Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us: #48

A+ members can ask the senior team literally anything (it’s a benefit that comes with membership). While we can’t always answer each and every query (we’re only human), Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us is where we respond to as many of the questions about our business, editorial direction and general thoughts / opinions on stuff or things you had a burning need to share that we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

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MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

I remember y’all had a no questions asked fund to support writers financially at the height of covid lockdowns. Do you still have this? How did it work? How did you make it as easy as possible for workers to claim money they needed? How did you help workers decide if it was for them or not? Asking because I would like to implement something similar at my job!

Riese: So in the spring of 2020 we established a $10k Writers Relief Fund to help our writers who were struggling to meet basic needs because of job loss or other COVID-related issues, and established an Airtable form for writers to put in their name, the amount, and how to pay them (venmo, check or paypal). We didn’t ask them to explain why they needed the funds. We did alert them that the funds they extracted would show up on their 1099 for next year, and to consider that when selecting the amount, because unfortunately there was no way around that!

We kept it going for a long time, actually, even after we exceeded the $10k, because I did really like being able to do that for our freelancers. It just became a general Relief Fund, long after the circumstances that inspired it had passed. But then this year facing our extreme budget issues, we had to close the fund because we were no longer in the position to have that unplanned-for expense in the budget. But for the time we were able to do it, it was one of the best things we’ve ever done.

The identities of relief fund withdrawers and the amounts withdrawn were known only to me and to our accountant.

Just a general question about perks for the last fundraiser. Have they all been posted?

Nico: Nope, not all of the perks from the fundraiser that ended on March 31st have been posted, but they are ALL packed and approx.1,000/1500 of fundraiser perks packages are labeled, posted and out there in the world at this time and a lot of the A+ ones are out there too, though I still have a couple hundred of those to pack, label and ship! But you’ll get an email notification when yours ship! I’m going as fast as I can and I apologize for the unexpected delay. It certainly wasn’t the plan.

Most of the perks for the fundraiser should be posted come Monday or Tuesday next week (ship times for Europe / UK may vary), unless there was something wrong with your address (there are some people who have parts of their addresses missing), in which case you’ll get an email from me about that and then I will send you your perks once we get that squared away. Trust me, I want these posted, too! They’re all in my kitchen and living room right now and I just have a silly little path that I get to walk through between boxes of packed perks packages.

Then, also, once I get all these out, I am going to go through the returned packages and get in touch with the folks who might not have received their stuff. Thank you all so much for your support of the fundraiser and for your patience!

Hello AS Team and thank you so much for all the incredible A+ content I have enjoyed over the years!

Often I find myself wanting to send an A+ essay or two along to a specific friend, and I wondered two things in pursuit of that aim:

1. Can I buy someone else an A+ Membership? I clicked around and I’m having trouble finding it, if it’s already something you support.

2. Have you thought about the option to gift specific A+ articles? I have seen some other media sites offer this; I know A+ content is often gated for privacy reasons rather than just money reasons, so I know this might not make sense for y’all but I’m curious if it’s been considered.

Thank you and I hope you’re having a lovely week!

Nico: Yes, absolutely you can gift a membership. We didn’t have this before I got here, but I worked with Yikes to make it happen and they were awesome. We have gift memberships which you can get on our normal sign-up page by selecting the level you want to go with and choosing “Give as a Gift”. We do not at this time have a way to gift specific A+ articles, though that’s an interesting thought should we ever have the $$ for more advanced functionality.

Howdy! Is there any way to change search so that more recent results show up towards the top? Or to give us a way to sort by how recent pieces are/ filter for pieces that were within the last year? It would make it a lot easier for me to find things I’m looking for. Thanks!

Riese: I think this is a question for our tech team

Maybe I am being too literal listing this as ‘Other’ rather than ‘Pressing Question’ but this is not at all pressing! I just have a few Qs about whether the site has any of the following functions:
-Advanced search or search results filter
-Notification for replies to comments
-Posting photos in comments (I’m pretty sure this one is possible but have no idea how to go about it. On seconds thoughts, maybe I’ve only seen it on older articles?)

Just to stress these are not suggestions for the site! I totally get that if they don’t exist it’s more than likely because they aren’t viable/wouldn’t be worth the work + money, and I love the site as it is anyway. I’m purely asking from the perspective of someone who is somewhat tech inept but doesn’t want to miss out on handy features. Perhaps what I’m really asking for is a brief guide to site navigation, commenting etc., for people for whom such things are not always self-explanatory. I don’t want to create more work if that doesn’t already exist though…

Anyway, thanks! I visit AS every day and love and appreciate you all <3

Riese: I will take note of those technical things you’re interested in! You can post photos in comments by using code like this:

The main way people mess up with this is having two quotes in the url, or having curly quotes instead of smart quotes around the url (curly quotes are curly and smart quotes are straight). I fix those if I ever see them, though!

Can we please have a “Protect Trans Kids” T-shirt in the store? I am so angry about all the anti-trans laws being passed and I want to be visible about it, and if I’m gonna buy a shirt I’d like the money to go your way. Thanks.

Riese: NOTED yes I have written this down!

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ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

hot show alert!! can y’all please shout out siren: survive the island? physical 100 is weak compared to this

Carmen: I had never heard of this until right now, but “physical 100 is weak compared to this” is quite the description.

Nico: I’m sorry I was watching the trailer and might have to rewind to watch that wood chopping moment again. Also WHAT IS GOING ON THIS IS SO INTENSE.

Okay, I am reading the comments now and someone said “The closest thing we’ll ever get to the hunger games” which implies to me that this person watched The Hunger Games and was not like, oh man that seems bad, making children fight, but instead was like “when can we have our own games?”

Pearl Bar, Houston’s only lesbian bar, was denied insurance renewal due to hosting drag shows

NIco: Thank you for sharing this! I looked around to see if they’d put out any public calls for action / support we could share, but could not find any. If anyone knows, please share in the comments!

Riese: I hate it here

Ruby Cruz is one of three queer women in the woods doing murder in this music video. 

Nico: I had not seen this but I’m halfway through and wow their camping trip looks so fun! Oh okay are they making poison? Wait are they camped near some guy’s house so they can poison him? Okay and now we’re all three cuddling. That was a trip! Thank you for sharing.

After a year of chronic pain, The Pain Management Workbook by Rachel Zoffness is changing my life! This is not a specifically queer tip, but I feel like many A+ readers are in the chronic pain club and may appreciate. Sending love and good wishes for low pain days!

Nico: Thank you for sharing this!

Riese: As a member of the chronic pain club I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Perhaps Natalia Dyer is getting ready to fulfill our Romance wishes.

Nico: Oooooh! Would watch, yes.

Riese: THIS LOOKS VERY GOOD

Hijab Butch Blues was SO GOOD! And so was The Subtweet! Thanks so much for always keeping me in great books 🥰

Heather: I agree! Two of my absolute favorites I’ve read this year! (I also get my book recommendations from Autostraddle. We never miss!)

Heather – another update! So I finished Ni No Kuni, which took literally ALL of my non-work time and attention for a full month. It is a LONG GAME. But it was satisfying in the end. I’m looking forward to playing it again in a few years when I’m more familiar with the game mechanics and the different possible familiars and can really get strategic with it instead of just hanging on trying to survive.

And now I’ve started BotW. Which I can already tell will be WAY longer. I’ve been playing for two weeks already and am still only in the third area on the map. It’s a real adjustment after Ni No Kuni and Pokemon. Those were kids games. This is decidedly NOT. I’m getting more frustrated than I have with literally any other game I’ve played, but also more determined to figure it out.

Thanks again – I’ll report back in a few weeks!!

Heather: Ahhh! I am so thrilled you loved Ni No Kuni to the point of distraction! And I wish I had mentioned that both recent Zelda games — Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom — are designed to be really frustrating at first. I died more at the beginning of both of those games than every other video game I’ve ever played, combined. When it levels out, it’s a whole lot of fun. Keep me updated, okay?

I’ve stayed away from Yellowjackets, but I did read Kayla’s article theorizing about the Antler Queen… and everything in the article and comments is even more fucked up than what I was imagining, so yeah, I’m very very glad I’m not watching this show! I’m going to stick to Ted Lasso!

Kayla: Haha yeah it’s definitely not for everyone! And season two was definitely a lot more intense than season one in my opinion. Thanks for reading though lol!

did yall know?? the toast pt 2???

Kayla: YES!!!!!! I am very excited about this new site.

Nico: SAME

Did you see this question about reading Autostraddle on break at work? It’s question #3. I was pretty dang excited that someone wrote into one of my favorite websites about my other favorite website. Some of the commenters totally missed that the LW wants to read AS on their phone using company wifi and are kind of freaking out about reading a site with an article about BOOBS on one’s work computer. It tends to be a pretty well moderated site so I’m hoping that the comments won’t become a hellscape.

Kayla: I had not seen this!! I’ve definitely heard about this anxiety before. I’ve even heard that some workplaces have wifi that blocks sites like Autostraddle because of certain keywords on it? Distressing!

I just watched this sweet short film Lucky Fish and thought you all would like it too! 😍 The interview with the director in the above link is a treat to read too.

Nico: This was indeed a treat and everyone should watch it. It’s only 8 minutes! A sapphic coming of age short film break.

Is there a piece of media that anyone’s really into rn (book, song whatever) but that you won’t be writing about for Autostraddle cause it’s not queer or otherwise a fit? Or just cause not everything should be work? No need to explain why you like the thing unless you want to, I’m just interested!

Kayla: This is why I originally started watching Bravo shows, but then I immediately developed a million feelings and thoughts about the performances of gender and sexuality on Bravo shows, so my genuine answer is that most art I engage with is stuff I feel like I want to write about for work whether it’s an obvious fit or not!!!! I can’t really turn it off, and a lot of times, I’m not even sure that I want to. That said, I had a very fun experience watching Station Eleven “late.” And even though the show is indeed v queer, watching it so long after it came out, I was like oh okay I can just enjoy this and it doesn’t have to be work. That said…I was like…wow I regret not being able to write recaps of this show, because I feel like I could have written really great recaps of this show in a similar style to my Yellowjackets ones.

Anya: The Righteous Gemstones just came back with Season Three, and I’m loving it so far! The show is kind of like Succession but if it were campy and about an evangelical Christian family empire instead of a media empire. I think it’s hilarious!!

Nico: I am actually working on a media podcast with my sister, that involves a lot of revisiting pieces of media and analyzing them through the lens of their impact on ourselves and our lives, and which then looks at how they hold up years later. Many of these things are not explicitly queer. In terms of books I’m reading, those are now ruled by my trying to figure out what the next A+ book club book is gonna be. So, I feel like I have very few moments of my media consumption not being dictated by some project or other. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, I recently watched Veronika Voss, the Fassbinder film, and that was excellent. Hit up the Criterion Collection. Oh and you know what I finally watched Good Omens and it was charming. I read the book but its translation to the screen was superb.

Carmen: The best movie I saw this year, hands down, is A.V. Rockwell’s A Thousand and One starring Teyana Taylor. It won the Grand Jury Prize at Sundance, which is extremely rare for a Black film, so I knew I needed to seek it out. And I was so deeply moved once I found it! I think I wrote on my Letterboxd “this is why movies are made” — which is maybe hyperbolic, but dammit I mean it.

Heather: I have a terrible confession: I loved Succession. Forgive me! It’s the least gay show ever and everyone was just so horrible! But damn, I did love it. (And would never write about it.)

Nico: I also watched and enjoyed Succession — it’s so well written. And I get a good chuckle at all the memes about people talking about Succession that use stock photography of people in meetings.

Riese: Here to also love Succession and unsurprisingly yes I also loved The Bear, how was Season Two even better than Season One?? Also, Tomorrow, and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin just blew me the fuck away, what an amazing read.

I’m reading Death Wore a Diadem by Iona McGregor and apart from being like, WTF TV MINISERIES WHEN, I think it would be cool if Autostraddle wrote about it! (It would qualify for Lost Lesbian Lit if Drew happens to be into it.) There’s probably better synopses online but it’s a 1980s Scottish lesbian novel set in the 1860s. It would be suitable for young adults and kind of reminds me of the Eva Ibbotson books I read a lot of when I was younger. I had been sleeping on it bc I knew it was genre-y and had a vague idea that it might be sci-fi and I might find it hard going, but it’s just a solid old-fashioned crime/adventure story. Lots of plot but also LOTS of boarding school/governess content which has always been my jam. In short, I would recommend!

Kayla: I LOVE boarding school stuff! I will check it out.

Riese: Also an intense fan of boarding school stuff, def will look into this!

It looks like the Yellowjackets will be on Family Feud. 96 cast on one side, 23 cast on the other.

Kayla: AHHHHHH!!!!! I CANNOT WAIT

Nico: How do I watch this???

Janelle Monae just guested on the Style Like U youtube channel talking about clothes and gender. Interesting stuff!

Carmen: I want you to know that three different people in my life sent me this video the day it dropped. I have not been the same since. Janelle Monáe is creating a new blueprint, right in front of our eyes. I feel lucky to even be in this era with them.

(Also, having watched the video, let’s just say I’m extremely grateful to be gay and we can leave it at that.) (Ahem.)

Nico: Well, thank YOU for sending this in because that’s how I saw it!

So Starbucks has a Tanthamore drink for Pride.

Nico: I looked up Tanthamore and what’s this show??? I wanna watch this fantasy show! The AS team has me watching Pretty Little Liars for a project (weird thing for your job to make you do in 2023, I know) and I could use something to rinse the teacher-dating-a-student dynamic out of my brain.

Update: I looked at the tags and it is Willow, so I guess I’ll have to watch that at my sister’s as I don’t have Disney.

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HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

Ignoring the assignment I need to do and browsing the AS archives has me wondering, what is the criteria for inclusion under the ‘Greatest Hits’ heading under More > Etc ? Are these the posts with the most comments? Most views? Just the ones that Riese likes the best?

Riese: It was our most popular posts and also sometimes posts that weren’t popular but were important and brilliant and therefore deserved to be popular! It used to be that the “from the archives” widget in the sidebar only pulled a specific tag, and so that’s the tag we assigned to things that we thought would get the most clicks in that widget. Now it just sort of pulls from everything. I don’t know that I ever updated that tag regularly, just in spurts or one-offs, it definitely needs a refresh.

Just need to make sure Kayla has seen this YJ theory 

Kayla: I SCREAMED THE FIRST TIME I SAW IT AND AM SCREAMING AGAIN.

Nico: LMAOOOOOO

I was wondering if Autostraddle was looking for new pitches? Specifically, in Identity. Thanks for your time, Hilary

Kayla: Always! And we recently implemented a more focused system for going through outside submissions, so send it on through the submission portal!

Carmen: Yes, please do!

I just rewatched The Muppets Movie (The 1979 one, which is arguably the best muppet movie.) and I was wondering, could you guys rank the muppets by lesbianism? I just think that’d be star content.

Carmen: Genius.

Riese: i did do this one fine day in 2010, but I think you’re right there is room for more and also my positions have shifted dramatically on this topic, especially realizing that Kermit and Miss Piggy are the canonical big femme / little butch couple. It really makes you think about how much you have grown and changed about the world and queer community to look at a post you wrote in 2010 about gay muppets and realize how much is missing and how much you had left to learn. I have so many different opinions now!

Nico: Also we need a list of nonbinary muppets I think.

Riese: I do have it on good authority that Gonzo is non-binary.

Nico: It’s true.

Hi! I’m looking for the results of the 2022 reader survey and cannot find them. Am I looking in the wrong place? I saw two posts about the custom ways we described our orientation and one about how we met our partners, but no more than this. Help ☺️👾

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Super curious whether there is going to be a post about the results of the reader survey you all sent out (I have no idea when this was)? I want to know how many share my chosen name etc!

Nico: Yes! I want to do more survey content. Thank you for letting us know you want it! And I put the name question in there so I could do a name post specifically so thank you for the gentle reminder to get on that.

Riese: Yes definitely! I have one piece like that in progress right now actually (not about names, but for a different open-ended question!)

This is not a pressing question at all, I’m just curious – with the celebrity coverage, when you look at the stats do you notice patterns that suggest your readership cares a lot about certain queer celebrities and not really about other ones? Do those patterns ever surprise you?

Carmen: Yes! This is one of my jobs, actually (well not just about celebrities, but following traffic trends and what our readers click on). It rarely surprises me though! It’s a lot of who you might expect just based on sapphic internet at large. But what might interest you is that sometimes we buck the trend on purpose — particularly as it relates to Black and POC celebrities, masc celebrities, and trans celebrities — because those are people who matter most to us, even if it’s not reflected back in trends or clicks. Thank you for your support as an A+ member by the way, because that support is what allows us to make those decisions and move outside of the narrow confines of “what’s popular.” We are so appreciative!

And sometimes… we get surprised or rewarded. Recently Jonquel Jones of the New York Liberty, who is Black and masc, got engaged and Heather and I decided to run it the same as we would any other celebrity engagement piece — even though sports is not always Autostraddle’s brand and butter, so to speak — and guess what? That piece on Jonquel went viral! Which felt extremely great!

Riese: Yeah as the person who does the monthly traffic reports, there are definitely people that always perform well, like JoJo Siwa and usually Kristen Stewart. But there are always surprises of what’ll hit really good on social media!

Is Mercury Stardust aka the “Trans Handy Ma’am” on your radar? She’s on TikTok/Instagram and makes renter friendly home maintenance/DIY content and has a whole podcast where listeners call-in and she answers their questions a la Car Talk (but way better/funnier). And she has a book coming out later this year! I would love to see her featured in some AS content (book review? write-up? interview?)!

Nico: Just here to say I love her.

Wnba q’s! 1) I often share Heather, Natalie, and Carmen’s links in the WNBA subreddit, but am sometimes hesitant to do so because I’m afraid it’s inviting trolls into the comments here. Should I hold off? Keep sharing? I would love your thoughts. 2) can we do an autostraddle meetup at a W game? I know there’s a lot of Seattle fans on here!

Carmen: The three of us are well prepared for trolls, especially of the Reddit variety. Please share with abandon! And let us take care of the rest :)

I’m really glad you’re enjoying the column, by the way! Learning more about the W has been such a gift for me these last two years. If yall ever get together at a Seattle meetup, I personally think that would be extremely cute.

Heather: I agree with Carmen and am honestly honored! We all love doing that column so much, it’s so cool when people like to read what you love to talk about!

Dear Grammer Nerds Among You (I know there must be some) Why is lesbian the only label with an ‘a’ in front of it? Why is it ‘I’m gay/queer/pan/bi/ace etc’ but we say I’m A lesbian? Google has failed me, it keeps bringing up “so you think you might be a lesbian” and, like, no I’m solid on that one. I just want to know why the A?
Thank you for your time.

Kayla: So I’m not speaking etymologically, grammatically, or historically here, but I personally DO sometimes say things like “I’m lesbian.” I don’t mind using “lesbian” as an adjective to describe myself. Some people don’t like this! I don’t mind it! I’m sure someone with a stronger foundation of knowledge pertaining to lesbian politics and queer theory might know why the language was developed in a way that prioritizes it being a noun when describing actual people! Because it’s obviously used as an adjective in other contexts.

Nico: On the flip, I personally love to say that I’m a bisexual, but people find that funny and it does sound a little funny! English can be odd.

Very random question: When I was in high school many many years ago (like 10), my girlfriend and I would call it “lesbian mind control” when we would accidentally show up wearing basically the same outfit. That phrase has stayed in my vocab and people in my circle use it as well. I know the general idea of partners (especially queer folks) accidentally dressing like each other is a thing, but did us calling it lesbian mind control come from somewhere or was it a product of our 16-year-old brains? I cannot remember!! Googling “lesbian mind control” just gave me a bunch of porn…

Heather: Oh my gosh, I’ve never heard this exact phrase but am obviously deeply familiar with the sentiment! It still happens to me and my wife! I’m honestly just proud as heck to hear you were out in high school and had a girlfriend; I admire that so much!

Riese: Yes I am EXTREMELY familiar with this sentiment especially because once you start to like, share clothes, it’s all downhill. But honestly also somehow this happened with me and my gay (male) best friend in high school, like we repeatedly showed up to breakfast in the morning in the same outfit and it was like, hm, what is going on here.

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QUESTIONS ABOUT THE ELIMINATION OF THE SUBJECT EDITOR POSITIONS / AUTOSTRADDLE’S FINANCIAL FUTURE / ANYTHING RELATED TO THE CURRENT STATE OF AFFAIRS

Hi, I don’t really know how else to say this, but I’m just extending a loving, concerned hand to all that make this site what I’ve come to love. I very much appreciate the message communicating to readers about the letting go of several subject editors, and I can empathize with the fact that the media world is a hellscape right now. Since then, I’ve noticed a definite change on the rest of the site. I already miss the first-person essays, humor, calls to activism and such. I want to know if the rest of the writers are in conversation with the senior staff? Are they striking? That’s certainly what it looks like to me! I’m wondering how best we, as readers, and especially as A+ members, can support the writers, and everyone involved. I’m very worried, and I don’t want our beloved Autostraddle going the way of Bitch Magazine, which I was sure would be around forever! It’s disappointing since it’s obvious our outpouring of funds and community vibes during the last fundraiser simply weren’t enough… What can we do to fight for this community??

Carmen: Yes, content slowed down over the last month for a few reasons, you are right! And one of those reasons is that both writers for the site and editors of the site needed time (and still need time!) for internal reassessments about our roles at Autostraddle, what we are comfortable with during a time of great upheaval and obviously also, hurt, for this site and community that we all built and poured love into. And there are writers who have decided that this is the end of their time at Autostraddle, that is also true. You can find individual writers on their social media, where they are already writing new brilliant things and looking for support (I hope that you will continue to support them!). There are also writers and editors who have decided to stay as Autostraddle moves into its next chapter. This is a complicated, and honestly, hard time. We are all doing the best we can with it.

The largest reason that there was a slow down in content, however, is that I made an editorial decision to lower our content while our team needed time to process everything I mentioned above. Over the last couple of weeks, you’ve probably already noticed a slow return to some of the funny, personal, call to activism pieces that we were all missing. That is also going to continue as we slowly find our new pacing as we navigate the possibilities of what comes next for the website. There has to a balance of well, our personal needs as the people who keep this website going, and the content that I know everyone misses! I’m watching that balance closely, and making all the best decisions I can with what’s available to me.

Nico: The outpouring of support during the fundraiser was enough. It was. You all are amazing and you did something truly incredible, which was to keep a queer indie media site with very little in terms of resources alive, at all. It was and would have been enough to keep us going, especially with a smaller budget, for some months until we could figure out what to do about ad sales falling. Because if you’re wondering what wasn’t enough, the answer is ad sales. In my opinion, if you wanted to put some pressure somewhere right now, you could look at putting pressure onto corporations who’ve gotten skittish about spending money advertising to the LGBTQ community after the Bud Light situation. They’re being cowards!! Another great thing to do is to support the WGA strikers and to put pressure on studios and streaming services to engage in good faith negotiations because 1) those writers deserve fair contracts and the studios have the money to give them to them and 2) because you know who does a lot of advertising on Autostraddle and are some of our biggest spenders? TV shows! But the strike needs to conclude (favorably, for the writers) so those shows can get written.

With Bitch Magazine, I don’t know internally what all occurred, but they had public fundraiser after public fundraiser that did not meet their goals. It’s tough because, like, a place like Bitch or Autostraddle or any other small publication is not at all like The New York Times, for example, able to weather severe ups and downs because you’re almost too big to fail. I was not surprised when Bitch closed because I was closely following their fundraising efforts. They seemed like they were in danger for a while, and yet, people were shocked and devastated when they heard the news. It’s a tendency to think that just because something exists now, it will always exist, no matter what happens, and that simply is not true.

When it comes to supporting writers. I am sure they have info on their social media and that it’s all pretty individualized that you can seek out about how to support them and follow their writing. In terms of financial support, some people have full time jobs and wrote 1-2 posts a month or fewer, whereas other folks are full-time freelancers who relied on AS for a significant portion of their income, so that’s a wide spectrum of experiences and I don’t want to speak on anyone’s behalf, but I hope you’ll continue supporting their creative endeavors!

Also, speaking of labor organizing, I just wanted to share that I had hoped, for years, to work with my colleagues to explore the possibility of a workers cooperative here at Autostraddle, and I began researching in earnest in April. However, this place is small and super vulnerable and fragile, however shiny the website may appear, and an environment ruled by urgency — and endless waves of public pressure create and contribute to urgency — is not the environment in which to build a workers cooperative, so unfortunately, it no longer seems feasible to pursue that route at this time.

In terms of fighting for this community, you’re reading this, so I’m assuming you’re an A+ member! I can’t tell you what to think or what to do, but if you’re willing to stick with us and support us as we move through this period of transition, that’ll be key to making sure this place doesn’t completely disappear. Thank you for being a member, a reader, a part of this place.

Riese: I just want to second everything Nico and Carmen said — the outpouring of support for the fundraiser was enough! You’re why we’re still here and why we’re still trying to keep going.

Will there be new A+ advice boxes? This is what I subscribe to A+ for.

Nico: Yes, absolutely. I am deeply committed to the advice column. I think it’s really important and is obviously read by a lot of members. The reason for the break in A+ content was twofold and is for the same reasons that editorial overall slowed down which I am sure Carmen can speak to. 1) The senior team had to come together to address what was happening and what ensued were like 2-4 hour video calls every single day. That, coupled with the need to be on triage duty and also to field a bunch of angry emails (a reminder that help tickets, A+ box, emails to our tech support email address and replies to automated A+ messages all go to me) and refund requests, etc., made it very difficult for me to work on editorial. 2) We quickly noticed that people seemed to feel that any comment section — regardless of who the writer was or how involved they were in anything — was up for grabs and that people would comment asking about the budget cutting / subed contract termination. This doesn’t feel good to the writers who put their time into creating these posts and who deserve for the comments to be about their actual work. So, slowing down editorial on Carmen’s part was a protective measure as well.

Carmen: Hello, yes there has been a slowdown on editorial content over the last month for a few reasons, the largest of which is that we’re a small team as editors who are helping to deal with other urgent internal work. Another part of it is that I’m doing a lot of reassessments of our team and content overall at the moment, and we needed (and still need! To be honest!) time to be able to do that. But all of that said, by the time you’re reading this SATSQ you’ve already received at least one new A+ Advice Box. Also, Nico and I met last week and I can confirm that there are two more Advice Boxes planned (back at their normal schedule) for July.

Hi! This is a question for the next “Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us” about what’s going on here at Autostraddle. I was wondering what will happen with the Games and Puzzles? I’m a huge fan and noticed there weren’t any new ones published in the last week (including my beloved Saturday morning A+ crossword). Curious if this is part of the cuts because of budget/personnel constraints, and if so, are there plans to get it going again in the future? Thanks!!

Riese: We didn’t! The puzzle-makers chose to stop publishing with us in May. Laneia is the puzzle editor and she has been on leave this month, but as of last week we have been working to figure out a path forward — puzzles will return to the website, it’s just a matter of how and when, and we’ll have more information for you on that in the coming weeks. (There were a lot of questions about this but they all have the same answer so we’re just including the one here.)

Nico: Yes, we received more questions about puzzles than absolutely any other topic, so we definitely know y’all love and miss them!

Can you please share a little bit about why you decided to eliminate the sex and dating editor positions? I know finances have been tough and I’m sure a lot of thought went into this, but personally I find the sex, dating, and identity pieces the most important part of AS. I know the quizzes and other fun stuff get more clicks, but AS is one of the few places where I can find reliable info on sex and dating from/for queer women. I really hope you continue to write these articles. I regularly look at the sex and dating archives and would love to see newer content in this area. I know I’m in the minority not really caring about pop culture, but personally I would rather have fewer tv episode recaps if it could mean a few more sex/dating/relationship articles. Thanks to the outgoing editors for their great work and thanks to AS for being a great resource for so many years.

Carmen: Yes, absolutely there will be sex and dating content. That is a backbone and tentpole of our content (both because it matters a great deal to us and it’s the kind of content that cannot be found elsewhere on the internet, it’s a direct service to our community, and also because… well, it’s something Google knows us to be an expert in!) — so we will never ever abandon it.

I have adored what Ro created with our sex and dating content, and crafting that content with them as their Editor-in-Chief was an immense honor. There is no way to “replace” them because the work they have created in this space is irreplaceable. It’s indelible; it’s changed the contours of our site (like all of our editors have) in ways that won’t be the same ever again.

What likely will happen with time is that some of the types of sex and dating content we publish will change — or stay the same! — as new members of the senior team step up as editors of that vertical. (Sorry, “vertical” means that channel of content, in case that media-speak wasn’t clear.) I know you mentioned combing over our archives! Over the years different editors have been in charge of our sex and dating content, each has left their own unique mark, and that will be the same here. There will be new things and different things, but sex and dating will always be here. In fact, one of my jobs this week is to start mapping out what sex and dating for Autostraddle will look like this summer, how much of our content will be dedicated to sex and dating, what types of pieces we need or are looking for, who will be in charge of it, etc. — because it is still coming! You don’t have to worry about that.

Riese: We’ve actually drifted in and out of having a subject editor dedicated to that topic over the years and in what capacity, with our limited financial resources — Ryan was in the “NSFW Editor” from 2013-2018, and how much of the vertical was on their plate shifted over time, as did the amount of sex and/or dating content produced by other freelancers or Senior Editors. From 2018 through August 2021 we didn’t have anyone in a role overseeing sex and/or dating content. Of course, none of that changes how much we’re going to miss Ro and their specific mark on this vertical and the work they did for this community.

I noticed that the “A Message from the CEO/CFO” post originally was published as “A Message from Autostraddle.” What was the reason for the title change?

Riese: A writer pointed out that that made it sound like it was from everyone at Autostraddle when obviously it was just from me.

Probably lots of others have asked this question already, but just in case they haven’t: I was really shocked to hear that the subject editors were let go via Slack DM. I know everyone is busy, but that just seems so cruel. Can you shed some light on why that choice was made and whether you will handle things differently going forward?

Riese: As per the letter to A+ members that went out two weeks ago — we do most things in Slack (including when people quit, that’s usually communicated in Slack) and it was mainly a logistical choice, since independent contractors aren’t required to be available for specific hours, and there was concern that scheduling calls across an expanse of time could lead to them finding out from each other instead of from HR. It was the wrong choice, it didn’t reflect or honor their value to this community, and we should’ve figured it out. If we had, maybe our shot at retaining them as writers, despite the dissolving of the SubEd positions specifically, would’ve been much higher. They’ve done incredible work for us, mean so much to all of you, and deserved better.

Yes — we will absolutely handle things differently going forward.

Hey folks, this is for the special SATSTYBAU.

Firstly, I hope y’all are doing okay. I hope you’re not working yourselves to the point of illness. I also hope you’re not too disheartened by some of the comments I’ve seen where some folks have been frankly, really hypocritical, demanding that you hire back the subeds while simultaneously castigating you for working your team too hard AND not paying people enough AND fundraising too much.

Secondly, I’ve noticed that since the subject editors were laid off there’s been significantly less published daily content. I’m just wondering if this is temporary because of upheaval behind the scenes, or if this will be the new normal? And is it related to the subed layoffs or just coincidental?

A related question – is this the end of games and puzzles? I’ll be really sad if that’s the case. If possible I’d really love it if you could at least keep the big Saturday crossword going.

Lastly, thanks for all you do. Seriously. I work in the labour/union world so I recognize how difficult it must be to have to lay off staff when you can’t afford to pay them. I do wish it hadn’t been necessary, and that it had been rolled out differently. But I understand and agree that your priorities should be treating the people you can afford to keep well, rather than keeping more people than you can afford to.

Nico: Thank you for this message. Here to report that I am definitively not okay! For one, from my end, it’s definitely been hard to be repeatedly asked why I didn’t raise an extra $100,000 in the fundraiser this year and and also every year after that for all time even though that would have had serious opportunity costs both personally for myself and multiple senior staff as well as for the website and our sustainability as a whole.

Riese: Thank you, I also wish it hadn’t been necessary and that it had been rolled out differently, so so so much. What you said about afford to keep vs keeping more people then you can afford to is a thing that I have kept in my pocket since I first read this, and my overall duty of care to the people we all love, even when I myself have fallen short. I think the questions about content and puzzles are answered elsewhere, but we definitely are noting the desire for puzzles to come back!

AS isn’t closing, is it? Where will I get my sapphic content?!?

Riese: I really hope not! I am fighting like hell with every last breath I have in this deteriorating collection of cells and organs to find a way to keep people’s jobs and to keep this place open, to step down as CEO and usher us into a future everybody here can feel proud to work for and work in. Everything I’m doing now is in service of that goal. If you’re reading this that means you’re still an A+ member so you’re helping us do that!

How many people have left Autostraddle in the last two months? How are you dealing with that?

Carmen: As it so happens, while I am writing this answer, on of my jobs this very week is to do an assessment of how many writers, and including our Subject Editors, have left Autostraddle over the last five weeks — and also who is staying as we transition into our next chapter. By my current count there are 9 writers who have decided that their time at Autostraddle has come to an end (as well as the three Subject Editors), and of right now there are 17 writers who have decided to stay (there are also the three full time editors, not included in that count, who are also still here) and a smaller group of writers whom as of my writing, I haven’t heard from in either direction just yet.

As for how we are dealing with it? I don’t know how to answer that, just speaking honestly. The vast majority of the people who have decided to leave are writers and Subject Editors who I personally recruited or otherwise brought onto this team. They are talented, compassionate, loving, smart people who made the long hours and longer days that I’ve put into this site worth it a thousand times over. As much as you will miss them as readers (which I am sure is a lot!) — I can promise you that our senior team, myself especially, will miss them a thousand times more. And the impact that they’ve had on this website cannot be overstated or replaced in any capacity. So the primary way that I’ve dealt with these losses is grief, to be honest with you. And a lot of internal reckoning of my role here.

I also know, and so many of us who have stayed know, that there’s a lot of people who still need Autostraddle. That the vision of centering QTPOC and trans voices at the forefront of what we do — we still all believe in it, still matters and makes a difference. That’s also true of so many of the people who’ve left, by the way, some of them have shared with me that they still believe in this, too. Even with all the hurt. So I have to hold that. I know that our community is here every day, needing us, and I hope to continue to be of service — both to our readers, but also to queer writers, trans writers, writers of color who don’t have other places where their voices and stories will be published. I’ve been moving forward with that in my heart as we start to chart plans for what comes next.

I’ve been thinking about it how to say this.. As a longtime reader, something that really disappoints me in all the events that have happened at AS in the past month is the way that commenters showed up on Riese’s post to mock the website for trying to “please everyone” — presumably because Autostraddle has been trying to intentional center diversity in the writers they publish. Honestly, some commenters seemed downright gleeful to watch this website dissolve. It’s left me wondering: Is this run of the mill trolling and pile-ons, or is there truly a contingent of Autostraddle readers who want the website to just publish writing by white, cis queers? If it’s the latter, what do you make of that? How are you going to come out of this experience and affirm AS’s future commitments to who is published on the site and what voices/experiences are reflected here?

Nico: They have always been there and we just don’t listen to them because they’re wrong! Pretty simple. Like every fundraiser we run, I usually get an email or two that’s like “good fucking luck with your queergender website” or “I supported Autostraddle when it was a place for LESBIANS” (Which it was never just for lesbians? And yet, is also, still a place that celebrates and includes lesbians!) and I just ignore them because, again, if you want to be that miserable, that’s not really my problem and we know what we’re trying to accomplish here (see, again, Carmen’s vision and our commitment to said vision). We know who our real, serious readers are — and they are not TERFs or people committed to upholding white supremacy. Like, their opinions just don’t matter, no matter how they get in the comments and no matter anything else they do. I am sorry that you had to see that, though!

Riese: Yep! We don’t listen to them! Those comments are fucked up and troubling, but they don’t impact how any of us view the future of this community or this website, and does not compromise our commitment to a more inclusive Autostraddle, to Carmen’s vision, and to uplifting QTPOC voices now and wherever we land next. We’ve always had a lot of TERFs, specifically, for well over a decade, they’ve literally sent hate mail and legal threats to my physical home and shut down our website through DDOS attacks and trolled our website and piled on repeatedly and none of that changed our minds about trans inclusion. Readers who only want us to publish writing by white, cis queers are not the people we are building this place for, and that’s not a community that would be deserving of your support or the time of our incredible Editors and writers.

Was the intention always to publish an explanatory message like this? Or was it decided after seeing the questions and negative responses from readers/commenters/on Twitter, once the subject editors had all 3 posted about job hunting? (If the “A Message From…” post was already planned, did the reader response on the website and on social media change anything about the information you included? Were you surprised by readers’ response before the “A Message…” post went up?)

Riese: The statement was not prepared in reaction to the negative responses from readers/commenters on Twitter, it was something that Nico would have already wanted me to do — but Nico was out of town the week before this all happened so we didn’t talk about it. If we had, they would’ve told me that they wanted me to publish a letter to our members or to all of our readers before they found out about the cuts through the SubEds posting on social media. During that week while Nico was out, one of the SubEds had also suggested we do public messaging sooner than HR had planned to as per past protocol around departing team members. But this was a different decision that warranted a different approach. I’ve apologized to Nico for that and have worked with the senior team on communications since then. I haven’t been on social media at all since May 19th — I’ve checked my insta DMs periodically and sent a few tweets in mid-June, but otherwise have not been on social media.

I have one concern that wasn’t addressed. You knowing before the last fundraiser that there will be cuts and this would be in part the Subject Editors, this still stings. I’m hurt that good people were let go.

I know fundraising is one part of the pie. Yet, if you tried everything to raise the money to keep the Subject Editors, why didn’t you bring those costs to be fundraised for? People might have been open to that idea as the fundraisers make enough money and go beyond. The cost of $96k wouldn’t have added much to the fundraiser. I know adding more work onto the plate of staff wasn’t what you wanted to do but the community might have stepped up in more ways.

I also don’t agree with your premise that other media companies are laying off people, this was inevitable to happen to Autostraddle. The comments for the post when first announced, people vented about everything. Maybe A+ members need a place to vent every 6 months to hear and talk about what’s going on.

Riese: I do want to correct one thing — I knew before the last fundraiser that cuts were likely and that it was possible those cuts wold be some or all of the Subject Editor positions, but I didn’t know that for certain until just before we did it, because we did have a lot of RFPs out earlier in the year that, if we’d secured the deals, would’ve put us on a different path.

Okay, so — I think as addressed in more detail the letter on the website, fundraising is a huge drain on our staff. Advertising is generally just a lift for Anya and to a much more secondary degree, me, and any extra work our writers or staff do for an ad campaign can be compensated with money from said campaign. Fundraisers meanwhile do take more work from everyone on the team, especially on Nico, obviously, but also a lot of time for Carmen. This year’s fundraiser specifically I put a two-week time limit on because of the toll it takes on Nico to execute when it stretches out for longer periods of time, followed by the time/expense of purchasing and mailing perks (we’ve also been hiring extra help for perks-packing the past few fundraisers, but there’s still so much!). Also honestly, the more and more of them we do, the less ideas we have left for posts and themes and perks and everything! It’s also not a long-term solution — we can’t be constantly running ourselves so close to the edge that we we’re honestly shouting “we’re about to shut down without your help” every year, and when we did fundraising in the context of “fundraising is part of our business model” — where we fundraised preventatively instead of once we hit a cliff— those fundraisers took up to seven weeks.

Fundraising is a practice we’re able to do because of who we are and how we are structured, but looking forward to the possibility of bringing in a new CEO through investment, acquisition or merger, fundraising would no longer be possible (because we are not a non-profit, and new ownership won’t have the same angle we do now), so any fundraising line item on our revenue map basically counts as “zero” – whatever we rely on funding through fundraising would have to be cut altogether at the next stage.

Nico: Also, we raised $217k in the fundraiser and so would have needed to raise like $320k+ (also to cover costs like perks) to add $96k to the fundraiser. We’ve never been able to raise past $220k though. That, and we would have had to reduce A+ content because of my needing to fundraise, thus possibly leading to more cancellations and fewer sign ups, thus making less money overall anyway (A+ is our biggest piece of the revenue pie – HEY GUYS!), making AS even less sustainable in the long run and just continuing to dig ourselves in more, instead of digging ourselves out. Fundraising is not a reasonable solution for an organization that is spending more than it should and where its people are overworked because they’re constantly scrambling for more funding. That said, the execution of making those cuts was bungled and feelings were hurt and it opened up all kinds of old wounds, but Riese has already addressed that fact. I think it’s also true that having these positions at all brought a great deal to the website and this community and I’m grateful I was able to witness Shelli, Vanessa and Ro’s work.

​​If Autostraddle has to shut down completely for financial reasons, is there a plan in place to preserve/archive the site? What are the cost and logistics of that? If it’s not feasible to leave the site up as-is in the event of closure, will you provide readers with enough notice to download and save articles?

Riese: Yes it costs several thousand dollars a month to keep the website online, but we would ideally figure out a way to keep the archives funded and online. If that’s not feasible then, yes, we would give readers as well as everybody who’s ever contributed to the site ample time to download and save articles! The idea of having to take down our archives and remove that resource from the hands and hearts of the queer community is honestly like, soul-crushing to me and so heartbreaking. Assuming that there aren’t any new unexpected crises to manage in the coming weeks, I can get us to a place where shutting down won’t be necessary! 

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REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

Hi all! Just wanted to say that I value Autostraddle and plan to continue contributing as an A+ member. I am not commenting on the public article about the layoffs because a lot of people there seem angry and I don’t have the energy to argue with them. But I am taken aback by the harshness of some of the comments. I don’t expect Autostraddle to be perfect, I don’t think my financial support entitles me to a full explanation of every nuance of every decision, and I appreciate and respect that Autostraddle leadership has shown willingness to learn and grow over the years. In the current political climate, independent queer media is more important than ever, and the fact that this website exists at all is something I appreciate and do not take for granted. I just wanted y’all to know that.

Riese: Thank you.

Nico: <3 <3 I also think that queer media is important right now. Thank you.

Dear Autostraddle,
I am a college mathematics instructor at a university where the prevailing culture is one that invites student feedback and encourages students to feel a certain amount of agency over their learning. This is a job I love very much, and I care deeply about my students and my discipline. It is also a job that asks me to give more of myself and my time than is probably reasonable, and I do so often because it is so important to me. Reading all the comments on the Message From The CEO/CFO post is reminding me a lot of the feelings I get when I read my student evaluations. On the one hand, I love the thought and care that my students take in expressing the feelings they have about their education, and I appreciate the engagement it takes to want to make a comment in the first place. But also, the assumption that I haven’t thought deeply about the choices I make in designing my courses lurks in the background of so many comments, and that hurts. Likewise, when I do make changes in response to student comments, I get comments from the students who experienced my class post-change telling me it would have been better if I had done things the way they were previously. And sometimes there are changes I want to make that I can’t make because I am part of a larger university structure that requires certain things of me.

All this is to say that I really empathize with what you’re going through, and I hope you as a team have found useful ways to read and internalize the feedback coming at you without it causing you to throw your hands up and give up.
<3

Riese: Thank you, I appreciate this metaphor!

Nico: Can relate! Thank you for sharing.

Just want to send my support for y’all, I know it’s a rough time, and I still appreciate everything you do! Just upgraded my A+ account from cobalt to bronze. It’s not much, but I want to do what I can to keep AS going.

Nico: 💗💗💗 Thank you so much.

Carmen: Thank you.

Riese: Thank you!

Riese, I just wanted to say how much I appreciate you and your heart and your transparency and your love for this thing you created even though it is so challenging and often feels unwin-able. You’re really important. <3

Riese: thank you <3

Hello babes! I have been reading Autostraddle for years and after I met my wife I introduced her to it too. We just bought our very first house today and we both wore Autostraddle shirts to closing! We got dressed independently and didn’t plan this, we just love to represent our favorite website and community! I hope I linked this photo correctly! Thanks for sharing our joy! https://photos.app.goo.gl/iUkyN63Q9LKNFMkR7

Anya: Awww, this is so lovely!! Congrats on the home!!

Nico: Congratulations!!! 💗💗💗

Carmen: Well this is the greatest thing. I don’t even have words. I’m just… wow.. Speechless. Congratulations to you both and to your new home and also all of your love. Wow. 💗

Riese: CONGRATS!!! This is so very much fucking cute!

Just wanted to say that I was SO EXCITED to see a new TIRTIL today! Hope y’all are having an excellent Friday.

Riese: That makes me so happy! I’ve really enjoyed getting back into the TIRTL beat and hope I can keep doing so.

For Anya/Kayla/Yashwina et al: loving all the book content lately- I have been getting them from my library and even got them to buy a new book they didn’t have! Yay

Kayla: Music to my ears!!!!! Thanks for reading and adding to your TBR pile!

Thanks, Nico, for your advice to check out reddit for trans travel recommendations. (TikTok isn’t really my speed). Wanted to share this thread I found: squee! Thanks again!

Nico: Hooray!! I’m so glad it helped. And now I am SO SAD about the state of Reddit right now! I truly hope we don’t use this valuable resource forever; it’s one of the better places on the internet to actually find real, factual information this is vetted and commented on by multiple people who know what they’re talking about and have actual experience in a topic. Anyway, I hope your trip is the best trip and that you have so much fun.

Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us: #47

A+ members can ask the senior team literally anything (it’s a benefit that comes with membership). While we can’t always answer each and every query (we’re only human), Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us is where we respond to all the questions about our business, editorial direction and general thoughts / opinions on stuff or things you had a burning need to share. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

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MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

Was wondering if you’d ever make some explicitly AS-branded merch? The stuff you currently have is great and I dig the creative designs, but realized I’d really love to rep this place with something that actually says “Autostraddle” – ideally something wearable. Let us tell the world how much we love AS specifically! Thanks for your consideration :)

Riese: We have done this in the past, we did a long-sleeve tee that I personally adored and wore all the time but it wasn’t a big seller! I’m definitely down to try it again though!

Love the option to support Autostraddle through Bookshop, but it seems that it’s only on the US version of the site. Could AS add a Bookshop UK storefront?

Kayla: My truthful answer to this is I don’t know!

Riese: I will look into this!

Will the Gay Chaos tank come back in stock? I set a thesis-writing goal around buying it for myself as a reward, but now it’s sold out :(

Laneia: Hello hellooooo it’s me, your shiny new Official Merch Person at Autostraddle, here to say, “Probably!” and also “I mean, I don’t see why not!” But, more important: CONGRATS ON THAT COMPLETED THESIS!!

How do the groups work?

I joined a few groups and can see who has joined and I’ve the ability to post comments, but nothing else like a chat function or anything.

Nico: They doooooon’t unfortunately! The groups function was vulnerable to infiltration by bots and people started getting spammed with messages from porn bots specifically, so we had to disable the groups function. BOTS ARE WHY WE CANNOT HAVE NICE THINGS.

Website comment: In the columns menu, queer horoscopes submenu: When you click on queer horoscopes, it shows recent queer horoscopes, but the most recent ones displayed are from 2021. Just wanted to alert you that the actual most recent ones are not showing up there. Also maybe you could consider displaying the queer horoscopes and tarotscopes in the same page? That would be a delight. Thanks!

Carmen: Ack! That’s just a hold over from whenever we last changed the menu organization/site structuring for Google. I don’t have the power to change it on my own (we’ll need Riese for that!) — but in the meantime if you click the menu button that says “more,” a dropdown menu will appear and one of the first ones will say “Astrology and Tarot.” If you click that, the up-to-date horoscopes will show up first thing. And you’ll also find tarotscopes on the same exact page! Which was already your wish! Boom! Like magic!

Riese Actually this note alerted me to the fact that there are only two (2) columns in the columns drop-down that are being actively updated at this time sooo I just removed the entire thing and will return to it at such time as I have a new plan for it! Also that particular menu wasn’t good for SEO anyhow so!!! So yeah, the way to do it for now is the way that Carmen suggested!

I wish we could see a quick list of all the quiz results after the quiz, especially when they are book and video game recommendations.

Kayla: I understand! Sometimes the authors of individual quizzes put the full results in the captions. I will consider adding all the results when you get to the result landing page. For some reason, to me, that seems antithetical to the function of the quiz and makes it just seem more like a list, but maybe I’m wrong! Maybe I’ll try it out once and see what I think from there.

An unsolicited merch suggestion: black (so it goes with everything) ball cap with contrasting color embroidered text “THEY” (could be a pronoun or an obscure/pretentious band) in interesting but legible font (as much as I love an extreme goth/metal treatment, those can be hard to read). Alternately: “themself” which is both goofy and grandiose (and also good for annoying grammar pedants). I feel like there’s a lot of “they/them” stuff but it’d be cool to have something that’s not as overtly My Pronouns (but also not *not* indicative of pronouns). Thanks for your time!

Laneia: Thank you for this suggestion ! I’m having my gnomes run the numbers and get back to me.

Ok I have a random, minor/not pressing question: Is there a way to update my time zone? For some reason whenever I comment, the time stamp is 2 hours ahead of my current time. I looked around in my A+ profile and I can’t for the life of me find anywhere this information is housed 😂 halppp!

Nico: Actually, there is not. We all must all succumb to Autostraddle’s default timezone: Pacific Standard Time. I believe in us though! I’ve been going to 11am meetings that are in fact at 2pm for nearly four years at this point. Who doesn’t love simple mental math?

I just watched Magic Mike XXL for the first time and Drew was right.. it is one of the best heterosexual movies of all time 🤩 Why and how is it SO good?!?

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

UHHHHH I just had an all-consuming need to alert other gays to this.

Anya: Absolutely incredible photograph. I can’t wait to see the Barbie movie!!

Carmen: Oh wow! (also cannot wait for this movie.)

Nico: CANNOT wait for this movie, have been enjoying the memes in the meantime.

Hot gay tip. El Fin del Amor on Amazon Prime. Centers on 3 friends, all of whom are queer in different ways. Features a trans women who hooks up with a cis woman. Other notes = jewish stuff, who am I without a relationship stuff, mum stuff, breaking away from norms around family stuff. Bingeable and queer af!! I watched it all in 2 days.

Kayla: Sounds so good, I’ll check it out!

Anya: Ooooh I want to watch this!

Carmen: Yeah this sounds great!

Watching the movie “Sensitivity Training” on Kanopy and when the protagonist searched “how do lesbians have sex” the screen showed an Autostraddle article as part of the search results! The specific article is “How to Have Lesbian Sex 102: Cunnilingus Edition”. It was a fun catch in this random movie!

Kayla: OMG!! That’s incredible!

Anya: I love this!!

Carmen: Obsessed. Autostraddle in the wild!

Riese: AHHHH I LOVE THIS

Nico: Incredible work everyone. Truly excellent form.

Just dropping a tip that there seems to be a queer character in the FOX series Animal Control. Victoria (played by Grace Palmer) has not been shown paired with a woman yet, but is implied as bi/pan when sharing her male coworkers’ obsession with the hot female vet.

Heather: Thank you for the tip, I’m on it!

hot lesbian soccer mom alert

Heather: Excuse the PK out of me, that is the most adorable thing I have seen all week! She was like, “No, thank you, these smell gnarly, mom!”

Nico: Lol this is not what I expected to see when I clicked on a link described as “soccer mom.” ANYWAY this is adorable as heck.

I am reading The Disordered Cosmos: A Journey into Dark Matter, Spacetime, and Dreams Deferred by Dr. Chanda Prescod-Weinstein. I did not know she is QUEER & AGENDER!!!! And talks in the book about how queer physics & the universe are!!! So it can go on Queer Science Books Lists!!! Thanks to Laura Mandanas for including Dr. Prescod-Weinstein in a STEM news roundup & to a reader & Carmen for introing talking about her in an A+ post <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Carmen: This is awesome!!! I’m glad you were able to read more of Dr. Prescod-Weinsteins work, isn’t it so good!?!?

Kayla: Yes! We got a request recently for a popular science book list, so I’d love to get that together soon.

I know that some of you will be interested in this.

Carmen: Rest assured! BRANDY RETURNING AS CINDERELLA is something that has been talked about in multiple Autostraddle slack spaces already. It’s personally something that I think about at least once every few days? And every time, I’m so profoundly grateful we’re gonna get to witness it in real time. The idea that this entire time the Descendants trilogy was actually all just a prolonged sequel to Brandy’s Cinderella is really just so, so good.

wanted to amp 3 indigiqueer films that I’d missed that came out the last couple of years.

Pure Grit – “Growing up queer on Wyoming’s Wind River reservation, Sharmaine Weed has faced more than her share of troubles-but her love of extreme bareback horse racing has sustained her throughout. ” Trailer. It is on Apple TV, Vudu, Freevee, Google, PrimeVideo, and Itunes.

Wildhood ( in Autostraddle’s 2022 list) is still available on Hulu. Trailer for Wildhood. Synopsis here.

Also Uýra: The Rising Forest is on PrimeVideo. In it, Uýra, a trans Indigenous artist, travels through the Amazon on a journey of self-discovery using performance art to teach Indigenous youth that they are the guardians of ancestral messages of the Amazon Forest, and confronts transphobia.

Thanks to Indian Country Today as always for this list.

Nico: Thank you for these recs!!! Excited to share them here <3

Hello friends! I don’t know if y’all have anyone specifically on the UK beat so it is reasonable that this hasn’t been covered – it’s probably pretty irrelevant to most readers, but I just found out Love Island winner Amber Gill is dating Scotland and Arsenal football player Jen Beattie! It is making me feel all sorts of warm feelings that a woman who was crowned the winner of that aggressively heterosexual competition show has found love with a hot football player. We are truly taking over! If they do anything newsworthy perhaps we could get a mention of this UK news on my favourite sapphic site.

Heather: I’m sorry WHAT! Yeah, you sure can get a shoutout for this, and, in fact, you’ll probably have seen the shoutout by the time this is published! Thank you for this tip that flew under our radar!

A civil partnership bill has been registered in the Ukrainian parliament! Some good news out of Ukraine. Here is an ig post about it from Kyiv Pride (the only lgbt org I know in kyiv). I’m pretty sure this is because of the increased western influence on Ukraine (so the war is actually improving things for queer people funnily. I know this because I’m Ukrainian-American).

NIco: Fingers crossed! I know we’re always interested in hearing from folks living in the Ukraine (and generally not US) about the situation for queer rights on the ground.

Wanna encourage US people to check out :

EBPREC’s board is 6 Black and Indigenous women, and 2 of them ID as queer in their bios. If you have $1000 you don’t need for another 5 years; want concrete things to do about the US housing crisis and/or support Black and Indigenous collective land ownership; and live in Alaska, Arizona, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, New York, North Carolina, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Vermont, Washington or Washington D.C, then you can 1) fill out a form at https://ebprec.org/investor-owner, and 2) send a check for $1000 (or more if you have it)! Then in 5 years (or more if you want to wait) you can most likely probably have those $1000 back, maybe even plus a few more because they plan on a 1.5% investment return. Meanwhile those $1000 are helping keep land and housing out of bilionaires’ hands and supporting affordable housing with flexible rent payment timelines.

Nico: This is Very Cool. Thank you for sharing!

What a delight to hear Niko on the You’re Wrong About podcast! I did not think I cared about the history of Napster, but I loved how she presented the timeline of events. Yay for AS writers doing other cool things!

Niko: Oh this is so lovely!!

I just learned about the CARI website (Consumer Aesthetic Research Institute) and it seemed like something Viv, Riese, and others would enjoy!

You can search design styles by decade and keyword. I’m learning the actual names of all the aesthetics/color palettes that pop for me!

Nico: Tag yourself. I’m Neon Ooze.

Kayla: Omgggg this is v useful for my wedding aesthetic planning ahahaha.

Laneia: This will seriously improve my playlist cover images going forward.

Carmen: Can confirm that Kayla and I have already started consulting this database in our work for the website. Thank you so much!!

Riese: You are correct I do indeed enjoy this!!!!

MerakiTay is a Black queer owned clothing brand and they now sell boxer briefs with fabric for a pad!!

Carmen: I love Black queer owned business and also boxer briefs, so as you can imagine, this news has meant a lot for me personally.

This one is for Kayla specifically:

Tin to Table: Fancy, Snacky Recipes for Tin-thusiasts and A-fish-ionados

Kayla: Yes! I have Anna’s lasagna cookbook (highly rec), and I’m looking forward to this one.

StopCopCity Mass mobilization in ATL May 4 – 11th. Many organizers (like Tortuguita who was killed) are queer and CopCity is a direct attack on Black organizing in ATL. This is against “Police Foundation” vehicles for corporations funding mass militarization and surveillance that must stop in ATL before they spread to other US cities & beyond (Color of Change sponsored a report on corporate funding of these).

Nico: Okay, so, I think that absolutely everyone should read this report. It’s like 42 pages before the appendix but it’s broken up with visuals so not so bad. Likely, you DO already have a police foundation in your city funneling dark money into purchasing police dogs and horses, security cameras and other crowd suppression weapons. SECONDLY, yes to everything you’re saying about StopCopCity being a direct attack on Black organizing and the Black people of ATL. Also noting from looking at the week of mass mobilization that there will likely be events / efforts in solidarity in cities across the US in May, so I encourage folks to look out and plug in. For those looking to make the trip to Atlanta, the next week of action on the ground is June 24 – July 1.

ADDITIONALLY, because so many protesters are getting domestic terrorism charges and likely will continue to (which I talked about a little here but TW: this is an article following the mass shooting in TN), there is a huge need for support and there likely will be a deep need for support for activists during and following the week of action at the end of June / July. One place that I know offers bail and legal support to protesters (who are not terrorists but who are merely daring to exercise their 1st ammendment rights thanks) is the ATL Solidarity Fund. If you’re a lawyer who can practice in Georgia, pro bono defense attorneys are needed, especially, and the ATL fund has a way you can get in touch with them. I know that a lot of people are looking to the protests in France, for example, and wondering why we can’t do that in the US, and it’s really apples and oranges in terms of what we’re each dealing with, but the thing is, I think we in the US have a lot of work to do when it comes to building up our solidarity practices and make them a part of our daily lives. There are still protesters in prison from the 2020 uprisings. We need to take care of our activists if we want our movements to succeed or if we want to even just stick around ong enough to keep trying even when we fail — and that includes looking out for political prisoners who are currently incarcerated (methods for supporting political prisoners include jail support such as commissary support, letter writing, legal support, etc.).

Any Poog-hags in the house? I believe that Kate Berlant (funniest person alive) is dating Roberta Colindrez (hottest person alive). eeeee

Carmen: If that’s true, I’m happy for them both!

Saw this and figured there would be some interested folks among the Autostraddle readership!

Kayla: Oh you better beliiiiiiiieeeeeve I have my eye on this.

Hi Autostraddle, perhaps this site is interesting to you and your readers: https://butchisnotadirtyword.com/

Nico: Yes! I believe we’ve linked to them several times. I also met with them once when they were working on establishing their member program ;) They’re good people and I got a number of their print mags as a gift for my girlfriend. We love Butch is Not a Dirty Word around here!

I just wanted you all to know that I regularly come to the advice box, start writing a question, and in the process of explaining the problem for the specific audience of Autostraddle writers, I see it more clearly and figure out what I need to do on my own. I think that means A+ is truly helping my personal growth! So thank you. You’re all the best. :-)

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

Hey everyone, please watch/maybe write about Kill Boksoon on Netflix! Beautiful movie about a Korean assassin who also has a gay teen daughter.

Maybe make sure a writer with a good tolerance for blood watches it tho

Kayla: Writer with a good tolerance for blood is meeeeee. Sounds cool, I’ll check it out!

Nico: Lol Kayla. Sounds fun!

I want Carmen’s take on Ariana Debose in the premiere of Schmicago!!! that drag moment *eye emoji*

Carmen: Ok so here is where I’ll admit that I’m actually not the biggest Schmigadoon fan, so I had to do a little googling to answer this one and wheeeeew. Sheesh. You know? Just like. As a queer woman of theater kid experience, respectfully. RESPECTFULLY. I simply gotta say: [redacted] [redacted] [redacted]

This is gonna sound stupid but are hippos gay? Are there lesbian hippos? Do lesbians like hippos or am I just a weirdo? BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE HIPPOS ARE CANONICALLY GAY

Kayla: I famously know almost zero animal facts, although I cannot tell if you are asking about literal homosexuality in hippos or like conceptual. Conceptually, I’m going to go with yes hippos are gay.

Carmen: I’m agreeing with Kayla that Hippos are conceptually gay, and I’m going to one up by saying that I believe that all animals have the potential to be some kinda gay, because what are we if not also animals?

Nico: As heterosexuality was really a thing invented by humans…I think most to all animals fall under the umbrella of being queer? I DO know hippos are vicious. Queer hippos bash back etc etc.

Alrighty, I’ve got a styling request for the lovely fashion people here at Autostraddle dot com: In honor of the Barbie movie trailer dropping and looking like Iconic Cinema, can I get some suggestions for Plus Size Barbiecore (But Make It Workwear)? I work at a library, so it hasn’t got to be business casual, but it has got to be the kind of thing that doesn’t require a strapless bra (or at least can get a blazer thrown over it to hide my bra straps).

Kayla: Hmmmm okay this does give me a potential idea for a Barbiecore miniseries geared toward Barbie in different work situations HMMMMM.

Nico: I would be very here for some Barbie content. I dreamed I got dressed in Barbie-core, thanks to this question actually. The sunglasses were incredible.

Hello! Just out of curiosity: what/how is the editorial team thinking about the role of ChatGPT and similar systems in media, going forward, and for Autostraddle specifically?

Kayla: I don’t see it as wholly bad nor wholly good, but my feelings are perhaps too nascent and incomplete at the moment for me to really go into depth about what that means here. My coworkers are probably smarter about things like this!

Nico: ChatGPT currently kind of sucks at creative work atm still. I did try to get it to write some L Word episodes and it sure did not. Much like AI situations that create art tend to add a lot of fingers and too many teeth or have no comprehension of how humans eat spaghetti, the AI truly did not understand how people move through time and space or like, what compelling storytelling really is. During one hilarious prompt it failed to understand what a love triangle is and instead interpreted it as a throuple. I mostly worry about the fact that it’s creative theft as the AI is fed work that already exists and was created by humans.

I DO think that ChatGPT or similar could be used to detect things like plagiarism, or to rapidly scan / analyze text for research purposes. It is also good for coming up with silly brainstorms, but truly, anything it’s “good” at comes from information that’s being scraped from somewhere else…so humans had to create it in the first place.

I agree with Carmen that the use of AI and its impact on our lives is up to the whim of a select few people, and that whatever happens, I think we’re going to be in for a not-very-fun ride in general just because it is being developed and adopted and integrated into our world by unregulated corporate decisionmakers.

Carmen: I agree with Nico’s concerns about creative theft! And there’s also quite a few lawsuits already in the works that prove those concerns to be very founded. Beyond that, I have a lot of worries about the lack of regulation in generative AI as a whole? And even more worries (on top of those worries!) that we don’t have proper people in place in government to begin even having the conversations around regulation, let alone enacting them. Not to be all “boomers are ruining the world” (anyone can ruin the world, at any age bracket)but whenever these topics come up, I think about how often we have seen that congress people do not unuderstand the basics of tech at all. And then I stare into the distance while I start imagining what life will be like under our new robot overlords.

More seriously, John Oliver did a special on Chatbots and generative AI recently and it was both really sobering and informative, both in terms of what’s possible and where the concerns are. So I’m also suggesting that too!

Riese: Honestly so much of the internet already feels like it’s written by AI I cannot fathom how much worse it’s gonna get! Chat GPT was useful in brainstorming names for lesbian chapsticks?

Was there a column at one point on this website that was like “I Want to Get Into _____” or like “How do I get into____?” And it was a crash course in a topic or hobby? Maybe I dreamed this??

In any case, I’d love to learn more about getting into candles! I want to be a Candle Gay! 😅🕯️ Where to start? I’ve heard wood wick candles are better (?) and what’s the diff between buying a soy vs. beeswax candle? What kind of fun candle accessories are out there? Any queer/BIPOC candlemakers I can support with my gay dollars? Really strong, cloying scents can give me a headache sometimes so I’m looking for candle recommendations that are more in the vein of subtle/natural scents, if that’s a thing(!) Any and all insights are appreciated, thank youuuu! ❤️‍🔥

Kayla: It’s posssssible you’re thinking of my series It’s Time To Get Into, but that wasn’t geared toward hobbies; it was geared toward grocery items and low cook/no cook food and snacks. I tend to buy my candles at Target and Michael’s so I’m probably not the most helpful in that realm, but maybe we can get more specific candle content up on the site!

Carmen: As a certified candle gay, I recommend buying all the candles. Both as a lifestyle (you cannot have too many candles), but also because the more you buy and use candles, the more you’ll learn your preferences as you go? Like I do love a wood wick! But they tend to be more expensive in my experience, so I save them for special occasions. Conversely, I only ever had to burn one “floral scented” candle to know that I hated it (the migraines it caused!) and never did that again! My preferences for smells tend to be more quote unquote “masculine” which is a designation I don’t love because I don’t think candles have genders! But the people who make the candles disagree with me!

Anyway, when I say “masculine” I do mean more of the sandalwood, cedar, burning embers, tobacco, fireside variety. Laneia has been trying to convince me to buy the very fancy Boy Smells candles (see what I mean about gender and candles?) and they have one that’s named after Grace Jones… so I just might have to do it.

Riese: I think we should make candles that’s my new idea for how we can survive as a company, plz share your ideas for scents you would like us to produce in the comments thank you

Nico: I think if you have a local candle company (the Lavender Menace candle was made by PGH Candle), then you can go visit them and talk to a person, get some recommendations, and then support a local business! I def think that Yankee candles suck and why would you spend that money on such a big company? Witch shops also tend to carry some of my preferred candle fragrances, although once I bought Frankincense candles from these nuns and they were a steal. (Not linked because they don’t have them anymore.)

So I read one day an article here titled something like “living like a pisces”, or “being a pisces”, or “how to be a pisces”, from like 2017 or 2018 probably

I loved it so so much that some words from it stayed with me till today (there was something along the lines of jumping on your bed then being lost miles away, I think a bit about falling in love not happening randomly but by having breakfast and being aware of that? but not sure about this bit) and I’ve been searching for it forever since.

I think the article is down, and I don’t remember who wrote it… This has been heartbreaking, and every few months I think about this and wish I could reread it. Anyway… Is the article still up? Am I just clumsy in looking for it? Any reason why it was taken down you could share?

Any info would be very helpful in getting some closure, and please send my warmest vibes to the author of that piece! It spoke to my essence better than most words I’ve ever seen put together <3

Nico: It wasn’t this article by any chance, was it? Usually old articles are still in the archive (very rarely are things taken down), but it can be difficult to find something without knowing exactly what it’s called or who wrote it — I agree!

Dear Autostraddlers,
I’m a non-binary person and a long covid hauler and over the past years I’ve found immense confort in your coverage of the covid pandemic.

I remember reading an article a while ago written by a long covid hauler who had been sick for a while and was learning to live with her condition. There was talk of pernicious anemia and B12 shots, fancy colorfull compression socks and also a travel by plane I think. In my memory it was by Heather Hogan but I might be mistaken.

It was not this one which I read several times, but something further along the road, published maybe in 2021 or 2022.

I’ve been searching for it to re-read it as I’m longing for hope in the worsening of symptoms that follows my second infection and I remember it contained some hope. Could you help me find it ? Or maybe it was depublished for whatever reason ?
Thank you !

Nico: Thank you so much for writing in. I’ve rounded up some of our Long Covid coverage for you in case that helps. There’s this article by a long-hauler from the series How to Survive a Post(?)-Covid World. There is this piece by Himani as well. And finally, there is this recent article by Heather, if that’s helpful?. There’s also this A+ advice piece that Heather wrote about chronic illness more generally.

Heather: Yes, that was me! Oh, friend, I am so sorry you’re having to navigate this thing too. I am sending you so much love and solidarity. Also! All my amazing compression socks are from ProCompression! They’re my favorite because they have so many colorful options to choose from, are constantly adding new patterns and styles, and they’re also always on sale! Never buy ProCompression at full price. You can always get them for like 40% off. Just visit the site and you’ll start getting ads all over your social for amazing deals, or use the pop-up offer (they always have one!) when you first pull up the site.

Please accept this as my formal request for a style thief piece on Valentina from “The White Lotus.” :D

Kayla: Ooooo this sounds perfect for summer tbh!

LOL sorry I’m high and I saw this and thought of Heather saying that cat’s tongues are “rough as sandpaper” ! 😂

dinner pic.twitter.com/2t5WzBW3gr

— JP (@jpbrammer) February 22, 2023

Kayla: SCREAMING

Heather: I don’t know what I thought this link was going to be when I clicked it, but not this, and I bark-laughed so loud, my (non-chocolate-covered cats) all jumped.

You have the “this thing changed my life” series (which I love, and I immediately bought the earplugs from that, as I had been wanting essentially that for years and not gotten around to researching)

What would change my life in this sense is a garlic press that is actually easy to wash, and my dishwasher will actually get clean. My dishwasher is very new and wonderful, it is all the fault of the damn garlic press. You have multiple cooking dykes as writers – I would love it if you tested out garlic presses and reported which was the easiest to wash
Thanks for all you do!

Kayla: OMFG OK WHEN I FIND ONE I WILL LET YOU KNOW!! THIS HAS ALSO CAUSED ME A LOT OF STRESS IN LIFE. EVERY GARLIC PRESS I BUY SUCKS. I JUST GOT ONE AT IKEA AND I HATE IT. THE ONLY GOOD ONE I HAVE FOUND IS OWNED BY MY MOTHER AND SHE DOESN’T REMEMBER WHERE IT’S FROM AND I CAN’T FIGURE IT OUT. I AM THIS CLOSE TO STEALING IT. Anyway, I will do more research and then hopefully provide you with an answer and myself with some relief.

