black-ish Archives

Boobs on Your Tube: Kissing Witches in the Moonlight on “Motherland: Fort Salem”

We sure had a jam packed week! First, there was that Killing Eve SPOILER we can’t stop talking about. (And wow, we really mean this, you don’t want to miss it). Carmen wrote a love letter to Vida’s final season and we’re all really sad to have Tanya Saracho’s masterpiece leaving us so soon. Riese sat down with Little Fires Everywhere‘s bisexual showrunner Liz Tigelaar about everything that made the show addictive, bingeable, and gay. Then! Heather talked with One Day at a Time showrunner Gloria Calderón-Kellet about Elena, Syd, and helping people find comfort during a pandemic.

Batwoman‘s queer love triangle reminds Heather why she first fell in love with superheroes in the first place Valerie recapped the latest Legends of Tomorrow while Kayla got Riverdale covered! Drew wrote a beautiful review of Better Things and how its succeeding at telling trans story by explicitly not telling a trans story. To L and Back covered the iconic episode “Lez Girls,” a classic if there ever was one.

Finally, Here’s what is Gay and New On Netflix, Amazon and Hulu in May 2020

But we still aren’t done yet!! Today is the premiere of Alice Wu’s new film The Half of It! We are ECSTATIC!! None other than Malinda Lo stopped by to review the film for us, and we still can’t believe we were lucky enough to get her. Drew spoke with Alice Wu (OMG) about the movie and also her legacy on lesbian filmmaking and also wrote about what the movie meant for her.

AND GUESS WHAT!?!? THE ENTIRE TV TEAM IS LIVE TWEETING THE FILM TONIGHT!! STARTING AT 8PM EST/5PM PST! IT’S BASICALLY RIGHT NOW!! PLEASE JOIN US!!

Our TV Team — @draw_gregory, @natthedem, @carmencitaloves, @autowin, @PunkyStarshine, @KaylaKumari, @theheatherhogan — is joining @thatalicewu for a live-tweet of #TheHalfOfIt tonight! You don’t want to miss it! pic.twitter.com/sQImpMBNBz

— Autostraddle (@autostraddle) May 1, 2020

Notes from the TV Team:

+ Tia ended this season on Boomerang still dating Dorothy, but more importantly, with the two of them starting a mobile clinic for dancers and sex workers. I love that Boomerang not only took Tia’s activism around sex workers rights seriously, but took her from single action protest campaigns to evolving into longterm care from her community. Talk about a glow up! — Carmen

+ On Station 19 Maya is starting to confront the legacy of her dad’s abuse towards her and her mom. So far, it’s not going great. We’ve all seen the previous flashbacks on the show and know that Maya’s dad was emotionally abusive, but she’s in such deep denial that when her mother shows up to announce that she’s left Maya’s father — Maya rebukes her. She’s grateful that her father “pushed” her so hard that she won a Gold Medal and is now Seattle’s youngest an first woman fire chief. She’s angry that she’s being asked to think of her life differently. (Don’t worry, Carina’s there to hold her hand through it all). — Carmen

+ Elena and Syd had their first cute little baby gay spat on One Day at a Time! While listing off their crushes to one another, Elena makes the mistake of listing the cute barista from around the corner among all the other celebrities. Syd’s definitely a little jealous, but before the two get to dig in it further they have to hide from Alex on the rooftop (it’s a long story). — Carmen

+ It’s rare that I find myself surprised by cancellations anymore but CBS’ decision to ax God Friended Me certainly caught me off guard. Nonetheless, the show went out in dramatic fashion, its last episode devoted to Ali’s cancer surgery. Thankfully, she survives and the experience compels her to attend seminary, following in her father’s footsteps, and becomes a pastor. — Natalie

+ Dre’s lesbian sister, Rhonda (played by IRL queer, Raven-Symoné), returned to black-ish this week with a special announcement: She’s planning to adopt a baby. Her sister-in-law, Rainbow, is excited to host a shower, while Dre’s skeptical that his recently divorced baby sister is ready for the arduous task of single parenthood. Rhonda admits her marriage didn’t work because her wife didn’t want children but she’s committed to being a mom… and eventually, Dre relents, and commits to being genuinely supportive of his sister. — Natalie

+ Team Queer lives on on this season of Top Chef. Karen rejoined the competition, after battling her way out of Last Chance Kitchen, and placed among the top three in Immunity challenge. Meanwhile, Melissa continues to impress, finishing in the top four again this week and being lauded for her Michelin-level skills. Next week: RESTAURANT WARS! — Natalie

9-1-1 319: “The One That Got Away”

Written by Natalie

Earlier this season, heartbroken by an accident that left a young cellist dead, Henrietta Wilson nearly walked away from her job. She found the strength to put the uniform back on but she’s a different person now…more determined than ever to save lives.

Station 118 is called to the scene of apartment building fire and Hen is left to triage the victims. As she’s examining one victim, Anton, she notices that he has some tenderness on his left side. Anton admits that he’s been nauseous for days and has been popping antacids like candy. Hen quizzes him about his other symptoms and, ultimately, suspects that he has excess calcium in his blood due to an undiagnosed thyroid condition. Hen and Chimney transport Anton to the hospital and she lists all Anton’s injuries before handing him off to the nurses. She alerts them to his suspected thyroid condition and suggests ordering an EKG.

Later, news that someone from the building fire has died interrupts Hen and Karen’s date night. She stops by Bobby and Athena’s house — in the middle of their date night — in hopes of getting more information. Bobby confirms that Anton died from cardiac arrest and Hen’s frustrated that the nurses and doctors didn’t listen to her. The Captain reminds Hen that she did her job but she’s angry that she’s the only one that did. A few days later, the team’s called to the set of a reality cooking competition where a chef has impaled himself with a pressurized canister. It’s reminiscent of an accident that killed a French fitness blogger.

