forth with Chang (and herself), Britta decides to take a stand by interrupting the end of the Model UN face-off. For what, no one is quite sure which is a hilarious comment on certain current events.

Cligoris: What the hell are you doing?

Britta: Nothing. And you can’t do anything to stop me.

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Parks and Recreation

by Brittani

This weeks’ Parks and Rec was on point. Ron continued his battle with Tammy 1, Ann shoots a diabetes PSA with Chris, and Entertainment 720 encounters financial woes.

Remember how Tammy 2 (Megan Mullally) made Ron a sex crazed wild man? Well Tammy 1 (Patricia Clarkson) does the opposite. Her ice cold demeanor and grown man coddling converts Ron into a colorful polo wearing punk. He bends to her every want and command. Thanks to Leslie, we discover that right now she wants Ron back…mostly for the gold he has buried all over Pawnee. The audit is a front so she can make sure Ron is financially stable and able to take care of her.
Leslie: You gold digger. You are literally a gold digger.

Leslie runs down to the country and grabs Tammy 0 (Paula Pell). A good old-fashioned drink off ensues using Swanson Family Mash Liquor.

April: I’m Puerto Rican, I can handle it.

Eventually Ron, down a mustache, returns to his old ways and sends all the Tammys packing.

Ann wants to revamp a PSA and thinks her energetic ex Chris is the perfect man for the job. She’s forgetten that he is a perfectionist and ends up wasting a day shooting the spot. This was the weakest part of the episode as I think Chris is best in small doses.

Chris: Let’s do one more, then five more, then twenty in a row.

Over at Entertainment 720, Tom and Jean-Ralphio are running the company into the ground at an astonishing pace. With NBA players on retainer, pretty secretaries that do anything but sercretate (I just made that word up), and expensive items that appear to be furniture, they have no choice but to ask Ben for help. He is a nerd and the most responsible person they know so it makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is they refuse his advice and double check his work by hiring five accountants. I’m not quite sure where Entertainment 720 is headed but as long as that means more Jean-Ralphio, I’m on board.

This was a classic Parks and Rec episode. I didn’t mention it last time but Aubrey Plaza as April is killing it. She has been unbelievably funny these first two episodes and I hope she gets more screen time as the season progresses. Until next week!  Oh and I almost forgot…toilet wine.

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The Office

by Riese

I’ve realized I can’t really recap or even discuss The Office because it’s already funny. It doesn’t need me to make it funnier, and there’s nothing to satarize or comment on because it is constantly satarizing and commenting on itself.

I read an interview with The Office creators the other day where they explained that they picked Andy for manager because he is a “people person” and a “people pleaser.” He puts relationships above the actual work of the office and wants to be liked and nice to his co-workers more than he wants to sell paper. I thought that made perfect sense.

So, these are my thoughts about The Office Episode 802 “The Incentive”:

+ Kevin needs to sit on a knife or find new jokes.

+ I didn’t LOL very much this episode, but that happens sometimes with this show. I was still amused the entire time.

+ Jim is so kind sometimes, like he was really kind to Andy.

+ I still don’t know how I feel about Robert California.

+ Erin is really emerging as the underdog laugh-house power-horse.

You?

Jess’s Team Pick: Mindy Kaling Tweets Her Unused ‘Office’ Storylines

How do we all feel about The Office? Not sure about you, but Jim and Pam make me believe in love. Anyhoo, in honor of Steve Carell‘s last show, kickass writer/actress/co-executive producer (and friend of Samantha Ronson) Mindy Kaling (aka Kelly Kapoor) tweeted out her unused storyline ideas for his character, Michael Scott.

See celebrities? This is how you use Twitter.

2009 Autostraddle Televisionary Awards: Lesbians’ Choice

Carlytron’s Very First Televisionary Graphic!

Sometimes I can’t tell if TV is amazing or terrible right now. On the one hand, I feel like scripted TV is having somewhat of a Golden Age: we definitely didn’t have so many brilliant high-calibre shows all actively dominating the grid until the last couple of years. We’ve got  Mad Men, True Blood, Lost, and 30 Rock just to name a few.

Cable nets are finally able to compete with the major networks and often deliver higher-quality programming.

TV is the most accessible it’s ever been with the advancement of mobile, on demand, and web platforms.

However, on the other hand, there is more trash on TV now than I’ve ever seen before in my life: shows like Farmer Wants a Wife, Dating In The Dark, Hitched or Ditched, and Jon and Kate Plus 8 have taken “reality programming” to all-time lows (and I really love reality TV, I just think we need to draw a line someplace).

But I am an optimist; I think TV is in a really amazing place now! I used to love films but now I only see a few a year (this is due in part to how obnoxiously expensive it is to see a movie, but also I have been less excited about the film options that I’ve seen lately). I think TV is where it’s at, which is why I love it so much. I work in TV, I watch a ton of TV, I read about TV… and while some of my all-time faves have already come and gone (Newsradio, Buffy, and Arrested Development to name a few), I think our television options are great and diverse.

So now it’s time to give out some awards! These are just my opinions, I’m no expert, so sound off in the comments if you agree/disagree/want to punch me in the face.

The Dearly Departed Award

The show we’ll miss the most this year is The L Word. Despite five years of inconsistencies (and that fact that it was not the way that anyone lived) it was the first show about lesbians, and we will miss having that visibility on teevee three months out of every year (also missed: Carmen’s ass). Hm. Maybe we’ll recap the first few seasons for y’all since we didn’t start up our Recap Factory ’til Season Four…and didn’t really get gooood ’til Season Five…

The Gayest Moment of the Year Award

I had to disqualify all of the awards shows from this (Tonys, AMAs, VMAs) because there were too many uber-gay moments to sift through. So I guess the gayest moment of the year would be the moment Vogue Evolution burst onto our screens on America’s Best Dance Crew this summer. On a show that boasts such bravado, seeing our favorite dancing queens take the stage each week was fun, fabulous and revolutionary.

Best New Show of the Year Award

This was so difficult for me to decide that I decided there would be a tie: both Modern Family and Nurse Jackie are the best new shows of the year.

Worst New Show of the Year Award

Three Rivers. Sorry Shane. Perhaps they figured any ol’ medical drama would succeed, but the organ donation hospital niche was about as special/exciting as Law & Order: Parking Violations Unit. Hopefully next year they’ll set a drama in my dentist’s office and I can throw a table at someone if forced to wait for over three hours.

The Least Surprising Thing That Happened This Year Award

Also not surprising? Ilene Chaiken’s L Word spin-off The Farm wasn’t picked up by Showtime.

Most Improved Show of the Year Award

Obviously I think we can all agree that Parks and Recreation is the most improved show on tv right now. I almost stopped watching it after its lackluster first season, but I’m glad I stuck with it — it’s become one of my favorite shows over the course of the year. I guess we should’ve all known better than to doubt Amy Poehler… sorry girl!

Honorable Mention: Grey’s Anatomy and Ugly Betty (though I’m sure no one will agree with me, both have improved greatly over the course of their current seasons)

The Really, Papi, Really!? Award for
the Worst Storyline of the Year

WHO KILLED JENNY SCHECTER?! And basically all of L Word season 6. What the hell happened there? This was somehow worse than all of the crap we had to endure on Grey’s Anatomy, a feat I considered impossible until I saw the final season of the L Word.

The Guiltiest Pleasure Award

There are so many guilty pleasures on tv these days, what with Jersey Shore and The Hills and everything on the E! network. But I’m still a sucker for The Real Housewives franchise. I love all of them — Jersey, NYC, Atlanta, and the original crew in the OC. They provide us with hours and hours of mindless entertainment year-round, and for that I thank them (and Bravo).

The Too Much of a Good Thing Award

You guys, I srsly love So You Think You Can Dance, but Fox’s decision to air an extra season this fall was a total disaster. The contestants weren’t as strong as previous seasons, no Mia Michaels, and there is already way too much on during the fall to be able to make time for several hours of this show per week.

The Award For the Most Bizarre Ending to an Amazing Series

Battlestar Galactica (bet you thought I was going to say The L Word, eh? The L Word isn’t really “amazing”) definitely wins this award. Half letdown, half confusing as hell… totally bizarro ending to a really fantastic show.

