New Year’s Resolutions Feel Impossible, but Fuck It These Nail Polishes Are Not

As of today, we are officially one week into the New Year. And the overwhelming sentiment seems to correctly be Fuck New Year’s Resolutions. Last year was hard. The year before was hard. If you are surviving at all, you’re already thriving — and by thriving there’s a 78.7% chance that I mean you cried this morning and also forgot to have lunch. And that’s ok! Do you want to know what I have gotten very into this week? Googling 2022 nail polish trends.

Why? Who knows!! I probably only paint my nails a few times a year (I hate getting chips), but something feels accomplishable, nay I say it, meditative about sitting for 12 minutes in absolute silence and just… painting your nails. No deadlines. No doom filled news. No worries about money or illness or anything that’s not simply painting your fucking nails. What if, instead of adding more pressure to be always be Better during a time that is already patently The Worst^tm we just stared out of a window with empty heads and freshly painted nails?

(Alternatively I should have named this post lazy femme queer manifestation flagging, but I didn’t think that alphabet soup would get picked up by Google.)

Did You Want to Be More at Peace? Try Periwinkle

Supposedly periwinkle is the color of 2022 according to people who study colors. I know very little about that, but doesn’t looking at it just wash peace right over you? It’s like a cool pond in a quiet forest with a perfect breeze. Imagine looking at this color on your hands instead of screaming into void. You know you like it.

Buy It: Plant Power Nails in Soul Surfing — $10.99 

Buy it: Sally Hansen Miracle Gel in Crying Out Cloud — $10

Are You Looking to Kick Insomnia’s Ass? What About Navy Blue?

If you are me, then you are not sleeping. First I’d recommend this guide I wrote about sleeping in 2019 — but those are a lot of steps to follow! And we are what? E-X-H-A-U-S-T-E-D, so instead look at the navy blue and pretend it’s a starry night sky. Will you feel more refreshed? No! But it’s pretty.

Buy it: Olive & June in OMG — $7.99 

Buy it: OPI in Abstract After Dark — $7.99 

More Exercise? Going Outside and Offline? Green! Green! GREEN!

Are you just constantly refreshing your FYP or your Instagram feed? Do you need fresh air? Are your bones creeking from constantly sitting at a desk/on a chair/not moving?

Do bodies benefit from exercise, both for physical and emotional health? Yes, yes they do. And you should probably do that. But in the meantime, have you considered… green nail polish? It’s like the outside, but it’s on your fingers. And no one had to sweat. (I hate sweat.)

Buy it: Essie in Off Tropic — $8.99

Buy it: Essie in Beleaf in Yourself — $8.99 

Buy it: People of Color Nail Polish in Drinks on Me —  $12 

Looking for Balance Amid a Stressful Schedule? Neutrals

Congratulations, you are ACTUALLY getting shit done two years into this pandemic! I believe in you! You have an overflowing Google calendar and a paper planner that’s already filled to the seams even though it’s only January. Maybe you have living, breathing things that depend on you (kids, dogs, plants) so you can’t stop now. Maybe you’re just a person with that fire in their belly to keep pushing forward.

Either way, you don’t have time for chipped nails — be real, you don’t have time for this article — and so, for you, I gift: NEUTRALS!

Buy it: People of Color Nail Polish in Brown Sugar Babe — $12 

Buy it: Essie in Cliff Hanger — $9

Buy it: Olive & June in CCT – $8 

Being Your Best Gay Self? It’s Gotta Be All Black, Baby

Nothing says I’m gay like black nail polish. It’s a classic for a reason.  

Buy it: Essie Quick Dry in Now or Never — $8.99

Buy it: OPI in Black Onyx — $10.79 

And Finally… Fuck Me Red.

Do I even have to say it?

If your New Year’s Resolution is to date, get on them apps, fall in love, put yourself out there, great. If it’s to positively have your back blown out like it’s never been before, I am also here to support you.

Let’s go.

Buy it: Chanel in Pirate — $30

Buy it: Essie in Forever Yummy — $8.99

A Lazy Femme Guide To Staying Cute With Minimal Effort

I change up my signature look about once a decade.

In my teens, I took the dramatic step of lobbing off my long hair for a bisexual bob and I didn’t leave the house without foundation and a swipe of subtle brown eyeliner. During my senior year of college, I converted to a stacked inverted bob that was very short in the back and my standard makeup look was shimmery white and purple eyeshadows and navy blue eyeliner all around my eyes. In my early 30’s, I kept the bob-length hair on top and got an undercut all the way around my head and I switched to a dramatic cat eye with black gel liner with red, red lipstick. In these pandemic times, I’m currently working on an undercut grow-out and my pandemic makeup look is centered on a bold lip and fast-and-easy products that look good enough for Zoom.

I’ve been some version of femme for as long as I remember, whether I called it “just being a typical feminine 90’s teen girl a la Seventeen magazine inspiration” or my queer power femme era in college or my current hard femme, lazy femme aesthetic. These days, the faster I can get through my routine, the better. I’m working full-time. I’m chasing a small kid around. I’m generally doing too many things at once and I’m probably carrying my phone in my hand in some poorly executed attempt to multitask. And I like to look cute doing it–not just for Zoom, for myself! And I like to be pampered, but with limited time, I’m all about products and routines that work with my busy schedule. I’m obviously not lazy, but if lazy femme is the antithesis to high femme, I’m very much that.

Here are some of my favorite daily products and must-haves that help me get through a busy day, affirm my hard femme heart, and fit easily into my super-charged lazy femme lifestyle.

Ultra Aesthetics MSM Facial Wash

This face wash! It smells great, a light citrusy-ish scent. It foams up and deep cleans, but is gentle enough for daily use. It’s super hippy-dippy. I originally found it at a natural food store. It has no sulfates, parabens, alcohol, chemicals, is cruelty-free, non-GMO, made with organic pixie dust, etc. This works great for my combination skin and keeps acne at bay. I swear it makes my skin look brighter and slightly diminishes acne scars, too. You also only need a bit per use. One bottle lasts me about 150 days of twice-daily use. I’ve been using this face wash or some version of it for over a decade! It’s tried and true.

Buy it: $11.95

SeoulCeuticals Snail Repair Cream

I’m not saying this cream is going to change your life, but I’m not not saying that either. This cream works wonders on my combination skin. It’s not greasy, it absorbs quickly, and it leaves your skin looking plump and fresh with a little hint of glow. I can’t get over it and while it’s a bit of a splurge, it delivers high-end K-beauty results at an accessible price point. I was using a face cream that was twice as expensive before I found this one! You also don’t need to use a lot so one 2 oz jar lasts a long time. It’s the perfect day cream and I can’t get over how good it feels on my skin!

Yes, snail mucin is a main ingredient and I’m a believer! It supposedly helps with wrinkles and fine lines, improves cell renewal, and stimulates collagen production. I dunno if all of that is true but my face looks amazing. Seriously, I get compliments on my skin all the time and (to my chagrin) people regularly assume I’m in my twenties (so annoying), not close to 40. SeoulCeuticals is based in the U.S. and uses cruelty-free practices to source their snail mucin, according to their website. They also say all their products are vegan and as a former vegan, I feel like the snail mucin part makes it not vegan. But either way, it’s good for your skin and it isn’t harvested in a way that hurts the snails.

Buy it: $17.95

stila Stay All Day Waterproof Liquid Eyeliner

When it comes to wearing eyeliner, I’m definitely a go big or go home kind of gal. If you’re not going to have fun with it, why do it? Do you want a super dramatic cat eye? You need liquid or gel liner.

Stila makes the absolute best waterproof liquid liner in a marker on the market. I used to mess around with gel liner in the little pots, but I don’t have time for that anymore. I want the precision and the intense black that gel gives with the time-saving factor of a felt-tip liquid liner, and this stila liner doesn’t disappoint. It comes in two tip sizes, regular and microtip, and you can get it in a dual-ended version that has both tips for a slightly higher price point. It comes in six classic liner shades; I’m partial to jet black. It dries matte with just a hint of sheen and it really does stay on all day. This isn’t the most waterproof liner out there, but it resists melting due to sweat, rain, tears, etc. It even stays put if you put it on without any base. That said, it comes off fairly easily with regular soap and water or if you rub it hard with water, which I actually prefer. I don’t like messing around with eye makeup remover. I don’t appreciate extra steps in my nighttime routine!

Buy it: $22

NYX Professional Makeup HD Studio Finishing Loose Translucent Powder

I don’t wear foundation. I hate the way it feels on my skin and you can’t convince me otherwise. So I don’t use this “finishing powder” as finishing powder, I use it as my base over my lotion. I use a teeny amount, applied with a very fluffy brush. Sometimes I just do a sweep of this powder over my eyes to lay down a base for my eye makeup. I have no idea how it performs as a finishing powder, but it’s perfectly translucent and light as a base for my very lazy femme typical makeup look (this powder, a little eyeshadow, cat eyeliner, lightly fill in brows with a pencil, liquid lipstick, DONE). It’s not the most luxurious ever. It smells a little like… well, like loose powder smells if you don’t add any fragrance to it. But it works. And that works for me!

Buy it: $9.99

Natural Tea Tree Oil

Friend, I ask you, what can’t tea tree oil do? I have hidradenitis suppurativa and found my way to tea tree oil as a homeopathic remedy for my flare-ups. It’s naturally antimicrobial, anti-inflammatory, and anti-fungal. I use it almost daily for just general refreshing of my skin and to treat any breakouts or blemishes. Fuck salicylic acid. Try tea tree oil. Dilute it with water and use as it a toner. Mix it with a carrier like coconut oil and use it as a salve. Dilute some and use it to freshen up your stinky bits after the gym or on days when you can’t shower. It’s naturally good at killing bacteria! It has a fresh herbal smell! You can even make your own deodorant out of it. I will not be making my own deodorant because I’m busy and lazy, but I use a deodorant that someone else has made in a factory that has tea tree oil as the main ingredient!

That said, your mileage may vary. It can irritate more sensitive skin because it’s very potent. Waffle, my spouse, actually hates the smell and it has been known to cause occasional marital disputes when I use a lot of it. I will never give up my tea tree oil, though. It’s a must-have!

Buy it: $10

Sinful Colors Sinful Shine with Gel Tech Nail Polish

When it comes to nail polish, I’m too busy to go get my nails done and I work from home so it just seems excessive to go out and do it. But I love fun colors! A theme in my life, truly. And I’m a parent, so I’m hard on my nails between baths and dishes and constantly cleaning things up. I’ve tried a whole range of home gel polishes because I love a shiny topcoat and long wear, but I don’t want or have time for an actual gel manicure. This is my current favorite home gel polish. It’s not a true gel. It doesn’t require UV light. It stays on for an absurdly long time, requires just two coats of the step 1 polish plus one coat of step 2 topcoat, and dries super fast. The quick dry time is sooooo important to me! It dries so fast that I use it when my wiggly kid wants me to paint her nails. It lasts for several days without chipping and then wears fairly slowly. You remove it with regular nail polish remover and don’t need to soak or scrape.

