stock photography Archives

25 Pictures Technically Not of Lesbian Sex According to Stock Photography

In the past we have shared with you two sets of pictures categorized under the “lesbian” “sex” tag on Shutterstock (the incredible stock photography service that hosts billions of images, most of which are fantastic and some of which are totally bananas) and commented upon their various inabilities to accurately represent lesbian sex.

But as we are all far too aware of these days, often the more compelling lesbian situation occurs not where it is intended to exist, but in the spaces between. I realized all the lesbian sex photos were hiding where they usually do: in Close Female Friendship City, population “Thousands Of Lesbians Having Actual Sex In Photographs That Are Not Tagged With “Lesbian.” That’s too bad, I could’ve found them a lot sooner!

Luckily I have taken the liberty of offering alternative titles for these photos. You’re welcome!

1. Lesbian Has Sex With Her Ex

2. Lesbian Uses a Dental Dam For The First Time

3. Lesbian Couple Asked By a Man If They’d Be Down For a Threesome

4. Lesbian Masturbates In Bed While Girlfriend Sleeps Because She Has a Really Early Morning Tomorrow

5. Lesbian Fists Without Lube

6. Lesbian Completes Successful Period Sex

7. Lesbian Feels Her Needs Are Not Being Met in This Threesome, Is Also Unsure What Her Needs are Or What Anybody Does in a Threesome, ‘Cause It Kinda Seems Like Nobody Really Knows

8. Two Bottoms, One Relationship

9. Lesbian Girlfriend Comes All Over Girlfriend’s Face For The First Time

10. Lesbian Asks Girlfriend If She Can Pull Up the Covers ‘Cause She’s Still Kinda Cold, Girlfriend Agrees That It Is Kind of Cold

11. Lesbian Tries To Figure Out If Sex Is Still On The Table Or Not Despite Stomach Pains From Large Dinner Experience

12. Young Lesbians Go Dildo Shopping For The First Time

13. Lesbian Couple Finds The Perfect Erotic Third

14. Lesbian Waits For Her Girlfriend To Put On The Strap-On

15. Lesbian Girlfriends Try Cosmo Sex Tips

16. Experienced Lesbian After Having Sex With a Newly-Out Girl Who’s Never Been With a Girl Before and Coincidentally Never Come With a Partner Before, Until Now

17. Lesbian Bottom Finds The Service Top Of Her Dreams

18. Lesbian With Serious Emotional Boundaries Prepares For Sexual Encounter With New Partner After Period of Self-Induced Celibacy Due to Residual Trauma From Her Last Relationship

18. Two Lesbians On a Date Who Want to Have Lesbian Sex But Are Not Sure Who Is Supposed to Make the First Move

19. Lesbian Having Shower Sex

20. Lesbian Who Doesn’t Do Breakfast Implores Her One-Night Stand To Head Home

21. Long-Distance Lesbian Couple’s Much-Anticipated Week-Long Visit/Sex-a-Thon Derailed By Day Three UTI

22. Lesbian Tries to Get Over Ex-Girlfriend by Having a Threesome with Two “Straight” Mommis She and Her Girlfriend Used to Crush On Together Because They Were All in the Same Pilates Class

23. Lesbian Scissoring

24. Lesbian Gives Specific Detailed Instructions to New Partner On How To Make Her Come

25. Two Lesbians Smiling Proudly In The Success Of This Project

no seriously the actual photo description for photo #24 is “Asian girls engineers are checking the details of a large building from blueprint document. They smile proudly in the success in this project.”

55 Lesbians Having A Bad Time In BDSM Stock Photos

Most of the time, stock photography is pretty okay. Try searching for “lesbians” or “BDSM” though, especially together, and you get gems captioned like “Two red sexual girl [sic] with blue eyes and pale skin on a black and white background. Women lesbian girl. Long red hair. Fetish model. Look at the camera. Beautiful underwear.”

Obviously everyone looks like they’re having a fantastic time and not bored at all.

