“Hightown” Fails to Fulfill Its Potential In Its Final Season
This review contains mild spoilers for Hightown season three.
Jackie Quiñones should’ve been on top of the world.
The Fisheries Service Agent turned Narcotics cop had finally caught her white whale: Frankie Cuevas (Amaury Nolasco) was on his way to prison. She’d finally gotten justice for Daisy. She’d helped arrest Charmaine Grasa (Imani Lewis), shutting down the pipeline of carfentanil onto the Cape. Things between her and her on-again, off-again “girlfriend” were seemingly on again, as Leslie (Tonya Glanz) admitted to having real feelings for Jackie…something Jackie wanted so desperately to hear. Things were good. But then — as is Jackie’s wont — she fucked it all up…again.
Charmaine escapes as Jackie and Leslie are transporting her to the women’s prison. The mistake threatens to ruin both of their careers but Leslie insists the fault lies entirely with Jackie. This blindside ends both their personal and professional relationships. Then — again, as is Jackie’s wont — she makes a bad situation worse by drinking, relinquishing the tenuous hold she’d had on her sobriety, and beginning her downward spiral. Jackie calls her partner, Ray, and admits she screwed everything up again. She begs him to tell her what to do.
“You go home, you go inside, and call me tomorrow,” he instructs. Ray assures her that everything will be alright. But all Jackie hears is “go inside” and so she does. Jackie ventures inside the home of her father’s lecherous drug dealer. That’s where we left Jackie — in the foyer of Petey’s drug den, worried she’d give in and trade sex for drugs — when Hightown‘s second season ended, 755 days ago.
For nearly two years, Starz has kept the fate of Jackie Quiñones a mystery. It’s a curious delay: the network renewed the series back in March 2022 and the third season went into production shortly thereafter. Seemingly, by mid-August 2022, the cast had wrapped on the third season. So what happened that Hightown, ostensibly, sat in a drawer for a year? I’m not sure we’ll ever know…but given the way we’ve seen networks and studios treat LGBT content recently — abruptly cancelling it, disappearing it from streaming services — it’s both disconcerting and noteworthy.
But even with its prolonged absence, Hightown hasn’t changed, much to my chagrin.
Jackie reappears on our screens, lying passed out in the dunes. She’s nudged awake by some curious kids but she can’t recall where she is, how she got there, or anything that’d happened in the preceding day. Jackie is rudderless: without a big white whale like Frankie Cuevas to chase, nothing excites her anymore and she fills that empty space with drugs and alcohol (which she gets — thank goodness — without sleeping with Petey, despite season two’s inference). Jackie goes through the motions at work, having kept her position with the state police thanks, no doubt, to her friendship with Ray. (Leslie, on the other hand, has been demoted to highway patrol.) Even the prospect of taking down the drug kingpin responsible for the carfentanil flooding the Cape doesn’t excite her. She shows up to the bust out of obligation and high as a kite, the call having interrupted a night of dancing, flirting, drinking and snorting coke.
(That no one seems to notice that she’s high…well…that doesn’t speak well to the capability of the Cape Cod Interagency Narcotics Unit.)
Throughout its run, Hightown has been skilled at showing that the gap between the police and the policed isn’t nearly as wide as the world would have you believe. The hypocrisy of the police — Jackie using drugs just as she’s about to raid the home of the kingpin who may have provided it or Ray’s harboring of a criminal even as he tries to lock others up — is on full display. The show reaffirms that how we police is a choice. Newly sober, Jackie is forced to ask herself what kind of officer she truly wants to be: one who skirts the rules or one who plays by the book. It is the central question for her character this season.
But where the show falls short, consistently, is engaging with the racial dynamics of drug use and policing. Little time is spent reflecting on who gets arrested and who gets treatment or which victims warrant police attention and which don’t. In the absence of directly grappling with those issues, Hightown makes its own statement, however unwittingly: making people of color (and, particularly, immigrants of color) — Charmaine, Osito, Jorge and Frankie Cuevas — responsible for the mostly white overdose deaths on the Cape. I’d hoped that the introduction of the Farleys this season would seek to reset that narrative but, clearly, Hightown does not want to be that show.
At times, season three’s Jackie feels like a regression: the non-stop partying, the drug and alcohol use, and the interactions with Provincetown’s LGBTQ community feel like callbacks to the first season version of Jackie, as if the character hasn’t evolved at all. Much like in season one, when Jackie fixated on Sherry Henry and finding the person who killed her, she fixates this season on Veronica, the girl she bedded but can’t remember, whose bloody shirt she finds in the backseat of her Jeep. Jackie remains, as she always has been, the patron saint of lost causes.
Monica Raymund’s Jackie has always been Hightown‘s most compelling character. Raymund charms as Jackie. Even as she’s in the throes of her latest attempt at self-destruction, Jackie never feels irredeemable. There’s a point, midway through the new season, where Jackie finally hits her rock bottom. She confesses to Ed — her surrogate father from her Fishery days — that she’s a screw-up but she doesn’t want to be like this anymore. She hurt someone and she cannot abide being that person (read: being like her father). It’s a masterful performance from Raymund but I found myself remiss it’d come so late in the series. In hindsight, it feels like evidence that Hightown never fully appreciated the complexity that Raymund brings to the character. In her review of the show’s first season, Kayla noted, “sometimes it feels like Hightowndoesn’t know what its own strengths are,” and that remains true in its final season.
Given the opportunity to focus on Jackie — to build out her world, to deepen her connections with others — the show has always opted not to; instead, they just bring on more men. This season, in addition to storylines for feuding police officers, Ray and Alan, and rival gangsters, Osito and Frankie, the show adds Owen Frawley and his uncle, Shane (Michael Drayer and Garret Dillahunt), South Boston transplants looking expand their territory into the Cape. This show did not need more people. What’s more: the characters are siloed — each operating independently, rather than working together — so their stories require even more screentime. With those demands, it becomes virtually impossible, even with the best writers and a talented cast, to tell all those stories well. There just isn’t time.
Hightown could’ve been something more. The potential was there, particularly with Raymund as the show’s lead. But instead, it wraps up its three season run as entertaining but middling fare and as a show that never understood how good it could be.
Hightown season three premieres tonight on Starz.
How “Hightown” Season 2 Failed Jackie Quiñones
For more Hightown coverage, check out Natalie’s weekly recaps in Boobs on Your Tube!
For a long time, it has seemed that nothing was quite as bad as unceremoniously killing off a beloved queer character on a television show. Write them off with some weak non-lethal plot device — but if you can keep them away from rogue bullets and reckless drivers everything should be okay, right? After watching Hightown season two, you’d realize there are worse things.
Hightown’s first season was pretty standard as far as crime dramas go. You had your ruthless drug dealers and your disheveled police detectives, each trying to bring the other down. The main difference from most shows in this male dominated genre was Jackie Quiñones, a queer woman of color, touted as the headliner of the series. The only issue being that due to her portrayal as a helpless addict struggling to get clean, the male characters ended up with more of the primary focus when it came to the core story of the first season. Jackie was a part of it, but she was constantly shown failing at her vigilante efforts because she couldn’t stay away from drugs, booze, and women for nearly an entire season. Things didn’t really start getting better for her until the final episode when she got to be involved in a proper operation and helped apprehend the man she was chasing all season, taking a bullet in the process.
Season two was far and away an improvement over the first season; it just didn’t follow through on the things that made it a great second act. Jackie starts out season two strong, despite having to deal with the overdose death of her friend Junior. She has remained clean and is ready to jump into a dual role between her Fisheries job and the police force to take down the drug dealers that sold the stuff that killed him. The strong start along with three key aspects of the story made Hightown season two better, but one of those things ended up being the reason Jackie’s story was bungled.
Part way through the second season Renee Segna (Riley Voelkel), a dancer at a local strip club, ends up having to cover up a murder she committed and hide it from everyone including her drug trafficking husband and her boyfriend, a disgraced ex-cop. It’s possibly the biggest twist of the season and gives her something else to do besides be a go-between with Ray Abruzzo (James Badge Dale) and Frankie Cuevas (Amaury Nolasco). Charmaine (Imani Lewis), a young relative of local drug traffickers, becomes a new player in the drug trade storyline and holds her own when faced with having to work with Frankie and his crew. Although she is much younger, she could easily be a more formidable adversary in the future, if the show continues.
The last piece that really made the season different from the first was pairing up Leslie Babcock (Tonya Glanz) with Jackie as a partner and a love interest. For a while it was the best thing that happened to Jackie on the show but unfortunately it’s also responsible for being the thing that completely ruins Jackie’s progress. Their dynamic is an energizing thing to watch develop; when they work together it feels like Hightown is fulfilling the promise it made in season one. As an outsider, Jackie brings her unorthodox tactics into situations Leslie normally would have handled by the book, pushing things closer to the edge while Leslie reigns her in. When Leslie and Jackie end up getting romantically involved, early on in the season it is the most authentic relationship Jackie has ever had with a woman on the show, with any person really.
Jackie has never really been seen with friends who are also queer despite living in one of the most iconic queer communities in the United States her entire life. She doesn’t even seem to have any platonic female friends. Most women she speaks to, outside of her investigative work, usually end up in her bed. Jackie’s close friends are primarily comprised of heterosexual men she works with, her father-daughter relationship with Ed Murphy (Mike Pniewski) being the most genuine. When we do see Jackie immersed in the queer culture of Provincetown, she’s usually on a solo mission to wallow or get laid.
A character being promiscuous is not the issue. The issue is seeing someone like Jackie be reduced to a hypersexual stereotype which has worn on her development in the show. It also plays into the harmful trope of queer characters being portrayed as always wanting to get laid. The showrunner, Rebecca Cutter, has said that Don Draper was an inspiration for Jackie but one can only wonder if it’s just the womanizing aspects of Draper that were imprinted onto Jackie’s character. Don Draper still managed to have semi-stable relationships with the women he had affairs with while remaining good at his job most of the time, even in his most reckless moments. Quite a drastic difference compared to how Jackie has been portrayed so far on Hightown.
Outside of the relationship drama that arises with her and Jackie, Leslie Babcock is a well-rounded character. The chemistry between Monica Raymund and Tonya Glanz is intoxicating and even before they are an item it feels refreshing to see Jackie in a stable friendship with someone who wasn’t just a one-night stand or an ex she was trying to lure back in. To push Jackie over the edge, Hightown turns this romantic subplot into a Trojan horse, abruptly reducing Leslie Babcock to a one-dimensional character. An awkward cudgel to help force a haphazard storyline into place.
The first blow comes when Jackie eagerly texts Leslie “I love you” after receiving a nude photo from her. Previously they had defined things as casual so we’re led to believe that Leslie going on to ice out Jackie at this point is a completely reasonable response, but it was awkward to watch this play out between two adults. For someone like Leslie, who is normally straight forward with people, it seems like an out of character move.
Everything that comprises Jackie’s interpersonal conflicts feels like they exist in another universe than the show. It’s like how someone straight thinks a queer person would behave in these situations and how Jackie and the women she’s with react to conflict with one another often feels like a caricature of authentic representation. Hightown seems to underserve the storyline whenever it comes to anything involving Jackie’s sexuality unless it’s a sex scene. Everyone in this show has a clearly defined story trajectory and plausible motivations for why they do what they do, even if they are a villain.
Another troubling factor is that during the highs and lows of Jackie and Leslie’s romance, nobody utters the word “bisexual”. Plenty of women like Leslie, who have previously been with men, come out later in life but that doesn’t mean they aren’t attracted to men anymore. It seems to be portrayed as Leslie having to choose between being a lesbian or being a heterosexual woman without anything in between and it’s just not an accurate representation of what someone like Leslie is likely dealing with. It’s an odd form of bi erasure and something that pops up in shows where queer characters end up falling for characters who had previously been portrayed as straight.
After the “I love you” ghosting incident Jackie ends up on a midseason bender that starts off as an unexpectedly nice reunion with her father, Rafael Quiñones (Carlos Gomez). It quickly devolves into a night of heavy drugs and booze consumption as Jackie slips further into relapse. Learning more about Jackie’s family dynamic does help us to better understand the origins of her reckless behavior but knowing we got there due to a flimsy ghosting storyline was frustrating. Actual ghosts being involved may have made more sense. Eventually Jackie is snapped back into reality when her father attempts to offer her up to a creepy drug dealer in exchange for more drugs. It is a heartbreaking scene — but Jackie, in her compromised position, is able to leave on her own and remove herself from the situation. She pulls herself out of a pretty dark place on her own and gets back on track without completely succumbing to her circumstances. It’s a powerful moment for her.
Jackie and Leslie are even able to reconcile a bit as the story seems to right it’s coarse and rejoins the efforts to close in on Frankie and Charmaine’s drug operation. In the finale Leslie admits that she was scared because she did have genuine feelings for Jackie but struggled with the realization that she might be “gay.” Again, nobody seems to want to say the “B” word. Leslie and Jackie start up their romance again and for a short time it felt like the second season of Hightown was going to close out pretty well for those two. Following their reunion Leslie visits Jackie and comments on how Ray seems to be just another man who can fail his way up after hearing he got his job back overseeing a new task force he wants Jackie on. An ironic sentiment to be shared at that point because the rest of the episode goes on to show plenty of male characters, including Ray, being able to persevere while our primary female protagonist flounders yet again, due to something Leslie does.
While Charmaine is being transported to another prison, she is able to escape from Jackie and Leslie during a bathroom break on the side of the road. The two get reprimanded by one of the more misogynistic men in the police department afterward and during this, Leslie is again miraculously transformed into a one dimensional archetype to force the plot to turn against Jackie. Leslie throws Jackie under the bus by criticizing her judgment and requests a new partner, callously telling Jackie “It’s my career” when Jackie tries to talk to her about it. It’s a complete waste of everything that was built up between Jackie and Leslie in the beginning of the finale and pretty transparently repeats a cycle the show uses way too much to fuel Jackie’s breakdowns. This is the final blow.
Jackie ends up relapsing again but it’s worse than any other time. The last scene shows her returning to the creepy drug dealer’s house her dad brought her to and alluding to the fact that she’s willing to let him do things to her in exchange for drugs. It is really a terrible scene to watch, especially not knowing if Hightown will continue. If it doesn’t then that is the last image we will ever have of Jackie Quiñones. It is irresponsible to portray relapse as something that’s only triggered by something traumatic happening to someone in recovery. Many people fall back into substance abuse even if it seems like everything is going well for them. That is more tragic than using a character to force a relapse storyline for another character, like they do with Leslie Babcock in season two. It also leaves little hope that in a continuation of this plot, Jackie won’t just be the version of herself we saw in season one, erasing all her progress from the second season. It’s an unnecessary regression. This is not to say tragedy befalling a protagonist of a show is an inherently bad thing but, in comparison to how other subplots played out for minor characters in season two, Jackie’s torment felt particularly heavy handed in the end.
Osito (Atkins Estimond), the drug dealer who shot Jackie in the season one finale, is given a love interest in season two. At first it seemed like an innocuous story, but when you remember that he brutally bashed in a woman’s face with an iron you can only be faced with one question. Why are we romanticizing this character? He may have been working for Frankie Cuevas at the time but at no point has he been depicted as being remorseful for killing anyone. Establishing his cooperation with the police and looming threats on his life in prison should have been enough. The time spent on his love story would have been better spent on developing the relationship between Jackie and Leslie. Ray is even able to continue his romance with Renee throughout this season despite her ruining his career in season one. He ends up with her in the Finale after Frankie gets put back in prison, and the two of them have a baby on the way. Even though it’s alluded that Renee’s actions will come back to haunt them both in the future, covering up a murder and all, they end the season with some semblance of happiness unlike anything Jackie has ever gotten on this show for more than an episode.
Hightown has had two seasons to do right by Jackie Quiñones. It has come close, but every time the plot slips up on some fragile plot line that crumbles into obscurity and we’re back at the start. Seeing Jackie constantly encounter the same types of conflicts with women and addiction over and over again makes it difficult to trust that a third season can rectify the damage done by the latest finale. How are we meant to trust any new love interest that could be introduced if it’s already been demonstrated how carelessly her love stories have been handled in the past?
If we’re meant to hope Jackie and Leslie will be brought back together at some point will they just be torn apart by yet another trivial conflict or will it stick this time? If the show can make that work and let Leslie be the person who helps pull Jackie up from her lowest point and support her with her recovery, that would be far and away better than what we’ve gotten so far. Hopefully we get a third season of the show because if we don’t, her legacy is just going to fade to black in the dark hallway of a creepy drug dealer’s house. There are plenty of people out there still rooting for Jackie Quiñones; it’d be nice if it felt like the ones crafting her story were among them.
Boobs On Your Tube: Niecy Nash Is The Boss of Me and You and Also “Claws”
Hi, this is TV Team Editor Heather Hogan! I’m gonna run down our weekly list of TV and Film posts in just a second, but before I do, two thank yous.
Number one, from the deepest place in my heart, thank you to Autostraddle’s TV Team for being the best in the business! These queers have completely changed the shape of TV and Film criticism over the years. They work impossibly hard, all the time, to try to cover every single gay thing happening in the world of entertainment, and every single one of them puts their whole heart into everything they write. They’re brilliant, compassionate, hilarious, sometimes rightfully furious writers whose powers, combined, have created the thing that I am proudest of in my entire life. I am so grateful to work with them to make sure TV and movies are doing right by our community, to keep y’all entertained, and to provide a safe place for all of us to discuss our stories.
Number two, you! Our TV Team thanks all of you for, once again, going on this wild ride with us for another year. Thank you for reading, thank you for commenting, thank you for sharing on social media, thank you for the hot tips, thank you for the occasional corrections, thank you for your donations and A+ memberships that keep this queer indie dream running, and thank you most of all for loving stories as much as we do, and believing in their potential to change the world.
This week, Heather recapped Che turning Miranda gay on And Just Like That. Valerie Anne wrote a love letter to the final season of Dickinson. Riese unleashed our list of honorable mention TV series that we loved in 2021. Kayla recapped another topsy-turvy episode of Yellowjackets. And Valerie Anne heard your pleas and wrote about Arcane!
Happy New Year, friends!
Notes from the TV Team
+ After more than a year away, Vanessa Woodfield is back in Emmerdale! I was surprised how quickly Emmerdale stirred up the drama: Vanessa arrives just in time to hear her ex, Charity, declare her love for someone else, only to later hear Charity admit that her current love doesn’t compare to what they had (!!). I was disappointed that Vanessa’s new relationship ended so quickly…I would’ve enjoyed watching a jealous Charity stomp around the Dales. — Natalie
Hightown 210: “Fool Me Twice”
Written by Natalie
I nearly added Hightown to my list of LGBT TV I loved in 2021. I wanted to tout the series’ improvement from its middling first season and swoon over Jackie Quiñones a little more. I had it all written out and was ready to add it to my honorable mentions. But then I saw this episode…and I immediately tossed what I’d written into the trash. Whatever goodwill Hightown had earned over its first nine episodes was squandered in its tenth.
What could’ve happened to make my entire view of Hightown‘s second season change? Oh, let me tell you.
Not wanting to take the heat for bodies that weren’t his, Frankie’s henchman immediately fingers his boss in Daisy’s murder, even telling Alan and Jackie where the execution went down. Jackie — who had has been wracked with guilt about Daisy’s death since she first suspected it — doesn’t show an ounce of sadness; instead, she boasts about finally taking down Frankie Cuevas in front of a wall stained with Daisy’s blood. In hindsight, that out-of-character moment should’ve been a warning sign about how the rest of this episode was going to go.
Jackie’s success brings Leslie back around: she invites Jackie out for dinner and drinks to celebrate. Over dinner, Leslie admits that Jackie was right: she was scared and that’s why she ended things with Jackie so abruptly. She claims that having this gay epiphany — at 35, after years of compulsory heterosexuality — freaked her out. Do I believe Leslie? Not even a little bit. Am I surprised when they hook up again after dinner? Again, not even a little bit, especially after Jackie’s run-in with her counselor from rehab. The counselor attributing Jackie’s success to working the program — the one thing Jackie definitely is not doing successfully — makes Jackie feel like a fraud and she wants the affirmation that a warm body can provide.
At work, Jackie and Leslie are assigned to transfer Charmaine to the women’s prison. Leslie’s reluctant but their sergeant insists that they use the trip to try and convince Charmaine to implicate Frankie in the narcotics bust. That order turns out to be the last one Alan gives, as Ray’s re-instatement forces him off the task force and over to homicide. Ray invites Jackie to be part of his task force to uncover Charmaine’s New York connect but things between him and Leslie remain frosty. Because Leslie only cares about Jackie insomuch as Jackie can boost her career — and Jackie’s a way to ingratiate herself to Ray — she steps up the seduction and Leslie and Jackie fall into bed together.
Back on the job, Jackie and Leslie play good cop, bad cop to try to get Charmaine to talk about Frankie or the New York connect. While Charmaine appears intimidated by the prospect of prison time, she doesn’t offer any information. But then Charmaine’s period comes on and she offers to give a statement in exchange for a tampon. Leslie insists that they not stop but Jackie suggests stopping alongside the road. Predictably, when Jackie undoes Charmaine’s cuffs, she escapes, dashing into the woods and across the highway. Equally predictable? When Jackie and Leslie return to the precinct and their lieutenant threatens an investigation, Leslie blames everything on Jackie and asks for a new partner in an effort to save her job.
The whole mess sends Jackie into yet another spiral. She drinks at Ed’s retirement party (apparently) and, later, calls Ray seeking advice on how to fix the mess she’s made. He offers to come to her but she declines so, instead, Ray tells her to go home and go inside. He assures her that everything’s going to be alright and she should just go inside. But little does he know that Jackie is currently outside Petey’s house, the drug dealer who wanted to trade drugs for sex with Jackie a few episodes ago. She takes Ray’s advice and goes inside.
What a frustrating hour of television.
I don’t mind that Jackie’s ending isn’t a happy one or that Jackie and Leslie don’t end the episode together. As Maya Angelou said, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them” and Leslie has shown herself to be an opportunist. I mind that Jackie — the cop that took down Frankie Cuevas! — isn’t the least bit skeptical about Leslie’s intentions.
I don’t mind that Jackie relapses, again. I mind that Hightown can’t think of anything else to do with this character. I mind that, in two seasons, Jackie’s still the same person she was when we met her, while everyone around her gets to evolve. I mind that Jackie’s addiction gets rehashed, ad nauseum, while Ray’s depression and near suicide have been magically cured by Renee’s return. I mind that Jackie knows and has successfully scored drugs from lots of folks in P-town and yet ends up on Petey’s doorstep. I mind that the show’s lesbian character is reduced to trading drugs for sex with a pervy old man, despite the fact that there’s been no indication that Jackie’s broke.