Once they get the chef into the ambulance, his blood pressure starts to crash. Hen surmises that the shrapnel has nicked the chef’s aorta and he’ll likely die before they can get him to the hospital. Over Chim’s objections, she performs a successful thoracotomy and stabilizes his pressure. He’s wheeled into the ER with Hen still pinching his aorta with her hand. The nurse is dismissive of Hen’s success but the surgeon seems impressed…and, all of a sudden, I wonder is this episode is a backdoor pilot for “Henrietta Wilson, MD.”

Back at the firehouse, the team presents her with a doctor’s coat to celebrate. Bobby sees that Hen’s still acting out of guilt over the deaths of Anton and the young cellist. He congratulates her on the win but warns Hen not to do it again.

The Baker and the Beauty 103: “Get Carried Away”

Written by Natalie

It feels like we’ve seen a story like The Baker and the Beauty about a thousand times: regular, good-hearted, good looking, blue collar guy crosses paths with a celebrity and complicated romance ensues. If you opted to skip TBATB based on its overdone premise, I can’t blame you, but this week, the show offered a reason to tune back in: BABY GAYS.

Let me back up: TBATB is about the Garcias, a tight-knit Cuban family that works together at their bakery in Little Havana. The eldest son, Daniel, is the aforementioned guy who finds himself caught up in a celebrity romance. Mateo’s the middle brother, a baker by day and aspiring rapper/DJ by night. And then there’s Natalie, the Garcia’s only daughter, who is a smart and witty teenager, still trying to come into her own at her new school. Last week, after a painfully uncomfortable shopping trip to get a new swimsuit for school, she meets a classmate, Amy, and the two strike up an easy rapport. When Mateo’s not there to pick Natalie up, Amy offers to give her a ride home. Natalie beams when she gets a follow-up text from Amy…so much so that her mother’s convinced she got a ride home from a cute boy.

But this week, Natalie’s mother realizes that her daughter’s happy because she’s finally made a friend and, naturally, she takes it upon herself to invite Amy over. Free from her responsibilities at the bakery, Natalie and Amy retreat to her bedroom and watch Daniel’s exploits from his impromptu trip to Puerto Rico. Amy admits that she has the biggest crush on Noa Hamilton — Daniel’s celebrity girlfriend — and Natalie shifts uncomfortably as she ponders the revelation. Before she can respond, their conversation is interrupted: first by Mateo, then by Natalie’s mother who invites Amy to stay for dinner. Amy accepts and Natalie is an adorkable mix of excited and nervous.

Later, Amy asks Natalie she’s been holding onto the entire day: “do you like boys or girls or both?”

Natalie stammers.

“None of the above?” Amy asks.

“No, I…I mean…I like…” Natalie responds, stopping herself before she admits liking another girl aloud. But Amy hears enough and leans in for a kiss…and then Natalie closes her eyes and leans in for a kiss…and they’re almost there when Natalie’s mom knocks at the door. Natalie jumps away from Amy so quickly, she falls off the bed. As she collects herself, Natalie informs her mom that Amy was just leaving, much to their surprise. Soon after Amy walks out the door, Natalie realizes she screwed up and collapses on her bed in frustration.

Later, Mateo intrudes on Natalie’s teenage self-loathing and asks what happened with Amy. She’s reluctant to share, of course, but Mateo persists. He may seem hapless but, without her even telling him, he sees Natalie for who she is.

“I told her to leave,” Natalie admits. “I really like her and I think she likes me and she’s so nice and I freaked out. Can you believe that?”

Mateo — who’s no stranger to having women stomp angrily out of his room — encourages his sister to call Amy. Natalie insists she can’t but her brother promises she can…and, besides, if Natalie doesn’t call her, their mom definitely will.

S.W.A.T. 320: “Wild Ones”

Written by Natalie

Last week, the Deputy Mayor’s assistant threatened to reign “a lot of misery” down on Chris’ head if she persisted in seeking charges against his boss’ son. This week, the misery started. But Deputy Mayor Logan Carter doesn’t attack Chris or S.W.A.T. directly — as Chris had been expecting — he targets her family just as she targeted his. Chris’ uncle gets a citation for un-permitted construction at his house and she knows, right away, who’s behind it. She heads to City Hall to confront Carter directly and he denies any knowledge of the citation. Carter chastises Chris for trying to use her influence as a S.W.A.T. officer to make her uncle’s problem go away. He accuses her of an abuse of power and Chris just stands there in disbelief.

Later, back at HQ, Chris is still seething about the Deputy Mayor’s actions. She still doesn’t know what to do about the city’s demolition order but promises that she’ll cover the cost of his fine because it’s all her fault. Street overhears her problem and while he understands the stakes, he wonders if its worth all this trouble. Chris stands firm, determined to be the thing that stops the Deputy Mayor’s son before he hurts himself or someone else, and plots to catch him driving drunk again. Street warns Christ that she’s in danger of crossing the line — a particularly ironic warning given his history in S.W.A.T. — but Chris is undeterred: Carter crossed the line first. Thankfully, Lieutenant Piper Lynch intercedes, bringing together Chris’ passion with her political acumen to keep the situation from spiraling out of control.

Lynch manages to convince Carter to come to HQ to meet with Chris and hash things out. They step inside one of the interrogation rooms and Lynch apologizes for Chris’ impulsive confrontation of him at City Hall. She insists, however, that Chris’ concern about Carter’s son is legitimate. The Deputy Mayor assures her that they’re dealing with it but Chris interjects that he’s not, he’s enabling his son’s bad behavior. Annoyed that he’s not getting the apology he was promised, Clark says he’ll continue to cover for his son for as long as he wants. There are perks and privileges that come with his office, Clark explains, and he doesn’t care if Chris likes it or not. Then the Lieutenant and Chris remind the Deputy Mayor that the interrogation rooms are wired — their whole conversation has been recorded — and Lynch threatens to pass the tape onto the press.

“You and your son have all the second chances you’re gonna get,” Lynch tells him and soon thereafter, he resigns from office.

