Celebrate International Fisting Day With a Handful of Queer Fisting Porn
Happy International Fisting Day!
Co-created in 2011 by queer porn legends Jiz Lee and Courtney Trouble, this holiday is a response to the censoring of fisting in porn. The day has since taken on a life of its own, and fisters and fistees around the world continue to celebrate in their bedrooms and in front of the camera. Want to catch some queer babes making hands disappear? Check out these porn flicks and get inspired!
CrashPad Episode 93 — Jiz Lee and J-Bird
First Jiz Lee has J-Bird cuffed and collared, but the tables quickly turn when J-Bird makes Jiz their human hand puppet.
The OH Files: Let Yourself Be Filled
This short porn film by AORTA Films brings a whole new meaning to “double fisting.” Toxic Shock and Erykah Ohms enjoy twin Magic Wands while Parts Authority simultaneously fists them both.
Fucking Against Fascism
TROUBLEFilms brings us a sexual smorgasbord featuring Lyric Seal, Suzie Spindrift, Jade Phillips and more. It’s all hot, but the best part is when Courtney Trouble takes a fist from Chelsea Poe and a fist from Sinn Sage in the same hole AT THE SAME TIME!
April Flores & Q Tip
In this QueerPorn.TV scene, April Flores takes a pounding from Q Tip’s strap-on before the babes fist each other. How sweet!
Hole Theory
AORTA Films brings us yet another ode to all things hole-y. Ashley Paige and Corey More star in this five-finger romp, which also includes illustrations by Oona Taper.
Need even more? Check out the five fisting scenes we recommended in 2015! And if you’re feeling inspired to try fisting for the first time, review our fisting guide to have your safest, most pleasurable fisting experience.
Merry Fistmas and a Happy New Transcript!
“Merry Fistmas: A Virtual Vaginal Fisting Workshop” is part of the 13 Days of A+. From December 13 through December 25, we’re celebrating the people who literally keep our lights on, who believed we could make it through 2020, who invest and participate in this community through challenges and growth and change — that’s YOU. It’s truly magical to have so many guardian gayngels looking out for this space, and we’re so delighted to be able to do something a little special for our queer fam to close out the year. Some of what we publish for the 13 Days will be cozy and familiar, like Into the A+ Advice Box and Some Answers to Some Questions You’ve Been Asking Us. Some of it will be a twist on regulars; we have Malic White as a guest editor for two installments of the erotica series S L I C K for one… and the rest? We’re going to keep those pieces all boxed up in scissoring-patterned wrapping paper until they publish. We’re looking forward to spending some time with you. 
Hello and Merry Fistmas! Thank you to EVERYONE who came out for this educational workshop led by Malic White. If you missed it, you can still watch the recording right below:
Or you can watch it on Crowdcast with password: 13APLUSFISTMAS.
Links to Products Mentioned
- Überlube silicon-based lube
- Sliquid Sassy water-based lube
- Swan Wand vibrating toy
- njoy 11 stainless steel toy
Use code AUTOSTRADDLE for 15% off at Enby where they have the njoy 11 for sale. For 25% off all Smitten Kitten (where they carry both lubes and the Swan Wand) plus free domestic shipping, use code AUTOSTRADDLE2020 on purchases of $50 or more. Enby code does not expire, Smitten Kitten code expires 12/31/2020.
You can also shop discounts at several more sex toy retailers with our A+ holigay discounts post. Most deals expire by end of the year!
The Transcript
Malic White:
OK. It looks like we are live. Hello and Merry Fistmas. So it is hard to tell who all is here right now. I can see how many people are registered but I don’t think who is currently watching live so if you could pop in that would be awesome.
I believe the chat is on the right side of the screen so maybe say hey, maybe why you are interested in this workshop, where you are from, I don’t know. Your favorite food. If you want to say something in there? We got our first hello. Hey, friend. I am recognizing some of your names from the ccomments of the Autostraddle articles so this is really, really fun. ‘Hello from Seattle.’ Awesome. Oh, this is so fun. I didn’t realize this would be so exciting watching this live chat happen. We have got Massachusetts. We have got Minnesota. Favorite food is Swedish fish. Philly.
So cool. I am currently here from Chicago so it is feeling like we have a great representation. Texas, cool. All right. If we can get every state in the U.S. to represent that would be rad as hell. We have Burlington, Vermont. Look at you. This is so exciting. Thank you so much for being here.
This is my first time using Crowdcast so I am going to ask you to be patient. My name is Malic White. I am looking at myself on the screen, I am looking at the chat, I’ve got some notes but we are going to figure it out. I usually teach sex ed in person so teaching online is going to be a little funny but it’s the holiday season, its Fistmas, it’s a pandemic and we are just going to roll with it.
Someone from Ireland. Great. See, you can fist anywhere in the world.
First, I want to give a big that you can to Autostraddle for letting me do this. I love teaching sex ed and I am stoked I get to do it right now especially thank you to Nicole who is putting this together and thank you to A-plus subscribers for making this happen and supporting our publication. That is so important for us and it means that Autostraddle actually gets to pay writers to do our work and pay us adequately and also put on cool things like this.
You might notice there is captioning. You should be able to see that on one side of your screen. This is also your first time doing a Crowdcast with captioning so if there is something wonky with it pop that in the chat or put it in the ask a question section and that will alert Nicole who is working on this with me so we can make sure that this is as smooth as possible. Oh, yeah, and you can also access the captioning at this link that was just put in the chat. Let us know if that’s working for you or not working for you. This is our first time so we need all of the feedback we can get.
A little about me. I have worked in the sex toy industry on and off for about seven years. And I have been teaching sex ed for three years. That is primarily teaching sex ed for adults and most of my classes focus on technique but I also teach about kink. I teach for all people of genders, bodies, orientations. I teach about role-play — really all of the fun stuff. Basically the stuff you didn’t learn in your high school sex ed class if you even had one and that brings me so much joy so I am so happy to be — joy — here today. I have been a contributing writer at Autostraddle for over a year primarily my work focuses on sex and relationships.
In this workshop today we are talking about vaginal fisting which is my favorite subject. I am going to primarily use medical language when we talk about body parts in this workshop. I know not everybody is going to use those terms for your specific body parts but I will be using medical language for the sake of clarity and to represent as many people as possible, but if you have other fun words you use for your body parts that you want to pop in the chat that’s really cool and you can share. I think a lot of us are looking for new words and phrases that feel affirming to whatever our genders are.
One more quick note, actually, two more. So if you have a questions throughout the workshop, please, ask them in the ask a question section which is going to be at the bottom of the screen. I think they will be more likely to get lost in the chat. I am going to try to maybe answer questions as I go if possible but if I am not able to do that, I will definitely go through those at the end of the workshop just to make sure your questions get answered. Thank you, again, for rolling with this. And then, finally, nothing porny is going to happen here. There is not going to be any live fisting as cool as that would be. There is not going to be any nude photos. What you will see will be my face while I am talking to you, you will see me make some really exciting hand gestures, you will see photos of toys and lube and you will see a diagram of a vagina and that’s it. If you are watching at home and you have roommates or family around they are probably not going to see anything too wild on your screen if you are worried about that. Let’s get started.
So, before we start talking vaginal fisting which by definition is getting your whole hand inside of a vagina, amazing thing. Let’s talk about if everyone can experience vaginal fisting. For assigned female folks who are born with our vagina that vagina is potential space meaning the tissue is elastic and stretches to accommodate whatever is inside whether that’s a dildo, penis, menstrual cup and when the object leaves the vagina the tissue shrinks back to the size it was prior to holding that object so very stretchy. That’s how it is going to work most of the time for folks who have always had our vaginas but that’s not going to be the case for everyone. If you are a person or your partner is a person who acquired theirs later in life those walls are not as elastic so fisting or penetration with a large object should be approached with a lot of preparation. If you are using dilators you will want to use the largest dilator you have for a couple hours prior to fisting if that’s something that you want to attempt and just make sure you are following your surgeon’s instructions about post-op care to make sure vagina stays nice and healthy. Also for any person who has had surgery that causes vaginal pain or scarring, fisting might not by fun. It might be too much and hurt. I think most of us know the difference between a stretching pain and an ouch, I am getting injured pain, so be really, really aware of that before you engage in fisting. I am not a doctor or a medical professional and I cannot give medical advice. If you have questions about a specific medical issue in this workshop, surgery, anything like that, and how fisting will work for you, I can’t answer those completely. You would want to check with your doctor if you are concerned that any of those things would get in the way of your fisting experience.
Turns out there are doctors out there that are pro-fisting. I know it is really hard to find in certain parts of the country and world but they are out there. If you feel nervous about bringing up fisting with your doctor it might not be as bad as you think.
First, let’s start by talking about vaginas of assigned female folks really quick because there are some cool things I am going to show you. This is me figuring out how to share my screen. I know how to do it. I just learned how to do it. I have to scroll down to this diagram. I knew this would be a little weird and wonky so thank you very much. Share screen. Here we go. OK. I think you should be able to see this.
