How Do I Get on the Victoria Monét, Janelle Monaé, and Megan Thee Stallion Group Chat
The Power Bisexuals Friendship Circle We Deserve, left to right: Victoria Monét and Megan Thee Stallion at Halloween 2023, Victoria and Meg at a birthday party in 2024, Victoria and Janelle Monáe at a birthday party in 2023.
Oh, hello! If you were online this weekend, you perhaps noticed one of my favorite trends — Victoria Monét at it once again, doing gay shit in the club with her friends.
This time it was for celebrity stylist Bryon Javar’s birthday party in Los Angeles. Now a quick Google search tells me that Bryon styles a lot of your favorite celebrities, but for this tale we are specifically zeroing on Victoria Monét and Megan Thee Stallion. The party appears to have been “Byron’s Players Ball” which gave us the present of Megan Thee Stallion — in a matching white bra top, see through white pants, and white Afro wig — grinding on Victoria Monét in a three piece suit and cane to Victoria’s own song, “On My Mama.”
Megan Thee Stallion and Victoria Monét at a party in LA.
— Pop Base (@PopBase) January 28, 2024
Already there’s a lot to unpack. There’s a specific grind up that Victoria does once they almost hit the floor on “ladies is pimps tonight” that has short circuited something in my brain chemistry. There is the presence of the cane as a performance art prop piece. There’s the wig. There is the look back over Megan’s shoulder. Victoria’s laugh. Just many, many good things.
But it also reminded me of a recent foray that Victoria Monét had in the club last month for actress/singer/dancer Teyana Taylor’s birthday party, in which Teyana grinded on Victoria (sensing a theme here?) while Janelle Monáe rained down dollar bills on them both.
Victoria Monet, Teyana Taylor and Janelle Monae partying in Miami. 🎶💵🎉 pic.twitter.com/1rC3wlJVov
— The Crowd Updater (@TheCrowdUpdater) December 14, 2023
Janelle, it so happens, was also at Bryon Javar’s birthday party this past weekend. Though they’re not present in the video with Victoria and Meg, we can make a small leap here that where Black bisexual pansexual chaos ensues, Janelle Monáe is never far behind. Nipples Out and Age of Pleasure and all that.
But, back to Victoria Monét and Teyana Taylor for a quick second. Did I mention there’s a second video? Of course there’s a second video. Ahem. Did you know that Kehlani wrote “Hate the Club” about Victoria Monét, presumably after their break up? Once upon a time, I thought this was just an internet rumor, but oh no — “Monet” is explicitly in the lyrics. Having now seen these videos, we can all understand why.
There is something so satisfying about this little bisexual power clique forming of Victoria Monét, Megan Thee Stallion, and Janelle Monaé going to the club and going viral for being gay. And this brings us to our next and (for now) final chapter, which I will be calling “The Hottieween Chronicles.”
You see, Megan Thee Stallion deeply loves Halloween, which tracks because Halloween is just Gay Christmas. She also refers to herself and her fans as “hotties.” Every year Meg hosts an annual party called Hottieween, and in 2022 at said party, guess who was there? Janelle Monáe! Who gave Meg a serenade and a lil cheek kiss, which in and of itself isn’t news worthy, but even when covered in blue latex from head to toe somehow Janelle Monaé made thee Stallion blush?? A fact that I personally will never forget.
Megan Thee Stallion Freaked TF Out By Janelle Monae @ The HottieWeen Bash 😱💋#MeganTheeStallion #JanelleMonae #Halloween pic.twitter.com/i2jN1bzprM
— 🟢 Trap Tube Tv 🟢 (@TrapTubeTv) January 26, 2023
And then there’s Hottieween 2023, in which Megan Thee Stallion dressed up as Poison Ivy and Victoria Monét came dressed as nun. Meg pours liquor down Victoria’s throat and wipes away the overflow as if to say “good girl” with her eyes and [the call drops].
Megan Thee Stallion and Victoria Monet at the Hottieween Party🔥#Hottieween #Cobra🐍 pic.twitter.com/EUCuBQyl7S
— theequeenstallion1👑Fan Account (@queen_stallion1) October 29, 2023
OK OK. All the fun and games aside!! If you made it this far, you might be wondering, but Carmen what’s the point to this post? After all, Megan’s in headlines this weekend for her newest single release, which has sent Nicki Minaj into some truly unhinged behavior. And the Grammys — most certainly featuring all three of them — will be here next week. But no, that’s not what I’m here to talk about! This is not about any serious or factual reporting. My friends, there is no point! The point is that somewhere there is a Black Queer Femmes Group Chat with Victoria Monét, Janelle Monaé, and Megan Thee Stallion AND I’M SOMEHOW NOT IN IT.
Do you think they share memes? Who sends the TikTok recipes? Who drops off for months at a time, only to pop back in like nothing happened? There is always one (in my group chats, it’s me 😔). Do they hit the “made it home safe bbs, love you!” text after a long night of breaking the internet?
Listen ok. I can’t wait for this friendship circle to next go viral again, but until then, who will think of me in my time of need???
Soul Train Awards Reject the Cis-Tem, Rename Gendered Award for Janelle Monáe
Feature image of Janelle Monáe accepting the Spirit of Soul award at the 2023 Soul Train Awards by Paras Griffin/Getty Images for BET.
On Sunday night at the 36th annual Soul Train Awards, Janelle Monáe received the night’s highest honor — the Spirit of Soul Award. Previously called the Lady of Soul Award (past awardees include Erykah Badu, Jill Scott, Alicia Keys, Mary J. Blige, Mariah Carey, Jasmine Sullivan, and Beyoncé to name a few), the award is one of the most illustrious that an R&B singer can win in their career. It’s a crowning jewel. As reported by Them.us, BET announced earlier this month that they were changing the award’s title in Janelle Monáe’s honor. Monáe was given the award by their protégés, the rap duo Flyanna Boss.
During their acceptance speech, Monáe spoke to the significance of the occasion. “There’s nothing like being recognized by your own family,” Monáe said on Sunday. “I’m so honored to have something like this for us that continues to evolve and showcase so many different forms of what soul can be.” This is especially true coming from to come from Soul Train — a media brand with over 50 years of close association with excellence in Black music.
The Spirit of Soul award is often thought of in Black communities as akin to a lifetime achievement, and as such Monáe reflected on their body of work thus far: “I wanted to shine a light on our community through my storytelling, through the art that I make through music, movies, fashion; bringing it back around to us, to our Blackness, to our beauty,” they said. “And I cannot help but think about the spirit of so many who’ve had to whisper to me, ‘thank you,’ in my ear because they did not feel seen. They did not feel safe. And they felt unheard for far too long. I’m thankful to be able to show up for you.”
Who’s cutting onions!! You simply cannot tell me that you aren’t tearing up right now!? Like??
In a pitch perfect wrap up (I’d expect nothing else from my ArchAndroid), Monáe invoked their own mentor, Prince, saying: “I’m thankful for the spirit of so many who have come before me. The spirit of Prince, whose spirit taught me ‘I’m not a woman. I’m not a man. I am something that you’ll never understand.’”
Janelle Monáe also opened the Soul Train Awards with a medley from their latest album The Age of Pleasure, already a queer classic and up for this year’s Album of the Year at the Grammys. The combination of “Float” and “Champagne Shit” will feel familiar to anyone who saw Janelle Monáe on tour this year, as the same two songs opened her tour. Notably, Monáe changed the closing lyrics of “Float,” which are designed as a toast, from cheering to “the fucked up shit we can’t erase” (as in, taking in all our mistakes as well as our beauty) to “to the people they can’t erase,” a nod to the night’s historic proceedings. Janelle smiled and raised their glass to the audience the audience, “they cannot erase us!”
As is often the way with Janelle Monáe performing, sapphics fall in their wake — the joy of watching Keke Palmer in the last minute of here simply is the best. (Watching Keke Palmer have joy right now is the best, no matter what.)
The Soul Train Awards’ decision to rename the Lady of Soul award to better reflect Janelle Monáe as a nonbinary artist comes at a time when many other award shows are grappling with how to adjust, make room, or otherwise embrace gender neutral categories in their ceremonies. In 2010, the Grammys moved towards gender neutral language, however many other major award shows — including the Emmys, Oscars, and Tonys — still do not. In fact, earlier this year, nonbinary star of the Broadway show & Juliet Justin David Sullivan pulled out of Tonys consideration due to the show’s gendered acting categories. When the Tonys aired in June, both the lead and supporting gendered acting awards for musicals, in categories intended to honor male-identified actors, went to two Black nonbinary actors: J. Harrison-Ghee for Some Like It Hot, and Glee alum Alex Newell for Shucked. The Soul Train Awards, a majority Black award show and annual Black community event, is in so many ways paving the way here. And I couldn’t be more proud of that fact.
And this is not completely related to the more serious matters at hand of Janelle Monáe quite literally changing the cis-tem at the Soul Train Awards, hosted by traditionally conservative Black media company BET.
However!
Just in case you missed it!! Janelle Monáe also went viral last week after they won a top-off with Usher in Vegas right before Thanksgiving. I personally watched this video carousel an umpteen number of times that I could no longer count and I’ve blushed and squirmed at each and every one of them?
https://www.instagram.com/p/Cz-AAbAJn3K/?img_index=2
All I’m saying is, big week for Janelle Monáe.
Grammy Nominations 2024: Janelle Monáe, Boygenius, and Victoria Monét Are Queering Awards Season
2024 Grammy Nominations: Photos by Chelsea Guglielmino/WireImage, Christopher Polk/Penske Media, Kaitlyn Morris, via Getty Images
The 2024 Grammy nominations were announced this morning at 8am PST and let me tell you they are GAY GAY GAY.
