Boobs on Your Tube: Criminal Minds Tackles The Gold Star Problem

Are you ready for the Big Game this weekend? By which I obviously mean South Carolina vs. LSU, the last two remaining undefeated teams in women’s college basketball? I know we are! Sunday on ESPN at 2pm EST, see you there!

What else is going on in the wide world of LGBTQ TV? Well, Quantum Leap did a trans girl basketball story this week! Harley Quinn dropped its Valentine’s Day episode! Pinecone & Pony came back with even more queer and nonbinary love! Valerie Anne reviewed Freeform’s The Watchful Eye. Valerie Anne and Nic recapped The Last of Us. Sai interviewed Jerrie Johnson and Meagan Good about Harlem. And Drew recapped Drag Race. On the movie front, we’ve got Erin’s Guide to Kissing Girls, Your Place or Mine, Attachment, and Knock at the Cabin.

Notes from the TV Team:

+ Are we one step closer to getting Lucy Tara back on dry land (and into her girlfriend’s arms)? I certainly hope so but until then, NCIS: Hawai’i gave us a glimpse of what her life is like as the Special Agent Afloat aboard the USS Ronald Reagan. This week, Lucy tracked down the culprit behind an assault and earned the respect of the ship’s brass in the process. — Natalie

+ A Million Little Things returned for its fifth and final season this week. Katherine spends most of the episode with Maggie, helping her prepare for impending motherhood. While setting up the baby registry, Katherine admits that she hasn’t integrated Greta fully into her world yet. That’ll be news to her son, Theo, who, in a preview for next week’s episode, says he’d be open to Katherine and Greta getting married one day. — Natalie

Criminal Minds Episode 1610: “Dead End”

Written by Valerie Anne

“Hey did you know this is the season finale?” “No what the fuck, what was that cliffhanger then?!”

Things are getting tense at the BAU as they narrow in on Sicarius and Rossi’s time is running out. Emily asks the Attorney General for more time and she resists at first, then Rebecca steps in and bridges the gap between them, helping the BAU out once again.

But then she’s asked to stay behind, and Rebecca is looped in on a secret project called Gold Star. We didn’t get to see the first part of the conversation but I like to imagine it went like this:

Attorney General: I need to talk to you about Gold Star.
Rebecca: Actually that term is outdated and problematic, lesbians shouldn’t really use–
Attorney General: I… am not talking about lesbians.
Rebecca: Oh. Right. Carry on.

As it turns out the top secret Gold Star program is problematic, too, and the Attorney General outright admits that Rebecca will end up being the scapegoat if things go sideways and Rossi and Sicarius’s family dies.

Later, Tara walks by her in the hall and Rebecca tries to brush her off but when Tara says that Doug is dead, she stops in her tracks. Tara asks what Gold Star is, and Rebeca starts to panic. She insists she can’t and won’t talk about it. Tara tries to use Rossi’s life as a bargaining chip, but Rebecca snaps about that. “Don’t put that on me,” she insists. “I didn’t ask for any of this.”

I’m hoping the BAU blows up whatever this Gold Star project is so Rebecca can stay at Quantico and get back together with Tara, but it seems to go all the way to the top of the DOJ. The episode ends with someone entering Sicarius’s interrogation room, but we won’t find out who’s behind the door until next time. (My best guess is Reid, that he’s Gold Star, the gooddest boi.)

Harlem 203 & 204: “An Assist from the Sidelines” & “Baby and the Bath Water”

Written by Shelli Nicole

We open up with Tye on the phone to her lawyer because her absentee husband just decided to move back into her apartment — and this nigga is just ordering food while he sits on her bed! So remember last week when she bought a plant and killed it immediately, well she bought it from Aimee’s plant shop (played by THEE Rachel True), and now she wants her money back. Aimee basically is like, “No, it’s not my fault that you killed your plant but I will give you another one.” She then tries to give her a book about plant care but Tye leaves instead with just the plant and an epiphany! I don’t think they are flirting and I hope they aren’t ‘cos why can’t dykes just be friends? Anyway, Tye is going to sleep on her homie’s couch, Evan and Alicia — a queer couple — until her husband leaves. She is also going to use them for relationship advice, they seem hella happy and so she wants to learn how to be happy in her own future partnerships. Never compare your relationships to your friends or anyone, just a suggestion.

So Tye is at Evan and Alicia’s house to crash and get her lesson in lesbian love. She is literally observing her friend’s relationship and they are just doing regular-degular couple shit. Cooking, cleaning, watching TV, and Tye is bored. Once again they are showing lesbian couples and our relationships as though they are uneventful and boring, but when straight couples are portrayed doing the exact same thing it’s written as something to strive for — like, what? Later the couple falls asleep on the couch and Tye texts Brad (her assistant?) to get her a room at a hotel because she is “dying of boredom” (Like, sorry the animals at the zoo aren’t performing for you ::insert eye roll here::) But then she looks over at them as she is leaving, smiles, and leaves them a note saying they are perfect teachers.

Quinn’s mum set her up on a date during her dad’s birthday golf outing, and she seems like she digs him, or at least likes talking to him. She is about to tell him about her breakups — neither of which her mum knows about —  including her recent one with Isabella. But she is interrupted by her mum setting them up on ANOTHER date before this one even ends. Her dad does know about Isabella though and they have a cute moment on the golf course talking about it and it was VV adorable. She later comes out to her mum who kinda makes it about her but is receptive (somewhat/whatever that means) to her coming out.

Also, Angie is visiting her family and having the cutest time and getting some love and advice from her mum, played by Sherri Shepard! The soundtrack to this show is bangin’ btw!

In the next episode, we open up with Camille doing a voiceover talking about legacy. Saying that many folks of African origin can only trace their generations back a few generations due to the Transatlantic Slave Trade. I think about that so much because that is so true to me, even less so because my father was adopted. That was more of a Shelli Side Note, that intro hit me pretty hard.

Tye is having a transfusion, if you don’t remember she has uterine fibroids and polyps. An ovarian cyst bursting put her in the hospital last season. They recommended a hysterectomy and during this most recent treatment, they recommend it again. I’ve been in a study about Black women and fibroids for about 12 years, I also have ovarian cysts and PCOS and I think it’s pretty dope that the show is putting a light on it without making it deeply depressing or fear mongery. She ends up going with Camille to her doctor (her NuvaRing fell out whilst fucking), and that doctor tells Tye that a hysterectomy may not be the only route to go (second opinions are always great y’all — I’m telling you). Tye and Camille both opt in for egg testing, for different reasons, and it’s also very dope that they are showing Black women in their 30s getting all kinds of med stuff done! Tye has a high egg count, while Camille learns that it may not be possible for her to have children.

Quinn is terrified to film her 73 Q’s with Vogue, and when it happens the questions don’t help to ease her nerves. They ask her if she is happy and she breaks down, she also has trouble listing 3 things that make her happy. She talks about the breakup with Isabelle to the interviewer and ultimately ends the interview. Later we see her sitting in a bathtub crying where she is having a breakdown. She may have been there for a few hours and she is missing her parent’s vow renewal where all her friends and family are.

Tye is having a very tough legal mediation with her husband — he wants half of everything even though they haven’t seen each other in a decade. He’s bitter and like, yeah, she went about some things in an ill way but nigga HALF?! No. She goes home and starts logging everything she has so that the lawyers know all her assets. Her cousin Nikki (PEPPERMINTTTTT!!) is helping her, they bond over pieces of jewelry given to them by their grandmother. They wonder if she singled them out because she knew they were different (queer) and needed a little extra loving, and think she might have been queer too! The topic switches to children, Nikki says she thinks about having them all the time while Tye says only recently, did she. She thought it was off the table for her cos’ of queerness, age, and safety,  but Nikki says queer and trans folks are now having kids all the time. Family hasn’t been a particularly safe space for Tye, but Nikki says that maybe through their kids they could have an actual queer and inclusive legacy.

I really enjoyed this episode because legacy is important to me, as is shining a light on health and Black women! See you next week in Harlem!!!

Truth Be Told 304: “Never Take Your Eyes Off Her”

Written by Natalie

Last week’s episode of Truth Be Told did a lot to answer questions I had about Eva Pierre. The parallels between her life and Drea Spivey’s — the persistent feeling of “but for the grace of God, go I” haunts many survivors — made her intensity and dogged commitment make sense. But for someone who moves with such intention, Eva’s dalliances with Alicia — no matter how thrilled I was to see Gabrielle Union make out with a woman on my TV screen — didn’t really fit. What does the deputy campaign manager of a mayoral campaign have to do with any of this? Why would Eva be investing time and energy into that relationship right now?

This week, we got the answer to those questions — and the introduction of some new questions — but I guess that’s how these true crime shows roll.