I want to show you some different parts of the inside of the vagina so that we can basically get a handle on like why we would want to try fisting. Obviously, fisting is fun because it can be really kinky, it can be a really intimate way to connect with our partners and give us different orgasms that stimulate parts of the vagina that might not get as much attention during other kinds of sex.
Isn’t this fun that there is a diagram that has fingers going inside the vagina? I think I want to print this out and put it on my wall. As you can see, this green line is going toward the G-spot which is about two inches inside the vagina and that is where the internal portion of the clitoris and the urethral sponge meets. A lot of cis dudes debate if it is real or not but we don’t care. It is a zone that can give us a lot of pleasure. You would want to insert your fingers about two inches inside and press them towards the front wall. You should feel a texture that’s different than the rest of the vaginal wall and that’s a g-spot. If you’re having trouble, it is good to get aroused before. Obviously, you know, any kind of internal stimulation can stimulate that g-spot but fisting puts a whole lot of pressure on the g-spot because there is a whole hand inserted inside of a vagina.
Just past the g-spot on the interior wall is another erogenous zone. This is another erogenous zone and an area that often gets neglected but if you are a person that likes really deep penetration you might be enjoying this stimulation of this area right here. This particular erogenous zone is known for increasing lubrication when there is pressure around it. That’s another area that can get stimulated from fisting and generate its orgasm.
At the back of the vagina, we have the cervix. Some people really enjoy touching against the cervix. You can feel it if your fingers are long enough or you are using a longer object. Everyone’s vagina is different depth but sometimes you can feel the cervix. You want to be careful because while stimulating it does feel good for some folks if you put too much pressure you can bruise it. It isn’t super scary or horrifying but you might experience something that feels like menstrual cramps tomorrow. Any time you are doing deep penetration you are going to want to be careful with that cervix. We will talk more about when it comes to having the whole hand inside.
My video is back. I don’t think I am screenshareing any more. Great. We have a message that the video was turned off to make the image larger. Is everything going OK? Can someone in the chat say if you can see me? Thank you so much, Nicole. Awesome. All right.
A quick note about the cervix when it comes to fisting. The cervix is in different positions during a person’s menstrual cycle. If you are a person who has a cervix and a person with a period your cervix will be lowest in the vaginae around ovulation — or, no, highest during ovulation. If you want to try fisting, one of the best times to do it is during ovulation because there is more room inside a vagina for someone’s hand. You can do it while on the period but the cervix will be a bit lower. You can feel it. It is like a little light bulb hanging down from the vagina. We will talk more about fisting and menstruation in a little bit.
Let’s get into the the part about getting in, right? I think that’s what a lot of us are here for. How do you get that hand in there? How do you turn your partner into a human puppet? I am going to tell you how. It is going to be so fun. First, I am going to direct most of this to the fisters and then we will talk about the fistee. If you are a person who is going to be doing the fisting, you want to make sure your nails are trimmed nice and short. You don’t want to have super long nails going inside of a vagina to is that depth because you can definitely cause cuts and abrasions that way so for the safety of your partner it is a good idea to have trimmed nails. That said, I have incredible film folks in my life who love their acrylics and long nails and know how to do magic with those things that I was not aware of, so a special trick I have learned from these folks is to use a latex or nitrate glove and put cotton balls in the end of each finger and put that on and that will protect your sharp ends from poking your partner.
If you are going to be fisting with your bare hands make sure there are not cuts on your hand because that’s not a good idea for STI and for you. I would recommend you do wear a glove the first time you try together and the reason is because it smooths out any bumps in your hand and makes insertion a whole lot easier. A latex or nitrile glove will be your friend in that case.
Of course, you will want to lubricate that glove and hand. You are going to want to use lube any time we use large objects. I am going to share my screen to give you some recommendations.
All right. I think you can see this. I am going to be focusing on silicone and water-based lubes. Those are the most commonly used. This silicone lube I am going to recommend specifically for fisting but any kind of sexual activity really is Überlube [Editor’s Note: You can purchase this and the following lube that is mentioned through Smitten Kitten, where A+ members receive 25% off orders of $50 or more until December 31, 2020 with code AUTOSTRADDLE2020]. What I love about the silicone lube is that it is light and not as heavy as other silicone lubes but the big bonus is it doesn’t stain your sheets like other silicone lube. That means you can be generous with this and you will not have a problem. The reason why I specifically love silicone lube for fisting is silicone lube hangs out for a long time in the body and once you have a whole hand in the vagina you can’t exactly reapply lube. You want something you can put on the hand or glove once and insert. Silicone lube is going to be your friend in that case. If you are using toys, pro or post, made out of silicone, you will want to use a water lube because silicone can eat away and damage the toys.
If you opt for a water-based lube because of toys or because it is your personal preference I really recommend Sliquid Sassy. This one is awesome for people with sensitive skin because it has minimal ingredients. They market it as anal lube because it is thick but it is great for vaginal as well. It will hangout a while and provide extra cushion with that gel lubricate.
I am going to stop sharing the screen and I think it worked. We have a question in the chat. “If silicon toys are covered by a condom are they safe from silicone lube?” Yes. A condom isn’t going to cover your toy completely. There is a chance lube could get underneath but generally that is a safe option if that is your preference.
Also, regarding lube, so for folks who have vaginas through gender conformation, your vagina is not going to self-lubricate so you will need more lube or if you are going through menopause, take testosterone or take medication causing less wetness in your vagina, you will want to be generous with the lube.
Also, if you are the fistee, the person getting fisted, you will want to engage in a whole lot of foreplay. The more turned on you can be, the more relaxed the vagina can be and the more relaxed the vagina is and that will allow everything to open up and welcome that hand inside. It is a really good idea if you can to have like 1-2 orgasms first before you try fisting because that does a whole lot to relax the body.
Now, also, to the fistee, position is really important if you are a person getting fisted. There are two positions that work the best for relaxation. One is on your back with your knees up if that’s comfortable for you. That’s a good position for getting fisted or on your hands and knees can be great especially if you are on a bed. Somewhere where you can be comfortable. It is important to think about comfort with fisting because it does take awhile to make it happen and you want to make sure all parties involved are in a position where you can actually stay there for the amount of time that it is going to take to fist.
For the fister, the person doing the fisting, same goes for you. You will be in one position for awhile so think about where your shoulder is or wrist is because you don’t want to be almost there and your partner loves it and you have a cramp. Once your hand is inside it takes attention to remove it so you don’t want to be literally stuck inside a vagina. Actually, that sounds amazing but, you know what I mean. For the person doing the fisting, you will want to be n position where you can use the muscles behind the shoulder blade and keeping everything in place. If you are using the muscles of your fingers and wrist to push into the vagina, those muscles are going to tire out quickly and you will be more likely to hurt yourself. Make sure you are using your larger muscle groups as much as possible.
Now we are going to talk about how that hand gets in there. This is the part we have all been waiting for. Folks who have experience with penetration can really just go for this but if you haven’t done a whole lot of penetration or have only done penetration with 1-2 fingers fisting is something you will need to work up to. Don’t go into this with the expectation you will be able to take the whole hand if you have never taken more than two fingers. For the person doing the fisting, you will want to start one finger at a time. Start with one or two fingers like we usually do, pressing the toward the front wall and start to add them. You want to keep your fingers as close together as possible.
Right now I have all four of my fingers stacked on top of each other and you will want to start with those four fingers as we are moving towards fisting. It is really, really important to be communicating with the person you are fisting the whole time and for the fistee it is really important to be communicating with the person doing the fisting as they go. You don’t want to get hurt and it be painful in a not fun way. Keep the conversation going. This is part of why fisting is such a cool activity for partners because it does force you to practice the ongoing consent and practice communication and it can feel actually really intimate and loving and care taking which is super amazing.
Once you have the four fingers inside, you will want to do this and now I have included my thumb and all my fingers are pressed together sort of like a duck puppet. You will want to add the thumb. The hardest part for a lot of folks is getting past the knuckles. Everybody has a different hand size so this is going to vary from person to person but if you have a perp person like me with wide hands and knuckles that might be more difficult versus if you have a more narrow hand but this is the hump to get over.
If this is your first attempt fisting with a partner and all you do is get these four fingers in a bit and that feels good and that’s fun. Great. The point is not to get the whole hand in there. The point is for this to be pleasurable and fun and any time we are having goal-oriented sex that can take us out of the moment. If you just get this far, cool. If you want to try for the knuckles next time, great. But if it is going well, and you want to get those knuckles in, there are a few things that both parties can do for the most challenging part.