If you feel like sharing (and same for commenters??), do any of you live with a partner but you do your own laundry and your partner does theirs? I won’t tell you whether it’s me or my partner that thinks this is a bananas idea, so that it’s totally scientific.

Kayla: I live with my fiancé and she does all of our laundry. When we lived in Miami, I did all of our laundry because she didn’t want to move into a building that didn’t have laundry in-unit but I fell in love with a place that had communal laundry in the basement so I promised her I would do the laundry every time to mitigate her dealbreaker. Now that we’re in a place with laundry, she’s doing the laundry again. But yeah we don’t do it separately! I’ve heard of people doing it that way, and while I don’t judge, I do think it’s odd personally and that’s just me being completely honest with you. Like, what’s the reasoning?

Anya: Well Kayla I’ll tell you the reasoning — when Jess and I moved in together we each had a hamper and for some reason, each brought the hamper. So now we have two hampers for some reason, and we keep clothes separate. But the funny thing is, if I have time to do laundry, mine will usually take a whole load, but then while that’s in the drier I’ll put Jess’s in, and she does the same for me. So the clothes accumulate separately, get washed and dried separately, but all go through the process together — as if this system makes LITERALLY ANY SENSE AT ALL! All of this to say, we have big plans to re-do our clothing storage, and the plan is to get one nice hamper, and get rid of the two that we’ve been using for so long now, so when that happens, I think we’ll switch to doing laundry together!

Nico: It’s ALL MIXED UP TOGETHER. Sometimes I do laundry but more often than not my fiance Sadie does it. We also share certain items with each other (like a lot of our socks don’t exclusively belong to one of us, we trade a particular button-up back and forth) so it makes sense that clothes are just kind of all done together. Sometimes one of us borrows a tee from another.

Now that Catapult is closing :( where else are some of the team’s favourite places to go online where I can read short stories and personal essays?

Kayla: Joyland, Lit Hub, Electric Literature, Ploughshares, Bomb, Gulf Coast, Ninth Letter. I also gotta shoutout TriQuarterly!

I (and many other people I know) are really missing Things I Read That I Loved! Is Riese interested in bringing it back, or, alternatively, is there a methodology for going about finding good longform articles on the increasingly impoverished internet?

Riese: I should bring it back, you are correct! The thing is that it used to get like 5k hits pretty consistently, but after I stepped down as EIC it would get more like 2k-3k hits? And I was like maybe people just aren’t reading longform like they used to? Or is it because I was doing it less regularly? Or people NO LONGER CARE WHAT LONGFORM I AM READING? I don’t remember why I started doing it less regularly though, that whole period of time is a weird blur. I think it was maybe ‘cause I was just reading more books. But if a lot of people tell me that they love and miss something I will do it!

Nico: Riese I distinctly remember you telling me that you were reading less longform because you were reading more novels as you worked on your novel.

please help, I am remembering a shirt with the pun 7-11 lesbian (7elesbian?) and I don’t know where it came from. Was that something Autostraddle sold at one point? Where can I find one of these shirts?

Kayla: This actually has nothing to do with Autostraddle! It was limited edition merch for my fiancé Kristen’s chapbook of the same name, and I believe all the proceeds went to charity (maybe she can chime in in the comments with more background lol hi Kristen she reads everything on Autostraddle). I only have one because I stole it from her!

Krista Burton’s book about lesbian bars is available for preorder! I am in nostalgic hope of some fun coverage on AS.

Kayla: We’re very much on it :)

Hi everyone, I always enjoy reading the Autostraddle Reader Survey results, they are so funny and interesting. So my question is: will you publish more results from the Reader Survey of August 2022? I loved the article on the 68 gayest ways people met their partner(s) and the one with 46 ways readers explained their sexual or romantic orientation, and would be absolutely thrilled to read more results, as I am a nerd that way.
Thanks!

Riese: Yes I think so!

Nico: Yes, we just haven’t had the bandwidth yet!

Any chance that the A+ community bookshelf might be refreshed / updated? I may or may not have been keeping a list against that eventuality… :)

Nico: This! Is an awesome idea. Thank you for bringing it up :)

Could we form Words With Friends groups somehow? I have only played with bots and strangers…

Nico: I feel like if you come to the June Pride A+ popup discord server (TBA), that you can probably make a request in the gayming channel and see who wants to join you :D

Is there a gay basketball movie?? Like…Love & Basketball but gay? Or do I just need to follow more WNBA players on social media and turn that into a movie in my head?

Heather: Oh friend, there is so much glorious gay drama in the WNBA you won’t even have to make up a movie in your head! Just follow the players and the league and the movies will spring to life before you!

Riese: There’s a documentary called No Look Pass (2011). The Disney+ show Big Shot is about basketball and does have queer characters? But yes there is a gap in the lesbian basketball cannon and I hope SOmEbODY fixes it.

Does anyone else just…. not having a morning or night routine? I do the same basic stuff but not necessarily in the same order or on the same days. Is this super chaotic of me?? Can anyone relate?? (I feel like the TikTok morning routine videos have melted my brain a little maybe??)

Kayla: Meeeee! I’m the same way! Routineless! Chaotic! Making it up as I go! Different every night/morning! Here to validate you.

Carmen: I am extremely rigid about my night routine!! And if I don’t do the same things, in the same order, every night I cannot fall asleep — period. I haven’t been able to get into a morning routine yet (I think because I’m not a morning person?) but I think having one would make my days go 100% smoother. HAhahahaaa sorry I realze the shorter answer to your question is just “no, I do not relate.”

Nico: I have “routines” that I think are routines but are actually just endlessly shifting circumstances and approaches to the problem of waking up and going to sleep. So…no, though I will often say I have a routine, this might be self-deception.

Y’all continue to slay on the Carol alt texts, bless you. Opened the “our wives under the sea explained” 🐠👭newsletter in my email rather than mobile so the Carol pic loaded before I could read the alt text SO I did that “Inspect” option to see if the html or whatever maybe had it and INDEED IT DID. I pursue those alt texts across time and space, they are so funny and accurate. Thank you for those needed LOLs.

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

Omg I just read in Laneia’s email that today is Viv’s last day!!?! VIV!!!! 😭Just sending you all the best wishes for whatever’s next for you and thank you as a reader for how beautiful and creative and wild and weird and gorgeous you made the site!!!!!! 💚

Kayla: WE LOVE VIV!!!!! I truly cannot imagine the past year without their creative imagination on the site!

Carmen: I already miss Viv’s work on our website!!! I learned so much from them in the past year! Also, truly, not a funnier person. Their creativity and impact on our visuals is going to reverberate for a very long time.

Nico: I truly loved Viv’s artwork and they are missed but I also hope / believe they’re having a good time in Berlin!

Would somebody please tell Heather Hogan that because of her I started reading the Graceling series and I CAN’T STOP. IT’S SO GOOD. Thank you Heather!

Heather: AAAHHHH! YESS! Okay! Okay! What book are you on? And what are your thoughts so far? And who are your favorite characters so far? And what character reminds you most of yourself so far? I am heart-eyeing you but with my real eyes!

I just want to give everyone, especially Nico, Carmen, and Riese mad kudos for all the care, thoughtfulness, and transparency you’ve infused into the comment threads on all the fundraising articles. Like really really taking the time to engage with people, answer their questions, inform, be curious (even when ppl are coming in kinda hot and unjustly accusatory IMHO)! I can’t imagine the workload y’all are shouldering right now in addition to just like, living your life and dealing with life stuff. Anyways, I just wanted to give you thanks/send virtual hugs/ and please know that if Autostraddle had a physical office I would def be dropping off some celebratory cookies or other treat for you amazing people!!! 🌈💝😅

Carmen: I am also here to just really shout Nico out for all the public education that they have continued to do around fundraising. I have learned so much from them.

Riese: Thank you this warms my heart deeply!!!!!!!!! And i Love cookies

Nico: Thank you so so much for seeing that. It’s so much time and work but that’s just The Way We Do Things Around Here! We explain things, and listen and engage and I think that’s, in general, part of what makes Autostraddle so special and worth preserving. Thank you for the virtual / spiritual cookie wishes. I am sure they would be delicious!

doing what you do for autostraddle WHILE constantly having to justify the monetary value of it WHILE not knowing for sure for sure you’ll have payroll in 2 or 3 mos is just woahhhh a lot. yalls fun + fortitude is out of this world!!! much love – you go this on the fundraiser!!!

Kayla: <3333 thank you so much for this very thoughtful and generous message!! And thank you for supporting us in this dream.

Carmen: Everything that Kayla said. We wouldn’t be able to do this without you, and that is never lost. Not once. Thank you.

Nico: Thank you, thank you, and thank you again. We could not do it without you!!!

Just wanna say Nico is awesome and I am so thankful for their leadership and skills during this fundraiser! My world is a better place because they are in it.

Nico: DO YOU WANT ME TO CRY (complimentary). My world is a better place because you’re in it, too. <3

Omg the ALOTO news 😭I’m so disappointed! 4 episodes to end it all is such a disservice!! Thank you for putting a post up so quickly, and with such deep, gorgeous writing from staff about the impact of ALOTO on all of you. (And giving us the space in the comments to process and share, and hopefully make an impact!)

I’m curious, is this something we could do for other queer shows that are in danger of/close to being cancelled? Do you all have the ear of other TV shows’ teams where we could make an impact like this by sharing our voices and experiences of the show?

Carmen: I wish we had the ear of Jeff Bezos!! I have a few things I’d like to talk to him about. Tell him to come outside.

(No but seriously, the thing we can do is keep publicly writing about these shows! And giving them generous, thoughtful, critical reads on our platform! The thing that you can do is also share that writing, because it amplifies the reach. In general the golden rule for media strategy should be “Keep the show’s name in front of people’s eyes to help generate buzz.” There have been times when a strong reaction from critics and strong fan ties have made the difference on “bubble shows”! It really can make the difference. Even if it didn’t quite work out for ALOTO in the way I know we all wished it had. )

I just want to say hello and I love you and I think you’re all doing a great job ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Nico: Hello I love you too!

Kayla: Thank you!! Hello to you, too!!

Carmen: I hope you had some water today! Don’t forget to hydrate, you’re doing great!

I wasn’t able to join the birthday AMA but I just finished catching up on all the comments and wow, what a great series of conversations! Thanks for sharing all that stuff yall, and many happy returns!!! <3

Nico: Thank you so much! I adore our annual tradition of chaotically posting enough comments to temporarily break the website, too. (LOL). It’s always so fun and thank you to everyone who participated!

Kayla: Thank you so much! This AMA was a blast, as always!

Carmen: Yes, thank you! I hope you had a beautiful Autostraddle Birthday, wherever you were!

I am super grateful for the recent blossoming of autistic references/perspectives/content at AS – both focused articles, and just weaving it in as it comes up — esp from Lily & A. Tony — thank you thank you thank you!!!! hoping for moreeeee if you wanna share!!!!!!!

Nico: Heck yes! I’m really glad you’re finding work that resonates with you here. That’s always our goal <3

The Exoskeletons book club was so much fun! Thank you for making it happen!!

Nico: Hooray!! We have TWO more coming up including Meg’s next week. See y’all there?

Heather, after I asked you what video game to play after Pokémon Violet, I’m here to report my update! I replayed Pokémon Y with an all-fire-Pokémon team (my fave type) and let me tell you some of it was hard (a rock gym?! An elite four who trains water types?!) but I ultimately had a blast! And THEN I started Ni No Kuni – Wrath of the White Witch. I’m only about 30% of the way through (I think) but you were SPOT ON with this recommendation! It’s very similar in a lot of ways, the art is gorgeous, and it’s very cool discovering a world other than Pokémon. Oh and I also bought Breath of the Wild but I’m making my partner play that one first so she can help me through it when it’s my turn 😛 Thanks again!

Heather: Okay I can’t even tell you how happy this makes me! Ni no Kuni Wrath of the White Witch is so underrated and I love that you’re loving it! Breath of the Wild is going to be endless fun for you and your partner because A WHOLE NEW GAME is coming out in May! And you gotta tell me about your all-fire team! Fire are my favorite Pokemon too. In fact, even though I wasn’t crazy about Fuecoco’s evolutions when I first saw them in Violet, he ended up being one of my all-time favorites. Skeledirge is such a badass! Torch Song? Come on! You almost can’t lose a Tera Raid with that unless you’re up against — lol, as you said — Rock and Water! Plus he’s always so happy on picnics when I give him a little bubble bath!

The puzzles are the first time I’ve enjoyed crosswords ever after always wanting to like to doing them. Also have brought me back to as more frequently <3

Carmen: I have to say — because we have the data!! — that you are not alone. A+ members are a core demographic of the people who are doing the crosswords. Fun fact!

Omg the thought and care y’all put into planning these A+ in-person meet ups! 💕💕 Thank you Em, Shelli, shea, Nico, and all!

Nico: Thank you so much!! I think the Pittsburgh one will actually be at end of May, so Western PA people stay tuuuned.

just sending you all extra love & fortitude for comment moderation <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Kayla: <3 thank you!

Carmen: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Nico: Always a wild ride! I recently was deleting spam recently when I saw a comment from a “John” that read “This site is refreshing! And I’m strait!” been thinking about him.

I’ve been loving all the LGBTQ+ elders content. Give me more please.

Carmen: You are so welcome!! We definitely have more in store.

Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #46

A+ members can ask the senior team literally anything (it’s a benefit that comes with membership). While we can’t always answer each and every query (we’re only human), Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us is where we respond to all the questions about our business, editorial direction and general thoughts / opinions on stuff or things you had a burning need to share. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

---

MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

Have you noticed if/how people are finding Autostraddle in different ways now? Is it mostly through an AS article being in the top google search results, and then people stick around and keep reading on the site? Or does sharing on social media (Twitter? Lol maybe not anymore??) still help bring in new readers? I’m curious what, if any, changes you’ve seen in the past year or two about how readers find AS.

Carmen: Hi, yes! It’s always a combination of all those things! Google is of course more popular than ever in how anyone finds any website, not just ours, though it is also true of ours. John Oliver actually did a segment on this recently that was really good for anyone curious (he’s talking about Google/Amazon prominence in shopping on the internet, but the lessons about how SEO and our Google overlord effect small businesses are evergreen and applicable to us). Anyway, yes! The biggest differences are that with better SEO training we are able to bring more people to our site that way, but also with better traffic monitoring tools like Parse.ly we can see all the avenues people come to us — Google, Social Media, Direct Shares, etc — at a glance which really helps us sharpen skills. In terms of social media, Facebook and Twitter remain steady, but Instagram is incredibly popular! Which has increased every year and I think will continue. Hope that helps answer some of your curiosities! I could go on about it forever.

Hi there! It looks like early To L and Back episodes are no longer available on Spotify, Apple, and Overcast. Was this an intentional choice, or do these platforms cap the number of episodes they hold? I know I’m not alone in enjoying an occasional re-listen of the old episodes!

Riese: This has been fixed!

Is there a way to change my Autostraddle username? I joined Autostraddle in high school and picked a super embarrassing name which also gives away too much of my personal info and I’d love to get a new one

Nico: Yes! Email me :)

Is anyone else having issues with the like button for comments?

Viv: I didn’t! Maybe try refreshing your cache and/or cookies.

Nico: And it never works for meee. I’ve asked Yikes about it but idk I think it’s just going to be buggy for a while.

I love the pretty packaging the fundraiser perks came in! Such a fun surprise in my mailbox.

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

Just finished The Light Pirate by Lily Brooks-Dalton.
Florida Dystopian novel with unexpected queers as the main characters. Relationship doesn’t pop up till the end though.

Kayla: Sounds cool! I’ll check it out, and since it just came out last year if I end up feeling like I have something to say about it, I’ll write about it!

Heather: Okay I just looked it up based on your recommendation and “Told in four parts—power, water, light, and time—The Light Pirate mirrors the rhythms of the elements and the sometimes quick, sometimes slow dissolution of the world as we know it”???? SOLD!

Had the itch to go back to Riese’s deep dive on race and the oscars after seeing headlines that Michelle Yeoh is the first Asian American woman nominated for Best Actress. And then also had a moment today of thinking “This must be the first time two lesbian movies are nominated for best picture at the same time, right?” and then spent some time re-reading Riese’s great analysis of queer actress oscar nominations. Anyway, just wanted to say I’m so grateful to Autostraddle for all of the great data analyses — it’s truly the online place that consistently has the best and most clearly explained data analysis! (And I went through the Wikipedia article on LGBTQ academy awards, and found out that I was wrong: Black Swan and The Kids Are Alright were both nominated in 2010)

Riese: Thank you so much!!! Also yeah, Michelle Yeoh is not the first Asian American woman nominated for Best Actress, but I understand why people don’t know that since the actual first Asian-American woman nominated for Best Actress was not openly so. I feel similar itches to see all the numbers on everything and get into the data and I feel most grateful for my job when I am able to do that for Autostraddle.com and then I can reference my very own data when I am trying to understand something! And then last year it was very helpful because everybody’s headlines about Ariana DeBose were wrong and I was able to do a little mini deep dive on that! But your mention of two lesbian movies nominated for the same year is quite honestly making me feel like there is another data compilation requiring my attention….

Since Drew talked about Some Like It Hot as a trans rom-com for Newfest 2022, I wanted to share that a new musical adaptation of it is currently on Broadway at the Schubert Theatre until September.

Sweet Sue, Sugar and Jerry/Daphne are played by Black actors NaTasha Yvette Williams, Adrianna Hicks and J. Harrison Ghee (and both Ghee and the character they play are nonbinary, there’s a whole coming out song).

Tickets in the balcony from the theater’s site (with fees) start at $67 so I could actually afford to see it.

I personally enjoyed it (and really loved Ghee’s portrayal of Daphne) even though I have some criticisms.

Kayla: Very cool, thanks for the tip! Every time someone talks about a theater thing in New York, it makes me a little sad to no longer be in New York lol WHICH IS NOT YOUR FAULT but yes just being honest about my feelings!!!!

Carmen: Hahahaa, Kayla! Same. (But if you’re in New York or live there — there’s a lot of ways to see Broadway shows on a discount and you absolutely should. There’s nothing like it.)

Check out HBO’s The Climb. There is a trans man, Cat, kicking butt. Not only that, I feel like this show demonstrates that all kinds of bodies can compete with one another in a really challenging sport.

Kayla: I don’t really watch this kind of TV but I have a lot of friends who would like it who I’m gonna rec it to!!! I love the work Stef Rubino has been doing here to demystify strength training and what makes “strong” bodies.

Heather: Oh, I’ll tell my wife about this! She LOVES rock climbing stuff, especially if there’s an LGBTQ component.

I saw this and my brain went “Oh Vanessa would love this!” as if we were friends 🙃 now I have to share it!

Vanessa: oh my god?!?!?!?!? okay first of all i must own this and second of all can i respond to this person? if i can please tell them OH MY GOD THANK YOU I AM PUTTING THIS ON MY WEDDING REGISTRY AS WE SPEAK ❤️

Is anyone on here watching The Circle season 5? Good queer rep this season. Love Sam, such a cutie.

Riese: We sure are!

omg this article! I now immediately want to read the book quoted throughout, entitled “Abolish the Family”. I really recommend this piece for the whole team, and also for all of AS’s readers.

Heather: Yes! I read so much about Damar Hamlin after his cardiac arrest and this was one of the best pieces to contextualize that whole mess. It’s obviously broadly applicable outside the NFL — not just in sports, but corporate environments, activist groups, everywhere. Thank you for sharing it. Let me know if you read the book, and what you think of it!

ooh ok so i have recently discovered the difference between “committing to moving my body” vs “committing to LISTENING to my body about when, how much, and how i wanna move, and not.” the 2nd on is SO much better. it varies wildly over the course of a month but i move a lot more and a lot more happily and pain free this way. like a child, if I force my body to move when it doesn’t want to, it wants to move even less. if i ignore my body when it DOES wanna move, it stops telling me. shout out out to Well for Culture podcast by Chelsey Luger and Thosh Collins for inspiration about this! and my beautiful queer ass workplace for supporting me taking breaks anytime.

Anya: I love this! And honestly, I’m gonna keep this in mind for myself! I think you’re totally right — I like the idea of thinking of this as listening to my body rather than obligating my body. Thank you!!

Laneia: Oh man this is coming in as I’m on my… second? month of not moving my body after committing to and succeeding in moving it on a regular basis for nearly a year, which I was really proud of! It was really working for me! Until I got some upsetting news about a family member, and then about 20 other things rolled in after that, and I just couldn’t do it. (I couldn’t do a lot of things!) And have been feeling pretty shitty about not making time for it, but then also doing that thing where you’re afraid to try to get back into a routine because what if you fuck it up again? Do you know what I mean? I think that’s some level of perfectionism, if I’m to believe the many self-help/mindfulness podcasts I listen to. Anyway thank you! Apparently I needed to get this off my chest wow.

Kayla: My relationship with movement is constantly in flux, but something that has been hard about moving to a place with less walking infrastructure is having to be way more intentional about walking. When I lived in Brooklyn, walking a few miles a day happened without even trying for me. Now, I have to plan (and yes listen to my body about it!).

Viv: I’m glad you found a helpful and gentle guide for movement. My friend who is also a dancer once said movement is also about “greeting the body” and that’s stuck with me enough to exercise consistently since last November.

Nico: I love the idea of “greeting the body” Viv! Also, in general, here’s to listening to our bodies in 2023!

Just wanted to quickly say that “I hate New Year” is everything I (as a lesbian person) ever wanted from a fluffy romantic movie!

Heather: Aww, I love that! I love fluffy and romantic! Also, there aren’t a whole lot of great New Year’s movies, are there? Probably my favorite is the 1992 ice skating masterpiece, The Cutting Edge.

Oh, did we know about this? Lesbian poetry from 1586!

Nico: When I shared this with the team I was THRILLED. Listening to the video was also such a treat. Thank you.

Anya: Oh my goodness I definitely did not know about this! So cool!

My partner sent me the fucking cutest website, Queering The Map, where the map is covered with pins that each have a little queer story 🥹🥹 and you can add your own!! seems especially lovely for anyone feeling alone in their queerness.

Nico: This was really sweet and I loved looking at my region and reading folks’ stories.

Space Sweepers (2021) on netflix has a trans robot character and is also an incredible movie!

Heather: SPACE SWEEPERS?!?! You had me at hello. Adding this to my list immediately.

I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but I dreamed that the New York Times put a paper grocery bag of 9 kittens on every doorstep to promote subscriptions.

Anya: Plz circle back when this dream is a reality, I’m eagerly awaiting my allotted kittens

Nico: Honestly this would be a better practice than their rampant transphobia. (JK gifting animals is bad.)

But have you seen The Sad Bastard Cookbook???

It is available for free in e-copy under creative commons.

“Life is hard. Some days are at the absolute limit of what we can manage. Some days are worse than that. Eating—picking a meal, making it, putting it into your facehole—can feel like an insurmountable challenge. We wrote this cookbook to share our coping strategies. It has recipes to make when you’ve worked a 16-hour day, when you can’t stop crying and you don’t know why, when you accidentally woke up an Eldritch abomination at the bottom of the ocean. But most of all, this cookbook exists to help Sad Bastards like us feel a little less alone at mealtimes.”

Most recipes in it do not require measuring because authors ‘do not take measuring ingredients lightly.’ They have ‘bottom-tier’ tips to make it even easier (chocolate pudding made from swissmiss!), and ‘god tier’ tips (put fresh fruit on the pudding!). Highlights include Rachel’s “Three Meals a Day are Cognitive Overload” Shopping List & Weekly Menu.

Kayla: Love this! I also don’t often measure (or measure well) when it comes to cooking, and I love cookbooks that are more freeform. I’m a weirdo tho and when I’m sad I personally like to cook really elaborate, complicated meals haha.

Laneia: Wowwww so my #1 sad meal is jasmine rice with soy sauce, which is deeply comforting in its plainness but also not very nutritious, so I’m bookmarking this for some inevitable future sadness that I can’t wait to sit in and feed myself through! (I can wait, please don’t come for a while thank youououuuu.)

Anya: Oh my what a beautiful step up from my go-to of mac-n-cheese with broccoli in it, which I’ve now made enough times and have become obsessed with so it has elevated from “sad meal” to “regular meal I look forward to”. Is that a good thing or a bad thing???

Viv: Team Ramen ftw!

Nico: Wow coming to this question having just eaten a nice and totally nutritionally complete dinner of rice + butter.

I loooved Women & Children First’s holiday gift guide and thought you might too!! (The oldest feminist bookstore in Chicago 💓)

Kayla: Cute!!!! Fun fact: I used to live really close to that bookstore <3 I miss Chicago and my neighborhood in particular!

Viv: Nice! Thank you.

I had a dream that I said something was a “pissing contest” and then Kristen Armett said “I prefer the term ovary competition” but I woke up before I could ask her what that meant 😂

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

as a sequel to the A+ article about your favourite sex toys – I would love an A+ article about how each of you store your sex toys! I’m so nosy about how different people do it.

Nico: THAT is interesting! I bet people do have all sorts of different strategies.

I’ve been thinking a lot about aromanticism recently and searched the AS archives to see what y’all have published but didn’t find much. I feel like I’ve read some cool things on being gay and asexual, but not so much about being gay and aromantic. Would love some content from some dyke aromantics on what it’s like to only be interested in sex/platonic bonds in the context of being a lesbian (where the assumption is that we’re very emotional, romantic, into lovey-doveyness etc). Thought it’s interesting on a bunch of different levels.

Kayla: Thank you for bringing this up, and we will keep it in mind! In the meantime, if you have any specific questions about aromanticism, you’re definitely welcome to submit A+ advice questions (I know that isn’t exactly what you’re looking for, but I just thought I’d mention it!).

Love the puzzle content–thanks for this brilliant addition. Weirdly I cannot find that first Old Hollywood one anywhere?? so cannot confirm, but in my mind it was a degree or two more challenging than most of the Saturday ones we’ve had since. I love a doable crossword, love to feel competent, and ALSO like the feeling of accomplishment that comes from struggling through it a bit sometimes, which makes me wonder: what if like once a month (last Saturdays) the A+ puzzle was a little bit harder, on purpose? Is that a thing we could do?

Laneia: I’m so glad you like themmmm! And here is the very first Old Hollywood crossword from Rachel Fabi. I reached out to Rachel and Brooke to ask about more challenging puzzles and they’re going to flag the ones they think are a little harder than the others, but they added that difficulty is super subjective and everyone’s mileage may vary!

They also recommended some other crossword puzzles y’all might enjoy:

Queer Qrosswords — These benefit LGBTQ charities and there’ll be a lot of larger puzzles that are just as gay as the ones we’re running. Rachel contributed to QQ2!
AbortionPuzzles — These fund abortions and Rachel and Brooke edit them!

Would you guys ever consider doing an LGBTQ+ scholarship resource list for your high school readers?

Kayla: This is a really cool idea! I’d love to in general have more resources for high school and college folks.

I am SO curious 👀 to learn what (if any) opinions the Autostraddle team has on the Lex redesign.

Laneia: Ummmm. Hm how to say this. Um I think it’s always wisest to pay attention to people when they call you out for inaccessibility, especially when they’ve come to you with specific examples of your shortcomings and helpful tips for how to correct them! That is what I think! I met my current girlfriend on Lex and she is so smart and pretty!!!

Kayla: I’ve never been on Lex, but I have had a…interesting! time going through recent Instagram comments on their page about the redesign.

Nico: I heard about it but haven’t witnessed any of the redesign for myself, but honestly I should probably test it out as I proceed to figure out our TBD low-tech A+ personals situation.

Would Autostraddle ever consider hosting a class on queer film/tv history, or maybe like an online film viewing and discussion afterwards? I’d totally pay to listen to Drew and Shelli talk movies for an hour+ 🤩 or attend a series on Drew’s “Thirsty Classics” writing!

Nico: Classics are So Thirsty. There’s a great deal of material here. Also, our writers are fab.

Kayla: AREN’T OUR WRITERS SO SMART AND TALENTED? I too wanna learn from them all the time. This is a cool idea!

Heather: Oh wow, I — like Kayla — would actually love to attend that class! This reminds me that one time I did TV trivia with Riese where I asked her all the questions from A-Camp’s TV Trivia game, like a hundred-plus questions, and she got EVERY SINGLE ONE right. It was one of the most masterful displays of smarts I have ever seen.

Please can someone write an article about Sohla El-Waylly’s mean femme top energy on The Big Brunch thank youuuuuu

Kayla: At the risk of upsetting people……..I couldn’t get into this show I’m so sorry! I can revisit.

Heather: YES. I LOVED HER. I hadn’t known her before that, but now I feel like I know everything about her, watch all her IG videos, and would campaign on her behalf to be a judge on any cooking competition OR the president. Either one. Both. Anything in the middle.

First of all, thank you for everything you do! I love Autostraddle. But I wanted to share that in some of Autostraddle’s beauty and skincare coverage, I feel that there’s an assumption that everyone wants for the same things. When y’all talk about products (e.g. sunscreen, face wash, moisturizer) and routines (e.g. regular face washing), there’s mention of those things being necessary to give an even skin tone, prevent premature aging, prevent skin cancer, etc. The skin cancer risk is one thing, but the rest seem to basically boil down to “you might get wrinkles or acne.” But some people don’t mind wrinkles or acne! The beauty industry has worked really hard to conflate appearance with health, and sometimes I feel that Autostraddle coverage can buy into that narrative somewhat.

I love your focus on body positivity, and I’d love to see that extend to faces with wrinkles or acne or other “unattractive” things that are actually totally normal and healthy. I don’t wear makeup, and that’s a big part of my personal feminist and self-care practices. I hope Autostraddle can leave space for folks with similar experiences.

Kayla: Hi! I totally respect your practices and outlook on beauty, aging, etc., and I can assure you that here at Autostraddle we’re not anti-aging. That said, our skincare and makeup articles are definitely written with an intended audience of people who like to buy/wear these products. I know these pieces tend to be written to a plural “you” but that is not meant to be universal as in literally everyone but rather the intended audience(s) for the pieces, and it’s just the point of view that those types of shopping/product pieces tend to be written in. It’s already somewhat difficult to address ALL perspectives when it comes to beauty pieces, so the specific perspectives usually come down to who’s writing them. We make a point to delineate between Health articles and Style/Beauty articles (and in fact they exist in different parts of the navigation on the site). But I totally do hear you on wanting to hear more from folks whose practices align with yours! I’m totally down for work that embraces wrinkles, acne, etc. and welcome folks to pitch along those lines!

Carmen: Hi, I’ve actually been sitting with this question a lot, so I want you to know that I’ve taken it very seriously.

I’m really proud of the beauty content that we publish, because we are one of the few publications that have the vast majority of our beauty content published by people of color (that isn’t a magazine serving a predominately Black or POC audience, like Essence, etc). That’s a big deal! And as such, it’s a purposeful, feminist practice. As a magazine with a Black femme EIC, it’s particularly tied to my own feminist practices.

There are lots of ways that people choose to cloak, adorn, make up, or otherwise embrace their bodies, and I support all of them — and also for a lot of people of color, there are social politics and respectability politics that have very real bearing on our lives that do also often require that we approach questions like “make up” and “bare skin” differently than white peers. In fact, my biggest wish is that we’re able to bring in more masc POC to write about skin care!! We haven’t yet had much luck finding writers for that, but that’s a place where I am very much interested in growing.

I say all of that because I have also noticed that when we publish beauty pieces from these perspectives, we receive a steady (but small!) stream of comments that seem to question why they’re here at all or to tell us that publishing such pieces brings up feelings of discomfort. Because of all the reasons that I’ve discussed here, those comments can also feel like microaggressions or policing.

As Kayla mentioned, the pieces on those topics are written for their intended audience. If embracing make up or particular kinds of skin care is not a part of your queerness or feminist practice, it’s absolutely ok to not read those pieces. It’s my hope and goal that you’re able to find something else in the quilt of Autostraddle that aligns with how you walk in the world.

All that said! I’d also like to directly answer the question you asked — yes, we can definitely be more vigilant to make sure that the ways we are writing about products are not ageist or promoting “wrinkle reduction.” (I don’t believe that we have? Because that’s definitely a red flag for me, but if we did that’s because it slipped through the cracks or because my expectations were somehow not clearly communicated to other editors.) It’s certainly not our intention, or what we stand for as a publication.

I hope this isn’t too silly of a question, but do Niko and Nico pronounce their names the same way? In my head I am saying them the same, and I realize pronouncing things not aloud maybe doesn’t matter, but I’d love to honor them by pronouncing their names correctly, even if silently.

Nico: I have been assuming we are both NEE – KOH
Niko: i am also a KNEE-COH
Nico: LMAO

To Whom It May Concern (Heather Hogan), this is pressing, have you been given early access to ‘That ’90s Show’ and if so can you deny or confirm whether Leia Forman (daughter of Eric and Donna) is in any way queer.

Heather: You know what? She should have been! It’s bonkers that she wasn’t! The show would have actually been so much better – and made so much more sense — if she had been. I actually really enjoyed it, weirdly, but the whole time I was wondering the same question you just asked!

Have any of you babes made the jump from Twitter to Mastodon? It’s very queer here and I would love to follow some straddlers!!

Kayla: I haven’t made the jump yet, mainly because I’m one of those people who doesn’t understand how it works. Would love some help in that department lol.

Heather: I tried but I couldn’t figure it out so I just gave up. Maybe someone should teach us! Maybe it should be you, friend!

Could 2023 be the year for a comprehensive ‘Cynthia Erivo Is Queer And We Knew It’ timeline?

Carmen: Maybe? But also I think part of the way that timeline would work (if it were to happen) would also be about how she came out publicly in the UK years ago, and for some reason it never really stuck in the US. I have a few theories about that — One, I find that Black and other POC femme bisexual/queer artists tend to have to come out multiple times before queer websites pick up on it (this has also happened with Cardi, Megan thee Stallion, and Shay Mitchell), which I think is saying something about how POC queeerness/femmeness is read (and ignored/dismissed/assumed) by white gaze. But also two — maybe since the first time she came out, it was in the UK, it didn’t cross over? It’s probably a combination of both these things to be honest. And a few other things I won’t get into here.

Anyway, very happy for Cynthia who is living her truth publicly.

Where can I find Riese’s interview with Kate McKinnon?

Riese: You can’t! Shortly before her addition to the SNL cast was announced, she wrote Robin (who did the photography for that interview) and asked if we could take the interview down because she wasn’t very press-trained at that point and regretted telling some stories that she’d told, so we removed it. It wasn’t anything problematic or offensive, just personal! But you can still see the photoshoot.

After watching “Glass Onion” I have a burning need to completely make my style Benoit-Blanc-in-Greece. Style Thief article, please!

Kayla: Omg yes it’s a vibe. Christina’s Bird Cage style guide might hold you over in the meantime.

what are we gonna do, as lesbians, when gen q is inevitably not renewed because it is objectively bad? i don’t want to wait 10 years for the next revival. when is someone going to make a lesbian ensemble show that just like…makes sense and runs for 20 seasons like grey’s anatomy?

Riese: Well, if it is not renewed because it is bad, I am going to be very upset for so many reasons. I cannot even imagine the joy of a show that makes sense and runs for 20 seasons like Grey’s Anatomy, but I do wish I could be personally writing that show. The cast is so great! There is so much talent there! I do think honestly that Season Three was mostly better than Season Two, with the exception of the lack of sex scenes and Gigi’s unexplained absence. I think this show and franchise has so much potential and I genuinely have so many ideas for how it could live up to it. And it’s disappointing when it fails short. And will be even more disappointing if this is the end of it all!!!! I know that there’s a lot of things happening behind the scenes that I’m sure make my easy fixes more complicated than I think they are, but there are so many areas that could be so easily remedied.

Laneia I am genuinely so so mad at the writers this season. Like I never care about these things — I am a CASUAL VIEWER for the most part! — but this season was so disappointing to Me, a person who’s been alive in the world ever, and done things, and talked to other people?? All of which it seems like these writers have no experience with?? BUT ANYWAY I’m sure they’re very cool very great people over there! This is not a personal attack! EVEN THOUGH THAT SEASON WAS.

Kayla: I do indeed prefer when television shows make sense.

Heather: I’m just gonna go back and reread Riese’s recaps over and over until I have them all memorized like her original ones. That’s what I’m gonna do.

Viv: I think we could petition them to put Riese in the writer’s room maybe.

Riese: THANK YOU VIV!!!

Nico: At least the original season was exciting. At least they did things, they had aspirations beyond finding “the one,” they attempted to distill the queer culture in a certain place and a certain moment even if it was sometimes more of an attempt than an actuality. They had multiple characters who went through a coming out period and it feels like in Gen Q like…everyone is just always out? Which we know is not true.

My partner and I would like to request a style thief article for the different characters in Warrior Nun (namely Beatrice!). Thanks <3

Kayla: I’ll take this into consideration!

Heather: Okay hear me out: What if you start with… a sword!

Nico: I could make adding swords to my outfits a habit. 😉

Anyone else watch the Weird Al movie and notice the extremely self-conscious parallels to queer/trans storylines, especially in the first third of the movie?? The reason i’m asking autostraddle is because I read and enjoyed Niko Stratis’ piece on Weird Al on some other website lol. But I haven’t really seen any pieces talking about like, the very literal closet stuff! thanks <3

Nico: I watched the Weird Al movie and yes, I would say that there is something there, right?

Hi there, the recent gift guides and queer owned businesses list made me think of this: would it be at all possible to do a one-time international article that features online shops within the EU (just speaking for myself rn, but there could also be links in it for UK, Australia, Canada, online shops in Asian and African countries)? I would love to use affiliate links from AS for my online shopping, but being in Europe makes this harder. Thanks!!

Kayla: I don’t know enough to know if our affiliate networks that we use include international companies, but if they do, I’m not opposed to this idea!

Thank you so much all ppl involved in making as exist and available and so awesome! I read it every morning and it really makes me feel so supported and seen and it makes me laugh and feel empathy and love and loved and part of a healthy, smart, funny, kind queer community. Yay!!!!

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

Not sure if this is the right place for this… but I am doing it anyway lol.

A few months ago I decided to talk to my therapist about hiring a SW to create a safe space for my first real sexual experience. One of the biggest barriers was having no idea how to even navigate this process as a queer woman. Right after the session after 2 failed googled attempts I thought to myself “Autostraddle must have something on this” and in 2 seconds I found your article from September on how to hire a SW and all of a sudden it didn’t feel quite as daunting.
I recently went through with it and after I was a bit overwhelmed and found your article “How to Have Lesbian Sex For the First Time.” While I wish I had the foresight to read this BEFORE the experience, it still really helped me wrap my head around what I was feeling.

I have been a Silver Level A+ member for 6 years and there are often stretches when I rarely visit the site (I hope that’s not offensive). But every year when my subscription is up, even if I haven’t been to the website in months I never think twice about renewing. Because I always come back here and find thoughtful, informative, and funny pieces about topics that don’t exist anywhere else. I can’t imagine navigating being queer in this crazy world without you guys.
So thank you!

Vanessa: i am EMOTIONAL

Laneia: I love this for you!! Thank you for still being a member after all these years, even if you rarely visit, which isn’t offensive! 💛

Kayla: This is so meaningful and kind, and thank you for continuing to be a member! And ya I am not at all offended you’re not a frequent reader; supporting us via a membership is SO GENEROUS AND HELPFUL!!!

Carmen: This is so amazing. Thank you for letting us know, it means so much. Really! Truly! And I am so happy for you!

Nico: Thank you so much for reaching out to let us know!! I personally support several publications that I don’t read every day, but that I know will be there when I need them. Like my local NPR outlet! I don’t religiously read every single article, but when I want to know about things of local importance like the East Palestine train derailment, for example, they’re there (in part because of my support!) and I can turn to them. Thank you for supporting us so we can be there when you (and others) need us!

All that is to say, I love this for you so much and am sending you tons of love and luck on your journey!

To Stef — your essay about strength and fatness was everything. As someone who has also had a very fraught relationship to exercise over the years, who inhabits a fat body, and who also wants to be strong as fuck — I felt super seen by your words (and inspired by how much you’re lifting, like holy shit). Rock climbing has done something similar for me. My big-ass, strong as hell legs have gotten me far, and I feel proud of them.

Stef: thank you for this!! actually lifting as this came in, lol. i’m so happy it’s being received so well!!

Kayla: I can’t wait for more missives from Stef on their strength gym experiences!

Nico: I love Stef writing about exercise. MORE PLEASE.

Just googled varied combos to find ‘Hooray It’s A Party! A Queer Holiday Horror Tale‘ for a friend who had never seen it who it just became screamingly extra relevant for (except sub “Bodleian Libraries!” for a party) and it really really helped soothe her and I just wanted to say across the decades y’all never miss

Laneia: LOVE TO BE OF SERVICE FOR MANY YEARS.

Kayla: THIS WAS BEFORE MY TIME AND I HAD NEVER READ IT????? WHAT A TREAT

Carmen: THIS IS ALSO BEFORE MY TIME AND I HAVE NEVER READ IT!!! What a world!!

Nico: I am incredibly grateful you have brought this to our attention!

Riese: THIS WAS GLORIOUS AT THE TIME AND REMAINS SO

Hi my wife and I screamingggg at the tv right now – we just watched the first two episodes of The Parent Test (after getting bombarded with commercials for it on Hulu) and I need to know if any of the parents here at Autostraddle have watched it and what you think of it (!?) I would pay good money to read a queer parent’s take on this show.

Laneia: Well excuse me I’m going to watch these first two episodes and then report back here.

Nico: Y’all be sure to ask Laneia what she thought in the comments.

Hi! Just wanted to say I feel like I’m seeing more asexual inclusion on the site these days, and I really appreciate it! I’m currently questioning whether I’m on the asexual spectrum, so it’s nice to feel like Autostraddle will be there for me regardless of what the answer to that question ends up being.

Laneia: This has made me emotional.

Kayla: Yay! Ro has sourced a lot of great pieces for their beat from asexual POVs.

Riese: I love this for all of us!!!!!!!

Love love love the puzzles! Perfect brain cleanser. Also love the decision to use the excerpt space to parse out a recipe. Puzzle within a puzzle! Next level: bake the recipe and guess what it was for! Send in pics with your guess

Laneia: Well I can tell you what my cake was for, and that was breakfast which, by the way and not that it matters but, I baked in the morning on a weekday while my girlfriend, who had just moved in with me like three days earlier, was working, and weirdly enough the sounds of a stand mixer whirring and several stainless steel measuring cups being tossed into the sink was apparently very jarring and not “conducive to work,” so. Just for the record. Just something to keep in mind if you ever want to bake a morning cake on a weekday.

Thanks to Riese’s finely tuned gaydar that somehow picked up on “queer vibes” in A Storm for Christmas, I just binge watched the series and loved it! Several characters turn out to be gay in surprise reveals at the end, so I don’t know how she managed to detect those vibes!

Nico: Riese’s gaydar is so on point.

Riese: THANK YOU so much! It is truly simply just so many years of experience — including the experience of most networks refusing to give us a heads-up about any queer content so I have to do a ton of digging myself, and there are certain things that tip me off.

BLESS AUTOSTRADDLE FOR BEING READER FUNDED!!!!

In my work, i get some front row seats to ppl asking for $ from the ‘benevolent’ among the billionaires. it is a DISASTER. ppl don’t become billionaires by understanding and meeting oppressed ppl’s needs folks! much better to fund ourselves. I know it’s hard but we really can only rely on ourselves & each other.

Love you allllll <3 <3 <3

Laneia: Couldn’t agree more, benevolent non-billionaire! It is hard to really admit that we can only rely on ourselves and each other, but it’s also extremely empowering to step out into the world with the intention of showing up for each other every single time that we can, and then not feel ashamed to ask for that help when we need it.

Kayla: Laneia really said it perfectly. It’s scary and empowering to know we have to rely on each other for shit!!!!!!

Carmen: Yeah, I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Nico: As someone who’s worked in nonprofits and/or fundraising for over a decade, YES. Each act of support is part of choosing, collectively and individually, to keep this space here for us simply because we want it to be that way. No one is giving this to us. We are building it brick by brick ourselves. I am so grateful we aren’t controlled by an out-of-touch board, that being reader supported gives us serious editorial independence and the ability to publish pieces that are important, not just clickey (although there is also a place for distraction and vapid fluff, too).

My ladyfriend and I are on vacation and have spent the most cozy morning catching up on the crosswords. They’re really enjoyable and the people making them are doing a wonderful job, I hope you continue making them!

Laneia: HELL YEAH, thank you !!! You’re the reason we can continue making them. 🥲

Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #45

Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature is now bi-monthly and advice questions go into our twice monthly Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

---

MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

What’s the history of the name excitant group llc?

Riese: A long long time ago in 2008, I got an email from a fan who’d just discovered my blog and it said many things but one of the things it said was: “The L world is amazing, well done, for me it rappresents [sic] freedom, love and friendship. On the other side, the L world treats very important and realistic themes like homosexuality and adoption, but otherwise it became at the same time funny, crazy and excitant.” Anyhow, I loved the email with my whole heart and I forwarded it to Alex and our then-friend Cait, and then we started using “excitant” instead of “excited” pretty much about everything, (a quick search for “excitant’ in my email finds a whole bunch of “I’m so excitant!” and “I’m so excitant for real!”) and then it was the summer of 2009 and this girl who’d come into our lives to help us turn the website into a business was like, “this needs to be an LLC, but you shouldn’t name your LLC ‘Autostraddle LLC’ because that doesn’t sound very professional, it should be like “The BLANK Group LLC” and suggested that BLANK could be like, my name or something meaningful to me, and we sort of shrugged and were like… Excitant? In retrospect, I think the person who emailed me was French, because in French, “excitant” means “exciting.” So anyhow the name of my company is French, just like my actual name (Marie) (Riese is my nickname), but I have only been to France for two (2) days of my life on this earth, and I spent one of them at Euro Disney during a thunderstorm.

Apologies if this is not the space for it, but I left a comment on the To Hobbies I Have Loved post and it never showed up. The same happened for todays wordle. None of it would have violated a community policy and my other comments have shown up in the past. Any ideas?

Nico: Okay so I looked into this when it happened and…the comments weren’t even trapped in spam-flagged limbo? (We do have a spam filter and it will catch certain words and also comments with 4+ links.) So I truly don’t know what happened to them but it looks like they disappeared somewhere between you trying to post them and them actually making it onto the site. Since it doesn’t seem to be a spam issue, I’d say to just wait a moment and try again. If this is repeat issue for you, I recommend copying the comment onto your clipboard before hitting post so that it’s easier to try again which kind of sucks as advice I know but since it seems to just be something on your end I don’t know what to do!

I’ve been using the OG autostraddle kickback version of amazon for years – the one where the URL ends UTF8&amp%3Bamp%3Bamp%3Bcamp=1789&amp%3Bamp%3Bamp%3Bcreative=390957&amp%3Bamp%3Bamp%3BlinkCode=ur2&amp%3Bamp%3Bamp%3Btag=autowin-20. Does this still give a kickback to AS?

Riese: It does not, no! Amazon has rejected us from their program, so now we only get a kickback if the amazon link is through a shopstyle link.

Do you think we could have some kind of AS personals column? Like every week a new single/available Straddler with a little bio about who they are and what they’re looking for and a couple of pictures and how to contact them? I just read Himani’s article about trying to accept being single but hating it. And it’s like…yeah being single sucks. I know plenty of ppl have met their wives through AS. Maybe an AS personals column could increase this number? Maybe (selfishly) there could be a focus on straddlers who do not live in LA/NYC etc, to help those of us whose dating pools are puddles…

Nico: I’ve wanted to do one for literal year and we are now almost ready to launch one, actually! I hope you’ll submit an ad :) More soon!!

How do I create a member group? Thanks!

Nico: We had to disable this function because bots got to it / used it to spam people. Sorry :(

merch idea – rainbow reading shirt to celebrate yashwina’s brilliant column?

Kayla: Every book person I know absolutely has too many totes BUT I am like………this sounds like a tote.

Carmen: I am book person and I object to the idea that there can ever be too many totes.

Viv: I honestly am a backpack person because most totes I think are too flimsy and I want to protect my books from the elements. Maybe!

It was cool to see the Boston and Providence meetups come together! Will more things like that be hosted in the future in more cities? I live in Chicago and was super bummed to miss the hike, but I have a hurt knee and can’t walk far. I would love some sort of Autostraddle meetups!!

Nico: Yes ;) More soon!

Just wanted to say how happy it makes me REI is such a partner to y’all! Going into REI at 13 made me see part of the outdoorsy gay me I could be, and was a way of bonding with my mom, so seeing that that’s what they’d actively support makes those memories all the sweeter!

Anya: Awwww, what a lovely memory!! We absolutely love working with REI — they’ve been really amazing partners. Three cheers for outdoorsy gays!!!

I am so excited about all the talk in this fundraising push about potential puzzles. I would pay an additional subscription on top of A+ for puzzles if you asked. Or if you made it sliding scale/pay what you can. I already pay for nytimes puzzles and AVCX, and I would obviously do same for this website that I love even more. <3

Nico: How are you liking the puzzles so far?? I don’t know about paywalling all of the puzzles, that’s a larger decision, but for now, I hope you’re enjoying your bonus A+ member Saturday puzzle!

Laneia: This is wonderful feedback, thank you!!

Hi,
This below would be an uncalled for opinion.
I never log in when I first get to the autostraddle website, I usually do when I reach A+ content. The button to subscribe is huge, but the button to log in “already a member? log in” is tiny and it kind of feels like an afterthought, as if the banner did not believe people reading the box could actually be members. I think you should discuss this with actual web designers before following my idea, but I think a button of the same size would give a more favorable feeling ?
And thanks again for this website, from the bottom of my heart <3

Viv: Hey yeah I agree! A site redesign is overdue so please be patient with us!

Is there a way to report a post? Say all the spam “Chad’s” that wander by?

Carmen: The fastest to report spam like that is by using the A+ inbox! You can just say “hey I’m seeing a lot of spam, on this post for example” and then one of us will get to it. This is really helpful because having a lot of spam bots is actually one of the (many ways out of our control) that Google potentially ‘ding’ our website in search results, and obviously can’t afford to have someone spend all day on the lookout. It’s tricky. We try our best to delete them when we see them, and a notice in the inbox is great!

Nico: Mostly, we ask that you don’t engage with spam! We catch it when we can / as we go. Same for trolls. If you want to report an actively harmful troll that is violating our comment policy via the A+ box, that is super helpful. A notice there is helpful, as Carmen pointed out!

Are there any plans for A-camp to return??

Riese: There are no concrete plans but we do want to bring it back, yes

Laneia: Sweet lord bless us and keep us.

Nico: As someone who has never been to A Camp but who loves to CAMP, you can perhaps guess at some of my feelings.

i was very sad the Autumn Photo Gallery didn’t appear and there wasn’t even mentioning of it. it just… didn’t appear.
i put a lot of work into my submission and am sure others did, too. it feels real bad and i don’t understand it. in the call for submissions was sth abt needing “enough” submissions, but i don’t get why there would be a minimum number required. a short post wouldn’t harm anybody — while omitting submissions does. several people said thy’d be happy to participate so i’m certain there were at least a handful of submissions by readers, plus the lovely pictures from the staff writers.
i was happy to participate and contribute sth to a Photo Gallery again, and i put a lot of work into crafting a useful alt-text, but i’m not going to submit anything again if it might just get swept under the rug.
:(

Nico: I was sad about it, too! I don’t like to ask people for things and then not be able to use them because I do appreciate the work that went into the photos we did get!

Unfortunately, I do have to say that there was potential harm in publishing a small gallery. The few submissions we received did not reflect the diversity of our A+ community, even after multiple calls. And after a lot of tough/thoughtful conversations about it, we decided that publishing the gallery in that light would actually be harmful and isolating to a lot of A+ members who might feel this space isn’t for them when nothing could be further from the truth. When we post galleries or lists, we strive to have them represent a diverse cross-section of our community so that everyone can feel included, not excluded.

We are sorry that we weren’t able to complete the gallery in the ways we hoped, but we are always experimenting and trying out new ways to help A+ members connect, like with the A+ discord and the number of events we had throughout the 13 Days of A+ from the A+ watch-along tonight to the watch-along Sally is hosting for our members in European time zones on the 22nd to the snow globe workshop we held and more.

I’m sorry that we weren’t able to showcase your photo and I’m sorry that was a disappointment. One of the things about running a community space is that often, our decision-making process has to be multi-layered and complex because we are trying to think broadly about all the members of our community. Sometimes this leads to decisions that not everyone is entirely happy with, but even then we are doing our best to ensure our choices are causing the least harm and doing the most to foster community-building.

I also want to recommend reading the Saturday e-news each week, especially if you’re looking for info on something or have a question that you think might be best answered to our membership as a whole, since that is a space where I tend to include those kinds of messages! I know about half of you all open it, which is awesome, but it really is a space where I am sure to include messages relevant to what’s going on that don’t necessarily merit a post on the site. In this instance, I included in our A+ e-news, I think for two weeks in a row, that we would not be having the gallery due to a lack of submissions. Sometimes follow ups are not able to be posts on the site, and our weekly e-news is a direct way we are able to provide updates to our members.

Thank you for being a member and thank you for writing in with your concern.

I’m a little high and I just had the thought: “Comments on an article Carmen wrote would be called ‘carments’..”

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

Maybe?

https://t.co/nGYwa1ZBSi

— sapphics like: (@sapphicslike) December 4, 2022

Heather: Okay now hang on. Is that somebody waving a lesbian flag at Jenna Ortaga and her stopping mid-exit to turn back and yell, “Yes! Yes!” Is that what’s happening here? Man, I hope she makes out with Jasmin Savoy Brown in Scream 6, which I will, of course, never see because I am a timid baby goose, but I think it would make everyone else very happy!

Carmen: I try to remind myself that Jena Ortega, on top of being the internet’s new favorite human, is actually pretty young? And we might be watching her figure out things (or not?) about herself in real time. She might know, she might not. Either way, her Wednesday press tour has been hilarious.

My queer, mixed race, galaxy-brained, sensitive-bodied, nature-enthralled, Leanne Betasamosake Simpson and Robin Wall Kimmerer-reading/listening, witchy-&-science-curious self has found unexpected healing support with this queer, trans, multiracial, intergenerational, crossclass, anticolonial-before-it-was-cool crew. They operate on a steep sliding scale with a deeper approach to redistributing access to care since before that was cool too. They have a no-dollar offering to get a sense of what they do, and they’ll probably be opening up annual sliding scale offerings in early 2023. Wanted to share in case one person reading this might benefit!!!

Nico: Thank you for sharing this!! I think a lot of folks may really enjoy checking them out.

For those writing in with questions about meeting other queer folks out in the world, I wanted to share an experience I had today. I went to religious services with a friend of mine who happens to be a gay man married to someone of a different faith. At some point during the service as my mind was wandering I saw an individual with a rainbow mask at the end of our pew. I asked my friend if he knew the person and he didn’t so I made a point of walking up to the individual at the conclusion of services and introducing myself. Technically I was a guest at the service since I’m neither a member nor a regular attendee, but felt emboldened to introduce myself and my friend who is a member. I found out the person had been attending since August (!) but hadn’t found friends there yet. A simple conversation over lunch and I found out this person plays an instrument and then we talked about The Locked Tomb books. It was so lovely to meet another queer human out in the world! Idk, I guess this is more of a ramble than anything else, but if you’re at all able to make conversation with strangers in a place you feel at all familiar or comfortable in, do it! You might just meet someone you can talk to about wildly unreliable narrators 😊

Nico: Thank you so much for sharing this experience! I agree that talking to strangers can be so unexpectedly fruitful and fun!

Sooo this appears to be a 1959 ad for how to have a luxurious weeklong date in bed with your best gal pal? Vibrators, remote-controlled curtains, and a sound system are but a few of the features.

Kayla:: “QUICK FLICK OF THE WRIST.”

Carmen: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I am never going to recover!!

Nico: When you sent this in I IMMEDIATELY shared it in our office Slack and just, revisiting this whenever I need to remember what a weekend SHOULD be like. There’s so much to love here. The implication that a “career girl” doesn’t listen to music but dictates ONLY, the “drawer milk” as many have pointed out in the Reddit thread, AND the sense that the tea is somehow perpetually heated within the drawer? It would get so moist in there! There is a vibrator that is tethered to the bed by its power cord! Why did they make this lesbian bed? Was there a MARKET?

Just saw this about Ashley Benson — so sad that sex bench was not listed as one of her favs.

Kayla: My girlfriend is simply obsessed with reading these celeb favorite things Strategist articles and sometimes we do dramatic readings of them so now I’m off to ask her if she has peeped this one yet.

Heather: I’ll be honest, I definitely read her favorite coffee like a text from A on Pretty Little Liars: “Groundwork coffee, bitches! Brew!” (Also, Ashley, they make actual Lakers Jordan 1’s!)

Will there be a season premiere party/chat for L Word Gen Q this week on discord?

Nico: KIND OF! We picked a random episode and watched together during the 13 Days of A+ and then we also watched the *spoilers* musical episode as a group the following week :) I definitely want to have more watchalongs next year, but for that, we would have to get some news on shows renewing. AHEM ALOTO AHEM.

Hi, I have PMDD so every month for two weeks I feel like a completely different and out of control person who is beyond overwhelmed and simply cannot imagine going on for the rest of their miserable life. It’s the worst.

I read recently that many people have had success treating their symptoms with antihistamines or famotidine, the active ingredient in Pepcid. I had some expired benadryl in my cabinet so I figured, ‘what the hell’ AND READER TAKING HALF A BENADRYL AT NIGHT DURING MY LUTEAL PHASE WORKED!!

I will be testing out the Pepcid this cycle and possibly other antihistamines in the future if Pepcid isn’t as effective as the benadryl was (there are two types of antihistamine meds so if one doesn’t work you can try the other).

I cannot believe how well it worked and, after having a nice normal month, how much I have lost over the years to my PMDD :(

I am not a healthcare professional but I do need the world to know this especially people who may not have the option of antidepressants or other prescribed treatments. Hope this helps someone!

Nico: Thank you for sharing this!

Laneia: Love this for you and everyone it helpsssssss !

Not sure who else needs to see this, but Gabby Williams (WNBA star and total babe) has a little sister who plays for the UW named Jayda Noble Williams. On insta, Jayda shared a birthday post for Gabby that included a picture (last of the three) off Gabby wearing a baseball cap that just says, “Daddy.” I AM DEAD.

Heather: OH HELLO. Is someone coming from Alyssa Thomas’ WNBA Daddy Crown??

Carmen: Hahahahaaaaaaaaa

Upcoming lesbian opera event! The Metropolitan Opera in New York is premiering “The Hours” starting November 22. It will be broadcast live around the world December 10. Based on the novel by Michael Cunningham, which itself is an homage to Virginia Woolf’s “Mrs. Dalloway.” The music is by Kevin Puts, the text by Greg Pierce. Starring the heart throb trio of Renee Fleming, Kelli O’Hara, and Joyce Didonato as Virginia Woolf. This is not the first opera about lesbians (that honor may go to “Patience and Sarah,” again based on a novel) but I believe it is a first for the Met. I’m not really equipped to write about it, but I hope you find someone who can.
— Northern Barbarian

Kayla: Believe me it is killinggggggg me that I no longer live in New York and therefore cannot attend this and subsequently write about it because it is extremely up my alley.

Carmen: Ah yes, I can see Kayla in her Opera gloves now.

Riese: Ugh I am also so incredibly sad to not have the chance to bear witness to this event!

Ok I know we find Tar problematic, but these are funny tweets and the answer to #4 Bette Porter right?

Heather: Okay number 15 made me cackle out loud.

Carmen: Without a doubt #4 is a graduate of the Bette Porter School of Topping!!! (BPST, for short)

This Sunday Oct 30, and recorded: Black Queer led mental health first aid course.

“Oumou Sylla, Wellness Doula, is offering a Radical Mental Health First Aid workshop that will be held virtually on Zoom. This workshop will teach you some of the skills necessary to support those experiencing a crisis/stressor in a trauma informed, embodied and consent aware way. In the workshop you will learn risk factors and warning signs for mental health concerns, strategies for supporting those in crisis and non-crisis situations, and where to look for non-carceral focused support.

Oumou Sylla (they/them) is a Licensed Therapist and Wellness Doula/Consultant who specializes in working with LGBTQ Black, Indigenous, Latiné and other people of color navigating traumas, relational stress/anxiety, life transitions, burnout, depression, anxiety and more. Consent, boundary and nervous system education are a core of the work.

Oumou practices in a way that is mindful of the ways that we are impacted by Anti-Blackness, gender based oppression, ableism, capitalism, state sanctioned violence and other forms of systemic injustice. For this reason, and reasons connected to their identity as a Black, immigrant, queer femme their approach is anti-racist and anti-oppressive in nature.”

Carmen: Ok this person and their practice sounds amazing?? Thank you for letting us know! I’ve bookmarked them for sure.

how old is Jordan Hull aka Baby Portard and why does googling this question get me the answer of 32

Heather: Earlier this year, the Netflix PR for Hustle said she was 19!

Carmen: Ok I was also googling this earlier in the week, and I was very confused why Google kept saying she was in her 30s!

Nico: Wikipedia says 32! So, unless Wikipedia has her birth year wrong?

Riese: When I interviewed Marja Lewis-Ryan in 2019, she said:

Originally we’d done “18+ to play 16″ but they were too close to like, Leo. I needed a true 16 year old and this kid walked in. She was 15.We knew it was her the second we shot the scene. We were like, this is obviously who we are casting.

So if she was 15 in 2018, she’d be 19 now, like Heather said!

Hello I have an URGENT need to dress like Cate Blanchett as Lydia Tár in the movie Tár. Yes, I know she’s heinous but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to stride around in elegant minimal European jetsetter fashion and threaten small german children. Please advise. Thank you!

Nico: Well lucky lucky because Christina did a So You Want to about JUST THIS!

Just wanna send you all so much love!!!! I know you are all working so so so so hard for a community that needs so so so so so so so much.

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

The latest A+ inbox had a question about how to dance that made me feel SEEN. Anya’s advice was to copy someone else’s dance moves and I think that’s a great idea (thank you Anya), so I’m writing in to ask if I can copy the Autostraddle team’s moves via a post with pictures/video of how to dance! Maybe the only two people who need this content are me and the person who sent in the original question, but it would help me feel confident enough to go to bars where I can meet cute girls…

Nico: Okay so I am scared by this question because do I have moves? I do not. Do I often hurt myself dancing around my kitchen? Yes.

Kayla: Early pandemic, my girlfriend and I used to host “gay club night” at our apartment which was just the two of us pretending we were at a dance club in our own home lol. She always posted a million videos in her Instagram story of me dancing at these and I wish she had saved them because I’d absolutely direct you to them! To be completely honest I’m not sure if this would work as a post because I think even confident dancers feel awkward about just like dancing in their homes and recording it but maybe I’m wrong! I do believe in you and your dancing abilities though!

Carmen: I famously have no rhythm and would not be able to help with this. However there is a relatively old Christmas-themed video of Autostraddle staff dancing around (including me, let’s all hold a moment of silence) and maybe that will help?

Viv: As long as you dance with a smile on your face everyone will love you! No lie.

There doesn’t yet appear to be any gay in it, but it has Auli’i Cravalho and Nicole Maines, so I’m putting it on your radar.

Kayla: This looks super cute and up my alley, so I’ll be tuning in regardless!

Heather: I literally cannot believe this movie wasn’t gay. Everything about it screamed GAY GAY GAY, and even the first ten minutes made me think we were getting queer enemies to lovers. BUT NO. Straight! >:(

Hot tip! I do a quick search for any face/body product I want to buy on Environmental Working Group’s Skin Deep or Sunscreen guides to make sure the ingredients aren’t harming me.

The beauty industry is notorious for including toxic, pernicious or carcinogenic substances with truly wild abandon, even in baby products. And they offer an app, of course. Yay, safer products!

Kayla: Thanks for the tip! I’m usually pretty bad at researching these things for my personal products even though they’re undoubtedly important!

Carmen: Definitely worth keeping in mind (I switched to all natural ingredients for my hair and the adjustment period for my hair texture was intense? But ultimately very much worth it in the end!).

Saw this book on a Vulture list of books coming out next year.

Kayla: Yes, it’s on my radar! Thanks :)

I have no hot tips or questions, I just wanted to announce that my pent up lesbian goddess energy reached a new pinnacle this morning and I made a big hair decision and I am now on my way to a queer hair salon to get a radical lesbian haircut that won’t scare my clients where I am a school social worker. I just wanted to tell ppl who get it. It probably won’t seem all that radical, compared to things I have done in the past with shaving or color, but it’s my first time getting a radical lesbian haircut as a middle aged professional and I’m very carefully considering my options… probably an undercut.

Kayla: Extremely exciting!!!! I love big hair decisions! Rooting for you!!!

Heather: Pics! Pics! Pics!

Carmen: Yesssssssss, way to go!!! I bet you look hot.

Viv: It will change your life!

Nico: I strongly support this move! HAIR TODAY GONE TOMORROW.

Laneia: Do you ever listen to Milk Street Radio, when people call in with cooking questions? Sara and Chris are always like “[advice advice advice] and let us know how it turns out!” and I always wonder, do the people let them know? Is Chloe from North Carolina going to call them back, or fire off a quick email, to let them know if adding buttermilk to the cake batter helped it taste more like her grandmother’s? Because I really hope she does! I hope they all call them back! Or email them! And say “yeah this totally worked” or “ok no, you buttermilk trick was a bad one, sir and madam”!! And similarly I HOPE YOU LET US KNOW HOW THIS HAIRCUT WENT.

I saw mention on the pop up discord of unofficial discords. I was wondering if there is or could be a compendium somewhere of all the unofficial Autostraddle groups across various social networks? (I’m specifically looking for a community in the DC/MD area, and super specifically curious if there might be a bookclub here…?) Thanks!

Nico: I recommend coming to the popups and hooking up with spinoffs there. I usually set up a channel just for that! Also, the way discord works, invites expire after, usually, about 7 days so I don’t know if a compendium would really work, plus the invites aren’t ours to give! (Because unofficial and technically unaffiliated with AS).

I have two (hopefully short and easy) questions. 1. Is there a link to the transcript for the interview/discord with Sarah Thankam Mathews? I just finished reading All This Could Be Different and it was amazing and now I want to read all interviews with her ever! 2. Is there an easy way to navigate to the page that has all of the AS affiliate links/the AS marketplace? I will bookmark it this time, but couldn’t easily find it, at least on mobile. I am running low on Fish Wife tinned fish. Thanks!

Nico: Yes, here’s the book club transcript. For the marketplace, if you go to the A+ menu in the menu bar, it should be the first link after “All A+ Posts” but also here it is! I’m hoping to have time to work on adding more shops to the marketplace in the new year!

hi hello hulu’s reboot is gay!! and fun!!! and i would love to see yall write something about it k that’s all <3

Heather: Great news, friend! I not only reviewed it; I also chose it for a favorite episode of the year!

What are y’alls favorite relaxing games to play on your phone? I’m in need of something to do besides scroll Twitter lol sob 😂

Kayla: The only phone game I play is GeoGuessr, a nerdy geography game where you’re dropped into a random location on Google Maps and have to guess where you are using clues about your surroundings. But also: AUTOSTRADDLE PUZZLES!!!!!

Carmen: I wish I could help! When I get tired of scrolling Twitter, I just start scrolling Instagram…

Laneia: I’ve started taking Italian on Duolingo with my girlfriend and now it’s all I want to do, so there’s never any time for Twitter or anything else, and it is weirdly relaxing? Vostro la fidanzata è Laura, vero? Sì! E la camicia rossa di Laura costa cinquanta euro, vero? No, cento euro! Lei è ricca! Un cornetto, per favore!

Autostraddle! Help! I just moved to Boston and I can’t find the queer people! Where are they? How do I find them and make friends?

Nico: There are, as I understand it, a fuckton of queer people in Boston. Like, some of the most gay zip codes in the country are in Boston? Hoping one of the mods of the Northeast unofficial spinoff sees this!

Are any of you watching “Bad Sisters” on Apple TV? One of the titular sisters is a grumpy milf lesbian and sometimes I feel like she doesn’t get as much screen time as the other sisters but any time she is around she steals the scene. I haven’t finished it yet but I love an Irish dark comedy so I have high hopes for where it’s heading. CW for domestic abuse.

Kayla: I haven’t seen yet, but I’ll check it out.

Heather: Yes! This was one of Shelli’s favorite TV shows of the year, I think, and thank you for the reminder to badger her to write something about it, lol!

Riese: I LOVED BAD SISTERS

Possible article idea – update to the 2015 ‘winter hat guide’. It’s getting cooler in the northern hemi, and although I love my AS beanie a lot I wouldn’t mind having other beanies especially from sapphic/queer/trans shops. Perhaps with a lookbook or style guide?

Kayla: As a longtime supporter of hats, I will take this under advisement.

Carmen: Excellent idea, I am in full support.

I’m watching Love is Blind Season 3 and I’m kindly begging for an AS take on this absolutely batshit, heterosexual behaviour!! Every second I watch this show, my brain congeals, but I cannot look away. I neeeeeeeed to discuss with other queers how completely nuts it is that straight people have discussions like ‘do you like kids?’ ‘yes i love kids!’ and then decide that means they are DESTINED to be together. I beg, a roundtable or something! Please!

Riese: I think this request is why I wrote this: Why is Season 3 of Love is Blind So Heterosexual?

Nico: I continuously watch this one and the other one I kept mistakenly calling “Married On First Sight” (not at?) which I have now changed to “Don’t Marry ‘Em Til You Can See the Whites of Their Eyes.” And it’s like…a really interesting deep dive into heterosexual behavior. Like, when the men complain that the women want to discuss particulars like kids or life plans or spirituality and religion and politicial views right away to see if there are deal-breakers, it led me to realize that straight men actually like…hope that they can trick women into loving them and staying with them and then, from within the relationship, control the decision-making around VERY IMPORTANT things or just be able to brush aside certain facts about themselves (stringent patriarchal beliefs) that would have been deal-breakers if the women had learned that say, the dude is a Libertarian from the outset. I don’t know if I’m articulating that well, but truly, it’s wild. Anyway, I think each and every one of these shows is a psy op to try and get relatively contendedly single and self-sufficient cishet women to give men who haven’t done any self work a chance so that they make babies and increase our country’s birth rate. In our house, we watch reality TV with tinfoil hats on.

