Last week as I was smashing together two triumphant videos for A+ (a membership program we invented in hopes of creating a sustainable income source that’ll save us from having to shut down next year), I began reminiscing about so many other glorious video entertainments we’ve provided for you here at Autostraddle.com. This happened a lot more back in the day because I had more time to edit videos back then, but we also had two super-amazing original series produced out-of-house, one of which finale’d this year (Unicorn Plan-It) and the other of which was recently turned into a full-length pilot for Color Creative TV (Words With Girls)!
Then I was watching Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard on The People’s Couch last night, after watching Julie Goldman on The Mindy Project last night and I thought “well, this would be a good time to take a journey down video memory lane.”
edited by Riese Bernard
This is back when we were being really ambitious about establishing lots of “video content.” We were gonna have three webseries: Autonatic, which got derailed when Showtime picked it up, Behind-the-Scenes, which was my plan for all this random footage of stuff we had lying around, and Julie & Brandy In Your Box Office, which lasted for two very fantastic years.
edited by Riese Bernard
It’s hard to pick the best episode of In Your Box Office because all of them feel like my favorite daughter, but y’all went BUCK WILD for this episode, so this is the one I’m going with because Popular Opinion. However I’d JUST like to mention that Black Swan will forever hold a special place in my heart.
edited by Carly Usdin
What’s incredible about this video is that we managed to put it together during a month long period in which many of us were moving cross-country in small groups or alone. Alex & Sarah Croce filmed their segment on the highway somewhere between New York and Los Angeles on Day Three of their road trip. I was in Michigan visiting my Mom in between leaving New York and moving to The East Bay so I went to Ann Arbor to see our then Managing Editor Sarah Palmer, who’d just started law school there, and we filmed this in her dorm room. Taylor and Kip had just moved into that apartment (Taylor lives in Portland now, Kip lives in Los Angeles) in Oakland. Because of all this, Carly volunteered to edit it (and appear in it with Robin) and she did a damn good job. Look for special guest appearances by Haviland Stillwell, Nat Garcia, Nicole Pacent, Intern Lily, Gloria Bigelow, Dalila Ali Rajah, Vikki & Family, Miss February 2011 Julia, Julie & Brandy and Intern Daphne’s Little Albino Mouse.
produced by Brittani Nichols & Mayon Denton, directed by Sarah Croce, written by Brittani Nichols.
This episode is golden for many reasons, most notably the montage of Why People Think Brittani Nichols and Hannah Hart Are Together moments.
edited by Kelli Griggs
When this went up I was like, “Are we an actual thing? What are all these attractive people doing out there in the fancy-pants sunshine for this website I made in my sweatpants? Robin, Sara Medd and the whole Calendar Crew always make everything seem so boss.
edited by Sarah Croce
This is when Amber Heard came out! (She’s since come out as bisexual rather than gay.) This video is so cute though.
edited by Riese
It was SO HOT and I was SO DEHYDRATED because I’d forgotten to bring a water bottle and thus the only source of refreshment available to me was the water bottle I’d filled with vodka. As you can see this turned out really well. Also Kate McKinnon is famous now but this was before that. (FYI: This was before we knew anything about trans issues so there are two ‘all women have vaginas’ situations implied in the video, once by us and once by a Drag Race contestant.)
edited by Sarah Croce and Lauren Aadland
Look it’s Morgan!! And Mollie Thomas! And Mary Tully, who is now the girlfriend of Alex Vega!
edited by Riese
As I said at the time, when Sarah Croce said “let’s make a Real L Word parody video” I said “no” and then before I could say “no” again, everybody else had said “OMG YES.” There were three or four shoots, overall; in Robin & Carly’s apartment in Long Island City and Croce’s place in Queens. It seems crazy to me now that so many of us were there together in the same city back then. Haviland sent me the footage with Stamie and Julie and Brandy sent me their footage too. The Mikey thing was totally their idea, it was amazing.
I feel like these sorts of videos are everywhere now but at the time it seemed like the greatest thing. JUST KIDDING IT STILL SEEMS LIKE THE GREATEST THING.
