Meet Three Straddlers in STEM: Bessie, Adrienne and Thacher

Header by Rory Midhani

You all know how much I love talking about women in STEM. But do you know what I like even better? Talking to women in STEM! So for today, I thought I’d take some time to talk with a few kickass, super smart Straddlers who are crushing it in their respective fields: Bessie, Adrienne and Thacher.

Bessie

Bessie once built a 3d tic tac toe game with a combination of solder, LEDs, microcontrollers and determination. Her favorite programmer pick up line: “Baby, my heart is a stack and you are like poorly terminated recursion — you make my heart overflow.”

Laura: What got you interested in STEM?

Bessie: I’ve always really liked building things and learning how things worked. Then when I was in high school my older sister got a manufacturing engineering degree and it really helped me see STEM as a place that a person like me could exist. My sister is a big part of my STEM inspiration and also an amazing toughlepuff (tough + Hufflepuff).

Laura: What do you currently do?

Bessie: I do software development for a cloud services team at an internet security company. Which is a lot of buzz words crammed into one sentence, but basically I work on a team that makes software that other engineers/developers at the company use to make their products. Although, honestly, most of my day is spent googling and asking people questions. :)

Laura: How does your identity inform your work (if at all)?

Bessie: I am sure it does in a million subtle ways, but the most noticeable way for me is my communication skills. Being able to communicate well in software is really important. When you are an out queer person you have to learn how to have difficult conversations and you learn how to explain concepts to people without really knowing how much of it they are going to understand. For me that was really good practice for having difficult conversations and explaining difficult concepts in my professional life.

Also if I’m ever nervous about asking a question at work I remind myself that I looked my parents in eyes when I was 17 and told them I was gay, so giving a presentation to a few engineers as is really no big deal!

Laura: What do you like most about your work?

Bessie: I like taking a complicated task and breaking it down into its smallest component parts. Programming is like legos, but for actions!

Laura: What do people misunderstand about software engineering?

Bessie: That it’s not a place for women. Most of the first programmers were women! Ada Lovelace, Grace Hopper, the ENIAC programmers… Many women are great at making things and communicating and would make awesome programmers!

Laura: Give me a STEM trivia fact.

Bessie: A “computer” used to be a job description. Before machines did computing, it was just rooms full of people doing math. This job was almost exclusively done by women. So basically, women were the first computers!

Laura: What do you do when you’re not working?

Bessie: In the summer I love going on outside adventures! This summer I hiked the northern-most mountain in the Appalacian trail *achievement unlocked*

In the winter I love going on food adventures! Today that adventure is going to be latkes. (Happy Chanukah!)

Adrienne

Adrienne currently works as a quality assurance technician at a pasta manufacturing plant. When not taste-testing pasta or climbing silos, she likes to take long nature walks while listening to an endless supply of audiobooks from the library.

Laura: You’ve had a very interesting career in STEM so far! Can you give me an overview of where you’ve been and where you’re going?

Adrienne: My journey through science has been fairly eclectic. Growing up in the Pacific NW, I was always a nature-loving kid, but I didn’t call this “science” until I got older. In college, I started out as a biology major, but chemistry won me over. My favorite part of undergrad involved spending two summers in polymer research – it really fueled my love for scientific discovery.

After college, I moved across the country to join an R&D group at a pharmaceutical company. I ultimately left the company for a short (and unfortunately, unsuccessful) stint at a doctoral program in chemistry. Humbled, I returned to the northwest and took a job as a QA lab technician at a pasta company, where I’ve been working for the past two years. When I withdrew from the PhD program, I was at an unhealthy place in my life, but I knew I wanted to eventually pursue grad school again. Now, I’m applying to masters programs in oceanography and hoping to start next fall. In the future, I see myself in a career tackling tangible environmental issues, with both a field and lab component.

Laura: I’m curious about your experience working in academia vs. in industry. How do they compare? What do you like/dislike about each?

Adrienne: In industry, you have a lot more resources and money at your disposal – for example, if you need a new piece of equipment for your research. But working with a money-oriented company also has a frustrating downside, because it’s inevitable that decisions are made from both a business angle and a science angle. And there also isn’t as much freedom to share your data and discoveries. I think my favorite thing about academia is that you’re constantly surrounded by learning and by other people who love to learn. I’m looking forward to getting back to it.

Laura: Give me a science fact, or explain a scientific principle.

Adrienne: You can safely dip your hand in a dewar of liquid nitrogen, even though the temperature is -196°C (cold enough to make instant ice cream at chem club). This is due to a phenomenon known as the Leidenfrost Effect, which means that your body heat causes a protective layer of gas to form around your hand. I am not endorsing this activity, though my own hand fortunately remains unscathed by undergrad lab dares…

Laura: Tell me about something cool you’ve worked on.

Adrienne: I really loved collaborating on a project to help develop a new Alzheimer’s drug when I was working in pharmaceuticals. I loved the experimental process, and I felt at home running new reactions everyday. But even more rewarding was knowing I could be making a tangible difference in treating a devastating illness.

Laura: How does your identity inform your work (if at all)?

Adrienne: I think the connections are more indirect. As a woman in a lab coat, you’re already defying society’s long held gender stereotypes; as a queer woman, even more so. I am grateful to live in a time when neither of these things are stigmatized the way they used to be, and I’ve never felt discrimination in the workplace. But I still think it takes guts to carve out an identity for yourself that doesn’t fit society’s assumptions, especially if you grew up in a highly conservative peer group like I did. I’ve learned to take ownership of all parts of my identity. I’m an agnostic queer woman scientist who still feels clueless about a lot of adulthood – and that’s okay!

Laura: Anything else you’d like to share?

Adrienne: Sometimes when I’m feeling down, I’ll make a list of things I’m grateful for and things I’m curious about. It helps reframe things. This world can be a really beautiful and amazing place.

Thacher

Thacher has a B.S. in industrial and systems engineering. She likes to travel and most recently has been exploring the Pacific Northwest in preparation for an upcoming move to Seattle. You can find her online at @ThacherT1D and www.deardiabetesyousuck.com.

Laura: What do you do?

Thacher: For the past six years I’ve worked as a Business Technology Consultant. Right now I do IT everything for a small company. It’s an in-between job before heading to a coding boot camp.

Outside of that, my passion project is finding better technology solutions for type 1 diabetics. Every piece of this work is meaningful to me because, as a type 1 diabetic, I know the incredible amount of effort the goes into just keeping me alive each day. Because I also have the technical skill set to address this challenge it is something I am constantly working on in one way or another. To me this is the coolest project I can think of… but then again I’m a type 1 diabetic and an uber dork.

Laura: What do you like most about your work?

Thacher: I love being able to solve problems for clients who are really frustrated with something or finding solutions to problems they didn’t even know they had — usually finding a faster or more efficient way to do a task they are currently doing manually.

Laura: What do people misunderstand about what you do?

Thacher: Everything. I would be working as a technical project manager and people would ask me if I could fix their keyboards. Occasionally I would fix keyboards for people I liked, but under the condition that if they told anyone I had fixed it for them I would come back and break it.

Laura: How does your identity inform your work (if at all)?

Thacher: Having come out only a few years ago, it’s nice not to get hit on at work. Other than that I don’t really notice a difference.

Laura: Tell me about coding boot camp you’re going into. Why did you choose to pursue this?

Thacher: It’s a six month full-stack program starting in February. I decided to do this because I was incredibly bored with what I was doing and I dreaded going to work, even though I worked remotely most of the time… it sounds ridiculous, but I hated sitting down at my desk in the morning. There really was nothing seriously wrong with my job. I just grew out of it.

I’m really excited to get started. I love learning and am looking forward to being back in a classroom environment. I’m moving to Seattle for the program, so I’m a bit nervous about that, but I have some really great Autostraddle/A-Camp friends in and around Seattle (shout out to the Outsiders! Denim Vests Forever!). Knowing I’ll have chosen family around is a huge comfort.

Laura: Give me an engineering fact or tip.

Thacher: Queuing theory works wonders for picking the shortest checkout line at the grocery store.

Laura: Anything else you’d like to share?

Thacher: If you’re frustrated working in a male dominated environment, but love what you do — do your best to stick it out. If necessary, switch roles or companies, but don’t give up what you love. Staying with your passion is not only is good for you, it also paves the way for women coming up in your profession… and that is an amazing thing. This came to me as advice from a good friend who talked me down when I wanted to quit a job because of a specific situation. Being in the midst of switching into a more male-dominated field, I think of this every time I start to second guess my choice.

Notes From A Queer Engineer is a recurring column with an expected periodicity of 14 days. The subject matter may not be explicitly queer, but the industrial engineer writing it sure is. This is a peek at the notes she’s been doodling in the margins.

Straddler On The Street (Who Was Once on the Mountain): Chelsea Is Really Well-Dressed

Header by Rory Midhani

Welcome to a surprise, A-Camp edition of Straddler On The Street! I resurrected this incredible column to introduce everyone to Chelsea, a two-time A-Camp veteran and this year’s Kippier Clothier Camper.

Chelsea’s a Canadian teacher from Alberta, which she assured all of us was the “shanking capital of the world” when I met her at A-Camp 2014 in our cabin. She was a Gladiator — the cabin under the care of both Rory the Woodland Nymph and me — and damned if she wasn’t looking fly the entire time. With a lifetime of fashion penchant behind her and whole lot of years to perfect her andro style before her, Chelsea’s at quite the crossroads. We sat down to talk about the roads less traveled, Canadian infatuation with the most definitely American invention of “the blue jean,” and glitterbombing.

Hi! So you were the Kippier Camper – can I see the photo you submitted to win this contest?

I can show you!

I don’t look all that dapper, but I’m wearing a tuxedo jacket I made in high school for my graduation.

You made a tuxedo jacket for your high school graduation? As someone who cannot craft without shaking out of anxious nervous energy, I am so in awe of the idea of you making a tuxedo jacket for your high school graduation.

I did! I was super into fashion design and decided I was going to design and sew a tuxedo and corset for graduation. It took me the entire year to do all three pieces, with so many failed attempts.

That is super awesome.

So you’ve been into fashion for a long time?

Yes. My Pinterest wardrobe is amazing. And imaginary.

I completely relate. What are some of your favorite websites / magazines / etc. to go to for all things fashion?

Well, Pinterest is obviously one of them. I also like to follow a few different hardfemme, tomboyfemme type of Tumblrs, and a lot of the fashion posts on Autostraddle. Some of my friends are very fashionable, too, so I get their input all the time.

How would you define your own personal style?

It’s been evolving quite a lot so it’s a bit of everything. I find I’m drawn to colourful prints and interesting fabrics, and I’m trying to build up a more androgynous wardrobe. Before I was much more femme.

Did you go to Dapper Hour at A-Camp?

I did! I had help from my cabin mates — Amanda let me borrow her vest and Clarie taught me how to tie a bow tie.

Adorable. What other fashion stuff did you do while you were on the mountain?

I went to the workshop on sewing a bow tie — the one I wore to Dapper Hour — on the first day. For the Rengayssance fair, I finally got to wear a corset I’ve had for years and have only worn twice. I wish I would have made one of those floral crowns, they were all so amazing!

So tell me more about the Kippier Campership contest. How’d you end up at camp, Chelsea? TELL ME EVERYTHING.

Gladly! The person who originally won the campership couldn’t go, which was really sad for them I’m sure. On the Saturday before camp, I was at my friend’s wedding and as I was leaving I checked my notifications to avoid making eye contact with people who were wondering why I was walking downtown alone at night, dressed all fancy. I saw a notification from the A-Camp Facebook group — someone was asking to find someone who had tried for the Kipper Campership who would be able to go on short notice. I drove home thinking my A-Camp miracle had arrived. I’d wanted to go so very badly, but couldn’t justify the expense in my current financial state. When I got home and checked Facebook again, the post was gone! I emailed Bren saying that I had seen the post but then it disappeared so they probably found someone, but in the event that they hadn’t, I could be that someone.

And that’s when the miracle occurred.

Exactly!

Bren emailed me Sunday afternoon and said that if I could commit 100% that day, I could take the original camper’s place.

The rest is campstory.

Precisely. And the whole trip was like a magical dream! Or dream-come-true I should say.

Wait, and one more question: how the fuck did you get to a-camp on such short notice?! FROM CANADA!

Again, all part of the miracle — I begged my dad to let me use his miles and there was a direct flight arriving at LAX at 11AM Wednesday morning. THAT NEVER HAPPENS!!! OK, that sometimes happens. I also begged my boss to let me take the time off. I had been saving my last four days off in the hopes that I’d somehow make it to camp, but I had to beg because it meant missing a staff meeting and a professional development day. Only I really didn’t have to beg because she was super supportive and excited for me. But I thought I had to!

So the stars really aligned for you this May, then. And you even made it here and back without getting shanked! I hope. [EDITOR’S NOTE: During our cabin initiation, Chelsea told us all that she was proud to hail from Alberta, the shanking capital.]

Zero attempts on my life and I didn’t lose my wallet either! Unlike in October, when I lost my wallet on the very first day.

OH MY GOD! How’d you end up getting back into Canada?

I still had my passport, and a cabinmate lent me some money in case I got hungry at the airport. ‘Straddlers are the BEST people in the world.

They totally are. OK so, feel free to gush to me about how much you like A-Camp now. Besides your really amazing counselors that is.

But my counselors were SO FUCKING AMAZING!!!

*blushing emoji.* What are some of your favorite A-Camp happenings?

So many things! In no particular order: Chatting with my fairy god mothers at the Rengayssance Fair, the Buffy sing-along, Mal Blum, the gayest wedding of all time, pool parties, Klub Deer…

But my most favouritest thing that happened at camp was spending time with my cabin mates each evening to play spin-the-bottle-with-feelings.

AKA: The [redacted] game, correct. I will censor it out in the post, you know, for confidentiality. The F*******e Game.

Haha – that’s perfect. Oh, can I please add “being consensually glitter bombed by Rory” to my list of camp things…

YES. Rory asked me if  I wanted glitter at the Black & White Ball, and then he asked me to bend my head backward and shut my eyes. Very sensual. Actually, can we just discuss Rory in general and how much we love him because I could not handle it. Rory for life.

Oh my God, YES! Rory and his stickers and his warm hugs. One night, I decided I was going to talk in a terrible British accent – only terrible because it was coming from me – so Rory started talking with an American accent. It was incredible.

Oh my God wait, yes, and then I asked him to show me and he refused to talk American unless I spoke in a British accent! Also, I speak on behalf of both Rory and I when I say that however much y’all loved us we loved you like a trillion times more.

We seriously had the best cabin of all time! Just thinking about all of you makes my heart grow three times bigger!

As a total fashion icon, what’d you pack for camp? Any tips / must-brings items on your list folks should know about? Also, do you roll things when you pack or do you fold. This just interests me, really, because nobody else rolls.

I ROLL! Must-bring items: flip flops for the shower. I also packed a variety of clothing that could coordinate with each other – variety meaning both femme and masculine-esque things so I could present as either. What I didn’t pack but should have was more warm things.

What’d you wear to Bren and Carrie’s wedding?

To the wedding ceremony I dressed dapper: black skinny jeans, pink doc martin dress shoes, denim button up with a black vest, and my yellow woodgrain patterned bow tie. Side Note: A full denim outfit is often referred to as the “Canadian tuxedo,” and I was in black denim jeans and shirt…. Just sayin’.

I am so into everything that has to do with Canada, so I totally approve.

After dinner. I switched to femme mode and wore a flowy red dress with an equine print and boxer briefs.

WHAT! Oh my God.

What does an American wear when they’re in Canada for July 1? [Editor’s Note: I was headed to Canada for Canada Day when we had this interview. Also, I love Canada.]

Americans visiting on July 1st would look very stylish, and surely catch the eye of a friendly Canadian queer, were they to dress in anything that gives a nod to Canadiana such as the Canada flag, moose, mounties, maple syrup, maple leaves – there’s a lot of M things happening, I don’t know why – or a denim vest. Or, anything and a denim vest.

So I need a denim vest is what I’m hearing. And potentially I need to wear it with denim pants slash shorts. Maybe denim shoes and a denim hat.

I might be biased about the denim vest thing. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m Canadian, or queer, or just post-Outsiders crushing.

I’m kind of into it, too, and also cannot tell if it’s because of the Outsiders.

You’re a teacher, right?

Yes, I am!

Can you explain how someone who designed her own tux in high school and studied studio art ended up teaching in the prairies? Tell me your life!

Sure! …I just don’t know where to start.

How’d you get into teaching?

I actually tried a lot of different things first. I was afraid to try to survive of of fashion design because I was so passionate about it I was worried it would be ruined by real-life necessities like paying bills, etc. I didn’t really believe I was good enough at it to actually succeed, and I was too scared to try. When I see people like those at Kipper Clothiers and Scout’s Honor living that dream, I often wonder if I should have gone for it. I don’t think it was my true passion though. Not like that anyway.

I originally went to school to be a nurse but during my second year practicum that I was not cut out for it – I just couldn’t stop crying each night when I got home from the hospital. So I dropped out and did some career counseling and took the Myers Briggs test and kept getting “Nurse/Artist/Teacher” career recommendations. So, I found some volunteer work teaching English to refugees, then got a job teaching rock climbing at an indoor gym, and loved teaching. While I was doing that I got my diploma in massage therapy because I still felt very strongly about health and healing.

And it just so happened teaching stuck?

It was around this time that I heard about Art Therapy. It’s ultimately what I want to do, and it’s kind of a blend of all three careers, but it’s only offered as a Masters’ course and I didn’t even have an undergrad degree yet. Doing Art Education seemed like a great way to get a degree I could use if I didn’t do my Masters’ right away, and I’d be able to take studio classes without having to do a portfolio. I just graduated last summer, so I’ve only been teaching for a year. I’ll need to do about a year of psych classes before I can apply for the Art Therapy program, but I really do love teaching. I just want to take on a more counselor, life-coach role.

Well, at this point I can tell you that I would 100 percent bring you on as my life coach, if only so you could dress me and then help me learn to craft calmly. I already have a life coach, though, so I have to call you my “guru” or something to differentiate.

Fair enough.

Is there something else you wanted to talk about or say? Closing words?

Just that I’m so indescribably thankful to Kipper Clothiers and Autostraddle (and my Dad’s miles) that I was able to go to camp again. I don’t have much of a queer community here yet and I’ve felt really isolated in the last year or so – I came out later in life, two  years ago. I struggled at the October camp with some personal issues, and really wanted to return in May, almost like a do-over. This time around was more than I could have ever hoped for.

Hi, jalapeños! This has been Straddler On The Street, a feature where we celebrate all of you incredible Autostraddle readers by hunting you down, demanding you chat with us, and then writing about you on the Internet.

Straddler On The Street: Lydia

Straddler On The Street: Lydia, 24

Welcome to the final Straddler On The Street profile of 2013! We’re closing out the year with Lydia, and I couldn’t have asked for a more upbeat, stylish, inspirational, or badass woman to ring in the new year with.

Let’s talk about how cool Lydia is, okay? Okay. She has been writing her style blog, Style Is Style, since 2008, and as you might expect it is chock-full of years worth of delicious editorial for you to consume with your eyes and your brains and your hearts. If you click over there you’ll find a lot of incredible outfit posts along with musings about “body positivity, self-worth, and being a chubby lady.”

Style Is Style has been featured in BUST, Rookie Mag, and Modcloth, but this is the very first time Lydia has talked explicitly about being a queer human in an interview, so this is a Very Exciting Day. Let’s all give Lydia a huge warm welcome to the Queer Kids’ Club and then let’s gush about how damn good she looks in every single one of her outfits, because oh my god her style IS style, seriously.

Lydia, 24

What are you up to these days?

I currently work at a really sweet consignment store as a shopgirl, as well as helping style mannequins. I also write a personal style blog called Style is Style, which is mainly outfit photos but also inspirational editorials and imagery.

Woah, what a perfect job to go along with your blog and vice versa!

Yeah, it’s pretty great! Essentially my existence involves spending A LOT of time with clothing.

Awesome! You’ve been writing your blog for a long time now. What inspired you to start in 2008?

In 2008, I was living in Abbotsford, a suburb of Vancouver. I had just graduated from high school, and I was spending way too much time on the Internet. I had discovered a Flickr photo community called “Wardrobe Remix,” [where] users uploaded their sweet outfits. I was really inspired by the fact that “normal” people could be a source of fashion inspiration; prior to this discovery the only fashion media I encountered was fashion magazines. Even though I felt like I was not nearly as cool as all of the others in the group, I started documenting my personal style. That lead to wanting an outlet to talk about fashion, as well as post photos. So I started blogging on Style is Style.

Have you always been interested in style and fashion? What do those things mean to you?

I think that I have always had an interest in clothing and personal expression through one’s wardrobe. It wasn’t always super apparent, mostly because I had a negative association with “fashion.” I thought that it wasn’t possible to be a “smart girl” and also really enjoy getting dressed and expressing yourself through style.

That said, my parents were – thankfully – pretty lenient as far as letting me wear whatever I wanted, no matter how weird or ugly. In high school, my friends and I would go thrifting regularly, and wear the most heinous – but hilarious – get-ups to school. It was always fun to be able to “play” dress up.

Oh my actual god this is perfection.

That sounds so fun! I was actually a lot more daring with clothes in high school. I used to assign myself theme days which I forgot about until just now. Do you think people get less playful with clothes as we grow up?

Clothing and outfits were a way to escape the boredom of suburbia. We would have little photoshoots and come up with themes for each one! So yes, the themes were a thing for us too!

I think for me as an adult personal style is a way to keep sane. There can be so many exterior factors that are out of your realm of control; for me I can control the way that I look each day. I don’t quite understand why people start to lose that sense of fun and playfulness as they get older, perhaps life just starts to weigh heavy on them. Or maybe priorities shift away from personal appearance, which is totally fine.

Have you noticed any themes in the queer community with regard to remaining playful and daring with clothing as a means of self expression?

I think there is definitely an online movement of queer people who use clothing and makeup as a very playful medium of expression. But I also feel that there is a very big push to fall into a certain stereotype of queer person: for example butch, femme, etc. When I was first navigating my queerness [and] coming out to myself I was really struggling with the fact that I didn’t fall into what I had perceived to be queer style identities. I eventually realized that I could just be myself and didn’t have to be a stereotype… but sometimes I feel the pressure to be more “queer” seeming. Whatever that means…

Is “queer” your preferred identifier?

I identify as queer. For most of my life I had dated men, until about two years ago. These days I date women, but I don’t think that I can completely rule out men forever.

Queer is my favorite label for myself too – I feel like it speaks to more than just a sexual orientation, if that makes sense.

Agreed! Queer says it all without having to say anything.

Exactly. Can we talk more about the boxes you were talking about within queer fashion and the queer community in general?

I can honestly say that I didn’t feel comfortable “coming out” in regards to my blog until very recently. It was for a myriad of reasons, but one of the biggest factors was feeling like I wasn’t “queer” enough.

We’re about to get to the part of the interview where Lydia tells me she’s giving us the scoop on her queer identity and I freak out and fangirl all over the place.

Wait, you never really talked about queerness on your blog until recently?

Haha YUP. This is kind of the first interview where I am talking about it.

WHOA REALLY?! I FEEL HONORED. Sorry for yelling I just got excited.

I love you guys so it seems like an appropriate medium! I have implied it on my blog and I have posted things on my Tumblr, Pinterest, etc. so it’s not that it’s completely hidden. But it’s not really out there… until now!

Okay well I am fangirling all over the place.

Hahaha, thanks! I just recently came out to my family, so I feel good about talking about it on the internet now.

Congratulations! That is so so so rad. How did your family react?

My family took it much better than I had anticipated, and that really cemented me feeling comfortable enough to start an online dialogue through my blog and other media outlets. I didn’t really see myself represented in LBGTQ media, and that made it hard to feel legitimized. Even when going out, I’ve struggled with how to communicate that, yes ladies, I am interested in you, even though I may look “straight.”

How do you think we as a community can fight femme invisibility?

For me, I think the best way to work on the invisibility is to be vocal about your experiences. It’s hard to know that something is there if you never hear about it. I’m totally okay with talking about my queerness now because I realized there are probably a bunch of other people who feel like I do/did and are looking for something to relate to. I know that being “out” isn’t always the easiest option, and can be downright dangerous for many people, but since I am blessed enough to be in a position where my safety and income are not at risk if I talk about being queer, I should probably take advantage of that.

That is so important, especially for those of us who are in a position where it is safe to speak up. It’s like you’re speaking the words of my soul!

Oh man, you are going to make me cry! I am the SAPPIEST human and I always felt like there were no other queers who felt like me! So I kept on hiding.