Hi! This isn’t super pressing but the skincare series made me think you should do a feature on ugliness! A quick Google of the keywords “ugly monster disability queer” turned up a trove of thinkers on ugliness.

For example, one could review Porsha O.’s choreopoem, “Black and Ugly as Ever.“

One could interview Mia Mingus about desirability and disability.

I suspect there’s a lot to say about transness, passingness, and beauty vs ugliness along with transness and problematizing trans “visibility” (i.e. tdov) There is truly so much to say about the politics practice and aesthetics of uglyness.

Goblincore is in and we’re embracing being the spooky cryptid who lives in the swamp! (Dewy skin amirite? Clammy even)

Carmen: Ok there was definitely a time, roughly a few years ago, when a certain type of queer person was self-identifying as a goblin, right? Does no one else remember this but me? But very seriously, I’d publish a piece on “the politics practice and aesthetics of ugliness” in a heartbeat.

Nico: Yes, to this from a perspect of the very interesting sounding “the politics and practice and aesthetics of ugliness” but also perhaps it is time for an investigation into goblincore / Goblin Mode? It is definitely a Goblin Mode time of year.

This book came out a few months ago so maybe I’m too late, but I am writing to suggest that someone from Autostraddle review/do an author interview for Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao! It’s a great book in many ways, but what made me think of Autostraddle is that this book is the most nonbinary-feeling book I’ve ever read. From what I can tell, the author is nonbinary and AFAB, and the book really reads that way. The depiction of how misogynistic gender norms are enforced on women is so detailed and targeted that it was clearly written by someone who has a deep history with enforced femininity. But there’s none of the tension that I hear in the work of so many female writers on these topics, no need to balance fury at patriarchal ideas of womanhood with attachment to womanhood itself. Obviously I don’t know the author’s actual thoughts or feelings, but at least in this book, there is no attachment to womanhood, just a razor-sharp critique. I would be fascinated to read what a smart cultural critic thinks about this book, and especially to read an interview with the author talking about how their nonbinary identity shows up in the book!

Kayla: I’ll look into this!

Dear Autostraddle, have you ever reviewed fanchromatic nails? It’s a queer owned indie cosmetics company whose nail polishes are all named for nerdy fandom things. They are my favorite, and I feel like maybe you’ve talked about them here? But maybe not?

Kayla: I don’t believe we’ve written about them before, but I can look into it!

Carmen: I have never heard of this company before, but wow do they sound RIGHT up our alley! I’ll make a note for the year.

It would be SO cool if Autostraddle had more Snow Tha Product content:)

Carmen: I try my best to keep up with all the rap girlies and I didn’t know Snow, but I did just now look up her wiki — love learning new things every day!

Thought you’d like knowing I found my top two Spotify wrapped artists from y’all! Joy Oladokun for 1 (quiz by Dani for your next queer artist ) and Mal Blum for 2 (Drew interview). Thank you!!

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

Hi! I didn’t want to out myself on the post, but I wrote Q20 in the last A+ advice box and I just wanted to thank Himani for her reply. I needed to hear that. (insert crying emoji) Thank you, thank you.

Himani: 💜

I just wanna thank the reader/AS staffer for recommending Trading Up with Mandy Rennehan. (I can’t remember who mentioned it first!) it’s on Hulu now and I LOVE IT!!!!

Carmen: That’s awesome!!! I’m so glad!

Hey! I was the question asker that asked about dealing with my sister’s abusive boyfriend in the last A+ advice. I didn’t want to post this as a comment since I didn’t really want to link it to my A+ account, (idk if you ever publish updates but feel free to anonymously post this if you do) but I did want to give a brief update. The advice came in at exactly the right time, as she was going through a breakup with said boyfriend. After years together, it was a pleasant surprise all around, and my family is so relieved and happy for her (discussed amongst just ourselves, of course). I really, really appreciate the super kind and helpful advice, as well as the list of resources that I’m keeping on reserve for if/when she wants to process things out loud. Thank you all so much for your compassion for a tough situation, hope you all have a wonderful holi(gay) season!

Carmen: Thank you for sending us this update. I’m wishing you so much comfort, warmth, and light this winter.

Nico: I’m so glad to hear they’ve broken up. I am also happy that the advice was helpful because the thing about this advice boxes, is that we don’t often get updates so we don’t know how things turned out! Thank you so much for this update.

Hi! Just wanted to thank you’re for your new crosswords. They are spot on. Put me in a good mood and cater to the nerd within.

Laneia: You simply have no idea how much this pleases meeeeeeeee !

Viv are you the wizard behind the portraits on the fundraiser posts??? they are RAAAAADIAAAANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they should be murals!! thank you for blessing us with these masterpieces!

Nico: Viv did a fantastic job!!!!!! Everyone looks awesome in these.

Viv: omg thank u :>

Carmen: I’m just here to agree, they were art!!!

Feeling somehow even EXTRA grateful for Autostraddle as a space, my internet home for 9.5 years now. Please ask for more money in your next fundraiser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cushion for you all is cushion for all of us. Its not asking too much to have some cushion for a rocky road you have been traveling for a very long time with very little support. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Nico: Thank you SO SO MUCH!! That fundraiser was an absolute WHIRLWIND, a DREAM COME TRUE! As I pack the perks and send them out, I am filled with so much gratitude and love for y’all and everyone who helped. This space truly exists because a bunch of queer people got together and decided to make it possible and that is truly, utterly magical.

And re: asking for more: while we would love to have a bigger cushion of money, we can only ask for so much at a given time or within a given year because due to not being a nonprofit, the carried over funds would look like “profit” and we don’t want to waste your hard-earned money by giving it away to the US government more than is necessary. Trust us, we are doing everything with a great deal of thought and as much forward planning as we can, given the circumstances and external factors we have to work with. I WILL say that the best thing for us is consistent, monthly support, in case anyone would like to know!

Also here to agree with Riese below and say that I really hope that if we need to fundraise early in the year in the coming year to keep going, that maybe that is the time we can ask for more to make 2023 a less frightening year!

Riese: That’s very true. And the other true thing is that in the past, fundraisers have taken WEEKS to reach a goal like $145k, so although we initially considered a higher fundraising goal, we ended up going with a more conservative one because we didn’t want it to take six weeks to do because they are so hard on the team, especially Nico, time-wise! So we only asked for what we needed to make it through the year. But you turned up so quickly and so wholeheartedly!!! Which was so very heartwarming!!! Hopefully everyone will bring a similar spirit to our next fundraiser because those funds are just enough to get us through January.

I can’t even express how much I love the new Autostraddle Games vertical!!! Seriously, this is the best thing since sliced bread. I love Autostraddle and I love games (especially crossword puzzles) and this is literally improving my quality of life on a daily basis! Thank you!

Kayla: I AGREEEEE!!!!!! They are the best way to start the day!!!!!!!!

Carmen: I’m so glad!

Anya: Yessssssss! I love them!!

Nico: SO EXCITED FOR THIS!

Laneia: 😭

Riese: Me too I ply every day I love it!

Just wanted to say a belated thank you to Kayla for the excellent article on piecing together a League of Their Own costume! I FINALLY started watching the series two weeks ago (I know) and immediately decided I must be Carson for Halloween. My costume wasn’t fancy but the inspiration in the article helped me figure out what to prioritize looking for at the thrift store and I got compliments on it all night long. THANK YOU!

Kayla: Yay!!! I’m so glad it was useful! I’m a big fan of DIY costumes and love to help others piece together theirs.

Carmen: This was truly Kayla’s community service, right? This and Yellowjackets DIY, this is when she carried us.

File this under all-consuming need to share. I went on the AS / REI hike in Chicago this Saturday and it was great!! It was a beautiful day, I met so many great people and Shelli recognized my screen name and gave me a hug!!!!!

But. Walking 2.5 miles (plus the walks to the el stop) convinced me that I needed to replace my beloved but 10+ years old hiking shoes. Seriously. Not only did my feet hurt but so did my back. So I went to REI the very next day. Not only did I get the awesome new hiking shoes I went for but I found the outdoorsy tomboy femme hat of my dreams and a couple other things too.

So I just needed to tell you this so you can tell REI that partnering with AS is good for them!

Anya: Well this is just music to my ears!! So glad to hear you had such a fun time at the walk — it honestly exceeded all our hopes and dreams!! We loving partnering with REI, and I’m definitely going to tell them about how the event inspired you to go to your local REI and buy some new gear!!!

Carmen: Ahhh! I’m so glad you had fun!!

I wrote in for advice last month (LTRs, Q10) and Nico’s advice made me cry (in a good way!) and was just perfect. thank you thank you, we will make it work

Nico: Thank you so much for sharing this. Thinking of you and sending you so much love!!!

Heather, “If my 25-year-old self could see me now, she wouldn’t even believe it. I am living my absolute wildest dreams.” made me tear up! I so strongly second the commenter who wrote “every stage of my life so far has been better than before, and this is such a heartening read that I can just keep getting more and more solidly myself!” Thank you for all of your words — they always strike a chord.

Heather: And thank YOU for reading and for YOUR kind words. They truly do mean the world to me.

Just want to say thanks for all the book lists over the years! Been scrolling through and they are so great.

Kayla: Yay! Glad they’re useful, and I promise there are more and more coming!

Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #44

Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature is now bi-monthly and advice questions go into our twice monthly Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

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MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

the platinum membership had me thinking – would autostraddle ever think about doing a queer book subscription? a surprise lgbtq+ book every month (or like a box of 3 / quarter) as a merch option? or are the logistics of this way too complicated?

Nico: Ha! So! I looked into this, believe it or not, when beginning work on the book club, and there does not appear to be a service that we can get to do this for us. Which means we would have to ship out books. And like, look, I have to live down the street from my mail carrier. He finds me when I am walking outside and gives me criticism about how I have packed various perks packages when I ask him to pick them up. If he doesn’t like the way I’ve done something or it’s inconvenient, he won’t pick them up!!! DO YOU THINK he will tolerate a monthly book club? I don’t. I also don’t think it’s feasible from a labor resources perspective. But, yes, when someone decides to create a business that is simply, bespoke book subscription fulfillment. Heck, I’d love to know about them!!

For all the *incredible* ALOTO content y’all are putting out, I can’t believe Amazon didn’t throw any advertising dollars at Autostraddle! Who do I complain to?? 🤔 no but seriously Is there something we can do as fans of ALOTO and AS to make more ad dollars flow in your direction via the popularity of the show right now?

Anya: Boy oh boy, how we wish we could’ve brought that to fruition! We gave it our best shot, but for reasons beyond our control, it didn’t end up happening. We totally agree with you — it would’ve been great. If you want to help us, feel free to leave comments about how much you’d love to see more sponsored content on our site, especially when it’s about your favorite gay TV shows!

Riese: If anybody reading this works for Prime Video’s marketing or advertising departments, advocate for us! So many of the great brands we’ve gotten to work with over the years has been because Autostraddle readers got jobs at those brands and suggested us as potential publications when it came time to discuss the LGBTQ+ market. I wish we’d had the opportunity to build a brand partnership with Prime Video for ALOTO – and also for Paper Girls, which of course got cancelled. But we are hoping that all the great content we did has put us on their radar for a Season Two if there is one…. fingers crossed!!!

Is there going to be another pop-up Discord soon?

Nico: Yes! We are gonna have one NOT this weekend but next weekend. The announcement goes up soon! Put it on your calendars!

have you heard of Brave browser and BAT tokens? I just installed it for better privacy than chrome, and apparently I can give a kickback to my favourite creators, naturally I thought of autostraddle but I see you are not registered to receive credit from them. Might be worth looking into as an affiliate type option?

Nico: Can the person who wrote in about this email me and explain it to me like I’m five? I’m so sorry I’m just like…yes we’d love a kickback but I am so stretched right now and understanding this is…hard? I AM SORRY I SOUND LIKE CHER FROM CLUELESS RIGHT NOW. (nico[at]autostraddle[dot]com). I am always interested in little trickles that add up though!!! Thank you for thinking of us :D

Is there any possibility of a couples autostraddle subscription? Like… I know theoretically we could just separate ones, but that’s not the anniversary gift vibe I want it to be. Also, Do Revenge fashion edit would be life changing and absolutely my favourite article of the year.

Nico: Our subscription system is limited and simple, so not anytime soon, unfortunately. I know a lot of couples just share a password, which, look, this is a voluntary donation. We’re not Netflix. If you’re looking to give a gift though, we DO have gift subscriptions, which could be cute.

There used to be a page that was a searchable directory of businesses/stores with autostraddle affiliate links and/or discount codes. Is that still a thing? Haven’t been able to find it lately but would love for autostraddle to get a cut when I buy stuff :)

Riese: There is not! The rules around affiliate marketing have evolved over the years and that kind of thing is no longer okay to do, sadly! But hopefully you can still find good stuff through the recommended links in our shopping posts, which all remain robustly affiliate linked. <3

Nico: Right, any recent shopping post will have a link, and the A+ marketplace, while most of the businesses there are too small to have affiliate programs, will likely have affiliate partners included in the future, and in fact both period product companies are affiliate partners of ours!

I legit did not realize the Emmys were on tonight (a Monday night?!?! Are they always on a Monday??) and I was like aren’t they later this year…. but then I thought “Oh wait the Autostraddle Emmy’s happened, so they must be on!” 🤪 thank you for reminding me what day it isssssss

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

Yesterday (10/5) was dubbed National Scissoring Day by All Elite Wrestling. I’ve had a desperate desire to see a queer take on the Acclaimed and their usage of scissoring for ages, and this seems like a great opportunity to bring it to y’alls attention. Do with it as you will.

So, story time. There’s a tag team, the Acclaimed, whose whole thing is that they scissor their fingers together like a cool secret handshake. They do it to audience members, to each other, to their opponents as a sign of respect, and in one very memorable moment, to the ref, Aubry, when she was calling out that they’d only made it to two in the count out. In recent months, they’ve become a wrestling found family with Billy Gunn, AKA Mr. Ass, AKA Daddy Ass (because he has two wrestler sons, and chose the Acclaimed over his sons, it was very dramatic). They loudly and emphatically yell “Scissor me, Daddy Ass!” when they walk out. There are t-shirts that say this. They proclaimed yesterday National Scissoring Day to celebrate them winning the tag team titles a couple weeks ago, and a huge crowd of people brought in homemade scissors and scissored in the crowd. At one point last night, Anthony Bowens (my fav, he himself part of our family), leapt off the ropes and literally scissored another guy in the more traditional sense (crotch to crotch, you know).

All this is to say: I love the Acclaimed. Everyone loves the Acclaimed. But what does it mean that two seemingly cis men, at least one of whom is queer, have taken scissoring to this new height and meaning, and have gotten hundreds if not thousands of people, many straight, to scissor each other?

Kayla: A thing about me is that I actually got very into professional wrestling for like one year in college, mostly due to one of my friends being very into professional wrestling. And I don’t think it was a coincidence that I ended up coming out THAT SAME YEAR OF COLLEGE because wrestling, my friend, is indeed bizarrely queer even when not explicitly so. I see so much overlap between wrestling and drag tbh! It’s theater! It’s spectacle! The Looks are very good!

Nico: I was just talking to a fellow queer about how we both want to be more into wrestling. And…I feel like this tells me I need to make a point of that in my life?

Laneia: I need you to know that learning about this kind of ruined my life, but thank you.

Would I purchase and treasure a bound copy of all the Diner Week essays complete with illustrations? You bet your ass I would! ☕️🥞🍴 just some food for thought

Kayla:: I looooove this idea, and I loooooove print media, and I hope one day AS can do some sort of project along these lines! (Though I do feel obligated to say just for logistical reasons that we can’t actually implement this for Diner Week specifically, especially as it pertains to the art BUT I DO LIKE THE ENERGY OF THIS IDEA and think one day a physical thing you can hold in your hands with written work from our writers would be incredibly meaningful and fun.)

Viv:: I appreciate your kind words! Creating the Diner Week art was super fun but the sources of the imagery I used in the collages are all over the place and I’m not confident we would have the right to monetize for those sorts of reasons. But this is a great idea and I think you can look forward to something like this from us in the future ;)

Nico: For sure, there’s a difference between “editorial” use for an image and “commercial” use for an image, so we’d potentially run into licensing issues if we were to actually sell the art, unfortch. BUT I AGREE WHAT IF WE HAD A PHYSICAL BOOK OF SOME KIND!!??

Probably already aware of this but Vulture did a piece on the masterpiece ‘D.E.B.S.’

Heather: Yes! I loved it! It was such a nice surprise! I included it in that week’s Pop Culture Fix!

All consuming need to share – I’m obsessed with the writers & episode directors of A League of Their Own – Mfoniso Udofia (also queer) and Shanaz Toossi are playwrites with their own plays that make me want to live in New York so I can see them. Desta Tedros Reff is a queer documentary and horror film maker & has two kids. Michelle Badillo made One Day at A Time as fabulous as it was and is also in Vida. Chik Agwuna has also written for Tuca & Bertie and Brooklyn Nine Nine. Gbemisola Ikumelo is of course Clance and won a BAFTA for her comedy Brain in Gear. Ayoka Chenzira, born in 1953, has been making films since she was 17 including experimental & cross genre work including animation and interactive films (and her mom owned a beauty salon like Toni!). Jamie Babbit made a film called But I’m a Cheerleader. Em Weinstein made a play about lesbianism in the Women’s Army Corps in World War II. And this isn’t even everyone!!!

Heather: Oh wow, I cannot wait for you to get into the full Jamie Babbit canon! In addition to so many queer movies, she’s also done queer shows: Awkwafina Is Nora from Queens, Only Murders in the Building, Russian Doll, Go On, Supergirl, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and The L Word!

Anya: Yes, it’s so cool to see writers and generally just talented queers from every industry inundating the world of TV! I got to see two of Mfoniso Udofia’s plays back when they were up here in NYC, and they were incredible — I really loved The Sojourners. She’s incredible!!!

Kayla: Truly a DREAM TEAM!!!!

Riese: I need to see the play about lesbianism in the women’s army corps in world war 2 asap

In case ya’ll haven’t heard of them, Woxer is my new favourite company for underwear. I literally found them from an instagram ad, but I really love them. The fabric is great, the size options are awesome, the diversity of models on their website and IG is wonderful, and they ship to Canada! Honestly, these are replacing all my TomboyX underwear, because, unlike TomboyX, the fabric is thin enough that it doesn’t feel bulky under skinny jeans, but also strong enough that it doesn’t develop holes after only a few washes. I have never seen them referenced or reviewed on AS anywhere, so I thought I’d share!

Laneia: I WANT THESE FOR XMAS.

Kayla: I think I’m gonna buy some of these for the #1 butch in my life (my partner!). Thanks for the tip!

Nico: I’ve been wearing these for a while and they honestly ruined all other underwear for me. I emailed them about the Marketplace so if you work for Woxer and want to offer a discount to our members so we can encourage everyone to wear some really comfy undies, hit me up!

For those that are inclined towards pocket squares, and like the colour yellow…

Kayla: I have never technically self-identified as someone who is inclined toward pocket squares but I absolutely could develop an inclination toward pocket squares especially since my toxic trait is sometimes looking at the hideous white men of the television program Southern Charm and thinking to myself that I like their like golf dad outfits. To be FAIR I want to see my gf in their golf dad outfits. And I also want to see her in a pocket square moment!

Laneia: 🥹

Riese: I would like a pocket square situation for my SUIT yes

A short and sweet little piece of writing on a Black woman-owned queer bar in Chicago 🥂

Kayla: Punch’s bev coverage is so delightful, especially on the queer bar beat!

Laneia: Well damn I love this so much. The Casa Madre sounds perfect and now I wish to go to Chicago specifically for this experience!

Carmen: I have been dying to go to Nobody’s Darling!! DYING!!!! I’ve been so obsessed with it from afar. A friend of mine just had a first date there just a few weeks ago, in fact.

Nico: I love this!

Just want to make sure Kayla knew about this: My Neighbors Are Dead – Yellowjackets with Katie Rich #myNeighborsAreDead via @PodcastAddict

Kayla: Wow I love the entire concept of this podcast. I shall be listening!!!!

NPR editors pick; Nice shout-out to queer music on Latin America. Especially in those regions where support of anti LGBTQ+ is prevalent.

Laneia: Whaddaya know I also love THIS. Y’all are very good at finding things on the internet.

Kayla: Well this made me feel a very special heart-feeling. <3

Carmen: I love this, love this. LOVE THIS.

this is a great reported piece, hopefully to be shared in a roundup for all readers: “How beauty standards for LGBTQ people impact body image, mental health”

Carmen: Very interesting! Thanks for sharing!

i’m not tech savy, so maybe a tech person knows better. anyway: i learned you can go to snowflake.torproject.org and enable people in Iran to use the internet while their access is blocked. you don’t need to download anything and can switch it off at any time. I understood it to be a safe and easy way to help fight censorship. maybe it is of interest to others, too!

Kayla: Truly I know nothing about things like this work, but I’m going to talk to one of my cyber-savvy friends about it to see what she knows because this does indeed seem cool if it’s as simple as it sounds!

Carmen: Definitely sounds cool. I also want to know if it’s as easy as it sounds! Because that is great.

Maybe you already covered this and I missed it, but the awesome Scottish singed-songwriter/pop star Emeli Sandé came out and got engaged and I feel like it should be celebrated!

Laneia: Love not being a lie is the best part of being alive on this little planet!

Kayla: Every time another pop star comes out is a personal win for me, a lover of pop and gays.

I am visiting Hamburg and I stumbled across this very cool feminist sex shop while I was looking for a vegetarian cafe! Staff were super helpful and knowledgeable and I am glad I made it past the cool postcards by the door. Definitely worth a visit for anyone in the area (and I did also find the cafe which was next door and also very good :))

Laneia: This sounds like the perfect neighborhood wtf.

Kayla: This shop looks cool as hell and it sounds like you are having a very good Hamburg trip!

Boebert being a giant dumbass as per usual, but omg the resulting tweets are internet gold

Kayla: Lesbian dance theory is indeed the technical term for how when I was forced to do cotillion classes as a closeted middle schooler, I would always make sure I was at the very end of the “girl line” during the “grand processional” which was how all ballroom dance classes began where girls and boys would be paired off together as dance partners in this very formal ritual but there were always more girls signed up for cotillion than boys so if you were at the end and they ran out of boys you got to dance with a girl.

This is a bit random, but I’ve come across this Australian podcast series called “The Trap” about coercive control and domestic violence. It’s really well-made and I’m recommending it to everyone now, including AS, I guess lol. Anyway, it focuses mainly on straight relationships, but I imagine the mechanisms are similar to other types of relationships. It can definitely be triggering for some people, so please be aware of that.

Kayla: I must admit this is not my usual listening bag, but I think it could be helpful for a lot of people!

Y’all may be a bit to old for this to mean much to you but Ashly Perez and Chantel Houston, two internet creators who formerly worked at Buzzfeed, just got married after keeping their relationship private for 6 years!! As a queer teen I spent endless hours watching buzzfeed videos instead of doing my homework so this is very exciting and unexpected (at least to me lol). They announced it on their social media. Also their ceremony was officiated by other former Buzzfeed creators Curly Velasquez and Quinta Brunson.

Laneia: HOW OLD DO YOU THINK WE ARE.

Nico: Laneia! LMAO

a typo (as far as I can tell) in the pop culture fix about ERWB as Madonna — the first bullet point refers to Daniel Radcliffe as Danielle Radcliffe

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

Why aren’t we talking about Sarah Barrios?

Kayla: We can be! Music coverage often comes down to who our writers are excited about right now and there’s an interesting “problem” right now which is that there are like…so many! Queer! Musicians! WHICH I OBVIOUSLY LOVE IT, IT IS AMAZING AND PERFECT!!!!! But it makes it hard to keep track of EVERYONE and give them the space they deserve! I put on a Spotify playlist the other day that was exclusively LGBTQ+ artists and kept being surprised when there was someone on it who I didn’t know. It feels VERY COOL and DIFFERENT than how things were when I was first coming out ten-ish years ago.

Idk if you’ve already done this, but you should think about mentioning How To Build a Sex Room in your TV coverage! I just finished the show and I loved it! It’s like a HGTV show, but for a sex room! The people featured were diverse too, especially compared to the usual sort featured on home improvement type shows

Heather: Oh, interesting! I didn’t even know this show exists! If you like Property Brothers goofs, you should watch the second season of Girls 5 Eva — the payoff is so worth it!

Kayla: Ok someone had previously asked if Autostraddle was going to write a piece on How To Build a Sex Room and I did not realize it was a SHOW I just thought someone was requesting extremely specific DIY content????? Everything is making more sense now.

Nico: HAHAHA KAYLA. Can you imagine if this request was just like…rising from the zeitgeist? Suddenly, so many people are interested in building sex rooms. WHY won’t Autostraddle TALK about it???

You probably already know about this since I saw it as an ad on AS, but what? There’s a Xena musical?! In NYC this month? Is it gay? If not, what’s the point? Will AS be reviewing it??

Anya: Haha yes! There was in fact a musical version of Xena! And yes, thank goodness, it was gay. We were so excited to get to work with their team to spread the word to our audience!!

Kayla: Reviewing live theater is tricky because not everyone has access to it, so we tend to stick with more personal essay-style writing about live events/theater/etc. BUT I DO WANT MORE THEATER PIECES. Pitch me, writers!

Dear Autostraddle, I really love your work! Thanks for everything that you do, it means more than I can put into words here :) When I heard that Paper Girls was cancelled, I was both angry and sad, especially in the light of the frequent cancellation of lesbian shows after just one season. There is a petition for a second season, and I know that there are way more important petitions to way more crucial contents, but I wanted to check nevertheless whether you can somehow include or highlight it in an article or bring attention to it in another way: I love the show’s representation and many of the issues it touched upon, and I would be grateful if you chose to support it. Thank you for your consideration. Warmest wishes

Heather: Thank you for sharing this with us, friend! I’ll drop it into the next Pop Culture Fix!

Hey team, would it be possible for someone to write an article with advice and options about top surgery? It’s something I’ve been considering and I’ve spoken to a few friends about it and they’ve all told me they got most of their info online in chat rooms and message boards. The idea of that is daunting to say the least. I don’t trust strangers to tell me what vacuum to buy, let alone something so personal and permanent. But I do trust Autostraddle. I would love a round up of the various surgical options, with the differences of each, like recovery time, aesthetic, nipple sensation, etc. Any team members who’ve had top surgery could weigh in if they get comfortable, with their choice of surgery, reason they chose it, experiences, etc. I understand you probably can’t go into detail about costs and availability and what hoops you have to jump through to qualify for every jurisdiction (I’m in Toronto, Canada btw so cost probably isn’t a concern, I think?) I have an appointment with my family doctor next month so honestly I’m just looking for some information as a starting point so I can know what to even ASK her about. Thanks so much!

Carmen: So first of all, I’m really excited and happy that you’re on the first steps to this journey and figuring out what feels good for you and for your body, that’s already a big fucking deal and you are doing it!! Especially because, as you said, it can be a really overwhelming process. I’m proud of you.

The second thing is that yes! We actually were working with a writer on a piece that was almost exactly as you outlined here, but a few years ago? Right before the pandemic. And unfortunately that writer ended up being very busy with their day job and not finishing the piece. But we’d love to pick it up again! Especially after your comment in our A+ box, which Nico forwarded to us in the office immediately. I’m going to be looking into what that kind of piece looks like for us and reaching out to some journalists and writers I know who’ve had top surgery to see if they’d be interested in taking on coordinating or participating in a roundtable or an explainer that touches on all these points, but I don’t think we’ll have it before your consultation next month. This kind of project takes a few weeks (to a few months!!) of advance planning, and especially for medical reporting you want to make sure you have all the i’s dotted and t’s crossed.

So I’m sorry we won’t have this by November, but it’s firmly on my radar. You’re definitely helping to make us better for the next queer person who’s looking, and I thank you for that and for your generosity. If I can speakly quickly on behalf of the rest of Autostraddle (they don’t know I’m doing this, but I’m sure they’d agree) best of luck on your consultation! We’re with you. And I hope you get everything that you need. If there’s any A+ members who are reading this and have any suggestions for questions this member should remember to ask in their consultation, please share!

Nico: Sending you tons of well-wishes for your top surgery 💗💗💗 Thank you for writing in!!

Not sure this is a hot tip—more of a request! Now, do Taylor Swift’s politics SUCK? yes! do i love her music and have i thought she was queer since The Way I Loved You? also yes! Any chance we can get a couple articles, listicles, or round tables on her next month? Everyone (who wants to) shares their favorite gayest/queerest song, or if/when they think she’ll come out publicly, or if that feels scummy, guesses for what will be on the new album, themes or imagery or style (more like evermore/folklore or like 1989/reputation or something else?) appreciate you always & no pressure/complete respect if this coverage doesn’t happen!

Heather: I think Taylor Swift has become a cultural Boggart and/or Patronus. (I’m sorry for using Harry Potter analogies here, I know JK Rowling is complete and total garbage, but it’s the only reference I have to describe what I mean.) It’s like, you know most musicians, they release an album and if you’re a fan, you engage with it; and if you’re not a fan, maybe you hear a song or two on Spotify or the radio and you either skip it or you don’t, but it doesn’t really register to you more than something you’re just kinda shruggy about? Not Taylor Swift! She comes out with new music and everyone on earth has got to: a) have an opinion about her, b) share an opinion about her, and c) it has to be the most extreme and dramatic opinion possible, and most of the information that informs those opinions is just like urban legend at this point. It’s like everyone goes bananas for weeks, projecting all their anger onto her and so then she takes that creepy form, or projecting all their hopes and dreams onto her and she takes that glowing form. There’s just no way to publish anything about her without the internet going completely berserk in one way or another. So I think that’s why we’ve basically bowed out of trying to talk about it with any kind of nuance or even jokiness. My favorite song from her new album is the snow at the beach one; I like how it starts like a Christmas song and says “fuck” so many times. Craig Jenkins’ review over at Vulture is a masterpiece, as usual.

Riese: Despite the fact that the very first viral piece ever published on this website was by me and was a bit anti-Taylor-Swift I do still enjoy her music very much and would probably still click on any of the stories you suggested tbh!!!

Laneia: I got my blood moon colored album in the mail today and there were BLUE TISSUE PAPER CONFETTI STARS IN THE BOX and I thought that was so cute.

Hi! I remember after last year’s survey (and just from reading comments from folks) that there are a good chunk of readers working in education. I’m a teacher and I would love a membertomember or some sort of content directed towards people working with youth. Now a bonus story: This week I told a student (7th grader) that she couldn’t call another student Miss. Halitosis. Her immediate response was “Well, we could call you Ms. Kitty Litter…because we know your pillow smells like pussy.” Was that supposed to be an insult?? I truly thought she was gonna say that I smell like cats because I have 4 of them who love to lay on my clothes. I have other queer teacher friends (even at my school) but want to connect with more of them to share ideas and debrief experiences. Thanks!

Nico: DID YOU GO TO THE EDUCATOR MEMBER2MEMBER post?! This was for you! Inspired by you and this message! I hope it’s helpful and thank you for writing in!!

I’m headed to Redding, CA for the weekend— any advice, where do the queers go in this town??🌲 Any queer and/or BIPOC owned businesses to check out and support? Any insights are much appreciated! 🤗

Kayla: I have never been to Redding! But my general approach to finding cool people/stuff in a new city is to find an independent bookstore and start there. It looks like Redding’s got one: https://shoparoundthecornerbooks.com/

Carmen: I do the same as Kayla, but for ice cream! And so, may I present you with: Taste and See Creamery.

I know that there hasn’t been much anime related content on autostraddle, but I think what I had seen in the past was somewhat nostalgic? In any case, there’s a new Gundam anime called Witch from Mercury that seems to be borrowing heavily from queer classic Revolutionary Girl Utena. It’d be interesting to see if the queer undertones continue. Currently it has the protagonist having just won a duel which resulted in her now being engaged to another girl. …thanks for reading this. Always love Autostraddle.

Heather Yes! I included a link about it in a Pop Culture Fix a few weeks ago! I’ve got my eye on it!

Hi, my partner and I have been watching the A League of Their Own tv show which is SO GOOD and SO GAY! Would love to maybe see a Style Thief for both the butch and femme characters on the show? My partner is specifically trying to figure out how to dress like Jess but appropriate for 2022 lol!

Kayla: Friend, I did this exact thing, and I’m so excited to share it with you! Here’s the Jess/Lupe one specifically.

seeking advice for people who live in apartments and care about being at least somewhat considerate of neighbors: when is Too Early to use loud gadgets like blenders or vacuum cleaners? when is Too Late? friends i ask do not have a universal answer for this so I want some gay writers to settle it!

Kayla: I think this is all extremely subjective tbh! It depends on your neighbors’ work schedules and how soundproofed your place is and other little details like that! I’m of the belief that there aren’t really hard rules here but it’s more about figuring out what’s best for your space and for your specific context. I live in a duplex and my neighbor told me she works from 7 to 7 Sunday through Thursday, so I make a lot of choices based on that! But regardless of where I live I think I generally stick to a “quiet hours” vibe from like 11pm to 7am. We have a very loud (but effective!!!!!!) carpet/rug cleaning machine for when we have pet mishaps and we try not to use that after 9pm.

Anya: Personally, I think after 6:30 AM and before 9:00 PM you are allowed to do loud things. I try to save vacuuming for the middle of the day, since it’s not usually extremely pressing that I vacuum precisely at 11 o’clock at night.

Carmen: Anya if my neighbor did something loud at 6:31am, I would simply have to commit a murder. (My apartment building guidelines start at 9am for like, construction business level of loud, and — as someone who’s notoriously not a morning person, that feels good to me. I think “using the blender loud” depends more on how thick your walls are? But I agree with Kayla, 7am-11pm are ok hours for appliance noise. I’d probably wait until the middle of the day for a vacuum.)

Laneia: I would say 8am to 8pm for loud business!

Viv:: Resident night owl chipping in here to say no one’s gonna hear your blender, maybe your vacuum cleaner but if it’s a tiny handheld one it’s chill. I draw the line at washing machines since I once ran a load at 3 am and sat in complete anxiety as it thud-thud-rattled for 1.5 hours.. But I think if you receive a complaint just have some earplugs on hand as a reconciliation gift!

Carmen:: Also a night owl, and yes I also agree with Viv.

Nico: lol we all have different answers but I agree with Laneia! 8am to 8pm. Anya if you did something loud at 6:30am I would have to come have some words with you lol.

Hi Laneia! I just moved to the Southwest from a different climate. What should I know??

Laneia: First you should get at least three enormous, well insulated water bottles. Buy yourself some moisturizing nasal gel and go to town, especially at night. Ferns will not survive here, so even though you might be thinking you’ll get one to remind you of home, do not, for it will shrivel up and die, making you even sadder. In fact, buy all your plants from a local nursery and ask them lots of questions. Have I mentioned it is very dry here? If you’re living in the suburbs and honestly even if you’re living downtown, get out of there at least once a month — go to a mountain or a national forest, really anywhere that puts you face to face with nothing but what the earth made itself. Find the weird little ghost towns and visit them often enough that you know the best places to eat and the woman at the handmade soap shop remembers your name. Get some blackout curtains to help keep your house cooler during the day (you know, except for that one room where all your southwestern plants are living; don’t put the curtains in there). AND HAVE A CUTE TIME OKAY.

Kayla: It’s not the southwest exactly but I briefly lived in Vegas and had to change my entire skincare, beauty, and bathing routine to all new products to accommodate for the dryness — ESPECIALLY HAIR PRODUCTS.

In the September Autostraddle Insider, Vanessa is rocking what looks to be a beautiful diamond ring on her left-hand ring finger. Vanessa, do you have… news?

Vanessa: Hello sweet observant reader! I do have news! My news is that I am engaged! If you read my Time Travel essay back in February, you’ll recall that I fell deeply in love with a friend this year. Honestly I can’t be more eloquent about our love than I was in that essay, which is still my favorite thing that I wrote this year, but suffice it to say I am very very happy and feel very very lucky to be marrying my babe. Our wedding will be this coming summer, on the dyke land in Southern Oregon that I’ve written about a lot here, and that both my partner and I consider one of our homes. Our tiny dog Zucchini (also a published author on Autostraddle) will be the ring bearer.

I have no one else to talk about this with but— the FEAR that Dee-Lite’s Groove Is In the Heart strikes in me after watching Search Party 😱 it came on my workout mix this morning and I almost jumped out of my skin!

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

Just wanted to apologize for the 2-part advice question but thank you for publishing it despite that! I really appreciate it. Will definitely keep it to the limit if I write in again. Thanks so much for your kindness!!

Nico: Thank you but also Y’all!!! I keep getting more mult-part advice q’s! You have to fit them into the allotted character space. You can do it. I believe in you!!! I know it seems like we need many, many details, but like, here’s a formula: Your problem + an example of said problem + and particular circumstances that we maybe won’t or can’t assume = should be all we need. Unfortunately, we can’t ask our writers to read several thousand words of personal history for one of what could be 15 advice questions total because then it’s like asking folks to read a whole novel! It’s about everyone getting a fair amount of attention. We appreciate you!!

Hi Niko! I love your new comics column. Makes my heart sing. Have you ever read any series on Webtoons or Tapas that you’d be interested in recapping for this column? There’s a lot of quality queer stuff on there.

Niko: !! I haven’t read but I will!!! Thank you for this

I thought you should know that when I googled “lesbian Long Distance Relationship” back in 2013, it was with my new girlfriend at the time, the advice was helpful, and we are still dating <3 I wasn’t kidding about yall making possibilities for queer people.

Kayla: I love this, especially since I have done a fair share of writing about long distance relationships for this very website.

Laneia: WELL THIS PLEASES ME TO NO END. What if you named a cat after me?

Carmen: So cute!! So cute!!!

Nico: I love this!!!! Congrats and wishing you and your girlfriend SUCH HAPPY TIMES<3

Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #43

Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature is now bi-monthly and advice questions go into our twice monthly Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

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MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

Hi! Is there a way to pay the A+ subscription directly with a credit card, or is PayPal the only way? I hope they don’t take out too much for fees! I want to make sure as much $$ goes directly to y’all. Keep up the good work. You rock, don’t ever change.

Nico: Yes, you definitely can. But, unfortunately, due to the limits of our technology, you would need to cancel your current subscription that you’re paying for with PayPal and start a fresh new one that you pay for with a credit card. But yes, credit card is definitely an option! You can always email me if you have trouble doing this.

Hey, I just tried to find how to contribute to the pool from the front page. I googled instead and found the right page, but I thought there was meant to be a way from the AS front page, and I couldn’t find it for the life of me. Sorry if it is in fact very obvious.

Nico: It’s linked from our A+ sign-up page!

Is there going to be another pop-up Discord soon?

Nico: Yes, I think in the fall, although that’s sooner rather than later, isn’t it? Once everyone’s back from their various summer adventures and ready to get cozy inside again.

I love the Member2Member podcast swap!! what a great idea!! Thank you!! So many good recs!! 🎉

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

Carmen just wanted to make sure you knew about the Hot Ones episode with Queen Latifah!

Carmen: I AM SO FUCKING DELIGHTED TO KNOW THAT QUEEN LATIFAH IS MY BRAND!!!! Also please know that I obsessively watched this when it dropped, sent it to everyone I knew, forced multiple people to watch it while sitting next to me, and my favorite part is when Queen talks about Tupac performing at a gay club. Theeee best.

The straights have found hoochie daddy shorts based off this Buzzfeed article.

Laneia: 😔

Carmen: A fun fact is that the straights zeroing in on Hoochie Daddy shorts is precisely what led Shelli to pitch writing about Hoochie Daddy shorts! So this is a full circle.

Hi! A shameless & enthusiastic plug for queer mama of color Zerah Hernandez’s amazing shop where she sells gorgeous hand all-natural dyed clothing, accessories, and linens! Her work is at https://zerahhernandez.com and https://www.instagram.com/be.earth/. She also does commissions. Willing to bet someone reading this wants her ‘daisy bra’ – a red crocheted bra with daisies in the middle! She’s keeping ancestral plant & dyeing relationships alive <3

Nico: For context for Laneia’s answer, I asked if anyone was into crochet!!

Laneia: ME, it’s me. I want the daisy bra! And the olive/purple crop top sweater, and a silk scarf. It’s me.

This week’s episode of American Ninja Warrior featured a super sweet and moving coming out intro video from Barclay Stockett. Who slowly realized she was in love with her best friend and training partner, and they are now engaged. I guess she came out on social media in 2021, but the world is a trash fire and I missed it. But this was her big return to the course, and her very supportive (and hot! and very buff!) fiancé was there to cheer her on! Just in case there is room for another sports gay in No Filter. 🙂

Carmen: Ahhhhh!!!! I’m so happy for them! What a love story!

The new Queer As Folk. Spoilers. But I was watching the new queer as folk and of course with any ensemble queer story I’m thinking about the L Word. And I was like, this show needs a Phyllis. I loved Phyllis.

AND HOT DAMN. SPOILERS

But in episode 7. Sher, the fantastic hot nonbinary Zaddy of twins, flirts with her sperm donor’s (adopted) mom at a bar. This prompts Brenda (the sperm donors mom) to sing Maybe This Time at karaoke, and while she’s singing it cuts to both 1) Sher’s wife finally emotionally connecting with their child and 2) Sher being increasingly turned on. And then they fuck. I don’t know if I’m giving it credit. But iconic use of an overdone song. Phyllis The L Word is literally quaking. It’s fantastic. I was like, has autostraddle seen this?

Riese: We sure have!!

This is not a Hot Tip, it’s a Q-Tip: It may be old news, but today I learned the coiner of the phrase “baby gays” was possibly not us gays, but the inventor of the Q-Tip himself?!

Laneia: No sorry I reject this.

Carmen: I gotta say, I also do not love this.

Nico: GEEZE

Attention reality TV gays and sports gays! An this week’s American Ninja Warrior, five-time veteran Barclay Stockett came out in a v sweet segment that introduced her best-friend-turned-fiance Tee Jackson. I cried!

Anyone looking to get into the show, be warned that the inspiration porn treatment of disability can be hard to deal with and there’s lots of mention of competitors’ weights and heights.

Heather: Oh my gosh, I used to love this show! I’m gonna re-love it now, as soon as I find this clip! Thank you for the heads up; I’ll add it to next week’s Pop Culture Fix!

Kayla: Thanks for the tip! I am indeed a reality TV gay, but I tend to stick to Bravo. I used to be more into the competitive ones, but usually just competitive cooking shows.

I just discovered this library which you may already know about but anyway! Lots of books on queerness and disability and race and class all freely available! I’d been starting to worry that when I finish studying I’ll lose access to some of texts on here, so I’m delighted by this discovery.

Laneia: WELL THIS IS NEAT. Thank you for the heads up!

Carmen: Oooohhh I love this!

Nico: NOICE. Seriously, though, this is very cool.

I know I’m late to the scene, but I just started playing Stardew Valley after taking your quiz. I think I’m addicted now. If I get nothing done the rest of the summer, it’s on you A Team! ;)

Julie: Ahh, I’m so happy to hear that! Thanks so much for taking the quiz!! It really is the perfect little game. I wish your farm bountiful crops : )

Heather: Oooh who’d you marry? What’s your favorite crop to grow? Do you love or hate the fishing minigame? Have you found Lewis’ gold statue yet???

Viv: Get ready to sink your life into it and emerge … jaded …

Laneia: I gave up so early on in this game because I couldn’t get the hang of fishing, which is roughly 90% of my motivation for playing any game, and all this renewed talk of it is making me want to give it another try!

Nico: I also avoided the fishing for a long time but it’s still fun. I’ve been playing for two years…and am on year 2 of the game so I haven’t invested a TON of time, but it is really fun and whenever I do something actually outdoors I just call it LARPing Stardew Valley. Am I gardening? No, I am LARPing Stardew. Did I chat with and exchange produce from our gardens with one of my neighbors? Also LARPing Stardew. Did I forage some wineberries and put them in my kombucha’s second ferment? ALSO LARPING.

Just wanted to share some exciting news – I work for a union, and as a staff person, I am also a member of a union. The parties have been in bargaining for a new collective agreement, and just today we got the draft that will be sent for ratification. The good news is – our employer has accepted our demand to pay benefits for all costs related to gender confirmation treatments and surgeries! It includes everything from hormone replacement therapies to prosthetics, like breast forms and packers, as well as binders and gaffes and electrolysis and laser hair removal and all types of gender confirmation surgeries, including cosmetic surgeries for purposes of reliving gender dysphoria!

My friends, unions are AWESOME.

Laneia: HELL YEAH.

Carmen: YEAH THEY ARE!

Nico: I LOVE UNIONS!!!

I have PMDD & have so appreciated the posts y’all have done on endometriosis, periods, and premenstrual disorders :) So firstly, I wanted to say thank you for covering these topics on autostraddle!! And secondly, I wanted to share the following hot tip: the International Association of Premenstrual Disorders (IAPMD) has started a weekly online video support group for LGBTQIA+ folks. They meet on Fridays at 7pm EST. Just had their first meeting today and it was LOVELY! Sometimes it feels like PMDD is talked about in such a straight & cis way, and it was so nice to talk to folks who have a queer experience of premenstrual disorders. Here is the link to more information about that group and their other PMDD support groups. I just wanted to share this in case it might speak to any of y’all! It sounds like they’re planning to add a second lgbt/genderqueer support group meeting time as well in the near future.

Laneia: This is incredible and thrills me to no end tbqh!

Nico: Thank you for passing this along!

Hi! I work at Lambda Legal and am producing a new podcast called Making the Case about cases we’ve won, the strategy that went into those cases and the impact they’ve had on our community. It’s a 10-episode series of short 15-min conversations with our host Alex Berg and Lambda Legal lawyers. I think the Autostraddle readers may enjoy learning this queer history and might be intrigued to learn how we’ve won in the past and how that could shape our approach to fighting for and winning equality in the future. Thanks, Erika

Laneia: I love podcasts like this! What if I binge the whole thing while I’m learning how to fish in Stardew Valley what then.

Overwhelming need to share:

I have made significant progress towards a healthy relationship with drugs (alcohol was the majority of my problem) in the last nearly a year, in the midst of all this!

I work a seasonal lifestyle, and my summer work often has a drinking culture associated with it, and I have managed to continue to follow my goals despite taking part in the social aspect of my job!

When I drink it’s a real choice now!

It’s amazing!

All of the media I see promoting queer sobriety has been really helpful, which autostraddle has published quite a few articles, and the album by Best Coast “Always Tomorrow” has been wonderful

I love being in control of myself again! I love feeling like myself when not on drugs again!

Viv: Congrats!

Carmen: WE LOVE TO HEAR IT!! Congrats!!

Kayla: Congratulations — I’m really happy for you and proud of you! If you haven’t already, definitely check out our queer sobriety roundtable series. Also, Best Coast is my go-to beach day music!

Riese: Congratulations!!! I have been on a very similar journey, and it’s a really good one. It’s also one that’s made me way more aware of the culture we fostered here around drinking and at camp and I really love all of the sobriety content we’ve been publishing lately as well.

Laneia: I LOVE this for you ! “When I drink it’s a real choice now!” legitimately made me tear up!

Nico: This is fantastic news!! <3 We love this!

Mormon No More is a Hulu documentary about queer people and the Mormon faith. It is an interesting watch about faith, leaving faith, and navigating faith communities as queer people.

Laneia: It’s truly SO GOOD. I watched all four episodes while I was doing laundry one Saturday and was pausing it when I went back forth to get clothes/put things away which I NEVER DO because, as everyone knows, laundry documentaries are background business, but not this one!

I don’t recall seeing Brigid Alliance on the list of abortion funds to support (if it’s there and I missed it, so sorry!) but I wanted to make sure to pass it along as it seems like an excellent hub/resource for all levels of support a person could need when traveling for an abortion.

Carmen: Oh the Bridge Alliance sounds amazing, I’ll get them on there. I think it’s currently not on there because the list is organized by state and it seems like they work more nationwide, but also I think that approach makes a lot of sense, especially for an org that (it looks like) is based out of New York, where abortion is still legal. Anyway, I figure out a way to designate that they work nationally and get them on there. Thanks for pointing them out!

The Sandman has a pivotal lesbian character!

Kayla: Thank you! I believe we’re on it.

Heather: Yes! Valerie Anne wrote about it for you!!

Joanna Constantine is still canonically bisexual in “Sandman”.

Heather: The Sandman really has been one of the biggest surprises of the summer, huh? Don’t miss Valerie Anne’s review!

Nico: I’m only like 2 episodes in but YESSS she is!

My wife is watching baseball on tv rn and pointed out “That’s Roger Clemens’ son.” Thanks to Vanessa, I know who Roger Clemens is 😂❤️

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

Just saying, I would read a deep dive on all the Diner Week artwork. Viv is knocking it out of the park! Also, I wanna know about the image for Laneia’s hate fuck list – these are some very choice collage images and I want to know more !!

Nico: Viv is indeed absolutely obliterating everything with their art. It’s incredible. So, the thing is, with Laneia’s hate fuck list, there were a lot of very deliberate and intentional choices made, including the choices made around elements of the collage for the feature image. Laneia drew up the following list as inspo for Viv to work with and I have to say that it is, in and of itself, inspired:

dirtbag trauma center inspo:
smeared lipstick
old furniture upholstery (like that scratchy 70s patterned shit)
tiny sheer underwear on the ground by the bed
being barefoot on a wood floor that hasn’t been vacuumed
empty/near-empty bottles of miller high life on telltale surfaces like nightstands or the bathroom sink
an extremely worn out copy of some kurt vonnegut book
this ashtray
branded matchbooks from hotels, bars, autoshops
a large jar of pennies sitting on the floor
dead spider plant in the kitchen
1970 pontiac trans am
sherpa lined denim jacket
kill bill energy but without the jumpsuit
the woods in winter at dusk

Laneia: Unfortunately I’ve had lots of hands-on experience with dirtbags, so I was able to pull some inspo from the stack of memories I haven’t successfully repressed yet! Viv then proceeded to absolutely nail the entire vibe, down to the keychain. OOur conversation around the first version of the feature image included them saying, “The feet are attached too much to the rug,” which is a perfect sentence that I am now passing on to you.

desperately seeking a name for the hairstyle of “manbun but butch but not just a bun because only the top is long everything else is shaved and also I need to flag queerness” my hair is long enough for a unicorn-horn ponytail tuft and soon I will need to describe this in alt text on selfies!

Viv: It’s the Sokka haircut.

Laneia: Viv is, once again, correct. Also I love this hairstyle and am thrilled for you.

Dear Autostraddle,

I am really desperate for your assistance. I recently heard/watched Hamilton for the first time, by attending one of the touring performances in Vancouver. Obviously, it’s a powerful show, and it’s inspired many thoughts and feelings within me. I was also very excited to finally listen to Brittani Nichols and Khalehla Rixon’s “Hamilton The Podcast,” but to my horror and chagrin, most of the episodes are no longer online. I am hoping beyond hope that you can point me in the direction of a permanent repository of these podcast files, which I’ve been looking forward to listening to for six years!

Carmen: I am so sad to hear that most of the podcast episodes have been taken down!! I loved that podcast when it was first airing, I used to listen to it to/from the gym. Ummmm, I sadly don’t have an answer for you! But I’m glad that seeing the Hamilton tour was powerful for you. I’d love to know what was your favorite number, and if it changed from what was your favorite song on the soundtrack alone (if you listened to the soundtrack first) — my favorite song on the soundtrack is either “My Shot” or “The Reynolds Pamphlet,” my favorite number from the stage production is “Non Stop” and “In the Room Where it Happens.”

I don’t know if you have the OBC’s recording available on Disney+ in Canada, but if you do I also recommend that! I saw Hamilton on tour and also the Disney+ recording, and it’s very rare for a recording to hold up more than the experience of live stage for (which is to say, basically… never) but I really loved that production a lot. It might give you some of the rewatchabability that you’d get from the podcast. (Maybe one of us can track down B and ask about if there’s a secret stash of the podcast as well? But I don’t want to make any promises!!)

Anyone aware of a place I can watch Jeopardy online from Canada? I spent an embarrassingly long time searching because I want to watch the episodes with Amy Schneider and Mattea Roach, but did not find anything!

Heather: I’m too scared of getting in trouble to watch TV without paying for it, but I think you can accomplish this by using a free VPN!

Kayla: I am notoriously bad at the tech side of television! I’m sorry!

Y’all should totally make some mention of the adorable, queer, trans musical Teaching a Robot to Love! It really feels like what The Doubleclicks were put on this earth to create 😭

Heather: Well, I have never heard of this, but I promise you I will be looking it up immediately to feature in the Pop Culture Fix!

Dear AS writers,
I saw an article here and now I can’t find it, so it might have been a dream. This is what I think I remember: It mentioned a movie that is yet to come out and included the trailer. The genre was horror and it was said to be fun. I did watch the trailer and it did indeed look fun. In my memory, it was something like a satire and looked quite wild? Please help!

Kayla: Hmmm it’s not ringing a bell for me and I’m usually pretty on top of our horror coverage even when I’m not the one writing it!

Carmen:Yeah — I am so sorry, I wish we could help out! Unfortunately, we do a variety of “this fun/satire/horror/comedy movie looks gay and we’re excited, here’s the trailer!” type posts! So I wouldn’t know how to narrow this down.

BUT I think based on the description above that you might be into Bodies Bodies Bodies? Which Kayla just wrote about for us!

Nico: If you want to give us more info about some details in the trailer we can try to figure this out in the comments!

I just re-watched Desert Hearts and everyone’s outfits are so good!! The button ups! The tapered pants! The baggy fits! I’d love to see a fashion piece about how to imitate some of those looks.

Kayla: I will take this under advisement! In the meantime, Christina’s The Birdcage style guide is full of baggy fits and tapered moments.

Hi, I have looked all over the internet, but I have not seen the answer to this question. Do y’all happen to know when Derry Girls Season 3 is coming to US Netflix? Or other US platforms? Thank you.

Kayla: It looks like there has not been an official announcement yet, but I bet it’s before 2023.

Autostraddle How To Build A Sex Room roundtable when

Kayla: The DIY content we need AND deserve. (If I can put on my editor hat for a moment, I don’t think a roundtable is the shape it would take, but I do love the idea of lots of perspectives on sex rooms!)

Laneia: Is this your way of saying I need to watch this damn show? Because I’ll do it but only if one of you tells me it’s truly worth my time.

Carmen: That show is WILDDDD to me!

Nico: I haven’t watched all of it yet but where do we get sponsors to give us equipment for all of our own personal setups, hmm?

A request for an upcoming installment of Fish Party: Can Kayla teach us all how to make an Italian tuna sandwich?

Kayla: Friend, I had no idea what an Italian tuna sandwich is, and instead of Googling, I decided to phone an Italian-American, my friend and writer for this very website, Stef Rubino. I just texted them “what’s an Italian tuna sandwich” with very little to no context. Hold on, they’re typing. Okay, we’ve got an answer. Stef says: “basically if you replace the celery and onions of a regular tuna salad with capers, artichoke hearts, green olives, and shallots and then put like some crushed red pepper, mayo, AND lemon juice, that’s it. Usually on ciabatta or some Italian ass bread like that.” Okay, see, I’m glad I asked an expert!!!!!! But yes, I can probably write about this more in depth as part of Fish Party, which will be fitting, because Stef is a regular attendee of the Fish Parties at my place! ADDENDUM: Stef just followed-up to say you also gotta throw some anchovies in there. Wow okay I’m gonna go make this now??????

Viv: We will teach you in Kayla drag

I’m not sure if anybody has commented on it, but “From” has two bisexual women, one of whom is polyamorous. There’s also another woman whose sexuality isn’t defined, but she shows interest in the polyamorous woman. (Warning: this is a horror show, with brutal, graphic deaths.)

Carmen: Noted!!

There’s a new horror film on Shudder that I don’t think I’ve seen covered here! It’s called Revealer, and it stars Caito Aase (you’ll recognize them from 2 In the Bush) and Shaina Schrooten, both of whom are queer (and absolute angels), and the film has a queer twist. There’s also a comic book in the works as a companion to the film. It’s a fun indie ride and has a lot of heart, and the dynamic between Shcrooten and Aase is everything.

Nico: I watched the trailer for this like three times, truly need to start my Shudder back up I guess.

Kayla: Love Shudder, love horror, love queer twists. Will check this out!

Love in the Flesh (Hulu) British dating show where couples who have been online only meet in person for the first time. Features a pair of queer women.

Kayla: Sounds fun! And tumblry! And that’s a compliment from moi.

Heather: Why’d they name it such a creepy thing! It sounds like a zombie dating show!

Nico: Definitely just sounds like a dating show for people who are into cannibalism and/or butchers.

Hi!! I’ve been reading about “pastel Q-anon” and I think it would make a great topic for Riese’s “Obsessed” column. It’s fascinating and scary and I’d love to see your takes on it! I’m in particular interested in Clementine Morrigan’s circle of things. I first heard about this from Haley Jakobson (@haleyjakobson), and Caitie Gutierrez’s Medium posts are fascinating and have a lot of evidence – here’s the link to the article that got me started thinking about it.

all of their medium posts are worth reading. Thanks for your time

Nico: I’ll have to check this out. Honestly, went down a Q Anon rabbit hole a while back because of someone close to me going on the white woman wellness/spirituality to alt right pipeline and whew.

Did y’all know Slack has a UHaul emoji?? Exciting news to me. Just wanted to share with the group. Hope you all watch the sunset today ❤️

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

I couldn’t really be online in 24 hrs since SCOTUS overturned Roe. Coming to AS today and seeing all of the amazing abortion-related content and discussions brought tears to my eyes.

I’m always grateful for the work y’all do here, but never more than on days like today. Autostraddle is consistently both a lifeline and a beacon of hope in such dark times. And has been through so many days like today. My gratitude is beyond words right now ❤️

Kayla: This is really, really kind, and I appreciate you so much. I had a difficult/overwhelming few days at work, and reading this reminds me of why we do it! Y’all mean so, so much to us and keep us going.

Carmen: I agree with Kayla. Speaking personally, that day in particular was a hard one and I am so glad that our work created space for you when you needed it most.

Viv: Sending you my luv

Anya: Thank you so much for sharing this — it means the world to hear. As Kayla said, this is why we’re here!! ❤️

Laneia: 💛 💛 💛

Nico: Thank you for being there for us, too. GRATEFUL FOR YOU!!

I’ve been a silver member since A+ launch but I just had to be harshly honest with me and my bank account and go down to cobalt. It feels really sad to not be able to support you at a higher level anymore, but I hope that once I get stable again I will be able to return to silver or more. Thank you for having all the A+ content available at all levels, I know that wasn’t true at the beginning and kept me from going to the level I could truly afford for a while. Then I was okay again, but in this economy being disabled and unemployed I just can’t anymore. <3 <3

Nico: We have the different levels so that everyone can self select what makes sense to them and their own situation. THANK YOU for being a member since launch. That’s honestly incredible. You’re the best and we’re so glad you’re here. 💜💜💜

Yall are doing SO MANY THINGS i know you’ve wanted to do for SO LONGNNNNGGGGGGG. Parents on staff writing parenting content. Image descriptions. More defined roles. I know the list goes on and on and and on. I REALLY hope you take some time to BASK IN YOUR GLORIOUSNESSSSSSS. Throw zoom parties for each thing!!!! Eat treats for each thinngggg!!!!

Kayla: We really have been on fucking fire lately — all of us, as a team. And it RULES. We’re a bunch of ambitious ass queers, and we’re DOING THE THING. xoxo

Laneia: Just because you said this I’m going to get a poke bowl for lunch WITH THE $1.25 AVOCADO. Bless you.

Viv: Thanks! I really will take more time basking in everyone’s gloriousness.

Anya: *immediately goes to eat treats* Thank you thank you thank you!!

Carmen: AHHHH!!! Thank you for seeing us and noticing! I’m pretty proud, too. And we’re just getting started!

Nico: THANK YOUUU!! I feel like we make improvements with each passing day and the only thing that is ever gonna hold us back is running out of funding [nervous laughter].

PARENTING CONTENT!! Sa’iyda (and others) you are doing the lord’s work

Sa’iyda: Woot!! I’m brewing up some ideas!

Laneia: The number of writers we have on board right now who are either parents or have tons of experience working with kids/teens is like a goddamn dream come true and if I think about it for too long I get emotional! They really are changing the whole actual world and making Autostraddle so much more important than it already was.

HIIII you are magical. i hope you have some yummy food & see some flowers or experience some soothing weather soon <3 <3 <3 <3 thank you for making autostraddle happen. it just keeps getting better and better and better.

Nico: Thank YOU for helping to make Autostraddle happen <3 I hope you have a yummy treat, yourself!

Kayla: Thank you so much! I’ve been taking my lunch break at our pool lately, so that has felt very nice. And today, I ate a really good sandwich!

Carmen: Thank you! I’m having a yummy dinner tonight, I think. And I’m so excited for it!

Laneia: ❤️❤️❤️

Viv: No you’re magical! Autostraddle happens because of A+ members like you!

Anya: I have to agree with Viv on this one and confirm that you are the magical one because just as I saw this, the weather in Brooklyn has finally started to cool down just a little bit, soothing my weary sunscreen skin!

Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #42

Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature is now bi-monthly and advice questions go into our twice monthly Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

---

MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

I’ve always wondered why the image used for the story teaser isn’t included when I open the story itself. For example, I was stunned by Chrishell’s red dress… And I was unfamiliar with her, too. So after reading the story, I naturally wanted to see her photo again but I had to leave the story to do so. Small beans, but I experience this tiny annoyance regularly.

Viv: This is an oddity of the original website design before my time! I have noticed it before and will be sure to take it into account as the website grows and improves.

Carmen: We had an A+ member also bring this up last year (maybe it was you? Maybe it was someone else?) and we had a long discussion about it as a senior team. Ultimately where we landed is that for original artwork or illustrations, we include those inside the post. For stock images/getty images/ etc, we do not.

There’s a few factors in play here, including that some of our articles (link roundups, quick hit posts, etc) are so short that including the image twice isn’t always helpful and can take up a lot of space. Also sometimes we use stock images because we need something for the website homepage, but it’s not necessarily contributing to the piece (You Need Helps are sometimes a classic example of this, also once again, link roundups). So as you can see, lots going on that needs to be taken into account before a blanket policy gets implemented. And now we have a new Art Director who may feel differently about these policies altogether! So we’ll see what happens. Thanks for writing in.

Just wanted to say I love the “Celebrate Queer Joy” graphic novels ads I’ve been seeing recently! They’re super visually appealing and even convinced me, someone who doesn’t typically read graphic novels, to click through the ad.

Anya: Awww, we love to hear that! I loved those ads as well, and Oni Press really does have an amazing selection of queer books. Thank you so much for sharing this feedback with us!!

I blocked tracking cookies on Safari (because privacy is great) but now I’m worried you won’t get money when I click on your ads! Do clicks still count when cookies are blocked?

Anya: This is a great question! So, the long and the short of this, which I arrived at after more than a few conversations with my tech enthusiast brother, is that yes, clicks will be still be attributed to us, even if tracking cookies have been blocked. Essentially, that behavior is still attributed to our site — it’s just that the user/IP address associated with that action is not tracked. So Google Ad Manager (which we use to run our ads) will record that someone clicked on an ad, but not the particular user (so you won’t be followed around the internet with ads similar to whatever you clicked on).

Also, just to say, thank you so much for asking such a thoughtful question! Our ads are a great way to keep our revenue strong (thereby supporting our incredible editorial team!) so we really appreciate that you wanted to make sure that we are getting all the clicks we can! ❤️

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

I saw this tweet which lead me to this Reddit post and I (??!) am even more pissed at how the L Word turned out when we could’ve had a leather butch Kit The Captain (!!!) the utter disrespect to Pam Grier

Nicole: There is another universe where this version of The L Word was made. What do you think the ultimate ramifications of that are?

I see Heather and Natalie are so ready for basketball! 🤭The NWSL is rolling into the regular season after the challenge cup now and I for one am always interested in the fabulous lesbians making waves over there like Christine Sinclair and Jess Fishlock and Rachel Daly and Kristie Mewis and so so many others. (And Sophie Schmidt and Quinn 🇨🇦 Although I don’t know if Quinn identifies as a lesbian per say – but regardless they are deadly in the midfield! I do love all the Canadians!) I’d love to see some kind of spotlight on nwsl comings and going and other leagues where cool lesbians are being visible!

Omg I forgot Megan Rapinoe. (Pretty sure that’s illegal!) Anyways, please please please 🙏🏻

Thanks for listening to my lesbian soccer rant too!

Heather: Thank you for reminding me we need to get on top of our soccer coverage! I get so myopic about the WNBA that my excitement takes over everything else! Your notes here made me so happy and psyched about soccer!

Carmen: Yeah, we’ve been purposefully growing out our WNBA coverage over the last two years as a test case of “how can Autostraddle cover sports in a way that’s viable and our readers will read,” but definitely soccer is where we will grow next! (specifically I meant non-World Cup soccer! Because we’ve had a lot of success with covering the USWNT during the World Cup season). So… soon!

This is mostly for Heather:
A graphic novel recommendation:
Der Oracle Code_ by Marieke Nijkamp
It is originally in german I’m pretty sure, and that’s how I read it, but there might be a translation.

I really loved it! It’s a short graphic novel staring a teen in Gotham City who is newly disabled and goes to a center for teens learning to live with disabilities. She is a hacker and solving puzzles is her thing, so the whole plot is like her solving the mystery of this old mansion she is now in, while making new friends with the other teens, and coming to terms with her new life. I recommend it for Heather cause a DC comic about a fiery young lady trying to solve a weird mystery seems to go great with Heather’s interests of Batwoman and (I think) stories of fiery young ladies. This was also the best book I have read with disability being a central part of it, and I know Heather cares about that too

If you can’t find this book in a language you read, I think the author has written or contributed to other things in English though

Heather: Oh wow, I am SOLD! Thank you so much for sharing this recommendation with me! A “fiery young lady trying to solve a weird mystery” is an automatic buy for me!

Hello! You, perhaps especially Heather?, may be interested in the podcast The Best idea of All Time where they watch Carol every week for a year then discuss. So far a much more relaxing listening experience the inspiration podcast The Worst Idea of All Time where the hosts watch a terrible movie every week for a year and slowing lose their minds.

Heather: Ahahaha! This is amazing! I’ll check it out! I’ve seen Carol like 20 times, it’s my favorite, but I cannot imagine watching it every week. I wonder if it changes their minds about anything about the movie? I guess I’ll find out! I just downloaded it!

Kayla: Okay I am actually fascinated by this as a project; I truly wonder what the experience of watching the same movie every week for a year is like??? It sounds like a performance art piece tbh haha. It could either be super illuminating or just unnecessarily dull. I’m a big fan of repetition though.

Nicole: I have been watching (usually) terrible movies (with the occasional classic) nearly every week with my girlfriend and our friend virtually for the past 2 years and I have to wonder what that says about the state of my mind, now. I should listen to The Worst Idea of All Time!

Bridgerton! Shondaland is skipping Benedict’s story and moving right to Penelope/Colin. I get that. Benedict’s story was about him sexually harassing his romantic interest. They should scrap the problematic storyline from the book and let TV Benedict be queer. How do we make this happen?

Carmen: I mean, if we’re skipping over problematic Bridgerton plots from the book series, we could have started with the sexual assault plot from Season One. But alas, we did not!! I agree I’d love to see Benedict be queer! But I’m still not giving up hope on Eloise, the #1 gay Bridgerton of my hearts (it’s really unfathomable to me that we’ve gone two full seasons of a Shondaland drama and literally no person is gay! I mean I loved season two, it was one of my favorite tv experiences this year, but c’mon!!)

I just read this newsletter from benevolent gay advice columnist JP Brammer and thought maybe other queers here would appreciate the message too 🥲 made me tear up a bit

Heather: I love JP Brammer! He’s doing some of the most thoughtful, relevant, real, and funniest writing on the internet right now! And I love his book! And I love his tweets! Thank you so much for sharing this; it made me tear up too.

Laneia: Damn but if there’s a truer statement out there I want someone to show me because I highly doubt it!!:

“The idea that this community, of all communities, has any kind of working consensus on anything is laughable. This shit is like herding cats if all the cats were hopped up on Four Lokos and also had wings and could fly somehow.”

Kayla: JP is the best!

Carmen: Just another person here to talk about how much I love Helo Papi and JP, that’s all.

Nicole: Just here to say wow “Are we really considering ourselves imposters until Hulu gives each and every member of our community their own limited series?” yeah, waiting for representation to be given to us…not nearly as satisfying as making our own and omg also this: “Community isn’t something you are, it’s something you engage in. It’s like a house where you find people you like and people you don’t, people who are similar to you and people who are different, where you have certain obligations to each other in good times and bad, where you will be frustrated and delighted, helped and hurt.” True and good and good and true!

I hope you all have enjoyed watching the AS team geek out over JP’s newsletter now.

I just wanted to share that I am in LOVE and it’s so CRAZY and I’ve never felt like this before and I’m in LOVE!!

Kayla: I love this for you, pal! Love feelings can indeed be very overwhelming, but it’s also great! Let yourself feel it all! Embrace joy! Embrace the newness of it!

Carmen: I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOUUUUU

Nicole: YES! I LOVE THIS FOR YOU! Don’t feel like you have to rush to come down from this. In this world, you deserve to bask hedonistically in the love feelings for a while. <3 Again, so happy for you.