Another girl (Trini) from Oak Creek High School has gone missing. Poppy suspects that Trini’s boyfriend, Aubrey, has been grooming her and now she’s on the verge of being lured into the same trafficking ring that ensnared Drea. The news spurs Eva into action and she and Poppy search Aubrey’s locker for clues. Inside, they find a pair of expensive shoes and a gold chain with a crown pendant. Later, while scouring Aubrey’s Instagram account, they find him pictured with another boy…both wearing the same gold chain with a crown pendant. Eva recognizes him as a former student named Cooper and tracks him down at a local basketball court.

While searching for Trini, it’s clear how triggering this has all been for Eva. It becomes a way for Poppy to better understand Drea and Trini — fodder for Poppy’s podcast — which, while I know that’s sort of the whole purpose of this show, will never not strike me as callous. Eva admits that she doesn’t know what happened to her trafficker. She’s tried to block out memories of her experience but details continue to seep into her subconscious. Eva remembers the smell of the room and the ascot he used to wear (one that she used imagine strangling him with). Poppy tries to push Eva to seek her own measure of justice but Eva dismisses the idea.

“I don’t really entertain those thoughts anymore,” Eva responds unconvincingly.

At the court, Poppy and Eva interrogate Cooper about his connection to Aubrey and the suspected ringleader of the trafficking ring, Trey. After some prodding, he gives up what he knows but when he suggests that Trey reports to someone else, Eva grows increasingly rattled. Later, Poppy’s contact on the police force tracks down the store where the gold chains were purchased. Turns out, Trey didn’t buy the chains, they were traced back to Alicia Rodriguez. Upon hearing this plot twist (!!), Eva abruptly excuses herself to go get ready for the night’s fundraiser.

Eva arrives at the fundraiser and tries to find Alicia but she’s skipped out on the event because she’s not feeling well. Growing even more erratic, Eva drops the pretense and asks Alicia directly (via text) about the gold chains. Alicia’s perplexed by the question but admits that she bought them for her boss, Andrew Finney, at his request for some donors. Eva spots Finney across the room and they exchange glances. She knows exactly who he is and, I fear, that he knows exactly who she is now too.

Meanwhile, Poppy does some research on Alicia Rodriguez…which leads her to Andrew Finney…which leads her to his campaign website…which leads her to a picture of him wearing the exact blue ascot with orange polka dots that Eva described. Poppy tries to call Eva but, instead, the principal shows up on her doorstep…completely shellshocked.

“He’s still doing it,” she confesses, completely exasperated. “He’s still fuckin’ doing it.”

Eva buried the memories of her experience deep enough that even when she crossed paths with Finney, she was fine. But when Drea disappeared, Eva admits, she began her quest for the truth. Now it has to end with Finney paying for what he’s done.

How I Met Your Father Episode 203: “The Reset Button”

Written by Valerie Anne

Rachel must be a Taurus.

This week’s episode of HIMYF was all over the place. One storyline involved a men’s right’s activist, but we’re not going to talk about that, because it wasn’t related to the gay arc. However, Sophie is maybe on the queer spectrum because Future Sophie admitted to her kids that by the time she was 40, she’d kissed everyone in her friend group, including “Aunt Ellen” and while I kissed many a drunk “straight” girl in my 20s (and the way she was proud of this fact is a bit on the hetero side, especially since it seemed to be news to her children) it’s possible she’s one of those late-in-life bisexuals who realizes that just because most of her relationships have been with men, that doesn’t devalue her bisexuality at all. But we’ll see!

ANYWAY the currently out queer character, Ellen and her new gal pal Rachel goes on a double date with Valentina and a man they literally call Rando and sub in emojis for his facial expressions which I found hilarious. Then came the part that made me wonder if there were any queer people in the writers room because Valentina says something about astrology and Rachel scoffs and they fight about it because Rachel is going to be a psychologist. Which is bonkers to me because while not all queer people buy into astrology, I’ve never met a gay who would fight someone about it? In my experience, most queer people are very live-and-let-live about astrology if they’re not incredibly into it. Most of them will either play along or keep their mouth shut. So I wish they had picked one of Valentina’s many other quirks – like that she sees a psychic – vs fighting about astrology.

Anyway they eventually bond over their shared love of Ellen (the one they’re having dinner with, not the defamed ex-talk show host) and that everyone should have a therapist. All’s well that ends well.

Fantasy Island Episode 205: “The Urn”

Written by Valerie Anne

I think Ruby shouldn’t look a gift girlfriend in the mouth, personally.

This week’s guest is actually in an urn, and it turns out to be one of Elena’s good friends and her first guest. Her name is “Joy Summers” which sounded like Joyce Summers at first so I felt personally attacked by her being in an urn. But no, it was Joy, and she was, in fact, a joyful person. And her first fantasy was to find her joy! Funny how that works.

But now, Joy has sadly passed, and her final fantasy was for her kids to spread her ashes together, here on Fantasy Island. It takes them a while but they eventually do it, and I’ll be honest, the video the found for her made me cry. Especially the part where she told her daughter, “Keep telling your truth, even when it’s hard.”

Elsewhere on the island, Ruby and Isla are rolling around in bed together. Ruby says Isla knows how to push all her buttons, but she hardly knows anything about Isla. She wants to go on a proper date and asks Isla to meet her for drinks; Isla says no, or at least not yet, but Ruby still goes to the bar later and waits for her.

When she doesn’t show, she confides in Javier, admitting she’s afraid Elena will tell her to call it off (which is frustrating because I’m SO SURE Isla is a manifestation of the island and Elena would know that and I just want to find out if I’m right!!) but Javier can’t help her, because he’s never met anyone named Isla. He does warn her to be careful, saying not everything is what it seems on the island.

Ruby walks alone on the beach when Isla appears, seemingly out of nowhere, and asks if Ruby is mad she didn’t show. But Ruby forgives her after a few kisses so they keep making out on the beach. I have to say, for a show whose target audience, or so I thought, was my parents’ generation, aka the people who were fans of the original series, this sure is a gay-ass show. And I, for one, approve wholeheartedly.

The Watchful Eye Episode 103: “The Nanny Who Knew Too Much”

Written by Valerie Anne

“Have you read Stay the Night?”

As it turns out, The Watchful Eye’s main character, Elena, has found a rare gem, but it’s not the ruby she’s after. It’s a ring of queer nannies! All of them are queer! Jury’s still out on the teens but that doesn’t even matter anymore because Kim and Alex come over to help Elena cleanse her space with some woo-woo nonsense as they are definitely not trained to perform actual spiritual cleanses. The queer nanny brigade ends up having a more important mission than failing at clearing ghosts from Elena’s apartment anyway, and that’s because they have to clear drunk teenagers from Tory’s apartment before she gets home early from her trip.

Elena watches her new friends, Alex flirting with James, Kim and Ginny making eyes at each other, and doesn’t seem to care much that she’s a fifth wheel. Seventh, if you count Eliot and Darcy downstairs. (Maybe she doesn’t feel like an extra wheel because she has a boyfriend, but her boyfriend is terrible.) At one point, when Elena goes to get Ginny and Kim, they’re talking about tropes, which is hilarious and perfect, and while they could have been talking about TV shows or romance novels, I’m choosing to believe they were talking about fanfic.

Elena uncovers more clues that don’t involve the queer nanny brigade, including finding a hidden key in a picture frame that opens the secret safe in the basement that’s full of old timey letters. It’s hard to watch other people live out your dreams. It turns out her nanny ghost may have been having an affair with Allistair Greybourne, and while Elena thinks she found a clue about the ruby when she reads the words “precious jewel” I think she was a bit distracted while she was reading them, because I’m pretty sure Jossylyn was talking about a baby.

Boobs on Your Tube: How I Met Your Father Kicks Off Season 2 With Queer Romance

It’s February! Here’s what’s new and gay and streaming this month! This week, Drew recapped the new episode of Drag Race. Valerie Anne and Nic rolled out their Last of Us recaps. Sai wrote about the new season of Harlem. Kayla wanted juuuust a little bit more from this week’s episode of Poker Face. And Drew and Shelli wrapped up their Sundance coverage!

Notes from the TV Team:

+ I forgot to note it last week but Leverage: Redemption wrapped up its second season and Aleyse Shannon remains as delightful as ever as Alec Hardison’s little sister, Breanna. Watching her break out of Hardison’s shadow and develop her criminal skillset — showing the capacity to be more than a hacker — has been one of the delights of the series. — Natalie

+ This week, as I was watching grown-ish, I realized why this new generation of Cal U kids weren’t nearly as interesting as the OGs: none of them are changing. College is a place where you come to evolve and grow and no one seems to be doing that? They are the exact same people they were when we met them last season. No matter how charming I find Zaara (“straight people are a disease,” she notes this week), this show is just dull. — Natalie

How I Met Your Father Episode 202: “Midwife Crisis”

Written by Valerie Anne

Being mutual gay disasters is extremely relatable.

