Teen Choice Awards Liveblog And Open Thread

It’s just about the end of the summer and you know what that means! It’s time to give brightly colored surf boards out to celebrities as voted on by teenagers with access to a computer! It’s time for the Teen Choice Awards!

There are something like 86 different awards voted on and probably only like 10 will actually be announced tonight. So why am I watching? Because I absolutely love Pretty Little Liars’ Lucy Hale (aka Aria Montgomery) and Glee’s Darren Criss (aka Gay Blaine).

Just look at these muppets!
(Via Lucy Hale’s Instagram)

In addition to Ellen Degeneres’s usual Choice Comedian nomination, tons of shows with gay characters are nominated this year including Pretty Little Liars, The Fosters, Glee, Modern Family, New Girl, The Voice, Under the Dome, Teen Wolf and probably a bunch more I forgot about. Also TV Lesbian Shay Mitchell and Alternative Life Style Haircut Recipient Miley Cyrus will be presenting!

In other words, for the third year in a row, I’m covering the Teen Choice Awards because everyone on staff knew I’d be watching them anyways.

Join me at 8pm EST to see all the magic happen!

8pm EST: I guess this show is starting off with some One Direction? I don’t know anything about these guys and, oh yeah, also I don’t care about them at all. Except I hate that “That’s What Makes You Beautiful” song. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. They are like five Justin Biebers.

8:05pm EST: Lucy Hale’s dress is so cute! And I love her shoes! Darren Criss’s outfit is moderately boring. I think he could use some fashion tips from some cute dapper lesbians.

Now as you might remember, there are a billion awards. So when people win multiple awards the host/announcer just awkwardly lists them. Speaking of which….

One Direction Wins a Ton of Choice Music Awards

I’m not even going to list them. It sounded like basically every award they were nominated for.

8:08pm EST: Wait. One Direction is British?

8:10pm EST: Did anyone else hear how oddly Darren Criss just said “Liam?”

Rebel Wilson wins for Choice Comedy Actress for Pitch Perfect

Rebel Wilson wins the day. (Via just jared)

I fucking loved Pitch Perfect. And I love Rebel Wilson. No one can take that away from me. I think they just censored her saying something awesome. At least she’s wearing that awesome wetsuit.

Skyler Astin wins for Choice Comedy Actor for Pitch Perfect

Meh. He was fine in the movie. He was no Rebel Wilson that’s for sure. I heard he was also in Spring Awakening though. I feel that.

8:15pm EST: Okay, this is what’s so hard about the Teen Choice Awards. The awards come so fast and potentially in no particular order except who is on stage at that moment.

Whoever is around.

 Pitch Perfect wins for Choice Comedy Movie.

Anna Camp accepts the award on behalf of the whole cast. She is dressed like a figure skater.

8:20pm EST: I’m thoroughly enjoying The Gleeks versus the Pretty Little Liars Fans. Obviously I’m on team Pretty Little Liars because I’m all Paily all the time. Side note: this is getting awkward and obviously wasn’t properly rehearsed.

Darren Criss: What’s your favorite Pretty Little Liars episode?
Jane Lynch: I’ve never heard of that show.

8:25pm EST: Yay! It’s that guy from Superbad and Chloë Grace Moretz announcing the Choice Break Up Song! It’s Tay Swift and Rihanna and Selena Gomez with a song that’s… not about breaking up? So who of course wins?

Selena Gomez wins Choice Break Up Song for “Come and Get It”

+Alright, drink every time Lucy Hale says “We teens” despite the fact that she’s 24!

+Drink every time someone tells you to take a pledge to not text and drive.

8:30pm EST: A Disney Channel Girl and The Kid From Teen Wolf announce Choice TV Drama! I hope Pretty Little Liars wins because even though I love Gossip Girl it ended like last fall. It would be cool if Switched At Birth won too.

Woooo! Pretty Little Liars Wins for Choice TV Drama, Summer TV Show and basically every award any of the actors were nominated for

Is it fucked up that I find Pretty Little Liars’ wins deeply validating of my lifestyle?