Tommy 111: “This Is Not a Drill”

Written by Natalie

Lord knows I enjoy a good police procedural but, to be honest, Tommy‘s struggled to keep my interest at times. It was too saccharine, too uncomplicated…which, while being CBS’ trademark, is not Edie Falco’s…and from a show, starring Edie Falco, about the first lesbian police chief of Los Angeles? I expected more. This week, 11 episodes into the show’s inaugural season, it felt like the show might offer us that.

At the site of a fire in the Hollywood Hills, Tommy confronts the Mayor about not giving her, at least, a heads up that he was going to ask for an Ethics Inquiry. The Mayor avoids her question and, instead, blames Tommy for creating the appearance of impropriety. He assures her that the whole thing is just theater but Tommy’s clearly worried. Later, she sits down with her speechwriter and the LAPD’s legal counsel for prep for her hearing and opts against submitting written responses. She insists she has nothing to hide.

Once again, this show confounds: there’s no way a female police chief — especially not a lesbian police chief, especially not a lesbian police chief with a black ex-husband and a biracial child — would be this naive. But the show persists…Tommy’s legal counsel pesters her with invasive questions and she pushes back, insisting that the panel would never ask her those sorts of questions. She’s dismissive about her speechwriter’s suggestions about what she should wear and assures her lawyer that she did nothing to interfere in the investigation into her son’s sex crimes. Even on the way to the hearing, she takes a call from Kiley and insists that she’ll be fine. Meanwhile, across town, powerful men are gleefully plotting her demise and the elevation of her Chief of Staff, Donn Cooper, to the head of the department.

As I expected and Tommy so obviously did not, the hearing is a complete shitshow. The panelists rebuff Tommy’s attempts to clarify the record and the head of the Vice division lies about Tommy’s involvement in her son-in-law’s case, torpedoing her defense. The Ethics Commission believes him and recommends that Tommy be dismissed…and the Police Commission concurs.

It’s an auspicious way to end the show’s penultimate episode but I’m hoping that it signals a shift in the show’s narrative. They’ve dispensed with the pretense — the LAPD’s sexism and homophobia has been laid bare — to not fundamentally change Tommy in the wake of that would be a disservice to the audience and Edie Falco.

Roswell, New Mexico 207: “Como la Flor”

Written by Valerie Anne

This is the face of a newly liberated woman, not unlike all the women Sara Lance left in her wake across space and time.

Isobel is really leaning into her queerness and I am so happy about it. This week, she was proudly recounting her time at the gay bar to her brothers, talking about the bartender’s “thoughtful manicure” and saying it makes sense to her, that it should have dawned on her sooner that aliens wouldn’t be fussed by human gender and sexuality constructs. But that’s how pervasive heteronormativity is in human society! Anyway, she’s very excited about this new part of her she’s discovered and plans on going back to the gay bar again, and even recommends Max consider joining her and Michael in the beautiful land of queerness. I can’t wait to see what comes out of this new side of Isobel, no pun intended.

Motherland: Fort Salem 107: “Mother Mycelium”

Written by Valerie Anne

This week’s Motherland was another one where our sweet gays really went through it. Scylla is being tortured, fed glass, made to listen to horrible noises. But she stays strong, loyal to her cult, refusing to let Anacostia into her mind. That is, until Raelle is kidnapped in the night and dumped into her cell. She’s kept there long enough for the witches to be reunited in a tearful moment that goes so quickly from relief that the other is okay to fear and panic about the truth of what’s going on.

Raelle kisses Scylla in the backlit cell

This whole scene was hauntingly beautiful.

Scylla tries to warn Raelle that she’s going to hear things about her, and just wants her to believe two tihngs harder than the rest: That she loves her, and that she would never do anything to hurt Raelle. Those are the only truths that matter.

Seeing Raelle weakened Scylla’s defenses enough for Anacostia to get into her head, which of course was the plan all along, and they were able to see the day Scylla got her first blue balloon, burnt a new face for herself, and killed a bunch of people in a mall. The first scene of the series.

Anacostia is hesitant to keep treating Scylla as a total enemy when she sees this though. She sensed…hesitation in Scylla. Regret. Like she wasn’t 100% on board with the Spree’s mission. And what we didn’t see is what led Scylla to that moment. But General Adler has no room for grey areas, despite being comprised of them herself. Scylla is Spree, and Spree is the enemy. So fingers crossed Anacostia enlists the help of the Bellweather Trio or Scylla may be doomed.

In the Dark 203: “Son of a Gun”

Written by Valerie Anne

In this week’s episode, Jess continues to be awkward around Sterling, the cute new butch in the office, and Murphy wants them to just do it already, but Jess doesn’t think she’s capable of having sex without feelings. (“Being a lesbian sounds exhausting,” Murphy says. Used to such quips, Jess has an answer ready. “It sure is on the wrist.”

Jess also admits to masturbating to Sterling’s instagram, which I’m sure isn’t helping her be able to keep her cool, and it’s clear she’s got it bad. She eventually finds herself in a grooming pickle, and thinks Sterling can help because she wrote that she worked at PetSmart on her resume, but that turns out to be a lie. Still, they work together with cute smiles, and eventually Sterling admits that she wants to help Jess with the grooming truck more often because she wants to spend more time with her. And Jess doesn’t hate this plan at all.

You mean there’s hope for us who lose our entire minds around attractive women?!

Later, Jess claims to Murphy that it’s just casual, but I think we know Jess doesn’t really do anything halfway, so we’ll see how that goes.

Vagrant Queen 105: “Temple of Doom”

Written by Valerie Anne

All this sexual tension AND homages to the movie Tremors? Be still my weird nerdy heart.