Edited by Riese
This is one of the greatest things I’ve ever made in my life. It was the culmination of six dedicated years of watching this terrible program and three weeks of burning L Word episodes onto my hard drive followed by extensive editing. There was actually so much fuckery in The L Word that I also created a sequel.
Edited by Riese
Rocco of Wingspan Productions thought that The Autostradle Story would make a cute internet reality show, unfortunately I found a way to ruin every take, and I’m not talking about whatever was happening with my face and hair that day.
Created, Written & Produced by Sarah Croce, Ashley Reed & Haviland Stillwell / Directed by Ashley Reed & Haviland Stillwell / Edited by Sarah Croce & Lauren Aadland
Firstly: Haviland’s Mobile OM commercial being watched by Croce and Ashley is ACE, but seriously Croce and Ashley scaling that wall GETS ME EVERY TIME.
You helped raise $100k+ for us to fix our website, and so Alex danced around Carly & Robin’s apartment in a weird wig and all our souls exploded with happiness!
Made by Carly Usdin, Deanne Smith and Robin Roemer
Although not an official Autostraddle video, this program was birthed out of A-Camp staff friendships and I think probs holds a really special place in your heart.
by riese & julie and brandy
Well, it’s been a number of months since Julie & Brandy last blessed us with their spunky and irreverent take on a popular film of their choosing, and although we busy ourselves re-watching The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo & Fries and Hhenger Gahms, it’s still difficult to get through everyday life without a new episode from which to steal and repeat jokes. Therefore I am simply overjoyed to announce a brilliantly fresh episode of Julie & Brandy In Your Box Office is about to premiere right in front of your eyeballs!
Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard were scouring the earth for a new film that’d be appropriate for their comedy stylings when they came across this speech by transgender director Lana Wachowski on this very website and thought, “Oooo! Let’s support this movie!” and dutifully trekked to the theater at the asscrack of dawn. Unfortunately they learned, as Julie put it, “good people make bad movies.” On another note, my mother saw Cloud Atlas on her birthday and loved it, so.
A quick refresher about In Your Box Office, World’s Most Beloved Webseries:
Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard are a sensational acting/writing duo trying to cause a sensation with their romantic-comedy, Nicest Thing.
But since no one wants to make their movie or cast them in anything, they feel it is their duty to harshly judge everyone else’s work based on a sliding scale of rage, bitterness, lesbianism, and lack of any real significant training.
So, get a giant box of Junior Mints, take off your socks, curl into a small ball on your couch and press “play.” And if you’d like to read more about the race-related issues people have with this movie that Julie and Brandy bring up in their video, I recommend Yo, Is That Racist? Race-Bending Your Way Around Cloud Atlas and Media Action Network For Asian-Americans Speaks Up Against Cloud Atlas.
Also (this is the last thing, I promise), even though everybody hates the new Final Cut, I really like it! It’s enabled me to post this video in HD so I encourage you to select 720 HD quality when watching this fantastic video!
by riese & julie & brandy
I don’t know about you, but I’ve been pretty much sitting here staring at the wall dreaming about gummy worms since the last episode of Julie & Brandy in Your Box Office knocked my socks right off my feet onto the floor, therefore necessitating an unexpected trip to the laundromat. Yup, anticipation is high today, higher than a kite, a mountain, or a drug addict! Because today Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard are gonna make you pee in your pants! In a sexy way, though.
While the rest of us were learning about our souls at A-Camp, Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard were running around in the woods filming the “Hunger Games” episode of In Your Box Office, which they’ve entitled “HUNGER GHAMS.” It’s a different pronunciation.
A quick refresher about In Your Box Office, World’s Most Beloved Webseries:
Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard are a sensational acting/writing duo trying to cause a sensation with their romantic-comedy, Nicest Thing.
But since no one wants to make their movie or cast them in anything, they feel it is their duty to harshly judge everyone else’s work based on a sliding scale of rage, bitterness, lesbianism, and lack of any real significant training.