One, the person who is getting fisted can do some deep breathing. I know it sounds silly. You have probably even told a million times to breathe deeply if you are having anxiety or if you are stressed and it sounds a little bananas but it really does help relax those muscles. You can also use some visualization. This really works. Visualize yourself welcoming that hand in or whatever the object is whether that’s a hand or a dildo or just a couple fingers. That visualation is going to activate your pelvic floor muscles and might help those relax and open up a bit so that those knuckles can get inside.
For the person doing the fisting, if you can use the other hand to stimulate your partner’s clit that can help as well. Generally providing any pleasure, whether that’s clit or nipples, that can help arousal increase and the vagina relax to get that whole hand inside. Once you are past the knuckles, you might get the bottom of the palm or even the wrist and that’s when you want to curl your hand into an fist hence fisting. That’s what we call it. That’s not going to be possible all of the time depending on the person you are fisting, the size of your hand, where you are at in their cycle, the combination of the size of their hand and their vagina so this part might not always be possible but it does make fisting a bit more comfortable for the person if you are able to make an fist. Then you are doing it and your hand is all the way inside a vagina which is a really incredible thing but I think a lot of folk whose haven’t tried fisting before get the whole fist in there and think what do I do now? I did the magic trick. What do I do?
Well, there are a few things that you can do. For some folks when they are getting fisted, they just want that hand in there and be completely still and that’s fine. For a lot of folks just the pressure on the g-spot, the a-spot and the cervix and the feeling of fullness is enough to just really enjoy it. They might not be able to take much movement. Maybe that feels painful. Just a still fist is great. For folks who do want a little movement, if your partner is asking for movement, it is a good idea to just tilt your wrist forward a bit and get rhythmic pressure on the g-spot like in the same way we are taught to do a come hither motion with our fingers when we are having finger sex. You can also do that with your whole hand. You will want to start gently and if you can encourage your partner to move against your hand instead of you moving your hand that can give you an idea of the amount of pressure they are craving in that moment because it can be kind of hard to tell.
And then, also, you don’t want to do a whole lot of thrusting with fisting. That’s usually not going to be possible. It is not necessarily going to be safe or fun. I think sometimes when we first hear about fisting, we think it is punching the inside of a vagina and that is absolutely not what it is. You want to use gentle, rhythmic movement when you are fisting.
And then while you are fisting or getting fisted just think about how cool this is. Really enjoy it. I know it can be a little bit stressful maybe to try it for the first time because I think we can all get in our heads when we are trying something new. We want to make sure our partner feels comfortable and they are experiencing pleasure but, really, like, get yourself in the moment. This is an amazing thing that bodies can do together. You can admire how powerful your partner’s body is. That’s always cool. And then also another note for the fister, when your hand is inside and you might have experienced this before like just with your fingers having hand sex, it gets very hot in there and pelvic floor muscles are very, very strong. There might be a point where doing the fisting is no longer comfortable for you, the fister, and that is when you will want to negotiate your way out. If the fistee is enjoying it there is a chance your hand is scathing to be cramped and uncomfortable in there. — cramped. Both partners need to be in touch with each other so everybody can get in and get out safely.
Before I move on to getting out are there any questions? Oh, there are questions. I am going to actually try and answer these at the end because these — nope, I am going to do it now. Why not. I didn’t realize these questions were coming in. I will answer these lube questions quick. One of the questions is “how do you introduce lube in a cool not awkward way when you start having sex with someone?” That’s a great question. I think some people get self-conscious about using lube especially folks with vaginas that do self-lubricate. I think there is this notion that if you are not wet then you are not enjoying it. I think there is some pressure sometimes for someone to say like well I am wet enough. I don’t need lube. No, there is absolutely no — you don’t get a special prize for that. We all need lube sometimes for certain things and that’s OK. If you want to introduce lube, I would just tell your partner that this is something that makes sex more comfortable for you or safer for you, and hopefully, they will be able to acknowledge that. Any time we are talking about our comfort and our pleasure, the people who are having sex with us, they are going to want to acknowledge that and take care of us if they are good people. So hopefully that answers your question about how to introduce lube in a “cool” way. And also, casually, too. You don’t have to apologize for it. As casual as we can be about it is always a good thing.
Another person asked what Uberlube or Sliquid Sassy taste like. Uberlube taste like silicone lube. It’s not great. It’s not horrible. Sliquid Sassy doesn’t have much of a taste at all. If anything, it kind of taste like sweetener like Sweet-and-Low. To be clear there is no sweetener in that lube. It is just a slight taste in comparison to other lubes. I know some are not so good and for us who like to incorporate our mouths into sex it is a good idea to have a lube that taste OK. I don’t think any lube is wonderful to taste unless you are going for a flavored lube but those are pretty OK. I think I got those questions. Great. And oh, yeah.
Before we talk about getting that hand out there was another thing that I wanted to cover that I completely missed. When you are fisting, you don’t have to just be fisting and that’s it. You can incorporate fisting into other activities. Maybe the first time you try it that’s going to be the main focus and the main event because you are new in figuring it out but once you have done it a couple of times you can use a vibrator on a partner while you fist them, your partner can use a vibrator on yourself or on you while you fist them, you can incorporate fisting into a role-play situation. If you are into medical role-play for example this could be part of an exam. There are all kinds of things you can do with fisting and those can all just make it extra fun but, again, before you start engaging in some wild role-play sex theater, just focus on your fisting technique to make sure everybody is safe and A-OK.
Now let’s talk about getting that hand out. This can sometimes be more challenging than getting the hand in just because any time something is introduced inside of the vagina our pelvic floor muscles want to grab on to it. Once that hand is in there, these pelvic floor muscles are squeezing around that hand and it can make it challenging to remove it. If you are the person who is the fistee and the hand is inside you, take a deep breathe and relax the muscles and just like that visualization we talked about of getting the hand inside and visualizing the vagina welcoming that object in, now you will want to visualize pushing that object out. You can aid your partner by using your pelvic floor muscles to start to push that hand outside your vagina. For the person who has their hand inside, the fister, your hand will be in an fist and you will want to uncurl those fingers. You will not pull it out while your hand is still in the fist. You will want to let those fingers go straight and slowly remove the knuckles and slowly remove the fingers.
Again, do this very, very slowly and be in communication with your partner the whole time because it can be really painful. Maybe you have experienced this with a dildo or fingers, if you have in some new wild sex position and you move something and something gets ripped right out of there, that can hurt and it is isn’t fun and when it is a whole hand it is really, really not fun. Make sure you go slow.
When you feel the muscles are almost pushing you out should you take your hand out in that moment? You can start to take your hand out. I wouldn’t go all the way with it. This is a slow process, again. Also, this is only if you have already communicated with your partner, OK it is time to wrap this up, and get this hand out, please, help me. Sometimes if you are fisting and you haven’t talked about exiting the vagina, you might feel that pressure from the pelvic floor that might feel like they are pushing your hand out but they may not be conscious to that. It may be how their body is responding and they are really enjoying the fisting. If you can remove your fingers one at a time that’s awesome. That’s how you get out of there.
If you have fisted a partner, you have been fisted and no orgasms were had, that’s totally fine. That is really, really important to acknowledge especially when you are new to fisting. Going after an orgasm is not the point. Yes, fisting does offer the potential to experience new kinds of orgasms but it might be something to experience down the line when you. I think a lot of us have difficulty having an orgasm when doing a new activity. Maybe you are nervous and can’t be in the moment. Remember, we are not going for the orgasm here. We are just going for pleasure and connection and that feeling of fullness and that pressure is really, really satisfying for a lot of folks without any orgasms happening.
Someone asked in the chat if it possible for a person to fist themselves. Yes, it is. People can do that. It, of course, is not a very comfortable position for the wrist, especially for a long period of time, so it requires a specific arm length to torso ratio but yes, you can fist yourself. Obviously that is something to approach with a whole lot of caution especially for that wrist. Your wrist can’t take a whole lot of pressure. Be very careful if you want to attempt fisting yourself but yes, that is a thing that people do. Mostly professionals, I think.
Now I want to talk briefly about toys that mimic the fisting experience. If you are a person who is single, or if you are trying to get your body ready for fisting before a partner fists you, there are some toys that can help you get on your way towards that like deeper, more intense penetration. Wow. Someone said they did figure out how to fist themselves once and it was a wrist gymnastic challenge. I am sure it was but good for you. If anyone else has fisted themselves and they want to pop that in the chat, I would love to celebrate you but for right now, I cannot look at the chat because I am about to share my screen and show you a couple of toys. Just a moment.
OK. I think this is working.
So the first toy I want to talk to you about is this toy called the Swan Wand. There are actually two different Swan Wands. There is the regular swan wand and the swan wand mini. If you are ordering this toy online, please, don’t get those confused because the mini is mini. I am talking about the regular swan wand which is a nine-inch vibrating toy with two different bulbous ends, each with a motor in so you can use either end for penetration. There is a mid-size end and this pretty large end. With this toy, because it is made out of silicone, you will want to use a water-based lube with it, and it is pretty significant. It is 1.96 inches in diamiter. It also does vibrate. This is a really great option. It is USB chargeable and one-year warranty. This is a fancier toy with a high price tag but it last for a long time.