All photos are from Shutterstock.

ugh babe I’m so over roleplaying Westworld

I don’t believe this
believe what
it’s totally my turn to top
what no we agreed it was mine
when
last time
last time when you were a top
look you’re already wearing a handcuff and everything
you’re wearing one too
no I’m not
I’m restraining you
look at how restrained you are

I’m sorry I said your bra didn’t fit right
even though it doesn’t
what was that
what no I didn’t whisper anything
I think your blindfold is covering your ears

I liked when you wore my gold eyeshadow that time
you should do that more
you only like me when we’re identical
what?!?
haha no
we look soooo different
my hair is half up and everything
look how different we look

shhhh just relax
try to make your eyes glaze over more
I’m practicing being a vampire

I told you tug-of-war scissoring isn’t a thing

I am so comfortable right now

I’m great I’m having so much fun
this is what fun looks like

can I ask you something
yes of course
why does everyone think we’re doppelbänging
I don’t know
I mean my stockings are totally different from yours
I know
totally different

no this look on my face is “excitement”
look how excited I am
also turned on
also our therapist says Tuesday morning is still good

I don’t understand why you have to make everything about balloons
I don’t understand why you don’t

did you yawn
no I’m not yawning
I thought I heard a yawn
no
I always make this noise when I scratch my face

you’re stepping on my hair
no I’m not
it’s shibari

I told you both a million times
on Wednesdays we wear purple

do we have too many spikes do you think
oh never
never too many spikes

did you seriously rip my stockings with your chains
we TALKED about this in the car

that’s it right there
are you sure you know what you’re doing
yeah I saw this in a movie once
this is so perfect

stop pouting
I’m not pouting
I told you I wasn’t going to spank you until after our family portrait

I can’t believe you brought the single-tail that clashes with my corset
I can’t believe you wore the corset that clashes with the bar
also the tag is sticking out
…is that my corset
no
I can’t believe this
next Thursday we’re just getting tacos

I promise I’m not a wolf
look I’m wearing lipstick and everything
did your stomach just growl
no
come closer

this is fine
this is exactly what I had in mind

oh yeah
definitely get that molar checked out

no there’s no one else here
just you n me babe
just keep looking at the wall

ears?
check
flogger?
check
safeword?
“polkadot”
okay we’re ready
let’s bring that Catwoman/Minnie Mouse fanfic to life

I thought you said we would both be sex bunnies
I am a sex bunny
my outfit is the exact same as yours
don’t turn around

Miss you deeply, Western Art History.

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How To Be Disabled, According to Stock Photography

All images via Shutterstock

I have to take this moment to apologize. It turns out, dear readers, that I’ve been leading you astray. I thought I had this whole “being disabled” thing figured out — y’know, focusing on intersectionality, various forms of ableism, or political engagement — but nope! My mistake! Apparently I’ve been doing it wrong since birth and need to completely overhaul my approach. And who do I have to thank for such an urgent epiphany? The wide, wise world of Shutterstock.

Stock photos have taught us so much around here: what lesbian sex really looks like (twice over), the finer points of kink, even the true meaning of Christmas. I deeply regret waiting until now to explore their take on the disabled experience. Because my friends, what I’ve discovered therein is life-changing. Forget everything else I’ve ever told you and invest in these eleven principles immediately.

Here’s how to be disabled — the stock photo way.

1. Use a (manual) wheelchair.

How else will anyone know? Other mobility aids don’t really count — do you see them on parking spaces and bathroom signs? Yeah, didn’t think so. If you want people to believe that you’re disabled, you have to prove it to them in a familiar, comfortable way. Then they’ll know how much misguided guilt to project onto you, what to assume about your self-esteem, which questions are okay to ask (spoiler: doesn’t matter, they’ll ask anyway), and exactly how often to ponder the intricacies of your sex life.

Two photos side by side. On the left, a white woman with dark brown hair in a light blue shirt and sitting in a black manual wheelchair smiles into the camera while typing on a laptop computer. On the right, a different white woman in blue jeans and a short sleeved red plaid shirt over a gray top holds the wheels of her manual wheelchair. There is a laptop on her lap and she has white headphones over her ears.

All disabled people also get laptops

Invisible disabilities are useless in stock photos and particularly cruel to your audience. Could you imagine if they knew that disabled people are everywhere, all the time, even if they don’t realize it? And that supporting us involves more than installing ramps or calling Trump out on being a big bad meanie? The world would cease to turn! Nondisabled people can’t be bothered with that sort of critical thinking. So keep it simple and stick with the tried and true. There are a couple of exceptions — namely, white canes for blind folks and prosthetics for athletes or veterans — but otherwise, get yourself a chair that looks like it came straight out of a hospital in 1972.