The episode was cheap, gratuitous and gross. Jackie and Hightown fans deserve better.
Claws 403-404: “Chapter Three: Ambition” and “Chapter Four: Loyalty”
Written by Natalie
Desna Sims likes to wear a necklace with a BOSS emblem in the middle…and this season on Claws, she’s doing everything she can to secure her boss status. But this time, Desna’s not letting anyone steal her dream out from under her — or burn it all down, as it were — so she’s asserting as much control as she can over her future, no matter how many people she alienates.
After Uncle Daddy and Not-So-Quiet Ann sabotaged her outing at the country club, Desna’s looking for a new way to get her product out to the masses. She discovers Lusty Souls, a multi-level marketing company that sells adult products (a la Pure Romance), and sets up a party to learn more about how the pyramid scheme works. Once she hears all the details — most notably the fact that the founder turned a $100k loan into a $30M empire in just five years — Desna is sold: she adapts Lusty Souls’ business model for her burgeoning pill business.
Putting up everything they own as collateral, Desna and Jenn secure a $100k predatory small business loan to fund their expansion. They recruit a handful of “Claws Up Consultants” to hosts salon parties and sell nail supplies, hand creams and polish bottles filled with oxy. While I appreciate the ingenuity, I worry about bringing all these new people into the fold — selling vibrators is one thing, selling illegal drugs is another — and my concern proves warranted. Soon after starting their business, Desna’s forced to resuscitate someone who overdosed as a “Claws Up” party while Jenn’s forced to lean — hard, per Desna’s insistence — on a client whose abusive husband keeps stealing the money her parties generate.
Desna pushes too hard to get their money back and alienates the client (who goes back to her abusive husband) and her best friend. Jenn laments, “You’re right always. Huh? Ain’t nothing new here. And don’t you dare tell me how much we have riding on this, because I know. And if you don’t let go, you’re gonna end up holding a steaming bag of shit by your damn self.” Later, Desna reminds Jenn that she can’t survive in this game trying to be everyone’s friend. She can be a friend or she can be a gangster but she can’t be both.
Meanwhile, Ann has found a home within Uncle Daddy’s organization and is filling Roller’s shoes as Uncle Daddy’s right hand, much to Bryce’s chagrin. To prove himself, Bryce tries to secure a buyer for the fentanyl patches he brought in but he ends up selling them all to a doomsday cult. Worried that the patches will trace back to them, Uncle Daddy, Ann and Bryce make their way back out to the commune but they’re too late: they have to pluck the patches off the cult’s dead bodies. The mishap pushes Uncle Daddy to reduce Bryce’s responsibilities until he and Ann can teach him “how to be a real business man.”
Ann knows what Desna and Bryce don’t: when you really need something done, when you need some people you can trust, you call in the lesbians. She recruits her old prison softball team to serve as their new corner boys. The team’s former infielder, Cherry, wants a bit more from Ann than to be selling patches, though…but Ann’s reluctant to hook up with anyone so soon after Arlene’s death. One of the most unexpected parts of Claws‘ new season is the friendship building between Uncle Daddy and Ann and, learning from the loss he’s experienced, Uncle Daddy pushes her (and himself) to get back out there and find someone to be with.
“Come on now, Arlene wouldn’t want you to be all alone, hurting and celibate like some drug-dealing nun,” Uncle Daddy says. “I know that Toby and Brenda wouldn’t wish that for me.”
Ann takes Uncle Daddy’s advice and flirts while playing pool. Just as they’re about to kiss, though, Desna storms in and interrupts. She accuses Ann of stealing her pills and selling them under her own label but Ann insists that she had nothing to do with it. They trade barbs — Ann calls Desna controlling, Desna accuses her Ann of being jealous — and nearly come to blows but Jenn steps between them. Though still suspicious of Ann’s involvement, Desna leaves to deal with an attempted break-in at the salon.
Alone, Ann questions Jenn about their friendship: Jenn insists that they’re really friends but her partnership with Desna makes it complicated. She reminds Ann that she’s not innocent in this — she stole from them — but, for Ann, that just clarifies with whom Jenn’s allegiances truly lie. Later, Ann decides there’s too much going on in her life right now to involve Cherry in it. She puts the kibosh on their flirtation and promises to keep their relationship strictly professional.
Back at the salon, Desna discovers that the break-in was orchestrated by Bambi, one of her Claws Up consultants. Desna, Virginia and Jenn meet up and confront Bambi at her husband’s auto shop. She tries to apologize but Desna isn’t having it and insists on a more severe punishment. But as things are wont to do in Palmetto, everything goes awry and poor Bambi ends up dead.
Boobs On Your Tube: Merry Christmas, Niecy Nash and “Claws” are Back!
Wow wow wow we are hurtling toward the 2021 finish line at full speed! This week, Drew reviewed The Matrix Resurrections. Heather reviewed Lifetime’s first lesbian holigay movie, Under the Christmas Tree and also Prime Video’s Christmas Is Canceled. She also recapped a very cringey new episode of And Just Like That. Riese ran down the best TV shows of the year, with an assist from the TV Team. The TV Team listed our favorite episodes of 2021. Kayla recapped Yellowjackets. And Carmen reviewed Harlem.
Notes from the TV Team:
+ If you haven’t already, make time to watch the latest series from One Day at a Time showrunner Gloria Calderón Kellett: With Love (now streaming on Amazon Prime). It’s an adorable 5-part series that centers this beautiful, inclusive and expansive Latinx family, starring Isis King, Mark Indelicato (forever my Justin Suarez) and Josh Chan Vincent Rodriguez III. It’s the perfect binge for the holiday season. — Natalie
+ For American viewers that didn’t catch Vigil, the exciting British police procedural starring Suranne Jones that debuted earlier this year, you can now watch all six episodes on Peacock. — Natalie
+ I did a quick catch up on Queens before our holigay break and if you’ll recall during our last check in, Eve on the show got shot in the parking lot so that Eve in real life could have time off to have her baby! Well, in the latest episode we found out the identity of the shooter, Jill’s super religious (ex?)husband, who thought it was all God’s Plan. Anyway, he tried to choke Jill in the hospital chapel and instead she knocked his ass out cold with a candelabra. Happy Holigays! — Carmen
Hightown 209: “Small Craft Warning”
Written by Natalie
Jackie Quiñones could be a good cop — she has good instincts, she relates well to people — and part of what has made watching this season more enjoyable is watching Jackie be good at her job. But, on the other hand, her personalization of cases, along with her lingering addiction issues, means that Jackie’s always teetering on the brink of collapse. So, as the State Police search the forest Frankie Cuevas uses as a dumping ground, I find myself both hoping they find Daisy’s body — as proof of how good Jackie’s instincts are — and that they don’t — for fear of what a dead CI might do to Jackie, emotionally.
Frustrated by the search’s lack of results, Jackie returns home to her apartment, only to be greeted by Ray. He apologizes for not being honest with her but insists he truly needs her help this time. He shares the intel from Renee that a drop of carfentanyl on the Cape is imminent. Understandably, Jackie doesn’t buy it — Renee’s bad intel already burned her once — but when Ray appeals to her as someone in love (no matter how problematic that love is), she relents. Jackie takes Ray’s intel direction to Alan and he’s less than thrilled to hear that she’s working with Ray again. Jackie pushes the sergeant to trust the intel and he yields. He agrees to monitor traffic coming into the Cape on the bridges, while assigning Jackie to monitor the traffic coming in by boat.
To get back on the water, Jackie has to apologize to Eddie again and solicit his help. She attributes whatever success she’s had, including her making this case against Frankie, to him. He softens and helps Jackie narrow done the potential entries onto the Cape. They spot and search a ferry which, while not yielding dividends, showcase Jackie’s good instincts — Charmaine’s likely taking public transit — and lead to Alan catching Charmaine getting off a bus. Back at the station, Charmaine’s not interested in talking and asks for her lawyer. Alan promises to hold her responsible for the carfentanyl weight she was carrying and all the overdoses on the Cape, including her sister. Left in a room with Charmaine, Jackie leans into their shared history — “two girls from the same shitty ass fishing town” — to try and get her to talk. It doesn’t yield any new information.
Meanwhile, Alan brokers a deal with Ossito to get the location of Frankie’s new dumping grounds, the cranberry bogs. They locate the bodies of Frankie’s most recent victims: the pilot and Daisy. Then, in a nearby sloppy grave, they locate another body: Jorge Cuevas. Fearing that Frankie might escape to the Dominican Republic, Jackie pressures Alan to arrest him now. Alan agrees and sends his team out to search for Frankie. Jackie and Leslie lead a team into Xavier’s where they find Frankie and his henchman. Jackie slaps the cuffs on Frankie while Leslie secures his gun and they wonder if it was the murder weapon used to kill Daisy or Jorge.
“Holy shit,” Leslie exclaims, as she watches the police lead Frankie out, “we just arrested Frankie Fuckin’ Cuevas.”
“Yeah, we did,” Jackie answers, with a bright smile on her face.
Claws 401-402: “Chapter One: Betrayal” and “Chapter Two: Vengeance”
Written by Natalie
Can you believe it’s been more than two years since we watched Quiet Ann go all firestarter on Desna’s casino? To put it in perspective, the last time we saw Niecy Nash in one of Desna’s jumpsuits, she was married…to a man…and now she and her wife, Jessica Betts, are perennial Vapid Fluff fixtures. It’s been a fuckin’ lifetime, basically.
But it hasn’t been long enough for Desna Sims who is still so angry at Ann, she imagines killing her (and the baby she’s carrying) to open Claws‘ fourth and final season. There’s not a stitch of remorse from Desna after she pulls the trigger either; it’s clear that Desna’s gone full Heisenberg. Back at the salon, Desna reports that they’ll avoid charges on Roller’s jailbreak and just keep laundering Uncle Daddy’s money. When a client notices that Ann’s missing, she asks about her and Jen, Virginia and Polly immediately try to put the kibbosh on any Ann talk.
“That bitch went full ‘burning bed’ on our bag and our future,” Desna explains. “She’s dead to us.”
But by “us,” Desna definitely means just her because everyone else in the crew is content to maintain their relationships with Ann. Jenn visits Ann at her trailer, armed with baby clothes, snacks and a promise to do anything she can to help. Later — after Ann’s effort to get a job in academia is derailed by her criminal history (#banthebox) — she has Polly and Virginia over for dinner. Ann assures them that they won’t make them choose between her and Desna which results in Polly and Virginia getting a little too comfortable. They spill all the tea about Desna refusing to launder money for Uncle Daddy anymore and the plan to set up their own pill mill, using Uncle Daddy’s own supply. Polly encourages Ann to try and make things right with Desna but quickly apologizes when she sees that Ann is absolutely not having it. She and Virginia leave Ann with assurances that they are still her friends.
Despite her attempt to avoid any interaction with Desna, Ann shows up at the salon the next day to collect her things and her former boss lady is still there. Polly tries to get Desna and Ann to make things right between them but neither Ann nor Desna are interested in a reunion. The pair trade insults — Quiet Ann definitely isn’t quiet anymore — until Desna orders Ann’s “triflin’, backstabbin’ ass” out of her salon. Once Ann leaves, Desna directs her ire at the crew for having the gall to consort with the enemy. She pushes them all to pick a side but Jen refuses.
Alone, Desna and Ann recall happier times — karaoking to TLC’s “What About Your Friends” — and afterwards, Ann spots Uncle Daddy across the parking lot. She takes over his phone call, speaks in Korean to Uncle Daddy’s would-be money launderer, and offers to wash his money for him. To sweeten the pot, she offers another piece of information: the whereabouts of the pills he doesn’t even know are missing. Once Uncle Daddy hears that Desna stole his pills, he storms back towards the salon. Desna, having spotted her two adversaries together, rushes out to meet them and dares Uncle Daddy to do something. Desna knows Uncle Daddy can’t kill her because the clinic license is in her name and without her, he’s out of business. Uncle Daddy promises to get his revenge another way and then heads into the salon to search for his drugs.
A few days later, Polly joins Ann for an appointment with her obstetrician and Ann confesses that she’s already tired of Uncle Daddy’s shit. She admits that her partnership with him isn’t about Desna at all, it’s just the quickest way to make a lot of cash before she gets out of town. Polly tries to push Ann towards reconciliation with Desna but Ann resists and instead thanks Polly for coming to her appointment. But Polly’s not the only friend Ann’s calling one: she reaches out to two of her friends from her prison softball league to help Uncle Daddy. The first, offers up her mobile tattoo parlor as a place to launder Uncle Daddy’s money and another provides her with enough oxy to satiate the “pillbillies” until the next shipment arrives. And who just so happens to be playing one of Ann’s old prison buddies? Niecy Nash’s hersband, Jessica Betts!
Polly approaches Ann at the nearby juice bar and let’s her know that they’ll have to meet at yoga tonight. When Ann asks why, Polly forgets that she’s on one side of a war and Ann’s on the other and proceeds to spill the details of Desna’s plan to sell Uncle Daddy’s pills. Predictably, Ann and Uncle Daddy show up and, while he’s ready to charge in and steal his pills back, Ann urges patience. She convinces Uncle Daddy to let Desna, Jen and Polly do the hard work of selling the pills and then they can just steal the profits. And sure enough, as soon as the Nail Artisans are distracted, Uncle Daddy walks up and collects the money.
Realizing that Ann snitched, Polly is heartbroken. Back at the salon, Polly laments Ann’s betrayal and Desna pushes Polly to see Ann for what she is: a traitor. Polly shows up for yoga to share a message with Ann: they’re done. Ann tries to assure Polly that what she didn’t wasn’t about her, it was about her war with Desna but that doesn’t ease Polly’s pain. She’s always been loyal to Ann and this feels like a betrayal; their friendship is over. But, thankfully, Ann finds a yoga partner (and friend) in Desna’s brother, Dean.
But as is Claws wont, just as the battle lines feel defined, something happens to ratchet the tension up: Bryce reconnects with his prison buddy who now works for Big Pharma…and suddenly their drug game has leveled up: from oxy to fentanyl.
Boobs on Your Tube: “Grey’s Anatomy” Wishes Us All a Smoochy Queer Holigay!
Have y’all noticed how many straight people have shown up in our comments these last few weeks? I think I summoned them here on accident by writing about Sex and the City. They keep yelling about “WHO CARES that everyone on this show is gay now!” And, like, obviously you do, Bonnie, or you wouldn’t have taken the time to click through and comment. But thanks for the traffic anyway!
Anyway, basically everyone really is gay on And Just Like That. Also on the recap front this week, Kayla wrote about Yellowjackets and Carmen wrote about the season finale of Twenties. Xoai made a watchlist for trans people who need a smile this holigay season. I wrote about Wheel of Time‘s big canonical gaymos and also reviewed Christmas Is Canceled, in which Mona Vanderwaal dates Dermot Mulroney and there’s a gay BFF.
We also rolled out several end of year lists!
+ Autostraddle’s Favorite and Least Favorite Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans TV Characters of 2021
+ Autostraddle’s Favorite Lesbian, Bisexual, and Queer TV Couples of 2021
+ The Best Lesbian Movies of 2021
+ And, because you asked, Riese made you a list of all these lesbian Christmas movies coming out this year, and the few from years before!
Notes from the TV Team:
+ On Station 19, Maya and Carina did Toys for Tots and also told the firehouse they’re going to be trying for a baby. I was going to write a whole blurb, but look at all of this week’s content! We have a lot to catch up on! — Carmen
+ Last week, on S.W.A.T.‘s midseason finale, Chris Alonso took center stage as the team worked to rescue an undocumented woman, kidnapped by the gangs she thought she’d escaped in Honduras. Chris tries to ease tensions with Mama Pina, a woman providing safe harbor for refugees, and butts heads with Deacon when he gets too accusatory. The entire episode — from the emotional confrontation with Deacon to the physical, close combat fight scenes — put Lina Esco to the test…and she rose to meet the challenge. — Natalie
+ Reminder: this Sunday on TNT, Claws kicks off its fourth and final season. Come for Quiet Ann’s queer storyline, stay for Niecy Nash in her amazing jumpsuits. — Natalie
Grey’s Anatomy 1808: “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear”
Written by Carmen
Dr. Kai Bartley walked their sexy self into Grey’s this season and right away I knew they had the potential to be a Shondaland romance legend. First of all, they have that perfect McDreamy hair (you know the look), they have perfect broad shoulders that makes them almost look gangly and geeky (so, approachable) but also incredibly hot, they nerd out for science (a requirement of Grey’s), and when they talk to Amelia Shepherd, every single effiing time it sounds like velvet.
Ok so now that you have your official primer, let’s talk about how we got here. Dr. Bartley is a research lead on the groundbreaking Parkinson’s trial that has brought Meredith out of Seattle and into Minnesota, on paper so she can save lives, but in reality so she could reunite with my favorite post-Derek love interest, Scott Speedman. Of course Parkinson’s means nerves and as it so happens Meredith knows a once-in-a-generation world class neurosurgeon who shares her cereal in the morning, so she brings Amelia along. And Amelia and Hot Doctor Kai (sorry, that’s their name, I cannot help it) have been flirting over beakers and burners and test tubes ever since.
Also — critical intel if you haven’t been following along in the later years of Season 29 Million of my favorite soap opera. Amelia casually came out as bisexual back in Season 15 while riding in a cab with Teddy. She also told Link, the father of her child, that under no circumstances is she marrying him because he’s very kind and loving but also the idea of domestic life terrifies her, so please stop asking. Hot Doctor Kai, errr Dr. Bartley, is the first reoccurring non-binary character in the show’s history, played by E.R. Fightmaster. Ok so you are caught up —
Dr. Bartley is in Seattle this week because they had to move the Parkinson’s trial out of Minnesota now that Meredith’s love life has been established and set up. Things get hairy and I forgot to mention that the stress of surgery stresses Dr. Bartley out, so that’s why they are a researcher. But Amelia comes outside of the hospital to meet them in the parking lot.
Amelia takes Dr. Bartley through a guided meditation to help calm their anxiety, which is so gay and so hot (it also mirrors their very first hot scene together, when Dr. Bartley offered the same skill set to Amelia over the phone. Is it gay to flirt using therapy? Yes, we established already that it is.) Then Hot Doctor Kai holds Amelia’s face in their hands.
Then the music swells, just like it loves to do on Shondaland.
Then Amelia leans in to their hands, turning her face ever so slightly.
The breath mingles between them. Kai puts their hands around Amelia’s waist, bringing them closer together.
And then they kiss in what has to be, easily, one of the most beautiful, long held, simply epic kisses in the show’s history (which is saying a lot, since it is two gazillion years old).
Whew. I can’t wait for winter break to be over!
The Sex Lives of College Girls 109-110: “Cheating” and “The Truth”
Written by Natalie
After excluding Alicia from her brother’s birthday party, Leighton shows up at her apartment to make amends. She apologizes with a grocery store cake and suggests a getaway — an overnight trip to somewhere that they can be themselves — for them both. Alicia agrees and selects a quaint B&B for them…a decision that Leighton promptly nixes to get them into a swanky hotel. Alicia would complain but, once they’re in the room, she notices the bed and realizes that’s all they truly need. They kiss, quickly begin to undress and collapse on the bed. Alicia climbs on top, kisses down Leighton’s body and slides her hand into her pants.
After christening the bed, Alicia and Leighton wrap themselves in the hotel’s robes and try to figure out what to do next. Alicia snaps a selfie and posts it to Instagram but when Leighton spots it (and her expensive YSL purse in the background), she insists that Alicia take the picture down. Alicia’s taken aback by Leighton’s reaction and assures her that she’s being ridiculous. But once Bela likes the photo, Leighton demands that Alicia it down. Alicia acquiesces but the interaction taints the getaway’s entire mood.
“I think we need to end this,” Alicia admits, “I can’t keep dating someone this closeted. I can’t keep sneaking around. I feel like you’re bringing me back in the closet with you, I’ve already been through this…I can’t go backward.”
Leighton wonders where that leaves her; she’s not ready to come out yet. Alicia understands but pushes Leighton to understand what a difficult situation that creates for her. She urges Leighton to come out, recalling what a liberating experience it was for her, but Leighton refuses. She doesn’t want to announce to the world what type of people she sleeps with, nor does she want that to define her. Alicia insists that it doesn’t have to be that way but Leighton is convinced that coming out will effect how she acts, speaks, dresses and the things she does…and she doesn’t want that. She likes herself, Leighton insists, but as Alicia listens, she realizes the gay “cliché” Leighton’s describing is her. Alicia admits she really likes Leighton but draws a line in the sand: that if Leighton can’t be out with her, they can’t be together.
“Then I guess we’re done,” Leighton answers, doing her best to avoid crying in front of Alicia. When she returns to campus, Leighton learns that her brother still hasn’t made things right with her roommate, Kimberly, and she rushes over to tell Nico’s girlfriend that her brother cheated on her. The blowback is immediate: Nico confronts his sister about ratting him out to his girlfriend. He claims Leighton doesn’t understand because she’s never dated anyone seriously. Leighton deflects but, in the wake of her break-up, Nico’s barb stings.
What also stings? Seeing Alicia back on the apps so soon after their break-up but now seeking exclusively “no closeted girls.” Leighton stops by Alicia’s apartment after a party and admits that she misses her. Alicia confesses that she misses Leighton too but she’s unmoved from her position: she wants to move on and thinks Leighton should too.
Alicia’s pronouncement finally cracks Leighton’s tough exterior and she begins to mourn her first real relationship. Kimberly catches Leighton crying in their room and gets her to admit what’s going on. Kimberly’s taken aback by the reveal that Leighton was in a relationship but quickly pivots to being a supportive friend: if this guy’s too stupid to recognize what a catch Leighton is, it’s his loss. Hearing the wrong pronouns come from Kimberly — of all people, given the lies she’s had to endure from Leighton’s brother — pushes Leighton to share her truth.
“It wasn’t a guy, it was a girl. I’m gay,” Leighton admits.
Surprised both by the news and by the fact that Leighton told her, Kimberly tells Leighton that she’s proud of her. But whatever relief Leighton’s supposed to feel by coming out, alludes her and, instead, she breaks down in Kimberly’s arms.
“I don’t want to be like this,” Leighton cries. “Really, it’s terrifying. I don’t want my whole life to change.”
“I get it…coming out seems really scary…but I think the only way you can be happy is if you’re yourself,” Kimberly assures her.
Final Thoughts on TSLOCG‘s first season:
– I highly recommend Reneé Rapp’s interview at Vulture where she talks about the personal impact of showcasing Leighton’s internalized homophobia.
– If you’re looking for something to fill that Bold Type sized hole in your heart, The Sex Lives of College Girls may well fit the bill.