I’m sure a lot of us have a complicated relationship with the Grammys. I mean, every award show shouldn’t be taken too seriously, since they’re more about politics than talent. But the Grammys have felt especially frustrating over the years for reasons ranging from their continued support of abusive men to their inexplicable refusal to give Beyoncé Album of the Year to, you know, their overall historic mistreatment of women, queer people, and people of color.
Nevertheless, award shows do represent a skewed snapshot of mainstream culture, and the performances sure can be fun. So I can’t help but be a little excited that the 2024 Grammy nominations include so many of our queer favorites!
Let’s break these nominations down.
First, the big category: Album of the Year. Not one, but two, of my most listened to albums are included this year: boygenius’ The Record and Janelle Monáe’s The Age of Pleasure. I made two Pride playlists in June — one for partying and one for sad feelings — and I’m thrilled that the tentpoles of both are now award nominated. The Record had a grand total of seven (7!) nominations while The Age of Pleasure was oddly only nominated in one other category (Best Progressive R&B album). Miley Cyrus is also nominated for Album of the Year for Endless Summer Vacation, one of six nominations she received this year.
Bisexual icon and Kehlani’s ex Victoria Monét secured seven (7!) nominations of her own including Best New Artist and Record of the Year. She’s joined in the Best New Artist category by fellow bisexual Ice Spice, who has four nominations including two for her contribution to the Barbie soundtrack.
I’d be remiss not to mention that SZA also shows up nine (9!) times in the 2024 Grammy Nominations. I will respect her vagueness about her sexuality, but anyone who is as close as she is to Kehlani (see above) is at least going to get a mention.
Something fun about the Grammys is there are 91 categories, so I’m sure there are even more queers nominated who aren’t on our radar. Classical music gays, help me out, who are the queers in your world? (Other than Lydia Tár.)
But for now I’ll end this quick queer roundup of the 2024 Grammy Nominations by saying it’s always inspiring to me when queer artists manage to achieve mainstream recognition without compromising themselves. All of these artists are not just making great music as openly queer people but their open queerness is REALLY open and REALLY queer. The music itself is really queer too.
Queer sexuality is integral to Janelle Monáe and Victoria Monét’s work, and even boygenius, whose songs are more about gay feelings than gay sex, are always making out with each other on-stage! To be this gay and still get Grammy nominations is a sign of the undeniable greatness of these artists. Even if one of the straight nominees ends up winning Album of the Year, this recognition is still worth celebrating. And, hey, to misquote another straight Grammy winner: Well, nevermind. We are hot and we have the music.
Whether you’re making out with your friends and feeling cool about it or making out with your friends in your age of pleasure, this award season is looking to be better — and gayer — than most.
The 2024 Grammy Nominations can be seen in full here.
Two Queer Women Discuss Their Free-Ass Time At Janelle Monáe’s Age of Pleasure Tour
Feature image of Janelle Monáe performing at their Age of Pleasure tour by Kyle Gustafson / For The Washington Post via Getty Images
Five years ago, Janelle Monáe released Dirty Computer and came out to the world as a free-ass motherfucker. They had long used the sci-fi concept album and an android alter ego to express themself. Now that expression was made even more explicitly queer.
How does an artist this singular and talented follow up their coming out album? For Monáe, it meant declaring the arrival of The Age of Pleasure. If Dirty Computer placed their sexuality in their favorite genre, The Age of Pleasure dropped any pretense. No more androids. Just Monáe and their sexuality on full display.
Editor-in-chief Carmen and I were both lucky enough to see Monáe live during their Age of Pleasure Tour. We decided it was necessary to debrief about our fun, free, and… erotic experiences at our shows!
Drew: Okay should we start by talking about the first times we saw Janelle Monáe live. Because I know we both have stories.
Carmen: I’ve seen Janelle live only one other time — and it was at the beginning of their career. In 2009, I saw them open for Erykah Badu at this outdoor concert on Governor’s Island in NYC. Which is wild to look back on! Because in 2009, obviously I was there for Erykah, I had never even heard of Janelle Monáe.
Drew: That was going to be my question! Did they already have their unique magic?
Janelle Monáe performing Age of Pleasure in Minneapolis, September 2023 (Photo by Carmen)
Carmen: Yeah, they absolutely did. What I will never forget is — you know, especially back then but even now, Janelle is this ball of energy. So they probably did a handful of songs, running all over the stage, with that afrofuturist pop beat that’s their trademark, but then… abruptly, they stopped.
They stopped center stage, just standing tall with a microphone, and sang Nat King Cole’s “Smile.” You know the one, “Smile though your heart is aching/ Smile even though it’s breaking/ When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by…”
Drew: !!
Carmen: It felt like time stood still. To this day, I don’t think I’ve seen anything else quite like it.
Drew: Wow that is so special.
Carmen: Definitely quite an introduction, that’s for sure!
Drew: I also first saw them on an NYC island before knowing who they were! My first girlfriend was really crafty when it came to doing things for free around the city and she always volunteered at Governor’s Ball. We’d broken up by then, but I still decided to go because I was trying to prove that we could be friends and that I didn’t have feelings about our breakup. Also, I wanted to see Vampire Weekend and Sleigh Bells — just a little window into my music taste at the time.
As a volunteer I spent two thirds of the time assigned to different areas picking up trash in exchange for one third of the time getting to be wherever I wanted. This was 2014, but as you can guess from my music taste I didn’t know who Janelle was, so thank God I was assigned to pick up trash in their area during their performance!
I remember being totally overwhelmed. Just like WHO IS THIS?? They’re still not famous enough as far as I’m concerned — but in 2014 that was even more true. They performed during the day and I think pretty early in the day. But they had the energy of a headliner. After that I was a fan forever.
Carmen: First of all, this is an extremely gay story. But also! 2014… that would’ve been the Electric Lady album! That was my baby gay album!
Drew: Yes!! That’s such a good baby gay album.
Carmen: The amount of times that I listened to “Q.U.E.E.N.” while dancing barefoot in my kitchen, it is unrivaled.
Drew: Dirty Computer came out about a year after me, so that played a huge part in my baby gay years.
Carmen: Ooooooh Dirty Computer is such a good baby gay soundtrack! You didn’t even have to do the thing I did, where you follow the analogies of androids named Mary. By then Janelle was singing about fucking girls straight out.
Well not “straight” out. Sorry, I couldn’t leave the pun.
Drew: Hahaha right! I went to the “emotion picture” release party — I wasn’t fancy I just happened to RSVP from their Twitter right away because I was very online — and it felt like a coming out for them. They were so nervous and I remember feeling really comforted by and emotional about that. I was like oh if Janelle Monáe is nervous to fully own their queerness, it’s okay that the past year has been so hard for me.
But then the movie started and Janelle was dancing with Lupita Nyong’o in the aisles and it was so fun and special.
Carmen: The way you slid in this Janelle/Lupita gossip.
Iconic.
Moving on.
Drew: The secret to overcoming anxiety about coming out I think is grinding on Lupita Nyong’o maybe.
Oh sorry okay moving on.
I did then see them perform properly during the Dirty Computer tour. I don’t go to that many concerts but I’ve seen them now three times. Four if you count that video premiere.
Carmen: That’s phenomenal. The only person I’ve seen four times is Beyoncé. Three as a solo artist and once when Destiny’s Child was the opening act for TLC in the year 2000.
Drew: Omg your opening act skills are unparalleled !!
Carmen: I wanted to make a joke about having my finger on the pulse of the culture, but it’s truly just luck. But thank you.
Drew: Luck? Or fate!
Carmen: Gay fate for sure!
So! We both went to the Age of Pleasure Tour this month, which is technically the real reason we are gathered here today. Did you have any expectations going in?
Drew: I knew it was going to be a great performance because, as we’ve established, they’re such a uniquely great performer. But I think I was excited to see how different they felt on stage after some years of really owning their sexuality and gender. And, of course, this album so explicitly owns those things.
Janelle has always been such a talent and also so good at like the production of image and live performance. It’s fun that all those skills are going to this celebration of pleasure. I love trash, but overt sexuality doesn’t always have to equal trashy! Sometimes it’s high art!
Carmen: I think for me, that was one of the clearest takeaways. They are such a master of their craft. I went with two people who have really studied music, for quite literally decades. It was great to enter into that space with them because we were each bringing in our own expectations or levels of expertise. And they were both blown away by Janelle’s pure vocal quality. We were all taken aback by their showmanship.
I think it also shows, when you are more comfortable with yourself, when you are able to own all of who you are, it touches everything else in your life, right?
Drew: Yes!!
Carmen: It makes everything else better, because you are whole. Janelle has always been great on stage, clearly we both can speak to that, but this Janelle? It hits different. And I also think that’s because, even as fans, we got to walk so much of that journey with them. Like we can see and feel the sweetness of these wins along with them.
Because I sure was reading queerness into “Q.U.E.E.N.” and now I get to sing “Lipstick Lover” at the top of my lungs.
Janelle Monáe performing Age of Pleasure in Minneapolis, September 2023 (Photo by Carmen)
Drew: Even when they performed a handful of older songs like “Yoga” and “Tightrope” they just felt different to me.
I still listen to their older albums and love them, but it is really exciting to watch the evolution! And experience how that evolution makes the older stuff even better — in performance and just with a new context.
Carmen: Yessssssss! “Yoga” completely goes hard in a new, more intimate way now. And… I hadn’t thought about this before, but the feeling of ownership in “Tightrope”? Sheesh.
Also, of course, because they’re performing “Tightrope” in a tux. And yes, it’s a throwback to their black-and-white uniform era for sure, but I couldn’t help but also think of it as a wink to bygone queer performers and drag kings who often performed in tuxes. (Yes I just finished Malinda Lo’s Last Night at the Telegraph Club, can you tell?)
Drew: It’s so funny to me that people read the tux has being conservative when it was obviously queerness.