Elida and Amae continue to have insane chemistry, sweetly complimenting each other, making lingering eye contact. At one point Elida offered Amae an out for the dangerous mission they were about to embark on and Amae said, “I can’t do this” and at first I thought she misunderstood and was trying to back out of their flirtationship but both Elida and I sighed with relief when a) she was talking about the mission and b) she was joking. She’s all in. She even adds a cute little, “Moms love me!”

Eventually they learn that their mission was doomed to fail from the star because Elida’s mother isn’t actually alive after all, and when they find out Elida’s old mentor Hath had been lying this whole time, all Elida can do is stare at him in devastated disbelief, but Amae marches right up to him, glares up at this man who is a full head taller than her, and calls him an asshole. The girl who uses “crackers” instead of “darn” full-out swore in his face and isn’t even sorry about it. She also pulls Elida aside and gently takes her hand, promising her that no matter what, she has them, Amae and Isaac, on her side. To which I say: KISS KISS KISS!

The greatest show ever made about friends making it as family in New York City, don’t @ me. You’ll sit down to watch one episode and be so instantly transported back to the ’90s you’ll emerge from a contented haze hours later.

Stream on: Hulu

Derry Girls

Please, I am begging you, just watch this show.

Stream on: Netflix

“Grown-ish” Is Here, Queer and Even Better Than We Hoped

Yara Shahidi is perfect.

Perfect feels like a ton of pressure to put the shoulders of a 17-year-old girl, but the more I see of Yara Shahidi, in interviews, in speeches, on panels or in magazines, the more I’m convinced that the word is applicable here. If there is a moment where, to borrow from Shahidi’s speech at last year’s Black Women In Hollywood event, she is very unsure of herself or not certain that she’s saying the right things or if she’s acting the right way, I’ve never seen it.

At 17, Yara Shahidi walks through the world with preternatural confidence and wisdom. Smart enough to gain admission into Harvard University, with an assist from the former First Lady, Yara manuevers from conversations about protests in Iran to youth political engagement to representation in pop culture with uncanny ease. She is beautiful, of course, with her flawless cocoa skin, enviable curls and impeccable styling, but her beauty is like a mermaid’s siren, unwittingly luring you into a conversation about an organization she’s starting to promote youth voter participation. Even as she thrives professionally, she remains grounded, holding fast to her friends, family and culture. She is the perfect, exceedingly rare, combination of All-American effervescence and Black Girl Magic.

And, in “Liberal Arts,” the backdoor pilot of grown-ish featured during black-ish‘s third season, that was part of the problem. The show’s writers, Kenya Barris and Larry Wilmore, wanted to keep Shahidi and, by extension, her character, Zoey Johnson, perfect.

The Young Olivia Pope struts her way into the University President’s office to fix the mess she made.

But what “Liberal Arts” didn’t account for is the environment, and how putting Zoey in college means that she can’t be perfect. College isn’t the first time that we know we aren’t perfect, but it can be the first time that we learn that the things that we consider normal — the things that, ultimately, define perfection — have shifted. Part of college is seeing many of your imperfections clearly for the very first time and; scarier yet, having other people judge you for them. “Liberal Arts” doesn’t work as a pilot because it sacrifices the authenticity of the college experience to maintain the aura of Zoey’s likability and, by extension, Yara Shahidi’s perfection.

But somewhere between Zoey’s orientation visit to California University on black-ish and the debut of grown-ish last week on Freeform, the writers seem to have recognized their misstep. When Zoey Johnson returns to college this time, it feels like the show has grown into its own identity. Zoey’s still the naive, impeccably coiffed freshman, but there’s an edge to her this time. We get to see her make bad decisions, be judged for those bad decisions and face the occasional consequence. She’s not without flaws anymore and, as a result, it’s easier for the audience to see themselves in Zoey’s messy evolution.

But Zoey’s not alone in making that awkward evolution from child to adult — she’s surrounded by ragtag group of misfits who she meets in her Midnight Marketing class (also? midnight classes are an actual thing; who knew?). These aren’t the friends Zoey would’ve chosen — in one of her many voiceovers, she calls them “six losers who I normally never would have even spoken to” — but college has a way of forcing friendships between the unlikeliest of bedfellows.

There’s Nomi Segal (Emily Arlook), the ultra feminist Jewish girl who lives to defy conventions. She likes rottweilers, moshing at Swedish death-metal concerts and Jason Derulo. But Nomi ends up in Midnight Marketing because of the one convention she can’t defy: the desire to be the daughter her parents always imagined. Nomi is bisexual and hasn’t come out to her family yet. She misses registration because she’s avoiding a conversation with her uncle, Cal U’s Dean of Students (Chris Parnell), about finding the perfect young Jewish boy, by hooking up with a random chick in the bathroom.

On the same week that grown-ish debuted, it was announced that ChloexHalle would join their boss/mentor, Beyonce, at Coachella. So basically, they are having the BEST. WEEK. EVER.

Then there’s Skyler and Jazlyn (Halle and Chloe Bailey), the track star twins. Like Zoey, they’re perfectly put together — beautiful, with warm smiles and charming accents — out of necessity, hoping to avoid the excessive scrutiny that society foists upon black female athletes. Fearing what failure might mean, both for them, their family and their community, Sky and Jaz have become expert code-switchers, living a “fake-ass front” so that they can be more palatable to whomever might ensure that they never have to go back to the ‘hood again.

And then, there are the boys: there’s Vivek Shah (Jordan Buhat), who, like the twins, has his eyes set on a more prosperous future, after having grown up in poverty, but unlike the twins or his father, Vivek’s not particularly interested in waiting on that prosperous future to arrive. Meanwhile, Luca Hall (Luka Sabbat) is the carefree artist who likes to push boundaries and people’s buttons just because he can. And then, there’s Aaron Jackson (Trevor Jackson). He’s a sophomore and campus activist and the only one taking Midnight Marketing because he actually wanted to take the class. Zoey’s had a massive crush on Aaron since she met him at orientation but he seems too invested in “the culture” to notice.