The Gel Tech polish from this drug store brand is particularly good. I pick some up whenever I see it at the grocery store! The topcoat is fast drying, which also means it starts to get tacky and dried out when you’re about halfway through the bottle, but it’s so inexpensive that it’s not a problem. Plus, I rarely leave my house these days, so if I have some bubbles in my topcoat, who’s going to know?

Buy it: $2-6

Kiss imPRESS Press-On Nails

When I don’t have the time or patience to even paint my nails with a quick-dry topcoat, or when I’ve fallen into my old habit of biting my nails, enter drug store press-on nails. Kiss imPress is my current favorite and I have a box floating around most of the time. Their patented Super Hold Adhesive is really just super sticky gooey rubber cement-like glue stuff, but it works and it’s already on the nail so you just have to peel and stick onto your natural nail! I can wear these for a few days without losing them, even while doing the dishes or taking a shower.

I looooove that they come in a short length and I sometimes cut them down even shorter. One box will usually get me through two full manicures because they come with 30 nails. Your ability to use up the extra nails may vary based on how many of the included sizes work for you. They look real, in my opinion, and I love how easy they are to put on and maintain!

Buy it: $6.99

Sephora Cream Lip Stain Liquid Lipstick

“01 Always Red.”

That’s what I tell people when they want to know what lipstick I’m wearing. This shade and this liquid matte lipstick is the one I wear most often. It’s a perfectly balanced red that looks good on any shade of skin. I love Sephora’s lip stain, in particular. It’s not completely smudge-proof, but it also isn’t drying or uncomfortable. In fact, my lips don’t dry out even if I wear the lip stain all day and reapply it. For a non-drying lip stain, it stays on well. It doesn’t bleed or feather. I have this lip stain in about a dozen bright matte colors and am always adding more. The metallics are beautiful, too!

Buy it: $15

Maybelline SuperStay Matte Ink Liquid Lipstick

Want a lipstick that really is mask-proof? That won’t come off no matter what you do until you either scrub your lips raw or use a strong makeup remover? This isn’t a lazy femme option for me, it’s an affordable mask-proof option and I reach for it on the odd occasion that I go out. No other liquid lipstick stays like this one, no matter the price point. You could go swimming in this lipstick and it wouldn’t budge. There are so many pretty, saturated matte colors to collect. In fact, I need more!

Buy it: $7.99

I DEW CARE Space Kitten Exfoliating Galactic Black Peel Off Mask

THIS MASK HAS HOLOGRAPHIC GLITTER. I love the emotional release of a good peel-off mask. I also love putting on a mask because I can slap it on quickly, go about my business getting myself and my kid ready for the day, and multitask easily while it dries. I got this one originally as a sample with a bunch of other I DEW CARE masks. It’s worth buying the full size! It has charcoal, which helps draw impurities out of your skin and clear blackheads and clogged pores. It’s a peel-off, but it doesn’t hurt or pull your skin too much. I’ve tried (and actually like to use, occasionally, because I’m a beauty masochist) the super-strong charcoal peel-off masks that leave your face gutted. This one gets some gunk out, but isn’t painful or damaging to your skin. Plus, also, did I mention the holographic glitter?!

If charcoal is too drying for you and you’re looking for a moisturizing mask instead or you want to look like a queer intergalactic space traveler, try the I DEW CARE Sugar Kitten mask. They both feel and smell great and are so much fun!

Buy it: $23

Sunday Riley A+ High-Dose Retinol Serum

I got a sample size of this when I did a brief subscription to Sephora’s Play subscription box. This serum was a real standout and they recommend using two pumps on the label, but I only need a little pump to cover my face, so this investment bottle lasts a long time. I like to rub it in at night after I wash my face once or twice per week. It’s silky, lightly pigmented, and absorbs quickly and it leaves my skin totally refreshed and glowing in the morning. Sometimes I put my SeoulCeuticals snail repair cream on top and sometimes I just go to bed with this retinol serum. It has a high dose of retinol and blue-green algae, Hawaiian white honey, cactus, and ginger, and other things that soothe the skin. I’m obsessed!

Buy it: $85

Dr. Dennis Gross Skincare Alpha Beta Extra Strength Daily Peel

I’m saving the most controversial and luxurious for last. Now, I want to be clear that I welcome getting older. I love the wisdom and lack of fucks that come with each passing year. I love my silvery grey hair. I can’t wait to turn 40! All that said, I also love this at-home chemical peel system! It blasts any fun adult acne. It helps me control the blackheads I get on my nose and shrink those pores. It just makes my skin look and feel healthy and I can’t recommend it enough. This is a two-part system. The chemical peel solution comes in little individually packaged sets of wipes. You use the first wipe, let it sit for one minute, then use the second wipe. I use the extra strength daily peel, but they make less strong versions for more sensitive skin.

I like the sensation of the peel–it stings a little at first. It’s first-rate beauty masochism with almost immediately visible results. It really hits all the buttons for me, personally! If that sounds like an unpleasant experience for you, I think you should probably pass on this one. The results are great, but not so dramatic that it’s worth being uncomfortable. If you’ve been thinking of trying an at-home chemical peel or if you like a slight burning sensation that feels very productive on your face, this is the one to get! It’s a huge splurge; some people cut up the pads and put them in ziplock bags, using only half pads to get two treatments out of each peel set. I do it every few days instead of every day, which makes the investment last longer!

Buy it: $88 (You can try a travel size for $17)

Let me know if you try any of these or have any of your own recommendations for my lazy femme lifestyle! I love trying new products, especially beauty products that give good results and don’t take too much time or effort!

Face Off: A Primer for the Care and Keeping of Your Skin

The Most Basic Skincare Steps

1. Cleanse
2. Moisturize
3. Sunscreen (in the AM)

Basic Skincare Step 1: Cleanse

Products to try for Step 1 of your basic skincare routine:

Basic Skincare Step 2: Moisturize

Products to try for Step 2 of your basic skincare routine:

Basic Skincare Step 3: Sunscreen

Products to try for Step 3 of your basic skincare routine:

Physical suncreens:

Chemical sunscreens:

Top 10 Lesbian Chapsticks for Chapstick Lesbians

Chapstick Lesbians Definition

What’s the meaning of “chapstick lesbian”? We know that “lipstick lesbian” is a thing because we have seen it on the Internet and on The L Word. But the definition of “chapstick lesbian” is harder to nail, but we’re gonna try: “chapstick lesbian” is generally assumed to describe a lesbian who presents somewhere between masculine and feminine, which overlaps with the “tomboy femme” gender presentation. Chapstick lesbians are low-key and practical. Chapstick lesbians don’t wear lipstick unless it’s a very special occasion. The default outfit of a chapstick lesbian is “t-shirt and jeans.” They value comfort and, you guessed it, VALUE.

We are all about chapstick for ever and ever, world without end, amen. Working on the assumption that chapstick lesbians are a thing, here are some chapsticks we have positive feelings about. And they have positive feelings about us. It’s all pretty gay.

1. Classic Cherry Chapstick

OR IS THAT THE BISEXUAL CHAPSTICK? Thanks Katy Perry!

2. Burt’s Bees Beeswax: The Best Chapstick That Rachel Can’t Afford

Burt’s Bees Beeswax has menthol or something in it, which is nice for kissing because it makes the other person’s lips slightly tingly. Just for the record. Burt’s Bees works best for chapstick lesbians who don’t want their lip balm to add any color of shine to their lips, they just want the long-lasting impact of a quality chapstick.

3. Burt’s Bees Honey Lip Balm

This smells a little funny but tastes really sweet when you kiss someone.

4. Blistex Medicated Ointment

Not a chapstick at all, this lip product is for when it’s really cold and windy and you have no intention of making out with anyone within the next half hour and/or ever. Blistex Medicated Ointment is all business, despite the super sweet taste.

5. Blistex Daily Conditioning Treatment

Also not necessarily chapstick, as it comes in a pot. It’s nearly impossible to find Blistex DCT in a reliable way. If you ever see DCT at a drug store, you should buy two, because they won’t be back for another three months and even then they’ll be in an entirely different, nonsensical location, usually just out of reach behind a box of tampons for some reason.

6. Aquaphor Lip Repair Ointment: Pure Medicine for Practical Chapstick Lesbians

Our final entry in the “not actually chapstick” category. It’s cheap and it works on the dryest of lips. Music to a chapstick lesbian’s ears.

7. Bonne Bell Watermelon Lip Smackers

For when you want everyone within a three-foot radius to think you’re enjoying the most delicious piece of watermelon bubblegum on this fine planet, but without the gum. No one can resist the allure of a chapstick lesbian with Watermelon Lip Smackers. No one.

8. Melixir Vegan Lip Butter Trio

God, vegan chapstick lesbians.

9. Carmex Lip Balm

The sweatpants of lip products.

10. Sun Bum Lip Balm SPF 30

For when you’re playing softball and need some SPF. Don’t want any flavor on your lips? Try Banana Boat.

11. C.O. Bigelow Mentha Lip Balm

Usually you have to go to the mall at least once a year, and it’s a heinous experience, and you can’t believe you ever did this voluntarily or with any excitement. There are two things that make mandatory mall stops endurable: Auntie Anne’s pretzels and getting a tube of Bigelow’s mint lip balm from Bath & Body Works. As chapsticks for chapstick lesbians go, this one is a little pricey, and also not chapstick, but well worth it because it’s the only balm that acts as a breath freshener. Other balms are minty, yes, but Bigelow’s is superior in every way.