Shay can validate me any day (via Just jared.com)

Butterflies are so gay. (via Just jared.com)

I hope Ashley Benson got this dress at a discount because it’s coming apart in the middle. (via Just jared.com)

Fuck. Allison is alive. (via Just jared.com)

I’m sweating. (via Just jared.com)

8:35pm EST: I’ve been hearing this “Cruise” song all summer long but I had no idea it was by these Florida Georgia Line guys. I just figured it was Train or something. They’re still making music right?

Do you think five years ago Nelly thought that at almost 40 he would be doing this with his career? Playing the Teen Choice Awards with two pseudo-country singers?

8:40pm EST: I’m not entirely sure why Lucy Hale is wearing a referee jersey but I’m pretty sure that’s a new lingerie look I’m going to add to my personal collection.

I guess the blonde dude presenting is Cody Simpson. My roommate says he’s like the Justin Bieber of Australia.

Gabby Douglas Wins Choice Female Athelete

While I would have preferred Brittney Griner or Megan Rapinoe be nominated/win, look how fucking cute Gabby Douglas is! I love her cute yellow dress! I hope she’ll be at the 2016 Olympics. Unless since she’s 17 now she’ll be too old/tall by then.

8:45pm EST: The Acuvue Inspire Award being simultaneously presented by Demi Lovato and Fifth Harmony just feels like a huge ad for X Factor sponsored by Acuvue. They award it to Nick Jonas for having Type I Diabetes. No, seriously. That’s basically what they just said.

I guess this is Fifth Harmony
(Via @foxtv)

Nick Jonas looks so effing old.

8:50pm EST: Even though it’s gone seriously downhill and Ryan Murphy doesn’t care about us….

Glee wins for Choice TV Comedy

Via Naya-Rivera.com

And every single person in the entire cast shows up to accept the award. I guess also to speak publicly about Corey Monteith’s death. Important points of interest:

+Why do they let Artie speak ever?!
+How fresh are Alex Newell’s heels.
+Can I please have a picture of Naya Rivera wearing that outfit poster size for my bedroom? Thanks.

Hawt.

+Everyone in the cast looks pretty upset about Cory’s death. I can’t even imagine how hard it would be. It’s insane that they went right back to filming and that they’re writing his death into the show.

 Lea Michele Swings Back for for Choice TV Comedy Actress

Via @foxTV

I can’t even handle Lea Michele tears right now. I think I’m actually also about to cry too. But it’s also sort weird that they took this moment as a tribute to him. It feels sad and overly constructed at the same time.

8:55pm EST: I am loving Lucy Hale’s hot pink dress costume change.

How did Abigail Breslin get so old? Time huh? it just keeps moving! Also I think that Hailee Steinfeld is dressed as cartoon TNT.

Boom! Dynamite

Logan Lerman wins for Choice Movie Actor in Perks of Being a Wallflower
(beating out Hugh Jackman)

It always cracks me up that only at the Teen Choice Awards do Academy Award nominees/Golden Globe winners get undercut by cute guys in their twenties.

9:00pm EST: I wish that Demi Lovato was singing her “Heart Attack” song. I like that one.

I hope that her hair is indicative of current hair styles, because in a few weeks I’m going to have like an inch of jet black roots too and I would love to call that a fashion statement.

Demi Lovato wins for Choice Female Music Artist

I’m pretty impressed that Demi Lovato just beat Taylor Swift. Perhaps the reign of T. Swift is finally over.

9:10pm EST: I’m pretty uncomfortable with the amount of time spent discussing twerking during this show. I guess there’s going to be a lot of twerking at the end of the show? I’m guessing lead by Miley Cyrus.

Ah yes. It is not time to announce the Ultimate Choice Award. Hilariously enough I’ve actually watched the TCAs enough times to know what this is. It’s like the TCA’s lifetime achievement award. I really liked watching it go to Twiight last year. On the other hand, listening to this dude talk about how he loves his bro Ashton Kutcher is totally boring. I’m just so bored of Ashton Kutcher.

It’s also basically just a big long ad for Kutcher’s new Steve Jobs biopic.

9:20pm EST How did I not know that Ashton Kutcher’s first name is actually Chris? But still, Ashton — I’m speaking directly to you — you know you’re old when you’re lecturing teenagers about hard work and how being smart is sexy. Again. A big long ad for Kutcher’s new Steve Jobs biopic.