– If you’re hoping that this would be the Mindy Kaling show that finally deals with race in an open and authentic way, this ain’t it. The show did however have black affinity housing so that feels like a small step in the right direction.
– Has there ever been a female character on television that wears blazers and ties as often as Bela who wasn’t gay? Feels like false advertising, TBH.
– Lauren ‘Lolo’ Spencer’s Jocelyn is an absolute scene stealer. More of her in TSLOCG‘s second season, please!
Hightown 208: “Houston, We Have a Problem”
Written by Natalie
Jackie wakes up to Daisy’s cat staring at her, as if it’s plotting her murder or saying, “find out what happened to my human”…I’m not sure which. Ray questions whether the previous night’s rants were the byproduct of her drunkenness but Jackie assures him that she was telling the truth: Daisy is dead. She plans to tell Alan and get homicide on the case. Ray encourages her to do some more investigating to confirm her hunch. But first, he advises, maybe she should go to a meeting.
“Meetings don’t help me, doing my job helps me,” Jackie answers, dismissing Rayn’s suggestion outright. She meets Donna between classes at the local community college and asks if she’s seen Daisy at Xavier’s. Donna can’t recall seeing Daisy or Jorge since before Thanksgiving. With one confirmation, Jackie goes out to seek another: she approaches Daisy’s daughter, Valentina, about the last time she talked to her mother. Valentina confirms that she last heard from her mom last Tuesday, despite a promise to join the family for Thanksgiving. Despite being certain that her hutch about Daisy is right, she lies to the little girl and assures her that her mom will be back soon.
Jackie heads back to Ray’s to share the news about Daisy’s fate. She’s completely undone by the confirmation (and withdrawal) and Ray offers up a solution: finally taking down Frankie Cuevas. He shares the info he got from Renee — Frankie’s fiancée who destroyed Ray’s life in the first season — about Charmaine’s upcoming trip to New York to bring back carfentanyl. Jackie promises to act on the intel if she gets to talk to Renee about Daisy after the operation is over. Ray acquiesces but stops Jackie from taking his intel to Alan, knowing the Sergeant will see his fingerprints all over it. Jackie goes to Leslie instead and though, she also sees Ray’s fingerprints all over his intel, she relents and invites Jackie inside to plan their stakeout.
The next day, while they’re waiting for Charmaine’s flight, Jackie offers Leslie a surprising apology for being “too spun out.” She admits that Leslie became a substitute for her other addictions but assures her that she’s fine now. Leslie accepts the apology and the pair settle in to await a plane that never comes. Frustrated and embarrassed by the tip that never materializes, Leslie drops Jackie off in a huff and promises to talk about Daisy tomorrow at the office. Jackie takes her frustration out on Ray, who insists that Renee didn’t know Frankie wasn’t going show up. Jackie insists on talking to Renee who, ultimately, has nothing to offer, and afterwards, realizes that Ray set her up. She pushes him for an explanation and Ray admits that he’s worked out a deal with the brass to get his job back if he can get Frankie and his NY connect for the State Police.
“You know, I always knew you were an asshole. Just never thought you’d be an asshole to me,” Jackie laments before taking Daisy’s cat (in perhaps the funniest scene ever on Hightown) and leaving.
But Jackie’s not done making bad decisions today: she shows up at Alan’s house and tells him that Daisy’s dead and she needs his help. He reminds her that the time to come to him for help is before she launches investigations behind his back. Alan (rightly) chews Jackie out for adopting Ray’s bad habits, even while admitting that she has the potential to be a good cop. Chastened, Jackie drives back to her apartment and who would be waiting for Frankie Cuevas and his muscle. He tries to intimidate her but Jackie’s landlord interrupts and lets Frankie know they’ll see each other soon.
All American 407: “Prom Night”
Written by Natalie
It’s prom season at Beverly and South Crenshaw and all our favorite couples are getting ready for the big night. Coop’s extra excited about prom: she’s got Patience’s corsage all picked out, the bubbly chilling in the refrigerator and plans set for the afterparty. But, as has been the case so often this season, just as Patience and Coop are devoting some time to their relationship, Amina interrupts and distracts Coop from the pre-prom preparations. Amina is having a “OMG themed Princess tea party” and she needs Coop to save it from her hapless dad. Because if there’s anything that Tamia “Coop” Cooper would know a lot about, it’s princess tea parties.
Patience gives her the okay to Coop to skip their nail appointment but makes her promise not to be late. But not only is she late, Coop changes the location of their prom prep to Preach’s house so she, Patience and Amina can all become princesses together. But as Amina and Patience are working on their makeup, the young girl reflects on the time she spent with her mother. She tells Patience that she misses her mom a lot — “she wasn’t perfect, but she was my mom” — and Patience notes that no one is perfect but we love the people we love anyway. She puts a tiara on Amina’s head and later, they step out, completely done and ready for their respective parties.
Once they get to the prom, Coop and Patience dance and spend time with their friends but, as hot as they look together, it feels the like the warmth between the two is gone. When they’re crowned Prom Queens, neither of them offer any warm words for the other, nor are they affectionate. Maybe they should just stop going to dances, things never go well for them. During the prom, Coop gets text from Preach, documenting Amina’s successsful tea party.
“Patience said Auntie Coop will do anything for the people she loves,” Amina tells her father, after her friends leave. “That’s why I don’t get it…if she loves me, then why’d she kill my mom?”
Guess the secret’s out…so much for Amina being just fine.
4400 108: “The Kaminski Experiment”
Written by Shelli Nicole
“So — you just not gon’ acknowledge how cute I made this bar in 2 hours?”
Bill Greene and the government wants to have some of the 4400 go on television to show the world how “normal” they are. They want Shanice, her ex-husband Logan (I think…they need to get that settled lowkey), his new wife, Mariah, and Hayden to go on and pretend to be a happy blended family. They also want a surprise 4400-er to come on that no one has met, and of course our resident smooth-talker, Isaiah. The surprise person is one of the 4400 they have been testing on who has the power to create fire. This is obviously a trap — the government wants him to go on air, get mad and show his power. It would scare the public and trigger the conservatorship papers that some of them signed, giving them just cause to control the 4400 under the guise of keeping everyone safe.
Well — filming goes horribly wrong. While Shanice & Co. are downstairs faking it on TV, Bill is upstairs in his office watching. He’s confused as to why his surprise guest hasn’t made an appearance yet and then guess who breaks into his office? MILDRED! She is back and upset. She uses her powers to throw him around the room until he agrees to free the folks he is testing on — which includes her sister Millicent who we literally have heard nothing of until now. She throws him out the window and everything is caught on camera, and just as Mildred is about to kill him by using her powers to drop a vase on his head, Isaiah runs in and stops her by tackling her.
She tries to use her powers to hurt Isaiah but — they are suddenly gone. Isaiah tells her to run so the government doesn’t catch her, but, is this his power starting to surface?
Anyway, Doc wasn’t at or watching the event because he was setting up the abandoned bar to reflect 1920’s Harlem as a surprise date for Shanice (who…doesn’t deserve him but whatever). Earlier he was confused about where they stood (“Is this what dating is in 2021 — no declarations, just vibes?” is the cute Doc question of the week btw), but she just storms in and tells him what happened. She thinks the conservatorships are about to be triggered and Doc signed one so this impacts him. He’s scared but says he wants to worry about all that tomorrow, but for now — he just wants to dance with her.
Also, Also, Keisha was at a grief group telling all her business about breaking up with her GF and fucking Soraya. Like, ma’am, this is an Arbys….
Riverdale 605: “The Jughead Paradox”
Written by Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya
Sometimes, you become aware you’re living in a parallel universe to a prime universe and you also learn that both universes are at the risk of expanding to the point of collapsing (I was terrible at astronomy in college, but this sounds like reasonable science to me!) so you have to destroy your pocket universe in order to save the main one, but then you realize actually no both universes can continue to exist in harmony with each other if you just find a power source stable and strong enough to fuel both! You know?
And thus ends the five-episode Rivervale experiment, a truly bonkers and delightful chapter of Riverdale. “The Jughead Paradox” is the story’s conclusion and also the 100th episode of the series overall. Here, Riverdale writes its own internal logic for why Jughead is the show’s narrator. As omniscient narrator and a character, he both exists inside and outside of the show’s narrative. It also does the thing I think all 100th episodes should do: catering to fans’ nostalgia via a slew of flashbacks and callbacks!!!!!
Everyone in Rivervale wakes up from shared nightmares they had: Toni and Fangs dreamed of Toni becoming La Llorona. Betty and Archie dreamed of Archie’s Yellowjacketsy blood sacrifice. Reggie and Veronica dreamed of Veronica sending Reggie to hell. And Cheryl and Nana Rose dreamed a triple-timeline lesbian witches love curse body swap tale. So, even within the parallel universe of Rivervale, these stories are…just dreams I guess?
Jughead becomes aware he’s in a parallel universe when walking casually down the halls of Riverdale and seeing people and things who shouldn’t be there. He sees the past high school versions of his friends. And he even sees dead people. In Rivervale, Ethel, Dilton, and even Jason Blossom are all very alive, even though they were killed off in the prime universe. Jughead also encounters…his own dead self. The lines between Rivervale and Riverdale continue to blur when he finds a stack of comics depicting the exact events of Riverdale (the first 95 issues of the comics aka the first 95 episodes of the show), the exact events of Rivervale (comic issues 96 through 100 aka these most recent five episodes), and the exact events of what he’s doing right now…looking at a comic of a comic of a comic of a comic etc. THE VERY SEAMS OF REALITY HAVE COLLAPSED!!!!
Remember in season one when Reggie was played by Ross Butler but then was replaced by Charles Melton due to filming conflicts? Well, Ross Butler shows up here, and there are suddenly TWO REGGIES who try to battle it out to see who is the one true Reggie, which seems very silly, because Veronica’s idea of them just becoming a throuple sounds so much more fun and hot and they should really take her up on that!
P.S. In Rivervale, people don’t stay dead. So even though Cheryl, the Reggies, Jughead, and many other characters “die” in this episode, they all come back. The person who keeps killing people? ARCHIE. He’s this parallel universe’s Big Bad, because he’s doing a bunch of serial kills in hopes that no one will catch onto the fact it’s a parallel universe because he wants Rivervale to keep existing because he thinks it means his dad might come back from the dead one day.
That power source I mentioned before that would be the key to the ongoing existence of both the Riverdale and Rivervale universes? JUGHEAD’S WRITING. Imagination/creation as the opposite of destruction is the only way to keep both worlds going, so Rivervale!Jughead is locked in a bunker indefinitely so he can click-clack at his typewriter and make up his silly little stories, effectively generating enough idk creative juice? to keep both universes afloat.
Which I think…technically leaves the door open for Rivervale and its more fantastical in-world rules to come back anytime, so the Riverdale writers now have that in their back pocket. But I’m mentally struggling with this: Did the events of the past four episodes actually happen/have stakes and consequences in-world for the characters of Rivervale or…were those just dreams the Rivervale versions of these characters had? Because it seems like the latter but if that’s the case…what exactly makes Rivervale the supposedly darker, more twisted, warped version of Riverdale????? I mean I guess magic does exist in-world because dead people are reanimating and whatnot, but why make those four stories dreams if strange things are possible in this parallel universe? AM I OVERTHINKING THINGS? ALSO IS IT JUST ME OR WAS RIVERVALE!BETTY A LITTLE RUDE TO DR. CURDLE? ALSO, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, IF THIS WAS A PARALLEL UNIVERSE WHY NOT MAKE THEM ALL GAY?
Nancy Drew 309: “The Voices in the Frost”
Written by Valerie Anne
Honestly Bess’s “no new friends” stance is understandable, considering.
This week in Horseshoe bay, Bess is feeling a little wigged out by Temperance stealing her daughter’s face, and is starting to worry that her magic tutor is a bit of a sociopath.
But they don’t really have time to deal with Temperance this week, because Eve has a problem: she’s the main suspect in her boyfriend’s death, but she has no memories of the incident.
Bess doesn’t trust Eve and thinks she’s guilty, but then the Drew Crew realizes that Eve could be having blackouts for the same reason George used to have blackouts. So they set off to find out if Eve is possessed, when they find her in the water. Nick saves her life but when she comes to, she has no idea how she even got outside, let alone in the water.
Nancy does what she does best and sleuths out the truth, and they realize that Eve’s boyfriend’s death was purely an accident, and Eve’s blackouts are trauma responses from the incident that landed Nick in juvie.
Bess apologizes to Eve, and explains that she has a bit of a trust problem, and she didn’t mean to take it out on Eve.
Also this week: George and Nick decide not to get married so they can keep growing side by side instead of becoming codependent vines, Nancy has an idea about how to find the rest of Charity’s soul shards, Bess learns the truth about Temperance, and Ace lands himself on a ghost plane with Historical Society Hannah, who happens to be Nancy’s phantom knocker.
Legacies 409: “I Can’t Be The One To Stop You”
Written by Valerie Anne
Their goodbye scene made teary but a liiiiittle gremlin voice in the back of my head started humming a hopeful Hosie tune.
This episode was ACTION PACKED so I’m going to leave out a lot of the stuff about the mummified monster-maker who turned out to be a hunky boi and dive right into what our girls were up to.
Hope is stalking around in Aurora’s body, terrified Aurora is hot on her heels, but the truth is Aurora took Hope’s body out to brunch, and is just hanging out with a glass of afternoon wine. Lizzie interrupts and threatens her with the red oak stake until Aurora proves she’s not Hope by missing with Hope’s favorite cantrip spell.
Aurora tells Lizzie who she is, and how Klaus Cask of Amontillado’d her, and takes Lizzie to her basement. Aurora’s idea for stopping hope is less stake-y and more ancient sarcophagus in the ocean but that seems a little dark, even to Lizzie. She sees a potential version of herself reflected in Aurora’s wild eyes and realizes she’s gone too far.
At school, Josie packs a bag and worries about telling Lizzie and Finch about her plan to leave. When she does eventually tell Finch, she’s mad until Josie reveals she bought a ticket for Finch too. She has to go save Hope, away from the pressures and distractions of the Super Squad, and Finch agrees to go with.
Lizzie traps Aurora in the sarcophagus and calls Hope, who shows up lickety split. When it comes down to it, Lizzie can’t kill Hope. As much as she hates to admit it, when she looks at the tribrid before her, she sees family.
Lizzie throws down the stake and Hope smiles at Lizzie and says her humanity is back, so they use the trident to switch Hope and Aurora’s bodies back, Hope saying “panda promise” to prove it’s her. And then Hope reveals that her humanity is NOT on, and burns the stake. Lizzie is SO sure Hope won’t kill her, because she’s had the chance before and spared her friends, but Hope proves her wrong by snapping her neck.
At the bus stop, Josie feels like something is off, not realizing it’s her twintuition. Finch knows Josie has to go, because there will always be another monster to distract her, but Finch also knows now that she has to stay. She has to be alpha to the pack while Jed is injured, and honestly she loves being part of a community who needs her. So they tearfully kiss goodbye as the bus pulls up.
On the bus, Josie gets a vision of Lizzie telling her how much she loves her and that no matter what happens she has to remember that. She says they both have to follow their own plans and see them through, and Josie agrees.
In Aurora’s basement, Lizzie snaps back to life. Hope is surprised, because Lizzie isn’t dead…just hungry. And I am down for this turn of events, especially if it’s a Merge loophole!
Boobs On Your Tube: “Station 19” Gets Finger-Biting Lesbosexy
Whew, it has been a week of TV! First off, Ryan Wilder and Alex Danvers joined forces on The Flash‘s ARMAGEDDON special in a very Wildmoore episode, which of course Nic and Valerie recapped. The Sex and the City sequel, And Just Like That, dropped and Heather recapped the first two episodes. The Riverdale/Sabrina crossover was as unhinged as we hopped, and Kayla recapped that for you, along with an all-new episode of Yellowjackets. Shelli wrote an extensive review and recap of every episode of 4400 so far (and followed it up below with the next ep!). Shelli also reviewed Nicole Byers’ BBW! Drew wrote a scathing review of We Need to Do Something. She also reviewed Benedetta (and called Paul Verhoeven a prude!), and The Bitch Who Stole Christmas. And finally, Heather reviewed Tello’s Christmas at the Ranch.
Notes from the TV Team:
+ This week on Home Economics, it’s Christmas time! Sarah and Denise don’t do capitalism because they are once again hippie crunchy lesbian sterotypes and I love that for them. Unfortunately Sarah realizes how much she loves a hugely expensive designer bag, which makes her question her values (don’t worry, it works out), and Denise’s well known altruism means she ends up with zero presents (but all of the kids in her class got their lunch debt paid, honestly? Worth it.). — Carmen
+ Hello! I have watched Arcane! I devoured Arcane! I will write about Arcane! — Valerie Anne
Station 19 507: “A House Is Not a Home”
Written by Carmen
You get two photos this week. Worth it.
This week on Station 19 Maya finally has the day off after working a brutal shift (plus everyone is still sad about losing Dean — well, the characters are sad, I’m still pissed as hell that Krista Vernoff decided to kill a Black character and leave his Black daughter without parents when letting be alive and happy in Oakland was a viable option right there in front of us) and she’s heading home to Carina to pick out baby donors.
— Ok I’m going to stop here for one mini second to get my rant out of the way early, because I don’t want to bring us down! There’s a lot of hot sex to be had! But I still hate this plot and I hate that Station 19 is leaning into such an unimaginative trope as when two women get married they automatically have nothing else to talk about except children. It really took a lot of the fun out of last night’s episode for me, see also: my residual anger about the way that Vernoff has ended Okieriete Onaodowan’s time on the show. But I know there’s nothing worse than having to read recaps when the writer isn’t having fun, so I’m working on getting the joy back! I promise! —
Carnia’s decided that picking out a donor can be hot if they let it, so there will candles and dim lights and damn right there will be sex. (Side Note from Natalie: I will say, if Station 19 was going to find a way to placate me about this baby storyline with Maya and Carina, them pledging to have a lot of sex just like straight people do when they’re trying to have a baby is a good way to go about it.)
Laying together naked in bed, the way you do when your blissed out and it feels like time has stopped just for you, Carina and Maya count the things they are grateful for. Maya is grateful for Carina’s freckles — but wait can you be grateful for a body part? Carina doesn’t think so. Instead they’ll be grateful for each other’s health. And Carina will be grateful for multiple orgasms ThankYouEverSoMuch.
Ultimately though, they decide on a few things. Maya realizes to her own horror that she’s going to be the “strict mom” (big duh there Captain Bisexual) and thanks Carina for the most romantic day of her life. She also wants Carnia to carry their future kid — so that she can spend the rest of her life looking at someone with Carina’s eyes, and nose, and jaw.
I still am not excited for this future Marina child, but ok — they got me.
Queens 306-307: “Behind the Throne” & “Who Shot Ya”
Written by Carmen
It’s been a few weeks since we checked in on Queens so where are we? After coming out Jill has been very busy following Alicia (her hookup/freelance journalist/now… PR person?) as Alicia makes all these grand plans for Jill’s future as a the hottest middle aged lesbian in America. And it’s all going extremely well (well, it’s going well for Jill, I suspect the other Queens would like to have a word about how they’ve become her backseat)… until Jill, getting high off her own supply, says to a group of reporters that “coming out was the best thing I ever did for my career.”
(I’m paraphrasing here, but yeah… NOT! GREAT!!)
So then the internet decides that Jill fake came out only for financial gain? Which is ridiculous and dumb, but hey so is the Internet!
OH! And remember that camerawoman from MTV in the Aughts that Jill physically assaulted for hiting on her, due to substance abuse and internalized homophobia? She’s back too and ready to tell her story.
To counteract the Internet backlash, Jill goes on Good Morning America with the original love of her life Tina. And Tina confirms for the cameras how the closet was hell for Jill and then Jill performs for the cameras like she still loves Tina, but Tina mistakes it for Jill actually still loving Tina — and that’s about as heartbreaking as you would expect.
This week Tina comes back full force, telling Jill that she is “disgusting” and “evil” and deserves every bad thing that is coming for her. Honestly I don’t love the language choice, but I get that Jill’s storyline comes from being closeted in the church so contextually “evil”… I’ll allow it.
Unfortunately, Jill’s chickens look like they’ve come home to roost for someone else, because it’s E-V-E (Ruff Ryders 4 Lyfe) who ends up getting shot in the cliffhanger.
Hightown 207: “Crack is Wack”
Written by Natalie
Jackie and her father are tossing around a football on the beach when we catch up with them again this week. Both are still drunk and pass the brown paper bag back and forth between them. When Jackie can’t cleanly catch a pass, Rafael snarks, “that’s what happens when you only see your old man once a year.” It’s a flippant comment — one that doesn’t catch my attention on first watch — but, for the rest of the episode, we’re reminded why Jackie only saw her father once a year…and, frankly, even that might have been too often.
The father/daughter pair head to the bar for the Patriots game and, with two empty beer bottles in front of her, Jackie tries to rationalize her drinking (a little too late for that, Jackie). Her father, of course — being the louse that he is — encourages Jackie’s worst impulses and orders them both shots. As Jackie goes to take another swig of her beer, their father/daughter time is interrupted by one of Rafael’s “friends,” who drapes her arms all over him and tries to kiss him, as he awkwardly pulls away. After her father’s friend, Mary, excuses herself, Jackie scoffs, “That’s who you’re fuckin’ now?”
If Jackie were sober or in a better place emotionally, meeting her father’s mistress would be enough to send her out the door. But in this moment, Jackie needs someone…anyone…so she listens to her father rationalize cheating on her mother and finds beauty in it. She laments that no one will ever love her the way Rafael loves her mother but Rafael assures he does. She brushes off his compliment but he insists that he does, showing her the Pride flag he got tattooed on his chest just for her. Genuinely touched by the gesture, Jackie tells her father she loves him too and follows him and Mary to Petey’s, the lecherous local drug dealer. He supplies cocaine to Jackie, Rafael and Mary which gets quickly devoured between them. Later, back at her parents’ house, Jackie is trying to rest when her father offers her a present that Petey gave them. She glances at it and jokes, “Is this crack? Who smokes crack? What is it, the fuckin’ 80s?” Of course, that doesn’t stop her from taking a long drag on the pipe.
While she’s passed out, Daisy’s ghost visits her dreams and claims that no one cares that she’s dead. But seeing dead people in her dreams is preferable to the reality that awaits her when she makes her way downstairs. Desperate to keep the party going, Rafael asks Jackie to spend some time with Petey in her childhood bedroom. The realization of what her father’s asking of her sinks in quickly and the devastation is evident on Jackie’s face. She tosses him what money she has and walks out, despondent.