The next toy I want to show you is the njoy 11 [Editor’s note: use code AUTOSTRADDLE for 15% with Enby]. If you haven’t seen a stainless steel toy it might look intimidating but it is isn’t. I promise it is fun. Stainless steel last forever, you can use any type of lube on it and I know we think of stainless steel as being cold and kind of scary but you can actually run this under warm water if you want to warm it up but it also does warm up to body temperature quickly. It doesn’t have that like cold speculum at the doctors office feel once it has been inside your body for a little while.
This is a pretty big toy. Like the Swan Wand, it has two different ends. You can penetrate yourself with both of those ends. And one of the ends is considerably larger than the other so this is another one that’s great to prepare for fisting or large objects with. Stainless steel, unlike silicone toys that have a drag to them, stainless steel because is so smooth, it can glide into the bah body a little more easily. It is also very heavy. This is a $400 chunk of steel. This is a fancy toy but it will last you multiple lifetimes. The weight of this is actually really great because the heavier toys can give you a sense of fullness you might not get from a lighter weight toy so this can prepare you for the sensation of having penetration with a whole hand if that makes sense. I am going to turn off the screenshareing.
That is a bit scary. $400. It is super fancy. I am showing you this on the njoy website. That’s the company that makes that toy but it is sold by a lot of sex toy retailers and those often have sales especially around the holidays so if you check out your local sex toy retailer or any of the ones that are through Autostraddle, check out our — what is it called? Maybe Nicole can help me but if you check out any of those businesses you might be able to find it for less than that. So those are the toys that I wanted to talk about today.
Before we wrap up, I wanted to know if there are any more questions that you can pop in the ask a question section or in the chat. Great. Nicole just popped in the chat and said that we do have some discounts for A-plus members with sex toy retailers and there is a link in the chat. Affiliate links. Thank you, Jennifer. That is a phrase that was not on the tip of my tongue. That is what I was referring to. Thank you, Nicole.
Do we have any more questions because we talked about lube. We talked about and answered the question of fisting ourselves. Going to give it a minute or two and if more questions don’t come in I will say some thank you’s and wrap us up. I am going to look at the question box to make sure I answered everything in there. Oh, there are more questions in here. I didn’t see them before. “Is it possible for your pelvic bones to be too small for fisting?” Yeah, it is. If you are a person who like doesn’t find large penetration to be comfortable for you because the way your pelvis is just doesn’t allow for that then fisting is probably not going to work for you. You can definitely try it but you know, like I said, the difference between this-is-stretching pain, this-is-pleasurable pain versus “I am going to hurt myself.” I would recommend you go really, really slow if you are concerned you do have a really small pelvis.
Someone asked if the same techniques apply to butt fisting. Yes, a lot of the same techniques do but I decided to focus on vaginal fisting today because there are a few more elements involved. A big difference with anal fisting is unlike the vagina which has an end to it the anus does not. You can go forever inside of a butt so you can really, really fist deep inside a butt. That can make it definitely more of a varsity level activity because unlike the vagina where we do have a significant amount of nerve endings around the opening and a little bit less towards the back, in the butt you have some nerve endings on the opening and then the deeper you go, there are places that you can’t feel at all so if you are getting anally fisted and you are getting injured from it you might not know, so that makes anal fisting a little bit more of a varsity level activity there. Maybe they will let me teach an an anal fisting workshop.
I am not giving other workshops but there are other events happening for the 13 days of A-plus. We have a cooking ask me anything. If you have questions about cooking and baking. Tuesday, thank you, Nicole. Tuesday. If you have questions about cooking and baking and you want to have some Autostraddle writers who are really great at that, we will be there live to answer your questions and you can find that on our website. And there should be more stuff in the newsletter too. I will be doing that as well. I can talk about fisting and making gluten-free biscuits. Those are my two talents. There are more questions in the question thing. Let me check these out.
“More advice on fisting someone with a surgically created vagina.” Great question. This is just, again, something that should be approached with caution just because those walls aren’t going to be quite as elastic. Unfortunately, there isn’t a whole lot of research or information out regarding fisting and gender conformation surgery. I mean, generally not a whole lot of information out there about sex after gender conformation surgery which is a bummer. There needs to be more studies and information and conversations about that for folks who are wanting to experience that deep penetration. In that case, my two biggest pieces of advice are to use lots and lots of lube, go really slow, and make sure that the dilators you are using are definitely on the larger end and to use your largest dilator about two hours before engaging in fisting or any kind of penetration with large objects, but also if you are a person who has had gender confirmation surgery, also talk to your doctor or surgeon before engaging in an activity like fisting if you have concerns because they will be able to tell you exactly how much your vagina can take if you are still figuring that out for yourself.
“Is it necessary to take rings off before fisting?” Yes. Such a good question and I absolutely should have mentioned that. Yes, please take your rings off before you put your fingers or hands inside a partner’s vagina. Clearly it isn’t going to get lost in there forever but any time we lose a small object inside a vagina whether that’s a ring or a condom or a tampon it is just such a chore to get it out and it is not very comfortable. You want to avoid it for that reason. Also, depending on what kind of ring it is you can really scratch someone’s vaginal wall with it which is not very comfortable, so definitely, take those rings off. I think I answered all of the questions in the chat. Great. I think we have done it.
Thank you all so much for being here. I am so glad that this many people turned up for a workshop on vaginal fisting. I hope your holiday season is going great. This is being recorded so if you want to watch it again, you can pull this up. Thanks so much to Nicole our fundraising director for making it happen and for making the captioning happen. This has been really cool and for walking me through Crowdcast because I am so bad at technology. Thank you, A-plus subscribers for supporting Autostraddle. We need all of the help we can get and we really, really appreciate you. I don’t think I am in charge of closing this out. I think Nicole is going to do that so just a final thank you so much and have a great day. And I guess we are going to end this. I guess I keep talking until it closes.
End Transcript
*Editor’s Note: There weren’t any images aside from the products linked above that were featured on-screen, except for one diagram of a vagina, so there are no screen caps with alt-text at this time. Malic also made sure to describe everything in detail and most of the information was aural. However, if you need additional descriptions or anything else for access reasons, please don’t hesitate to let us know in the comments below! We’re working to make Autostraddle content as accessible as possible, and are so grateful for any feedback that helps us do better.
14 Knuckles: Always A Fistee, Never A Fister
14 Knuckles, about a scorpio femme of color fucking their way through power dynamics, boundaries, and caregiving, as an exploration of who she is and how she relates to others.
I love ears and nipples. My mouth has a thousand surfaces: my firm outer lips paint your ear with my latest color as those same lips soften, opening into wet inner edges; a smooth surface is revealed beneath my tongue; cautious teeth hold the power to pull and destroy; my lips press to suck until you come, if I let you.
My mouth has the ability to sense in ways that other parts of my body don’t. I want to let you come. I’m on my left side, you’re on your back, I cradle your neck with my left arm and my right fingers trace down to your thigh. You’re sweating — the hottest thing to me is sweat and you do not disappoint. I feel you drip, your heat radiating as I approach, my mouth can’t stop sucking your earlobe, your eyes are closed, you’re moaning, and when my fingers get to your pussy I feel how wet and open you are, so fucking thirsty for me. Your cunt flush, your lips spread. I trace my fingers from your pussy to your clit and back, I want to bury my face in your wet, but I can’t leave your most sensitive spot, where we flow together.
I flutter my lips open so that any breath I give you will flow straight inside your ear canal. “Do you want me inside of you?” I murmur slowly, melting my tongue against my lips to make that juicy pussy sound into your ear. You moan and nod. One finger, then two, you get what you want.
My fingers lose themselves wandering inside of you and my thumb is pressed between your lips. I can’t feel anything, my right hand barely has any sensation, so I pull out slowly just to see you squirm. I glide back in, you’re so open I barely have to move. You’re grinding against my hand and it starts to hurt. I want my face between your thighs, but I know you’ll tell me if that’s what you want, so instead I thrust into and out of you, trying to feel deep inside, but all I know is you’re soaked and open and I can’t feel a thing.
You want more. You gasp and make out the words, “Four fingers.”
I sit myself up and kiss your trembling face. You’re surprised I’m moving away. “I gotta change positions,” I say, and you nod. I switch hands — I’m better at fucking with my left since some of those nerve endings still work and it doesn’t hurt as bad. From this position, sitting between your legs, I slip four in you, but this angle isn’t quite as good for you, you want the skin-to-skin, chest-to-chest contact. My left fingers slip into you and your cunt starts to pulse around me, rounded edges and curves colliding and releasing. I know you won’t come yet, you need me to keep it up, you need momentum, but I just can’t. The pain escalates and I’m distracted. I love your insides, but these angles are impossible and my hand is cramping — I can’t be here for much longer. You sense it, you pause. I ask for a pillow under your hips, to lift you up to me. But the moment’s gone, you’re out of it.