Carmen: That was a whole discourse this summer, especially in certain Black spaces! With straight people who were like “Janelle is showing skin all over the place now, what happened to when they were clothed and respecting their body” — and I was like “oh buddy, did you miss what they were trying to say with those suits? There, there now. It’s ok. It wasn’t for you.”
Drew: And their evolution takes the subtext of the suits and the android persona and confirms it as text. Their queerness now is undeniable which also makes the queerness of the rest of their career undeniable, too.
Carmen: Hahaaa I was going to say, “But damn it feels good to revisit those suits now, in the open and on our own terms” — but yes, let’s take it to an academic level!
Drew: Hahaha. Open and on our own terms is the beauty of textual queerness!
Carmen: Yes!! And I think especially too, as a Black queer performer, there is so much policing done around our sexuality and our bodies, not just who we sleep with but also how we conduct ourselves in public, and in so many ways, for so many years, Janelle has been undoing that.
And of course, bodies being policed is also so true of trans communities, and to see Janelle keep pushing through all of the bullshit and channeling it back into their art, back into what they bring to the stage and leave there for us. It’s wild. I feel so lucky to be in the room for it.
Drew: Me too. There’s something so uniquely queer about looking around at the pretty rough time we’re living in right now and going, oh of course the answer is to declare this the age of pleasure.
And that felt reflected on stage! The show felt looser? Like the performance was still tight but I really felt the fun everyone was having on stage.
And it was… erotic.
Carmen: Yeah, no, it was sexy as hell.
Drew: I know they have good taste based on, um, rumored relationships. But wow did they pick talented and very hot dancers!
Carmen: Hahahahaaa. I think my expectations going in were for it to be, I keep trying to find a more professional way to say “horny” and I’m coming up short!
Drew: I think they’d be okay with you saying horny !!!
Carmen: I recently watched their “Janelle Monáe Reads Thirsty Tweets” video for Buzzfeed, where they chided fans for not being dirty enough. So yeah, I think they’re ok with horny!
Drew: Omg I’m going to watch this immediately after we’re done talking.
Carmen: It’s so good and my favorite part is the person who shares their alien fantasies and Janelle doesn’t miss a beat.
Drew: Did you go to the concert with people ready to embrace the horny?
Carmen: It’s so funny, because when I was prepping for the concert I was talking to my cousin (who is also gay), and immediately their question was if I was trying to get some. And while I’m never… not paying attention to that, this trip was much more of a friendship reunion. My best friend got the tickets on presale, without even telling me! And basically texted me like: “So… get a plane ticket to Minneapolis.”
Drew: Okay but being horny — even separately, platonically — with friends is also very fun!!
Janelle Monáe performing Age of Pleasure in Minneapolis, September 2023 (Photo by Carmen)
Carmen: Extremely fun! And, through a series of unexpected events we ended up in VIP seats. Which was great for a few reasons, one of which was that the venue in Minneapolis was standing only, so VIP balcony seats were the only seats available (not a win for accessibility, just saying!). Ironically, I ended up dancing the entire set anyway, so I never really “sat” in the seat that I paid for.
I sweated clear through my layers, I ended the night in a bra and jeans.
Drew: JANELLE WOULD BE PROUD
As you said in your fashion advice column — bra and jeans feels like a very correct outfit for this show.
Carmen: Least amount of clothes possible is definitely the outfit of choice. A fun little challenge for the fall!
Drew: I definitely had my nipples showing and I was in Toronto, where it’s already fully fall. But it was worth being a little cold on the walk over to free the nipples at the show.
Carmen: Free the nipples is such a small thing, but it’s become a rallying cry for this tour and I think we’re all finding a lot of freedom in it? Like I feel like everyone I know has this excited hush tone going into the concert of like, “ok but can I really do this? Are we doing this? Are we being this free?” And yes babe, we are.
Drew: It makes it feel more like a queer dance party (where my nipples are often free) than a concert (where they tend to be covered).
Carmen: Yes! That is such a distinction.
Drew: Also Janelle Monáe’s boobs make me proud to have boobs.
Carmen: I don’t know if they did this at your concert, but at mine they opened with “Float” and because the venue served alcohol, they did the toast at the end of the song live with the audience. I was so caught up in the moment, I forgot to record it. But I feel like that set the tone right at the top. To have thousands of people at once toast to the “fucked up shit we can’t erase!”
Drew: Yes!! Sexual freedom can also just be about freedom in general, at least for one night, in a special space.
Carmen: And that’s what Janelle has been able to create, to sit right at that intersection and hold room for the rest of us. It’s… unreal. Except of course, it is very very real.
Also, Janelle Monáe’s boobs make me proud to like looking at people’s boobs.
Drew: Okay yeah, that too.
Carmen: One of the best parts of my concert was towards the end. Janelle said that they wouldn’t be flashing their boobs because we were in Minneapolis (which was the home of one of their mentors, Prince) — and Prince, who spend the last decades of his life as a Jehovah’s Witness, would not approve.
But then they winked and said, “but I haven’t seen any boobs yet! Is no one going to show me some?” And I swear it felt like the entire two rows at the front of the stage lifted up their shirts at once.
Drew: Late in life Prince may have not approve, but I’m glad they got the audience to give a little something for early career Prince! (And for themself lol)
Carmen: A win for everyone!!! (Rest in Peace, late in life Prince)
What Are We Wearing to the Janelle Monaé Concert, Bestie?
The idea for this Janelle Monáe Age of Pleasure tour style guide came from a selfish place, if I can be honest for a second. But baby, I’ve been stressssssssing over what I was going to wear! I made myself a promise this year to commit to doing things that make me happy in the vibe of this photo of Halle Berry drinking wine while outside on her patio while being butt booty ass naked.
The results thus far? Mixed. But I’m out here trying!! And while the fashion guidelines for Beyoncé’s Renaissance tour felt much more straight forward (silver and chrome obviously), if not also high stakes — dressing for Janelle Monáe has been a puzzle! Age of Pleasure has the aesthetics of summer heat and sweaty queer bodies losing themselves in everything that feels sexy and good, but their tour covers September and October! And “fall queer beach party” aesthetic is just so fucking hard!
But let’s turn my pain into a purpose. If you’ve also been wondering what to wear to Janelle Monáe’s Age of Pleasure tour, listen, I got you.
1. Parade Plunge Bralette (xs-3x, $14) // 2. Target Plunge Lace Bralette (xxl-3x, $18) // 3. Lane Bryant Summer Sheer High-Neck Balconette Bra (36B-38H, $35) // 4. Target Women’s High Apex Racerback Bralette (xs-3x, $15)
Ok so I have to say this, I saw Janelle earlier this week while I was in Minneapolis. And easily a bralette and 90s jeans was the most chosen outfit by all variety of queer humans in attendance, and I’m not just saying that because it was — ahem — also my outfit of choice, I promise.
The thing about the crop top/bralette situation is that, as you may know, Janelle Monáe has declared that the Age of Pleasure is also time to free the tiddies (their exact words were “Titties out for the next 15 years 😝”) and you’ll want easy access to your chest area if you wanna flash the concert. The less fabric to get you there, arguably the better.
I layered mine with a flannel, because I am a stereotype.
1. ASOS Nipple Covers (multiple skin tones available, $9) // 2. Neva Nude Liquid Hologram Cross Pasties ($10) // Diamante Detail Nipple Cover in Pink ($14) // Psychedelic Seashell Pasties ($12)
And speaking of free the tiddies! Have you considered… pasties?
1. Topman Oversized Grid Mesh T-Shirt in Black (xxs-xxl, $45) // 2. Wildfang Empower Mesh Boxy Top (xs-3x, $56) // 3. Target Mesh Cover Up Short Sleeve Crop Top (XS-3x, $18) // 4. Aerie Level Up Lace Layering T-Shirt (xxs-xxl, $28)
Mesh tops are hot, for the most part gender-neutral, and give the essence of summer, but pair one under a denim of leather jacket and you are giving instant fall vibes.
1. Grace Jones Sweatshirt on Etsy (s-2x, $40) // 2. Gap David Bowie Tee (xxs-xxl, $8) // 3. Target Whitney Houston Tee (xs-3x, $12) // 3. Prince Shirt (s-xxxl, $30)
Janelle Monáe is referential in all that they do, a true student of their craft, and while I think it can be a little too on the nose to wear an artist’s image to their own tour — this opens up a great opportunity to wear someone else in Monáe’s musical genealogy. Plus, when they sing “They say I look better than David Bowie in a MoonAge Dream”… you’ll have something to point at while you scream-sing along.
If you’re one of the lucky ones who will be spending this fall at Janelle Monáe’s Age of Pleasure tour, I hope you have the best time, dance your ass off, and flirt with someone cute who flirts back. Don’t forget to eat food if you’re gonna drink! Also, hydrate with water before and after the concert. Sorry to be your mom friend. I love you.
Janelle Monáe Will Have You Slipping Down the “Water Slide” This Weekend With Their New Video
Janelle Monáe is back at it, melting brains with the music video for their song “Water Slide”, the latest from their album The Age of Pleasure. We’re still recovering from the “Lipstick Lover” video, and now this? Life will never be the same.
I have already written about how much I’m loving the era of Janelle Monáe’s music. She said “titties out” and damn it, they’re sticking to it. And while the titties are a little less out in the video for “Water Slide”, don’t fret. It’s still very much a product of the era they’re currently in. From what I can tell, there’s a good chance Monáe filmed all of the content for this album at the same time, because the aesthetics are exactly the same. I love the idea of them spending an entire day (or maybe several days!) hanging out with a bunch of cool ass people making all of the content for the album.
“Water Slide” is one of my favorite songs on the album, and not solely because it’s very clearly about self-pleasure. That idea isn’t entirely reflected in the video, but the allusions to it are definitely there.
