16 Iconic Coming Out Moments to Celebrate on National Coming Out Day

Today is National Coming Out Day, the day we make our lesbianism and gayness and bisexuality and trans-ness and all forms of queerness known to the wider world. Robert Eichberg, who co-founded this day in 1988 with his lesbian activist pal Jean O’Leary, said in 1993 (two years before he died of complications from AIDS), “Most people think they don’t know anyone gay or lesbian, and in fact everybody does. It is imperative that we come out and let people know who we are and disabuse them of their fears and stereotypes.”

So, with that in mind, let’s celebrate 16 LGBTQ+ celebrities who came out in iconic ways and changed the conversation around equality. This list is, by no means, exhaustive, and I look forward to hearing about some of your favorite, most inspirational, most groundbreaking coming outs in the comments!

Sara Ramirez

Sara Ramirez came out as bisexual in a speech at the True Colors Fund in October 2016, but she was so excited to share her truth with the world that she jumped the gun on the speech being released and posted the coming out portion of it on her Instagram. Ramirez also has the distinction of being the only woman to play two bisexual TV characters who made it into our  “best ever” list.

Janelle Monáe

When Janelle Monáe decided to come out, she came the fuck out. There’d been plenty of speculation about her sexuality over the years, especially her very special friendship with Tessa Thompson, with everyone labeling her sexuality with whatever fit their own narrative. Well, she chose her own label, thank you very much — free-ass motherfucker. She also shared a special message for her fans right before she released her very queer, very critically acclaimed Dirty Computer album: “I want young girls, young boys, non binary, gay, straight, queer people who are having a hard time dealing with their sexuality, dealing with feeling ostracized or bullied for just being heir unique selves, to know that I see you… This album is for you. Be proud.”

Gavin Rayna Russom

LCD Soundsystem’s Gavin Rayna Russom came out  in July 2017, at the age of 42. “There was legitimately something unmanageable for me about living as a cis man,” she told Pitchfork. “I was working so hard just to present this image of myself that ran very deeply counter to who I really am.” Her work hasn’t slowed down since then; she remains one of the most celebrated DJs and synth players in the industry.

Gloria Carter

Gloria Carter came out last June in the song “Smile” on Jay-Z’s 4:44 album. Early in the track, Jay-Z raps, “Mama had four kids, but she a lesbian. Had to pretend so long that she’s a thespian.” Ms. Carter, herself, gave a speech at this year’s GLAAD Media Awards — to a standing ovation — in which she talked about her decision to come out to Jay-Z. “For me, this was the first time that I spoke to anyone about who I really am. My son cried, and said, ‘It must have been horrible to live that way for so long.’ My life wasn’t horrible. I chose to protect my family from ignorance. I was happy, but I was not free.” She encouraged everyone in the banquet hall to find a way — like her — to find their freedom.

Stephanie Beatriz

Stephanie Beatriz came out in the most chill way imaginable. She retweeted an interview in which Aubrey Plaza said, “I fall in love with girls and guys. I can’t help it” and simply commented, “Yup.” Since then she has spoken openly and often about her bisexuality, even penning an essay about it for GQ. She also responded very lovingly to the news that she swept our inaugural Gay Emmys.

Hayley Kiyoko

Everything you need to know about Hayley Kiyoko you will find it in the Nylon magazine profile Riese wrote for their Pride issue this summer. If you just want to know about her coming out, though, that dates back to December 2016 when she told Paper magazine that she loved filming the video for “Girls Like Girls” because she is, in fact, a girl who likes Girls.

Amandla Stenberg

Amandla Stenberg came out on Teen Vogue‘s Snapchat in January 2016, when she was only 17. At the time Stenberg came out as bisexual, but has since said, “I realised that I’m gay – not bi, not pan, but gay.” Riese also noted when she first wrote about Stenberg that she inadvertently also came out as “a perfect human.”

Ellen Page

Ellen Page gave one of the most moving coming out speeches in recent memory at a Human Rights Campaign gala on Valentine’s Day in 2014. She was visibly nervous when she began speaking, and barely able to hold back her tears when she said “I’m here today because I am gay.” She picked up steam as she went along, and hasn’t even flinched back toward the closet since that day. She hosts Vice’s Gaycation, she starred in one of the saddest gay movies of all time with Julianne Moore, and she got herself a wife!