It’s so hot until it’s so not.
I first acknowledged the extent of my nerve damage when I started having queer sex. I couldn’t feel clits. When someone said, “Not there,” I couldn’t comply because I couldn’t feel where I was. The awkward sex prompted me to get a nerve conduction test, an MRI, and three months of physical therapy, but nothing brought my sensation back. I got fucked by tops and that seemed like a solution, until I realized how emotionally unfulfilling it is to constantly open myself up for people who won’t enter a vulnerable space with me.
Despite the ways I can, and do fuck — using my mouth, vibrators, and my fingers in positions where I can clearly see — I’m still scared of doing so many things. I often pull out when pain starts because I’m scared I won’t be able to follow through. This is the scene that lives in my imagination: someone asks me to give them more and I can’t keep up, I fail to make it fun and comfortable and sexy. I love topping in ways that can allow my partners to release control, to move into vulnerability, to trust me deeply. I fear not using the control I’ve been given in a way that brings another pleasure. I fear bringing my partners into a space where my actions cannot match my intent because my physical body won’t allow it. It keeps me from even approaching fisting, something that feels so good when done to me.
Telling someone about my numb, weak fingers is so not a cute message on Tinder. It’s also awkward to even bring up with people I’ve been seeing a while — sometimes, I’ve been fucking them despite the pain and, when they realize it, it can be made out into a whole thing. With no diagnosis or explanation for my pain, it’s hard to talk about, but it affects the kind of sex I can have comfortably.
I’m very much at the beginning of a lifelong journey to love every single part of myself, even the parts that are most flawed, not cute, and physically painful. Disability justice organizers and thinkers have had the most wisdom about this specific situation: when something hurts and you’re horny, how do you fuck anyway?
Sami Schalk, in an interview with adrienne maree brown in Pleasure Activism, is quoted to say, “Disabled people’s sexual and intimate lives teach us that sex and pleasure are not merely about penetrative, goal-oriented sex…sex for disabled people often means throwing out the norms and working with a partner to discover what their body can and cannot do, what they do and do not enjoy. Often for able-bodied people, there is an assumption that there are certain things everyone wants or enjoys, but when you have an atypical body or mind, it makes potential partners pause, ask more questions, take a little more time. We would all benefit from such an approach that takes each partner’s body, each sexual interaction, as new, figuring out what is best with this person in this moment given how their body feels, what’s on their mind, etc.”
It’s also been disabled folks who have taught me that, truly, anything can be sex. Acts of sensual care — like, a massage where I can avoid using my fingers and, instead, use a massage ball or my elbows or closed fist — allow my femme caregiving tendencies to be received, honored, and celebrated, even when it’s too painful to move my fingers in and out of a tight hole. Sometimes, it’s even moments of service — when I plan a bike ride or camping trip — and the recipient is open to receiving my care, that I enter a very similar space as to when I’m topping. I have control, I’ve made the plan, I get to direct someone else’s body, and my partner gets to relax and find themselves having experiences they never thought possible.
But it’s not fisting.
Fisting is something that makes me feel infinite. It explodes my insides and sends tender vibrations out to every nerve ending; it makes me sensitive to the presence and movement of another while listening to my body as my guide. I love topping because I get to gift sensory experiences to other people and it has felt heartbreaking to acknowledge that I might never get to gift my fist to another. It’s been three years since I first investigated my nerve pain and numbness and I’m finally learning: it’s okay. I might always be in some sort of pain, but I don’t need to be fixed or painless or healed in order to love others or have sex. I might never totally be healed because the barrage of pain and heartbreak and wounding continues every day in white supremacist, cis-heteropatriarchy; as soon as I reduce triggers for my hand pain, a global pandemic sweeps through and asks me to show up as a nurse and writer, both of which exacerbate this pain.
There’s a cultural narrative around being fixed that Leah Lakshmi Piepzna Samarasinha critiques in her book Care Work: the idea that “healed,” “well”, or “no-longer-traumatized” is an achievable goal for everyone. In recognizing myself as having this pain, I accept that “painless” as an end-goal might not be achievable for me. I’m unlearning a cultural and personal narrative of my pained body as broken. To top with pain has required I also unlearn my own misperceptions of tops as in total control and infallible. I never hold so much power over another that I abdicate responsibility for myself, nor does my power or control in sex mean that I owe someone something that ultimately harms me. To top does not mean that I have to be superhuman or anything other than who I am.
Being in pain does not make me less human: I exist even while I have pain; I can serve others even if this pain is my company; I am exactly perfect as I am. I can learn to move exactly as who I am, with my needs and wants and triggers, with my trauma and with my pain, and find sites of love and joy and delight. My being unable to fist, to do what I imagine other tops can do, does not make me unworthy. It is in the acceptance of exactly who I am that allows me to access my own ultimate power. My acceptance of my own pain allows me to have the kind of sex that is rooted in the specificity of my body.
Prentis Hempill on the Fortification podcast talks about how disability justice work has taught us to learn to tolerate sensation. That we can have pain and move forward. That we can have pain and the world doesn’t stop. This is a guide for all of us who have had an uncomfortable, messy, growth-filled 2020 — which is to say, this is a guide for all of us. So much of what we’re going through collectively is uncomfortable, painful, and often feels like our skin is burning off. The pain might not end, so can we tolerate the sensation? Can we ask what it can teach us? And, as we move forward, can we do it in a way that is exactly, delightfully us?
I don’t love the idea that I’ll never fist, but I do love the idea that every act of sex I engage with is collaborative. Queerness reminds me that there is no standard way to fuck or live. Instead, I have the challenge and opportunity to live, fuck, and expand in the creative possibilities of my body and others.
Lesbian Fisting 101
Fisting is my number one favorite penetrative queer lesbian sex move. Fisting is AWESOME. Fisting is what happens when you’re fucking with your hands and everything is getting wetter and wetter and four fingers aren’t enough so you add a fifth and it feels for a second like maybe your whole hand is about to be inside of a person, or like her whole hand is about to be inside of you, and then it is.
Because it has the word “fist” in it, fisting sounds violent, but it’s not. (You’re not even making a fist with your hand; it’s more of a duck-shadow-puppet shape.) Like any other part of lesbian sex, fisting can be gentler or rougher or kinky or vanilla or whatever you want it to be — but it’s definitely going to be intense. Putting your whole hand inside of someone, or having her whole hand inside of you, is a physically and emotionally wild experience and a fuckton of fun. Here’s how to do it right.
Talk About Fisting First
Like any lesbian sex act, fisting requires some conversation before you dive in. Discuss it in advance when you’re not about to try to have sex, check in during sex before you try it, and keep communicating with each other while you do it. Talking during sex is hot, and talking about what you’re doing during sex makes sex hotter. It seems dorky, but if you have trouble speaking during sex, practice saying “that feels good,” “a little slower,” “can I have more lube?,” “more fingers please,” “oh my god you’re fisting me” and similar phrases in advance alone so they don’t feel as weird coming out of your mouth with a partner.
Get The Right Tools
Fisting is lesbian hand sex at its most intense, so it makes sense for you to prepare. Trim your nails the day before and smooth the edges. If you wear femme claws, glitter polish, or shellac or gels that are anything less than fresh and perfect, plan to wear gloves. Tuck cotton balls in the tips of each finger if your nails are really long or are filed to sharp points. If you have short, glitter-free nails and you and your fisting partner are fluid-bonded, think about wearing gloves anyway — they’re cleaner than your hands, slipperier when wet, and make cleanup after sex super easy.
You’ll also need lube. Lots of lube. The best lubes for fisting are thick and don’t contain any irritating ingredients like glycerin or scents and flavors. Generally, silicone lubes are thicker and longer lasting than water-based lubes. For a good one, check out Sliquid Silver. If you’re not into silicone, Sliquid Sassy is a thick water-based lube that doesn’t really drip or get sticky. And BabeLube Silk is the best of both worlds: a water-based lube, with just a bit of silicone blended in so it lasts longer. For an organic lube, try Sliquid Organics or BabeLube Natural. Some women also really love organic coconut oil as a lube — in addition to being “natural,” it’s an anti-fungal and can make your skin feel nice. Oils or oil-based lubes degrade latex, however, so if you’re using latex gloves for safer sex you’re better off with a silicone- or water-based lube.
[1] Sliquid Silver [2] Sliquid Sassy [3] BabeLube Silk [4] Sliquid Organics [5] BabeLube Natural [6] Now Coconut Oil [7] Sliquid Soul
Let’s Get Fisting
So you’ve talked about it, trimmed your nails, taken off your rings, opened a box of gloves, and have enough lube on hand to drown a small kitten. How do you actually fist someone?