Also, due to popular demand — and in honor of YouTube’s new policies allowing 15-minute videos (the limit was ten, originally) — we are continuing to make these episodes a little longer than we used to. I mean, you dug it last time, so I think you’ll dig it this time too. If you watch it twice in a row, it’s like a sitcom, basically.
So, it’s time to pop your popcorn and wrap your girlfriend or otherwise-inclined real-or-imaginary companion in a warm blanket, cuddle up and see what Julie and Brandy thought about The Hunger Games, starring your girlfriend Katniss!
by riese & julie & brandy
Much like the coffee beans used to prepare the fresh breakfast coffee in Dunkin’ Donuts commercials, Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard are harvested and slow-roasted into perfection, and that takes time, which’s why it’s been so long since we last checked in with In Your Box Office’s Legendary Season Two. Luckily they’re totally roasted and they’re back!
Before we go any further, you should know that January 19th is Brandy’s birthday, so you all should tell her how pretty she is and be extra nice. Also you should know that when they’re not buying buckets of cheeseballs, being supermodels, or telling stories about drugrunning in Mexico for The Gay Pimp Podcasts, Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard are now both on the writing team for Joan Rivers’ Fashion Police Teevee Show! GOING PLACES!
A quick refresher about In Your Box Office, World’s Most Beloved Webseries:
Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard are a sensational acting/writing duo trying to cause a sensation with their romantic-comedy, Nicest Thing.
But since no one wants to make their movie or cast them in anything, they feel it is their duty to harshly judge everyone else’s work based on a sliding scale of rage, bitterness, lesbianism, and lack of any real significant training.
So, due to popular demand — and in honor of YouTube’s new policies allowing 15-minute videos (the limit was ten, originally) — I’m experimenting with making these episodes just a tad bit longer because, you know, why not? That being said, there was still more to say about the movie which I’ve added after the video. You can read it before or after or not at all. It’s up to you! The world is at your fingertips!
Speaking of fingertips, time to pop your popcorn and wrap your girlfriend or otherwise-inclined real-or-imaginary companion in a warm blanket, cuddle up and see what Julie and Brandy thought about The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo starring your girlfriend Lisbeth!
There’s one more point I’d like to add that Julie & Brandy made that there wasn’t room for in the video — they felt like in the Swedish film it didn’t seem like Lisbeth was falling in love with Blomkvist so much as appreciating that someone was being normal to her; like the sex stuff was almost a way of saying “thank you.” Their situation seemed weird and fluid and complicated and Lisbeth seemed way more queer. In David Fincher’s version, they felt hit over the head with “the sanctity of man-love” — like Lisbeth was mega in-love with him. It was like David Fincher wanted to be the hero and help an abused women who feels more secure around other women/piercings to really blossom via the gentle, muscly love of Daniel Craig. Also despite liking David Fincher usually, it seemed like Lisbeth got the short end of the stick here despite being the titular character.
Okay, war criminals, tell them how funny they are!
Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard are very busy international celebrities, but they’re not too busy to go see a movie about four dudes called The Hangover II. The thing is that Julie hates men. So what did they think of the film? Well, you’ll have to wait and see!
A quick refresher:
Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard are a sensational acting/writing duo trying to cause a sensation with their romantic-comedy, Nicest Thing.
But since no one wants to make their movie or cast them in anything, they feel it is their duty to harshly judge everyone else’s work based on a sliding scale of rage, bitterness, lesbianisim, and lack of any real significant training.
Are you ready? I don’t think you’re ready. Do you have your wigs and pita ready in a big bowl? I hope you do. Because this episode is going to really excite you, change your life, inspire you to scale new heights, and maybe lead you to re-evaluate your perspective on baby harp seals.
A quick and important note: Due to incredibly mind-blowing frustrating technical issues, has taken three weeks of wrestling with Final Cut to get this sucker into a presentable format for your eyeholes. So any bizarre picture problems or possible subliminal messages serve to cover up an image of Julie & Brandy’s scrambled faces. And nobody wants to look at scrambled faces!