Seimone Augustus

It’s easy to look at the WNBA in 2018 and assume the easiest thing in the world to do is be an out lesbian. But when Seimone Augustus came out in 2012, that was not the case. The league was still two years away from fully embracing its queer women fan base (which it had basically been actively rejecting since its inception), and there were very few openly gay players in any professional sport. It’s hard to overstate Augustus’ impact: At LSU, she won the Naismith and was a two-time All-American. She was the #1 WNBA draft pick in her class. And she was an immediate superstar in the league. She left the closest door open a whole lot wider when she walked out. Augustus wrote an essay about meeting her now-wife, falling in love, and getting married not long after the Supreme Court made marriage equality legal nationwide. It’s called “It is So Ordered” and it’s my favorite essay about love and it will crack your heart wide open.

Ellen DeGeneres

There’s no coming out more iconic than Ellen DeGeneres’. Three words — Yep, I’m gay — and the whole world caught on fire. Her sitcom was ultimately cancelled; she became the scapegoat of the religious right for almost a decade; and her career almost didn’t recover. Now she’s one of the most beloved women (and definitely the most famous lesbian) in the world. Her name’s on everything, her talk show’s everywhere. She was even awarded a Presidential Medal of Freedom during President Obama’s last term.

Kristen Stewart

I couldn’t remember all the gay stuff Kristen Stewart did before she officially came out on SNL last year; luckily, Stef had me covered in the post she wrote about the episode.

In the last year, Stewart has become a fantastic, almost mythical character in gay lady circles. She went from being the fidgety, perpetually uncomfortable focus of constant queer-ish speculation to the real-life Shane our community has always deserved. In the last year alone, the notoriously guarded actress went from dating French actress/singer Soko to moving in with her on-again, off-again love Alicia Cargile, to holding hands at fashion shows with St. Vincent and most recently making out in cars with Victoria’s Secret model and former Miley Cyrus paramour Stella Maxwell. It’s safe to say that at this point in her career, Kristen Stewart doesn’t give a fuck anymore.

Stewart is, to our knowledge, the only person who has come out to — among other things — troll the president of the United States.

Robin Roberts

Robin Roberts’ sexuality was always just kind of… known. She’s the reporter Obama reached out to when he wanted to announce his support of same-sex marriage. She was, as Brittani Nichols noted, once on an episode of Hannah Montana called “Can You See the Real Me” about how hard it is to live a double life. Roberts’ had been with her partner for a decade when she finally, casually mentioned her in a public Facebook post around the holidays in 2013. Since then, she’s been very open about her sexuality and her relationship. She even stopped by Ellen to chat about it.

Mara Wilson

The world really only knew Mara Wilson as Matilda until her memoir, Where Am I Now?, hit shelves in September 2016. Not long after that, she came out on Twitter (and also told us that: yes, she knows Miss Honey made everyone gay, but she had a completely different on-set lady-crush). Since then, she’s been a fierce and vocal advocate of bisexual visibility and a frequent guest at A-Camp.

Megan Rapinoe

It seemed like Megan Rapinoe was waiting for a reporter to ask her if she’s gay, and reporters were waiting for Megan Rapinoe to announce that she’s gay — and finally she just called up Out magazine and put it on the record in 2012. She has been brilliantly, sometimes hilariously vocal about her gayness non-stop since then. These days, she’s dating another Seattle pro sports superstar, Sue Bird, who just won another WNBA championship.

Rebecca Sugar

Former Adventure Time writer/Steven Universe creator and showrunner Rebecca Sugar came out as bisexual at San Diego Comic-Con in 2016, gently answering a question about why she’s so great at writing queer women with, “Well, in large part it’s based on my experience as a bisexual woman.” More recently, Sugar came out as a non-binary woman on NPR, and explained how her identity helps shape those of the Gems on her show.