Fisting starts off like regular lesbian hand sex, so begin by doing whatever you’d usually do to get ready for regular lesbian hand sex. Start with your usual foreplay — making out, grinding, spanking, whatever. When you’re both ready, move to external vulva touches. Spread your fingers like scissors and move them on either side of her clit, or cup her whole vulva with your gloved hand. As she responds by squirming towards or grinding against you, you can respond with firmer pressure or more direct clit touches. Hang out here, building arousal, until you’re both ready to fingerbang.
If you’re hoping to get fisted, ask for penetration — try something like “can you please fuck me with your fingers” or “can I have your fingers inside me now” or whatever feels right. If you’re hoping to fist, ask whether your partner is ready for penetration — try something like “can I put my fingers inside you now?” or “I want to fuck you with my fingers” or whatever feels right — and get a nod or a verbal yes before moving forward. When you’re both ready, lube up and press the pads of one or two fingers against her vaginal opening. Use pressure to slide inside. Start by moving slowly and then move a little faster, paying attention to your partner’s body and responses. Build. Keep adding more fingers and lube until you have four fingers inside of her.
“The best part of lesbian sex is that it’s not linear, so there’s no reason fisting has to be.”
Getting to the point where fisting is a possibility, and then actually fisting, can take some time. If you’re the fister, position yourself so your wrist and forearm are aligned, so you don’t get super tired or crampy. You can use your free hand to support your fisting hand by gripping your own wrist. You can also be still for a moment and ask your partner to move for you — try saying “show me how much you want my fingers” or “I want you to fuck my fingers.” If you’re the fistee, a word I just made up, ask for more lube whenever you want or need it. Give yourself permission to stay relaxed and present. Remember that fisting can feel like being stretched or filled, and that can feel pretty intense, but it’s not supposed to hurt. If it does, ask your partner to go slower, be still for a moment, use fewer fingers, use more lube, or try a different angle. Using your own fingers or vibrator on your clit can also help you stay relaxed and turned on and focused on your own pleasure instead of on “I am going to fucking get fisted right fucking now.” In my experience, being focused on getting fisted makes getting fisted way harder. The best part of lesbian sex is that it’s not linear, so there’s no reason fisting has to be. You can start to build towards it, stop, use a dildo, add some oral, get some water, try a few more fingers, come a few times, and work towards fisting again.
Add more lube, and start to work in your thumb. From this point forward, your hand should be shaped like a shadow puppet duck or like you’re reaching into a can of Pringles, depending on which metaphor you’re more into. This might be as far as you get, and that’s okay! Even if you’ve fisted or been fisted a hundred times, there’s no guarantee that it’ll happen this time. Stay connected, relaxed, and present with your partner, and keep the focus on creating a pleasurable experience. If fisting is about to happen, there’ll be a moment where your knuckles press against the edge of your partner’s vaginal opening and you’re “almost fisting,” and then there’ll be a moment where she sort of opens up and sucks you in and you’re “holy shit, fisting.”
Holy Shit, Fisting!
Once you’re in, make very, very, very small motions. In fisting, every movement is heightened. You can try to find her g-spot by curling your fingers up towards her stomach. You can try twisting your fist from side to side, thrusting (gently!), or opening or closing your fingers. Some fistees like a lot of movement, some like very little, and some like none. If your partner starts to orgasm, move with her — her vagina might be vacuum-sealed around your hand and wrist, which have a lot of tiny, breakable bones in them, and moving against her might risk them. If you start to orgasm from fisting her — yes, this can happen — try to stay aware enough to keep your bodies aligned.
Exit Strategy
When it’s time to stop fisting, relax your fist inside of your partner and slowly remove it. If you feel stuck, slip one of your free fingers down your fisting wrist to break the seal. Remember, lesbian sex isn’t linear and neither is fisting. If you’re done having sex when you’re done fisting, that’s awesome. If you need to get some water and then come ten times with a Magic Wand, that’s awesome. If you need to take a nap, that’s awesome. Follow your bliss.
Lesbian Sex 101 is Autostraddle’s series on how to have lesbian sex for queer women and anyone who finds this information applicable to their bodies or sexual activities.
Sex ed almost never includes queer women or our experiences, so we’re exploring pleasure, safety, relationships and more to make that information more accessible. A lot of the language in these posts is intended to make them easy to find on search engines.
Some of the body parts we talk about will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t. Some of the pronouns will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t. Some of the sexualities will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t. Some of the language will be yours or your partners’ and some won’t. Take what you want and what applies to you or what you can make apply to you and your partners and your experiences, and leave the rest!
Happy International Fisting Day!
Today, October 21, is the sixth International Fisting Day!
Fisting is a sex act in which someone lubes up and gently puts their whole hand inside of someone else. (Think more “hand making a duck shadow puppet” and less “hand throwing a punch.”) It’s intimate and erotic and a lot of fun, but most mainstream porn, especially anything on DVD, edits it out. Most queer porn keeps it in, but large distributors can refuse to distribute. (In 2011, Jiz Lee and Courtney Trouble started Fisting Day after several companies refused to distribute their film Live Sex Show — featuring fisting between Lee and Nina Hartley — unless the fisting scene were edited out.) Fisting, like many queer sex acts, is also absent from most sexual education and is often assumed to be violent or obscene, despite being the opposite. In the Ultimate Lesbian Sex Survey (not just for lesbians), over 31% of respondents said that fisting (giving or receiving) was a regular part of their sex lives. Something that common in queer sex deserves to be part of the conversation.
The key to fisting is to wear a glove, use a lot of lube, go slowly, communicate the whole time and — when you’re about to go from finger fucking to fisting — make your hand look like a shadow puppet duck. In their definitive post on Fisting Day, Lee writes:
“What I love about fisting someone vaginally (or through their front hole, if they don’t associate with the v-word) is feeling them TAKE ME IN. There’s a moment where the person just opens up to you. Once inside, they’re warm, wet, and every little movement you make can be felt. It’s something that may take time. Fisting is something that doesn’t necessarily happen right away. You put a finger in. Then two. Then three, four, and then… and sometimes after long and gentle coaxing, the thumb. Sometimes lovers can try several times in sex before fisting happens. But once you’re in, it’s golden! You can angle your hand for G-Spot stimulation. You can find your lovers’ “A Spot”, which is just under the cervix towards the back. Some like to feel a bit of pressure there. You can carefully stroke and “jerk-off” the cervix, as if it were a small, internal cock. Unlike using a strap-on or dildo toy, my hand can feel every motion. It’s incredibly intimate and really sexy. If the chemistry and connection with my partner is strong, I can come from penetrating with my hand! […]
Some people think fisting is intense in a bad way — that it hurts. But anyone who loves fisting knows that it can be the most intimate and beautifully connecting experience with a lover.”
But Fisting Day goes deeper. (Sorry.) It’s also about pushing back against seeing marginalized sexual practices as obscene, and pushing back against censorship.
This year, pornographers are under threat by California’s Proposition 60, which would require adult performers to use condoms during the filming of sexual intercourse and also happen to give its sole proponent, Michael Weinstein, power “not only over performers’ bodies, but above state regulatory agencies and public health departments.” At the OC Register, Ela Darling writes:
“Prop. 60 would give each state resident the power to sue us if they should see an adult film without a visible condom. It’s an outrageous violation that would open us to stalkers, harassers, anti-porn activists and, maybe most disturbingly, profiteers. (The proposition includes a large cash bounty to anyone successfully bringing a suit, then forces us to pay our harassers’ legal fees.) […]
The Prop. 60 campaign has called us lawbreakers, and says we’d be better off moving out of state. They refer to Cal/OSHA regulations written for hospital emergency rooms, not adult sets. For the first time in history, Cal/OSHA is working with performers to write regulations specific to our industry – incorporating not only condoms, but testing, and other safety guards. Prop. 60 would supersede all of that.”
After actually fisting, the single best way you can celebrate Fisting Day this year is by voting no on Proposition 60.
The next best way is to support sex positive pornography like the Crash Pad Series and TROUBLEfilms and their networks, too — of many — companies creating queer porn with fisting (and also under threat by Proposition 60). (We have some scene suggestions.)
Go forth and fist.
Happy International Fisting Day! Celebrate With Five Queer Fisting Scenes
Feature image of Hayley Fingersmith and Sugar Blair via the Crash Pad.
Today is International Fisting Day! A day to celebrate. A day to share knowledge. A day to lube up, put your whole hand inside of another human or yourself and gently move it around.