Our Favorite Hand Lotions For Soothing Your Extra-Dry Hands

Balm Dot Com

Buy at Glossier for $12

“Usually I’m a pretty soft, smooth moisturized babe, now with triple time hand and face washing (well just a double face wash) I’ve stepped my game up. I have actually been using this balm on my hands for a while now, just a little bit works for my hands to feel moisturized but not slippery. I have the original balm and it works perfectly and obviously makes my lips feel mad good too”– Shelli Nicole, Writer

“This queerdo is DIY-or-die, even in a pandemic. I make my own lotion by mixing equal parts coconut oil and shea butter in a fake double-boiler (a mental bowl in a saucepan). I whip it up and slather it on. This goes on my whole body, including my hands, which always tend to be dry. It’s a little greasy at first, but once it sinks in, I feel moisturized to the core. Bonus points: mostly fragrance free, paraben free, not tested on animals.” – Malic White, Writer

Homemade Body Butter

Cocokind’s One-For-All Balm

Buy at Cocokind for $12

“My skin has been extremely dry, unsurprisingly, especially since I live in North Carolina, where the weather is currently going from 80 degrees to 50 degrees every other day. Once I took on pottery classes (which I miss, btw, thanks quarantine!) I’ve had to really find a good lotion that I can actually rely on as my hands get PISSED OFF from all of the clay, and the subsequent scrubbing they receive after class. Enter Cocokind’s One-For-All Balm. I live for Cocokind because I love their messaging and that they use sustainable packaging (and are not a zillion dollars), and I tried this product because they were donating 100% of proceeds at the time to an organization helping with the wildfires in Australia. Now, they still donate 5 percent to an org called One Tree Planted. But, okay, the lotion itself: this is really more of a balm, so it’s suuuper thick, and you can use it other places. I use it by applying a dab to my lips and behind my ears (which is also, inexplicably, drying out?) and then I squeeze a quarter-sized amount into my palms and rub them together until it kind of warms and melts. It’s sticky at first, but then it dries into this lovely almost silky-feeling. Unscented, and very affordable.”– Rachel Charlene Lewis, Writer

“I don’t run particularly dry or oily, but since moving to Vegas, my skin has suddenly become extremely dry. Throw all the hand sanitizer and hand-washing into the mix, and let’s just say I’ve accidentally let my hands get so dry some days that they CRACK. As far as bang for your buck lotions go, I really swear by this Gold Bond healing hand cream, which comes in a compact size so I like to keep one in the car and one in the apartment. Hell, I should probably start keeping one upstairs and one downstairs. This is unscented, and I’m not necessarily against scented lotions but since I’ve been using more than usual, I’ve preferred something a little more plain.” – Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya, Writer

Gold Bond Ultimate Healing Hand Cream

Buy at Amazon for $3.89

Summer Solace Tallow Balm

Buy at Tallow Balm for $26

“I found this tallow balm at Echo Park Craft Fair last spring and have been using it everywhere since — it’s great for hands and body, works for hair and face, and has a fresh but not overpowering fragrance that I’m still into after about a year of use. I love the minimal ingredients and processing, pasture-raised animal fat base, glass packaging, and fact that a little goes a long way. If you’re in California, the CBD Trauma Balm is great for topical/muscle/joint/period pain, and has a notable hemp smell that is perfect for working from home.” – Carolyn, Writer and NSFW Consultant

“I have Keratosis pilaris, a skin condition that means my skin creates too much keratin and causes a lot of bumps on my arms & legs. This lotion is truly my holy grail; the lactic acid helps to exfoliate and promote new skin cell turnover, which keeps those annoying bumps at bay. Plus, it’s unscented, so I don’t have to worry about competing smells from the other 600 products I slather on myself every day.It absorbs quickly too, so I don’t have to wait super long after applying it to get dressed. Go forth and be smooth! ” – Christina Tucker, Writer

Amlactin Moisturizing Body Lotion

Buy at Amazon from $11.99

CeraVe Healing Ointment

Buy on Amazon from $17.89

“I used to keep Weleda Skin Food in my bag for my daily hand moisturizing needs, but in our new timeline, in April 2020, I decided I needed something more hardcore (also I never go outside anymore so I’ve stopped storing the Weleda tube in my bag, it just lives on my bedside table now). Rachel turned me onto CeraVe products a while ago and I’ve had good experiences with them, so when I saw they have a “healing ointment” that was more intense than their regular moisturizers I was intrigued. This promised to “soothe dry, cracked, and chafed skin” and I would say it is true to its word. It’s VERY thick and greasy – I cannot imagine how someone could put this on and then go about their day using their hands, it does not ever rub in and more like, sits on top of the skin for a long time – but my big party trick is I slather it on my hands before bed and then I PUT SOCKS ON MY HANDS TO HOLD IN THE OINTMENT! I think gloves suited for this purpose would work better (I know they exist because I learned this trick from my grandma who actually had legit gloves), but I’m not trying to order anything that isn’t an absolute necessity right now, I live alone so I don’t give a shit about how I look or what anyone thinks of my nighttime routine, and I rarely go outside anymore so I have an abundance of socks just waiting to be used as bedtime gloves. The socks work fine, is what I’m saying. Anyhow with this whole thick ointment/socks on my hands while sleeping scheme, my hands have been in great shape. Absolutely would recommend. Wear cute socks for added pleasure. You’re welcome.” – Vanessa, Community Editor

“I actually carry lotion with me everywhere because I hate how my hands feel right after washing them, which is “very dry.” Like it’s pretty much all I can think about as soon as I am done washing my hands… where is my lotion??? And then I open my bag and I’m like “Yay! My lotion is right here!” Now I have lotion in every room of my very small apartment. I usually try a new lotion in travel size before investing in a larger bucket, which’s how I found this puppy. It’s just thick enough and I love the smell (smell is VERY important to me!). I like lotion in a bucket rather than a squeeze-situation because it’s easier to get every last drop.” – Riese, CEO

Soap & Glory The Righteous Butter

Buy at Ulta for $15

Top Ten Kickass Nail Polish Colors That Aren’t Reds Or Pinks

I feel naked without nail polish, but I also feel ridiculous wearing anything in the pink-to-red spectrum, which just so happens to be nail polish’s #1 spectrum. I usually do my nails myself these days, but when I get them done, I often gaze admiringly at the women getting painted with ruby-red or pale-pink and think “that looks very good on you, but it’s just not for me!” Sometimes I get red on my toenails though. I feel very fancy with a nice dark red toenail.

Anyhow, here are some colors I’m into right now. Tell me your favorites in the comments!

1. Naughty Nautical (essie)

it’s darker than it looks here in real life

You’re on a boat but it’s not a real boat, it’s a dream boat. You’re on a dream boat with your dreamboat, gliding noiselessly down the river. Both shores are lined with sand the color of yellow crayons, and there are glittery fish leaping over your canoe in perfect arcs, singing songs from The Little Mermaid. Naughty Nautical is the color of those fish. I’m wearing it right now!

2. Black Oynx (OPI)

Imagine you are Lindsay Lohan and it’s 2006, or imagine you are Stef Schwartz and it’s today. Look at your hands. That’s Black Oynx! I wore this color every day starting in 2006. Then in mid-2014 I decided to change my life and my nails wanted in on the plan. Still, I frequently return Licorice or Black Oynx like an old friend, and we hide in our hoodies together.

3. Cashmere Bathrobe (essie)

I’m really glad this is called Cashmere Bathrobe, because it reminds me of my favorite cashmere bathrobe! It’s hard to pick which of my cashmere bathrobes is the best cashmere bathrobe — gosh I have so many — but after laying them all out on the floor of my billiards room and rolling over them in my underwear like I was rolling down a hill (but a flat hill), I found myself, finally, settling upon this shiny grey bathrobe. The best news is that now my nails can match my chill! I think this shade would look especially nice on a person with grey hair. You would basically be a silver fox. Who doesn’t want to be a silver fox?

4. I Just Can’t Cope-acabana (OPI)

I’m too pale to pull off yellow nail polish, but if I was less pale, I would slather this all over my keratin because nothing says, “I know I seem weird but I’m actually really great! I’m just a little shy” like yellow nail polish. You can’t get mad at somebody whose nails look like ten tiny suns!

5. Butler Please (essie)

This color is best if you imagine it’s “Butter Please,” like I did until ten minutes ago when I looked this color up on the essie website. I imagined a small pat of butter atop a blue plate. I don’t know who would eat just a pat of butter on a blue plate, but Butler Please reminds me of that one shade of blue that looks good on almost everybody and that’s why so many button-up shirts are that color. This is crisp and classic, like a summer’s day.

6. Green-Gold (RGB)

I know it looks gold-gold, but there’s something vaguely green about it. This is the color of the magical pool of secrets or whatever it is that always comes up in a Harry Potter Sorting Hat quiz.

7. Turquoise & Caicos (essie)

This color feels politely retro, like a color you’d pair with pink to decorate your bathroom in 1956, or the color of one of those wonderful but chalky after-dinner mints. This color says, “I’m a subtle person and a quiet classic who enjoys the cinema.” My girlfriend put this color in my stocking, which I think means “let’s spend our lives together forever, and sun ourselves in the Caicos, wherever/whatever those are.” Sometimes I wear it with a matte topcoat and I feel like a vintage automobile!

8. Jade Is The New Black (OPI)

“This vibrant green is the new fashion vibe,” says OPI about this bold color. But they’re wrong about jade being the new black. Jade is just Jade, it’s its own thing, and that’s good enough for me. Let those “fashion vibes” your girlfriend knows as “your fingers” tell the story of a woman who hugs trees and turns heads.

9. Purple Pizzazz (Sally Hansen)

If you’re gonna go purple, GO PURPLE. This color says, “maybe I’ve been to outer space or maybe I just own some space-themed leggings. Either way, I’m here to have a good time and NOBODY’S gonna stop me.”

10. After School Boy Blazer (essie)

“It’s back to cool when you’re back in blue-black,” says Essie. “This academy blue lacquer is the prep-school chic must of the season.” What season? Fall, of course, even if it’s winter. Fall like you’re holding hands and running home with a prep-school chick, like in the Indigo Girls song but slightly different. This color says “I’m fancy but I’m not afraid to get a little dirty or join the Warblers.” I love this color.

5 Rad Makeup Looks For Hooded Eyes and Monolids

If you’ve ever spent a Saturday night in front of YouTube with a tub of ice cream watching makeup tutorials (wait… just me?) you’ve probably gazed longingly into deep set eyes telling you how to do a cut crease look, but when you try to test it out, all of the lighter color and the sharp line you worked so hard for, suddenly disappears when you open your eyes normally.

Possibly this has happened to you with your eyeliner too. I know I can spend all the time I want perfecting a cat eye, but as soon as I’m moving normally about my day, all anyone can see is a little bit of the black above my eyelashes.

We can spend all the time we want dreaming about deep eye sockets, but that’s not going to get us anywhere. I’ve been spending some time collecting my favorite looks on how to embrace my beautiful lil eyelids for all of you. Hopefully this will be helpful for all my hooded/monolid sisters out there. Our eyelids are the special snowflakes we didn’t ask for but they’re our special snowflakes so let’s celebrate them.

1. Faux Cut Crease

It really irked me that I wasn’t able to do a proper cut crease. It’s so artfully crafted and takes a lot of patience to achieve and I love makeup that makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something. I figured if I couldn’t have a line across the deepest part of my eye socket, I’d just make one up instead. I’ve seen this a lot lately in fashion magazines and on runways, but it’s a really easy look that you can try in any color you’re feeling.

You can use any liquid or gel eyeliner with an angled brush to do this. I think my next endeavor with this look will be trying different colors. I’ve been hearing good things about Makeup Monsters gel liners and at $8.95 a pop, they’re an affordable investment to mix up your look.

2. Inner Corner Color

The inner corner of mono and hooded eyelids is usually really visible but often overlooked. I like to pop a little silver or gold shadow in there with my fingers and it really brightens up my eyes and makes them look wider, plus the shine is super lovely outside when it catches the sunlight.

This is Makeup Forever’s Flash Color Pot in Gold.

3. Dots!

I saw something similar to my inner corner metallics while shooting backstage at Chromat SS15. Their makeup artists were applying perfect little circles of color with clean pencil erasers to get the shape right on all of the models.

Nyamuoch Girwath, Backstage at Chromat SS2015, Photo by Tayler Smith

Symmetrical dots of eyeliner also look great under your eyes. Either one under the center of your lower lash line or lots in a row along the lash line are super fun.

4. Go Full Alien

Put the faux cut crease + inner corner color together and go full alien. Achieve your #alienactualites.