Tessa Thompson

When Tessa Thompson came out just a few months ago, I legitimately rushed out of a doctor’s appointment so I could celebrate with my co-workers. Somehow Carmen was able to keep a level head and write a beautiful piece about the cultural impact of Thompson’s declaration that she’s queer: “It’s still rare to see a celebrity be this introspective and caring in their coming out, to lead with their heart and be purposeful about the responsibility of their fame, recognizing the huge impact their openness can have on their queer fans.” Thompson didn’t confirm her relationship with Janelle Monáe, but she did confirm that they “vibrate on the same frequency.”

11 Tomboys and Weird Girls From 90/00s Movies I Loved as a Kid

I couldn’t take my eyes off the tomboys, weird girls, and smart girls in movies I watched as a kid. In the late 90s and early 00s, I was an awkward, shy, and nerdy girl so I naturally gravitated to girls in films that were… different, like me. These girls were brave, bold, bookish, outspoken, outcasts and seemed way cooler than I ever was. I wanted to be friends with them and create a secret club — and to be honest, it seems like as a queer grownup I’m now part of one.

Here’s a list of movie characters who I also think grew up to be part of this secret club — ahem, and by that I mean they’re probably gay now too. I only included movies and characters I specifically remember watching as a kid and not at other points in my life, so this list is subjective and I’m sure there are other tomboys and weird girls in films that totally changed your life too. Let me know who they are in the comments!

Matilda, Matilda (1996)

I read so much as a kid during the summer because there wasn’t much to do where I lived; we didn’t have cable, there weren’t other neighborhood kids around, I didn’t go to summer camp, and it was way too hot to go outside during the day, so I spent most of my days at the library or reading in my room on the floor. Similarly, Matilda consumed books like they were candy, except she was also a freaking genius. She resorted to books not out of boredom but as an escape from her abusive parents. Then she learned she could harness her anger into telekinetic powers! A smart, misunderstood girl with telekinetic powers? YES, PLEASE. I was hooked! Matilda was played by none other than Autostraddle pal and noted bisexual, Mara Wilson, who guessed that your first crush was Miss Honey. So in my book, Matilda grows up to be queer; that’s just the truth.

Jody, Gold Diggers: The Secret of Bear Mountain (1995)

I don’t care what anyone says, this is the gayest movie of all time. Please do yourself a favor and watch this movie on a summer night. Anna Chulmsky plays baby dyke Jody, a free-spirited teen with a bad reputation around town. Christina Ricci plays Beth, whose dad just died and who just moved to the area with her mom from LA. The two become friends and go on adventure to find the long lost gold of Molly Morgan, a miner who died on the mountain and let’s be real, a gay ancestor. Jody takes Beth on her boat and wears a captain’s hat: pure queer culture. The way these two fight to be with each other is just like the tears you cried for your first girlfriend.

Gloria, Richie Rich (1994)

Gloria was a tiny tomboy who only hung out with a bunch of boys. She’s a tough girl with a penchant for the Xtreme — rollercoasters, kidapults, riding ATVs, and taking down rich guys. She also likes baseball and just sort of tolerates Richie. In fact, by the end of the movie she says, “Richie, you’re alright!” Great assessment, Gloria! Boys are truly just alright. I’m pretty sure Gloria grew up to be a communist.

Ira, Friendship’s Field (1995)

My mom use to subscribe to Feature Family Films, which is an entertainment company dedicated to “wholesome” family films. They produced movies that didn’t have profanity, sex, or violence and taught “traditional” family values, whatever that means. They’re super popular with conservative Christians! I think we had a subscription because my mom caved and bought one from their savvy telemarketers and kept calling the house.

Anyways, the movies were actually really good and I loved watching them! There was one film in particular called Friendship’s Field that was about a 12-year-old tomboy named Ira who befriends a Mexican boy named Oscar one summer in 1965. Oscar’s family was hired by Ira’s dad to help pick the crops on the family farm. The white people in town are awful to the Mexican families and Ira and her family are confronted with the ugly truth that racism exists and they try their best to be white allies throughout the movie. I liked this movie a lot because it showed close enough depictions of what my parents experienced growing up as migrant farm workers. But besides that, I also was really drawn to Ira because she was unafraid to get dirty and beat up racist white boys who were picking on Oscar. Adult Ira is narrating the story and at the end you see she still works on her family’s farm and it’s implied that she got married to a man (which I never bought) and has children of her own and still rocks short hair.