Jiz Lee, who co-founded International Fisting Day in 2011 after Courtney Trouble’s Live Sex Show was censored for including a fisting scene between Lee and Nina Hartley, writes:
“For obvious reasons, I’m pro-porn, sex-positive, and a firm advocate of consensual, ethical, and artistic erotic imagery. The act of making porn is a brave, powerful, and righteous thing. We’re often representing marginalized communities, taking power through creating our own images of desire. As Shine Louise Houston infamously says, that as a queer woman of color, it’s especially important for her to create her own sexual images. And I completely and passionately, agree. Explicitly demonstrating our pleasure shows examples of healthy sexuality that have long been denied in queer stories from Hollywood, or sex education classes. Safer sex? Check. Communication? Check. Equal gender agency, right here. Lube? Stays in the picture. […]
Fisting isn’t any more scary than any kind of unwelcome sexual advance. However many people don’t know that much about it. We learn about sex as only being penis-vagina intercourse. But sex is so much more! We don’t learn much about sexual anatomy, how to communicate with lovers, or about pleasure. In fact, when we see a fist, we may be more inclined to think of it punching someone in the face […] it’s no wonder that someone who hasn’t had a healthy sex-positive education about fisting would assume it is painful. In our culture, we see fists as weapons. Let’s embody the revolutionary icon of the fist as a symbol of progress.”
Lee notes that queer online porn doesn’t edit out fisting but that other online porn, and especially anything sold on DVD, does.
For past Fisting Day celebrations, we’ve shared five fisting tips, a neat infographic and fisting love story and poetry willfully misinterpreted to be about fisting.
This time we’re celebrating with scenes from the Crash Pad Series, because sometimes one of the best ways to believe is to see, with your hand down your pants. (Also be sure to check out Crash Pad’s Guide to Fisting.)
Hayley Fingersmith and Sugar Blair (Episode 151)
Real-life partners Hayley and Sugar pretend to have an illicit affair in this episode, which features light bondage, fucking and of course fisting. Afterward, Haeley tells Sugar that this is one of her favourite shoots, because “I got to fist you, which I always like, um I feel like we have really good chemistry for some reason. I felt like I got to do most of the things that I really like doing in a scene, I got to tie you up, I got to fuck you, got to fist you. And I got topped a little. We both look amazing.”
Jiz Lee and Nina Hartley (Episode 100)
The pair behind the fisting scene behind International Fisting Day get together for a scene featuring bootlicking, kink, strap-on blow jobs, squirting and (obviously) fisting. In an interview, Hartley says, on the advantage of people being jaded about body parts: ”[B]ody to body. There’s not much to do. What makes it infinitely fun is that every time we do it, a new part of us gets tickles. We’ve entered a new game, or what’s today’s energy? Energy is infinite, right? And feeling is infinite, love is infinite, and lust is infinite.”
Odile and Daisy Ducati (Episode 160)
This scene features bootlicking, a speculum, butt plugs, strap-ons, Magic Wands and fisting. In a behind-the-scenes interview, Odile tells Daisy, “I love giving and receiving pleasure it’s always fun to watch somebody in the throw of the passion because of something you did to them; even better when you can feel it. I could feel you close around my hand, I could feel you when we were fucking, I could…it was just amazing like, the energy that was coming between us.”
Brooklyn Flaco and Papí Coxxx (Episode 144)
This scene features rough sex, light spanking, a Magic Wand and fisting! Also be sure to check out Brooklyn and Papí’s behind the scenes interview for a discussion on representation in porn. Papí says: “I want to make sure that there’re representations of me in porn, that it looks different, that it’s a different shade, different bodies, different age.. you know, I mean there’s more diversity beyond this body right here, but especially as identifying as like trans… and having the body that I have identifying as trans, and … being brown being… you know having the experiences I had in my body… I want to be representation of it.”
Andre Shakti and Sailor (Episode 200)
This scene features lots of fisting, a strap-on, tons of orgasms and balloons (to celebrate the 200th episode) everywhere. Also the closing interview is really cute.
Happy International Fisting Day! Here’s Some Willfully Misinterpreted Lesbian Poetry
Feature image by Nomy Lamm via the fisting day tumblr.
Today is International Fisting Day! A day for spreading the joy and knowledge of fisting throughout the internet so those who aren’t familiar with it can learn and those who are can fist bump.
Jiz Lee, one of the people who started International Fisting Day in 2011, writes about why fisting isn’t scary, why everyone should try it and why it’s just amazing:
“What I love about fisting someone vaginally (or through their front hole, if they don’t associate with the v-word) is feeling them TAKE ME IN. There’s a moment where the person just opens up to you. Once inside, they’re warm, wet, and every little movement you make can be felt. It’s something that may take time. Fisting is something that doesn’t necessarily happen right away. You put a finger in. Then two. Then three, four, and then… and sometimes after long and gentle coaxing, the thumb. Sometimes lovers can try several times in sex before fisting happens. But once you’re in, it’s golden! You can angle your hand for G-Spot stimulation. You can find your lovers’ ‘A Spot,’ which is just under the cervix towards the back. Some like to feel a bit of pressure there. You can carefully stroke and ‘jerk-off’ the cervix, as if it were a small, internal cock. Unlike using a strap-on or dildo toy, my hand can feel every motion. It’s incredibly intimate and really sexy. If the chemistry and connection with my partner is strong, I can come from penetrating with my hand!
As someone who loves to receive a fist, I enjoy an unparalleled feeling of fullness. The most sensitive areas of the vagina are just within the first few inches inside. I like to use my kegel and pelvic muscles to grip snugly around a lovers’ wrist, which can be compared to the girth of a medium-large dildo. Deeper inside, pressure feels really good for me. […] Combining clitoral and vaginal stimulation, the network of nerves and contracting of muscles orchestrate some of the most amazingly intense orgasms I’ve ever had.”
In the past, we’ve written about five fisting tips, published a cool infographic and fisting love story and generally shared resources, but there are only so many ways to say “lube up and make your hand look like you’re reaching into a Pringles can very, very gently” so this time we’re celebrating fisting through pure poetry.*
*I may be willfully misreading and decontextualizing some of the following poems and excerpts so that they are more relevant to actual fisting as opposed to receiving love or four fingers but no thumb or whatever.
“#184” by Anna Pulley
Why you should be proud
to have small hands: sewing,
picking your teeth, fisting.
“this is what it looks like when it finally comes” by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha
I open under her hand
wider than I ever have
and there’s no clenched fist vulva, no bleeding,
no little welts rising up on my labia saying no
I open to her fist like the biggest cracked grin
bigger than anything I’ve known how to know
“Love Poem to a Butch Woman” by Deborah A. Miranda
Sweetheart, this is how it is:
when you emerge from the bedroom
in a clean cotton shirt, sleeves pushed back
over forearms, scented with cologne
from an amber bottle—I want to open
my heart, the brightest aching slit
of my soul, receive your pearl.
I watch your hands, wait for the sign
that means you’ll touch me,
open me, fill me; wait for that moment
when your desire leaps inside me.
“The Aureole” by Nikky Finney
The stars over the Atlantic are dangling
salt crystals. The room at the Seashell Inn is
$20 a night; special winter off-season rate.
No one else here but us and the night clerk,
five floors below, alone with his cherished
stack of Spiderman. My lips are red snails
in a primal search for every constellation
hiding in the sky of your body. My hand
waits for permission, for my life to agree
to be changed, forever.
“The Dream” by Aphra Behn
The soft resistance did betray the grant,
While I pressed on the heaven of my desires;
Her rising breasts with nimbler motions pant;
Her dying eyes assume new fires.
Now to the height of languishment she grows,
And still her looks new charms put on;
Now the last mystery of Love she knows,
We sigh, and kiss: I waked, and all was done.
“Dear Andrea” by Eileen Myles
I love you too
don’t fuck up my hair
I can’t believe
you almost
fisted me
today.
That was great.
5 Fisting Tips For A Happy (Belated) International Fisting Day!
International Fisting Day happened earlier this week!
Jiz Lee and Courtney Trouble started International Fisting Day in 2011 after their film, Live Sex Show, was banned and censored because it featured a fisting scene between Lee and Nina Hartley. The day helps spread positive information about fisting, which is banned within a lot of adult entertainment and not particularly familiar beyond it.
In an excellent blog post, Lee writes about why fisting is the type of sexual act that everyone, especially queers, should try:
“Some people think fisting is intense in a bad way — that it hurts. But anyone who loves fisting knows that it can be the most intimate and beautifully connecting experience with a lover. Or a really fun in a three-some — I’ve held the hand, fingers locked, with a lover while the two of us have fisted a friend. I’ve also had both my fists inside two different lovers at the same time, while they kissed intensely. I’ve 69′ed with fisting, and I’ve even fisted myself!
Fisting isn’t any more scary than any kind of unwelcome sexual advance. However many people don’t know that much about it. We learn about sex as only being penis-vagina intercourse. But sex is so much more! We don’t learn much about sexual anatomy, how to communicate with lovers, or about pleasure. In fact, when we see a fist, we may be more inclined to think of it punching someone in the face […] So when we as a culture are more familiar with a fist being used to harm someone, it’s no wonder that someone who hasn’t had a healthy sex-positive education about fisting would assume it is painful. In our culture we see fists as painful weapons, when I see them as revolutionary weapons of sex-positive progress. Or, you know, the ASL symbol for the letter “E”. See? That’s not so scary.”
