The Winter of Our Lesbian Content: This is a Glee, Skins & Pretty Little Liars Megapost

Remember that beautiful week — when was it? It seems like so long ago. Was it only two weeks ago? Were we ever so young? Were we ever so teary-eyed and wet-pantsed and surprised and shocked and touched and awed and optimistic about everything in the whole wide world?

Reader: we were. And we had reason to be. You couldn’t fly a crop-duster through a Burbank backlot without hitting the head of a lesbian/queer/bif-ckingcurious storyline.

Now that your triweekly serving of Lez is officially over (for the time being) and we still don’t know who A. is or which conventionally attractive lesbian Emily will take to next year’s Winterdeath Ball or whatever it was, it’s time to look back on the season that was. It’s time to dwell excessively upon the clear-pored Sapphic or semi-Sapphic humans who graced the screen of my laptop this past winter (because I don’t have a teevee, but you probably do, so this might just feel totally different for you than it does for me).

Am I watching “Landslide” again as I type this? Maybe.

This past season has been unquestionably the most lesbionic TV season of all time. This must be how gay men felt for the 356 years Will & Grace was on the air, along with Queer as Folk, Sex and the City, Dawson’s Creek, The Office, Entourage, Noah’s Arc, Degrassi, The Sopranos and Six Feet Under OR MAYBE even how they feel right now with Modern Family, Glee, Nurse Jackie, Shameless, Gossip Girl, 90210, Lost, Weeds, Big Love, Ugly Betty, Brothers & Sisters, Greek, Mad Men, True Blood, The United States of Tara and basically every single show on Logo.

I talked about why we’re getting so much gay TV at the end of my Glee recap and so I’ve only got this to add: This season we were permitted to dream.

This had not been the case before now. Much like the feeling of ordering from Burger Fresh in the early 90s, we don’t expect the people in charge to get everything right. We don’t expect a homoerotic ‘ship to sail or sexual tension to get a follow-up episode or parents to “come around” to their gay kid. We expect at least one dead and one converted lesbian.

But, again like the feeling of ordering from Burger Fresh in the early 90s, we tuned in just the same because TV provides convenient at-home delivery. That’s right, Burger Fresh delivered. In MICHIGAN. So what do you want, a cheeseburger with the-wrong-kind-of-cheese and extra unordered-bacon-even-though-you’re-Jewish delivered to your doorstep? Or do you want to look into your freezer to see what’s worth re-heating from last year? You follow?

This season we felt slightly less like Lesbo Bevis & Butthead or desperate superfans because the little things we picked up on — Mini’s attraction to Franky, Sanatana and Brittany’s chemistry — actually got fleshed out, even just a little.

We’ll be rating these shows on a Lesbo Rating Scale from “Angry Lesbian” to “Happy Lesbian.”

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Skins UK (e4)

[all our posts on skins]

Queers:

Franky – genderqueer and pansexual (relatively confirmed)
Mini – bisexual or a lesbian (suspected)

Dude I Hate Who Coincidentally Ruins Everything:

Oh, f- you in the ear Matty, you dark brooding super-complicated emo quasi-rebel, Avril Lavigne is darker than you are in your darkest hour. Courtney Love would smash your face in in a fist-fight and Jordan Catalano would be a better boyfriend. You thrive in the land of vulnerable women because you wear black a lot, which is edgy, and also you’re SO SO loyal to your OH SO COMPLICATED heart and its OH SO COMPLICATED feelings and you think if you curl your lip like that then somehow your reckless disregard for the subjects of your emotional attention will pass as genuine confusion rather than selfish, fickle, and pretentious. UGH UGH UGH.

I do think it’d be interesting to see our favorite genderqueer pansexual fawn Franky to date a dude so I’m not even mad about the fact that she seemingly ended up with Matty instead of Mini for gender reasons.

Just — Lawd do I hate this character. Everything he did made me groan.

In the End:

In Skins‘ Season Five finale, our suspicions that Mini has a Big Fat Lesbian Crush on Franky are confirmed, mostly because she does that thing that you did to your best friend in high school where you pretend to be Dr. Phil (“you deserve better, don’t go be with that boy”) / Oprah (“You’re my best friend! I protect you from the world!”) to cover up that you’re actually Ellen (“I like girls! Be with me! SURPRISE!”) . But also because Mini stores photos of Franky in her cell-phone spank-bank, tries to kill Matty, and constantly wants to touch/hold Franky. Oh, and Liv calls Mini out for her “girl crush.”

What precisely transpires in the poppyfields of Somewhere in the United Kingdom where Rich and Grace are going to get married is unclear — Franky thought 9/11 was beautiful, Franky just wanted to be normal for once, she takes a lot of drugs, freaks out when Matty tries to have sex with her which might be because she experienced some kind of sexual trauma earlier in life. Franky runs away, there’s a scene in a church basement where Liv starts to kiss Franky’s back to appeal to Matty but it doesn’t, Liv and Matty break up, and then, at an impromptu wedding reception with a Midsummer’s Night Dream theme, Franky arrives, texts with Matty about being a glorious headfuck thing, and then runs into his arms and is held. This could be a friendly hug or a love-forever hug, hopefully not the latter because as aforementioned I find Matty irritating.

Rating:

Skins was, per always, an excellent television program this season, which earns bonus points. Also extra for trotting out TV’s first genderqueer pansexual and for making aforementioned genderqueer pansexual so f-cking cute!

Pretty Little Liars (ABC Family)

[read all our posts on pretty little liars]

Queers:

Emily – lesbian (confirmed)
Maya – lesbian (confirmed)
Paige – lesbian (confirmed)
Samara – lesbian (confirmed)

Dude I Hate Who Coincidentally Ruins Everything:

A., Ian, Officer Garret, Ezra, Aria’s Dad, Caleb, Lucas, Noel Cahn and basically every male character on this show who took up minutes of the finale that should’ve been spent on Emily making out with girls.

In the End:

The final episode of Pretty Little Liars was super-busy with all of this “plot” and “murder mystery” nonsense and contained only one lesbian reference in the whole entire thing. Where was Paige? What if Paige is A and we didn’t even know about it?! What if Sounder killed Jenny?

Emily’s Mom wants to move to Texas to be with their Dad, but there’s no way they’re taking Shay off the show so let’s not even bother with that besides to say that Hanna teases Emily regarding if Texas “beauty queens” are her type. Which is super-adorbs.

Emily is e-mailing Samara so that love connection is open, Paige is nowhere to be found and Maya is apparently completing her 16th week of the Most Intense Marijuana Treatment Program of all time. When she comes back she’ll probably be allergic to everything.

Ultimately Emily’s storyline was a refreshing departure from expectation. Emily stood up to her Mom (who eventually came around, somewhat), felt liberated after her secret was revealed, and even refused to participate in someone else’s closeted antics.