Much to my surprise, Ellen already got a subplot only two episodes into the season. I thought we’d have to wait a bit longer than that with all the love polygon situations happening in the A plot.

If you recall, last season, Ellen met her across-the-hall neighbor, Rachel, and despite originally meeting her under false pretenses, they ended up hitting it off and Ellen gave her her number in the hopes of going on a date.

When a few days go by without a word from Rachel, Ellen complains to Charlie, who decides to help her take matters into her own hands. They leave their apartment door open and try to sound cool, but it works TOO well, because soon the entire apartment building is over. Except Rachel.

Ellen eventually gets fed up and goes over to Rachel’s apartment and asks her what’s going on. Rachel admits she got in her head about texting Ellen back, and then she thought Ellen had a building party and invited everyone except her. They realize they’re both a mess and decide to skip the texting stress and just go on a date right now.

Across the hall, the apartment party breaks out in a cheer, happy the useless lesbians got their shit together.

Harlem 201 & 202: “Taksie Backsies” & “If You Can’t Say Anything Nice…”

Written by Shelli Nicole!

Quinn is going on her first LBGTQ+ date with Isabella (her words — not mine) and is flying in Melissa King to cook. She is trying to decide if she’s going to fuck her or not, so Tye steps in to offer her help as an expert on queer sex and takes her to a sex shop to find toys. This conversation was so cringe ‘cos it included Tye telling her to “Do what you do when you masturbate just – on her” and her asking “Since I’m with a woman now does that mean I’m still allowed to like Shemar (Moore)” like — what? Anyway, at the sex shop (that has a dildo light fixture) Quinn is having a meltdown. She is worried she is going to ruin things with Isabella before they even get started and Tye reminds her that the point of sex is fun. Tye is also still pressed about her husband (who still won’t sign the divorce papers) and the comments he made last season about who she is in relationships and friendships. She’s so pressed about it that she thinks about getting a dog to prove she can nurture and care for something, but opts for a plant – which she immediately kills. Meanwhile, Quinn brings Isabella over to her place after the Top Chef ass date, and they start hooking up. She whips out the biggest dildo I have ever seen, along with all the other toys she bought (over $4000 worth, and btw — gay sex is NOT that expensive) but ultimately, they go the analog route and Isabella takes the lead in Quinn’s first “Girl-on-Girl” sexual experience, again that is their words — not mine.

Angie comes home (from pretending to be a twin so she could fuck roommates — incredible) and Quinn tells her all about how she had a lot of fun dykin’ and is basically so dickmatized by her that she thinks she is in love, AND she is going to end things with the guy she’s seeing. She has been on one date with Isabella and the tongue and the talking was so killer that she is begging her to stay the night even though she said she needs to go home — THE BAR IS IN HELL EVERYONE. The next day at lunch Quinn is late and Angie is worried that it’s because she’s with Isabella (she is correct), and that doesn’t bode well for her ‘cos she’s worried Quinn will kick her out. There is also a tired lesbian joke that happens but — yeah. Tye also reveals at lunch that she found out she is on a site called “SheBToxic.com”, where a bunch of her dates have revealed how terrible she is, and she is worried that it’s going to affect her case with trying to get a divorce and her overall dating life. She’s trying to be better at relationships and this site is also just a setback for her future dating life! BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE!

Apparently, on the site, there is a girl, Zoe, who has equally terrible “reviews” from folks as Tye. Instead of considering it a red flag, she wants to find her to fuck around with until the right one comes along. So she goes to one of Zoe’s well-known haunts, finds her, and they decide that they can be toxic together! When they are done being nice and naughty and making empty plans to fuck again — Tye’s husband walks in the house and literally says “Honey, your husband’s home!” NIGGA WHAT?! Meanwhile, Quinn takes Isabella on a date to some horrible ass lesbian poetry night that she read about on a dyke site (IT WASN’T US!) and Isabella is straight up not having a good time. On the way home Quinn wants Isabella to come in (and have wine and watch some Australian reality show), but she says no. She’s busy, running for office is hectic and she just needs to chill. Quinn also says “…we’re a couple” and Isabella is like we are absolutely not. And then she talks about how she came out for her and Isabella drives off in a big truck while Quinn cries on the street after being “dumped”.

It’s been a busy week in Harlem y’all..

All American 508-509: “Feel So Good” and “Feel It In The Air”

Written by Natalie

Spencer and Olivia’s break-up continues to impact everyone else in “the Vortex.” One morning, after Olivia overhears some information about Spencer and his new situationship, Sky notes the tension and wonders aloud if Coop has considered moving out. Coop scoffs at the notion (rightfully so!) and notes even if she wanted a new place — which she doesn’t! — she doesn’t even have time to look. Based on Sky’s reaction, though, I suspect she definitely has time today.

Later, Sky shows off her handy work: a few potential spots for Coop, including one with a fireplace. Coop recalls, from the last time All American did this storyline, that apartment listings don’t always tell the full story…and, besides, she’s definitely not moving. But Sky keeps pressing and eventually Coop puts her foot down: she’s tired of talking about this. No one would give up the set-up she has with the Bakers, Coop contends and Sky relents.

“OK. Well, I just love you and want you to be happy,” she says. I don’t recognize it at first because it’s offered so flippantly but, apparently, this is the first time that Sky’s said “I love you.” Coop doesn’t acknowledge the significance; instead, she just notes that she’s happy and rushes off to emcee Coach Baker’s birthday roast.

Later, Sky is understandably salty that her profession of love went unacknowledged and unreciprocated. She blames the disconnect between her and Coop on Patience, who’s always around even when she’s not physically there. But Coop tries to reassure Sky that she’s fully invested in their relationship but doesn’t want to repeat past mistakes. She encourages Sky not to tiptoe around her feelings, including her jealousy over Patience remaining such a presence in Coop’s life.

But, surprisingly, it’s Sky who invites Patience to spend more time in their lives. Fresh off tour and boasting a hit single, Patience’s social media has blown up…both for the “good” — like the fan Layla forces Patience to have lunch with — and for bad (people criticizing her every move). Patience is internalizing all of the hate and Sky steps in to school her on how to navigate her social media. She schools Patience on the three rules of social media: 1. never engage with haters, 2. always keep fans at arm’s length and 3. stay sexy, beautiful. I’m as confused as Coop about what that last one means but the other two rules are winners.

Sky’s social media savy impresses her so much, Patience hires her to manage her social media. But Coop’s a little taken aback by the girls’ newfound closeness…and the thought of Sky becoming part of “the vortex” is a little too close for comfort.

It’s not clear that Patience understands how having a social media manager works, though, because later she’s touching up her own photos and posting stuff to the ‘gram. Then, when the fan from lunch messages her, Patience doesn’t keep her at arm’s length, she engages, excited by all the flattery. The show’s telegraphing a forthcoming “fan turned obsessive stalker” storyline and I’m annoyed…not just because the show already did this storyline with Layla but also: THERE WAS A POTENTIAL LOVE TRIANGLE RIGHT THERE!

All American: Homecoming 208-209: “Rock the Boat” and “Hard Place”

Written by Natalie

Still smarting from her break-up with Nico, Nate opts to take a break from the hubbub of campus for a few days. But after two days of her family, in a cabin in the woods, with no cell service, Nate makes her way back to Bringston. All hell has broken loose in her absence: Keisha’s gone missing, the baseball team is embroiled in another scandal, and a positive drug test has gotten Simone suspended from the tennis team. Nate’s stunned to hear about Simone’s failed test because she knows Simone doesn’t use…but then she discovers the culprit: Simone used some of Nate’s THC-infused lotion.

Later, at an impromptu family dinners, everyone concedes that they’ve been so focused on their own issues that they have neglected the chosen family they’ve built at Bringston. Nate admits withdrawing from the group after her break-up. While she knows breaking up with Nico was the right thing to do, letting go was still hard.

“Finding love can be hard for someone like me — it doesn’t come as often or as easy as it may for others — so that’s why I didn’t want to let it go,” she admits.

But Nate’s decision to dump Nico is reaffirmed during the appeal hearing for Simone’s suspension. In his role as SGA president, Nico gets to vote to uphold or overturn the suspension…and because he’s an absolute ass, he votes to uphold it. Nico’s shady behavior pushes Nate to run against his ex in the next election. Bringston students deserve a president who will fight for them, she says.

Campaigning doesn’t come easily for Nate. She’s advocating for students who haven’t had a voice at Bringston before and she’s running against an entrenched incumbent with the Greek organizations on his side. And if that wasn’t bad enough: while she’s on line to become a member of PKZ, she has to boost Nico’s campaign by plastering his materials across campus. Nate comes across Simone posting Nico’s flyers and criticizes her for not staying true to herself. Later, when passing out leaflets with her line sisters, a chastened Simone tosses Nico’s leaflets in the trash and encourages voters to consider Nate instead.