2. And joyfully abandon it ASAP.

Because then you give the people what they really want: disability overcome. The joy is key here. You can’t just get out of your chair with no reaction or imply that you only use it sometimes (because anyone who does that is faking, obviously). It needs to be a climactic moment of victory, preferably your greatest achievement to date. No one wants to watch you integrate your disability into your sense of self. They need high drama, profound personal struggle, unrivaled bravery, and eventual liberation so they can keep assuming that being disabled sucks.

In silhouette against a sunset background, a person drops to their knees on a small hilltop and raises their arms out wide. Their manual wheelchair sits empty at the bottom of the hill.

Photo description: “Experience happiness on a hilltop at sunset”

A woman with short brown hair in a blue short sleeved shirt and khaki pants leaps out of a manual wheelchair with her arms up in the air. There is a large pond in the background.

Oh nothing, just flinging myself into this pond

3. Alternately, stay out of the photo.

Search “disability” on any stock photo website (we use Shutterstock) and you can go pages without seeing an actual human person. Because at the end of the day, the chair gets the job done on its own. It’ll stir up all that familiar pity, unease, and confusion without having to acknowledge the fact that one billion people worldwide are disabled and therefore disability can’t actually be or mean the same things for everyone. Efficient!

Frame the chair different ways to elicit your desired reaction. Might I suggest Vaguely Foreboding…

An out of focus manual wheelchair with a blue seat.

Very “true crime montage”

Deeply Contemplative…

A black manual wheelchair sits facing a large window, with light streaming in over the chair from outside.

If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me
One day I’ll know
How far I’ll go

Suspiciously Placed…

A manual wheelchair with a yellow frame, black seat, and gray tires sits unoccupied on a dock next to the water. Three pairs of shoes sit next to the chair. There are no people in the photo, only a boat in the background.

I have some concerns

Or Anthropomorphized.

Animated rendering of two black and silver manual wheelchairs, with a heart in between them to symbolize love.

I hope these two have a long and happy life together

4. Embrace headlessness.

If you insist on taking up space, at least let the photographer crop your face out of the frame. Remember that you are literally not a whole person.

A woman's feet walking along a sidewalk. She has a white cane out in front of her. You can only see her black shoes, part of her calves, and the tip of the cane.

Disabled people: earning 36% less on the job, taking up 80% less room in photos

A woman sits in a manual wheelchair holding a tablet computer. She is wearing blue jeans and a pink scarf and has long red nails. The photo only shows her from the neck down, no head.

This nails/wheels combo seems questionable

Front-facing view of a woman's legs in a manual wheelchair. She is wearing black stonewashed jeans and black boots, and is in a room with a dark wooden floor. You can only see her legs in the chair, no head or torso.

Disease disability paralysis handicap health concept
Legs of disabled person
Crippled female sitting on wheelchair
— A stock photo poem

5. Gaze out the window or exist in silhouette as often as possible.

Lighting counts! Remember your angles! Both of these poses suggest you are grappling with the meaning of life, which simultaneously makes you very profound and allows nondisabled people to feel So Inspired. If they’re not tearing up, you’re doing it wrong and should really care more about their opinions.

Two photos side by side. On the left, a young woman with long brown hair sits in a manual wheelchair looking out a sliding glass window into the sunshine. On the right, a different woman in a manual chair and wearing a purple sweater sits looking through a very large window that has white light streaming through.

Fun fact: all disabled people are perpetually bathed in white light to emphasize our eternal innocence and purity

In silhouette against a sunset background, a man reaches out to take the hands of a woman in a manual wheelchair.

“Really, I’m okay, sir”
“Let me just —”
“SIR”

6. Raise your arms in triumph when outdoors.

This is the International Disability Feel-Good Signal and able-bodied people LOVE IT. Systemic underemployment? Precarious healthcare? A Presidential administration that insists we’ll be fine as long as we’re, y’know, not too disabled, or queer, or trans, or immigrants, or women? Who cares! Head on out to the beach/meadow/mountaintop and get those hands up high. Ain’t life grand?

View from behind of a woman raising her arms over her head while sitting in a manual wheelchair on the beach. She is wearing a straw hat with a wide brim, and you can see the ocean in the background.

Might she be waving for help? Have we thought about that?

A woman in blue jean capris and a yellow sleeveless top raises her arms over her head while sitting in a red manual wheelchair in the middle of a meadow.

Repurposed outtake from a tampon commercial

In silhouette against a sunset background, a person in a manual wheelchair raises their arms above their head on a mountaintop.