The last lesbian scenes of the season are expounded upon in our recap of the second-to-last episode of Pretty Little Liars.

Rating:

For TV’s most admirable lesbian character, a “9.”

Next: Skins US and Glee

Skins US Episode 102 Recap: Tea is a Lesbian Who Likes To Kiss Girls

This week we watched an entire thirteen minutes and forty-seven seconds of Skins before turning to drugs, which means everything the Parents Television Council was worried about is true.

Without a doubt, however, the most unrealistic aspect of this week’s episode is that on a random weeknight, there just-so-happens to be a hoppin’ lesbian club night that lets in 16-year olds within walking/bussing distance of Tea’s house. I mean they take ten busses and a hydroplane to get to school and it’s only a hop/skip/jump to pussy palace?

We open in Lesbian Cruising Spot #1 — NOT THE PLANET THE PLANET ISN’T REAL — History class! Is this what happens in high school these days, children? Is it?

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Tea invites Betty to join her at Lesbian Club Night in Fantasyland via mysterious table-dropped note which reads “Northern Soul.”

Tea roars sexily through her busybusy life, surrounded by noise and chaos, eventually escaping into the dear refuge of her bedroom where we can watch her undress and check out her literary tattoo:

Tea’s got her lesbo-jeans, lesbo-shoes and GLITTER SHIRT on, as well as a giant coat that is not fucking around. IT’S TIME TO MEET THE LADIES

But This ID Says “Maxxie Oliver”?

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No lesbian bar would ever be named Northern Soul, it would be named “Lick” or something. Which is the name of an actual lesbian bar in Vancouver. This is how we prevent anyone wandering into Meow Mix looking for Monday Night Football or e-harmony speed-dating.

Tea’s confident and demurely plucky, like a girl with a lot going on in her head and no suitable receptacle for her feelings. Thus she saunters confidently towards the Lordess of the Dance.

Someone Get That Girl a Blog

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Also? Tea’s got this little dance she does that makes you want to cuddlefuck the hell out of her glittershirt and Chucks.

Betty, dressed like her namesake from the Archie comic books, arrives, as promised…

I See What You’re Doing With That Bra and That Tank Top And I Like It

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Before long, Tea and Betty begin Lesbian Kissing each other in a way that suggests they will soon be Lesbian Vadgeblasting. Get your gas mask on, the apocalypse is nigh.

Betty, just like Showtime, has NO LIMITS and before long she’s back at Tea’s casa, clam-diving in what could not possibly be A DARKER ROOM UNSUITABLE FOR SCREENSHOTS.

According to our chart…

Yes. They had sex.

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This was not Palex sex…

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…or Spashley sex…

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…or Emya sex…

I mean, people definitely went down on each other. Just saying.

Already sleeping naked together, at such a young age.

The next morning Betty puts that godawful dress back on and trods downstairs into the madhouse that is Tea’s family, which is when we meet NANA THE SURPRISE STAR OF THE SHOW:

As Betty’s being awkwardly introduced and spoken to by everyone in the room because Tea’s Dad knows her boyfriend or something, suddenly, Tea’s brother calls out LOOK IT’S THE LESBIAN…

…and Mom says we can’t use that word here you know how Grandma hates it and the Dad says what word and Mom says “The L Word” and who can’t relate to that, right? I mean, who killed Jenny = so dumb.

The one in leather or the one in plaid, you decide

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But they’re talking about Daisy, who’s not a lesbian. She doesn’t even have a personality yet, let alone a sexuality. Duh.

Dad jokes that Tea is very “open-minded” and Daisy wonders out loud if Tea will ever tell her family that Daisy isn’t the fingerblaster here. Then Betty has her requisite morning-after freakout —

Betty: “So look, I don’t want — you better not tell anyone about — just — DON’T.”
Daisy: “Uh, you might wanna work out an explanation for those hickeys, though.”
Betty: “Shit, Bobby’s gonna — SHIT. I’ll see you.”
Tea: “Sure.”
[Tea leans in to kiss her]
Betty: “DON’T. For Chrissakes.”
Tea: “Scaredy cat.”

Tea describes her night of passion to Daisy as ‘alright’ with ‘a lot of licking.’ How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop/Tea’s heart? Time will tell!

Oh but first it’s time for our morning commute!

It’s another leisurely morning in RandomeasterncitymaybeBaltimore, where the children appreciate the morning light, have 2-3 feelings, ride the bus, get some bacon & eggs, and then wander into school just in time for lunch.

Hey Did You Get That at Kohl’s Back to School Sale? I Love Pencils!

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Abbud needs to stop it with this OMG SEX thing. It worked when Dev Patel did it, because that dude is a good actor and I believe his lines were slightly better, but this guy is just irritating. Nice hoodie, though.

Ah, lunch. Such a pivotal time in the life of a young person. Lunch brings out the child in all of us, apparently, the child who can’t eat a chocolate bar without smearing it all over his face…

… the child who is so fascinated by FRENCH KISSES WITH TONGUE that when Michelle & Tony play a bit of tonsil hockey, the world must cease as the children stare on in wonderment, offering a verbal play-by-play…

… the child who is so nervous to use the word “sex” that he says “making monkey” instead …

… the child who is so titillated by saying the word “breasts” that it must be repeated, multiple times, slightly different but no less exciting every time, just like the idea of the cheerleader showing everyone her boobs at halftime, which I think counts as child pornography.

But back in grown-up land, SOMEBODY HAS FEELINGS and is sharing those feelings with Tea via eye contact.

I’m putting my money on “credits Tea with her lesbian awakening, falls in love with her”

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I Know This Mini-Bar

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Tea chases lunch with a mini-bottle of vodka but luckily evades an open container law as she lives in no-mans land. I mean that could totally just be a mini-bottle of clear Tabasco sauce or some kind of lesbian witch potion. OH LOOK WHO IT IS —

Look Me in the Eyes And Tell Me You Didn’t Find My Little Debbie Dress Attractive

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Betty: “Hey–”
Tea: “Oh–”
Betty: “I was thinking–”
Tea: “Betty. We had sex. But I’m not really looking for anything else.”
Betty: “Why not?”
Tea: “Somebody mentioned a boyfriend? What’s that for, show?”
Betty: “I have to have a boyfriend.”

Liquid Courage In Action

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Tea: “Sounds like pretending to me, and that’s bad stuff I have to avoid. And I don’t want a relationship.”
Betty: “Why’s that?”
Tea: “Because nobody matches up to me.”
Betty: “You’re just an arrogant bitch really, aren’t you?”
Tea: “Sorry, scaredy cat.”

Tea’s family is playing “who can talk the loudest” and at first we think Tea’s going to come out while everyone talks, like when Bette told Jodi that she slept with Tina (or something like that, I can’t remember) and Jodi couldn’t hear her which was like, really mean but also weird, but no instead Tea yells for everyone to be quiet and everyone is for about a minute and then chaos re-erupts.