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

Could we get an updated version of this article? Or maybe one about websites? https://autostraddle-develop.go-vip.net/14-good-womens-magazines-stuff-thats-worth-your-time-money-136118/

Now that Bitch is gone I’d like to contribute to another independent media entity (or maybe I should increase my AS contribution).

Nicole: Bitch closing was especially sad because while there are a number of new indie publications at any given time, the opportunities to publish at a feminist publication with something like Bitch’s reach that they built over a quarter of a century significantly decreased with their closure. That’s not just bad for writers. It also means that there are fewer places where readers can go to access thoughtful work, or fewer places that are collecting such work and publishing it in one spot under the care of thoughtful and experienced editors. All that being said, I am SERIOUSLY grateful that you all have decided to be here and I hope you’ll stick around — because one thing I noticed prior to Bitch’s closure was a serious decline in their member numbers over the past two years. (Anyone can see this if they look at a couple years of their Rage Reports in the print mags.) Which, a publication closing down is a complex event with what I’m sure are a number of factors I’m not privy to, but at the same time, we only get to keep the indie media we choose to support. That’s just the reality of it. There’s no safety net, and thinking about Bitch makes me really sad!

And I’ll leave it to Carmen to talk about the post!

Carmen: I’d love to see that article updated, I’ll put it in my ideas notebook, thanks. Damn… the day we lost Bitch was such a sad, hard day.

Have yall written anything about Minx on HBO? I coulda sworn I saw something but it was before I watched the show so I didn’t read it and now I don’t see anything so maybe I made it up???

Heather: We haven’t, actually, but I know both Shelli and Drew loved it! Maybe I can get them to do a conversation post about it for you!

Can we get some Dykes to Watch Out For content? The Essential Dykes to Watch Out for is perhaps my favorite queer cultural artifact of all time, but even among my IRL queer friends I have no one to talk about it with! I want to rag on Sydney, crush on Thea and Jezanna, and mourn (or debate) Clarice and Toni’s fate- can we make this happen on Autostraddle?! In my reading, it’s also held up remarkably well, if not perfectly, over time–but I’d be interested to hear if others feel differently.

Kayla: Okay, so you’re the second person to request Dykes To Watch Out For content. There seems to be a cultural resurgence happening? I mean, not that Bechdel ever went out of fashion lol but it is interesting! How about this: 2023 is the 40th anniversary of the comic starting, so I will start putting together a fun and splashy way to celebrate that when the time comes.

Carmen: Seconding this plan!

Hey! I’ve been loving the coverage of Crush because it looks adorable. But I remembered there was a previous article about one of the costars calling out the others’ biphobia. When I googled it, I saw the earlier article (https://autostraddle-develop.go-vip.net/aulii-cravalho-calls-co-star-rowan-blanchard-biphobic/), but the link to that old article now just links to the interview with Auli’i Cravalho (https://autostraddle-develop.go-vip.net/aulii-cravalho-interview-crush-hulu-tiktok-coming-out/). Did you delete the first article?

Carmen: Oh I just temporarily took it down for a week and simply forgot to put it back! I’ll fix that.

(The reason I took it down for the week is because we have an “end of article” widget that encourages readers to “check out similar posts” — but we don’t have the ability to customize or adjust it. So, underneath the Auli’i interview it was telling readers to read my Also.Also.Also link round-up from the fall about the supposed behind the scenes drama between Auli’i and Rowan. Auli’i herself took down the TikTok even before the original article’s publishing, and I didn’t want it to be the very first thing underneath Analyssa’s very sweet Auli’i interview because that just didn’t seem fair. Rowan and Auli’i seemingly don’t get along and anyone who followed their press tour for Crush could see that, but Auli’i also seemingly doesn’t stand by that TikTok since she took it down, so I’m actually fine at the moment with that old article just staying in hibernation. Anyway, there are fancier versions of that same widget that will allow us to pick specifically which articles go underneath which piece, which would be so useful because sometimes the automated widget makes strange choices! But sadly we cannot afford them.)

You know what? In retrospect, I should’ve just changed the title so it was less gossipy? That would’ve been simpler! But wow that did not occur to me back in April.

I would love more Heartstopper content??? I’m a 30 year old professional queer woman who can’t stop obsessing about this absurd show and I just… need more things to read.

Heather: I agree with you! Riese recommended Heartstopper to me and so of course I watched it immediately, and it is just… so perfect for this moment in time. So good! Did you read Drew’s review — it’s so lovely!

Carmen: If I am a 30something professional queer woman who is a Love, Victor faithful, will I like Heartstopper? Who can tell me?!?

hiii <3

I have been waiting eagerly for the return of “wait is this a date”— do we have an estimated s2 launch date? need guidance on my hot queer summer endeavors ;P

Xo

Carmen: OH MY FRIEND. You just wait. 😉

Nicole: 😉😉😉

I know she’s not queer per se but could we get a Nadia Russian Doll style thief pretty please? Her style is so awesome!

Kayla: I will keep this in mind! I do think Nadia’s style can mostly be summed up by: Good Coats, which as a certified Coat Dyke, I appreciate. Christina put together a good coat guide. Which I know isn’t exactly what you’re looking for! Maybe when fall comes along, I’ll write something more Nadia-specific. Her looks don’t scream summer to me!

When is A-Camp happening again? I didn’t learn about it until COVID Years so I’ve never attended. I’d love to gay camp with other queers!

Laneia: I’m writing my answer before Riese has written hers, but I feel like I know what she’ll say, so I’m simply going to share in your disappointment and anxious need for community because SAME ! A-Camp was a messy imperfect magical space for so many people — I watched hundreds of campers find themselves and build a family among those trees and I wish every single queer person could have that experience. Camp started off being Autostraddle IRL (and grew into so much more obviously, but) so I hope we’re still bringing that vibe to everyone through the website, insofar as it’s possible. I wish there was no Covid, and that we had the kind of funding that would make full-time camp directing/planning positions possible, I really do. And I’m sorry I can’t see you getting off a chartered bus and coming to our sign–in table so I could point you in the direction of your cabin and welcome you home!

Nicole: Not Riese, but, I can say that due to the ongoing pandemic among other factors (EVERYTHING being more expensive, for example), we both can’t afford to take the financial hit that would come from having to cancel camp after putting money into it up front AND we don’t currently know how we would make a safe and accessible camp situation with the ongoing pandemic. I know some other organizations or companies have put on events, but A-Camp involves people coming from all over the country and world and rooming together for multiple nights. I personally feel like it’s nearly impossible right now to figure out how to do that safely and inclusive of disabled / immunocompromised community members. From a financial perspective, we wouldn’t recover from planning and then having to cancel or postpone an A-Camp due to something like another COVID surge (which we can’t predict) or something like Monkeypox (JFC). We — not to mention YOU ALL — fought way too hard over the past two years to go down like that!

I also have never been to an A-Camp and sometimes I think about it wistfully, in the same way I think about meeting my coworkers who aren’t Carmen lol. (To clarify, that is because Carmen and I have met up exactly once!) But sometimes we can’t have nice things! (Often, in fact, I’d say.) Anyway, all that is to say, if we were to schedule another A-Camp, you would definitely know about it! We would shout about it everywhere! It definitely wouldn’t be a secret! :)

I know yall have about a bazillion competing needs & a very tiny budget. I am also a technologist who works in & w orgs that are & will be increasingly targeted if the fascists have their way. I want to nudge yall if you’re not there already to think about what it looks like to securely archive parts of Autostraddle, well before you think you need to (it may involve add’l fundraising, which takes time). I think one of the angles of fascist elements trying to conflate queer rights with pedophilia is to help normalize eventually censoring all queer content online to take us back to 1950 (there is an effort on books in VA, and yall know more than I do about FOSTA/SESTA). Much love, take care everyone.

Laneia: This is so real and so important ! I’ll be honest, I had not considered this need until reading your message, but it’s definitely on my radar now.

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

Editor’s Note: Sally got many messages about TIRTL! These are the three most recent.

“Thank you Sally for 100 TIRTLs! I feel good about the one I got first guess. I feel great about getting BENCH in two guesses.”

“I’m sad to see the TIRTL go but I had so much fun with it, thank you for making it!! Also I always play “tears” for my first word so it was a treat to get the final word on my first try :)”

“Woah, I’m a little sad that tomorrow is the last ever tirtl, (Sally’s wordle game.) I’m glad I’ll be able to play the old words because I definitely missed a few.”

Sally: Thanks to everyone for playing and enjoying! Also, feel free to suggest any other weird queer version of your favourite game!

Carmen: One of my very best friends played TIRTL from its first day to the very last day, completely unprompted by me. Sally’s impact!! Her power!!! (Truly there is no one like Sally, and I am SO appreciative and thankful, all the time really and truly.)

Nicole: TIRTL was what made me finally learn wordle (though I”ve never played any other version but TIRTL). It was a relatively small, but very fun era, our TIRTL time. Also so impressive that there were 100 words!

if you are looking for a sign that today is a good day to get yourself a treat or take a nap, or both, this is the sign!!!!

thank youuuuuu for being here & please keep taking care of yourselves <3 <3 <3

Laneia: Aaaaah I read this and immediately went to my fridge and put six of those break-apart cookie dough squares onto a sheet pan! Bless!

Carmen: I wish I had cookie dough squares, but I did just drink a big thing of water! This is the nicest! Thank YOU! <3 <3 <3

Nicole: Thank you!!! Seriously have not had enough rest recently but this was such a nice reminder to receive.

I wrote an article about erotica and of course had to give a shout out to Autostraddle and SLICK as the number one option! Doing my best to get more A+ members on board :)

Carmen: HI! Yes! I included it in one of our Also.Also.Also’s, so I hope you got to see it! Thank you so much, I loved this write up a lot. I know it made my day and Nicole’s day, too!

Nicole: This was so kind of you!! Thank you for thinking of us <3

Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #41

Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature is now bi-monthly and advice questions go into our twice monthly Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

---

MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

Hi! I was trying to shop through your affiliates because I always like to do that when I remember ever since Cee’s extension broke. It was always a little bit tricky to find but now I found the link and it’s broken? Do you have a new link? Help, how can I help you? I want to buy a new vibrator lol… Also I remembered one shop having a nice discount for autostraddle readers

Nicole: Unfortunately, the old affiliate marketplace is no longer in operation. If you visit any of our recent shoppable sex toy lists, though, those links should be affiliate linked. As for discounts for members… stay tuned as I’m working on something!

I was just reviewing the A+ membership levels and OMG that top level looks amazing! You really pack the perks in!! How many supporters are at that Platinum level? I hope to some day be able to up my membership to platinum 😘 Thank you for every everything you do, and congrats on exceeding your $13,000 goal!

Nicole: Thank you and thank you to everyone who helped us reach our goal. I recommend our annual report, put together by Riese, where you can see how many members we have at every level! But the answer is that our Platinum member numbers are currently hovering around ~150.

How is the A+ membership pool going? Have you had a lot of people sign up to receive a membership? Are enough people donating to the pool? If we donate to the membership pool during the fundraiser, that counts towards your fundraiser goal right?

I love that this membership pool is an option now and I so appreciate you looking into how to make it happen after (what sounds like) many readers requesting it over time! 💚

Nicole: First, yes, donations to the pool count toward fundraisers! Second, it’s going well! While we have some technical limitations that keep us from allowing folks to do anything but donate in $30 intervals, I think it’s better to have it than to not have it all! So, thank you! Whenever we promote the pool, we tend to get requests for memberships at the same time as we get donations, so they flow in and flow out, which is ideal, and, what’s more, I do not believe that at any point someone has had to wait for very long at all to get a free membership, which is really cool! Laneia and I also have a plan to regularly promote it in the AS weekly so that we’re reaching readers who might need a free membership. <3 Personally, I love knowing that if there ever is something behind the A+ paywall that someone would find really helpful or vital, that there’s a way for them to access it, thanks to our members like you all!

Hiya, I hope you lovely people are doing well.

I have a perhaps silly suggestion. I was looking at the membership tiers and I saw all the goodies you get as a member. These are amazing but as someone not located in the US and also not in need off stuff I wondered if an option could be included not to receive the merch but instead donate an equal value to the membership pool? In the mean time I have decide to just donate the equal amount to a higher membership to the pool throughout the year which works just as well and it is nice to feel like I am sharing the A+ joy with others. Thank you for all your hard work!

Nicole: This is tricky because I’d have to keep track of the cost of the perks + shipping that we save and then add it to the pool manually, which is also not built for that and also I would really love to not have another thing to keep track of if that’s okay 😭. In general, if someone turns down their perks, it works out to a savings on our end, which then we don’t have to spend, and which can go back into doing the work we do every day. I think your solution is a good one since there’s no difference in terms of access to content depending on membership level; it’s just a sliding scale of how much a person wants to contribute + then there are also the perks! Thank you for asking and thank you for supporting!!

I’m wondering if you could offer any comments about the quality of the writer apps you got, as well as general advice for future apps! I worked really hard finessing mine and was disappointed that it didn’t work out this time. Y’all got so many apps that I know it’s impossible to give individual feedback, but I’d love to hear general feedback based on your overall impression of the apps :) thanks so much! Excited to “meet” the new writers!

Kayla: We got almost six hundred applications during this writers call. Which is so, so, so incredible! I was blown away by the enthusiasm and also the quality of applications we received. It also made our job incredibly difficult. Carmen and I were the only ones on this hiring committee, and we had to make a lot of tough calls. As with any job or submission situation, there are so many variables and factors that go into the decision-making process. I always say the same thing to people about submitting short stories to slush for lit journals: You really do just have to keep submitting and applying until something sticks. A rejection for one job or one story is not a reflection of the quality of your work. I was rejected from dozens DOZENS of writing and media jobs — ranging from freelance to part time to full time — before I landed at Autostraddle as a staff writer.

If I were to give general advice to future applicants or folks who are applying for similar writing positions, it would be this: Be as specific as possible in your pitches and your descriptions of what your areas of interest are. Even if a pitch isn’t perfect yet (often, some of the best pitches are ones where there are a lot of questions that aren’t answered yet — they get answered in the drafting process), if they’re specific, they’re going to stand out. I also would strongly encourage anyone who applied (and anyone who is interested in writing for us in general!) to use the submissions portal that is open to everyone.

Carmen: I think Kayla already said it best! And I agree with all of it! Something that I also recommend to writers who are crafting pitches is to make sure your pitches also sound like you. Editors can get a best sense of how you’ll fit in with the publication if they have an honest sense of your sound upfront. Pitches honestly don’t have to be perfect (editors and writers work on that together during the writing and the editing), but they do need to reflect something that only you can bring into the world! Once you have that, it’s just the matter of finding the right home for your work.

Hi friends, I love you and want you to have all the money so I typically don’t complain about any ads that pop up. But, I am really struggling with the embedded video ads that you can’t pause. They make reading articles (on mobile) very hard and also make me not want to engage with the ad. I dont know what, if any, kind of control you have over this but it would be great if the video didnt autoplay or could be paused.

Anya: Hi there! First of all, we love you too! Thank you for sharing your thoughts about the ad placement, and I’m sorry they’re making reading the articles harder. For the time being, these are ad placements we need to keep – so that we can direct that much-needed $$ towards our very hard-working writers!

Omgomgomg congrats on passing your $13k fundraising goal!!!! 😮😮😲😲 🥳

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

TWO TIPS: 1) CTOAN Candles is a Black queer woman-owned company selling cuuuuuuute candles of fat bodies, in 4 different colors, and there’s an unscented option too. 2) have any of yall seen the “My Love” episode with Jurema & Nicinha? Remezcla covers it a bit here, and i’d add that it was really powerful for me to see queer grammas passing on ancestral faith leadership to their granddaughter.

Carmen: I did not know about any of these things until now!!! And as someone who’s the #1 fan of black queer women owning things and also queer abuelas and ancestral faith, let me just tell you — I had to go sit down somewhere. WHEW!!!

No seriously, thank you for this. This is amazing.

I just discovered that Abby Wambach has a soccer/travel show on ESPN+ (?!) I’m not a SportsGay but I am enjoying it and learning a lot about soccer history! The show is gay both by virtue of Abby hosting it and famous gays like Ashlyn Harris make an appearance. Fun for all!

Heather: What?! I had no idea! Clearly Abby is not as good at promoting her work as her wife! Okay I’ve set my DVR to record it. I wonder where she’s gonna take me? I’ve always wanted to go to Portugal!

I put this in the Top Chef Top quiz comments but i really need to make sure that AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE see this extremely important photo

Heather: That seriously looks like it’s about ten second away from becoming part of Kayla’s Best Knifeplay Scenes list.

Just wanted to share that Autostraddle/being a lesbian online has broken my brain because while watching The Batman last night, my first thought was, “I wonder how many stupid news stories there are about what Kristen Stewart thinks about her ex-boyfriend Robert Pattinson as batman?” Googled afterwards and well, there are more than there should be for someones engaged ex from years ago!!

(Also, the movie was great! Catwoman SO clearly had a girlfriend that is never officially acknowledged as such and it made me feel crazy!)

Heather: I remember when the news broke Pattinson was playing Batman, I made a bet with my wife for how long it would be before someone asked Kristen about it. She said no one would ask. I said it would take less than a week. THE NEXT FORKIN DAY a reporter asked her about it on a RED CARPET WITH A CAMERA IN HER FACE.

Also here’s a really funny fact: Carmen cannot bring herself to remember Robert Pattinson’s name. She always calls him something different and incorrect, the way people do about Bumberbunch Cumberstack. It’s my second favorite running gag she does. (My first favorite is that she ALWAYS calls Happiest Season “Happiest Seasoning” like a cooking show.)

Carmen: I had to read this twice because I honestly didn’t know who we were talking about. I’m assuming, from context clues, that Robert Patterson is in fact not this person’s name? But also… is it? Are you sure?

(I’m sorry to report that I fell asleep 10 minutes into The Batman but by gay osmosis I woke up in time to see Zoe Kravitz feed milk to her cat and that was good enough for me.)

Riese: I recall that we had one of our funniest Insider convos ever on the topic of “who the hell is this man” AND ALSO Stef did an excellent job tracking how often Kristen Stewart is asked about Robert Pattycakes in this post which I found delightful and gay.

I found the movie I was asking about! I saw Kayla wanted to know what it was.
It is called Bitch Slap (2009) and it is so bad.

Kayla: I am going to watch it and honestly I can’t promise I won’t like it, because I have horrible taste :)

Riese: iT’S SO BAD

Did you know that there is an Indigenous trans woman running the Iditarod this year???? So badass!!

Carmen: That is EXTREMELY badass!

Nicole: I LOVE THIS

Have you all heard the new Dove Cameron single “Boyfriend”? It’s very gay!!!!

Carmen: No joke, I’m actually deeply obsessed with this song, and I keep trying to get people to talk about it with me! One day I got desperate enough to even use my “editorial privilege” to talk about it in the Autostraddle slack (Ro was kind enough to take pity on me and respond). I cannot believe how good and gay it is??? It’s so good and gay and angsty and kind of hot? OBSESSED! WITH! IT!

Ummm… way to go former Disney stars?

Jaiden Animations, one of the most popular animation youtubers, came out as AroAce last week. The video is also a great introduction to aromanticism and asexuality. It currently has 8.5 million views.

Carmen: Oh I saw someone also tweeting about this a while back and watched it. I absolutely loved it!!!

Lena Luthor will appear in Earth-Prime #1

Heather: Oh just be gay already, LL Bean! (That’s what I call Lena Luthor to try to gently coax her out of the closet. Subliminal messaging re: lesbian fashion.) Anyway, I loved seeing Ryan Wilder headlining her own comic book! Did you read it? It’s just so HER.

Carmen: Also very much here for Ryan Wilder headlining her own comic!! I thought the illustrations of her were absolutely gorgeous. I really loved what they did with Sophie, too! And did you see Javicia Leslie and Meagan Tandy freak out over being immortalized in comic books? Damn, that’s magic right there..

Did any of you watch Our Flag Means Death? There’s a nonbinary character played by nonbinary actor Vico Ortiz. (The central love story is a gay male romance, so not relevant to AS… BUT their relationship is VERY sweet and surprising, and I’m not ashamed to admit I ship them super hard.) The show made me EMOTIONAL 😭🥺🥰 ok that’s all, please watch!

Heather: We are all OVER THE MOON about Vico’s success and we just want them to get more and more and more famous and star in everything! Can you clarify if the show made you emotional in a good or bad way because I’ve already used up my migraine pills for the month so I really can’t allow myself another cry!

Nicole: Is this show about gay pirates? It’s my understanding that many pirates were gay, and were pirates, in many cases, so they could be gay together. CAN SOMEONE VERIFY. Also, I just watched the trailer for this looks fun!

Riese: We would love to have someone write about this program for us!

Angelica Ross tweeting about dating a woman has made my day!!

https://twitter.com/angelicaross/status/1513550102060691459

Heather: Yeaaaah, we lost it too. It’s a perfect tweet. A PERFECT TWEET. Carmen said, “I HOPE HER GIRLFRIEND ENJOYS BEING THE LUCKIEST PERSON ON EARTH.”

Carmen: I STILL HOPE THAT!!!

I just learned the word “Swiftgron”!!!! ?! Taylor Swift + Diana Agron as a maybe couple at some point ??!

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

Can we get some Dykes to Watch Out For content? The Essential Dykes to Watch Out for is perhaps my favorite queer cultural artifact of all time, but even among my IRL queer friends I have no one to talk about it with! I want to rag on Sydney, crush on Thea and Jezanna, and mourn (or debate) Clarice and Toni’s fate- can we make this happen on Autostraddle?! In my reading, it’s also held up remarkably well, if not perfectly, over time–but I’d be interested to hear if others feel differently.

Kayla: I’m looking at my Essential Dykes To Watch Out For as I type this! It was included in my Our Hobbies Our Shelves. I’m all about analyzing and revisiting the classiques~! I’m not sure what you’re looking for in particular though! A roundtable? A critical reevaluation? In the meantime, if you want your friends to talk about it with you, I recommend lending them your copy or gifting them their own!

Nicole: I LOVE re-reading this book. It does mostly hold up really really well and sometimes I will re-read it and realize that I had some near-exact conversation with some other queer person sometime in the space between readings and find that this conversation is then drawn in the book (I mean, it was there the whole time) and then I find this new layer to both the book and my own experiences that is just something to treasure, just an endless series of funhouse mirrors through cartoons and time. The only thing that I want to know, though, is where can I read ALL OF IT, ALL the Dykes to Watch Out For? All at once? Would love that.

Riese: FUNNY STORY we had an excellent post by Taylor Hatmaker in like… 2010? That was something comparing Dykes to Watch Out For characters to L Word characters —  like there were a lot of similarities, and obvs Taylor preferred DTWOF to TLW — and during one of our massive tech problems that used to happen back then, that post was amongst a handful that completely vanished from the website. I think about this a lot.

just putting into the world that I’m dreaming of a ~queer coffee table books~ listicle. and not, like, books about being gay (though those are welcome). books about plants! and astrology! and lazy vegan cooking! and sex! and art! and sexy vegan feminist plant astrology! u get it.

Kayla: Oh this is a cute idea! I will take it into consideration! Coffee table books are underrated!

Nicole: I feel like I could come up with at least a couple if we were to compile a list at some point!

Hi Autostraddle team!

Any recommendations for stories (fiction or non-fiction, I’m not picky) about people who came out later in life, but didn’t follow the “I met an amazing woman/queer person and now I’m in love” pattern? Most of what I’ve seen (Niecy Nash, Elvira, Glennon Doyle, etc) has that narrative. As much as I loved watching Miranda discover her sexuality with the super hot Che Diaz, I’d like to hear stories from people that discovered their queerness on their own and then had to navigate dating.

I only just figured out I was queer at 39, and have struggled with imposter syndrome and anxiety about learning to date all over again at my age. I wish there were more stories about people like me so I could have something to relate to. Logically, I know there is no right way to discover your sexuality. But some days, I feel like I did this all wrong.

Kayla: I literally can’t think of a SINGLE BOOK that follows the trajectory you’re talking about?? They might be out there, but I haven’t read them. I know people in my life who have followed this trajectory, but I can’t think of a book!!!! I do know a lot of women who have discovered their queerness/bisexuality on their own while in monogamous relationships with men but then they are still in those monogamous relationships so not necessarily navigating dating. I’m stumped!

Carmen: I just wanted to say that even if you aren’t seeing that trajectory in stories (especially, I think, in fiction and social media alike, stories tend to follow “happily ever afters!” because that’s what sells) — what you are going through is exactly what 90% of people who come out, at any age including coming out later in life, go through. You are out here doing it! And it is messy and frustrating and yes our inner saboteurs get in the way, but you are finding out something brand new about yourself and you’re doing it on your own terms. I think that’s fucking great.

Hi! I asked this question during the recent 13th Birthday AMA, but Carmen recommended I send it here as well:

How do you make domplines (Puerto Rican fried dough)? One of the only memories I have of my abuela is when she and I would make domplines together when I was a child. I don’t remember how to make them though. I only remember the sizzling of the dough in the pan and the yummy taste of carbs.

Carmen: OK bueno! I called the Titi phone tree for this!! (I’ve definitely eaten domplines as a kid, but couldn’t tell you how to make them on my own as an adult).

The good news is that they are pretty simple to make! You’re combining butter and/or oil (fat of your choice, flour, water and salt. Then pinch the dough off, roll it out into thin discos, and fry.

Now my Prima Sara (who is on the Titi phone tree, even though she’s a prima) does not write anything down because she’s old school like that. But based on what she said, this recipe seems the closest to our family’s because it’s using cold butter, but if you google around you’ll see other people use melted butter and/or olive oil. Based on my own baking knowledge, I’d assume that cold butter will make it puffier or flakier (because the cold fat will create air pockets as it cooks/melts), and that using melted butter or oil will make it slightly more dense. So I’d base your next steps best on… your mouth feel memory?

hello! in the birthday AMA it seems like there’s questions about kids and how that whole thing works- two part question! 1, is there any more parenting stuff in the pipeline? “how these queers had a baby” roundtable, reflections, practical advice, etc. 2, is there interest/space for a preschool teacher perspective? i don’t have anything concrete enough for a real pitch but i know a lot about tiny humans and the ways in which they function!

Kayla: I’m sorry I can only answer this somewhat vaguely for now but it is a YES. Carmen and I have been strategizing how to fill some of our current gaps in perspectives, stories, and topics, and parenting is absolutely one of them!

Carmen: Yes! And if you want to pitch us content, you can find us by using the Autostraddle Submission Portal.

Okay so I’ve always loved your fashion posts, but it seems like lately all of the pieces you link are very expensive — is there a reason for this?

Kayla: For me, as an editor of a lot of our clothing/shoppable content, I personally do not put a lot of restrictions or guidelines on writers as to what products they choose to highlight. I know from writing my own shoppable content that making every piece affordable is difficult!

There’s often a give or take when it comes to this: “slow fashion” tends to be pricier than “fast fashion.” I don’t personally put any ethical value on any of this. I don’t think it’s wrong for folks to buy from fast fashion and big box stores — I mean hell I get most of my clothes from ASOS! I cannot and would not judge! But I also don’t see anything wrong with including pricier pieces from smaller brands, independent designers, and slow fashion companies. And sure, I’m not saying these lines are always clear-cut. Sometimes, we list pieces that are expensive AND from big labels. But I think this does account for some of the variation in price points. But also ultimately I really do like to leave it up to the writer! Fashion is so personal! But I hear what you’re saying; balance is important. Although I will also say that I find our two writers who create the most fashion content recently — Christina and Dani — are both good at including a range of price points.

Carmen: I definitely agree with Kayla here — as someone who also edits our fashion content, though at a lesser frequency. I’ll also add that we do look for every piece we publish to be size inclusive, and as someone who also shops for plus sizes personally, they are usually more expensive. Which is something I have A LOT of feelings about for a different day. But, along with everything Kayla said, I think is also a contributing factor here (and completely out of our control). Again, I think our writers do as well as can be reasonably expected to include a range of price points, but finding clothes that are cute/ queer coded/ size inclusive/ a mix of slow and fast fashion/ and also at a range of price points is very difficult (which doesn’t mean we aren’t trying our best!). To be honest, not being able to hit all those markers is actually one of the reasons we went so long without fashion content for a while there — because whenever we tried, we got negative feedback for missing something! But we are here, we are having fun with fashion again, and we are trying, because not everything can be perfect, you know?

Just a thought: have you ever considered having a gardening advice column?

I suspect there are avid gardeners among the members with gardening questions.

I am a California Master Gardener and I spend about a day a week answering gardening questions at the Alameda County Master Gardener. I also write an occasional garden blog article there.

I would be happy to offer my help in answering questions (not necessary to have authorship recognition)…

Nicole: Thank you for writing in because this actually inspired something that I’m going to try very soon, which are open thread-style A+ posts where members can bring each other questions on a particular topic and help answer each other’s questions! Let’s put all our brains and all our experience together at once and help each other, but with a focused topic each time! I feel this will be helpful, especially, because there is so much specialized knowledge in terms of certain practical things (gardening, home reno, etc.) that could best be served by crowdsourcing it all in a focused space. I mean, sure, we could all go to Reddit, but I think having it within the Autostraddle sphere, by and for queer folks, will help the space be more welcoming, too. I know I would certainly rather be vulnerable about not knowing something with you all than on the wider internet. SO! I would LOVE to know in the comments if this is something you all would like to try, and if so, I think May would be the ideal month to try one of these posts where everyone can ask each other gardening questions! What do we think? THANK YOU for writing in!! It got me thinking :)

Not quite a hot tip, but if anyone were willing and able to analyze the style choices and t-shirts in the new MUNA music video… I would read in a heartbeat! Thanks and take good good care. <3

Kayla: Oh wow yeah these looks are GREAT!

I know this is an absurdly demanding request, but I would LOVE it if Kayla wrote an article documenting and analysing all the pop culture references in YJ!!

Kayla: Haha I would love to do this, but right now doesn’t really seem like the right time. Maybe as a little refresher when season two is closer :)

Topic: How to be more engaged in the AS community.

I love the AS community but have not been able to get passed just commenting and liking comments. It’s difficult getting people to accept friend invites and judging from the number of profiles I have seen, very few people seem to be connecting that way. Also groups don’t seem terribly active, but I may be in the wrong ones.

Any suggestions? Would love it if there was some chat capability where there could be “Friday night” chats where people can get online and maybe get to know others beyond their narrow comments. Or even a “midnight chat” for people who go to bed late or actually have a life on Friday nights. I could be ignorant, maybe there already is such a feature?

Lastly, I have a philosophy that “if you want to be part of a community, roll up your sleeves and get to work”. This is why I spend most of my time each week volunteering in local community projects. I would be thrilled to help out behind the scenes (for free of course) doing anything I can. I am much more skilled and accomplished than my AS profile indicates (attended MIT, have Ph.D. and MBA) but like to keep it low key so as not be off putting. Maybe volunteering could even be a group feature: crowdsourcing projects to help create the real sense of a working community. THAT’S ALL. BLESS AS!!

Kayla: I think people use the internet a lot differently than they used to, which is why actual interaction in the comment and via Autostraddle profiles can be difficult. If you’re on social media, I would include your handles in your profile and also seek out other commenters on social media. Participating in the pop-up Discords we sometimes do — including the Yellowjackets watch party I hosted! — is another way to connect with people in a more active way.

Carmen: As someone who’s participated in almost all our Discord pop ups from the beginning, I just wanted to “+1″ Kayla’s suggestion here! It’s a really chill (or intense, but you get to pick your participation level) way to meet other members and find organic connection over shared interests, from gaming to swords (!?!? yes!) to volunteer projects, which it sounds like you’d be into! There’s also spin-off “unofficial” Autostraddle Discord servers that have grown from there and are similarly grouped by location/region or interests. They are silly and fun and also surprisingly a great way to get to know someone on a personal level? They remind me a lot of like, classic 90s comment board culture (and lots of people have akined them to A Camp, if that’s your vibe). They can also be as anonymous or IRL as you’d like.

People are not necessarily using the internet the same ways they were 5 or 10 years ago, but we are working to find new way so to form digital queer communities and for the current moment in time, The discord seems to be pretty lit. We usually host a pop up server a few times a year, so I’d be on the lookout.

Nicole: Absolutely yes to everything Kayla and Carmen have already said! The A+ pop-up discord servers are some of the best places to meet fellow members. We had the last one in March for our birthday and we’ll likely have another discord server this spring, probably in June, so that everyone can reconnect for Pride month. I know that the unofficial spin-off servers are relatively active, and folks jump in during each official A+ pop-up to share them, which I love. Besides that, sometimes we have community posts for A+ members such as this one on our Passion Projects that went up in February where I encouraged folks to submit their social media handles along with their passion projects so that people interested in similar activities could follow each other! It was a popular post and we’ll definitely do more posts like that in the future!

What are some of your most favorite Miami queer, especially QTPOC, spots?? A queer bach crew needs to know!

Kayla: My favorite drag night is Double Stubble at Gramps in Wynwood! Also it is not like an officially queer spot I don’t think but Paradis, a natural wine and homemade bread joint with TINNED FISH is always a super great, queer time…but also not really a bach vibe lol. Tbh I’m not a big nightlife/going out person! Unless it’s something lowkey like natural wine and tinned fish!

Carmen: Ok I annoy Kayla about this every time, but my #1 Miami suggestion is this ice cream I ate in Little Havana and honestly almost four years later, I’m still dreaming about it? Azucar Ice Cream! I also loved and — I mean freaking loved — the open air market in Little Haiti on Saturday mornings. I still get compliments on all the jewelry I copped there!

A thought as Passover approaches: it could be really cool to see a queer counting of the omer series by the Jewish Autostraddle staff. Maybe not this year since it’s not much lead time, but a thought for future years?

Carmen: Yes, a thought for future years! I’ll forward this along to Vanessa who’s the editor that’s coordinated our Passover content in past years. I’ll also make note of it for myself! Thank you for the suggestion!

Would love to see someone write about the mother/daughter relationship in Everything Everywhere All At Once! The daughter’s queerness is front and center (it’s extremely critical to the plot), and I ended up sobbing because of my gay Asian daughter feelings!

Carmen: Yeah I agree, we could use even more Everything Everywhere All At Once content, it’s literally the only movie anyone I know is talking about!! Unfortunately it only being available in theaters is a hindrance because it’s not Covid safe/accessible, but I’ll put out some feelers and see what happens.

I just read all the comments again on the original Mommi post from 2017, wherein Erin and Kayla effectively broke and remade the Internet 👏🏼 I just have to say brava and tysm for changing my life

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

Yes, I know that this is super late (time is false anyway, right?), but thank you so much for the beautiful A+ perks! They showed up about a month ago, and I was totally not expecting them, and I was so happy when I opened them! Maybe it’s just that I’m a sucker for hand-written notes, but the little thank-you card warms my heart every time I look at it and it now lives propped up against one of my monitor stands.

Nicole: I hope you enjoy them and that they make your day just a little bit more bright and gay :)

Good morning, Hope you all are having a lovely pancake day!
After Nicole’s mention of the upcoming membership drive I finally remembered to upgrade my membership, which i have been meaning to do for a while. Afterwards I wondered if it might have been better for the numbers if I had waited for the actual membership drive. So I guess that is my question? Anyway, thank you for all you do and making my life atleast 10% extra queer each day!

Nicole: THANK YOU! It didn’t count toward the drive, but the drive is kind of an arbitrary situation in this case because your upgrade helped regardless, and it helped where it counts, which is in helping to keep us around, which was also the point of the drive — so thank you so much!!! <3.

Sally, TIRTL (which i for SURE pronounce “turtle”) has rapidly become a highlight of my day and i am just so grateful you’ve brought this into our lives!

Sally: ❤️

hello i love the art for the member drive! <3

Carmen: RIGHT!?!?? I simply could NOT stop staring! I lovedddddddd the vibe and hero artwork so much!

Nicole: The artwork was SO GOOD!!! I absolutely adored the way it captured the feeling of being thirteen, in as best a universal way as one can achieve when in fact we all have wildly different experiences of being thirteen, which really came out when we were discussing the theme and the visuals for this drive.

Ok not really a hot tip bc y’all already know! But so excited to hear Shelli Nicole on the Bechdel Cast!

Shelli Nicole: AHHHHHHHH

Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #40

Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature is now bi-monthly and advice questions go into our twice monthly Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

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MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

Did you change your website highlight colors? Like, the color of several elements, like the “Submit”-button for forms and the link colors and the background colors for sidebar header boxes. Somehow they are now green? I remember them in a different color?

Nicole: Yes! It was a whole revamp Sarah and Tracy and Yikes worked on!

hi friends, I was wondering if it was possible to bring back the “Bisexuality” tab on the “Identity” menu. I really miss it! I’m not sure if the reason it disappeared was, like, philosophical, or a side-effect of all the SEO/navigation/tagging updating y’all have been (brilliantly!) doing, but I hope it can come back, and I suppose if it can’t it would be interesting to learn the reasons and/or reasoning :)

Nicole: Riese put it back! As a bisexual, I appreciate this as well and am also pretty sure linking to this in the nav just got lost in our tag / category overhaul.

You’re probably aware of this but trying to like comments still sends me to the WordPress thing xx

Nicole: We are very, terribly aware of this and I am so sorry! It does it to me, too! :( We got into an endless help ticket feedback loop a while ago, and may yet try again, mayhaps even persevere someday!

Any news on A-camp 2022?

Riese: As Omicron descended upon us this winter and so many events that had really believed 100% that it was not risky to host an event suddenly had to cancel – it became clear this is not on the immediate horizon for us. Event venues are also more expensive than ever, which is fun! But we can’t afford to invest the time and money for paying for camp if there’s even a 5% chance of cancellation, because that would mean our entire business going under. We’re currently barely able to pay the website team! Assembling, paying and consulting with a camp team is a huge up-front investment that we simply can’t make until we know 100% that we really understand the parameters of this pandemic and can hold an event that’s safe and accessible for all. Events right now are offering generous refund policies in order to get people comfortable signing up, but if we really did have to refund everybody – or even a big chunk of people close to the event date – we’d be completely fucked.

Oh no! I just got a Tucker Carlson ad on this page 😝 haaalp!!

Anya: Thank you for flagging this — that’s definitely not a placement we want on our site! We noticed this on our end, too, and immediately flagged to our ad-serving partner, since it’s important to us that ads on our site are in line with our ethics. This was a weird fluke, and we’re working with our ad-serving partner to ensure it doesn’t happen again!

are the in-article ads a lot easier to sell? I want autostraddle to have all the money but the ads are pretty distracting/confusing especially in articles where there’s already media integrated

Riese: Basically every single type of display ad that brands pay good money to place on websites, we refuse to implement! like that little video guy in the corner of every website, the 5 in-article ads you see even at prestige media properties where you have a paid subscription, the ad that takes over half the page at gizmodo media properties and you have to scroll forever to get it to go away so you can actually read something? but alas we have to compromise *somewhere* and alas this is that place! We agree that the placement isn’t ideal w/r/t other media in the post, but i think it looks pretty ok otherwise, and we’re going to work on that, as well as how the ads integrate in general. Right now this is for a specific campaign that pays well, and yes those ads pay well in general. Also; whatever Anya says lol

Nicole: THANK YOU every time you tolerate an ad! I appreciate you <3 That is all!

I read Autostraddle through a feed reader because I’m very old, and lately it tries to get me to categorize posts. Like it asked if Every Kristen Stewart Movie Ranked is about “Parenting”.

Riese: In a way aren’t we all Kristen Stewart’s parents

When you say an article was “one of our most popular posts” last month, or of all time, etc. does that mean it had the most people read it beginning to end (can you tell if someone stops reading an article in the middle and closes the page?), does it mean the most people clicked the link, or does it mean that it had the most shares/likes on socials, or that it had the most comments? I nerd out on stuff like this, thanks for indulging me Lol!

Riese: That means it had the most pageviews!

Ugh I’m starting to think it might sadly be time to stop allowing people to comment without at least making an account… I guess it’s the price of growth, but the number of comments from TERFs, butthurt men, and spambots is starting to get out of hand.

I mourn the old days when this used to be one of the few places on the internet when community members with different viewpoints could have civil, productive conversations about our shared experience as queer people in a cishet world.

Riese: Actually hahah it’s always been like this! It used to be worse, actually, because in ye olde internet, people commented more in general and also had worse opinions than they do now!! I mean, we used to have worse opinions than we do now too, which did not help. We keep the option open to register for an account to comment or not because everybody is on mobile these days and signing in can take too long for people.

Carmen: I know it’s also frustrating because it can take us a minute to see and take down the comments (fun fact is when y’all say “Mod take down the comments” it’s one of us who does it, and the fastest way to get our attention is to inbox us, that goes directly to myself and Nicole and we check our emails a few times a day). The truth is Riese’s right, we used to get waaaaay more out of pocket comments, the fact that there’s less of them now — enough that we can roughly handle them ourselves — does show improvement in comment decorum? Though I get that seems counterintuitive.

We also do have a policy for blocking repeat offenders IP address, which hopefully also helps. It’s hard because we want AS to be a place for civil discussion, and yes even disagreements, but there are people who definitely take advantage of the generosity.

No response required – just putting this into the gay ether — I have a matchmaking meeting in five minutes and I’m nervous AF.

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

Amazon’s 2013 show Alpha House, which has a WILD amount of celebrity cameos for a show that maybe ten people watched, not only features Cynthia Nixon as a senator, but also has a lesbian storyline between two republican congressional staffers who are first dating, then expecting a baby throguh IVF, then engaged. It’s cute!! Also Rachel Maddow has a cameo too!!! It’s only 21 episodes long but it was funny and had lesbians.

Heather: In the immortal words of my favorite internet cat that doesn’t belong to me personally: WAHT! I feel like this is a trivia question only you and Riese Bernard would know the answer to! And now me and the A+ members lucky enough to read this post. Is the show any good? I have a hard time looking at Republicans, even fictional ones!

Has anyone read La Toya Hankins’s wlw stories?

Heather: Okay maybe it’s because I’ve been watching so much Killing Eve, but I really thought that one book title was Married to the STRANGLE. I see now that it’s struggle. Thank you for this recommendation, this seems right up my alley AKA Gay Fan Fic Alley.

I played Charades with my family on Christmas Day and none of them had heard of Portrait of a Lady on Fire! I forget that straight people live in a whole different world.

Heather: I will Venmo you ten dollars right this second if you will upload a video of you doing whatever charade you did to try to get your straight family to guess Portrait of a Lady on Fire.

Nicole: Heather now you have me running through the possibilities. Would I pretend to paint…and then what? AND THEN WHAT

Carmen: So Nicole I think you do “whole concept,” walk around motioning to the petticoat of your fancy dress, paint, and then mime lighting a match and building a fire/like warming your hands against the fire and then hope your audience puts 2 + 2 together. Alternatively, you do 6 words, zero in on portrait — first word (paint a photo) and then lady — fourth word (same petticoat mime) and fire— sixth word (same match/warm by the fire mime)

We play… a lot of Charades in my family. 🙈

OK, so it’s ONLY gay by association but  I still think this is relevant.

Kayla: I GOT SO EMOTIONAL WHEN I SAW THIS. I am a very recently converted Stephen King Queer (actually am currently reading Needful Things! But even cooler than King’s tweet was Yellowjackets co-creator Ashley Lyle’s thread of reactions to it :’)

BURNING URGE TO SHARE –

I finally put up a Lex ad for sexts involving exactly the type of things i’m into (it has taken me a lot of shame and doubt to get to a place where I can admit to myself what I’m into!) and I got HEAPS of very enthusiastic replies, and I’m feeling so affirmed, and managing to let go of my scarcity complex a little!!!

Nicole: YES! Let go of that scarcity mindset! I’m so happy for you <3

Kayla: Good for you, seriously! Asking for what you want is such a vulnerable and hard thing to do! I’m glad the replies were enthusiastic, and I hope you get even more affirmation!

Carmen: OMG YESSSSSSSSS!!!! CONGRATS! I hope those enthusiastic replies led to enthusiastic hang outs and maybe a few dates. But even if they didn’t, the ad alone was a big leap! Congrats!

Anne Helen Peterson linked the below in her subscriber only edition of her newsletter!

Which Real Lesbian Bars Would the American Dolls Have Visited?

Kayla: Listen, when Yashwina brought this idea of theirs to me, I knew they had something GOLDENNNNNN on their hands. I’m so glad it was such a runaway hit, and just so the folks at home know: There’s much more coming ;)

I just found out about the podcast Kitchen Table Cult and was surprised/delighted to see one of my favorite Autostraddle writers, Kieryn is a host!

Heather: Every month when Nicole drops these questions into a doc for us to answer, I can’t click on it fast enough because I know it’s going to be FULL of brilliant recommendations of things to watch and read and listen to — and here it is! Again! Great tip, friend; thank you!

Hi, I’m the person who came here to vent about the extremely specific lube questions I had! I can now update you on my research.

I expect what I reacted to in the Sliquid was probably the potassium sorbate, since I don’t react to citric acid in foods. I ended up making a 42-row spreadsheet of different water-based lubes, so I could colour-code the ingredients to wrap my brain around the comparisons.

I excluded lubes that contained my “hard no” ingredients – parabens and phytoestrogens, petrochemicals, glycerin and sugars (Sugars! in lube! Just why!), artificial flavours, and the potassium sorbate. After that I was left with a lot of bright red cells in my spreadsheet, and precisely 3 options out of the list of 41 lubes that I looked at.

So in case anyone else ever needs to know, it looks like 1. Earthly Body Waterslide, 2. LubeLife, and 3. Stuil Luxe (NOT sutillube or Sutil Rich), in that hierarchical order, are the best water-based lubes for people who react to potassium sorbate.

Neither Waterslide nor Lubelife are available in my country (💀) so I’m testing out the Sutil Luxe, and hopefully that’ll work so I won’t need to deal with transatlantic shipping and dodgy ebay shops. BUT people with gluten intolerances shouldn’t use Sutil Luxe. Luckily that doesn’t matter for me. Phew.

But now I’m fired up and angry about how much effort it took to find the ingredients lists and make the comparisons. Lots of things are marketed as body-safe and sensitive, but contain toxins linked to death rates in cosmetics workers. Gotta love capitalism and conservative lawmakers f-ing up consumer protection in the sex industry!

Nicole: THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE RESOURCE. Thank you so much for sharing!! And seriously, I would think that body-safe meant not just like “what we think are tolerable levels of toxins,” but perhaps, no toxins.

Carmen: I definitely it meant “no toxins” and now I’m shuddering.

I just binged Yellowjackets in 2 days, mostly thanks to y’all’s coverage! Idk if y’all are gonna do a style thief for Jackie (or Shauna), but this necklace is perf for a casual cosplay outfit.

Kayla: THANK YOU for reading my coverage, and thank you for this link, too! It’s great that it’s also from a queer-owned jewelry brand! I do think I’ll do more Yellowjackets Style Thiefs, but I wanna do Van first. Then maybe a Jackie/Shauna dual/duel Style Thief?! In any case, I want this heart necklace for my Yellowjackets cosplay I’m inevitably doing for my thirtieth birthday later this year.

Who’s doing TIRTL, I forget, anyway tell them they are an evil wench for using KSTEW as the word and I mean that in the nicest possible way. :)

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

Following up on a comment I left asking for Carmen’s redacted opinion on Slave Play. Carmen, what are your thoughts? I recently saw the play and felt quite underwhelmed. Given the strong positive critical reaction to the play, I was expecting to feel more. More moved, more challenged, more outraged, just more something…

[and also, from a different A+ member]

Please, please, please, tell me all of your feelings about Jeremy O. Harris and Slave Play. Also have you read/seen Water Sports; or insignificant white boys? Thanks for all your work!!!!

Carmen: Ok so here are my very real feelings about Slave Play. To start, I believe in every artist’s right to make their art (assuming it does not physically harm people, is not targeted in its bigotry or otherwise purposefully abusive).

I want to say that upfront because while I respect Jeremy O. Harris’ right to make Slave Play, I believe in my deeply soul that all our time these last two and a half years would have been better spent if he had just gone to therapy to work out his trauma around interracial relationships and his role in them, instead of throwing it onto the page — and later, the stage, and subjecting all of us to it.

I do not believe there is anything necessary, or productive, in playacting antebellum slavery as (deeply unsound and unsafe, in realistic terms) sex therapy, let alone on an elite stage in front of rich theatergoers who on average pay more on one single ticket than I spend in several days worth of groceries. The power dynamics of the theatre space alone, not even getting to what’s on stage is upsetting to say the least. And I know that not everyone will agree with me! Clearly! This month we’ve had some interesting conversions even on our own editorial team around art, sex, desire and power dynamics as it relates to historically marginalized folks and/or people of color. I know that for some people, playing with those dynamics in an imaginative space opens up opportunity for reclamation or being transgressive. I happen to firmly believe you don’t “play” around with slavery (or the Holocaust, for that matter), period. Again, I respect, and will continue to use this platform to support, everyone’s right to make their art — but that’s my personal line.

I’ve actually read the script for Slave Play several times because the first time I read it, I though I was missing something. After all, it’s beloved by so many “taste makers” starting from when it was Off-Broadway, let alone its Broadway debut, and went on to be nominated for several Tonys. But my own issues with the actual plot aside, which is a large leap (I didn’t even touch the startling depictions of rape) — I just don’t think it’s particularly well written or that Jeremy O. Harris is a particularly gifted writer. Perhaps with strong actors on stage some of the thinness of the script can be overlooked, I’m sure Teyonah Parris was excellent when she was cast because she’s excellent in everything. However, I agree with A+ inboxer #1 that once you take away the violence and the shock, its a patently unmoving play. If you have to resort to “shocking” white people into paying top dollar by manipulating centuries old tired stereotypes of Jezebels and Mandingos in your rape fantasy to convince yourself that you are a “genius,” have at it. But you won’t convince me.

I think its deeply telling the once Slave Play did begin being seen by broader audiences, particularly by broader Black audiences, we saw it slowly saw it move from being “lauded” to “controversial” and that’s not a mistake. It was not written for Black people or with our interests in heart. And again, those are Jeremy’s choices to have and make. But as a Black person who’s deeply invested in work that allows our communities to see and challenge themselves in our honesty and vulnerability and yes even in our own ugliness — it’s clear that Jeremy’s project and my own are vastly different. I don’t believe in making art about a community that they don’t have easy access too. I don’t believe in making art about a community only for them to see themselves rape and be raped and then having the audacity of calling them uneducated or uncultured when they don’t like it. Those are decisions made out of insecurity, not auteurism.

Black queer person to Black queer person, I wish Jeremy O. Harris well on his journey. But those choices will come back to him. I bet your bottom dollar it wouldn’t and couldn’t be me.

Are y’all watching Sort Of??? I feel like I saw one acknowledgement that it was a show that existed and then nothing further, which is so sad because I just finished it and it is an INCREDIBLE and SUPER QUEER show! I hope there are plans to talk about it in depth because it deserves all the hype.

Riese: Sort of WAS SO GOOD I LOVED IT SO MUCH and yes we have an article about it and also FUN TIP is that I keep this page right here updated with everything we have reviewed within the past year and all of our streaming guides so if there’s ever a show that you want to read about and don’t know if we’ve written about it, you can go there and CTRL+F for your show or just go alphabetically and then it’ll be right there for you!

Carmen: LOVED SORT OF!! Sometimes if things aren’t in the guide Riese referenced above, it might mean the she hasn’t had the opportunity to update yet (though she does regularly!!) or that we haven’t had a chance yet to write about it, never forget we are a small team! We try to make it look seamless and easy, but alas it is no.

Was that NYE Anna Kendrick post just an alcohol induced fever dream?

Riese: hahahah what i don’t know what you’re talking abut lalalala hahahaha look at that beautiful goldfinchhh

Heather: Wait, I really want to answer this! So Riese and I used to work together on the same stuff every single day, and we always had the ability to whip each other up into such frenzies about TV and film and Vapid Fluff — but as Riese has moved to focusing even more on the business and money side of things and I have had to take a more laser focused approach to my work because of Long Covid, we don’t see each other nearly as much.

But on NYE, we were the only people on Slack, and that picture dropped, and I had had one half a glass of champagne because I can’t really drink alcohol anymore, and it was suddenly like the old days in here but with no supervision. Within ten minutes, Riese and I had convinced ourselves Anna Kendrick had come out and was dating the person in that photo. It was the shoes for me!

Anyway the other thing Riese and I have in common is we can write coming out posts SO FAST because we’ve been doing it for so long, so that post was up before either of us even had a chance to take a breath. And then, upon pretty quick reflection, we realized that Anna Kendrick has a boyfriend and Riese knows that person in the photo in real life. So we, um. Panic took it down the way we panic put it up. I’M SORRY (MOSTLY)!

Carmen: An even more fun fact (I don’t know that Heather knows this part, but!) Google somehow still index’ed the post before it got taken down? So it still showed up on Google News for “Anna Kendrick” for a few days, like the rest of the weekend. So when I was doing our weekly traffic checks the following week I had to ask Riese, “ughhhh what caused this massive spike on December 31st-January 2nd? I can’t figure it out!” and she had to explain the entire thing to me, whoops hahahhahaaaaa.

Hello! Am I remembering right that ASers have created community on discord, beyond the popups? I would like to share info with a friend of mine who is ace and looking for community but am unsure where to look (I sent her the community group info already). Discord info and/or other ideas welcome, thank you! I love that I can recommend AS as a source of community!

Nicole: Yes! If anyone would want to share in the comments, that is awesome. There’s also, I think, a server called Queerpile that predates the A+ Pop-Up Discords but I’m not in it so someone will have to share an invite in the comments if that is a thing you can do!

Carmen: Definitely there’s at least one for sword lesbians, I know that. And I think a few other that region-specific!

Reading the comments on Riese’s KStew movie list, and I’m wondering what draws rando commenters to some articles more than others? 🧐 perhaps there is no answer. In any case, great work on that list Riese! Some of the negative comments are just so funny to me to like ??? 😆 who the fuck are you and how’d you find this website?

Riese: I think it was on Google Discover! So I guess big K-Stew fans like have a section of their google for Kristen Stewart materials and they were all like oh wow big one today!!!!!!!! But what I did not realize was how many (seemingly?) straight men out there are stanning so hard for Kristen that they cannot recognize, as she herself has, that most of her movies are bad??? Or maybe they are like, pretentious film people who felt profoundly moved by Personal Shopper, IDK. But usually the culprit is a fan forum or a Google Discover hit, which helps our traffic SO MUCH but sometimes that traffic is bad. On that post I didn’t mind it because everybody was so funny in response!

Hi there! It’s not pressing in the sense that it isn’t important AT ALL, for anyone else but me. However, it is pressing because it is driving me bananas that I cannot figure it out: does anyone know the name of this terrible, bad, very bad movie with 3 female protagonists, probably about 10 years old, that is a typical z-movie but really terrible and has a weird queer sex scene in a trailer?

I asked Google and it couldn’t help, so I am hoping you can. Forever grateful for everything you do!

Heather: Is it this?

Kayla: If anyone finds out, lmk!!!!!!

Riese: My guess is And Then Came Lola!

y’all already posted about becca tilley + hayley kiyoko’s relationship? as a dyke with complex feelings about the bachelor franchise it is very fascinating to me — also becca tilley has two sisters who are both also gay??? a lot happening here

Riese: Yes I told everybody about this in the vapid fluff channel on August 26th, 2021 and NOBODY RESPONDED TO ME except Drew to say that Hayley has weird taste. But it’s weird how they both like take pictures of themselves in the same place but never together? I don’t understand

Hey – have y’all seen Ellie & Abbie (And Ellie’s Dead Aunt)? It’s Australian and iconic in my queer circle of friends here in New Zealand. Anyway, love your work etc.

Heather: I have not, but Sally has shown me the way with VPNs, so maybe I can!

Hey! I just watched a short thing speculating about alien civilizations, and was disappointed by how colonialist philosophy pervaded their assumptions about civilization. I love reading sci fi and fantasy stories, especially short story collections, and I’m wondering if you have any recommendations for books or even other media formats created by native / aboriginal / indigenous authors

Kayla: I love this question! There was a piece in the New York Times from a couple years ago that amplifies Native writers in the sci-fi/horror genres. It’s not necessarily sci-fi/fantasy, but the horror book The Only Good Indians is very good. Extremely unfortunately, this anthology of Indigenous sci-fi that specifically focuses on queer and Two-Spirit narratives is out of print!!!! But you might be able to find it used or also use it as a jumping off point to look up the authors/editors and see what other work they have out there! For example, Darcie Little Badger — an Autostraddle fav! — had work featured in it. But hark! Here is another anthology of work by Two-Spirit and queer Indigenous writers that is very much in print and won a Lambda award last year: Love After The End. (Darcie Little Badger’s in that one too!) Moonshot is an anthology of Indigenous comics. And also: The sci-fi television show Resident Alien also has a Native protagonist, and queer icon Tommy Pico (who also writes on Reservation Dogs) joined the second season as story editor (and will also have a cameo). Those were some of the first things to come to mind, but maybe we can do a more formal list at some point on the website!

Heather: In addition to Kayla’s comprehensive and brilliant recs, I’d love to suggest N.K. Jeminsin’s work to you, especially her Broken Earth trilogy.

Carmen: Just adding how much I love the Broken Earth trilogy.

Dearest Autostraddle I would love to read a Your Queer Beautician style series! I am imagining something that talks about how to find good-for-you beauty products? I find some of these on Tiktok, but I would love to see a queer spin for all of us — for hair and skincare at every entry point. femmes and butches both need to know these things! we wanna be good to our body parts! Help!

Kayla: Thank you for this! Carmen and I indeed have already been having conversations about expanding AS’s style+beauty+fashion content with an eye toward servicey stuff to help folks out.

Carmen: A LITERAL TOP FIVE DREAM of mine for Autostraddle 2022! I talk about it every chance I get, so please stay tuned!

It is so fucking homophobic that we have to labor endlessly under capitalism.

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

Both the games discord server and the Northeastern server had well-attended server-versary parties this weekend. The gaming server is actually doing another one tomorrow because people are so spread out across the globe. Just thought you’d enjoy knowing that.

Nicole: You were right and I do enjoy knowing this!! I love this so much!!

Carmen: OMG! I love knowing this! I still remember helping Nicole host our first Discord server, and I cannot believe it’s already been a year.

Wow! I was just scrolling back through the posts this week and saw how many comments Nicole’s “There’s Something About…” post racked up. I’m sorry so many people took a very closed off and negative reading of your post Nicole, but I’m so heartened to see too how many commenters really clicked with what you wrote. 🖤

It made me realize that of all the things Autostraddle has made better in my life, one of them is that I’ve become a more thoughtful and thorough reader from reading the pieces you publish here, from the variety of voices, experiences, and perspectives you uplift. When I started reading AS in 2013-2014ish, I think I might have been like some of the offended commenters complaining about the post being “a list of cis men”… but now, going on 8+ years reading this website, I’m like dang this is a really cool and smart and hot exploration of gender and masculinity, and props to Nicole for sharing these personal reflections with us. I hope that makes some kind of sense, and I hope you know how much you mean to me and know this website changes ppl’s minds and viewpoints. ❤️❤️

Nicole: Thank you for sending this in! It really means a lot, as did hearing from every commenter who felt seen <3

I gotta say, it was a list of fictional characters and so while I thought I was certainly maybe going to get some pushback, the people who responded as though these are real people and not characters/archetypes chosen from a specific and limited amount of TV and movies I’ve personally seen — they surprised me, but also, it’s the internet and a lot of people read quickly and also sometimes from a really raw place.

I think, when you write something like that, there’s always a moment where you’re really afraid you’re going to be alone, but the comments from everyone who felt like it spoke to their experience (and also this message!) made me feel less alone and I’m grateful for that! I think, too, that Autostraddle has made me a more thorough reader of others’ work and I really appreciate that and your giving voice to the way in which we are all helping each other to grow.

Carmen: Nicole’s piece for “There’s Something About” was hands down my favorite entry of the series (and I’ve told them this before, so it’s not news!), I was so floored by how they took a fun prompt and turned it into such a thoughtful exploration about attraction and self-reflection and gender. Just whew… top notch.

Has anyone reminded you today that you are a gem? you are all such gems!!!

Kayla: I hope I am specifically a sapphire, my favorite gem.

Riese: Thank you I too hope I am a sapphire because it is my BIRTHSTONE!!! And THANK YOU SO MUCH DEAR READER

Carmen: My birthstone is moonstone? Is moonstone a gem?

Heather: I CALL GARNET! (Because of Steven Universe, obviously.)

Nicole: But HEATHER my birth stone is a garnet!

Here to let all the Black contributors know that their writing and editimg is HEALING. There are pieces by Shelli, DaniJanae, and others that I want bound in a book that I can read when I’m feeling impostor-y or insecure in being black and gay. This writing shores me up and gives me a stronger foundation & grounding in my whole self, rather than a fragmented one. I’m forever grateful!

Dani Janae: This is so sweet!!

Shelli Nicole: OMG this is so fucking kind and I needed it omg

Just want to say I love my fisting socks! I wear them to work because they make it easier to deal with the cis straights who misgender me constantly. I just look down at my socks and go to my sexy happy gay place. Please make them in more colors so I can have a pair for every work day.

Kayla: This is how I feel every time I don my Gay Chaos socks!!!!

Carmen: I lost my fisting socks IN MY OWN APARTMENT and I can’t find them anywhere and anyway, it’s the saddest part of my winter.

Hello i want to say thank you because I have recently started having sex for the first time and as a recovering Catholic with body dysphoria, I always assumed when I started having sex i would feel badly about it AND also be bad at it. And neither of those are true! My girlfriend has told me I am really good at communicating my wants and needs and also good at listening to hers and i really feel my ability to do any of that is because of all the great sex and dating advice i have read right here on Autostraddle. So thank you for giving me the resources and tools for that! and thank you for the hot sex tips that have made my gf say she cant believe she is the first person i’ve slept with lol

Nicole: HECK YES!!!

Kayla: LOVE THIS FOR YOU!!!!! You deserve to be having the sex you wanna have!!!!!

Carmen: I KNOW THAT’S RIGHT!!!!! LET’S GOOOOOOOOO!!

Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #39

Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature is now bi-monthly and advice questions go into our twice monthly Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

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MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

Did I imagine it or did you guys have a UK version of the AS store? I tried to look for it the other day without success. Was it just a trial? Or did I dream it? I wanna get some gay socks but shipping from the USA is an expensive pain.

Sarah: I think you might be remembering the incredible storefront that Nicole set up for the fundraising merch. Having a UK storefront for Autostraddle would be an excellent idea — in fact, someone else also mentioned wanting this earlier last month! Resources are fairly tight right now, but I imagine that this could be an option for the future.

Nicole: Correct! We had a separate fundraising website for the UK / Europe during the fundraiser :)

non-pressing question – what is the most helpful thing for us to do when a comments section is getting thinly veiled anti-black & reactionary comments posed as questions (e.g.)? in that case i went for adding a positive comment and not taking the bait on the comments i found offensive – i wasn’t sure if directly calling ppl out would make more work for yall. thanks for your amazing writing Shelli & others!!

Heather: I’m here at all hours of the day and night so you can either @ me in a comment, or tweet at me (@theheatherhogan) or email me at my Gmail which will alert me on my phone (heatherannehogan at gmail). Thank you for helping us keep our comments as safe as possible for all our staff and readers!

Nicole: With trolls, the best thing is def not to engage, or just to say “mods please remove.” We don’t actually have separate mods (we  moderate the comments as a team when needed) right now, so that is why there might be a little delay if something pops up overnight. So, also, shooting a message into the A+ Priority contact box, which I check each morning, is another good way to flag something. ALSO thank you for leaving a positive comment. In general, I know that any writers who you are reading here love and appreciate positive comments and so if you are moved or something made you laugh or smile or think and you have a minute, a single comment can go a long way!

Congratulations on the fundraiser!! I hope Whiskey Kitten is smiling.

Carmen: Thank YOU!!! The fundraiser would not be possible without the support of everyone reading this, and sincerely we never take it for granted. Thank you!

Also a massive thank you to our magnificent A+ and Fundraising Director, Nicole Hall!! They stun me all the time, in all the ways, with their clear headedness (is that a word?), tenacity, and hard work ethic. I hope to be like them one day!

Nicole: CARMEN. 😳😳😳 Also thank you for the congratulations. I am sure Whiskey Kitten is smiling as are we all because we can keep running for a little bit longer!

Just flew in to a city in the south and the first conversation I heard was a person asking their traveling companion to “check Autostraddle” for something and talking about how some place has Lesbian Nights. Warmed my heart.

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

I want more femslash. But I’m here today because I want to talk about the Wheel of Time. I started reading those books over 20 years ago, and I’m a dedicated fan. Are you curious about what happened in the books in terms of WLW?

Hot tip: You should interested in the YouTube videos by Content Creators (not sure if that should be capitalized) who are obsessed with Wheel of Time. Check out, in particular, videos made by Lesbi Nerdy, who is an awesome lady in Korea posting videos about WoT (Wheel of Time), and unapologetically hella gay!
Also on YouTube: Wheel Talk (careful, it’s not about cyclists): a drag queen named Recappa Sedai who is famous for doing hilarious chapter (for the books) and (NOW! EPISODE) recaps in drag! Keep an eye out for her Warder, Pumpkin.

Each of these content creators have made videos talking about queerness in The Wheel of Time. It’s been discussed by the Wheel of Time fandom at length (because that’s how this fandom works, so brace yourself for the haters. We call them Whitecloaks). There’s a lot to criticize! There’s a lot to celebrate.
Please see this as an opportunity to encourage ALL the writers to continue the tradition of fanfiction, and in particular femslash. I am eagerly awaiting.

Heather: Thank you for bringing this to the forefront of my mind, my friend! I have read most of these books and started the series, but I got sidetracked by all these bazillion lesbian Xmas movies and, very weirdly, the Sex and the City sequel! Hopefully by the time you read this answer, I will have written about Wheel of Time for you!

Carmen: By the time you’ve read this Heather will have, in fact, already written about Wheel of Time!

I just read this article and I feel like it might add to the conversation that has been happening here re: child rearing, climate crisis, parenting, et al.

I haven’t sat with it for long, so maybe other thoughts/criticisms will come up as I reflect on it further, but I feel like it’s a surprisingly balanced take, and wasn’t totally hetero-centric.

Carmen: Oh I somehow missed this one, but I’m reading it now! Thank you!

I put this in a comment on a post but thought it might resonate more widely: the podcast “Queer as Fact” – a queer history podcast – has a penpal program.

Carmen: Very cool!

Autostraddle, have you seen this meme someone made?! I truly gasped!

Heather: Sweet lord, my year-end Reddit recap told me I scrolled the length of FIFTY-THREE THOUSAND BANANAS in 2021, and I was like, okay, man, I gotta get that under control next year. And now you’re telling me there’s a GAYLOR SWIFT SUB. Oh well! 100K bananas in 2022!

Sarah: Oh, I definitely want to put this on Instagram. This is amazing lol.

what to do with myself now that they’ve taken alice junior off netflix :((((((((

Carmen: THEY TOOK ALICE JUNIOR OFF NETFLIX!?!?!? Oh noooooo!!!! It was so good! I’m so glad that Drew turned me onto it last year.

Why/how is Ted Lasso so good?? My wife and I basically just watched the whole first season in a Friday night. In your experience is there a lot of Ted Lasso/lesbian overlap? Thank you, appreciate your insights.

Heather: Oh yeah, there’s SO MUCH Ted Lasso/lesbian overlap, which is actually kinda of bizarre ’cause the show is so straight. (Except Keely, I think!) I don’t really know what it is. I mean, Roy Kent does have the personality of so many of our favorite lesbian characters (hard shell, gooey caremal center), and I do think there’s something to be said about having a genuinely good guy to root for in a world of mostly awful guys. I can usually pinpoint these things, but I can’t with Ted Lasso. Maybe he just personally hits way too close to home for me to see him objectively!

Sarah: Just here to confirm there’s a huge Ted Lasso/lesbian overlap — I was told to watch this show by a bunch of queers on Twitter, especially Ashley Ray who has great opinions on TV in general. Also me and one of my queer besties decided we’re going as Roy Kent (them) and Keely (me, obvs) for Halloween next year. Also Rebecca is a MOMMI and we all want her to step on us while singing in an exceptionally hauntingly beautiful tone. In general this show just surprised me and my misandrist heart, I was just like “wow, I have faith in men now?” TED LASSO is doing so much to bridge the gap!

Riese: Firstly, everything they said. Secondly, I think Ted Lasso transcends demographic. Thirdly, Ashley Nicole Black, who is queer!, writes for the show so I feel like that gets some queer sensibility in there.

Seems like this article “Death and Dying in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Universe” on the death positive TalkDeath site might be of interest around here.

Carmen: Buffy and death and grief? Yeah that sounds like Autostraddle for sure.

Nicole: You are correct!

Thank you all for being here today & if you’re wondering if you can/should do that thing that’s just for fun or feeling nice today or this week, you should definitely do it!!

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

LOVE the site; have you done or is it possible to do a review of Tello. I found it the other day and I’d love to subscribe but I’m scared that it’s just another male gaze-y type of “this is what we think lesbians want” service :(

Heather: I wrote just a little bit about Tello when I reviewed their latest Christmas film, Christmas on the Ranch! I think it’s a cool thing to support queer-owned media trying to make it in a world where they have to compete with so many mainstream studios and networks —with so much money — making gay stuff now.

Can you bring back the beauty diaries (what beauty products people who work here use)? I need to know what Carmen and Kayla and Shelli use to look so damn good.

Kayla: I wish I could tell you I have a consistent routine/products I’m ultra reliable to, but I change up my skincare stuff all the time!!!!!!! I can tell you some recent favs though: Lancome Creme Radiance, Kiehl’s under eye cream, and good ol’ Cetaphil! As for makeup, most of mine is CoverGirl, ELF, or NARS.