“And then I dreamt I gave a kidney to Selena Gomez…”

It’s that first night in Midnight Marketing and the friendships that she forges there that makes it possible for Zoey to reconcile with the first real friend she made at Cal U: Analisa “Ana” Torres (Francia Raisa). They connected over a shared love for Zoey’s hair and overly complicated coffee orders and ultimately ended up at a day party with some of Zoey’s old high school friends. Suffice to say, it does not go well. Ana’s homesickness and nervousness push her to drink excessively and when she ends up throwing up in front of everyone, her new friend — her only friend —abandons her. The next day, when Zoey spots Ana at registration, she quickly finds the nearest exit. But then, because college life has an incredible sense of humor, Ana ultimately ends up as Zoey’s new roommate.

grown-ish is a show teeming with potential and the adjustments made between the airing of the backdoor pilot and now leave me optimistic about its direction. In just two episodes, the writers have crafted a realistic college-going experience for Zoey and a cadre of interesting characters I already feel invested in. I want to see how Ana’s secret love for Barack Obama opens her up to exploring political ideas and identities at Cal U that her conservative Catholic upbringing might not have allowed. I want to see how Nomi’s sexuality is treated — if the women (or men) that she sleeps are anything other than passing ships in the night — and see how she grapples with relationships while her uncle’s hovering around. I want to see Aaron’s commitment to all things black dissected: to discover how much of it is truly felt, and how much of it, like the buttons he wears on his coat, is purely performative. And I want to see Zoey (and Yara) be a little less perfect, to fall down and get up with the help of her actual family and her new chosen one.

But while there’s plenty to love about grown-ish — including it’s incredible soundtrack — two things do give me pause. First, Deon Cole reprises his role from the grown-ish pilot as Professor Dr. Charles Telphy, the instructor of the Midnight Marketing class. While you can always count on Cole to deliver a laugh, I’ve found him more tolerable in small doses on black-ish and I worry about his overuse on grown-ish. And speaking of overuse: falling in love with the absolute wrong people and/or falling in love with someone indifferent to you or your feelings, is par for the course in college, so I don’t begrudge grown-ish exploring that with Aaron and Zoey (and possibly Luca). But by the second episode, watching her fawn all over and him — and his complete obliviousness to her attraction — already had the potential to swallow the show whole.

Just two episodes in, grown-ish is delivering impressive numbers for Freeform: the show was the network’s biggest comedy debut in almost six years. It also had the biggest digital debut in the network’s history, garnering 4.5 million viewers in the first three days.

Watch out, world, they’re grown now.

grown-ish airs Wednesday night at 8PM on Freeform.

Boob(s On Your) Tube: Root and Shaw Are Getting Ready To Rip Each Other’s Clothes Off

There’s so much queer TV to explore about this week, including a new web series starring Brittani Nichols, another exemplary episode of Orphan Black, and Raven-Symone’s triumphant return to Black-ish as Dre’s lesbian sister. But first, we sure do need to talk about this season five Person of Interest trailer.

I cannot believe I am seeing what I am seeing. I cannot believe my eyeballs are looking at such a thing. THIS thing.

root-shaw

Long live, maintext! Come quickly, May 3rd!

Empire

Wednesdays on Fox at 9:00 p.m.

Written by Carolyn Wysinger

freda

I am in shock. Empire is on a roll! They toned down all the over-the-top antics and misplaced guest appearances and are sticking to providing good drama. I can’t believe I just said that. Although they did bring in one of their best guest appearances at the end of this episode.

This week begins all the way in St. Louis where creepy ass Thursty continues being, well, creepy and approaches a little girl in the park. I was afraid he was going to kidnap her. Instead he plucks a big chunk of hair from her head. It was commissioned by Lucious and carried out by Thursty, so it’s totally in character. The two of them together are both tacky and tasteless.

Rhonda is still staying with Anika and filling her in on what’s going on with her and Andre. He shows up at the door so they can talk about getting back together. As they are discussing getting a place together, we hear Anika in the bathroom throwing up. When they get to the bathroom and ask her what is wrong, sweet, innocent Anika doesn’t want to tell them. Not after what they have gone through. She doesn’t want to tell them, but she must! She’s pregnant and it’s Hakeem baby. What in the world will they all do? (Yes, that was in my sarcastic voice.)

Lucious is having a part for all of the big money shareholders in Empire. It’s a group Cookie aptly describes as “old white folks” that are so excited to see Lucious’ “gritty and raw” video for Boom, Boom, Boom. When that lady actually said “gritty and raw,” I almost spit up. She just as well have said, “It’s just the right amount of ghetto.” But again I can’t be mad. This is how decisions about hip-hop music are made every single day. Cookie hems Lucious up to find out if he is planning to pull something at Hakeem’s shareholder meeting because she claims she is trying to pull the family back together. She also lets him know that she found out that Frank Gathers is Freda’s father. Lucious promises that Freda is not a problem, but Cookie isn’t convinced and doesn’t want her hanging around the boys.

Which is exactly what she’s doing. Jamal is visiting her at the barbershop where she cuts hair and apparently spits random bars with Jamal. Even the tracks that Timbaland has been giving Jamal have been better since they started including Freda. As Jamal leaves the shop, another dude walks in and sits in the memorial chair they have for Frank Gathers. So disrespectful. Number one, you don’t just randomly sit in a chair in the barbershop unless you have been called for service, and this chair was a memorial for Freda’s dad. Dude ran his mouth for a minute but soon had it closed as Freda pistol-whipped him right there in the shop. If she did that for a guy sitting in her dad’s chair, what’s she going to do when she finds out Lucious had him killed?

Jamal plays his new track with Freda for Cookie and the A&R team and everyone is feeling it, except Cookie. She tries to convince Jamal that it’s not good enough to take people’s attention off of Lucious’ video. Jamal is in shock and goes to battle for his song. Cookie relents but she already has a plan in motion.