Nana notes, “What’s the difference in Arkansas, it’s a skill! Mazel Tov!” Word.

Breakfast in Bed at Tiffany’s

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Tea’s getting intimate with Audrey Hepburn in her dreams when Nana strolls in, which would be embarrassing if Nana didn’t think she was walking into a Nuremberg Rally.

Blair Waldorf (at least in the books, IDK re: the TV show) Also Loves Audrey Hepburn, Maybe They Should Bang

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Probs Nana is thinking, “Audrey Hepburn sure is looking lovely these days.” She calls Tea “Ruthie” and says she doesn’t want her marrying that boy. Tea figures this would be a good time to bounce her private ideas off somebody who has a lot of love but not a lot of memory.

Tea: “Something’s wrong with me Nana. I want the sex but the girls I sleep with? Bore me. They’re catty and clingy and I dunno — it never feels like enough. Is it too much to ask for someone to be interesting? I just wanna feel equal.”

And I Said, What About Breakfast at Tiffanys and She Said “I Think I Remember the Film”

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Two thumbs up for the “gay AND.” As in: she’s not a one-note lady for whom navigating homosexuality is the only issue. ‘Cause it ain’t — relationships are complicated & confusing regardless of gender, and by often watering down teevee homo plots to “Gay” being enough to ride a character, writers really shortchange us. So Big Up to Brian.

I Don’t Know If You’ve Heard, But There’s Lesbian Sex In Skins USA

SKINS:

Are you watching MTV’s US version of Skins? Did you even watch the UK original? Were you in love with Cassie or possibly Jal? To be honest, even if the answer to all those questions is no, you can still enjoy this lesbosexy teenage romance clip featuring lesbian cheerleader Tea and some hot chick.

Skins – MTV Shows

As you know from reading every single post we ever write religiously, parents and conservative pundits and losers are all freaking out about the soulless immoral debauchery of this show, and are convinced it is bringing the end times upon our tender young lambs. (For instance, you may have noticed that you have to confirm your age to watch this even though all they do is kiss and as far as I know “two girls one cup” is freely available for public viewing by toddlers.)

We would like to take a moment to express the opposite sentiment: we extend our warm thoughts and good feelings to those baby homosexual all across America who maybe will not even watch this show (possibly because they are not allowed to!) but saw this trailer at some point maybe by accident and experienced a moment of “FUCK YES maybe one day I will also dance with and kiss a pretty girl even though I am trapped in the hellish human invention that is high school!” Dear tiny budding lesbi/sexual: we salute you.

GAY PEOPLE ALLOWED TO BE PARENTS:

Some dudes in Connecticut are now allowed to be the parents of their own children even though they’re gay! Utter madness! Cats and dogs living together! Happy families! “The state is, for the first time, recognizing the nature of the relationships that are being created thought surrogacy arrangements in general and IVF [in-vitro fertilization] in particular. That affects not just who can be a parent but the validity and enforceability of surrogacy. Connecticut has set the stage for other states and legislatures — the sky hasn’t fallen. ”

MEAN GIRLS:

Will we ever get tired of talking about this movie? No. So here are 12 more topics of discussion: 12 Things You Didn’t Know About Mean Girls. “Lindsay Lohan’s character is named “Cady”, which has a common pronunciation (“Katie”) but an uncommon spelling for an American girl’s first name. In keeping with the film’s theme of female empowerment, it is the same spelling of the birth last name of Elizabeth Cady Stanton, an 18th-century pioneer in the American Women’s Rights movement.”

UTERUS PINATA:

What? It’s a thing.

NEW GAGA SINGLE:

It was played during Nicola Formichetti’s Mugler men’s fashion show in Paris, and its title possibly means “shit” in German, but since the coverage of this song would indicate that not a single soul on the Internet speaks German or even has a casual acquaintance who does, we may never know. Anyways, here’s Gaga’s new single, it’s in German!

JAMES FRANCO AT SUNDANCE:

A poem in pictures. This one is my favorite.

CATS:

“Bruno and Solomon, who live at the no-kill cat shelter Ollie’s Place in New York City, made history this week by becoming the first same-sex married cat-couple.

Also in cats: I don’t know who put this cat in this box or why, but it is released safely and actually I’m pretty sure it could have gotten out itself the whole time, so enjoy! “When one of our friends is stuck in a plastic box, we help them get out of the box by pulling off the lid. But this kitten employs a different method: jumping on top of the box.”

Surprise! Conservatives Freaking Out About “Skins,” Sex, Drugs (UPDATED)

ETA 1-22-11: H&R Block, GM, Taco Bell and Wrigleys have now also pulled advertising from skins. MTV said they’re confident that advertisers will work with Skins and that not every company is right for every show. Then they released a trailer that contains a lesbian kiss.

Sofia Black D’Elia, who plays Tea The Lesbian, has said:  “It’s what teens are doing. It’s the way teenagers believe, I think, especially you know in certain situations when you come from home lives where your parents don’t really support you or really listen to you. That’s what most of these kids are going through. And so, um, the drugs and the sex, they’re vices, and that’s what teenagers have.”

At HuffPo, Tina Wells points out that parents should teach their children, they shouldn’t let MTV teach their children for crying out loud. It’s good, you should read it. The Los Angeles Times reminds parents that monitoring the TV is their own job.

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When the credits rolled after the first episode of Skins MTV (which debuted to fairly impressive ratings, drawing the most 12-34 viewers than any other MTV series launch), the very first reaction that came into my head, and, consequently, the thing I immediately said out loud: Man I can’t wait for allllll the parents to flip their shit over this.

Lo and behold, they have.

Acording to Deadline Hollywood, the Parents Television Council is “calling on the U.S. Senate and House Judiciary Committee and the Department of Justice to open an investigation for possible child pornography and exploitation” on MTV’s Skins (a remake of the British show), which many of you disliked for other, and often entirely opposite, reasons.

To some degree, the pressure has worked — Taco Bell has pulled its ads from Skins and the PTC is now encouraging its members to target GM next. The Hollywood Reporter also reports that The New York Times reported that “a number of executives met on Tuesday over concerns the show could violate pornography laws” although MTV would not confirm this.

The PTC is concerned with sexual content on the show involving cast members “as young as 15” and “42 depictions and references to drugs and alcohol in the premiere episode alone.”

In the past week, the Parents Television Council has been the target of derision from snide television “critics” and representatives of the entertainment industry – all because we dared to suggest that MTV’s new show Skins was not suited for viewing by children. But any objective viewer – that is to say, one whose livelihood does not depend on manufacturing corrosive programming, delivering children’s eyeballs, hearts, and minds to advertisers, or fawning over the entertainment industry in print – would be forced to conclude that the PTC is exactly right in its estimate of the show. For its exhaustive, soul-crushing portrayal of high-school children obsessed with drugs and sex, MTV’s Skins (10:00 p.m. ET) is the Worst Cable TV Show of the Week.