After enduring Nate’s silent treatment for a day, Simone apologizes, explains, and asks for her forgiveness. Nate’s deferential but Simone insists that their friendship is the most important thing. Nate appreciates the commitment but insists that, when it comes to her campaign, it might all be for naught. Simone pushes her roommate to stop trying to be the perfect candidate and, instead, “just be the perfect Nate.”

The pep talk reinvigorates Nate and she approaches the PKZ president to convince her to shift the sorority’s allegiance from Nico to her. Nate is persuasive: while she the PKZ president alone can’t change the Greeks’ endorsement, she assures Nate the opportunity to make her pitch to all the Greek organizations at Bringston. Game on!

Truth Be Told 303: “Here She Shall See No Enemy”

Written by Natalie

From the outset of Truth Be Told‘s third season, there’s something about Eva. Something about the way she inserts herself into the investigation over the disappearance (and, later, murder) of Drea Spivey. Something about the intensity with which she operates, the speed with which she moves. She fights as though she’s running out of time. She offers an explanation — she’s just a concerned principal trying to return the kindness that was offered to her — but that feels like only part of the truth. There’s something about Eva.

This week, the enigma that is Eva Pierre unravels herself. Left threadbare by carrying the emotional weight of the world, seemingly, Eva is persuaded to finally share her truth with Poppy. She admits that once upon a time, she was Drea Spivey…unwittingly lured into sex trafficking by a young Stanford law student who assured a then-15 year old Eva that she’d secure help for her mother who’d been deported. With every promise of help, there was a new man to endure until the promises were forgone and replaced by threats. Eva has to get justice for Drea so she can get a measure of justice for her 15 year old self.

During the publicity tour for this season, Gabrielle Union’s talked about how taking on this role was triggering for her…how it forced her to mine her own experiences as a sexual assault survivor and incorporate those into her art. That’s on full display in this episode. It’s not just about the trauma of the assault the Union brings to the fore…it’s the shame, the disassociation, the emotional weight, the restlessness, the need to save others…it all feel baked into this character. It hearkens back to Annalise Keating on How to Get Away With Murder for me. There’s this one moment, as Eva’s making this confession to Poppy, where Union’s face lights up with youthful wonder, as the 15-year old version of her wonders if her sex trafficker loved her. It’s a well-written scene and a standout performance by Gabrielle Union.

But while that truth explains a lot about the Eva we’ve seen thus far, questions remain. Even as she battles these demons from her past, Eva puts on her best poker face when Alicia — the girl from the bar who Eva met on a dating app — shows up at her door for drinks. Before things go too far, Alicia admits that she knows who Eva is: she’s the deputy campaign manager for Andrew Finney and she spotted pictures of Eva from the GOTV event at her high school. Eva feigns surprise but, based on everything we know about Eva so far, I imagine she knew exactly who Alicia was when she took her home that night.

Criminal Minds Episode 1609: “Memento Mori”

Written by Valerie Anne

:insert ‘height difference’ gif from ALOTO:

This week we get a little flashback action and find out how Tara and Rebecca met, once upon a time. They met at the coffee table after a meeting of AL-ANON, and they both had alcoholic fathers and alcoholic exes. Tara mentions her ex-husband, and Rebecca mentions her ex, Elaine. Tara does the surprised-excited little “Oh!” when she realizes but she must have been hanging out in hetero world too long because this bisexual babe should have been able to spot this fellow queer a lot faster. They decide to go for coffee; the rest, it seems, is history.

In the present-day, Rebecca vouches for the BAU to her boss and when Tara thanks her, Rebecca tells her that the BAU is the best, and Tara wants to take her out for coffee. To thank her, but also so they can make amends. Rebecca looks at her sadly and says she can’t. She accepts Tara’s amends, she does, but getting coffee would end up being more harmful than healing, because Rebecca had to accept a job in Sacramento, so she’s leaving soon.

Also this is neither here nor there, but now that the team has Emily, JJ, Tara, and Garcia, and that they work with Rebecca and their female boss, there are a lot of scenes that are majority women and this pleases me.

The Legend of Vox Machina Episodes 207-209

Written by Valerie Anne

Yes, I am using these screenshots to promote my Vexleth agenda, thank you for asking.

In this week’s batch of episodes, we have accidentally split the party.

Keyleth, Vex, Vax, and Percy are in the Fey Realm, and Percy read a lot about it in books and tries to guide them, but the Fey Realm is too unpredictable to be known. Even Keyleth can’t talk to the plants here, it’s as though they speak a different language. Eventually they meet a satyr man, Garmelie, who is doodling hilarious crude drawings of them. He offers to help, but mostly is just leading them. When he doesn’t join in any fights, he admits to the frustrated party that he’s just a Traveler on their journey. On the way to the vestige, they pass through Singorn, the Elven city Vex and Vax grew up in that took cover in the Fey Realm when the Chroma Conclave attacked.

They go see their father, and meet their half-sister, Velora. Unfortunately, their dad (voiced by The Last of Us game’s Troy Baker) is still an asshole, extremely condescending and just plain awful. In fact, the party has to watch Vex be submissive and passive in a way they’ve never seen their bold, confident ranger.

In an attempt to impress Syldor, Percy gives Vex a title of Whitestone, which doesn’t work, but what it does do is snap Vex back to life, and she finally stands up to her father when he’s a jerk to Percy. Later, Percy also gives Vex a little arrowhead dagger and tells Vex that no matter how shitty her dad is, Vex’s heart is pure, and that’s something no one can take from her.

To get to the vestige, they have to pass an archfey named Saunder, and he preys on Vex’s daddy issues, tangles up her friends so no one can help her. Saunder calls her an unwanted daughter, tells her he can ease her pain. All he wants in return is her heart. This wakes her up and she says her heart already belongs to another and stabs him with her new arrowhead dagger. And the magical bow is hers.

Garmelie opens a portal for them to go back to Tal’dorei, then he transforms from a satyr to an archfey man with long ears and wild red hair. He says, “Travel safe, friends.” And if you know, you know.

I’m officially out of my allotted word count, but I’ll briefly summarize the parallel storyline: After Grog destroys his evil sword so he’ll stop hurting his friends, he is rendered weak and helpless. Scanlan and Pike bring Grog to Pike’s PopPop in Westruun, an old man that it turns out Grog once spared when on a killing spree with his old half-giant barbarian party, which lead him to be banished by his uncle who bears the next vestige: his gauntlet.

Scanlan also meets a bard named Kaylie who is scared until she learns Scanlan’s name, then she gets snippy and demands he help them. Which he does. It turns out Grog’s old herd is working for the dragon who calls himself the Hope Devourer, and is going to kill people for their gold. Grog knows that his muscles don’t make him strong, it’s that he stands up for the lil guy. And so he wants to stop his uncle once and for all.

Boobs on Your Tube: Say Hello to Your Lesbian Granny Friend on “Fantasy Island”

Hey did you know Drew and Shelli are both Sundancing this year? It’s true! Get hyped! They’re coming at you with such movie magic next week! The timing is perfect because Drew just released The Autostraddle Encyclopedia of Lesbian Cinema *and* The 50 Best Lesbian, Bisexual & Queer Movies Of All Time! Masterpieces, both! Also in the world of lesbian movies, Kayla reviewed The Drop, which is about a lesbian destination wedding and a dropped baby. Super chill.

This week’s TV times were just as exciting. Drag Race kicked off its 15th season, and Drew is recapping again. The Last of Us finally landed on HBO, to huge acclaim, and a joint review from Nic and Valerie. The Legend of Vox Machina’s second season kicked off, and Valerie Anne’s all over it. And Riese made a list of all the lesbian TV weddings in history, to celebrate Bette and Tina’s wedding on the (maybe series?) finale of The L Word: Generation Q.

Notes from the TV Team:

+ grown-ish is back! The show’s midseason premiere focused on the struggles of long distance dating between Zoey and Aaron but I’m looking forward to a return to Cal U in subsequent episodes and seeing what Zaara’s up to…fingers crossed, it’ll be reuniting with Yazmine. — Natalie

+ Did I start watching Will Trent for my long-standing love for Keema Griggs Sonja Sohn? Yes I did. Do the awesome ‘fits they have Sohn’s character, Amanda, wearing only further my love? Absolutely. Is there enough gay on this show? Not yet…but I’m hopeful. The show also features Cora Lu Tran recurring as Nico, Trent’s non-binary dog walker. — Natalie

+ Home Economics concluded its abbreviated third season this week and Caitlin McGee’s Sarah was back to spend time with the family. While I’ve missed Sarah this season, I’m grateful for the space her absence gave to the show to develop Sasheer Zamata’s Denise more. I loved getting to meet her parents and see her build a closer relationship with Connor.

Sarah’s return brought with it a return of the pregnancy conversation for the couple. With their first doctor’s appointment looming, both women are reconsidering…looking to avoid the disappointment that could come from the procedure’s failure. Ultimately, though, they decide to go ahead with it and their Season 4 (*knockonwood*) storyline is set.