If you like it you should comment because Brandy gets really insecure if you don’t. Maybe even comment if you don’t like it, just to tell them that you love them.
[yframe url=’https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vd8-xPBmbc’]
Wow can you believe it? At last, the Season Two premiere of Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard In Your Box Office. In honor of the lesbo-vadge-rage inspired by Black Swan and a subsequent flare-up of aforementioned rage while reading Autostraddle’s post on The Oscars, in which many readers shared positive emotions about the film Black Swan, Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard have decided to open Season 2 with Black Swan, which Julie liked less than Avatar.
A quick refresher:
Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard are a sensational acting/writing duo trying to cause a sensation with their romantic-comedy, Nicest Thing.
But since no one wants to make their movie or cast them in anything, they feel it is their duty to harshly judge everyone else’s work based on a sliding scale of rage, bitterness, lesbianisim, and lack of any real significant training.
Are you ready? Do you have a big bowl of popcorn or a giant box of Crispix? I hope so. It’s time for the eleventh heart-stopping, stomach-pounding episode of the internet sensation and world-famous comedy extravaganza, Brandy Howard & Julie Goldman in your box office! Review edited by Riese, Re-enactment edited by J/B.
(For the best viewing experience, select “720p”)
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Some pet owners teach their puppies to fetch things, or jump, or sing gospel music. Some pet owners teach their puppy to respond when Tyra Mail arrives.
Julie & Brandy are hard at work on the first episode of Julie & Brandy in Your Box Office Season Two but in the meantime in between time, Riese has edited together a little something to bring us all back to the glory days we recall as “Julie & Brandy in Your Box Office: Season One.”
Bloopers! Unaired footage! Clips from an entire episode that never quite got finished because we decided the story of how Jack Abramoff stole all our money was too depressing! Falling! Laughter! Rabid manhaters! Bathroom humor! Justin Bieber! Very well-edited montages set to popular music! Nonstop LOL’s from beginning to end!
Here’s the deal in case you’ve forgotten:
Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard are a sensational acting/writing duo trying to cause a sensation with their romantic-comedy, Nicest Thing.
But since no one wants to make their movie or cast them in anything, they feel it is their duty to harshly judge everyone else’s work based on a sliding scale of rage, bitterness, lesbianisim, and lack of any real significant training.
Are you ready? I kinda think you’re not necessarily ready. But here goes!
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Last summer, somebody told Brandy Howard that the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival featured a lot of chicks with their tits out and so Brandy Howard asked Julie Goldman if maybe just maybe she could get a gig at Michfest so Brandy could see “the titties” for herself.
Unfortunately, Julie told Brandy, Michfest is one of many fine lesbionic venues where Julie Goldman had offended some uptight PC lesbian at some point and therefore was no longer welcome. But whatever, Julie said, I’ll fucking call them because you know, when Brandy Howard asks you to do something, you f*cking do it.
Lo and behold, Julie was offered a spot at Michfest! Therefore, despite Julie’s aversion to sleeping in a thing that is not a hotel, the duo set off for a fun weekend in the wilderness.
Autostraddle’s default video editor Riese was about 24 hours away from finishing the masterpiece film of Julie & Brandy at Michfest when her computer, which was invented by a man, decided to totally fuck her up the ass and make her lose everything long story.
But Julie and Brandy knew they had a story that needed to be told, especially because cameras aren’t really allowed there and even as the event faded into herstory, the story STILL NEEDED TO BE TOLD. For closure. You guys, closure is important. That’s right, Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard edited this motherfucker themselves.
Join us on our pioneering journey.
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Autostraddle’s original groundbreaking smash hit almost-award-winning series, Julie and Brandy: In Your Box Office, is back and better than ever! Don’t miss the premier of Julie and Brandy: In Your Box Office Season Two!
“When I heard there was going to be a Season Two of Julie and Brandy: In Your Box Office, it made me want to get a tattoo of Julie and Brandy’s faces. Preferably on my lower back or possibly inner thigh.”