“Seriously I’m stuck please get me down”

7. Be interchangeable.

No one’s gonna notice, right?

Two photos side by side. On the left, a white blonde woman is standing behind a brunette white man who's sitting in a manual wheelchair. Both are wearing blue jeans; she has a sleeveless white shirt on and he has a grey t-shirt. The right photo is of the same people with their positions switched; now he is standing and she is in the chair.

Hmmm

Whoopsie daisy. Whatever.

A white man with short brown hair in blue jeans and a gray t-shirt smiles at a blonde woman in a manual wheelchair as he tips her chair backwards from behind.

“He didn’t ask about this but it’s fine”

8. Seek divine healing.

Remember: God made you disabled because “He knew you could handle it,” but can also instantly reverse that decision if you pray hard enough. This isn’t confusing at all and you need to just accept it so we can move on with our lives.

Rear view of a woman in a long white skirt and top standing in a meadow next to an empty manual wheelchair, with her arms raised toward a dark sky. A cross can be seen through the clouds and is bathing her in a beam of light.

Stock photos are really such a subtle medium

In silhouette against a sunset background, a woman raises her arms towards the sky and holds a book in one hand. A manual wheelchair sits unoccupied toward the back of the frame.

“Miracle spiritual healing crippled woman praying with Bible stands up out of wheelchair and walks.” You thought she was just reading Freedom is a Constant Struggle during a nice beach vacation? Stock photos know better.

9. In the workplace, make sure you’ve got at least one able-bodied white guy with you at all times.

They will provide the “objectivity,” “business sense,” and “decisiveness” you otherwise lack — and can also explain why your requested accommodation is “just going to put too much strain on our budget this year.”

A young white man and woman, both with brown hair, sit on opposite sides of a wooden desk. The woman is in a manual wheelchair wearing a black skirt and a sleeveless white top. The man is in a light blue dress shirt and dark blue tie. There are binders and papers on the table between them.

“So as you can see from our floor plan, it’s completely reasonable to have you crawl down the stairs in an emergency”

A woman with reddish brown hair in a white short-sleeved blouse looks at a laptop computer screen while two men, one older and one younger, stand behind her. The older man is pointing at something on the screen while the younger one is taking notes. The woman is sitting in a manual wheelchair.

Bonus points if you can get more than one

Also, you’re only allowed to hold vaguely-defined desk jobs. Anything else (doctor, lawyer, professor, artist, U.S. Senator) is unrealistic, really.

10. Related: Be white.

Unless you are also a cartoon man.

Cartoon rendering of a gay male couple with a baby. One man is black and the other is white; the black man is in a manual wheelchair and has the baby on his lap. The baby is holding a balloon. The white man has brown hair and glasses and is extending one hand toward the baby.

Of course disabled people of color — let alone gay ones — don’t exist in real life, that’s silly

11. And remember to always ask the right questions about your sexuality.

Just kidding, there’s only one question:

Three rows of variations on the same photo: a man's hand reaching out against various backgrounds toward the text "Am I Normal?"

Search “disabled sexuality”
Am I Normals: 115
Disabled People in Sexual Situations: 0

And I think you know the answer.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to experience happiness on a hilltop at sunset.

20 Most Profound Lesbian and Bisexual Stock Photograph Descriptions

Screenshot 2016-08-09 12.33.05

Every stock photograph in any stock photograph database has a descriptive title that makes it easier to find the image you need through relevant search terms. When it comes to LGBTQ-related stock photography, some are just straightforward descriptions (“Lesbian couple”) (“two sexy girls with red glasses”), some are mish-mashes of key words and description (“people, homosexuality, same-sex marriage, gay and love concept, close-up of happy lesbian couple sitting on sofa at home”) and some are just COMPLETELY BONKERS.

This post pays tribute to the most poetic and touching stock photograph image descriptions found under the “lesbian” and “bisexual” tags.

1. Women touch each other’s ass and go on the road, because they are lesbians

Ugh I thought you had gum in here

2. Trendy bisexual girls hugging at camera

Is it okay if I hug your left butt cheek rn

That’s right, hug my left butt cheek! Hug it so hard!