Here I used MAC Blacktrack Fluidline and Makeup Forever’s Aquamatic Eyeshadow in I-30.

5. They’re Full of Secrets

If all else fails, they’re a great place to hide your money.

Get the Look of Chromat’s Spring 2016 Lookbook with These 5 Products and Rock Poolside Beauty

Wet, wild and definitely joyous, summer brings out bold brights and beach bods. Chromat’s Spring 2016 collection exemplifies this wonderfully: dewy, waterproof and slick, it’s a sun-soaked romp. A lush cat-eye, rich lips and overall sunkissed makeup looks excellent with artfully cutout suits and futuristic monokinis. You’ll want a cold drink for this one, since you’ll be smokin’ hot poolside all summer long.

photos from style.com

Want to embody these looks? Us, too. Here’s where to start.

Smashbox Photo Finish Primer Water

A necessary ingredient for keepin’ your look in place.

Smashbox Photo Finish Primer Water

Maybelline Vivids Lipstick

A bold purple is a perfectly summery choice of lip color.

Maybelline Vivids Lipstick

Maybelline Stiletto Liner

Your eyeliner better stay put if you’re by the pool, and this one won’t budge.

Maybelline Stiletto Liner

MD Complete Sunscreen

A sun protectant that works to clear your skin, the best kind of multitasker.

MD Complete Sunscreen

Atelier Cologne Collection Azur in Madrine Glaciale

Mandarin, ginger and vetiver create an island getaway olfactory cocktail.

Atelier Cologne Collection Azur in Madrine Glaciale

These Black Nail Polishes

This black nail polish is good.

This black nail polish is goopy and runny and makes me feel like a teenager.

This black nail polish is seriously really really good. It’s perfect and amazing. I didn’t know nail polish could be this good. 

This post was inspired by these cashews.  

8 Vegan Cosmetic Products Just Waiting to Look Amazing On You

feature image via Shutterstock

Melt Cosmetics in Blitzed

Melt Cosmetics in Blitzed

A dreamy teal lipstick that is almost the exact colour of the Autostraddle banner. Matching your lipstick to a website is cool… right?

Pretty Zombie Cosmetics in 3 Witches

Pretty Zombie Lipstick in 3 Witches

Vibrant purple lips are my go to mood lifter. If it’s good enough for Riri, it’s definitely good enough for me.

OCC Nail Polish in Wasabi

OCC Nail Polish

OCC has a reputation for being extremely pigmented. Wasabi might not be for the faint of heart, but sometimes acid green is the only suitable shade.

NYX Concealer Wand

NYX Concealer Wand

Vegan cover up? Check. Just ’cause it’s concealer doesn’t mean you have to leave your morals behind.

Tarte Cheek Tint

Tarte Blush

Faking it isn’t always the best option, but you can totally fake rosy cheeks. I won’t tell anyone.

Manic Panic in Enchanted Forest

Manic Panic

Your ALH called. It wants a dye job. Only Enchanted Forest green will do.

Nutiva Coconut Oil

Nutiva Coconut Oil

What can’t this miracle oil do? It’s on almost all of our This Shit Rules lists. Plus it smells like you are on a warm, tropical island, which might be the next best thing to A-Camp.

Organic Makeup Remover

Derm-E Makeup Remover

Eventually, you’ll have to wash all that expertly applied makeup off your face and there is a vegan makeup remover for that.

4 Vivid Lipsticks I’ve Known and Loved

I’ve never been one for much makeup. The idea of foundation, primer, blush, eye shadow, eyeliner, et al. typically makes me feel a bit exhausted and very incompetent. But that doesn’t mean my makeup bag lies completely empty. Easy to apply and visually very effective, I’m a sucker for a great lip color. I know how to color within the (lip) lines, skill be damned! If it’s bright, deeply pigmented and under $10, I’ll usually give it a spin. I’ve often struggled to find colors that even show up on POCs with darker skin tones. After searching high and low for quality formulas in current colors, I’ve gathered some of my personal favourite inexpensive lippies. Reap the benefits of my quest.

Milani Color Statement Lipstick in Uptown Mauve

Milani Color Statement Lipstick in Uptown Mauve

Since Milani doesn’t widely retail in Canada, this tube was a bit of a wildcard. I picked it up on a recent jaunt to the States, and I was delighted at how bright it looks on me. I’m always trippin’ off that purp (lipstick), and the bright fuschia falls right into the range of pinky purply hues that I tend to sport. It smells like a yummy candy, which some may find off putting but didn’t bother me much. The wear throughout the day was good, but could use a lip liner underneath. However, the price point and color were enough to sway me into trying more from Milani.

Revlon Colorburst Matte Balm in Shameless

Revlon Colorburst Matte Balm in Shameless

I bought this shade on a whim, expecting it to be drying and lackluster like several other matte lip colors I’ve tried. Alas! I was 100% wrong. The formulation makes for a smooth (not to mention minty) finish, and holds up decently through my day. Despite being matte, it is oddly moisturizing… not certain how they pulled that one off, but I’m sold. Also the applicator is a fun crayon shape, so there’s that.

N.Y.C. Ultra Moist Lip Wear in Mahogany

N.Y.C. Ultra Moist Lip Wear in Mahogany

This is the most inexpensive of the bunch, and the color payoff is quite surprising. I bought the tube thinkin’ that it would be too subtle on my deep skin tone, but it turned out to be a deliciously 90’s vampy tone. I like to imagine that Beyonce would have worn it circa Bills, Bills, Bills (probably because I like to imagine I am Beyonce). I cheated a little with the color since I’ve got a matching lip liner so the wear was longer lasting than if it had been flyin’ solo. I will say it held up decently through a few smooch and a bite to eat, so it has the Lydia stamp of approval.

Just a note: to make your lipstick last longer and apply more evenly, I recommend making sure that your lips are properly moisturized beforehand. If you want to make some balm of your own, we’ve got you!

NYX Glam Lip Gloss Aqua Luxe in Disco Playground

NYX Glam Lip Gloss Aqua Luxe in Disco Playground

This shade is made for any time you want to feel F-A-N-C-Y. Not since my forays into shiny Bonne Bell glosses have I fallen so hard for something with so much sheen. Non-sticky and gleamin’ with golden bits, it would look just as nice over a bright lip color. This glitzy tube held up during many a kiss, and is a guaranteed head turner. Long-lasting and fun, just how I like it!

This is just a shortlist; I could wax poetic about the Revlon balms for days… What about you? Any richly pigmented drugstore finds you would like to share with the Straddleverse?

DIY Fizzy Bath Bombs For Your Filthy Hot Bods

On March 14, we want our readers to stay in together as part of Autostraddle’s International Staycation Spectacular! Follow along with everyone’s hotel parties, spa days, and indoor picnics around the world with the hashtag #StaycationSpectacular, and join us on the day of for the A+ livestream!

Hello, beasts! I hope you’re getting amped for your staycations. My plans for the day include making a cheese plate, watching House of Cards, deep conditioning my hair, and taking a long, decadent bath in the blood of my enemies.

Just kidding on that last one. But a fancy bath is definitely on the agenda, and since I haven’t gone Gone Girl on anyone lately, there will be liberal use of bath bombs. Because when I staycation, I really mean it. I sit and I steam and I stay. Bath bombs. Go hard.

In preparation for some truly sumptuous soaking, I’ve been trying out different fizzy bath bomb recipes for the past month. After numerous trials, I’ve perfected my optimal mix. It has milk for moisturization. Lavender to aid relaxation. Corn starch to make the water nice and silky. Epsom salt to relieve sore muscles. Shea butter to smooth dry elbows and heels. Almond oil for shiny hair. Coconut oil for soft skin. And, oh yeah, look how soothing the fizzy bubbles are!

That’s right, they’re obscenely soothing. Bath bombs are the perfect treat to pamper your hot, filthy bod. Or filthy hot bod? Look, I don’t know your life.

(A note for fellow nerds: The fizzing comes from an acid-base reaction. Remember as a kid when you made the classic baking soda and vinegar “volcano” for science fair? That’s the same principle at work in bath bombs. I’m just using citric acid instead of vinegar here.)

Anyway, if you’re all ready to get started, we’re going to do this in two parts. First I’ll give you the exact recipe I use, then I’ll teach you how to make your own custom recipe. Because is there anything more badass than customized luxury bath goods? I mean, maybe, but just go with it.

Bombs away!

Badass Moisturizing Lavender Bath Bombs

Ingredients:

• 1/4 cup Citric Acid
• 1/2 cup Baking Soda
• 1/8 cup Powdered Milk
• 1/8 cup Epsom Salt
• 1/8 cup Corn Starch
• 1 tsp Shea Butter
• 1 tsp Coconut Oil
• 1 tsp Almond Oil
• 10 drops Lavender Essential Oil
• 4 drops Blue Food Coloring
• 3 drops Red Food Coloring
• 100 ml water

Equipment:

• 2 bowls
• 1 spray bottle
• measuring cups & spoons
• microwave
• a mold (I used this fancy mooncake mold, but ice cube trays and muffin tins are also great)

Directions:

Wet ingredients to the left. Dry ingredients to the right.

1. Mix dry ingredients (1/4 cup citric acid, 1/2 cup baking soda, 1/8 cup powdered milk, 1/8 cup epsom salt, 1/8 cup corn starch) in one bowl. Stir until well combined.
2. Mix shea butter, coconut oil and almond oil (1 tsp each) in another bowl. Microwave for 1 minute. Stir until well combined.
   

   Quick! Stir stir stir.

3. Pour wet ingredients into dry ingredients. Mix.
   

   Other essential oils I love in bath bombs: spearmint, peppermint, grapefruit, eucalyptus, and tangerine. One time I tried lemongrass and it made me smell like potpourri. Which was… alright? I guess?

4. Add 10 drops of lavender essential oil. Mix well.
5. Put a small amount of water (I used 100 ml) in your spray bottle. Add food coloring (4 drops of blue, 3 drops of red). Put the top on and shake to combine.
   Warning: food coloring will stain your skin if you put it directly on your body. Don’t do that. But a few drops diluted by an entire bathtub full of water is just fine.
   

   Tip: if you’re impatient and know you won’t want to wait for it to dry later on, you can add a little bit of alcohol to your colored water mix. It makes it dry quicker.

6. Spray the colored water over your ingredients while mixing. You only want to do a little at a time, so the chemical reaction doesn’t start. If you hear the mixture fizzing, it’s too moist. Stir, or quickly add more dry ingredients.
   

   Honestly, this is slightly too much water. My music was up too loud and I didn’t hear when it started fizzing.

   Keep going until your mixture is about as damp as you’d need sand to be in order to mold a good sandcastle. Check the consistency of your mixture by picking some up in your hands and squishing it to make a ball. Keep spritzing and stirring until you can make a ball that stays clumped together (rather than immediately crumbling apart).

   

   It’s okay if there are still white spots.

7. Scoop the mixture into your molds. Pack it down tightly.
   

   Use the back of a spoon to get more leverage when you’re packing the mixture into the mold. You can also use your fingers.