Realizing that she’s hit her rock bottom, Jackie reaches out to a leader from her AA meetings. But before she can recruit him to be her sponsor, Leslie knocks on the door. Jackie tries to apologize for their personal issues but Leslie pivots immediately to business: Jorge Cuevas is missing and Jackie needs to find Daisy so that they can figure out what happened. Unable to get Daisy on the phone (again), Jackie heads over to her apartment and discovers it empty, aside from Daisy’s pet cat.
She rushes over to Ray’s house to get some milk for the cat and to share her theory about what happened to Daisy. She’s right, of course — Daisy is dead — but Jackie’s still feeling the effects of the night before (plus, possibly some whiskey she stole from Daisy’s house) and her plan to take Daisy’s cat and her unused birth control to her sergeant sounds crazy. Ray — who’s managed to pull himself back from the brink this season — urges Jackie to crash at his place for the night. She invites him to lay down with her and then she cuddles up against him.
NCIS: Hawai’i 109: “Impostor”
When Kate Whistler and Lucy Tara kiss in NCIS: Hawai’i‘s pilot episode, Lucy pulls away and says, “we can’t do this again.” Kate repeats the sentiment when she’s trying (and failing) to give Lucy the brush off. Again, as in they’ve done this before. Later, when Ernie questions Lucy about her relationship with Whistler, she suggests that they’ve been together other times. Yet, despite this history that Kate and Lucy apparently share — give us a flashback episode, you cowards! — so many of their conversations feel devoid of it.
Case and point: Lucy catches up with Whistler this week after she spots her giving office tours. She invites Kate to take a break from playing tour guide and work with her on a reinvigorated cold case. Kate notes that she volunteered to give the tour, much to Lucy’s surprise. Lucy assumes that Kate must have only done it to get face time with the brass and Kate’s shocked that Lucy believes that she’s so defined by her ambition. Have writers have forgotten their own writing? Since the pilot episode, Kate has defined herself by her ambition…it’s why she wanted to keep their relationship a secret…it’s like her whole thing! Lucy insists that she didn’t mean to offend and that she’s still getting to know Kate.
“You don’t know things about me because you don’t ask,” Kate laments…which makes me wonder what they’ve been doing this entire time.
Thanks to some perspective from her teammate, Lucy realizes that she’s been avoiding true intimacy with Kate. After her boss ropes Kate into helping them with their case, Lucy admits that she hasn’t taken the opportunity to get to know her and pledges to do so now. Lucy’s first attempt at building that intimacy? A Google search which reveals that Kate’s brother was killed in action while serving in Iraq. The couple shares a warm moment and it feels like they’ve hit a new stage in their relationship.
“So, should I… google you, too?” Kate asks.
“Like you haven’t already,” Lucy responds, in the most consistent bit of writing about this relationship that the NCIS writers have mustered thus far.
The Sex Lives of College Girls 106-108: “Parents Weekend,” “I Think I’m a Sex Addict” and “The Surprise Party”
Written by Natalie
It’s Parents Weekend at Essex College and Alicia stumbles on Leighton and her family posing for the perfect Essex family photo (with their own artisanal leaves!). Leighton smiles at first — adorably happy to see Alicia — but then she remembers where she is and what she’s doing and grimaces in embarrassment. Later, Leighton, her parents and Nico join her roommates and their parents for dinner at the fanciest restaurant near campus. Suffice to say, dinner does not go well: her father repeatedly butts heads with Whitney’s mother, Whitney’s father waits until the last minute to tell her he’s not coming, the secret about Bella’s major gets out, Kimberly embarrasses her mother by assuming she can’t pay for their dinner and Leighton calls out her mother’s snobbery during a tense exchange in the bathroom.
“You think you are so much better than me but, Sweetheart, you and I are exactly the same,” Leighton’s mother snarks, during their conversation. Later, as if to prove exactly how different she and her mother are, Leighton heads to Alicia’s apartment and snuggles up next to her. Leighton admits that she likes Alicia more than anyone she knows…which feels like the most Leighton way possible for her to admit she really likes Alicia.
Among her friends, Leighton’s developing a reputation for giving good dating advice: she kept Whitney’s secret about dating her coach, all while encouraging her to hook up with another guy (“the best way to get over somebody is to whore out with someone hotter”) and she pushes Tova to end a relationship when their girlfriend wants them to femme it up at Thanksgiving (“fuck that!”). When Leighton boasts about it with Alicia later, Alicia chides her for being better at giving others advice than acknowledging their dating situation…namely addressing her as something other than a “business acquaintance.” Leighton insists that she’s just not a showy person; she doesn’t need to don a Pride flag and scream to everyone that she has a girlfriend. Alicia seizes on Leighton’s use of the word, “girlfriend,” and smiles.
“Oh, you have a girlfriend?” Alicia asks rhetorically.
“Yeah…wh-…no, I mean, I…I don’t know…do I?” Leighton stammers.
“Yeah, you do,” Alicia answers, before pulling Leighton into a kiss.
Despite the acknowledgement, Leighton’s still weary about anyone finding out about her sexuality: she gets nervous about Alicia’s neighbor who stares at her in the hall and she doesn’t invite Alicia to Nico’s birthday party. To her credit, Alicia doesn’t push for an invite, she only wants to know that their relationship exists outside the walls of her apartment. But even that small request irks Leighton enough that she rushes out of the apartment, promising to text Alicia later. But the next time Alicia and Leighton connect, it’s for more professional reasons: Bella and another female writer from The Catullan need Alicia’s guidance to deal with the sexual assualt they both experienced.
Nancy Drew 308: “The Burning of the Sorrows”
Written by Valerie Anne
Friends who deceive together achieve together.
This week, Bess tries to loop Temperance into a plan to catch the Copperhead, but instead Temperance sets her up so that she can steal the soul splitter. The helpful Historical Society ghost tries to warn her against trusting Temperance by way of a roll of caution tape, but Bess loves learning magic too much to burn that bridge. (I was watching this episode with my parents and at one point my dad said, about Bess, “She needs to stop falling in love with dead people.”)
Because of Temperance’s duplicity, they end up catching a lightning pokemondemon that feeds on heartbreak called the Burning Sorrow, which zaps Temperance and starts eating her most painful memories.
While all this is going on, Nick’s old friend from Florida shows up to help George find Nick, and when she introduces herself to George, she gives her name (Eve) and pronouns (she/her) which I loved and think all shows should start normalizing. With help from Bess’s gal pal, they do eventually find Nick, and Eve may or may not have killed someone but I’m sure that’s fine.
Eventually the Drew Crew accidentally folds the new detective into the world of the supernatural as they learn about Temperance’s daughter Charity and how the women in white split her soul and hid the shards from Temperance when Charity died on the battlefield. Oh and also the Copperhead is Temperance’s long-dead son-in-law.
With a bit of Nancy’s blood and a lock of Charity’s hair, Temperance uses a regeneration spell to heal herself and merge herself with her daughter’s DNA, so she comes back looking an awful lot like Alice from The Magicians. And I have a feeling that this Temperance/Charity situation isn’t going to be all hugs and puppies as they work together to “finish the work” they started.
Legacies 408: “You Will Remember Me”
Written by Valerie Anne
My kingdom for another well-lit Josie/Finch scene.
Josie spends most of this episode, written by lesbian writer Layne Morgan, in the Therapy Box, in a Grey’s Anatomy AU fanfic version of her real life. This AU starts with Josie and Finch hooking up in one on-call room while her sister hooks up with both MG and Ethan in the next room. Get it, girls!
In the therapy box, Josie is just as infatuated with Hope as she is in real life, but Doctor Hope passes out and Josie has to fight to preserve her name and her job, convinced they will fall apart without Hope.
In the real world, a woman swims in a pool that would make Bette Porter jealous and when she gets out she’s surprised to find the tribrid waiting. Hope threatens the witch point of the Triad until she gives up where the werewolves are, which causes her to burst into flames because of a covenant spell she broke.
The real Hope takes down the werewolf point of the Triad and becomes the Alpha, promptly forcing the pack to break their covenant so she can find the vampire.
If you didn’t watch The Originals, you might have felt more like Hope and wondered who the hell this lady is, but some will recognize this vampire queen as Aurora, Klaus’s former lover and forever enemy. And, of course, the first of Rebekah’s sireline. When she was woken up from the state of sleep the Mikaelsons put her in, she was furious to learn Klaus was already dead, and has decided to torture his daughter instead. Aurora taunts Hope with a knife made from the bones of the Hollow, but it’s a trap, and when Hope uses the knife on Aurora, instead of killing her, it triggers one of my favorite sci-fi tropes: a body swap!
In the therapy box, Josie realizes that maybe Hope wasn’t the perfect golden child she always thought she was, and maybe Josie was trying too hard to live up to her father’s vision of her, and the school that was built to be her legacy. Maybe it’s time to go her own way. So she says goodbye to Fake Finch and wakes up to find the real Finch waiting there for her.
In the principal’s office, Lizzie decides to take after her terrible father and uses the last of the tree the Muse burned to make the one (1) stake that could kill Hope Mikaelson.
4400 107: “Empowered Women Empower Women”
Written by Shelli Nicole
Keisha is out of frame in this photo — let’s all guess where she went, shall we?
THE 4400 ARE HORNY AND FUCKING OKAY!
Lotsa gay glances and touches to unpack here so let’s get coming going! Docs’ power finally surfaces and it’s the power of transference. He can heal someone’s pain and then give that exact pain to someone else. Shanice is still mad about last week, he apologizes but then she asks the big gay question “What are we doing” (GIRL….WOT??) and he is just as confused as I was at her asking that.
Anyway, Doc says that he’s cool with the queers in 2021 being poly, queer, non-commital, and fucking their friends, but then he’s like, “I’m an old school typa nigga sweetheart and I’m tryna be with just you shorty” and then she takes off his jacket and it seems like they def get to fucking it out!
Meanwhile, Jessica is gaslighting Keisha at dinner while wearing a dress that I actually own. Jessica lets it slip that they are running blood tests on the 4400 that show they may not be human. When Keisha asks to get more info, she basically tells her it’s not her business —then they break up (YAYYYY!!) We smash cut to Keisha and Soraya at a bar (where Claudette now works) flirting and chatting — then they go to Soraya’s room at the hotel and burst in the door furiously making out. I’m in love with Soraya ‘cos she was like “I’m not your rebound and after we’re done fucking we are gonna have a convo about why I’m a bad bitch” Keisha says a non-verbal okay by going down on her while a video of a fireplace plays on the computer.
Also, Also — LaDonna leaves to go be with her dad after she builds a computer from scratch with Soraya for Doc to use to get more info on what’s going on at Ypsi Med. Claudettes’ backstory includes a misogynistic and abusive husband who was gonna send her to an asylum because he was jealous of her and the smart ideas she had during the Civil Rights Movement, the green light took her when he was about to have her locked up. Claudette and Jharrel also kiss in this episode! AND we learn that Rev. Isaiah is doing some shady shit which includes having the folks of the 4400 that are following him and his “church”, sign some legal papers that basically put them in a secret conservatorship with the government.
Boobs on Your Tube: Ryan Wilder and Alex Danvers, Together at Last!
We had our December TV Editorial Team meeting this morning, and y’all are not ready for the ten million lesbian Christmas movies coming our way. We couldn’t even keep the titles straight (lol). Heather actually wrote about one of them already this week: Hallmark’s An Unexpected Christmas! And so buckle up your reindeer ’cause there’s an avalanche more coming next week. Also maybe next year? Aubrey Plaza says there’s gonna be a Happiest Season 2.
Until then: Carmen reviewed the new season of Saved By The Bell, which has landed on Peacock and given us an Afro-Latina love story straight out of the Zack and Kelly playbook. Carmen also recapped the newest episode of Twenties! Kayla recapped an all-new Yellowjackets, the queer show that’s got everybody buzzin’. And Riese let us know what’s new and gay and streaming this month.
Notes from the TV Team:
+ Wildmoore. That’s all. — Heather
+ I’m sorry y’all, I know I owe you Home Economics and Queens updates! I’ve been doing more full length tv and film writing the last few weeks and it’s been taking time. But I’ll be back soon! Can’t wait to see what the lesbians are up to! — Carmen
+ Last season on The Equalizer, Queen Latifah Robyn’s Aunt Vi decided to try her luck on a dating app. When it came to choose the gender of prospective suitors, she scoffed at the thought of limiting herself to men: “why limit it?” she asked. It was a throwaway line and I nearly forgot about it, until this week, when a past love of Vi’s re-emerges (sort of). Her ex’s daughter tracks her down based on a portrait Vi drew when they were in college. Vi resists at first but eventually agrees to meet with a love that she thought time had forgotten. — Natalie
Hightown 206: “Behind Every Skirt is a Slip”
Written by Natalie
For a minute, it looked like Jackie Quiñones had finally found happiness: she had a job that gave her purpose, one that she was actually good at. She had a girlfriend (sort of), a supportive chosen family and, most importantly, her sobriety. But over the last few episodes, that’s all unraveled: her informant is dead, her girlfriend has ghosted her and she’s grossly offended her Ed, the head of her chosen family. All she has left is her sobriety and Jackie spends all of “Behind Every Skirt” trying to hold on.
Jackie heads into work, more interested in finally talking to Leslie than doing any actual work, but when she finally crosses paths with her partner in the office kitchen, Leslie refuses to have the conversation. Jackie pushes — “wait, we can fuck at work but we can’t talk at work?” — but Leslie stands firm: she won’t allow anyone else in the office to witness dissension between them. Even though she doesn’t allow Jackie to have her say, Leslie makes her position clear: they were supposed to be nothing serious but Jackie took things too far, too fast. To put some distance between them, Leslie insists that Jackie take a sick day.
Heartbroken, Jackie tries to find some comfort. She goes to Ray first but between his disdain for Leslie — he told Jackie to stay away from her — and his rekindled affair with the woman who ruined his life, he doesn’t have time for her. She reaches out to Ed to apologize for lashing out at him following their stakeout. He accepts her apology — he acknowledges that some of what she said was true — but the damage has been done: Jackie no longer has a seat at his table for Thanksgiving. Jackie retreats to an AA meeting for some comfort but finds no solace there. She storms out and heads straight to a bar…a bar in which her ex-girlfriend, Devon, happens to be having a drink.
Unable to find any comfort for her pain, Jackie aims to sate it by pressing against a familiar body. After years of dealing with Jackie’s fuckboi shit, though, Devon is impervious to Jackie’s charms. Thankfully, though, Devon’s friend, Riyah, is more than willing to take her place. The hook-up does not go well — at least not for Jackie, Riyah at least gets an orgasm out of it — and Jackie abruptly ousts Riyah from her bed. Left to her own devices, Jackie still can’t find relief. After an unhelpful visit from Ray, Jackie decides to finish that conversation with Leslie. The interaction is painful and realistic: Jackie’s utterly heartbroken while Leslie is cold and detached. She chalks their entire dalliance up to just having fun but Jackie insists there was more to their relationship. The text, Jackie says, scared Leslie because it made her realize that she had feelings for Jackie.
Leslie: When you told me you loved me, I realized I wasn’t being fair to you because I don’t feel the same way. Because I’m straight, which I told you from the beginning.
Jackie: So, when you were eating my pussy, that was you being straight?
(I was not expecting the jolt of euphoria I got from hearing Jackie say that.)
Leslie dismisses Jackie and she ends up at the one place that won’t turn her away: her parents’ home. Unfortunately, her mother’s not there, but her fuckboi father invites her in for a beer. There goes Jackie’s sobriety.
The Sex Lives of College Girls 103-105: “Le Tuteur,” “Kappa” and “That Comment Tho”
Written by Natalie
Feeling suffocated by the pressure of maintaining a façade, Leighton decided to booze it up on the Essex College grounds and, of course, she gets caught. She tries to buy her way out of a punishment but the University President insists she take some responsibility: he sentences her to 100 hours of community service at the women’s center. Leighton goes, begrudgingly, and tries to set the terms of her service but the center’s volunteer coordinator, Alicia, won’t be budge. She insists that Leighton show up when they need help and chastises her for mocking the center’s work. It’s enough to send Leighton rushing back to the President’s office to offer a larger donation in lieu of her community service hours. For me, though, the confrontation got my hopes up about one of my personal favorite tropes: enemies to lovers!
Unable to bribe her way out of community service, Leighton returns to the women’s center for poetry night. It is, predictably, bad but Leighton keeps herself entertained by pilfering the center’s wine and snacks. Alicia reminds Leighton that she’s at the women’s center to actually work and won’t be given credit for her hours. Later, as they’re cleaning up, Leighton urges Alicia to take things a little less seriously. She justifies her mid-show laughter by pointing out that the performers were actually terrible. Alicia admits that she’s right but encourages her to mock people behind their backs like a normal human being. Leighton promises to be less of a “dumb cis bitch.”
Days later, Leighton finally gets the envelope she’s been (seemingly) waiting her whole life for: an invitation to the Kappas’ pre-rush brunch. But she’s not the only member of the suite to get one: Whitney, the freshman phenom soccer player who’s secretly hooking up with her assistant coach, also scores an invite. At the brunch, Whitney struggles to find her footing amongst a sea of Ashleys/Ashleighs/Ashlees while Leighton tries to ingratiate herself to the Kappas by showcasing her encyclopedic knowledge about each and every one of them. It feels kinda stalkerish, honestly, but the Kappa president — Quinn, AKA Future Leighton — offers her a slight reprieve. During their solo conversation, Quinn lets her know that Cory, Nico’s fraternity brother, is interested in her. Leighton knew that already, though, and has been trying to avoid his advances whenever they cross paths. But when Quinn tries to push them both together, Leighton can’t say no. After a shift at the women’s center, Leighton meets up with Cory who is, admittedly, taken aback by her about face. She apologizes for her behavior and tells Cory that she likes him. She kisses him and, despite her assurances to Alicia, actually does sleep with Cory on the first date.
But later, when Leighton spots Cory at the biggest Theta party of the year, she goes out of her way to avoid him. She spends time with her roommates — helping Bela make sense of her predatory editor’s actions — and playing hostess for her friends from the women’s center. Much to the chagrin of her brother, Leighton invites Alicia and Ginger to the Thetalympics, in hopes that they might see that fraternity’s aren’t the misogynistic nightmares they’ve been protesting against. For a while, it looks like Leighton’s plan might actually work — Alicia develops an easy rapport with Nico and they spend the evening doing keg stands and beer curling together — but when a drunken frat bro insults Alicia, things go awry. Alicia stands up for herself but Leighton pulls her away from the fight. Alicia questions whose side Leighton is actually on and storms out. Leighton follows close behind, explaining that she was only trying to keep Alicia from getting hurt. She apologizes for the frat bro’s behavior and assures Alicia that she’s never seen them treat anyone else like that.
“Of course you haven’t,” Alicia retorts. “I’m just this queer girl that they can’t fuck but you? You’re this pretty, blonde, straight girl who they actually think is worthy of respect.”
Leighton insists that Alicia’s wrong about her but Alicia remains unconvinced. Leighton tries to summon the words but can’t, so she just kisses Alicia instead. A shocked Alicia pulls away, dismayed that she got Leighton so wrong, but Leighton silences her with another kiss. They return to Alicia’s apartment, hook up — though, it happens entirely off-screen, unlike the straight sex scenes — and after it’s over, Leighton tries to sneak away. Alicia is sympathetic to Leighton’s need to escape but invites her to Netflix and chill with her. Leighton, much to my surprise, agrees.
Legacies 407: “Someplace Far Away From All This Violence”
Written by Valerie Anne
I’ve seen Frozen, I know only true love can melt Josie’s frozen heart! But I still don’t know if I want that to be Finch or Hope! I am trash!
After reading a TVD recap about the time Caroline turned off her humanity and Stefan helped her switch it back on with a memory of her mother, Josie gets the Super Squad together to make a plan to get Hope to do the same. Before they have time enough to plan, Hope shows up to get some weapons, but our Hope is still in there somewhere, so she doesn’t kill them all immediately. In fact, she even lets them attempt to turn her humanity back on by way of a variety show of friendship. When that proves futile and Hope says some mean things to all her peers, Dark Josie comes out to go face to face with Dark Hope.
Dark Josie tells Hope that she has turned humanities back on with a snap before, and that betrays a hint of fear in Hope, and she thinks that will help her get Hope’s humanity back on. “Even the almighty Tribrid can’t outrun her trauma forever,” Dark Josie threatens, but Hope just says, “Watch me.”
Hope manages to knock Dark Josie over but when she zips over to finish her off, it’s regular Josie’s sweet eyes looking up at her. Eyes that have only ever been full of kindness for her. Josie faces Hope, unafraid, and when Hope realizes that Josie is the first real threat to her humanity switch that she’s encountered so far, she freezes her.
The squad rightly thinks this is a sign that there’s still some of their Hope left inside the Tribrid, and they tuck Josie into the Therapy Box until they can figure out how to unfreeze her. But as Josie goes in, Lizzie comes out, and she’s willing to do what no one else is, to save her sister, to save them all. She’s willing to kill Hope.
The Flash 801-803: “Armageddon Parts 1-3”
Written by Valerie Anne
I have been waiting AT LEAST a full calendar year for this moment.
Ryan and Alex finally showed up in this 5-Episode Event at the very end of Part 3, so now that it seems likely we’ll get more of them in the next episode, I wanted to give you a little ARMAGEDDON primer so Nic and I can get right into yelling about them next week.
The overall premise is that an alien from the future, Despero, has come back in time to kill Barry, because according to him, in the next 10 years, Barry will lose his mind and destroy the world.
Team Flash manages to convince Despero to give them a chance to prove The Flash wouldn’t hurt his friends, let alone the world, but it seems something is indeed messing with Barry’s mind, causing him to have rage blackouts. Plus, when Barry mentions his adoptive father/father-in-law, everyone is horrified because Joe died six months ago. And I’ll admit, I missed a handful of Season 7 episodes, but I watched the finale, so I was 90% sure Joe didn’t die on screen. But as Barry lost grip with reality, so did I.
The first Alex Danvers appearance is when Caitlin calls her for alien advice. Kara is “off-world” so she helps them the best she can from afar. At the end of Part 3, Barry runs to the future to get more clues about what made him snap, and he finds himself at Iris’s engagement party…to his nemesis and mine, Eobard Thawn, aka the Reverse Flash. There they are, happily in love, witnessed by two of Iris’s gay best friends, Ryan Wilder and Alex Danvers, looking hardly a day older than the last time we saw them, let alone a decade. The episode ends with our ladies (et al) turning to confront Barry, so here’s hoping that’s where we pick back up again next week.