3. Close up of happy lesbian couple hugging at home

I’m so glad we sprung for that rainbow light filter at IKEA, baby, it really makes the living room come alive

4. Sexy Macho holding whip with lesbian lovers, threesome and bdsm

Okay well Heidi and I would feel a lot more comfortbale if you could put the whip down and then leave the room and close the door behind you if that's cool? thank you so much

Okay well Heidi and I would feel a lot more comfortable if you could put the whip down and then leave the room and close the door behind you if that’s cool? Thank you so much

5. Tender Kiss of Two Brunettes

This is how brunettes have lesbian sex

6. Woman cheating on her boyfriend with an other girl at park

Quick hold my hand while my boyfriend’s head is tilted slightly in the general range of the opposite direction, he’ll never even know that you’re here

7. Female Best Friend forever holding hands together – love concept

As we go on / We remember / All the times we / Had together / And as our lives change / Come whatever / We will still be / Friends forever

8. The girl kissing a girl. Man in shock.

Looks like somebody stole my lady… AND my favorite flannel shirt

9. Two charming and very attractive lesbian girls flirting in magical forest on sunny day

Accio bug spray

10. Beautiful girl says the gossip in the ear of her surprised girlfriend

OH MY GOSH NOT HUGO AND KIM

11. Happy lesbian couple sits on a dinner table and having good time together

You’re happy, right? I’m happy. We’re happy. This is great.

12. Two beautiful girls twins in the studio, sisters, flirt

Ok sis now it’s YOUR turn to air-kiss ME

13. Sister Lovers

That’s right, we’re just two ordinary lesbian lovers who happen to also be sisters

14. Two sad girls sorry for each other outdoors

Do you think those dudes over there are gonna finish their beer or do you think they’d let us have some

15. Couple of women in love with lesbian rainbow flag

If we hold on forever and never let go, we too will become rainbow flags

16. Man’s dream three passion waiting sexy girls in the bed

EXCUSE ME

17. Mistresses women hugging, they dressed in white and standing in the water

Now you are mine forever

18. Portrait of a young woman disguised as a man looking seriously – tomboy

Errrghhh I feel like my disguise isn’t working…

19. girl power concept – man-like young brunette acting stupid,showing her muscular arm for feminine independence,studio shot

EW, BOYS!

20. Fun girl stick tongue out between two fingers showing cunnilingus sign.

Legit.

27 More Pictures Of Lesbian Sex According To Stock Photography

It’s been over a year since we first opened up and gave you a peek into the wonderful world of lesbian sex according to stock photography and nearly a year since Carolyn blessed you with lesbian kink according to stock photography! My how time has flown. For the uninitiated: stock photography is an underrated art form in which professionals create rights-free images suitable for usage by a variety of magazine and online publications. We have an account with Shutterstock, who we love, and they offer us literally thousands of queer-themed pictures for our work. Most of it is pretty excellent.

Some of it is downright bizarre — especially the stuff we found from searching for pictures of “lesbian sex”! Girls braiding their hair into another girls’ hair, girls grabbing each other’s butts, girls fidgeting with each other’s bra straps, photos suspiciously tagged with both “lesbians” and “twins,” girls in blindfolds, girls with facepaint, girls jamming their teeth into each other’s jaws, girls wrapped in ribbon! So many lesbian sex acts you didn’t even know existed! So many white girls! SO MANY WHITE GIRLS.

27 More Pictures of Lesbian Sexuality According To Stock Photogaphy

1.

WE WANNA TOUCH YOUR BOOBS

2.

Now just let me know if I’m applying too much pressure, okay?

3.

Look bitch, I let you keep the cat, the least you can do is give me my coat back

4.

Shit I think I just broke my spinal cord

Sweetie I think I just pulled my back out

5.

Lisbeth and Jessica were ready for their deflowering but Lisebeth couldn’t help but notice that Jessica’s bloom was just a little bit fuller

6.

Hey babe my clit is over here

7.

Finally, my dream of nonstop cunnilingus can be fully realized

Hey babe my clit is back here

8.

HEY! I just met you, and this is CRAZY, but here’s my number —

9.

I think I might be having an allergic reaction to your scented lotion

Are either of you wearing something lavender-scented because I think I’m having an allergic reaction?

10.

Oh hey babe I think you got some of that cake on your face

11.

Donna was finally in Gertrude's bed and she could hardly believe it!

Donna was finally in Gertrude’s bed having lesbian sex with her hair and she could hardly believe it!

12.

Nobody gets between me and my sexy pants

13.

Are you sure you washed this? It kinda smells like Chicken Parm.

14.

Olga if you don't stand still I'm gonna smudge all over your face!

Mhm that’s right, smell the lipstick, smell the lesbian, now smell the lipstick lesbian

15.