8. Put your mold in the freezer to set. Drying time varies depending on how much moisture you added, but I generally leave mine for at least half an hour. If you’re patient enough to leave it overnight, that’s even better. The dryer and harder the ingredients are, the better they’ll hold their shape.
9. When the bombs are done drying, pop them out of the mold. If you’ve done it too soon and they’re still moist, just crumble it up, remold, and wait a little longer. You can add more corn starch to the mixture if you think you really went overboard with the water. Or, if you didn’t add enough water, just crumble it up, spritz some more in, and put it back in the mold to try again. Keep in mind that a crumbly bath bomb will still work; it’s just not as pretty.
   

   See? I left the blue one in overnight. On the green and purple ones I was too impatient to wait that long, so they got a little crumbly.

10. Put one or two in your bath and watch them fizz away. As you’re steeping, take some time to reflect on your life and feel good about all the decisions you’ve made that have gotten you to this point.

Choose Your Own Adventure Bath Bomb

Remember when I said earlier that I’d teach you how to make your own bath bomb recipe? Of course you do, starshine, and that time has now come. Here’s what you need to know.

Magic Bath Bomb Ratio:

• 1 part acid
• 2 parts base
• 1 part powdered ingredients
• 10-20% binding agent
• Color, scent, floaty things as desired

As long as your concoction more or less follows this ratio, your bath bomb is going to turn out just splendidly. The stakes are very low here, so play around, have fun, and see which combinations you like the best!

To get you started, here’s a list of possibilities.

Acid (select one):

• Citric Acid
• Cream of Tartar

Base (select one):

• Baking Soda
• Baking Powder (although it has some acid in it already, so you’ll have to adjust the ratio; this recipe turned out well for me, if you want to try it)

Powdered Ingredients (use as many as you like, as long as the total follows the ratio):

• Powdered milk
• Bentonite clay
• Honey powder or grain powder
• Corn starch
• Sea salt, Epsom salt

Binding Agent (select one):

• Water
• Tea, floral water, male tears, rainwater you’ve personally collected from the heavens via champagne flute, etc.
• Cocoa butter, mango butter or shea butter (just melt it first, and be aware that the final mixture tends to comes out more crumbly)

Color, Scent, Floaty Things (go wild):

• Lavender, rose petals, flower petals
• Ginger, cinnamon, herbs
• Coconut oil, olive oil, jojoba oil, almond oil, avocado oil, baby oil, etc. (just add more powdered ingredients if your mixture becomes too wet)
• Cocoa butter, mango butter, shea butter (ditto)
• Essential oil, fragrance oil, witch hazel
• Oatmeal
• Lemon, Orange, Grapefruit
• Sprinkles, Jell-o, sugar decorations (but go easy on this, because yeast infections!)
• Cosmetic glitter, engagement rings, little toys
• Seaweed
• Honey

Again, these are just some possibilities. Dream big, and if you come up with something awesome, let me know.

This Shit Rules: Goo For Scaly-Snake-Monster Season

It’s winter. Or as my skin likes to call it, Scaly-Snake-Monster Season. I imagine, of course, that people flee from me as I walk down New York City streets because, right about two weeks ago, I transformed into essentially a giant humanoid alligator. My skin gets so dry that I wander around my apartment and occasionally actual public places behaving like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkHyRTlXwkY

Oh you think I’m exaggerating. I’m really not exaggerating. I’m actually doing that on my office chair as I type this.

It does not help that my apartment is steam-heated to (and I’m just guessing here) one million degrees and is drier than a desert in June. I have no control over the thermostat. This would all be bad enough, except that my skin is also finicky—use one kind of moisturizer on my face uninterrupted for too long, break out. Season changes and keep using same face wash, break out. Planet alignment changes and I don’t change whatever the fuck product I’m using, break out. The result is that I use enough different kinds of goo to fill, like, three of these posts all with different themes.

So let’s get down to business on this one—here are the goos I have to use specifically when I transform into a Scaly Snake Monster.

Handmade Goat Milk Soap

During the summer, I can use vegan soap. During the winter, whatever magic vegan soap is made out of also drinks all the water from my skin like a thirsty Vampire. So, being that I’m not a vegan, I switch to something with a little milk up in it. Specifically right now, I’m using soap from Cats’ View Farm in Germantown. Right now in my shower, there rests a Pumpkin Spice bar. On deck is Black Rum and Patchouli.

Buy it from this tiny farm: $5.5o per bar or 4 for $20

Boscia Black Cleanser and Black Mask

Okay, so I live in New York City: land of soot and urine. I am SUPER DIRTY whenever I go out of the house, plus of course I have scales all over my face that shed whether or not I can manage to stay in my apartment for a full 24-hour period. This cleanser and mask are gentle enough that they don’t provoke my winter-skin. The cleanser warms and it’s 19 degrees outside, and the mask is peel off which harkens back to the days of peeling Elmer’s Glue off your fingers—extremely fun and satisfying.

Buy it at Sephora: $28 per 5 oz. cleanser, $34 per 2.8 oz. mask

Hope In a Jar Daily Moisturizer

An every day work horse, this is my new winter moisturizer after the moisturizer I’d been using in the fall started to make me break out when the weather changed. No doubt in two months I will have to switch back to the other moisturizer. And in summer I have to use a completely different one…

My skin is the worst, you guys. I’m holding out hope that this one works year round. It is called Hope in a Jar, after all.

Buy it on Amazon: $34 for 2 oz.

Fresh Lotus Eye Gel

Okay, so it might not be scientifically proven or anything, but this product is supposed to reduce the dark circles under one’s eyes. I honestly don’t care if it does or not, because what I care about is that it’s fresh and cucumber-esque and feels nice when my eyes are all sleepy-puffy (you know the feeling, don’t even pretend like you don’t). And I need this during this season because—and I’m super embarrassed to admit this—my itching wakes me up at night. Seriously. My skin wakes me up. Also this one seems pricey, but since a little goes a long way it’s actually not so bad given how long it lasts.

Buy it on Amazon: $48 for .5 oz.

Fresh Rose Face Mask

This was a treat-yo-self purchase last winter and I liked it so much that it’s made the regular rotation. It’s for those days when moisturizer alone isn’t cutting it—it’s super super hydrating. Plus it smells like flowers! This, like it’s counterpart the Lotus Eye Gel, seems really expensive. But a little goes a long way and it keeps me from wanting to rub my face against my graduate school’s concrete façade: worth it.

Buy it on Sephora: $62 for 3.3 oz.

Melt Earth Spirit Sugar Scrub

There is literally nothing that feels better than a sugar scrub when you are winter itchy. Literally nothing. It is the best damn feeling in the world. It is EXACTLY like rubbing your back against a tree in a bear-esque fashion. I use the Earth Spirit scent because I like the smell of sandalwood and it also makes the towel you dry yourself off with smell AWESOME—but Melt makes a whole host of other sugar scrubs if you’re not into that scent, and while you’re at it a whole host of other bath and body stuffs.

Buy it from Melt: $25 for 9 oz.

Coconut Oil

I don’t know if there are any special kinds of coconut oil that should be used on the skin or not, but as you can practically hear my skin make a slurping sound when I put it on it absorbs it so fast, I just walk to the grocery store on the corner and get the biggest jar of it I can find. And then I slather myself in it all winter.

Buy it on Amazon: $6 for 14 oz.

Burt’s Bees Outdoor Deodorant

There is another problem with winter in the city: heat. Everything is over-heated — stores, offices, apartment buildings, the metro stations: literally no one has access to their thermostat. I sometimes wonder what puppet master controls all of them. And I sweat. I sweat so much it looks like I’m melting. But I also don’t want to use something that will stop me from sweating, because sweating is a thing bodies are supposed to do. Enter this wonderful deodorant. It’s spray on, so it doesn’t leave any weird streaks on black tee shirts or dark sweaters. It’s made of entirely recognizable ingredients. Its first ingredient is alcohol, so the one place on my body I wish was dry is kept just dry enough. And it makes me smell like a lumberjack, or rather a lumberjane.

Buy it on Amazon: $26 for a three-pack

Jack Black Intense Therapy Lip Balm

I must credit my fiancée with this find—she accidentally bought the Grapefruit and Ginger flavor instead of her usual Natural Mint and Shea Butter. She hated the Grapefruit and I LOVED it, so I received the cast-off! It’s perfect—it doesn’t leave your lips drier than before, like some lip balms do. And it has an SPF of 25 (sun still exists in winter, my friends, plus this makes it an extra good all year ’round product).

Buy it on Amazon: $7.50 per tube.

EarthLust Stainless Steel Water Bottle

I know, you’re like, “LOL ALI THAT’S NOT A PRODUCT YOU PUT ON ITCHY SKIN.” But I maintain that drinking water is the best thing we can all be doing for our skin, in good times and bad. In Scaly-Snake-Monster Season or during all other seasons. Drink some water. Drink that whole bottle and then fill it again. And then drink it again. Repeat. Your skin will thank you. This cute fish pattern is the same one I have, but there are others.

Buy it on Amazon: $20 for a 1L bottle.

Happy Holigays: Two Sparkly, Sexy Makeup Looks for Monolids

I’ve always played with makeup, even during my tomboyish kid years. Once I hit middle school, I was finally allowed to buy and wear makeup of my own. I was 12. I was thrilled. I was surprised to find that all my magazine-reading prep was for nothing. The eye makeup tips in Seventeen and Lucky didn’t work on me. My eyes were a different shape and, confusingly, my eyelids were different, too. Every eye makeup look included some step about putting eyeshadow “in your crease” or “up to your crease.” I did not have this crease, though. I mean, I looked for it. I estimated where it should be. I was like a high school virgin looking for the g-spot. I had an idea of where it should be, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it. My white mom and white friends didn’t have any useful tips for me, either. I was at a loss, but I was determined.

I forged my own path with cosmetics. Back then, the internet was still new and filled with crude HTML sites. Nobody was posting monolid makeup videos. Asian people on TV were like, not even really a thing. So I forgot everything these white people makeup experts were saying and I just did what made sense to me. And I think I did pretty OK. Now that there are monolid makeup tutorials, a lot of the things I figured out through intuition are, indeed, what other people with monolids do.

Enough about me and my monolid backstory. Here are two fun and very wearable makeup looks for your holigay festivities, my fellow monolid-blessed beauties. One glam, one funky, both easy to recreate using similar products and techniques.

The trick to gorgeous monolid eye looks is to consider the whole eyelid as a blank canvas (forget about the “crease”) and take advantage of the monolid’s natural shape. Winged eyeliner looks awesome on monolids. Eyeliner, in general, is a must-do for monolid makeup looks. Non-monolid people have mascara. We have eyeliner. Now get your boldest eyeliner out, because it’s time to sparkle!