9:21pm EST No but seriously guys I’m not done yet. There’s nothing worse that listening to someone speak who you know thinks they’re going to be quoted in the morning. Actually there is something worse: someone who thinks they’re going to be quoted in the morning and also thinks they’re an inspiration.

9:26pm EST Wow! Co-presenters I actually like! I’m pretty pleased someone thought to refer to Ian Somerhalder as The Smolder Holder. That’s just good copy. More importantly I want to hate Kerry Washington’s dress but I just like it so much. It’s so fun. Also she could probably wear a paper bag and look good and be talented and perfect. So.

Co-Presenters I actually like.

9:30pm EST:

+Drink every time someone says “your votes matter”

I’m pretty impressed that the TV Choice Actor category has  two gay characters and one gay actor as nominees. And the gay actor wins!

Jim Parsons wins for Choice TV Comedy Actor

Yes! I fucking love Big Bang Theory. And I fucking love Jim Parsons.

9:35pm EST: I really like Paramore but I’m still surprised they’ve won so many Teen Choice Awards. I guess I didn’t realize the kids were so into The Rock Music these days. I can never get over what a stone cold fox Hayley Williams is. If possible I’d like to grow up to be her. Or just get her cute new alternative lifestyle haircut.

I’m also very into this punk ballerina dancers.

Miley Cyrus backstage biting a mini-surfboard. I die.

Hawt

9:40pm EST: Holy shit Maia Mitchell aka Callie on The Fosters is Australian?! How did I miss this?!

Miley Cyrus wins Choice Summer Song for “We Can’t Stop”

Is this the part where Miley Cyrus finally comes out of the closet?

9:43pm EST: Still waiting for Miley to come out. Instead she just seems to be winning an award as a trend setter. Like for making the Alternative Lifestyle Haircut something for everyone.

9:45pm EST: Damn. I was really hoping she’d be like “Oh and by the way I’m bisexual y’all! Peace out!”

9:47pm EST: Oh what up Bruno Mars! Do you guys remember that time I inducted Bruno Mars into the lesbian haircut club?

Demi Lovato wins Choice Person Being a Person on Reality TV

9:50pm EST: I feel like when reality television stars win anything the person who does the footage editing should win the award.

9:55pm EST: According to Darren Criss and his motorcycle jacket it’s time for the last award of the night. And the last award? Given out by the cast of the new Percy Jackson movie. Even though the new Percy Jackson got a 34% on Rotten Tomatoes I’m going to see it anyways because Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief is my go-to hungover movie. 

9:57pm EST: I love that Sandra Bullock actually showed up to the TCAs. You just know it means that she had a niece or nephew who really wanted to come and see One Direction.

10:00pm EST: In conclusion, no one in this audience knows how to twerk and I think Darren Criss is dressed as a Pikachu. This has been the Teen Choice Awards.

Sarah McLachlan Ends Lilith Fair, Real World Goes to Vegas and Other Pressing News

LILITH FAIR:

It is still surprising how few people were interested in attending the return of the summer music festival celebrating women in rock. The original tour featured singer-songwriters, girls with guitars and pianos including Sheryl Crow, Fiona Apple, Jewel, the Indigo Girls and Tracy Chapman.  Subsequent years added bands like then-newcomers The Murmurs and Tegan & Sara into the mix.

Now, in a new interview, Lilith creator (and musical accompaniment to my coming out experience) Sarah McLachlan confirms that it’s officially over. Sadface.

“It’s done. And that’s okay. It’s about learning more from our failures than our successes, and it was a beautiful organic event that happened at a point in time when it was really needed. And bringing the same thing back last year really didn’t make any sense, in retrospect, without due diligence being done on how women have changed. Because in 12 years, women have changed a lot. Their expectations have changed, the way they view the world has changed, and that was not taken into consideration, which I blame myself for.”

Maybe it was the ticket prices in the worst touring recession of the past decade, maybe it was the lineup of artists, or maybe it’s hard to re-create the pure artistry that happened from 1997-1999 when we’re now living in a Ke$ha world. I miss the 90s. Guess that means we’re going to the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival this year!