Roberta, Now and Then (1995)

Now and Then follows the lives of four best friends during one transformative summer in 1970. One of them is tough girl Roberta who takes no shit from boys, especially when they say girls can’t play softball. She punches a boy in Now and Then and honestly it’s so punk rock. Roberta’s life is in flux at the moment, she’s grappling with the death of her mother and having feelings about her growing chest. Devon Sawa is her rival and love interest?? and one point they kiss and she wasn’t into it. Roberta grows up to be a supposedly straight Rosie O’Donnell and a doctor who delivers Chrissy’s baby girl. Honorable mention goes to Gaby Hoffmann, who plays Samantha in this movie — she’s definitely a weird girl who was into seances.

Amanda, It Takes Two (1995)

Ah, yes, It Takes Two was like The Parent Trap but with the Olsen Twins. Amanda is an orphan and Alyssa is a rich girl and the two bump into each other in the woods and decide to do a whole switcheroo to get the adults in their lives to fall in love with one another. I don’t remember how this movie explained how they were only lookalikes and not long-lost twins? Because I mean, come on! I’m pretty sure this is the movie that set in stone that Mary-Kate always plays the tomboy and Ashley plays the girly girl and they ran with it on a short-lived show called Two of a Kind. I remember buying a book at a Scholastic Book Fair about the Olsen twins and it said that Mary-Kate wasn’t really a tomboy and Ashley wasn’t really a girly girl and I was SHOOK. They sold us lies!

Becky “Ice Box” O’Shea, Little Giants (1994)

Becky “Ice Box” O’Shea is a legend. She’s a talented athlete and just wanted to play football. When her uncle doesn’t pick her for his pee wee football team because she’s a girl, she convinces her dad to start one so she could play. Becky is tough but also encourages her less coordinated, goofball teammates. The only surprising thing about Becky is her damn crush on Devon Sawa (to her credit, everyone had a crush on Devon Sawa back then) and how she gave up playing a super important football game to become a cheerleader to get his attention. I’m glad she came to her senses before it was too late and decided to get back in the game in a skirt! You go girl!

Kristy, The Baby-Sitters Club (1995)

My older sister was in love with all things The Baby-Sitters Club. I inherited her VHS collection of The Baby-Sitters Club 1990 TV series and watched them over and over again. To my delight, there was also a feature-length film! Kristy, our fave bossy tomboy, is too soft for my liking in this movie compared to the Kristy in the TV series. Although the story is about all of the babysitters and their friendship, a big portion of the main storyline is Kristy’s, which is pretty cool.

Eden, Blue Crush (2002)

Michelle Rodriguez can wear the heck out of some board shorts, amiright? I might’ve been too young to watch Blue Crush at the time but I’m glad I didn’t miss out on badass hot girl surfers. The premise is pretty gay too — like three best friends living together and raising a kid sister and they competitively surf? Hmm, yeah! Eden was the friend who pushed Ann Marie to focus on competing instead of the guy who was courting her. My 6th grade best friend was obsessed with Michelle Rodriguez and this movie at the time and I’m pleased to inform you that she’s gay now.

Missy, Bring It On (2000)

The whole world stopped when Missy walked in for cheerleading try-outs and pulled out her wallet chain to do some back flips. Missy was an amazing gymnast and the Toros desperately needed her. She’s the one who pointed out that the Toros were appropriating cheer routines from the Clovers. Missy might’ve gone through a transformation throughout the movie and started being less “weird” but it was her I-don’t-give-af attitude and energy that makes her stand out from the rest. In addition, we all know that Missy and Torrance had A Thing.