Glimmer Glam Bedtime Eyes

I’m skipping the “get your face ready” step, so get your face ready, whatever that means for you. I don’t use foundation or BB cream, but I do use mineral powder and bronzer. So here I am with a clean face, plus NYX Cosmetics Studio Finishing Powder, Mary Kay Facial Highlighting Pen, and contoured cheekbones with Mary Kay Mineral Bronzing Powder in Canyon Gold. If you use eye primer and/or anything else to get your face ready for color, do that now. Here’s my ready-to-go face.

Let’s start with eyeshadow. With monolids, you want to use the whole eyelid area. There is no crease. I repeat, no crease. Some monolid makeup tutorials show you how to fake a crease with eyeshadow, which works on some monolid types, but not all. I have no interest in faking a crease. I like to work with the eyelids I have. Creating an ombre effect looks bangin’ pretty much always, with a base color all over, a lighter highlight color right along the browbone, and a darker color right above the lid or in the outer corner of the eye.

We are using Sephora Colorful Eyeshadow in Hold Me Tight, a plum red shimmery color, as the base for both looks today. Using an eyeshadow brush, cover your entire eyelid, from lash line to brow, with Hold Me Tight. Then, right under your brows, apply a generous amount of a lighter color, like Mary Kay Mineral Eye Color in Crystalline. With your pinky finger, blend the two colors gently where they meet. Next, take a darker shade in the same color family, like Mary Kay Mineral Eye Color in Sweet Plum, and apply it right above the monolid area, about a 1/4″ thick. Pull out towards the corner of the eye into a triangle shape. Fill in the triangle shape completely, so there should be a 1/4″ line of darker shadow across the lid, building into a large sweeping triangle at the outer corner of the eye. Now take your pinky finger and blend the Sweet Plum gently into the Hold Me Tight. You should have three colors on your eye now, in a sort of layered effect, and you shouldn’t see a line where one color starts and another ends. If you look at the bottom picture below, you’ll see that one eye is blended and one is not. See the difference? It should all blend together.

Finally, let’s get to the eyeliner, which for any monolid look is going to be the most important part to make your eyes really pop. I have a fairly extensive eyeliner collection. For this look, I’d suggest a liquid liner or a gel liner in a deep black. Here are some of my favorites:

Left to Right: stila Stay All Day Waterproof Liquid Eye Liner, Mary Kay Liquid Liner (discontinued but you can buy online), Maybelline Lasting Eye Studio Drama Gel Liner in Blackest Black

I’m using stila Stay All Day Waterproof Liquid Eye Liner in Jet Black. Here is where monolid makeup gets really different from non-monolid makeup. Instead of drawing a line that is tight to the lash line, you are going to take the eyeliner and apply it all over your natural eyelid. If you have a monolid, you know that most of your eyelid disappears when you open your eye. It may seem like this is too much eyeliner as you are putting it on. I promise when you open your eyes, it will look amazing. Fill in the eyelid all the way to the outer corner of the eye. You can stop here if you want to keep the look subtle.

For more drama, extend the black eyeliner into a winged look. I’m doing a straight wing here because it’s an easy beginner wing shape, but other wing shapes will look great, too. OK, close your eyelid and look at your lower lash line. Try to imagine your lash line extending farther up your eyelid. Use the black eyeliner to draw this extension of your lower lash line up your eyelid. Connect the line to your eyeliner at about the mid-eye point, forming a triangle on the end of your eyeliner line. Fill it in.

Line your bottom lashes very close to the lash line in a shimmery gold color like Mary Kay at Play Bold Fluid Eyeliner in Gold Metal. That’s it!

You can make this look swing naughty or nice with your choice of lipcolor. Keep it sweet and sexy with a shimmery natural shade that puts the emphasis on your eyes. Or set off a sultry look with a deep berry or plum lipstick. Here I’m wearing Make Up For Ever Lab Shine Lip Gloss in Pearly Light Beige in the picture on the left and Mary Kay Creme Lipstick in Berry Kiss in the picture on the right.

This look is simple and pretty and fairly neutral. If you aren’t afraid of a little shimmer (don’t be afraid), you could definitely wear this to work or lunch or other daytime outings. Go forth and look hot!

Sparkly Green Glitter Femme

Do you love bold color and sparkles? This look is for you! You can recreate this look using many eyeliner/lip color combos, but I chose red and green for the holigays because why not?

Start with the same eyeshadow, Sephora Colorful Eyeshadow in Hold Me Tight and Mary Kay Mineral Eye Color in Crystalline as the brow highlight. Apply the Hold Me Tight shade in multiple layers, going over the lid several times, so the color is very intense. Apply your highlight color to the area beneath your brow and blend. This time, do not apply a third darker shade of eyeshadow.

Instead, we’re going to do a very bold eyeliner look. Cover the entire eyelid in Sephora Retractable Waterproof Eyeliner in Glitter Green. Now, color slightly above the lid line, about 1/4″ with the eyeliner, all the way across the lid. When you open your eyes now, there should be a thin glittery green line that shows above your lid line.

Now extend the liner into a super extreme straight wing. As before, study your lower lash line to estimate where to draw the wing line, extending the natural curve of your lower lash line. Take the wing extension all the way up and out to just a little below your brow. Create a triangle shape back to your eyeliner and fill it in completely. (For extra glitter, you can brush a green glitter powder over the eyeliner.) Now, line the bottom of your eye, keeping the line tight to the lash line. Because you are using a pencil instead of liquid liner, you may have to sharpen the tip of the pencil to make the corners of the wings pointy and precise. Your eyes may be slightly different shapes, as mine are (I technically have a demilid on the left and a flat hooded lid on the right). Don’t worry too much about that. Aim to make your eyes look the same when they are open.

It will look like so much eyeliner and it may look a little weird when you stretch your eyelids, but trust me, OK?

Finally, take out your black liquid liner or gel liner and go over your entire eyelid, but just the part that is your actual eyelid (so not the part you colored in above your lid). Extend this black line to the edge of your green eyeliner. Add a small black wing at the edge, that mimics the shape of the larger green glitter area.

Go for a bright red lip in a matte shade. You want everyone to look at your pretty glittery eyes, so don’t use glitter on your lips, too. We all love glitter, but there is such thing as too much. I can’t believe I just wrote that, but I’m standing by it. I’m wearing Hourglass Opaque Rouge Liquid Lipstick in Icon, a long-lasting matte color that will bind to your lips and stay on all night.

You may have noticed that I didn’t mention mascara in either makeup tutorial. I have short lashes that point downwards because of the shape of my eyes, so I don’t bother with it. However, some would balk at this omission. If you have the patience to curl your lashes and apply mascara, go for it. The same with fake lashes. Longer lashes will make both of these looks even more glamorous. If you just wear mascara for the eye definition, you’re going to find that eyeliner works better on monolids for this purpose than mascara.

Now, gorgeous you, go show off those sparkling monolids at your nearest holiday gathering, office party, or night out. Shoot smoldering glances at delicious strangers. Stand under the mistletoe and dare someone to kiss you. Or just take pics of yourself for Instagram. You do you, darling!

Winter Is Coming: How to Change Up Your Skincare for the Season

Feature Image via Shutterstock

It’s peak Pumpkin Spice Latte season but early forecasts predict Polar Vortex 2: Electric Boogaloo and the time to address seasonal dry skin issues is now, not the middle of December when your car is buried under five feet of snow and your plans for the day are “huddle in a ball and hate everything.” Plus, by the time winter rolls around, you’ll be so sick of winter skincare articles that you’re not going to even want to read them.

Ditch the Harsh Crap

A lot of mass skincare products are way too fucking harsh and brag about their “oil-free” formulas and “deep-cleansing” properties which can irritate and dry out your skin. Your skin should not be squeaky clean that it feels tight. Use a gentle cleanser that removes dirt, oil and makeup without making your skin feel, tight or tingly (that “tingle” you feel is actually your skin being irritated). Some cleansers to try are Boscia’s Tsubaki Cleansing Oil-Gel, CeraVe’s Hydrating Cleanser and Yes To Blueberries Smoothing Facial Cleanser and Cleansing Facial Wipes. Whether you exfoliate physically (with a facial scrub) or chemically (with BHA or AHA products like St. Ives Gentle Exfoliating Pads with lactic acid), only do so a few times a week as over exfoliating can royally piss off your skin.

Moisturize while playing your favorite board games! L-R: Boscia , Tsubaki Oil Cleansing Gel, Tsubaki Oil-Infused Cleansing Powder, Tsubaki Beauty Oil, Mario Badescu Buttermilk Moisturizer, Hada Labo Replenishing Hydrator and Dr. Jart Water-Full Hydrating Mask

Acid With A Side of Nightmare Fuel

Hyaluronic acid is one of my favorite products to increase moisture in fall and winter. This molecule can hold over one thousand times its weight in water and is highly absorbent. I add Hada Labo’s Replenishing Hydrator to my regular moisturizer every morning and night, and I use Dr. Jart’s Water Fuse Hydrogel Mask once a week or so usually late at night when I’m working on Autostraddle articles. Sheet masks have become more popular in recent years and you can find a variety of masks touting different skincare benefits at varying price points. The Dr. Jart one is my favorite because it comes in two pieces, allowing for a more comfortable fit.

One piece goes on your forehead…

The other piece goes over your the rest of your face…

And ta-da! You keep it on your face for 30-45 minutes, which is plenty of time to freak out your pets/roomates/significant others.

The Bisexuals Come Out At Night, coming to theatres this Halloween.

After you’re done fueling nightmares, you’re left with soft skin, and a nice glow the morning after.

Fear No Oil

When it gets drier and colder, I’ll switch up my skincare routine and apply my Daily Hydrator first, and then use Natalie Dee’s “mashed potatoes” method to moisturize. Adding a face oil to your moisturizer creates a nice protective barrier between your face and the elements and keeps moisture locked in. If you have sensitive skin be sure to patch test before adding an oil to your routine. Argan, rosehip, and seaberry oils are the most popular and you can find them for a decent price at most health food retailers.

You Still Need To Wear Some Fucking Sunscreen

Days may be shorter but you still need to wear sunscreen every day. No exceptions. By sunscreen, I mean “a topical broad spectrum sunscreen that is at least SPF 30” — NOT “a foundation or BB cream with SPF” and DEFINITELY NOT “a homemade sunscreen made off of a Pinterest recipe.” Recently the US Senate passed the Sunscreen Innovation Act which would essentially give the FDA a quick kick in the pants to fast-track the approval of new sunscreen actives — many of which have been languishing in FDA hell for more than ten years. While I’m excited for the possibility of new sunscreen actives, it’s a sad state of affairs when basic sunscreen regulations can pass through Clowngress more quickly than any legislation involving reproductive justice or protections for the LGBT community.

Switch Up Your Makeup

While matte foundations are a godsend in hot humid weather, they can dry out skin (and look weird) in winter. Use more sheer liquid bases in winter or try mixing in a little moisturizer or illuminator into your foundation. Think “shimmery ice queen” rather than “matte ice vampire.”

Okay, not the first result for “shimmery ice queen” but definitely the queerest.

And that’s it! Keeping your skin hydrated during winter isn’t that hard once you get settled into a routine that works for you, but don’t tell that to all of the fashion and beauty publications that will be posting multiple dry skin stories from now until Easter. Feel free to post your favorite WINTER IS COMING skincare products and rituals in the comments!