The Parents Television Council Highly Subjective “Worst Cable TV Show of the Week” column (done in a jarring “recap” style with sentences like, “Snooki” notes, “I look like a hooker.” Whatever “Snooki’s” other flaws – and they are ample – at least she is capable of honest self-evaluation), zings Skins like so:

– Like Dawson’s Creek, Gossip Girl, and dozens of other shows before it, Skins is a ludicrous caricature of what teens wish life was like…or more accurately, what pathetic, sex-obsessed middle-aged network programmers going through midlife crises wish their teenage lives had been like.

– Tony’s obsession with his friend’s virginity borders on the pathological. Is any teen really that concerned about whether or not his friend is a virgin?

– After some more hilariously overblown “hip” dialogue (despite the show’s alleged “authenticity,” Tony certainly talks like a character in a scripted drama. Well, a really poorly scripted drama)…

When BBC America aired Skins, the Parents Television Council regularly rewarded it with its “Worst Cable TV Show of the Week” Award, saying Skins “makes Gossip Girl look like an ice cream social.”

Season 3, Episode JJ: “…in the Skins universe, everyone in high school is having sex with everyone else – all while high on pot or stoned on pills (preferably both at once). Just like real life!”

Season 3, Episode Thomas: “Though initially sweet-natured and obedient to his parents, a few days experiencing the depravity of the psychotic Skins gang turns Thomas into yet another pot-smoking pervert.”

Parents Television Council 101

So first — for those of you unaware — a little background on The Parents Television Council, the fine human beings responsible for 99% of FCC complaints.

The PTC (Parents Television Council), whose supporters have included Charlton Heston, Billy Ray Cyrus and Joe Lieberman, identifies as “non-partisan” and was founded in 1995 by L Brent Bozell III, a douchebag conservative writer & activist and head of The Media Research Center, which we LOATHE and which seeks to “expose liberal bias” with an annual operating budget of 10 fucking million dollars. 

The Council basically launches campaigns to hold advertisers and networks and cable companies accountable for television content the Council deems as harmful to children.  They hate Dawson’s Creek and Will & Grace, they love Sunday Night Football and Seventh Heaven.

Things the Parents Television Council have rallied against include The World Wrestling Federation, Bono saying “fuck” at the Golden Globes (the FCC received only 234 complaints, 217 of which came from the PTC), someone saying “fuck” during an episode of Big Brother, masturbation in That 70’s Show, Janet Jackson‘s nipple, a “teen orgy” scene in Without a Trace, a live broadcast of the unedited line “who the fuck are you” in The Who‘s Live 8 performance, female nudity in NYPD Blue, Paris Hilton‘s Carls Jr ad, “Dick in a Box,” and The Gossip Girl threesome.

In 2009, The Parents Television Council pushed its members to complain to the FCC and ABC’s Dick Clark Productions about Adam Lambert‘s “oral sex stimulation” scene in the 2009 American Music Awards broadcast.  In October 2010, The PTC called the Britney Spears episode of Glee “an endorsement of narcotics abuse, public masturbation, and school-sanctioned burlesque.”

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Is Skins Bad For You?

Jace Lacob has a good piece in The Daily Beast called Skins Is Not Kiddie Porn in which he breaks down the laws and explains why Skins isn’t breaking them and also mentions that in next week’s episode, Tea will be masturbating to a poster of Aubrey Hepburn. He also speculates as to why these concerns are being raised now, as opposed to during the development process:

The more cynical among us might wonder whether the story in The New York Times was intended by MTV to generate controversy and bring more viewers to the series in the first place by playing up the more salacious aspects of the show. Which, if true, is extremely troubling, if not vile.

He goes on to say that the real problem with Skins MTV is that there is “a washed-out quality to everything,” and that it “seems calculatedly obsessed with the filth factor, pushing that content front and center while failing to realize that the original was so successful because it mined the rich interior lives of the lads and lasses of Bristol for narrative effect.”

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Speaking to The Today Show, psychologist Dr. Jennifer Hartstein said the show “does start to show the not-so-pretty side of all this stuff” in future episodes and could be “a launching pad for conversations betwen teens and their parents.”

“I think this is what’s happening. I think we have to start to think about the fact that a lot of kids, as the clips showed us, they’re having sex, they’re drinking, they really are getting pregnant. They’re doing things that we don’t want to talk about.”

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What Do We/You Think?

We discussed some of these issues earlier this year when parents in France started freaking out that their kids were having “Skins-themed parties.” TV clearly does influence teen behavior in a myriad of negative ways. But I consistently endeavor to suggest that blatant drug use, sex and cursing is far less damaging to a tender child’s psyche than the secret, insidious messages buried below the surface of all television programming everywhere. With sex and drugs on the table, a conversation becomes necessary and the materials are at the ready and ripe for parental discussion. We SEE these things, and then we can talk about them.

But it’s the things we DON’T “see” and therefore rarely discuss or acknowledge that really fuck up kids — like the symbolic anihilation of GLBTQ persons and people of color on TV, or the stereotypical ways in which those minorities are portrayed or the rampant misogyny that cornerstones most successful programs or how TV values commercialism, superficial things and consumption above all else. I’m more worried about how underweight the cast of 90210 is than that “Oscar” has sex with an older woman or that a wasted Naomi describes “sex” as “a random physical act.”

For example, the PTC attacks an epsiode of Two and a Half Men for its repeated references to erections and masturbation, aka “strong sexual content.” Now I HATE TWO AND A HALF MEN. Reading the PTC recap inspires wrath in me as well, but not ’cause Alan spends most of the episode jerking off — because the plot and language is, per ushe, deeply misogynistic, homophobic, sexist and — just for funsies — ageist! Masturbation is an easy thing to point to and an even easier thing for concerned parents to address though I don’t know why they’d care as masturbation is totally natural and fine.

ANYHOW.

Rest assured few parents will sit their kid down and explain how biphobic it is on a show which NEVER SHOWS GAY PEOPLE OR INTELLIGENT WOMEN to have a “bi-sexual” one-off character who left her girlfriend for her male roommate after the three shared a series of threesomes and has a job providing sex shows on her webcam.

Sorry PTC, but when I want to bitch about how television and movies are sending damaging messages, I’m gonna turn to Bitch Magazine, GLAAD, the NAACP, AfterEllen and Jezebel.

Is Skins problem-free? Of course not. Which is why parents (a whole entire Council’s worth, even!) shouldn’t let their kids watch Skins if they think it’s damaging. DUH.