The video opens with Monáe standing in a backyard surrounded by people clearly dressed for a day by the pool. A few feet away, someone is standing opposite them holding on to their long braids, and people treat the hair like a limbo stick, dancing under it. This is a visual that gets repeated several times throughout the video, and it is no less enjoyable to watch each time. I truly cannot fathom having enough hair that someone could use it as a limbo stick, but the idea of dancing under such a thing tickles me to no end. Heck, it might even tickle literally.
Backyard summer party is really the theme of The Age of Pleasure in general, and we got that vibe from the slick “Lipstick Lover” video, but it really comes through in “Water Slide”. Sonically, the song feels like something you’d play while swimming in the pool and chilling with your friends. Definitely the kind of song you’d dance to after having several glasses of frosé. Monáe plays the bass alongside a band on the grass and takes center stage alongside a group of dancers mimicking the same swimming moves they’re singing about. It makes me want to spend a day at the pool with a bunch of cool, Black queer folks.
Monáe wears a series of cute bikinis in the video — the main one they wear has lemon slices covering their nipples, being held up with nothing but string. They are also topless multiple times; the scenes in the pool emulate the album’s cover almost perfectly. Several others are topless too; someone in the Autostraddle team Slack noticed that one of the partygoers had top surgery scars. It almost makes me want to go tits out in the sunshine, but I’ll leave that to the people who are much hotter than me.
Now if you’ll forgive me, I’m going to watch the video another dozen times.
Leaning Into Pleasure at the Janelle Monáe Listening Party
Three days before the release of Janelle Monáe’s Age of Pleasure album, the email invitation to their listening party arrives in my inbox as I’m contemplating my face mask. Is it enough protection as the city’s AQI climbs toward 400? Would it be worse to take it off to eat my purse burrito on the walk to the A train or inside the train car? But when my phone vibrates and I read the invite, I don’t eat the burrito at all; I just spend the rest of the ride with The Standard’s address burning in my pocket while I decide whether or not to go.
How does one decide whether or not to party with Janelle Monáe, creator of anthems such as “Q.U.E.E.N.”, “Yoga”, “Tightrope”, and “Dance Apocalyptic” whose newer single “Float” is already on a loop on my every commute? I ultimately decide the way I always do: By measuring the amount of my health and livelihood I’d be gambling with. This is a classic plight of any marginalized person: The world is not built to accommodate us, but we must navigate it anyway; we’re all gamblers.
I’ve never been on The List before. I can’t imagine why anyone would want an adjunct with a week-old creative writing degree and a private instagram on The List. I have to say my name twice when it’s my turn, and when I do, I find out someone else at the party also has one of my last names. “Isn’t that funny?” the person says with a smile before stamping a pole with legs wrapped around it onto the inside of my wrist.
The Boom Boom Room is the image of opulence. The greenery leaning in from the walls looks so real. I walk right up to the entryway arch, take an enormous bird of paradise in my hand, and tell the person standing next to it in a PLEASURE crop top that I know someone who loves this flower — can I take a picture with it? They laugh and say “of course, this is all for you!” I am handed a red-orange card titled Pleasure Guide. The rules are printed on it in warm yellow letters. They include: ‘Safety first. Fun next :), smile at a stranger, focus on the feeling, come dry leave wet, Unleash the ‘free azz mothafucka’ in you!’ A white fan with gold Age of Pleasure lettering on the side is handed to me next as I am guided to a round bar that looks like an upside-down gilded mushroom and am offered my choice of four different mezcal cocktails. I swear to myself that I’ll only have two; I must keep my promise to my sister that I’ll remember absolutely everything, but then the bartender walks away without asking for my card and I realize the drinks are free.
Above me, crystal chandeliers glow. In front of me, floor-to-ceiling windows look out on the rest of Manhattan, simultaneously glowing and fading in the post-fire-air. To my right is a fire-hydrant-red-lipped person in a pink jumpsuit with picture-perfect locs; to my left is her friend in a sheer black corset top, rolled cap, and a gold rope chain. “Are you in the industry?” they ask me, and I laugh too hard, too loud, for too long. I am nobody; I shouldn’t be here, I want to say, but the music is too good to shout over, so we dance instead. And then another person joins, we get another round of drinks, and she takes the words out of my mouth. “I can’t believe I’m here. I just moved here this week,” she says and we laugh in disbelief, turning back to dancing, but she grips my arm hard and points to show me that I am shoulder to shoulder with Alok Menon.
Moments later, Monáe appears in all of their glory. I hear her before I see her. I have just danced to Suavemente when a smooth “hellooooooooo” rings over the speaker in a voice I’ve never heard live but still recognize immediately — even through the haze of overwhelm. It rings exactly as true and clear as it does on their albums. Who is that. I scream before anyone else seems to have heard. Where is she. And then I see them, all 5 feet zero inches of them (excluding the jaunty black bowler hat), encircled in the light of everyones phone flash.
“Listen,” begins her address, “we are like, a day and a half before we are officially into The Age of Pleasure! This was my F.A.M. Free Ass Mutherfuckers. F.A.M.! Shout out to all the artsy kids… Living outside of all the boundaries this world has placed on us. Redefining what it means to be young, Black, wild, and free. This album is a love letter to us… Happy mutherfuckin Pride. It feels so good to stand up here as a Black nonbinary pansexual. F.A.M., it feels so good to be able to say that and to walk in that authenticity. Without further ado, I want to start by Float-ing into the Age of Pleasure.”
Embarrassingly, I was already weeping by “listen lil mama: you like shibari? Watch while I show you the ropes,” which is almost certainly not what they meant by “come dry and leave wet.” She danced alongside her own dancers through the flawless transitions from song to song, then pulled my dance partner up onto the bar to dance with her, took off their white cowboy boots and sent them into the crowd, and got off the bar entirely to vibe with us on the ground, barefoot, at one point leaning in within a foot of my face and mouthing something I could not process through the rush of emotion at their proximity. It should go without saying, but trust and believe: From every angle, “a bitch look pretty — a bitch look handsome.”
Float is exactly right — the whole album feels like watching a plane take off, the marvel of that disconnect from the ground that looks like an impossible divorce from gravity but is, in reality, working well within the laws of physics. After all of the Archandroid/Electric Lady/Dirty Computer/“she’s not even a person, she’s a droid” messaging, The Age of Pleasure is a fantastically deep breath of fresh air. What if, Monáe seems to ask, I was just a human all along? What if I fully embodied all that I am right now, in front of you? What if you did the same, and we did it together?
Since before its release (or any of the release parties), the album and its accompanying cover and video have been getting some predictable backlash from listeners who find Monáe’s newfound freedom from black and white suits alarming. It has also gotten plenty of praise for being so different, as the very first lines announce. But in reality, the album carries many hallmarks of Monáe’s previous music: sexuality that colors outside the lines, seamless flow from one song (and genre) into the next, an acoustic parallel to the message of the lyrics — freeing the mind and body from social constructs that just aren’t giving. I wake with a start in the middle of the night two weeks later with “Phenomenal” playing in my head and realize that the difference with The Age of Pleasure is that this sensuality is a fully embodied one. The see-through crop top is revealing more than just their whole chest; it is revealing them as completely corporeal. Inside a human form that grows and changes, not an extraterrestrial, mechanical, or metaphorical one. This acceptance of being nothing more or less than human is the kind of radical that heals like a balm, the kind that resonates deep, and ripples out through lines like “dance, ‘cause there ain’t nobody else in this bitch like you.”
“You want me to play it again?” Monáe calls into the mic at the end of the album’s first play through. “It’s only 32 minutes!” And after resounding affirmation from the audience, we dance to it all again. And even after they leave, floating goodbye kisses to us all the whole way out, my new friends and I keep the dancing going, the mezcal flowing, and the phone camera lights flashing, this time pointed at each other.
One last confession: I am writing this three weeks after it has happened, in between Pride parties. I have left one early and am late for another. I am hungover from one and still prepared to toast at the next. I am texting “I’m so sorry I couldn’t make it — I’m on deadline!!!” to three different people, one of whom is family, and I am hoping these leftovers are enough to power me though this hour while being kind to my digestive tract. I shouldn’t be this frantic to get from one place to another — it’s New York City, there will always be another party. But please understand: I, too, once thought I wasn’t of this world. That I was somehow something other, something else, despite being so painfully ordinary to myself. Until I started finding the places like this party, where all of the parts of me were okay, were celebrated, and I found myself … relaxing. Calming down. It has taken time, and it still takes reminders, even today, to trust that I do fit here, on this planet and in this body. That even though (as a Black queer woman with a penchant for work that doesn’t pay) I gamble every day to live the life that’s worth it to me, neither I nor any of the things I desire are all that difficult to allow. The freedoms I need and want are so simple. Like Monáe, all I want is a little pleasure, all I want is my love — but made to measure.
“Age of Pleasure” Has a Track For Each Summer Sexy Mood
How has it been five years since Janelle Monáe released her last album? It doesn’t feel like it was that long ago, but here we are. Their new album, The Age of Pleasure dropped earlier this month, and I was not ready. When their first single “Float” was released back in February, I was curious as to the direction the album was going to take. “Float” sounds like a Janelle Monáe song, but that’s also because her style is constantly evolving. It didn’t give us a whole lot of indication of what the rest of the album would sound like, but it was definitely a departure from the android/computer persona Monáe had previously inhabited. They were going to be tapping into a new part of themselves, and I don’t think any of us could have been ready for it.
Instead of doing this like a traditional review, I’m going to take you all on the journey of listening to The Age of Pleasure for the first time. I knew this album was going to be sensual, if not downright sexy. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been paying rapt attention to the aesthetic of this album. Janelle said “titties out” and I have no choice but to enthusiastically endorse this decision. ENTHUSIASTICALLY. Who am I to question their motives? I can only respect the process. Anyways, here we go!