Riverdale 603: “Mr. Cypher”
Written by Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya
the way ronnie looks at a man before she subjects him to eternal damnation? priceless
Welcome back to Rivervale, the five-part ~event~ that boldly asks the question: What if Riverdale but FULL THROTTLE FANTASY? This week, the devil comes to town, going by the name of Mr. Cypher, first name Lou…as in Lou Cypher. Lucifer. You get it!!! Jughead Jones sets the episode up in direct address, saying it’s a tale of the devil coming to town to make little deals with townsfolk in exchange for their souls, prompting my girlfriend to say “okay Needful Things by Stephen King!”
The King parallels do not stop there. Last week’s ep had some Christine vibes in Reggie’s storyline. And it seems that this little Rivervale experiment is all building to a very The Stand-esque final showdown between good and evil.
I’ll keep this week’s recap brief, because Cheryl and Toni make nary an appearance! But since I’m heavily invested in the overall Rivervale arc, I didn’t wanna skip this installment. Here’s what goes down for each character:
Jughead interviews the devil, because he thinks it’ll be good for his writing career. He makes a deal that will grant him success for this ONE profile of the devil (“I can’t imagine anything more boring than hearing the life story of satan” – my girlfriend with the gems this week!). In turn, he will never be able to write again. This leads him to make a second deal with the devil, exchanging his soul for the ability to write once more.
Reggie and Veronica open a casino! Reggie sells his soul in exchange for the devil’s investment. Veronica comes up with a solution by instead offering the devil the soul of Nick St. Clair, who should indeed rot in hell. But it turns out Reggie ALSO sold Veronica’s soul to the devil?! Which he tries to walk back by being like babe I only sold your soul to the devil because I knew you’re so smart and talented and could find a way out. Well bitch does she ever! She sacrifices Reggie to the devil, confirming my theory that a major character will die in each of these five installments. Also, when Veronica still thinks it might be her last night on earth before the devil collects her soul, she gives a performance of Lady Gaga’s “Marry the Night” while men dressed as sexy devils dance around her. I…love this show.
Kevin Keller sold his soul in a heartbeat in exchange for musical stardom.
TABITHA IS VISITED BY A GUARDIAN ANGEL WHO GIFTS HER A VIAL OF THE VIRGIN MARY’S TEARS THAT THEY USE TO CONSECRATE POP’S DINER AND WARD OFF THE DEVIL BY SLIPPING TEARS IN HIS MILKSHAKE.
Betty is paid a visit by the Trashbag Killer except it’s actually the devil who tells her there’s something “100% evil” inside her and then tricks her into murder-stabbing her ex boyfriend Glen. Awkward!
Alice Cooper drinks a cranberry spritzer.
And that’s this week’s Rivervale for you. Have you seen next week’s promo yet? Sabrina Spellman comes to town, and uhhhhhh Betty? And Cheryl???? KISSING???? I mean, I think the actresses are playing ancestors of Betty and Cheryl for that particular moment but!!!! There will seemingly be much to discuss next week.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0C2UGMFpVI&feature=emb_title
Boobs On Your Tube: Welcome Back to Riverdale, Where Everyone Is HORNY
Oh well hello and a happy Friday to you! It’s that time of year again, the time when the sunsets at 4pm in the northeast! Which means it’s also time to snuggle down under a pile of blankets with my cats and watch so much gay teevee! Speaking of! This week! Riese brought you great tidings of Kristen Stewart’s forthcoming gay ghost show? I (Heather) wrote about how that dang Netflix Goop sex show actually self-helped me. Sally updated you on JoJo Siwa’s latest routines on DWTS, which got her through to the finals! Valerie Anne is here and queer to tell you about the lesbian on Yellowjackets. She also recapped Legends of Tomorrow! Nic recapped another VERY GAY Batwoman. Carmen recapped another VERY GAY Twenties. And special guest Juan Barquin wrote about the new adaptation of Cowboy Bebop.
Notes from the TV Team:
+ I just wanted to reassure all the CWDCTVLGBTQ+s that Nic and I are all over ARMAGEDDON, keeping an eye on the Flash five-episode event for the arrival of our beloved gays. So far the only non-Flash character is Ray from Legends, none of our ladies yet. But at the end of the episode, they said they were going to call Alex Danvers for her alien expertise so hopefully her and Ryan are on their way to Central City as we speak! We’ll be sure to report back when they show up. — Valerie Anne
+ I’m ALMOST caught up on Dickinson enough to write about it for you! This season is impeccably gay so far, and I remain devastated it will be the last one. — Valerie Anne
+ Few shows have brought me more unexpected joy this fall than The Big Leap (which, of course, means it’s going to be cancelled). Stef Foster, Paulie Oster, my favorite boyfriend from Felicity (IYKYK), a big girl as the romantic lead and dancing montages set to classic Missy Elliott and Whitney Houston? It’s like my own personal catnip. But just in case I needed a reason to love this show more, they gave it to me this week when they revealed Monica Sullivan (the show’s unflinching judge/dance instructor) is bisexual and shares a matching tattoo with her ex-girlfriend, Annie. — Natalie
+ On Station 19, Maya changed exactly one (1!!) diaper and decided that she’s actually ready to have a baby with Carina after all. I debated writing a full blurb about it, because I miss writing about Maya and Carina so much! But honestly? The decision to make them mothers so quickly after marriage is a lazy writing choice, and to have Maya turn around so quickly on it (yes, I get she’s still grieving losing Miller) was bad writing at that. — Carmen
+ Also I know you updates on Home Economics and 4400! I’m in a bit of a content hole that I am digging myself out of rapidly (I owe stuff to everyone), but after Thanksgiving we should be back to normal. I miss y’all! — Carmen
Nancy Drew 306: “The Myth of the Ensnared Hunter”
Written by Valerie Anne
WHOMST among us would not say yes to a second date with this adorable witch-in-training?!
This week, Bess regrets being so adamant about Addy being a one-time thing. She “casually” looks for Addy at the youth center, but when she’s not there, Bess tries to play it like she doesn’t care but she’s barely convincing herself let alone anyone else.
Bess tries to distract herself by helping George with her Odette problem, and while she’s at the Historical Society, she gets a start when Nancy emerges from a secret door in the wall after searching some tunnels for a monster that looks like a Gentleman left underwater too long. The Drew Crew reviews the security footage of the Historical Society to see who else has used that secret door, when they see the exact nature of Bess and Addy’s relationship.
Eventually George gets it out of Bess that the reason she’s trying to keep Addy at arm’s length is because she’s afraid Addy won’t want more. George, who knows the value of not wasting time all too well, tells Bess that she has to take the chance and ask for a second date. And that Addy would be a fool to say no.
Though Bess might be a bit distracted in the coming days, because the rest of the footage reveals that Historical Hannah knew about the secret door to the monster tunnel all along.
Legacies 406: “You’re a Long Way From Home”
Written by Valerie Anne
I cannot understate how adorable I find it when the Smol one in a Tol & Smol relationship takes the role of Big Spoon.
This week’s episode opens with the Super Squad being brutally murdered by the Tribrid because she’s a force to be reckoned with. As soon as Hope starts murdering her friends I know it must be some kind of nightmare scenario, and even though it DID turn out to be the simulation box, it didn’t make it hurt any less to watch Hope snap sweet Josie’s neck.
Finch and Cleo are trying to help the Squad find Hope, but Hope is managing to uno reverse their spells in her quest to learn more about Triad. Cleo knows there’s a weapon that can kill Hope but she’s hesitant to tell everyone, especially before she has what I assume will be an ancient White Oak stake. (I don’t want Hope to do anything she’ll regret when she turns her humanity back on, which I hope she does before Cleo permakills her, but I’m enjoying Chaotic Neutral Hope while she lasts.)
Josie is freaking out and Finch tries to calm her down but Josie feels guilty about her dad getting hurt while she was…relaxing with Finch so she snaps at her girlfriend. Finch realizes this isn’t the time to dicuss this so she gets out of the way for now.
All the while Lizzie is busy trying to find a way to save her dad, which I feel like personally is a waste of time, especially when Hope’s humanity is at…stake. She finds a spell that could steal life force from someone to put it back in her dad, but ultimately can’t go through with it. Later, Josie feels guilty that she found herself a little disappointed Lizzie hadn’t killed someone to save Alaric. And now dad is still in a coma, Hope is seeming farther (and further) away, and Lizzie’s in the therapy box. Josie has never felt so…on her own.
Finch points out that she’s never NOT been. Josie has had Lizzie since birth and they’ve both lived at the school their dad runs their whole lives. But now Finch is here to have her back so Josie can just be in her feelings, sit in the helplessness for a minute, have a breakdown if she needs to. Just…be.
Hightown 205: “Dot Dot Dot”
Written by Natalie
This week’s Hightown saves its most explosive stories for other characters — Daisy, Frankie, Jorge, Renee and Ray, most notably — but it gives its most relatable story for Jackie Quiñones. And, boy, is it painfully relatable.
Jackie wakes up and reaches across the bed to find the space next to her empty. When she spots Leslie across the room, with far too many clothes on, Jackie tries to lure her back into bed. She praises Leslie’s oral performance from the night before, astounded that it was her first time. Leslie chalks her success up to beginner’s luck and asks if it was a big deal that Jackie let her go down on her.
“Um, I mean, not really….well…kind of,” Jackie admits. “You really wanna have this conversation? The butch conversation?”
And I very much do what them to have that conversation but, instead, Jackie pulls Leslie into a kiss. Eventually, Leslie has to leave for court and Jackie watches her go with a broad smile on her face. Jackie Quiñones, the lesbian lothario of P-Town, is ridiculously in love with a straight girl. Been there, Jackie…been there.
Later, Jackie suits back up for the Fisheries Service and joins an operation with Ed to catch the Scrodfather unloading an illegally caught great white shark. While making the trip up to a processing plant in Brooklyn, Jackie exchanges texts with Leslie and can’t hide how positively giddy she is about it. Ed notices Jackie’s cheshire grin and tells her that he’s glad to see her happy again. When they arrive in Brooklyn, all that’s left to do is wait on the truck so Jackie entertains herself with texts from Leslie.
Jackie: ughhhh ron’s so annoying this sux.
Leslie: anything i can do to help
Jackie: Yes! Send pics! 🙏 🤪
(Jackie sits up straight in her seat as her phone shows that Leslie’s responding back)
Leslie: *sends topless pic*
Jackie: OMG I love you so much
Listen, I get how an “I love you” can slip out after someone sends you (consensual) nudes. The hormones take over — oxytocin makes you feel connected to the sender, dopamine floods your system, impacting your impulse control — and suddenly, you’re professing love that you may not even feel or, in Jackie’s case, do feel but definitely would not admit to under normal circumstances. Been there, Jackie…been there. As soon as Jackie clicked send, I screamed, “OOOH, NOOO!”
Jackie’s message is delivered and read. Bubbles pop up, indicating that Leslie’s about to respond, but then they disappear…and Leslie never returns to the conversation. The longer Jackie goes without a response, the more frantic she gets. She texts. She calls. She freaks out. At some point, she calls Leslie a bitch. She pleads for Leslie to just call her back and let her explain. Of course, Leslie doesn’t and when she can’t fix her misstep, she takes her frustration out on Ed…damaging her relationship with the only person she’s been able to depend on in her life.
All American 404: “A Bird in the Hand”
Written by Natalie
This week, Coop slinks back into the studio just in time to hear Layla’s new artist in the booth performing one of her songs. It stings to hear someone else performing her work so Coop lashes out, accusing Layla of stealing songs just like her father did. Layla refuses to be disrespected in her own studio so she reminds Coop what actually happen: she invested all her time and money into creating tracks that Coop never finished. She’s funneling the tracks to a new artist in hopes of recouping some of her investment. All Coop can hear is someone else delivering the rhymes she wrote and tells Layla, “good luck with your replacement Coop.”
Later, Coop bemoans Layla’s “business as usual” attitude but Patience is more sympathetic. She understands that Layla is just trying to make the best out of a bad situation. Shocked that her girlfriend isn’t on her side, Coop reminds her of when something similar happened between her and JP (aka Layla’s dad). Patience corrects the record: JP pushed her out of the process but Layla would include her, but for Coop’s own pronouncement that she was done with music. She reminds Coop that Layla’s career is on the line too and it’s unfair to expect Layla to give up.
Coop returns to an empty studio later and runs into Asher. They commiserate about their shared fate — both having recently had their dreams snatched away — and each offer advice to the other. He reminds her that if someone else is performing her song that’s just proof that she wrote a damn good song. Asher’s words get through to Coop and later, she apologizes to Layla for her behavior. Coop encourages Layla to use her music but pushes her to allow her new artist to freestyle their own lyrics: using Coop’s experiences takes away from the song’s authenticity. Later, when Layla gets her artist back in the booth, the song pops with the new freestyle lyrics and it’s clear: Coop might not be able to perform anymore but she’s still got an ear for the business.
New Amsterdam 409: “In a Strange Land”
Written by Natalie
When Casey started questioning the how and why behind the creation of a fifth resident slot at the hospital, Lauren should’ve seen that as a sign. If Casey could figure it out, it’d only be a little while before one of her colleagues could piece it together or, worse, Leyla discovered how she earned her New Amsterdam residency. Once Casey figured it out, Lauren Bloom should’ve gone home and told her girlfriend the truth. Maybe, ultimately, it wouldn’t have changed anything but it would’ve given Lauren her best shot at salvaging her relationship.
Of course, Lauren didn’t do any of that. Instead, the couple return to work: with Dr. Bloom managing the ED through a mass casualty event, without her head nurse (Casey) to help her, and Dr. Shinwari joining Dr. Reynolds for a general surgery rotation. A fire at a midtown church sends its residents — mostly undocumented immigrants who were seeking sanctuary there — streaming into New Amsterdam. But the threat the immigrants face isn’t just from their injuries: ICE is camped outside the hospital, waiting for the immigrants to come out so they can be detained.
One of the immigrants has labored breathing but refuses to allow Layla to take off the bandages that are restricting their breathing. Thankfully, one of the ED’s nurses, Kai Brunstetter, intervenes, introducing themselves by revealing their pronouns. They ask if taking off their binder makes them feel unsafe and exposed and the patient nods. Kai explains that between the smoke from the fire and binder, their lungs are struggling so they have to take the binder off. The patient agrees and he introduces himself as Temi.
As Kai and Leyla undo the binder, they notice some discharge on the bandages and send him to Dr. Sharpe in Oncology for a mammogram. Kai accompanies him to the appointment and admits that the screening is “like stepping back into a body that isn’t mine” but insists that its necessary. Temi, clearly carrying the emotional scars of his youth, refuses the mammogram but Helen finds an alternative, an ultrasound on a transducer table. When they find a lump, Sharpe explains that they’ll need to perform a lumpectomy but Temi insists on a double mastectomy. Sharpe explains the difference between a mastectomy and top surgery but Temi acknowledges, “this might be my only chance.”
Temi wakes up from his surgery happy about his new body but Sharpe has bad news: his cancer has spread and he’ll need daily treatment for six weeks to avoid it killing him. But, Temi laments, if the cancer doesn’t kill him, ICE detention or deportation will.
Meanwhile, Dr. Shinwari returns to Reynolds’ side to help save a burn victim. Throughout the treatment, she can’t help but reflect on how lucky she is…how she could’ve easily been one of these immigrants, seeking treatment instead of giving it. In surgery, their patient has a setback and Leyla recognizes it right away, impressing Reynolds. The newly minted Chief of General Surgery is so impressed he offers her a slot in his department when she finishes her residency.
“I see how why they created a fifth slot for you,” Reynolds muses, much to Leyla’s dismay. He recalls the last time the hospital added a fifth resident, it was because of a family’s large donation to New Amsterdam. Leyla starts putting the pieces together and my heart (and hers) sinks.
A Million Little Things 407: “Stay”
Written by Natalie
So, apparently, when Shanice said goodbye to Katherine, she really meant goodbye. It feels like a waste — there was so much potential there and so much chemistry — but at least Shanice’s absence hasn’t meant that Katherine’s retreated back into the closet. Quite the contrary, actually: our girl is single and ready to mingle.
Katherine enlists her assistant, Carter, to help her get ready for her first date. He’s giddy about her joining him in the alphabet mafia and imagines her “leaning into moto style”…which, as someone who’s a sucker for a girl in a moto jacket, I wholeheartedly agree. Katherine admits that she doesn’t know what to wear, much less what to talk about and Carter reminds her that “this is a first date, not confession.” She laments having to go on this awkward first date rather than having something develop organically like with Shanice but Carter pushes her to try.
“This is your first pancake, the one that’s never cooked correctly, but prepares the griddle for the others,” Carter advises. He hands her a sexy black dress and encourages her to eat that pancake…which might be taking this metaphor a step too far.
The date starts out great but, slowly, the wheels start to come off. Katherine admits that it’s her first date with a woman but her date, Heather, assures her that it’s definitely not hers. A little undone by Heather’s flirtation, Katherine rambles a bit and Heather puts her hand over Katherine’s to reassure her that everything’s fine. They’re staring in each other’s eyes when the bartender comes over to refill their glasses and Katherine pulls away.
“Um… do you want to split an order of guac? It says they put in pomegranate. I’m… I’m curious,” Katherine stammers.
“Clearly,” Heather answers back, every hint of flirtation gone from her voice, and it’s obvious what’s about to happen. Heather excuses herself to go to the restroom but never returns, leaving Katherine alone at the bar. At least she was kind enough to pay the tab before she ghosted Katherine.
Back at the office, Katherine drowns her sorrows and tries to figure out where she went wrong. Carter urges her to look at the date as a win, since she was confident enough to put herself out there. Coming out is difficult, no matter when it happens, Carter points out, reflecting on his own coming out story. His tale causes Katherine to reflect on the gay girl she knew in high school — a coming out that she did not handle well — and later, Katherine slides into her Insta DMs.
Riverdale 601: “Welcome to Rivervale”
Written by Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya
Welcome back to Riverdale, where everyone is HORNY. Veronica and Reggie are horny for power as the town’s new power couple. Alice is horny for Uncle Frank, who shoots down her advances because he is capital-D Damaged, but who isn’t in this town? Betty and Archie are horny to make a baby. I know they’ve known each other their whole lives, so they’re not technically U-Hauling their relationship, but they are kinda U-Hauling their relationship. Betty says at one point “I’ve been dreaming about starting a family with you since sixth grade,” to which I simply have to ask — what? But seriously, these horndogs are going AT IT this episode. Me personally? Horny for the fact that Betty beats Archie in an axe throwing competition. Tabitha and Jughead are decidedly not horny, even though they’ve recently moved in together. It’s hard to be horny when your home is cursed with endless bug infestations. And Cheryl Blossom is horny for doing blood sacrifices in the woods.
Yes, you did indeed read that correctly. And I’m sure if you are a watcher of Riverdale, there’s little I could say or do to shock you. But the writers have taken Riverdale’s absurdity a step further, because you see, we’re no longer in Riverdale at all. This season, we’re in Rivervale, a shadowtown, a different dimension entirely. The players are the same, but the rules are different. We bid adieu to any semblance of reality, and you know what? I love this for Riverdale. Throw continuity and coherency out the damn door and let’s get weird. I don’t necessarily want Riverdale to become Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (Sabrina will be making an appearance in Rivervale), but I do think there’s a happy medium. Riverdale has long moved past its roots as a teen drama (I mean, they’re not even teens anymore), and going full Twilight Zone meets Brothers Grimm? Hot! Jughead serves as a full-on Rod Serling, breaking the fourth wall and taking viewers through the fresh horrors that plague Rivervale. The format is working. These writers know how to blow up a concept entirely and then rebuild something even wilder than what came before.
In Rivervale, Cheryl has declared Thornhill a sovereign nation and also has a small army of bow and arrow wielding girls at her disposal. Over the course of the episode, characters need favors from her, and she hands them out with, of course, a price tag. They must bear witness at an unspecified ritual on her grounds. It’s a classic folklore premise, a beautiful witch promising a cure for people’s ailments and then coming to collect.
It’s difficult to choose a favorite Cheryl line from this episode (A couple I wrote down: “My spies tell me that Archie Andrews is trying to steal my maple thunder”; “Tell me, what demons torment you Tab Tab?”). The Rivervale aesthetic and tone absolutely plays to Madelaine Petsch’s strengths. And this exchange between Cheryl and Betty had me, simply, dead:
Cheryl: Cousin, howfore did you get into my house?
Betty: A bobby pin.
Betty and her bobby pins. She’s, dare I say, horny for snooping!
On the subject of quotes, Veronica says she has always wanted to “make it” on a bed of cash. MAKE IT? WHAT YEAR IS IT? (Temporality, temperature, and geography have always been more fluid than fixed on Riverdale, but that seems especially true in Rivervale.)
Cheryl does finally come to collect. She convinces the whole town to participate in a human sacrifice. Specifically, in the killing of Archie Andrews, who she ties to a post and crowns with a set of antlers before using a knife to cut out his heart. It’s like a CW-ified Yellowjackets!!!!!! See, I thought I was going to have to reach to bring up Yellowjackets in basically everything I write about television for the foreseeable future, but Riverdale really came through with the haunting animal imagery and friends violently turning on each other and ritualistic killing. Anyway, Archie’s dead now? Not entirely sure what to do with that information. Because under the new rules of Rivervale, he could easily come back to life anytime.
Boobs on Your Tube: “Legacies” Tempts With Baddie Bisexual Vampires
Holy cats, y’all, this has been the absolute WILDEST day of TV trailer news! We got new teasers from Sex and the City, Ms. Marvel, and She-Hulk! Let’s see… what else happened this week? The Morning Show doubled down on its gay smooching and Christina was there with you to yell about it. Carmen recapped an all new episode of Twenties. Valerie Anne recapped Legends of Tomorrow and the Supergirl series finale. Batwoman went full fan fic and Nic responded in kind by going full fangirl. Riese reviewed Dopesick! Shelli reviewed Tampa Baes! And Sally caught us up with JoJo Siwa’s latest DWTS routines.