But insofar as it displays at-risk behavior, it certainly shows consequences of this behavior — Skins kids fail out of school, die at alarming rates, get hit by cars and consequently paralyzed, get pregnant, get expelled, go crazy, lose friends, fuck up relationships, pass out, become homeless, go to jail, are unusually depressed, have heightened emotional conversations that might be a little smoother if everyone weren’t on coke, and get in trouble constantly.

In Conclusion

So, the PTC is announcing victory today because Taco Bell has pulled out as an advertiser on Skins MTV as of yesterday.

So basically it took Taco Bell four days to decide to pull it’s advertisements from a 10pm TV show blatantly advertised as being raunchy.

In other news, it took Taco Bell FIFTEEN YEARS, culminating in a four-year boycott initiated by The Coalition of Immokalee Workers to respond to Union pressure about unethical treatment of its immigrant farm workers in Florida and commit to paying ALMOST LIVEABLE wages and to “ensure that indentured servitude is strictly forbidden.”

Just saying.

Skins US Mini-Recap 101: Tony Parks His Car in MTV’s Garage

On Monday January 17th, the United States of America’s Very Own Skins television program premiered on MTV, the network responsible for I Want a Famous Face and My Super Sweet 16, but also for My So-Called Life re-runs and True Life: I’m Addicted to Plastic Surgery.

Awakening this morning from their innocent teenaged slumber, fans all over the world were relieved to discover that the premiere of Skins MTV did not, in fact, result in the spontaneous combustion and irreversible corruption of the original Skins. The original is still available on Netflix, at your local video retailer and via a number of online video stores.

I watched Skins MTV with a Canadian who’s never seen Skins before, and after an informal poll of 3-4 of my friends and a few kids on formspring, I’ve determined that she and I were the only ones who enjoyed last night’s episode of Skins. She also correctly identified Toronto as the filming location and didn’t believe me that Tony wasn’t gay, so. I mean I have a few questions for the guy who plays Tony.

Here’s the emails I had in my inbox this morning:

Televisionary Carly: “I only watched the UK version this past weekend — I’m a bit behind on pop culture, as evidenced by the fact that i also watched the girl with the dragon tattoo & whatever the 2nd one is called yesterday — so it’s still fresh in my mind. This US version is a joke right? There was no charm or… anything! I also felt even pervier watching the US one than I ever felt watching the UK one (I’m about halfway through season 2 on the UK one at the moment). It was just missing something. I will keep watching because of the lesbian and because I have an uncanny ability to withstand large quantities of teen programming without faltering.”

Crystal: “I really really wanted to like it, but I didn’t. I thought for the most part the acting and the dialogue were horrible, it was like a cheesy British pantomime based on the original version. They even beeped out the swearing, for fuckssake. I was hoping that if it wasn’t going to be amazing then it’d at least be terrible/amazing, like Rizzoli & Isles or Home & Away. But no, it’s just terrible.

I thought Tea and whoever plays the new Jal were good, on the bright side. But the US Effy broke my heart. Overall I think I’d hate still it even if I didn’t have anything to compare it to, you know?”

We’ll do a real recap next week because IT’S THE LESBIAN EPISODE, but for this week lets just go over the main plot points and major feelings.

1. What the Eff

We open with Eura/Effy, who apparently has been up all night dumpster diving, shooting heroin into her lips and rubbing her eyeballs in a vat of liquid liner. Also Taylor Momsen called, and she wants her look back.

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2. The Long-Distance Talker

The young rascals of Baltimore awaken on what I believe is a school day. Michelle is taking a nice leisurely bubble bath, as we so often have time to do before 6:30 AM Social Studies, Daisy is blowing her horn, and Stanley apparently was masturbating earlier by looking at several pornography magazines at the same time. It’s an ADD thing. Kids these days!

I hope none of Tony’s friends have the same commute Tony does because they’re all going to be late. He took more busses, sidewalks, streets and alleys than poor New York underemployed hipsters take to get to the JFK airport on a Saturday. (It’s a lot). This show is set in Baltimore so I imagine he’s attending school in the Virginia area.

The impetus of today’s episode is that it’s Stanley’s birthday and Tony wants to get him laid. I didn’t like this plot in the original and I didn’t like it this time, either!

BUT OH THE GLORY OF THIS…

Becoming this:

Abbud: “Me and Chris promised we’d go to Tea’s Big Gay Lezorama Night.”
Tony: “Is Chris gay?”
Abbud: “No.”
Tony: “Are you gay?”
Abbud: “No. It’s girl-on-girl man, it’s like live porn. And Chris says we can probably convert them and then it’d be like girl on girl on dudes.”

The other plotline I loathed from Skins UK — partially out of disbelief, partially out of ‘why the fuck who cares this doesn’t really matter’ and partially out of sorrow for so much weed being wasted — is repeated in this pilot episode: the drug deal.

Tony suggests that Stanley acquire $900 of marijuana from a scary-looking drug dealer, which Tony is certain they’ll sell at a party later on that night.

This seems so much more difficult than just smoking a bowl, I have no idea.

Is there anything about that image that appeals to any of your senses? Me neither.

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3. Tea Party

When Tony rings Tea, she’s in the middle of cheerleading practice. Already like five stereotypes have dissolved into the warm sweaty air of the high school gymnasium in which an un-apologetically gay lady hops, jumps and shows off her abs while chatting on her bluetooth device.

Tony: Forget the big gay night out Tea, we need you.
Tea: Sorry, promised Chris and Abb I’d take them on a voyage of wonder and discovery.

Tea is going to carry the show and then lesbians will get equal rights.

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4. Cold for Teacher

We then visit a high school classroom lead by a teacher who will almost definitely have an affair with Chris, and hopefully also show us her boobs. Daisy is reading a handout about depression, because subtext is tedious.

Who is this actress/character. I think she wandered in off a Season Five episode of Saved by the Bell and Slater’s gonna offer to carry her books and Jessie’s gonna get real jealous and feministy on him.

There was clearly an error which I’ve taken the liberty of correcting:

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5. LEZORAMA BANANA WHAMMA WHAMMA DING DONG

All of the best quotes were about Lezorama.

Tea: Who’s telling him we’re not going to his lame-ass Gossip Girl party?

Later that night, Tea & Daisy & Abbud & Chris head over to the rich girl’s party Tony got them all invited to via one girl from a nearby prep school who has a crush on him. The rich girl talks like a psychotic illiterate bunny, I don’t even know. Why oh why did they leave Lezorama?

Abbud: Well that’s the last Lezorama I ever go to, it sucked.
Tea: Quit moaning.
Abbud:They don’t even look at you, it’s like you don’t exist. And to top it off they don’t even make out like proper lesbians!
Tea: Proper lesbians?
Abbud: Yeah, like in films right, when they [something] a man for 60 miles, and foxy foxes gotta make do? That’s real lesbians!

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6. Team Party Crash

The highlight of this week’s episode, in my humble and clearly unpopular opinion, was the party-crash.