Usually, I’d lament this move more a TVLine interview with showrunner Michael Colton made me feel a little more optimistic about it. Maybe this will be an IVF story that won’t drive Riese apoplectic? — Natalie

+ The gays have really been showing up and showing out on reality competition shows lately. I’ll have more for you on The Circle next week but I also wanted to give you a heads up on a new show called Traitors that debuted this week on Peacock. Ever played the game, Mafia? This show is that game but dialed up about 250k notches. It’s such a fun watch! Two highlights: Alan Cumming as the charming and enigmatic host (“a less butch Agatha Christie in a fabulous outfit”) and Andie Vanacore, the trans, non-binary contestant that you will absolutely swoon over. — Natalie

+ As your Lesbian Cartoon Correspondent, I have obviously been watching Mindy Kaling’s Velma. I’m still figuring out what in the world to say about it, and I promise to do that on this very website next week! — Heather

Fantasy Island Episode 203: “Paymer vs. Paymer”

Written by Valerie Anne

Once I realized Helene was a full adult and not a teen, I got behind this pairing with my whole self. I love their opposite vibes, angsty girl all in black + bubble of positivity dressed in white? Yes please.

This week’s episode was a delight for straight and gay viewers alike, truly something for everyone. One of this week’s storylines stars Desperate Housewives alum Teri Hatcher and James Denton reprising their role of on-screen spouses. The other storyline has Ruby skipping off with turns-out-not-a-teen Helene, who learns that Ruby is a 70-something 25-year-old and tries to teach her how to be more Gen Z. They drink together on the beach and Helene helps Ruby send an ill-advised drunk text to her ex-girlfriend, and Ruby admits she put her wedding ring back on to try to announce to the world that she’s not looking for love anymore. By the end of their conversation, she chucks her wedding ring into the ocean, but almost immediately regrets it. She sees a flash of something out in the water that Helene doesn’t notice, and I have a feeling that the next time we see Isla, she’ll have a little something for Ruby.

As their “parents” come to pick them up (for Helene it’s her newly discovered bio dad, for Ruby it’s Elena), Helene throws her hands around Ruby and calls her brave and smart. She says, “You’re my awesome granny friend and I love you.” I can’t tell if they’re truly just going to be bffs and have more of a family dynamic, or if there’s going to be something more there, but I did hold my breath every time their faces got close to each other just in case. We shall see!

Criminal Minds Episode 1607: “What Doesn’t Kill Us”

Written by Valerie Anne

I do love me a scene that has 100% queer actors in it!

This week’s episode of Criminal Minds had no Rebecca sightings, but she was definitely top of mind. Tara is holding her phone, hoping to hear from her I guess ex?? I know Rebecca said she was moving out but it seems wild to me that one fight would bring someone from “I love you let’s live together” to “bye forever” even if it was about a work case that might shatter your world? Especially since Tara was just doing her job?? But what do I know.

The team can tell how heartbroken Tara is, and they’re very supportive. Rossi gives her three days to do a ten-minute task so that she can take some time. Garcia tries to encourage her to just call Rebecca and rip the bandage off, but Tara doesn’t want to push her too far too fast. She wants to give her space and time, even though it’s killing her. Eventually it gets to be too much and Tara tells Rossi that she’s going to go home and just turn her phone off for the night and try to give herself some time and space.

As she heads for the night, Tara looks wistfully at JJ, whose husband, Detective Potato Head, has come to pick her up from work for a date night. I personally would have been looking on with disdain, thinking things like, “JJ deserves so much better, literally anyone with a personality.” or even “JJ deserves to be with Emily like the gay gods intended,” but instead Tara looks Big Sad because she wants what JJ has, but with Rebecca.

New Amsterdam 512-513: “Right Place” and “How Can I Help?”

Written by Natalie

Often, we take to this space to lament the loss of representation. Network executives and showrunners don’t recognize the value of representation and/or the staunch viewership that LGBTQ audiences bring so they cancel shows prematurely…leaving so much story on the table and leaving us to craft happy endings for our faves in fanfic. We’re left to mourn characters and shows gone too soon.

But as New Amsterdam took its final bow this week — a series finale announced back in March — I wasn’t compelled to mourn at all. I was relieved…elated, even. I thought, “well, thank God that’s over.”

To be clear, I loved Lauren Bloom. I loved her hard-earned cynicism and how loving Leyla exposed her soft center. I am grateful to Janet Montgomery for the portrayal. But more than anything, I hope that whatever comes next for Montgomery or for Shiva Kalaiselvan (Leyla) or for Freema Agyeman (Helen), they find themselves supported by a writers’ room that doesn’t traffic in misogyny and misogynoir the way New Amsterdam‘s did. They deserve better than this.

The finale gives us a look at the Lauren Bloom origin story: how a chance encounter with an unhoused man having a seizure — a man she wasn’t empowered to help — led her to a career in medicine. I would’ve loved to seen this storyline fleshed out more, in the same way that 9-1-1 has done…but, alas, there were men with problems that merited more screentime.

Bloom steps into the next phase of her life in a new apartment: a shabby loft near the the hospital. It’s not the two bedroom, two bath Battery Park apartment with a view of the Hudson River that she’d imagined for herself but this is what she needs right now…something to fix.

“I need to do it,” she tells Casey. “’cause that’s the only way it’s ever gonna feel like it’s really mine, you know? If I make every decision, if I do the work — thoughtfully, meticulously, painstakingly — that’s the way I wanna live.”

But Lauren won’t be the only person having to move, thoughtfully, meticulously, and painstakingly through the next phase of their life: in the end, she’s joined — much to her relief — by her sister, Vanessa, at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting.

Boobs on Your Tube: Ruby and Isla Are Skinny-Dipping on “Fantasy Island”

Can you believe it’s already the penultimate episode of The L Word: Generation Q’s third season? Don’t worry, Riese already dropped her recap! And don’t miss this week’s To L and Back, either! Kayla did an absolutely brilliant and thrilling deep dive into fictional queer cheerleaders. QUEERLEADERS. The new Yellowjackets trailer has landed. Valerie reviewed Ginny and Georgia’s second season. And Heather warmed you up for Nic’s Willow recap (below!). And A. Tony wrote a can’t-miss review of M3gan. Here’s what else happened on queer TV this week!

Fantasy Island Episode 202: “Hurricane Helene/The Bachelor Party”

Written by Valerie Anne

#HornyForIslands

This week, Ruby is blue because Gina broke up with her, and is opting out of Elena’s offer to have a girls night, instead wanting to try the “distract myself with work” method of coping.

The guests of the week are a young goth girl looking for her bio dad and a trio of bros having a bachelor party. One of the men, Shawn, says his fantasy is to be fearless, and while he’s explaining it, he and Ruby have an adorable exchange:

Shawn: I’m a scaredy cat.
Ruby: Me, too.
Shawn: And I’m queer.
Ruby: Me, too!

Shawn eventually realizes one thing that’s been holding him back is that he has feelings for one of the other bros, and they have a very sweet exchange about it; his friend doesn’t feel the same way but the way Shawn talked about the things he loved about him healed a bit of himself that was broken, too. And he’s willing to do whatever it takes to work through these things and make sure they come out the other side with their friendship intact.

After seeing all the guests find closure, Ruby decides to find some too, and burns some of her things that remind her of Gina in a little beach bonfire. She decides to go skinny dipping while she’s there, and out in the water she finds Isla. Somehow she hasn’t quite figured out that Isla is almost definitely a manifestation of the island itself (Isla does mean “island: in Spanish, after all) but is enamored when Isla calls her special and says she hopes to see her for a night swim again soon. And I, for one, would not be mad at that.

Criminal Minds Episode 1606: “True Conviction”

Written by Valerie Anne

This really put a damper on my “JJ is alive” joy.

I knew we were in for a doozy when the “previously on” montage showed Tara talking about her girlfriend Rebecca, saying she’s the happiest she’s ever been. That’s truly never a good sign, and sure enough, it was an omen of doom.

In their hunt for Sicarius, they run face-first into Rebecca’s first case; the case that launched her career, the case that got her to where she is today. And apparently a case that is somehow the toothpick that will tumble the tower because when Tara realizes they might have to prove that the convicted man was innocent and confessed as part of his pact with Sicarius, she looks capital s Stressed.

As they start to dig into the case, Rebecca catches wind of it and storms into Tara’s office, demanding answers. She gave the BAU the courtesy of a heads up in the pass, why didn’t they return the favor? Tara says she was going to call her but wanted to wait until they had more than a theory, but Rebecca is too angry to talk rationally about it. Rebeca tells Tara that if she and the BAU break this case down, their relationship is over. Which maybe is why a lot of places have policies against dating your coworkers.

And not only does Tara NOT stop the BAU from digging into this case to find the well-buried and lye-covered truth, but she ends up being the one to crack it, bonding with the prisoner about them both being queer.