Notes from the TV Team:
+ On Queens, it’s not looking great for Jill and Tina!! Waking up from her adulterous hookup, Jill finds out Tina is visiting LA. After some cover up (Jill suggests U-Hauling because she doesn’t want to deal with her guilt), it finally comes out that Jill cheated in the last episode. Tina offers to forgive her, but the truth is that Jill is newly out for the first time and still ready to explore! Tina, surprisingly mature about her heartbreak, decides that if she’s waited this long for Jill, maybe the timing just isn’t right. And if she’s lucky, maybe their paths will cross again in the future. Until then, welcome Jill’s Hoe Phase? — Carmen
+ On All American, news about Coop’s decision to give up music finally gets back to Layla. Incensed, Layla puts her label first: forcing Coop to sign papers ending their partnership and allowing Layla to shop Coop’s music around to other artists. If that wasn’t bad enough, Mo’s daughter is starting to ask questions about what happened to her mother and why no one’s avenged her death. Looks like that thirst for revenge runs in the family. — Natalie
+ Dickinson is back! I haven’t had a chance to watch it yet but I’ll be writing about it in some way, shape, or form as soon as I do!! — Valerie Anne
+ So we have collectively decided that Amelia is flirting enough with hot enby Dr. Kai on Grey’s to warrant joining our recaps! Unfortunately this week we were all so upset about [Station 19 not gay spoiler] that we processed our grief about it over 50 comments in a slack thread! Amelia and hot doctor Kai, your time begins next week. — Carmen
Hightown 204: “Daddy Issues”
Written by Natalie
This week, Jackie’s back in her Fisheries Service uniform, questioning the Scrodfather about shark poaching off the Cape. The interview proves unproductive so Eddie encourages Jackie to salvage the trip to New Bedford by visiting her father, Rafael. She goes, begrudgingly, and things are awkward and tense. Jackie returns to the station and works out her angst by fucking Leslie against the lockers.
A text message disrupts their post-coital bliss, alerting them to Daisy’s real identity. Once they discover her probationary status, they set a trap and she falls right in. Leslie threatens Daisy with arrest but Jackie takes a more gentle approach to convince Daisy to become their informant. She gives Daisy a day to think about everything and passes on her business card. Daisy returns to Xavier’s and when she’s not deferential enough with Jorge, he punches her in the face and throws her out of the club.
As they await word from Daisy, Leslie and Jackie stroll along the streets of P-town. Jackie laments that Daisy’s protection of Jorge and Leslie chalks it up to “daddy issues, after all, she is a stripper.” Jackie scoffs: everybody’s got daddy issues, including Leslie…case and point: her affair with Ray. Leslie concedes that her father is a bit like Ray — an emotionally unavailable cop with a propensity for violence — but notes that she got her drive and competitive spirit from him. Leslie asks if Jackie’s father knows she’s gay and she acknowledges that he does and that he’s cool with it. Leslie’s surprised, she’d heard that “the Latinos weren’t down with that stuff.”
“Aw, you’re so cute when you’re racist,” Jackie chides, before explaining, “I’m an only child — probably wanted a boy — so I think, in a way, he related to me more because I wanted to fuck chicks.”
Jackie acknowledges her father’s fuckboi tendencies and admits her frustrating at how his philandering ways hurt her mother. The show of vulnerability touches Leslie and she grabs Jackie’s hand and weaves their fingers together. She leans forward and kisses Jackie who ramps up the passion between them until Daisy’s call pulls her away. Leslie urges Jackie to be careful and come home to her. She pulls Jackie into another kiss and Jackie slips her the keys to her apartment so she can be there, waiting, when she’s done.
Later, Jackie wakes Leslie and stokes her ambition (and her libido) with the promise of taking down Frankie and Jorge. Things quickly get passionate and, once again, Leslie tries to go down on Jackie. She resists, again, and Leslie assures Jackie that she really wants to do this.
“I don’t really…I don’t really…” Jackie stammers, clearly not interested. But Leslie — who, despite the circumstances, feels very straight in this moment — says please and Jackie relents. Her release finally comes but it’s a mix of pleasure and pain that feels like it might reverberate throughout the rest of the season.
9-1-1 507: “Ghost Stories”
Written by Natalie
Halloween came a little late this season on 9-1-1, as the first responders of the 118 dealt with ghosts, both real and imagined. For Henrietta Wilson, the ghost comes in the form of her ex-girlfriend, Eva Mathis. Last we saw Eva, she’d threatened to sue Karen and Hen for custody of Denny but overdosed (and was subsequently sent back to prison) before she could make good on her threat. This week, she returns looking to make amends.
When she arrives, Eva reports that she’s nearly two years sober and is looking to start over somewhere else. Hen offers half-hearted congratulations and tries to usher her ex out the door. Eva admits that during her recovery, she’s had plenty of time to think, and she acknowledges how much she hurt Hen. She’s amazed that, even despite that hurt, Hen sill saved her life and took in her son, never holding him responsible for his mother’s transgressions. As tears roll down her face, Hen admits that she’s glad Eva’s doing better but forgiveness just isn’t possible right now.
When she returns home, Hen shares the news of Eva’s visit with Karen. Why she thinks Karen needed to know about a visit from the ex that Hen cheated on her with, I don’t know…and, frankly, neither does Karen. Hen insists that she just didn’t want any secrets between them, particularly about Eva. Karen wonders if Eva’s truly leaving town and Hen admits that she thinks Eva was being sincere. Hen’s continued faith in Eva only further exacerbates Karen’s insecurities and after leaving Hen stunned, Karen takes her fight directly to the source: Eva. She puts it to her plainly, “why [do] you keep popping up, trying to blow my life apart?”
Eva insists that that wasn’t her intention; instead, she just wanted to make Hen — the first person to ever really believe in her — proud of her again. Karen admits that she’s been worried about the specter Eva casts over her relationship with Hen since their third date. Everytime Eva calls, she’s convinced she’ll lose Hen and Denny because all the people she loves, belonged to Eva first. But Eva puts Karen at ease: Hen won’t leave because she loves Karen more than her. The admission stops Eva’s ghost from haunting Karen’s relationship with and the couple reaffirm their love by candlelight.
NCIS: Hawai’i 107: “Rescuers”
Written by Natalie
Kate Whistler walks into the NCIS offices with a spring in her step. She’s dressed more casually than usual. She’s smiling broadly. She even stops to say good morning to Ernie, the team’s tech guru. In short, it’s all very un-Whistler like. She tries to cloak it — pretending that her visit is about some security clearance forms and not Kate returning the tennis bracelet Lucy left at her apartment the night before — but it’s clear to anyone paying attention: Kate Whitsler is smitten. And that, as it turns out, is a problem for Kate Whistler.
When the couple cross paths later, the energy between them has shifted: Lucy is still glowing from their night together and already hard at work planning their next date (bowling! rockin’ bowl!) but Kate’s withdrawn. Kate pulls Lucy into a quiet corner and lightly admonishes her for talking about dating while at work. Stunned by Kate’s shift in demeanor, Lucy asks what happened to the woman who was all smiles this morning. People noticed her behavior this morning, Kate admits, and it puts additional pressure on her. Kate suggests that they keep their relationship a secret but Lucy’s not interested in being anyone’s secret. Before the conversation can get any more heated, or overheard by the approaching crowd, Kate cuts Lucy off and walks away.
During a break in their case, Ernie confronts Lucy about her relationship with Whistler. She admits that they’ve dated before and have been together, again, for a few weeks but things continue to be frustrating. She laments Kate’s interest in keeping their relationship a secret — after all, they’re adults and aren’t breaking any rules — and surmises that Kate’s just embarrassed to be with her.
Later, Kate stops by the office and apologizes for her behavior. She admits that she allowed a bad work call to impact their dynamics. Lucy asks directly if Kate’s embarrassed by her but Kate denies it: actually, she’s embarrassed by herself. She’s trying to be more expressive but it’s a hard adjustment. Recognizing that Kate’s making a sincere effort, Lucy agrees to keep their relationship between them. After all, Lucy flirtily offers: “secrets can be fun.”
Two points about this scene: first, how is it so completely devoid of emotion or warmth? Lucy is battered and bruised from an encounter with an assailant and Kate doesn’t show any concern about it? Even someone as compartmentalized at Kate would’ve had some visceral reaction to seeing their partner hurt, I’d think. Also? None of this makes sense if these two have dated before; surely this is a conversation that they would’ve already had.
New Amsterdam 408: “Paid in Full”
Written by Natalie
As she prepares to take over as medical director of New Amsterdam, Veronica Fuentes is cleaning house. Though she claims its all about the budget, her real focus seems to be removing Max Goodwin’s fingerprints from the hospital, including getting rid of the doctors who are loyal to him and his vision. Lauren admits that Fuentes is extorting her to help fund the hospital but neglects to mention why (details, schmetails). Iggy’s convinced that Max will save them but Lauren notes that even if Max can save them now, in two weeks, he’s jetting off to England and they’ll be at Fuentes’ mercy.
Back in the ED, Lauren ribs Casey for not having the schedule done yet, a task made even more difficult by the additional resident. He doesn’t understand why the department has an extra resident but remains short on nurses. Lauren immediately gets defensive and snaps at Casey which causes him to consider how Bloom’s girlfriend got a slot in her ED. He confronts Lauren about the additional resident later and Lauren lets him know that she doesn’t appreciate the implication. But Casey knows Lauren and he knows when she’s lying…and she rushes to fill the silence with an explanation.
She admits that she bought Leyla’s seat but insists that everything was completely above board. If that were true, Casey points out, Lauren wouldn’t have hidden the truth from everyone. He warns that her actions undermine everything that Leyla’s worked for and Lauren admits he’s right. But then, the desperation that drove her to make the donation in the first place becomes evident, “Okay, but you get why I had to do it. I had to. Please, please don’t… please don’t say anything.” He cautions: when everyone finds out, she’ll lose everyone’s respect, just like she’s lost his.
Meanwhile, a ransomware attack strikes New Amsterdam and, short of paying the hackers 10M in cryptocurrency, there’s no immediate solution to getting the hospital back online. Max urges Fuentes to get the board to back a ransom payment but she resists unless he agrees to sign onto her proposed budget…a budget that would fire three dozen doctors, including Dr. Bloom. The attack causes chaos throughout the hospital and Max is forced to sign off on the budget. He does, however, manage to amend Fuentes’ proposal and — just like Iggy said — save Lauren, Iggy and Floyd from being fired. The consequence, though? Widespread firings, including Casey.
Nancy Drew 305: “The Vision of the Birchwood Prisoner”
Written by Valerie Anne
Hey, Nancy? Nance? Buddy? Pal? You know you’re supposedly not the gay one in this shot? And yet? The way you’re sitting??
No sign of Bess’s newest fling this week, but I think getting laid is putting a little extra spring in her step because she’s chipper as all get-out as she acts as a buffer between Temperance and Nancy, making sure to compliment them both the entire time. She agrees to be a distraction for the detective while Nancy and Bess do a magical mind meld with the serial killer in custody and dubs this trio “Team Nantempess” because she’s the cutest.
Bess does her best to distract the detective with tea, but her attempts are almost thwarted by a zombie cat. She tries to use it as an excuse to keep him there longer, having the detective help her dig a grave for the kitty even though he’s totally onto her.
Later, Bess confronts Temperance about the cat but she swears it died of natural causes and she just used it to get information. Bess realizes that Temperance is probably using her for her energy but when given an out, Bess decides to continue her tutelage.
Besides, they have a supernatural baddie to find, and they can probably use all the magical help they can get.
Legacies 405: “I Thought You’d Be Happier to See Me”
Written by Valerie Anne
Continuing the grand Mikaelson tradition of being sexually fluid especially when it comes to vamp activity.
This week, Josie and Finch wake up together, ready to spend the day celebrating their big win, but then they hear Lizzie scream for Josie and learn that the twins’ dad is in the hospital…because of Hope.
Speaking of Hope, she’s out drinking and dancing with a lady she’s about to feed from when who should show up but the one, the only, REBEKAH MIKAELSON. Love of my life, queen of my heart, goddess amongst mortals, bisexual icon, and Hope’s Aunt Bex. Rebekah and Hope share a drink of the woman Hope was dancing with and Hope wants to finish draining her but Rebekah wants Hope to come home with her. She doesn’t understand why Hope is acting like this, she can’t imagine being a tribrid is THAT much different from being a vampire and then Hope gives her a smirk and Rebekah realizes that Hope turned off her humanity.
Rebekah tries to stab Hope with the dagger that her brothers so often used to tuck her away but before she can take Hope anywhere, the bartender snaps Rebekah’s neck because he wants to kidnap Hope. Hope wakes up and starts using him as a dartboard while trying to figure out who he works for. He reveals that he’s part of Triad, and that the “original bloodlines” want to destroy her. Hope threatens him but just as he’s about to give up the ghost his brand ignites and fries him.
When Rebekah wakes up, Hope gives her her mother’s necklace, her most prized possession, says “Always and forever” in a mocking tone that breaks my heart and leaves her aunt in the dust.
Meanwhile, the twins are trying to get their father to wake up from his coma by jumping into his mind, but his life is flashing before his eyes. He has a dramatic goodbye with Lizzie, and explains that one of the only reasons he took Hope in was so she would form a bond with his girls and protect them if things went south. And since the actor who plays their father is a garbage human, I’m hoping they’re actually writing him off, even though it would be devastating for the twins and also could cause an irreparable rift between them and Hope, who would be crushed once she turns her humanity back on, which I don’t LOVE. Maybe they can get his consciousness into a new body? We’ll see.
Boobs On Your Tube: The Lying (Down), The Witch, and The Werewolf
Hey there, homos! You have made it through the first week of November — congrats! Still don’t know what to stream this month? Riese has got you covered! JoJo Siwa landed in the bottom two of DWTS this week with her tango and Sally recapped the near-heartbreak! Valerie Anne recapped Supergirl and Legends of Tomorrow and both recaps made me cry? Batwoman didn’t go exactly how the TV Team hoped this week, but Nic made us feel better with her WildMoore slow-burn hype. Carmen recapped Twenties and really wants to remind you that it’s one of the best things going on TV right now and you need to get on it; this weekend is a perfect time to get caught up. And Christina is here with your weekly gay Morning Show update.
Notes from the TV Team:
+ OH MY HARD CANDY CHRISTMAS! — Heather
+ Storylines for Henrietta Wilson have been slim thus far on 9-1-1 but this week, the second year med student did decide on a specialty: general surgery. The decision comes after Hen is forced to serve as the hands of an injured prison doctor, in order to save the life of a guard injured in a breakout. — Natalie
+ I would have done a full recap of Home Economics but we have a lot going on this week (as you’re about to see!), so something had to give. This week Sarah and Denise are dealing with their tween daughter Shamiah not wanting to tell them about her little tween crush on a boy. At first they assume it’s because they’re gay, leading to some very deep belly laughs as they try to “straighten up” but it turns out that it’s just Shamiah thinks that her moms, like all moms, are out of touch and cringe. Perfect. — Carmen
Hightown 203: “Fresh as a Daisy”
Written by Natalie
Thanks to a tip from his confidential informant, Jackie’s sergeant locates the body of a murdered drug dealer (Sean “Kizzle” Gandam) buried deep in the woods. The sergeant affixes blame for the murder on Junior and when he shares his suspicions with Jackie, she refuses to believe that Junior was capable of killing anyone. Despite the disagreement, her sergeant invites her to interview someone who might know about Junior’s actions: his girlfriend/baby mama, Donna. Still in the anger stage of the grieving process, Donna agrees that Junior could’ve killed Kizzle. Jackie follows her out and discovers that she’s working at Xavier’s, the strip club owned by the people who got Junior killed.
“When are you gonna fuckin’ get it, huh?” Donna asks. “It wasn’t Osito. It wasn’t Kizzel. It wasn’t anybody else that killed Junior. Junior killed Junior.”
After her run-in with Donna, Jackie question Osito in prison. She returns to the precinct to update her sergeant on her theory: Osito killed Kizzel for Junior. But rather than hear her out, he dismisses her entirely for having gone outside the chain of command. Instead, he dispatches her to join Leslie and do some “real police work.” With nothing happening at Xavier’s, talk between the new partners quickly turns to their night together. Leslie assures Jackie that they’re cool and brushes it off as a simple hook-up between co-workers. Jackie casually questions Leslie’s assessment — “That what that was? A hook-up?” — and there’s something about the way she says it that let’s you know, without a doubt, that their hook-up will not be a one-time thing.
Once they’re made by Jorge Cuevas, Jackie storms into Xavier’s to put both the cousins on notice. Her impulsive move earns her thinly veiled threats from them both and, though she cloaks it in criticism, Leslie’s impressed (read: turned on) by Jackie’s fearlessness. To make up for her misstep, Jackie invites Leslie to join her for dinner with her surrogate father/former partner, Ed, and his wife. The dinner, even with its moments of awkwardness (Ed’s wife asking Leslie if she was a lesbian, for example), feels like the most at ease that we’ve ever seen Jackie. The easy rapport Ed and Jackie have, the way Leslie fits into Jackie’s other world…it’s a reminder of how far addiction kept her from normalcy.
After dinner, Jackie gets a call from Donna who passes on some information she overheard at Xavier’s: Jorge is pimping out his new girlfriend. Jackie immediately shares the news with Leslie and they relish the opportunity to turn the girlfriend into a confidential informant. The two celebrate their progress by falling into bed together again.
This time, though, it’s a top-off! Jackie tries to go down on Leslie but she pulls her back up and insists on pleasuring Jackie this time. Leslie rolls them over and tries to top Jackie but she will not allow it. She pulls back on Leslie’s hair, says a firm, but sexy, no, and reclaims her place on top of her partner. It’s hot — and especially impressive, given that Monica Raymund was both the talent and the director — but now I have so many questions.
All American 402: “I Ain’t Goin’ Out Like That”
Written by Natalie
Since the shooting, things between Patience and Coop have been strained…and the distance between them only widens as they share breakfast before school. Coop’s busy, wrapped up in preparing to return to the studio, and Patience has to text her just to get her attention. Patience questions Coop’s decision to get back into the studio so soon and Coop immediately gets defensive about it. Patience laments the distance between them lately — she didn’t even know Coop was planning to go into the studio — but Coop brushes her off and ushers Patience off to school.
Later, as she’s getting ready to go meet Coop at the studio, Patience’s dad interrupts her to talk about Coop. While he’s been supportive of their relationship in the past, Coop’s list of transgressions continues to grow. He’s understandably worried about his daughter’s safety if she and Coop stay together, as trouble seems to follow Coop wherever she goes. Though Patience tries to offer some defense of the woman she loves, the reality is, her father’s only vocalizing thoughts she’s already had. Patience goes into her next meeting with Coop looking for some affirmation that battling through all the drama is worthwhile — some proof that she matters to Coop — and, when Coop doesn’t offer any, Patience is ready to let go.
“We are together so your problems are my problems. And if you don’t get that, like…,” Patience cries, her voice full of emotion. “I don’t even know what else to say. I think maybe we should just…”
Realizing that she’s about to lose Patience, Coop finally speaks up: Mo’s bullet might not have killed her but it may have killed her rap career. The bullet damaged her lungs and her doctor said that she might never regain lung capacity. Coop admits that during her studio session, she couldn’t even get through one song…and she wonders if she ever will again. Patience embraces Coop but, later at Layla’s party, she’s clearly frustrated that it took nearly breaking up for Coop to tell her the truth. When she confesses that to Spencer, he’s his usual optimistic self, assuring Patience that their relationship will be fine and Coop can fully recover if Patience is by her side.
Meanwhile, though, Coop’s commiserating with Asher and throwing a pity party for herself. By the end of the evening, Coop is convinced nothing else really matters anymore; hope is futile. She dismisses Patience’s suggestion to get a second opinion on her condition and pronounces her music dreams dead. Her insolence pushes Patience away, leaving Coop to reach out to the other person she trusts the most: Preach.
NCIS: Hawai’i 106: “The Tourist”
Written by Natalie
Last we checked in with NCIS: Hawai’i, Kate suggested to Lucy that they keep their relationship strictly professional. Though she had her objections, Lucy begrudgingly agreed and the couple’s been stuck in this stasis ever since…that is, until this week when their paths cross as part of an investigation.
Lucy and her team are called to the scene of kidnapping: Kayla Barlow, an Instagram influencer/wife of a Navy officer, disappears during a luau. At first, the team guesses that the kidnapping is tied to the husband — after all, he’s a weapons officer with top secret clearance — but when the alleged kidnapper turns up dead and Kayla is still on the run, the team realizes something else is afoot. Jane notices a pattern in Kayla’s Instagram comments and realizes that Kayla’s been communicating with someone in code. When Ernie tracks down the accounts at the other end of Kayla’s messages, they all lead back to the same place: the alleged kidnapper. Just when Jane is starting to put the pieces together — the “kidnapper” was Kayla’s handler and they worked on intelligence missions together — Kate (a DIA officer, you’ll recall) shows up and shuts the investigation down.
Though Kate’s presence corroborates Jane’s suspicions, she doesn’t give anything else away, including any insight on how the DIA plans to get Kayla Barlow back. Things grow tense and Jane dismisses Kate. Lucy follows her out and questions about how they’re supposed to break the news to Kayla’s distraught husband. Kate’s not interested in coddling the husband’s hurt feelings.
“I’m given orders. Orders that come before relationships and love and feelings,” Kate explains.
“We still talking about Kayla Barlowe?” Lucy asks, turning the conversation personal. Kate swears her words have nothing to do with what happened between them but she is, clearly, undone by the inquiry and makes a quick escape.
But, of course, Jane and the team don’t actually back down: they regroup and continue the search for Kayla. They find her but the Russian operatives that have been searching for Kayla scoop her husband up instead. When word gets back to Kate that the team has Kayla, she returns to NCIS to collect her asset. Jane asks for a little cooperation to help NCIS find Kayla’s husband but Kate’s not particularly interested in helping them, given their dirty play. Eventually, though, they agree to work together — with Kate calling in an FBI team to help save the day — and they arrest the Russian hit squad and save Kayla and her husband.
After the case is closed, Lucy catches up with Kate in the parking deck and thanks her for her help. Kate admits that it’s not always easy being the bad cop but Lucy assures her that she doesn’t think of her as bad, she thinks Kate is amazing. Lucy draws close and then pulls back slightly to invite Kate to join her for a drink. Instead of answering, Kate closes the distance between them and initiates a kiss.
New Amsterdam 407: “Harmony”
Written by Natalie
It all starts out so adorably: Lauren and Leyla locked in their own little world. Lauren withholds Leyla’s breakfast parfait until her girlfriend can correctly answer questions in preparation for an upcoming review. After she gets a spoonful of yogurt, Leyla just looks at Lauren with so much love and gratitude. For a minute, I get lost in the sweetness of it all — I have wanted nothing but love for Dr. Bloom since I started watching New Amsterdam (though, admittedly, I’d hoped it would be with Dr. Sharpe) — but then Leyla tells Lauren, “none of it [would be] possible without you” and I’m snapped out of my revelry. One day, Leyla will find out exactly how possible Lauren made this moment and fear that’ll be the end of their relationship. And worse yet? That moment might be coming sooner than I’d imagined.
There’s an ambulance accident just outside the hospital and Lauren mobilizes the ED to respond to the incoming traumas. The show misses the opportunity to showcase Lauren’s trauma for the previous ambulance accident, only allowing Max to recall the horror of that day. Still, though, the past trauma resonates: Lauren grows obsessed with finding out why the accident happened.