THE REAL WORLD:

Has anyone committed to the new season set in Las Vegas? No confirmed homos as of yet, but we’ll obvs keep you posted if any show up. Anyway, RW co-creator Jonathan Murray reflects on cast behavioral changes over the 25 seasons. Sidenote, there was a Real World: Hollywood?

Most surprising were his comments about the Washington D.C. season, which we found extremely refreshing, and featured bisexual Mike, whose storyline of becoming an activist with HRC and coming out to his parents received major airtime:

.

GLEE:

What’s this about a full album of The Warblers? I want to go to there. Darren Criss announced on Regis & Kelly yesterday that an album of “all the songs we’ve done, plus some new tunes” will be released in April.

.

JODI PICOULT:

Her new book, Sing You Home, focuses entirely on gay partnership and explicitly pushes for gay marriage and equal rights. Looking for something else to write about other than raising children to harvest their bone marrow or whatever that last one was about, Picoult’s son came out to her as she began work on the new novel and got her wheels turning. The book is dedicated to him and she tells USA Today:

“It suddenly became more than just a philosophical study. It became the mission of a mother. Because when Kyle is ready to get married and have kids, I don’t want him to have to jump through hoops.”

KATY PERRY GETS ‘BORN THIS WAY’:

Katy Perry got a huge response to her acoustic cover of “Born This Way” in Paris this week:

MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ:

Can’t wait til she starts jumping on couches to prove she’s a hetero.

Glambert, Gaga & Glee Tell All – It’s a Very Gay Pop Tuesday

GLAMBERT:

Adam Lambert sat down for one of his best interviews in recent memory and reflected on some possible missteps with For Your Entertainment and the goal for his follow-up next fall:

“One of the things that I reflected on over the last year and that I’m going to steer a little bit differently with this next album, is that there’s a bit of intimidation that happens when you come off a big show like that and all of a sudden you’re famous and there’s all this expectation. There’s a little bit of overcompensation that might have happened. I was wearing A LOT of make up, I was like ‘I have to make this conceptual’ and this and that. At the heart of it, I love pop music, but I’m a singer first and I think this next album is probably going to focus more-so on the voice and on lyrics and energy that is genuine, honest and personal. Yes, it will be a little glam here and there and there will be a little camp, but I want those other things to be at the forefront and have the rhinestones and all of that [in the background]. I think this one is going to be a bit more personal, a bit more real. But don’t quote me — watch — I’ll come out with feathers on the next cover!”

Hmmm… just as we predicted! To bide some time while crafts his next musical masterpiece, Adam is releasing a combo CD/DVD package of his Glam Nation tour on March 22.

GAGA:

Jay Leno made himself useful for once and actually asked a real question! He made Gaga address the elephant in the room regarding the “Born This Way” / “Express Yourself” debacle. And, rather than distract with a tangent about Whitney Houston, she gave it up:

“There is really no one that is a more adoring and loving Madonna fan than me. I am the hugest fan personally and professionally. Well, the good news is that I got an e-mail from her people and her, sending me their love and complete support on behalf of the single and if the queen says it shall be, then it shall be.”

Do you think Madonna’s getting royalty checks off “Born This Way?” JK, I think I’m over it. Who’s excited about Gaga’s HBO Monster Ball Concert on May 7? Do the new bones in her face turn you on?

GLEE:

Darren Criss is Out Magazine’s new coverboy and the subject of a profile peppered with his usual sweetness about not playing gay or straight but rather just a character. More interesting are the insider Glee comments from show creator Ryan Murphy, when discussing Blaine and his future storylines:

“Blaine will openly question whether bisexuality is real,” he confirms. “I think that some people will love that discussion and some will not love it.” In reference to whether or not Kurt and Blaine will ever hook up, he says: “It’s my job as showrunner to keep them apart as long as possible… When that moment comes — if it comes… I want to treat that relationship like we treat all the other relationships on the show. I want it to be as flawed and as exposed as everyone else’s.”

After the internet exploded in response to the idea of Blaine hooking up with one of the girls for a hot second, Murphy quickly fired off a statement:

“Blaine is NOT bi. He is gay, and will always be gay. I think it’s very important to young kids that they know this character is one of them.”

Don’t get invested. This show will go to crazytown before the day is done.
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