Not hiding anymore.

I am all about the tears so if you wanna cry, go for it! Also I completely know what you mean about feeling like there are no other queers out there who look or feel like you – I felt that way for so long. You are singing my song.

Ya! I felt like a pretender but now I know that isn’t true. And that my experience is just as valid as any other queer person.

Absolutely. That is so excellent. Are there any specific moments you’ve experienced with other queers that have felt particularly legitimizing?

I recently found a circle of QPOCs in Vancouver, and hanging out with them has made me feel so SO good. They have been so welcoming and I’ve never felt like I have to change my appearance or explain myself to them and I didn’t really have that before now. It’s been so nurturing to have a group of people whom I can ask for advice, or just vent about stupid oppressive shit, too. Or even just obsess over Beyoncé with, haha! And TRUST I am obsessing over Beyoncé.

BEYONCÉ. God what a woman.

What a woman!

But back to you and style. Do you have any advice for queer women who want to experiment more with style but aren’t sure where to start, especially women who do not have a lot of money to spend?

Yeah! My biggest advice would be don’t be afraid to try something different. My go-to for trying out things I am iffy about is thrift shopping. Fashion is always recycling trends, so there is a decent chance that you will be able to replicate whatever is “new and now” by taking a trip down to Value Village. You can try out something for a very minimal dent in your wallet. If you hate it, it was only five dollars! If you love it, it might be worth looking for the higher price point version. Also, the internet is ripe with inspiration! There are plenty of bloggers out there, you can probably find someone with a similar body type and style. Take a look and see if they have figured out how to wear something you are dying to try. Quite often blogs link to where to purchase things, or items that are very similar but at lower price points. Oh, and make an inspiration board. Gathering a bunch of style images you like will help you narrow down the direction you would like to go in.

Thank you! That is all such awesome advice. What are your must-have articles of clothing or accessories that you can’t live without?

I currently can’t live without my vintage Levi’s motorcycle jacket. I’m rarely seen without a hat… right now I’m falling hard for felted hats with ears. And riding caps!

What are your favorite fashion magazines?

My favorite fashion magazine EVER is Lula Magazine. This month the final issue came out, and I’m not sure how to replace it. Dreamy editorials, lovely interviews and perhaps the girliest editor in chief, Leith Clark (she is Canadian! woot!). I also love flipping through The Gentlewoman.

What are some of your favorite style blogs?

Some of my favorite fashion blogs are calivintage, mitzicocoa, zero style, gabifresh, avant blargh, lady moriarty, karla’s closet, the clothes horse, nadia aboulhosn and ceedling. I have many more favorites but these ladies are my go-to when I need outfit inspiration.

Rad. Do you have a celeb crush?

The only reasonable answer for today: BEYONCÉ. Obvious? SURE. Totally legitimate? I think the evidence supports my choice.

SO LEGIT. Truly. I also always ask this question: How did you discover Autostraddle?

I discovered Autostraddle probably about 1.5 years ago, when I was really trying to figure out my identity. I was looking for advice on how to date girls, and Google led me here!

Yay!

Ya! It’s been a super rad resource of both serious advice and fun pop culture rants. The perfect blend of fun loving and nitty gritty.

That’s what I love to hear! Finally, is there anything else you’d like to share with the Autostraddle community?

I just want to say you guys are REALLY AWESOME!

LYDIA YOU ARE ALSO REALLY AWESOME.

Hi crush monsters, this has been Straddler On The Street, a feature where I celebrate all of you incredible Autostraddle readers by hunting you down, demanding you chat with me, and then writing about you on the Internet so we can all crush on you.

As of today, Straddler On The Street is going on hiatus, so I am no longer accepting submissions at this time. If you’ve submitted in the past and haven’t heard back from me yet, sit tight – I’ll be in touch when I return from my adventure, promise! You’re all still sexy with really smart brains, and don’t you forget it! – Vanessa

Header by Rory Midhani

Straddler On The Street: Rebecca

Straddler On The Street: Rebecca, 37

Rebecca is a 37 year-old electrician, scuba diver, marathon runner, and artist hailing from Massachusetts but currently living with her partner in Philadelphia. She emailed me with a submission to this column because she wanted other members of the LGBTQ community who work in the trades, particularly those who may have a non-standard gender configuration, to see a face like theirs out in the world and on this site.

It was really fun to interview someone who has so much experience in a world that I personally know nothing about, so I think this interview will be really enjoyable for everyone, whether you work in the trades or not. But if you do work in the trades, know that this interview was conducted particularly with you in mind, and also be sure to reach out to Rebecca via Autostraddle for tips and connections with other awesome women in the profession.

Rebecca, 37

Tell me a little bit about your day to day life. What is your job like?

I am an electrician. I am an apprentice, which means I don’t yet have my license. I will be taking my licensure test this coming year. An apprenticeship basically consists of on the job training, as well as a classroom component. I currently do residential work. Here in Philadelphia, there are a lot of row-houses with old wiring, so we work on wires that are fifty to a hundred years old. We bring things up to snuff, replace things, and make sure stuff is safe. I have also done a bunch of commercial work: wiring luxury boxes in sports arenas, putting AC units on grocery store roofs, wiring hundreds of lights in parking garages, putting in charging stations for electric cars…

How did you end up where you are today?

I have always loved building and making things. I started doing stuff with Habitat for Humanity and helping friends and acquaintances build stuff. Around the same time, I was getting into building homebrew synthesizers and other odd electronic musical instruments. I built a little electromechanical machine that could add binary numbers. I realized I wanted a job in which my tasks were clearly defined, and in which each task had a distinct beginning, middle, and end. I also wanted a job in which I could concretely tell whether or not I was performing my job well. If electrical work is done on time, on budget, and according to code, it’s good. If not, it’s bad. I tend to be somewhat of a black and white thinker. Adding all those factors together… voila, I’m an electrician.

That is really cool! Do you have any tips for someone who might want to go into that line of work, or for people who want to go the route of trade jobs as opposed to desk jobs in general?

I do. Get experience. Volunteer with Habitat for Humanity. No experience is required, and they provide tools. There is another organization called Rebuilding Together. They have chapters all over the US [and it’s the] same situation: no experience or tools needed. If you already have experience, put a resume together and pound the pavement and submit it to all contractors in your area. Most will say no, but you don’t care about that. You only need one to say yes. Also, send me a personal message on Autostraddle. I will do all I can to help. My username is electrician.

That is so nice of you. Thank you! I think I know the answer to this, but are there many women in your field?

There are practically no women in my field. There was an initiative in the seventies to get women in the trades, but there are actually fewer women in electrical work now than there was then. My field is 98% male.

“I have always loved building and making things.”

Do you ever experience any stereotypical “backlash” type behavior?

Being a woman in the trades can be incredibly difficult. I tell people that it’s like learning two trades: the electrical trade, and the trade of how to navigate this kind of situation as a woman, and in my case, as an LGBT person and a gender nonconformist. The second trade is much more difficult to learn, because it is more complex and ambiguous, and most of your co-workers can’t help you learn it, because they don’t have any experience in it.

Having said all of that, I have found an online support group for women in the trades, and that has been great. Those women kick ass. Again, if any tradeswomen are reading this, send me a message, and I will help you get connected with other women. I attend night school for my trade, and a woman from my school just contacted me to be a part of a program aimed at helping people get into jobs that are considered nontraditional for their gender. That’s a good thing.

That is all really interesting, and all stuff I have very little personal experience with, so I’m fascinated. How old were you when you first got into volunteering with Habitat? Did you work any other types of jobs before coming to this trade?

I started with Habitat as a teenager. In a previous incarnation, I was an elementary school special education teacher.

Cool. In your submission for this column you also mentioned some other pretty impressive things you do – scuba diving and marathon running?! Can you talk a bit about those passions?

Growing up in Massachusetts, I was always in the ocean. In adulthood, I was talking with my best friend after just having finished reading Jacques Cousteau’s Silent World. I said to him, “I’ve always wanted to go scuba diving.” He said, “what’s stopping you?” I said, “me, I guess.” I signed up for a scuba class the next day.

I have been running my whole life. When I was eight years old, I was sitting in my third grade classroom, looking out the window. It was the day of the Boston Marathon, which is a huge deal in Massachusetts. I could viscerally feel the excitement of people around me. I formulated the idea to run a marathon while I was sitting there looking out the window. Years later, I did it.

Nice! And you are also an artist?

Indeed!

What sort of art do you do?

I do art that allows me to zone out while making a repetitive pattern. I find it relaxing to do activities that require focus, but no “figuring.”

An example of Rebecca’s art

That makes sense. Can we talk about ACLU’s My Big, (Il)legal, Gay Wedding contest? I had never heard of it until you mentioned it in your email!

I had never heard of it until my better half told me we were entering! Her aunt suggested it to her, and we thought it was a great idea. The ACLU is holding a contest in support of marriage equality. Couples who live in states where gay marriage isn’t legal can enter. A vote is held, and the winners can travel across state lines to get hitched in a state where gay marriage is legal. My partner and I live in Pennsylvania, so if we win, we will be taking the RiverLink ferry – we are big supporters of public transportation – with family and friends to Camden, New Jersey. We will get married in Camden’s kickass aquarium, surrounded by neat marine life. Our wedding is diver-friendly. You can vote everyday, so I have been voting like a banshee. I know banshees scream, but I will say I am voting like one.

Hahaha, that is so awesome! Can readers vote for you guys?

They absolutely can. Here is the link: https://weddings.aclu.org/entry/178731. My partner and I both have pretty layered and complex feelings about gay marriage being thrust forward as our movement’s most prominent political issue, but we hope to adopt children, and marriage is an important demonstration of our commitment and stability.

That’s a really good point. I will tell Straddlers to vote for you! How long does the competition go on for?

Mid-January! And thanks! That’s much appreciated.

Of course. Speaking of the Straddler community, how did you discover Autostraddle?

I believe I fell down some Google rabbit hole. I’m thankful for that. You guys have a super interesting site.

Thank you! You mentioned that you’re from Massachusetts – what brought you to Philadelphia? And do you like it there?

I love Philadelphia, and I’m here because my partner is from here. Philadelphia is a cosmopolitan city that is priced like an industrial city. The town I lived in previously had one fully functional traffic light, so it’s exciting to have such a big change.

Woah!

Hahaha, yeah.

It’s great that you like your new home. I’m going to wrap up with a few final questions. Who is your hero, either professionally or in your personal life?

I really respect my partner. I think she’s very courageous. I also have a lot of respect for my mother. She passed away ten years ago, but she didn’t take any nonsense from people, and yet was extremely caring and empathetic. She had a huge effect on my life.

Do you have any plans for the future?

I hope to buy a house and start a family with my partner.

That sounds so nice. Finally, do you have anything else you want to share with the Autostraddle community?

I’d like to thank the makers of the site for doing what they have done.

Cheers to that! Thanks, Rebecca!

Another potential plan for the future: eat more ice cream cones like this one.

Hi crush monsters, this has been Straddler On The Street, a feature where I celebrate all of you incredible Autostraddle readers by hunting you down, demanding you chat with me, and then writing about you on the internet so we can all crush on you. Get excited, because butterflies in your stomach 24/7 is a fantastic way to live.

If you would like to be featured as a future Straddler on the Street, please email vanessa [at] autostraddle [dot] com. Include a few photos, 3-5 sentences about yourself and put “Straddler Submission” in your subject line. Approximately a million people have submitted so far, so please be patient as Vanessa goes through her inbox — you’re all sexy with really smart brains, and don’t you forget it!

Header by Rory Midhani

Straddler On The Street: Jessica

Hi crush monsters, this is Straddler On The Street, a feature where I celebrate all of you incredible Autostraddle readers by hunting you down, demanding you chat with me, and then writing about you on the Internet so we can all crush on you. Get excited, because butterflies in your stomach 24/7 is a fantastic way to live.

Header by Rory Midhani

Straddler On The Street: Jessica, 21

Jessica is a 21 year old student studying English Literature at Cambridge University. She was born in London and now bounces between London and Cambridge, and she says in her free time she enjoys drinking tea, reading and writing poetry, baking rainbow cakes, arguing about feminism, and dragging her stuffed toy dinosaur out clubbing with her. Not to be dramatic, but I think I have fallen in love.

When Jessica emailed me she said she wanted to be featured in this column because “Autostraddle is the reason I started to feel okay about being gay, and was a part of the reason that I started to see myself as more than a collection disadvantages – as complete human being with her own story to live,” and she said she wanted to speak about being “a gay woman of color and a state school kid,” and about the stressful environment at Cambridge and the effects it has on the student population. We ended up talking about all that, plus a lot more including crushes, children’s books, and intersectionality. Meet Jessica!

Jessica, 21

Have you always lived in the UK?

Yes, and I’ve always lived in one city, London, which seems pretty astonishing to some people! I’ve often had to do the whole, “But where were you born? Oh, right. But where were your parents from? Oh… but, where were they born? All in London? But… what?”

That’s so aggravating. I was actually also born in London, but my family moved almost immediately. How did you discover Autostraddle?

I came across Autostraddle in the worst possible way. I was a terrified baby gay, googling the word “dyke” to see if that could possibly apply to me, when I came across an article by a writer called Effing Dykes, who wrote an infamous article for you… the one about safer sex? The one with the nails and the tearing and the horrifying urban legend about spontaneous orgasms caused by maggots in the comments section?

OH MY GOD. WHAT A HORRIFYING BEGINNING.

Yeah, that was how I was introduced to both Autostraddle and the concept of girl on girl sex. I swore I’d just be celibate. Just gave up. But hey, I’m glad I kept asking questions, and Autostraddle has had a lot of the answers, so thank you!

Haha well I am so sorry that was your introduction to this glorious world, but that is also hilarious. As a reader from the UK, do you notice a lot of cultural differences between the American queer scene and the one you have at home?

Well, I only know about the very cozy Cambridge queer scene because I came out when I went to uni, [so] it’s hard to say. Having said that, I always smile wistfully when you talk about bars in America for queer women – bars, plural. In London, there was only one, the Candy Bar, and it’s closing down!

Ugh, that is a bummer. Speaking of the cozy Cambridge queer scene, can you talk about what that is like?

I was pleasantly surprised to find that there is a queer community in Cambridge. It’s a mixture between events run by the central student body and student reps at individual colleges, and friendship groups. It’s tiny, though, it seems like everyone knows each other in the not-so-Biblical sense!

I would like to eat those please.

Now seems like a good time to talk about your blog! You said you started writing Queer FAQ for the school newspaper in response to some of the “bizarre questions” you received as a QWOC on campus. I loved how you described it in your submission email: “I was embarrassed by how bitchy some of my answers were, but to my surprise it made people laugh, and I had queer folk high-fiving me for being openly angry about the things that hurt us.” What are some of your favorite posts? And are you still writing?

Two of my favorite posts are Why Do You Want To Get Married Anyway? and Not Attracted To You. I only wrote my blog for a term. I wanted to continue, but I stopped doing any kind of creative writing when I got ill last spring.

In your email submission you said another thing intrigued me: “Many students, including myself, suffer from mental and physical health problems caused or exacerbated by the pressure.” Would you mind talking about some of your health struggles?

I’d be happy to. Lots of people at Cambridge suffer from mental health issues, as there would be at any uni, but there’s a lot of concern in the student body that this is something which is worsened [here] by the extreme pace and workload. There’s an attitude that some supervisors take that if you haven’t had a break down yet you probably aren’t doing it right. On top of this, although we do have a uni wide counselling service, support varies wildly across the individual colleges. I was very lucky, and my college really rallied around me when I was diagnosed with depression and had to leave residence, but I know that many others were not so well supported.

That’s pretty scary that some people have the “if you’re not sick you’re not doing it right” attitude. Are there any campus-wide groups working to combat that?

I think it’s more of a “if you aren’t pushing yourself to the extreme edges of your capabilities, all the time, you aren’t doing it right” ethos. But there are many students and supervisors who are working together to increase awareness and support. Shout out to the awesome people at Link Line, the Cambridge Mental Wealth Group, %Tim Squirrel (a student writer – he’s basically a campaign on his own!), and all of the nurses, porters, tutors and directors of study who have gone out of their way to support their students. Change is happening. For example, leaving residence for a year and coming back used to be a process called “Degrading” – nice name right? – but it’s now called “Intermitting,” and students and staff are working together to make the process clear, simple and as compassionate as possible. I’m not surprised we move slowly here; the uni’s like eight centuries old.

Well it’s good to hear that change is happening, however slowly! Going back to the bizarre questions you received as a QWOC at Cambridge. Can you talk about those?

My favorite questions: “So, do YOU have an ASBO, Jessica?” “You don’t really think racism exists do you? Not in London? Not from your teachers? No. I don’t believe it.” “People aren’t really homophobic, are they? Being gay is trendy now!”

WHAT.

I think it just comes from a complete obviousness about the life beyond the “bubble.”

Also wait what is a “ASBO”?

An “antisocial behavior order,” a punishment for minor antisocial crimes.

Wait I’m sorry, I feel very American right now. Is it a university thing? A legal thing?

It’s a legal/government thing. [It was] Tony Blair’s idea. It’s an injunction to tell a person to stop behaving in a particular antisocial way or face further punishment or arrest. I don’t know how effective they actually are.

Huh. Sorry to be so ignorant about that! I have never heard of it before.

That’s fine.  Many of the people here will not have experienced systematic prejudice and some are just not willing to believe it exists, [or believe] that the UK is actually very unequal and that many people suffer from the arrangement that benefited them. I’m at the intersection of a lot of those systems, although I am very privileged in many ways, and I often feel like a living reminder of those systems.

That makes a lot of sense. Can you speak more about being at the intersection of a lot of those systems and what that is like?

I think the most powerful phrase in my childhood that my parents taught me to fight against was “people like us can’t…”.

Being a black kid in London, I was often regarded with suspicion and then happy astonishment by my teachers, who took a glance at me and expected “trouble.” Lots of the kids picked up on this – children do – and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Of course, that intersects with class. I was lucky, my mother was a primary school teacher and she fought to make sure that I was tutored at home and was able to take the way out of hardship that education offered me. No one else in my school had that advantage They rightly guessed that “people like us” don’t generally go on to further education, let alone Oxbridge. And then, when I was older, I saw that there was a whole layer of things that I’d been taught that “people like me can’t” do – get married, have children, be loved, not get my head kicked in – and my world fell apart.

Some of those layers were economic realities, some of them were cultural prejudices, but they were all true. In combination they left me feeling that I had no space to grow or hope or love, at all. Like being erased slowly.

So, my parents sorted out the economic realities and the educational disadvantages for me, bless ’em! The cultural ones are different. They’re not so much about bank balances and qualifications. They are about me changing my ideas about myself, and then perhaps changing the ideas of those around me.

That is a lot to deal with. Thank you for sharing so openly what it has felt like for you to live at the intersection of all those spaces. I think a lot of our readers who have similar experiences will really appreciate your candid response. I have a few lighthearted questions, if you are ready for those!

Bring it on!

“Bring it on!”

What are some of your favorite books?

My favorite books are The Voyage of the Arctic Tern by Hugh Montgomery and Exodus by Julie Bertagna, both children’s books. The first one was my first introduction to poetry. It’s a story about pirates and magic and treasure, and ghost ship that arrives once a year, all told in rhyme! It’s beautifully illustrated and never patronizing. Exodus is about a girl called Mara who leads her village away from an island which is about to be swallowed by the sea, out into an unknown world that they’ve never seen. Such a great role model!

Those both sound so great! I love children’s books that take kids seriously.

I think both of those books get to the heart of what storytelling is actually about. I love my degree but I get tired of literary critics regurgitating ideas that are so divorced from reality, like a consensual human centipede, and forgetting all about “Once upon a time…” Stories are these beautifully crafted tools that help us reach beyond and within ourselves, and reach out to others. Stories are everything!

What a beautiful thing to say. I love that. Do you plan to start doing any creative writing or blogging again?

I’m writing poetry again… I hope that as I get better I’ll start writing prose, I do miss it. But I’m so proud of how far I’ve come. I’ve decided that I am going to be the future that little Jess was holding out for, writing my own story and all that mushy stuff.

That is incredible. I’m so happy for you.

It’s true. When people do the things they love and fight for the things they care about, they’re beautiful; it lights you up like a lantern. And who knows, maybe you’ll be a light for someone else? That’s usually how it works. You make the biggest difference to the world by being here, and being your best and truest self. No more mushy stuff, I promise!

No, I love mushy stuff. Thank you, seriously. Now for my favorite question, do you have any celeb crushes? Gosh, why do I like asking people that so much?!

Well, you are the crush monster! I think my celeb crush is either Kate from Autostraddle or Mary Lambert – both adorable writers.

Oh, Mary Lambert. Be still my heart.

Dimples! Sigh. And it’s so good to see another femme queer woman being all visible and awesome!

Seriously. Last question: Do you have anything else you’d like to share with the Autostraddle community?

Thank you writers, moderators and interns for creating such varied and interesting content. And thank you everyone else for being, collectively, the best damn comment section in the whole world wide web. Fact. And thank you for picking me! I’ve always really looked up to the “Straddlers on the Street” – I can’t really believe I am one!

Could you be any cuter no you absolutely could not oh my god this is so cute I could die.

If you would like to be featured as a future Straddler on the Street, please email vanessa [at] autostraddle [dot] com. Include a few photos, 3-5 sentences about yourself and put “Straddler Submission” in your subject line. Approximately a million people have submitted so far, so please be patient as Vanessa goes through her inbox — you’re all sexy with really smart brains, and don’t you forget it!

Straddler On The Street: Vanessa

HELLO, CRUSHMONSTERS! It’s the one-year anniversary of Straddler On The Street! That means Vanessa has crushingly, lovingly interviewed 52 of you weirdos. It’s quite an occasion, so we figured we’d do something a little different to celebrate. Back in October, everyone’s favorite commenter duo, Cat and Kathryn, came to visit Boston. They somehow got Vanessa into an Irish pub, where they revealed their hidden plan: they had brought along bribes, a tape recording app, and some hilarious interview questions. They wanted to ‘straddle the ‘straddliest ‘straddler of all — and they succeeded. The results speak for themselves, so I’ll let them take it from here. – Cara

Header by Rory Midhani

Straddler On The Street: Vanessa, 24

by Catjay and Kathryn

Okay queermos, prepare to have your hearts explode with the burning love of 80000000 suns, because today we present you with an interview of epically amazing proportions. We cornered Autostraddle’s very own Vanessa and bribed her with sweets, alcohol and our undying love to reveal her innermost self to us.

When we visited Boston we took Vanessa to an Irish pub, bought her beer, laid out ten Cury Wurly chocolate bars on our table, and told her we were going to interview her. For each question she hesitated on or refused to answer, a Curly Wurly was removed! This is groundbreaking journalism at its finest.

Sit back Straddlepants, bring some snacks and get comfy because you are about to find out just how funny, adorable and drunk Vanessa is in real life.

Vanessa at A-Camp in a floral print dress

Vanessa, what are you doing with your life?

I’m currently living the dream. I quit my job and moved out of Brooklyn and moved back home with my parents and my younger brother just outside of Boston. I will be traveling and WWOOFing come January and I am just trying to figure it all out.

[Lifting a question] from everyone’s favorite dating website, what are six things you couldn’t do without?

Autostraddle, my phone, the internet, my friends, sex or masturbation and orgasms, and writing.

What’s your favorite book? TV show? Movie?

Book: The Good People of New York by Thisbe Nissen. TV show: True Blood. Wait, no, BUFFY! I really like vampires, especially when they’re gay. I hate movies, but I like My Girl. I also like Grease 2 better than Grease.

What do you spend a lot of time thinking about?

I think about how I can make the world a better place, and also why people are so awful.

I have these spirals where I think about how I can lose weight, and then I think about why I care about losing weight, and then I think about why the world is so fucking awful and I think about why I buy into it, and I think about all the people who aren’t buying into it and then I kind of feel bad about myself but then I’m like NO! You’re doing the fucking best you can. And then I’m back to square one.

I think about what I’m going to do. And how important it is to be good to yourself versus trying to contribute to society. I think about all the people I care about and how I can do good things for them. And then I think about how I treat the people I care about and making sure I’m treating everyone in a way that’s good. Those are some of the things I think about.

Wow.

I also think about floral print and what dresses I should buy.

Vanessa and Mey being floral print friends at A-Camp 3.0

How did you discover Autostraddle?

I discovered Autostraddle through Riese’s blog on Gawker and then I discovered I was gay! A few things happened in between, including the Taylor Swift post, but that’s pretty much how it went down.