“Float”
The first words we hear are “no, I’m not the same.” Clearly they are telling us upfront that we’re in for something completely different than we are used to. Right out of the gate, they’re coming at us with swagger, a different kind of swagger than we’re used to. It’s confidence, not bravado. Floating through life is something that is equal to freedom. And by embracing her identity, she is freeing herself from the expectations of others. “Float” is the levity of self-acceptance.
This is the song for when you’re laying out in the sun
Whether you’re at the beach, the pool, or even laying in the grass on a blanket at the park, this song just screams summer.
“Champagne Shit” & “Black Sugar Beach”
This song comes out grooving — I instantly want to start dancing when I hear it. (I’m immediately adding it to several playlists) Like, I can immediately picture dancing to this in a dimly lit room with a bunch of other sweaty bodies around me. “Champagne Shit” has more of that braggadocious kind of swagger over an infectious drum beat. “Black Sugar Beach” is the outro to “Champagne Shit”, and you don’t even realize they’re two different songs.
This is the song for when you want to get the party started
If you want to pop bottles and put on your dancing shoes, this is the song that gets you there.
“Phenomenal” (feat. Doechii)
“I’m looking at a thousand versions of myself, and we’re all fine as fuck.” Okay! I’m liking what this song is putting down. Even through the African drumbeat at the heart of the song, it’s very sensual and even seducing. Again, it’s a song that I can picture dancing to, but also using to set the mood for some sexual activity. I like to switch up the kind of music I use for foreplay, and this song will definitely be going on the list.
This is the song for when you need to hype yourself up
We all need a little hype sometimes. Put this on and get a little hop in your step.
“Haute”
In addition to being an incredible musician and rising actor, Janelle Monáe is a known fashionista. The Met Gala is always infinitely better when they’re walking the red carpet. “Haute” usually refers to couture clothing, but in this case, it’s a play on the word “hot”, which is also incredibly clever. The whole song is a repeat of feeling sexy, hot and feeling themself.
This is the song for when you’re feeling yourself
I mean this more figuratively. If you’re feeling cute, put this song on.
“Oooh La La” (feat. Grace Jones)
Grace Jones is an absolute ICON, and I love this pairing so much. It’s only thirty-five seconds of Grace Jones speaking French, but I still love it? I do truly wish it was a full song, but this is still magnifique!
This is the song for when you need a minute to yourself
This is a brief interlude, so it gives you a second to collect yourself and get in the right headspace.
“Lipstick Lover”
I still haven’t fully recovered from the music video for this song. You may recall how it melted many brains here at Autostraddle. I’ve listened to this song many times already, but I finally figured out that the first line of the pre-chorus “Cause for your love, I’ll take my time” is a Stevie Wonder lyric! It has been haunting me every time I listen, so I finally looked it up. Stevie Wonder is credited as one of the songwriters on the track as well.
This is the song for when you want to seduce someone
It’s a sexy song, we all know this. It feels like fingertips brushing down a jaw or a back; pure seduction.
“The Rush” (feat. Nia Long & Amaarae)
Nia Long’s voice is so seductive on this song. I don’t go here, but even I’m looking twice. This song signifies the tonal shift of the album from self-love and pleasure to pleasuring someone else. “Pussy gonna lay go down, make you rest in peace, Fuckin’ you like it’s my destiny. God, what’s come over me?” Adding this to my playlist immediately!
This is the song for when you’re making your move
It’s heady, it feels like the moment you give over to pure feeling and forget how to think; you’re acting on instinct.
“The French 75” (feat. Sister Nancy)
A French 75 is a gin and champagne cocktail, and this song sounds like it was recorded in a bar. The whole song is just a long toast.
This is the song for when you’re not paying attention
This song is really just background noise, quite literally. You don’t really need to think about it.
“Water Slide”
And now I see why the album is called The Age of Pleasure. “Water Slide” is one hundred percent about self-pleasure. “I’m holdin’ my breath with my eyes closed, I can swim solo. Feelin’ all around for the right spot, Playin’ Marco Polo.” Need I say more? I do not think so!
This is the song for when you’re feeling yourself
I mean that literally. If you want to turn your body into a slip n’ slide, put this on and have at it.
“Know Better” (feat. CKay, Seun Kuti & Egypt 80)
Opening with a strong brass section and Afro-Caribbean beats, this song is pure seduction. I’m getting the energy of a person you see across the room at a bar and you are instantly drawn to them. You know it’s not going to last for more than one night, but you want that night to go on as long as it can. I really love the brass on this song.
This is the song for when you need to make a move
The beat just propels you forward, whether it’s to make your move on someone or something.
“Paid in Pleasure”
This feels like a follow-up to the song before. They were able to seduce the person into a one night stand, and now we’re getting to hear what happens during that night. With lyrics like “I lick, lick, lick from you nectar,” it sounds like it was a GREAT night.
This is the song for when you want to set the mood
This is pure, unadulterated sex. Go forth and do with that what you will.
“Only Have Eyes 42”
I don’t know if this is yet another continuation of the songs before it, but I feel like a fly on the wall of a very sexy evening. Monáe samples one of my favorite songs, “I Only Have Eyes For You”, using it to declare their interest in two different sexual (maybe romantic) partners. The song is brief, but very intimate.
This is the song for when you want to seal the deal
There is a singular focus to this song, and it will remind you to keep your eyes on the prize.
“A Dry Red”
It feels fitting to end the song with one last plea for the pleasure they’ve been experiencing for the last four or five songs. They’re almost begging, but it doesn’t sound desperate, it’s almost wistful. Clearly, this person has made an impact on them in a way that they haven’t been able to forget since the summer, and while we have no idea how much time has passed, it’s clear there was a strong connection between them and the person they’re pining for.
This is the song for when the night is over
If you’re still starry eyed, put “A Dry Red” on and be transported back to the moments of pleasure.
And that’s it!
My biggest complaint about The Age of Pleasure is that it’s only thirty-two minutes long. Just as the album starts to really hit its stride, it’s over! I know that short albums are the style right now, but I miss albums that were at least forty-five minutes long. It feels too much like foreplay; I was left buzzy and wanting more.
Also.Also.Also: Happy “Age of Pleasure”-Eve, Janelle Monáe Said Titties Out All Summer
Feature images of Janelle Monaé at their Age of Pleasure album listening party by Johnny Nunez/WireImage
I’m bringing you this link round up from a road trip back home after spending the last few days with a lot of people that I love, and who love me. It’s been written on a computer and two different cell phones, depending on what’s been available to me. I’ve been singing Broadway albums for the last five hours and just switched to 90s R&B. My belly is full and satiated with a variety of delicious fried food and sweets. It’s chaos, but also somehow peace? Wishing you the same.
Queer as in F*ck You
#TheAgeofPleasure track listing & features! This Friday 6/9! https://t.co/DLvTv8zW4d pic.twitter.com/Wp5cU9zdbd
— Janelle Monáe👽🚆🤖🚀🪐 (@JanelleMonae) June 7, 2023
Happy Age of Pleasure-Eve to you!! And to me!! Janelle Monáe hosted a variety of pre-album drop listening parties this week and none of them were near me 😭. But they released a track list that includes the likes of Grace Jones (omg) and a track named “Water Slide” — in case you wondered if their vibe is still to just go 100 at all times, the answer to that is yes.
Speaking of which, Janelle also released their infamous Pleasure t-shirt for purchase on their website, you know the one:
So don’t forget to buy that. And DO NOT FORGET your Janelle Monaé concert tickets for the Age of Pleasure tour, which are on sale now. Special thanks to my bestie, who got ours on pre-sale last week before I even had a chance to ask. And that’s on being chosen family.
OK, my fandroid tendencies out of the way (less than TWELVE HOURS TO GO EEEK). Let’s see what else.
Never has there ever been a better use of this section’s titular F*CK YOU: Pat Robertson, Televangelist Who Blamed Gay People for 9/11 and Hurricanes, Dies. “The conspiratorial hatemonger who founded the Christian Broadcasting Network helped usher Christian-conservatism into the mainstream”
Pride Organizers Scramble to Keep Up With Drag Laws in Florida, Montana and Tennessee. “Some Pride groups are moving drag shows indoors, enforcing new dress codes or scrapping celebrations altogether.”
Outrage as Anti-LGBTQ Protest at California School Board Turns Violent. “Footage from a local television station showed crowds of people shoving, kicking and throwing punches outside a school district building in Glendale, California.” The school was voting to recognize Pride month.
Pride Flag Burned Outside a City Hall in Arizona
(I’m not saying it’s related, buuuuuuuut maybe did you happen to notice that Autostraddle’s Pride theme this year is “Rage Party”?)
There are a lot more serious things to talk about as it relates to Elliot Page’s new memoir Pageboy, and we’ll have a full review from Stef Rubino next week. But until then, let me quickly put on my vapid fluff gossip hat and rundown:
- Elliot Page Reveals Secret Romance With Kate Mara in Memoir
- Elliot Page Says He and Olivia Thirlby Had Sex ‘All the Time’ Making ‘Juno’
Chase Strangio Is Defending Us on All Fronts. From the author, Katelyn Burns: “What I wanted to know the most is how does he endure this awful political moment as a prominent trans person doing critical work for our community.” I immediately clicked.
Griner Feels Love From Texas, Baylor in Trip Back. “Brittney Griner said it felt great being back in her home state Wednesday night and noted how she was “really, really, really, really, really happy” to see the Baylor women’s team, for whom she starred from 2009 to 2013, in attendance” To quote Natalie: 🥺🥺🥺
Saw This, Thought of You
An Angel in Hell. This reflection on Charisma Carpenter’s Cordelia from Buffy and Angel by Mo Ryan for Roxane Gay’s Audacity newsletter was the finest piece of pop culture criticism I read this week. Give yourself the same treat.