Once the truth comes out, she goes to Rebecca to ask her for a stay of execution so they can get more information and hopefully get closer to finding Sicarius, and Rebecca agrees, because Tara insists, but she’s not happy about it. This act makes her go “under review” which seems bad, and somehow this is Tara’s fault. She says that Tara wasn’t honest with her, which…isn’t true? But fine, she’s mad at herself for bungling the case and she’s taking it out on Tara. Unfortunately this means she’s moving out even though I doubt she’s even fully unpacked yet.

Well, it was nice while it lasted. In the end, they can take Nicole Pacent from us, but they can’t take Tara’s bisexuality. We’ve got that forever.

Willow Episode 8: “Children of the Wyrm”

Written by Nic!

It’s finale week on Willow, and my biggest question is SEASON 2 WHEN?! The crew has finally made their way to the Immemorial City for the big showdown against the Crone (and the Wyrm?). Jade and Kit spend most of the first half of the episode apart, but while they weren’t physically together, each girl had the other on their mind. For Jade, that meant pleading her case for taking the literal leap of faith off the waterfall to follow Kit to the Immemorial City. For Kit, it was imagining what a life of adventuring with Jade might actually feel like.

While Jade, Boorman, and Graydon stealth their way around the undead city, Kit and Elora encounter New Haircut Airk and the Crone, who explain that they all have a choice to make; different choices for each of them. They walk into a lighted pathway and into a dream world where Kit’s mother tells her everything she’s ever wanted to hear; that Sorsha should never have pushed Kit into duty, that Kit deserves to live her life of adventure with whomever she chooses. It’s almost too good to be true, and that’s exactly how Kit realizes the illusion in front of her. Her father’s voice cuts through the facade, reminding her that she is Elora’s protector.

Once they come to, the big finale fight breaks out! Our princess and our knight fight seamlessly together, it’s beautiful to watch. Before he goes to fight off some of the Crone’s other cronies (lol), Boorman gives Kit the Lux because he knows this is actually her story and she’s meant to wear it. So while Willow and Elora handle the Crone, Kit and Jade fight Airk, who’s been heavily influenced by the Crone. Jade encouraged Kit to try out the Lux and the scream I scrumpt when the armor started appearing on Kit?!?! Whew! Jade feels it too, because the looks on Erin Kellyman’s face every time she looks Kit up and down were a thing of magic.

Eventually, the Crone is defeated and the spell on Airk is broken. Our adventurers know that the Wyrm knows they’re still out there and will come for them but for now, they walk off into the sunset (including the INTACT GIRLFRIENDS), hoping to find their way home.

I’ve had so much fun with this show, from watching Jade and Kit’s character development to yelling about how cute they are, to just having a grand ole fun fantasy time. Will Disney let us keep the lesbian princess we deserve?

Boobs on Your Tube: Nova Deserved a Better Ending on “Queen Sugar” — But Damn, We’ll Miss Her

Well, it has been quite a Gen Q week, has it not? Jennifer Beals stepping back from the show? What is The L Word even without Bette Porter! I guess we’re gonna find out! Here’s a quick starter on your journey: Which The L Word character is “the one” for you? Or! There’s so many other shows to watch! Riese has a rundown of what’s new and streaming in December! Also this week, lesbians on Andor! Drew wants to know if you agree with her re: Aubrey Plaza and Sutton from The Bold Type potentially smooching on The White Lotus. Shelli ranked Aubrey Plaza’s movie performances. And Drew wrote an introduction to to Chantal Akerman and Jeanne Dielman.

Notes from the TV Team:

+ I don’t want to encroach too much on Carmen’s beat but, a heads up: this week’s episode of Home Economics ushered Caitlin McGee off-screen, as the actress takes maternity leave, which left more time for a story about Denise and her formerly feuding turned poly parents. In a spectacular bit of casting, Denise’s mother, Tamara, is played by Kim Coles (AKA Synclaire James-Jones of Living Single). — Natalie

+ On Mythic Quest, Dana and Rachel are still having individual storylines that have nothing to do with each other but I do hope to see them being adorable dorks together again soon. — Valerie Anne

Queen Sugar 713: “For They Existed”

Written by Natalie

I will not miss the writing but I absolutely will miss this face.

Six years, seven seasons, and 89 episodes after it first premiered, Queen Sugar took its final bow. The show, an adaptation of Natalie Baszile’s 2014 novel by Ava DuVernay, departs with an awesome legacy: as the longest running black family drama on television and as a series that exclusively featured the work of female directors. DuVernay recruited a slate of 42 directors to bring her vision to life: many of them women of color, several of them queer, most of them having exclusively dealt in films before coming to Queen Sugar. The effort launched and rejuvenated so many careers…and that legacy will continue to reverberate across the television landscape for years to come.

Those directors define much of what I’ll remember about Queen Sugar. The sun’s reflection on the waters outside of St. Joe’s. The vividness of the color at Vi’s Pies and on the Bordelon farm. And the melanin…my goodness, the melanin. You never fully appreciate how bad this industry is at filming black and brown skin until you see it done well…and Queen Sugar did that. I’m hard-pressed to think of any show that rivals Queen Sugar‘s masterful directing and cinematography.

But Queen Sugar‘s writing has always struggled keep pace with its lush visuals and it falters once again in the series finale. What began as a “black feminist masterclass” ends with Jacob Boudreaux as the Bordelon’s white savior and by undermining most of its female characters. Days later, I remain mystified by the writing choices.

Nova’s ending, in particular, grates. She finally finds home — in her aunt’s house, in her mother’s room, in the space that she’s inherited — and she chooses to share it with Calvin. All this time, she’s been denying how she felt about him…lying to herself, to him, and everyone else…but now, she admits that she’s in love. To be clear: I don’t mind that the show ends with Nova with a man…or even that it ends with Nova with a white man…I’m bothered that it’s this white man. A cop who brutalized a young black man and was happy to move on without consequences until Nova confronted him. That this show would shroud that history with romance…as if Nova’s love redeems Calvin…is repulsive.

What’s more? Earlier this season, Calvin recalled his recurring dream: him and Nova sitting on an old porch swing, “old and gray and still in love,” and that is exactly how her story ends. It’s not Nova’s dream that they’re living, it’s his.

Sigh. I wanted so much better for this show.

Survivor Episode Eleven: “Hiding in Plain Sight”

Written by Anya!

“Hiding in Plain Sight”– As the tide rises and falls, castaways hold their breath to find out who will win the immunity challenge. Also, one castaway will spy something hidden in plain sight, on SURVIVOR, Wednesday, Nov. 30 (8:00-9:00 PM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network, and available to stream live and on demand on Paramount+. Pictured (L-R): Jeff Probst, Cassidy Clark, Jesse Lopez, Karla Cruz Godoy, Owen Knight, Mike ‘Gabler’ Gabler, Sami Layadi and Cody Assenmacher. Photo: CBS ©2022 CBS Broadcasting, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Highest quality screengrab available.

This episode opens with Karla trying to determine which two people cast votes for her — she knows Owen cast one, and we know Sami cast the other. Sami tries to lie, briefly, before admitting he wrote Karla’s name down, too. This seems great for Karla — as usual, she’s good at prying information out of people without even really trying! However, my good feelings PLUMMETED when I learned that, despite all the implications otherwise, Karla actually HAS told someone about her immunity idol — Cassidy. Oh no! I couldn’t help but wonder why the story editors revealed this detail now — when there are only seven people left … However, this game moves too fast for reflection on editing decisions — next thing we know, there’s a boat at the island, with the message that there’s an advantage idol somewhere in the jungle. After a lot of people walk seemingly right by it, Cody finds the advantage, which states that he has two shots at immunity: (1) if he wins the immunity challenge himself, and (2) if a person he chooses before-hand wins the challenge. Cody puts his money on Owen. The challenge is an “old school” challenge, where you must hold onto and breathe through a metal gate while the tide surges beneath you (a situation that many would consider, correctly, an actual nightmare).

At this point, I’m not even surprised to say that Karla made Survivor history ONCE AGAIN! Both she and Owen lasted three freaking hours in the Last Gasp challenge — bobbing and holding their breath for so long that the rising tide actually became a lowering tide. So, in an unprecedented move, they were both deemed the winners of immunity. HOLY MOLY! And since Cody bet on Owen winning, he was also immune. Spicy!! Leading up to tribal council, Karla seems to have fully turned on Cassidy — she wants her out because Cassidy (so she thinks) is the only one who knows about her idol. I am obsessed with the savagery of this move, but I worry that if Cassidy has told anyone else about the idol (I bet she has, and I bet she told Jesse), Karla will be kicking out her strongest ally to protect a secret that’s already at large. Luckily for Karla (and Cassidy), Sami tells everyone at Tribal Council that he’s playing his shot in the dark, because he’s like, everyone’s against me. He does, and everyone votes for him. He goes home. Man oh man am I nervous for next week!! Stay strong Karla!!