Best Social Commentary on Television Award

This award signals somewhat of a passing of the guard; although Battlestar Galactica has ended, Mad Men continues to thrive. Both of these shows continually delivered stellar writing and acting layered with spot-on social commentary, making them not only enjoyable to watch but some of the best television programming of the decade.

The Award For the Most Gays in a Kitchen

With all of the reality competition shows — specifically the cooking-related reality competition shows — it’s not hard to decide which features the best and most numerous gay castmembers: Top Chef on Bravo. This year we got to meet gaylady chef Ashley Merriman, who managed to charm the aprons off of everyone I know (male, female, gay, straight, otherwise).

The Syndication Awards

The syndication of television shows is a double-edged sword: on the one hand, you can see your favorite shows all the time on random channels; on the other hand, you are subject to seeing shows you hate all the time on random channels. The worst show that is on every channel at every hour is King of Queens (close runner-up: Everybody Loves Raymond); the best show that is on every channel at every hour is the Law and Order franchise.

The Best TV Event or Made-For-TV Movie Award

We should just call this the Revolutionary Costume For Today award, because even though made for tv movies can be sorta crappy, HBO’s Grey Gardens proved itself to not only be a critical success but a fan favorite worthy of Edie waving an American flag around excitedly.

The Liz Lemon Award For the Best New TV Catchphrase We Learned This Year

Generally I speak in 30 Rock-isms, but I’m actually giving this award to “tardy for the party,” a phrase that I’ve picked up from The Real Housewives of Atlanta and the name of Kim Zolciak’s ridiculous song. Hey remember that time she performed it live?

Honorable Mention: “Prostitution whore!” (Real Housewives of NJ), “That’s a dealbreaker ladies!” (30 Rock)

The Best Award Show of the Year

There were so many award shows this year, right? The Grammys, the Oscars, the Golden Globes, the Emmys, the AMAs, the VMAs, the Logo NewNowNext Awards, Bravo’s A List Awards… it’s a lot to follow. But I’d have to say that my favorite award show this year was actually the MTV Video Music Awards, due to the amount of YouTube-able moments (Kanye making Taylor Swift relevant, Gaga thanking God and the gays, all of those amazing performances!).

Next:
The funniest lady on TV, Maddow, Our favorite talk show, Shark Week, Award Shows that were worth it, the OMFG Award and more…

The Week Clowns, Mouth-Tears, Dinosaurs and Shy Ronnie Made Hilarious TV History

Hello squirrel friends! I’m back! Didja miss me?

So our beloved shows are heading into the winter hiatus, so things are gonna get quiet here for a bit (JK I have a year-end wrap-up that’s gonna knock your socks off coming up soon!). Not too much news to report here today, aside from the fact that Better Off Ted returned for its sophomore season Tuesday night (it’s on Hulu and ABC.com if you missed it). Yes! Wednesday night was the fall finale of Glee. I hope our lil’ baby finished strong (I’m a lil’ behind)! If Auto-pal Dorothy Snarker’s spoilery preview clip is any indication (it’s like the lesbian phone tree on The L Word meets the obvious lesbian subtext in Bring It On), it should be a doozy.

Also, in case you missed it, check out my recap of the penultimate fall episode of Glee!

Ok, on with the show! As always this post is brought to you by that bottle of cabernet sauvignon that I just polished off. And now…

The Carlytron Television Awards

for the Week Ending 12/06/09!

The Funny Hot Girls Award – Saturday Night Live

Host: Blake Lively / Musical Guest: Rihanna

That’s right, I’m leading off with SNL this week, which I usually bury near the end. But this episode was actually good, so it gets to sit up here at the top like a bright shining star. Now, don’t go getting cocky or anything SNL, this season has been pretty weak and Wiig is carrying your sorry ass. But, let’s forget about that just for today. Blake Lively hosted and totally blew my mind because she was crazy and amazing, and normally we just get to see her play Serena Van der Woodsen, who’s pretty chill. So seeing her play a lady bowler or Virginica’s step-daughter was totally, totally awesome.

Then there was Shy Ronnie, which is my new favorite thing of forever. Rihanna, I love you. The faces she makes at Andy Samberg are totally genius.

Possibly the Most Depressing Show on Television Because It Is Too Real – The Office

Some blippity-bloo happens with an employee of the month program where Dwight tries to get Jim fired but it fails and then Ryan joins forces to take him down in the future. Whatevs. This is boring. The real story here is that 10 years ago Michael promised a class of 3rd graders that he’d pay for their college tuition, and now they’ve come to collect! He goes to their school to be like “oh hey jk about that whole tuition thing” but they start singing a song they wrote for them and it’s just horrifying, seeing this sincere outpouring of gratitude for a man who might as well be made of cotton candy (fun fact: Glenda from Fanny Pak plays one of Scott’s Tots!).

This show is so depressing. Middle management has turned Jim into a dick, Dwight has been spending way too many episodes trying to take Jim down, and Michael is a complete disaster still, after all these years. I need like, a Silkwood shower of happiness after this show.

The Unexpected Comeback Award – Ugly Betty

Episode 408 – The Bahamas Triangle

Oh, hey, didja hear? Ugly Betty is awesome again. This episode was so good you guys! Full of surprise twists, gayness, girls in bikinis and Shakira! The most hilarious thing about this episode was the painfully obvious green screen behind Shakira in all of her shots:

Amanda and Marc continue to be the best part of this show, but Betty managed to be marginally less annoying than normal. This episode reminded me of that L Word episode where they all have sex at the end, cause that’s basically what happens here (and it is SCANDALOUS). The exciting bonus here is that ABC is rewarding its return to fabulousness by moving it to their Wednesday night comedy block, and away from the Friday night purgatory slot. Yay!

The Terribly Awkward Family Dinner Award – Gossip Girl

Episode 311 – The Treasure of Serena Madre

DRAMZ.

You guys, I love Gossip Girl so much. Like, so much! This was the annual Thanksgiving episode, and in the storied tradition of Gossip Girl Thanksgiving episodes, a whole lotta cray-cray shit happened. Serena’s non-affair was EXPOSED to everyone including Maureen and Lily and CeCe! Like, it’s not bad enough to make out with a married man, but to have his wife and your mom and your grandmother find out is pretty lame. Ouch. Serena chooses the Senator over poor ol’ Nate and Vanessa chooses a homosexual over Dan (that’s the correct decision, FYI). Blair’s mom and Cyrus are moving to Paris with her gay dad and DOROTA IS PREGGERS OMG. Also: Chuck Bass still exists; is pretty quiet this season. Oh and some serious shit happens between Little J and Eric that is highly dramatic and will [hopefully] end in Jenny’s demise.

The Award For the Most Unsafe Event I Have Ever Seen – Modern Family

Episode 109 – Fizbo

Ok this actually aired during the previous week but it was like the only thing to talk about so I’m just writing about it now. Goddamn this show is funny. This episode was told somewhat out of order, where we saw scenes of the aftermath intercut with the actual event. There is a birthday party extravaganza that lands on of our beloved family members in the ER but we have no idea who. And they do a nice job of presenting a ton of moments that could have led to an injury, but none did until the end when Luke slipped on some stupid beads and broke his arm in the fall.

The absolute best thing ever happened in this episode: we got to meet Cam’s clown alter-ego, Fizbo. Fizbo is classically trained in clownin’ and is also a badass who can make balloon animals effortlessly. He is so awesome. Just like this show.

The Totally Awesome Breakdown Award – 30 Rock

Episode 407 – Dealbreakers Talk Show #0001

So. Liz Lemon spirals out of control in a totally horrifying, embarrassing way this week, which is probably exactly what you’d imagine would happen when she tries to host her own talk show! Liz turns into a crazy mutant version of Jenna who forgets how to wave and gets bargain-Lasik which causes her to cry from her mouth. Tracy wants to EGOT, meaning he wants to win an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, and a Tony. He tries to steal the awards from Whoopi Goldberg but she catches him; so he writes the worst song ever. No, seriously, it’s terrible: Jenna scats.

ALSO: THESE HD GAGS. HA! Clockwise: Liz, Pete, Jack, and Kenneth in HD.