The comradary  between characters was palpable and believable, and class consciousness was made apparent in a way I never noticed in the original (which could just be ’cause I’m from the US). You know that accidentally beautiful girl in the blue hoodie watching the monied blonde glamourpuss try to steal her man. You know the misfits who know how to dance and they sex/drug it up and everyone is horrified and it’s lovely.

When the Blonde Dumb Girl screams “too Urban! Too Urban!” it’s ON, and the whole crew jumps into action with their streetsmarts. This viscious catfight gives Tea an opportunity to punch someone in the face while wearing a leather jacket.

7. Cadie

This is all we have to work with so far:

So you know. Who the fuck knows.

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In conclusion, if I judged every show by its pilot… actually to be honest I wasn’t crazy about the first episode of First Gen Skins UK, either. But next week looks fucking kickass.

Skins – MTV Shows

Even in this muted, occasionally imperfect episode — I still felt, at times, that I know these kids better than I’ve known the kids on any other American high school TV shows. Watered-down Skins UK is still more authentic than South of Nowhere or anything appropriate for network television.

This is owed in part to the age-appropriate casting, a technique also employed by the creators of Canadian teenaged tv program Degrassi. See, other shows have REALLY OLD ACTORS. Bianca Lawson, who plays Maya on Pretty Little Liars, is 32. Luke Perry was 24 when he played 16-year-old Dylan McKay on 90210. Cory Monteith and Mark Salling, who play high school students in Glee, are both 28.  But the Skins kids are all in their teens.

I was these kids. High school is a battlefield for your heart in which only two major cliques are immune from social judgment/torement/excursion (and instead subjected to their own in-crowd destruction and other personal problems)  — the popular athletic disproportionately attractive rich kids and the popular drug-indulgent badass kids who don’t give a fuck and somehow end up being cute/hot in an alternative/unexpected way. This is high school told from the fuckups point of view, and to be honest, where else do we ever see that? High school TV seems obsessed with rich, traditionally popular and incredibly good looking — or else, occassionally, the geek’s POV. But the fuckups usually don’t get their own show.

I think Skins UK is so raw that it’s spoiled us, we forget what the world was like when it was fully populated by Dawson and his creek and also by the fine young children of Beverly Hills, The O.C. and the Upper East Side of Manhattan.

What did you think?

MTV’s Skins USA Apparently Awesome, “Tea” Apparently Awesomest Lesbian Character Ever

The first round of critics/bloggers/writers have seen the first four episodes of MTV’s Skins USA, a new spin on the groundbreaking original UK series, which debuts January 17th, — and they like it. They like it a lot.

AfterEllen’s Skins Scholar Heather Hogan says the show will not disappoint:

US Skins is a blaze of heat and heart, a skilled harmony of pathos and peculiarity. It does its predecessor proud.

Furthermore, our lesbian character, Tea (in the UK original, the homogay for Seasons 1 and 2 was Maxxie, a boy, but they did a gender-swap for the MTV version which totally annoys everyone in the world except for us, for whom a lesbian replacing a gay male character is probably the third-best thing that could ever happen to every show on earth, after “a lesbian replacing a straight male” and “a lesbian replacing a straight female” because you know we love straight people and all, but we are insane about lesbian characters, I mean duh, there’s basically an entire website dedicated to tracking the two-minute appearances of said lesbian characters and it’s called AfterEllen.com, which brings us back to where I began, which is that Heather Hogan has seen the first few episodes of Skins USA and she liked it. I should get out of this parenthetical statement and get this show more valiantly on the road) is the awesomest lesbian character ever:

In typical Skins fashion, Tea’s episode (the second episode of the season) is warm and sexy and real, with just a hint of trademark absurdity. (And in typical Skins-lesbian fashion, the camera loves Black-D’Elia.)

I think I’ve watched every episode of every show that has ever featured a lesbian or bisexual character. I’m so familiar with queer TV tropes I could write a thesis on them in my sleep. But “Tea” is unlike anything I’ve ever seen on American television. Her story tickled my heart and cuddled my brain — and then it punched me right in the gut.

Don’t let the pile of nakedness distract you: Tea is everything you hoped for, and nothing like what you’re expecting. “You want to know what we do, right?” she asks Tony. “What goes where? Who licks what? So tedious. I screw girls! So what?”

So what? is so right. One of the most brilliant things about Skins is that its gay characters are always so much more than what goes where and who licks what.

Mark O. Estes at TV Overmind echoes Heather’s praise:

One character to look out for is the lesbian cheerleader Tea, who is portrayed by Sofia Black D’Elia. The most original character out of the entire cast, Tea’s inclusion helps create the diverging line from the U.K. series in terms of unique material for the show. If I say anymore, I could possibly ruin how much she rocks on the show.

At The Huffington Post, Tina Wells admits that she was hesitant to like Skins USA, but ultimately, “Skins wins where Gossip Girl failed“:

I want to be honest and tell you that I was prepared to hate this series with a passion. There’s nothing I detest more on TV than glamorizing bad teenage behavior. Weirdly, Skins does not come across as glamorous at all; it’s gritty at best. So how does it win? A fantastic cast, brilliant writing, and relatable situations.

Furthermore, Wells also likes Tea the best!

My favorite character out of the four episodes I’ve screened is Tea (Sofia Black D’Elia). Tea is a semi-openly gay girl (friends know, parents do not, as witnessed by her dad trying to set her up on a date) whose survival, MTV promises, “will become the most vital thing in the world to us.” I completely concur. Tea is authentic in a TV world full of manufactured gay teens. When she starts hooking up with a guy and stops midway, only to erupt into laughter, you feel her pleasure and disgust.

That being said, most fans remain completely committed to hating Skins USA, apparently forgetting that they probably already spend four hours a day flipping aimlessly through 500 cable channels eventually debating between a re-run of The Millionaire Matchmaker and Two and a Half Men and therefore they probably will end up watching Skins USA if not willingly then by default.

I am not one of those cynical fans. I AM SO EXCITED FOR SKINS USA. As I’ve said before, I’d watch Skins UK re-runs all day and be happy as a clam, so why wouldn’t I watch a stateside remake also constructed by Bryan Elsley? All this gushing over Tea only ups my present level of anticipation.

Digital Spy has a new interview with three cast members including Sofia Black D’Elia:

Asked about her first girl-on-girl sex scene — because that’s everyone’s favorite question — Sofia says:

“My first sexual scene with a girl was definitely an experience, but it ‘s just another part of her character that I had to try and connect to and I was lucky enough that a couple of the girls I kissed were really pretty.”

Here’s the trailer if you haven’t already seen it:

Skins – MTV Shows

I feel like this means I might have to buy a teevee.

New Extended Skins USA Trailer Features Hot Lesbian Action, Other Stuff

SKINS USA:

I still don’t own a teevee, but I might have to get one so that I can trip balls on life with the cast of Skins USA!