Hakeem and Jamal are meeting with the execs of the label as they prepare for the shareholders meeting. Andre joins the brothers to talk strategy with Hakeem. Among the most important pieces of information is that Lucious is going to be a problem. Hakeem doesn’t want him there but all shareholders have the right to attend. Hakeem will have to be on point with all of his numbers so that he can impress the shareholders who all view Lucious as the face of the company. While the boys are talking strategy, Thursty is playing chauffeur to a group a guys who run up on the Empire warehouse and steal all the Antony and Cleopatra designer clothes. Hakeem rushes to Lucious and confronts him about the heist but he has even bigger problems on his hands. Laura calls Hakeem to tell him that the road crew for the tour was stopped by the police and they found drugs in the truck. All of the gear for the tour was confiscated. Lucious doesn’t confirm that he had the drugs planted but you think he didn’t when you know he did?

Cookie made a deal with a Nicki Minaj lookalike name Stacy Run-Run. That’s a terrible stage name by the way. Stacy Run-Run will appear on the album as well as promote to her millions of social media followers. The only problem is that Ms. Run-Run has an exclusivity clause that says no other female rappers can be on a project with her. This is exactly how we ice ourselves out of the game. This was no accident though; Cookie is too smart for that. This is her methodical way of making Jamal boot Freda from the album.

Later that day, Hakeem and Cookie are having one last exec meeting before the shareholder meeting but there are literally no numbers to report because of Lucious’ exploits. Most importantly Hakeem keeps pouting like a baby when problems arise instead of coming up with solutions. Cookie tells him he needs to get a handle on his temper instead of exploding like a child in meetings.

Andre and Rhonda call the family to Lucious’ house so that Anika can announce her pregnancy. This time even Cookie wants Lucious to hurry up and pull out his checkbook to get rid of her. Notice how they are all quick to ask Lucious to do deceitful things for them when they need help. I guess that almost makes sense. They just wish he would stop doing deceitful stuff to his own family!

Anyway, Anika says she doesn’t want his money. The only thing she wants is for her child to have a real family. She wants the child to be treated like a real heir to Empire. Jamal insists that if there is going to be an heir that they need to find Lola. Remember Lucious has already found Lola and he tells Jamal he is not the father. Anika says she recognizes the role she played in the dysfunctional nature of the family and she wants to make amends so they can all be a family. So is she taking responsibility for pushing Rhonda down the stairs too, or nah?

Time for the shareholders meeting. Tiana got her hair all pressed out to perform her million-seller hit. Cookie introduces CEO Hakeem to the shareholders and he starts giving his speech. Meanwhile, over at Anika’s house, she walks in to find Lucious waiting for her. He offers to take care of her prenatal care and then give her ten million dollars to give the baby to Hakeem. Anika isn’t interested because she has already told him that she wants a family for the baby. He says she couldn’t want a family the way she betrayed him by sleeping with Hakeem. She is insistent that “He has made me believe in myself again.!” She knows that, “he,” means everything to Lucious. She says that after living with him for five years, she has information that the FBI might be interested to hear. Lucious isn’t worried. “Some women don’t survive child birth.”

Back at the shareholders meeting Hakeem is just wrapping up his speech before the shareholders when Lucious appears like magic. He heckles Hakeem by using the shareholders against him, eventually leading with a shareholder revolt calling for Lucious to return to Empire. Cookie finally takes over the meeting calling them both men willing to kill each other for Empire and make it successful. All the while Hakeem stands there pouting with his lip almost on the floor. Honestly, I wouldn’t want him as my CEO either with his spoiled ass. Then something I knew was coming happened. Someone yells out that what Empire needs is Cookie. I KNEW IT. I have always believed that if Cookie hadn’t gone to prison she would have been CEO from the beginning. Although the episode ends without the board appointing a new CEO. Although it ends with everyone assuming that Lucious will be reappointed to the throne. I truly believe that Cookie is the one they will appoint next week.

It’s time for Jamal to record his latest song with Stacy Run-Run but she isn’t there. Instead she sent her recorded track from Tokyo. Cookie assures Jamal that artists record in separate places all the time. This is absolutely true but Jamal isn’t feeling it. He misses the organic magic that he made with Freda and walks out of the session. He returns to Freda’s shop to beg her forgiveness and ask her back to the project. Freda says that she will think about it.

Thursty has another trick up his sleeve. He’s visiting a convalescent home where he drops a huge package of money on the nurse’s desk. The nurse asks if he wants to see Ms. W and he says no, he just wanted to make sure that everything is copacetic. Yes, Lucious’ mother is alive. Not only is she alive, but she is being played by effing Leslie Uggams! I told you Empire had a huge guest star at the end of the episode! Leslie Uggams, though?! If you don’t know Leslie Uggams, you need to take a day off of work and watch Roots! That’s Kizzie from Roots! Okay, I am done losing my shit over all that Black Girl Magic. Needless to say I can’t wait until next week’s episode!

Black-ish

Wednesdays on ABC at 8:00 p.m.

black-ish

Raven-Symone’s appearance as Dre’s lesbian sister Rhonda on last season’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was one of my favorite lesbian sitcom plots in history. Lesbian guest appearances on half-hour comedies are usually centered on male characters’ misunderstandings about/reverence for women who sleep with other women, but Black-ish rolled out a wonderful, nuanced episode about Rhonda having to super overtly come out to her family because they wouldn’t just realize she’s gay, choosing instead to believe that she lives with her “lady mechanic” with whom she shares a cat named “Kitty Lang.”

Dre and Rhonda’s mom, Ruby, finally came to terms with Rhonda being gay last season, and this week, when Rhonda and Sharon come over to Dre’s for a family dinner to talk about their wedding, Ruby wants to be prepared.

Ruby: Listen, I know lesbians like saltines, but how do they feel about a Triscuit?
Dre: Mama, what are you doing?
Ruby: I’m just trying to make the lesbians feel more comfortable when they get here. Maybe crackers are all wrong. Maybe they’re more tuna on toast people.