The Gayest Moment of the Week Award – FlashForward

Episode 110 – A561984

This was the last FlashForward until the spring and it was… okay. I really want to love this show, and I enjoy watching it, but I just hope that writer David S. Goyer isn’t bluffing that the second half will in fact be “a juggernaut.”

Anyway, our gay moment of the week came in the form of our favorite tv lesbian Janis Hawk talking to cute doctor Bryce about getting preggers:

Janis: “I need something a little more basic. I’m actually gonna be doing this alone, and the whole penis thing is kind of a problem for me. Cause… I don’t like them.

Bryce: “Oh. you’re gay.”

Janis: “I’m super gay.”

Bryce: “Super gay.”

The Strippers and Dinosaurs Award – Parks and Recreation

Episode 211 – Tom’s Divorce

Seriously, this show is so awesome. What other show can feature both strippers and dinosaurs in the same episode? Yeah, exactly.

Tom is finally getting a divorce from his hot fake wife but Leslie doesn’t know it’s a sham marriage so she takes him out to cheer him up. They go to a restaurant called Jurrasic Fork and the dinosaur puns ensue: Jamaican Jerk Chicken Velociwrap, Tricerachops (cooked Medium Roar), Surf ‘n’ Turfasaurus and Tyrannacaesar Salad. Goddamn I love puns. Then she decides that the only way to really cheer him up is to take him to a strip club, which leads to this amazing exchange:

Leslie: “We are going to the Glitter Factory.”

Tom: “What!?”

Donna: “Not me, I can’t go back there. But if you see Jasmine, tell her she can keep Anfernee, but I want my microwave back.”

Leslie: “Okay. Good. You’re gonna take April home.”

April: “No! I wanna go to the Glitter Factory.”

Leslie: “Well, drop out of school and start doing meth. Let’s go everybody.”

Tom: “Leslie, I appreciate what you’re trying to do but once you go in there, you will see things you cannot unsee.:

Leslie: “I’m a feminist, ok? I would never go to a strip club. I have gone on record that if I had to have a stripper’s name it would be Equality. But I’m willing to sacrifice all that I’ve worked for just to put a smile on your perverted little face. So don’t blow this.”

Also I think that Ron has a thing for lesbians; he lists his ideal women as Sheryl Swoopes and Steffi Graf (note: only one of those is actually a lesbian).

The Dollhouse Award for Dollhouse

Episode 205 – The Public Eye / Episode 206 – The Left Hand

I will miss seeing this every Friday on my TV.

Ok. These weren’t terrible. Yes that was plural; we were treated to two episodes because Fox is trying to end this ASAP. According to Ausiello, the rest of the series will play out thusly:

Dec. 4: two episodes

Dec. 11: two episodes

Dec 18: two episodes

Jan 8: one episode

Jan 15: one episode

Jan 22: one episode (series finale)

A whole lot of convoluted happened this week. All you need to know is that Echo wore lingerie, Perrin is actually a doll (how fun is it seeing Wesley and Faith reunited!?) and his “wife” is his handler (and she straight-up HATES him), Summer Glau plays Bennett (the Topher of the DC Dollhouse) who tortures Echo A LOT, and Victor is imprinted to be a Topher replacement while Topher is in DC. It’s like having two Tophers! So funny!

Interesting article I read this week: apparently Joss’s creative battles with Fox were over sex, not mythos. I like that the dirt is finally starting to leak now that it’s been cancelled. More please!

The Hot Girl of the Week Award

By Intern Lola

Courtney Ford hasn’t played many roles yet. Still, when she first appeared on this season of Dexter, I drove myself crazy trying to figure out where I’d seen her before. (Yes, I know I could’ve just Googled her, but that’s too easy. This was a matter of pride!) Then it finally came to me — she played a smart flirty bartender last year on my favorite show, Criminal Minds. Besides a few other guest spots on a broad spectrum of shows (from Moesha to Cold Case), she’s best known as the wife of the dude who played the new Superman, Brandon Routh. (I won’t even go into how lame Superman is, since it really has nothing to do with Courtney Ford and will only excite me.)

Hopefully, her recurring role on Dexter will bring her the attention she deserves. I liked her character Christine Hill from the get-go, probably because you’re supposed to hate her. She is a manipulative journalist whose motivations are never quite clear, and she gets involved with Quinn, who is the least trustworthy guy on the show. What can I say? Good girls are boring… and c’mon, she’s hot. I’d let her play me for information any day of the week. We also get to see her naked and sexing, which is awesome. Besides the obvious reason, it’s awesome because the “Rated N for Nudity” warning is usually in reference to some gruesome naked corpse, or even more terrifying… naked John Lithgow. It’s just nice to have a hot naked girl to look at every so often.

Thank you Lola for this informative graphic.

Honorable Mention

Community – Annie helps put on an STD fair at Greendale but it just causes everyone to have more sex; Jeff grows up a little bit; there is a rather mortifying scene involving a mannequin and a condom and that’s all I’m saying.

Tabatha’s Salon Takeover – Are you guys watching this? Bitch is still fierce as hell. She almost punched the girl who owned the salon this week, and I think she’s definitely going to punch the salon owner next week. Damn, I love this show.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – It wasn’t the best episode, but watching Danny DeVito eat sausages out of his shirt pocket without using hands has got to be one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

Heroes – I am like, literally a month behind on this show. Uh, I’m gonna assume that it’s still terribly annoying.

Desperate Housewives – Apparently a goddamn plane crashed into Wisteria Lane. Why does anyone still live on this street?!

‘Tron out!

The Week of Gays in Unexpected Places, Like Outer Space & Behind-the-Scenes

Hey TV lovers, it’s us! Ya know… Autostraddle. Carlytron returned from her big vaycay this week and was a little behind at work and was unable to produce the whole kit and kaboodle herself, so we’ve got another team effort here, along with Carly’s own summarized Glee re-cap.

Things have been super busy for us lately — working on exciting new stuff! — but we haven’t forgotten you! We’ve missed you. Did you miss you us? Well, just like Cougar Town resuming production, we’ve come back to you! And even though Flash Forward recently halted production, the network insists it won’t leave you either. See? The future is bright!

Back to your regularly scheduled programming…

The Team Autostraddle Television Awards for the Week Ending 11/28/09!

Hey That’s Haviland on my Teevee Award – Eastwick

Episode 109 – Paint & Pleasure
(By Riese)

This week we all watched Eastwick for the first time because Autostraddle’s BFF out lez actress Haviland Stillwell was in it! Eastwick is about a group of Suburban women who gain witch powers after being left by their husbands, based on the movie Witches of Eastwick starring Cher, Michelle Pfeiffer and Susan Sarandon, which was based on a novel by John Updike, one of America’s greatest most prolific writers who died in January. At this point I don’t think the on-screen versions have much to do with the book anymore.

Anyhoo, Haviland Stillwell played a girl with straight hair who went to an art party with Kat’s ex-husband which makes Kat jealous. Kat is one of the witches!

For us the viewing audience we also discovered that secretly all this time, Eastwick has been storing away some of our favorite hot ladies; like Cherie Jaffe (Patricia Arquette) and Sara Rue, as well as Lindsay Price who you may remember as Steve Sanders’ girlfriend on Beverly Hills 90210.

So, Mystique painted a bunch of crap paintings because she really let herself go and express herself, and this dude got her an art show b/c he liked her work. And then the dude bought all of Mystique’s art to impress Cherie Jaffe, and it works. I think Cherie was just trying to get over Shane and would’ve seduced Kat later, or Haviland. Except Haviland isn’t into Shane. Anyhoo!

So that’s how we get to the art show where Haviland is canoodling with Kat’s ex-husband on the balcony and Kat has a panic attack which causes little mini-tornado but Haviland survives and was like, “whatever, my hair looks even better now b/c of the wind, Bumble & Bumble can’t even put this shit in a bottle.”

Luckily Haviland is rescued by her date b/c Haviland is little and he has strong man-arms! Look at this foxy cast ‘o characters!