Carmen: FIRST OF ALL, Thank youuuuu!!! Skin is actually a specific struggle spot for me (I have hormonal adult acne and hyperpigmentation/acne scars/dark spots) that I spent a lot of time on, so you have no idea how much this specific compliment has meant to me! I’ve been sincerely holding it close, like for real. For real for real. Thank you.

Ok so SECOND!! I also want to bring back a beauty diaries style column! I keep trying to sell it to the team and I haven’t yet, but I’m going to keep trying. Nevertheless, she persisted and all that.

Now Third!!
For my specific skin care routine, some of my basics are very over the counter basics — plain everyday Witch Hazel (not the scented kind, the kind you can buy at the pharmacy) as a toner in the morning. Coconut oil and Vitamin E oil (I buy both from Trader Joe’s) as a nightly moisturizer before bed. I’m an emphatic believer in sunscreen and I use Black Girl Sunscreen which is formulated to moisturize and not leave a “white cast” — did you know most sunscreens are not formulated for melanin and leaves a terrible ashy residue behind on darker skin? If you’re white you maybe just learned something new! The cornerstone of my skin care routine is actually from this Black woman owned small business out of Brooklyn called Beauty Strike, which among other things specializes in hyperpigmentation. I use their Vitamin C cleanser in the morning and night, and the Mandelic Acid cleanser every other day at night. I’ve learned that Mandelic Acid is that girl when it comes to adult acne and acne scars!! But you have to use it sparingly or it break your “moisture barrier” or something like that, and your acne will actually just get worse. Sorry this is probably more detail than you were asking for!

Ok after all of that, for make up I keep it simple. I use Bobbi Brown stick foundation as a concealer for my acne scars (I’ve literally been using the same brand/shades since Middle School lol whoops) and a little Rosebud Salve for lipgloss, along with whatever was the last mascara I bought (I have no brand loyalty here) and an eyebrow pencil. That’s about it.

I know the accepted take in our community is that boundaries are really important and ultimatums are bad, but do y’all have thoughts on the difference between them? To me it doesn’t seem as clear-cut as everyone else seems to think it is — for example, other than tone, aren’t “Stop drinking or I’ll break up with you” and “It’s not healthy for me to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t sober” saying the same thing? Is there some deeper nuance I’m missing? Any thoughts appreciated!

Kayla: I have been sitting with your question for a while, because I think it’s a good one, and I want to be thoughtful with my wording. Because this is, ultimately, a question about wording. And I see where you’re coming from in the sense that the end goal of two statements like “stop drinking or I’ll break up with you” versus “it’s not healthy for me to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t sober” are essentially the same. And yet. I think the difference is significant beyond tone. Language matters here, in my opinion. Listen, I don’t think ultimatums are inherently abusive or manipulative by any means. But I do think they’re not always an effective way to encourage someone to change. I’m not totally sure from your wording if you’re talking about addiction, but when it comes to addiction, asking someone to hinge their sobriety on a relationship can be dicey. A consequence-based approach to recovery does not always last. The first statement also centers the behavior of the other person, while the second statement centers the needs of the person setting the boundary. And I think that’s significant, right? I think you’re ultimately correct in thinking that all of this isn’t super clear-cut. I personally don’t think ultimatums are always bad. But I do think ultimatums often oversimplify conflict and the source of that conflict. To use another example, if I had a friend who decided to be close with my ex who hurt me, I think there’d be a different between me saying to my friend “if you continue to hang out with my ex, I will stop being friends with you” and “when you hang out with my ex, it takes me to a bad mental place, so I think I might need to have some space in our friendship.” Again, they’re KIND OF the same in the sense that in both scenarios, I am setting a boundary wherein I don’t have to engage with my ex or anyone close to her. But the latter makes it about me and my needs and leaves a more open door for my friend to make her own choices. Does the nuance of that make sense? I will also say the thing I say all the time when giving advice: it really varies case-by-case!

Carmen: I really wish I had something as nuanced and thoughtful to say as Kayla did! But unfortunately I am terrible at giving advice (and apparently, as it turns out, deciphering wording and utterances). That said, this passage from Kayla really resonated with me, so I just wanted to highlight it again: “In both scenarios, I am setting a boundary wherein I don’t have to engage with my ex or anyone close to her. But the latter makes it about me and my needs and leaves a more open door for my friend to make her own choices.”

I think when you are setting a boundary, you are centering your own needs and taking care of yourself. The people around you wll (hopefully!) hear your feelings and needs and respect them, but if they don’t, you are giving yourself permission to leave that situation. An ultimatum centers on the other person (if YOU don’t do this, then there are consequences) and I’m not sure that we can successfully dictate what other people do in their own lives, at least without causing resentment. However, we can control what we allow into our own, and that’s where boundaries come in. Or at least that’s how I’m seeing it?

Riese: The language distinction and who is centered in it is huge, and I think that’s the crux of it (what Kayla and Carmen both emphasized)! Because it’s not really two different ways of saying the same thing – the “ultimatum” example doesn’t contain in it the same information that the “boundaries” example does, which is that this situation is harming you and therefore it’s not healthy for you to be a part of it.

I also don’t think ultimatums are inherently abusive or manipulative, but I also don’t think that the way people use the concept of “setting boundaries” is always good (sometimes it’s just a validated way to frame toxic behaviors as non-toxic behaviors). Trying to fit your choice into one of those two terms so that you can determine its value based on a predetermined assignment of value to Ultimatums or Boundaries by The Culture won’t be as helpful as just leading with love – for yourself, first of all, but also for them.

Like in Kayla’s answer — she points out that “when it comes to addiction, asking someone to hinge their sobriety on a relationship can be dicey,” right? And that’s because when it comes to addiction, there is of course no clear fix for the addict or their loved ones but there is a lot of literature and conversation and research about how to help or date an addict and also about codependency, which is common amongst people in unhealthy relationships with addicts. (I am a codependent I speak from deep experience!) So for your situation I think that’s where you start — determining if what you’re thinking about saying is a boundary or an ultimatum and therefore if it’s good or bad won’t be as helpful as just figuring out how best to approach the situation with kindness and care, to ensure that you’re not giving yourself entirely to someone else who isn’t giving you anything in return or worse, is actively harming you.

Do y’all ever look for people doing book reviews? I recently read Real Life by Brandon Taylor, a book about a science PhD student who deals with imposter syndrome, racism, homophobia, the horrors of life and grad school. As a science grad student, it touched me and I related a lot. It was written by a man, so I don’t know that this is the right place for this. But I saw it on the community bookshelf (love it!). And I was wanting to write about it.

Kayla: Love that book and also Brandon’s recent short story collection! I am open to book review pitches all the time, and I do not have a hardlined rule against covering books by men. We review movies and shows made by men. It comes down to whether the angle is right for Autostraddle. Pitch me!

Riese: I also love that book! That’s all I just wanted to say that I loved it

Nicole: I also enjoyed this book! I listened to the audio version, which is narrated by Kevin R. Free, who also voices Kevin from “Welcome to Nightvale” so THAT was weird at first, but ultimately very fun. It’s a well-done audio book in case anyone wants to know!

Is there a polite way to ask actors on favorite shows if they’re having as much fun creating as it looks? Thinking particularly of Legends in all its zaniness, it always looks like the actors are enjoying themselves but I’m curious if the atmosphere on set/while working is a positive space and not sure how to ask that without actors needing to say yes for job security. Articles about workplace environments on other CW shows are part of what make me wonder.

Heather: I think, generally, when you ask any famous person anything, you’ve gotta understand that they probably can’t give you a super candid answer for about a bazillion reasons. But I also think that when actors are genuinely enjoying themselves and the time they spend with their castmates, you can get that especially from their Insta stories and TikToks. In terms of genuinely honest discussion of the CW for POC actors, here’s a must-watch from Azie Tesfai’s Insta live.

I by chance came across Leisha Hailey and Kate Moennig’s Pants podcast on Spotify. What??? This exists?? I did a quick search on Autostraddle and only found a few cursory mentions saying it’s hard to tell what it’s about. I saw they have been doing recaps of the L Word original series first season. Has anyone listened? Is this how I should fill the void now that To L and Back is presumably finished for the time being?

Riese: I’ve listened to a few episodes — their interview with Sarah Shahi and one with Jamie Clayton, and maybe one with Mia Kirshner? Maybe there was another interview too! I really liked the interviews I listened to a LOT!!!! I heard they interviewed Gwyneth and I wanna listen to that one day too. So thank you for the reminder!

Hey has anyone watched / been aware of Baronness von Sketch Show? It’s a Canadian CBC show with a cast of four women and there’s not only a lot of gay couples because two cast members are playing the couple, but a fair amount of Gay Humour and I thought someone might like / enjoy it here

Heather: Hey, thank you! I had heard of it but never checked it out! I’ll add it to my list!

Kayla: I also will check it out!

Just now I thought about that headline about Taryn Manning getting engaged earlier this year, wondered whatever happened to her and her fiancé, looked around on AS, couldn’t find the original article, googled it, learned that they called off the engagement earlier in October, and then I saw that one of the search results was an AS advice article from 2012 about how to leave an abusive partner. Did y’all do that purposefully in the search terms and take down the original article?

Riese: OK SO what happened was — we wrote the article not really knowing much about Taryn Manning as a human, the story was written up on like 100 other websites and none of them said anything about her past or anything troubling, then commenters were like “…..”, so then I looked into it, and realized she did have an extensive history of abuse allegations and then I talked to someone who’d known her for a bit and verified. We adjusted the tone of the article to make it explicitly not celebratory and just informative, and added some background about her past, since it was a big news story that this famous person had come out and ultimately wouldn’t it be better for someone googling it to find our story about it instead of the 100 YAY TARYN stories elsewhere. But upset comments kept coming in and as someone who has been in abusive relationships and subsequent extensive trauma therapy, having strangers yell at me for “endorsing abusive relationships” was actually beyond what i mentally could handle that day so I took it down!!! And um, although I had forgotten about this entire situation until this question!!!! …. I in fact did set up a redirect so that anybody landing on that page would be redirected to the post you mention. But I didn’t realize that the taryn manning post would still be showing up on google ::wince::, I am going to wipe it from the universe now thank you for your reminder!! I feel like I sound unhinged in all of the answers to some questions this week.

Someone (Laneia?) linked to an old A+ Inbox LIVE! Podcast in the AMA, and I re-listened to the podcast and was reminded of how much I loved them! I assume you stopped because you got too busy? But given all the new senior editors coming on maybe you’d do just one more with the full new team?

Carmen: Sadly they are A LOT — and I mean a lot of work to put together!! And we never had a great way to distribute them while remaining behind a paywall. So I don’t foresee them coming back as a regular feature. But hey you never know, they’re way more A+ members now than they were back then and also we have an entire A+ Director full time role now that we didn’t have back then and a podcast producer (shout out to Lauren Klein!), so we are definitely better resourced. I could see them coming back maybe during a fundraiser or a membership drive as a special A+ perk! Let’s talk to Nicole about it.

(PS: They were by far my favorite membership perk from back when I was an A+ member, so you definitely aren’t alone!)

Nicole: I just want to take a moment to say that in a world where we are not having two giant fundraisers a year during a pandemic (and all the months of follow up they entail, including perks-sending) that I have SO MANY dreams and plans for A+. I know Lauren has dreams for Autostraddle podcasts, in general, as well! Definitely, no promises, but this has been on my radar for sure, for the entirety of my time here. I don’t know how to end this. Maybe with ‘watch this space’ 👀

Does Kayla work for-hire to investigate food mysteries/memories? Because I have a caramel apple cookie mystery I’d love some help solving!

Kayla: Honestly I SHOULD become the Veronica Mars of food mysteries. I’m curious to hear more about your caramel apple cookie mystery!

Hey AS, I love you a lot and you helped me when I was just a baby gay. Excitingly, I’ve recently started to try and write. I just got my first articles published! My question is – I’d love to pitch you some ideas, but would you ever consider something from such a beginner writer? For some reason I’m much more scared of putting myself out there with you than with publications I don’t have the same attachment to!

Kayla: I am always always always open to pitches from new and beginning writers. In fact, I encourage new writers to pitch me! So many editors took a chance on me when I was just starting out. Being new/a beginner would never in and of itself be a determining factor for me in terms of accepting/rejecting a pitch. If anything, I’m very willing to work with new writers whose pitches might not even be airtight yet! I think feedback on pitches is important! PITCH ME!

Do you know any queer podcasts about tarot? Asking for a friend… thank you!

Heather: I sure do! First of all, check out Meg Jones Wall talking tarot and relationships on our very own Wait Is This a Date with Drew and Christina! Then, check out Meg Jones Wall on Hello Universe Episode #78. And then, check out Meg Jones Wall on the Tarot Bytes podcast. And then! Check out Meg Jones Wall on the Bad Astrologers podcast! I think that should be a good jumping off point for you!

Hi-

Just wanted to pass along that the new Semler album (queer non-binary Christian musician) is very good and might be of interest especially for Christian/formerly Christian folks.

Thanks!

Heather: I am those folks! Thank you!

autostraddle is my favorite and i love all of you!

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

Thank you, Nic, for the lovingly packaged perks! The design team went above and beyond this year! (I hope you’re back to handling haunted holes now that the fundraiser is complete and perks are out.)

Nicole: I am so glad you enjoyed them! Thank you so much!! The design team is Sarah and me and freelance illustrators (with brainstorming and feedback from the senior team) so thank you, from all of us, so much for your love of them!! We tried so hard and the illustrators (Kirstin, Betty Turbo, and En Tze) did such incredible work. I am in fact still packing perks because I am but one human and have a whole full-time-plus job already without doing them, so the holes are still just chilling — and they’re chilly, too, because cold air travels through them and it’s winter. Anyway, Sadie and I are going to insulate the attic by climbing through the Big Daddy hole someday, hopefully soon, so that will be thrilling!

Sarah: Just over here loving this feedback and support!

I could tell, from what I heard and the photos I saw, and the reviews I had to avoid, that I would love Portrait of a Lady on Fire. But I also knew if I waited until all the stars aligned and I knew it was the right moment I would enjoy it even more. good films take a LOT of emotional investment and mostly I don’t have that? And also I think I was a little afraid it would either be not as good as I’d heard or destroy me? Anyway, tonight I finally (finally!) watched it and, well, it destroyed me in the best way possible. And I wanted to go back and re-read Drew’s review (as always, fantastic writing, thank you Drew) – which is how I discovered that the link to said review in the “25 lesbian movies you can watch right now on Hulu” is linking to a review of “first girl that I loved”. But don’t fret I did find Drew’s review and everything else on this site about the movie.

Nicole: THANK YOU! I always try to share the nice things you all send us into the A+ box with our writers <3 And also thanks for the hot tip. I fixed the link!

I asked a question about how to start pitching, and Kayla provided some encouragement! One of her suggestions was to find an accountability partner… and while I didn’t do that, I do want to share that I submitted my first ever pitch today! Thanks, Kayla!

Kayla: Yay, I’m so proud of you! Even if you didn’t find an accountability partner, you still externalized your goal by writing into here, so it makes sense to me that you then pushed yourself to follow through on pitching. Sometimes, we have to make our goals exist outside of ourselves to really get us to go for it, ya know?

Shelli I want to give you the lifetime achievement award of your dreams for the strap week series!!!!!!!!

Shelli: Omigosh!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Heather: I’m just here to second that sentiment, congratulations Shelli!

Co-author bylines!!! So cool!!!

Heather: Yes! I love it! It’s especially helpful for our brilliant TV Team because we collab on so much stuff. I am so grateful for Sarah and the tech team for making those things work for us!

Sarah: It’s been a long-time wish/hope/dream for us, and huge congrats to Shelli for creating Strap Week and a definitive need for co-authorship!

Kayla: CO-AUTHOR BYLINES ARE A DREAM COME TRUE!

Nicole: I am grateful to you all for your member support which allows us to pay Yikes to help us create things like co-author bylines! Your gay dollars at work! 💗

Every week I look forward to the photo of Carol Aird Tinkerbell Sullivan Bernard. I’m a cat person, but she’s charming. I just learned today that my 86-year-old mother has died, so this week seeing Carol is also comforting. Thank you! And thank Vanessa, too. I will be re-reading her series on grief.

Riese: I am so sorry about your mother and Carol is too and she is so glad that she was able to comfort you, truly that warms my heart so deeply!

Carmen: I am sending you such much love as you’re mourning and shifting through grief, my friend. We’ve had a few big mournings our way over the last two years and it’s far from easy. I’m glad that the Carol pictures helped (she’s my favorite dog, too).

Nicole: I’m so sorry to hear about your mother. Sending you so much love and thank you for sharing this with us.

I just want to say that I so greatly admire how Carmen approaches responses to comments here with such empathy, clarity, tact, and integrity – it’s truly a masterclass in how to handle nuanced conversations from someone whose time is certainly already overburdened. Carmen, thank you for being here to steer this ship, you’re a gem and I hope you’re getting enough sleep <3

Kayla: I agree! Carmen is a gem! I also hope she’s getting MORE SLEEP!

Carmen: This is really so kind of you!!!! I’m blushing! Thank you for the encouragement. (I am, in fact, answering these questions from my last two full days of work for the entire year and then my big plans are to sleep for 11 days straight — omg — and see y’all in 2022!)

Nicole: Truly! There is so much we can all learn from Carmen, who I hope is currently have TOP NOTCH REST.

The membership pool is collective genius

Nicole: I am so happy it exists!!

Carmen: Genius!! That’s all. It’s the perfect word to describe the whole situation.

Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #38

Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature is now bi-monthly and advice questions go into our twice monthly Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

---

**JUST A NOTE UP TOP*** We met our goal! That is thanks to YOU!!! That is because of this community!!! We’re going to post about this on Monday but just consider this a pre-thank you because we are filled with gratitude for all your belief in us and this space and in the work we’re doing to build our collective future. Thank you. Thank you. You did this. We did this. This is the power of queer community.

Happy Friday! I hope you all are doing great today, get yourself a little treat! 🧁

MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

I just got an ad for the fundraiser appearing as one of the ads at the bottom of my screen (like instead of a Zenni optical ad) WOAHHH!! 🤩 you’re rocking this advertising and hope you’re zooming towards the fundraising goal!!

Sarah: “like instead of a Zenni optical ad” made me laugh! I keep getting QUIP ads but I already have a quip?! It’s fine, I’m glad that they’re paying for ad space. Nicole and I worked together so we could create opportunities to remind everyone we’re fundraising at EVERY touchpoint! I’m glad you got one and I’m glad you liked it. We had a lot of fun making them. Follow up question — does it look like an ad for a cult? 👀

Nicole I personally feel like it looks like an ad for a role on our queer spaceship. Like, come work for our Inter-Gaylactic Team! Spaceship, in like a Star Trek way, not in like a Bezos way.

I loved reading the September Impact Report! Obviously the new positions are incredibly exciting but I also loved hearing about all the little behind-the-scenes things you got. It’s so cool to know that we’re helping make your lives a little bit easier and more efficient :) Love you Autostraddle!!

Kayla:: Hello! It’s me! One of the new hires! I, too, was excited about the new positions, because that is how I am here! Thank you for the love!!!!!

Laneia: I wish I could accurately convey how thrilled I am about Parse.ly but I would need an airplane and a lot of fireworks, so just know that I am so grateful for everything A+ members have afforded us! Thank YOU.

Sarah: I am thrilled to be passing the torch to a full-time marketing director and I’m really excited it’s possible to finally split my role into two! Btw we’re still looking for someone, y’all! Tell your talented friends.

Nicole: Thank you for loving the impact report and for your trust in us as we work to spend these gay dollars on brilliant humans, both new and already present, and also some helpful tech!

Carmen: Yes, thank you!!! You all really are the ones making the magic work around here. And it means the world to us, it really does.

Hello, just wanted to say thank you for launching the A+ Gift Membership Pool!! This was absolutely my favorite part of the last fundraiser, and I’m so excited to see it again! I was one of those people who read for years before being able to financially support Autostraddle, and I’m so pumped to be able to support someone else’s A+ membership! Much love for all y’all do <3

Nicole: THANK YOU for writing in to say this! I was delighted that we were finally able to do it! Special thanks, again, to the A+ members who thought of it and to Yikes who made it work from a developer standpoint!

Hi AS team! Would you ever consider releasing the SLICK stories in a print collection? They are incredible and I’ve loved each one I’ve read, but I connect so much more to print erotica, where I can keep it by my bed to reread and love, etc. I would totally purchase a collection!

Sarah: Hello, thought twin — I was literally dreaming about this in the shower this week! I would love a special edition SLICK zine with all new stories. I think going back and redo’ing or creating new contracts with all the writers and illustrators could be a logistical nightmare. But it would be really fun to do something totally brand new, or a mix of old and new. Definitely a dreamy idea. I can already think of the paper stock I’d use for the cover…

Nicole: I think there are complications, as said above, with contracts but I would love to keep this in mind as a separate, potential project for the future!!!

@Sarah & @Nicole I just was not logged in and I saw an A+ ad for learning how to become the hot mean femme top of your dreams and I just wanna say I think that’s brilliant marketing. Also I hope it works because I am looking for that hot mean femme top once she like… Figures it out for herself, y’know? Okay, thank you!!

Sarah: This is hot and I support hot things, so just know you are supported in your hot femme top dreams forever by Sarah Sarwar!!!

Nicole: I love that you love this ad and I hope your mean femme top dreams come true soon.

I’m sure the big traffic spike thing was very stressful at the time but it is an absurdly funny story. What happens when ten thousand straight people click on an article? I hope all the straight people generated some revenue!

Riese: Well mostly I found it very delightful and also tbh Chartbeat spikes are like an intense rush of endorphins for me personally, like I feel like WOW WE ARE SUCCEEDING?!?! On a more practical level, it improves our monthly traffic numbers, which are what we use to sell advertising to clients and the measurement metric by which our success is assessed by outside stakeholders. If we’re running network ads at the time, that’s more impressions so more money, but it’s more about keeping our numbers solid for future money since like a 10k spike of people is gonna be like, $20 – $100 and through whom, depending on what’s running. Also if like we are short on content or on trafficky content that day, nobody has to stress about it ‘cause we got that little push.

Hi! Is there any possibility of getting an AS carabiner as merch or an A+ perk?? I recently lost the one I’ve had for years, and it was just a random freebie from some office, so it was generally meh. Would love a black and/or silver AS carabiner option ❤️

Sarah: This is one of the gayest merch requests I’ve ever heard of? The answer is definitely not no, but a strong potential future maybe? Maybe it’ll even be a platinum perk someday, who knows?! Great thinking. This is, again, so gay.

Nicole: I once tried to get a combo camping mug / carabiner (the carabiner was the handle) made as a perk but the rest of the team said no 🤷🤷🤷 Not to say we can’t try for a plain carabiner sometime!!

I just wanted to let you know that I went grocery shopping with my “thanks, have a nice gay” fundraiser tote here in Berlin, and the very sweet older German lady who rang me up told me she liked it, and said “have a nice day. Exactly. That’s perfect!” and asked where I bought it. I was caught off guard so I just told her I got it online but it was legit the most wholesome interaction I’ve ever had with a stranger in Berlin. (okay the most wholesome interaction I’ve ever had with a stranger in Berlin was when I was making a tiny miniature snowman and a toddler came over and asked me about it and added a head for me, and the snowman’s head was blue because the toddler had been painting or something and when they patted the snow together they transferred the pigment from their hands. But the tote groceries story is the most wholesome interaction with an adult)

Sarah: WOW I NEED TO SEE A PICTURE OF THIS SNOWMAN. And hell yes for wholesome Berlin times! This is very cute, I love both of these stories!

Nicole: That is LOVELY and I am so glad.

I’m realizing that half of the fundraiser goal would be $69,000. Did you plan it that way? Hoping you’ll do something fun/witty with that :) Regardless, all the stuff you’ve been doing for the fundraiser is so great! The straight people day articles made me laugh.

Nicole: I am personally offended with myself that I didn’t realize this for a long time. But no! I don’t control the fundraiser goals, they’re just the amount we need for a period of time, so, this was just some weird, gay, luck. It was simply meant to be.

Sarah: 69. Nice.

hi! I know you’ve done some writing on disability and sex and disability and queerness/transness, and I wondered if it would be possible to have disability under the ‘identity’ tab in the navigation? or somewhere else, if that’s more appropriate! I just went to link someone to some of the excellent writing about it on here and it took a bit to find what I was looking for. No worries if that’s a ton of work!

Riese: Yes I did it, it has been done!

I have the autostraddle magnet poetry kit and my housemate got high the other day and made this poem (wish I could send a pic but though y’all would appreciate):
shes a
butt plug
anal is t
for
Autostraddle

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

Have any of you realised/noticed that the Jenny Schecter getting on a lifeboat in L.A. and ending up in Tulum makes NO GEOGRAPHICAL SENSE? Tulum is in the state of Quintana Roo, which is on the Yucatan Pennsula, which is on the EAST coast of Mexico. Los Angeles is on the WEST coast of the US. It’s not even that the story is super ridiculously unlikely — it is actually geographically impossible!!!! Yet another indication of how all-white The L Word’s writing room must have been. It’s mind-boggling

Sarah: ⚰️

Thanks for letting the He-man comments roll for one day! It’s a hot summer over here, so all those fanboi tears were quit refreshing. I’m especially fond of Scott now.

Heather: My friend, you are so welcome. That was a glorious day. I actually really love that show and making piss baby cis men cry was just a bonus.

I hope Stef is ok https://www.instagram.com/p/CSHxF5QBbNW/

Nicole: I asked your question of Stef when this was posted and she said “I’m sincerely not”

WTF? I’m enjoying all the creepiness and queeriness of Plain, Bad Heroines and excitedly anticipating a big reveal and explanation, and then….it just ends. Can AS interview Emily Danforth? And thank her for her awesome writing? And have her explain herself? I want to know all the details! I want to see the movie! I have so many wants!

Kayla: Molly interviewed Emily back in 2017, and I’d be thrilled for AS to chat with her again. In general, I’d love to see more interviews with queer authors in our lit section, so I’d love to know who people want to hear from!

Nicole: Plain Bad Heroines was excellent, and also inspired one of the answers for the fear quiz. I also could have read even more of that book, if there was just more of it.

Today my partner and I had to take our senior dog for behavioral euthanasia, and we are so sad. I hope you guys are well, and if you’ve got pets they are healthy and happy.

Laneia: I am so so sorry for your loss! 💛

Sarah: Bb. I’m so sorry. Two of my friends have had to say goodbye to pets in the last month too. You’re definitely not alone. Sending you lots of hugs and healing energy.

Nicole: I am so sorry. That’s so hard. Sending so much love to you.

Check out this queer card game, Love Letter: Princess Princess Ever After, coming out this October!

Sarah: Wow, I need this.

Hello hi can we talk about the new Snail Mail song/music video Valentine?

Laneia: YES LET’S. At first I was like, “wow what a lush and beautiful music video I am watching” and then all the blood happened! And it was still pretty lush tbh.

Nicole: Lush with blood.

(I tried to submit this on my phone but it didn’t work so trying again!) All consuming need to share: last year Phyllis Nagy, the screenwriter for Carol, came to speak in one of my classes. I was really excited to hear her speak but then she shared that she did **no research** into lesbian subcultures in the 1950s for the film. She didn’t seem to think that research was necessary or important, perhaps because the book was written in the era, but it was a distressing comment!! I hope filmmakers know that LGBTQ history exists and that there are a bunch of books about it as well as archives you can go to do that research so that your creative work has some cultural and historic specificity….

Heather: Well I guess that explains why Carrie Brownstein showed up like a time traveling hottie at the end of the film!

Just an FYI in case y’all don’t know, Drew’s article about poppers is quoted in the book “Deep Sniff” by Adam Zmith which is an excellent queer history of poppers!

Drew: OMG! That’s so cool!

Not gay. But makes an important point about age x vaccination status that I hadn’t seen elsewhere and is good for any of us considering covid risk for ourselves, kids or older relatives :/

Nicole: Thank you for sharing!

[Editor’s Note: Had to link a different video that was available in the US than the link originally sent by the A+ member]

This is a popular german Schlager song by out lebian kerstin ott. Schlager is a bit like german country music, so this is a little bit revolutionary… the lyrics of chorus mean:
Come, let’s paint the world
With the colors of the rainbow
We want them everywhere: rainbow flags
Come! Come, make the world gleam
With the colors of the rainbow
You can see them everywhere!

Nicole: Love this so much!!

You may want to keep an eye on “Doom Patrol”. Cliff’s (Robotman) daughter is married to a woman, Crazy Jane has a scene with another woman (played by Agent Carter’s Wynn Everett) that seems to be leading somewhere, and Rita Farr and Laura De Mille (Michelle Gomez) seem to be hinting at something.

Kayla: All you had to say was MICHELLE GOMEZ, and I’m SOLD tbh. How does she have chemistry with literally everyone on every show she’s on???????? Anyway, I’d love to check the show out!

Heather Hogan baiting fanboys into acting EXACTLY like she says they act is just DELICIOUS. *chef’s kiss*

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

This is perhaps an extremely niche request, but can you do a Style Thief for Sophie from The L Word: Generation Q?? My partner and I are doing a rewatch of season 1 and I’m obsessed with her short sleeved button ups and pleated cuffed pants. Plus, THOSE EARRINGS!

Nicole Who doesn’t want this honestly?! SOMEBODY HELP.

I need a bet settled for me! My wife insists that the original L Word cast had more people who were actually queer in real life than there are in the new Gen Q reboot. I seem to remember reading something about how they very consciously tried to cast actual queers in the new show. What’s the scoop? Is Sepideh Moafi queer?? That’s what started this whole discussion/debate in our household Lolol thank you for very much for your time!

Riese: I am sorry to your wife because alas she is incorrect! Yes, it’s my understanding that the show made a deliberate effort to cast queer actors and specifically aimed to avoid hiring any white straight actors. (Like if they were hiring a white person that white person had to be LGBTQ) That said; not every actor in the show has publicly declared themselves as queer but you can often kinda read between the lines for a few of them. In terms of Openly Out as Queer actors in the main cast, there are many: jacqueline toboni, leo sheng, jillian mercado, arienne mandi, leisha hailey, kate moennig, stephanie allyne.

The main cast of the original series was … Leisha Hailey. Kate wasn’t out yet, but we could count her for kicks. Karina and Laurel had said they were bisexual but later said actually no they are straight. (karina in fact blamed the cast of TLW for making her not like women anymore!!) Mia has always been ambiguous, but only in relationships with men. Daniela Sea joined the main cast in Season 3.

So the other thing is that the original series had five 12-episode seasons and one 8-episode season, and GW has had one 8-episode season and then one 10-episode season filmed at the height of COVID, thus at a time when they were trying to keep the cast as small as possible.

So eventually some queers with more than 2 episodes piled up on the original series, though none in the main cast: Jane Lynch, Sandra Bernhard, Guinevere Turner, Kristanna Loken, Clementine Ford, Catherine Keener, Alexandra Heddison, Alan Cumming, Anne Ramsay. But similarly, GQ has already had Rosie O’Donnell, Olivia Thirlby and Mercedes Mason.

Depending on who’s gay, between 83%-95% of GQ sex scenes have had at least one queer person in them, that’s 50% for the original series, primarily enabled by Shane having so many sex scenes!

Sarah: Ok, just jumping in here to highlight the shade coming from Karina Lombard where she’s like “Actually, getting kicked off the show made me straight” IS MAKING ME LAUGH SO MUCH RN.

This reminds me! Are Bird/Rapinoe like the most championship-having couple, of any variety, ever? Between olympics and world cups and leagues and ncaa…I am wondering this!

Heather: Oh, they have to be, right? Sue Bird’s list of awards and championships from her Wikipedia page won’t even fit on my full laptop screen! I’m actually having trouble thinking of another couple of any genders with multiple championships between them — and coming up short! However, Allie Quigley and Courtney Vandersloot sure do have ONE EACH NOW!

PLEASE WRITE ABOUT CHAVELA VARGAS

Carmen: WE COULD USE MORE CHAVELA CONTENT YOU ARE RIGHT!! But in the meantime, we did write about the Chavela documentary a few years ago, and that should help with the craving.

I was re-reading this article the other day:

https://autostraddle-develop.go-vip.net/the-l-words-lisa-the-lesbian-identified-man-a-trans-symposium-459025/

and came across this lovely nugget, written by the excellent Grace Lavery: “Like her near-namesake Myles, Ilene Chaiken has chosen to spend time in a universe where all trans people belong to some species of trans man, and all transness is a more or less tortured negotiation with desirable masculinity. If that seems transphobic, it’s because it is. But, on the other hand, it is a very strange kind of transphobia, in that Chaiken has created the unrecognizable character type of the “male lesbian” in order to cover up the hole where trans dykes would be if The L Word looked anything like Angelena lesbianism; everyone who might be a trans woman is in fact a trans man.”

I’d love to hear more about Eileen Myles’ centreing of transmasculinity as a form of transphobia? I don’t doubt that this is a good take, but I don’t know enough about this to fully understand this burn and I want to so bad. Maybe Grace could write an article about this – I’d love to read it.

Carmen: iiiiiiiiiiiiiiinteresting!

Article request: some sort of thing where lesbians and bisexuals are just super super supportive of each other? I’m a lesbian and like ALL (exaggeration) my queer friends are bi and I love them so much and never question their queerness and they never think I’m not queer enough either (I know this a thing some lesbians feel they get?!). The roundtable answers to the question about why don’t bi people come out was so good and necessary but also painful. I want something joyful and celebratory of us and our solidarity

To be clear/add on to my earlier note: I think there should be more bisexual content not less! There is so clearly a need for it and I’m really grateful for all you do and for that advice column existing. I just need some positivity too <3

Carmen: I gotta be honest with ya, I think that we think of the entire website as a place where lesbians and bisexuals are super supportive of each other? I definitely relate to the experience you describe here, I have friends across the literal entirety of the Alphabet Mafia and I have never found that we’re adversarial to each other — I know that can sometimes be a prominent message we receive in online discourse and social media (and sometimes even mainstream media), but it’s never been my personal experience. I also think we can definitely keep those supportive vibes going for each other here, in this space. Thank you for the reminder about why it’s important!

Nicole: Agreeing with Carmen that on an internal level, this site is run by lesbians and bisexuals and queers who are all really supportive of each other, and I have to hope that that bleeds out into the content — and I think it does! HOWMEVER with advice questions, we also try to be there for people going through specific things! A thing that’s interesting about advice questions is that they can skew our perceptions and make it look like the majority of our interactions as humans are negative. But the thing is, people don’t write in asking for advice about their supportive queer friends or their happy relationship times (except for when we get asked advice on like, what to do to celebrate an anniversary or something!) because things are good and supportive and healing and don’t need advice! So, yeah, I think there is a “silent majority of mutually supportive gays” kind of situation that is likely occurring here, and I also think, that if you look at the answers and the comments section of just about any Into the A+ Advice Box, you’re gonna see a whole lot of people holding each other and supporting each other — the comment sections are honestly one of my favorite parts of that column and are worth reading and participating in. <3

I want to get another tattoo, but lightning hasn’t struck – can we get a thread going of Sapphic tattoos??

Laneia: I feel like there are at least three members of the editorial team who would be very into a post about this — like maybe a community gallery? Is that what we’re thinking here? Or like, a reported piece?

Nicole: I LOVE TATTOO CONTENT. That is all.

For the TV team:

Have any of you seen Hacks!? Can you write about Hacks!? You should totally write something (or have someone else write something) about Hacks! Because I have a lot of Hacks-related feelings and I need some folks to talk about them with!

Kayla: It is objectively absurd that I have not watched all of Hacks yet, because it is extremely up my alley. I think the creative team (Lucia Aniello, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky) are literal geniuses, and Jean Smart? JEAN SMART. I also am dear friends with perhaps the only two people on the planet who regularly seek out Hacks fanfic (there’s not a lot out there!), and I feel like I am failing them as a friend. This is all to say: I will be inhaling the series ASAP.

Carmen: This is actually very much related to Kayla’s response, but I spent literally May and June looking for even one single team member to write about Hacks for us! Either people hadn’t watched it, or the ones who did watch it didn’t feel like they had anything profound or productive to say for a full length piece. A disappointment, I know. But sometimes it really does just shake out that way.

For what it’s worth, I watched Hacks from start-to-finish right around the time of its Emmys run, and I loved it. Jean Smart is brilliant, one of the best performances of last year. And did you see the standing ovation she got at the actual Emmys? CHILLS.

How do you decide which TV shows get a longer, weekly recap (ie Good Trouble), vs ones that are embedded within the Boobs on Your Tube column (ie Work in Progress)? Though I love both these shows, and would dieeee to read some longer writing each week on the Work in Progress episodes! I know Drew and maybe other folks have written longer WIP pieces at the start of the seasons, but damn I’d love to read more of y’all’s smart thoughts on it week to week.

Heather: That’s a great question and to be honest with you it often just depends on the bandwidth of the person covering the show! Because our TV Team covers basically everything queer, and there’s only seven people on our TV Team, that means we each have dozens of shows on our beat. So we just try to do the best we can with our time, creative energy, and budget. But thank you so much for saying you’d love to read more ’cause I know we’d love to publish more!

Carmen: Yes, to just back up with Heather said, a lot of it is about pure bandwidth. We are always glad to know you want more, because we’d love to be able to give it, but the vast majority of our writers have day jobs away from us and we only have but so many hours in a day to create all the content that we’d love to make for yall!

Every month Heather and I go over the new tv/film releases, based on a list that Riese compiles for us, and we ask ourselves: How do we have at Autostraddle who is the very best writer to cover this? Is the story the kind of piece that works best in a week-to-week breakdown, or a single longer deep dive? How many other tv shows or movies is that writer covering this month, and what’s the best/most efficient and effective use of their time to cover our needs? What shows do we have access to or contacts for press screeners? We also ask writers what they’d like to cover, and what format do they think is best for the commentary they want to make. And if we don’t have people on our team that are appropriate to cover any given piece, then we have to reach out to our broader networks. And it keeps going like that.

But we are doing our best to make sure you get to hear from us on all the most important shows (including Work in Progress, which in its first season we covered with two stand alones, and this season we made sure to cover with weekly mini-caps, so that there was more consistent coverage) while also being mindful of our actual human limits. You understand.

Maybe others have already suggested this, but I’d love to read a piece on queer parents who have experience with fostering or adoption. My partner and I want to open our home to older teens/transition aged youth but I’m just at the stage of gathering information and learning right now. We hope to do this in the next few years, after we are able to move to a home with a little more space. Are there resources/books/podcasts/films that other queer parents have found helpful?

*Also just want to note I saw a comment a few months back from a reader in Australia (I think? Can’t remember exactly) that was really insightful and shared more about the context of the foster care/adoption system and the racism inherent in those systems, and why we need to be more intentional/critical of a desire to “adopt” kids (I’m really condensing/summarizing here- but I just wanted to thank that reader. Their perspective gave me lots to think about, and I know many of the realities they shared about the foster/adoption system in their country hold true here in the US too.)

Carmen: YES! I want this too! We are always looking for more queer parenting (and also, as it relates to your point, the different ways that queer adults become parents) pieces. Thank you for the reminder to keep this at the top of our wish list for the upcoming months. I’ll see what we can make happen!

Hey y’all! Adore the gay emmys, they’re a delight as always! I’m beyond thrilled to see the costume design Emmy as a queer costume designer hoping to one day snag my own (both gay and regular, though the gay one would probably be more of an honor). I’d like to request that when that award is given, the costume designer’s name is listed alongside the show. Costume designers in tv/film are so often uncredited in articles/news directly about the clothing and it’s something I would love to see change certainly everywhere but at least here among the gays where I call home. Happy to see our inclusion here and thanks for all y’all do!

Carmen: An excellent note! Thank you! We’re always looking to improve the Gay Emmys. Anyway, yes, we will keep this in mind for next year!

It’s not a PRESSING question, but I saw the docs recced in Christina’s latest post (love), and I was wondering if anyone else has noticed a big dip in quality – maybe particularly folks in the UK? I’ve got two pairs of the boots I bought in the states at college, and they’re still going strong (one for eight years including as snow boots!). But my brogues I bought to start my UK library role has soles that came straight off after just over a year and won’t even hold with superglue/cobbler help/anything. I’m here to field comments on whether I should pick up a pair if I can ever return to the states or if this is a cross-border curse!

Nicole: My girlfriend has informed me that the company that owned the Docs brand filed for bankruptcy in 2003, were subsequently bought by a different owner and, except for 1% of shoes, ceased making shoes in the UK and moved the manufacturing to China and Thailand. The factory that made docs in the UK, HOWMEVER, still makes boots. My GF and I own none of these and cannot endorse them or give you any insight into quality but we have heard that the quality resembles the pre-bankruptsy Doc Martens. So, there they are! And I sure do want them! I cannot believe I have this info for you wow. Very gay.

Am I imagining that there was, at some point, a guide or roundtable about how to get started with freelance writing? I would really like to start pitching and writing, but every time I see a call for pitches, I get in my head and don’t go for it. Would love to learn from all of you!!!

Kayla: I love to talk to folks about the freelance life! There’s honestly so much stuff to say about it that I couldn’t possibly fit it all here, so I’ll try to directly respond to what you said you’re currently struggling with: If your problem is with follow-through, I recommend adopting an accountability partner approach. One of the tough parts about freelancing is that you feel like you’re operating in a vacuum. It can be really isolating, and it’s easy to get into your own head. The next time you see a call for pitches go up that you’d like to respond to, tell a friend you’re going to pitch something. Sometimes something as simple as that can make it easier to actually follow through. Depending on your needs/preferences, you could even ask that friend to follow up with you in X days to ask if you pitched. And maybe after the first few times of doing this, you’ll be able to phase it out. It’s very important to keep in mind that a rejection often does not have to do with the quality of your pitch/your writing. There are so many factors editors consider when fielding pitches. It’s also possible you won’t hear back at all. This does not mean you’ve failed! The best way to get pitches accepted is to JUST KEEP PITCHING all the time, constantly. And just because something is not a good fit one place does not mean there’s no home for it at all. Also, if there are editors/publications you like, I recommend searching for pitch calls on twitter by searching @editorsusername + “pitch” or “pitch me” or “accepting pitches” etc. It’s an easy way to find calls/info about where to send things. Hope this helps!

If one wanted to become a Carly Rae Jepsen fan, where would one start? Plz & thank you!! I think I have slept on this, and need to catch up.

Kayla: I personally don’t think there’s any one right way to delve into her music, so I say just pull up her discography and start listening! Everyone I know has a different favorite that they listen to on repeat (I’m a “Cut To The Feeling” Gay). Her music is very good to dance to also, so if you’ve been looking for an excuse to throw a little dance party, maybe make it CRJ-themed. There are also a lot of great personal essays and reviews (and hybrid review-essays) of CRJ’s music out there by queer and trans folks, so if you wanna deepen your connection, I’d start there. Abeni wrote about the song “Your Type.”

Laneia: A monthly column, Where to Start, about diving into popular musicians or writers or any art at all that is relevant to our interests and I read every single one of them and this steers the majority of my artistic consumption over the next year+. That is my dream okay.

Sarah: Boy problems. Who’s got em? IT’S A JAM. All of Emotion (the album) is so so so good. Agree w/ Kayla about throwing a dance party. It can also be a party for one (hahahha) in your kitchen while you make an elaborate curry, or if you’re like me, invite your crush over to make the curry with you and stew in the longing of CRJ.

Hey ciao! I was just wondering, could y’all maybe do a roundtable and show their favorite Autostraddle article? Doesn’t have to be their own :)

Carmen: You know what? The last week of the year is something that we tentatively always joke about calling “Greatest Hits Week” where we program rerun articles to help fill the calendar, so we can rest but also so yall can catch up on what you maybe missed! I think a roundtable like this would be perfect in that kind of space. Thanks for sharing!

I know Laneia is busy and has her own reasons for writing less but I miss reading the things she writes!! #bringbackTheseShirts

Laneia: WOW wow okay OKAY I WILL CONSIDER THIS a version of this IT IS UNDER CONSIDERATION. ALSO THANK YOU THIS IS A VERY NICE THING TO SAY.

Bring back Notes from a Queer Engineer you cowards!!!!

This is not Laneia…. :EYES: :heart:

Laneia:

wow, Jiz Lee and T Kira Māhealani Madden both on the AS page on the same day! What exciting times we live in!!!!

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

I’m just here to agree with the A+ member who was basically saying that Laneia is a brilliant writer who can say more in two sentences than some writers take a whole novel to get to. So insightful, so incisive. Thank you, Laneia, for sharing your words with us.

Kayla: I’m just chiming in here to say YES @ the two sentences thing. Laneia’s economy of language is unparalleled.

Laneia: WHOA WHOA WHOA hey now whoaaaa this is a very nice thing to say and it means a lot to me!!!! Thank you!

Riese! Congrats on winning your kickball championship! My kickball team won ours too!! KICKBALL CHAMPS!

Riese: OMG thank you so much it is thrilling to be a winner in the presence of other winners!!!!

This isn’t an advice question, but it’s related to the STRAIGHT PEOPLE PROBLEMS upcoming A+ advice inbox: I just wanted to say I hella related to your feelings about Pride this year!! (I think Carmen or Laneia wrote about it in an A+ Insider newsletter or somewhere?) Pride month felt extra exhausting in 2021, and like it was all about education opportunities for straights?? This was the first year I was part of the Pride employee group at my job and while I loved meeting more queers at my workplace, overall ended the month feeling so exhausted and spent from a lot of explaining/hand holding w/ straight coworkers and family all month. Anyways, just wanted to affirm your feels and wondering if other ppl felt that, and why did we all feel that??

Laneia: Whew yes, thank you for affirming. And also we all deserve a gift card to Olive Garden or something.

Kayla: Just chiming in to second the Olive Garden gift card. Fun fact: I once DM’d Olive Garden to ask if I could PURCHASE the WINE GLASSES they use at the restaurant for my gf for our anniversary and the social media manager got back to me and was like actually we will just send you a whole package of gifts for your anniversary and it included a gift card. So basically, Olive Garden said gay rights. And should give everyone at AS gift cards. (Also yes, Pride is exhausting)

Carmen: I actually don’t love Olive Garden (shhhh don’t tell anyone) so I would appreciate it if my gift card could be made out to TGIF Fridays.

But seriously, yes! I have heard so many horror stories like that this year about Pride. I have no idea what made the straights lose it, but lose it they certainly did.

I signed up for A+ again thanks to your very sweetly imploring email trying to win me back. Lemme just say, I never left you! I mean I did but, it’s because I relocated from Sydney to London in the middle of a pandemic with no job (haha.. hahaHA) and needed every dollar.

I have a job now, so will send some of my dollars your way.

Thanks for everything over the past ten years. X

Laneia: I hope you love your new home in London!!! Thank YOU!

Sarah: Wow inspired by your verve and adventurousness. Glad you’re all settled in and thank you for supporting us again!

Kayla: Wow congrats on the big move! Wishing you well, and thanks for the support! <3

Nicole: Welcome back we love you!! It’s totally okay and I am glad YOU are okay! Congrats on the new job <3

Carmen: WELCOME BAAAAAAAACK! So happy to have you with us!

RIESE HOW WAS YOUR [redacted big bday]

Riese: It was really nice!!!! I had some friends over to play my favorite game scattergories, i had a WONDERFUL date with my girlfriend the next day and one of my presents was tickets to the movie museum and then we went to the movie museum the next weekend!!!!!! Low-key but nice, two thumbs up.

I can’t explain it but Gigi’s delivery on the line “Do you want to hurt me? What you’re doing is hurtful.” is so hot and mean and I fucking love it!

Riese your recaps are the thread that keeps me watching this shitshow every week. Thank you for doing this thankless task that I’m sure must feel like a curse at this point! 🙃

Riese: YOU’RE SO WELCOME it makes me happy to make other people happy (is that codependent IDK at this point)

Kayla: I know this is true for so many people, but Gigi has absolutely ruined my life this season.

Sarah: Gigi forever.

Hi Autostraddle over a dozen of us from the northeast spinoff server rented a small movie theater tonight and watched Addams Family Values and I just wanted to thank you for the pop up servers since they’ve led to so much community and new friends in my life!

Laneia: UGH THIS IS SO PURE I LOVE IT SO MUCHHHHH

Carmen: THERE IS NOT ENOUGH ALL CAPS IN THE WORLD TO DESCRIBE HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES ME OMG OMG ADFALDFKAJFLAFAALJ!!!!!

Nicole: Hearing about the legendary adventures of the Northeast Spinoff server is truly wonderful, like surprise donuts on a random weekday.

The senior editors hang in the Discord was DELIGHTFUL and I would be super excited if that were to happen again!

Riese: I HAD SO MUCH FUN TOO!!!

Laneia: Me too! I will definitely be there for the next one !!

Sarah: Amazing night. So many good laughs. Y’all are hilarious and fun!

Nicole: You all MAKE the Discord server what it is. THANK YOU for the good times!

Carmen: Definitely one of my favorite parts of the last month, for sure!

Including a fundraising ask in the results of the “Greatest Fear” quiz is fucking brilliant!

Nicole: Why thank you that was one of my most especially caffeinated / exhausted moments! And people did give and it was wonderful!!! I’m working on another this-time-non-fundraising quiz just for kicks. I really like making them even if the process is extremely tedious! AND ALSO JUST THANK YOU AGAIN for all the fundraising asks you all work through as we fundraise! We couldn’t do it without you, and your support, and your patience and love!

Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #37

Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature is now bi-monthly and advice questions go into our twice monthly Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

---

MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

Q: I know it’s possible to gift A+ memberships, but is there any scope for donating the membership? Where the donor pays the money and someone unknown to them gets it?

Hm, that would mean having a waiting list of people who do not yet have membership, I guess, which doesn’t sound great. Never mind.

Nicole: I do not think this is a bad idea at all! We are actually working (in the final-ish stages) on an automated way of doing this right this moment, where people could contribute to a gift pool, and then people could automatically enter to receive a free membership for a year (awarded on a first, come, first served basis, so just chronologically). I just want to shout out the forward-thinking A+ members (like you!) who came to me with the idea and the awesome Yikes team who are working on making it happen from a technical standpoint. Yes, people who want a free membership might have to wait for a period of time, depending on how much we have in the pool, but I do like that they will automatically receive a membership as soon as there’s enough money. More news on this as soon as we have it, which will be soon!

Q: When you have an exclusive cover or trailer release for a genre I’m not interested in, should I click on it anyways because having higher view numbers would help make Autostraddle more of a leader in the space, or does it not matter? And if yes, how long do I need to leave the page open for?

Sarah: Hi! Thank you for caring about us at this introspective level. It makes my heart swell. You definitely can click on it (or watch it). Time spent open doesn’t matter, but if it’s a trailer clip giving it a mostly full or complete watch counts as a “play” which is considered active engagement and not a passive impression. So please watch! Please click. And if you see it posted on social media, give it a like, share it, comment — these actions are also considered engagement. Thank you! We love you!

Q: I’m a little stoned and reading the article about Frodo and Sam that was in Lez Liberty Lit and the effort made to preserve historical queerness made me wonder if Autostraddle has done anything to archive any of your website, or know of any queer internet archives? I’m seeing people talk about it a lot with the efforts to archive fanfiction.net now that there’s a huge potential of cultural loss with everything that’s just stored online

Riese: We haven’t because we still exist and so do our archives!

Nicole: To second that in a way: all digital archives take server space, people and resources to maintain them, etc. And so, we would love to keep existing and maintaining our own archives if at all possible!!

Laneia: I just want to say that I have boxes filled with notebooks with list after list of me being like, “respond to [freelancer] tuesday!!!!!! THIS TUESDAY” and “genius idea: we sell care packages for people to send their queer friends and relatives and exes who need cheering up?” with flowers doodled in the margins so in my own small way, I have archived us.

Q: Has AS considered limiting comments to A+ members? I’m assuming it’s been considered and rejected to keep the site open and active for all (and to make sure that there is still some commenting activity). Sometimes the shut down of a troll is fun to watch. But also, sometimes it’s annoying to see the spam and it’d be a bit satisfying to know that terfs and trolls have to contribute at least $4 to be assholes.

[Note from Nicole: This and the following are answered together!]

Q: How do bots get into the comments? How come some of the older articles (and sometimes newer ones!) end up with a bunch of spam comments? Is it helpful if readers report these?

Thanks, and just curious! It’s no hard feelings, and I’m not bugged by them I was just wondering how the spamming happens and if there is something I/we can do to help. ;)

Riese: I too would love for trolls and TERFs to give us $4 to comment, but we also wanna make sure that our comments are open to as much conversation as possible! And trolls are honestly pretty rare. Our writers love hearing back from readers and the more people who are able to participate in the comments the better in general. Also some people can’t afford a membership or are still mulling it over and we still wanna hear from them.

Nicole: One of the best things about A+ is that A+ members are keeping this whole space here for everyone who needs it, including people who cannot afford to be members right now. Trolls suck but we also don’t want to take away the ability to comment from other people because of trolls. We just ask that you ignore them as best you can, and feel free to alert us to troll activity via the A+ box. I do have to say that some people are *really determined* though, so in the cases where people pop up all over the place, clearly making multiple accounts, it’s best to just not feed them any further. Usually, we get to them in the morning when we find messages from you all in the A+ box. We do remove spam when we can, too! As for how that gets there, it’s free to sign up for a commenting account and some bots and spammers make it through the process! We clean them up when we can.

Q: would you ever consider making your fundraiser/A+ perks available to purchase as one-off items instead of just as perks? for example, i love the new A+ t-shirt and the mug (the mug!!!). i can’t afford to sign up for $50/mo, but i would totally buy the shirt and the mug as standalone purchases. presumably it’d be cheaper to get that stuff printed in bulk so maybe it’d be worth it?

Nicole: There’s no easy answer, just the way we’ve found works best for us. So, first, as you very likely know because you are here, for the limited edition A+ perks as well as the merch we have for fundraisers, there’s a donation included, as you’ve referenced with the $50 / month membership level. With these, there is the understanding that the price someone pays includes the perks plus a donation amount that goes toward supporting our publication. (Thank you!!) If we tried to fund Autostraddle on the profit margins on merch sales alone, unfortunately, I do not think that would work! Although, merch sales through our store are certainly an important part of our revenue mix and business model.

Another thing with these perks is that sending out A+ / fundraiser merch is labor intensive. All our fundraiser and A+ merch is sent by a single human (Hello! It is me! And also sometimes my girlfriend volunteers and helps!) because we don’t have a fulfillment service for these (before me it was Riese) and so for me to run anything like the volume of an actual store on top of my several other jobs here isn’t doable without scaling up our operation, which would probably mean hiring more people, new systems etc., which would mean we would need more money in the first place! Every fundraiser, it usually takes me several weeks of working every single day (all 7!) to get those perks out after. So, the real cost is not the printing of the merch — even in bulk — but our time. I think if it were not a pandemic, I would look into some volunteer help for fundraisers, but for now it hasn’t been doable. So, with the mug and the shirt, for folks who are able to support us at the level of $50 / month, we wanted to be able to send them something special as thanks because we are super grateful for the gift that they’re giving to keep us here, queer and working away.

I hear you though, and we do want merch to be accessible. I suspect that Sarah will have more cute merch up her sleeve for the future that will go in our store (they only fulfill items purchased through our storefront, which is different from our membership & fundraiser systems), where the price is not also a donation and so is lower, so I would keep an eye out there! AND, for future fundraisers, I think we might be able to lower our price points somewhat, so stay tuned for that! I’m super grateful for your understanding as we continously work to strike a balance. The act of balancing, in reality, is usually not about stillness so much as it is constant movement and adjustment and that is what we are always up to over here. I hope this explanation helps and also, always, thank you for being a member and for wanting to support further and for asking about this!

Q: Any chance you could put some other (non-North American) time zones on the pages advertising events? Gonna blame my dyslexia but I end up missing some of the great things you’ve set up because time conversion is a struggle.

Nicole: I’ve been trying this for some events! However, on graphics and things like that, it does get cumbersome to have a bunch of timezones. It totally took me a while to get used to everything being in PST (I’m EST) so I get it. I find that Google has a pretty good tool for “translating” the time of events into other zones, if that’s helpful, but yes! I will definitely continue to keep this in mind and do this when I can for future A+ events.

any reason for the title change from “some answers to some things you’ve been asking us” to “some answers to some things you WERE asking us”? Jw!!!

Nicole: It was titled this briefly when I was really tired during the member drive and your message encouraged me to change it! Oops! Thank youu!

Q: A technical/design wish for the website: is it possible to always include feature images as a header or in the body of articles? These images and designs are typically great, and I frequently like to refer to them while reading — but I frequently have to click back out to the main page to see them. Additionally, their smaller size there makes it hard to see details compared to the larger images displayed in some articles/features. Thanks!

Sarah: I really love this actually, and I love hearing that this is how you read and engage with things. It reminds me of when I was a kid, and I’d hear a descriptive detail or something about the character and I’d flip back to the cover and inspect it closely to see if what they were referring to was in the cover. I suppose it was a formative interest in design/art. BUT I DIGRESS. This practice is usually present in series where we hire illustrators to create art, because we want their work to shine. I think it’s something we can put into practice for more pieces that also have really intentional feature graphics. And in the future, in my heart of hearts, I’d love to have a post layout where the image is just baked in, like you suggested. ATM it’s something that the editors have to remember to do manually, and it can be hard when they’re juggling so many different checklist items to get a post up on our site! All of this is to say, yes! EVENTUALLY! And YES! I 10000000% agree with you and share your wish!

Q: Gays! I keep getting so many compliments for the Soft Butch t-shirt! Wore it in a new town for the afternoon and got compliments from all kinds of strangers. Thanks for the excellent design work! (And for using such soft material so it’s comfortable, too.)

Heather: The Soft Butch t-shirt is my all-time favorite shirt! I love that that design is like an vintage softball jersey and I love that it’s literally the softest shirt ever and I love that the color looks great on everyone and I love that it says Soft Butch and I love that you got complimented on it. I bet you looked like a dream in it!

Riese: That design was my idea so THANK U

Sarah: This makes me so happy. Thank you!

Q: Seeing all these awesome product/business recommendations in the A+ fashion column is SO AMAZING! And it got me thinking… Would AS ever consider creating a business directory of queer-owned businesses? (Maybe charge a couple bucks or something cheap for each business to be listed in the directory?) Does this already exist??

Or maybe AS collaborating on the directory with some other queer entity that would actually host and maintain the site (I know y’all aren’t swimming in free time to take on another massive project).

I’m thinking of all the cool businesses and creators I’ve been introduced to via links on Autostraddle, and it makes me wish there was a central place for all that info to live that was easily searchable. On the flipside, I’ve also had the experience of wanting to buy a specific clothing item or accessory from a queer maker/company, and looking it up using the search bar on Autostraddle but having trouble wading through all of the search results (plus navigating old articles lots of broken links or businesses that have closed, sadly)

Riese: We sure have yes! We have wanted to do this for over a decade but just haven’t had the resources to do it so in the meantime have just been doing our lists. I agree with you 100% that it would be wonderful to have!

We have reluctantly accepted over the years that keeping anything updated regularly, from our City Guides (for which we’ve repeatedly attempted various massive processes to make it happen and none of them have been sustainable or functional) to our streaming lists, it’s way harder to fit regular updates into our schedules than it seems like it ought to be. When I do the annual lists for Pride it takes about a week to cull through the old links, update product links, find new stores, confirm which stores are actually owned by queer people, make sure it’s diverse in other ways, etc., make all the graphics, etc. etc. etc.

Ultimately we would build it out and put months of work into launching it, and then within six months or so it would quickly become outdated. We’d need a point person for requests to be added and a system for approving them. We’d need to ask questions like; if you’re queer and have an Etsy store do we automatically include you? If you’re queer and self-employed in any capacity at all, do we automatically include you? If no, then what does qualify someone for inclusion and is the directory useful without any qualitative analysis of the stores? Are we including businesses from all over the world, or just the countries where we have a lot of readers? Just the US and Canada? So many things!

In a dream world we could have somebody employed here full-time to oversee something like that and manage all our outreach to queer businesses, honestly — including getting special discounts for A+ members and doing cross-promotional things together.

Hi, my edible is kicking in after a rough day and I read the Ikea couch article and my advice is to please continue being perfect; I needed that discussion so badly and I too am terrified of being kidnapped by the menacing hands on the bi couch.

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

Q: Hey,
Have you seen Princess Charming?
It’s only in german for now but this youtube channel is recapping it in english
I’m obsessed with it and would love to read you guys about it!
SHE’S KISSING EVERY CONTESTAAAANT!

Sarah: Just checking, are you also the person in our Instagram DM’s? Because if you are, hi!! And if you aren’t, you have a very enthusiastic friend who also loves this show. To me this concept sounds completely dreamy, but as far as I can tell there are no subtitled versions of the episodes. So I’m extremely curious, but I also want to know what’s going on? Will you please share a tip if you know where we can watch with English subtitles?

Q: Hi! I’m a huge fan of Autostraddle (A+ member since 2016; reader since the coffee ring days). Over the years, I’ve been incredibly inspired by how you’ve built an entirely queer business from the ground up — I read This Business of Art *religiously* — and now I’m starting my own queer and trans-owned business in the form of a coffee truck in Columbus, Ohio! We’re trying to get the word out about it during Pride Month, and I wanted to reach out to one of my favorite queer places on the internet. (If you want to check it out, our website is https://thegalaxycoffee.com) Thank you for all that you do! <3 Jevonna

Nicole: I LOVE this and love a co-op! Sorry we missed you during pride month but everyone please go check them out especially if you are near Columbus! <3

Q: Emily Saliers (of Indigo Girls) and Beth Malone (OBC and Tony Nominee for “Fun Home”) have written a new musical together and have started readings/workshops for it!!!! It’s the lesbian theatre collaboration we’ve all been waiting for!!! It’s called Starstruck and it appears to be based on “Cyrano de Bergerac”? Anyway, Beth Malone has been posting about it on her IG.

Heather: This is the one place where you don’t have to qualify Emily Saliers and Beth Malone with their accomplishments! We know them by heart! I’m from Georgia, so I’m an extra Emily Saliers stan. I have been following along with this project and am almost too excited to function every time they post something new. I can’t wait to see it in person and laugh and cheer and cry and sing along with it like GALILEO’S HEAD WAS ON THE BLOCK all over again!

Riese: OMG I AM SO F*CKING EXCITED

Sarah: My body is ready.

Q: Hot tip! Hannah Roberts is representing the US in BMX freestyle at the Olympics and married her wife this new years! 

Heather: Thank you for sharing this! My wife woke me up at 2 am last week yelling about it also!

Q: Wrote in about Hannah Roberts the other day and just realized Chelsea Wolfe, the Team USA alternate in BMX freestyle, is trans!

Heather: This is so rad! I didn’t know this! I will update my list (and update my aforementioned enthusiastic wife!).

Q: I missed the AMA yesterday (no joke, I was visiting my dad in the hospital— but for good reasons, he’s recovering from a successful surgery!), so here’s my question I was gonna post:

Honestly, I’m star struck by all ya’ll and I think I would totally embarrass myself if I were to, on the off-chance, run into any of you in public. Have you ever met an internet celeb crush in person? Has an Autostraddle reader ever approached you in public, and how did it go? Do you have any tips for meeting an Internet celeb crush in person? How to maintain composure? Say nothing and walk on by? How would you like readers/fans to acknowledge your presence in public? Or would you prefer we not?

Heather: Autostraddle readers talk to me all the time out and about in NYC! Or they did in the Before Times when people were out and about. I love talking to readers! It’s like we already have a launching off point for connection because we’ve read the same things and share some similar interests and senses of humor. It ALWAYS goes well, and we always both leave the conversation feeling giddy and connected. I also have met lots of Autostraddle readers who have crushes on Autostraddle writers — just recently I met someone crushing on Shelli at the emergency animal hospital and she helped me and my wife out with our injured cat so much! — and it has never, ever, ever happened that I relayed a reader crush to a writer and had them respond with anything but joy and gratitude. Say something!

Riese: Yes people come up to me all the time and I like it! Usually people will just be like, are you riese from autostraddle or are you riese from the l word podcast and I will be like, yes, and then they will say something sweet and nice that will make me feel good for the rest of the day / week. Also if I’m with other people and a fan approaches me then usually the other people I’m with will think I am cool and important. Sometimes it all feels a little bit imaginary, you know? So meeting readers in person is really cool. The only thing is that I am really socially awkward and sometimes I worry people will take that personally but usually they don’t, as far as i know. So yeah! Say hi!

Nicole: The day I interviewed with Autostraddle I saw Sandra Bernhard in a restaurant after, and while I let her eat her meal unaccosted, I did consider it an omen. And then I was hired by Autostraddle! So I guess…I assign prophetic significance to celebrity sightings but don’t speak to them? I think it’s definitely different depending on who it is, though, re: whether or not I would talk to them. ALSO: as someone who has been working at AS for the entirety of a pandemic and pretty much only during said pandemic, I would just like to say that I would love it if any members ever said hello. Please do!!! Someday!!!

Q: I don’t know if y’all have heard of it, but there’s this new(ish? I think) website called Yente Over the Rainbow that’s a queer jewish matchmaking site. It’s free and has very inclusive gender/sexuality etc questions. I just signed up so I haven’t met anyone yet, but I feel like people on this website might be into it.

Carmen: I00% I think people will be into it! Thank you for letting them/us know. I hope you’ve met someone by the time you’re reading this!

Q: Dear Autostraddle,
This cucumber in my CSA box looked more like a dildo than usual, and I wanted to share it with someone. Here is a picture:
love, me

Heather:

Sarah: Woah, woah woah!

Nicole: Whyyyyyy Heather whyyyy???

Carmen: Heather how did you eve find this????

Q: Caught a glimpse of Cynthia Erivo and Lena Waithe sitting together during Lil Nas X’s Montero performance at the BET awards and knew in my heart: ‘this will be on an Autostraddle timeline someday’.

Carmen: Oh you absolutely know it. That timeline is already well tracked and annotated deep in my brain, and I’m ready to pull it out at a moment’s notice.

Q: Thanks for keeping Pride for the queers this year (and every year). Attended my companies virtual “Pride celebration” this morning and I mean the messaging was nice and there was a cut slideshow of LGBTQ employees and their families and some nice personal stories but I couldn’t stop thinking when did Pride become an educational event for allies? Not like I didn’t expect it but it just really hit hard and different this year

Carmen: That was LITERALLY (and I cannot emphasize this enough, LITERALLY) one of the main feelings that we all felt about Pride this year. It just felt really gross and really isolating. We had a few theories about it, one of them that I think really happened is that because there was less “in person queer community” events due to the panaroma, the only thing left were a lot of… corporate Pride and well meaning straights? Anyway, I’m so glad that our coverage helped fill that void for you. Laneia ran our Pride series this year, and it’s honestly one of my favorite Prides we’ve ever done.

Laneia: 🥲

Q: A thought relevant to the teams interests — I (a librarian-in-training) am working on an entire rare books room move of 15th century materials and it occurred to me – where is the Watcher’s digitisation programme? Yes it was the 90s but microfilm/fiche was in! Giles was a librarian, and he certainly wasn’t using those school days for student outreach :) All those old delicate original demonology texts…. work smarter not harder guys

Nicole: Wasn’t there a specific episode where they were scanning the library texts and uploading them and then it invoked a demon that Willow got catfished by over some kind of instant message chat? Maybe that’s why? Just a plug from someone who loves primary sources — but if you ever find any gay things in those 15th century materials will you please scan and send them our way???

Q: For all the hot gay divorceès out there

Nicole: On behalf of all hot gay divorceès out there, thanks for thinking of us!

Laneia: This is beautiful.

Sarah & Nicole I just was not logged in and I saw an A+ ad for learning how to become the hot mean femme top of your dreams and I just wanna say I think that’s brilliant marketing. Also I hope it works because I am looking for that hot mean femme top once she like… Figures it out for herself, y’know? Okay, thank you!!

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

Q: I’ve recently become a little obsessed with podcasts about dating, but all the ones I’ve found feel super heteronormative and I just don’t relate. Do you know any queer dating podcasts? (I’m more interested in a focus on early stage dating, rather than general relationship advice.)

Nicole: WE SAW THIS MESSAGE AND THEN RUBBED OUR HANDS TOGETHER WITH GLEE. Have you listened to “Wait, Is This a Date?” yet?

Carmen: NO SERIOUSLY LISTEN TO WAIT IS THIS A DATE!!

Q: Can you do a financial literacy series? I feel like such a baby when it comes to finances, and I need fucking Uncle Joe to cancel my student loans. I was 18 when I signed them and had no idea. Now I’m drowning under student debt, and I got some credit card debt and idk, maybe a gay needs some financial advice!!

Carmen: I’d love that and will make note! In the meantime, I have two things to help hold you over — How to Deal With Credit Card Debt and Not Totally Ruin Your Life Forever (this is actually one of my favorite things that KaeLyn has written and I found it very comforting once upon a time) and also our financial planning archives. I’m also drowning in my student loans, so the last thing I want to tell you is that you’re not alone my friend! We got this.

Laneia: My sweet good friend, are you also familiar with Gaby Dunn’s podcast and book?

Q: I have seen some insta comments debates over whether it is “terfy ” to use the term “womxn” and could not find any coherent info on this ! Thoughts and prayers?

Carmen: We actually were going to do a piece on that… maybe around last summertime? But it didn’t actually pan out through the publication pipeline (not because of the subject matter or anything! That just happens sometimes with publishing). But I remember the central argument of that pitch being that “womxn” actually excludes those trans women who have fought to be seen and known as women (this would obviously not be true for all trans women! No group is a monolith! But for those for whom “womanhood” specifically is important and fought for). It becomes a moving of the goal post; once this one group finally becomes “women” now we no longer want to even use the term “women” in a misguided display of “solidarity” that actually ends up being severely misplaced.