Skins – MTV Shows

What do you think? How do you feel about Lesbian Maxxie aka Tea?

RUBY ROSE:

Ruby Rose is apparently the first lesbian to appear on the cover of FHM.

Well… that’s what they’re saying, but as we all know now, Ruby Rose is not the first lesbian to appear on the cover of FHM.

But she is the first OUT lesbian to appear on the cover of FHM! (Plenty of bisexuals have graced the cover, you know how those lad mags love a reluctant bisexual).

Reports The Sydney Morning Herald:

“I was dating someone – I ended that a couple of days ago because it wasn’t working out for me,” Rose says of her recent squeeze. “She wasn’t the kind of person I thought she was, let’s leave it at that.”

The clucky Melbourne girl, who admits she wouldn’t be surprised if she had a baby in the next few years, also reveals she still has feelings for her former fiancee, supermodel Catherine McNeil.

“I’ve got Catherine, my ex, back in town and we’re going to meet up and work on our friendship,” Rose says.

She says she has been asked for years to pose for a men’s mag.

“I’ve said no to every men’s mag to do any shoot because it didn’t feel right at the time and I didn’t really want to do it.

“But then I shot with photographer Carlotta [Moye] and both times the pics have been extraordinary and I thought it would be fun.”

Rose also feels strongly that there is an undiscovered female readership of the blokey mag. “Growing up, when I was younger, if I got a copy of FHM I’d be rapt.”

And as for the girl with whom she poses so intimately in the shoot? Rose says it was Moye’s choice – the wife of Ksubi chief George Gurrow, Franziska.

“I didn’t want a friend to do it as the rumours would start and I didn’t want it to be a tall, blonde big-boobed girl. I wanted a model model and she was awesome; she kept laughing, saying, ‘George is going to kill me – I can’t believe we are doing this.”‘

I LOVE YOU PHILLIP MORRIS:

Convicts in Love: Stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason and the gay-themed Phillip Morris wallows in each and every one of them – “The film’s obvious hook is that Carrey and McGregor are playing a gay couple. While their relationship is handled in a matter-of-fact manner, the script is littered with content that borders on insulting.”

Skins USA Trailer Debuts, Suggests Exact Replication of Original (But With a Lesbian!)

Skins USA, which takes the British series to Baltimore, Maryland, debuts in January on MTV. The remake will feature a lesbian character, Tea, replacing the original’s gay character, Maxxie, as we reported first before anyone else in the whole world.

An exclusive sneak peek of Skins will premiere tonight on MTV following the finale of Jersey Shore, which is troubling w/r/t the target audience of this show we hold so dear to our hearts.

From MTV:

SKINS is a wild ride through the lives of nine high school friends stumbling through the mine field of adolescence… and stepping on most of the mines as they go. Be it sex, drugs, the breadth of friendships or the depth of heartbreaks, SKINS is an emotional mosh-pit that slams through the insanity of teenage years.

The kids of SKINS will crush hearts and burn brain cells, while fearlessly confronting every obstacle head on… or slightly off.

Here’s the trailer!

Also, there’s another video here but we can’t embed it and also the audio/video is out of sync, which is annoying.

Sofia Black D’Elia Will Play Lesbian “Tea” in MTV’s Skins US, is a Shoo-In for AfterEllen’s 2011 Hot 100

SKINS:

This week at MTV’s TCA panel, the cast of SKINS US was unveiled:

MTV has confirmed the mostly newcomer cast of its “Skins” import, due in 2011: James Newman as Tony, Rachel Thevenard as Michelle, Daniel Flaherty as Stanley, Ron Mustafaa as Abbud, Sofia Black D’Elia as Tea, Camille Cresencia-Mills as Daisy, Jesse Carere as Chris, Britne Oldford as Cadie and Eleanor Zich as Eura.

I hope she’s ready for her Curve cover close-up! Sofia Black D’Elia will be playing the role of Tea on the US version of Skins. As Autostraddle reported before anyone else in the entire universe because we are awesome and work really hard, the UK original’s gay character, Maxxie, is being swapped out in favor of a lesbian. Initially they’d been casting for a Latino gayboy, “Teo,” but then decided to take another route and thus, TEA was born. Sofia’s prior acting credits include All My Children.

Eura, BTW, is Effy, and seems to be a relatively unknown actress. You can see more photos of the cast on OhNoTheyDidnt.

The people in charge also had stuff to say about how the MTV version will differ from the UK original, and why MTV is optimistic about the direction of its programming:

“Millennials are all about authenticity,” said David Janollari, head of the network’s scripted development. “We’re pursuing a more authentic vérité style with our reality shows and with our scripted programs.”

The risqué teen soap gives an unvarnished look at teen lives in a way that “Gossip Girl” and “90210″ can’t even dare to mimic. It helps that much of the writing on “Skins,” the British version of which airs stateside on BBC America, is done by young people, said the series’ co-creator Bryan Elsley. And, he added, casting young actors to bring life to those teen stories is also central to its success; five of the central cast members in the MTV series are under 18 — the targeted demographic of the original series.

So have they watched?

“I had seen a couple of episode prior to being cast on the show,” said James Newman, who will play Tony Snyder. “Once I was cast, I stopped watching it … to bring something new to the show and the character that I’m playing.”

The cast at the TCA Panel (the blonde in the back is Effy, the red-headed girl in the front is Michelle):

For a thorough mindfuck, here’s the cast of USA Skins with cast members of Jersey Shore:

JANE LYNCH:

Jane Lynch will host an episode of Saturday Night Live in October. (@movieline)

JUDGE WALKER:

The word is out on how Judge Walker celebrated post-ruling: he went to the the Rrazz Room, which is apparently a place, and saw concert singer Monica Mancini! How classy! Would it be too much to say he’s got a little bit of an Irish flush going on in that picture? LIVE IT UP WALKER, LIVE IT UP. (@queerty)

QUEEN LATIFAH:

So these photos of Queen Latifah with her girlfriendImeanpersonaltrainer on a boat are being touted as “proof” of their HOT SEXY LESBIAN relationship, which I guess that would be cool if that were true, but mostly these photos remind me of the way your third grade teacher had to hug you to avoid getting fired for child sexual abuse: am I wrong, or is this the most awkward A-frame hug in history? Other scandalous and revealing photos include “smiling while standing on the same part of the boat” and “one watching the other spray sunscreen on herself.” Hot! (@peacefmonline)

THE REAL L WORD:

Have you been watching The Real L Word? Me neither, but that didn’t make our interview with Stamie any less awesome. She talks about Tracy Ryerson’s vagina, so.