80 years ago, the Zoot Suit Riots took place in Los Angeles — a series of attacks on Mexican, Black and Filipino communities.
The attacks were carried out by servicemen and white Angelenos fueled by prejudice and anti-immigrant sentiment.
Never forget.https://t.co/HDxBiT1AHw
— Voto Latino (@votolatino) June 3, 2023
Where and How the Zoot Suit Riots Swept Across L.A.
My Latine Culture Taught Me to Be Selfless. Polyamory Ensures I’m Self-Full
Political Snacks
Here’s How to Prepare to Start Paying Back Your Student Loans When the Pandemic Payment Freeze Ends
Bail Fund alert! Police violence against Cop City protestors in Atlanta continue, and you can help make sure the movement keeps movementing: Atlanta Solidarity Fund
And One More Thing
Happy Pride.
The reason the far right is losing their mind so much is because even in the wake of the worst of their anti trans and anti queer legislation…
We are still here.
We survived another year.
And we will celebrate that for a fucking month, our joy is our resistance. pic.twitter.com/conATAQcCp
— Erin Reed @erininthemorning.com on Bsky (@ErinInTheMorn) June 1, 2023
Janelle Monáe’s “Lipstick Lover” Music Video Has Fully Melted Our Brains
I am here today because some extremely gay and evocative Janelle Monáe just dropped (a music video for her new single “Lipstick Lover,” from their just announced new album The Age of Pleasure which comes out June 9th).
I’m supposed to write about it, which is unfortunate because also I think watching it broke my brain and I don’t… remember how to words.
I… I just… I…
I’m not to be trusted with this music video, this queer Black feminist sex positive pool party has shattered everything inside me. But even if all the good sense that the Lorde (word to Audre) gave me has left my body, I knew I wanted to celebrate this momentous occasion with family. So I immediately popped into the Autostraddle QTPOC slack and promptly @‘ed everyone I knew.
Let’s check in on the group chat and on how the gays are doing, shall we?
Carmen: my thoughts and feelings are… what
followed by… w h a t
Nic: My thoughts are: how do I get invited to that party
Also: huh?
And: i am so gay
Honorable mention: WHAT
From Nic: “Screenshotted the video and opened the layout app SO FAST”
shea: Holy shit
My my my, how far we have come from them little black/white fits.
Carmen: My brain has fully broken.
shea: Also, the elder smoking a cigar is me in 30 years.
Dani: I’m hyperventilating.
This is how I want pride to be this year.
Carmen: My thing is… ok my thing is maybe the ass grab?
but also the cigar smoke?
but also WHEN THEY LICK THE HEEL
like.. my thing is… many things
Nic: Is it bad that I want to gatekeep this album so badly?
Shelli: I’m just saying we should do a tag yourself.
Dani: I love this era of Janelle being hot and thotty
This is me:
shea: Do y’all think Janelle was like “what will make them hot?” and then said “cool, cool. let’s do that!” to every suggestion?
Dani: YES
Shelli: This is me at a pool party to a T.
Wearing a beret in my own world.
Shelli: Me as a queer elder supporting the girls.
Carmen: omg
omg shelliiiiii
Nic: Unrelated but the AESTHETIC of this photo 👩🍳💋
Shelli: Me in so many ways
Dani: I JUST WAS GONNA ADD THIS
Carmen: Wait I was ALSO going to be licking the heel!
We can’t all be licking the heel.
Nic: CANT WE
Shelli: I shan’t be the licker but the wearer
Carmen: 👆🏾
Shelli: Also, I could have used more fat babes in the pool party yes and I don’t care if that upsets people. But that was literally my only qualm.
Dani: Yes, totally.
Carmen: No, that’s facts though.
Carmen: How am I just seeing this? They are so unserious!
Titties out for the next 15 years. 😝
— Janelle Monáe👽🚆🤖🚀🪐 (@JanelleMonae) May 11, 2023
For the next 15 years!!!
Sai: I’m sorry, I’m late… I think I stopped breathing for a few minutes.
Carmen: THE ALBUM DROPS DURING PRIDE!!
ooooh say less, it’s up.
Nic: 🔥🔥🔥
I remember when Dirty Computer came out and I thought THAT was going to be peak Janelle for me, but wow I am so thrilled to have been wrong.
Shelli: 2nd Janelle 6:9 — The Age of Pleasure.
Carmen: I am ready to read from this scripture.
Shelli: 69!!
Nic: OHMYGOD
Shelli: THEY ARE A SNEAKY DEVIL
Dani: The theme of pride is PLEASURE I’m so excited.
Dani: How do I already know the lyrics?
Shit is on REPEAT
shea: Me, all summer:
Nic: Oh damn shea, that’s me too.
shea: What I’d like to be doing:
Honestly, they need to sell the print of this shot.
Like I need this on my wall.
Carmen: Immediately.
Dani: I need the pleasure shirt.
Now!
Sai: Me when i realize this is the last slice of pizza:
A. Tony: A thank you to Janelle Monáe, I hope the sapphic vibes of the universe relay this message to you.
Christina: I clicked play and meant to type by my brain literally shut down so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Natalie: Understandable.
Let’s recap. First, drink your water because hydration is key. Second, it’s been five years since Janelle Monáe gifted us with an album to soundtrack our queer lives, and that’s about to change. You can listen to Janelle Monáe’s “Lipstick Lover” wherever you do your music, and you can expect us to cover the countdown to June 9th’s Age of Pleasure with a hyperfocused, obsessive level of detail that only the gays do best.
Speaking of, let me use my one final brain cell to say this: Have you read adrienne marie brown’s Pleasure Activism? Because that feels like a thing you could do.
And one last thing — if you’re a Black queer person reading this, I love you and all of this is for you. I hope the sun kisses your melanin today.
😉
Janelle Monáe’s New Single “Float” Is Here, The Reign of Galaxy Pansexuals Starts Immediately
Feature image of Janelle Monáe’s cover image for her new single, “Float.”
“They said I was bi, yeah, baby, I’m bi, a whole ‘nother coast
She stay in the Hills, he stay in Atlanta, I paid for them both”
I have great news for everyone whose favorite Janelle Monáe is in the ilk of crooning “get off of my areola” while doing yoga with Tessa Thompson — five years since Dirty Computer became an instantly iconic queer album, they’re baaaaaack and it’s never been sweeter. “Float” is Janelle Monáe at what they do best, performing with a musicality as if Prince and Erkyah Badu had a queer enby baby on Mars who has an ability to drop bars that shit on your favorite rapper.
“Listen lil’ mama, you like shibari? Watch while I show you the ropes.”
Janelle Monáe said move over, now is the time of the galaxy pansexuals. “Ahhhh it feels good to be releasing music!,” they wrote on their Twitter after releasing the single earlier today. “Sending love and waves to everyone who takes the time to listen! I pray you hold these words close to your heart, ‘cause they came straight from mine.”
And knockout lines about shibari ropes that left me on my knees in my kitchen floor aside, what’s already made “Float” go platinum in my living room in just the last few hours (or, more honestly, since they released the sneak peek last week — can a sneak peak hit the tops of the Billboard charts?) is in its quieter moments.
It’s the melodic confidence of “I think I done changed…/ See something’ not the same…/ I used to walk into the room head down/ I don’t walk, now I float.”
Monaé’s never shied away from their own struggles with anxiety and mental health, speaking openly about the ways they used write epic afrofuturist love operas dedicated to robots as a shield from letting us get too close. It’s rare to get to grow up with an artist, but when you do? There’s nothing better.
Please don’t get it twisted. It’s so easy to swerve into mental health journeys, especially for Black folks, and wallow in our trauma. No. We’re here to celebrate what the fuck we’ve been through. Our android hasn’t gone anywhere. They “came back from the future to take all y’all niggas and take all y’all hoes.”
And then! Then there is this outro. This perfect, perfect outro:
“To the lives we lead
To the dreams we chase
To the moments that we make
And to the fucked up shit we can’t erase.”
I hope that 2023 is a messy bucket for all of us, in every best kinda way. We deserve nothing less.
“Float” is now available everywhere you get your music.
No Filter: The Theytriarch Janelle Monáe Is Giving Sherlock Holmes!
Feature image photo of Janelle Monáe via Janelle’s Instagram
Welcome back to No Filter, the place where I gather up the best celesbian nonsense and put in one handy column for you! Let’s absolutely grip it and rip it! (What???)
https://www.instagram.com/p/CmPDVb6po4-/
There is something so powerful about posting yourself in a gorgeous velvet jacket while being dedicated to the cause of simping for Jean Smart. Whomst among us wouldn’t??
https://www.instagram.com/p/CmKOfVxpji2/
I hate when I am simple enough to get tricked by spon-con! Sorry this is glamorous and sexy!!!!
https://www.instagram.com/p/CmPPFgRPOgQ/
If there is one thing I love, it is white women pulling off the color yellow!
10/10 no notes!
Ah yes, casual life highlights — looking glam, traveling…you know, just life.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CmS4TeCrvf6/
I do not trust birds as a pet in general but this is an effective campaign for them.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CmVQUfeN5tl/
St. Vincent vibing with Metallica? Why not!
I am addicted to the time of year when fame-os and influencers post pictures of their regular ass family.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CmXwOahpXVK/
The Theytriarch is giving Sherlock Holmes! Okay!
https://www.instagram.com/p/CmTH1FAM2JF/
Is she wearing….the Chanel boots?
Yes, this game was fun to watch and yes I love this image but I wouldn’t be me if I did not love the hashtag “DoubleFistPumpAction” more!!
Drew is going to take over the world on power of her daytime talk show and I think that is fine!