Lilly, Princess Diaries (2001)

Heather Matarazzo is the ultimate weird girl. I didn’t watch Welcome to the Dollhouse until I was in college so I didn’t add Dawn Weiner to this list. But Lilly totally makes the cut because I owned Princess Diaries on VHS and watched it plenty of times. Before Heather Matarazzo was Stacy Merkin on The L Word, she was Mia Thermopolis’s best friend who had a cable show called “Shut Up and Listen.” She was an outsider like Mia and really into being anti-establishment at their high school — she really doesn’t care about what the popular kids think of her. Tbh, Lilly was annoying and obnoxious but she makes up for it by being a loyal friend. My favorite line is when she’s running up the hill to catch up to Mia and Michael and she’s like “Wait! Wait for me!” and two other people turn around and she was like “Not you, I don’t even know you!”

VIDEO: Getting In Bed with Mara Wilson!!

Ahhhh, you guys I totally got in bed with Mara Wilson, who is going to be one of our special guests at A-Camp, AND IT WAS GREAT. We talked about metal health, the emotional memory of elephants, sandwiches, bisexuality, and Trunchbull’s stance on the LGBTQ community.

It ruled.

Join me this Thursday, 3/30 at 3pm PT for an episode all about FRIENDS. Not the TV show, though I will permit questions about my former crush on Rachel. Bring your advice needs on making friends, losing friends, fighting with friends, and anything in between.

Getting In Bed with Mara Wilson | March 23, 2017 from autostraddle on Vimeo.

Gift Bags For Celebrity Women Who Came Out This Year

Illustration by Sophie Argetsinger

The year 2016 hasn’t been great. Some would say it feels like the end of the world. But there have been shining lights in 2016. Those shining lights came in the form of Lauren Jauregui, Bex Taylor-Klaus, Sara Ramirez, Gigi Gorgeous, Elizabeth Gilbert, Eva Gutowski, Bella Thorne, Stephanie Beatriz, Aubrey Plaza, Mara Wilson, Rebecca Sugar, Elena Delle Donne, Rowan Blanchard, Amandla Stenberg, and Keke Palmer coming out somewhere on the queer spectrum. We are so blessed.

To show our appreciation, I’ve put together a holiday gift bag to welcome them to our world.

Prrrrfect Tote Bag

I once tweeted (“I once tweeted,” – Me at my own funeral) that on the one hand people don’t exist for your consumption, but on the other hand I need to know if you’re gay. That still rings true. And what better way to alert the masses that you’re of a certain inclination than this beautifully designed tote bag of a woman face down cradling a cat.

The Rider Tarot Deck

Just trust me on this, having a tarot deck in your bag is going to work out really well for you, even before you know how to use it, and even if you never learn how to use it!

Double Feature of Valentine’s Day and New Year’s Eve

This double feature of Gary Marshall’s Valentine’s Day and New Year’s Eve will at once serve as a cautionary tale of a strictly heterosexual world, and then as a subtle reminder that in this new world you’ve entered, while everyone’s story lines may start out separately, they always become intertwined in the end.

Carmex Keep Carm & Carry Bag Set

Please enjoy these various Carmex chapstick products as you enter this new journey in life.

Gal Pal Athletic Tee

Are you best friends? Are you related? You’re going to keep them guessing in this shirt.

Carve Up the Mountain Soap Set

Okay, so first of all these soaps are fragrance free and vegetable based and so you know somebody queer made them. Secondly, you’re going to be doing a lot more camping, and these are perfect for you and your on-the-go dishware.

Wildfang PDX Beanie

Well you absolutely will need a beanie, one for the ping factor, and two for the growing out phase of the haircut you might be considering. I’ve chosen this PDX Beanie in particular as Portland is sure to be an upcoming travel destination.

‘Woman Planning Her Escape’ Tapestry

You planned it and you did it. Plus, the word “tapestry” alone gets us there.

The Well of Loneliness

Finally, round out this new beginning enjoying a classic fiction story of two women in love.

Mara Wilson Knows Your First Crush Was Miss Honey: The Autostraddle Interview

Although Wilson is formerly famous, and now Twitter famous with 300 thousand followers, her writing feels deeply relatable to me as a twenty-something with a mish mashed career and a cloud of dreams.

And there’s also this — a few days after the Orlando shooting, Wilson came out as Bi/Queer on Twitter. Though in the book she describes herself as straight, there’s plenty of queerness in these pages (did I mention show choir?) for us to discover.