All American 507: “Hate It or Love It”

Written by Natalie

With scandal engulfing the GAU football team, Coop’s first day on campus isn’t the big event it should’ve been but thankfully, Skye is there to celebrate Coop’s accomplishment. Skye snaps the requisite pics (aww, a sweater vest!) and gives Coop the snacks she packed for her. Coop’s nervous though — her professor has a reputation for being hard on his students — but Skye assures her girlfriend that she’s up to the challenge. Once she’s in class, though, things are harder than Coop anticipated. She knows the facts of the case but can’t resist inserting her own opinion into the conversation, much to her professor’s chagrin.

Later at dinner, Coop explains what happened in class and absolutely no one is surprised to hear that Coop allowed her passion to get the best of her. Spencer, Billy, and Laura all remind her that she can’t thrive on passion alone and that law, in particular, requires her to be guided by the facts. Skye encourages her girlfriend to tailor her message to the person that’s receiving it. Coop takes in everyone’s advice and returns to class the next day prepared to do better. And, of course, she does do better, earning praise from the professor.

Meanwhile, Patience hits a huge milestone on Instagram — one million followers — and posts a cute pic and a thank you to all her fans. The celebratory comments start rolling in but are interrupted by someone who accuses Patience of being an industry plant. The comment gets under Patience’s skin but Layla promises to take care of the situation. She heads over to Keating Music and confronts Clay about one of his artists, Petty Krueger, who’s behind the comments targeting Patience. Layla pushes for an apology but Clay wonders if Petty was actually wrong…especially given the way they’ve altered Patience’s sound and style for her new single. Layla insists that the ends justify the means: Patience’s video teaser has already garnered 2 million views. Every step she’s taking, Layla notes, is with Patience’s consent and is helping mature the artist into the next phase of her career.

But, apparently, Patience didn’t get the maturity memo because she’s busy cussing folks out on IG Live in the middle of Slausson Cafe. It takes a stranger coming over and literally taking her phone away for Patience to realize the gravity of her misstep.

Later, Layla double-checks with Patience about her feelings about the image reboot. Patience brushes right past her own feelings and, instead, focuses on the fan response. It’s clear that Patience isn’t comfortable with the changes but feels like she has to sacrifice her comfort to produce a product that’ll sell. Layla doesn’t recognize Patience’s discomfort though and forges ahead with the damage control.

The Sex Lives of College Girls 205-206: “Taking Shots” and “Doppelbanger”

Written by Natalie

Good news, everyone: the Thetas’ charter has been restored and all is right with the world. Of course, the girls make plans to be at every one of the Thetas’ return week parties. I’m not sure why this show insists on making the girls’ entire social calendar revolve around the parties of this white fraternity when there are so many other options but I guess this is what we’re doing.

At the first party, Bela asks the question I’ve been waiting to hear since Leighton came out to the group, “Leight, don’t answer this if this is homophobic: of the three of us, who are you most attracted to?” The question feels like a rite of passage for every newly out queer girl (if your straight friends never asked you, just know they were definitely thinking it) and Leighton does her best to avoid the question entirely…which, for the record, is exactly what you should do IRL. However, as a thought experiment: who are we thinking is Leighton’s actual answer to this question? It’s Whitney, right?

She insists — much to Bela’s chagrin — that none of the girls are really her type. Kimberly presses Leighton about what exactly her type is and she clarifies: her perfect woman is a 5’6″ blonde with good style from a major metropolitan city. Of course, Leighton’s idea of a perfect woman is Leighton. That tracks. And miraculously, a few days later, Leighton meets her…her perfect woman. The blonde (it’s Elinor from First Kill!) tries to park her Mercedes and yells at Leighton for being in the way. Once she steps out of her car, Leighton notices that they have the same taste in handbags and that the girl is “so hot.” She found Essex’s other Leighton.

Leighton reaches out to Willow for help identifying the mystery hot girl and she recognizes her as Tatum, a junior on the tennis team. Willow also notes the similarities between them and realizes that Leighton’s in the “twincest phase of coming out.” Leighton insists that she’s not just interested in Tatum because she reminds her of herself but Willow just smiles and nods, knowingly.

Leighton pushes Willow to introduce her to Tatum and the two concoct a plan to get the tennis star’s attention. They meet during a water break at the tennis courts and Tatum is kind of an asshole. She dismisses Leighton’s plans to attend a comedy show Bela helped organize, claiming she’s not really into campus-sponsored events but noting that it’ll probably be fun for “gen pop.” Ouch. Leighton tries to put the humiliation behind her but when she spots Tatum at a Theta party, the two are seemingly on a collision course.

Tatum mockingly asks about the comedy show and Leighton responds back with some snark of her own: no matter how judgmental Tatum is, she’ll never be as judgmental as Leighton is. Just to prove her point, Leighton “Prada-shames” Tatum for wearing seasons old boots. Apparently, shaming is Tatum’s kink because she invites Leighton to put her number into her phone.

And while I’m glad to see Leighton find someone…there’s something about her in these episodes — how she supported Kimberly throughout her egg harvesting and how she reassured Bela about her comedic chops — that says to me that this relationship isn’t long for this world. Leighton’s not the judgmental character she was when we meet her.

Criminal Minds 1603: “Moose”

Written by Valerie Anne

A smol and a tol!

This week, Tara (who Aisha Tyler has labeled as pansexual) and her girlfriend Rebecca partake in the time-honored queer tradition of riding the elevator together. Rebecca mentions how much she prefers the commute to Quantico from Tara’s apartment vs her own in the city, and implies that maybe they should just move in together. Tara looks at her like a deer in headlights but promises to think about it.

When they reach a dead end in the search for Sicarius, Tara calls Rebecca for DOJ help, which ultimately gets her booted back to the DC office. But after a stressful day, Tara’s priorities snapped back into place, and her desire to not waste any time with Rebecca overrides her trust issues. It’s official: they’re U-Hauling it.

Other things in this episode that brought me joy: Our beloved agents being able to drop the f-bomb now, Garcie being physically unable to bring herself to do it, Emily appointing herself team lead to stick it to the manbaby trying to get her fired, and JJ. Just, everything about JJ always.

Boobs on Your Tube: Criminal Minds Is Gay For Real — Finally!

Happy Holigays, friends! We’ve got a huge merch sale going on, with so many cool new A League of Their Own items, including a hat you’re not going to find anywhere else!

This week, Dani wrote about The Karamo Show’s power of healing. Valerie Anne penned a tribute to the final season of Dead to Me. Riese recapped an all-new episode of The L Word: Generation Q, Lily wrote about Autism, homoerotic friendships, and Mosquito Y Mari. And Shelli ranked Aubrey Plaza’s movie roles.

Notes from the TV Team:

+ This week on All American, Patience is working on a new single that she’s sure will have everyone rocking. Her label wants to drop a music video along with the single but when Patience shows up to set, she finds clothes, dancers, and pyrotechnics that feel like a radically different vibe. The creative director, Gia, apologizes but insists that she intended for the new vibe to establish some separation between Patience, the artist, and Patience, the person. It’s enough to convince Patience to try again…only this time in shorter stilettos. — Natalie

+ Following its initial three episode drop, Leverage: Redemption has shifted to an episode per week release, much to my chagrin. Still, I love this show so much and the new season continues to give my everything I’ve always loved about Leverage plus gay! This week, Breanna’s got a second date with Allie, a vegan kinetic artist, but she gets pulled away by some family business (read: thwarting an attempted robbery and murder!). The date ends abruptly but Allie’s so impressed by Breanna’s candor that she welcomes another opportunity to get together. — Natalie

+ A reminder for our Canadian readers: the second season of Sort Of debuted last week on the CBC. The first season was so, so good — the show was one of my favorites of 2021 — and I’m jealous that Canadians get to enjoy the second season before Americans do (it debuts on HBO Max on Dec. 1). — Natalie

+ It seems like Monarch is setting up The Big Bisexual Cheating Reveal for the season finale. These past few episodes, GiGi keeps saying, like, “Well I’M never involved in the Roman family drama” and “At least *I* don’t have any secrets to hide or hide from.” Which: She was the one who ended up walloping Nicky’s husband to a bloody pulp. She was stopping him from murdering her sister, but that is A secret, at least. Also Nicky’s doing blackmail about it so it’s only a matter of time. — Heather

+ Dolly Parton’s Magic Mountain Christmas is airing on NBC next Thursday, December 1st. It’s wonderful. — Heather

Criminal Minds 1602: “Sicarius”

Written by Valerie Anne

Time for a full series rewatch with the knowledge that Tara is canonically queer!!