Janelle Monáe Gave Megan Thee Stallion a ‘Lil Kiss, Plus Other Hot Queers in Costumes
I’m just going to say it, and hope that I don’t sound ridiculous, but I don’t really know who Janelle Monáe is for Halloween. I know that it’s Diva Plavalaguna, and that this person (alien?) is from The Fifth Element. And I know that The Fifth Element is beloved by many queerdos across the internets, and I am legitimately so happy for all of y’all. I am sure that if you are in the know this costume is epic. I’m sure of it because Janelle Monáe + Halloween almost always is, remember when they were The Grinch? Or her own Dr. Jekyll to her own My. Hyde? Really this is a story about a party that they went to with Megan thee Stallion over the weekend that involved at least one on-camera (cheek) kiss, according to Meg’s IG stories.
Still, let’s start with Janelle Monáe’s patently gorgeous costume as Diva Plavalaguna that makes no sense to me — completely my fault, I’m failing you as a narrator. Here you go:
https://www.instagram.com/p/CkUhpIurNWg/
It also involves some kind of singing situation?
https://www.instagram.com/p/CkW2XpRDZRc/
Ok, so! That out of the way, I think Megan thee Stallion’s Halloween costume las weekend was “I’m hot” + “a little fake blood.” And I am not judging, if I was as hot as Meg, that would be my costume, too. Plus, it’s well-documented that Meg loves Halloween. So much so that she hosted a Halloween party this weekend dubbed “Hottieween” (I love her). And that officially brings us to our little story. At Hottieween this weekend, full of many celebs and the influencers who love them, a seemingly drunk fun time was had by all. Many an ass was thrown. Many a tongue stuck out in glee. And I was a half asleep scrolling through my Instagram stories, for I am neither a celebrity nor an influencer so my ass was thrown at home in my pajamas, my tongue was only stuck out while I brushed my teeth, I could not help but stop and replay… because.. did I see?? Was it??
Why yes, it was Janelle Monáe, as Diva Plavalaguna, serenading Megan thee Stallion at her own party. And then it was Janelle Monáe, as Diva Plavalaguna, sealing it with a kiss. Two Black queer icons, in a little casual (cheek) kiss, because why the fuck not? It’s Halloween!
Of course, like all things Halloween, the pumpkin disappeared as the clock on the IG stories ran out. But I was able to find a copy. The internet never forgets.
.@JanelleMonae sings as Diva Plavalaguna from ‘The Fifth Element’ at Megan @TheeStallion’s #Hottieween party. pic.twitter.com/FSV1t6B9qk
— Pop Crave (@PopCrave) October 30, 2022
And yes, I took a screenshot, so you don’t have to:
My favorite part is Meg — of “it’s giving top, you know that” fame — almost blushes? It’s so cute??
I hope when the party was over, they also engaged in the gay friendship tradition of drunk eating waffles (is this just my friends?) while sitting in each other’s laps and playing six-degrees-of-separation on each other’s hookups (Janelle’s gonna win, she’s got Tessa Thompson and potentially Lupita Nyong’o. Remember what I said? The internet never forgets). And now, here’s some other cute queers in costumes!
A Brief Round Up of Some Other Hot Queer Celebrities in Costumes, Trick-or-Treat
Because Gay Christmas is forever.
Javicia Leslie, as Storm
I wanted to say more about this, but I blacked out.
Kristen Stewart and Dylan Meyer, as Wayne and Garth
Excellentttttttt.
Lili Reinhart, as Sarah Sanderson
This is such a casual win.
Niecy Nash and Jessica Betts, as Rihanna and ASAP Rocky from the 2021 Met Ball
Is this just an excuse for me to post about when they went as Nelly and Kelly Rowland from the 2002 “Dilemma” video? Yes, yes it is.
Chrishell Stause and G Flip, as Each Other
It’s maybe almost too gay? We covered it for you.
Keke Palmer, as Rogue
So Keke looks great, never a question. I’m just not sure if I love this new trend where Halloween is basically audition reels for celebrities? That said, they don’t call her “keep a bag” Palmer for nothin.
Hayley Kiyoko and Becca Tilley, as Velma and Daphne
Lesbian Velma forever, I know that’s right.
This is a starter list, something for your Monday afternoons because Autostraddle loves you. We’ll be back soon with our weekly celesbian Instagram round up No Filter and your host Christina Tucker will guide you through the exhaustive highlights with even more jokes, because what are we if not humans passing time on this earth?
And on that note, Happy Halloween! Kiss the girls you want to kiss, just make sure to get their permission first! XO
TIFF 2022: “Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery” Isn’t Worthy of Janelle Monáe
For the first time, Autostraddle is at the Toronto International Film Festival! Drew Gregory is coming to you for the next two weeks with all the LGBTQ+ movies at one of the most prestigious film festivals in the world. Follow her on Twitter for more.
The first time I saw Janelle Monáe I was picking up trash at a music festival.
It was early in the day when Monáe got on stage. The crowd was thin but you wouldn’t know it from their performance. The moment they began the smell of old food containers wafted away. The blaring sun no longer burned. Nothing existed except Monáe. They had a quality that was impossible to ignore. For forty minutes I shirked my volunteer duties and watched one of the best concerts of my life.
I saw them again four years later at the public New York launch of their album and “emotion picture” Dirty Computer. In the time that passed, I’d gone from a straight cis boy accidentally at their event to a queer trans woman who waited two hours in line. Monáe themself had gone from a taciturn android to a pansexual “free ass motherfucker.” Once again I was mesmerized. This time by how they presented themself in their own work — and by their gay hijinks in the crowd.
Since Monáe revealed their on-screen talents in 2016 with turns in Moonlight and Hidden Figures, Hollywood hasn’t known what to do with this singular force. Disappointments from Julie Taymor and Kasi Lemmons, the disasters of Antebellum and Welcome to Marwen, a mediocre second season of Homecoming. It feels like only Monáe themself — and, well, Barry Jenkins — is equipped to showcase their range.
Enter Rian Johnson’s anticipated Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery, the buzzy follow up to his 2019 success. He’s once again assembled a stellar cast and brought back Daniel Craig’s goofy private eye, Benoit Blanc. The good news: in the big ensemble Janelle Monáe emerges the star. The bad news: once again the project doesn’t match their talents.
The film begins in the early days of the pandemic. A scientist (Leslie Odom Jr.), a politician (Kathryn Hahn), a has-been model (Kate Hudson), a be-muscled MRA twitch streamer (Dave Bautista), and the mysterious Cassandra Brand (Monáe) all receive a puzzle box. It’s a gift from their friend Miles Bron (Edward Norton), a very thinly veiled stand-in for Elon Musk. He has invited them to his private island to take their masks off — and solve his murder.
Benoit Blanc is the last person to receive the puzzle box. He’s been growing bored in quarantine, spending his days in the bath and longing for danger. (He’s also been zooming with his famous friends which gives the film quite possibly the most surprising cameo I’ve ever witnessed.) The box is exactly what he’s been waiting for. Soon enough he’s off to Greece joining this unlikely group of old friends.
As a murder mystery, the rest is best enjoyed spoiler-free. (There was also a warning over the loudspeaker during the credits and I’d be less scared to defy Elon Musk than the Netflix corporation.) But what I can say is the sunny setting and heightened comedy results in a one-location whodunnit that feels less Agatha Christie and more The Long Goodbye. At least, this is how it feels when its comedy is working, its twists are twisting, and its satire is the good kind of heavy-handed.
There is a lot about this movie that works — especially in its first hour. The script begins with some good jokes, fun gags, and an unexpected central mystery. Monáe is great, Craig has never had more fun, Hahn is reliably delightful, and Kate Hudson relishes in being a comically terrible person. But as the film continues, its attempts at depth falter and it makes the whole film begin to grate.
I appreciate that Johnson wants to make big budget Hollywood entertainment with something on its mind. There’s just a difference between being thoughtful and thinking that you’re being thoughtful. He seems better equipped to mock the upper class archetypes than he is to address who they hurt. Put simply, Monáe may be at the center of the film, but Johnson doesn’t know how to write who she portrays.
As audiences, we’re often asked to turn off our brains, our morals, and our experiences when watching big budget films. Most movies of this scope have a conservative bent — just think of the US propaganda machine that is Marvel — and so it should be a relief to get a film like this that is theoretically progressive. And yet I found myself feeling much the same as I do with those other films. The intention might be better but the result isn’t that different. Being othered by your allies is still being othered. Ultimately, I wish the movie had just stuck to entertainment.
People will describe this movie as fun. This movie wants to be fun. It often is fun. But certain choices stopped that fun for me. It’s possible to deal with serious topics and still be a genre film — the best genre films do just that. Monáe and their collaborators did that with Dirty Computer. The difference is that film was born from people who aligned with Monáe’s character while this one aligns with Craig’s. We are in Benoit Blanc’s point of view and he looks at the people with more power and the people with less power through the same distant observation.
I didn’t expect Rian Johnson to make Dirty Computer. I just hoped that Janelle Monáe would get to have as much fun as the rest of the cast. I’m glad Monáe was trusted with the meatiest role, but if you can’t write for a nonbinary Black person I’d rather not watch you try. Sometimes letting a person be hot and funny and wear great outfits is all the politics you need.
When it comes to the mystery, Johnson approaches his film with the delicate maneuvers of a puzzle box. When it comes to the depth, he smashes it with a hammer. For some of us, it’s harder to avoid the shards.
No Filter: BRB Gotta Watch This Video of Janelle Monáe…for the Next Six Calendar Days???
Feature image of Janelle Monáe via Janelle’s Instagram
Welcome to No Filter! This is the place were I gather all the best queer celebrity Instagram posts and present them here, for your liking!
Actors on Actors? More like LEGENDS ON LEGENDS amirite???
I have now seen the Nope trailer twice in a theater and though my first instinct is, in fact, NOPE!!!! I am still so happy Keke is getting a big movie moment like that?? That is my cousin, you hear!!!