Wanna hear about one thing my vagina and this desert have in common

16.

Well, this has been an interesting turn of events

Ugh, Beatrice, you can’t stay under the desk all day! I have work to do!

17.

How’s this? Do we look like we’re having lesbian sex now?

18.

GIVE. ME. BACK. MY. GRANNY. SMITH. APPLE. YOU. MONSTER.

19.

Why anything??!

20.

Ugh seriously do we HAVE to listen to Portishead EVERY time we have sex?

Ugh Stacey seriously do we HAVE to listen to Sylvan Esso EVERY time we have sex?

21.

Don't mind the fog machine, it goes off automatically every time I get off

Don’t mind the fog machine, it goes off automatically every time I orgasm

22.

WE LOVE FEATHER BOASSSSS!!!!!!!

23.

Melanie was certain this was the best way to get pregnant, but Effie wasn’t so sure

24.

What? Everybody has four arms these days, it’s totally normal!

25.

Ladies, get a move on, this mini-van isn’t gonna drive itself

26.

Excuse me, our love does not exist for the benefit of the male gaze.

27.

We forgot to do laundry and now we’re all out of pants — and underwear!

28.

Fine you can eat my jaw but only if I get to pick what we watch on Netflix tonight

Okay your turn — CAPTION THIS:

shutterstock_83526013

25 Pictures of Lesbian Kink According To Stock Photography

Stock photo sites are very slowly getting better, and Shutterstock is mostly excellent, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t still ridiculous. (My favorites are the captions, where a photo of two women spooning naked in bed tends to be called something like “best friends relaxing together.”)

Lesbian stock photography is often silly or awkward, especially when it comes to sex. And even though many kink-themed photos seem to be trying many more are misguided at best. Enjoy this journey through stock photography, then take a crack at captioning your own at the end!

All the photos below are via shutterstock.com.

25 Pictures Of Lesbian Kink According To Stock Photography

1.

Kristen Stewart on a dark night

2.

yes i am so enthusiastic look at my enthusiasm

There. I killed the spider. Can we go out for brunch now?

3.

definitely the best place to store my crop is in my mouth

Invisalign, baby

4.

i don’t think this is the right kind of rope

5.

i don’t know where you’re going with this

6.

if i don’t hold my hands up like this these cuffs fall off

7.

UNSAFE DO NOT DO THIS

8.

all your "vague doppelganger of Lucy Lawless" fantasies are about to be read

All your “vague doppelganger of Lucy Lawless” fantasies are about to be real

9.

i don’t think you were supposed to cuff yourself to me, I don’t think this is how this works

10.

Don’t worry guys i figured it out!

11.

you want me to hold the blindfold over my own eyes?

I’m ready for my surprise! I hope it’s confetti cake.

12.

Best view ever

13.

yeah you totally do have a weird thing on your tongue

SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL ROCKS!

14.

no one holding a whip would ever be pissed at me for just grabbing it right

15.

no it’s my turn

16.

i can’t believe we just match isn’t that great it’s so great

17.

eyelash bondage

18.

Pull hair from the roots, not from the ends

19.

i guess we can't use this crop we might wreck the balloons

Do you like these? We blew them ourselves.

20.

i really don't know where you're going with this

just keep smiling i have no idea

21.

Hey are those your car keys in the punch bowl?

22.

Boobs Are The New Vases

23.

Soooo are we gonna do this or is it just gonna be a photo sesh?

24.

what if instead of hitting you properly we just pose for a while

What if instead of hitting you properly i just hang out here for a while?

25.

Your turn! How would you caption this one?

caption meeeeeee

25 Pictures Of Lesbian Sex According To Stock Photography

by riese & laneia

Stock photography: that underrated art form in which professionals create rights-free images suitable for usage by a variety of magazine and online publications and often this art qualifies as a lesbian pic. We love us some Shutterstock, we really truly do, especially lately as they’ve been beefing up their lesbian section with photos that look like actual lesbians living actual lives. But the Shutterstock archives are still bursting with evidence of misguided photoshoots of times past. We’ve marveled at the oddness of lesbian stock photography before, and provided some homoerotic Christmas shoots, but that was back in the day when we only used Getty Images and now we have a whole new treasure trove to mine over at Shutterstock. Seriously though, who knew that the primary lesbian sex act was standing breast-to-breast, staring at the camera?

25 Pictures Of Lesbian Sexuality According To Stock Photography

1.