Unfortunately Eastwick has not been picked up for the full season … which is confusing, b/c excluding Lost premieres and finales, Eastwick‘s premiere pulled in ABC’s highest viewers and young adult numbers in the time period with regular programming sine 2007, and it still continues to beat Jay Leno. If you want to Save Eastwick, check out Save Eastwick on facebook and sign the Save Eastwick Petition.

I interviewed Haviland about her experience on set via BBM, she said “I loved working with the cast and director and everyone involved to create the scene! It was very collaborative and fun and quick. Exhilarating.” Also she’s sick right now with swine flu or swamp fever or something, so she could just be talking crazy.

how could you not want to save this face?

Gayest Moment of the Week Award – Stargate Universe

Episode 109 – Life
(by Intern Daphne)

Hey there Friendos, it’s your Belgian SciFi geek again. You saw last week’s episode of Stargate Universe? Yes? No? I hope so, because you really should. Since this is the first time we’re discussing this show, I’ll give you a super brief “what’s it about”. Stargate Universe is about a bunch of people (soldiers, scientists, a hot daughter of a senator…) stranded on an ancient spaceship, trying to find a way to get home. However, they have a device that allows them to switch bodies with whomever, wherever, so they can still visit their loved ones, but just in another body. Got that? Ok, let’s move on then.

This episode starts with everybody doing push-ups and jogging around the ship. I don’t think they should burn precious calories and energy running around like it’s a high school gym class. Anyway. Guess what they find while exploring the huge ship? Yes! A device that may get them back to Earth. The big discussion is whether or not to try it. (They find something that might get them home almost every episode.) Besides Colonel Young wanting everybody to get a psych evaluation and Lt. Scott finding out he has a son, nothing exciting happened in the rest of the episode… Except the part where two girls started kissing on my screen!

It’s IOA member Camile Wray’s turn to use the communication stones. She gets transferred into the body of a soldier on earth. Obviously Camile goes visiting her girlfriend, and thank god the directors let Ming-Na (who plays Camile) do that acting instead of the soldier whose body Camile is in. OMG you guys, when Camile stands at her doorstep and her gf is confused and she doesn’t know if it’s really Camile, Camile says “Have you thrown away that ugly chair yet?” in Chinese, and they fall into each other’s arms. Such a beautiful moment.

Camile and her girlfriend have a wonderful night, cooking, eating, snuggling, talking in Chinese or whatever, making jokes about the chair. There is a dark side about it all though, as you can notice. You just feel the sadness through the haze of happiness.

Only thing I don’t really get: they make love, but Camile is actually in the body of another woman… Isn’t that confusing for the girlfriend? When Camile and her gf have to say goodbye, their goodbye is devastating.

Girlfriend: “Wuo ai ni.”
Camile: “I love you too.”

And the girlfriend burst out in tears. Last thing we see Camile do on earth is tell her parents she is fine, though she can not tell them it’s really her.

What I liked about this episode, apart from the awesomeness of Stargates, is that it portrays a high-ranking gay woman. The fact that it’s possible, and it’s ok to be gay. Because you know, it is.

I’m Trying To Bite My Tongue And Not Give It a Snarky Award Because I Still Love It – Glee

Episodes 110 – Ballad & 111 – Hairography
(by Carlytron)

Both of these episodes were sub-par but at least the plot moved a bit. I watched them both back to back and actually can’t tell them apart in my mind right now necessarily; they sorta felt like one giant episode.

The overall theme was DISTRACTION. Write that down, I don’t know if it’ll come across too clearly in the episodes (JK they use the word “distraction” at least 35 times all told). Everyone is too distracted by something to realize what’s really going on. Yeah that sounds about right.

There was way too little Lynch and Emma, so Kurt had to hold up most of the awesome during these episodes with bon mots like these:

“I mean he’s cheating off a girl who thinks the square root of 4 is rainbows.” (re: Brittney)
“A makeover is like crack for me.”
“Your room looks like where Holly Hobby and Strawberry Shortcake go to make out.” (re: Rachel’s room)

Basically here’s what you need to know: the writing is still not very good, things are still a little dumb, and they keep exploiting and/or stereotyping every possible minority group under the sun.

Rachel falls in love with Will when he sings to her (like, immediately) then she cleans his house and is only finally dissuaded from pursuing him further when an older student tells her to give up the ghost; Kurt gets close to Finn and actually professes his love for him except Finn thinks it’s a song title and misses the boat entirely; everyone sings a million songs; Quinn decides to keep the baby and entertains the notion of letting Puck help raise it; Quinn realizes that Puck is a manwhore and decides to give the baby to Terri; Terri’s sister continues to be a complete disaster of a human being; the Lynch sells the Glee club’s secrets to their two competitors; EVE PLAYS A RIVAL GLEE DIRECTOR OMG I LOVE EVE SO BAD; deaf kids sing a song and my reaction was “oh no they di-in’t!” because in an earlier scene they were clearly making fun of the hearing impaired and the whole thing was just completely exploitative; Kurt gives Rachel a makeover which backfires because he sabotaged her because he is a SNEAKY GAY SCHEMER; Finn tells his mom that he got Quinn pregnant and then — under Kurt’s guidance — tells Quinn’s parents the same (via song) so they kick her out and she goes to live with Finn’s family; WILL STILL DOES NOT KNOW THAT TERRI IS NOT REALLY PREGNANT OH MY GOD.

Anyway, that’s what happened.

Second Gayest Moment of the Week Award – American Music Awards

(by Riese)

You Can’t Do That on Television! Obviously the gayest moment of the week happened off-camera this week: the ABC guy who we’re imagining literally thrust his entire torso onto the control board in reaction to Adam Lambert stuffing a male dancer’s head in his crotch. The result? The gesture was muted. Yes, muted. As in, there was no sound. That’s amazing. It makes just about as much sense as canceling Lambert’s appearance on Good Morning America the next day although Chris Brown, a convicted beater of women, will be guesting on the show next week. HEY ABC REMEMBER WHEN YOU CANCELED MY SO-CALLED LIFE? I h8 u.

Great Outdoors Award – Parks and Recreation

Episode 210 – Hunting Trip
(by Sarah)

I laughed more at this show than anything else I watched this week. Season 2 is so so so much better!
So every fall, Ron Swanson takes the men in the office on a hunting trip. When Leslie finds out, she lobbies to get everyone else on the trip, too. Ron has to give in because it’s a department-sponsored trip. So everyone treks up to the woods and many discussion about gender ensue.

After some pantsing antics, someone accidentally shoots Ron in the head, and Leslie ends up taking the blame. The best part is when the park ranger interviews Leslie. He’s super sexist, and she responds with sexist cliches so he buys her story. I imagine they left the camera running while Amy Poehler came up with as many lines as she could think of (i.e. a lot), and then used the funny ones (i.e. probs all of them).

April and Andy got some quality time together back at the office, which led to a lot of neck hickies. Grossers.

Next: Hot Almost-Naked Aliens on V, Grey’s Anatomy Special Comment, 30 Rock, How I Met Your Mother, and a hot girl of the week from Modern Family!

The Week Lesbian Pre-Sweeps Action Surprised Me … In a Good Way

Why, hello there squirrel friends! This week on TV everyone had some sort of gay kiss, so there is A LOT to talk about. But first, news!

After like a million days of audition episodes (zzzz), So You Think You Can Dance has finally revealed its Top 20 dancers for season 6. Tune in to Fox tonight at 8 to watch the competition get underway.

NBC has officially picked up Community (yay!), Parks and Recreation (awesome comeback!) and Mercy (wait, what?) for full seasons (does that mean less Georgina Sparks on Gossip Girl? ‘Cause I’m gonna be PISSED). But, bad news for Dollhouse, which is going on hiatus until December, effectively skipping November sweeps. Fox already said it would air the 13 season two episodes it originally ordered, but at this point it would be shocking if it picked it up for any more. Which is a shame, ’cause I like this show, but overall it’s been kinda disappointing (though this week’s outing was pretty awesome, but more on that later). Why does Joss keep working with Fox? I could see this doing really well on SyFy or something like that.

In some totally awesome news, both Kristen Bell and THE LYNCH will be back on Party Down‘s second season. And Zooey Deschanel will definitely be on the December 10th Christmas episode of Bones with her sister Emily, also awesome (warning: there are spoilers at that link!).