As she searches for answers, she’s approached by Dr. Veronica Fuentes, the hospital’s soon-to-be medical director. Fuentes thanks Bloom for her donation to the Dean’s discretionary fund. Lauren’s clearly taken aback about being called out and asks Fuentes to keep her family’s donation confidential. Lauren minimizes the donation — calling it “nothing special” and something her family does all the time — and Fuentes suggests making another donation, this time to the hospital’s endowment. Lauren considers it but says she has to talk to her family and their lawyer first. But if there was ever any doubt about Dr. Fuentes’ intentions, she makes it clear when she asks, “is Dr. Shinwari involved? If so, I’d like to extend my gratitude to her as well.”
“No,” Lauren insists. “I mean, she doesn’t know we do this and I’d like to keep it that way.”
Fuentes encourages Lauren to think about a gift to the endowment and assures her that Leyla doesn’t have to know about that gift either. The implication is clear: Fuentes knows that Lauren bought Leyla’s place in the residency program and, without a donation to the hospital’s endowment, she’ll expose Lauren’s misdeed. It would put her career, her medical license and her relationship at risk…and Lauren cannot abide that. She calls the family attorney and leaves a message about making another donation to New Amsterdam.
Nancy Drew 304: “The Demon of Piper Beach”
Written by Valerie Anne
Just wanted to say hello from my Nancy/Bess shipping dumpster again. How’ve ya been.
This episode features one of my favorite sci-fi tropes: curated nightmares! It’s such a fun, fascinating way to get into characters’ psyches, and this episode did not disappoint. Horseshoe Bay’s favorite queer lady’s nightmare, for example, was about not being allowed to be a Woman in White; at least on the surface. What we learn is Bess’s fears go a little deeper; it’s about being left out, underestimated, discounted. Being perceived to be not good enough, or worse, being not good enough.
The nightmares escalate, spreading through the town and causing dangerous sleepwalking situations, but Bess’s ideas and opinions are brushed off at every turn until she storms off. When she comes back with a potential magical solution, she realizes everyone else has fallen into a sleep she can’t rouse them from and she’s on her own. She calls her roommate Ryan for help, and now that she’s without her friends she’s starting to doubt herself, but he has no hesitation; he believes in her.
She uses some magic to lucid dream her way into the Drew Crew’s nightmares, gathers them up the Bess Bus and gives them a piece of her mind. She’s sick of not being taken seriously, and she knows that they love her but she wants them to respect her. So they sit back and lets Bess take the wheel, literally and figuratively. They get to the beach where the boss battle will take place, and they all shout their encouragement as Bess takes the sandman down.
When the danger passes and everyone wakes up, they apologize to Bess for doubting her, and she asks for their support in starting her own, newer, better, good-er coven of Women in White, and Nancy says she’ll be great. I’m THRILLED for more Witchy Bess.
Legacies 404: “See You on the Other Side”
Written by Valerie Anne
The lying (down), the witch, and the werewolf.
Whew this episode was a RIDE. We open with Hope in limbo, the Ferryman trying to take her to peace. But ultimately she knows she can’t abandon her definitely-in-danger found family on the off-chance her blood family is waiting in the light for her, so she wakes up. The world is too loud and the lights are too bright but she’s alive…sort of. She is the Tribrid.
Josie tries to find a way to get Landon and Cleo out of Malavore’s void, so she assembles a Super Sub-Squad, including Finch, to keep everyone safe while she does black magic. Finch does her best, and does stop the spell before it’s totally done, but it’s too late: Dark Josie is back.
But despite Dark Josie’s best attempts, Finch is not intimidated. She sees what’s going on and she tells Josie that while she’s fighting to keep her two sides separate, she’ll always be struggling. She’s not Light Josie and Dark Josie. She’s Josie. And until Josie can learn to love her dark side, Finch will love it enough for the both of them. Finch kisses her, and suddenly she’s Josie again; just Josie, two halves made whole. With newfound motivation, she rallies her Sub-Squad again and summons Cleo without losing control.
Meanwhile, Landon momentarily gains control of his body again, and says goodbye to Hope. She says always, he says forever, then Hope fulfills her destiny and my dreams and kills Landon. Maybe for good this time.
Back at school, Finch is still stressed about the Merge, and Josie does want to talk about that, but for now, they should celebrate their win with a different kind of magic. They fall onto the bed together and there’s wolfing out and magic fireworks and sexy, sexy magic.
Oh also? Hope turns off her humanity to avoid all those pesky feelings. Should be fine!
Queens 103: “Who You Calling a Bitch?”
Written by Carmen
This is not the point at all, but the title of this episode is an EXCELLENT Queen Latifah reference.
Last week on Queens we did a tour through the last twenty years of Jill’s rise to stardom as Da Thrill in her late 90s rap group Nasty Bitches and all her internalized homophobia (and related drug problem) that came with it. But this week we’re firmly in the present! And in the present the newly out Jill has been dubbed the “Hottest Lesbian in the World.”
That title comes from Alicia, a reporter form Out Magazine who is doing a profile on Jill as the group prepares their reunion tour following a straight up disastrous performance. The Nasty Bitches have a lot to learn, including potentially changing their name to Queens (I thought this had happened in the pilot episode for some reason? So I’m sorry to have mislead you!). There are points to be made on both side (I thought referencing that Hillary had been referred to as “nasty” in 2016 and AOC was referenced as a “bitch” just last year) — but after a straight up stunner of a rap battle between Eve and Brandy, ultimately the name change becomes permanent.
But back to Jill! Alicia, the very cute interviewer, can’t stop herself from flirting with her interview subject — which is highly unprofessional, but I also understand that Jill has Naturi Naughton’s face and so here we are. First Alicia invites Jill out with a group of her friends at a gay bar, which is filled of so many hilarious stereotypes in a one minute mark it almost makes your head spin (a brief, incomplete rundown: “baby gay,” “pillow princess,” Janelle Monáe playing overhead).
Later, Alicia invites Jill out to dinner to make her ex jealous, which Jill didn’t realize until she got there. When Alicia gets a little aggressive with her flirting, putting her hand a little high up on Jill’s thigh for comfort if you ask me — Jill books it out of there. That same night Alicia shows up at Jill’s hotel room door and — as we later find out during a montage — Jill invites her in, officially cheating on her girlfriend back home, Tina. Which is so heartbreaking to me! Alicia is hot, but I really liked Tina! It’s all too much. How can one choose?
Boobs On Your Tube: Queens’ Queers Will Not Be Denied Communion!
Happy Halloween weekend, you gays! Before you mask up and head out to trick or treat, your favorite TV Team is here with your weekly round-up of queer happenings! But first! This week! Our new Managing Editor Kayla reviewed Girl In The Woods. Sally processed every JoJo Siwa DWTS routine so far. Heather dragged I Know What You Did Last Summer off a cliff and through the mud. Valerie Anne recapped a very gay Supergirl and Legends of Tomorrow‘s 100th episode. Nic stirred up the WildMoore Hive with her Batwoman recap. Carmen recapped a gloriously gay Twenties. And we counted down the 25 most fan fic-ed couples of all time.
Notes from the TV Team:
+ On Home Economics, it’s Halloween! Because ABC has never met a Disney product placement they didn’t love, the Hayworth family goes with a superhero theme — Denise goes as Princess Shuri from Black Panther and Sarah goes as the greatest superhero of them all 19th century feminist and suffragist, Lucretia Mott. Oh Sarah, never change. — Carmen
Hightown 202: “Girl Power”
Written by Natalie
After being rattled from her slumber by a nightmare about losing Junior (again), Jackie puts on her most professional outfit and joins her colleagues in the State Police for a “scared straight” assembly at a local high school. The event brings back more memories of Junior but Jackie pushes them out of her head and tries to focus on work. She and her new partner, Leslie Babcock, have tried to lure out “Great White” dealers with controlled buys but to no avail. Leslie leans on Shauna — her “super snitch” who’s 10 days sober — to find a lead on who’s selling the deadly new product on the Cape. Shauna heads into the dealer’s house but doesn’t come back out and stops responding to Leslie’s texts. Jackie convinces Leslie to follow Shauna inside where they discover that Shauna bought some drugs and escaped out the back door. But before the partners can pivot and buy their own drugs, Jackie is recognized: “I know you…yeah…you had your hand up my pussy last week.”
The show pauses just long enough for you to wonder if she’s one of Jackie’s ill-conceived hook-ups, but no…she fingers (pun intended) Jackie as a cop. The dealer tries to escape but Leslie’s able to catch up with him and slap the cuffs on. After a search of the house turns up a few baggies of “Great White,” Leslie threatens to charge the dealer with the deaths of the three suburban kids. Eager to avoid multiple manslaughter charges, he admits to just one: he killed Colin “CoCo” Conner in a drug deal gone wrong and swipe Coco’s supply. The arrest earns the new partners plaudits from their sergeant and Leslie invites Jackie out for a drink to celebrate…an invitation that Jackie accepts after blowing off an AA meeting.
The partners get to know each other over diner food and drinks and talk quickly turns personal. Jackie doesn’t have a girlfriend and Leslie’s not seeing anyone either. Leslie crassly remarks, “I like dick,” as if she’s trying to make herself believe it, and Jackie trails her eyes up and down Leslie’s body, as if she’s biding her time until she can prove Leslie wrong. To borrow from Carmen’s Twenties recaps: amount of times I thought to myself that Jackie Quiñones would be a mistake I’d gladly make: 1.
The next day, the dealer lawyers up but the Narcotics Unit’s sergeant unwittingly gets him to acknowledge a connection between the “Great White” and the Cuevas cousins. Excited that she’s finally one step closer to the guys who killed Junior, Jackie’s excited to get started on a new operations plan with Leslie. But with a few days before their plan is due, the partners take the day off and spend the day drinking on a beach Jackie used to come to with her ex. Amount of times I thought to myself that Jackie Quiñones (in that jacket!) would be a mistake I’d gladly make: 2.
The pair aren’t overtly flirtatious with each other; instead, all their banter is cloaked in euphemisms and subtext. Still, it’s no surprise that the next morning, when their sergeant calls with an update, they’re lying in bed next to each other.
All American 401: “Survival of the Fittest”
Written by Natalie
Last we saw Tamia “Coop” Cooper, she was slumped on the ground, being propped up by Preach, with blood spilling out on the pavement. All American spends most of its season premiere allowing its audience to imagine the worst — Spencer talking to an unseen tombstone and Coop’s absence being a vague topic of conversation — but eventually we learn that Coop’s going to be okay. Well…or alive at least…after this episode, “okay” might be a bit of a stretch.
Spencer leaves his state championship game to rush to hospital and finds a frantic Patience waiting there. Later, as everyone awaits word on Coop’s condition, he sneaks out to update Preach on her condition. Patience follows close behind and lunges at Preach when she sees him, angry at him for having abandoned Coop. With Spencer holding Patience back, Preach explains what happened: Mo shot Coop and he shot (and killed) Mo. When he realized the extent of Coop’s injury, he loaded her into his car and made sure she got to the hospital. He couldn’t stay — he’s a felon, on parole, with Coop’s blood all over his clothes — and fears going back to prison once the truth comes out.
But Coop won’t let that happen. When she wakes up three days after the shooting, she lies to a detective about what happened. She takes responsibility for shooting Mo and pretends she doesn’t know what happened to the gun or how she got to the hospital. It’s clear that the detective doesn’t buy her story — no one who’s seen a single episode of CSI would buy this story — but he leaves until Coop has a lawyer present. Coop seems satisfied with her decision but it pushes Patience to the end of her rope. She’d been blaming herself for downplaying Coop’s skepticism about Mo but now it’s clear: “the person to blame for all the drama that follows Coop around is Coop.” She may have survived Mo’s bullet but Coop’s relationship with Patience might end up the shooting’s true casualty.
A Million Little Things 405: “Crystal Clear”
Written by Natalie
Last we visited with Katherine on All Million Little Things, she was promising herself that she’d stop always doing what she should do and finally start doing what she wants to do. But, of course, saying that is much easier than doing that…particularly when you’ve denied yourself your wants for so long.
To her credit, though, Katherine is trying. When her mother stops by to pick up Theo, she name drops the name of her friend’s very single son who happens to be a doctor dentist. She tells her daughter what she should do but Katherine pushes back: the only thing she should do is what’s right for her. Katherine’s mom assures her that she just doesn’t want Katherine to end up alone but, with a stack of contracts in front of her to review, being alone sounds ideal to Katherine. Later, though, when Shanice calls and invites her to play hooky and have lunch, Katherine becomes a bit more amenable to having some company. Once she realizes that they won’t be able to mask their meeting as a play date for their kids, Katherine gets adorably flustered.
“It’s a date,” she proclaims before realizing her misstep, “I mean, um, I-I’ll… I’ll see you soon.”
Since AMLT debuted, Katherine’s been the serious one — she had to, her then-husband forced her to be — so seeing her enjoying lunch with Shanice, laughing and having fun, feels like such a triumph.* But Katherine’s hard-won happiness is threatened when Shanice reveals that the production for the movie she’s been working on is moving to Miami. Even though Shanice promises to reconnect when she returns to Boston, Katherine can’t mask her disappointment. She admits that she’s sad that Shanice is leaving and Shanice acknowledges that she is too. The moment is charged and it seems like they’re finally going to kiss when Katherine’s mom interrupts.
(* Television has a habit of flattening the cultural identities of characters in interracial relationships such that you think that, culturally, we all exist in the same space. TV will remind you of the characters’ cultural differences to examine trauma (i.e., police brutality, racism or religion-driven homophobia) but otherwise those two characters are, effectively, the same. But AMLT avoids that trap in small ways here — Shanice talks about “black Yelp” and Katherine’s mother communicating with her daughter in Korean — and reaffirms the characters’ cultural identities, without any trauma, even as they (possibly) get together. It’s such smart writing.)
Later, the mood has shifted and all the reminders of what Katherine should be doing fill her head again. Shanice asks about the moment they shared before her mother arrived but Katherine pretends like she wasn’t about to lean in for a kiss. Shanice recalls Theo showing up at her hotel door and revealing his crush on her daughter, Kiana, and asks Katherine to be as brave as her son. Katherine resists, after all, she was married to a man but Shanice points out that that doesn’t mean Katherine can’t have feelings for her.
“I just don’t want you to limit yourself because you think it’s what you should do,” Shanice says.
Katherine tries to shift the blame — drawing a parallel between her reluctance and Shanice’s hesitance to tell anyone that she’s bisexual — but Shanice points out the difference: one is about feelings, the other is about privacy. Unwilling to push any further, Shanice excuses herself but Katherine follows quickly behind and offers an apology. She admits that since Shanice came into her life, she’s been confused…feeling things she never experienced before. Shanice urges Katherine to give herself permission to feel whatever she wants but Katherine confesses that she’s scared.
“I don’t even know h…I don’t even know how to begin,” Katherine admits. “I’ve never even kissed a woman before.”
Thankfully, Shanice is there to take all the guess work out of it: she gently draws Katherine into a kiss. She says goodbye and walks out the door…and it, strangely, feels like forever? But while I’m perplexed by the abrupt end to a relationship that was just getting started, Katherine updates her profile on the dating apps: now she’s interested in both men and women.
Nancy Drew 303: “The Testimony of the Executed Man”
Written by Valerie Anne
I too would make out with someone who just told me she saved her friends from ghosts.
This week, Bess is left behind while Nancy, Ace, and George go to DetectiveCon (to see Ruby from Charmed!), and she’s pretty salty about it. She tries to busy herself at the Historical Society but who should walk in but the worst first date she’s been on since Odette left, the woman who judged her for not liking to camp and who rejected her offer of skipping coffee and getting down to business.
This woman, Addy, banters with Bess and calls her shallow and Bess banters back but the thing is, the banter starts to seem a little like flirting, and it throws Bess off just a little. Addy leaves and she thinks she can just shake it off and move on, until she goes to see Nick at his new youth center and finds Addy working there, too.
Bess is eventually called to meet up with the Drew Crew to save their butts from ghosty shenanigans, and later she runs into Addy again. She asks why Addy didn’t take her up on her offer to skip the date and head right to bed, and when the answer is yet another jab about Bess being shallow and boring, Bess snaps. She tells Addy that “not liking camping” isn’t her whole personality, or even part of it; in fact, just today she saved her friends from a ghost and stopped a serial killer. And after a full day of witty banter and this explanation of how interesting she really is, Addy decides to take her up on that original offer and they get to the kissing bit.
I appreciate this show ensuring Bess always has girls to kiss, and I am a fan of Addy so far; can’t wait to see if she’s secretly an ancient ghost or something fun like that!
Legacies 403: “We All Knew This Day Was Coming”
Written by Valerie Anne
My love for Freya cannot be overstated. I wish she was the leader of this school instead of Alaric.
This whole episode was great but I’ll highlight the gay stuff for you. Josie tries to get Finch to talk to her again; she understands the Merge is a lot to process, but Finch wants a promise that Josie will at least try to fight. Josie can’t promise she will actively attempt to murder her twin sister, she simply can’t fathom that right now, but she needs someone by her side to support her no matter what. Not someone looking for a reason to run. She deserves to be loved for who she is, and she finally believes that.
And normally this conversation would be the gayest thing to happen but Legacies decided to throw us a gay twist this week. After Hope accidentally killed a human boy Malavore had turned into a monster, she realizes that they are really out of their depth now and she has to do the thing she had been avoiding. She has to become the tribrid.
Since Hope is sacrificing part of herself, part of her future, they give her a living funeral of sorts. She has no idea how becoming a vampire will affect her witch powers, so she does a spell with the twins one last time. Together, they plant a tree, to symbolize a new life. Which seemed pretty gay tbh.
Hope goes to the prison world to see Raf, which you’d think would be the biggest surprise of the episode, until lo and behold, Hope’s Gay Aunt Freya comes in. She gives Hope love from Rebekah, and advice she learned once from Elijah. She tells her that she is the best parts of both of her parents, and she’s already better than all of them ever were. Freya is proud of her niece, and holds her tight as she whispers a death spell into her ear, and Hope peacefully drifts off.
While she’s out, Hope’s body is stolen by Kaleb, who has joined Team Malavore, but Hope doesn’t know that yet, because she’s busy deciding if she does want to become the Tribrid or if she wants to let the Ferryman take her into eternal peace.
Queens 102: “Heart of Queens”
Written by Carmen
After publicly coming out on stage during Queen’s pilot episode, Jill is back at home in Montana getting hot under the sheets. No, but like really hot, Tina starts with caressing Jill’s hair, then kissing her neck, then her arm reaches lower… and… lower.. and I was honestly surprised with how far ABC has come since Callie and Arizona got that .06 seconds shower scene in Season Six of Grey’s Anatomy.
Sadly things in Montana don’t get better from there, Jill’s husband tries to turn her coming out into a biblical call for polyamory (yes, he even writes (!!) a rap (!!) that rhymes “the glamor-ee of polamor-y” (!!!!!!!!!) to prove his point). Then Jill is denied communion at mass. All her neighbors are gossiping. And when Lil Muffin shows up on the lamb from rehab, Jill decides it’s time to head back to LA.
The rest of episode was a little hard to follow; there’s a lot of criss-cross action across the last 20 years. But there are few parts worth pointing out. The first is when the girls are teenagers trying to break into the industry and Valencia, the Puerto Rican rapper, joins the group. Jill asks, “Is our skin too dark to sell records?” — which is really significant for Naturi Naughton in particular to say, considering the long held industry rumors that she was originally kicked out of 3LW because of her skin color.
Next, Jill gets hit on by a lesbian PA working on MTV’s Cribes in the early 2000s. Internalized homophobia sparks big and Jill loses it, with Brandy’s Xplicit Lyrics having to physically hold her back. Lastly, Jill picked up a heavy coke problem during the group’s stardom, probably due to aforementioned… internalized homophobia. You know how it goes.
Back in 2021, Lil Muffin tells Jill that her making such a big deal out of her coming out was “straight out the Stone Age” because “who cares yo, it’s 2021, who isn’t a little gay?”
It hits hard, given what we know about what Jill has survived, and Naturi Naughton sells it, tears streaming down her face. Jill makes a deal — if Lauren (Lil Muffin) goes back to rehab, Jill will also stop running. She’s ready to learn how to live her life, her way.
The episode ends with Jill back in church in Montana, this time with Tina by her side. She walks right up to her Priest and looks him square in the eye: “I’m Black. I’m gay. I rap. I’m also a woman of God, and this is my church. So you can turn me away with your bigotry disguised as holiness, but I will never stop coming. I will not be shamed anymore.”
Did I mention that I love her?
Boobs on Your Tube: ABC Reunites the Nasty Bitches, Crowns Them Queens
Oh hey, did you see that Autostraddle TV Team original member Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is our new MANAGING EDITOR? YES SHE IS! Join our whole TV Team in congratulating her! This week, Drew watched about ten billion films out of NewFest and wrote about several of them, including: Leading Ladies, Death and Bowling, The Novice, Love, Spells and All That, and a whole bunch of shorts. Also! Christina recapped The Morning Show, Carmen recapped Twenties, Valerie Anne recapped Legends of Tomorrow and Supergirl, and Nic recapped Batwoman. And also we shared an exclusive clip from Girl In The Woods.
Notes from the TV Team:
+ I have been watching Our Kind of People on Fox because I want to recap it for y’all, but literally none of these episodes make sense? I’m not saying that I’m not enjoying them! But also once its over I have no memory of what happened. Anyway watch if you want to see Black Lesbian TeensTM and a lot of campy drama straight out of Empire’s playbook. — Carmen
+ Coming soon, to the CW: All American returns for its fourth season on Monday and 4400, a reboot of the cult classic, debuts afterwards at 9PM. — Natalie
New Amsterdam 405: “This Be the Verse”
Written by Natalie
Lauren Bloom’s earliest memory is hearing her father call her mother a drunk. Once she understood what that meant, she did everything she could to keep her mother from drinking, including downing half of her mother’s martini — “the more [she] drank,” she thought, “the less [her mother] could” — at the tender age of seven. Those early moments set the course for both of their lives and cement their lifelong tumultuous relationship. But what if the thing you thought you knew about the people closest to you, turned out to be wrong? That’s the question at the center of this week’s episode of New Amsterdam.
The hospital’s incoming medical director is already making their presence felt by slashing the Emergency Department’s budget but Leyla refuses to let Lauren wallow. They’re finally back on the same shift and tonight they get to enjoy a romantic dinner together. Lauren adopts her girlfriend’s optimism and pledges to not let anything ruin her day…but as soon as the words are out of her mouth, she hears her name being called by a familiar voice. It’s her mother, Jeanie!