What’s your karaoke song?

I don’t have one.

[Cat takes away one Curly Wurly.]

Noooooo! Ok, I’m really good at singing Ani DiFranco. I feel like any of her songs I could easily make into a karaoke song. [The Curly Wurly is returned.]

Who is your celebrity crush?

Jennifer Lawrence and Mary Kate Olsen.

What’s your favorite thing to cook?

I make a really good stir fry and I really like making grilled cheese. I also like making baked goods that will impress girls.

What’s your preferred type of underwear?

Remember when we did Underwear Week? I’m the only person who didn’t contribute anything because I’m really boring and I’ve been buying the same pair of bikini briefs from Victoria Secrets since I was ten. Boy briefs – not really for me. Thongs — super uncomfortable. Lacy underwear — also really uncomfortable, though sometimes I wear it to be impressive… but then I’m immediately like, “Take this shit off me right now!” So yeah, Victoria Secrets bikini briefs. I like getting floral print patterns, obviously, so I try to underwear shop in spring.

How Lezza IS Vanessa?

We like to call the following part of the interview “How Lezza Is Vanessa.” Do you own a cat?

No, I’m really allergic to cats.

Do you own power tools?

No!

Are you sure you’re gay?

I FEEL LIKE MY IDENTITY IS BEING QUESTIONED.

How do you feel about the patriarchy?

I really don’t like it and I hate men.

Do you like women?

Yes!

In any given five minute period of each day, approximately how many feelings do you experience?

I guess like every minute I feel about seven million, so what is seven million times five? Thirty-five million? So approximately 35 million, but sometimes it’s higher. It depends who I’m talking to or what is happening. Like earlier today, my girlfriend did something cute, and I felt like my heart grew eight sizes bigger, so I was probably experiencing more than 35 million feelings within that specific five minute period.

Another scenario in which more feelings than average were experienced

Do you like musicals?

Yes! I really like Tick Tick Boom, which is small and underrated. I also like Once.

Do you love Ellen DeGeneres?

Yes!

It’s now time for the “Have You Ever” section. Have you ever fallen asleep at work?

No. Unless you count falling asleep at my laptop at 4am while writing Autostraddle articles, in which case yes, frequently.

Have you ever stolen anything?

Yeah! So, when I was little and I was visiting New York with my mom, we went to the MoMA Design Store and they had those free New York maps everywhere and then I saw this beautiful map, I mean it was amazing, and I thought, “This will take us everywhere, and it’s free!” So I put it in my bag and we walked out of the store and my mom was like, “Where do you want to go?” and I said, “Well I have this amazing map!…” and then we both saw the price tag and it was like, twenty five dollars! A lot of the maps were free, but that one wasn’t! But come on, twenty five dollars?! It was a map! A fucking map!

Tiny thieving Vanessa

Have you ever gone more than five days without taking a shower?

Yeah, obviously! First of all, I used to go camping a lot. Second of all, showering is such a fucking chore. Third of all, who cares?

Have you ever really read any of the articles on NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday or do you just look at the pictures like the rest of us?

Occasionally I read the articles, and I recently read this one that really spoke to me about different kinds of orgasms you can have and learned so much about myself! I am being sincere.

“Would You Ever” is the next section, Vanessa. Would you ever agree to being cloned?

No! I have no interest in somebody just like me running around, then everybody would tell them their feelings and not me and I would get really upset and jealous. And mad.

But what if you could, like, offload some of the feelings?

No, I like all my feelings, I want them all, FUCK OFF, CLONE!

Ok, we’re gonna go on to “Would You Rather.” Would you rather: Tegan or Sara?

Tegan ’cause she’s hotter.

Would you rather have legs as long as your fingers or fingers as long as your legs?

I think legs as long as my fingers… for sexual purposes. I think if I had fingers as long as my legs they’d be too big for people.

Would you rather be a giant duck, or a miniature elephant?

Miniature elephant.

Wrong answer! That is so fucking impractical! How long would it take you to do anything?!

You would be a small elephant, what would you even be doing? Sleeping, drinking water, having lots of sex hopefully because duh, and being a matriarch because elephants are one of the only animal groups where the woman is in charge. If you’re a giant fucking duck, you’re terrifying, everybody is afraid of you, you’d need so much bread to eat to be full.

You’d get all the tiny elephants to do things for you! Like, get me some bread, bitch!

I mean, sometimes I’m really into taking on the submissive role, so I would do that for a giant duck.

Winning and also flaunting it

Well, I’ll allow that answer, even though it’s wrong. Ok, would you rather: Piper or Alex? And why?

ALEX. I think Alex is hotter, objectively, and I also am more attracted to her persona. Piper is so entitled. And LARRY?! Really? Really Piper, Larry?!

Emily or Paige?

I don’t watch Pretty Little Liars, but I think the answer’s Paige. She’s the hot tomboyish one, right? Yeah, Paige.

Would you rather: be 4’5″ or 7’7″?

4’5″. I really like being short, it’s a big part of my identity. It would be really hard being tall.

Would you rather: fart popcorn or have your past and future web history available for everyone?

FART POPCORN. Fart popcorn forever! I would fart popcorn, and then I would eat that popcorn if I could avoid the second option. I just wanna make it clear how very much I am NOT choosing the other option.

Noted. Okay let’s finish up with some more serious questions. When did you come out?

When I was 19 I told a lot of people I liked a girl and I didn’t know what that meant, but that I was exploring it, and from then on it’s sort of been an ongoing journey.

How did your friends and family react?

My family had a mixed reaction. And my friends… I don’t think my friends really believed me, but I think a lot of my friends who didn’t believe me four years ago believe me more now. I think a lot of people just thought it was a phase at the time.

Do you have any advice for anyone who reads Autostraddle who is struggling with their identity? What would you say to them?

Honestly, it feels self important to be like, “here’s my advice,” because what do I know… but whatever, fuck it, here’s my advice. I think as a world, we get really fixated on this idea that we’re all supposed to “find ourselves” and then you “find yourself” and then there you are, but that’s not how it works. I think a lot of people are scared that if they’ve committed to something in the past or if they commit to something now, they’re committing to it forever, but it would be really fucking boring if we found ourselves and then just were that person forever. That would be awful, honestly.

So I guess I hope that one day we can live in a world where people feel safe to try out whatever they’re doing, where if you date a girl now, and you break up and never date a girl again, that’s okay, and also if you only ever date girls again, that’s okay, and also anything in between. I think that a lot of people freak out so much about what they are, but what if we lived in a place where it didn’t matter, and you could just go for it, and you could just try to be your own person and try your best to be a good person and be nice to people?

We don’t live in that world yet, but we can all allow ourselves to take on that mindset. We don’t have to figure out our identity in a day or a week or even ever at all. We just have to be ourselves every day and see what happens. I guess that’s my number one piece of advice. Just go for it. Try your best to be an authentic version of yourself every day and fuck everything else.

You Do You, basically.

We’ll end with the same question that you always end with. Is there anything else you’d like to say to the AS community?

I would like to say that it is going to be really difficult to live up to Cat and Kathryn, because they got me drunk, they brought me Curly Wurly chocolate bars, they interviewed me which was very exciting and made me feel very special, and they’re so cute! They’re so cute in person you guys, so fucking cute. I wish I could meet all the commenters in person.

And also also also I would like to say that I love you all, every single one of you, more than I even love Curly Wurlys, which is a whole lot. Thank you for letting me interview you for this column for a whole year! I love you.

If you would like to be featured as a future Straddler on the Street, please email vanessa [at] autostraddle [dot] com. Include a few photos, 3-5 sentences about yourself and put “Straddler Submission” in your subject line. Approximately a million people have submitted so far, so please be patient as Vanessa goes through her inbox — you’re all sexy with really smart brains, and don’t you forget it!

Straddler On The Street: Connie

Hi crush monsters, this is Straddler On The Street, a feature where I celebrate all of you incredible Autostraddle readers by hunting you down, demanding you chat with me, and then writing about you on the Internet so we can all crush on you. Get excited, because butterflies in your stomach 24/7 is a fantastic way to live.

Header by Rory Midhani

Straddler On The Street: Connie, 24

When Connie got in touch with me about being featured as a Straddler On The Street, she explained that she is 24 and her partner is in her fifties, and said she “really really” wanted to talk about her experience being in “an age gap relationship.” I thought that sounded like something many readers would be very interested in, plus Connie was really nice, so of course I said yes!

Connie and Christi, her girlfriend, have been together for almost two years. They live in New Mexico where they own a house together and have a dog. Connie says another really important part “that makes me how I am” is that she is a first generation Asian American. Her parents immigrated to the United States from Vietnam when they were just a few years younger than she is now. Connie rides motorcycles and bicycles, knits, and is planning to go back to school next semester. We talked about her relationship with Christi, her Asian American identity, and the fact that life often surprises you.

Connie, 24

Where do you live, and how do you spend your days?

I live in Albuquerque, New Mexico and work at the university of New Mexico in the anesthesiology department. I also ride my bike to work as much as I can, spend most of my evenings with Christi, and play with my dog. On weekends we sometimes go to various events that have to do with either bicycles, queer stuff, or motorcycles. Sometimes we go hiking and camping.

Have you always lived in New Mexico?

Christi and I moved here in January… we are close to rounding up one year.

Oh neat! Why did you guys move?

We wanted to try something new. Christi is from a farm town in Kansas outside of Kansas City, and I am from the burbs of St. Louis. I had always lived in Missouri, and wanted to just do something new. I didn’t really care where we went too much. Christi did want to go to the Southwest. I knew I wanted to work at a university – I had come from a corporate job and had really hated it – we knew Arizona and Texas were out, so there was New Mexico, and Albuquerque has UNM. I had some experience in the EMR system that UNMH uses, so I thought I could get a job doing that… and I did!

Perfect. How did you and Christi meet?

On a Saturday bike ride in Kansas City, just a couple of days after I moved, actually. Christi worked at a bike shop and had been leading these Saturday rides around the city. The night before I had met one of Christi’s friends at Critical Mass and she told me to do this ride. So I did! Christi was a badass and I wanted to get to know her. We didn’t date until the next year, about 6-7 months after we met, though.

Connie and Christi

How did you make the jump from just being friends to dating?

Well, we hung out a couple of times as friends… not too many times actually, maybe just 3 or 4 times. Then one day I sent her a text to see if she would want to watch a movie, and if she was a good cuddler! At the point I didn’t really think I was flirting because cuddling to me didn’t seem like flirting territory… I was just having a bad day. Well, she took it as flirting. And kissed me.

Was either of you concerned about the age difference?

We didn’t really discuss our ages until after the first time we had kissed. We both assumed that we were older/younger than we really were. I was concerned about our age difference, but we kept on hanging out and cuddling, even though I wouldn’t let her kiss me after that. It wasn’t until my roommate told me that one of her older coworker’s only regrets was not letting herself fall in love [that] I just let go. Plus Christi was so sweet the whole time and respected my wishes. From the start, I think we both felt a strong connection even if I was resistant to it. Age doesn’t concern Christi, and I wish that it didn’t concern me either, but it is something that I feel vulnerable about periodically, [like] when I am showing someone pictures for the first time. Like they might react badly… like coming out again.

Wow, that is a really interesting analogy. I hadn’t thought of it that way but I can definitely see it being similar. Overall, have you experienced any negative reactions? I am curious what both of your families think, if you are close to your families.

I surprised my family and it took them some time to get used to the idea of me being in a serious relationship with a woman, especially an older woman, who didn’t fit their cultural expectations of what a woman was supposed to be like. Since then it has gotten better, and they have accepted that she is a big part of my life and are slowly starting to be supportive.

That’s good. I’m also curious to know what both your and Christi’s friends think.

Our friends don’t ask much about it. If they do it is out of curiosity, not judgement.

That’s awesome. And have you personally worried at all about the age difference – not so much about other people’s judgements but just any concerns you might have had?

We just fell in love so hard and so fast there wasn’t much thinking involved. I moved in after six months, and was afraid I was living out the lesbian stereotype of u-hauling it, but one of my other friends told me no, she had moved in with someone after 3 months. I don’t think about age too much unless it is a situation where someone is meeting us as a couple for the first time.

Is there anything else you’d like to share with the readers about being in a relationship that has a large age gap?

Not really, it just is what you make of it. We don’t talk about age much, [we just do] day to day stuff. I have adopted the principle of enjoy now because you don’t know what is in the future, which is completely true, but I used to think I could control everything that happened to me. Before I used to be a huge planner, but it is hard to plan for a life together when you have an age gap because that life has not been modeled before. It is about winging it now!

That is really good advice for anyone in any relationship. Thanks for sharing all that! Another thing you mentioned in your Straddler submission is that you are a first generation Asian American. Has that shaped your identity or your life in any specific ways?

I think it has shaped my life in terms of not knowing who I am. I grew up in Missouri where there were not many other Asian people. Cantonese was my first language, but I slowly lost the ability to speak it since I went to a public school and wasn’t required to speak it at home. Being Asian used to be a thing that could be used to make me feel called out. Like when someone asks me what I am, or tries to speak some sort of Asian dialect with me and I have no clue what they are saying. I would say the most lasting effect isn’t directly from being Asian, but growing up with immigrant parents who worked very hard so that we had basic necessities and who instilled in us the importance of school work and knowledge.

I feel like I need to re-explain my first sentence. I basically don’t know what being Asian means, especially since I am so steeped in American culture and don’t feel much connection to my Asian heritage other than my family…which is another reason why their negative reaction to me being gay was so hard.

Hey girl hey.

That makes sense (and I think it made sense the first time you explained it, too!). Thank you for sharing all that. Does the idea of what it “means” to be Asian still weigh on you, or are you less worried about that now especially as you have learned to go with the flow more in your relationship?

I am less worried because I don’t know what else I can do that would feel authentic to me right now, but it does feel like something is missing.

Got it. I hope you find that missing thing. In the meanwhile I have a few lighthearted questions. Do you have any celeb crushes?

No I don’t! I knew that was coming since I read some of your other interviews. I don’t usually keep up with pop culture. Although I used to watch SVU a lot and Mariska Hargitay is very hot… someone mentioned their crush on her to me this week and I completely agreed.

Fair enough! That actually stumps a lot of people… maybe I should stop asking it! An easier question, perhaps, is what are some of your favorite books?

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. Oskar’s grief and his journey in the book is something I can relate to, and it feels like a big comfy blanket because it makes me feel less like I am the only one who feels depressed… I also really like I <3 Female Orgasm because I am a little bit of an undercover sex nerd. Currently I am reading Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly, and I have a feeling it will become a favorite just because it is so encouraging for living life the way I would like to.

How did you discover Autostraddle?

I discovered Autostraddle sometime in college. I remember the first article I read had pictures of a bunch of cats and the captions made me laugh out loud in the computer lab.

Haha, what a great summation of Autostraddle: Cats and Funny Captions. Is there anything else you’d like to share with the Autostraddle community?

Life will surprise you. Also, dating someone older and having older friends means you have more people to introduce to Autostraddle!

“Life will surprise you.”

If you would like to be featured as a future Straddler on the Street, please email vanessa [at] autostraddle [dot] com. Include a few photos, 3-5 sentences about yourself and put “Straddler Submission” in your subject line. Approximately a million people have submitted so far, so please be patient as Vanessa goes through her inbox — you’re all sexy with really smart brains, and don’t you forget it!

Straddler On The Street: Natalie

Hi crush monsters, this is Straddler On The Street, a feature where I celebrate all of you incredible Autostraddle readers by hunting you down, demanding you chat with me, and then writing about you on the Internet so we can all crush on you. Get excited, because butterflies in your stomach 24/7 is a fantastic way to live.

Header by Rory Midhani

Straddler On The Street: Natalie, 30

The first time I properly met Natalie was on a hike at A-Camp, and once we started talking we just couldn’t stop! She described herself as a “completely open book” and I found that was true – it was really exciting and refreshing to be around someone so genuinely honest and open.

Natalie and I talked a lot about her job at the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources, how to build community while still holding on to one’s independence, the trans* community she has sought out at home, and her desire to be part of a larger queer community in the rural area in which she currently lives. I knew I wanted to discuss all of this with her in more depth (and when we weren’t avoiding icy patches on the mountain trail that threatened to trip us up and send us plunging to our doom!) so as soon as we got home I insisted on interviewing her for this column. And now here we are! I love when everything works out.

Natalie on the first day of A-Camp 4.0!

Hi! How are you?

I’m doing awesome today! I don’t typically get to dress up for work – what I do is more a ‘jeans and t-shirt’ kind of job. But today was a meeting so I was able to straighten my hair and put on makeup and all that lovely stuff! Other than that, I’ve been super busy the past month… but it’s a good busy.

That all sounds awesome. What do you do for work?

I’ve had numerous awesome jobs, but the one that currently occupies my time is as a Wildlife Biologist for the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources.

Oh neat. Where in Wisconsin do you live?

I currently live in Random Lake. Before you ask, yes, it really is named Random Lake. I moved back home when I left my job in Oregon in 2008. There are some definite perks, and some definite downsides! But it’s home, at least for now.

Can you talk about some of the perks and downsides?

[When] I moved back in 2008, I didn’t have a job, so I moved back in with my mom. I’m so fortunate that I had this place to move to. I was unemployed for nearly two years before finding the position that I have now. [That said,] I miss living in a place that I can call my own. A place where I can make the decisions about how things are decorated or how often I have to clean – I hate to clean! I just really miss my independence.

But there have been some really solid perks that I can’t dismiss! First and foremost, finally having a stable living situation has allowed me to move forward with transitioning. I’m transgender, and living here allows me to put all of my limited financial resources towards costs like traveling to doctors appointments, laser hair removal and electrolysis, and buying a completely new wardrobe. It’s so expensive, even shopping at thrift stores. Living at home has also allowed me to pursue my passion with falconry. After 14 years of dreaming, I’ve been able to obtain my license and take care of my hawks because of the stability I’ve found here at home. Plus, my relationship with my mother has never been better.

Natalie hunting with her Harris’s Hawk, Bam Bam.

I definitely empathize with missing your independence – I’ve been living at home for the past few months and feel the same. I want to talk about your age; when we spoke originally you said you’re 30 but you feel more like you’re in your early twenties. Can you elaborate on that?

Sure! Feeling like I’m in my twenties is a function of my transition. I was 28-29 years old when I began transitioning. I spent 18 years sort of drifting through life. I followed society’s plan and did what I was supposed to do, but I don’t think many, if any, of the major decisions I made were really ‘my’ decisions. I didn’t start actively participating in my life until I came to terms with my gender identity. I didn’t really ‘own’ my life, and the direction I was headed, until I began transitioning.

So here I am now, 30 years old, yet feeling like it’s all just beginning again! I’m going through puberty. Again. I’m struggling to find my identity and my place in the world. Again. And I’m searching for my community and trying to find my passion in this life. All over again! Perhaps I’m wrong in assuming that every other person my age has their shit together and knows what they’re doing, but I feel like I’m back at square-one. I also feel like I’m so much younger because of the changes in my life physically. Since accepting who I am back in 2011, I’ve lost 70 pounds and kept it off, and I’ve run one 10K race and two half-marathons! I’ve never been in better physical shape in my life. I feel amazing. I feel like me.

That is so incredible. I’d love to hear more about how you came to your transition, if that’s okay.

That’s definitely okay; I’m seriously an open book!

I spent my life pre-transition keeping secrets, [but] all that did was keep me disconnected and closed off from all of the people who loved and cared about me. I knew I was ‘different’ right around the age of 11 or 12, but I didn’t have the vocabulary for what I might have been feeling. And I’ve always been a very perceptive person and a quick learner, so it was apparent to me from a young age that what I was feeling was not okay for a boy. So I hid it deep inside.

Complicating matters greatly was going through puberty fueled by testosterone. It was so confusing trying to sort out all of my feelings, so I just did my best to keep them repressed and hidden away. There was a great deal of guilt and shame attached to these feelings back then. The very darkest days of my life came in high school. Knowing I was different, but not knowing why. Not feeling like I could do anything about it left me in a terrible depression. Of course I did my best to hide that from everyone too. But every now and then I would just stop talking to everyone. My best friends didn’t know why and I couldn’t fathom telling them. I openly admit that it was during this time that I briefly considered suicide.

Moving to college allowed me the freedom to explore who I was, when I let myself. But I usually found a relationship to bury myself in. It was easier to help everyone else with their problems than to face my own. So I traveled in emotional circles. One month I was certain I was going to transition. Two months later I was convinced I could purge my life of all the clothes, and all the feelings, and be happy being a man. A husband. Possibly someday a father. It was exhausting.

Did you have a moment when you decided for certain that you would transition?

One night in February of 2011 I knew I couldn’t go on that way. Denying the feelings wasn’t working. It hadn’t worked in the 18 years I had been trying. The one thing I hadn’t tried was accepting it. Accepting that I am trans*. That I am a woman. I had let fear run my life for too long. For the first time in my life, I was moving forward, free from the vicious cycles. I found support in YouTube channels. And I found the courage to write and reach out to people. I began sharing who I am with my friends, and later my family. It took me a year before I could work up the courage – and work past a pretty good case of social anxiety disorder – to attend a support group meeting in Milwaukee. Slowly, I let go of all the vestiges of a life I had been hiding behind and allowed the world to see me for who I really am. I was terrified! But that was no longer a good enough reason not to move in this direction. I came out publicly and [told] my job on March 28th of this year, and honestly, my life has never been better! It’s such a cliché, but colors are brighter, sounds are clearer, smells are sweeter! I feel so freed. I’m such a bright, positive, extroverted person now. It’s amazing!

Natalie getting her hair colored at a salon for the first time. “I love having long hair that I can do all sorts of femme things with!”

That is really, really wonderful to hear – seriously, I’m grinning! How did the people in your life react?

I mentioned how much I had let fear run my life, and one of the greatest fears of all is rejection. I truly believed that if anyone found out, they would disown me, and I would be alone. So I came out in stages. Each time, I came out to a modest size group of friends and evaluated their reactions. I worked my way from people on the periphery of my life inward to those who meant the most to me. And each time I outed myself, I waited for the shit to hit the fan. I waited for the negative reactions I just knew I was going to get. And they never came! All the preparation for things going badly was for naught!

I may be tempting fate here, but I’ve had almost zero negative reactions since transitioning. It’s been completely the opposite from what I was convinced was going to happen in this rural part of the Midwest where I live! I know how fortunate I am, and often I feel guilty about it. My story is not typical. I still have the support of my family, my friends, my job. Too many others can’t say the same.

That’s unfortunately true, but it is really heartening to hear how positive your story is, particularly because you weren’t expecting it. Do you like living in the Midwest?

I’m such a Wisconsinite! I love my home state. It really has it all for anyone willing to give it a chance. That being said, I do want to move. I have a nomadic spirit, and there are so many other places in this country, and world, that I want to experience, and explore. I also hate humidity. Summers here can suck that way. And I hate what it does to my hair, now that it’s long and gorgeous. But the winters, with all the snow, are wonderful. Don’t believe all the haters. Snow rocks, if you’re willing to get out and embrace it!

When we talked at A-Camp you mentioned that despite loving your home state, one of the downsides right now is that you feel disconnected from a queer community. Can you speak to that a bit?

Yes, that would be one of the major downsides to where I live. I’m about an hour north of Milwaukee, and two hours north of Chicago. Before attending A-Camp, I had never been in the company of more than one or two queer women. One of my current sources of frustration in life is with how disconnected I feel from any sort of queer community. I don’t have friends who I can easily or regularly spend time with. I don’t have a whole lot of outlets for this aspect of my life.

I attended A-Camp this past October in an attempt to find a community and to make connections to people, and I think I’ve made some wonderful connections indeed. But I’m still very isolated living where I am, and it’s one of the major factors I think about when considering moving.

In the meantime, I’ve started the Badger Straddlers group in an attempt to connect to all the amazing and wonderful Straddlers that I know must be in my home state. Please join and let’s hang out!

I’m so glad you started that group – consider this an open call for all the Midwesterners to join! How did you find out about A-Camp?

My introduction to Autostraddle came during my earliest days of transitioning. I mentioned watching a lot of YouTube channels for information and support. One of those is Translabryinth. The lovely M, whether she knows it or not, brought Autostraddle into my life!

I followed, and fell in love with the site over the next few months and years. I knew about A-Camp, but didn’t know if I’d ever be able to go. Or if I went, if I’d ever be accepted. I’d done a lot of reading about how a large portion of the lesbian community does not recognize transwomen as women. But Autostraddle’s unequivocal support of the trans community put me at ease, and the personal recommendations of my friends Jen and Morgan sealed the deal! Only a month or so before camp was to begin, I committed to go. 2013 is my year, and October A-Camp could not have been a better way to enter this chapter of my life.