Also TWoP has a great list of web series that you should check out. And finally, if you missed it on Friday, you can read my giant Gleecap here.

And now…

The Carlytron Television Awards for the Week Ending 10/25/09!

The “Luke, I Am Your Father” Award – The Office

Episode 606 – The Lover

The Office was awesome again this week (after the disaster of last week) because Michael told Pam that he was dating her mother and Pam went insane. It was amazing. Also, since becoming co-manager, Jim is sorta turning into Michael, right? My favorite part was when Kelly shouted, “what the hell is a mallard?!” at Dwight. It was all in Mindy Kaling’s delivery. Speaking of, the Office‘s newest series of webisodes will premiere Thursday on NBC.com and is called “Subtle Sexuality.” It looks totally amazing:

The Lez Girls Award – 30 Rock

Episode 402 – Into the Crevasse

Holy shit you guys. LIZ LEMON IS JENNY SCHECTER! Jenny based the dealbreakers in her book on Tracy’s life! All of the guys at work get mad at Liz this week because her book is ruining their lives, but Tracy takes it the furthest (naturally). His scenes with Liz were some of the funniest I’ve ever seen. His line delivery on “It’s Jenna. From work.” killed me. To settle their feud, Jack lets Tracy have Liz’s life rights, and she writes him a porn based on her life, which he directs. Jenna is totally into watching the Jenna and Liz porn ladies hook up. Meanwhile, Jack goes to D.C. to testify before a committee led by none other than Devon Banks, his gay arch-rival. I love Will Arnet and get very excited whenever he’s on the show.

The TANTRUM! Award – How I Met Your Mother

Episode 505 – Duel Citizenship

Ready? Robin gets into a bar fight (yes!) so now she’s gonna get deported so she has to become a US citizen to Barney teaches her how to be an American but then on her way home she gets wasted and taken to Canada by the Women’s National Curling Team (hot!) and Barney gets beaten up by some Canadians and then they go home and Robin decides she’ll get dual citizenship. Meanwhile, Ted and Marshall try to relive their college years by taking a road trip to Chicago to eat some pizza but Lily comes along and annoys Ted so he kidnaps Marshall while they’re at a hotel on the way there and he gets mad and then they make up and then they get back and Lily had no idea they were gone. This was pretty awesome. No plot advancement, but awesome. And awesome continuity note: every time Marshall and Ted are in a car on a show they are singing “500 Miles” and although I hated that song back in the 90s, it’s really perfect on HIMYM.

The Vanessa Abrams Award For Unprecedented Asshattery – Gossip Girl

Episode 306 – Enough About Eve

Both Blair and Vanessa get PWNED this week, Serena sucks at poker, Hilary Duff is actually charming, Nate is more clever than we usually give him credit for, Chuck is awesome, and we find out that the apple (in this case,Vanessa) doesn’t fall far from the tree: her mother is somehow more annoying than she is. She’s all, “oh I just came from the co-op, blah blah blah, we don’t believe in elitist education, blah blah suck,” and I’m like, “Uh, lady, it’s NYU, are you kidding me? And you did not come from a co-op unless you live in Park Slope which you do not so SHUT UP and take Vanessa with you when you leave please, she is killing me and her hair is still a mess.” Jeez, these people. Oh and Chuck kissed a boy, and he liked it (hope that Blair don’t mind it! And she didn’t! Cause she played him!). He’s all like, “not my first time at this rodeo, Blair,” but as Lily points out, he would’ve done anything Blair would’ve asked him to. This episode was awesome. I love this season so far.

The Most Changed For the Better Since High School – Dollhouse

Episode 204 – Belonging

This award is a Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion shootout because the evil dude who was trying to take Sierra away was actually played by Vincent Ventresca, who played Billy Christensen in that amazing film. I kept quoting the movie every time he was on the screen, so I was a bit distracted. For instance, during the scene where he’s beating up Sierra, I was saying, “If anyone needs to make a call, I’ve got a phone!” Anyway, this was probably the best episode of this season so far, focusing mostly on Sierra’s backstory. It was really compelling and intense and GROSS (they showed way too much of the body cleanup scene for my taste) and Topher’s heart grew three sizes that day.

Also Echo wore this dress, which may or may not have been painted on:

Special Comment: Grey’s Anatomy

Episode 606 – I Saw What I Saw

My dumb ass decided to watch this right before bed and it was sorta graphic and intense so then I had to watch some Newsradio to calm down and fall asleep. Did you guys know that they have most of the series on Hulu? Isn’t that amazing? God I love that show. Any other Newsradio freaks out there? I reference it all the time in real life and no one ever knows what I’m talking about. Sadness. Um, I’m getting off topic here, anyway…

So despite the lack of lesbian anything, I actually really liked this episode… but I’m a sucker for a murder mystery! This episode was crazytown, it told the story of a mass injury fire wherein a woman dies in the ER, but it was told in reverse from everyone’s separate point of view, Rashomon style.. This technique has obviously been done to death over the years but I love a good ol’ whodunnit. In the end, one of the Mercy West chicks gets fired (and they finally get blue scrubs, thank goodness), and Derek tells the Chief that the general chaotic atmosphere is just as much to blame for the death. YEAH! SUCK ON THAT, CHIEF! Since I watched this on Hulu I have no idea what happens on the new episode on Thursday but I’m hoping for LESBIAN ACTION. To tide you over until then, though, check out this adorable Q&A with Sara Ramirez where she talks about “Calzone,” as she calls them.

The Funniest Thing I Saw All Week

I finally got around to watching Wanda Sykes’ new HBO comedy special, “I’ma Be Me,” and she’s just as funny as ever. I love Wanda Sykes like whoa and have for a long time now. She talks about Obama, coming out, and her home life with her wife and twins. I highly recommend checking this out if you’ve got HBO On Demand. Anyone ever see Pootie Tang?

The Hot Girl of the Week

Our Hot Girl of the Week is Navi Rawat, who guest-starred on FlashForward this week (details on that below). Normally she can be seen on Num3ers, which I used to watch with my mom and is about math and is therefore awesome and also, I am a nerd. Anyway. She’s a mathematician on that show, which is hot. And then on FlashForward this week she was a lesbian chef. I thought she looked smokin’ hot in the totally awkward gallery scene. They never let her look that hot on Num3ers. WTF CBS?

The Awesome Gay Moment of the Week – FlashForward

Episode 105 – Gimme Some Truth

OH HEY THIS WAS AWESOME. So as you know, I’ve been watching and enjoying Flash Forward this season (though it’s moving a tad slow for my taste, but I guess if I can stick with Heroes then I can do anything), but this was a really exciting development. FBI lady Janis Hawk is a lesbian. I totally knew this was going to happen, I called it a few weeks ago in my living room alone but have zero witnesses but whatever, I’m a genius. Not really, here are the facts:

1. Her name is JANIS HAWK.
2. That old Nazi dude pointed out that wearing a thumb ring used to mean that you were a gay lady in Germany. FACT: I wore a thumb ring that I got at Pacific Sunwear (I refuse to call it PacSun, that is just embarrassing) during high school.
3. She wears pantsuits to work.
4. In her flash forward she is pregnant. Obvs lesbians on tv are always having babies.
5. She’s very good at computer searches.

+

See? Lesbian. This should have come as a shock to no one. During this week’s episode we see Janis kick a dude’s ass at her martial arts class, and then turn him down when he subsequently asks her out (that’s all it takes, ladies: just kick a dude’s ass and he won’t stop calling you). Then she makes eyes at a fellow classmate, Maya (played by the above mentioned Navi Rawat). AND THEN LATER THEY ARE ON A DATE. Apparently Maya is a chef (lesbians looooove lesbian chefs, see also: Top Chef) and they are at the fancy restaurant where she works. They are both flirting HARDCORE and it’s totally awesome to watch. Then they full-on make out at the table. This is my kind of first date!

Then it’s the morning after! Yes! Janis is getting ready for work and they make eggs and she tells Maya to hang out at her place and go through her things which is amazing. Maya asks if she’ll see her later at her friend’s gallery opening and naturally Janis says yes.