Of course nothing is that simple or easy! Womxn predates all of our internet discourse and has been a feminist framing of the word since at least the 1970s (maybe earlier? that would require more research). It was pretty common in the second wave of feminism among both white feminists and feminists of color. Now that I’m thinking about it, I also wonder if that’s part of the misconception; internet discourse has been known to reduce “second wave” to “terf” from time-to-time (and of course, that’s also not cut-and-dry, not all second wave feminists were any one thing).

As you can see it got complicated to write about pretty quickly, due to all the nuances and differing POVs involved! I’d still love that piece though.

Q: I don’t know if I’m just bad at finding this stuff, but I can’t seem to find any talk about the lesbian storyline in season 4 of Episodes. I’m not far enough into the season to know how it ends/if it’s good, but every time I come across lesbians on my TV I immediately run here to check if you’ve written anything about it. You can imagine my surprise when I couldn’t find anything on Episodes. I don’t know what my point here is, though. Have any of you watched it?? Thoughts?? If not, watch it!! It’s pretty funny, even though they drop some slurs in season 1 which I’d rather had not been there tbh. Aside from that just uhhh I love you?? I hope you’re all surviving these weird times??

Riese: I did…. I can’t remember the context or why I watched it! But I definitely did and I remember liking it. Maybe I watched it because I was trying to figure out the prominence of the character for the database or some kind of round-up we were doing…. WE LOVE YOU TOO

Q: Could we have like a flow chart for if you should move in with your partner?

Heather: Oof, if only all hard life decisions were as easy as a flowchart!

Q: My partner and I have been rewatching the real l word this pandemic. Would Riese and Carly consider doing a to l and back on the real l word???

Riese: Unfortunately I would rather put on a vagina costume and a strap-on that shoots sperm and roll around in a kiddie pool of creamed corn than do a To L and Back on The Real L Word!!!!! I’m not big into reality TV and also it is kinda weird cuz we knew then and/or know now a lot of the people who were in it. However I did do some really incredible recaps of The Real L Word, like there’s some genuine artistry there and I highly recommend them because I have never in my life spent so much time on something I liked less than those! I kept it up because of traffic but wow I hated that show. We have tons of Real L Word content in general, including interviews with everybody who was in it basically and some very epic Parodies (I was Nikki obviously, Carly was Mikey). I also interviewed Carly about it.

Sarah: Not going to lie, I would absolutely listen to this show.

Q: Please please more roundtables! A few ideas: dream post-covid vacation, vices, updated morning/night routines, being poly, being monogamous, weekend in the life… need me that cult of personality, love you all!!

Nicole: Noted for A+ purposes! Would love to hear more if you all would like more A+ roundtable content in the comments!

Carmen: I’m going to be VERY HONEST WITH YOU, A+ member! Because you deserve it and you deserve to know that we are being smart and efficient with your gay dollars — through research we’ve actually learned that doing a lot of roundtables is diluting them and we’ve stopped getting the needed traffic on them for the cost. They also keep our writers from having the individual writer bylines that they really need for their portfolios.

But I agree that they could have a purpose in A+ (it seems like Nicole is already on that!), which is where we are seeing a lot of success with our “cult of personality” content lately.  You also have my solemn vow that when we do a roundtable, it will be pretty damn special and worth it. (Speaking of which, did you see our roundtable this month on bisexuality? it was stellar and we’re so proud of it!)

Laneia: Reeeeeeal talk I would love a ‘weekend in the life’ series, not roundtable, with pictures oh my god and like a recipe if they cooked something and did they go shopping? What movie did they watch? Show me your yard! Did you organize your fucking closettttttt oh my god wow what if I just um, see if anyone wants to write these. Hm.

Nicole: I’m back to say: I love that, Laneia.

Q: Hi, thanks to the whole team for your amazing work.
I was wondering why you don’t publish Motherland Fort Salem recaps ? Is it because the team has already too much work, or is it for another reason ?
Keep on going, and good luck to all of you!

Heather: Friend! I’ve got great news for you! Valerie Anne has got you covered! We recap Motherland: Fort Salem in our weekly Boobs on Your Tube column, which publishes on Friday afternoons. If you follow us on Twitter, you’ll see tweets about it on Friday and Saturday!

Q: This seems like the place to ask this- if I want to “get into” Michelle Tea which book should I start with? I’m also open to suggestions of other writers with similar subject interests (not-for-the-straight-gaze looks at queer subculture, capturing specific times and places) or just similar vibes.

Sarah: Valencia was the first one I read. I think there’s SOOOOO many titles you could explore in this genre too. Have you checked out the A+ community bookshelf That could be an amazing place to start.

Heather Hogan’s misandry gives me LIFE.

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

Q: Shoutout to all my fellow members of the dead parents club! I feel like autostraddle has a surprisingly-high amount of good grief content due to the random chance of multiple writers having lost parents — and it sucks so much, but I’m grateful for the amazing writing you all put out, and grateful that I can find community here about grief too. Love you all <3

Riese: WE REALLY DO it’s true. The crickets you hear in this office when Father’s Day comes up I will tell you what! For a while it wasn’t totally a coincidence because we did have a lot of writers here who got here via my writing and it’s obviously a COMMON THEME in the stuff I write, but now it has become truly random and yannow, here we all are. SAD AS HELL ALL THE TIME FOREVER.

Laneia: Yeah woof, lots of dead parents over here! Vanessa’s latest piece on grief this week was just devastating as fuck and I loved it so much.

Q: WOW Drew’s interview with Daniela Sea was NEXT LEVEL!!!!!! It was so kind and gentle and nuanced and delightful in every way and I feel like a better person and more informed media consumer for having read it. And, I can’t imagine anywhere else I would get to read something like that. A truly perfect long read for morning coffee on a holiday weekend.””Drew has got such a lovely writing style!

Drew: Aww thank you!!

Q: I just want to say that interview with Daniela Sea is one of my favorite things I’ve read on Autostraddle (and maybe my favorite interview I’ve ever read??) I hope more people outside of the immediate AS community read it, and that it picks up steam, and brings more nuanced conversation to the wider Gen Q conversations. And, I hope that it brings good things for Daniela! I related so hard to their feeling overwhelmed by the Internet and curating/maintaining an online presence.

Not to be too hyperbolic, but reading that interview felt like a turning point- like it kept hitting me over and over that this would be such prime opportunity for narratives about Max to be corrected in mainstream media (or at least for Daniela’s wiki page to be fixed!), and for there to be more of a reckoning with the shittiness of some of the key decision makers and creators behind the L Word franchise.

Drew: Wow that is so nice!! Thank you for sharing.

Q: hi laneia. in the “answers to some things” post, your lil paragraph about the gay agenda notebook and the splashpad… made me cry! in the best way. i love your writing. like, what a mood. what a perfect summary of what i hope my life is — a collection of moments of clarity for baby queers! and some other stuff too. but mostly that.

Carmen: Can I just tell you that LITERALLY JUST THIS VERY EVENING, NOT MORE THAN FOUR HOURS AGO I was telling Laneia that she’s one of my favorite writers!! She has such a gift for making even the mundane feel otherworldly. Thank you for backing me up!

Laneia: WOW THANKS FOR MAKING ME EMOTIONAL FIRST THING IN THE MORNING. What a bunch of beautiful things to say!

Q: Dr. Carmen Phillips, You are a star! But most of all, you are doing an amazing job as Editor in Chief. I’m so happy to see the “interim” is gone, and to know that AS is in such good hands. Congratulations!

Carmen: This is really so much! Too much, even! But thank you! I can’t wait to see what we keep building together.

Q: I do not have anything worth sharing to the spaces & places gallery. But thank you for putting that content up because it finally motivated me to start fixing my wardrobe. I have exactly 22.4 inches of hanging space but now things are reorganized so I can actually see what’s there! How’s that for interior design! Small steps but my space is improving!

AND

Q: Everything about the Queer Design series is amazing and not something I realized I needed in my life! Will be coming back to this again and again!

Meg: omg YAY thank you!

Q: What is this new “Tampa Baes” show?!? It’s in my own backyard and I had no idea! Also, what rock have I been living under because I thought we had no lesbian culture here! Omfg.

Heather: We don’t know exactly WHAT it is yet, but you can count on Kayla covering every second of it.

Carmen: Hmmhmmm and Shelli’s really excited to write about it, too!

Laneia: I wish I wasn’t so excited about this show but here we are. It’s because I watched fucking Love Island this summer. That was my gateway drug.

Q: Just dropping by to say I’m really looking forward to AS hopefully recapping season 2 of Never Have I Ever! Himani’s season 1 recap held so much complexity in such a beautiful way. Love y’all, hope you’re hydrating ❤️

Heather: Totally agree! Himani is the best and her TV writing is spectacular! And here you go — season two!

Carmen: I loved working with Himani on that piece and I hope you loved reading it just as much.

Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #36

Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature is now bi-monthly and advice questions go into our twice monthly Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

---

MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

Hi! I just wanted to let you know that a week or so ago, after many years of reading the site daily, AS articles started showing up in my Google News “recommended for you” section. So… looks like some of the SEO-type effort is paying off, maybe?

Riese: I’ve heard that a lot!! AND I LOVE IT!!! I think it’s a new feature they added, Google Discover, since I still actually have no idea how to properly set up our site for Google News so it’s sitting as a draft in that area of Google Search Console until somebody comes through the door who knows what the fuck to do!!

Is there a helpful way for readers to respond to trolls on the site? Not responding? Highlighting it somehow for removal? Challenging? Ignoring it but posting new positive comments?

Is there anything we can do that makes the lives of the editors and writers a little easier when these things happen? Or are there things we try that add to the headache instead and should stop doing?

Laneia: When possible, replying to the offending comment with “moderators please remove” is a good way to both flag us and also be in solidarity with both the writer and the other readers who’ll see the comment before we can get to it and will likely have the same reaction that you have. If people take the time to challenge/educate — I mean if they put that energy into replying to the comment, which we view as work — we’ll remove the language of the comment and replace it with a notice of policy violation, leaving those replies intact because it feels fucked up to simply erase people’s work that way. But! If no one’s replied, or if the replies are just flags, we can delete the comment wholesale (thereby removing all replies to it).

Nicole: Some heroes don’t wear capes, they send messages about comments you spot (especially on articles that have been up for a few days) to the A+ box. I usually see this first thing in the morning and can take care of it. THANK YOU to everyone who does this! My hope is that we can have a more robust comment moderation solution in the future but we appreciate your help and understanding in the meantime.

Apologies if this is a painfully dumb question, but these new ads I’m seeing on AS (like now I get a *very* unobtrusive and small Zenni Optical banner at the bottom of my screen), does it “hurt” AS’s revenue if I click the X in the corner of the ad and close it? I just want to know Bc I have been closing the ads, but today I was like “wait what if when I close it then it means AS doesn’t make money ??”

Plz let me know bc the ads I’ve seen so far are totally manageable and not a bother and I don’t mind leaving them open if it means more dollars for you!

Also I super appreciate all the explanation in the last “Some Answers to Some Things…” about the thought you’ve put into what kind of ads you have on the site. I understand it’s a need for you to make money, and it sounds like you’ve put in a lot of intention into what can be advertised, the size of the ad, etc.

Sarah: This is not a dumb question! We would still get the impression on the ad, which counts!

Nicole: Also, you will notice that this experiment has come to an end and the ads are no more!

so I’ve been ~loving~ this season of To L and Back – somehow the worse the original gets the better the podcast becomes; y’all are restoring balance to the universe – and i am particularly on board with carly’s wanting to make the “schechter seven” a thing – if you put that on a t-shirt, i would buy the shit out of that.

also and relatedly, my scissoring sweatshirt is possibly my favorite clothing item and i would love to see more tees and sweatshirts in the merch store. especially with extended sizing that goes down as well as up – i’m a wee thing and, much as i love that sweatshirt, it also goes like halfway down my thighs – but honestly if it’s cute and queer i’ll buy it even if it’s a tent on me.

anyway, thank you for all that you do, you wonderful, amazing, beautiful autostraddle team members, you!

Riese: THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND OF THE POD and NOTED about the t-shirt. Thank you for crediting us with restoring balance to the universe, it is a higher calling and I feel blessed to be able to do this work.

Laneia: 🥺

Sarah: It’s possibly your favorite clothing item? YAY! I hear you on those extended sizes, that’s absolutely something we can do moving forward. Thank you for your feedback!

Would you ever consider creating a fundraiser or A plus tier which included a book of the month subscription type thing? Y’all post so many great reviews of queer authors that I bookmark to buy later. I for one would pay annually to have curated queer books/zines/etc delivered to my address.

Nicole: I looked into something Riese sent me about a book club, which seems like a cool thing, and while it’s absolutely not possible for me to send out books by hand to everyone every month, if there was some kind of a book club fulfillment service…it wouldn’t be impossible! We’d probably want someone to lead the discussions, too! If anyone invents this book club fulfillment service, please inform us immediately, is what I am saying.

Riese: Yes I’ve wanted to do this for years we just don’t have anyone / any method who has the ability to facilitate it! i think it’s one of those “at a different company, this would be somebody’s entire job” things. For now the closest we’ve come is the books we send out to Platinum members.

Laneia: YIKES I LOVE THIS IDEA.

What are the best charities/PACs/etc. to give money to right now for the fight against anti-voter bills? Any Charity Navigator or personal favorites for anti-racist and pro-queer charities/PACs/etc.? <3

Carmen: I don’t just yet! But I put out a request to Natalie, whom I believe might!

An Update! From Natalie! “The ACLU, League of Women Voters, FairVote, Fair Fight (Stacey Abrams’ org)”

I would love to see more content that’s centered on relationships other than sexual and romantic, ace content, and content for folks who may not identify as ace but don’t want to seek out sexual relationships anymore or feel scared of it even though they used to have it and enjoy it. The ace community has so many great resources, that go beyond basics/consent/101, and I’d love to see more of it!

Also love that you’re bringing back fashion content.

Rachel: Definitely, agree with you on both counts! I’d love to run more content centered on it and also be able to incorporate some ace perspectives in broad sex & dating content.

Carmen: Big same!!

Hi i just submitted a dating question since you guys said you were looking for those. But let me know when you’re looking for sex questions. got a lot of those about queer porn and I’m a newb and I’m lost lol thanks

Nicole:: You are always welcome to submit advice questions on any advice topic, including sex, to the A+ box!

Riese: Austen wrote this great piece in 2013 that might be outdated but also might not be, and you might find other tips in this tag.

How have you not interviewed Francesca Ekwuyasi for Butter Honey Pig Bread yet??? It was long-listed for the Giller Prize and shortlisted for Canada Reads, Lambda Literary, and the Governor General’s award! Not sure what made me drool more, the hot queer sex or the delightful Nigerian cuisine. And she and I and many other straddlers because friends at an AS real in-person meet-up in 2013!

Rachel: Excellent q! The reality is we don’t have the bandwidth generally to reach out to every author we want to feature (I wish we did!) In general the books features we end up publishing are the ones that come directly to our doorstep in the form of pitches, and/or standing regular scheduled pieces like book previews each season – HOWEVER I truly wish this was pitched to us so I could take it! Do you want to interview Francesca Ekwuyasi? I would love that, genuinely, I’ll be your editor on it!

Hello! I am a big Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan, and I have recently been watching the series again. Unfortunately, none of my friends watch it so I have no one to talk to about it. I was too young to be a part of the fandom when it first came out, and it seems like there aren’t many spaces on the internet where people talk about it anymore.

Can you suggest places where I could connect with other Buffy fans on the internet?

Heather: Oh, my friend, I am about to knock your socks off — Buffering the Vampire Slayer is what you’re looking for. In addition to that structured modern day Buffy fandom, I’m pretty sure that basically any post you comment on at Autostraddle, if you mention Buffy, you’re gonna find someone who wants to talk about it with you. (And also next time we do an A+ Discord Server! It’s nerd city in there!)

Laneia: I also missed Buffy the first time around (I, on the other hand, was a teen who was Too Cool for That Shit 😞 ) and had SO MUCH FUN watching it on my own little timeline. And then watching it again. And then again. All of which is just to say: you really have found your people here.

Nicole: I have re-watched Buffy more times than any other series!

Future quiz (like the lesbian pulp novel covers)?

Laneia: OOOOooooohhhhhhhh !!

Riese: Oh wow this seems like a job for me or Sally

hello there, if you’re looking for a sign that today is a day to take off, here is a sign for you to take a day off!

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

Just in case you hadn’t heard, Daisy Eagan is doing a podcast called “Strange and Unexplained with Daisy Eagan”. It’s great so far – ghosts haunting Broadway theatres, the Bermuda Triangle, Amelia Earhart, elevators.

Rachel: Oh my gosh wow I actually still have a lot of unanswered questions about the Bermuda Triangle so this is perfect

Laneia: Just really loving the straightforwardness of this podcast title.

An awesome house of extremely kind queer folx in Chicago have started a sweet little furniture flipping business and I wanted to share it with you all! 10% of their proceeds go to Chicago Community Jail Support and they might have some ideas about upcycling furniture hacks with a classy queer aesthetic that I believe the Autostraddle audience would be very into.

Also, this group of 4 fine humans (one of them happens to be my best friend) put up with a 45 slide google presentation I made for them called, “I love the WNBA and so can you.” I think I successfully got them hyped to spread the good word about the league to other queer millennials, and so I want to share their project to a broader audience as well!

Heather: Hey, uh, where can I see/share that WNBA slideshow? This season is already so great, right? I can’t believe I get to watch women’s basketball basically EVERY DAY on TV!

Sarah: Oooh, this Instagram is so cute! I’ll definitely give them a shout out in our stories this week!

Just wanted to give a heads up that we have a new Top Chef Canada competitor who’s Asian and openly nonbinary: Kym Nguyen of Vancouver, sous-chef at Pidgin Restaurant. They’re fucking fierce and I know they’re gonna win! Just want to spread the word for all the cuties & foodies here ;)

Heather: Great tip, thank you! We’ve got another queer contestant on US Top Chef this season too! Doesn’t it make watching so much more fun?

Laneia: Wow how does it feel to be out here doing the lord’s work? Thank you!

Sarah: THIS IS SO EXCITING. I’ve been doing a Top Chef binge with my girlfriend and we’re running out of seasons that aren’t full of problematic and weird commentary (see: the older seasons). SO, why not move on to TOP CHEF CANADA???? Thanks for this extremely hot tip.

Riese: My friend does PR for Top Chef and we have been getting UP TO THE MINUTE updates so this is basically all I know about Top Chef at this point

Hello TV team! Do you have any intel on the new Tim Burton Addams Family live action TV show? The Addams Family is my happy place and I am so torn between excitement and worry. I love Wednesday – will she go fall in love with boys, turn into a typical angsty tv adolescent with a fraught family relationship? The best thing about them is how they all love each other and stick together in their own weird way. There has to be some queer content right? It’s the Addams Family! I know Morticia and Gomez are an opposite sex couple but obviously that’s just because they happened to fall in love with each other. The whole clan is so queer in every sense of the word. The initial TV series was is so charmingly subversive and wholesome for its time! I know the show can never take away the other iterations of the family – but still

Heather: Okay so first of all, I obviously completely agree with you that the Addams Family is queer as everything. I was obsessed with reruns of the original series and the Angelica Houston movie and didn’t know why — I’m sort of the opposite of goth and Halloween still scares me — but as an adult, I was like “Oh, duh, this was queer as heck.” Unfortunately, everything I know about Wednesday so far is only vaguely queer-adjacent. Jenna Ortega isn’t queer, as far as I know, and the closest she’s come to playing queer, I think, was the subtext in that movie The Fallout with Maddie Ziegler‎. Christina Ricci is rumored to be coming back to the series to play Morticia, which is, again, only vaguely queer-adjacent due to her character in Now and Then, which made 40% of the people I know gay, and The Lizzie Borden Chronicles which of course was gay. Tim Burton’s aesthetic is queer, of course, but he doesn’t have any kind of reputation for doing anything overtly queer with his characters. So! I dunno! But, like you, I hope!

As the Glennon Doyle & Abby Wambach Cinematic Universe continues to grow I have an important question.

What proportion of people watching these two are there primarily for Glennon vs. for Abby?

My wife (Team Glennon) asserts 80% Glennon, 20% Abby.

I (Team Abby’s Biceps) agree that this brand is mostly Glennon’s, but would rate it at 60% Glennon, 40% Abby. (And if we limited it only to the queer audience it would be primarily Abby’s.)

Can Autostraddle investigate this question with journalism and/or science??

Heather: Hang on, let me ask Twitter!

An Autostraddle A+ member asked me to do science to find out if people who watch the Glennon Doyle & Abby Wambach Cinematic Universe watch for Glennon (+ pep talks), Abby (+ biceps), or both equally. Please vote below.

— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) May 25, 2021

Nicole: OMG Heather!

I found your awesome post/chart on British Suffragette History (from 2018) after listening to a book talk by Wendy Moore who recently published: “Endell Street: The Women Who Ran Britain’s Trailblazing Military Hospital”

Very early on in the talk the author mentioned that Drs. Garrett Anderson and Murray wore matching diamond rings. I spent much of the rest of the talk searching the internet for more information! I can’t yet find a biography on either Dr that’s not tied into their broader medical work, but hopefully some historian is out there doing that research now!

Carmen: I’m so sorry that I don’t have an answer for this question! But please do know that this story has delighted all of us to no end. And I hope we get your answer soon!

Anyone watching Hacks on HBO Max? The main character is a young queer woman and its very fun and funny and gay all around

Riese: I AM AND I LOVE IT

Heather: I know for sure Shelli Nicole is watching it, and I can’t wait to get caught up on my other shows so I can give it a go.

Laneia: I finished Mare of Eastown and wasn’t ready to relinquish Jean Smart just yet, so I am truly thrilled about this show

Carmen: I started it because Riese recommended it and I love it very much.

Re: new ads – I just got an ad for Smartwool socks so the ad peeps are definitely starting to figure out their target demographic. I LOVE Smartwool, and Autostraddle ❤️

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

“Standing in solidarity with Palestine” means different things to different people. Can you talk about what that means to the Autostraddle leadership team?

Carmen: This is an important question! And honestly, one that we want to take the time to be able to answer fully, well and as an editorial team. Which is also going to take listening and education. I know that sounds probably not like the answer you are looking for at the moment, but when we first started approaching how we’re thinking about Israel and Palestine now (verses previous Autostraddle policy), two things became abundantly clear — First, that we believed that continued “neutral silence” was uncomfortable for all of us. Second — that we have to be willing to learn.

So while we do that, I can speak to how we’re making editorial decisions about Israel and Palestine these days. Every piece that we’ve run thus far, we’ve talked about first in detail — including reading drafts and edits — as a group. This group includes Senior Editors along with Vanessa, our Community Editor. The kinds of things that we’ve discussed as we’ve poured over these drafts include: Is this piece factual? Is this piece recognizing and paying close attention to the difference between being in opposition to the violent occupation of Palestine and anti-Semitism? Is everything within this particular piece something that we stand behind and would feel comfortable defending on our platforms? And so on. What this means is that as we learn, we don’t stay silent just because we aren’t yet perfect allies, and that we continue to take it on a case-by-case basis with what we hope is considerable care.

We also have more pieces that we want to publish! So far we’ve published work from Jewish writers and writers of color who aren’t Jewish or Palestinian. I’m still looking for a queer Palestinian writer who’d be interested in writing for us, but so far everyone I’ve met through networking doesn’t really want to mine their trauma for clicks, which of course is something we unequivocally support and out first. If anyone reading this has someone in mind, please feel free to give them my email.

I’m not sure if anyone on the TV team is still watching Everything’s Gonna Be Okay since Mathilda came out as straight. Here’s my hot tip: Drea came out as ace and homoromantic, and Mathilda seems to be biromantic heterosexual? Anyway, in the most recent episode, they decided to be girlfriends again! I actually really like how this season is exploring how romantic and sexual attraction aren’t the same thing, and I’d love to see it covered more here!

Heather I would love that too! I have solicited pitches but haven’t gotten any takers yet! Do YOU wanna write it? I could walk you through it! Email me: heather at autostraddle dot com

The new British sitcom coming out on Peacock (US)/Channel 4 (UK) next month called We Are Lady Parts is about Muslim women in a punk band, and one of the members, Ayesha, is queer! And, spoiler, she dates a girl during the series.

Riese: Yes I put it in my streaming guide for June!!! I’m excited to watch it. Peacock is doing some exciting stuff.

Sarah: I positively BINGED this show and felt so held by it! Even though none of the people in the show felt like me it was so amazing to see such a wide range of South Asian characters with depth and storylines beyond the typical narratives we play out on film and tv.

Piping hot tip for your vapid fluff team to consider the excellent, gushy, extremely gay content posted by Madison Bailey (madisonbaileybabe), one of the stars of the Netflix teen soap “Outer Banks,” and her college-basketball-playing gf Mariah Linney!! They are so cute and obsessed with each other and post all the time and make my heart soar. that is all! <3

Carmen: AWWWWWWWWWWWW. I’m so happy for them and to fold them into the people we watch out for. Thanks!

I’m sure this isn’t news to yall, but!!! I finally read iconic mlm ya/new adult romance “Red, White, & Royal Blue” by (iconic queer author) Casey McQuiston, and as soon as I finished it I learned she has another queer romance that’s arriving to the world June 1!! “One Last Stop,” a wlw New York ya/new adult time travel romance, which is everything I could possibly ask for. this isn’t a sponsored hot tip, I’m just obsessed with her! and just in case somehow you didn’t already know I thought I should alert u

Rachel: I’ve heard so many good things! Hopeful we can have some coverage of this at some point, and so glad you enjoyed it!

Laneia: Listen I’m not in charge of our literary coverage but I need you to know that I have BOUGHT THIS BOOK solely because two A+ readers are flipping out about it and also THANK YOU.

I love the posts about skincare that have been up recently.

As part of my skincare, I shave my face, and I don’t see that covered in any of your skincare and beauty content.

Any chance you can expand that content to include shaving/otherwise removing/styling facial hair? I’m sure a lot of people in Autostraddle’s audience (including some cis women) would find it relevant!

Carmen: Abso-fucking-lutely. Thank you for this suggestion.

I am LOVING the new Missed Connection series!! So funny and wise and delightful all in one

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

Hey, I’ve noticed the occasional popup ad at the bottom of the screen. I wanted to thank you for doing what you need to do to keep this website going and to keep Autostraddle free for most readers. The slight annoyance of these relatively unobtrusive ads is absolutely worth it, in my mind, because I want you all to get paid and I want Autostraddle to stick around. I fully trust that you are making the best decisions possible for the website. Thank you so much <3

Sarah: Thank you for saying so! As we look at ways we can create new or updated revenue streams for our website, it’s helpful to know we have the support of our readers, and especially our A+ members.

Riese: Thank you!! That truly means a lot because I know they were different than previous ads, but like other websites have SO many intrusive ads that this seemed fine in comparison? But ultimately we decided we weren’t making enough money from it and took them down anyhow, although ads like that could appear in the future if we are being paid more to run them. <3

Thanks for the Gay Agenda!! I’m using it for wedding planning.

Heather: Oh! What a great idea! I hope your wedding is such a lovely day filled with so many things that make you and your spouse happy!

Nicole I love everything about this!!!

Laneia: I hope that you reach the end of your planning, it’s almost time for the wedding, everything’s all set and the Gay Agenda is PACKED with your notes and concepts, and then you LOSE IT IN A PARK. But!!! It’s found by a smol gay, so young, who’s like, not totally sure they’re gay enough to come out, or they’re sure but maybe they’re thinking they could just stuff it down for a little while longer. They read the cover of your Gay Agenda and have to sit all the way down in the grass because holy shit, a Gay Agenda. They take it home, read the whole thing while their older sister makes dinner, laughing at your weirdo notes and crying a bit without really knowing why. They see that you’ve left your number on the inside cover, in case you ever lost it in a park because you once read a paragraph on a website that wished that very thing into existence and you rationalized that one can’t be too careful. They wait a full five minutes before texting with a tentative, “hi, i found your notebook in the park beside the splash pad.” They don’t know what comes next (besides dinner), but their life is forever changed after seeing with THEIR OWN EYES that gay people not only get to be gay, get to fully marry their gay person, get to go sit by the splash pad whenever they want apparently, but they also get to buy cool fucking notebooks???

Sarah: Hahaha, this is amazing. A perfect use of the gay agenda!

Just wanna send Carmen an extra big plate of support today!!! Thank you Carmen for editing this publication & making this community’s continuing possible <3

Laneia: YES THANK YOU CARMEN

Sarah: Carmen is literally incredible. I love Carmen!

Nicole: THANK YOU!

Carmen: hahahaha… thanks everyone? (Also though: YOU ARE!! So take those compliments right back to yourselves, friends).

Just wanted to share, my cousin used my new pronouns so easily over the phone this weekend when speaking to another relative and it made me so thrilled and frankly caught me a little off guard. I just wanted to share because I don’t really have any one us to tell.

Thanks autostraddle team! I love the site, thank you for doing what you do!

Laneia: This THRILLS me ! I love how we’re affected by such small acts, or rather, by things that might seem small to the other person but feel enormously important to us. Just how life is mostly a collection of a trillion tiny little things (and like, five huge things) that each drop their own anchor for us. It’s just a lot okay! I’m so happy for you !

Carmen: Agreed!! Just so, so happy for you! I hope you had a lemonade to celebrate.

Nicole: This is fabulous!

Re: new ads – I just got an ad for Smartwool socks so the ad peeps are definitely starting to figure out their target demographic. I LOVE Smartwool, and Autostraddle ❤️

Sarah: YES! I got that ad too! Smartwool saved my life when I backpacked through India. I never did this, but apparently you could switch between two pairs of SmartWool socks for a week and not have to wash them?! 😬 A man at REI told me that, so don’t hold me to it!

Some Answers to Some Things You Were Asking Us # 35

Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature is now bi-monthly and advice questions go into our twice monthly Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

---

MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

How often do ya’ll do reader surveys/ other kinds of surveys (like the politics or fashions ones)? Do you foresee surveys becoming more/less frequent on AS in the future?

Thanks!
Sincerely, someone who likes to take surveys

Carmen: We usually do BIG surveys once every 18 months to every 2 years. I’m talking about the general surveys, so not just about fashion or politics or sex, which are specific themed surveys that come up as we have interest or time. Anyway, I’d say based on that timeline that we’re due another big one very soon! So hold on tight! (I think Nicole might also have plans to survey A+ members from time to time, so I definitely foresee surveys in your future! No worries!)

Nicole: Yes! We have so many new members and we’ll be surveying you again at some point in the future. We really do read all our survey answers and they’re such a valuable way to learn about our community.

Is there a way we can help Autostraddle appear higher in the google search results?

Riese: It is so sweet that you would like to help! There’s not much a single human can do besides like, googling “lesbian movies” and clicking on our post instead of the 45 posts that show up before ours? Or “lesbian tv shows on netflix” and clicking ours. or “lesbian movies on hulu” and clicking ours. You get it.

I’m liking all the quizzes lately and they seem to generate a lot of comments– but… is this an SEO type thingy? Just wondering because it’s a bit of a gimmick clickbait thing but also obviously it works. We click! We like! We pay attention

Rachel: Great q — the answer is sort of! They aren’t about SEO per se – SEO has more to do with trying to deliberately interact with the way algorithms feed people answers to searches, and I don’t think even y’all are searching for “which tropey lesbian TV death am I.” They are something we’re hoping will bring us an increase in traffic, which is really just basically how many people click on our stuff each day; traffic is a big part of how we manage to score advertisers, sponsors, etc – if our numbers on that are low, it’s hard to make money in the ways we need to to survive, which becomes a reinforcing loop; so we do need to try to increase it. More traffic also just lets us reach more people, and when you’re a community-supported org (thank you, A+ members!) the size of the community matters. The algorithms, our heartless overlords, have been making it more and more difficult for us to maintain the traffic numbers we used to, so you’ll continue to see us try some new stuff!

We won’t ever publish anything that’s just a ‘gimmick clickbait’ thing, though – we’ve actually wanted to do quizzes forever because we think they’re funny, and only recently have had the capability thanks to our tech team, Yikes. I was thinking about doing one on which major player in the Salem Witch Trials you are but I think that one would really just be for me.

Laneia: Just want to chime in here with a mostly off-topic comment, but I saw someone accuse us of mining the quiz responses for profit (like… selling the responses to a marketing firm ?) and I wanna be real clear here: we aren’t mining your quiz responses for profit. Ok thank you for your time.

Riese: Some of them are for SEO, like it pains me personally that other “What L Word character Are You” Quizzes exist, and I would like for ours to win. I felt the same way about our “Happiest Season” quiz!

Nicole: Rachel, I would take that quiz.

If I submitted a piece to you and haven’t heard back, can/should I contact you and if so, who?

Laneia: Hello that is me! Email me at laneia@autostraddle.com with SUBMISSION FOLLOW UP in the subject line and I’ll get back to you ASAP and I do apologize for the delay!

i miss the straddleverse tag! :-*

Riese: I’m sorry! Some things might change and some things might change back also so hold tight!

I’ve noticed on the website recently there are more posts that were originally published a few years ago, that are republished on the main AS page. How do you decide which ones to repost? I see some of them there is new info that gets added, like the movie/tv lists. Just curious! I love learning more about nuts and bolts things like this about the website. Also, seeing some of these old articles has made me realize HOW MUCH ppl used to comment on everything!

Riese: I know I have been like elbows deep in the archives and it is INSANE to me that there would be hundreds of comments on so many things! Like every whim or thought I ever had I could post on this website and 60 people would be there to talk about it. Then that all changed obviously bc we stopped being the only place in the universe where queer ppl could talk to each other about things (we also used to cover a lot of mainstream news stories bc ppl just wanted a safe space to talk about them with other queer ppl!) and now that happens on facebook and group chats and so many other platforms and venues in the world, and IRL queer community has become increasingly easy to find/access. Even now though we still have more active comments than most other sites and appreciate ALL OF EM

We pick posts to re-publish for any number of reasons. Because we think it will align with what people are searching for currently! Because we are now able to freshly SEO optimise the post because of new wordpress features or awareness of an important keyword that we could potentially rank for! Because it’s a really great post that we think new readers would love and old readers may have missed! Or because we have new information we’d like to add to it or other ways we could improve it!

Carmen: Yes, I’m just echoing everything Riese has said here re: our goals. I also think we have a lot of new audiences that we didn’t have 5 or 10 years ago, and re-upping old content is new to fresh eyes. I had a friend text me about a piece yesterday and say, “did y’all write this for me??” and I had to respond “no we wrote it three years ago!” Also, you see a lot of other major websites using this practice, so it’s more of us learning new and improved practices on how to be the best at what we do and best serve this website. I like learning new things and how we can be doing our jobs more efficiently and better! Which is cool.

Pronouncing “ammonite” like “Amm-oh-nee-tay.”

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

Sharing because I recently discovered this and think it deserves all of the signal-boosting it can get, and didn’t see it mentioned anywhere on the site: The Gender-Affirming Letter Access Project is a network of mental health clinicians who pledge to provide free, informed-consent-based letters of support for access to gender-affirming care. It’s really wonderful for reducing that particular barrier to access, especially now when most clinicians are willing to do video visits.

Carmen: Oh this is AWESOME!!! I saved it for the next Also.Also.Also. Thank you for the signal boost!

Riese! Have you read “These Precious Days” by Ann Patchett? It’s a thing I read that I love.

Riese: YES I read it! I loved it! I put it in TIRTL. It was so long and I just sunk right into it.

I am so into this Valentine’s love is/is not a lie theme!!! The design of the site especially on desktop is absolutely beautiful, and I like how AS is looking at this pressing question from so many different angles! It’s stuff like this that reminds me why I love Autostraddle so much (hmm…if I love AS does this mean that I’m on team #loveisnotalie ??)

Heather: I loved that day too! The layout was so fun and bright and retro; Sarah did a brilliant job! And the content was everyone at their absolute most, plus all the comments and tweets, and I especially love that you loving it convinced you that love is not a lie!

Laneia: This was SO FUN to put together and it looked gorgeous and tbh I wish we could do a theme day once a week just to see what kind of special cursor Sarah could dream up for each of them.

Nicole: It was so good! Even during the height of working on the fundraiser, I still had to take some time out just to revel in the glory that was that cursor.

Hi! Just wanted to tell you about We’re Having Gay Sex, a comedy podcast I’ve been enjoying lately that’s hosted by lesbian comedian Ashley Gavin. Every week she, her co-host/sidekick Gara Lonning (a trans nb comedian), and their guest answer the question “did you have gay sex this week?” Sometimes it’s silly, sometimes it’s personal and heartfelt, and it’s always very entertaining! Ashley is also just a very sweet and self-aware person and is so empathetic and kind to her guests (when she’s not ribbing or roasting them) – she kinda feels like the lesbian big sister I never had. Anyway it’s just a fun podcast and I thought you might like it, so there you go!

Carmen: Did you know we are also starting a sex and dating podcast!?!? We’ve been planning it for a few months and the first episode records the very day you are reading my response! I don’t want to say more just yet, but wow aren’t you excited?? I am!

Nicole: AAAAAHHH!!! So excited for this!

This is not a question or anything, I just wanted to say thanks for answering my question about how to move from dating apps to chatting over text or meeting IRL! Very happy to report that since I sent in that question, I have met a few women who ALSO like face to face conversation (virtual or socially distanced) and went on an honest-to-god date this week. Communication is always weird, especially when we’ve all been inside for a year, but thanks for helping me figure out how to be more honest about my needs!

Rachel: YES I am more excited about this than about anything that has happened to me personally today! Thank you so much for sharing! I hope you go on more dates and have a great time!

Nicole: That’s so awesome :)

Check it out! Brandi Carlile’s new memoir comes out this month! And there is a virtual book tour (Abby Wambach and Glennon Doyle join them on the book tour! And Leslie Jordan!) *swoon*

Carmen: Hmmmhmm. I’m very excited about this memoir indeed.

Artist Indira Allegra (they/them) has created http://grammarofgriefhandbook.com/ . . . . I cannot recommend it more highly. It’s interactive – after seeing grief practices there, you are invited to submit your own for others. <3 <3 <3

Laneia: Well this is beautiful and generous and quiet and good. Thank you.

Football power couple Magdalena Eriksson and Pernille Harder won the Conti Cup this Sunday with their club Chelsea. They look like proud Mamas posing with the trophy.

Heather: Oh I just love gay athletes so much! They really do look like that trophy is their human baby child! (Speaking of which: Did you see Ali Krieger and Ashlyn Harris also became proud parents?)

this is not a pressing question but QUEEN LATIFAH IN THE EQUALIZER!!!!!!!!

Carmen: YES!!!

New biography of Willa Cather: The History Project in Boston had an excellent webinar presentation with the author of the new book!

Carmen: Oh you know who will love this?? Me and my fellow nerd-friend, our very own Nicole!

Nicole: Thank you for this! This is very cool. I think this is the recording of the webinar! This inspired me to do some digging on Willa Cather + Pittsburgh, found this proposed walking tour of sites relevant to her life. Is a walking tour of places Willa Cather hung out an appropriate date? Maybe!!

hey did you know autostraddle is mentioned in this very good and hot game? https://acvalens.itch.io/she-hungered

Laneia: I can safely say I did NOT know that Autostraddle was mentioned in this very good and hot game and now that I do, I am very grateful!

All consuming need to share – can my gender identity be ‘i give up’ yes? cool? kay thanks byyyyeeeeeeeeee!!!!

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

Can you help me find the ‘vapid fluff’ origin story? I really wanna share it with a new friend who has been admiring my treasured AS vapid fluff badge. For some reason my searches are drawing blanks. I’m after that brilliant post where you responded to some snooty journalist ooh maybe six years ago by turning her nonsense insult into a POST CATEGORY and my god if I didn’t adore this website before that (um, I did), I sure did after that.
Thank you!
Beth
(@littleredtarot on here)
xxxxxxxx and thanks always for giving this rural queer a sense of belonging and ALLLL the love for the immense transitions you’ve made in the past few years – you just keep getting better xxxx

Laneia: Beth !! Beth used to write for us y’all ! Oh Beth I hope you’re doing well. Here you go: In Which We Are Accused of Being “Cosmo for Queers”

Hi! I was wondering if you could do a practical resource about face and body hair maintenance techniques? Maybe in the spirit of your underwear / bathing suit guides or your how to have lesbian sex guides? I feel like AS is very pro- do whatever you want with your face and body hair, and there has been some lovely content about that, but I would love some practical help and I’m not sure who else to ask. I’m an AFAB nonbinary/butch/masc adult (late 30’s) and I don’t know how to trim my pubic hair to a nice contained length! (My electric body hair trimmer with the guard on leaves it kind of long still. Do I take the guard off or is that a terrible idea? Get a different tool? How do people achieve this common pubic hair style?) Or what are my options for my 8 large chin hairs and my slightly visible mustache, besides letting them run free or tweezing. I recently bought facial hair trimming scissors and I think I like that so far but I’m curious what other queers do. Could i shave my face? Halp! <3

Laneia: Well well well this is a wonderful idea. Let me think upon this wonderful idea of yours and see what we can come up with.

Would love to see y’all hype up Peau de Loup on the site and maybe do some collabs with them! As a fat masc presenting person they are one of the few companies that makes clothes in my size, for my body and aesthetic, that are affordable and actually fit well. I always get sad when I see wildfang recommended for every androgynous/masc person since I cannot fit into their clothes, and I was pleasantly surprised to find Peau de Loup, and surprised I hadn’t seen them mentioned on Autostraddle before! I will say their sizes max out at 20, so still not as inclusive as they could be, but for a small queer-owned business making awesome clothing at a not-terrible price point (especially on sale!) they truly rock.

Carmen: Oh this is NOTED!!! Thank you for the tip! I’ll get it added to our resources table.

I just wanted to ask if you have any plans to run more coverage of queer parenting? Or if you can recommend any books or other sites on this topic. It’s something I’m at least a few years off from experiencing myself but I don’t have much/any modelling for it in my own circles or in what I’ve read so far. Especially if there were examples beyond the US that would be great.

Carmen: Yes!! I desperately want more queer parenting content, as someone who is also not sure if I’ll become a queer parent myself (or when) but very much is interested in seeing more models that I can see myself in as I imagine what that might look like for me. Anyway, I’m so serious about it. I’ll keep this in mind!

Hi, how do i become a sword lesbian? i don’t just want to be a lesbian who owns a sword, should I get into fencing? or stagefighting? i don’t know but being a sword lesbian is a goal for me

Heather: I guarantee you that someone in these comments knows where you can join a Thirsty Sword Lesbians group! I think like four sprang up out of our first A+ Discord! Also maybe if you don’t want to do an RPG you can buy a patch???

Nicole: Seriously! If there are the sword lesbians from the A+ Discord reading this and you are still running the spin-off sword lesbian server, please feel free to drop it in the comments! If you want! Also, I think…yes in general? The first thing I do is turn to mighty google and look for sword groups in your area to see what might be available. Also, I thought for the longest time while looking at this question and the above answer that Heather was talking about like…IRL thirsty sword lesbians, but no, I believe it is a game and here is a link!

The Discord server is amazing! Can we do it again?

Nicole: YES! A resounding yes. They were really great. I think we like them ephemeral but are likely going to bring them back periodically so they offer a way to meet people, have a chat, make connections, and then *poof* leave you knowing more queer people than you did before!

Friends, I’ve not seen an Autostraddle review of the “Power Play 7 Function G-Spot Vibrator”, and maybe that’s for the best. It just arrived, and I tried it on its lowest setting, and it still felt like I was getting a tooth removed, or having some kind of invasive minor surgery. If you use it without the vibrations (and you have to actually take the batteries out or it might randomly turn itself on) it’s pretty good as a straightforward “exerting pressure on your g spot” toy. I wonder whether, like size queens, there are people who love over the top vibrations? If so, they should give it a go!

Rachel: This made me genuinely tear up laughing, thank you, friend; maybe I’ll get one just in case I don’t have dental insurance in the future and need to DIY it. This really made my day, let me know if you need a shopping guide for vibrators that feel like the whisper-light kiss of a moonbeam

Idk if this is just me, but I feel like I see a lot of Gen Z-ers online using terms like sapphic and wlw to describe their sexualities (as opposed to millennial favs like queer/bi/lesbian). Is this a generational thing? Is this an online only thing? No judgement about which words are “bad” or “good,” I’m just wondering if it’s actually a trend. Signed, a queer millennial trying to figure out what the kids are up to

Laneia: I believe this is both a generational and online thing! She said, as a 40 yr old white woman on the internet.

Nicole: My girlfriend (38) said to me the other day, “The term, now, is ‘sapphics’,” after observing some online activity. I THINK that the situation is that we are all always trying to talk about attraction and community in ways that are concise but that language still remains elusive. But what do I know?

Is Kat Dennings queer in any way or do I just want her to be?

Heather: You know, people don’t ask this about Kat Dennings as much as they ask about Natasha Lyonne but they do ask it an awful lot. I can’t say for sure. If someone plays gay three times, we start putting that detective emoji by their name in the TV Team channel, but Kat Dennings hasn’t done that yet!

Nicole, would you be willing to share your hair styling/care routine? It looks so good! (I’ve been slowly accepting that my hair won’t simply look the way I want it to unless I mess with it now that it’s short, but results have been…mixed at best)

Nicole: Hello! So I have pretty course / thick hair. I was it 2+ times a week, depending on whether I do something (painting, gardening, exercise) that gets it dirty or what-have-you. My girlfriend cuts it / shaves the sides, and also uses thinning scissors when cutting the top/middle section. If your hair’s thick and heavy, they might be helpful in lightening it up so it has more movement — it might be the missing ingredient. If your hair’s more in the middle, or of a thin texture, you might not need them though — and I don’t think they’re advised for thin / very straight hair. I use a leave in conditioner (I keep trying new ones as I haven’t found a favorite yet, so no recommendations), but I don’t think you need to spend too much on one, and when the leave-in conditioner’s in, I just kind of mess with my hair until it’s in a good shape. It’s pretty poseable, though, like I can pull it straight up so that I look like Captain Planet and then if I smush it back down, it goes into its loose wave pattern. My girlfriend has thinner hair and uses powdered dry shampoo that doubles as a volumizer and pomade to style hers and that works really well. I think you might also want to explore some styling pastes? I don’t use them, but have seen others have success!

SHARE YOUR SHORT HAIR STYLING RECOMMENDATIONS IN THE COMMENTS IF YOU HAVE THEM!!!

Hello, this is just a message to let Heather Hogan (and any other cat owners) know that the brand that makes the magic catnip banana toys (Yeowww) also makes catnip stuffed rainbow toys for cheap.
K love you bye

MISC

Why are there so many TV shows about high school kids who don’t act like high school kids at all? They date 25 year olds without anybody blinking an eye, drink in bars, never seem to actually do homework or go to class, don’t worry about drivers licenses, etc etc… that’s not to even discuss how they’re sexualized (and played by adults) and how their relationships with adults in power are portrayed. I’ve been suspending disbelief and disgust since I saw Glee and PLL when I was a teenager myself, and I’m getting really sick of it. Even the most nonsensical of these shows would automatically be less unbelievable and infuriating if they were just about college students or young adults instead. (I just saw Tiny Pretty Things and of course I loved it and HATED it.) I think most TV shows I see about high schoolers have some of the same things that concern and bewilder me, while shows about other age groups aren’t divorced from reality and unable to gauge levels of inappropriateness to the same extent. You know what I”m talking about, right? What’s up with this? Are they terrified of messing with the formula? Is this is actually what the average viewer wants?

Heather: Okay so here’s the real answer to this question. TV writers rooms are stacked top to bottom with mostly middle age straight cis white dudes, and that’s just a fact. The non-straight cis white dudes are few and far between because of various forms of racism, homophobia, transmisogyny, ableism, etc., which bars minorities from getting into writers rooms and often stifles their voices once they’re inside the writers rooms. Okay and then you’ve got the network and the studio weighing in on every script, and guess who mostly staffs networks and studios? Yes, it is indeed middle age straight cis white dudes. So those are the guys writing the stories, and they likely had no idea what people outside of their little social circle were doing while they were in high school, and they certainly have no idea what Kids These Days are up to, and they also have no idea what, you know, appropriate boundaries look like. When it comes to the actors, execs would rather just not have child actors — under 18— on set, if possible, because there are a zillion laws that protect non-adults in terms of hours they can be on set, how much school they have to do on set, etc. So let’s say you cast a 19-year-old to play a high school sophomore. By the time the pilot gets made, they’re 20. It takes three seasons in the show to move to the next grade, so they’re 23 when they’re a junior, 26 when they’re a senior, etc. Also to be quite honest with you, I think many men who make TV put men on TV in relationships with 17-year-olds who are played by 30-year-olds so that it somehow seems less alarming when that shit happens ALL THE TIME in real life. But that’s just me.

I’ve just read the excellent ‘yes, fundraising is part of our business model’ article even though I’m not surprised you’re fundraising. It is, again, excellent and I hope the fundraiser goes great. One thing that I am surprised by, though, is that 40% of your readers are from outside the US. I’d always assumed we were in a much smaller minority. Are there any plans to reflect this more in the content? I’m sure it’s not a simple task but I’m curious.

Carmen: This question comes up whenever someone discovers that stat anew! And I’m always happy to answer it. We actually have two writers on our team who are based in the UK and we regularly take content from freelancers globally. Part of what you’re seeing is that “40% of our readers are outside of the United States” but that 40% gets broken into a lot of much smaller numbers by country. So it’s not like… 20% are in the Uk or 20% are in Australia or 15% are in Germany, and so on. (Though the UK, Australia, and Germany are three of the largest non-US countries where we have readers, it’s still not that simple). We publish content about Drag in Taiwan or the anti-SARS movement in Nigeria, and in particular I’m always looking to publish more POC from outside the United States, so feel free to pass that info along to your friends if you’re reading this. So to sum this all up: Yes, we do! And yes we are interested in it! And also non-US content doesn’t look like any one thing or the same to everyone.

Riese:  FYIIII the Top Ten is 60% U.S., 10% UK, 6% Canada, 3% Australia, 2% Germany, and then less than 2% for France, India, Netherlands, Philippines and Turkey

Nicole: Thank you so much for reading the Fundraising is Part of Our Business Model post and for your well wishes for the fundraiser. We did it and I’m so proud of everyone!!! ⭐

So obviously I love TomboyX underwear. But it’s so expensive! Do any staffers wear TomboyX, and if so, do you get it on sale or just spend a lot of money on underwear? Thanks!

Riese: Yes, I wear TomboyX exclusively. Honestly I did start wearing it because we met the owners and they gave us coupons to get free underwear and then I was like oMG i LoVe these so much. Also at some point I did an underwear post and they didn’t have an affiliate account for us to sign up with yet so I um, made the links just give points to ME personally so I got a …. lot of TomboyX points that I can use for discounts. But then they changed the system so that you couldn’t get points through a link and also they set up an affiliate account for Autostraddle, yay! But often, yes, I have just bought them full price or when they are having a sale. I know it’s not possible for everybody, but I have been trying for the past few years to just spend the money on ethically made high-quality items that will last a long time instead of what I used to do, which was buy H+M boys underwear that would eventually become pieces of shit.

What would you (each) do if you received a personal windfall of $40,000?

Laneia: I would probably put it into a savings account because I live in perpetual fear. This is not a good answer. EDIT: Ok I just listened to the latest episode of Bad With Money and now I’m convinced I would pay off the small amount of credit card debt that I have and then invest the rest somehow (I did listen to the show but I’m still not super sure how it all works), pretend it didn’t exist for the next 40 years, then have a surprise final will + testament that would divide the money among my two goober children and a variety of small queer orgs and weirdo gay creatives who will inevitably be underfunded but brilliant.

Heather: I’d put a down payment on a house for my sister and pay the first year’s mortgage payments. She’s a cancer survivor with myriad chronic illnesses who suffered a potentially career-ending setback when she got Covid last spring. It would change her family’s life to have their own new house and a year to breathe and regroup.

Rachel: Hm, I think I would pay off some of my most pressing/manageable debt (like recent debt from the wrist surgery I had in December, maybe like… one of my student loans and/or credit cards that’s down to a few thousand dollars) and also all my overdue parking tickets; that combination probably knocks about 10K off the top. I’d probably pick a percentage of the remainder, like 20 or 25%, to give to people’s individual gofundmes – then I’d probably buy one like, really nice and expensive thing for myself in the like $1K ballpark, and the remaining would probably go into savings? This was a good question, thank you! $40K is a way more interesting question than like, a million.

Riese: I would pay off my car and also get it fixed because it’s broken in a few ways at this point, like that the undercarriage is attached to the car itself with plastic zip-ties. That would knock off about $10k. I’d put a big chunk aside to donate to gofundmes/publications/fundraising/venmo situations as they arise and other ways to support indie writers and queer ppl and poc with $$. I might freeze my eggs? Honestly I’d probably drop a bit on some kind of Los Angeles cosmetic dermatology bullshit procedure like lasers or ultherapy that claims to hold the key to eliminating one or more of my many physical insecurities. I would buy Vinters Daughter serum. I’d hire a professional organizer for a few sessions to help me get a handle on the 12 years of shit that has built up from running this business and improve my workflow overall. I would get a chair for my living room. And I would take time off work to work on my book but it would be UNPAID time so I can put what I would normally be paid (we have unlimited paid vacation) towards whatever is needed in my absence. I feel like I’ve already gone over budget here, which does not surprise me personally.

Carmen: So my first most depressing thought was that 40k wouldn’t even cover all my student loans! Hahahaaaa capitalism is evil. HOWEVER! Ok! The first thing I’d do is take $25k and put it in an IRA account, because that’s the amount I anticipate owing the federal government when I’m 60 years old and my federal student loan payment plans finally end. So basically my one goal in life right now is to come up with that 25 grand somehow and put it somewhere safe until I need it, and this would help with that. Then with that burden lifted, I’d use the remaining $15,000 and split it three ways: five grand to queer organizations and poc organizations that I believe in GoFundMes, five grand for whatever my mother wanted to spend it on, and the remaining five grand in a high yield savings account so that it can do that thing rich people do where their money makes money, you know what I’m talking about? Until I need it for an emergency.

Thank you for this question! I agree with Rachel, it’s a lot more fun to imagine how to spend 40k than a million. It feels tangible and real! What a dream.

Nicole: First, I would probably make a generous list of books I wanted with Sadie and then buy them all! Can you imagine? Just buying whatever books you wanted? Then, new roof! A literal roof! With that taken care of, I’d like to take a trip somewhere to a cabin with Sadie and Mya where I work on writing, she works on music and Mya works on her lounging techniques and sniffing nature. Besides that, I’d divide what remained into thirds. One third to emergency savings (this 2005 Subaru needs periodic upkeep), one third to other peoples’ GoFundMe’s and small queer orgs, and one third to spend on nice things for loved ones plus some quality camping equipment because I have very much wanted to be able to go camping for a while but just have not been able to make the investment when I weigh buying camping equipment (even when I’m looking at used) vs all the other things people need. I’ll be keeping an eye out for the REI garage sale though, either way ;) What an interesting question! I love the way it asks you to look at your closest, nearest dreams.

How do you keep an open heart/mind/gut in the frustrating online dating game?

Carmen: If I had the answer to that, I’d make a trillion gay dollars! (Honestly? A good sense of humor and strong use of a group chat with your friends help, but also I haaaaaate online dating that’s not hookups? So I’m probably not the best answer-er for this question! But I wanted to show you solidarity! IT’S SO HARD!!

I wish these napkins were all from gay ladies and that I could buy them from you.

Laneia: I LOVE THESE.

has any group of queer people tried to reclaim the tonsure as a hip alternative lifestyle haircut?

Rachel: 2021 could be your year

How’s Erin doing these days?

Carmen: I’m pretty sure she’s doing great. I never got to work with Erin, but sometimes a tweet of hers will come across my feed and it always makes me laugh. Her humor has gone nowhere!

WOWWOWOWWEEEEE the site is looking HAWT TODAY!! 💖💖💖 I love these explosive holiday takeovers, like when you went all out for April Fools with the Shenny stuff.

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

Just wanted to say, Heather’s letter is the best thing ever. I read it from beginning to end (and i don’t ever read fundraising letters). Will be giving again. So grateful for Autostraddle.

Heather: I am moved beyond words that you took the time to read my letter, to donate again, and to send me this message. Thank you. From the bottom of my very huge heart: Thank you.

Nicole: We’re so grateful for you!!!

I’ve only been on the A+ discord server for about 15 minutes and I’m loving it so much! it feels so much more personal than even the comments section because of the realtime nature. I know there’s more people right now because of both the novelty and limited time nature of this, but I would LOVE for this to become a regular thing! I’m getting those A-Camp vibes I’ve been missing so much lately.

<3

Carmen: I am so glad you had fun!! We had a blast both times we did the Discord server this winter/spring. I think you can expect more pop-up opportunities for community building in the future! You’re all much too awesome to keep to yourselves and not share with the world, honestly.

Nicole: I am also DELIGHTED that you had such a good time. That server was honestly magical. And yes, there will be more pop-up A+ Discord servers in the future 😉

Shelli, your work is tremendous!! I love the new FYP column 😍!!!

&

“I just wanna say I love Shelli’s FYP column so much!! I don’t always comment, but I read it every week.”

&

Praise! Shelli Nicole great job on the Slate Outword podcast.

Shelli:

Nicole: There was a whole entire FREAK OUT in Slack over Shelli’s appearance on the Slate podcast. SHELLI YOU ARE AMAZING!

Hello! I’m so excited to contribute to the pool of memberships giveaway!! It brings me so much joy to be able to help someone else get access to the wondrousness that is A+, and I’m so so so appreciative of the extra logistical work y’all are putting in to make this possible! <3

Nicole: You’re the best! It was incredible and so life-giving to see the response to this and just how many we were able to give away (over 130!!!). Thank you 💞

hello everyone! decade-long listener, first time caller, fairly recent a+ member.

just wanted to drop a line to say thanks for the outdoors issue and specifically to vanessa about everything she’s written here and elsewhere about her experience on the PCT. it’s such a breath of fresh air (lol) to read outdoorsy content from a queer-affirming, body positive, politically progressive lens. it’s hard not to feel self-conscious about being fat/butch/slow, etc. and to avoid manifest destiny shit in other ~nature-y~ spaces so i appreciate your content a lot as i progress from “quit girl scouts because i didn’t want to go outside” to “aspiring thru-hiker and mountain climber.”

keep on keeping on, autostraddle!!

Nicole: These pieces inspire me, too! Some of my faves :)

Vanessa: Awww thank you 

Just wanted to say a huge thank you for introducing the A+ competition, I was absolutely delighted to win a membership! I think it’s a wonderful idea and I hope that my financial situation is more stable in the coming months so that I can donate at least the equivalent of cobalt membership regularly to say thank you.

Carmen: Oh my goodness, Hellooooooooo!!! It’s so great to have you here!!

Nicole: That’s so kind! Thank you and welcome :D

Whoo hoo!! You made it over $220,000!

Laneia: YOU DID THAT.

Carmen: THAT WAS ALL YOU!!!

Nicole: WE MADE IT! THANKS TO YOU!!! Seriously, this was such a leap for us as an organization, and to have you all keep us here, to move this mountain collectively, was inspiring beyond belief.

Just a quick note to say I’m in grad school for costume design and currently redesigning/ imagining beetlejuice to be gay as hell and set today and I can’t thank y’all enough for all of the home renovation guides and the short lived weekender column from a long while ago, they are invaluable research!! 💖

Laneia: I miss this kind of content so much and lucky for me and you, there’s something really cool in the pipeline that I won’t give away but just TRUST ME we are going to love it. I hope grad school is going well !!

Hi i am just hoping each of you finds something comforting or that makes you smile in your day today. You are very magical.

Nicole: You are also very magical 🧙

Carmen: Same to you, my friend. ✨

Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #34

Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature is now bi-monthly and advice questions go into our twice monthly Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

---

MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

BTW I love what y’all have done with the television category display at https://autostraddle-develop.go-vip.net/category/television/ — I love how you show the popular posts, important lists and direct links to the shows and also of course all the television posts themselves in chronological order. It’s just so neat and I wanted to tell you all it’s very appreciated!

Riese: YAY! We are so happy with it too, and very grateful to yikes! for their work on it. We want all our tv stuff to be as accessible as possible cuz you know what it’s great and also so are you. We also have this guide I’ve been updating since last year now that you’d probably also enjoy!

Sarah: Yayyyyy! That’s so exciting to hear. We worked very, very hard on it and got a ton of support and help from our tech team (Yikes) and our SEO Consultant JC! It takes the whole team to make a big dream a reality! Little insider fact — this is only Phase 1 of the rollout! Pretty soon all of our category pages will have this look on Autostraddle. Stay tuned!

How come when I try to “like” a comment, it asks me to sign into WordPress? Even though I’m already signed into Autostraddle.

Nicole: We have a ticket in the pipeline for this. Hopefully it will be resolved soon!

All your Straddleverse / Fundraising content is so so good. Much kudos to Nicole and everyone at AS. Also the tote bag!!!

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

I have a number of things to share here!

First, in SATSTYBAU #33 someone had a comment about Autostraddle publishing zines and I just wanna say if you made print editions of all the theme issues you did over the last couple of years, I would absolutely buy that for like $10-$20! I love print media and I’m sad that so little of it exists nowdays!

Second, related to this ^^ comment, are you gonna be bringing the theme issues back? I really liked them and there hasn’t been one for a while, right?! Also, I really really miss the roundtables and the AM/PM and the content that was more about the writers’ lives and opinions and habits and personality…I always found it so interesting and fun to read! I hope more of that comes back, too!

Finally, I just want to say that I finally watched Gen Q and am now listening the the Gen Q podcast and Drew is a treasure!! I love everything she’s written for this site and also she is just a real gem on To L and Back, hoping she’ll be back for season 2!!

Sarah: I can only speak to the print issues which — YES, I completely agree with you about print media and would loooove these objects in my hands. Especially as the art director of all the recent issues we did in 2018 onward — it was such a fun design project and I would love to translate it into print someday.

Carmen: I’m not an expert — far from it — but I imagine that logistically print issues are hard because we only own the publishing rights to the articles for a certain amount of time, so we’d have to go back and get new permission/new contracts. Still not impossible though!

I’d also love to see a return to some more personal/”day in the life” pieces like AM/PM. I used to read that series every week! Maybe we should bring it back, especially with so many people working from home in the pandemic. Might be timely!

And I’m really glad you enjoyed the Gen Q podcast!

Nicole: I also love stuff like AM/PM Carmen!

I love you all but seriously how could you have not included Catradora in your list of 2020 best TV couples 😭

Heather: Okay, see, the thing is that I had included She-Ra in every single one of our other year-end lists and written about She-Ra a billion times, and all of those included Catradora swooning, and I was just out of things to say! And I wanted to make space for shows I hadn’t included on my other lists but that did fit in the Best Couples list. Oh, friend, we’re just human beans out here in this pandemic-riddled world trying to do the best we can with our limited time and energy and love.

The Toasted Walnut Bar and Grill, the only lesbian bar in Philadelphia, just announced it’s closing down. Keep us Philly lesbians in your hearts :(

Rachel: I’m so sad about this — I missed my chance to visit it during my last trip to Philly. Thinking of you <3

Nicole: I’m also sad about this! Wish I had known it existed last I was in Philly :( I am holding you in my heart.

Just stopping by to say that Eloise Bridgerton is absolutely obviously queer and I want justice to be served in season 2 👀👀

Carmen: I will have you know that about halfway through Bridgerton I stopped to research this very same question! Sadly, in the books Eloise is straight and since one of the Bridgerton brothers is going to be gay, I’m not sure that Shonda Rhimes’ going to flip two characters from the (straight) romance series into queer romances. Still, we can hope! Everything is gay in Shondaland afterall.

I wish there was an official arbiter to whom you can bring receipts (screenshots) to prove that you were in fact being gaslit and not doing the gaslighting at all

Heather: I WISH THAT TOO. Sometimes I think that’s why I started writing creative nonfiction: to keep my own head on straight!

Rachel: Totally! Not to presume anything about what you are currently already doing or not doing, but maybe it’s useful for others; this can be one thing therapy helps with! Before therapy gave me any tools or personal healing or anything else, it was a place where an objective third party told me ‘actually, that situation isn’t normal or healthy, and it’s totally reasonable to be distressed by it,’ which was very life-changing.

Nicole: Once I made a spreadsheet to deal with a gaslighting situation. It helped a lot! (It was just for me, not to show anyone.)

Is it just me, or has there been a recent uptick in completely garbage comments? Every time I look at the little “Latest Comments” section, there’s at least one awful remark (usually on an article either about or written by someone trans and/or PoC). Is there any way to block or report these people?

Heather: There absolutely has been yes, and we’re working to get a handle on it. I’m sorry it’s happening; it’s making us bonkers too. There are several solutions in the brainstorming pipe!

just wanted to tell you that a lot of my friends who have great taste (except for the fact that they are straight! can you believe a life like that) keep telling me that they like my youdoyou tshirt and saying i look great in it!!! yay for you, yay for compliments!!

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

Do you know if there is any research about whether lesbians, queer women, queers in general, etc actually have/live with/love cats at a higher rate than heterosexuals? This is a current hot topic of debate and I figured if anyone knew, it would be your team. Thank you so much! This is going to be a great use of my a+ membership!

Riese: Yes, there is! I did it myself personally! And the article is right here: It’s True: Queer Women Own The Most Cats So I Guess I’m Dying Alone

Nicole: From the same survey, I deeply feel Gay People Are More Haunted By Ghosts Than Straight People Are. I know you did not ask for this, but it was a sort of…”while we’re here” situation.

Oooh! All this press around Kate Freeman on Jeopardy (Omgosh and then she pops into the AS comment section!!?! Eeeeee!! 😄) reminded me that *I believe* Mary Lambert’s partner was supposed to be on Jeopardy soon, but I’m not sure if or when the episode aired. Anyone have any intel on this? I vaguely remember Mary posting something about it last year-ish (?) that the ep was taped early in 2020?

Carmen: I don’t have any intel on this, but I absolutely loved all the joy we felt around Kate! And her handing out in the comments section! And if Mary’s partner has been on Jeopardy, I’d welcome them into the queer nerd kindgom with open arms!

Hey there,

I just read the “67 of the Best Queer Books of 2020” article, happy to have so many books to add to my 2021 reading list. I’m not sure if has being mentioned in previous articles but Exciting Times by Queer Irish author Naoise Dolan was one of my favourite reads this year. I read it as part of a book club and ending up finishing it the day I got it (quarantine). Would love to hear your guys thoughts on it! I’ve linked the Guardian review.

Cheers,
Ruth

Rachel: Oh I’ve heard such good things about this — really interested to check it out, thank you!

Non-pressing question! I’ve seen in comments that there are adoptive parents in the AS community who have adopted older kids, sometimes queer themselves. If you have space, I’d love to learn about experiences of queer parents adopting queer kids, especially parents of color. Are there articles already that I’m missing, or resources you can recommend? or google search terms to recommend cuz I’m just finding stats, not individual stories.

Heather: I’m not sure if we have specific articles about queer parents adopting queer kids, but we published a brilliant years-long series by KaeLyn about being a queer parent and an adoptee! This is one of my all-time favorite Autostraddle series.

Carmen: Queer adoption is on my top dream list for this year, so let’s all keep our fingers crossed and stay tuned! (I agree, KaeLyn’s is one of my all-time favorites, too.)

Riese what is the book you are writing tell us pls is it fiction or non, more deets pls

Riese: Hello! It is fiction but it’s based on a true story that took place in 2007-2009, so basically the two years leading up to the founding of Autostraddle, and a girl who came into my life and the lives of my friends and made a lot of big promises and took me on a bit of a luxurious whirlwind but nothing turned out to be what it seemed! So it’s about the fuzziness around what ‘reality’ actually is, it’s about friendship and queer community and love and sex but I’d say it’s mostly very much about mental illness in the LGBTQ community, and how our VERY high rates of mental illness, coupled with a degree of ostracization from the mainstream (at least at the time that this story takes place) has an enormous impact on our relationships with each other. How do we navigate a world in which most of us are sick or hurt or traumatized, but often in invisible ways? It’s hard! But also it’s a very fun and compelling and interesting story. It’s years and years of me telling this true story to friends that has made me realize what a good story it is! It’s twisty as fuck. I think people will really love it.

Very low-urgency astrology question: Is it normal that the notes for my rising sign (Capricorn) often resonate way more than my sun/moon (double Cancer) in those silly Instagram memes? I don’t really understand how the different signs supposedly impact how we operate but I can’t seem to find a straightforward explanation. Any ideas/where I could find an answer?

Carmen: So I know very little about astrology, but from what I understand your rising sign sometimes described as “how you present to the world” — so following that logic, then it makes sense that your rising in those queer memes, right?

(For those who are wondering, the same friend who taught me that also described the other signs as: the sun is who you are at your core, the rising is how you present to the world, and the moon is when you’re drunk. This person wasn’t Chani Nichols, so take it with a grain of salt! And any astrology nerds, please don’t be mad at me!)

Nicole: I don’t think it’s weird at all! You’re actually supposed to read your rising and sun signs when you read horoscopes, or at least that is my understanding. So then it follows that they both must weigh heavily on your day-to-day experiences. Also, and I am getting way out of my depth here, but I think if your rising sign is in certain houses, it might be a stronger presence in your life?

What is the likelihood of A Camp ever happening again? Dreaming about Acamp is really keeping me sane these days, but wondering if I should get used to the idea that it isn’t coming back.

Riese: I think it will probably happen again, yes

Hey everyone!

Thanks for spending time with this question! It’s a bit of a lighthearted one.

I am a bisexual cis woman whose dress sense is slightly fem but leaning to androgynous. I like the suit look but also rock dresses and skirts. I like to feel like I leave people questioning my sexuality as well as theirs ( even if it’s not true). I’m a little flamboyant and don’t really follow trends.