Can you talk about some of your favorite parts of A-Camp?

I still can’t believe that, as a native of Wisconsin, my first snow for the season fell in Southern California! It was a wondrous snow kingdom and it made me so happy to see all the campers who experienced snow for the first time in their lives. I sort of take it for granted, growing up where I did.

I had the very best canoeing experience of my life on that crystal clear water of Jenks Lake surrounded by so many beautiful queers. And prom! I danced for the first time since puberty – the first one – and it was so much fun! But most of all, what I take away from camp are the connections. Connections to strong, courageous, intelligent, beautiful people.

Natalie and Shelby at the A-Camp prom photobooth (with Kai making a guest appearance behind the silver curtains…)

Do you have a celeb crush?

I have far too many! Natalie Portman… Amy Adams… Zooey Deschanel… and I would be remiss if I didn’t mention DeAnne Smith and Hannah Hart.

You said 2013 was your year – what comes next?

I’m looking to find some financial stability and get out on my own! I’d love to be able to travel more. I’m looking to get more involved in my local trans* community, as well as get more involved with Autostraddle. I’m also looking to find a partner to share this amazing life that I have.

Do you have anything else you’d like to share with the Autostraddle community?

I’m so very open and excited to meet and get to know all of you! I’d be honored if you’d join the Badger Straddlers group and help me build an awesome community here. Don’t be afraid to face your fears. Don’t be afraid to fail. Just be you… ’cause you’re awesome!

If you would like to be featured as a future Straddler on the Street, please email vanessa [at] autostraddle [dot] com. Include a few photos, 3-5 sentences about yourself and put “Straddler Submission” in your subject line. Approximately a million people have submitted so far, so please be patient as Vanessa goes through her inbox — you’re all sexy with really smart brains, and don’t you forget it!

Straddler On The Street: Abby

Hi crush monsters, this is Straddler On The Street, a feature where I celebrate all of you incredible Autostraddle readers by hunting you down, demanding you chat with me, and then writing about you on the Internet so we can all crush on you. Get excited, because butterflies in your stomach 24/7 is a fantastic way to live.

Header by Rory Midhani

Straddler On The Street: Abby, 22

Abby was the winner of the A-Camp 4.0 Kreuzbach10 campership, and as you might expect from such a human, Abby is sweet, energetic, confident and dapper as all hell. Abby grew up in New York, went to New York University, and now works at Warby Parker. Abby makes films and tells stories that focus on gender and race and national origin and this work is probably going to inspire humans and change the world, because our histories and our words are important and Abby knows that. Abby had a million and one amazing things to say about A-Camp and wants you all to go to A-Camp in the future, yes, every single one of you. Abby also managed to reference Taylor Swift in response to the very first question of our interview, so I instantly fell a little bit in love. You will, too.

Abby at Camp 4.0, October 2013

Hi! Let’s start out with the basics. How old are you, where do you live, what do you do, and how should I spell your name – is there an E in Abb(e)y?

Like Taylor Swift, I’m 22, and unlike Taylor Swift, I live in Bushwick, Brooklyn – home of all of Lena Dunham’s crack-related incidents – although I grew up in Queens. I work at Warby Parker, the eyeglass company/startup, where I just changed positions. I used to work at the retail store in the Meatpacking District, and now I work in operations and other behind-the-scenes stuff at their headquarters in Soho. And you can spell my name Abby, although my name is like a whole other thing… I also just graduated from NYU last May.

I went to NYU, too! I majored in English and Gender Studies in the College of Arts and Science. What did you study?

I also did Gender Studies, but with a slightly different slant. I was in Gallatin, where you build your own concentration by taking classes all throughout NYU, and I studied nonfiction media – documentary film and creative nonfiction and memoir and stuff – but with a specific bent towards nonfiction and how it relates to gender and race and national origin and all those good things! So I read a lot of Audre Lorde and Cherríe Moraga and watched a lot of Paris is Burning, among other things.

That sounds amazing. I have a lot to ask you about your work and interests, but before we continue, do you want to elaborate about your name? That sounds like it might be a Thing To Talk About… but only if you want!

Yeah, I’d love to! So my nickname is Abby and I typically go by Abby, but my full name is Abena, which is a Ghanaian name that means “girl born on Tuesday.” Fun fact, I was actually not born on a Tuesday, but I was named after my grandmother.

Sometimes I’m more into being called Abena, because it’s generally less easily gendered that Abby (in the United States – in Ghana, Abena is immediately female) and I’m not really into being easily gendered, I guess? But Abena is really really difficult for white people, haha. If, on the first day of class, it isn’t immediately mispronounced, a professor will literally get to my name in the alphabet and just give me a blank look until I say it for them… followed quickly by a “But you can call me Abby!” And this has been going on for as long as I can remember!

So my name is kinda tense in that I really like to be called Abby, but I also enjoy Abena as a cultural marker that binds me to my Ghanaian-ness and also severs me from Western assumptions about gendered names. I hope that makes sense.

That makes a ton of sense. Can you talk a little bit about your ties to your Ghanaian-ness?

Ooooh man, my Ghanaian-ness. My dad is Ghanaian and my mother is Haitian, and in the fall of 2011 I studied abroad in Accra, the capital of Ghana. The summer before, there was a particularly popular article circulating through social media: “World News: Ghana Orders the Arrest of All Homosexuals.”

So I was going to Ghana with this kind of looming over my head. Mind that I’d always grown up surrounded by mostly white folks – a high percentage of whom were European immigrants, first-generation like me, but white all the same – and I hadn’t given much active thought to my Ghanaian-ness before that semester. So this was kind of my introduction to Ghana: You are Ghanaian, or you are queer, and you can’t be both.

That sentiment was more or less echoed by my father, who I have been out to for going on six years now, but who told me when I was leaving for Ghana that I wasn’t to talk about queer things when I got there. Almost all of my paternal family still lives in Ghana, and I’m not sure whether he wanted me to effectively go back into the closet because he thought it was unsafe or if he thought our family would reject me.

Abby in Ghana

Did you follow his advice?

I did the exact opposite! I went to Ghana and ended up making a short documentary about the queer individuals and friends I met and made, their lives and their experiences, hopes, and dreams. I was also able to learn a lot from them about what being queer and African could potentially look like. That semester, there was a big to-do as well about Great Britain’s threatening to cut aid to West African countries if they didn’t change the laws that affected LGBTQ people. (I forgot to mention! Homosexuality is de facto illegal in Ghana!) And imagine my reaction when I found out that those laws (and similar laws in countries like Nigeria and Uganda) are actually remnants of British and French imperialism. Bullshit.

Ugh, seriously. This might be too personal to ask, but I’m curious based on what you just said: is your dad comfortable with your identity?

He actually totally is! He has probably [had] the easiest [time] in my family, besides my siblings, [with] coming to terms with my queerness. The other day he called me at like 11 pm just to tell me that he saw that gay marriage had passed in New Jersey. He also just told me how much he loves his two new favorite shows, The Rachel Maddow Show and Melissa Harris-Perry. He might actually be the cutest. [But] his telling me to not talk about queer stuff in Ghana was even stranger in that sense.

I get that. So your experience in Ghana turned out to be very different than you expected. How did you go about meeting the queer people you met there?

Good question! I met most of them at this underground salsa party in downtown Accra; I also met a few through some of my professors and their friends, who knew I was making this film and trying to gather as much information as possible. One of the classes I took was specifically about making a film about the city or something that attracted you about it. I pitched a film that explored some of the lived experiences of queer people, popular opinion about the issue, a little stuff about me, things like that.

That sounds very cool. Are you interested in continuing to do projects like that?

I would love love love love love that! I’m planning to apply for an MFA in writing in the next few years, which I know people can get down on, the monetary worth of graduate school and things, but I am so into an experience in straight up intense workshop conservatory writing – reading and writing and critiquing everyday for multiple years. It would also be a great jumping off point to apply to fellowships and other grants that would let me take my writing and my projects to the places where it matters the most to me (like the Caribbean and sub-Saharan Africa). My [undergrad] studies opened a lot of doors to me as far as beginning to learn the tools I can use to understand myself and the world. [I learned] that nonfiction has a history and is important and diverse and wild, and that personal experiences have a history and are important and can be beautiful and life-changing.

They absolutely are important. Speaking of beautiful and life-changing experiences… can we talk about A-Camp? First, what made you apply for the Kreuzbach10 campership?

I’ve always wanted to apply for a campership, but at every deadline I always psyched myself out: “They’re never gonna pick this essay. It’ll never be me.” But when I read the post for the Kreuzbach10 campership, the description of Anna’s company and the essay prompt both really resonated with me.

As a short, small-framed butch-identified person who often goes into fits of dysphoric rage in dressing rooms, the phrase “masculine clothes that are made to fit women’s bodies” was like music to this boi’s ears! Then the essay prompt was asking me to write about something that I spend a lot of my time thinking about: learning to feel good about my presentation, and how feeling good has come to affect my life. I talked a lot about the experience of presenting as masculine in Ghana, and how the love and acceptance I found in my body there translated to an increased confidence in myself in the U.S. So this time I just went for it!

Abby with another Abby (left) and Gi (right) at Dappy Hour at A-Camp

How did you feel when you heard you had won the campership?

Didn’t believe it. Not a single part of me. I got the email from Dani RDS and I was seriously like, which Abena did Dani mean to send this to? But then I got another email from Anna Kunz right after, that was talking about the essay and Ghana and stuff, and I was like HOLY FUCKING SHIT! I called my best friend, screamed for like 2 minutes, said “I’M GOING TO GAY CAMP,” and hung up.

That is such a cute story! Did camp live up to your expectations?

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD VANESSA. I tried really really hard to go to camp with zero expectations. I was actually so nervous the week before that I had started to convince myself that my whole cabin would hate me and I would have a terrible time and then fall off the mountain. BUT THEN CAMP WAS EVERYTHING.

I am so glad you didn’t fall off the mountain. Tell me your favorite camp things. The penguin I painted on your face better be one of them. Just kidding… (but not really).

Your penguin is the FIRST one of them. That penguin was so fucking cute and perfect, and it had tattoos on its triceps like me and everything!

My whole entire cabin: Flashdance, you mean the world to me. We invented a game called “Spin the Bottle with Feelings,” which is where you spin a bottle and whoever it lands on, you need to ask a personal question. And then you MAKE OUT. I don’t know if I could envision a gayer game.

I learned to throw a football! The strip spelling bee and Deanne Smith! Dapper hour and ukeleles and snow and the Carnival – magical!

I don’t know, I definitely know a lot of queer people in New York and Brooklyn, but I have never felt so full and surrounded by so many non-judgemental queer faces, so many people that instead of getting defensive when someone felt hurt or slights, they asked, “How can I be better?” For that entire weekend I felt valid and normal and attractive, in a not horrible and objectifying way! And I also danced SO MUCH.

Also! The QPOC and gender panels were amazing. So many beautiful and insightful and necessary comments from both panelists and audience members, and I was genuinely pleasantly surprised at what a safe space the QPOC panel felt like. Going to those panels, and having those hard discussions with the hopes of bringing about some real healing, was incredible. I am rarely if ever able to do that in my “real life.”

This is A-Camp.

I’m so glad you had such an amazing time at camp. Seeing as you are the KREUZBACH10 CAMPERSHIP CAMPER, I am curious how you think of your personal style. What are some items of clothing you cannot live without?

Oooh, this is difficult in that I don’t really see myself as particularly fashionable. I definitely couldn’t live without a denim jacket, some black jeans, and a pair of Vans. I also would need at least a few button-down shirts and maybe a half-dozen ties and bow ties. I think I’d describe my style as half Brooklyn hipster and half New England lacrosse bro. I wear a lot of flannel, five-panel hats, and printed t-shirts, but I would also never say no to a bro tank and basketball shorts, or a pastel oxford with a striped tie, khakis, and duck boots. I guess it depends on whether I’m going to work or going skateboarding. I also cannot live without prints and colors all over my clothes.

Do you have a celeb crush?

OH MY GOD HAVE YOU SEEN JENNIFER LAWRENCE’S HAIRCUT? J-Law by far. She is brilliant and gorgeous and so talented, and she also does not give one single fuck.

I also adore her. Speaking of The Hunger Games, what are some of your favorite books and movies?

Oh man. So my favorite movie is obviously One Direction: This is Us, because I love One Direction and personally identify as a Directioner.

I’ve been reading a lot of Junot Diaz lately, because I absolutely love The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao and Drown but haven’t read either since high school. So I’m re-reading those, and I just got a copy of This Is How You Lose Her, which I am really excited about.

I also love The Hunger Games, and have been reading a lot of literature for young adults in general lately. John Green is another of my favorite, I read Looking for Alaska and The Fault in Our Stars in the past six months and both were were so good.

And of course, above all, Harry Potter. Fun fact about me: I am definitely a Hufflepuff, and have two very large Harry Potter tattoos, one of which is a badger.

Oh my actual god.

I am so into all of it, every single thing you just said. Do you have anything else to say to the Autostraddle community?

Go to camp! If you can afford it, you should definitely go! Apply for a campership, apply for all the camperships! And I’ll see you all at A-Camp 5.0.

If you would like to be featured as a future Straddler on the Street, please email vanessa [at] autostraddle [dot] com. Include a few photos, 3-5 sentences about yourself and put “Straddler Submission” in your subject line. Approximately a million people have submitted so far, so please be patient as Vanessa goes through her inbox — you’re all sexy with really smart brains, and don’t you forget it!

Straddler On The Street: Lex

Hi crush monsters, this is Straddler On The Street, a feature where I celebrate all of you incredible Autostraddle readers by hunting you down, demanding you chat with me, and then writing about you on the Internet so we can all crush on you. Get excited, because butterflies in your stomach 24/7 is a fantastic way to live.

Header by Rory Midhani

Straddler On The Street: Lex, 26

Lex and I connected after the Queerituality panel at the most recent A-Camp in October, and from the second we started speaking I could tell she was a person I wanted to know. She had a calming spirit and a peaceful demeanor, and then I learned that she’s also an artist, an ambitious freelancer, and a traveler and student of the world. Suffice it to say, I was hooked – I needed to interview Lex for this column.

Lucky for me, Lex and I connected when we got home from camp, and we had a lengthy discussion, part of which I will share with you now. Lex makes her home in Philadelphia, just celebrated her 26th birthday, and is a completely lovely human being. Check out Lex’s website to see her incredible work at lexgstein.com.

When I asked Lex what was going on in this cute photo where she is receiving a massive hug from her housemate Jen, she said: “birthday morning + scorpio new moon solar eclipse + 25 hour day + diwali = glitter face and so much gratitude”

What do you get up to these days?

I’m on a major self-love extravaganza journey, which is the front and center of my life right now. I started my level one Reiki training recently, I just moved into a new home with perfect housemates, I cook and cook, write and draw, love my friends and family, flirt, play top 40 songs on my ukulele, and for money and love I create websites and documentaries for people and projects that I’m completely proud of. A lot of things!

I’d love to talk about Reiki training, mostly because I know nothing about it. How did you come to it?

Reiki is amazing. In 2008, I was diagnosed with melanoma and had successful but scary surgery on my left thigh. A year after the surgery it felt like there was an electrical socket where my scar was – there was just so much energy, maybe it was the nerves reconnecting, but it was all I could think about. I was managing an internship program for The Attic Youth Center (LGBTQ youth center) and one of the job placements was at this dreamy place called The Reiki School + Clinic. I went there to set up the internship and the moment I arrived I knew that I needed a treatment. So all summer I got treatments and had “releases” and could feel all of this healing in different parts of my body, including my electrical socket scar. [Then] I experience[d] a serious depression this past year. I really lost sight of my true passions and personal journey. This past spring and summer I went through a really extended break-up experience with my partner of almost three years. It was agonizing. When I thought about what I could sign up for to get some structure and meaning in my life it was so clear: Reiki. I went to the school’s website and a level 1 class was starting 2 weeks later. I signed up. I am completely changed.

Wow. This might sound silly, but what exactly is Reiki?

Reiki is a Japanese healing practice. You can practice Reiki on yourself or on someone else. It’s a series of 24 – give or take – hand positions from the head down to the feet. Usually a session lasts for about an hour, though you can do spot treatments on different parts of your body whenever. I’m always giving myself treatments these days when I’m driving or people are talking to me or I’m watching internet TV. It feels so good. The idea is that there is Universal Energy and we are all one way vessels for that energy. When I place my hands on my body or on someone else’s body, the energy is coming through me into my hands and offers / holds space for the body to heal. Our bodies are so very smart, sometimes they just need space, time, intention to do their healing, sorting, releasing work. For some people Reiki is a spiritual practice, for some people it is exclusively a wellness healing practice.

That’s fascinating; I can’t believe I’ve never heard of it. So you are on your level one training. What comes next?

Well in my school – my lineage of practitioners – there are four levels. If I go through all four levels I get to be called a Reiki Master, which sounds great, doesn’t it? Besides sounding great, which is really not the important part, I am quite excited to learn more and more about this practice that has been so healing for me.

I’m so happy for you that you found such a meaningful practice.

Gosh, me too. You and I first connected at the Queerituality panel at Camp 4.0. My spirituality, which has taken cues from Judaism, Buddhism, and nature-based intuition, has been so positively impacted by my experience with Reiki.

Lex revisiting her alma mater, Smith.

I’m going to take this cue to ask about your spirituality. Is that okay?

Sure! My family is, was culturally Jewish. It’s our heritage, not so much our spirituality.

There is this murky time over the past ten years where I haven’t been super engaged in religious or spiritual practice tied to Judaism. I got really into a yoga practice in college and my best friend sister person, Kate Poole, was a religion major at her school and was learning more and more about Buddhism. Whatever Kate is learning about in life, I learn about in life… Kate got really into astrology this year so as a result I’ve been paying more attention to the lunar cycles lately, and that has been a touchstone for Judaism, because the Jewish calendar is a lunar calendar.

Right before the high holidays this year Kate suggested that we make our own service book. We looked to what we learned in Hebrew School as kids and gave ourselves permission to let go of anything that that did not resonate with our current life views, politics, and interests. We researched the mystical woo-woo parts of Judaism that have existed for thousands of years, but that don’t often surface these days when folks learn about religion. We gathered readings from radical queer writers online, secular writers who we just like a lot, Buddhist teachers, on and on. We had it printed out and spiral bound.

That must have made the holidays so meaningful this year.

This was the first year of my life that I “got” the high holidays, the days of awe, the moment when the seasons change, when we reflect on the past year and set intentions for the coming year, when we shed what no longer serves us in order to invest deeply in what does serve us. That is what the 10-day holiday became for me this year.

I want to make personalized radical queer spiritual service books for all occasions now! Which is a half-joke, but not really. And what is so cool is that EVERYONE can do this! It’s zine-making. It’s completely personal.

How did you and Kate meet and become friends?

Well, best story! Our grandmothers met when they were pregnant with our mothers and then – amazingly, grossly – I was conceived on the day that Kate was born. I’m an only child and have very much grown up with Kate as my sister-human. And she is also queer so JACKPOT.

We actually made the story into a comic that was just published in the book “Not Your Mother’s Meatloaf” that Ali recently reviewed on Autostraddle dot com.

That is beyond amazing. Did Kate also come to A-Camp?

No, she has not come to A-Camp… yet.

Lex (right) with Kate Poole

Can you tell me about your A-Camp experiences?

Vanessa, I just love A-Camp. I came to 3.0 and 4.0. I grew up going to summer camp; it was everything to me growing up. My first kiss, first girlfriend, first breakup, first gay best-friend breakup, all happened at camp. I couldn’t go back after all that hurt and that was an enormous loss in my life. Also that camp was a super straight space – even though lots of counselors and campers were queer, as in regular life, it just was a pretty closet-y space.

When A-Camp was announced I KNEW that I needed to go but I was afraid. Afraid to put myself out there. Afraid to spend my money on my happiness. Afraid that there would be TOO MANY feelings from the past. But by the time registration for 3.0 went up I just kicked my butt and made the leap and went for it. SO GRATEFUL… it felt like everyone who was there was being rewarded by the universe. I had just been struggling so much in my personal life at home and camp felt like a magical respite. I would look around and be overwhelmed by the people around me. Everyone is ridiculously good-looking, extremely kind, and QUEER or GAY or LESBIAN identified. HEAVEN… I just felt like I must be doing something right in my life to be surrounded by such beauty, intellect, care, happiness, realness, and support. I just love camp.

I am so glad you love camp; I do too. I’m glad I met you at camp! You have a very calming presence and I could tell you are on an intentional journey.

It’s so wonderful to be open to meeting the people who the universe wants me to meet on my journey right now. I feel open to teachers and companions and a sweet life and significant learning right now. I’m really glad to be connecting with you and excited about the other new people that are coming into my life. One of my favorite teachers, Danielle LaPorte, likes to say, “Make room for your future.” I love the idea of cultivating an openness for the good and significant people and experiences that I’m coming to along my path. Gotta let go to make that space.

I really love that idea. Let’s talk a little bit about your work. You taught yourself to code, yes?

Yes! Because everything is practice and you do you.

That is the most badass thing I have ever heard. I always say I will teach myself to code but then I don’t, so I think it is crazy cool that you actually did.

I was working for Bpeace, a great organization that works with entrepreneurs in Afganistan, Rwanda, and El Salvador. I was doing PR for a documentary called THREAD about five of the Afghan businesswomen that Bpeace worked with in the early days of the organization. I really wanted to impress the mentors I was working for and I lied and said that I could totally make a website for the movie. It wasn’t really a lie, I sort of understood Tumblr. I messed around with the “custom” code options of Tumblr by Googling my questions like, “What is the hex code for the color white?” and, “What the eff is a hex code anyhow?” I was doing work for some other documentary filmmakers in different roles and they started asking me if I could create websites for the films. I switched over to WordPress and three and a half years later continue my self education via Googling everything.

THAT IS SO COOL.

At A-Camp 3.0, I had a mentoring session with Cee, Autostraddle’s tech re-creator, which was AMAZING in so many ways. Specifically Cee totally validated my experience of learning about code the way that I did. If I’m not mistaken, she started out the same way. So I must have a bright future ahead of me if this is how Cee started out.

I am seriously fangirl-ing so hard right now.

You are the most flattering person! I want everyone and their mom to know that being a freelance entrepreneur is a Real Thing that you can do. You can be your own boss and have an ethical business doing something that you love and you can pay your bills and have a semblance of freedom outside the mainstream work-money system.

And you do all that! In Philly! Do you like your neighborhood?

I do like my neighborhood, though my heart and soul and cells are all aching to live by the ocean, a move I hope to make in the not super distant future. West Philly is beautiful and sad and vibrant and dying and shifting and gentrifying and getting mugged and community gardens and a hive of queers and farmer’s markets and bikes and dogs and babies and very few stars in the sky but bright moons and sometimes a bright sun.

What sort of things do you do for fun around you?

I really love a good dinner party. And I really like parallel play. Like sitting in the same room with one of my best friends listening to tunes and drawing comics about our micro and macro feelings. I love love love to dance and dress up in costumes and sing very loudly.

What are some good books you’ve read recently?

MMMmmm BOOKS! I love when humans want to talk about books. Everything by Alison Bechdel but especially the Dykes To Watch Out For anthology. Everything by Ariel Schrag. I love the books I’ve read by Audre Lorde, Marge Piercy and Ursula K. Le Guin. Highlights are Zami, Woman on the Edge of Time and The Birthday of the World, respectively. I just read Animal Dreams, my first book by Barbara Kingsolver, which was exactly the right thing to read post-break up because it was about death and dreaming and waking up and allowing things to be good. My big takeaway germ of a thought from that book was that in order to have sweet dreams you have to have a sweet life. That’s become part of my prayers.

I love Dykes To Watch Out For. This is a silly question but I love asking it: do you have any celeb crushes?

Yes. Duh. Lindsay Lohan, circa another time period. But maybe in a dyke-alike way. I don’t think about the world of celebrity a lot, so that is the first thing I came up with.

“Sometimes (often) one needs to put on some queer war paint to get through this world.”

I love Lindsay for real so I support that. How did you discover Autostraddle?

I was reading the entirety of Krista Burke’s amazing website Effing Dykes and saw on her sidebar that she was featured in an article on this thing called “Autostraddle.” I clicked on that link and through that article learned about Sinclair Sexsmith and Sugarbutch, which was a very important connection for me to make as well. I just started jumping around on Autostraddle links and quickly visiting the website became part of my daily internet experience, which it remains. And now Autostraddle is part of my 3D real life experience and I couldn’t be more grateful about that… so much opportunity for conversation and fun and learning.