Later at the gallery, things get weird; Maya didn’t snoop through the apartment, but she did look Janis up on the Mosaic website (which is the website that she’s helping to run at work, which catalogs everyone’s flashforwards in hopes of finding patters, etc.) and saw that she’s going to be preggers 6 months from now. Janis flips out on her and leaves. DAMMIT! Crazy lesbians. I think that reaction was a bit intense, but Maya was a little ridiculous talking about their future baby and all. Everyone needs to chill out, have some chardonnay, and regroup later.

At the end of the episode, Janis’s coworkers get attacked by some crazy hitmen in D.C. but they all survive. Simultaneously, she’s attacked by hitmen of her own in LA, and though she KICKS THE CRAP out of one of the dudes, another shoots her. She’s alive, but lying on the street alone.

Figures; the lesbian gets shot! At least she was totally badass up until then. Though I checked on IMDB, and Navi Rawat is only listed as having been in one episode of this show. Which is a bummer, cause they were really cute together. But! We have another lesbian series regular on network tv, which is fantastic. And like, duh, they’re totally going to get together 6 months in the future, OBVS, so I’m sure she’ll be back.

I give FlashForward an A- for the lesbian portrayals in this episode. They all felt very realistic up until the last one, and they actually got to kiss several times. Take THAT, Grey’s Anatomy! Interesting how they’re on the same network and all. Guess it’s just Shonda’s fault?

The Weird Gay Moment of the Week – Eastwick

Episode 105 – Mooning and Crooning

So this is rare: a lesbian kiss with NO PUBLICITY AT ALL (the FlashForward one wasn’t hyped like Heroes was but it was hinted at during some promo montages). I haven’t really been following this show that much but apparently everyone was under some spell that made them act WILD (sorta like True Blood I guess? But in a Disney-owned-network sorta way) so after Joanna (Lindsay Price) gets a front page article and is all excited, Penny (Sara Rue, whom you might remember from the Best Show Of All Time, Popular) makes out with her in celebration. Then she squeezes her ass and leaves the room. Hot! US readers (sorry everyone else, but I couldn’t find a clip anywhere!) can watch the scene here:

But then it gets weird; later on in the episode Penny tells Joanna, “For the record, I like guys. In fact there’s one guy that I’m, like, really kind of into, and he has a penis.” Uhh. Ok. Methinks the lady doth protesteth too much, but whatever, that’s annoying and totally over the top. Thanks for nothing, Eastwick. I’m going to go back to not watching you now (until Haviland’s episode, obvs).

Honorable Mention

Modern Family: Sofia Vergara throws a bunch of her underwear on Phil. This show makes me happy.
Ugly Betty: It’s probably not a good sign that 24 hours after watching it I can’t remember what happened on it.
Parks and Recreation: The pit got filled in! And Andy was in full effect. This show gets better every week.
Community: Britta is a feminist! I love Abed! Yay full-season pickup!
Cougar Town: This episode was directed by Jamie Babbit!!! That is all I have to say.
Heroes: Ugh, more new characters and MIA series regulars. I mean, it wasn’t an entirely offensive episode, just more of the same crap. And nothing happened! And Peter is gonna possibly be able to save Hiro, which is a real bummer (but hopefully Jayma Mays will stop by first). Next week: Claire and her gaylady roommate fall on top of each other. O RLY?

‘Tron out!

The Week Tampax Sponsored Our Gayest Moment & Hilary Duff Wore Many Hats

Greetings squirrel friends! Well it has been quite a week, what with all the gay marching and TV weddings and pseudoephedrine overdoses and coming out and all. In news, ABC gave full-season pickups to Flash Forward, Modern Family, Cougar Town, and The Middle (3 of those are awesome, you can guess which!). In Dollhouse news, ratings are getting better because of DVRs! And check out this cool article from Geek Buffet about how intellectually engaging Dollhouse really is.

As always, don’t forget to read my Glee recap for episode 106, Vitamin D! And this just in: Fox is thinking about having a Glee tour next spring!

And now…

The Carlytron Television Awards for the Week Ending 10/11/09!

The Adorable Award – How I Met Your Mother

Episode 503 – Robin 101

This episode was really cute. Barney, afraid of losing Robin, takes lessons from Ted about Robin. It’s creepy, sure, but mostly cute. She thinks he’s cheating on her but they work it out in the end. Overall I’m happy with how HIMYM is handling their relationship, making it fit into the group dynamic, etc. Long live RoBarney! Also, this is very true and the quote of the week (Lily is a little bit Liz Lemon, I think):

“Robin Scherbatsky is many things: friend; confidant; occasional guest star in some confusing dreams that remind me a woman’s sexuality is a moving target, but she is no crazy, jealous stalker-bitch.” – Lily

Everyone is adorable in this episode, especially Marshall, who has to get rid of an old barrel so he puts it outside in the Bermuda Triangle, a spot on the sidewalk outside Ted’s apartment from which things just vanish. I had a similar experience living in Orlando once, I put an entire dining room set outside and it was somehow gone almost instantly.

The Awesome Family Model Award – Modern Family

Episode 103 – Come Fly With Me

I really love Modern Family because it is able to capture real family dynamics in a funny and heartwarming way. In this episode Al Bundy finally accepted his son-in-laws and little kid Alex continued to prove herself to be me at a young age. Excellent.

Special Comment: Grey’s Anatomy

Episode 604 – Tainted Obligation

Merger craziness continues, as Cristina freaks out on the Chief and Callie freaks out on Arizona and then gets her job back. Arizons puts Callie in her place, calls her her “girlfriend” a lot, and they share a cute moment on a bench (but OF COURSE it’s during lunch, the least sexy meal EVER). Yawn. Overall this episode was good, Sandra Oh’s acting was awesome, Meredith didn’t annoy me, and I found myself somewhat moved by the Thatcher plotline. Can’t wait to see who’s getting laid off next week!

And if some lesbians don’t start making out soon, I’m gonna get back to shouting!

The Dollhouse Award for Dollhouse

Episode 203 – Belle Chose

Hey, Dollhouse, this was a vast improvement over last week, so bravo! Echo’s initial assignment is totally lame but gets awesome when she stabs the professor in the neck! Things get even more awesome when Victor accidentally gets imprinted to be a female college coed and dances his little ass off at the club. It’s super gay, and he nearly gets gaybashed, so that’s great.

Also this gives me hope for the future.

The Dumb Episode Award – Gossip Girl

Episode 304 – Dan De Fleurette

“By the way, sandals are not shoes.” – Blair

This week we learned that Blair hates hippies as much as I do, Tory Burch can’t act, somehow Anna Wintour knows Serena, Dan is still an idiot, Vanessa’s hair is still a disaster, and this episode was mostly very, very dumb. For an amazing rundown of the stupidity read Jacob’s recap over at Television Without Pity. All I can say is that next week will be better because Georgina is going to DESTROY the Rufus/Lily nuptials (hi Lily! So glad you’re back!). Also Tyra Banks chewed scenery like there was no tomorrow. And for more on our other special guest star, please see the Hot Girl of the Week, below.

The FINALLY Award – The Office

Episode 604 – Niagara

This episode of The Office was an hour long because OMG JIM AND PAM FINALLY GOT MARRIED AHHHH! It was super adorable and though some moments made me cringe, by the end of the episode everything was excellent. Can’t wait to see what happens when Pam realizes that Michael hooked up with her mom! There was also this:

The Most Improved Show of the Year Award – Parks and Recreation

Episode 204 – Practice Date

This episode was a close runner-up for Gay Moment of the Week, as Leslie went on a fake date with Ann to prepare with her actual date with that cop guy. Amy Poehler should submit this episode for her Best Actress in a Comedy Series Emmy consideration because she was amazing in it. Also, I am totally loving April’s character. She’s amazing. And Duke Silver!? Are you kidding me?! This show has totally turned it around this season and I’m really loving it. Rashida Jones is a genius.

The SNL Sketch of the Week

Drew Barrymore hosted this week (yay!) and SNL finally made a funny digital short this season!

Unfortunately the show wasn’t really that great, and by that I mean that there were no sketches about Ellen Page, lesbianism, or roller derby. Lame. The opening monologue was great though, I couldn’t stop laughing!

A chance to make fun of “A Doll’s House?” I am so totally there.