I have been incredibly lucky and have started a new job during the covid lockdowns where I have been exclusively working from home. Trouble is, after a year of being at home and wearing nothing but jeans and 90s band t-shirts they’ve hit me with a request to get my picture taken for their website (when restrictions allow).

What do I wear??!! I’ve read a few helpful articles on autostraddle about queer office dressing and although they have been excellent for everyday ideas they just didn’t hit for this situation. It’s a professional setting but they pride themselves on being a ‘young office’ and seem pretty laid back and fun.

I’d like to say ‘I am professional, sexy (low key sexy but at the same time overtly 🔥) and bisexual af.

Go!

(Also, I am fully aware I am overthinking this but I think I need a silly worry to distract me from the mounting covid cases in my area, the new strain and the incredibly strict lockdown that seems never ending. Thank you!)

Sarah: First of all, I am so shocked you’re still wearing jeans! I have selectively worn jeans a few times since the pandemic hit but I’m almost exclusively in soft pants these days. Though wearing hard pants (jeans) does hit a little differently — it does make me feel human and ‘dressed up’ in a way I sometimes don’t feel in a casual sweatpants look! I DIGRESS! If the office is laid back and fun I would let your personality shine through! It might be fun to dress up one of your favorite band tees with a blazer! In terms of pants, I’m unsure you’ll even be showing your lower half? Usually the context of these are kind of headshotty — cropped mid torso. Focus on bringing personality to your upper half. The vibe you’re describing (sexy, hot, bisexual) I think, can be conveyed by expression. Maybe provide a few options, one smiling, one silly, one a little sultry. YOU’RE GONNA DO GREAT!

I’d like to say ‘I am professional, sexy (low key sexy but at the same time overtly 🔥) and bisexual af.’

MISC

In “Imagine Me and You,” how exactly do they know that precocious child?

Heather: What if that precocious child is a ghost?? That kind of makes the movie even better, right? Watch it again and let me know what you think.

I am (was?) dating the Tenderqueer from “Dykes and Their Emotional Support Albums” who listens to Phoebe Bridgers and they haven’t texted me back since right before Christmas. Did I have it coming?

Rachel: Honestly they’re probably too depressed to text anyone, I would say it’s definitely not personal. Eventually they’ll post like, a bad cinquain on Lex and you’ll recognize them and be like woof, dodged a bullet there!

Hiiiiii. Taylor Swift’s evermore was just released a couple hours ago, and I’m stoned as fuuuuuuck, but it’s queer as hell, yeah? k love you bai

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

I just wanted to thank you all for your advice answers. I was really worried about a poly situation and that I asked about a few months ago, but your advice helped and it went really well! Cheers!

Rachel: Wow, this is amazing news! We so rarely get followup resolution, and for it to be good news??? Everyone is more than welcome to do this, by the way! This made my day!

Nicole: This made me so happy!

I just wanted to say I got my new blue scissoring sweatshirt in the mail today and it’s PERFECT AND EVERYTHING I’VE EVER WANTED!

Sarah: HONESTLY I’M SO GLAD AND I HOPE IT KEEPS YOU EXTRA COZY AND WARM FOR A VERY VERY VERY LONG TIME.

Nicole: This sweatshirt is wildly comfy AND the inside is perfect for cleaning my glasses. Just agreeing it is ideal. I’m so glad you’re enjoying it!!!

The workshop was awesome, and it would be really cool to have an ongoing sex ed workshop series!

Rachel: WOW do I have some great news for you – we’re actually just this week launching a sex ed workshop series featuring a range of your favorite writers and sex educators! Join us this Monday for the first in 2021! Registration for live events is exclusive to A+ members; the recording and transcript of the event will become available to the public afterwards!

Nicole: I’m so excited about this series! The live events will be just for A+ members. However, because sex ed is super important, that importance also includes getting this info out to people who can’t be members right now, we’re going to release the recordings afterward for all Autostraddlers. I just want to take a moment to thank you all for making projects like this possible! And I hope you join us on March 1! (Password is APLUSQUEERSEX131 )

Thank you. Thank you for making me laugh we I haven’t in days. Thank you for challenging me to consider new possibilities. Thank you for affirming my experiences, my boundaries, my questions, my desires. Thank you for sharing of yourselves so generously. Thank you for showing us care. Please be good to yourselves.

Heather: Thank you for reading, for caring about us, and for sharing so much gratitude and good wishes. I understand what all of these feelings are like, and it is a balm to my heart to know that being here with us in this space is a comfort to you!

Sarah: 😍Thank you, so so so much.

Riese: THANK YOU SO MUCH

Nicole: 💖💖💖

I just realized: I use Autostraddle like a gay google. When I want to know if a celebrity is queer I search their name on AS bc I know someone here will have covered the material— or if not I can type it in here as a question for the A+ Inbox. Same goes for when I want to know about literally anything else, but want a queer perspective on it. This is truly an invaluable service! THANK YOU!!

Heather: This makes me so happy! I had this dream the other night that we made a search feature where you could look up a celeb’s name and it would tell you if they were queer or not queer or “investigation in progress.” Which made me wake myself up laughing.

Riese: Yes I love this !!!

Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #33

This edition of Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us is part of the 13 Days of A+. From December 13 through December 25, we’re celebrating the people who literally keep our lights on, who believed we could make it through 2020, who invest and participate in this community through challenges and growth and change — that’s YOU. It’s truly magical to have so many guardian gayngels looking out for this space, and we’re so delighted to be able to do something a little special for our queer fam to close out the year. Some of what we publish for the 13 Days will be cozy and familiar, like Into the A+ Advice Box and Some Answers to Some Questions You’ve Been Asking Us. Some of it will be a twist on regulars; we have Malic White as a guest editor for two installments of the erotica series S L I C K for one… and the rest? We’re going to keep those pieces all boxed up in scissoring-patterned wrapping paper until they publish. We’re looking forward to spending some time with you. 

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Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature is now bi-monthly and advice questions go into our twice monthly Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

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MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

Q: I don’t understand how to like comments in the new system. It’s really confusing me more than it should. Could you include really dumbed down directions on how to like comments now for well meaning but basically incompetent people like me? Thanks

Kamala: I am not an expert so this is just a layperson’s take, but I think that you log into your account, and click on the blue star icon with “Like” next to it at the bottom of a comment, and then it turns yellow, and you’ve liked it.

Q: It would be awesome if you all could put together several little collections that we could buy, like the zines you did in years past but thinking instead of collections of published essays from the past 10+ years from this site on a theme: LGBTQ history/herstory, personal writing, writing by Mey/Drew/Abeni/Annika and others on trans stuff, writing on being queer and religious, etc. I’d totally pay for the print versions of these to sit on my shelf/give as gifts!

Riese: Ok SO I love this idea BUT the ‘zines ended up not really paying off for the amount of work that went into producing them (although I’m still glad we did them because they are beautiful works of art) — but of course of course I do love this idea so I would love to hear more from you and anybody else reading this about exactly what you’d love to see and in what format and how produced and how much you would like to pay for it?? Tell me more!

Q: Do you have a filter or tag for SFW content? I’m writing a list of resources to get my coworkers educated on LGBTQIA issues.

Carmen: Do you mean like some kind of filter that will essentially clear out all the sex content from our homepage? I don’t beleive we have that kind of capability, however I would recommend sending your coworkers specific articles of ours that you find informative or relevant, then you can self-select out all the sex content and focus on what matters to you!

so much to love on the homepage, I don’t know how I’ll read it all!!! Yall are doing such beautiful work <3 THANK YOU Kamala and Carmen and team!

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

Q: IDK where else to put this but I PASSED THE BAR EXAM ON MY FIRST TRY and now I get to live the Badass Queer Lawyer Life I’ve been dreaming about since I was a teenager.

Kamala: Congrats, we need your queer law badassery in the world!!

Carmen: AHHHHHH!!! CONGRATS TO A BADASS QUEER LAWYER!!! I’m so excited and proud and happy!! Yaaaaay!

Nicole: WHAT FANTASTIC NEWS!!! Congratulations on realizing your teenage dreams!!

Q: For those of us who need something to do some 💦cleanup💦during/after sex and either can’t afford or don’t want a Liberator, let me tell you about THE SUCKER: https://luxurymicrofiberstore.com/products/moses. $34 for a 34×28 inch washable/dryable thick microfiber towel and designed for some heavy-duty clean up. My girl and I have two; we use them constantly. They keep our bed dry and soak up any misses quickly and effectively.

And as a bonus, the company is clearly some guy selling car cleaning stuff; all the names for everything are ridiculous and so gay (I just got an email for their BIG DADDY PACK).

Rachel: This is amazing?? I am DYING at the name, putting it in the same mental category as those kitchen scrubbers that are Daddy-branded for reasons unclear to me.

Q: In case you find this amusing, there are currently 9 works on AO3 that have “autostraddle” in the description. Seems like they’re mostly inspired by articles. There’s a “Dead TV Lesbian Characters Anonymous support group”.

Heather: This has delighted me to my very core! I went to AO3 to look them up, obviously, and am deeply delighted to see that one of these is a Carol Danvers/Maria Rambeau fic that I will absolutely be reading.

Carmen: I’m just thankful to know that none of these are about us.

Q: I read this piece by Britni and can’t get it out of my head.

Carmen: UGH LOVED THAT PIECE!

Q: In case you haven’t heard, I saw on instagram that Tegan and Sara are selling masks to raise funds for the Native Women’s Centre of Montreal.

Heather: Thank you for the heads up! There are so many cool queer folks selling masks it’s hard to keep up, so we really appreciate the nudge!

Q: i made a jenny schecter reference around a bunch of baby queers and they DID NOT KNOW WHO SHE WAS AT ALL anyway i have never felt older in my life

Riese: I literally cannot imagine a queer life in which Jenny Schecter was not on my immediate radar and I am terrified for our future. Well… maybe I should actually be hopeful for our future. It’s hard to say. I wonder if this is how ppl slightly older than me feel about ppl slightly younger than me not knowing about all the lesbian folk-rock musicians of the 70s and like, Xena.

This is very last minute but apparently tonight there will be a lunar eclipse during what is called a “full beaver moon,” which just seems like something y’all would be into.

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

Q: Any stories out there on queer homemaking or queer home ec? Im interested in how people reclaim traditionally “womens work” in the home, whether that is working as a stay at home parent, or just how to generally stand up to societal expectations that want you to be either June Cleaver or a suffering laborer for capitalism. Whats a home-based queer to do? What does it feel like to both reject and claim that sphere, can you do it in the city, the burbs, rural areas? Generally interested in how people are choosing to live their authentic lives. Thanks!

Riese: I think others will chime in with their own experiences/readings in this area but I can offer a few small morsels of things I remember us publishing:
AM-PM: Reclaiming Domesticity – Ari writes about this concept so well here and everywhere they write words
Green-on-Meghan O’Malley: The Autostraddle Interview – This is like… one of the first articles we ever published in the history of Autostraddle? Laneia interviewed the creator of the blog “Queering Domesticity,” who talks about being a gay housewife and loving the home!
Anarchist Housewife: The Kit, by our very own Rachel — lots of recs for outside reading in here!
Baby T-Rex Series: I think Kaelyn’s columns about getting pregnant and having a baby and then raising that baby grapple with a lot of the questions you are asking!

Rachel: Ari also has a substack newsletter devoted to queer domesticity, I bet you would love it!

Nicole: I did not know about Ari’s newsletter, Rachel! I love this! Have signed up!

Q: What are your hopes and goals for SLICK? Are there certain writers, artists, themes, content you would like to see covered in the future?

Kamala: : My main hope was to have a lot of different kinds of takes on the erotic, because it’s so many different things to so many different people. This month, and also in my absence, we will be having guest editors choosing the stories for S L I C K. Having looked over both of Malic White’s stories for 13 Days of A+, I think it’s going to be really fun to have new people curating the series! I liked to focus on smaller fiction writers who I think have a way with words and try to get them to write queer erotica just for us, and also mix in a few seasoned erotica writers. Malic has some talented performers sharing stories with us, and I think everyone will bring their own style to it. If there things you’d like to see more of you, please let this team know!

Nicole: Here to say, please let us know (in the comments, via the A+ box) if you have dreams for S L I C K! Also have you checked out the most recent piece by Jasmine Henri Jordan, edited by Malic? I was like: EXCUSE ME there are footnotes in this erotica! Love it.

Q: Can someone make a playlist of anthems for bottoms? Or does one already exist on the site? Thank you.

Carmen: I don’t know if we have one on the site, unfortunately. But I agree it’s a great idea!

Q: Can we get a “best winter jackets for lesbians” type article? Sincerely, a lesbian looking for a winter jacket ❤️

Carmen: As a queer woman also looking for a winter jacket, I’ll see what I can make happen when we get back from holigay break. (You might already have a jacket by then? If you do, I bet it’s cute!)

Nicole: Here to second that I would also love this guide.

Q: The daughter of some friends of mine recently came out to them as pansexual. I’m just a plain old dyke, and I’m puzzled: how is pansexual different from bisexual?

Rachel: This is a great question, and you are not wrong to be puzzled! You can ask different people this and get different answers; I can give you mine. My understanding of how people “define” pansexuality is that they’re attracted to folks of all genders, or that gender isn’t a limiting characteristic for them in partners. The working definition most bisexual folks use for bisexuality is “attracted to their own and other genders.” If it sounds to you like there isn’t much of a functional difference between those things, that’s because there isn’t! Most folks don’t differentiate much between them; some folks ID as pan because they (mistakenly) understand bisexuality to refer to being only attracted to men and women and not nonbinary people, or only cis men and cis women and not any trans people (again, to be clear, this is not the case; many bisexual people love & date trans people; many bisexual people ARE trans people). You don’t need to stress out a ton over this terminology! If it comes up and you’re friendly with the daughter, you could certainly ask her what the term means to her personally and why it’s important to her!

Q: How do I find my role in the revolution?

Rachel: i would start by thinking about a) your values and b) your skill sets; what do you care most about and what are you genuinely good at and can contribute? There is work to be done all over, and focusing on these things will help make sure you can be effective and also not burn out! What’s your role in the communities you’re already a part of now? Are you the person who always plans food for the potluck or holidays? Maybe you want to start getting involved in Food Not Bombs, or one of the (many) meal distribution programs for at-risk people who need to isolate during COVID. If you’re the type A planner of your friends and workplace with a million spreadsheets, you could be contributing to mutual aid orgs, direct action coordination or dozens of other things with admin skills and project management behind the scenes! A good start is to find a group in your area doing work that you care about and that speaks to your specific values and interests, and start showing up or demonstrating interest; if you keep going and build relationships and volunteer for things you think you can help with, you’ll find a groove!

Q: News outlets are reporting Lashana Lynch as a lesbian? Or possibly her iteration of 007? Or both? Please do a full investigation! Do I have a chance with her!

Heather: So! Our TV Team ABSOLUTELY did a deep dive on this when that headline popped up, but it turns out to be unsubstantiated and a zillion sites just ran with it after one gay site published it. I spent like three hours trying to figure out where the original site got that information, and I honestly think it’s because so many queer people read Carol Danvers and Maria Rambeau as a couple that “lesbian” kind of became associated with Lashana Lynch’s name! We couldn’t find anything to indicate that she’d come out or was even just publicly gal pal-ing around with anyone.

Q: First – I am so so grateful that Autostraddle exists! It helped me so much to find a sense of pride & self after I came out in 2018.

And now the actual reason I’m sending this: I noticed that there’s an older article linking to queer-run Etsy shops with several outdated links, and I don’t know if there are any plans in the works to update that article, BUT if there are, it would be so cool if you could include my little sister’s shop. She is bi and sells houseplants, which, as we all know, are super gay. Also the shop name is a dirty plant pun (Send Dirty Nodes?!), so wins all around here.
Anyway, thanks for reading my shameless big sister rambles.

Carmen: Sadly I don’t know which exact past article you are referring to here because we didn’t have a link. HOWEVER we can keep her shop in mind for future articles! Love a good big sister ramble. Thanks for sharing!

Nicole: As an older sister, I endorse your big sister shamelessness and also what a cute shop with such stellar reviews!

Q: Could Casey please interview Emily Danforth about everything “Plain Bad Heroines“ and ask her to write some Harper/Merritt/Audrey bonus scenes?

Rachel: We can definitely try! In the meantime, have you read Lindsay’s review?

Q: I started reading this story and thought “I bet she’s one of us.” By the end it’s “her partner, Raysa” – yep! Let’s give this woman some recognition and love and maybe you should ask her to write a piece for us?

Rachel Ugh unfortunately this is paywalled and I can’t read it, but I read this and it’s incredible! I would love to hear her thoughts on sustainable models for media, because wow, what she’s doing is incredible and also should absolutely not be necessary!

Q: Could you do a roundtable on “saying no”— as in not overextending yourself and drawing boundaries when it comes to family/friends/colleagues? It’s a tricky balance when you want to help and have the skillsets to do it. Just a suggestion!

Heather: This is a really good idea! It’s a skill that doesn’t come easy for most people, but it’s essential, and we all have so much to learn from each other about it. I know I, for one, have gotten MUCH better at it by watching my friends and co-workers do it.

Riese: I also love this idea and hope the editors do it! An entertaining thing to read in the meantime might be Brittani’s The Story of No.

Q: Can we get some service journalism for removing your ex from your life in the digital age? I just had to go through a year’s worth of google docs unsharing, spotify playlist recreating and deleting (spotify, please just let me remove playlist followers), etc, etc. Obvs I wish I could eternal sunshine myself from her life but in the absence of that there is so much more to do than just blocking her on instagram and calling it a day!

Rachel: This is such a good idea! I can try to solicit it!

Q: Hello! Will there be a Straight People Watch: Holidays 2020 edition this year? I’m aware that Erin isn’t writing for y’all anymore but if this was made into a fundraiser or ‘reach this amount and we’ll publish it’ I & my fiancee would absolutely contribute. It’s been a heck of a year and SPW is the delight and reprieve we need.

Carmen: We can keep this in mind for future fundraisers! Thanks for telling us what would motivate you.

Nicole: Thanks so much for sharing! Going to keep this and whatever brainstorms spring from it in mind for our next fundraiser!

Q: Hi guys! Just wondering if any of you have seen the queer storyline in the Indian Amazon Prime show Four More Shots Please! It’s with Lisa Ray and VJ Bani. You are welcome.
PS if you *have* heard of it, will you cover it??

Heather: I had not heard of it until just this second, but I will absolutely look into it immediately!

Carmen: I have been meaning to get into Four More Shots Please forever!!! Shelli actually wrote a small review of it in a recent installment of “Come Vibe with Me”

Q: Oh my gosh, Friendsgiving was the best and gayest holiday film I’ve ever seen!! Made by Nicol Paone and starring Wanda Sykes, Margaret Cho, Fortune Feimster, and a series of dykes personifying Lex ads! How has AS not reviewed it?!

Heather: This kind of blipped onto our radar for a second, but then fell away due to all the queer Christmas movies this year and also just the general state of the world/election overwhelm, etc. when this came out — however! I am so grateful you reminded me so I can watch and write about it (right after I watch Ma Rainey one more time!).

Q: I watched “Holiday Home Makeover with Mr Christmas” on Netflix, and it was some nice light, festive fluff. But it got me thinking, why are all these shows hosted by gay guys, macho guys, or (cis)husband-and-wife teams? Why are there no lesbian design/reno/make-over hosts? There’s got to be some out there…

Heather: I agree! I actually got hooked on that show called Property Brothers because there was a marathon on when I was in a waiting room for like four hours last year and every time I watch it, I’m like, THIS WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER WITH LESBIANS. I just want to see dyke-y women walking around in boots with sledgehammers and tape-measurerers being bosses. Is that too much to ask?

Nicole: The sheer amount of condescending straight man content I have to watch on Youtube to learn how to do home projects is devastating, would be far better with queers!

Q: Don’t know if the TV team is aware, but the show “Big Sky” has a non-binary actor named Jesse James Keitel on it playing a recurring character. Their character is trans (she/her pronouns used by other people that know her), but not clear if the character is nonbinary or transfeminine.
Best Wishes,
Ava

Heather: Thank you, Ava! That is on our radar and I appreciate the reminder!

Carmen: Valerie Anne gave some light thoughts about Big Sky in our most recent Boobs on Your Tube!

Q: Hi! I was wondering if your team would have any thoughts about environmentally ethical sex toy purchases. I’ve been thinking about getting a new vibe, mainly for external use, and since they have electrical components and are often plastic etc etc, I kind of get hung up on environmental consequences. Do you have any thoughts about sex toys in renewable/recyclable materials, and long-lasting ones that might not need to frequent replacing?

Autostraddle already has a lot of great posts giving ethical consumer advice about queer and POC owned sex toy options, so I know this is the sort of thing you take seriously!

Rachel: When it comes to specifically vibrators,you don’t have a ton of leeway; there is this biodegradable vibrator, although I can’t speak to how powerful or effective it might be. If you need rumbly as opposed to buzzy sensations, this may not be a good fit, and does require batteries as opposed to being rechargeable (although I suppose you can use rechargeable batteries!). Personally, I think of them like appliances, like refrigerators or TVs, where they do contain elements that are not great but also are investments you hope to maintain for a long time. I would look for a workhorse vibrator that’s going to last a long time and be versatile; the classic Hitachi Magic Wand is beloved for a reason, and I’ve never had to replace mine (or anecdotally know anyone who has); and there’s truly a ton of info online about repairing them if it does break down! I’m not sure if these factors shift at all between the cordless vs. the original, but would welcome other thoughts!

Q: would you publish puzzles (like, wordy crossword-ish type puzzles) if someone pitched it to you as something they could create?

Rachel: I think that would be really fun! I’m not sure how it would work on our backend, and if we’d be able to try to make them something people can do digitally vs. something they’d need to print out and do by hand, but it’s worth pitching and we can talk about it! (In general, my advice is always to pitch; the worst that happens is that it can’t work out or we say to try again in the future, but there’s never any harm in asking!)

Hi!!! During the A+ advice-a-thon for Autostraddle’s eleventh birthday I asked about coming out as queer to my family. Meg and Casey replied and suggested doing so by e-mail or letter and I FINALLY did it today (seven months later)! They all received it really well, but of course the real test is how they act going forward. I’m just so glad to have told them. Tomorrow I tell my extended family, so hopefully that goes alright too. Thank you all for being awesome!!! (And esp Meg and Casey for their A+ A+ advice!)

MISC

Q: I just noticed (while reading Kamala’s interview with Patty Yumi Cottrell) that all of the links in the text are now for Bookshop instead of Amazon! That’s awesome!!! I’m so glad that y’all are taking that step away from it.

Nicole: We are trying!

Q: What are your favorite food blogs to follow? I’m realizing the few that I check most frequently are aggressively heterosexual and I’m just not here for that with my cooking anymore ya know?

Kamala: Some of my faves, though I’m generally more focused on POC cooking than on whether they’re queer or not!
https://www.instagram.com/twodykesandaknife/?hl=en
https://www.instagram.com/superfuckingsour/?hl=en
https://www.instagram.com/angela.dimayuga/
https://www.instagram.com/fromheadtotable/?hl=en
https://www.instagram.com/spiral_theory_testkitchen/
https://www.instagram.com/soleil_ho/

Carmen: All the cooking blogs I follow are also very straight, sorry my friend.

Nicole: This reminds me of how I wind up listening to like…ultra heterosexual, hyper-Christian podcasts in order to get gardening tips. I’m much more of a cookbook person, than a blog person, unfortunately, but I did find this Autostraddle article on queer cookbooks by Reneice from 2018. I’m sure there are more out in the world by now, too!

Q: For folks who are now newly preoccupied with Victoria Pedretti after Bly Manor, there is a short film from 2014 called Sole which stars her. Content warning for nudity, blood, dirt, scratching herself, and probably other things.

Also she’s likely queer because she lists Catherine Zeta-Jones as one of her first celebrity crushes in this interview.

Heather: Well, she has that Catherine Zeta-Jones thing in common with both Sarah and Christina, so you might be onto something here!

Q: What happened to the butt week photo gallery???

Nicole: We did not have enough butts! I don’t know what else to say, except that if in the future if y’all want a gallery of butts, you will have to send in your butts! A gallery of like 3 butts is a little too strange for us to publish. So, it was an idea that was liked in theory, but that failed in execution. I did mention that we wouldn’t be able to do this in the A+ e-news because we didn’t want to leave you in the dark (if you don’t open these emails, I put information for you in them!), but also I am sorry you were excited about this and then it couldn’t happen. Butt week as a whole was really special, though! 🍑

Q: I was high and thought of this idea that I can’t tell if it’s good or bad: a job board on Autostraddle? Gay jobs and gay adjacent jobs? 😅

Riese: Yes it is a good idea! We’ve talked about it a lot but never really had the wherewithal to assess the parameters of the project and what it would require of us as a team, technically and w/r/t content specifications and moderation, etc.

Nicole: I also dream of this, but as Riese said above, it would definitely be a project unto itself that would require dedicated resources and some time to figure out. So we would need additional resources (funds, time, expertise) to move this from dream to reality. That does not mean it will stay a dream forever, though, just that this is why it is still a dream for now.

Q: The recent AS jobs survey data got me thinking about how many of us work in nonprofits/ nonprofit fundraising, or fundraising in some capacity — there is a really cool BIPOC led community of fundraisers I learned about this year:

Community Centric Fundraising. I thought some folks may be interested in their resources, and/or submitting to their content hub. They pay $250/piece I believe? Anyways, just wanted to pass it along in case it’s helpful for any peeps out there who wants to dismantle harmful patterns of racism and whiteness in fundraising! ;)

Nicole: I was so excited when they launched! If you’re in the nonprofit / fundraising world, I highly recommend signing up for their e-newsletter. I’ve followed Vu Le’s blog for years, and was very curious to see what he was onto next after he announced he was resigning from his E.D. position, and of course it was something this awesome! If anyone reading this winds up writing for them or has written for them, I’d love to know about it!

Q: does anybody else — despite time, new partners, and absolutely no contact — still think about their First Big Love with some regularity? i am just wondering if this is a me thing, or an actual thing, lol.

Kamala: I think about all of my loves all of the time! And my First Big Love, I write about them constantly, they’re part of my self mythology. I do still talk to them, and we send each other memes about the dumb shit we used to do and dream of together — I can’t imagine not thinking about them, it seems totally normal to me. You’re going around in the world, having been greatly affected by someone, and I think there are always going to be reminders, good and bad, of those first times you shared intimacy.

Riese: Yes, I mean I’m writing an entire book in which the first woman I fell in love with is prominently featured, so! But like Kamala, I do think about all of my exes near-constantly. I wonder sometimes if I’d do so if I weren’t a writer — I’m moving right now and was staring at an entire box I’d dedicated to pictures and letters and gifts and etc from my ex-fiancee, like, should I throw this out? And I just couldn’t do it, and I’m not sure why. I have some weird sense of like honoring what I had with a person, no matter how much I eventually hurt or was hurt over it. I have boxes and folders for all my exes. I believe if you ever truly were in love with someone, that you will love them forever, and I do. Anybody close to me can tell you that I talk about my exes far too often. But I think I do that because in a way, I am talking about myself, and they’re all a part of me, their habits and ideas and thoughts and all the things we did together and the positive impact they had on me.

Nicole: I do! I think about my first big love, my first best friend, my second best friend, my ex’s grandmother who I became friends with who passed at 100 a few years ago (and who I visited after we broke up), about people who’ve hurt me — all on some regular basis. Like Riese said, I think that if someone made an impression on you and your life, that they’re part of you in a way. It’s normal to process and reflect on that. We don’t exist in a vacuum, and I feel like the way we occupy each others’ thoughts is evidence of just how interconnected and interdependent humans are meant to be.

I heard Drew on Morning Edition on NPR this morning!! so exciting to hear her interviewed for NewFest!

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

Q: I just heard Drew on morning edition talking about movies! Great job Drew!

Drew: Aw that’s nice! I just woke up so I haven’t listened yet. Glad to know I sounded okay.

Riese: My sister-in-law texted me to say she heard someone from Autostraddle on Morning Edition and felt very proud of me even though it wasn’t me and it was great, so thanks Drew!

Q: just wanted to let you know that my partner and I are using this worksheet six years after it was published and I love the design of it!

Riese: Honestly that worksheet is a gift and I recommend it to everybody in the world.

Q: Thank you Casey the librarian – you have filled my life with so many wonderful books and I can share them! I don’t know what I’d do without you!

Casey: Aw that’s so nice! It warms my heart!

Q: Just wanted to send a big THANK YOU to the whole team and a shout out to Heather for introducing me to this absolute joy of a website! I’m recently out and living in a very rural state. While I’m lucky to have a few queer friends here, the community can feel painfully tiny at times, especially in a pandemic, and I’m single (also painful at times). But I stumbled onto Heather’s Twitter account a few months ago and started reading the AS articles she was sharing and now I’m here and reading every article I can get my hands on. Thank you!

Heather: Rural queer solidarity! I am so happy you stumbled onto my Twitter and it led you hear. This community has been a vital part of my life for so long, and especially a lifeline when I lived in north Georgia, and I hope you’ll continue to find things here that make you laugh and think and cry and most of all help you feel seen.

Nicole: Aaaah! Welcome! I’m so glad you’re here. Thank you for joining A+ and huge thanks to every A+ member because you literally make it possible for us to continue to exist and welcome folks to this community.

Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #32

Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature is now bi-monthly and advice questions go into our twice monthly Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

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MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

Q: THANK YOU FOR THE NEW LIKE COMMENT FEATURE LOVE YOUSSSSSS NOW I GET TO EXPERIENCE THE FLEETING VALIDATION OF PEOPLE LIKING ME ON THE INTERNET AGAINNNNN

Nicole: Thank you so much for liking the like feature!!

Q: Thank you for the comment like button! Its beautiful you are beautiful

Carmen: YESSSSS! So glad to have the much beloved and long missed “like button” back on the site! Anything that makes y’all happy makes us happy :)

Q: Is the like star available for everyone? How do I use it?

Nicole: Click the star! Click it to like the comment. I think you can also click the word “like” to like the comment. Hope that helps!

Q: I love the lightbulb on the SLICK stories Omg!!! So cute and helpful. Y’all are great!

And!! I love the colors on the Butt Week motif!!

Nicole: Thank you!! Sarah and the Yikes team worked to design that and also we couldn’t be more proud of all things Butt Week and the motif by Archie!

Q: I’d really like to see the “safe space” fleeces back in stock in the merch shop!

Sarah: I’m sorry bb, we retired that design! I promise we’ll have a lot of excellent new merch premiering during the holigay season!

Q: How long before the Latest Comments go back to actually being the latest comments? I’m assuming it’s a site update or fundraiser-related glitch, but I didn’t realize until it was “gone” how often I looked at that section.

Nicole: Sure was a glitch! We hope that it’s better now and maybe even improved!

Q: Ok did you all know that the orange and blue “Build Queer Futures with Autostraddle” logo has the same wave pattern as the We-Vibe Sync Remote App? Got a little WAP just looking at it.

Sarah: OOH! That’s because we probably both got our wave pattern from Shutterstock. Shout out to our image daddy!

Q: I love love LOVE the color scheme for all the fundraising posts, the stars tied into all the posts and on the separate fundraising website, AND how the “like” button is now a little subtle star! It’s just all really neat, bright, eye catching, fun— no surprise, it’s clear you put a lot of thought and effort into all of it! I love it!!

Sarah: EEE! Thank you so much. Love when someone notices the little details that I only think I’m noticing.

Q: What does this tag mean?

PICK AN ACTUAL CATEGORY, YOU STRANGE GENIUS

Heather: That is a category you should never see, actually, because it’s the default category for every new post and it’s meant to instruct all of our strange genius writers and editors to actually choose a category for their posts and not let it publish to the default. If you see that, we made a mistake!

Q: more merch ideas: beanie with an embroidered patch of carol the dog’s face on it, blanket that says “make it gay you cowards” on it (for snuggling under while yelling at the tv), carolstraddle commemorative fanny packs, “be right here/be real queer” A Camp style wall hangings/art

Nicole: Thank you so much for the merch ideas. I do love a good fanny pack!

Q: Hi there! I have a tech-ish question for ya.

I use a couple tracker-blocking extensions on Firefox (Privacy Badger and Decentraleyes, specifically). While I have them disabled for AS, I was wondering whether I also need to disable them for affiliate sites after I click the link. Since the url changes once I start clicking around I can’t tell if it’s still working, even if I do disable the blockers. Any thoughts? Thank you, stay hydrated and unclench your jaw <3

Nicole: Wow so this sent me to Reddit where I think I found that the answer is…that tracker-blocking extensions could disable affiliate links in some way. I can’t speak to your individual situation, but if you wanted to be certain that we’re getting the affiliate commission when you’re shopping for things you would shop for anyway, I guess you could temporarily turn your extension off? I hope that’s helpful! I’m not super sure and I’m not sure how we’d check since each affiliate site is different and there’re different extensions and blockers out there, too. Thanks so much for looking out. 💖

Kamala and Carmen are amazing, Butt Week is genius, and Shelli for president

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

Q: Ah Heather!! My (very heterosexual) cousin just sent me a screenshot of one of your tweets reposted to Instagram. It’s the one about the guy knocking on your door to ask if you are the lesbian who saves cats. You’ve crossed over into straight Instagram!

Heather: Hahaha, what! This DELIGHTS me! I’ve infiltrated them like a black-ops mission without even trying! Maybe I can get them to stop having gender reveal parties!

Q: someone plz buy this for heather

Heather:

Q: Y’all! Did you know in the movie “Sensitivity Training” an AS link is seen on screen? You can watch the movie on Prime. At 52:05, you can see this website link: https://autostraddle-develop.go-vip.net/how-to-have-lesbian-oral-sex-197537/

Carmen: Well that’s fun!

Sarah: Woah, I love that!

Q: How is this Vogue’s takeway?

“Alongside a snap of Delevingne wearing a sweatshirt adorned in Gerber’s name and face, another of the two protesting in hers-and-hers blonde chops, and yet another of a shared sweater, the delicate ink felt like an appropriately sweet (and punny) homage to the duo’s bond. A diminutive tattoo is, after all, the modern iteration of the friendship bracelet, and a pleasantly irreverent one at that. And what better way to mark a 2020 birthday than with a reminder to stay silly?”

Heather: Wow, those three sentences contained multitudes. I’m not even sure where to focus. Tag yourself; I’m “yet another shared sweater.”

Q: Loving the (increased?) vapid fluff/pop culture content. Great to see the WNBA coverage, Holland Taylor, Ruby Rose, Janet Mock and everyone else. I am reading so much AS these days! Thanks

Carmen: I don’t know if the vapid fluff content has increased necessarily, but I definitely agree, what we’ve had recently has been really fun.

Q: Double olympic gold medalist boxer Nicola Adams to be a same sex couple in Strictly Come Dancing (British Dancing with the Stars)

Rachel: Omg Nicola Adams has been my celeb/athletic crush forever and this is the best news I’ve personally experienced in months, thank you so much

Q: Is anyone else thinking about all the amazing group sex possibilities in the wubble?

Carmen: Hahahahaa, well not before now I hadn’t.

Q: Ok there may have been coverage about this and I may just have missed it, BUT if y’all haven’t seen the lesbian nightmare that is Shannon Beveridge/FLETCHER’s recent POST BREAK UP collaboration in FLETCHER’s EP entitled “S(ex) tapes” (send help that TITLE) that is directed/shot by Shannon and seemingly about their break up and 4 year relationship that was hidden until recently – fam it’s crazy. The L Word has come to life – there is footage of fletcher saying she wants to get married even though they are broken up, someone explain to me why they decided to do this break up album together, there are clips of voicemails in the videos, there’s a song called sex with my ex, it’s a full on lesbian fever dream – please advise.

Heather: Holy cats, I’m going to need Stef to even break down what all you have revealed here so I can understand it! I feel like you just wrote out an entire series of TikToks! However, I will say that I wholly support breakup albums because how else would we have gotten Rumours and who knows where there next Rumours will come from? (There will never be another Rumours, but even something a tenth as good would be iconic!)

Q: All-consuming need to share: text banking for the election has been a really good way to try out a new name! Introducing myself over text to hundreds of strangers who call me by that name without question, while doing something useful. I suppose phone banking might be similar, for people who wouldn’t rather chew off their own toes than make phone calls.

Carmen: I love literally everything about this so much!! Congrats on your new name, and also — sincerely — thank you for text banking!

Nicole: Just also here to thank you for text banking!

Q: If you need a happy read this filled me with warm queer joy.

Heather: This story is so lovely and these photos are so beautiful and this lede is once-in-a-lifetime: “JodyAnn Morgan wasn’t expecting to catch a glimpse of her future wife while working as a security guard when the circus was in Brooklyn in February 2016. But the noisy chants of children and wafting concession stand aromas all seemed to pause for a moment as Chaya Milchtein walked through the security checkpoint.”

Q: This heart to heart between Abby McEnany and Lilly Wachowski from June this year is very raw and thoughtful. I really enjoyed it and it feels important to see other white queers struggling with the shitshow of our civilisation while trying to lift up our Black/Trans/GNC/Poor family through our work and art etc.

Also I love Work in Progress so much if there is anyone available on the staff to talk about it with me for a few hours every day please let me know. sure there’s a straight white billionaire somewhere who can finance this important project

Carmen: Oh how I wish we knew that billionaire so that I could make your dream come true!! Until then, thanks for sharing this video of Abby and Lilly. I agree, there’s some important conversations happening right now — especially between white people, cuz the rest of us have been having this conversation for a long time — about how to do things better. I hope the changes coming from these convos are deep-rooted and long lasting.

Q: listen i’m just a british lesbian who has never managed to watch a whole season of Strictly Come Dancing but this season has Nicola Adams dancing with a female partner and I am SO excited!

Heather: I KNOW! I love it so much; I’ve watched all of it on YouTube!

Q: I’m not sure if this is what people mean by “what lives in your head rent free?” but sometimes the Taylor Swift lyric “cuz shade never made anyone less gay!!!!” just loops through my head on repeat. This morning I thought “why didn’t she say ‘shame’ ??” Shame never made anyone less gay. Instead of this colossal misuse of SHADE as a concept.

Heather: It was actually Anne Landers who coined that phrase, about a zillion years ago: “Hanging onto resentment,” she wrote in her advice column, “is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.” So you know, letting something stay in your head that agitates you without the agitator having to even spend any time or energy messing you up! However, your point completely stands and “shame” is a much better lyric there, and you’re also reminding me of this meme I was attacked with on Twitter not too long ago.

I follow my ex girlfriend’s rabbit on Instagram, but not her or her new girlfriend. Felt I should share.

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

Q: Do any of you have any tips for books that are like “The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment“ by Jack Morin? According to the internet this book is a great deep dive into understanding your own sexuality but is a little heteronormative. So I’m looking for a queer version! Ideally a book with exercises to help you think through your desires.

Rachel: Great q! I know a lot of people like Come As You Are, by Emily Nagoski, and Malic just wrote about a bunch of great books about queer sex overall in this post. Although it isn’t a book, I think you might also really resonate with this post by Christina Tesoro, which is trying to get at what you’re asking!

Q: Style thief: Jamie from Bly Manor? Just a thought as I find myself googling “women’s coveralls” at work this morning.

Nicole Ugh I also want this.

Q: It would be SO COOL if some of the print interviews on the site could also be recorded as podcasts.

Heather: This is a very cool idea and would probably be an excellent A+ perk, huh?

Q: Hello!

This is a question about strap-on harnesses. On this site, I’ve seen toys designed to be against the base of the dildo for pleasurable contact with a wearer that has a vulva. But, with my limited experience, I guess, I’ve never seen a harness that has a hole where the vulva would be, they are usually placed above that… Unless there are harnesses specially designed with this placement in mind? Where can I find them???
Thanks in advance!

Rachel: So depending on what kind of harness you get — there are so many styles and fits! — this can vary a lot, especially relative to your own body shape, which means the fit of each harness will be different for each person. Additionally, if you’re using a harness with adjustable straps (I’m wondering from your q if you’re mostly looking at underwear-style harnesses, like the Rodeoh) you can also adjust to a certain degree where different parts of it sit on your body. (Also this will maybe be confusing to picture but keep in mind that for most folks, your pelvis is tilted forward somewhat relative to your spine, so even if a harness is pictured sitting up perfectly straight and so it looks like the space for the dildo base will be on your belly, during wear it will likely be worn more forward and down.) It is a dizzying amount of options, though, and unfortunately it’s not the kind of thing you can necessarily try on in a fitting room at Old Navy to be sure it fits how you like! I usually use strap-style harnesses, and generally find they fit me more or less in the way you’re describing; the Jaguar line of harnesses in particular from Aslan Leather is designed for the base to be low-riding and aligned with a vulva, and they’re also excellent harnesses that will last you forever in great quality if taken care of. Here’s a guide you might find useful!

Q: Not advice, but a pressing question: Does anyone know what happened to all of Lyn’s credit card debt in Vida?? Did they just sort of drop it? I just finished the final season (mind blown) but/and I feel like it wasn’t really addressed.

Nicole: I also need to know about this!

Carmen: It’s not directly addressed to my memory either!! But I believe the assumption is supposed to be that the bar becoming financially successful would also be helping Lyn dig out of the whole as well. I think?? I mean that’s how it works, right? Get a job, do that job, pay bills, capitalism, etc.

Q: Is Ella Emhoff (Kamala Harris’s stepdaughter) queer? I gotta know! She’s a textile artist

Carmen: I’ve gone down this rabbit hole and have found no concluding evidence, but there sure are some visual clues afoot here!

Q: Are you going to have any articles about BTS? The amount of wlw who love them, I swear. I volunteer to write this piece as I jam out to Dynamite

Carmen: We’re talking about the K-pop band here, right? It’s not currently on the agenda, but maybe soon. I definitely believe you that they have many queer fans. I mean, have you seen those haircuts?

Q: Hi wonderful people of AS —

I am a baseball fan who has wanted to add the WNBA to my fandoms for a while now (I live in Seattle and am queer, what took me so long??). The problem is I don’t know much about basketball, where to connect with the fan community, etc. My usual strategy is to look for a podcast as an entrypoint, to listen to the conversations happening around the topic at the moment. However, I’m not finding any current WNBA podcasts? How is that possible? So here I am with my other go-to strategy: ask Autostraddle! Any suggestions on how to learn more and start following women’s basketball much appreciated. Thanks!

Heather: Oh boi do I have a treat for you! (I actually hope you already found this and had so much fun watching this season inside the wubble! I’m really missing having women’s basketball on TV four times a week!)

Q: Hil Malatino has a cool new book called TRANS CARE! it’s free to read online (or $10). Can we get a trans roundtable on it or interview Hil??

Rachel: We can, yes! Abeni is in fact writing about it for our website!

Q: Loving the season 5 recaps on To L and Back — it’s my favorite season and Shelli and Zeke were so much fun ! Please bring them back for some much-needed comic relief when you’ll get to that shitshow of season 6. Anyway, I’m enjoying Riese and Carly’s anecdotes from when the show was on and now I’ve GOT to read “An oral history of Ourchart”. I’m having so much nostalgia from my babygay years anytime it’s mentioned. Like it’s how I first read Staceyann Chin’s work.

Please !!! I’m counting on you team because it’s not like Vulture is going to do it.

Much love,
Sounder 3

Nicole: Thank you for signing off as Sounder 3! I also cannot wait for the Season 6 recaps though we certainly can’t reveal who any special guests might be!

Q: Hi! With the passing of RBG this weekend, I’ve been trying to focus energy in positive ways, and I just received (I’m living abroad) my ballot for the November election. I’m pretty comfortable voting down the ballot usually, looking up the different California propositions, reading different candidates’ stances and voting records, etc, but I’m having trouble with judges. I know judges are SO important but I just don’t know where to look to find out if, for example, a sitting judge in my county has been doing a good job or if a new person is needed. I guess I was wondering if some really smart political Autostraddle writer would want to give advice on those down the ballot votes, especially in cases like w/judges where we don’t have a political party providing helpful info — sort of a where to look for information and how to be a smart local voter! Anyway, just a thought, thanks for reading it! Love you guys and all your political coverage. You’ve made me smarter and savvier and more involved in my community/government.

Carmen: I also recently had this problem while early voting, for judges specifically in fact! I found this site with a supremely basic name (vote411.org) to have a surprisingly robust information on down ballot judges? There’s a questionnaire that people running for office fill out, and I learned a lot about who feels what about criminal justice that way. I also ended up googling quite a bit of the candidates individually, which was more hit-and-miss but also got me somewhere! Especially in terms of past big court decisions made, and so on.

Nicole: Natalie and Carmen both dug into this in the most recent Special Edition of Into the A+ Advice Box. Not sure if that was you asking again, but I hope it’s helpful!

Q: Hi! I left a long request/rant about finding a professional “merriam-webster” style explainer of using they/them to share in my buttoned up professional workplace and wanted to follow up by saying: That exact thing exists!

But also any other suggestions for resources are very welcome (especially on correcting people in the weird virtual world we now live in)

Carmen: May I also recommend Archie’s short graphic guide, A Quick & Easy Guide to They/Them Pronouns?

Q: I’m curious, are there times of day where you see peaks in readership, or like times of the year/month? Do ppl comment more at certain times of the day? Maybe this is all out the window w/ covid anyways Lol. Just interested and curious in little trends and things like that! Keep up the good work. For the record, im on here multiple times a day, you’re the first thing I read in the morning, and usually where I spend my time on breaks during the workday. I love AS!!!

Heather: Great question! So we usually see peaks in our traffic around the time people on the east coast and west coast take their first break from work, so like 10am-11am, and then again in the evenings when people are done working, so like 7pm-9pm OR when we tweet something that everyone wants to read like a coming out post or some good Vapid Fluff or a review of a TV show everyone’s been watching. And then once people are here for whatever they came for from social media, they tend to stick around and read another thing or two. And then there are certain days and times people are into certain things — evenings and Sundays for NSFW content, Saturdays (for some weird reason!) for political content, and Fridays and holidays for any of our TV lists, especially ones about what’s streaming and gay on what platform currently.

My little sister is dating a girl!! Finally I’m not the only gay in the family! Which is statistically unlikely considering the size of my family anyway! Just needed to shout the news to more queers!!

MISC

Q: Hello! The Indy Week, the longest-running independent newspaper in the Raleigh-Durham NC area, is looking for a new editor! I know many of you are on the West Coast, but I still wanted to get this info to the Autostraddle team if they know someone in NC who could potentially be recommended. As a member of the Indy Press Club (their version of A+), I have a slightly more direct line of communication with the staff and could pass along a name. Obviously the person should be local or have a strong connection to the area. If you happen to think of anyone, please tell me! The Indy Week is practically its own institution here and, as of now, is the only major newspaper in our area not owned by a hedge fund (aaaaaaaagghh).

Carmen: Thank you! We shared it across our networks.

Q: Hey, I keep seeing people talking about stock photos (hello last two Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us!). Meant to drop this in before and got sidetracked. I’m Yorkshire, UK based photographer and happy to shoot any queers that want to become stock photo people for AS (or if you want something else!). I’m @thehannahali (happy for this to be shared) on Twitter/iIstagram if you want to double check me, not much in the way of stock stuff on there but shooting people is a big part of my work :) With the ongoing situations, I’ve a lot of free time and I’d rather give it to something worthy!

Sarah: Hi Hannah! Your work is great! Thanks for the heads up, we don’t normally commission photography but if we do I’ll keep you in mind! ♥️

Q: Did you guys see Anne + yet? its a gentle dutch drama about a 24 year old lesbian figuring out her life via flashbacks of all the women she’s been with. pretty realistic/relatable I thought! it’s on channel 4 in the uk, hope you can find it somewhere across the pond

Heather: Okay not yet but you have SOLD ME! I’m going to reach out to Sally right now and see if she’ll write about it!

Q: Sometimes there’s a lot to do and see and read etc, and sometimes I sit around and try not to watch The Old Guard for the 4th time in a month. When will we get the even gayer sequel???

Also, the scene the Charlize Theron has with the French pharmacist gets like 15 sexual tension awards, it is somehow very hot!

Carmen: I watched The Old Guard at least 3x across all of August and can confirm how obsessed with it I am. AND WE ARE DEF GETTING THE GAYER SEQUEL!!!!! I am so ready! My heart and body are ready! It’s all I want and in this pandemic, I will wait for as long as it takes!!!

Q: This is a minor, minor website suggestion and I don’t know if it will even be relevant after the fundraiser, but— reading the Future Present series (also WOW! Such a good idea and I loved reading these pieces and I know I will return to them again and again) the little intro paragraph that explains the series and its tie in to the fundraiser, would it be possible to make the font look different or something to distinguish it from the rest of the article? Reading it on mobile, my eyes start reading it, thinking it’s part of the article, and then I get to the graphic at the bottom of the intro and it’s like “oh wait that wasn’t the article!” I feel silly even suggesting it bc it’s such a minor inconvenience, but it tricked my eyes twice and so I thought oh well I’ll just throw this comment in the A+ box and see what happens.

Thank you for everything you do!!!! I love this site so much and I’m so happy you hit the fundraising goal!!!

Sarah: That’s definitely not a weird thing to suggest and going into the post i see what you mean! Normally we do make that text a different style — it should be a bit smaller and grey. The behind the scenes truth is not every editor works in the same way, and sometimes my preferences as the designer / visual director are not communicated!

Q: I’m curious what your vision is for in-person AS meetups/events in the far future, and/or virtual events for the foreseeable future? Would you ever do like an AS webinar series with topics and skills to learn, or a Zoom call for a subset of Straddlers, or an online watch party? I’ve been interested in attending Autostraddle meetups/events for the last several years, but the timing and/or locations never seem to work out for me. Now that we won’t be gathering in person for awhile, I’m trying to find ways to make queer friends/queer community online! The comments section is great for this (a sentence never said in any other part of the internet) and so I’m just wondering if there will be more ways we can virtually hang out.

Rachel: This is a great question! I think it would be most accurate to say our vision is very much in development around this – we’ve talked about a lot of the options that you’re bringing up here and are excited about many of them! We were able to do some of this in the Shelter in Our Place week and its followup, run by Shelli and Vanessa, and would love to revisit them more in the future; we’ve also talked about webinars or even full courses with multiple sessions.

Q: Queer artist Indira Allegra has 8 beautiful, accessible grief practices to share here. I did a couple and they really have been helping.

Nicole: Thank you for sharing this!

Q: Hi! First of all thanks for being out here on the internet as a bastion of queerness. Reading a piece published on Autostraddle about being agender was life-changing for me so there’s a special place for this site in my heart.

I’m trying to find an internet community of queer and trans folks who are makers and crafters and artists, where we can share projects and collaborate and uplift each other. Do you all know if something like this exists? I want to be a part of it! If it doesn’t exist, anyone want to help make it exist?

Noa (@embroiderugh on insta)

Sarah: I have never heard of this but I think it sounds beautiful and think you should absolutely create it! Your embroidery is so great, also!

Q: Two of my online social groups are discussing who the most famous gay person is. Ellen is way more famous than Oscar Wilde right?

Heather: Yes, I would say that Ellen is, unfortunately, way more famous than Oscar Wilde.

I love love LOVE the Slick illustrations!!! I find that they linger in my mind longer than the details of the story.

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

Q: The content here has been amazing lately. I mean, it’s always been good, but some of the recent first person essays – AE Osworth’s essay about bisexuality, Shoshana Raphael’s essay about the decision to have or not have surgery, the way Yvonne has started Latinx month – it’s been such a good few weeks and I’m so proud to be an A+ member!

Heather: I agree with you! All of those things were treasures to read and there’s not another place on the internet where all three of them could have existed in the same space. It makes me so proud to work here and it warms my heart straight through to hear you say it makes you so proud to be an A+ member!

Nicole: Whenever we get a message like this in the A+ box, it means so much and we get to share it in Slack and take a moment to soak it in. Thank you so much for this feedback!!

Q: Y’all. Not advice, just love for you! After living in NYC for five years, coming out, and living my best gay life, due to the pandemic I’ve had to move back to CT to live with family (city rent, am I right?). Moving home as I approach my mid-20’s definitely wasn’t something I anticipated doing. A+ has been a LIFELINE of queer community in isolation, and a constant reminder that everything happens in its own time. Thank you for your continued queer realness.

Heather: Whew, yes, city rent! It’s, um, extra eye-opening to be paying NYC rent, taxes, food and grocery prices, etc. without the benefits of being able to be a part of NYC these last many months (which, for me, mostly means being able to be with my NYC friends!). I am with you all the way that this space is a lifeline, and I hope we can continue to be that for you as we head into winter. Sending you all my love to Connecticut!

Carmen: Thank you for YOUR continued queer realness! Even if you’ve had to leave the city, you’re no less real, you know? We’re all trying to do whatever we can to make it. So glad you’re enjoying the A+ content and community, sending you lots of pandemic love.

Q: Hi I have an A+ question! Does it make any financial difference to you all if I’m doing monthly payments versus once a year?

Nicole: It would only make financial difference if we had a lot of people changing what they do (annual giving versus monthly), but from an individual perspective, we offer both options so you can do what makes sense for you!

Q: Jen Brady, tennis player, is she gay? My wife asked and couldn’t find info googling and well— I said this is what the A+ priority contact inbox is for.

Heather: Oh wow, I also cannot find this information and I spend a lot of time looking for information like this. I’ll keep a lookout and if I find anything definitive, you’ll be the first to know!

Nicole: You are right that this is a great use of the A+ Priority Contact Box!

Q: my A+ perks came in the mail yesterday and it was literally the bEST surprise. the pure joy I felt!! it was wonderful!!! THERE ARE SO MANY STICKERS!!!! anyways I appreciate ya’ll v much <3

Nicole: Yay!!! I’m glad <3

Sarah: Yay! I’m feeling second hand joy from your joy. So glad you liked your gifts 🥰

Q: Autostraddles graphics are SO AMAZING!! Also, a pressing question — who is making sure Kamala and Carmen get time off? It’s so hard to take time off from Really Important Work We Love With Amazing People AND we, as readers, need yall to take your time, naps, rest, dreams.

Carmen: This is really sweet, thank you! The funny thing is that literally just last night I was telling Kamala that she was due for some days off. And now here you are, providing me with back up!

Sarah: I AM BLUSHING.

Q: I just want to say that during this fundraising campaign someone said something to the effect of: “Even if you don’t feel like Autostraddle is ‘for’ you anymore, you feel like you’re too old for it, don’t relate to it like you used to, etc. please consider donating to make sure it stays around for the young queers who come up behind you.” I got goosebumps when I read that! It was such a beautiful articulation of why keeping AS going is SO IMPORTANT and letting it grow and breathe and expand and be reshaped is important. thank you !!

Nicole: Aww thank you so much!! I think it was Laneia who said that, and it’s so true.

Q: Just wanted to say that you’re amazing, Drew looked absolutely stunning in the last roundup pics, and I still have Vanessa’s essay on thirst bookmarked and read it regularly. Also, thanks for walking the walk, I can’t wait to see what AS can become!

Drew:🥰

Q: Thank you for bringing me excellent sports links Natalie

Natalie: Aww, thanks for sharing that!

Q: Kayla, just wanna say I appreciate your contributions to AS a lot! Together they are a masterpiece of something I need but can’t put my finger on. That is all!

Kayla: 💗

Q: Just here to say I had amazing queer sex yesterday and thank you! All the sex advice, stories, etc, specific advice about feeling anxious/self conscious about not having sex before/feeling like I never would, sex toy discounts, masturbation everything, all that I’ve read here for the last 9-10 years! Especially Vanessa’s how to have sex with a friend article! All of that led to me feeling comfortable and confident in asking a pal if they’d want to get physical and I’m so glad I did! So in a way, thanks for the many orgasms, let’s stay hydrated! <3

Carmen: Hahahaa, believe it or not, Autostraddle also taught me how to have lesbian sex, probably almost 10 years ago now. I AM SO GLAD WE GET TO TEACH QUEER PEOPLE HOW TO HAVE BETTER SEX!! What a job!

Sarah: I love this story!

Q: I haven’t been frequenting Autostraddle as recently in the last few months as I had been over the last handful of years. I was just scrolling through my email and saw my auto payment receipt for A+ so I spent the last couple hours catching up on a bunch of good content you all have been putting out lately. I’m sure you all hear all the time how much incredible work you’re doing for the queer community, but you really truly all are! When I was just a baby gay (which sometimes I still consider myself), keeping up with Autostraddle and following some of you on social media was the extent of my queer community and it really made a difference in the years I spent coming out to myself! In an attempt to make up for the fundraiser I seem to have missed I went and hit up the regular donate link so I hope that makes up for it because I’m sad I missed an opportunity to support via the fundraiser! So happy to see you met your fundraising goal though! Y’all deserve it!

Nicole: Thank you so much for supporting and thank you for donating on top of your A+ contribution. We’re running on contributions pulled together from lots of people, so every bit counts! I’m also so glad you’re still reading from baby gay to today gay 💓

Q: Someone asked me what I have to contribute about ‘disruption’ re the future of work. I was like – umm, we have enough shocks coming from capitalism and white supremacy, no one needs more disruption. I am into growing alternatives out of the cracks of the current systems, fostering care and nurturing; re-learning conflict, power-distribution, and collective decision making skills; slowing down; healing. Watering these alternatives prayerfully.

All this to say that Autostraddle is the big huge beautiful rose push growing all over the chainlink fence around the powerplant!!! You are growing beautiful powerful futures for so many of us and future generations!!! Thank you!!

Carmen: 🌹🌹🌹

Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #31

Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature now exchanges bi-monthly with our column, Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

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A Fundraiser You Say!?

Q: I am so behind on so many things, including rest I need to get to not be so damned behind, but I am READY FOR THE FUNDRAISER! you are more ready than you know!!!! You have done so many of the damn things. Thank you Kamala and Carmen for leading. Thank you to everyone who made their hiring processes possible!!!

Kamala: I’m impressed that you’re READY for anything in 2020, that seems like a huge accomplishment that should land you a trophy or a ribbon or something — maybe it at least earned you some merch from our store? In any case, thank YOU for being someone who is interested in mine and Carmen’s leadership and for supporting us, we REALLY need that and it makes every day better to wake up to!

Carmen: I don’t even know what to say!!! THIS MESSAGE MEANS A LOT TO ME!! I’m bleary eyed and exhausted and filling this out at 1:30AM because that’s the only time I have left in my day. So yeah… this good faith gesture means the world. Thank you.

Nicole Oh MY Goodness!!! You are so kind and reading this as we were getting started on this fundraiser was such a lift. Thank you and thank you so much to everyone who’s given and signed up to be a member. You’re the reason we’re here.

Q: My nail fail bit the dust this week, so I am SO STOKED to see the You Do You nail file in the fundraiser shop!! THANK You! I was glad to donate anyways but nail file is just the cherry on top 🍒

Sarah: Okay, that’s really exciting because these nail files have been looking for a good home and are so excited to meet your nails!

Q: I had never used Crowdcast to join an event before, but I really like it! I understand it probably doesn’t have as many features as like Instagram or something, but I really love it as an audience member— it’s easier to use and a cleaner layout. I hope it works for you too on the backend and that there can be more live stream AS events hosted there!

Nicole: I’m glad you like it! The only thing we had an issue with was that it deleted our recording of the town hall after 23 minutes. Eep! We’re still going to post a transcription of what we have and links to the articles referenced during the event for you all…coming soon!

Q: merch ideas: visor that says “who’s all gay here” or “dana fairbanks memorial tennis tournament”. bandanas so readers can be like “yes I’m flagging my love for queer media!” gender traitor sweatpants.

Sarah: Interesting that you say bandanna… 😜 Also I love all these ideas. Keep them coming! Did you know we once had a pin pack slated to be produced that was Dead L Word Character Pins? Dana, Mr. Piddles and Jenny! RIP.

thank you dani janae for your mango essays. savoring them on a saturday morning. so so wonderful – thank you!!!

MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

Q: Has Autostraddle ever thought about hosting a Discord?

Heather: How do non-D&D Discords even work?! Do you still roll a D20 for various activities and charisma checks and things???

Q: There was a Q about stock photos and nicole asked if autostraddle should make a stock photo library of queer people doing normal things and the answer us YES please do this i would use the shit out of it, it is one of the most annoying things about my job, the intense heterosexuality and whiteness of stock photos, gays are only ever wrapped in rainbow flags on a beach. I would pay for this!!!!!!!

Sarah: We’re already seeing this happening in a couple of places — The Gender Spectrum Collection by Broadly and Queer in Tech Gallery by Mapbox. The best news is they’re both free with credit, because of course gay people want to share resources! I suspect many more photo projects like this will continue to happen in the future, and I look forward to every single beautiful one.

In the meantime, please browse our prolific content on making fun of stock photography — we definitely agree that they leave a LOT to be desired.

Riese: Also we shot some at A-Camp once and they were very cute! Twice, maybe? We’ve used em all over the site over the years. The only problem was that like, our only set was our original A-Camp site.

Q: With the major caveats that we have no idea what the world / pandemic will look like in a year; that everyone’s health and safety are of utmost importance; and that advocating for racial justice both in the US generally and on Autostraddle / at camp specifically is a top priority…I was wondering if there had been any conversations about the possibility of some version of a-camp 2021? I know even before the pandemic, this was a year to recalibrate and address issues of racial justice and accessibility, and def understand if these conversations have taken a back seat to addressing Black Lives Matter and police brutality and negotiating the pandemic, but also have been really feeling the draw of some sort of community-building event when it’s safer?

Riese: I miss community and camp too and I feel you! I really miss the A-Camp Family Band and your faces. I wish I had a better answer for you than this, but the pandemic has really made it impossible to plan events right now. :-/ Most companies have put off in-person events until mid-summer 2021 and we do camp in May or June.

Unfortunately A-Camp has consistently excelled at a number of behaviors unsuited for the present moment: packing large groups of people into tiny spaces, gathering people from all over the world to converge — after traveling long distances on planes and trains and automobiles with many strangers— into the same indoor space, sleeping in cabins with 18-20 other human beings for 4-7 days, etc. Piling all of these humans onto busses, into cafeterias, etc. Everybody sweats and sings and screams and laughs all over each other’s bodies. Some people even kiss!!! In 2019, a stomach virus was going around within the staff that was sidelining 2-5 staff members a day who were supposed to be leading activities, providing support, playing drums, etc. — and these were staff who were sleeping in rooms with usually just 1-3 other people. Every A-Camp is followed by what is called “the A-Camp plague,” referring to an illness of vague definition that is spread handsomely amongst everybody. Significantly reducing the size of our camper population would decrease our expenses somewhat, but not enough to avoid raising prices on those who do come. (The small camp we had in Wisconsin that one time in the fall was a test run of the site, we knew we wouldn’t make money off it.) This is especially tough with the economy in free-fall.

The process of planning camp — especially at the intensity required now to really revamp how camp is held, led and constructed — also involves a lot of travel and in-person conversations. Sites and transportation companies aren’t sure when or how to begin booking major events again, if they survive the pandemic in the first place.

We’re also committed to making camp as affordable as possible as well as being accessible to disabled and immunocompromised campers and staff — and to have a robust and diverse staff able to offer a cornucopia of programming and to feel fairly compensated for their work. Doing that is tough in the best of conditions.

We’re holding on for dear life at Autostraddle, but I think like a lot of small businesses, The Excitant Group LLC is in a precarious spot where we can’t afford to lose any money on anything. RIght now that means we don’t have money to invest in camp until we know for sure when and how it is happening, and we can’t afford to put down deposits or accept them or hold planning meetings or hire staff without that certainty.

Q: I don’t know how you go about getting affiliates or what, but I think it would be cool as heck if you got one with Lucy and Yak. They make the best pants and the best dungarees, including rainbow ones for pride, and work really hard to be sustainable and pay their workers a fair wage. Anyway, if you don’t know about them and are looking for a pair of cute and comfy dungarees, cannot recommend them enough.

Sarah: Okay, WOW this is a really cute brand! Thank you for telling me about it. I absolutely NEED this backpack. They currently do not offer an affiliate program, unfortunately. But now you’ve created an issue where I need to spend money here!

Q: Hi lovelies! Just wanted to say how much I would love to have likes back in the chat. It’s really made me less interested in using the chat because the only way to agree with someone would be everyone writing “I agree” and that can be a mess to read. I just looked at Heather’s great statement in the Batwoman article about the comments and I think the “bad actors” could benefit from seeing how many likes a comment like that gets versus theirs. I know that’s a backend technical thing and may require developer support you don’t have, but just wanted to let you know. Thanks! <3

Heather: Thank you for wanting to like my comment! I was dang serious about that! I’m not sure about the like button, though — I can’t even figure out what a TikTok actually is.

Q: Can you say more about commenting and if or how it helps? Like, does it help boost the popularity of an article, or bring more clicks to the site? Sometimes I don’t comment even when I want to bc I think it doesn’t matter, but I will make it a point to comment more if it somehow helps Autostraddle overall!

Riese: It matters because it makes us (writers) feel like our lives have meaning and purpose and provides a soft balm to our precarious egos. Writers are flattered and excited to get comments! Also people often see a lot of comments happened on a thing and are like hmm that looks well-loved, lemme hop in on that! So yes, there’s a point!

Q: Have you disabled the emailing the articles to people option?

Sarah: Not intentionally, no! I’ve let our developers know and we’ll get that fixed up for you. Thanks for the heads up.

Q: Are there any trends you’ve noticed in Autostraddle commenting over the years? Are people commenting more/less during the pandemic? Are there certain articles that tend to get more comments? I’m interested in AS comment culture and its evolution through the life of the website, and would totally read a deep dive on this!

Riese: We used to get like a bajillion comments on everything! Sometimes even a thousand. It was rare for any post to have less than ten comments on it. The only posts that have really consistently captured that level of engagement over the past few years are L Word Gen Q recaps, which surprised us all, truly!

There’s a few things driving this shift: for a while, it was that a lot of our most passionate commenters were part of an Unofficial A-Camp Social Group on facebook where they had immediate access to a large swath of the community. Also as queer ppl made new friends both through meet-ups and Camp and through the world at large shifting and growing and making more space for gay people to exist openly, they relied less on AS for that hit of community discourse. Commenting in general used to be more popular than it is now— and lots of publications decided it was more trouble than it was worth and shut down their comment sections. We had a whole week in 2015 dedicated to trying to make people comment more!

On the technical side of things, commenting has become less popular as more and more readerships have shifted their platform to mobile. It’s just not as easy to comment on mobile I guess, or to sign in if you forgot your password.

Q: Hi, on the reader survey, I wrote a comment about the chrome browser extension Vimium not opening links on the home page. I didn’t expect any changes (y’all already do so much, and y’all were fending off all the white supremacist DDOS attacks!), but I’ve noticed it works now! I don’t know if it was my comment that kicked anything off, but I’m impressed and so thankful some changes were made under the hood. Y’all are the best server wizards I could ever aspire to be.

Carmen: I don’t know for sure that this was because of your comment either, but I love that it COULD HAVE BEEN, so I have decided to accept this as my personal truth of what happened.

SO EXCITED TO WATCH ALL OVER ME!!!! DREW THANKS 4 THESE RECS!

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

Q: Just wanted to say I was very excited to see Autostraddle mentioned in the blurb for Vera Kelly Is Not a Mystery when I checked it out from overdrive yesterday!!!
(I read it in almost one sitting and it was better than the first one! I loved it.)

Sarah: Thank you for reading! I’ll pass this message on directly to our client Tin House, who has been advertising the book with us for the last month!

Q: I finally watched The Babysitter’s Club! Thank you so much for talking about it until I did — it was so good!!!! So good I can’t even describe it.

Heather: Yes, yes, yes! Didn’t it strike such a great balance between nostalgia and modern activism? Talking about the BSC with Carmen, Valerie, and Meg Jones Wall has been the highlight of the past few months of TV for me! And Kipo. And Owl House.

Carmen: Sarah is also a huge fan of the BSC, too! It really is just… soo good. (I watched it twice! shhh!)

Q: Hey ! Have you heard of “She Rises” by Kate Worsley ? It was published in 2013. I picked it up for the promise of a historical novel about sea-faring and dairymaids in 1700s England (well-written escapism) and was completely surprised to find the story turn VERY lesbian, VERY trans, VERY queer as it went ! Featuring a love story between women, cross-dressing, gender change, butch trans men (yes!)… at the very heart of the story, it’s the main storyline really. It’s incredible ! It’s also very well written and is much more realistic about what it would be like to live in that epoch (smells, sounds, bodies, food, morals…) than most historical fiction. HIGHLY recommend !

Rachel: I hadn’t! I obviously want to read it immediately. I’ve noticed a theme of… seafaring? I guess we can say? recently in some queer fiction and am very into it , would love to see more!

Q: So stoked about the WNBA coverage!! Keep it up!

Heather: Yes, yes, yes! Can you even believe we get to watch every single WNBA game this season if we want? Whole weekend days with THREE WNBA games on TV? And a weekly column here on Autostraddle dot com. If I told 16-year-old me about this, she wouldn’t even believe it.

Q: A few links:

Watch EVERY WNBA game for a one-time payment of $16.99 (all games can be played later, great for folx like me with kiddos’ schedules to contest with). The league is playing 3 games per day for 7 weeks, so that’s a lot of basketball for much lower one-time cost than monthly YouTube TV or Hulu+ Live.

Women’s National Basketball Players

The WNBA Player Association’s online store — a ton of great shirts, including ones created in partnership with Breonna Taylor’s family. In a league that is comprised of 80% black women, this merch shop is a great way for fans (especially white ones) to financially support the players’ union directly.

Heather: Yes, yes, yes! Stacy and I have each spent over $200 in this store this season! I also ordered one of those orange WNBA hoodies and I hope it gets here before it gets cold!