What a great origin story!

It’s a love story. Like a really private, personal love story, you know because it was alone on the internet, but now it’s in real life connecting with the real people who make up the staff and community and how special is that?

The best kind of love story. Do you have anything else you would like to share with the Autostraddle community?

Yes I do! A website I work with called OC87 Recovery Diaries is all about sharing personal stories about mental heath journeys through creative story telling and I want to start getting submissions from the Autostraddle community! You can submit writing, video, comics, or photography to submissions [at] oc87recoverydiaries [dot]com. Check out the website at oc87recoverydiaries.com. I want more queer, POC, female, trans, and intersecting perspectives on that website.

And, YOU DO YOU FOR REAL. We can make ourselves miserable or we can make ourselves happy, the amount of work is the same. You have to take care of yourself to take care of anyone else. Do it.

If you would like to be featured as a future Straddler on the Street, please email vanessa [at] autostraddle [dot] com. Include a few photos, 3-5 sentences about yourself and put “Straddler Submission” in your subject line. Approximately a million people have submitted so far, so please be patient as Vanessa goes through her inbox — you’re all sexy with really smart brains, and don’t you forget it!

Straddler On The Street: Hannah

Hi crush monsters, this is Straddler On The Street, a feature where I celebrate all of you incredible Autostraddle readers by hunting you down, demanding you chat with me, and then writing about you on the Internet so we can all crush on you. Get excited, because butterflies in your stomach 24/7 is a fantastic way to live.

Header by Rory Midhani

Straddler On The Street: Hannah, 24

This week our Straddler On The Street is Hannah, and per usual I will be one thousand percent upfront and tell you honestly what my relationship with Hannah is like: I am deeply in love with her. She was my camper in the Blackhearts cabin at A-Camp 4.0 this past October, and despite her sarcasm and tendency to tease me slash hit on my girlfriend, at the end of the day she is just a total sweetheart and really wise beyond her years, even when she doubts herself or downplays her total badass perspective on this great big world.

This interview was one of the more tricky ones to edit into a coherent conversation, because whereas I usually conduct a fairly formal conversation via gchat with my Straddlers each week it was impossible for Hannah and I to stay on topic for more than three minutes and we kept going off on random tangents ending with proclamations of love. Nonetheless, we eventually managed to chat about a bunch of really interesting and important topics, and once I cut out all the random lines from our chat that said variations of “I LOVE U SO MUCH!!!!!” I found a really full and interesting conversation that made me even prouder to know Hannah and call her my friend.

The moral of the story is that interviewing your friends and your campers is hard, Hannah is super wise, and everyone should go to A-Camp and fall in love with the humans who inhabit the Straddleverse because we make up a damn great community.

“This picture of me and Laneia and Riese pretty much validated my life.” – Hannah
(Laneia, Hannah, and Riese at A-Camp 3.0, May 2013)

You have moved around a fair amount! Tell me where you’re from and where you are now.

I live in San Francisco right now. Where I’m from is a bit of an essay. I was born in [a country in East Asia], I moved to New Zealand when I was 11, graduated from high school, went to college in Boston and then my parents found out I was gay so I had to move back to East Asia.

Wow, what happened when you moved back?

I had to transfer to a university back home and got a degree in Spanish and I have no idea what I’m going to do with that. I graduated in February 2012 and was supposed to go to grad school at the same uni but at the last minute I was like what the fuck am I doing with my life so I quit, saved up and moved to San Francisco. Halloween was my one year anniversary here!

Do you mind talking more about your parents? What do you mean when you say they found out you are gay?

They found a love letter I got from my first girlfriend [and they] asked me if it was from a girl or a boy because clearly it was from a girl. But still they chose to ask and honestly I think if I had told them it was from a boy they would’ve bought it.

And they made you come home as soon as they found the letter?

They actually didn’t make me transfer right away… but at the end of my second year they started guilt tripping me really hard, and that’s also when the economy went to shit and I really hated that I was relying on my parents for my tuition. At this point my mum was very depressed, my dad’s business was not doing well, my brother was about to start HIS private university so everything sort of pushed me to going back home because it was cheaper, my mum could have me nearer, etc.

How was life with your family once you moved back?

My dad stalked me for a while. He knew where I was, who I was with… once I went to film festival with this girl I met online – not in a romantic way! – and then my dad went to HER SCHOOL and some how found her and told her to stay away from me. Luckily she was really cool about it but that’s when I sort of decided, “Shit, now I’m going to get other people in trouble, I can’t date anyone but I don’t think I can even pretend to be straight so I’m just going to be alone forever.” Which sums up my feelings while I stayed [at home].

Oh Hannah, I am so sorry that happened.

That’s why I was freaked out before going to A-Camp 3.0, because I really didn’t want my face on a queer girl’s website. But then I went to camp and then my face was on the first LET’S TALK ABOUT ALL THE CAMP FEELINGS open thread post and then I realized I actually love having my face on Autostraddle. AND LOOK I’M DOING THIS NOW SO. Also, if my dad is still stalking me, HI DAD. By the way, I still talk to my parents, contrary to popular belief.

Do you want to say some words about that? I think it might be helpful and interesting to people with similar relationship dynamics with their folks.

It’s interesting because… well, I don’t want to generalize, but I think I see where my parents are coming from. They see homosexuality as something that must be cured, and they’re just trying to help me because they love me so much? Like if I [were sick] they’d do anything to get me better, and I know it’s fucked up, but I see where they’re coming from, especially because I know what kind of cultural background, family background they’re coming from.

I think that is a super valid way to view things. I think it is brave to try to understand them and pursue a relationship with them – though it would also be fine if you didn’t want to, of course.

When [my parents] tried to take me to psychologist/psychiatrist, they saw right through it and told us that we had to work on our relationship before anything else, which to my parents meant curing me and to me meant making my parents accept me. So now we’ve been trying to focus more on our relationship than trying to change each other, and I mean it took ages, they didn’t just go, “Oh okay, that makes sense.” It’s taken us four years to get to this point and if I’m actually being quite honest, this is probably the best it’ll ever get and it is probably temporary. But I just want to enjoy this moment as it is and not worry about what’ll happen in the future so much.

Just hangin’ out, just not worryin’ about the future too much.

What are some ways in which you handle your precarious relationship with your immediate family?

It’s weird. I’m not sure how to explain it but everything feels so surreal to me. Maybe I’m in denial. I just sort of feel like everything will happen the way it does and sometimes you don’t have any control over it. And it does suck and hurt but I know I will get through it.

Do you have any advice for people with similar parental circumstances?

It’s not your fault. I think that’s the biggest one actually. It’s not your fault. Sometimes it feels like it is your fault that your parents are crying at night but it isn’t. It took me a long time – and some therapy sessions – to realize that.

Do you have a strong support system in San Francisco?

One thing I decided when I first moved to San Francisco was that I’d be out from the get go. It was fucking scary when I first muttered the words, “I’m gay,” but everyone has been so accepting and nonchalant about it, which to me is a strong support. Like, people aren’t saying, “Wow, you’re gay but I still love you and support you!,” rather they’re saying, “Wow, you’re nice and awesome so I love you!”

Yes, acceptance versus tolerance. Such a key difference! So now that you’re settled in San Francisco, what are you doing with your days?

Well I work at a coffee shop and I don’t know what I’m doing with my days. Which is actually really scary. For the longest time I had no goals because I was going through this shit with my family and I didn’t care about anything and all I wanted was everything to go back to “normal.” So I sort of gave up and didn’t care about anything else. Now I guess I’m trying to find out what I want to do, what my passions are. Which is frustrating and scary because you feel the pressure of societal clock ticking.

It really does feel scary. As someone in quite a similar place, I completely understand where you’re coming from.

Sometimes I feel like everyone else knows what they’re doing or what they want to do and I’m like what the fuck? Why are people so put together? But most times they aren’t, haha, so we’re all on the same sinking boat. Is that too cynical?

Haha nah, I don’t think so. Do you like living in San Francisco?

I do like it for the most part. I mean it’s fucking beautiful, probably the most diverse city in the US and all that, but it is freaking expensive. I don’t know how I get by, honestly. And there’s the constant urge to just move and travel and explore versus shut up and settle down in one city for just a little bit this time!

Oh girl I know. Where would you travel, if money and time were limitless?

Oh dear lord… I really really really want to see the Northern Lights and just travel through the snowy white north of Scandinavia. It’s probably a lot colder and dangerous in real life but it sounds fantastic in my head.

Well I didn’t know I wanted to do that until right now, but of course I do.

Of course you do.

Let’s talk about your A-Camp feelings.

I went to A-Camp 3.0 on a Campership and it was literally the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know that everyone has pretty much said that, but it’s true. And then I registered for A-Camp 4.0 and the closer it got, the more anxious I got, because the first time was so fucking magical with unicorns and fairy dust that I felt like I was psyching myself out and what if I didn’t have the BEST TIME EVER? But then I realized that it’s okay… Camp is pretty much what you make it to be and whatever it is, it is okay as long as you take something away from it.

Yeah, I think a good rule is to go into camp with zero expectations. Just be right there and see what happens, because each camp experience is a bit different but they’re all meaningful.

But also then I did have the BEST TIME EVER AGAIN at A-Camp 4.0!

Hannah having the BEST TIME EVER with some Blackhearts and Runaways at A-Camp 4.0.

Yay!

May I also insert here that I was officially adopted by Riese and Laneia at A-Camp 3.0?

Yes, I think now is a great time to mention that fact. Also what a teaser – come to A-Camp and you may get adopted! Talk about intrigue. Anyway! You mentioned that you wanted to talk about what it feels like to be gay and female and Asian. Shall we do that now?

Yes! I have a lot of feelings about being gay and female and Asian, because I don’t know, sometimes I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I’m never the majority and no, that’s not what’s really important, I totally get that, but you know, sometimes it’s tiring. It’s so fucking tiring, trying to hide who you are.

Here in San Francisco, I can be open and be out about my sexuality but I still sometimes get called shitty things [related to the fact that I am Asian]. Then in Asia queers are very invisible still and it’s not even really a social issue yet. It’s slowly, slowly becoming one, which is nice. But still, other people finding out you are queer is probably the worst thing that could happen to a queer person in [Asia].

And honestly, that’s probably my parents’ worst fear. I don’t think they would’ve cared as much if there was a 100% guarantee that no one would ever find out. What others think of you matters so freaking much and your social reputation is so, so important. I mean, obviously I can’t speak for everyone in Asia… and I’m not trying to say Western society or the idea of individualism is better than Asian society or the idea of community. It’s just a really different society and in this queer’s case, it fucking sucked.

That sounds really hard and tiring. You said queer visibility is slowly becoming a social issue in Asia. What does that mean?

Well, the gay rights movement – or the lack thereof – is mostly based on the Western gay rights movement, and assimilation seems to be a big thing, which I know is an issue here [in the United States] too. Like the idea of, “We’re just like you!” But you know, baby steps I guess.

Baby steps indeed. On a much lighter note, I’ve got some fun questions to ask you. Who is your celeb crush?

Can I say Laneia? Wait is that too real? Oh I know, Hannah Hart!

Hannah and Hannah in matching floral print hats at A-Camp in October, 2013.

What is one item of clothing you can’t live without?

My floral hat! I bought it right before camp sort of ironically for you, and then instantly fell into the beautiful magic of floral prints.

I love that hat. What is your favorite book?

That’s so hard, [but] Harry Potter will always be one of my favorite books until the very end. Fun fact, I went to high school in New Zealand and a prefect is a real thing and I was a prefect and I had badges. It blew my college roommates’ minds.

That is so cool! Finally, do you have anything else you would like to share with the Autostraddle community?

If you are a little lost and don’t know what you’re doing with your life, it’s okay because you’re living and that’s beautiful. That’s something someone told me when I was in a real shitty place and it helped me a lot [because] it wasn’t like, “IT’S OK IT’LL GET BETTER HANG IN THERE,” it was, “I know you’re hurting and you’re in pain and I don’t want to invalidate your feelings, and it’s ok that you’re feeling that way.”

You’re living and that’s beautiful, AMEN.

If you would like to be featured as a future Straddler on the Street, please email vanessa [at] autostraddle [dot] com. Include a few photos, 3-5 sentences about yourself and put “Straddler Submission” in your subject line. Approximately a million people have submitted so far, so please be patient as Vanessa goes through her inbox — you’re all sexy with really smart brains, and don’t you forget it!

Straddler On The Street: Jill/Gilles

Hi crush monsters, this is Straddler On The Street, a feature where I celebrate all of you incredible Autostraddle readers by hunting you down, demanding you chat with me, and then writing about you on the Internet so we can all crush on you. Get excited, because butterflies in your stomach 24/7 is a fantastic way to live.

Header by Rory Midhani

Straddler On The Street: Jill/Gilles, 23

If you attended Syracuse University a few years ago, attended A-Camp 2.0 or 3.0, or simply live in the Baltimore area, it’s likely that you’ve run into Jill/Gilles, a Professional Queer if I ever met one!

Jill/Gilles is “beginning to work out logistics of a transition from female to male” and currently uses female pronouns, and she spoke to me a bit about her transition, her gender identity and presentation, and how her family has reacted amongst many other topics. Like I said, she is super involved in the queer community, and she is currently on the executive committee of the Board of Directors at Baltimore’s Community Center (GLCCB) and works as Program Coordinator of Student Activities at MICA (Maryland Institute College of Art). She got a degree in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Studies from Syracuse, and was an active member of the LGBT community there. She’s also interned at national and local LGBT non-profits in Washington, DC and has done extensive volunteer work in the community, always “striving to bring trans*, female-bodied, queer representation to a community that needs it.”

Say hello to Dapper Jill/Gilles!

Jill/Gilles, 23, at A-Camp 3.0, May 2013

When I asked about which pronouns you use, you said you are beginning to work out the logistics of your transition. Are you comfortable speaking about those logistics?

I’m totes cool with that. I just found out the place I was pursuing to go to in regards to transition services doesn’t take my insurance. And the other place I was thinking about requires them to be your primary physician. I also am unsure about my insurance, or about how the place I work at accommodates transition services. I am highly anxious about starting to pursue being able to pass, as well as starting the social transition – so it’ll be really interesting when I start to pursue that.

How did you come to the place you are now in your gender identity and gender expression?

It was a lifelong process, I suppose. I had extreme gender dysphoria as a wee lad… went through Catholic school and [it] made me forget all about it. Then high school and college reaffirmed it, and then A-Camp (especially) and the current work I do solidified my choice to begin transition. I suppose Catholic school didn’t make me forget, but it suppressed it and manifested itself as lack of self-care and hiding my true-self.

Where did you go to college, and were you involved in queer activities there?

I went to Syracuse University! I was a super queer! I worked at the LGBT Center, I was the art director at the queer mag there for a bit, I have a degree in LGBT studies through there – my BFA is in illustration, though. I also was a common staple at the queer party scene [and] hosted a couple myself.

To be honest I miss the college queer scene.

I miss the abundance and concentration of queer folk, but A-Camp certainly fulfills that function.

Tell me about your experience working on the queer zine. What are some of your favorite memories?

I was the art director for this issue and for the cover and center spread we had a nude photo shoot in the woods. We covered ourselves in paint and tried to really display our interpretation of the radical fairy group. But it was in a state park after sundown, which was illegal. The cops came. Whoops!

What ended up happening?!

The one clothed person checked in with them and told them we were here for a school photo shoot and that we [would] only [be] another 20 minutes, and they drove away. The finished product was fantastic!

Haha oh my god that’s incredible.

Very lucky. I’ll never forget painting my fellow editors, writers, artists, and volunteers in paint and romping around.

I want to ask more questions about your job and your art but I also wanna back up for one second. You mentioned Catholic school – do you still identify with Catholicism at all?

Oh I love the ornamentation, the gaudiness. I’m an aesthetic Catholic.

And what about your family? Are they supportive of your sexuality and your transition?

My parents claim they’ve always known that ‘I like women’ and that ‘I’ve wanted to be a boy/man.’ They’ve been as supportive as possible, and always curious and proactive to ask questions. They’re still trying to understand the transition. My mom just wants to have grandchildren, and is nervous about me growing hair. So I have to navigate that. They trip up sometimes, but I wouldn’t expect them to be perfect, as it’s not a community that they’re in.

That’s really awesome to hear. And that’s a very empathetic way to look at it from your perspective, especially as even the queer community fucks up sometimes when it comes to being supportive of all humans.

Oh yes, there’s so much to learn! The work and the education never ends.

It’s true! It sounds like you do a lot of work to that end. Can you speak about your work with GLCCB and also at MICA?

Yes! I was invited to apply to be on the Board of Directors at the GLCCB last October [by an alum of Syracuse who is a great mentor of mine]. I’ve been in that position for about a year, and man have I learned so much. As an illustrator and a person passionate about social development and mentorship, I started a job as Program Coordinator of Student Activities at MICA where I supervise about 20+ art students in our Student Activities Office. I absolutely love my students. They are so energized and creative, and it really gets me to work every day with a pep in my step.

What does a typical day at MICA look like for you?

On a boring day, I’m doing budget and database work and coordinating logistics for events. On an exciting day, I’m ordering gold underpants for our burlesque club and showing students how to Photoshop cat faces on people’s bodies.

Amazing. How could other Straddlers get involved in that sort of work if they are interested?

I’m very much on an entry level at MICA, but my student leadership at [Syracuse] and my internship experiences at LGBT non-profits really equipped me for the work that I do. For my position at the GLCCB, [I’d say what prepared me was] the LGBT non-profit experience and excessive volunteering, along with proactive networking and reaching out to people who inspired me.

You said you feel like you’ve learned a lot in the year you’ve been on the board. Can you articulate some of the major things you’ve taken away, so far?

[Being on the board is] really navigating how to be a radical queer in spaces that call for compromise with folks who’re homonormative. Because while I dislike Pride Parades – hell give me a Shame Parade or a Dyke March any day! – I was coordinating all of the volunteers at the one this year because I understand that the funding that comes from the event provides vital resources to folks who need it at the community center. You’ll see a lot of cities having for-profit Pride Parades [but] I’m fortunate enough that Baltimore is a non-profit parade.

Jill/Gilles (far right) volunteering at Baltimore Pride 2013

I didn’t know that there are non-profit Pride Parades… I think I assumed they were all for-profit.

Oh yeah. That’s why Shame Parades are awesome. Why do we have to depend on major companies to build community spaces?

I’ve never even heard of Shame Parades! I feel so out of the queer loop.

[Shame Parades are] queer radicals fightin’ the commercialism of your standard Pride Parade. I think both have merit; you get a very niche audience with shame parades.

Yes, I would expect that. Okay moving away from work and more toward play – tell me all your feelings about A-Camp.

OH GOD. I had such a pain in my throat and chest that I couldn’t go this time around. A-Camp has changed my life. My Snatches and Bombshells [cabinmates] have given me such strength, and are lifelong affirmations and anchors. The counselors, the other campers. History is happening on that mountain. You’ll be reading about A-Camp in LGBT textbooks, I’ll make damn sure of it, so young queers of the future can sigh like I do and be inspired. And I hope for their sake that they get to go. There’s never been a place where I could fully express myself with no questions like that.

I am probably gonna start crying. Do you have any specific A-Camp memories you’d like to mention?

My first camp… The ‘real talks’ and amazing conversations we had in the cabin. The truth or dares, the nude streakings in Klub Deer, the kisses, the cuddles, the hugs, the happy and sad tears. The life-long friends, the mentors. The lessons learned. The haircut from Casino! The Faggity Feud where I wore bike shorts and got soaking wet in way more ways than one. All of the snaps I gave to folks who just poured their feelings out!

My second camp… Really looking inside myself and grappling with the tough issues I didn’t want to confront. A-Camp in its entirety gave me the courage to do that. Getting to see old friends, dancing, not giving a FUCK, but giving ALL OF THE FUCKS at the same time. Katrina‘s ‘this is how we live, no fucks to give‘ essay got me through some rough times. It’s my mantra when I get triggered.

It’s so inspiring to listen to you talk about camp. I see the magic happen every camp but it’s so gratifying to know that you guys feel it, too.

I think we all feel it. Whatever ‘IT’ is is different for everyone, but it changes your life. ‘It’ could be something absolutely amazing, ‘It’ could be something heart-breaking, but you work it out and it makes you a better and stronger person once you process it.

That’s a great description of camp. Sometimes the work it inspires is hard, but it is always so necessary.

Yes. ::snaps:: I need A-Camp, and there so so many other folks in the world I know who need it too.

On a much lighter note – you’re single! What are some of your favorite ways to meet potential dates!

OH GOD YES I’M SINGLE. I have such a difficult time finding folks, so whatever I would tell people, please do the opposite.

Awww. What is difficult about finding people?

I’m really picky and an introvert, and that’s not a good combination. Please send me a stern but sweet soft/sissy to hard butch who loves to slow dance and wants to grow as people together. That’s what I pray to god every night for. Like Audrey Horne prayed for Agent Cooper in Twin Peaks. But there was nothing more fun than being single at A-Camp… wild and reckless abandon.

So I have heard! But have not experienced myself. Anyway! Who are some of your favorite artists?

Oh lord. Francis Bacon, Alison Bechdel, Junji Ito, Kazuma Kodaka, J.C Leyendecker, Marjane Satrapi, Egon Schile (minus the pedophilia), David Lynch and John Waters.

Awesome, thank you. What are you planning to dress up as for Halloween?

Well for work I have to dress as a circus animal with a sparkle vest!

What an amazing job! You mentioned the lovely Laura Wooley introduced you to Autostraddle, yes? Can you tell that story?

Why yes! We have a mutual friend – she went to high school with them, I went to college with them – and together we visited her in Philly and she was talking about this marvelous thing called Autostraddle. I was like, ‘Wow! I should check that out!’ I hadn’t consumed much LGBT media prior to then, and Autostraddle was EXACTLY what I was looking for. It also inspired me to really be passionate about LGBT issues and I would definitely attribute it as a gateway drug into my degree.

That’s so rad! Finally, do you have anything else you’d like to share with the Autostraddle community?

You are all such wonderful people. We’re all in such an interesting moment in history, with the internet and all. When you feel isolated or alone, know that the AS community is here, and we are all over the world just waiting to give you a hug and some tea. If you are ever in Baltimore, give me a ring, and I can give you just that. I can even offer a bed and a fun time!

Awwwww. On behalf of all of us: THANK YOU!

Awwwww maybe if you visit Maryland Jill/Gilles will bake you something and wear that apron!

If you would like to be featured as a future Straddler on the Street, please email vanessa [at] autostraddle [dot] com. Include a few photos, 3-5 sentences about yourself and put “Straddler Submission” in your subject line. Approximately a million people have submitted so far, so please be patient as Vanessa goes through her inbox — you’re all sexy with really smart brains, and don’t you forget it!

Straddler On The Street: Juliet

Hi crush monsters, this is Straddler On The Street, a feature where I celebrate all of you incredible Autostraddle readers by hunting you down, demanding you chat with me, and then writing about you on the Internet so we can all crush on you. Get excited, because butterflies in your stomach 24/7 is a fantastic way to live.

Header by Rory Midhani

Straddler On The Street: Juliet, 31

You guys, Juliet is really, really cool. I feel confident saying this even though I haven’t met her in person simply because of the really sweet emails she has sent me and the fascinating tidbits she’s shared about herself in our interview. Plus she’s not only nice, smart, and adventurous, but she’s super beautiful. Basically I just got home from A-Camp and I already want to hop right back on a plane and go visit Juliet in Australia, ya know?

When Juliet initially emailed me to submit for Straddler On The Street, she told me that she is a 31 year old Australian mother and sexologist. “My passion lies in educating the masses about all things sex, with a particular focus on educating young LGBTIQ youth,” she wrote, and you know me… I was instantly hooked and dying to know more. Juliet is also a prolific explorer and says traveling is her favorite pastime, “alongside drinking strong coffee next to my beautiful woman on a sunny day.” So grab your own cup of coffee and get ready to meet a new Straddler!

Juliet, 31

Tell me about your work as a sexologist.

I’m a sexuality educator and coach and am studying a postgraduate masters in sexology. I’ve created workshops for young people that open up a space for them to discuss sex, sexuality, intimacy, sex-positivity, masturbation and safe sex. Aiming to breakdown the taboos that surround the topic of sex, my mission is to empower and support people to embrace and accept their own unique sexuality. As well as sexuality education for groups of young people I am also passionate and driven to provide holistic sexuality coaching for adults.

What does your typical day look like?