The Hot Girl of the Week Award

I wasn’t sure who to give this to this week, so I asked Robin for some ideas:

Carly: who should hot girl of the week be?
Robin: Well, Carly, I think since Hilary Duff was on Gossip Girl this week, she should be hot girl of the week, and i’ll tell you why
Carly: … Her?
Robin: As a star of both screens and as a pop music sensation, she’s both multi-talented and adorable. Plus gays love her.
Carly: I said “hot” not “bad-acting.”
Robin: Oh c’mon, she’s so cute.
Carly: Hmm.
Robin: I like her hair.
Carly: She kept wearing hats during the episode of Gossip Girl. What was with the hats?
Robin: Yeah the hats are sort of Blossom. Very mid-90s.
Carly: Yeah.
Robin: I like that song “So Yesterday.” Don’t tell anybody.
Carly: So you like that song and Miley’s “Party in the USA,” how old are you again?
Robin: 12.
Carly: Ew, my girlfriend is 12!? Uhhh… I gotta go.
Robin: I’m a mature 12. It’s actually probably legal in some states…
Carly: I don’t think that’s correct.
Robin: More states than gay marriage is legal, probs. Ok listen, I’m not actually 12, Carly. Let’s get back to Hilary Duff, stay on topic. Hilary Duff is super cute in person!
Carly: Have you met her?
Robin: I photographed her at the GLAAD Awards one year, seriously, she is hot! I’m telling you.
Carly: Hmm, interesting.
Robin: Do I need to send you photos?
Carly: Yes. I need proof.

Carly: I love that you sent me a bikini pic of Hilary Duff.
Robin: She’s cute!
Carly: Ok fine, Hilary Duff can be the Hot Girl of the Week. YOU WIN.
Robin: YAY!!! I hope others agree. Ok coming back to the other room now.

The Gay Moment of the Week

Uh, I dare anyone to show me anything gayer that happened than this:

Honorable Mention

Heroes: I give up. DNR.
Flash Forward: Was silly this week, but I’m still hooked!
Cougar Town: Totally deserves its full-season pickup, this show is really funny.
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Intervention episode! Obvs a Tinkerbell shoutout. I love this show.

Don’t forget to watch the season premieres of 30 Rock and Ugly Betty on Thursday and Friday, respectively, later this week! ‘Tron out!

The Week Television Made My Eyes Water A Lot & Accidentally Appeared Homosexual

Hello squirrel friends! Have you noticed something different about Autostraddle lately? Did we cut our hair? Maybe we’ve been working out? No, silly, we’ve been redesigned! And we look damn good, if I do say so myself. The redesign will let us do a lot of cool things, like posting actual recaps of Glee, Modern Family and Dexter as their own posts. Also Riese will be covering the Shane Parts of Three Rivers and Two and a Half Men (allegedly). And then every Tuesday I will give you my vision — of the most important and exciting things to happen in the world of Television this week.

This is what my vision looks like:

But first, news time! The Best Show Of All Time, Glee! Was officially picked up for a full season yesterday! Yay! In other news, the Emmys happened, and they were awesome! Neil Patrick Harris was the best host evarrr and everything was fabulous and funny and people won awards and Kristen Wiig wore a monocle (thanks to Amy Poehler) and Dr. Horrible showed up so everything was great:

Also, if you love True Blood, you’ll love At Merlottes: A True Blood Sitcom (thanks IFC!) and this hilarious montage of Bill talking like Bill (thanks Matthew!).

And omg! THIS JUST IN: Dollhouse season 2 trailer! Yay! Something gay had better happen this season, is all I’m saying…

And now…

The Carlytron Television Awards
for the Week Ending 9/20/09!

The Number One Feeling Award – Glee

Episode 103 – Acafellas
(by Carlytron)

“Sandy, we voted. When you’re in the group it’s creepy.” – Will

My body has this crazy visceral response to seeing people embarrass themselves: my eyes well up uncontrollably every time someone dances when they shouldn’t be dancing, or sings when they shouldn’t be singing. This mostly applies to me, but it applies to friends, people on tv, and really anyone who is making a fool of themselves.

Glee has become the thing that makes my eyes water uncontrollably more than anything else ever has (well, Glee and the T-Pain Auto-Tune iPhone app, but that’s another story and another album of songs I have yet to record and then weep to). Every musical number this episode made me well up in tears, all but one: Mercedes’ rendition of Jazmine Sullivan’s “Bust Your Windows,” which was siiiick (and is worth a lot of drinks in our drinking game).

We learned so many things this week! Will and his wife are now having sex once a week, which is apparently a lot for them. Puck is into cougars and can apparently sing and play the guitar. And Jane Lynch wants a fog machine and only writes in red pens.

“Every moment of your life is an opportunity for fashion!” – Kurt

Lots of great stuff with adorable lil gay Kurt in this one. His scene where he comes out to Mercedes made me cry. And I never cry.

Rachel: “We need to have a gay-vention. That’s a gay intervention.”
Tina: “It’s K-K-K-Kurt. He’s lady fabulous.”

Also did anyone else catch Lauren Gottlieb from Season 3 of So You Think You Can Dance as part of Vocal Adrenaline? She was right in the front near the end of their rendition of “Mercy.”

The only thing I can say for Glee is to chill out a bit. It’s really all over the place and a TON of stuff has happened in only 3 episodes.

This show makes me miss Sparky Polastri.

The Ashley Merriman Award – Top Chef

Episode 605 – Camping
(by Laneia)
What happened on last week’s show? A lot! We found out that Ashley has two brothers and one’s a twin — neat! And she’s an Aunt, which is just as sweet as a butter bean. Oh look, BravoTV.com put up some personal photo diaries — here’s Ashley’s! Mmmmmm… bookshelves….

So Ashley’s Quickfire offering was a cactus jelly doughnut. She obviously didn’t win because you can’t win anything with pasta salad or doughnuts. Probably not cookies or grilled cheese sandwiches, either. What can you win with? Something fancy. Fancier than a doughnut.

The Elimination Challenge took place in the scorching desert of Nevada, which’s probably the most horrible thing the producers could’ve done to these chefs. I mean, I don’t even go outside to check my mail because screw that — it’s effing hot out there. Being hot in the desert is the exact opposite of ‘ok’. Do you have any idea how much water you have to drink in that kind of heat? Gallons. And then they had to pee in an outhouse. I don’t have a problem with outhouses, but I do have a problem with being forced to drink gallons of water which leads to having to take 85 pee breaks in two hours. Where are they washing their hands? Also, camping in general is my worst nightmare.

The good news is, Ashley’s dish — Seared Halibut with Avocado Mousse, Tomatoes, Bacon & Braised Romaine — was one of the judge’s favorites! It’s been a while since the chef’s were on their own for the Elimination Challenge, which was exciting because this isn’t Top Team Work. Who the hell makes ceviche in the desert? Turns out, at least two people! Bryan was ultimately the winner and Mattin was sent home.

The Secret Gayness Award – Parks and Recreation/The Office

Episode 201 – Pawnee Zoo/Episode 601 – Gossip
(by Carlytron)

So Parks and Recreation came back with a total vengeance this week, this was probably the best episode of the series thusfar and it was totally gay. Leslie accidentally marries two gay penguins and then becomes an accidental gay celebrity. It’s so amazing and almost makes me forget all about the horror that was the entirety of season one. Leslie raps, sings “Poker Face,” and gets drunk at a gay bar. Then she goes on a talk show and gets yelled at by a cranky right-wing lady and gets all snarky and aggressive on her ass.

Then on The Office, Michael makes up a bunch of insane rumors about everyone to try and cover up the one true rumor, which is that Stanley is having an affair (gasp!). In the process he tells everyone that Andy is gay, which confuses Andy quite a bit. Andy spends most of the episode trying to figure out if he might be gay, and it’s handled very well. Kudos to NBC this week for tackling the gay stuff in a smart and funny way, though the NBC comedies usually do just fine in this area. Also, cute alert — Jim and Pam confirm their pregnancy!