After 16 seasons, and at least two queer actors in the main cast, we finally, finally have queer series regulars on Criminal Minds. Aisha Tyler’s Tara is dating Nicole Pacent’s new character, Rebecca, in the newest season, which they’re calling Criminal Minds: Evolution. I was so excited when I saw Nicole Pacent strut into the room because, knowing she’s queer IRL, I was ready to assume her character is queer until proving otherwise…and then mere moments after she walks back offscreen, her queerness (and Tara’s) is confirmed. Emily Prentiss actually clocked it before I did! As soon as she’s alone with Tara, she socks her in the arm and asks how long they’ve been a thing. (This furthers my theory that Prentiss is also queer, but that is neither here nor there.) Tara admits Rebecca isn’t the first woman she’s dated, and says they’ve been a thing for a few months now. Emily is immediately supportive and excited to tease Tara about her new relationship, and specifically how giddy she is about it. Later, Emily calls Rebecca Tara’s girlfriend in front of the rest of the team, presumably because of how chill Tara was about it and the fact that she didn’t ask her not to tell anyone? Felt a bit like a bold choice but it went well so it’s fine. JJ says, “Wait did you say girlfriend?” with no emphasis on girl – she says it as if she is just surprised Tara has a beau she didn’t know about.

Criminal Minds is one of my comfort shows – something about the formula + the characters really does it for me; every time JJ comforts a victim, a wound inside me heals – and I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life for this moment. I can’t wait to see where this goes.

All American: Homecoming 206: “Free Your Mind”

Written by Natalie

A while back, as part of a conversation about another show that I’d been (surprise!) critical of, a reader asked what one piece of advice I’d give to the showrunner. Lots of ideas floated in my head — listen to the TV Team! don’t listen to shippers! — but, ultimately, I settled on a simple answer: they should watch more queer TV. It’s advice I’d give to any showrunner, really. Sometimes I think showrunners are so focused on creating their singular vision that they forget to look at the landscape. They write not knowing what’s been done (repeatedly) and what hasn’t. They write not knowing what good queer content in 2022 looks like…they don’t know where the bar is…and, as a result, the chances of them exceeding that bar are slim to none. It feels very much like All American: Homecoming falls into that category.

Right now, the bar for storytelling for nonbinary characters — and in particular, black nonbinary characters — is P-Valley‘s Uncle Clifford. While I don’t expect the CW’s Bringston to compete with STARZ’s Chucalissa, there are lessons to be learned from where the bar has been set: lessons about telling stories beyond identity, lessons about telling love stories involving gender nonconforming characters, and lessons about giving nonbinary characters comparable screen-time. These are lessons that All American: Homecoming hasn’t learned. They don’t know where the bar is.

This week, Nate’s relationship with Nico ends. It’s for good reason (more on that in a second) but still it’s frustrating. The show never gives us a real reason behind why they got back together — after what sounded like a tumultuous previous break-up — and it never incorporated Nico into Nate’s Bringston family. The show doesn’t give comparable time to Nate’s relationship than it does to, say, Simone’s burgeoning relationship with Lando, despite both Nico and Lando starting out as antagonists. And forget the intimate moments: we’re offered little more than a chaste kiss. All American: Homecoming wants plaudits for featuring a nonbinary character on network television but the show cannot rest on that. The bar has been raised and it desperately needs to catch up.

Back to the break-up: Nate joins Nico at a planning meeting for the Black Legends Luncheon. Nico’s just going through the motions, recycling the same focus and theme from previous years. Nate proposes a new idea — a plan to incorporate different, lesser known student organizations into the luncheon — and while her idea is well-received by in the planning committee, Nico quickly brushes it off. Later he tries to make amends with flowers but Nate confesses that some committee members support her idea. She pushes Nico to let her run with the new vision and Nico, begrudgingly, agrees.

The show is a resounding success but, for Nico, the positive response grates. By the time Nate stands center-stage to recite a poem, inspired by her boyfriend, Nico is nowhere to be found. Later, she confronts him for his disappearing act. She reflects on all the times she’s had to dim her light for him but Nico insists that he never asked her to do that. It’s at that moment that Nate realizes their relationship won’t work. She tearfully proclaims, “I have been through too much, fought too hard to exist as me. I shine too bright, and damn if I’m not proud of that. I will never dim that light for anyone ever again.”

The Sex Lives of College Girls 203-204: “The Short King” and “Will You Be My Girlfriend”

Written by Natalie

Leighton Murray has come out at unique time: her post-coming out hoe phase coincides with the start of cuffing season at Essex University. That means the roster of potential hook-ups is DEEP: Leighton adds her face pic onto her dating profile this week and the invitations just keep coming. She reports to talking to 30 girls on the apps and her roommates are both shocked and thrilled for her (“that’s like two basketball teams,” Whitney notes in the most apt simile that’s ever existed).

“Look, I’ve lived in the closet for, like, my entire life. I could never just approach someone out in the open as myself. So now that I’m out, it’s my turn to catch up,” Leighton proclaims. And boy, does Leighton catch up…lingering looks in class and the cafeteria lead back to Leighton’s bed. She hooks up with one woman after another after another.

But there’s a downside to having your hoe phase coinciding with cuffing season too, right? The expectations are different. If you know you’re on the roster, you know things are casual — it’s all “Wham! Bam! Thank You Ma’am!” — but in cuffing season, you’re looking for warmth and intimacy, even if only for a season. Cuffing season isn’t serious but it isn’t really casual either. Anne doesn’t bring cookies to Suite 103 if she knows she’s just another slot on the roster. Claire doesn’t play nice with Leighton’s roommates if she knows that she’s only there for a one-time hook-up. Cat doesn’t buy a candle for Bela’s lactose intolerance if she understands that things are casual. Leighton’s in her hoe phase but those girls are there for cuffing season…and that’s where Leighton fucks up: she doesn’t reset those expectations (or those of her roommates, TBH).

Predictably, it all blows up. Two of Leighton’s roster spots — Molly and Jess (who are exes, natch) — show up to visit Leighton at the same time. Molly brings flowers, Jess has Phoebe Bridgers tickets…tell-tale signs that they were leaning into cuffing season. An argument breaks out when Molly and Jess realize that Leighton wasn’t serious about either of them. Leighton defends herself, reminding them both that she told them she was taking it slow, but when Cat shows up to return Leighton’s underwear, it’s clear that there’s nothing slow about the way Leighton is moving. Before they can gang up against her roommate, Whitney dismisses Molly, Jess and Cat, reminding them that “Leighton can bang who she wants, this is not Bridgerton.” Exhausted, Leighton collapses on the couch and admits that navigating the interconnected nature of Essex’s queer community is going to be a challenge (Has Leighton never seen The L Word? Did she learn nothing from The Chart?).

But, even as Leighton’s roster gets cleared, her hoe phase leaves her with one lasting thing: chlamydia.

After getting her diagnosis, Leighton is sent home with pills and instructions to tell all the women she’s recently slept with about the STI. She rationalizes not telling her recent conquests, though, by noting that whoever gave it to her didn’t give her the heads up. But just when Leighton thinks she can ignore the situation, it shows back up at the one place that Leighton least wants it: the Kappa house, the sorority that Leighton wants so desperately to join.

Turns out, one of Leighton’s hook-ups, Natalie, is among her rush class and she confronts Leighton about giving her chlamydia. Leighton brushes her off and then bad-mouths Natalie to the Kappas. To exact her revenge, Natalie uses her turn in a “Secret Seat” game to tell everyone that Leighton gave her chlamydia. Worried that she’s ruined her chance to become a Kappa — her mother’s sorority, you’ll recall — Leighton calls and texts, repeatedly, in an effort to apologize. When her Kappa friend seems unmoved by her apologies, Leighton resigns herself to defeat but, as luck would have it, both she and Whitney get invitations to join.

Mythic Quest 301-304

Written by Valerie Anne

Adorable nerds for the win!

I wasn’t sure what this season of Mythic Quest would look like with most of our friends scattered to the wind, but they have found plenty of fun ways to cause chaos in each other’s lives. And, despite the fact that Rachel doesn’t even work in the building anymore, they still found a reason to keep her around, which I appreciate. This show wouldn’t be the same without Ashly Burch’s quirky energy.

AND, while in Episode 302, Dana and Rachel try to sneak into their old testing room to have sex and end up accidentally making a litany of HR violations at a company neither of them work for anymore, Episode 303 proves that they are both still being developed as individuals while also still being adorable girlfriends. Dana is becoming a mini Ian while Rachel goes to brunch and goes tank crushing with Poppy and Jo, and also having some development ideas for Mythic Quest as she sneaks around their kitchen to steal snacks instead of going back to school, where she’s miserable.

Unrelated and maybe only relevant to me, but I didn’t put together that Caitlin McGee is the customer service woman in this show. She showed up this season and I was like “Wait has this always been Sarah from Home Economics” and it turns out it has been. I guess I just didn’t file her face in my memory banks until she played Sasheer Zamata’s wife.