– Rachel K., Autostraddle.com
When one season of Julie and Brandy: In Your Box Office just isn’t enough, two seasons will surely feel like more! Julie and Brandy: In Your Box Office Season Two is vacuum-packed to seal in the freshness! Don’t miss this year’s hottest ticket to laugh-out-loud fun times!
“Julie and Brandy provide more than a laugh a minute. They actually provide several laughs in the span of a minute. Sometimes three or four, sometimes 60 individual laughs, which is actually one laugh per second. They take video to a new, laugh-filled, groundbreaking level of executive lesbian realness with a bit of intergallactic glam pop thrown in there for kicks.”
– Riese B., Autostraddle.com
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What’s more outrageously hilarious than two girls in Hollywood trying to get their dreams made? Trying to get their movie done? Season two of Julie and Brandy: In Your Box Office is executive lesbian realness like you’ve never seen before! You thought Sex and the City 2 was good? You liked Hot Tub Time Machine?! You will like these things and more, masterbrain!
“Season two of Julie and Brandy: In Your Box Office is the second season! I’m going to watch it on my computer!”
-Laneia M., Autostraddle.com
Check out the trailer for Julie and Brandy: In Your Box Office Season Two, created by none other than Julie and Brandy themselves!
Remember when Julie Goldman & Jane Lynch totally obliviated previously unscaled mountains of awesome at the Vh1 2010 DO SOMETHING Awards with their fantastically co-written song “Do Something”? You should probs check it out right now. (more…)
It will come as no surprise to you that Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard did not enjoy Sex and the City 2. It will also come as no surprise to you that their re-enactment is ten bajillion times better than the actual film.
Sex and the City 2, starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Cynthia Nixon the lesbian, Kristin Davis, Kim Catrall and a bunch of dudes, has been critically panned by everyone except Alexi Melvin, most notably in this review from The Stranger: “SATC2 takes everything that I hold dear as a woman and as a human—working hard, contributing to society, not being an entitled cunt like it’s my job—and rapes it to death with a stiletto that costs more than my car. It is 146 minutes long, which means that I entered the theater in the bloom of youth and emerged with a family of field mice living in my long, white mustache. This is an entirely inappropriate length for what is essentially a home video of gay men playing with giant Barbie dolls.”
And here we have two grown women playing with themselves, and the results are glorious!
Yes, Autostraddle.com had a serious hosting situation this weekend which we have since remedied for a price equivalent to a trip to Abu Dabi (help!), but who cares really WE HAVE JULIE GOLDMAN LORDESS OF COMEDY AND BRANDY FUCKING HOWARD, QUEEN OF BEER COMMERCIALS here to finger Michael Patrick King’s asshole for you!
Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard are the Matt and Ben of Lesbian Movies. They are a sensational acting/writing duo that are trying to cause a sensation with their sensational, lesbian romantic-comedy, Nicest Thing.
Since no one wants to make their movie or cast them in anything, they feel it is their duty to harshly judge everyone else’s work, based on a sliding scale of rage, bitterness, lesbianism, and lack of any real significant training.
Did you know that Julie Goldman invented the word “celesbian”? Did you know that Brandy Howard has been in commercials for three different brands of light beer? Well, get ready to know even more about these two ladies and their cervixes as Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard re-enact & review Hot Tub Time Machine in Episode #5 of the CULT HIT INTERNET TEEVEE SHOW Julie & Brandy in Your Box Office.
If you haven’t already seen a little PSA called “YES HOMO,” then you should, because it’s also about Hot Tub Time Machine.
Everyone knows that Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard are some dirty-ass bitches, but that doesn’t mean they never get offended! Though it’s true that Julie & Brandy are almost constantly offended by how much better Nicest Thing is than Avatar considering Avatar’s box office success and Nicest Thing’s relative incompleteness, they think most joke topics are totally acceptable, including rape and old people. However, Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard saw Hot Tub Time Machine, and now Julie has a thing or two to say about homo jokes in movies, and you probably wanna hear it!
Also the next episode of Julie & Brandy in Your Box Office will debut Monday, April 26, right here on Autostraddle.com.