So what if you want to try fisting but don’t know where to start? Celebrate International Fisting Day by keeping these things in mind:
1. The first rule of fisting is, do not not talk about fisting.
Talking about sex before you have it in a completely unsexy and therefore less threatening context is really important. The best time to talk about sex is at lunch on a Tuesday, possibly in public and absolutely while fully clothed (unless you’re a nudist). “I would like to put my fist in your vagina (or butt, or your preferred name for either of those places) is not necessarily a great thing to say when you’ve never talked about fisting before and already have part of your hand inside someone.
2. Always be prepared.
Learn about fisting before you try it by reading about it or watching it (until October 22, use the code “DB” at CrashPad for 10% off. CrashPad has an excellent fisting archive.)
When you’re ready to go for it, trim your nails, wash your hands and take off any jewellery. If you aren’t fluid bonded with your partner, or if you are fluid bonded but don’t trust the structural integrity of your nail polish, wear gloves — latex, or polyurethane or other latex-free material if either of you have a latex allergy. Make sure you have a truly massive quantity of lube at hand, as well as any other toys you might want, so you can avoid searching for (or getting up to clean) them later.
Then, get ready with a lot of foreplay. The fistee should be as relaxed as possible.
3. Use a ton of lube.
Use more lube than you think you’ll need and then some. I recommend a bottle with a dispenser top, both for convenience and because those bottles are bigger. You will be amazed at how much lube you will need. You should use even a little bit more than that.
4. Go slowly.
Start with one or two fingers and slowly add more. Do not under any circumstances punch your partner in the vagina. Use more lube. Once you have four fingers in, you can try adding your thumb — this looks either like a shadow puppet duck face, like you’re making a starfish with the tips of your fingers or like you’re reaching to the bottom of a Pringles container. You might not be able to do this, and that’s okay! You really might not be able to do this if it’s your first time. Everyone has different holes and hands and days. If it doesn’t work no matter how much lube you use, try again later in sex or on another day, and stay flexible, relaxed and positive in the moment.
If you do get in, make very subtle motions — anything you do will feel intense to your activity partner. You can try gently opening and closing your fingers a little, twisting your fist from side to side or moving it back and forth very slightly, though if they start to orgasm, stop moving so you don’t break something. (No, really.) Don’t make big motions unless your partner asks for them.
When you’re done, gently and slowly remove your hand from their body (it helps if all involved body parts are relaxed). If you feel stuck, slip a finger alongside your wrist to break the suction.
5. Keep talking about fisting.
Talking about fisting during the act is as important as talking about it before hand. Pay attention to your activity partner’s responses, and to your own. You can probably tell when something feels good and when something doesn’t, but both of you are responsible for saying if it doesn’t and if something needs to change. If you’re the fistee, verbal encouragement always helps.
Also, make sure you talk about your experience afterwards — both immediately, when you can still remember the specifics, and about a week later, just to check in. Fisting is Olympic Level Penetration, and the only way to improve is to talk about it.
And to practice. Because practising is really fun.
feature image via weheartit
NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday is Having An Epic International Fisting Day Party
Today, October 21st, is International Fisting Day!
via blushingfemme.tumblr.com
Jiz Lee and Courtney Trouble started International Fisting Day last year after their film, Live Sex Show, was banned and censored for featuring a fisting scene between Lee and Nina Hartley. Lee explains:
“Fisting Day began not only a celebration, but a call for awareness – this sex act is banned and censored in most forms of adult entertainment, and that fear is reflected outside of the sex industry as well.
We believe that sex-positive education, exposure, information, and discussion is an easy cure for this fist-phobia!
That’s why Fisting Day exists, as a day set aside to aid in the debunking of the myth that fisting is inherently painful, obscene, or wrong. Many people enjoy fisting for many reasons, which is why we invite bloggers, writers, photographers, film-makers, adult performers, pornographers, and lovers of sex to participate in this day-long love of fisting by publishing something you’ve made, by saying what you think, for sharing your fisting stories, for trying it out with your partner (or yourself!), for writing a research paper, posting an interview on YouTube or QueerPornTube, or hosting a sex education event in your city on this fantastic subject.”
via modelsofcolor.tumblr.com
So, what is fisting? Fisting is when one partner inserts their entire hand into another partner’s vagina. Done correctly, it feels really good. So how do you do it correctly?
Words by Ali.
First Time Fisting: A Love Story
By Gabby
After sex one night, she said, “I want you to fist me.” “You want me to what you?” I’d just started to almost enjoy the act of eating pussy and wasn’t sure if I could handle any other queer sex acts. For fuck’s sake, I’d just turned 18 and hadn’t even officially come out yet. She was supposed to be the innocent one. The reason I received my first toaster from the National Board of Lesbians was now asking me to fuck her with my fist. Fists. Fists are what I’d ball up while walking on the block listening to DMX daring someone to start something. Fists are what I used to punch my dorm walls because I was too hot tempered and young to know how to properly deal with my anger. How was I supposed to put one inside of the first person to ever tell me that they loved me?
“Maybe” was my final answer. I hoped she’d just drop it. That week between classes and crowded lunches in a cramped dining hall, girlfriend did her research. She found articles on lube, trust techniques and other ways to please your partner. She brought me books with titles like “101 Lesbian Sex Acts.” She kissed me until I ran out of dry underwear and reasons to say no. I still wasn’t sold on fisting but I knew that pleasing her physically helped me show her that I loved her because sometimes I didn’t have the right words to say it. Also, bringing her to orgasm turned me on beyond anything else I’d ever known. My “maybe” turned into an “ok, baby, whatever you need.”
We started on a Monday night, naked, breathless, armed with information and me adding more fingers upon request. Lubing digits upon re-entry and whispering concerns of comfort and questions of continued consent. “Are you ok?” “Does this hurt?” and “Should I keep going?” slipped into our vocabulary. Technically, neither of us were virgins but this felt more like my first time than my actual first time. This felt way more connected and honest. By Thursday, I was wrist deep, my open palm exploring the insides of my girl-woman. Still no balled fist, still on the edge of what she needed, but now I was fully on board. The week of trying built up a level of physical trust that we’d never experienced. Also, holy shit it felt amazing to be that deep inside of her, to find her g-spot and feel it pulse.
Saturday night, we went for it. We started with an hour or so of vaginal warm up because that’s just common courtesy. You can’t just pop a fist at the pussy. You’ve got to get it ready, especially if you’re a beginner. So so so, all of the glorious foreplay on all of the glorious body parts, then my fingers, then my hand and we stayed there in our safe place for a moment. “Keep going,” she said, and so with shaking hands, I lubed up my fist, looked her in the eyes and slowly made my way in. I was so scared and didn’t want to hurt her. But in that moment, we both realized that yes, sex sometimes involves a little pain and a lot of patience. My fist hurt her but she told me not to stop. Deep breaths, gentle movements, more lube and soon we had a serious rhythm going. I was finally fisting her and she came alive under me. Everything stopped around us. I don’t remember anything but this blurred, sweaty feeling of hot disorienting blissful fucking. We weren’t little girls anymore. We were fist-fucking, baby-dyke warriors without fear and sin vergüenza.
Resources
- If you haven’t already, search for fisting on the Kink Academy website. Just do it.
- Porn, especially queer porn (cough The CrashPad Series), is a good resource. Not sure whether you’re into fisting? Not sure what to do with your extra hand when it isn’t holding a bottle of lube? Not convinced gloves are sexy? Porn can help you with that. (If you’re not into video, smut is also great.)
- Related to International Fisting Day, in an interview with She Bop, Jiz Lee talks about fisting myths, tips, lubes and their favourite experiences.
- Also, tonight at 6 p.m. PST a Fisting 101 for All Genders workshop with Tobi Hill-Meyer is live streaming from Queer Porn TV.
- For a workshop you can watch any time, check out Jessica Luxury and Majestic Legay’s Fisting 101 (with subtitles).
- Hand In The Bush: The Fine Art Of Vaginal Fisting, by Deborah Addington, is an extensively illustrated guide. Sex educator Laura Anne Stuart also has two guides, one on the basic mechanics of vaginal or anal fisting and one on safety, at the Express Milwaukee.
via sapphoria.tumblr.com
“I forget how we started fooling around, but I remember with incredible clarity the way her gloved fingers felt inside me. She fingered me hard, and it felt amazing, and I, of course, started begging for more. She slid another finger inside me, and asked if I wanted more. I indicated that I did, and I felt myself stretch as she pushed her thumb into me. There was a little pain, as her hand twisted inside me, trying to work its way all the way in, but it hurt far less than I expected […] I seriously hope I never forget her looking up at me and telling me that her whole hand was inside me. It was a moment of intense connection, her looking into my eyes and telling me I was, in fact, being fisted for the first time.” —Absynthe Cocktail
via deviantfemme.tumblr.com
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