Uggghhhh my arm is falling asleep

2.

Is that a poisonous snake in your hand or are you just happy to see me

3.

Let me get my tweezers and we can take care of that little chin hair lickity split

Looks like your waxer missed a hair

4.

Babe seriously, female ejaculation is nothing to be ashamed of.

5.

Rosalie swore she was a size M in white thongs, so Bella felt PRET-TY SMUG about proving Rosalie was actually a size S!

6.

No, wait, the Ambien just kicked in. Sorry.

7.

Blair and Shelly figured out how to make sure they’d never lose each other at the Dinah Shore Pool Party again

8.

Johanna and Katniss stayed perfectly still so as to blend in with the rest of the presents under Ellen Page’s Christmas tree

9.

See, like they're doing in this episode of The L Word

See, Autostraddle says it’s totally okay to fuck with our clothes on!

What I read in Curve magazine that this is how lesbians have sex

I know it shouldn’t be, but the fact that your bedspread was stolen from Mrs. Abernathy’s Kindergarten class is SUCH a turn-on.

You’re right, this is so much better than having sex with boys!

10.

Serpent of old, ruler of the deep. Guardian of the bitter sea. Show us your glory. Show us your power! We pray of thee, we pray of thee. We invoke thee.

11.

Uhhh yeah, remember that conversation we had last week about my bloody vagina and the benefits of regularly trimming your fingernails?

Baby, remember that conversation we had last week about trimming your fingernails before fisting?

12.

I can’t believe the bank teller only gave us one lollipop. So rude.

13.

mmm next week let's wear our matching red panties

You know you really should consider going down a cup size, there’s lots of extra space in here

14.

SCISSORING MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

15.

Legitimately unclear why this photo has been tagged with "lesbian"

Legitimately unclear why this photo was among my “lesbian” search results

16.

Where's my motherfucking sandwich, ladies?

Where’s my sandwich?!

17.

It’s just that you smell like my favorite flavor of Yankee Candle

18.

All I need in this life she said is an exercise ball between me and my girlfriend, me and my girlfriend

All I need in this life of sin is an exercise ball between me and my girlfriend

19.

Okay fine you can borrow my shoes but you have to promise not to mess them up!

20.

WHO’S UP FOR PONY PLAY??!!!

21.

Uh huh that's right right there right on the tip of the chin ooo yeah that's it

Cassandra had been waiting all her life for a woman who would lick her chin, and now that it was really happening, she could barely remember to breathe

22.

Is this sex? Are we sexing yet? Get the flowchart out again.

23.

Watching “Game of Thrones” in upward-facing dog lesbian sandwich pose is probably the best idea we’ve had since we bought these matching nude bodysuits on the internet

24.

Uh babe you’re smushing my nose

Now it’s your turn, how would you caption this sucker?

CAPTION THIS

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20 Lesbionic Homoerotic Christmas Stock Photographs

Stock photography is always weird, but it gets especially weird for the holidays. And where there’s weird, there’s guaranteed to be some serious sexual tension between unsuspecting stock photography models. With deep gratitude for Getty Images and other creators of fine stock imagery all over the world, we present…

20 Lesbianish Homoerotic Stock Photographs

haha no baby the one i got you from babeland is so much bigger

do you want to make this a triad or not, velma?!!!

do you want to make this triad work or not, velma?!!! i thought you were open to new experiences!

i’ll give you a hint – it isn’t pants

totally eating you out later

this bow is just a sneak preview of what’s lurking behind this gigantic belt buckle

nope, still not into men

i'm really not sure what to say about this

not really sure what to say about this, besides ‘nice scarf’

they look just like my girlfriend’s

i’ve got a secret santa present for you between my legs

omg petals it’s like georgia o’keefe 2.0

yay giant boxes!

i’m sorry gertrude, this shit just isn’t dapper

hey girl, wait just a minute and you’ll get to meet my alter ego, coco

if you're thinking what i'm thinking, you're thinking it's time for our annual christmas duet of the melissa etheridge's "christmas (baby please come home)"

if you’re thinking what i’m thinking, you’re thinking it’s time for our annual christmas duet of the melissa etheridge’s rendition of “O Night Divine”

don’t stress, we’re lipstick lesbians

later let's do it with the Bend Over Beginner Anal Kit

later when everybody’s asleep let’s do it with the Bend Over Beginner Anal Kit

oh my god it’s twice the size of our mr. bendy!!

thanks so much, ok cupid

for me and nikki, every holiday is international fisting day!

actually, this is pretty straightforward

Lesbian Stock Photography is Awkward, So Is This Song For Lindsay Lohan

AWKWARD STOCK PHOTOS:

For those of you who need to waste an entire Sunday afternoon, or for those of you who have criticisms of our choices of images for our posts: we bring you Awkward Stock Photos, our newest tumblr obsession. Stock photography is hilARIOUS!