Julie Goldman & Brandy have something they want you to do. They want you to go see a really, really, really good movie, and they’re gonna tell you why. And it’s gonna be dirty, sexy, dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty lesbian dirty, 70’s.
Also this week: Brandy studies fisting, Julie saw Joan Jett at a sex club, and cocaine is better in giant freezer bags, right? Sure it is. Welcome to the raunchiest/funniest show on the entire internet:
Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard are the Matt and Ben of Lesbian Movies. They are a sensational acting/writing duo that are trying to cause a sensation with their sensational, lesbian romantic-comedy, Nicest Thing.
Since no one wants to make their movie or cast them in anything, they feel it is their duty to harshly judge everyone else’s work; based on a sliding scale of rage, bitterness, lesbianisim, and lack of any real significant training.
Julie & Brandy’s episodes are supposed to debut every other Monday. But due to a series of fortunate events, you are soooo lucky and you’re gonna get episode #3 a week early! This week, the girls decided to see a blockbuster movie, Shutter Island.
The Shutter Island parody, “Sh*tter Island,” is pretty remarkable. so get some of whatever it is Whoopi Goldberg was advertising during the Oscars last night because you will need it because um, this is kinda the funniest one yet.
Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard are the Matt and Ben of Lesbian Movies. They are a sensational acting/writing duo that are trying to cause a sensation with their sensational, lesbian romantic-comedy, Nicest Thing.
Since no one wants to make their movie or cast them in anything, they feel it is their duty to harshly judge everyone else’s work; based on a sliding scale of rage, bitterness, lesbianisim, and lack of any real significant training.
If you missed it, here’s Julie & Brandy In Your Box Office #2: Paranormal Activity and Episode One – “Avatar”. Per always, this video was edited by Riese and you can always catch up on all the great offerings over at Autio/Video on our Video Blog page.
Actually the footage for this one was so incredibly awesome that we’re definitely seeing a DVD Extras special in our future. It will include “Cameltoe Island,” a short film that did not make the final cut, but is nevertheless funny.
Hello friends! It seems like just yesterday that Julie & Brandy In Your Box Office Episode One – Gay-vatar dropped into your lives and blew your brain to bits OF LAUGHTER!! And now it’s time for Episode Two: Paranormal Activity, edited by Riese, in which Julie & Brandy rent Paranormal Activity, watch it, and subsequently have feelings about it!
Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard are the Matt and Ben of Lesbian Movies. They are a sensational acting/writing duo that are trying to cause a sensation with their sensational, lesbian romantic-comedy, Nicest Thing.
Since no one wants to make their movie or cast them in anything, they feel it is their duty to harshly judge everyone else’s work; based on a sliding scale of rage, bitterness, lesbianisim, and lack of any real significant training. (more…)
We are super excitant to present the world premiere of the Autio/Video Autostraddle.com Original Webseries starring famous celesbian comedian of life and star of Logo’s The Big Gay Sketch Show Julie Goldman and phenomenally good-looking actress Brandy Howard, “Julie & Brandy in Your Box Office”! Remember the preview? Wasn’t that awesome? Well now the first episode is here, edited by ME, Riese (Marie Bernard), with help from Autio/Video assistant visionary Kelsey Lisette.
This week, Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard go to see James Cameron’s Avatar. They share all their feelings about it, and then they re-enact the film for you! Their three-minute “Gayvatar” is way better than the real thing! You will probs ROFL 10-27 times.
Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard are the Matt and Ben of Lesbian Movies. They are a sensational acting/writing duo that are trying to cause a sensation with their sensational, lesbian romantic-comedy, Nicest Thing.
Since no one wants to make their movie or cast them in anything, they feel it is their duty to harshly judge everyone else’s work; based on a sliding scale of rage, bitterness, lesbianisim, and lack of any real significant training.
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You can keep up with Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard’s antics on Julie Goldman’s blog, Julie Goldman is really pretty as well as on Julie & Brandy’s blog It’s Not Gay it’s Fashion and the website for Nicest Thing. (more…)