I mean, kind of weird of Chef Melissa to post this highlight reel of our honeymoon but it was gorgeous!!!
https://www.instagram.com/p/CfAAyz6vD0t/
My job is to be witty and fun here but truly my first thought was just heart eye emoji???
Is this Happy Birthday Jessica video an entire minute and two seconds long? Is it photos set to “As” by king Stevie Wonder? Yes, yes it is, and I simply must urge you to watch the whole thing.
Personally I would accept Tommy’s life, if someone wanted to gift me it?
Look there is no way I could stand on a skateboard without falling so big props!
And how are YOU running into this week? I personally am sauntering.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CfC5B92pTvO/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y%3D
Okay wait are the famous people just like, on summer vacation right now??
https://www.instagram.com/p/CfDFc9_OV5Y/?hl=en
uhhhhh brb gotta watch this video of Janelle….for the next six calendar days???
Flysexual ArchAndroid Janelle Monáe Confirms She Is Nonbinary!
Feature image of Janelle Monáe, who recently confirmed she is nonbinary, by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images.
Janelle Monáe came to the Red Table, at the request of Willow (makes sense), and confirmed she is nonbinary within the first 5 minutes of the episode. Back in 2020, she quote tweeted an account and used the hashtag #IAmNonbinary and later did an interview with Variety and talked about the attention it garnered.
#IAmNonbinary 🪐 https://t.co/9TN13XAAra
— Janelle Monáe👽🚆🤖🚀🪐 (@JanelleMonae) January 10, 2020
Initially she expressed that the tweet was to show support, but with her appearance on Red Table Talk she confirmed the nonbinary identity. This is big news, and I’m so happy that Janelle felt like now was a good time to share this information with the world.
In 2018, Janelle came out as pansexual, and queers around the world felt validated in their thirst and the kinship they felt with Janelle’s music and style.
One of the things Janelle says during the episode is that she will always stand with Black women, and as a fan of Janelle’s work, I felt that. I’ve been listening to Janelle since college, I raved about The Electric Lady as a masterpiece of music and storytelling. A friend of mine and I always sing “Primetime” to each other when we interact with each other. I could go on and on but the crux is I’m a fan, and I felt so seen during this table talk.
Earlier in the talk, she says, “If you don’t work out the things you need to work out with yourself first, you will be working them out with the world.” and that resonated with me so deeply as someone who openly talks about my personal struggles in my writing.
Topics also included her father’s fight with addiction, his coming to sobriety, and the intense abandonment issues she felt as a result of that. The Red Table is a place where these intense conversations can happen, and queerness as a topic has started to appear across many episodes. I love that this intimate space is becoming a place where queer folks — especially Black queer folks — feel safe talking about things that are related to our world and our identities.
Decked out in shiny latex and two buns piled on her head, she got to hear from folks who had pressing questions for her and even got to meet one of her number one fans. Janelle spoke about her friendships with icons like Prince and Lauryn Hill, and of course, talked about her new collection of stories entitled The Memory Librarian. The book has characters who are also nonbinary and LGBTQ, and explores how they triumph in a world that deems them deviant. When chatting about those stories featured in the book she said “We don’t just stay down — we get up.” PHEW!!!
The episode is available to stream now — and after watching, you should purchase the book and crank up Dirty Computer to celebrate!
No Filter: Janelle Monáe Is Reporting From the Future
Feature image of Janelle Monáe via Janelle’s Instagram
Welcome back to No Filter! This is the place where I pull the best content from celesbian IG for your viewing enjoyment! Let’s go!
https://www.instagram.com/p/CcSx5VDuJ-n/
I love when Janet pops on IG every couple of months to look stunning in some custom Prada!!!
Samira’s 35th birthday was on the 15th! Well happiest returns, and yes I am noting that you are yet another famous Aries!
https://www.instagram.com/p/CcbUiYrvYab/
I am not quite sure where Kehlani is but it seems like…not at Coachella? UNLESS this is a bit, I am not doing any further investigating to confirm!
Keke, on the other hand, was abso at Coachella!
https://www.instagram.com/p/CcdCwjoOh3Y/
Sara hopped on down to to Florida for a family wedding, love to see it.
My concerns with Trace’s music career aside (it’s giving Iggy Azalea???), my word that woman has a presence on a stage!
Okay so Niecy is 100% the right kind of person to host…well, literally anything, but “Don’t Forget The Lyrics” seems especially right for her??? Also this does seem like a show I would feel DEEPLY cocky about and then mess up immediately??
https://www.instagram.com/p/CciN9sgLaEl/
Extremely cool girls behavior, going to the Basquiat exhibit, imo!
https://www.instagram.com/p/Ccid6JBJmyR/
BEACH PUN!!!
https://www.instagram.com/p/CcioyyDOsH0/
Technically today is the pub day for Janelle’s The Memory Librarian: And Other Stories of Dirty Computer but I think we can all agree that she is in fact reporting to us from the future, yes??
No Filter: Can Janelle Monáe Be My Moodboard? How Do I Get This Whole Vibe Delivered to Myself?
Welcome to No Filter! This is the place where I tell you all about what Celesbian Instagram is up to, and you go “oooohooo, ahhhaa!” Sounds fun, yeah? Let’s roll!
I actually got sad the other day because I remembered that Gillian Anderson had a girlfriend in college and that girlfriend was not me. Bummer!
https://www.instagram.com/p/CPtI5DrNeDC/
… Janelle. Are you kidding? JANELLE! Let me live, but truly can this be my moodboard? How do I get this whole vibe delivered to myself?
https://www.instagram.com/p/CPymPhmJoeI/
Cate’s neckerchief, Stacy’s lil summer freckles… this is the cover of a summer romance novel I want to read and or write.
*gasps respectfully, but very thirstily*
Suddenly I love business! Who even knew!
King Princess has finished the record! This feels momentous! Is it???
https://www.instagram.com/p/CPyr7LFjznH/
Look, real talk, before the pandemic, I was very eyeroll-y about the whole “paint night experience” and now? Well I am still a little eyeroll-y but honestly this is cute and I am learning to celebrate all experiences. Growth!
Okaayyyy mixing patterns and textures and colors, we are going for EXCESS!!!
https://www.instagram.com/p/CP19ffCH64G/
POV: you are approaching a window and there is Quinn Wilson. Joy!
This is Ashley’s niece, Hazel, she is two months old and she is QUITE cute!
https://www.instagram.com/p/CP0blFgglVp/
God, LOOK AT THEM are you kidding meeee!
https://www.instagram.com/p/CPzO11anepD/
Like are we alll buying copies of Harper’s and wallpapering our homes in these images?
Every couple of days I am like “Oh right it’s Pride!” and then I… move on? This baby remains adorable though!
The members of the Krieger-Harris household went to a WILD birthday party and I love it???
Like??? This is incredible! Inspiration for my next birthday party???
No Filter: Janelle Monáe Posts for “Flysexuals Who Love Tubs Only”
Hello and welcome to No Filter! This is the place where I gather all the best queer Instagram content for your viewing! Lucky you!
Remember when Paper Magazine told us Kim Kardashian broke the internet? They lied, Melissa King broke the internet when she put on this perfect suit and those glasses and then had the absolute gall to look at me like that. Damn.
https://www.instagram.com/p/COUFQ_pBF_G/
Stars are just like us! They also take increasingly silly photos with their cats on their couches!
https://www.instagram.com/p/COWXxrgL20l/
“Flysexuals who love tubs only” is not a way I personally identify (too tall for tubs!) but I imagine there are many of you who feel seen by this caption.
THIS! BLAZER!
The powerful lesbian energy simply radiating from this photo is overwhelming, I feel faint but also stronger.
Honestly, if this is what being unholy entails, I am fine with a life of sin!
!!!!! This 80s!!!!!! Fit!!!!!
https://www.instagram.com/p/COeKebzD_bQ/
I wish I was a different person, one who was able to concentrate on things like: how cute those dogs are, how great Cara’s eyebrows look, but alas, I am not. I am a woman whose eye was drawn like a moth to flame to the font Cara chose to put on this video! What a choice!
These two are literally dedicated to ruining my life, I cannot live with this kind of targeted Mom content, I am but one lesbian with a internet connection!
Remember the Met Gala? Good times. Nice memories.
My favorite thing about this dress is that I know exactly what that texture feels like. Exactly!
No Filter: Janelle Monáe Wants Your Birthday Wishes in Her Birthday Suit
Hello my loves! This is No Filter, the column where I grab photos from Instagram from our favorite celesbians and comment on their activities!
https://www.instagram.com/p/CIRhhl5F_Qi/
WELL HELLO MOST BLESSED AND GLORIOUS DAY WE ARE GRATEFUL TO BE HERE AND ALSO HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!
Yes this is basically hashtag spon con — but I am really into how Sarah got in: her movie, a Thanksgiving message AND promo for Happiest Season. This is skill!
Textures, patterns, jacket, and mask. Approve.
SORRY, I DO NOT CARE THAT THIS IS AN AD LOOK HOW CUTE I LOVE THEM!!!!
https://www.instagram.com/p/CH3Dn46HL4K/
How on earth did Janet hire the sun to personally bless her thigh??
https://www.instagram.com/p/CIOk5Eonetu/
… this looks dangerous!!! Sigh, I am officially my mother.
I am thankful for Chef Melissa and her hair.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CIOzHOGDuss/
Perhaps I need to start… rethinking how I define simple?
https://www.instagram.com/p/CIFoDUdBko7/
Every single day I wish I possessed a single ounce of the effortless cool Trace does.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CIFMUdsADZb/
Hayley made a pie, which I love, as a person who has made…. three pies in the last week? Help? Or don’t, I probably need all this pie. (Two sweet potato and one pecan, for those who are curious.)
Alright, it’s been [insert amount of time here, like time has any meaning] and does anyone know what the podcast PANTS is about? Or… why? Or… how? Any help would be greatly appreciated!