Her mother complains of a stabbing pain in her lower abdomen and Leyla rushes to her side. Lauren is unmoved — literally — and assures Dr. Shinwari that she need not investigate the pain any further. Her mother’s not in pain, Lauren laments, she’s just trying to score pills. She notes her mother’s constricted pupils as evidence that she’s just looking to get high. Jeanie tries to convince her daughter that her pain is real but Lauren refuses to believe her. With a tear rolling down her cheek, Lauren blasts her mother for trying to make her the accomplice in her scheme.
“She doesn’t need a doctor, she needs a shovel so she can finish off the job,” Lauren snaps.
But later in the ED, Lauren hears her mother’s voice and finds Jeanie and Leyla tucked behind a curtain. Bloom pulls her resident aside and asks if she realizes that she’s being used. Leyla concedes that maybe she is but she admitted Jeanie and ordered a rapid detox so that she can make an informed decision. Every bit of the warmness and cuteness that we’ve seen from Lauren this season is gone: she’s cold and unforgiving when it comes to her mother. She assures Leyla that her mother will do anything to get her next fix but Leyla’s committed to seeing if Jeanie’s pain is real. Lauren scoffs and wishes her luck.
When Lauren discovers that Leyla’s prescribed pills for her mother, she storms back in and tries to shove Jeanie out the door. She criticizes Leyla for giving narcotics to a known drug addict but Leyla assures her, she never gave Jeanie the pills. The promise of pills calmed Jeanie enough to conduct an ultrasound which revealed an enlarged spleen. Leyla’s preliminary diagnosis is Lyme Disease but Lauren rejects it: her mother has an enlarged spleen because of her alcoholism and she’s known it for years. Lauren cancels the prescription order and tells her mom to go score somewhere else.
Tired of being bullied, Jeanie lashes out, reminding Lauren that she’s also an addict. When she realizes that Lauren and Leyla are together, she seizes on it and uses it as a cudgel to beat up on Lauren more. Lauren screams, ordering her mother out of the ED — even as she groans in pain — and gives her a prescription for the pills she wants. Lauren retreats and Leyla catches up to her, urging her, again, to look at her mother’s ultrasound. Lauren’s dismissive at first — and a little hurt that Leyla’s not more concerned about her emotional well-being (a valid point!) — but eventually gives into Leyla’s persistance. It’s not alcoholism or Lyme Disease, Lauren recognizes after looking at the scans, it’s endometriosis. Her mother was telling the truth and, maybe, has been self-medicating this entire time.
“I’ve judged you my whole life. I mean, I’ve thought awful things. But you were in pain, and you needed my help,” Lauren tearfully confesses at her mother’s bedside. “And I am a doctor, I’m your daughter. I…I should have…I am just really sorry, Mom.”
American Horror Story 1010: “The Future Perfect”
Written by Drew
American Horror Story: Double Feature has ended with a fun and satisfying finale. This half season continues to be far superior in its past storyline, but here the two merge giving Death Valley the best of its four episodes.
Mamie Eisenhower is Deep Throat and still alive in 2021. If this is indeed Sarah Paulson’s last time on American Horror Story, she’s found a fitting end. It’s all so silly and yet so well-played — it really does justice to the 1950s sci-fi it’s riffing on.
This episode also gives half-alien Angelica Ross the most to do and it’s so much fun watching her spar with Paulson. Unfortunately, the episode is still undercut by Kaia Gerber’s performance but fortunately her character is decapitated and turned into a baby machine for the last part of the episode.
Neither Red Tide or Death Valley were perfect, but they both had so many pleasures. The shorter episode runs for these stories works really well and I’d gladly welcome this format again. I just wish the show would focus more on its interesting characters and talented actors and get less attached to having boring cishet white protagonists!
Hightown 201: “Great White”
Written by Natalie
When Hightown returns for its second season, it looks like Jackie Quiñones has finally got her shit together. Gone is the Provincetown party girl, who drank and snorted and fucked until the sun came up…now, Jackie’s 50 days sober and regularly attending meetings. Even when it looks like she might be regressing — buying drugs from a local dealer on Halloween — she’s really just being proactive: attempting to build a case for the narcotics unit of the Massachusetts State Police. But tattooed on her left breast is “Junior,” the name of her former sponsor, her surrogate brother and best friend…a reminder that the ghosts of Hightown‘s first season still haunt her. She’s traded one addiction for another: Jackie wants, desperately, to avenge Junior’s death and hold those responsible for it — namely drug kingpin, Frankie Cuevas — accountable.
Realizing that she won’t be able to accomplish her goal through her liaison position — which offers her a one day respite from work as a National Marine Fisheries Service Agent — Jackie tries to draw closer to the State Police. She allies herself with Leslie Babcock, the only other woman working in the unit, and continues to support Ray Abruzzo — her unlikely partner from last season — in his bid for reinstatement. But when Ray’s hearing goes awry, Jackie sees an opportunity: she approaches the unit’s new lieutenant and convinces him to turn her liaison position into a (probationary) full-time gig.
After a visit to Junior’s memorial, Jackie shares the news of her new job with her surrogate dad/Fisheries partner, Ed. He laments how things have changed on the Cape and asks Jackie why she has to be the one to tackle the Cape’s drug problem.
“I don’t know,” Jackie admits. “I just do.”
The next day, she’s on the streets with Babcock, ready to take down whoever’s selling the “Great White” that’s killed three kids already. Unbeknownst to them both, they drive right by the guy who’s likely going to cause headaches for them all season.
Home Economics 205: “Giant Jenga, $120”
Written by Carmen
This week on Home Economics it’s game night, which has already been turned up to a level 10 situation because Connor’s new girlfriend (Jessica) is actually his brother Tom’s old girlfriend from when they were all kids at camp. Except Conner never knew that because Tom always referred to her as “Camp Girl.”
The story about Camp Girl is that she was Tom’s like true summer love girlfriend and he fell so deep, then she stood him up for the end-of-summer dance and it broke his little teen heart into a thousand tiny teen pieces. He spent the whole car ride home crying about it to his sister Sarah.
Now Camp Girl is a chapter in (adult) Tom’s new book. If she’s coming to game night, Tom wants to know who she left him for all those years ago.
And this is where the plot thickens, my friends! Sarah pulls Denise aside and confesses to her wife that “the guy” that Camp Girl left Tom for? It was her all along! LE GASP. No but seriously, one of the best parts of the episode was Sasheer Zamata long pause gasp face, eyes wide, as she says.. “Wait is Camp Girl, Dock Girl?”
(How many nicknames did poor Jessica have!)
So Dock Girl was the first girl Sarah ever loved and she had no idea that Jessica felt the same way, until the night of the end-of-summer dance when Jessica stood Tom up and came to the docks, giving Sarah first gay kiss.
Tom doesn’t know and Sarah makes it her business to keep it that way! First pulling Jessica aside into a storage closet (Jessica assumes that Sarah is trying to hit on her and holds her face in her hands! It’s very cute) and asking Jessica to please keep the secret. Jessica also uses this moment to confess to Sarah that their dock kiss was monumental for her too, that’s how she discovered she was bisexual.
A comedy of errors ensues and it ends with Sarah spilling the beans on the big secret herself anyway!
After discovering the truth, Tom has a heart-to-heart with his sister. In a surprisingly serious and heart thumping moment for a family sitcom, tears weld up in Sarah’s eyes and her voice cracks, explaining why she kept the secret when they were teenagers, “I had feelings for a girl for the first time ever, and I was ashamed and confused, if I told you the truth then… it would’ve meant coming out.. and I couldn’t even come out to myself.”
Tom understands. After all, as he tells Sarah, “This whole time I thought Jessica was a chapter in my book, but she really was a chapter in yours.”
Queens 101: “1999”
Written by Carmen
In 1999 there was a (fake) rap group named the Nasty Bitches, starring some very real 90s-2000s R&B and rap stars. And on that very premise alone ABC’s new nighttime soap Queens had me hooked.
Who do we have? Professor Sex is played by Eve (from the Ruff Ryders, her name on the show? Brianna), Xplicit Lyrics is Brandy (from everywhere in the 90s, on the show? Naomi), and Butter Pecan, an unfortunate but historical accurate nickname for Puerto Rican, is played by Nadine Velazquez (she’ll be Valeria, and Nadine is the only not famous former musician in the cast, which is… a choice). For our very gay needs there is Da Thrill played by Naturi Naughton from 3LW (she’ll be Jill, let’s get going).
20 years later and now Jill is a conservative Catholic living in Montana with her husband Darren.
The only glimpse we get of the real Jill is when Tina, her secret girlfriend, comes over in a Prince shirt and flannel to check on her. A quick hug turns into a long embrace, eyes meet, then flicker down to lips, the mood shifts. Jill pushes Tina in just a little, like it’s a magnet, and then they are kissing. Tina graces under her breast, through the sweater. They both gasp. And then.. Jill pushes away.
She can’t do this. She promised Tina that she would tell Darren about them, and she hasn’t. She’s still battling with the internalized homophobia she’s had since she was a kid. Tina knows that Jill loves her, but she’s unwilling to being anyone’s secret.
When the “Nasty Bitches” (they’re going by “Queens” now because.. they’re in their 40s) reunite, Jill starts to find more of her past self. Which is great because while I love Naturi Naughton in pretty much anything (she was my favorite part of the original Power series and her take on Lil Kim in Notorious is legendary), “church girl” really doesn’t play to her strengths.
The group saves a new up-and-coming rapper — modeled somewhere in the vein of Doja Cat meets Megan Thee Stallion… I guess? — from a drug overdose largely due to Jill’s advocacy (she even punches the girl’s manager out, for good measure). Then she confesses to her friends, she’s gay. And she loves Tina.
It’s a start. The bigger leap comes later on stage, when as Da Thrill, Jill changes all the lyrics to to the group’s biggest hit to be about Tina live from the stage — Tina watches at home, mouth agape.
Here we go!
Legacies 401 & 402: “You Have to Pick One This Time” & “There’s No I In Team, Or Whatever”
Written by Valerie Anne
I liked Finch a lot but genuinely unsure I can forgive someone for making Josie make this sad of a face.
The witches are back just in time for Halloween! Hope is still hung up on that sentient jar of mayonnaise but, because of pandemic complications, the first four episodes of this season were originally intended to be part of Season 3, so I have faith that we’ll move away from our Malavore Maladies soon enough.
I also have no idea if Finch will be around much longer, because while Finch and Josie had some really cute scenes in these first two episodes of the season, things went awry… Finch wants to get to know Josie (and Lizzie!) better, so she bonds with them using personality quizzes (I wonder which Gen Q character they are) and Finch volunteers to be siphoned, and being a source of energy for her girlfriend was such a cute metaphor I was ready to RUN WITH. Josie even invites Finch to visit Caroline in Europe with her over break! But along the way, Finch also learns that Josie and Lizzie are Gemini witches, and twins at that, so Josie has no choice but to tell her about The Merge.
And Finch isn’t sure she wants Josie’s baggage without a lifetime guarantee. She doesn’t want to watch her die. So instead she says Goodbye, Love and leaves Josie crying on a park bench. I’m still rooting for those supernatural kids but also wouldn’t be mad if Josie finds comfort in Hope’s open arms. Just saying.
Nancy Drew 302: “The Journey of the Dangerous Mind”
Written by Valerie Anne
Just because a girl makes sparks fly doesn’t mean she’s right for you! Plus I already have one brunette witch/powerful blonde ship tyvm.
Y’all should we be worried about Bess Marvin? That sweet baby angel is dabbling with magic, which is cute and fun especially since her first spell was to protect her buddy Ace, but she’s decided to learn it from Nancy’s ancestry Temperance. Temperance tells Bess she’s destined for greatness in a way that frankly sounded a little groom-y, and Temperance has all the characteristics of someone Bess could easily fall for: short hair and soft features like Lisbeth, blonde hair and an old supernatural soul like Odette. Also the spell she did might have affected Temperance’s cat?? Unclear. I’m all for Bess and Temperance recreating Under Your Spell from Buffy but I just hope Bess’s friend make sure she’s protecting her heart in the process.
11 Newish TV Shows With New Lesbian and Bisexual Characters
When we did our Spring 2020 TV Preview approximately 85 years ago, we were prepared for some of what was to come — but not all of it. In addition to triumphant new seasons of beloved shows like Vida, Killing Eve and She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, this spring saw new lesbian, bisexual and queer female characters popping up like popcorn inside a popcorn bag inside a microwave oven! There are so many new queer TV shows for you to feast your eyes upon if you have not already done so.
1. Mrs. America – fx on Hulu
full series available to stream now // read Heather’s review of the first two episodes
Photo: Sabrina Lantos/FX
If you asked yourself how a fictionalized history of the second-wave feminist movement could possibly not involve some gay characters, you should be pleased to hear that yes indeed it does! We meet black lesbian feminist Margaret Sloan-Hunter (Bria Henderson) early on in the series as she copes with persistent sidelining of women of color amongst white feminists. Episode five introduces Jules, a lesbian photographer played by my beloved Roberta Colindrez, who strikes up an affair with activist/author Brenda Feigen (Ari Graynor) whose marriage to her husband has been elevated by the movement as a feminist ideal. Yet another cadre of lesbians emerge in episode eight as a feminist lesbian couple fight for their inclusion in The Feminist Agenda in a story focused on the National Women’s Conference. Also, Sarah Paulson and Cate Blanchett are in it.
2. Run – HBO
entire series available to stream now
Two heterosexual humans follow up on a decades-old promise to each other and end up on the run from all kinds of things in this dark romance. Eventually, they cross paths with lesbian taxidermist Laurel Halliday (Phoebe Waller-Bridge) and Babe Cloud (Tamara Podemski), a local policewoman who is also GAY.
3. Never Have I Ever – Netflix
entire series available to stream now // read Himani’s review
Your mileage may very on this coming-of-age comedy is centered on Devi Vishwakumar, a Tamil Indian-American teenager growing up in Sherman Oaks grappling with her father’s recent death and her burning desire to be cool. (Believe it or not, I related!) She’s got two best friends, and one of them is named Fabiola, and she’s Afro-Latinx and also SHE’S GAY. (However, be warned that the first episode of Mindy Kaling’s otherwise delightful series kicks off with some truly unforgivable material around Devi’s temporary disability and subsequent use of a wheelchair.)
4. Hollywood – Netflix
available to stream now // read Carmen, Drew and Riese’s conversation about Hollywood
Reviews of Janet Mock and Ryan Murphy’s revisionist Hollywood fantasy/history series are mixed and mostly negative, but some of us kinda liked it? Queen Latifah shows up as bisexual actress Hattie McDaniel, the first Black woman to win an Oscar, and the famously sexually adventurous Tallulah Bankhead drops in for witty quips and threesomes. Bisexual actress Anna May Wong plays a minor role in the story but her sexuality is never addressed.
5. Betty – HBO
premiered may 1 for a 6-episode season // read Drew’s review of Betty
“Girls skateboarding is cool and watching girls skateboarding is fun,” says Drew in her review of Betty, a new show from HBO that follows a group of badass girls skating in a boys world in New York City, with “dreamy cinematography,” loose wit and an intoxicating energy, filled with queers and/or tomboys and/or both.
6. Hightown – Starz
premiered June 7th, finale airs July 5 // read Kayla’s review of Hightown
Jackie Quiñones is “a proud dyke, an addict, a fucked-up fish cop (okay, National Marine Fisheries Service agent), a hard partier who blacks out on the regular,” writes Kayla of this new drama on Starz, starring Monica Raymund, who she also describes as “an emotionally unavailable top with control issues” and “exactly the kind of messy queer character I’m drawn to.” Set in class-stratified Provincetown with a focus on the opioid crisis and its casualties, Hightown delivers a twisty plot surrounding an episode one murder and our favorite thing of all: a lesbian lead character.
7. Homecoming Season Two – Amazon Prime
full series available to stream now // read Natalie’s review of Homecoming
Season One, based on a Gimlet podcast, starred Julia Roberts as a caseworker for veterans at a live-in transition center for veterans sponsored by a giant corporation with some sinister secret intentions. It’s a watch-in-one-night binge: eerie, intense, winding and worth it. Season Two opens with a new protagonist, played by Janelle Monáe, waking up in a rowboat in the middle of a river. I can’t really tell you anything more than that without spoiling the plot, but rest assured that her character is as GAY as the day is long and so is another character!
8. Snowpiercer – TNT
premiered may 17, finale airs july 19
The entire world froze seven years ago and the only souls left living on this planet are in a high-speed train that goes in circles forever, sharply divided by class. So far we know that Zarah Ferami (Sheila Vand) is bisexual; a “Third Class” passenger in a poly relationship with a personal investment in a murder investigation. The series, based on Bong Joon-ho’s 2013 South Korean-Czech film and the 1982 French graphic novel that inspired the film, was stuck in development for ages and was in the process of shooting Season Two (which also features queer actress Rowan Blanchard) when COVID shut down production.
9. Defending Jacob – Apple+
Entire series available to stream now on Apple TV
I predicted in the Spring TV preview that Cherry Jones’ character looked incredibly gay in the trailer for this slow-moving meditation on a family who finds their teenage son accused of murdering his classmate. So when she mentioned her “wife” in oh, episode seven, I sang a song to my dog that went like this: “I was right, I was right, I was right she is so gay!” However, her gayness has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on the plot of this program!
10. Dead To Me Season Two – Netflix
full series available to stream now // read Valerie’s review of Dead to Me
So this is not technically a new show, but it is a new season of a show, which counts, but fitting “season” into the headline of this post was really gonna push it over the edge. InSeason Two of “Dead to Me” Is Flirting With You Via Natalie Morales, Valerie sings the praises of this dark comedy series from lesbian showrunner Liz Feldman about the friendship between two women who meet in a support group after Jen (Christina Applegate)’s husband dies in a car accident. Judy (Linda Cardellini) ends up moving in with Jen and becoming a second Mom to her kids as they get wound up in some pretty sketchy and f*cked up shit! In Season Two, it turns out that Judy is queer when she starts up a thing with a chef played by bisexual actress Natalie Morales. THEY’RE GAY and it’s GREAT.
11. Unorthodox – Netflix
entire series available to stream now
This German-American drama tells the story of Esty, a 19-year-old Hasidic Jewish woman who flees her ulta-Orthodox Williamsburg community for Berlin, in search of a secular life free of the beliefs and constraints of her home life. She’s also in search of her estranged mother, who left her family and moved to Berlin some years earlier because she is, you guessed it, a lesbian! She’s not a main character, but what we learn of her struggle and her relationship is resonant and an experience we rarely see reflected on television.
Looking for more lesbian TV shows you can watch right now? Here you go:
“Hightown” Review: Meet Jackie Quiñones, the Very Messy Lesbian Who Saves the Show
Jackie Quiñones—the lesbian at the epicenter of Hightown’s dark world—is an instantly arresting character. A proud dyke, an addict, a fucked-up fish cop (okay, National Marine Fisheries Service agent), a hard partier who blacks out on the regular, an emotionally unavailable top with control issues, she is exactly the kind of messy queer character I’m drawn to.
Jackie, played by Monica Raymund, is at the center of this crime drama—a genre that usually skews hypermasculine. She fucks strangers and drunk-drives and uses jokes to deflect. She’s a nightmare human. A brief reconnection with her ex-girlfriend, which yes does involve some very hot sex with an ex, reiterates her own selfishness and tendency to use others. Jackie Quiñones is complex and flawed. Hightown sometimes leans too heavily on genre tropes and stocktype characters, but not when it comes to Jackie. She’s the force that frequently elevates Hightown, which gets intermittently stuck in the muck of its own narrative.
Set in Provincetown, Hightown contemplates what it means to live in a place where most people are just passing through. Its sense of place, the way it uses its setting to heighten, deepen, and detail the story, is immersive. Embedded in the show’s DNA is the contrast between the rich wealthy gays who come and go to mostly party and play and the people who actually live here. The contrast hums in scenes where those two groups smash up against each other, but Hightown doesn’t always make the most of these themes. There’s an undercurrent of what it means to be queer in a place where queerness is the main tourist attraction. Provincetown is known for its LGBTQ party scene, and that history is complicated. This show isn’t about that, and that’s fine! But there are times when I wish the connective tissue between the setting and the themes was tighter, fleshier. At a certain point, Hightown becomes by consumed in its sprawling drug crime drama conceit that some of the other details that make this show interesting and so strongly place-based fall away. Over the course of its eight episodes, there are so many times when I wish it would dig just a little bit deeper into its themes, setting, and characters. Alas, there’s too much twisty plotting to race through.
The violent drug and crime drama that the show does spin is thrilling at times, bleak at others, and a little overly simplistic in its rendering of good and bad guys. It’s scattered in its depiction of addiction, sometimes too dismissive of the characters who are addicts who exist at the periphery of the story. Jackie’s own struggles with addiction and sobriety smash up against the more zoomed-out look at how the opioid crisis is affecting the Cape, and the moments when those are threaded together work well. But the show still too readily relies on tired tropes of its genre. A cop solicits Renee, a stripper, just to get information out of her—a scene that feels straight out of 2004. Renee never quite becomes the fully realized character the show wants her to be, instead existing mostly as a device within the arc of two different men—her husband and the show’s kingpin Frankie Cuevas and detective Ray Abruzzo, who’s working parallel to Jackie to solve the recent murders in Provincetown and cultivating Renee as an informant. And oh yeah, he has a tendency to sleep with his informants.
Centering a lesbian of color in an American crime drama does make Hightown feel different than some of its grisly drug drama companions (Ozark, Breaking Bad, Justified, to name a few). Its best episodes are also written and directed by women (Rebecca Cutter created the series, and the always brilliant Rachel Morrison directs a couple episodes). But Hightown is inconsistent in its interrogation and challenging of toxic masculinity. Jackie responds to harassment from her coworkers with a laugh, like she’s in on the joke rather than at the expense of it.
Jackie’s strengths as a protagonist and complicated antihero also make it even more confusing why there’s still this Ray character in the mix. Why even include the sexist, racist, anger-prone straight white dude cop at all? He does take a back burner to Jackie, and at times it seems like the show is intentionally trying to juxtapose them with one another, but again, it doesn’t go quite far enough here. It also doesn’t do enough work to humanize or give specificity to a lot of its addicts or its drug dealers, instead relying on cliches. There are parallels between Jackie and Ray (especially in how they both use others sexually), and there are ways that they diverge, but Hightown doesn’t do much with that, and instead Ray’s arc feels like a diluted distraction from the better character work done with Jackie.
There is absolutely some very strong storytelling in Hightown. There’s also a lot of very hot and realistic lesbian sex. Raymund deserves immense praise, and the show isn’t always mired in weak tropes (although, all the times when the show is genuinely good makes its weaker spots all the more glaring). But sometimes it feels like Hightown doesn’t know what its own strengths are.