Q: Hey babes

Where’s the Friday night bantz? I am an occasional positive support-giver and general lurker on the Friday thread, but I’m drunk and lockdown is hard and we’ve gone back into more lockdown and all my family who are not affected are all “just stay in your house” and I wondered if AS folk in other countries who are in similar positions would be able to give me advice, support, I don’t know, but something better than “suck it up”.

Also they are knocking out all the BAME people on Canadian drag race, why am I watching this shit?

Carmen: : Sadly I haven’t watched Canadian Drag Race! But I did watch this season of the US-based Drag Race: All-Stars and moved Shea Couleé to the background of my laptop! I won’t tell you to “suck it up” — quarantine is hard! — but I’m sending you so much love and solidarity.

Started watching TV’s Hannibal and would like to start a petition to rename it “Killing Eve For Men,” what do you think?

Rachel: Oh wow, I definitely see your point! I love the idea of Gillian Anderson bridging these communities in this context

Q: This is cute! Fansubber army bringing queer movies into China.

Heather: Gay people really are the most amazing, resourceful human beings! I remember in like 2011 watching this queer German dramdedy called Hand auf Herz on YouTube because FANS WERE SUBTITLING IT! I loved that dang show and I love fandom.

Q: Thanks to YouTube, I just rewatched the music video for Wilson Phillips “Hold On”, and I think we could all use a ranking of Chynna Phillips’ outfits by lesbianism.

Heather: Riese! Someone’s calling you!

I am reminded that I learned what ACAB meant on this very website, in 2017, from a Grease Bats comic. Thanks Archie!

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

Q: I would like to know everyone on the team’s favorite color.

Sarah: It changes year to year, but right now I’ve been pretty steadily into lavender + lilac.

Rachel: A fun fact about me is I hate picking favorites or ranking anything, but I will say that I feel v connected to deep red/crimson/burgundy! Also really like deep green/mustard colors.

Nicole: It looks like this team might be a little averse to answering this but turquoise and black have ranked pretty highly for a long time for me.

Q: My partner is nonbinary and I’m on the hunt for songs/poems to listen to/read while thinking about how cute they are. Any suggestions?? Thanks!

Carmen: Well first of all, congrats on having a cute boo that you want to fantasize about! Second, have you tried Mal Blum’s “Pity Boy”? It might suit your needs! The video is super cute. And aw heck, here’s our complete Mal Blum archives.

Q: Do you have any articles/resources on how to dress more “dykey” as a trans woman? It seems like most trans fashion guides out there are for a more older/conservatively dressed audience, and on the flip side, a lot of brands/articles for queer women don’t really cover problems like dressing around narrow hips and broad shoulders.

Carmen: We do have some past resources that I’m going to link here, but also I want to let you know that I loved this suggestion (thank you!) and wrote it in my notebook for things I’d like for us to publish this fall. OK! Until then, check out these past links:

• You Need Help: Dressing Like a Grown Ass Trans Woman
• Some Quite Perfect Swimsuits for Trans Women

Q: Hey y’all, just wondering if you’ve published any articles on where to buy clothes if you’re a trans woman? I’m specifically looking for plus size women’s jeans that aren’t curvy in the hips and butt, and has legs that are long enough for someone who’s 5’11”, but any advice on places to get clothes that are more geared towards trans bodies is helpful!

Carmen: Check out my EXACT ANSWER up above! This applies to you, too! 😘

Q: How do you responsibly recycle or get rid of a vibrator/sex toy? Are they… donatable? Have two that have barely been used (they are like new! just wasn’t into them), tried to return them to the company and they refunded me but said to keep them, great, but now what? Can I send it to someone?

Rachel Great q! It is often possible to sterilize a used toy such that it could be used by someone else (who’s informed of its genesis and is making a decision about its used status knowingly!). Pure silicone, stainless steel or glass toys can be sterilized in boiling water; toys that can’t be boiled but are water-safe can be sterilized in a solution of 1 part bleach to 9 parts water and then cleaned thoroughly. (Toys made of wood or leather, other organic materials etc, can’t be fully sterilized.) The question of how to find someplace/someone to recycle to is another issue; sharing used toys isn’t necessarily encouraged, even if it can be done safely with effort, and so companies aren’t going to take returns on them, and places that take other used items for resale won’t either. Your best bet would be to make your offer to other individual queer folks on something like a Queer Exchange page or Lex (again, clearly disclosing their used status!), or if you ever get an invite to like a sex toy swap party.

Q: Yooo, will there ever be a return of the Find Your Fit column, or something similar? Just realized that my masc of center summer wardrobe is schlubby and sad (and maybe I need help narrowing down to a specific aesthetic overall tbh).

Kamala: I definitely came to the same conclusion a couple weeks ago. It’s probably not unrelated to the fact that I don’t really have anywhere to wear my truly sharp and popping party threads, and am sick of even the cute stuff I have to wear around my house. Anyway, I too need some sexy masc quarantine looks, so while I cannot promise Find Your Fit, exactly as it was, it’s on my radar of things to get on the site.

Q: Just wanted to say thank you for diligently working to convince me, someone who is not typically a YA fan, to watch the She-Ra reboot. My crops are flourishing and I’ve convinced at least six other people to watch it now too. Feeling very seen by this show!!

Sarah: I also need to thank Heather for this! Thank you Heather!

Heather: IT IS MY PLEASURE! Everyone who watches She-Ra through until the end is so happy and that makes me so happy! I honestly still can’t believe that final season happened. Like. I’ve been waiting my entire life to see that!

Q: Okay, so this is a bit of a weird question but I’ve been trying to submit my poetry to various queer publications and I’m worried that some of the lesbian-focused ones might be terf-y just out of an abundance of caution. Are there any lit mags like that I should avoid? Alternatively do y’all have any favorites I might not have checked or heard of? I want my poems to find good queer homes!

Rachel: Great work trying to be responsible with your creative labor! I’m not remembering any particularly TERFy ones off the top of my head; some examples would help, but I’m not sure! I’m familiar with Nepantla, Gertrude Press, Plenitude, and here are a couple more via the last!

Q:Do you guys know which brands of reusable pads are actually good and from ethical companies? I want to change over, but with the rise of fashionable eco-capitalism it’s hard to tell what’s actually good! Ideally it’d be UK based as that’s where i am?

Sarah: No joke, Glad Rags Pads based in Portland, OR is a great choice for several reasons — they definitely walk the walk, and I know this because I live here and have personally visited their small vintage house turned office they work out of. They donate all their excess and upcycle it to create new objects! They’re also an affiliate! If you click the link above you’ll be kicking back some of your purchase to us! I would also recommend their cups if that’s your thing. If you find regular menstrual cups kind of large/intense you should try their XO Flo Mini. Okay, that’s it. Happy shopping!

Q: Do y’all have a favorite daily news round-up? Anxiety scrolling Twitter for news is eating into my work day, ha.

Kamala: I think it depends on the kind of news you’re looking for! I have the general ones, like the LA and New York Times, and I really like Patrisse Cullors’ Daily Digest on Instagram.

Carmen: AHEM! May I also humbly suggest Autostraddle’s own Also.Also.Also (on Tuesdays and Thursdays), Pop Culture Fix (on Mondays and Wednesdays), Extra!Extra! (the best news analysis in the game! On Fridays!), and Sunday Funday (self-explanatory)

Q: I am loving the Top 10 Lesbian/Queer Movies and TV shows; any plans to do similar lists for queer books??

Heather: Okay I’ll start!
#1. The Priory of the Orange Tree, Samantha Shannon
#2 The Fifth Season, N.K. Jemisin
#3 The Obelisk Gate, N.K. Jemisin
#4 The Stone Sky, N.K. Jemisin
#5. Ash, Malinda Lo
#6 Batwoman: Elegy, J.H. Williams and Greg Rucka
#7 Of Fire and Stars, Audrey Coulthurst
#8 Red, White & Royal Blue, Casey McQuiston
#9 The first season of Tremontaine, Ellen Kushner, Malinda Lo & Co.
#10. Fried Green Tomatoes, Fannie Flagg

Riese: We did do a big Top 100 from reader input a while back also, but yes, this is a thing to consider!

Q: Are any of you watching The Owl House? It’s a new-ish show by Dana Terrace who’s bi(!!!!) and worked on Gravity Falls and both the trailer for the second half of the season and the most recent episode strongly hint that the lead and her frienemy turned friend might end up as more than friends!

Heather: Me and Valerie watch! I’m writing about it tomorrow!

Q: I would really love an autostraddle post about the USAPL and powerlifting and trans athletes and fear her fight her etc… it would be so good. Someone could write this. Queer! Sports!

Kamala: dear sportsfan, I know that you’re not alone in loving sports and wanting to read about them on Autostraddle, but your fellow AS sportsfans are a little few and far between over here, so honestly, it’s probably not gonna happen on the regular at this moment in time — though I do love this highly practical suggestion: someone could write this. I’m gonna mull that one over and think about how that might work.

In the meantime, the sports we ARE covering is the WNBA, which I realize is a far cry from powerlifting, but for a bunch of theater-inclined art dykes, it does feel like a step in the direction of sports, what do you think?

Carmen: I am personally obsessed with our WNBA column, for whatever it is worth. I’d love to keep building out our sports coverage (the USAPL in particular is one of my dreams!), but we have to build out a steady audience for it first.

Q: Hi! You all are so great. Thanks for existing.

I’m not sure if this is an ask for advice or hot tip for a new roundtable topic, or maybe both. Could you do a roundtable on what love in an LTR feels like? How/if romantic love changes in an LTR? What it means if love changes over the course of time from that “i’m so obsessed with you” to more of a “we’re romantic companions” love that is, for lack of a better word, sometimes boring? For more context, this is based on the most recent roundtable and i wrote a longer comment about it here: https://autostraddle-develop.go-vip.net/our-deepest-darkest-relationship-fears-nbd/#comment-940421

IDK, maybe i’m the only queer wondering about this, but most of what i find online on this topic is from a cishet perspective and i feel like there is something unique about queer love that makes me think cishet romantic advice doesn’t really fit 100% of the time.

Heather: Yes, we should definitely do a roundtable about this. In our reader survey, people said they wanted more LTR content; this would be a good jumping-off point!

Q: Dearest AS, I love reading the sex toy recommendation posts that also come along with codes for discounts. But they’re only ever eligible within the States. I was wondering if it’s within the realms of possibility to partner with a company that would offer a discount that applies to Europe (specifically Sweden or the UK for my own selfish reasons) or other continents (for others pleasure!)?

sincerely, a dyke with a low bank account and a high sex drive ❤️

Sarah: Where do you normally shop? Rachel and I just put together a kickass pitch deck together for sex toy companies and we’d love to know who to shoot pitches to. Send me links in my inbox! sarah [at] autostraddle [dot] com

Q: Question — I’ve been enjoying “Love on the Spectrum” so far (the first episode has a very cute queer date at a sunflower farm at the end!), but am unsure about the makers’ intentions/experience/own diagnosis (or lack thereof) regarding the autism spectrum. Anyone at autostraddle know if this is a show that activists on the spectrum are behind or against? I imagine it’s similar to Paris is Burning — helpful to get representation on the map, but probably won’t hold up in the future if it’s not made by people who are themselves part of the community. I’d love to know your thoughts!

Heather: I found this essay on SpectrumNews (not the cable company!) really enlightening on the subjects the show tackles.

Q: Hello, glorious gays. Post idea/question: have you done any “intro to gardening” before? With so many queer growing their own veggies for the first time, and so many other queers (*cough*) who kill succulents but who have big dreams of eating tomatoes picked straight from the vine they lovingly tended themselves, might be some real content there.

Riese: I really thought that we would have lots on this topic and it feels like we have? But I couldn’t find exactly what you were looking for so maybe the editors will want to create that for you. Here is what I did uncover:

Container Gardening
How to Easily Grow Your Own Onions and Other Root Vegetables
Ask the Plant Doctor
This is How We Do It: Drying and Preserving Herbs
DIY Liquid Garden Fertilizer
The Queer Gardener’s Alamanc: Winter
The Queer Gardener’s Alamanc: What You Need to Do as Spring Turns Into Summer

Nicole: I would also love this!

Thank you for bringing me excellent sports links Natalie

MISC

Q: I dreamed that Jeanna Kadlec moved into the apartment building across from mine 😂 I yelled to her from my balcony: “welcome to the neighborhood! I really like your writing on the Internet!” and then a man from the apartment below her window popped his head out to try and talk to her and we both went back inside.

Heather: Jeanna turning around and walking inside the second a man tries to talk to her is the most Jeanna move I can think of. (I told Jeanna about your dream and she said your subconscious opinion of her is correct.

Q: Would love to know if any autostraddle staff are on tiktok!

Heather: Valerie Anne TikToks! (She told me to say she dabbles in TikTok.)

Q: Once upon a time I was looking at a crowdfunding pitch for a “stand to pee” device designed by and for trans folks. It did not look like a penis – it was a squishy doodad that you were supposed to be able to wear all day and bike around in it. Now I can’t find it anywhere! Can anyone help!?

Carmen: I also remember this item?? But I googled high and low and couldn’t find it! I am so sorry to have not been more of service, but I hope you find some solace in knowing you are NOT alone in this memory, my friend! And one day we will prevail!

Thank you Jehan for the year of our audre lorde series. it is exactly what i need.

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

Q: Hey y’all, just popping in to say I love you and I’m grateful for the work you do! The depth and breadth is always impressive, but especially now. Also, I’ve shared a few of your articles about defunding and abolishing the police with my parents and I think they’re coming around on it. So that’s a win. Drink some water and roll your shoulders! You’re great!!

Kamala: This is such a great thing to know! Thank you for seeing the many different realms that we’re working hard to be helpful in, that’s beautiful to hear.

Q: Today my straight BFF told me that she needed advice and after googling and only finding dumb non helpful articles, she remembered how much I love Autostraddle, so she looked up what she was needing and ended up reading an article from Molly Priddy about hope and she really loved it 😭 Autostraddle is a community service for so many! Thank you!

Carmen: YAYYYY!!! I love this. I hope you and your straight BFF have many more Autostraddle bonding sessions in your future!

Q: Hey I just wanted to say that, though I’ve been reading AS for the past five or so years, y’all have been a fucking godsend this spring and I am so grateful for the beautiful work that you do. I appreciate everything and am always here for the TV content, but have been especially grateful for the news roundups and the action-oriented racial justice content; the world feels super extra overwhelming right now and you help me find clarity amongst the noise, purposeful action to take, and a sense of community even though I’m alone in my apartment literally 98% of the time these days. I just finished my phd so can finally afford to upgrade my membership and am excited for the privilege of supporting such meaningful work from such wonderful people, from whom I’ve learned so much <3
Also I’m excited for my pin and sticker because I fucking love pins and stickers.

Sarah: 😭 This is so wonderful to read. Thank you for upgrading your membership. I’m excited for you to get your pin and sticker too!!

Nicole: THANK YOU so much for upgrading your membership. You’re a dream!!

Q: I’m a small town queer girl who has struggled with feeling alone and unseen for a long time. Finding autostraddle years ago made me more confident in my sexuality and in who I am and it’s still the place I’ve been coming back whenever I need that. I’ve grown with y’all so much, and lately I’ve been learning so much from you, I just really wanted to say how much I appreciate your existence.

Heather: Hey, that was me too, exactly, eleven years ago! Solidarity, small town queer girl!

Q: Are there any Autostraddle articles on Intrauterine Insemination (IUI)? My partner and I hoping to start trying to get pregnant next summer (!!!) and it’s very exciting but it’s also very confusing – if anyone can pass on articles with more information/accounts of IUI from a queer perspective, I’d be so grateful!

Carmen: I wanted to recommend some reading from our “Baby Making” archives (yes — that’s its real name, and yes, I love it here too) but it looks like most of our insemination specific articles are from 2015? Which leads me to two thoughts: 1. What was happening in 2015 that everyone was getting inseminated all at once? And 2. I imagine that information from five years ago would be woefully out-of-date and I’d love for us to publish some more updated info! Adding it to my list! Thank you for the suggestion.

Q: hello it is time for my yearly-ish gushing message to you all about how it floors me every single year how much this site and community has impacted my life so spectacularly and given me a place of safety, wonder, future, imagination, laughter, good tv, bad tv, activism, and so much more <3 I sincerely love and appreciate you all so so much and that just gets amplified more and more as time goes on. been an avid reader since I was a baby queer at 15 :) much love and gratitude

Riese: THANK YOU I love this annual tradition of yours and I love that you’ve been reading us since you were 15!!! Truly enjoyed this droplet of sunshine in my life.

Q: Thank you, Riese.

Riese: THANK YOU for being part of our community whomever you are i love you!

Q: Y’all are wonderful, thank you for what you do. :)

Carmen: No, YOU are wonderful!

Q: SLICK is so good!! Omg! Brava

Kamala: I’m excited that you’re excited, and maybe even turned on. I have a bunch of new stories that we’ll be posting soon, so get even MORE excited.

Nicole: Excited for what Kamala’s got planned (with S L I C K, with everything for this site!)

Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #30

Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature now exchanges bi-monthly with our column, Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

---

MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

Q: hey, would it be possible to be able to toggle off “dark mode” for the slick stories? i can’t read white on black text

Sarah: Hey! That’s a great suggestion. A little BTS is that we are currently switching over our entire website to a brand new server headed up by brilliant folks who will make Autostraddle run so smoothly and beautifully — but in the meantime the adjustment period is a little wonky. Until we get everything smoothed out we have to press pause on all our tech hopes and dreams, but I will ensure that as soon as it’s possible we’ll get that functionality available for you. I’m thinking it would be cute to make it a little lightbulb icon at the top that you can “switch” on and off. What do you think?

Q: The scissoring design used to be horizontal and now its vertical. What happened?

Sarah: Oh! I actually never noticed this was a thing. Alex Vega, the original design director put them on the shirts horizontally I guess, and when I took over I started putting them on the shirts vertically. I think horizontal looks awesome on tees and vertical looks more cute on crop tops and underwear.

Hoping you guys can put in more sleeveless options in your store! I’d love to get some from you, and tshirts rarely fit right. Thanks! :)

Sarah: Oooo, I hear this. It might be a little late in the summer to be making any new sleeveless merch, but I’m making a to-do in my calendar to plan for next summer. I know this is not the same, but our article How to Cut Up Your T-Shirt, DIY Style has some helpful advice in cutting off the sleeves of your crew neck shirts. For example:

“Cut the sleeves just on the outside of the seam. The fabric will fray but not curl, and your arms will look SUPER INTIMIDATING AND SEXY.”

Q: You really should consider making bumper stickers as merch! I just got my own car again a few months ago and I want some gay bumper stickers for it, and I was so disappointed when I checked your merch store and didn’t see any. I’d so put a “gal pal” or scissors sticker on my car if you made them!

Sarah: This is hot news, I love the idea of purporting the gay Autostraddle agenda via stickers. Anyone else into this idea? Please leave your ideas for more cute bumper stickers in the comments below!

Q: I know y’all had to stop messages due to spam and what not.. but, is it too crazy to say.. have messages available for A+ members?

Kamala We just switched over to a new server and are still in the midst of getting WordPress running like normal, and learning about what’s possible from our web development team. We’ll be meeting soon to discuss the priorities of new designs/options like this, and we can put messaging on it, but, warning, it’s not gonna be top of the list — though know that I know you want it, your vote is in!

Q: Do you have a preference if we are already signed up for the AS newsletter, when we get the pop up reminder on the main AS page to sign up should we click “No I don’t want to”? Or say yes and then sign up again? What helps you more? :)

Nicole: That’s so kind of you to ask! If you’re already signed up and receiving newsletters, then it’s all good! Just proceed on into the site. We’re just looking to encourage readers who aren’t already on our newsletter lists to sign up! Who wouldn’t want photos of Carol, after all?

Q: Hi, I was trying to buy a shirt in the AS Merch store but when I clicked on the shirt it just reloads the main merch page. I know there’s an option to chat with the merchandise company’s support, but I’m really high as fuck right now and I feel safer sending this message to AS than a stranger who might be straight.

Sarah: Hahahahaha oh my god this is the best as I also love to avoid talking to the tragic straights. Please send the link that’s giving you issues to sarah [at] autostraddle [dot] com. Also I am gonna say the famous Cee lines — are your cookies cleared / have you tried a different browser / have you pressed shift + the reload button on your browser / did you clear your cache? Okay, you look really pretty and thank you for trying to buy one of our shirts!!!

Q: I am a white person who has learnt a lot about social justice and racism from autostraddle, and wanted to say thanks for your recent content on allyship and ways to help. I saw that you have some DDOS protection system going on and I wanted to say thanks for humbly doing the work and quietly dealing with difficult consequences from the white supremacists who would rather you stayed quiet.

Riese: Thank you!!! I’m so glad we’ve been a good resource for you. A lot of us have been learning right alongside you.

Q: How come the “What’s New & Gay on Netflix, Amazon, Hulu” post has comments from prior months? Like the one just posted for June has comments from April

Riese: Because it’s the same post, I just update it with new information every month, because our SEO consultant said that would be best for google rankings. We have started deleting old comments when we re-do a post though so I think we’ll start doing that for this soon.

Q: hi hello yes i read your newsletter and you mentioned GIFT MEMBERSHIPS and i suddenly realized that i would be totally willing to contribute to an anonymous pot of dollars to fund some GIFT MEMBERSHIPS or discounted memberships to baby queers who cannot pay the full amount. and then they will grow up and maybe have enough dollars to become lifetime AS superfans like me and pay it forward. how about it?

Nicole: That is really, really kind of you! The Cobalt level ($4 a month) was created with affordability in mind, but we realize that it still may not be do-able for everyone. When we launch Gift Memberships, you’ll be able to purchase memberships for other people specifically, so if you wanted, you could absolutely give them away on your own. However right now we don’t have the bandwidth or ability to run a fund for gift / discounted memberships to folks on a needs-basis and the monitoring and consistent fundraising work that fund would require (since I imagine the demand would be slightly more than a few memberships)! But when we announce gift memberships, I hope that you’ll think of some baby queers to gift some to! <3

Q: Just had the idea for your next fundraiser that you could let people buy permission to text their ex in the style of 15th century medieval catholic indulgences (like donate $50 and Vanessa will tell you she’s not disappointed in you that you texted your ex. Donate $100 and an editor will say it’s ok. Donate $1,000, and Riese will craft the text for you.) (love you, hope you’re well during this bananas time <3 )

Laneia: I genuinely love this idea. It’s all I want in life.

Nicole: This is heavily noted. I really hope we don’t get 95 comments critiquing it, though!

the shriek I emitted when Roberta Colindrez popped up in the latest Mrs. America ep… blessed be

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

Q: My roommate is a TERF, and I am stuck in this apartment with him for the foreseeable future, and I cannot listen to him defending JK Rowling from his place of (gay) white male privilege for the rest of however long I have to live with him AAAAAAHHHHHHHH

Laneia: LIGHTING A CANDLE FOR YOU.

Q: Hi Autostraddle, you guys are the best! Just wanted to let you know that Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon is $1.99 for the Kindle edition in the U.S. right now. This was my favorite book last year, and one of my favorite books of all time. It’s f/f fantasy, and it’s just awesome. Also, I noticed that last month the author said on Twitter that writing the book helped her realize she was queer. Maybe you can do an interview with her one day?? Anyway, just wanted to let you know about the deal, in case anyone wants to grab it!

Rachel: WELL HOT DAMN I loved this book so much, I almost want to buy a second copy?? I would love for us to interview her!

Nicole Jumping in to note that sadly this promotion has ended, but still including this here in case anyone wants to talk about the book!

Q: Top Chef season 17 is FULL of hot dykes kicking ass and taking names!!!!!! I might submit a pitch about it but i wanted to let u guys know that bc it’s a real quarantine balm AND it’s all about how wonderful la is!!

Kamala: hell yeah, i’m interested.

Q: I got a research job in Berlin and it’s exciting and scary and further away from my girlfriend but also gonna be really cool! I used to run away from anything that got too familiar because I thought stability meant boring and people wouldn’t like me once they got used to me, but then I figured out who I am and how to live my best life and I’ve been in the same place for 5 years now. I had this idea that I should stay close-ish so I could keep some parts of my little community, but I guess one of my core values is also doing really scary things that will help me grow as a human? So I’m gonna do it and start all over again and be alone at first and build a new community and it’s so scary but also a chance to do so many new wonderful things! AAAH!

Kamala: I’m a proponent of doing hard and scary things too, so I’m gonna go ahead and say do it! Congrats! Also Berlin is such a fun queer city!

Q: UK LGBT+ Charity The Kite Trust has been running a super great podcast involving notable queer members of our community and I’ve really been loving it! I wanted to share! They offer online groups and one to one services for LGBT+ youth and they’re super wonderful

Kamala: sounds cool, will have to check it out!

Q: BBC’s Trigonometry is way better than I thought it would be. I really can’t get enough of female driven media, it often feels so different, more authentic and nuanced. I’m so happy to see Bi representation that is this good, that defies the viewers (often resigned) expectations.

Kamala: I have no idea what this is, but count me as interested, it looks like a cool show for me to watch on one of those rare days when I’m feeling like a TV time!

Q: I’ve been reading this Chinese lesbian comic (一半) and one of the girls is looking up resources bc they’re kind of a May-December romance and one of them is a Carol reference! 4 panels down is the quote “My angel, flung out of space” Idk if the link will work.

Nicole: The link totally works! <3

Q: I have been looking forward to the half of it for a while and now i’m afraid to watch it because it might not live up to my expectations / make me happy at all

Kamala: I think you should rip off the band-aid. Knowledge is power and some such. Also, it’s good and there are many good parts to enjoy, but will it make you happy — that I don’t know — and I don’t think that means you shouldn’t watch it anyway.

Q: All consuming need to share here – I accidentally made a rainbow this weekend!!! I made violet syrup, – the stronger stuff is purple; the lighter stuff is deep blue; I made green pesto; yellow dandelion oil is infusing; and new water keefer from a friend is orange! This just hit me this morning and I can’t handle it! Maybe I’ll make jamaica tea to round it out!

Kamala: I’m quite honestly thrilled to know that this level of gayness exists, and that it can just HAPPEN in your kitchen one day: goals. Thank you.

Q: I don’t know what is going on with the YouTube algorithm these days, but I am getting some bizarre (straight male targeted?) ads. Like this one, for what I believe is a jaw exerciser? I mean I guess this could have queer uses?? to work out jaw muscles ??

Kamala: HAHAHAHAHA wow i love this. I personally prefer to grind my teeth at night, that tends to make enough jawline for me, but this video is lovely, thank you.

Nicole: This seems like a choking hazard.

Q: Something about the phrase “I’ve been obsessed with belts for a long time” screamed Straight Ppl Watch to me. Enjoy! (??)

Nicole: Loving all these Straight People Watch submissions!

Q: Gay ballroom dancers in quarantine.

Nicole:I really thought this would be a different kind of ballroom, but this is also good!

Q: All i want is a free stock photo of a cute same sex couple enjoying cocktails for a stupid work presentation and i apparently should give up. at this point i would take two white cis dudes I JUST NEED THE GAYS DRINKING HIGH QUALITY COCKTAILS it should be easy??? i have a gay agenda to promote at work!

Nicole: I was like. “I will find this. I will find this for you.” I failed. I got literal photos of dates, like the food from a tree. Should we start a project where queer people quarantining together who can hang without masks take photos of themselves doing ordinary things like enjoying cocktails and cleaning until we have one great big stock archive?

Q: Air Logic, the last promised book of Laurie J Marks Elemental Logic, is out! I had no idea! Can’t wait to read it! (Casey included Fire Logic in her roundup) and personally I think the books just get queerer and better as they go, like the chosen fam is a much bigger thing in Earth Logic and Water Logic.

Nicole:Thanks for the fantasy rec! <3

Q: I don’t know that this is a hot tip, but if anyone else is as emphatic a listener to NPR pop science stuff as I am, it might be interesting. Both Maddie Sofia (Short Wave) and Lulu Miller (Invisibilia) both mentioned she/her-pronouned partners on their podcasts recently. I started listening to Lulu Miller’s new book as well (it’s good!) and it includes part of her coming out story. Maybe someone else will appreciate this!

Kamala: Oh this is a hot tip! And here i thought that NPR women were mostly the kind of straight who borrowed very heavily from the dyke cannon!

Whew yikes! You ever have that split second worry that you mistakenly entered your super secret question as a comment instead of into the A+ Priority Contact Box because they’re so close together at the bottom of the page??? Just me 😅ok!

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

Q: Can we have some sort of feelings atrium about jk Rowling being a streaming piece of shit? Not new news, but certainly quadrupling down at the absolute last time we needed it

Riese: I think that’s the thing though, that sentence at the end of your question — it is the absolute last time we need it. It’s been covered extensively and on social media and I think our feeling currently is like…. do we want to feed into this story being the top story? I think as a culture we pay too much attention to what famous people think about things.

Q: What percentage of actresses that have played queer characters have come out? I feel like it is a fairly high percentage. Does that say more about the percentage of women that are queer or is acting a way for people to get more comfortable with their own truths?

Riese: Oh I have a few theories about this!
1. They are drawn to queer roles because of latent queerness
2. They end up involved with a project because they are friends with the people involved or they become friends with queer people who are involved in the project because it’s not just romantic relationships that can be a gateway to realizing you’re gay, it’s also gay social groups!
3. They relate to the character or like you said, playing gay makes them get more comfortable with their own truths or enables them to find pride in who they are or give context to their feelings
4. They end up in queer universes — adored by queer fandom, at queer events — because of the role and realize they feel at home there

Q: Hey! I just read this roundtable of people writing a letter to their future selves a year from now after confinement. Would love to read something like it on AS. Thank you for everything you do, you have been my source of joy and comfort in a difficult time…

Kamala: I’ve really been thinking about time capsules of late, appreciate this!

Q: Re: COVID as excuse for surveillance/criminalizing illness, judges in KY have been ordering sick people to wear GPS ankle monitors.

Kamala: I feel like I might need these for my parents, they seem to be having a lot of fun…

Q: Have you written about Robyn Crawford’s new book on her life with Whitney Houston yet? Would love to read a review or something!

Nicole: I would also love to read a review!

Q: I see people who are otherwise allies writing things like LG(BT). What does the brackets mean in that?

Riese: It means they don’t think bisexuals and trans people deserve to be part of our civil rights movement, I think?

Q: Hello, not sure if it’s already on your radar, but I’d like to recommend the book “The Curious History of Sex” by Kate Lister. I’m only part way through, but it seems to be the sort of thing that some people around here would enjoy. The first two chapters are on the history of the words “whore” and “cunt”, which quite sets the tone.

Rachel: What a great tip, thank you!

Q: Ahoy ahoy! I have just watched The Half of It and am all heart eyes now. I now have a burning need to read books like this movie. Or at least with similar vibes. Perhaps where the girl gets the girl before the end? Do y’all have any recommendations to satisfy my book cravings? Also you guys rock.

Rachel: Casey is planning to do a full post answering this great question, but for now she recommends It’s Not Like It’s A Secret by Misa Suguira!

Q: Any recommendations on bath bombs?

Sarah: I really like Lush bombs — Avobath is fresh and invigorating, and Big Blue transforms your bath into a bright blue ocean filled with seaweed! Honestly Lush has so many different bombs for different situations, and the fun part is picking ones that you like based on your mood or favorite smells. Sometimes I get them just because they release entertaining, fun colors or are filled with biodegradable glitter, lol.

Q: Might there be enough new people with curly hair to do another curly hair care round table? Or a skincare thing from either or both Rachels? Maybe a very basic “you have to press, not rub, those substances from TO droppers into your face?!” type article? (Really enjoyed Rachel’s instagram live on skincare)

Rachel: Love this idea and love to be part of a pantheon of Rachels! Rachel C-L says she can def write something along these lines soon!

Q: Would any of you be interested in writing up Jackie Fielder? She’s a queer water protector who spearheaded setting up San Francisco’s Public Bank, and she’s running for a CA State Senate seat where she can fight for housing equity, a green new deal, and wealth redistribution. She’s running a shoestring campaign against a corporate-funded Dem incumbant, and needs help getting the word out since traditional canvasing isn’t safe right now. She’s endorsed by Alicia Garza and Patrisse Cullors among other queer community leaders.

Kamala: This sounds awesome, will investigate further, thank you!

Q: Interesting website on lesbian deportees created in commemoration of the Ravensbruck liberation anniversary last month : http://constellationsbrisees.net/en/project-type/deportations-to-ravensbruck-camp/
Available in English/German/French with interactive maps.

Rachel: This is incredible, thank you for sharing!

Q: Would any of y’all happen to know any lesbian poetry about trans women? I know that might be a tall order, but I just realized that there’s pretty much nothing out there where we’re presented as subjects of desire.

Rachel: This isn’t exactly what you asked, but my first thought was about recent book “Little Blue Encyclopedia: For Vivian“: “The playful and poignant novel Little Blue Encyclopedia (for Vivian) sifts through a queer trans woman’s unrequited love for her straight trans friend who died. A queer love letter steeped in desire, grief, and delight, the story is interspersed with encyclopedia entries about a fictional TV show set on an isolated island. The experimental form functions at once as a manual for how pop culture can help soothe and mend us and as an exploration of oft-overlooked sources of pleasure, including karaoke, birding, and butt toys. Ultimately, Little Blue Encyclopedia (for Vivian) reveals with glorious detail and emotional nuance the woman the narrator loved, why she loved her, and the depths of what she has lost.”

Q: I love S L I C K, so I hope y’all don’t mind me asking- will there be any trans women in the series soon? I apologize if I missed some detail or cue suggesting otherwise, but it seems like it’s been very centered around the pleasure of AFAB people and vulvas.

Kamala: There is a lot more diversity that I want to bring to S L I C K, for sure including trans women, and if you have favorite trans women writers you think would be great for our erotica series, please don’t hesitate to get them in touch with me at kamala@autostraddle.com!

Q: I miss the Advice from a Queer Engineer series.

Laneia: Me too as well.

Q: do ya’ll have any recommendations for inclusive/queer workout videos? or just any workout videos that aren’t made by pretty straight ladies?? I’ve gotten out of shape bc quarantine (I used to walk EVERYWHERE and go to the GYM and now I SIT) and I want to get back in shape but blogilates/chloe ting and the like just make me feel like I’m back in middle school gym class- terrified of all the pretty girls and feeling awkward in my body!!

Laneia: I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: THE UNDERBELLY YOGA. Jessamyn Stanley is a wonderful instructor and provides super realistic and necessary posture alternatives for different body types, plus she LOVES what she’s doing and it comes through in the videos. Also: THEMSHEALTH brings in a lottt of queer people for breathwork, meditation, yoga, etc! And and: Nonnormative Body Club! They’ve got this incredibly handy database of home workouts that’s so beautifully organized I almost cried.

Riese: I have been super into 305 Fitness workout videos, my favorite instructor is a gay guy. They are body-positive and don’t focus on weight loss or anything like that, and they’re fun! There are some queer women working there too.

Q: Here’s my hot tip: theres been a lot of hate for “hard pants” lately but I know what makes me stand to attention and its sturdy work pants for being a lumberjane. Some folks are still making stuff or wilding around outside in sturdy hard work pants and I’d love to see that celebrated as a counterpoint to lounge wear an thirst trap opportunity! Or you could have a work pants review faceoff between like, dickies, carhartt, red ant pants, etc?? Eeeeh??

Laneia: This does sound very tempting and good!

Q: I just finished Mrs. America. Who were the lesbians depicted in the show-the one who eventually worked for president Carter? And the ACLU lawyer Brenda Feigan-Fasteau, did she ever come out as bisexual or queer or anything?

Riese: Yes, she ended up marrying a woman during that window of time before Prop 8 was passed, and they are still married. She and her husband divorced in 87 and she met her now-wife in 1990. According to an LA Times review of her 2000 memoir “she married a man who shared her feminist convictions, worried about child care, sampled lesbian sex and, eventually, in no way disparaging her heterosexual experience, settled down with a woman.” Jean O’Leary and Midge Costanza were real also, and Midge did work for Carter (she resigned after 20 months).

I just want to say I love Dani Janae and Drew’s writings! I’m a 12 year loyal AS reader and it’s cool to have newer AS writers to love this much. I’m comment-shy but THANK YOU.

MISC

Q: Hello, I just wanted to say I love you guys. Thank you thank you thank you for everything you do. Please drink some water and take a break if you haven’t yet today. Oops this is also functioning as a reminder to myself to do that.

Kamala: Am drinking water right this minute THANK YOU!

Q: Has anybody tried Aisle period underwear since the rebranded? They used to be Lunapads, but it looks like they changed more than just the logo.

Kamala: Truly, do not know, but color me intrigued. I have to admit that I still don’t totally get how they work…

Q: Hi! How do I write for you guys? I’ve been low key following Autostraddle for almost 10 years. I just joined A+ finally… the erotica was a nice push to join. Lol. I wanted to see if I could write a fashion piece or my own shot at erotica. Let me know! Thank you!

Laneia: Head on over to the Write for Us page! Thank you for joining A+!!

Q: Hi Autostraddle! I created a virtual cafe in animal crossing and I’m matchmaking queers for dates there. I thought you might be interested in helping get the word out about it :) Happy to give you a tour of the island and answer any questions. I’m @noa_noh on instagram <3

Kamala: That sounds like so much fun! We’ll keep this in our back pocket!

Q: Stumptown got renewed.

Kamala: All I’m thinking about is coffee now.

Q: Hi I saw this in my co-op community, it’s from a multracial worker-owned cooperative: “Third Root Community Health Center a worker coop in NYC says “BLACK LIVES MATTER
We invite our Black community members to attend ALL THIRD ROOT CLASSES for FREE for the foreseeable future, email us directly to register at info@thirdroot.org or by calling us at (718) 940-9343″.

Kamala: hot damn, sounds rad!

Just a message to say I’m finally dating the babe of my dreams and living my best solo polyam life, and I learnt pretty much all I know about dating from Autostraddle so thank u for that!!

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

Q: Y’all. Y’ALL. I’m so SO proud of you for the pivot you’ve made to focus on abolition and Black life in this historic moment. I can see the commitment you made…was it a year ago? when you made the big fundraising push (that I was happy to give to)…to center BIPOC voices really bearing fruit in this moment. I’m proud to share these pieces and proud to be an A+ member. Thank you. I imagine you’re getting some shit for it, but keep going! Thank you! Thank you! So proud of you!!!

Kamala: You’re a gem for writing in to tell us this! I’m also really proud of this work and excited that you’re excited <3

Q: HOLE-EY HECK I love the SLICK dark layout. That is all!!

Sarah: I LOVE THAT YOU LOVE IT. This was a fun idea had by Laneia and I think it really adds to the sexy time everyone has when they’re reading S L I C K. I don’t know if you saw the commenter above but we are also going to be adding a lightswitch that you can turn on and off, to set the mood. Maybe we’ll even add in some candles and soft music and your favorite pillow too. 😉

Q: Hi A-Team!
I just wanted to send a special shout-out to whoever writes the anonymous sex toy reviews. They suggested the Melt vibrator and I showed my wife and she emphatically said “yes let’s buy it!” We’ve been together for 10 years and haven’t bought a sex toy since we started dating, so this will be a much needed bedroom spicer-upper!

Rachel: This is so good to hear! I passed this note along to the person who I think you’re talking about (we don’t have a review of the Melt directly, I don’t think, but it was written about in this Sona 2 review) and they said “Yay!!! I hope this is the start of many sex toy purchases for them!!” I appreciate so much you letting us know that it was helpful!

Q: Just came here to say THANK YOU! to Kamala for introducing us to Diaspora Co. They are amazing and my requisite lemony turmeric tea cake was seriously next level ✨

Kamala: YOU ARE SO WELCOME! There is truly nothing better than Diaspora Co. turmeric, and I love that they make everything so cute and SO ethically. I’m so happy your lemony turmeric tea cake was probably better than the original by “The Cook” who shall not be named :)

Q: Ummm Malinda Lo writing about Alice Wu and Heather interviewing Gloria Calderón Kellett??? You all are miracle workers!! <3 <3 <3

Kamala: Heather works magic, it’s impressive!

Q: Sending you all at AS encouragement, glitter rainbow sparkles, a breath of fresh air, your favorite flowers if you have them, and beams of sunshine. Making a good thing like AS happen, and making it better, is heroic, entirely against all odds, and you are doing it!!

Riese: THANK YOU SO MUCH

Q: Omg! I just saw the editors notes on top of the two Alison Roman articles. Top notch and so well said!! This quick response is so heartening. I also really appreciated this Medium article, that made me think harder about all of this, and where I spend my time and attention as a white person

Kamala: Carmen was all over this one and showed some beautiful editorial spirit getting two solid notes up there.

Q: The Dyke Kitchen is such an amazing series—Kamala is the coolest and I look forward to the column each time. Just wanted to say that thank you!

Kamala: What??? Thank you for reading it! I am so flattered that you enjoy my kitchen musings.

Q: Thank you for posting the 7 Things White People Can Do article, and specifically calling out the 80% of us Autostraddle readers who are white. I want to be called out and called to action, and I appreciate AS holding us accountable to this.

Rachel: <3 <3

Q: I am thinking of the Black staff members and contributors to Autostraddle this week, especially. I am sending you love and anger in solidarity and a hope that other people in your life will step up to care for you, whether by direct acts of comfort to you or by taking action against the systemic issues that harm you and people you love. You shouldn’t have to do all this work on the site this week (writing, editing, channeling your emotions, literally any normal job tasks), but I am so grateful, and I believe that you are truly making change.
love and power to you

Kamala: I just want to say that this expression of all of the feelings, though not for me, moves me, and I am very appreciative for it and you. It shall be passed along to our Black staff.

Q: This is an other because it’s a thank you for two things in particular: centering qtbipoc authors and paying them and being transparent about where A+ money goes. For the former, I’m white and this helps me learn and move forward and I’m glad the people who are helping me get paid. For the latter, it’s nice to know where money is going and the impact it has, even if it isn’t a lot. I don’t know if you respond to these but there’s need to respond – just a thank you.

Kamala: THANK YOU!

Nicole: Thank you so, so much for supporting! (And all of the A+ members reading right now who support!)

Q: Hey y’all, just popping in to say I love you and I’m grateful for the work you do! The depth and breadth is always impressive, but especially now. Also, I’ve shared a few of your articles about defunding and abolishing the police with my parents and I think they’re coming around on it. So that’s a win. Drink some water and roll your shoulders! You’re great!!

Kamala: This feels so good to hear! Getting a shoulder roll in, popping a straw in a passionfruit green tea (water will come later) and I’m happy to know that you’re finding super relevant writing for your life — that’s exactly what we’re aiming for!!

Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #29

Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature now exchanges bi-monthly with our column, Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

---

MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

Q: Wait can we not like comments anymore?

Kamala: We’ve been doing spring cleaning on the website, and it turns out that our plug-in for  liking comments was creating a glitch in the website that got in the way of creating posts on this website, so it got swept away. You can always just tell someone you love their comment! Update: we will be looking into a non-glitch way for comment liking, based on the keen interest here!

Carmen: Liking comments is also randomly one of those little things that causes bugs and delays across the site (such as longer loading times on certain posts, and so on). I’m really sorry! I love liking comments, too! I agree with Kamala that you can always show love by commenting in a thread and saying literally “I like this” or “<3”

Riese: It was slowing down page load time and causing other glitches. I miss it too, though.

Sarah: One of my hopes and dreams for the comments is that it becomes easier to comment so there’s more vitality and people showing up there. Are there things about the comments that you would like other than liking/upvoting? Share… in the comments. ;)

Hey, y’all think about launching a Patreon for To L and Back? I’m willing to pay five bucks a month to get it ad free.

Nicole: This is a good note! I would love to know how many people feel similarly <3

RE: Whether to keep/restore the PM function — maybe you could do a quick survey to find out how many people use them? I know for me I made at least one significant connection via private messages, and I’ve had some other interesting conversations that way too, so I’d be sad to see it go.

Kamala: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but those PMs are not on our docket to bring back, they’re just not used very much! I am totally into the fact that you got a significant other off of this platform, which leads me to believe that you would probably kill at other platforms too? Does your game work in the comments? I want to see how that might work…

Riese: There was a huge problem with spam in PMs so the tech team shut them off.

Hey! Sorry to bother you but I keep getting a “bad gateway” error when I try to click through to page 2 of the main page?? And when I refreshed it said I had “exceeded the max number of requests for a human”?? I’m a human! I promise! I just want to view older articles!!

Kamala: I have had our team of experts investigate this issue, and I can now say with great certainty that not only you are for sure human, you should be able to open that page 2 AS MANY TIMES AS YOU LIKE. def let us know if it happens again, it should not.

Hi everyone at autostraddle, just a reminder that you all are so brilliant and brave!! and I hope you can each find a moment of feeling good today <3 Rest is good. Rest is needed. Take care of yourselves as well as you take care of all of us <3

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

All consuming need to share: This week I learned the term genderblank, which def applies to me. And I committed to stop asking myself about my gender bc the only reason I ask myself is bc other ppl keep asking me. And I went to my favorite thrift store and got two sweaters and two long sleeve shirts that are super duper duper soft and I didn’t worry about how masc or femme they were or werent or made me look or didnt and it felt so good. I’m wearing them now and damn am I cozy!

Kamala: I love this! Sometimes when I get really deep into it, I don’t even know what masc and femme mean anymore, because it’s 2020, and all aesthetic representations have so many more significances that we can ever know without a complete context, and I like this idea that we could just stop trying to catalog and pin down perpetually fluid things like gender with a word: genderblank.

Lesbians on tv alert — Fran Drescher has a lesbian daughter in her new show, Indebted!

Heather: Yes! I wrote about her.

Hi! I wanted to recommend a truly wild lesbian movie on Netflix that I loved and I don’t think I have seen covered. It to me brought the same sort of joy as that Butter one w/Jennifer Garner you wrote about a while ago. It feels ~perfect~ for quarantine. I live in Spain (yes, I am confined to my house alone. I take the trash out VERY regularly so I can step out of my apartment) and I went to Madrid for the weekend earlier this year and saw a few musicals and one of them was La Llamada. I’m not completely fluent in Spanish yet, so I figured I’d watch the movie on Netflix first. It’s available on US Netflix as “Holy Camp.” It has everything: A lesbian love story (not the central story but central enough). Singing/rapping nuns. God coming down to earth and singing Whitney Houston songs. Anyway, love you guys! Stay strong during social distancing!

Heather: Oh wow, you had already sold me but then you said god coming down to earth so sing Whitney Houston songs and now I feel compelled to stop everything I’m doing and watch it immediately! Probably will follow it up with my favorite movie in the singing/rapping nuns genre — Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit

Carmen: Excuse me! This movie sounds perfect!?!? Are you really sure none of the rapping nuns are Whoopi Goldberg?

Saw this, thought of Heather, love you all

Heather: Ahahahaha! Perfect!

Did you see/hear this piece on NPR with La Doña talking about feminist reggaeton and coming out as bi through an album release party for “Algo Nuevo”? It’s such a boss move! She sings “Vete papi, ya no te quiero, no quiero tu caricia ni tu dinero. Vente mami, yo quiero algo nuevo, a ver como va, a ver quién prefiero”!

Carmen: I love La Doña but missed this interview!! I’m trying to find it, but I think you must be talking about this one? I am so excited to already know what I’m listening to while I cook dinner tonight!

Riese needs this if she hasn’t already seen it

Riese: THANK YOU SO MUCH

I note the increase in sex toy purchases during lockdown. Am I the only one who has got rid of certain items in case I die of coronavirus and my family have to deal with my possessions?!

Riese: You… might be….

Watching The Real L Word for the first time & DEEPLY appreciative of the recaps (and everything else y’all do)… so donated $50 as extra thanks!

Riese: You’re so welcome! Each of those recaps took like three days to do so I am pleased to hear that they are continuing to find new life in these dark times.

Nicole: Thank you so much for supporting!!!

Rachel, I re-read your essay “Toward an Applicable Theory of Just Not” in preparation for the Passover Seder. I’ve been thinking about how the struggle of quarantine for so many people has been about reworking their understandings of work, of community, of what it means to be present for the community, of what it means to do so much less than usual and for that to be what is required for community health. And of course there are so many strikes, people required to work who have largely been ignored in broader culture — not deemed care providers in the same way nurses and teachers are, and also not held to the esteem doctors and scientists are, but they are the people that keep us fed and able to access resources.

Thank you again for writing it; so many lines have new significance in our current reality, and it brings me to tears again as it did the first time I read it.

Rachel: Thank you so much for sharing this! It already feels like 10,000 years ago that I published that, but knowing that it still has relevance is really affirming to me, thank you so much — I’ve been feeling stuck and frozen by the forced inaction of the moment just like everyone else is, and this is such a valuable reminder that, duh, inaction (or “inaction”) has a lot of power inherent in it too. Thank you, and belated chag sameach <3

Ummm the .gay internet domain is now open for registration. . .. . .. who gets everyoneis.gay????

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION/ ARTICLE IDEAS

I see stuff all the time about queer credit unions. Are those real? Would putting my money there be a scam or actually beneficial to my community? Please investigate!!

Carmen: This is not my expertise, I can’t speak to if anything is a scam, and this is not financial advice. HOWEVER! We have in fact written about queer credit unions before, and hopefully that helps you.

Whatever happened to Kate Severance? Could they be featured in the “Where are former AS staffers now?” section of the A+ Insider?

Laneia: Sometimes, when I’ve gotten all my work done and my house is cleaned and the grass has been mowed; when my car’s gas tank is full and the groceries have been put away; when the cat has been fed and the windows washed, I like to let my mind wander. And as it wanders, dipping in and out of whimsical spaces and cottony dreams and, sometimes, even the darkness, I often find myself thinking, “What if, by some magic, I received a small gift — perhaps a semiprecious stone, or a tiny cake, one single flower maybe — each time an Autostraddle reader asked for an update on the whereabouts of Kate Severance?”

Can we get a Make It Gay You Cowards 2020 Edition? I really loved it and would love an up to date version even more.

Carmen: Can you believe that most of the shows from our 2018 edition still have not made it gay!! Those cowards! I don’t know if we’ll be updating it right this moment (though shout out to This Is Us for officially making Tess gay and therefore earning their way off that list).

Can you write an article about queer quarantine haircuts? What good queer looks are easy to do at home? What should we try out now? How to do them ourselves? Thanks!

Rachel: I feel like this has been roundly discussed and perhaps even put in motion in some form? I agree, this is crucial community info! Maybe in a few more weeks the team will have enough haircut experience to put together a roundtable — I’ve been maintaining my roommate’s fade and will have to layer my own hair in like, another month.

Would love to read something about Janis Joplin!

Laneia: Well this is very vague! Please elaborate!

hi! I am reading the jumpsuit style thief and I am so, so in love! I have a quick question. I know it would be a bit more work, but I was wondering if you would consider using an asterisk or another code when an item is available in extended sizing? (if it’s not, there’s no point clicking.) Thanks for all you do!

Riese: Yes I will absolutely!!! Good idea.

Hii so I got a small tattoo this winter (it’s a black star on my ankle for David Bowie) and I am casually obsessed with it, so I’ve been thinking about all the cool queer tattoos out in the world. I know those community photo posts are a lot of work, and you guys already did an A+ segment, but could we do some sort of “please send us your queer tattoos and possibly who did them” post in the future?

Laneia: I tell you what, I will make this happen for you.

Did you know that Josh Thomas’s new Freeform show, Everything’s Gonna Be Okay, features an adorable romance between one of the main characters (Matilda) and her best friend (Dreya)? Both characters have autism, and the show does an excellent job exploring the communication challenges and gifts that their autism brings. The actor who plays Matilda, Kayla Cromer, has disclosed that she’s on the spectrum, and I think it’s wonderful that the show’s producers specifically sought out an actor with that lived experience. As a whole, the show is just so sweet and funny and smart, and I think it deserves some coverage here!

Heather: I did know this! Natalie told me, but thank you for the reminder! I’m glad you enjoyed it!

Will there be a sex toy shortage? Should we be stocking up on that?

Riese: I honestly don’t think so, but I would hate to say no and leave you lying in bed with nothing but your own two hands to get you off. Looking at our Babeland affiliate sales, we did have a huge spike the first week of April. In late March and later on in April, sales are up, but not WILDLY up — around 20% higher than usual! But maybe stock up just for fun!

Rachel: A few places have had to shut down or limit shipping, but not everyone, and a lot of places are having great specials right now as a way to try to stay afloat; hopefully we can feature some too! I know anecdotally that the proprietor of Early to Bed in Chi has been running the store on their own while continuing to pay their employees for not coming in, so they’re a great place to spend some $ right now, as well as thru any of our affiliates in the link Riese shared above!

How come you don’t see separatist communities anymore? Why did the old lesbian separatists communities fail?

Carmen: OMG DID YOU READ THIS PIECE LAST FALL IN THE NEW YORK TIMES!!! I sure did and let me tell you — I still think about it all the time! I love these women, may we continue to protect the land.

Would it be possible to have an article on how to get back into video games during quarantine? I used to love video games back in the days when you would buy a CD-Rom to play or when I would go to my friend’s house to play N64, but so much has changed since then! What is Steam? Are there any fun games I can play on my aging Mac that has very little disk space and a simple wireless mouse? What are the best new indie games and where do I find them? Thanks for considering!

Heather: Oh my gosh, yes! I’ll write this for you next week!

Sarah: Can I just say that Life Is Strange is one of the best games I have ever played and it’s available on almost all platforms? Please play!! It’s also pretty queerrrrrrr ;).

Hey homos. Maybe this is a question for the lesbrarian? I work as a youth leader with queer teens aged 13-19 and I would really like to get some body-positive literature to stock our mini library with. many of the teens struggle with eating disorders and whilst i know i can’t singlehandedly cure them, i would love to be able to offer them zines and books that are focused on body-positive messages preferably with a queer angle. back when i was struggling with an ED, i found it v helpful to read classics like Fat Is A Feminist Issue, but i think my teens would think this hideously archaic. Any suggestions on more contemporary and queer titles that I could offer them would be great!!

Rachel: I asked our resident lesbrarian Casey if she had any recs for you, and boy she really came through! Here’s her list:

Fiction

I’ll Be the One by Lyla Lee (Korean American bi fat girl who wants to be the first plus-size K-pop star)
The Summer of Jordi Perez by Amy Spalding (fat lesbian teen with a fashion blog moving out of her “sidekick” role)
Dumplin’ and Puddin’ by Julie Murphy (queer characters are side characters, but very wonderful fat heroines defying stereotypes and the author is queer and fat)
Faith: Taking Flight by Julie Murphy (not out until July, but a fat queer girl superhero!)
As The Crow Flies by Melanie Gilllman (queer fat Black girl goes to feminist Christian camp and is the only Black girl)

Non-Fiction (all except one are not written specifically for teens, FYI)

Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptance by Rosie Molinary (It has some good reviews about usefulness for teens; I’m not sure about the queer content, but it is published by Seal Press which is a queer positive feminist publisher)
Body Positive Power: How learning to love yourself will save your life by Megan Jayne Crabbe (Not specifically for teens, but appropriate for older ones especially; author is a body and fat positive activist with disordered eating history; also, who has talked about intersections of homophobia with fatphobia)
Happy Fat: Taking Up Space in a World That Wants to Shrink You by Sofie Hagen (Fat positive comedian—I haven’t read it but it has been noted there is some kind of LGBTQ content in here! Does have some content about sex)
The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love by Sonya Renee Taylor (This book has received rave reviews from some queer people I know, so I feel good about recommending it even though I’m not sure if it has explicit queer content)
You Have the Right to Remain Fat by Virgie Tovar (Same as above—recommended by real life queers, not sure if it has queer content!
The Self-Love Revolution: Radical Body Positivity for Girls of Color by Virgie Tovar (Written for teens, but not out until May—It appears to have a lot of diverse perspectives, so I assume there is some queer content!)
Landwhale: On Turning Insults Into Nicknames, Why Body Image Is Hard, and How Diets Can Kiss My Ass by Jes Baker (Samantha Irby gave this book five out of five stars on Goodreads, I think that’s all the recommendation anyone needs?)

While social distancing could we have a weekly post on upcoming online live events that are queer? Zoom book launches (like Cameron Esposito’s last week), queer musicians doing home concerts, etc? Essentially stuff like Shelter In Our Place! They are a lifeline but there isn’t one place to find them!
Thanks!

Laneia: We’re working on expanding into this kind of content and will keep you updated! I agree it’s a lifeline for sure.

Nicole: Did you hear that if we meet our fundraising goal, we’re going to throw a virtual variety show?! We’re serious! Also, we do keep a (non-exhaustive) community calendar which is populated based on reader submissions! I also reached out to Vanessa our Community Editor who hand-approves every event submitted, just for you, and she recommends following @queerantinecommunity on Instagram, too. FINALLY, you should also follow @autostraddle on Instagram because as one of the milestone perks for our fundraiser (which you all helped us reach!) we are going to hold a SECOND Shelter in Our Place! <3

I also put this in Shelli Nicole’s wonderful resource list — it breaks down CARES Act and State orders protecting ppl from eviction, utility shutoffs, and some info on loan payments. It’s a lot to process,but all in one place.

Kamala This is a fabulous resource, thank you!

Listen now that we’re supposed to wear fabric masks or whatever now is CLEARLY the time for a tutorial for whatever that hair braid/face scarf thing from Portrait of a Lady on Fire is! I need a look that protects the face while also subtly shouting ‘I’m a lesbian!’

Laneia: I feel like either Drew or Sally sent this.

Carmen: Mhhhmhmm. Drew — you’ve been found out.

HI I JUST NEED TO TELL YOU I’M REALLY GLAD YOU’RE HERE AND YOU’RE LISTENING/GROWING/CHANGING LIKE/ALONG WITH THE REST OF US AND I JUST THINK THIS WEBSITE IS REALLY IMPORTANT SO THANK YOU OK BYE

MISC

Mapbox created a bunch of stock photos of queer people working in tech and is offering them to use for free!

Laneia: HOT DAMN THANK YOU

Sarah: WOW YES THANK YOU!

I’m going through my first break up ever right now and tbh floundering. But I came across the Break Up Better Together zine last night. (First wow, times sure do change huh yikes) But it was overall very reassuring to reread it now that I have experienced a breakup and find some words that I did need to hear right now that have just been waiting on my shelf for 5 years till I needed them. So thank you!

Riese: Ummmmm I fucking LOVE THIS thank you! I was going through old shit the other day and found two copies of the zines from that series and was like, damn, this was truly such an amazing thing that we did! What a moment in time that was.

Umm so Roberta Colindrez was gonna play a main character in Tenebris Vulnus, which has struggled to get funding, but it looks like they are keeping on keeping on!

Rachel: Oh thank God

By the way, I’m sure someone might have said this already but the new Amazon show Hunters has a black lesbian main character! With a Latinx girlfriend! I’ve only watched the first four episodes so I can’t promise how good her storyline is or whether she survives (it’s a very murder-y show). It’s also not a fantastic show and is SUPER triggering for like…. everything (anti-Semitism, the Holocaust, violence, gore) so watch with caution.

Riese: I watched it and honestly I actually liked it? (I’m Jewish FTR) But I cannot find another soul on this earth who has seen it and will talk to me about it! I actually like where her story ended up a LOT. I am not sure how or if to write about it or what kind of piece we’d be looking for. But I think about it not infrequently. If anybody has ideas on the type of post they’d like to see about it let me know!

Autostraddle has published thirst trap and sexting advice before, but during the Advice-A-Thon I would like to ask Chingy for her expert advice on taking HOLE PICS! Please, for me and the internet!

Laneia: I’m gonna be honest with you, I was not prepared for the journey of this question. I want you to have the things you need, especially any hole-related things. I feel like this could be A+ content.

Sarah: I have never considered taking photos of my holes and now I cannot unconsider it!

Does it confuse/bother anyone else that photos and links aren’t organized in the same order? for example, in the A+ Insider Link round up or the Dice suggestions. It’s just really hard to figure out what link is which when they’re not ordered in the same way. I know it’s been said before that the photos are organized in whatever way looks coolest graphically and I’m fully in support of that. But if it’s not a ranked list where the order matters, could the links please match up to the order of the photos? Am I just being super persnickety? I don’t wanna make more work for y’all, i just wanna know what to click on!

Riese: Huh, honestly I never thought of the A+ Insider link roundup in that way — I can’t speak to the dice thing but I know in shopping posts we do have things in order to match up, if that’s what was happening there? The graphic that I put on top of the Top Posts of the Month list is just intended to be like, a visual item that breaks up blocks of text and gives a visual overview of what the month looked like, whereas the links below them with their headlines I would think of as the more helpful pieces of information for finding a thing? Also though your question suggests maybe I’ve answered a question on this topic in the past and since forgotten all about it? I HOPE NOT! It’s possible. Sometimes I have the same ideas more than once, like I say “should I write about [x]?” and I already have. I arrange it for visual majesty, although the filter is getting a bit 2014. I think it’s weird b/c it’s like a random idea I had to do for the graphic for that part of the insider when we wrote our very first insider in july 2014. It’s weird when you do something once without thinking about it too hard and then before you know it — it’s your life.

Sarah: Riese we should talk about the Insider rebrand anyway. And people this is your thing, so please let us know if there’s anything else you’re curious about/want more of in the comments below!

Riese: Right that’s the other thing we want to redesign the Insider altogether to use the many functions of our Gutenberg editor, which’s what we used for the Yearbook and the L.A. City Guide.

TLW: Gen Q has forever sexualized the endearment “buddy” for me and I’m only half mad about it

Riese: Listen in these times we cling to whatever gets us through. Help yourself to a Sinley fanvid, you deserve it!

Carmen: Sinley forever.

Sarah: …. What are you doing buddy?

Riese:

What’s the story behind the Dyke Kitchen logo? It’s so interesting, and it reminds me of something that I can’t put my finger on…. like a 1980s-90s hand illustrated spiral bound cookbook?? It feels so familiar!

Kamala: I am obsessed with these chef shorts and pants and I have a pair that’s half checker and half stripes, and my good friend, who is an illustrator/designer, was like “lemme draw you something like egg yolks over chef pants and checkered tablecloths.” She says it’s her take on a greasy spoon aesthetic mixed with the Moosewood cookbook, I really like it!

Sarah: Ugh now I need these pants in mustard. Thanks, Kamala!!!

Can we give Ariel Levy a queer shame award or something? I was never a big fan but her defense of the white savior who committed medical malpractice in Uganda was the worst piece of writing that I have read in years.

Kamala: Ahahhahaha! I began reading this piece and could not get through it, and did NOT, in fact, arrive at the part where she defended a white savior, but I’m honestly not terribly surprised. I’ve enjoyed pieces of hers, but she also peddles some yt swill that I simply cannot stomach.

Riese: Yeah I also too have enjoyed some of her stuff and very much not others. But to me she will always and forever be the person who’s lesbian wedding article apparently tipped the balance of New York Magazine’s 2007 Love & Sex Issue too far into the queer column, thus leading my bisexual dating article to get killed. In other words she cost me $3,000.

Hey! I noticed that Lunapads, a Canadian company that sells fabric menstrual products, has re-branded as Aisle. I have liked Lunapads for years. I was wondering if y’all knew anything about this change. It looks like they were/are working on making it clear that the products are for everyone who menstruates, which is not just women. So that seems good.

Laneia: Oh that’s a wonderful shift in marketing, good for them. We don’t personally know anything about their rebrand but we do wish them well!

Sarah: This is hot.

Good morning to everyone who woke up with the a cappella hand clap chant from Portrait of a Lady on Fire in their head 🔥

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

L.O.V.I.N.G. recent content EVEN MORE THAN USUAL which I didn’t even know was possible. Yall — and I mean ALL — are such amazing magicians!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Laneia: !!!! Wow! Thank you! I love being called a magician! Imagine if I practiced magic — I’d be even more jazzed right now! But the point is that I’m so glad you’ve loved the recent content!!

Yall, I canNOT keep up with all the amazing stuff on here I wanna read!!!

Kamala: We canNOT hear enough of that, so thank you for sharing!

When did you last stretch your back? Maybe get up and walk around a bit

Kamala: What an excellent reminder! Just did some shoulder rolls and reached my hand up “toward the sky”, as this yoga video I do commands me to do, and it was great, thanks.

Carmen: In fact my back has been killing me since I sat down to answer these questions, how did you know?

Sarah: Oh shit. I just rose up and rolled my shoulders thank you.

Just a reminder that the work you each do every day on Autostraddle is helping hundreds and hundreds of us take care of ourselves and take care of people around us. Your work is so so so powerful. You are so so so so powerful even, or perhaps most of all, on the hardest of days. <3 <3 <3 <3

Laneia: It’s fine and good that this made me cry on a Wednesday afternoon!!! Thank you!!

A+ people, if you have not read the A+ Impact Report (linked in Nicole’s latest email newsletter, quite nifty in itself), stop what you’re doing and read it now. It will remind you of what makes the AS community a rare and beautiful place, especially on the internet, especially in these times. If you can get through Heather’s story without shedding even one tear, I’m going to worry about you. We did this. We built this. Together. I wish every report I have to read was half as inspiring.

Kamala: Yes! Nicole is very good at what she does, and has brought a really beautiful cohesive narrative (and has brought in so many great team stories) to that report and, really, to all of the work that she’s doing here. I’m so happy you appreciated this report!

Carmen: Listen I just really love Nicole and I love how hard she works and how good she is at her job, and also how much more connected I feel to all you beautiful weirdos since she got here. I just love it all, okayyyy?????

Sarah: Nicole is such a gift!

Riese: NICOLE 4EVER

Nicole: Stahp! Too much!! But in all seriousness, you, anonymous A+ member, are the best, as are you all <3

I finally upgraded my AS membership plan like I said I would a couple years ago because I’m done with grad school and I have a decent paying job! Super glad to hear you are using resources to do internal anti-racism training. That is important and hard work and I’m glad you are prioritizing it. Please keep being an important and progressive queer media site and thanks for all that you do!

Kamala: This was all in place before I joined this team, but I was also pleased to know that there were resources set aside for this. The various kinds of racial-justice trainings are making small impacts that I feel confident are going to keep growing into larger and more meaningful impacts as we continue to reflect on our processes and have real conversations. Seriously, thank you for being invested in this for us!

Carmen: I just wanted to emphasize everything Kamala said, anti-racism trainings are so important for our teamwork and workplace culture, I am so glad that we are doing them. SO GLAD!! And also thank you so much for your continued support, I’m always humbled by how much you (and all the rest of our A+ members) give back to our community. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Nicole Thank you for upgrading <3 <3 <3 !!!

Hi I just wanna say I how much I appreciate Riese’s and other’s superpower of headline writing! <3 Makes my day every day.

Kamala: It is truly a superpower that she and Laniea possess and use for the highest good!

Riese: I appreciate this!

Thank you for being so smart, skilled and persisted with money/business/finances that we don’t yet have to imagine a future without you. Thank you for keeping you going. Thank you for every kind thing you have done for yourselves today, from looking at pictures of puppies, to eating something (anything), to reaching out for support, to being patient and gentle with yourself when you couldn’t do some other thing because it’s hard right now and you are still worthy of kindness. Thank you for helping us to know that we are worthy, too.

Riese: You’re welcome and also thank you! I just had a yogurt with honey and granola, and then looked at my dog, who was once a puppy!

Laneia: I literally did some of these exact things for myself today and I really needed this message! Thank you. I’m so glad you’re here.

CONGRATULATIONS ON THE A+ MEMBER GOAL!!!! YOU ALL ROCK SO MUCHHHHHHHHHH. RAINBOW GLITTER SPARKLES FOR EVERYONE

Laneia: I LOVE RAINBOW GLITTER SPARKLES !! I DON’T EVEN MIND THE CLEANUP !!

Carmen ✨✨🌈✨✨🌈✨✨🌈✨✨🌈

Sarah: *DANCES IN THE SPARKLES AND TWIRLS LIKE A 70’S BABE*

Nicole: I DO LOVE GLITTER. <3 <3 <3 Thank you for your congratulations! <3 WELCOME NEW MEMBERS <3

This website keeps me afloat, now and always. I don’t use social media. When I open my computer, the places I consistently check are 1) my email and 2) Autostraddle. I’ve made your writing the background of my day-to-day because you make me feel validated and empowered, you challenge me, you make me laugh, and you help me hold what’s painful. I’m so grateful. Please take care of yourselves <3

Carmen: As someone whose daily routine also consisted of 1) checking my email and 2) Autostraddle for the better part of the last ten years (long before I worked here), I can’t tell you how much this means to me! Like, wow. OK! You please take care of yourself, too. <3

Riese: This is the best daily routine I have ever heard of.

Thank you so much for being a virtual shoulder for so many hurting people. You’re doing good, important work that I know must feel overwhelming at times, and I really and truly hope you are all going to be ok <3 Much much love, stay safe and well

Rachel: Thank you, this is so affirming and comforting, I hope you and your loved ones are doing well today friend <3

Just wanna send you all love & encouragement today!! Thank you for launching the fundraiser!!! It’s so great to get to see everyone’s contributions come together <3

Nicole: It means so much to have encouragement from you and everyone while fundraising! We’re only going to keep bugging everyone until end of day today so THANK YOU for bearing with us, for supporting in any way you can, and for being there for us! We’re so touched by the way that bit by bit, this community has come together to support and make sure we can keep doing this work. 79% of donations are $50 or less! What that means to me, is that this is one big collective decision to help sustain this space and it feels like such queer magic 💖🔮✨You are all so powerful — thank you for being here!!

I wasn’t sure if I was going to donate to the current campaign because I just lost hours at my job due to the pandemic and then I saw that ppl were harassing Heather for not writing about Batwoman when she literally has COVID-19 and I became livid and donated to try to counteract such ridiculous people! Thank you for staying alive Heather! Write about Batwoman whenever you damn well please!!

Heather: Friend, this means more to me than I could ever explain. Thank you.

Nicole: Thank you so much for this!!! 😭