Spice, Smoke and Other Holiday 2013 Makeup Trends (for Brown-Skinned Folk)

You may have seen our Fall 2013 Makeup Trends (for Brown Folk). Here is the next installment, featuring four scrumptious holiday looks specifically designed for darker skin.

Photo credit Ev Evnen

This season’s looks are all about warm, spicy colors and dark smoky eyes. Think copper, cinnamon, mulled wine, emerald and cobalt.

Emerald Winged Cat Eye

Emerald was Pantone’s Color of the Year for 2013 and what a colorful year it was! Greens look amazing on brown skin and eyes, so say goodbye to 2013 in style with an ode to emerald in a fierce winged cat eye.

Brianna modeling an emerald winged eye. (Photo credit Ev Evnen)

To get Brianna’s look, draw out a wing shape using Urban Decay’s 24/7 Glide On Eye Pencil in Zero black liner. The liner helps to give depth to the color, and give it something to stick to. On top of the black, layer a medium-green all over the eye. I used Urban Decay shadow in Mildew. Blend a darker green shadow into the outer corner and crease, a black into the very outer part of the wing and a light gold into the inner corners.

Pair these deep pigmented eyes with a blend of coral and brown blushes. Brianna is wearing NARS blush in Torrid and Lovejoy, but you can use any combination of somewhat neutral brown and coral.  Finish off this fun look with a light pink lip balm such as Tarte Lipsurgence Lip Tint in Enchanted.

Buy me: Urban Decay shadows in Mildew, Bender, Cobra, and Half Baked // NARS blush in Lovejoy and Torrid // Tarte Lipsurgence Lip Tint in Enchanted // Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Pencil in Zero

Copper Eyes and Cinnamon Lips

If you’re searching for a look that oozes warmth, look no further than the colors of your favorite hot seasonal beverage! This is the perfect time of year to show off your eyes layered in copper and bronze metallics paired with freshly bitten cinnamon lips.

Sasanka modeling copper eyes and cinnamon lips. (Photo credit Ev Evnen)

If you want Sasanka’s eyes, start with gold shadow on the inner part of the lid, with copper shadow on top. This is a great opportunity to utilize an already paired shadow duo such as NARS shadow duo in Isolde. Highlight the inner corners with a light gold shadow and blend a darker copper shadow into the outer corners and crease. I used Urban Decay shadow in Half Baked and NARS shadow in California.

I contoured Sasanka’s cheekbones with the matte bronzer NARS bronzer in Irrésistiblement and highlighted with the golden NARS blush in Albatross. I finished off the look with a dusting of deep purple NARS blush in Seduction.

For her cinnamon lips, I used two coats of the shimmery, orange-based red NARS Pure Matte lipstick in Moscow.

Buy me: NARS Shadow Duo in Isolde // Urban Decay shadow in Half Baked // NARS Pure Matte lipstick in Moscow // NARS blush in Albatross and Seduction // NARS bronzer in Irrésistiblement

Icy Plum Eye and Berry Lips

Metallic purple eyes are just as popular this season as they were last season, but now we’ve got a new twist!. The holiday iteration brings us a grayer, more metallic purple. Let’s call it grayple. Purplay?

Sarah modeling ice plum eyes and berry lips (Photo credit Ev Evnen)

This is a smoldering look that works on any skin tone. You start with a layer of purple liner or shadow pencil all over the lid. Urban Decay’s 24/7 Shadow Pencil in Delinquent is a good option. Don’t worry if it looks scary. We’re gonna layer, because that’s what you do in the winter. Think of the purple as the cozy fleece-lined tights you wear under your jeans.

To get Sarah’s look, I layered grays of varying intensity, building from lightest at the inner corner of the eye to darkest at the outer corners and in the crease. I used Urban Decay shadow in Mushroom, Gunmetal and Asphalt from the Smoked Palette. On the very inner corners, I used the shimmery vanilla Urban Decay shadow in Virgin as a highlight. To get the perfect smoky look, instead of liner, use a dark matte black to line the eye, such as my ever favorite Urban Decay shadow in Blackout. Blend all the colors together using a fluffy brush. Finally, use an angled brush to push some of the medium and dark gray shadows under the lower lashes.

Once you have the eyes completed, pull the whole look together with a dark burgundy blush with a slight shimmer such as NARS blush in Seduction, and a berry lipstick such as NARS lipstick in Scarlet Empress.

Buy me: Urban Decay shadow in Virgin, Mushroom, Gunmetal, Oil Slick and Blackout // NARS lipstick in Scarlet Empress // NARS blush in Seduction // Urban Decay 24/7 Shadow Pencil in Delinquent

Colorful Winter Smokey Eye

Winter is all about smoky eyes, but for darker-skinned folk, it can be harder to pull off the heavy gray smokey eye without looking washed out or tired. Solution: color. Big, bold, beautiful color. I used cobalt, but any color will do. Purple, green, orange, brown, red, and if you’re not feeling very adventurous, taupe or bronze.

Payal modeling a winter smoky eye (Photo credit Ev Evnen)

Payal’s look starts with a base layer of your favorite color eye liner or shadow pencil. I used Urban Decay 24/7 Glide On Eye Pencil in Chaos. On top of the liner, use a dense shadow brush to press on a shimmery black shadow such as Urban Decay shadow in Oil Slick. Pressing the shadow instead of swiping will minimize fallout all over your cheeks. Use a matte black shadow, such as Urban Decay shadow in Blackout, in the crease and to line the eye. Press the black shadow under the lower lashes, and line the waterline with a black liner. Here I used Urban Decay 24/7 Glide On Eye Pencil in Perversion. Finally, highlight the inner corners with a shimmery light shadow such as Urban Decay shadow in Sin.

To finish off the look and balance out the eyes, swipe on a deep wintery blush, such as NARS blush in Seduction, and a coat of  Smashbox Lip Enhancing Gloss in Illume or another shimmery gloss.

Buy me: Urban Decay shadow in Sin, Oil Slick and Blackout // NARS blush in Seduction // Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Pencil

I hope you have fun rocking these looks at your holiday functions! You’re sure to grab enough attention to keep you warm all winter long.

Hey, You Can Put Away Your Razors Next Month

Hair! Whether it’s on your head, your legs or your crotchular region, you’re going to have to deal with it eventually. Shave it? Braid it? Wax it? Dye it? Outright ignore it? All suitable solutions to your Chia-pet type talents! But while winter months give the luxury of fourteen layers of grandpa sweaters to protect your pit primping preferences from prying peepers, as soon as the temperature starts climbing upwards, those protective hemlines are soon to follow.

It’s no surprise that hair is something that’s on our minds in addition to our bodies. We’re constantly bombarded with unattainable caricatures of female beauty that have no hairs out of place — let alone body hairs in place — telling us what we should look like, where we should go and more importantly, what we should buy. But while heavy-handed Photoshoppers have been taken to task for inflating these impossible wrinkle and blemish-free beauty standards, no one’s mentioning what’s going on beneath their models’ shirt sleeves. Because underarm hair’s supposed to be a moot point in that conversation. Because even when body-positive campaigns try to show there’s beauty at every turn, there’s still only one look to aspire to when it comes to pretty pits: bare.

In a world where hair-free is the default, the simple act of running out of razor blades, missing your aesthetician appointment or trying to deal with sweat in your own way becomes newsworthy. While men are afforded the right to get stubbly just because, it’s still unthinkable for anyone else to do it. If a women in the spotlight dares to skip Shave Day, fashion commentators will string her up by her pit hairs for all to ridicule, even years down the road. Revealing anything more than bald will label you an Angry Hairy Feminist, whether you deserve (or want) that pet name or not. For that very reason, Armpits 4 August are asking women to raise their arms and let their fur and feminism fly free.

Via Armpits 4 August

A4A invites women to challenge societal norms by looking at their pits in another way. Instead of being yet another source of shame and embarassment, they should just be a part of who you are. A possibly hairy part of who you are.

We believe the shame a lot of people feel about their body hair is a consequence of living in a society that regulates, controls and dictates that female-assigned bodies must conform to incredibly narrow beauty standards, and which upholds a rigid gender binary that deems body hair a ‘masculine’ trait. This creates a physically, socially, and mentally damaging image of what is ‘natural’ – an image that turns out to be no more than an idea. There is no standard, universal, typical – let alone ‘normal’ – pattern of body hair for women, men, or anyone else.

Following in the traditions of Movember and Julyna, they’re asking for women to stop shaving. On one side of things they’d like to liberate women from annoying grooming regimes, but on the other side they want to leave more of a social impression than a simple dip in razor sales. Because while underarm grooming may be considered an annoyance for some and a political move for others, dealing with it on a regular basis is a daily (and sometimes twice daily) unfair reality for women affected by PCOS.

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome is hormonal imbalance affecting one in five women according to the Jean Hailes Clinical Research Unit at Monash University. This hormonal imbalance can often lead to insulin resistance, type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and heart disease, but it often goes unchecked due to the lack of definitive diagnostic testing. The associated menstrual irregularity, painful ovarian cysts and subfertility might be missed or misdiagnosed, but the (possible) increase in body hair is in plain view. Why should people already worrying about their health and fertility have to deal with societal scorn over something they can’t control?

Via Hannah Daisy

The UK-based group of Armpits 4 August wants to inspire women to embrace themselves and their sisters afflicted with PCOS. Amy de Luca spoke to the Guardian about her PCOS. “I would love to no longer feel the need for constant de-fuzzing, but I am terrified of what others will think of me so I shave anyway.”  Many of the founders have PCOS and want to change the world so they can skip the bathroom routine, walk outside and not have other people’s reactions remind them that they’re different. Mustaches gave men an excuse to talk about their own taboo afflictions, so it’s about time women could do the same without having to sexualize it. When it comes to diagnosing and treating PCOS or any other Hirsutism-inducing syndromes, peer judgement should be the least of their problems.

If you want to follow these ladies and choose to give underarm hair a go, A4A offers tips on banning the blade. Gather a group of friends to sponsor your hairy escapades and know that all funds will go towards Verity, a PCOS support group. Send photos of your pit progress and spread the word that body hair Is a Thing. You can simply defriend your Venus or you could take the armpit hair you’re already sporting and dye it all the colours of the rainbow.

Via Hannah Daisy

If you happen to be stationed in the UK, you can let the fur fly starting with a Pitmob on Saturday and their Pit Pride Party at the end of the campaign. But if your body says it’d rather not be hairy, A4A still wants you to show your support even if you can’t grow it.

We acknowledge that not everyone has the same opportunity to take part in Armpits4August and that in a racist, sexist, classist, disableist, trans*phobic and lesbophobic society, some women, trans* and non-binary people may simply not have the option to grow their body hair as a political act without it having personal consequences, such as increased harassment, having treatment withheld whilst transitioning, being questioned about their ability to self-care, etc. We hope that, if this and similar campaigns are successful in changing social attitudes about body hair and femininity, it will become easier in the future for more and more people to participate.