A day in the life of my career is ever-changing and always interesting! Being a sexologist is a dream career for me.

Did you always know you wanted to be a sexologist?

I was always interested in talking, reading and learning about sex but didn’t realize I could make a career out of it! I was always the woman that everyone came to for advice, or to tell me about their secret desires and confessions. I’m open to anything, and non-judgmental, which makes it easy for people to talk to me about such a personal topic. I completed my undergraduate degree in Psychology when I was about 22 years old, travelled the world, became a mum, became a yoga teacher and then thought, what next? I watched the movie Kinsey and within a month I was enrolled to begin my postgraduate masters in sexology. It felt like a natural step forward in my career seeing as I am so passionate about the topic of sex and naturally comfortable and open when talking about sex others.

What are some of the things you do to educate young LGBTIQ youth?

I’ve been volunteering with a support group here on the Gold Coast for young people who are questioning their sexuality and/or gender identity. I recently ran a workshop for them that created a space for them to talk openly about sex. Unfortunately, sex is still a ‘taboo’ topic in society, so simply getting them talking about it is a great start.

What sort of things did you talk about?

We discussed questions such as, What is sex? What does it mean to be sex-positive? Is masturbation healthy? In a heteronormative world, sex is typically thought of as a penis penetrating a vagina so I believe it’s important that the young people can chat about what sex means to them, ensuring that they understand it means different things to different people, and that’s okay.

Do you have any advice for Straddlers who are interested in sexology or educating young queer people about sex? What can they do to get started?

Begin reading, and don’t stop! Educate yourself, as well as working on exploring your own sexuality. Get involved in local groups in your community who support young LGBTIQ people.

Juliet and Milli

You mentioned that being a mum is one of the most important things to you. Tell me more about being a mum!

Being a mum is definitely the craziest and most challenging life-changing experience, but by far my best achievement yet! Milli is now 7 years old and is the most beautiful little lady. Becoming a mum was a lifelong dream for me and being pregnant and giving birth was amazing and empowering as a young woman. Milli was born on my 24th birthday, the BEST birthday present ever! I can’t wait to be pregnant again!

What is your number one favorite thing about being a mother?

Number one favorite thing was holding her in my arms for the first time. That moment was the happiest, most profound moment in my life.

What is the number one most challenging things about being a mother?

The most challenging thing about being a mother is not being able to just get up and travel the world for months at a time.

Are there any specific challenges to being a queer mom?

When Milli was born I was in a heterosexual relationship with her father. I identify as bisexual and am now in a relationship with my beautiful woman. So far it’s been pretty smooth sailing being in a same-sex relationship and being a mumma. I guess when Milli grows up I’m a little concerned she may come up against questions from friends at school about my sexuality… but I’m confident that her and I have a close relationship, and will be able to talk openly about any challenges she faces as a young woman.

Juliet and her partner

Where are some of your favorite places you’ve traveled?

Bolivia, Peru, Brazil, and Nepal. All rich in culture, filled with amazing people, stunningly beautiful landscape and delicious food. I went to school in Brazil when I was 16 and fell in love with the country and people, and ended up spending a couple of years there… the country is filled with people who love life, eat a lot, dance a lot and smile a lot.

Do you have any travel advice for readers?

Spend time traveling solo. Traveling alone you are forced to get to know yourself and draw from your inner strength, finding true peace in your own company. Solo travel can be lonely and yet so empowering. My favorite solo travel experience was on a trek in the Himalayas in Nepal.

What are some of your favorite books?

Any book filled with poetry by Rumi. I’m secretly a hopeless romantic. Other than Rumi, my book shelf is full of books related to my career and passion – Vagina by Naomi Wolf, Women on Top by Nancy Friday, The Sexual Practices of Quodoshka by Amara Charles are some of my favorites this year. I love a good-looking book shelf! One of my favorite quotes is “If you go home with somebody and they don’t have books, don’t fuck them.”

Ha! I’ll second that one. What are some of your favorite movies?

Kinsey, The Last Samurai and Shawshank Redemption.

Where in Australia do you live?

I live in Burleigh Heads, Queensland, about three blocks from one of the most beautiful beaches in the world.

Ohhh, can you recommend some of your favorite spots in your neighborhood or in Australia in general?

My favorite spot in Australia is definitely Byron Bay, about an hours drive south from where I live. Byron is a cute little hippie beach town, full of beautiful people, amazing coffee and blue ocean. Walk up to the lighthouse and then have brekky and a coffee at Bayleaf Café. Living in Byron is definitely on my to-do list!

That sounds so perfect. Do you have any celeb crushes?

Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross, both beautiful sex-positive women who believe sexual pleasure and orgasm are the source of life and creativity. Watch their videos at www.dodsonandross.com.

I really like Betty’s videos – I’ve learned a lot from her! Thinking about the future, do you have a five year plan? A ten year plan?

Oh jeez… my plans change as often as I change my underwear! Five year plan is definitely to have more children and get married. Alongside being an outstanding and committed mother I will change people’s lives by empowering them to explore their sexuality, their desires, their inner-most sexual selves.

Ten year plan? Live a simple life. Enjoy life’s simplest pleasures like strong coffee, the ocean and family. Surround myself with amazing people. Continue living close to the beach. Make love often. Treat my woman like the goddess that she is. Travel. Continue to embrace who I am with confidence, acceptance and love.

Do you have any advice you wish you could’ve given your 21 year old self?

Travel the world. Enjoy sex and intimacy, explore as much as you can and embrace your curves and femininity! Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “To be yourself in a world that is trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

Do you have anything else you’d like to share with the Autostraddle community?

“Forget safety.
Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation.
Be notorious.” – Rumi

Also, you can find me at www.juliet-allen.com, www.julietallen.tumblr.com & instagram juliet_allen. Come visit me in Australia or line up a sexuality coaching session on Skype!

“Be notorious.”

If you would like to be featured as a future Straddler on the Street, please email vanessa [at] autostraddle [dot] com. Include a few photos, 3-5 sentences about yourself and put “Straddler Submission” in your subject line. Approximately a million people have submitted so far, so please be patient as Vanessa goes through her inbox — you’re all sexy with really smart brains, and don’t you forget it!

Straddler On The Mountain: Mel

Hi crush monsters, this is Straddler On The Street, a feature where I celebrate all of you incredible Autostraddle readers by hunting you down, demanding you chat with me, and then writing about you on the Internet so we can all crush on you. Get excited, because butterflies in your stomach 24/7 is a fantastic way to live.

Header by Rory Midhani

Straddler On The Mountain: Mel, 26

Full disclosure, Mel has been put in my cabin at A-Camp twice now (Blackheart Feelings Forever!), and I think she is the most darling, warm, amazing, bubbly human in the world. I might be a tiny bit biased, sure, but after you read this interview I have a feeling you’ll agree with me.

Mel works front of house at a hotel in Toronto, and you can tell from her friendly nature that she’s perfect for the job. I’ve watched her welcome new campers into her A-Camp cabin family, reach out to friends who looked like they needed a hug or a smile, and offer coffee to anyone able to wake up before the breakfast bell went off on Mount Feelings. Mel actually won the Kipper Clothiers campership this time around, and you’ll know why when you see her amazing style (seriously, can you even handle these outfits?!). We spoke about Toronto, working at a hotel, her Filipino family, and All The A-Camp Feelings.

Mel, 26, at A-Camp in May 2013

Hi! What do you get up to every day?

As far as work goes, I’m a hotel receptionist. As far as day to day leisure goes, you can probably find me on my bicycle around the city, hanging with Straddlers or lesbos or family, thrift and vintage shopping and eating out or occasionally cooking. I have a very healthy relationship with cheese and ice cream. They should be taken out of dairy and put into their own food group.

Um, I totally support that. What is your favorite kind of cheese? And what is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Picking one favorite variety is like picking a favorite child. But at the moment, it’s gruyere cheese and roasted marshmallow ice cream from Greg’s Ice Cream – roasted marshmallow reminds me of s’mores and A-Camp.

Oh YUM. My favorite cheese is brie, but my family loves gruyere.

Melted brie, yes. Or plain, love it.

Backing up, can we talk about your job? You work at a hotel? Tell me more!

My job is fairly straightforward. I went to school for hotel management and work as a guest service agent/receptionist in the front office. I mainly check guests in and out and generally assist people with requests, reservations, suggestions for food, etc. Customer service in this capacity isn’t the best paying job, but I generally like the industry. I’ve met so many different people from everywhere and every walk of life. And I hope to travel more in the future… maybe out West. I kind of love Canada.

I also kind of love Canada!

I know! You lived here! Please come visit! I’ll take you to Sushi on Bloor!

I want Sushi on Bloor more than anything. Aside from Sushi on Bloor, where are the best places to eat and drink in the Toronto area?

Oh there are so many in so many different categories! I’ll name a few… Toronto is known for peameal bacon (Canadian back bacon sandwiches), and it’s best to get this at St. Lawrence Market at the Carousel Bakery. The staff that works there are plenty friendly too. If you are a meat eater, The Black Hoof is phenomenal. They’re mainly known for charcuterie since they cure their own meats, but they have small but fantastic fish dishes, raw horse sammies and cocktails. If you’re vegetarian or vegan, I like Fresh. It’s a local, casual chain downtown with delicious smoothies, great noodle and rice bowls and cute servers that are queer and queer friendly – I go for the food and cute girls, duh. And close to where I work there is a marvelous place called Lucien that focuses on food and ingredients that are local, artisanal and organic. Love. It.

Mel looking way too cool for school, photo by Tak Leung

Hm, so I just asked about Toronto but you currently live in Missasauga. Are you there because of work? Or do you prefer it to Toronto?

Most of my family is based in Mississauga. I have a rather large family here, specifically. I’m close to my family and extended family… it comes with Filipino culture and my general upbringing. Even though it’s a bit of a drag to commute to Toronto, I really like the area I live in. I plan on moving to Toronto in the next year, though. It’ll make life easier since I work downtown and most of my friends live in the city too.

That all makes sense. What are some of the most interesting things that have happened to you working at the hotel?

Best things I can tell you that won’t get me fired?

Haha, yes please.

My favorite perks are meeting genuinely friendly faces and occasional free passes to concerts. I can’t name names for privacy reasons, but making friends with tour managers, getting your name on VIP guest lists and drinking champagne with DJs and ambling home with little sleep at 8am then working that same afternoon later is pretty swell.

That sounds so cool!

Haha, that only happened once, but it was so fun! Conversely, there are some real pieces of work that come in.

I can imagine.

[A lot of them are] just regular people that think they’re the sun and the moon and expect you to move mountains for them. Big egos and little patience. But it comes with the territory. You need slightly thicker skin in front of house.

I’m always so embarrassed when people are jerks in public.

Right? That happened with a guest a few days ago. [They] kept cursing out my staff and I over something that wasn’t our fault and that we had no control over, in the middle of the lobby, in front of other staff and guests. We don’t mean to piss on your parade, [but] life happens!

Ahhhh, that sounds awful. I don’t think I have a thick enough skin to handle customer service – I prefer talking to you Straddlers, you are all so nice. Now, let’s talk style and gender presentation. How do you identify with regard to your gender and sexuality?

I mainly use queer to describe myself – [it is the term I am] most comfortable with – but gay or lesbian works too.

How would you define your style?

I’m a dapper femme.

Dapper femme as fuck, photo by Tak Leung

How did your style evolve?

It has evolved gradually. Up to my early twenties I was more of a tomboy or t-shirt and jeans kind of girl. I still am at heart, but going to school and working downtown you’re exposed to different styles and backgrounds and such, so I’d pick up bits from the city in general.

Do you have any style icons?

My specific style icons are Jenna Lyons, Luca Rubinacci (bespoke menswear tailor, as seen in The Sartorialist and GQ), and now Esther Quek. I remember picking up one of my brother’s GQ magazines a few years ago, seeing Luca featured and thinking, “Wow, that man is handsome in those clothes!” I love the idea of mixing traditionally masculine and feminine clothing into one outfit, or even skewing one way or another on the daily.

Yes! One of the things I love about your style is the way you’re able to be super dapper one moment and then really femme the next. I think a lot of people struggle with that because they think they have to choose. Do you have any advice for people experimenting with different styles or trying to find the right style for themselves right now?

I say don’t be afraid of trying and failing with new styles ideas. Draw from what’s immediately around you – I started the dapper bit with stealing my dad’s neck and bow ties from his closet – and work your way out of that comfort zone. I have a smaller budget, so about half of the clothing I own is second-hand, upcycled, or vintage. It’s possible to have style on a budget – I did so as a college student.

Yeah, your style is so rad! Okay you knew this question was coming… do you have a celeb crush?

Anna Silk from Lost Girl. HOT. And Canadian, natch.

YUM. Now… can we talk A-Camp feelings?

Vanessa, you have opened the floodgates, damn you!

I am ready!

Kidding, they were ALWAYS OPEN. A-Camp has been the singular most extraordinary and life-changing experience in my life. Before camp, I was simply okay with being queer. I didn’t have a lot of queer female friends despite being in one of the most queer-accepting cities in the world. I was JUST fine. Then A-Camp 2.0 happened. I think a friend described it as something I never knew I needed, as taking your first breath of fresh air. The community and friendships fostered through Autostraddle and A-Camp, they’ve changed my life infinitely. There are so many cuties and hotties and interesting people at A-Camp! I’m a much happier and more confident person since camp empowered me as such.

Aw, Mel.

I’ve also come out to the rest of my immediate family because of camp, and I guess to the rest of my extended family with this interview. I was met with resistance from some family members, and it still hurts, but I have to live my own life truthfully and proudly, no fucks to give.

I was going to ask about your Filipino roots, and how that background has impacted your queerness and/or your life experience.

I grew up in a mixed background, [with my] conservative Filipino Catholic, church-attending family – both my parents are Filipino immigrants – and my Canadian liberal roots. The whole Catholic Filipino conservative bit, and Catholic schooling through grade school and high school, probably kept me (poorly) in the closet for longer than I should have been. But I know I’m so fortunate [to have grown up] with the loving and supportive parents and family that I have, despite the stigma of homosexuality or the tokenizing of gays [that is] so typical within the Filipino community.

That is really good to hear – thank you for being so open with sharing that. Finally, how did you discover Autostraddle?

Either through an ex-girlfriend or by reading the recap of Lady Gaga and Beyonce’s “Telephone” video. Around early 2010.

Both excellent ways. Do you have anything else you’d like to say to the Autostraddle community?

Thank you. Simply thank you for providing this safe, queer, positive space. There are too few spaces online and in real life that provide this sort of community and experience.

Mel bein’ thankful (just kidding I dunno what she’s thinking here, I just know I wanna steal every single outfit she puts on her body…)
Photo by Tak Leung

*Bonus: Are you in love with Mel’s style? We are, too. That’s why we will be publishing a very special Style Thief featuring Mel in the not-so-distant future! Lizz is gonna help you steal her look, so get ready to be the dapperest femme on the block super soon.

If you would like to be featured as a future Straddler on the Street, please email vanessa [at] autostraddle [dot] com. Include a few photos, 3-5 sentences about yourself and put “Straddler Submission” in your subject line. Approximately a million people have submitted so far, so please be patient as Vanessa goes through her inbox — you’re all sexy with really smart brains, and don’t you forget it!

Straddler On The Street: Charli

Hi crush monsters, this is Straddler On The Street, a feature where I celebrate all of you incredible Autostraddle readers by hunting you down, demanding you chat with me, and then writing about you on the Internet so we can all crush on you. Get excited, because butterflies in your stomach 24/7 is a fantastic way to live.

Header by Rory Midhani

Straddler On The Street: Charli, 20

Charli emailed me a few weeks ago and introduced herself as a “fat, body positive, queer/pansexual Native American girl from North Dakota” currently studying at Dartmouth College, and told me she’d be a great Straddler to interview for this column because she’s “part of a terribly underrepresented minority.” Of course she was right, so I emailed her that very same day and here we are now.

She grew up on in poverty on Standing Rock Reservation, and says she worked her “a** off” to get into her dream school. She’s a musician and you can listen to her solo music here or here; she’s also working on an EP with her friend and it will eventually be available here. Charli is really rad and taught me about a lot of stuff I didn’t know over the course of our two hour interview. I bet she’ll teach you something new, too.

Charli, 20

You’re at Dartmouth now, right?

Yes, though I won’t be going back East until January.

Oh, how come?

I’m on medical leave right now… January is the point I chose to return since that’s when the next term begins.

Do you mind if I ask about your medical leave? Are you okay?

Oh, I don’t mind at all! It’s basically leave so that I can work on my mental health. And I’m totally okay, taking time off to deal with it was incredibly helpful and productive.

That is excellent! Can you expand a bit on what you mean when you say work on your mental health? A lot of people in our community struggle with this but it’s still not spoken about very much or very openly.

Certainly! I can’t stand the stigma around mental health conditions and trying to get help for them. I have depression and anxiety, both of which can be pretty severe at times, and also deal with effects from traumatic experiences in my past. Coming home to ‘work on it’ basically meant getting therapy I never got as a child and teenager, learning mechanisms that would prevent me from ‘shutting down’ as I often did, and coming to terms with the struggle that is depression. It sounds silly, but I even had to make myself learn to make phone calls and approach people I am not familiar with, because my anxiety (namely, social) prevented me from doing so for so long. This (the interview) is kind of a big deal for me!

thank you so much for talking to me, seriously charli. i’m so glad you did.

Well thank you so much for talking to me, seriously. And I don’t think that sounds silly – I think it’s awesome that you are doing the work. Do you like living in North Dakota?

Oof, my relationship with North Dakota – and my reservation – is really complicated. On one hand, I’ll always love this place as my hometown, and Standing Rock will always be my home, but it’s hard to be a queer lady here, especially a Native queer lady when I’m off-reservation. It’s a pretty conservative place, North Dakota, and it can be a little intimidating at times.

What is it like living on a reservation?

The reservation is really special and dear to me, but I always always saw it as both a blessing and an obstacle because it is my home, but it’s also not a place for an artist to grow, and I thrive on art, namely music. It’s hard to deal with watching people become addicts, just to give you an example of how I grew up. I don’t know how many family members I’ve seen die or become terribly ill because of alcohol or drugs, and I know it strikes fear in children at a young age. At the same time, though, this place is FULL of potential, and watching those addicts overcome their addictions and maintain sobriety? That’s inspiring. A lot of my inspiration for my music or my writing comes from watching people persevere under those conditions, so I think the reservation raises fighters, which is pretty cool.

To be honest I don’t know very much about what it’s like to live on a reservation. Is addiction common?

Oh, addiction is very, very common. I don’t want to make it sound like that’s all the reservation is, because it’s not, and all reservations are different. The truth is, though, that alcoholism has been a problem since colonists introduced alcohol to Natives, and it still is a rough condition here. With drugs, they come and go in trends, but it gets worse and worse. Right now, meth is starting to get really bad here, and it’s heartbreaking. You see people getting thinner and thinner, but not in healthy or good ways. My people work really hard to combat this with positive programs and encouraging healthy living, but it’s still a very big problem.

How common is it to leave the reservation?

It’s not as uncommon as you would think to leave the reservation, but it’s pretty uncommon, where I am from, to leave the state for college, or for anything except the military. It’s different for other reservations, I know; there are places where it’s no big deal at all to leave the ‘rez’, but out of my graduating class, four of us left the state after high school, and only two of us left for college – the other two went into the military. Fun fact, we were all girls! But yeah, it’s fairly common to leave the reservation, but not common to go far from home.

Did you always know you wanted to leave?

Yes, I did. It wasn’t that I didn’t love my home; I just always wanted to go places and see things. When I was… six, I told everyone I was going to move to New York City, and from the time I was in fifth grade, I wanted to go to NYU – which I eventually changed my mind about, obviously.

Is it acceptable to be a queer woman on your reservation?

Being a queer woman on the reservation is a little complicated. It’s sort of a gamble to know how people will react. There are a ton of people who are really supportive and great allies, but you can come across an equal amount of ignorant and offensive people. The hardest thing, for me, was the fear of my family reacting badly, because family is so important to most Native people. For the most part, yes, it is pretty acceptable to be a queer woman on the reservation, but that doesn’t necessarily mean people grasp sexualities outside of the L and the G.

I think that is true for a lot of the world! How big is your reservation?

I think the last census said around 8,000 people? That’s about 8 towns combined, though. The town I grew up in had about 200 people. My high school was actually for the whole reservation, and they sent buses out to all the towns to bring them to the reservation headquarters, where the high school is.

Got it. Can you tell me a bit about your art and music? Is that what you’re studying at school now?

Well, I’m studying English, but not music, so I guess I’m studying some of that art. I write mostly short stories, so that’s that part of my artistic outlet. I’ve been singing since I could talk, and I started seriously writing songs when I was about fourteen. My music is probably something boring like easy listening or something, but in my band Humor the Ruse, we write ska-type stuff, and my band at Dartmouth, Dakota Wells, does acoustic/folk music. I also get to do a lot of much at Dartmouth with my a capella group, The Rockapellas.

I’m obsessed with a capella! When you think of the future, do you hope to pursue your art(s) in a professional sense?

So am I, since joining them! I’ve always wanted to perform, really. I hope to sing professionally; that’s the ultimate dream. If I couldn’t do that, I would be happy with teaching and writing historical fiction, because those are also things I get joy from. The world is still wide open, though, so I might find something totally different that I want to do.

check charli out!

That sounds amazing. I am currently trying to figure out what to do in this world, so I appreciate the idea of it being wide open.

That’s one of those life lessons that I hold onto the hardest. High school always makes life seem so black and white when there are so many opportunities.

That’s definitely true. You described yourself to me as fat and also as very body positive – can you talk about what those identities mean to you?

So, body positivity is something that I consider, like, the most important discovery I ever made. I have always been fat, or at least chubby, and it was the source of a lot of bullying and heartache, so I always associated my body with bad things; I thought of my body as a ‘bad thing’. Through tumblr I discovered this ‘body positive’ movement, and it sort of changed everything about how I see the world and how I walk through it. With girls like Amber Riley and Rebel Wilson and Melissa McCarthy being beautiful and fat and funny, and watching these other girls show off their bodies as beautiful spaces in the universe, no matter how big or small they are, made me take huge steps toward loving myself. I learned that I didn’t really want to be thin, and that all I really needed my body to be able to do was sing and dance, and if I could do those things well enough, then there’s no reason to beat myself up about it, because I’m not an unhealthy person, despite what my size says to strangers.

Does your body positivity intersect with your sexuality?

I am undoubtedly pansexual, and I’ve always loved what that says about loving all genders. I’ve always been the kind of person who’s never had any sort of connection between physical attractiveness and attraction. I’ve never been one to think of anyone as ugly physically, because I just really don’t see people that way and to me, that connects not being restricted by gender – or lack thereof, in the case of agender folks – when being attracted to someone. Pansexuality, to me, helps reinforce my philosophy that everyone is beautiful and sexy and glamorous in their own way. Not to say that a lesbian or an asexual person couldn’t feel that way! Pansexuality has just been something that fit perfectly into my worldview.

I love all of that – what a great way to define pansexuality! You mentioned some inspiring fat ladies – who are some other inspirational figures in your life?

Oh goodness, where to start! Amber Riley is my celebrity crush AND a huge inspiration to me in terms of body positivity. I’m also totally in love with Keira Knightley, as strange as that sounds, and I have been since I was like ten. I have a bit of a brain crush on Maureen Johnson.

Understandable! At the beginning of the interview you mentioned that you were nervous to tell your family about your queerness at first. Did you ever struggle with being Native American and queer, or did those identities always fit together for you?

You know, in a historical sense, they fit perfectly fine. The Dakota (which I am) people have a history of accepting and praising two-spirited people, which is more of a gender-identity more than a sexual identity, but it was still queer to me, and I still fit in with that, in my mind. It was more of a modern thing that terrified me. Like I said before, it’s hit-or-miss with people on my reservation, and that included people in my family, despite having many queer family members (not close ones, but still family nonetheless). It wasn’t until I talked to one of my other queer Native friends, Autumn (another Dartmouth girl), who is totally dedicated to our culture, that I realized how easily I could grow in both aspects, as both a queer woman and a Native woman. So to answer you, no, those identities didn’t always truly fit together, but I feel like they do now.

You mentioned in your initial email to me that you have an intimate view of “the complications between culture and sexuality.” What do you mean by that?