The Vidal Sassoon Award For Firing Your Show’s Stylist – Gossip Girl

Episode 301 – Reversals of Fortune
(by Carlytron)

Hey, Gossip Girl cast, I know what you did last summer and I think you might have fired your hair stylist? Because I don’t know how else to explain everyone’s hair this episode. Vanessa’s hair is somehow straddling the line between a bad weave and dreads, which is not a good place to be, to be perfectly honest. Dan’s hair is longer and curlier and actually isn’t all that terrible, but I think some people might not like it. I also don’t like Nate’s hair, which is sorta poofy.

Additionally, Vanessa’s new boyfriend-slash-secret-son-of-Lily-and-Rufus is the worst actor I have ever seen. Wow. And where is Lily!? Gah! I am so worked up about all this that I can’t even get into the plot or the hot girls or any of it. Last night’s episode was really awesome though, so I’ll get more into this next week.

Hot Girl of the Week Award:

The Lovely Comediennes of The Office
The 2009 Emmy Awards

Once again, awards shows make everybody sparkle just a little bit extra. Let’s give it up for the ladies of The Office, who break the Hollywood cookie-cutter look every year (also, sometimes it’s hard not to just give Mindy Kaling the award every week, b/c she is so funny all the time. Also Jenna Fischer, one-half of our Favorite Hetero Couple on a Comedy Series, an award which will be added to the Emmys next year. Will they beat Blair & Chuck? Time will tell.)


Tron out!

Tuesday Televisionary: Recovering Prideaholic

Hoo boy. What… a whirlwind. Pride has come and gone, I have caught up on some sleep, and am almost entirely caught up on my shows. This won’t be the most comprehensive Tuesday Televisionary but I’ll do what I can. I have a belly full of pizza, life is good. Special shoutout to the Intern Army, as they are all Truly Awesome. I wish they were on a tv show so I could give them awards, but they aren’t (yet) so we will have to wait for awards like Autostraddle’s Next Top Intern Award, or Most Likely To Beatbox At A Pride Parade or whatever.

News! Here’s an updated list of Comic Con TV show panels, and once again, if any Autostraddle readers are planning on attending and want to write about it for us, let me know! Also, CBS announced its list of fall premieres. How I Met Your Mother comes back on September 21st, yay! And finally, I’ve been watching a lot of old episodes of The Office lately, and in honor of that, here are some classic Jim-Dwight pranks. What are your favorites?

And now…
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Tuesday Televisionary: Finales and Flashbacks and Fiascos — Oh My!

This week, Carlytron covers a bunch of season finales, including the best rundown ever of how Grey’s Anatomy has gone “L-Word level crazy,” and geeks out over the premiere of Real Housewives: New Jersey.

Great news, TV fans. Two Autostraddle favorites got renewed before the upfronts — Dollhouse and Better Off Ted! Oh, happy DAY! Speaking of the upfronts, Fox went yesterday (see their official fall schedule here), NBC and ABC are today, CBS is Wednesday, and the CW is Thursday. Prepare for lots of decisions based on “the economy” (ugh). At least the Ab Fab remake has been shut down, that would have been a travesty.

And a retraction! @joshwhedon is not the real Joss Whedon. Ugh, twitter. And tonight is the GLEE preview! Shriek! Catch some sneak peaks here (thanks, Nicole!). And remember, it’s just the one episode, the show doesn’t start for real until the fall (sads).

Anyway, we have MANY finales to discuss (serious SPOILER ALERT!!), so without further ado…

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Tuesday Televisionary: Lesbians Get Trendy, SNL Finds the Funny & Alpha creates his Omega

Hello once again, loyal TV viewers! I’m feeling a little better, thank you, somewhat less death-ish today. We have a pretty exciting week in television to discuss, so let’s begin, shall we?

First of all, I apologize for saying last week was upfronts week, my favorite week of the year. It’s true it is my favorite week of the year (well, other than Fleet Week, wah waaahhh), but I was wrong about the timing — it’s actually next week. The Futon Critic has a helpful list of upfront dates and which shows have been picked up or canceled.

The Futon Critic also has a really handy schedule for summer TV! Oh, summer television, you fluffy, silly ball of nonsense, you. I used to hate summer TV, but I have learned to embrace it. I’m the most excited for Weeds, Nurse Jackie, Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D List, the Real Housewives of NJ, So You Think You Dance, and the return (how?) of Tool Academy in August.

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Tuesday Televisionary: Serena is Awesome & Arizona is Forever

Hello friends! I’m writing this to you from my bed. I should be at work but I’m quite rather ill, so here in bed I stay. But nothing, not even the bird/swine flu or whatever, can detract me from talking to you about television.

Firstly, some news! It’s up-fronts week, which is one of my favorite weeks of the year!

We’ve got NBC’s official pickups/cancellations here. The rest will be forthcoming, I’ll add them to the daily fix as they come through. NBC canceled Life (bye bye Sarah Shahi/Carmen De La Pica Moraels) and still hasn’t made up their mind about Chuck and a few other shows, including Kath & Kim, which as you know I love very much. Bookmark this site, kids. It’s EW’s cheat sheet for fall pickups.

There was also some exciting Ugly Betty scoop this week (Rachel Maddow! Musical episode!).

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Thursday Televisionary: She’s GAY NOW. GAAAAY!

Tuesday Televisionary? More like “What Are You Watching Wednesday”! Welcome to Thursday Televisionary, “Nearly Two Days Late and a Dollar Short.”

I was attacked by a wolverine on my way to getting this in on time. True story. Several wolverines, actually.

Let’s see, what happened this week… did you know that there’s actually two gay vegans on Better Off Ted? Yup! Jonathan Slavin, who plays Phil the research scientist, gave a cute interview to The Advocate, check it out here.

Drumroll please… season finales are upon us! Want to know when your favorite shows are ending? E! Online has a handy list.

Also, ABC announced a few early pickups, unfortunately we have more Grey’s Anatomy to sit through, but yay! We get another season of Ugly Betty!

And finally, in case you missed it, Anna Torv’s character on Fringe (yet another show I’d probably like if I had enough time to actually watch it) kissed a stripper this week. A stripper! If you missed it, Dorothy Surrenders has a comprehensive recap here. It’s fantastic, really, I live for this crap. You know, back in high school when I was figuring everything out, I was hyper-aware of every lesbo storyline on every TV show (there weren’t many to keep track of, luckily) and would record them all on one VHS tape and then I took that tape to college with me and now I’m a giant lesbian. So there you go.
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Tuesday Televisionary: Hottest Girl Hands Down Cobie Smulders

.My goodness! Last week was so busy for me that I had to scramble to get this in on time by watching as much television as possible in one day. The lengths I go to for Autostraddle!

As always, a few announcements before we get to the awards. Last week I got to hear Rachel Maddow speak at the F5 Conference, which is a series of speeches and presentations by some of the most innovative and creative minds in design. Rachel spoke about the United States’ bizarre and terrifying history of nuclear weaponry-related mishaps (accidentally detonating bombs, losing warheads, etc.) and managed to relate that to design with Murphy’s Law (whatever can go wrong will go wrong, so do it right but plan for the worst). I also got to see Charlie White speak, who was incredible. Some of you might recognize his photos of Joshua, or his work in Interpol’s video for “Evil”. He spoke about subversion, consumerism and the uncanny valley (one of my favorite topics but I won’t go into it here). What I was most excited about were his more recent forays into studying girl culture, and the subsequent video series “OMG BFF LOL.” Watch them here.
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Carlytron is Your Tuesday Televisionary, Also Can Wear a Pencil Skirt & Dodge Bullets

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Weekly TV Time with Carlytron: Goodbye Battlestar & Betty, Helloooo Dollhouse & Dorota

Oh, hello there! How are you? More importantly, how’s your DVR? Great, great. Get comfy… let’s begin.

So NBC had a focus group watch some of Parks and Recreation, the new Amy Poehler comedy from the guys behind the US version of The Office. However, the focus group hated it.  I hope it does well, I’m really looking forward to seeing Amy Poehler on my TV once a week again. And! They have a twitter for the show now.

Did you know that Lifetime is airing the 1996 Angelina Jolie film Foxfire right now, as I type this? How odd. Oh look, Real Housewives is on…

Oh my god, you guys. So much good TV stuff happened last week. Let’s dive right in, shall we? (more…)