Well firstly –who knows what stock photography is raise your hand. Okay – Teachable moment: Stock photography agencies pay photographers for unlimited royalty-free usage of their images, and then publishers/magazines/websites purchase memberships to said agency’s website where they can access heaps of hypothetical situations, acted out by models. Work arguments! Walking on the beach! Wedding parties! Homosexuals! Children drawing with crayons! It’s like b-roll, but for print! Popular choices include Getty Images, Corbis, Photos.com, Shutterstock, Thinkstock, or our personal favorite, Queerstock.

Ever wondered — where have I seen that photo of the two girls almost-kissing before? The answer: EVERYWHERE. Any of these look familiar to you?

Exhibit A: Most. Popular. Lesbian. Stock. Photos. Ever.

The funniest part of Getty stock photography is that you get a little purview into what mainstream photography studios anticipate lesbians will need for their media.

Awkward stock photography? Oh honey. We’ve got plenty.

Exhibit B: Leaving Nothing Up to the Imagination

Exhibit C: “Female Homosexual Couple Romancing”

These two chicks are EVERYWHERE. Must have been a fun photo shoot. Hey, did you know that lesbian sex involves closing your eyes, staring longingly at bra straps, rubbing noses, and tugging uncomfortably at one another’s clothing? WELL IT DOES.

Exhibit D: Lesbians Like Holding Hands

Along with “we’re in bed on our laptops!”, “our kid LOVES his gay parents!” and “wedding cake with two chicks on top”; “holding hands” is a key lesbian stock photography trope.

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Exhibit E: Just Awkward

Sometimes it’s just awkward.

Well, that was fun. Now onto the rest of the daily fix.

In Which Rachel Breaks the Moratorium on Lindsay Lohan Posts Without Executive Permission

MICHAEL LOHAN:

I’m unclear on whether this breaks our Lindsay Lohan Moratorium, but I’m really hoping Riese lets me keep it because honestly, you guys, this is kind of amazeballs or whatever you kids say nowadays. Remember when Lindsay posted that song on youtube for her “ex-father” and you were torn between kind of laughing a little because who posts a song on youtube to express their feelings to their estranged father and feeling weird and sad for her because really, who posts a song on youtube to express their feelings to their estranged father?

ANYHOW, now you can experience this whole range of feelings once again, along with the feelings of “disgust” and “disbelief” and “possible spit-takes from laughing.” Basically what I am trying to say is that Michael Lohan has recorded his own song, to say in really schmaltzy words on tape to Lindsay what he could never say in words that were not set to music and relayed by a lawyer.

Highlights include, “A father’s love will never die / See things through / No matter the reasons why.” and “If you need me, dear/my love is still alive.” Enjoy, and feel free to memorize the lyrics for karaoke night this weekend. And then record and upload the results. JUST SAYING. (@gawker)

KRISTEN STEWART:

In the constant public conversation about KStew’s “bad attitude”/dislike of paparazzi/inability to conduct interviews, the latest important point is made by KStew herself – would people still feel that way about her if she was a dude? “Being a public figure, I’m supposed to present myself in a certain way, but it’s hard and you’re never going to be able to tell people who you are properly,” she said. “It’s sort of impossible. It’s much easier for a guy to say what he wants and not to be cute and funny all the time, but, if you’re a strong sort of woman, you’re just, for lack of a better word, a bitch.” Well played! (@ontd)

SUCKER PUNCH:

I hadn’t heard of this movie before, and while that doesn’t mean anything because I mean I’ve never even seen Titanic, I thought maybe there was a chance you haven’t either? It’s called Sucker Punch and it has a lot of girls with guns and short skirts and it’s being called “Alice in Wonderland with machine guns.” Obvs Dorothy Snarker has the breakdown for you at AfterEllen. (@afterellen)

OIL SPILL:

We don’t know what to do about it either, but we did find this video of the Kinsey Sicks, a drag a capella quartet, singing about it. So there’s that. (@advocate)