I’m someone who is pretty exposed to my culture. Not all Native kids can say that, surprisingly, but I’ve always been exposed to traditions and the language (which I am learning now, actually), but not necessarily in all ways. For example, stuff about gender and sexuality? I didn’t learn about that growing up, even though my own culture has strong histories concerning those. I had to go learn about those things myself, but when I did, it enriched my cultural understanding of the world and the way we go through it, yet it also made me realize how much Native people have changed since colonization. For example, Dakota/Lakota people don’t talk much about any genders outside the binary anymore, and we’ve also become totally engrossed in the ugly practice of suppressing female sexuality. Both of those practices aren’t historically common, and I think learning about the third and fourth genders of the Dakota/Lakota people, and their lack of suppression of female sexuality, gave me a better view of my own culture, because those practices follow our values of respect and honesty and our admiration for not just two-spirted people, but for women. So I saw those complications, but they were modern complications, where our present-day ideals clash with our historical ideals.

Do you have any suggestions to readers who might want to educate themselves about these subjects?

Well, I mostly started by Googling ‘two-spirited’ and went from there, modifying it with ‘Lakota culture’ or something. A great place would be twospirits.org which is the website for a documentary. I also read Two-Spirit People: Native American Gender Identity, Sexuality, and Spirituality which is a collection of writings.

Wonderful, thank you. Speaking of The Google Machine, how did you discover Autostraddle?

I discovered Autostraddle through my friend Taylor, who is an avid peruser and fellow queer Native lady.

Do you have anything else you’d like to share with the the Autostraddle community?

I’d love to just encourage people to remember to be inclusive with their feminism and activism, and remember to be culturally sensitive wherever you go.

“remember to be inclusive with [your] feminism and activism, and remember to be culturally sensitive wherever you go.”

If you would like to be featured as a future Straddler on the Street, please email vanessa [at] autostraddle [dot] com. Include a few photos, 3-5 sentences about yourself and put “Straddler Submission” in your subject line. Approximately a million people have submitted so far, so please be patient as Vanessa goes through her inbox — you’re all sexy with really smart brains, and don’t you forget it!

Straddler On The Street: Mandi

Hi crush monsters, this is Straddler On The Street, a feature where I celebrate all of you incredible Autostraddle readers by hunting you down, demanding you chat with me, and then writing about you on the Internet so we can all crush on you. Get excited, because butterflies in your stomach 24/7 is a fantastic way to live.

Header by Rory Midhani

Straddler On The Street: Mandi, 25

When I first heard about Mandi a few months ago in June, it was in direct relation to Queerituality.com, a project she’d embarked on in the hopes of learning more about queerness and spirituality and the places where they intersect for people in our community. Based on the FAQ on her website, I knew Mandi was a queer-identified person with a Catholic dad, a Presbyterian/Methodist mom, a Jewish step-dad, and a Quaker education who hailed from Missouri and Indiana but recently relocated to the Boston area. Armed with this basic knowledge, I was super excited to talk to Mandi and learn more about her own spiritual journey, the Queerituality project, and her experiences as a writer and a journalist.

We got to talk about all that and more, and I am pleased to inform you that I was totally correct and Mandi is a super cool and interesting human. Also FYI, Mandi is taking a tiny hiatus from recording new Queerituality stories while she transcribes the interviews she has already conducted, but she’d still love to hear from new folks who want to share their stories, especially POC and non-Christian humans. So if you are someone who wants to contribute a story to the Queerituality project, get in touch with Mandi at queeritualityproject [at] gmail [dot] com. But before you do that, read this interview!

Mandi, 25

What are you up to these days?

Well, I’m a writer, so I spend a lot of time sitting at a laptop and typing. I work on a website called Queerituality.com, which records stories of LGBTQ folks about their spirituality, and so I also have been meeting awesome queer folks and then spending a lot of hours re-listening to and transcribing the incredibly insightful things they say.

What was the inspiration behind Queerituality.com?

There are so many threads that this is weaving together in my life and in broader culture right now. I myself am queer and spiritual, though my journey has taken me outside of traditional denominational lines. My biggest influences are from the Catholicism and Methodism of my childhood, and also Judaism and Quakerism, which have been a part of my adult life. I also studied to be a journalist, so I’m bringing that background too.

The idea to record stories from other queer folks about spirituality came to me in the middle of the night this spring, around the time that the mass media was covering the Supreme Court arguments regarding gay marriage, and also as the Catholic Church was preparing for a new pope. And I was experiencing this news coverage and talking about it with my partner, and saying “This is B.S.”

It made it seem like queer people were only secular, and religious people were all straight and opposed to gay marriage, and that there was this permanent, complete divide. And yet here I am, this queer person who cares deeply about my faith, who cared deeply about the new Pope… I knew that it wasn’t impossible to be both.

And I felt this inspiration like I’ve never felt, like this idea of Queerituality was what I was supposed to focus on next. To talk to the incredible diversity of people “in the middle,” living in this intersection of being queer and being spiritual. Because it’s a really diverse range. And that’s what I’ve been doing.

I really love the idea of the project – I think it’s a really unexplored subject, and a super important one! Can you speak a little more about your own spirituality and religious background?

Absolutely. My dad’s family is Catholic, and my mom is Protestant. I grew up in the Catholic church literally across the street from my house. I was baptized Catholic, went to weekly PSR (religion classes), and had my first communion there. I was very involved.

But very shortly after that, the local parish somehow found out that my mom wasn’t officially Catholic. And there’s a doctrine that if you’re not Catholic, you’re not allowed to take communion in a Catholic church. And so rather than converting, my mom took us all out of the Catholic church and we went church shopping and settled in a United Methodist Church two blocks from my house.

And I was really involved there – church choir and mission trips, youth group, I served as an acolyte. It was a big part of my social world. When I came out in 8th grade, that world didn’t shatter, but it was clear that the UMC doctrine didn’t support LGBTQ folks. I was told that it was a sin. And so I decided not to get confirmed into the church because I couldn’t agree with that doctrine.

Mandi (left), serving as an acolyte with her twin, Katie

Did your relationship with the church or with religion change after that?

I look back now, and it’s a little hard to understand, but I kept serving as an acolyte. I kept going to Sunday school. I stayed involved with that particular congregation, because it wasn’t a hostile place, but it was not a supportive place either.

I occasionally attended a Unitarian Church during high school, and then I went to a Quaker college and got really involved in Jewish life on that campus, and my spirituality has continued to grow. But I haven’t ever had a spiritual home since then, which is something I am looking for now.

But even when religion has frustrated me, I have always had this moral sense that the most important thing we can do in the world is care for one another, listen to one another, be with one another. To do good in the world.

I love that mantra. I think a lot of people feel that way but don’t necessarily find it in religion, or don’t necessarily know how they can find it in religion. But I think it’s really cool that you can and did and have. What are some other writing projects you’re working on or have worked on?

I have done all sorts of writing: poetry, journaling, journalism, radio pieces. I’m particularly fond of one piece I worked on… it was one of my very first audio pieces, about all-male naked yoga. I recorded in Montreal. My co-reporter heard about this place and called and asked if we could come visit. And the teacher said yes, but he informed us that it was a nude-only space. So we could come listen and record and talk to folks, but only if we were comfortable honoring that rule. And we decided that we were. It was actually this really remarkable feeling of vulnerability, but it felt like a very fair exchange. As reporters, we were asking people to share of themselves, to go out of their comfort zones. And we were showing that we were willing to go out of our comfort zones, too.

WHOA!

Also, it was in Montreal, so the exchanges were happening in French. And I speak French – I was a linguistics major – but having to translate in the nude in front of a room full of naked men… yeah, that’s vulnerability.

I don’t think I could do that, to be honest. And not just because my French is bad!

You know, I feel really lucky to have had safe occasions to really push myself… I’ve done things that felt totally terrifying, and survived and been not only safe but really enriched. And then I look back on those things, and can say, “Yes, I was terrified, but I did it and I’m glad I did.” But I’m not sure what my dad would say if he knew I was in a room full of naked yogis… Fortunately he doesn’t have the internet.

Mandi, working on the naked yoga story

Oh that is super fortunate!

Also, can I make a shout-out to my step-dad, who is Jewish and does have the internet? He is great and totally belongs up there in the “spiritual development” discussion. Love you RDL!

Aw, yes. That is so sweet. Hi to your step-dad!

I have the best family ever.

That is the best. How do you identify, both spiritually and with regard to sexuality and gender, these days? It sounds like you have had a long journey… has your self identity shifted over the years?

Oh man. I love the word queer because it has room for all the shifting. So much shifting.

I love it for the same reason! I hate the notion that identity should be static… how boring would that be?

It’s hard even to know what to say now, because any way that I identify now also eclipses the ways that I’ve felt in the past that were different. I have long girly hair now. I used to be Bic’d bald and bind. What is the word for that? I love Jesus’ message and I also believe literally in a sort of reincarnation. Like the choices I make now will literally affect the future existence of all the atoms in my body which will continue on Earth long after I’m gone. Is there one word for that?

So yeah, shifting swirling sands of identity. I’m envisioning a big beach dune. Maybe as I get older some roots will take hold and lock things into place. Maybe not. My partner helps me be silly and enjoy the ride.

Wow. I think your perspective is probably what allows you to be such a great journalist with the Queerituality project.

Thank you. In this project I really didn’t want to box people in. I wanted to let them speak their truths, which can be long and complicated.

As a journalist, are there particular writers that inspire you?

Off the top of my head, Dave Isay with StoryCorps, Ira Glass and the This American Life crew, Krista Tippett and Trent Gilliss and the On Being folks. Basically I am really drawn to people who seem to be good listeners. I feel lucky to have stumbled into journalism because it has let me practice listening in a way that isn’t really normative in our culture.

That’s a really great point.

Someone once told me that I could interview Osama bin Laden and listen calmly and closely, and I took that as a great compliment. Alas.

That is a huge compliment… but yeah, alas. What are your favorite news sources to read?

You know, in some ways I’m incredibly old-fashioned. I love the New York Times. I love NPR. Reddit incorporates a lot of stochasticity into my online reading.

Favorite books?

Billy Collins and Andrea Gibson make beautiful poetry. Eboo Patel writes beautifully about interfaith dialogue. Telling True Stories is a deep and helpful book for aspiring journalists, memoirists, and other truth-tellers. Everything written by Karen Armstrong. I also love cookbooks.

I also love cookbooks! On a somewhat separate note, I’m curious what you like to do in Boston, seeing as I just moved here and feel super unfamiliar with the landscape and the queer scene.

I’m new here too.

Oh, well then maybe this is a silly question! I guess so far, what do you like?

Okay, so being a writer is highly correlated with being broke. But, I have been really impressed by the guerrilla queer bar events. And I like nice places to drink tea, and I like parks.

I am still trying to create a life here, but I am just so grateful for all the incredible people I’ve met in the area, mathematicians and philosophers and theater people and museum workers… so many ideas are floating around here, and I think that’s what makes it special for me so far, even as I’m trying to deepen my sense of place. [And] I’m open to suggestions!

Okay, this is an open call for the commenters to suggest places in Boston for you! And for me! To wrap up, how did you discover Autostraddle?

My friends Megan P. and Kristin B. told me about it many moons ago. (Thank you!)

Do you have anything else you’d like to say to the Autostraddle community?

Just that I would love to hear from them in the comments, to hear what their stories are like when it comes to spirituality. This is big stuff, and I’d love to hear how people are making meaning out of their lives.

And to you specifically, thank you for encouraging us all to listen to one another, to read about each others’ lives.

Oh, thank you. That is such a meaningful compliment coming from a fellow journalist and professional listener!

“Rock on with your bad self,” as my step-dad would say.

Haha, I love your step-dad already.

Can I just say again that I have the best family and the best friends? My journey through life has been a little bumpy, and I would not be the relatively-whole, relatively-sane person I am without them.

Yeah! That is so great to hear.

And I wish a lot of love to all the people who don’t have that right now.

Thanks so much, Mandi.

If you would like to be featured as a future Straddler on the Street, please email vanessa [at] autostraddle [dot] com. Include a few photos, 3-5 sentences about yourself and put “Straddler Submission” in your subject line. Approximately a million people have submitted so far, so please be patient as Vanessa goes through her inbox — you’re all sexy with really smart brains, and don’t you forget it!

Straddler On The Street: Emily G.

Hi crush monsters, this is Straddler On The Street, a feature where I celebrate all of you incredible Autostraddle readers by hunting you down, demanding you chat with me, and then writing about you on the Internet so we can all crush on you. Get excited, because butterflies in your stomach 24/7 is a fantastic way to live.

Header by Rory Midhani

Straddler On The Street: Emily G., 23

Emily is possibly the most enthusiastic human I have ever met. She has a degree in Entertainment Business and a desire to collaborate with every Straddler on the planet, she’s attended all three A-Camps and is joining us for #4 in October, she runs the A-Camp tumblr as a completely voluntary labor of love, and she has the ability to get me excited about every thing she ever mentions, even movies I have literally never been able to stay awake through.

This girl is a ball of amazing power queer energy, and you are gonna wanna hear every single thing she has to say… if you can force yourself to tear your eyes away from some of the most inspirational queer hair you will ever see.

Emily at A-Camp, photo by Rachel Walker

How you would describe yourself to a stranger?

I’m an outgoing introvert. I’m an INFJ which I’ve read is rare.

I’ve never done one of those tests – they intimidate me!

I really dig Jungian studies of the mind… I guess I’m also cerebral. I live in mine and others’ heads a lot. I like alone time because I get to stew in ideas. That’s probably one of my favorite parts of A-Camp: it’s an idea jambalaya.

Speaking of camp, can we talk about the rad A-Camp tumblr you run?

I got back from the first camp and I thought at one point, “Who’s gonna make all this rebloggable?” Then I thought I should just go for it because everyone’s so hilarious and good at memes and it has just sort of grown. It’s fun, it’s like tending to my little A-Camp window garden in between camps.

It is so wonderful…one of my favorite things on the internet.

Wow that’s high praise indeed! Thanks!

Of course! I think the fact that it’s run by a camper and not a staff member makes it even more special.

Yeah I like that too. I remind people that it’s unofficial. I can’t answer for staff, but it feels a little official that I’ll be a fourth-time camper so I guess I’m prettyyyy into camp!

We are into you being into camp! This seems like a good time to ask about your CAMP FEELINGS.

The first time I gazed upon the idea of camp I was in college studying Entertainment Business at a university that’s 85% male and overall pretty damn hetero. Also it was an accelerated degree so the school year was all year round. [It was] really intense so I was thinking, “Damn right I could use a vacay,” but mostly it felt like being around a bunch of queer women would be a total relief. When I got there it was like we all finally found each other! I was in [the cabin] Forever 21 which we immediately renamed 21 Hump St. It’s still hard to talk about the first camp and capture what a petri dish of emotions and sensations it was…

As someone who was a camper at the first camp as well, I totally know what you mean. Next up can we talk about your adorable girlfriend? When I interviewed her for Straddler On The Street she told me you guys had a U-haul road trip adventure from Florida to California?

I got a particularly adorable girlfriend snoozin’ next to me! She’s the cutest. And yeah, we totally U-hauled.

Was it fun?

Oh it was! I have approximately 203945 pictures and a boatload of video clips I’ll one day put into a road trip video.

I’ve never driven cross country so it sounds very Exciting with a capital E.

Dude weather is SO wild when you’re in a prairie with nothing but miles of road in front and behind you and just tumbleweeds on either side. I saw it storm miles away to my right, and sunshine bursting from clouds to my left. And lightning. Yo, we saw some trippy lightning.

What are some of your favorite moments from the trip?

Definitely seeing all the nature and weather in ways I hadn’t seen in person before. The giant rock formations and incredible sunsets and the sense of Oregon Trail Adventure, all with my Izzy sprawled out on top of me or peering out the window with me – Izzy’s my kitty.

Izzy!

How long did it take you guys to get from coast to coast?

About five days. Quite a long adventure which Cheryna is in no hurry to repeat ever ever because she did more of the driving. I always rave about it like it was wonderful and Cheryna always reminds people that it was exhausting and scary too, because when you’re approaching a mountain and you’re gettin’ a little low on gas with 50 miles to go there’s definitely some suspense. And gross leery truckers are always a drawback on a cross country road trip.

Ugh, gross leery humans in general are an upsetting part of life.

Word. But pulling over and taking family pictures in front of the U-haul with Izzy like some dykey gothic farmers was delightful and I’m super glad I insisted on it.

Oh my actual god, please send me that photo.

Oh my GOSH look at these guys.

Another thing I’d love to talk about is your style because it is RAD. Can you talk about your style evolution?

I was a baby riot grrrl in middle school and through high school where I was introduced to raves and so some nights I was all about that PLUR life. I listened to a lot of metal, industrial rock and crazy ass techno rock genre defyers like MSI so I was always mish-mashing my different inspirations. I started dying my hair in fifth grade, which I initially did to piss off everyone at the Catholic school I attended, most specifically the religion teacher who always made an example out of me because I wasn’t even a Catholic – like seriously why was I even there?

Anyway, through middle school and high school I did so. many. things to my hair. In college I knew I was in a very temporary place of not job hunting and definitely trying to avert straight dude attention so I just got really really ambitious and had the best hair time of my life.

Stef specifically wants to know how all your awesome colorful hair doesn’t bleed when you wash it.

I keep the colors from bleeding by washing the dye out with cold water… I could talk about hair 5ever.

That’s okay! Hair is Really Important, especially for queers.

Yes it is! I gave a presentation about queers and their hair in my Entrepreneur class. I always gaze longingly at the Phresh Cutz station at A-Camp. Katrina‘s got it goin’ on with her clipper skills.

She really does, doesn’t she? So now that you’re done with college, what are your future plans?

Hm, hopes and dreams… The picture is a little vague which is fine, it wouldn’t turn out like I pictured it anyway. But I know that I’m pushing for queer media of all kinds and am constantly exploring my own skills and potentials and what that could mean for me.

I’ve been working for Lila, an incredible rising queer artist for about a year and a half, and since I graduated and moved to Oakland I’ve been diving into production work. At university I was really involved in our queer group on campus and the women’s networking group. I gave presentations on media literacy and I organized and held screenings of Miss Representation for all of the degree programs – film, gaming, show-pro, entertainment and music business.

My goal is to do a lot of dabbling, really. I love coordinating events, managing sets, and coming up with promotional campaigns and branding strategies. It’s all fun as long as we’re making something exciting, and working with queers of color, women, and other underrepresented people.

That all sounds so great. Do you want to stay in California?

NorCal is so dope, it’s the coolest place and I appreciate Oakland’s rich history and unique current dynamic. It’s a really special spot in the world. But the pads of my feet itch for Pittsburgh. I’m a Yinzer born and raised and you can’t take the ‘Burgh outta the Yinzer.

Um… will you laugh at me if I tell you I don’t really know what that means?

No one knows what that means outside of the Tri-state area, haha! A Yinzer is a pierogie-eatin’-Pittsburgheese-speakin’ native of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Aha! Got it.

The place has the most incredible character. It’s like no place I’ve ever been. Steel bridges everywhere. Some are ages old and black and rusty, some are brand new and golden yellow and it’s got the most incredible feeling I could easily spend hours trying to capture in words. It’s home. It really made me so much into who I am.

What are some of your favorite date spots, both in California and in Pittsburgh?

In Pittsburgh, gotta say random adventures to old train tracks, abandoned warehouses, or Phipps Conservatory if you’re feelin’ fancy. Also Kennywood – best amusement park ever – all day.

So far in the Bay I’ve also found my favorite dates to be explorations. We take drives up and down the 1 along the coast. Up goes through Redwood Forests and down takes you to kitschy little seaside towns and the views are friggin’ spectacular. I’m a sucker for a ghost town or abandoned anything, which is why I’m amped to have lots of friend dates queued up with Grace Kim of Best Day Project.

YES, GRACE! HI, GRACE! I love Auto-friendships. What are some of your favorite books?

Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, A People’s History of the United States by Howard Zinn, [anything by] Kate Bornstein of course… I’m only getting started on my Audre Lorde journey, but I am a proud owner and lender of RuPaul’s Workin It.

And your favorite movies?

I was raised on two videos, Victor/Victoria and Tina Turner’s Private Dancer tour. I can’t live without Paris is Burning, Hedwig & the Angry Inch, Saving Face, Cabaret, and Phat Girlz, to name a few. Also The Big Lebowski. I sometimes identify as The Dude but who doesn’t?

Um this is what Hairspiration looks like.

Can I tell you a secret? I have watched that movie approximately seven times and I never, ever, ever make it through the whole thing. I always fall asleep!

Haha that probably means you are The Dude then! That character wouldn’t make it through his own movie.

Hmmm okay I will try to investigate, but I’ll probably fall asleep.

Don’t even worry about it, Vanessa. Fuck it and go bowling instead.

Is that what The Dude would do?!

Yes!

Okay I am totally down. But before I do that, let me ask you my final questions! How did you discover Autostraddle?

I won’t get into the sad trombone bits but I was in a reaaaaallly isolated space in my world [from ages] 18-20 and I spent a lot of time with my computer. I don’t really remember the first time I visited for sure but that was the period I read tons and tons of posts.

I’m glad you found us, and that you’re in a happier space now.

Yes much! Making it better is a privilege… I know no matter what shitty situation I was in I was lucky that I was able to dig up the resources to find a way out.

Indeed. Do you have anything else you’d like to share with the Autostraddle community?

Signal boosting! There are so many amazing Straddlers creating things. I think we’re a group of power queers and I can’t wait to collaborate with more Straddlers to make more bitchin’ stuff!

Also I started a new blog dasqueer.tumblr.com for queer intersectional media stuff.

I definitely wanna plug Lila Rose. If you’re not familiar check out her Autostraddle feature. She’s got a brand new music video for her song “Heart Machine” and I helped make it! I’m super proud and hella hella amped about the video.

And if any Straddlers want help, get at me!

Straddler On The Street: Shelby

Hi crush monsters, this is Straddler On The Street, a feature where I celebrate all of you incredible Autostraddle readers by hunting you down, demanding you chat with me, and then writing about you on the Internet so we can all crush on you. Get excited, because butterflies in your stomach 24/7 is a fantastic way to live.

Header by Rory Midhani

Straddler On The Street: Shelby, 32

Shelby is an avid Autostraddle commenter, an A-Camper, a student, and a warm, welcoming human. She was so kind and enthusiastic when I met her at camp, and I was so psyched when she volunteered to be a Straddler On The Street!

She was born in the South but says all that remains of that “is a slight accent and an inability to take the last piece of pecan pie… not polite you know!” She’s on track to become a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, with a focus on Art Therapy and more creatively driven and less traditionally structure concepts of therapy. She’s not a fan of rigid gatekeeping systems and wants to work against the inherent prejudices within the professional track for therapists and counselors.

She told me her useless superpower is making anything into a song at the drop of a hat, and she loves creating, telling and building stories. Say hi to Shelby!

Shelby, 32, at A-Camp in May 2013

How old are you, where do you currently live, and what are you up to with your life?

I am 32 going on 22 it seems like. My wife and I live in Chicago and currently I am preparing to go back to school for my extended senior year. And then some.

Awesome! Do you like Chicago?

I love it. I have lived all over the world as a military brat and bounced through a few cities even after leaving home and Chicago is the most comfortable big city I have lived in. I love it for some of the downtown architecture, for the people I have met upon returning to school. The pizza isn’t bad either.

What are you currently studying at school, and what do you hope to do with your degree when you finish?

I’m currently studying Women and Gender Studies – of course – but up until this last quarter I was a Psychology and WGS double major. I have all the Psych requirements for my masters already and needed some breathing space. I also shifted my focus heading into my senior year because that’s a good idea, right? I am going to eventually be a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor focusing on Art Therapy. Hilly [my wife] is about to become Dr. Green and we hope to eventually open a queer focused practice and an eventual trans community center.

Woah, that all sounds incredible. And congrats to Hilly! You mentioned in your submission that you’re interested in costume work. Can you talk a bit about that?

I have been a geek since way back, I love pretty much everything sci-fi and yeah, I adore roleplaying games. The shame! Actually I have no shame about that at all. I started doing costume stuff and going to conventions back in 2001 and loved the idea of putting together original or movie accurate outfits or anime/furry stuff.

That doesn’t sound shameful at all, that sounds so cool! What are some of your favorite conventions, or favorite costumes you’ve put together?

I have a rich fantasy life – it’s probably too rich and should share the wealth more or something. Some of my favorite conventions were Acon in Dallas as well as Acen and MFF here in Chicago. I would say my favorite costumes I put together were an entire Steampunk crew from a classic Burroughs Mars setting – not the awful John Carter movie, blerg. I still have a lot of the props laying around here. My favorite commission was a custom Sonic Screwdriver for someone.

Oh wow, people commission stuff from you?! Where did you learn how to do that sort of stuff? Are you self taught?