When they arrive, Ryby hugs Rhonda and pats Sharon gruffly and says, “I’m not going to ask which one of you drove, or if it was in a midsize sport utility vehicle — because it doesn’t matter.” And later, at dinner: “Martina Navratilova. Billie Jean King. Oh, are those lesbians? I had no idea. Ellen DeGeneres.” What gets her, though, is when she hears Rhonda calling Sharon’s mother “Mama D.” Ruby has asked Sharon to call her “Deaconess,” but softens and tells Sharon to call her, “Ms. Ruby Johnson.” (And ultimately just “Mama Johnson.”)

The episode also hints at the trouble with white feminism, but doesn’t dive in there too deeply. It’s a good half-hour of comedy, and one of the very few depictions of black lesbians on television. Even if you don’t watch the show, you should watch the episode!

Orphan Black

Thursdays on BBC America at 10:00 p.m.

All I wanted last season on Orphan Black was for the show to slow down and zoom in on the Leda clones and their relationships with each other. I mean, that’s basically all I want for any show. Character development over plot, times infinity’ a world of glacially-paced episodes like a smorgasbord of Carols. But Orphan Black wanted to do the opposite thing: zoom out as far as possible — how far and wide does this clone conspiracy even go?! — and move at the speed of lightening so no one would have a chance to think through their questions about that sci-fi science. This season, though, dearest, my dreams are coming true. After last week’s deep dive into Beth’s pre-suicidal psyche, “Transgressive Border Crossing” picks up where the core clones left off and takes a long moment to check in with all of them and their emotions, while inching the plot along like a sleepy little Glo Worm.

Speaking of which squiggly, crawly things, Sarah’s got one of those Neolution maggots in her cheek. Dyad planted it in there when they had her, I guess, which is both terrifying and disgusting. Even Ms. S, who has seen everything and done everything and always has enough gasoline on hand to burn down an entire house on a moment’s notice, is yucked out about it.

Leading up to that, we find out that Helena is posing as Alison for the free insurance and with the blessing of Donny. And she’s having twins! Wonderful! She loves sisters more than anything! Alison is struggling to be happy for Helena’s easy fertility, writing in her passion planner twenty hours a day, and perfectly at terms with the fact that she and Donny are manslaughterers (which isn’t as bad as being trained killers, okay?) Cosima is still kind of dying, trying to work out the genome sequence with Scott — their HQ is in the basement of a comic book show now — and missing Delphine like crazy. She tells S not to use “chicken” as a term of endearment for her, and next thing you know she’s sobbing into S’s chest about how sad she is that she can’t find Delphine.

The structure of “Transgressive Border Crossing” is pretty brilliant: By putting Sarah back into Beth’s space, the show continues to explore the parallels between them while flashing forward and backward seamlessly. It’s jarring watching Beth walk out of the house in the same clothes she was wearing in the pilot, the night she jumped in front of that train. And it’s down right soul-punching to juxtapose her detached, resigned embrace with M.K. in that moment with the one Cosima shares with Sarah when she arrives back home from Iceland. Beth could have made the sestrahood a reality, but she was too broken. She killed somebody that night she killed herself. And Sarah has created that Sestrahood — but the person who needed it the most (before we met Helena) is too scared to be a part of it now because she thinks what happened to Beth was all her fault.

With no sign of the Castor clones in sight and a promise from Scott that Dyad and Topside and all that are gone so we can focus on a single Big Bad in season four, I have never been more excited about this show. Also, how about that throwaway line that it’s only been SIX MONTHS, in-series time, since the pilot episode? Amazing.

Boxed In

On IFC.com right this second

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A post shared by Brittani Nichols (@bishilarious)

I haven’t had a chance to watch IFC’s new Amy Rubin-penned web series about identity yet, but I can tell you that it stars Brittani Nichols and several other very funny queer women and that I will, for absolute sure, be watching it this weekend. Why don’t you watch it too, and we can talk about it in Tuesday’s column.

Boob(s On Your) Tube: Dead Lesbians and Bisexual Psychos Dominate May Sweeps

Happy Tuesday, apple pies! I’m sorry this week’s Boob(s On Your) Tube is a day later than usual. It was quite a week in the world of queer TV. Before we get started, I ran down all the lesbian TV shows that were renewed and cancelled last week on Broadcast Network Bloodbath Day. And Riese wants you to know Orange Is the New Black has released another trailer and some new promo photos.

Now, onto the Boobs!

Jane the Virgin

Mondays on The CW at 9:00 p.m.

Lesbian mud wrestling Wednesdays. Just think about it.

Luisa is back for the penultimate episode of Jane the Virgin‘s first season for just a minute. The Michael-Jane-Rafael love triangle zigs back in Michael’s direction, and so Rafael is feeling pretty heartbroken about it. At the end of the day, he confides to Luisa (and Juicy Jordan!) that he’s still in love with Jane and only broke up with her because he was trying to be chivalrous. It’s actually a really funny sight gag, the way it happens. The scenes with Luisa are filmed like she and Rafael are having an intimate conversation, and then JJ wanders into the frame and throws down some truths because she’s been listening in the whole time. And then she makes out with his sister. JJ and Luisa tell Rafael to suck up his pride and tell Jane how he feels. He agrees that’s what he should do.

Last night was the season one finale and (SPOILER ALERT!) Sin Rostro went on a kidnapping spree!

Here’s What Happened Live in Slack:

Gabby: HEATHER THEY STOLE JANES BABY I AM SCREAMING
Heather: I KNOW IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL AND THEN WHAT THE FFFFFFFFF
I actually really did shout.
Gabby: AY ME TOO + LAURA
but so so good like what a good telenovela twist
Heather: i know! i shouted and jumped up, and then i laughed and laughed. seals the deal on being tied with empire for my favorite new show of the season!
Gabby: yes totally like 100% ok i feel better now. you calmed my spirit.
Heather: i am so glad you had an all caps reaction! i felt unhinged for a minute!
Gabby: heather what the fuck!! (this is laura)
Heather: laura, hey!
Gabby: what if sin rostro is foxier than before?
Heather: how could that even be possible?!
Gabby: why does she want a baby?
Heather: ransom!