FAKE LESBIAN ADVICE:

I can’t decide which is funnier, this letter sent in by someone who claims that she and her husband are in a fight over the sexy woman next door that they’re both having an affair with, or the fact that the Daily Star advice columnist appears to believe it’s real. “You and your husband have to sit down and talk this through. Ask yourselves what’s happening to you. Is this really the kind of life you wish to lead?” (@dailystar)

LADY GAGA:

Hey have you read about Lady Gaga’s performance at Lollapalooza yet? Because just saying, Managing Editor Sarah and Intern Elizabeth both saw it, and apparently it was pretty f*cking amazing. When you’re done reading about it, check out this video of her sweet stage dive! (@ontd)

SUCK IT, NOM

I don’t know if you’ve been aware that NOM has been leading a “Summer of Marriage” tour of speaking events and protests all over the US. I wouldn’t be surprised if you haven’t, because at nearly every event the NOM attendees have been way outnumbered by counterprotestors. Sorry Maggie! That must be rough for you! “Organizers of the Atlanta counter-protest specifically instructed participants to remain quiet during the NOM rally so they could not be accused of being disruptive. They mostly followed the recommendation, except when a NOM entertainer sang an ode to “unity” — during which they held hands, cheered and sang along”. (@thegavoice)

Lesbian on Skins USA: Is MTV’s Skins Swapping Out Gay Maxxie For Lesbian “Tea”?

SKINS:

When MTV announced they’d be shooting a remake of the British series Skins, the response was a mix of fear and excitement. In April, Racialicious debated Skins USA’s potential, mentioning that the gay character Maxxie would become a “Latino named Teo.” Furthermore:

Skins runs on Channel 4’s subscription channel E4 and contains a fair amount of nudity, including full frontal and rear for women and, rarely, men as well. That’s not to forget the almost constant parade of drugs on the show. The first few episodes, really the first season, is downright dirty — in probably half the episodes a character vomits from inebriation or intoxication. Don’t watch it while eating.

Can MTV handle all this? Perhaps. For me, the most classic primetime guilty pleasure from MTV was Undressed, but by Skins standards, Undressed is about as racy as Grey’s Anatomy.

MTV shot the U.S. version of the pilot in Baltimore in February, which MTV picked up for ten episodes. The series will begin shooting “in earnest” in late July. According to “Sides” obtained by AfterElton.com, SKINS US Tumblr reported the following about Maxxie/Teo character:

No longer Maxxie, here the character is named Teo and he is described as “a beautiful, gay, Hispanic” boy. Like Maxxie, Teo is also very out and proud as well as being an amazing dancer.  The script for the pilot not only has Teo demonstrating his dancing skills, but taking his friends ChrisAbbud out to a gay club where they have less than a great time.

“Sides,” btw, are the sections of scripts offered to actors who are auditioning for the roles. Often pilot scripts get changed a whole bunch and therefore pilot sides aren’t always the best indication of how the show will turn out. But there’s one recent change that we think you should know about.

From what we can gather from the most recent sides we’ve seen, there is no Teo anymore.

Instead, there is a Tea.

AND SHE’S A M*THERF*CKING LESBIAN Y’ALL!

Whereas some versions of the sides for Tony and other characters feature aforementioned “Teo,” we can’t seem to locate any sides for “Teo” himself. But there are sides for “Tea.” Check it:

INT. SPORTS HALL. MORNING

Cheerleaders are rehearsing a stupid, but intangibly arresting routine in an otherwise empty hall. Track down the line of loveliness. Somewhere a phone is ringing.

CHEERLEADERS: (CHANTING) Roundview… We love you!!! Aha! Ahu! Love you, Roundview!! Say what?!! Say Huh!!! Say what! Say huh!! Say who! Roundview…!

The camera comes to rest on TEA (17), an unusual looking but nevertheless beautiful girl.
The CHEERLEADERS spin out into immaculately coreographed individual spins and group turns. TEA presses a BLUETOOTH RECEIVER. Cheerleader continues around her.

TEA: Hey Tony…
TONY: [PHONE] Forget the big gay night out Tea. We need you.
TEA: Sorry Tony, I promised Chris and Abs I’d take them on a voyage of wonder and discovery…

INT. SPORTS HALL. MORNING.

Intercut as necessary. TEA is momentarily free.

TEA: Need these moves… Gotta lotta Jocks need positive affirmation you know?
TONY: Yeah? could use some of that myself Te’… Know what i’m saying.
TEA: Dream on Stud… (CHANTING) PUSH it! Pull it! Push it! Uh Uhu… Uhu Uhu… !!!
TONY: Yeah…that works… Can we meet before Psychology? There’s plans.
TEA: Maybe. Gotta go. Big finish…
TONY: Always… You ever told those sweet girls you worship at the Candy shrine…?
TEA: Where would be the fun in that, Tony? Later.

Interesting, right?

Exhibit B: A shot of the U.S. cast has also made the rounds two months ago (via skins ftw)

For those of you unfamiliar with Series 1, this won’t make much sense, but we’ll give it a whirl.

Series 1 featured five male leads: Tony Stonem, Sid (“Stanley” in the US version), Anwar (“Abbud” in the US version), Chri and Maxxie (allegedly “Teo” in the US version) and three female leads: Jal (she will become Korean “Cho” in the U.S version), Michelle and Cassie (“Cadie” in the US version).

Some secondary female characters included Tony’s sister Effy, who also appeared in Cycle 2 as a lead, “Sketch” who was introduced in the second season and Abigail (Tabitha in the US version), an idiot who fucked Tony.

That picture? Four men and four women.

We’ve clearly got Stanley in the hat, Tony in the leather jacket, Chris in the hoodie — and then one more boy. The remaining alleged male leads are both “men of color,” and as television tends to do their ethnic casting seemingly at random (see: Sarah Shahi as Carmen De La Pica Morales, Janina Gavankar as Papi), it’s quite likely/possible that we’ve got Abbud up front there.

And who is that lovely girl in the plaid dress with the short hair, eh?

The most recent dated script “revision” we’ve been able to track down is from Tony’s sides dated January 26, 2010, corresponding with a casting call “STILL SEEKING TONY.”  The new sides do not feature Teo. They do feature Tea. We’re unsure when Tea’s sides were released.

Hopefully, if this is true, Naomi & Emily won’t become Norm & Eddie when it comes time to cast Cycle 2!

From Variety:

“I think the way it works is you start like ‘The Office’ or like ‘Queer as Folk,'” Pattinson said. “You start quite close, and then as those start to work … they develop a personality and life of their own. I personally think the danger is to make too many radical changes to the format too early. We’ve been down that path with a couple of shows – it becomes a compromised format at that point.”

[Disclaimer: If someone else already picked up on this and we’re like really late to the game we’re sorry WE’VE JUST BEEN BUSY FIGHTING FOR EQUAL RIGHTS and you didn’t show up on google. Also if you report this story, please link back, so that we can look like idiots if we’re wrong instead of you. Grazi.]

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