We also recognise that attitudes towards body hair vary from culture to culture and are often influenced by religion or local custom; we do not wish to replace the oppressive beauty standard of hairlessness – which is particularly resonant within the West – with a similarly all-encompassing demand for everyone everywhere to stop depilating forever. However, we do think that having a go at letting it grow can be a fun and empowering decision for many people, and so we strongly encourage anyone who is interested to take part in Armpits4August 2013!

Via Hannah Daisy

Take the pledge yourself or donate directly to the cause this August! Because even if you decide that body hair is or isn’t for you, it should be your decision. You groom you.

How To Do Rad Butch Eyeliner: A Video Makeup Tutorial From Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard

A forward-thinking Autostraddle reader named Hazel Newlevant had a request on our Hot 100 post – “Can one of you queer geniuses do a tutorial for rad butch eyeliner like Abisha Uhl is wearing? I can never figure out how to make it look that good.”

Obviously we went straight to Brandy Howard and Julie Goldman to demonstrate this very important modern trend in makeup because Julie is always rocking it in their photo-shoots.

In this video tutorial, you’ll learn a cheap and easy way to smash gender and look really sexy doing it.

DIY Beauty Bar: Dry Shampoo For Everyone

Most people I know either consider dry shampoo their super secret weapon or are convinced it’s not for them. Up until a few months ago, I fell firmly into group two. But recently, I’ve been using a homemade version that keeps my hair looking bouncy and all-around good wayyy after I last washed it.

If you’ve got straight hair, chances are you love this stuff. Why? Well, it’s a lot easier for the oils that your scalp makes to travel down a strand of straight hair, meaning that your hair gets oily faster. Dry shampoo gets out the grease that starts showing up before the end of the day.

Curly and kinky hair is harder for oils to get to the bottom to, so it’s usually drier. Some of us wash our hair every day, but most of us with a little or a lot of curl can get away with a lot more time in between washes. Personally, I wash my hair about once a week. It keeps my hair from totally drying out while stripping away product and general dirt that accumulates throughout the week. While most of my hair looks still looks shiny and bright on wash day, my edges right near my temples tend to get a little too shiny.  This is where the beauty of dry shampoo comes in. Dabbing a little bit  on my hair right above my ears (and occasionally on the top of my head after I’ve been wearing a hat or a scarf) whisks away the oil and stretches out the time before I have to go through the who laborious process of  washing my head.

Even with all its benefits, dry shampoo still gets a bad rap. You can’t really blame its detractors, though. Take a look at the ingredients of a store-bought dry shampoo.

Allow me to translate: Isobutane is used as a refrigerant and lighter fuel, propane is a common ingredient in lighter fuels and some gasolines, alcohol 40-B is denatured alcohol and is also used in lighter fuels and household cleaners and butane is… suprise! an ingredient in lighter fuels. I try not to be an alarmist about this kind of stuff but, um, gross. Besides, in addition the whole becoming-a-walking-match downside to using this stuff, alcohol is a pretty harsh way to dry your hair out. So in the interest of your health and safety, we’re going to make our own version!

Dry Shampoo

Ingredients for Light Hair
2 T of Cornstarch or Arrowroot Powder
2 T of Baking Soda
2 T of Oatmeal

Ingredients for Dark Hair
2 T of Cornstarch or Arrowroot Powder
2 T of Baking Soda
2 T of Oatmeal
4 T +/- a little depending on your color of Cocoa Powder

Instructions

1. Pour the ingredients into a blender or food processor. Pulse until the resulting mixture is fine enough to go through a salt shaker.

2. That’s it! To use it, shake or pat it onto the areas of your scalp that need a little help and massage it in. If you have straight hair, comb the powder out over a sink. If you have curly hair and don’t like to separate your curls, flip your head over and help it out by gently rubbing your scalp to help it out.

Resources: Free People, The Weather Girl Life, Crunchy Betty

Let’s Queer The NYT ‘Debate’ About Women And Makeup

I don’t know if you know this about me, but my superpower strength is Getting Ready For Work In Under Ten Minutes. It might seem crazy, but I promise it’s true. In fact, today I slept through my alarm and woke up at 9:15 in a panic (I’m supposed to be at work by 9am, and I live 45 minutes away from my office) but by 9:23 I was out the door and rushing to the subway. I was fully clothed, I had breakfast and lunch in my bag, and I even remembered to wear my spiffy new iPhone touch gloves. My secret? I shower at night, I don’t brush my hair, and…wait for it…I don’t wear makeup.

Not wearing makeup isn’t a thing I do for feminism. It’s not something I’m particularly proud of, but I’m not ashamed of it either. I feel completely neutral about not wearing makeup. I have lots of feelings about the way makeup functions in the world and the expectations that are connected to it, but I have no interest in talking about an individual’s personal choice when it comes to makeup because I don’t think it’s a useful conversation. I would never tell you whether you should wear makeup or not, or how you should feel about that choice, whatever it may be. And luckily, I totally don’t have to, because on Wednesday the New York Times decided to take on that task for me! Whew, lucky us.

Jennifer Lawrence doesn’t know why the NYT decided to frame the debate the way they did and neither do I.

Earlier this week the illustrious New York Times, beacon of hard news and weirdly-contrived fake trend pieces, decided there’s “Room for Debate” when it comes to women and makeup. What encouraged this brave foray into the super new and not-at-all tired debate about women and their looks and how we all choose to exist in our bodies? The NYT feels that while “some would argue that makeup empowers women, others would say it’s holding them back from true equality.” While questioning the validity and complexity of the relationship between women and makeup could have been interesting, the way they chose to frame the debate completely missed the mark:

A recent survey seems to come down on the side of makeup — at least superficially — saying that wearing makeup increases a woman’s likability and competence in the workplace. If makeup has indeed become the status quo in the public realm, does it ultimately damage a woman’s self-esteem, or elevate it?

In other words, the conversation is totally fucked from the get go. I really think if someone were to stage a debate about the idea of makeup as the status quo as a reality – What kind of makeup are we talking about? Why do we live in a world that demands we look “natural” but insists that to achieve the natural look we must heap on products? Who benefits from makeup being “the status quo” and who suffers real consequences? – the conversation could yield interesting, useful answers. I mean obviously we could just blame the patriarchy (#BOTP forever and ever amen) but I’m genuinely interested in having a deeper and more nuanced conversation about this issue. But! That’s not what the NYT wants to do. It wants us to blindly accept this statement as fact and get to the real question: Since we’re all stuck in this world where makeup is a necessity, how are we lady folk coping? I call bullshit.

I’m just going to illustrate this article with photos of gorgeous lipstick because the other option is photos of me rolling my eyes and this seems preferable.

There are seven essays in total, and while one of them spoke to me a little bit, on the whole I just couldn’t take them seriously because as I mentioned, they were missing the point. I’m not trying to personally offend anyone when I talk about the beauty industry and the ways in which marketing makeup to women can be problematic. I don’t care that Thomas Matlack, who is apparently the “go to guy” whenever the mainstream media needs a Sensitive Male Perspective thinks his wife is beautiful with or without makeup. There was no nuance in the essays, no surprises. It felt like a group of people had been selected and had been told to say very specific things, and they stuck to the script. The one truly bizarre moment appears when makeup artist Scott Barnes – who is obviously going to come down in support of makeup making us all feel fab, because its his livelihood, and that’s all well and good – writes: “A woman applying makeup is sort of like a man donning armor to prepare himself for battle. Makeup gives you confidence…and confidence is a good thing to have on the battlefield.” Sure, okay, confidence is great to have on the battlefield, but you know what’s even better? Actual armor! Like the kind the men in this hypothetical yet super-literal take on the “gender wars” battlefield situation are gonna get. But nope, the men are gonna get the armor and the women are gonna get the lipstick and we’re all gonna feel soooo confident and it’s gonna be great, really! Equality rocks, amirite?!

Over at Jezebel, Jenna Sauers (a former model who initially contributed to Jezebel anonymously “from the trenches” and now contributes regularly under her real name) presents an interesting take-down of the debate, questioning the framing of the essays and suggesting that there is no choice.

As a kind of thought experiment, sure, I can imagine there are women who wear makeup truly and only “for themselves,” who would continue to do so even absent any the miasma of social programming and cultural pressure to wear makeup, subtle and not-so-subtle, that women face in mainstream contemporary western culture. Maybe there are women who truly indeed wear makeup “for themselves,” such that if our culture happened to transform overnight into one where the wearing of makeup by women was stigmatized, they’d continue to do it. Because it’s their choice! It’s just that I don’t think I’ve ever met any of these women.

Now the thing is, while I do agree with Jenna on some of her points – I hate when we talk about “choices” as though they exist in a vacuum, I hate pitting women against one another à la “the mommy wars” and I hate when people act like there is One Right Way To Do A Thing, especially if it involves The Idea Of Feminism – I read this paragraph and shook my head. I disagree. Because I have met these women. They exist. They’re queer.

I feel like all the femmes I know could rock these lipsticks so hard.

You may be super surprised to hear that not a single voice in this conversation belongs to a queer women. So let’s inject a little queer perspective into this conversation.

To argue that no woman ever would wear makeup “for herself” is to suggest that we are so deeply entrenched in a world that objectifies women and encourages us to make ourselves into objects of desire that even if we believe we’re acting independently, we’re actually just doing what the system wants us to do (hello, hegemony!). The thing is, the act of being queer is already subverting the system. If one refuses to give in to the idea that we must be pretty, we must be available for consumption, we must be pleasing to look at (implicitly implied: in the eyes of cis dudes), then the act of putting on makeup can possibly be reclaimed. I want to be careful here because I don’t want to imply that a heterosexual woman is not capable of this because of course she might be. But a queer woman effortlessly does this and so the act of putting on makeup – when the intent is explicitly not to attract the attention of a man – can suddenly and easily become radical.

Butches and femmes: Queering makeup since approximately forever ago.

Queers take on radical approaches to makeup in many other ways, too. Some of us radically reject it. Some of us radically embrace it. A masculine of center woman refusing to wear eyeliner is just as radical as a femme woman wearing a full face of makeup, complete with bright red lips and fake eyelashes. Absolutely any interaction with makeup is radical when we use it in ways that don’t fit with how society believes our gender should behave. When a feminine gay man wears nail polish, when my masculine of center girlfriend paints one nail pink, when we do things we are told we should not do – and yes, we do these things for ourselves – that’s radical. Makeup isn’t the enemy. Queers have done a great job proving that makeup really can help us – and everyone else! – take what’s on the inside and articulate it on the outside. And wouldn’t that be an interesting conversation to have? How queers and straight people and everyone in the world can utilize makeup in a way that is safe and fun and personal?

If I absolutely had to wear makeup to work I would probably want it to look something like this, to be honest.

I hope you’ll tell me how you feel about makeup. I want to know about your take on the social implications surrounding it, the queer ways in which we can reclaim it and all your other feelings in the comments. Just because the New York Times failed to have an interesting conversation about women wearing makeup doesn’t mean there isn’t one to be had. Maybe we can have it.