I have always enjoyed creating things or art from scrap. I am self taught, and the quality of my teaching shows at times. I tend to make things that look pretty good but I can never promise it will turn out okay when I start. Its a pretty organic process, just seeing what happens. I wish I were faster so that I could take more commissions. I have made about five full costumes and maybe an equal number of props and stuff.

I’ve never met anyone who does that – it sounds so neat. You also mentioned you do a lot of wood working and found object art. Tell me about that.

Well my stepfather was funny; when he got irritated he would build things. All kinds of things with whatever wood was lying around. I picked that up from helping out on stuff and eventually we joked that we could build anything as long as the materials we had weren’t brand new. Apparently straight lines and right angles are perplexing… for the record I still can’t manage straight anything.

“for the record I still can’t manage straight anything.”

Haha!

The desk I am sitting at was build by me, after disassembling some old oak cabinets, and I like making small display pieces like frames or decorative pieces like tree silhouettes or recently a fireplace mantel thingy. The found object stuff is almost exclusively steampunk because, well, a great deal of it is fantastical and no one can tell me that my Jetpack isn’t exactly built the way it should be.

That is such an awesome hobby and passion. Let’s talk movies. You said you like bad ones – list some favorites, please!

Oh wow. So many good bad movies. Pretty much anything with Molly Ringwald, although those not really bad movies now that I think about it. Sappy 80s-90s romance movies like Say Anything and the like. Also a lot of Hong Kong and Korean films, as well as old Monster Movies like Fright Night, or Godzilla. I am kind of a Pixar fan too, although they are starting to go downhill.

Do you have any celeb crushes?

I have a bit of a crush on Katee Sackhoff, Ellen Page and well, I can’t stop raving about Laverne Cox on Orange is the New Black. She is my idol right about now.

Do you have any thoughts/feelings about the show?

So many thoughts and feels on the show. I adore Laverne Cox and the way that she and the writers are presenting a broader view of a trans woman. I found it really hard to get through the first episode because it was so uncomfortable, but that’s partially the point. I really appreciate the conversations the show is starting and the view of the prison system, although I will admit to having just as many critiques of the prison and racial issues that the show claims to be ‘realistically’ presenting. They get a lot right, more than most, but they ignore other things… I haven’t even finished it yet, though! I am only about four episodes in and am desperately trying to get through it ahead of the spoilers.

Oh, same! Everyone keeps yelling at me because I haven’t watched yet. I’m going to, though! Next question: how did you discover Autostraddle?

I think it was from a post on Facebook a while back, or possibly a link through a queer blog that I wrote something for. I had been casting around for a good queer / lesbian centered blog or news site for a while but to be honest, as a trans woman, a lot of them were far less than welcoming. I can’t remember what article or event it was from Autostraddle, but I remembered seeing a rude and dismissive comment about a trans woman, and then this explosion of support from the AS community. I had never seen anything like it. Within a month or so both Hilly and I were all over AS and heading to A-Camp, which was… kinda life changing.

shelby and hilly at the a-camp dance

Can you talk about your A-Camp experience, please?

A-Camp was something that kept me going through the beginning of a rough year. I had dropped my spring quarter and was in the middle of probably one of the worst depressions I had ever felt. I was a wreck but the one thing we held onto was that in May we could get away and celebrate our 1 year wedding anniversary and hang out with wonderful women.

I wasn’t sure what to expect, and was pretty terrified on the bus headed up the mountain. But everyone was so open and by day two there was this bizarre realization that there were no hierarchies of thin women, fat women, tall women, ugly women, or anyone out of anyone’s league. It was just US, and the judgment that is as much the part of my day to day life as air is was gone. It was just lighter up there. And that wasn’t just because of the elevation.

Ugh, when people talk about camp my heart swells like 400 sizes. Can you also tell me a bit about your wedding?

Oh gods. Well it was both wonderful and wretched in turn. Wonderful for all the right reasons and wretched for all the expected ones.

The ceremony was tiny, only about 25 people including family. When Hilly and I started dating about 8 years back her family saw me as the tolerable male for their daughter. When I transitioned about 3 years back and they were informed of her never having been all that straight and now being happier with a women, they were… less than thrilled. I’d like to say they got over it but they haven’t, and probably won’t. But ah well.

The ceremony was beautiful and since we were in PA we used a Quaker wedding ceremony where you self marry. No officiant is needed. Just you, your partner, and two people to witness you both saying “Hey look. We’re married!” My family were happy for us, so were our guests, so 23 out of 25 isn’t bad.

Oh wow, that does sound beautiful. Thank you for sharing! On a totally different note, what are some of your favorite books?

Anything not textbook related! But seriously… I don’t read as much as I should. I used to devour books but since starting school I have been swamped and not able to do as much reading for fun. I just started Imogen Binnie’s book Nevada and like it.

Oh, I liked that too. I was disappointed with the ending though. Anyway! Finally, do you have anything else you’d like to share with the Autostraddle community?

Thank you for being out there. Thank you for being you and you doing you.

“Thank you.”

If you would like to be featured as a future Straddler on the Street, please email vanessa [at] autostraddle [dot] com. Include a few photos, 3-5 sentences about yourself and put “Straddler Submission” in your subject line. Approximately a million people have submitted so far, so please be patient as Vanessa goes through her inbox — you’re all sexy with really smart brains, and don’t you forget it!

Straddler On The Street: Amanda F.

Hi crush monsters, this is Straddler On The Street, a feature where I celebrate all of you incredible Autostraddle readers by hunting you down, demanding you chat with me, and then writing about you on the Internet so we can all crush on you. Get excited, because butterflies in your stomach 24/7 is a fantastic way to live.

Header by Rory Midhani

Straddler On The Street: Amanda, 24

Amanda is a 24 year old student in veterinary medicine and comparative biomedical sciences at Cornell University, and she jokes that she’ll be living in Ithaca forever (though she actually has some plans to move around in the future, hopefully!).

When she’s not studying or working on her research project (which you should feel very excited about because it is all about CATS) she works for a ball python breeder. When I expressed surprise/terror at this prospect she explained, “I have an irrational love for reptiles.”

Along with her research and her cool job she also participates in musicals and dance groups within her vet school, is an active member of the co-ed fraternity Omega Tau Sigma, a leader of Broad Spectrum Veterinary Student Association and an avid cook. In her “spare time” (what spare time?!) she crochets, bikes and binge watches TV based on Autostraddle recaps. Meet Amanda (and her rad red mustache)!

Amanda, 24

Can you talk about your studies? What brought you to where you are now?

I’m currently working on my masters in a virology lab at Cornell and in January I will go back to finish up the rest of the veterinary curriculum. I got started working in this lab during my summers off from veterinary school, and I really loved it so I kept finding things to apply to that would give me more lab time. I just really like the idea of discovering something new, especially if that thing can help cats – I study feline calicivirus.

What would you like to do in the future?

I still have no idea what I want to do when I graduate. Hopefully something that will combine veterinary work with research. I also really like exotic animals. I seem to like too many animals.

Do you have a rough idea of what you’d like to do with all your work moving forward?

I’m currently thinking that I should go get my PhD. I went to the American Society of Virology conference last month and there were so many awesome people doing really exciting work. I think I need a stronger basic science foundation if I want to continue with research. I also think pathology is really cool. So I keep finding myself coming back to that. If you want to study infectious diseases in animals it’s a sensible career path. But a PhD plus a pathology residency is a commitment of about… 9 more years of training type work. It’s kind of daunting to think about planning that far ahead, but it’s necessary if I’m thinking about my career.

Woah, that’s definitely daunting, but also really cool that you’re so certain about what you want to do!

I’m glad you feel certain. I don’t feel certain most of the time.

Well you sound more certain than I feel about all aspects of my life! Since you study cats, I should ask: Do you have cats? Did you grow up with cats?

Yes and yes! I currently have one cat named Scherbatsky (goes by Scherbie for short). I grew up with two cats in an apartment in Queens. I’m an only child so I basically required them to entertain me. I’m a crazy cat lady.

a cat and a reptile

I think you will find your people here at Autostraddle! You also work with reptiles. Do you have a favorite reptile? Is that a silly question?

Haha, well I have a favorite genus. Varanus. It includes all the monitor lizards, including the komodo dragon. I volunteered at the Bronx Zoo reptile house one summer and my favorite animals to take care of were the monitor lizards. They’re so quick and curious. They have one monitor that was a surrendered pet. I think she was a Savannah monitor. You could pet her and feed her. She was very well socialized. Someday when I have a house with lots of space I hope to have a few green tree monitors.

Cool! Where do you hope to live one day?

I really want to live in California. Two of my best friends from high school moved out there and I miss them a ton. I’ve also become open to the idea of living somewhere in the South. If I did a residency or a PhD at a university with a big college town, I think I would survive. I also love the food! California also has wonderful things like the San Diego Zoo and Wild Animal Park. But, I’m really open to moving anywhere. My family is basically what keeps me in New York. [Me] going to college a five hour drive away was almost too much for my mom.

Aw, I totally get that. My parents are South African and the concept of moving far away from family is not one they really understand.

Yeah, my mom was born in El Salvador and basically her entire family is either back near San Salvador or in Queens.

Got it. So you mentioned that you perform in musicals. Confession: I am a huge musical theater junkie. Please talk to me about this.

Cornell’s veterinary college has a performance group called the Veterinary Players. It basically pulled out all the music nerds in the vet school, and I was super excited to have a musical outlet. We put on I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change this past spring. I’d never heard of the show, but it was so funny and a little provocative for the vet school. It was a fun choice. The audience loved it!

I love that show!

We had a big cast so I was in a handful of scenes… The director gave me “Shouldn’t I Be Less In Love With You” and turned it into an old lesbian couple. I was thrilled. Our director was great. Her issue with the show was that it was so heteronormative so once she heard me sing – I’m like an alto 2 – she gave me that song.

That’s amazing. Is Ithaca a super queer friendly place in general?

It’s very queer friendly. There’s not really a gay bar, but there’s a queer dance party held every month at Silky Jones. I wish there was a gay bar. There’s one bar, Felicia’s Atomic Lounge, and it’s basically a lesbian bar, depending on when you go. I think most of the bars in Ithaca are very gay friendly. My favorite place to go on dates is Bandwagon Brew Pub. They have amazing fries and beer flights.

YUM. I just discovered beer flights – I am very late to the party – and I’m so into them.

I go to weekly beer tastings. Vet school has taught me to appreciate good beer, mostly because I hang out with people who like good beer.

Perfect. So you work with a ball python breeder. Can we talk about that? Like I said, I’m not great with animals, so I read that in your email submission and my jaw dropped.

It’s mostly animal husbandry and handling. When animals get sick we medicate them at our facility. I’m one of two vet students who work there, but everyone’s really experienced at giving snakes injections now. The breeding part is my favorite. It makes genetics fun to actually think about the odds of getting certain color combinations. People go crazy for their ball python color morphs. Some of our animals are worth over $1000. You should check out some pictures. There are some gorgeous snakes out there. I totally want one someday.

Oh, they’re beautiful, but I definitely do not want one someday.

It’s not all great. Sometimes I worry about breeding exotic species. Generally our animals go to other breeders looking to expand or diversify their collections. But I always worry about people not taking care of exotic species correctly. The snakes have so much personality and you can totally socialize them to frequent handling so they’re not bite-y.

I once held a snake and I felt like I was so brave.

Ball pythons are a nice reasonably sized snake with a generally docile personality. My boss has other constrictors that we don’t breed. We just take care of them and make sure they’re healthy. Some of the species are 7, 10, 11 feet long. I only handle the bigger ones if I have a co-worker there. I’ve been bitten quite a few times, but snake bites aren’t as bad as cat bites. I love bringing people to the snake house! Especially people I date. If you’re not excited about being around that many snakes… that’s definitely a minus in my book.

HAHA, oh my gosh. I think you sound very brave.

It’s really not that scary. I promise.

i wonder what the dolphin is saying to amanda, what do you think?

Hmmm. Well anyway. What are some of your favorite things to cook?

I cook a lot of vegetarian dishes and a lot of Mexican and Central American type food. I love cheese and avocados and black beans and rice… I love making enchiladas.

Delicious! What are some of your favorite books?

Interview with a Vampire is definitely up there. I love Anne Rice. My favorite book is Geek Love. I read it for a freshman writing seminar examining bodies in popular culture. It’s about a family of circus freaks. I’ve been meaning to reread it and see if I still love it as much as I did in college.

Favorite movie?

My favorite movie is The Fifth Element. Strong female plus sci-fi plus romance? Done! I also really love Across the Universe. Evan Rachel Wood bisexual is so talented.

I love her. Though I actually didn’t love Across the Universe – I always joke that the trailer for Across the Universe is my favorite film, but I thought the execution wasn’t the best.

True. But I love the music so much!

Oh absolutely! Do you have any favorite styles or brand names or clothing items?

Most of my clothes come from Old Navy or the Gap. I actually saw my friend’s boyfriend wearing a button down that I own (and almost wore that night). I really like when the guys in my fraternity compliment my outfits at formal events. That’s my favorite feeling. I like to think that I look better in a blazer than most of them.

I’m 100% sure that you do look better in a blazer than all of them. Can you tell me a bit about your fraternity?

Yes! It’s a co-ed professional veterinary fraternity. It’s open to anyone within the vet school willing to join and pay dues. It’s my social outlet. Basically all of my close friends in vet school are in Omega Tau Sigma.

That’s so cool! Is it frustrating to deal with assumptions about Greek life, or does that not really happen?

A little frustrating. I think the people not in OTS assume we’re just a drinking club. And yes, we do drink together, but sometimes that means we sit around and drink wine and talk about our summers. We also do philanthropy for our local animal shelter, and raise funds the Patient Assistance Fund (funds treatment for animals whose owners can’t afford expensive hospital bills). It’s OTS members that I go to beer tasting with. We do a lot of fun stuff and I think that’s reason enough to join. School is so stressful. It’s nice to have organized fun that you didn’t have to plan.

Absolutely. Do you have any celeb crushes?

Evan Rachel Wood. I also really love Hannah Hart. I’m both really happy for her and sad for me that she is dating someone. She is a hilarious lady.

I had really similar HH feelings! How did you discover Autostraddle?

My friend Sonia! She was at this past A-Camp. [We] met a vet student conference where we talked about LGBT clubs at vet schools and she told me I should be reading the site. I now introduce it to every girl I date/hook up with.

Awww, thank you for the PR! It’s a very good test – if someone doesn’t like Autostraddle, obviously you can’t date them.

Right. Clearly they have poor taste.

Exactly! And now my last question: Do you have anything else you’d like to share with the Autostraddle community?

Broad Spectrum Veterinary Student Association! You can find us on Facebook or on our blog.

This is how I met Sonia! BSVSA is working to create a larger LGBT for veterinary students at different veterinary colleges. We had our second annual meeting this year, mostly attended by officers of LGBT clubs at different veterinary schools. We want to empower students to create active clubs at their school and build support from the colleges.

On our blog we update about events that we’ve had and opportunities that our student leaders have taken advantage of. There are also interviews with out veterinarians working in diverse areas of veterinary medicine. So if [any readers are] pre-vet or in vet school, I think it’s a good resource. We’ve heard from incoming first years worried about being out in veterinary school. Students are really excited when they find out their school already has an LGBT club or an LGBT friendly school contact.

So cool! Thanks for sharing that – hopefully some of veterinary-inclined Straddlers will join BSVSA in the future!

if you join BSVSA maybe one day you can go roller skating with Amanda, who knows?!

If you would like to be featured as a future Straddler on the Street, please email vanessa [at] autostraddle [dot] com. Include a few photos, 3-5 sentences about yourself and put “Straddler Submission” in your subject line. Approximately a million people have submitted so far, so please be patient as Vanessa goes through her inbox — you’re all sexy with really smart brains, and don’t you forget it!

Straddler On The Street: Monique

Hi crush monsters, this is Straddler On The Street, a feature where I celebrate all of you incredible Autostraddle readers by hunting you down, demanding you chat with me, and then writing about you on the Internet so we can all crush on you. Get excited, because butterflies in your stomach 24/7 is a fantastic way to live.

Header by Rory Midhani

Straddler On The Street: Monique, 24

Monique is from Arizona but recently drove across many states to get to Washington DC, where she is embarking on the journey of getting her master’s degree at Georgetown University! She majored in painting for undergrad, but is now going into research and teaching for sex education, which makes me want to give her a high five and ask her nine million questions all at once.

Monique has attended two A-Camps (September 2012 and May 2013), has been involved with marching band for about ten years (“Band people are really really queer, yo!”), and used to work in the beer department at Total Wine + More. Basically she is super interesting and knows a lot of stuff about a lot of things. Here’s Monique!

Monique, 24, at A-Camp in May 2013

Congratulations on your move to DC! As someone who has just moved, do you have any useful moving tips to offer?

Yes! Planning! Have a plan A, B, C, D… I just had an idea of how it would go and nothing really worked out the way I wanted it to… I had everything packed and then realized on the day we were leaving that not everything fit into my car.

Oh gosh! What did you do once you realized not everything fit?

I left behind a few things, but my friends and I managed to get all the important stuff to squeeze in. We also had to think about my dog, Elliot, traveling with us.

Aw, was he well behaved?

Yeah I was actually very proud of him! I was born in Phoenix and lived in Tucson for the past six years and had only ever driven him between the two cities. He gets really excited for car rides, but you could tell after a while he was definitely wondering where the hell we were going because it was taking so long. We stopped in Murfreesboro, Tennessee where another friend of mine lived and stayed the night and he was so happy to be on solid ground, he just lay on the floor for about a half hour.

OMG LOOK AT ELLIOT

Awwwww. Well, I’m glad the ride turned out okay despite the lack of plan! But hopefully others will heed your advice and learn from your experience! Planning is key, people. So how do you like DC so far?

I like it a lot! I got in last Sunday night, and I’ve pretty much done all the touristy things the past week. Marco, [my friend who drove here with me from Arizona], is a poli sci major and wanted to see everything, obviously. I’d been here my senior year of high school, but not since. I managed to go see Laura Jane Grace at the Rock and Roll Hotel, which was amazing. I like that it is not as hot as Tucson and that I don’t need to drive everywhere.

And you moved to DC for school, right?

Yes, I’m going to Georgetown to get my Master’s in Liberal Studies.

You mentioned that you are going into research and teaching for sex education?

Right. My future goal is to teach sex ed. I’m also interested in teaching history, but mostly [sex ed].

What made you want to teach that?

I have to credit Autostraddle and A-Camp for bringing that out in me! Before going to camp I’d never been comfortable having those kinds of conversations but now I geek out over sex and sexuality related things all the time!

That makes me so happy! Can you talk about how Autostraddle and A-Camp specifically made you more comfortable?

It [used to be] tough to articulate what I was feeling – I’ve never been a big talker, especially about my feelings. But once I discovered the website about three years ago, everything that was buzzing around in my head was just laid out on page after page, you know? And as for camp, that was one of the most spontaneous things I’ve ever done, but it was so worth it! And I had a cabin full of introverts the first time in September which made it a nice introduction to the whole experience. But the second time around I drove with the Arizona crew and I knew people and actively participated in discussions and everything.

I’m so glad Autostraddle could help lead you to the path you’re currently on! A secret dream of mine is teaching sex ed, because I think it’s such an important topic and we do such a bad job of covering it in most of the country!

I know! It frustrates me so much! Like not only is it not taught well enough on its own, but you can’t even touch intersectionality, which is what I would want to do. Figuring out how I feel comfortable in my gender and presentation was just as important as figuring out my sexuality I would say. And being Mexican, and all that! You know? I know you know.

Haha, I do know! It’s still good to hear people say it though – we all need to keep hearing it. Can you speak a little bit about your different identities and how they all fit together?

Well, being Mexican in Southern Arizona… was a treat. I didn’t really have any issues with family, although I do know people who have and even a cousin of mine who did. My mom as a Catholic was more concerned that I was an atheist. Being more masculine presenting was a bit awkward, trying to get comfortable with it, mostly because I hadn’t encountered anyone else at that point who looked like how I wanted to look. I saw the white dapperness, you know, and that’s cool and everything but it didn’t fit totally well. I had a male coworker, also Mexican, who after I told him I was gay started doing a whole macho routine with me. Like puffing out his chest and stupid stuff like that. I played along but it was weird.

Oh ugh. Why do guys do that? No one wants to objectify women with you, bro.

They feel threatened I suppose. It was always my coworkers too… I was a cashier at a liquor store, and the straight boys always wanted me to check out girls with them.

Sigh. Dudes. So how did you eventually become more comfortable in your own gender expression?

Eventually I just said “fuck it” and went with it. As a kid I was a major tomboy but around high school I realized that was like “weird” so I grew my hair out and wore “girl clothes.” But a few years ago, I just cut all my hair off again, and started wearing men’s clothes and I just felt so much better and much more confident in myself.

That’s so awesome. Going back to your job at the liquor store – you told me you taught beer classes. Can you tell me what that entails?

Well I was the “beer expert” at my store and they let me start doing the beer classes after a while, and I was excited about being able to wear a tie! Basically there’s a theme for every class, like Belgian or IPAs or Winter Seasonals, and I pick 12 beers from a list and go down the line pouring a 1 ounce sample for all the people there, and I just talk about it! Like the style, country/state/region, and the brewery. It was a lot of fun! I just like teaching in general. If it’s a subject I feel I know enough about I enjoy that a lot.

That sounds so fun. What are some of your favorite beers?

Most of the Stone beers are awesome. I love their Imperial Russian Stout. Also we tried a 2009 Alaskan Barley Wine in one of my classes and that was delicious.

Monique (middle) at Dappy Hour at A-Camp, May 2013

Yum, I’ll have to try those. Can we talk a bit about your art? Your undergrad degree is in painting, right?

Yes! I went to the University of Arizona (go Cats!). Art is another thing I geek out over. I enjoyed painting so much. I was fairly decent at it, but learning about contemporary art was probably my favorite part… We went to the Smithsonian this week and the 3rd floor was overwhelming. I just loved every second of it.

Do you still paint now?

I don’t, mostly because I don’t have the resources. I favored oil and that’s expensive and time consuming. I do have a sketchbook though, and drawing was the other half of my major.

Art is such a fantastic outlet. Who are your favorite artists?

Maurizio Cattelan and Vik Muniz are probably the top. They add a lot of humor into what they do and my favorite is when you can laugh at someone’s piece. Also Jenny Holzer who has a piece in the Smithsonian that I recognized right away. And I follow her Twitter which I think is great.

I LOVE JENNY HOLZER. Sorry I am so predictable, but like ugh, Jenny Holzer. Yes.

Haha no it’s cool! Also I have to give a shout out to Nam June Paik, who is also in the Smithsonian. My jaw literally dropped when I walked into the room and saw Megatron/Matrix for the first time. It was one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen.

Do you have any celeb crushes?

I’m on an Alicia Keys kick right now! Also Paula Patton. Laura Jane Grace, obviously. And of course the whole Autostraddle staff!

Awwww you guys all say that, it’s super sweet. Laura Jane Grace is so epic.

Against Me! is my favorite band so witnessing the whole thing has been insane. I’ve met her and she’s so cool. And hearing the whole crowd the other night at the show sing all the words to the Transgender Dysphoria Blues songs (which haven’t even come out yet!) was amazing. The first time I saw them live after she came out everyone was incredibly supportive and loving. It was great.

That is so great! What are some of your favorite books?

Well other than Harry Potter, I rarely reread so my favorites are just ones that stick with me. The Fixer by Bernard Malamud and West of Kabul, East of New York by Tamim Ansary are ones I read for school that I thought were great. I’ve been reading a lot of non-fiction lately. I read Rachel Maddow’s Drift – she’s another celebrity crush! I can’t believe I left her out!

As an educator, what are some books you think everyone should read?

Why Are Faggots So Afraid Of Faggots? was so good, especially the essay by Nick Clarkson about being a gay trans man. I would also recommend Lies My Teacher Told Me and Beyond (Straight and Gay) Marriage. And I just started The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander about mass incarceration.

Those all sound super good, and I’m about to have a lot of free time on my hands so I will be checking them out of my library! Do you have anything else you’d like to say to the Autostraddle community?

Just, thank you for existing!

“Thank you for existing.” Thank YOU for existing, Monique!

If you would like to be featured as a future Straddler on the Street, please email vanessa [at] autostraddle [dot] com. Include a few photos, 3-5 sentences about yourself and put “Straddler Submission” in your subject line. Approximately a million people have submitted so far, so please be patient as Vanessa goes through her inbox — you’re all sexy with really smart brains, and don’t you forget it!