Look, if you didn’t watch this show in real-time, catch up over the summer, okay? Trust me and Gabby and Laura on this.

Arrow

Wednesdays on The CW at 8:00 p.m.

Here comes the bullshit!

Remember last week when I told you about how Ra’s al Ghul decided to marry off his lesbian daughter, Nyssa, to the show’s hero, Oliver? Well, that is exactly what happens.

Early in the episode, Oliver is forced to break character and start revealing to people that he’s not brainwashed because his entire team gets captured and shackled and stashed away in Nanda Parbat, so he needs to assure everyone that he’s going to take care of everything and free them. Luckily, his sidekicks are all really good at being heroes, so they’re able to scheme and plot and fight for themselves. All of them except Nyssa, whose agency is completely stripped from her by both the writers and her dad. Ra’s does insist on the marriage between Oliver and her, which: fine. Totally believable al Ghul bullshit. And it’s not like Nyssa is going to fall in love with him. (She better not f*cking fall in love with him.) But unlike the other characters in the episode, she is completely impotent in fighting back against the League of Assassins, even though she grew up in the building where they’re all being held and has known the weaknesses of these baddies her whole entire life.

I hope she kills the hell out of Ra’s in the finale.

Younger

Tuesdays on TVLand at 10:00 p.m.

I don’t care if unicycles are the preferred method of Williamsburg transportation. I’m getting an Uber.

Younger is light on Maggie this week. She hangs out with Liza and Kelsey in a Brooklyn pub to watch Liza’s boyfriend play a washboard in his band. And then Maggie shows up later to give her blessing to Liza’s plan to raise $1,800 for her daughter’s tuition by selling her used panties on Craigslist. Maggie says she’s been around the block of the panty-trading world, and they don’t call the box seats at Lilith Fair “box seats” for nothin’. Mostly the episode focused on Liza’s relationship with Josh and how he’s getting suspicious that she keeps sneaking around and taking weird phone calls in the mornings and the middle of the night. She comes clean and says it’s because of her panty-selling business, and that’s true. But also: She has an ex-husband in New Jersey, and a daughter in college in India. She does’t reveal that, though, because it’s only season one.

Newlyweds: The First Year

Tuesdays on Bravo at 10:00 p.m.

511-boobs-newlyweds

Sam and Laura went back to the baby doctor this week, I think because Bravo is absolutely obsessed with making sure there are some common themes between all these couples. But the main event was a reading Laura did where she talked about how she spent two years without an ear and how it affected her self-esteem and physical health. Here’s a clip from the episode.

And BuzzFeed published the whole piece. It’s really good. Sam and Laura’s mom were so sweet and supportive when she was reading it. It warmed my heart.

Gotham

Monday on NBC at 9:00 p.m.

Do you want a slice of strawberry rhubarb pie?

There is no love left in my heart for Gotham. None at all. After completely abandoning Renee Montoya in the middle of year, the show closes out its freshman season by turning Barbara Kean into a Bisexual Psychopath. On the outside, it appears that Barbara has unwittingly fallen into a relationship with The Ogre, who brainwashes her into requesting that he kill her parents — but in an eye-rolling twist of the cliched trope knife, it turns out Barbara is the one who killed her parents. She confesses this to Jim’s new girlfriend while pulling a cleaver on her and trying to stab her to death. The episode ends with Babs getting conked on the head and presumably checked into Arkham Asylum.

You will never convince me that the loss of Renee Montoya, the only queer character of color in Marvel or DC’s cinematic universes, and the sociopathic spiral of Barbara isn’t direct capitulation to straight white fanboy culture. The outcry when Barbara and Renee got together — when the bisexual woman chose a Latina lesbian over fanboy Mary Sue/future Commissioner Gordon — was swift and ferocious and supremely gross. Of all the things I’ve written about in my seven years of professional blogging, I have never experienced the kind of hate that was hurled my way for being vocally supportive of Renee.

So yeah, Gotham, I’m done with you unless you answer my anger with The Question. And in a major way.

Bold and the Beautiful

Weekdays on CBS

Have I unwittingly time-traveled to 50 years ago or what?

Welp, I am absolutely done writing about Bold and the Beautiful‘s trans storyline. This is the last week I’m going to watch it or talk about it because CBS doesn’t deserve the ratings of even one person. These writers have had plenty of time to understand how harmful and hurtful their writing is to the trans community, but they haven’t changed their course or tone even a little bit. On Friday, the show opened with this scene.

Maya: I will tell Rick when I’m ready.
Brooke: You will tell him today.
Maya: Yes. If Rick proposes, I will tell him today.
Brooke: This has gone on long enough. Rick needs to know the truth. He deserves to know who he’s proposing to. That Maya used to be … Myron.

Later on, Maya’s sister outs Maya to one of her co-workers like this: “Her real name is Myron. She’s transgender. She’s my brother, not my sister.” And so that co-worker says it’s time to get the PR machine going because “A scandal like this, you can’t even imagine.”

These are the same problems I wrote about on week one of this storyline: Using Maya’s birth name is an act of violence. Repeatedly referring to her as Nicole’s brother is an act of violence. Perpetuating the very false stereotype that trans women are conniving and duplicitous with their romantic partners is an act of violence. Treating the fact of a trans person coming out as scandalous is an act of violence. Even the coverage of this storyline on the soap blogs is horrible. They’re referring to Maya in headlines as “Myron” now. Black trans women suffer more violence than anyone in the queer community, and this kind of storytelling is reckless and destructive. I feel like I’m contributing to the problem by watching it and writing about it, so I’m going to stop.

Grey’s Anatomy

Thursdays on ABC at 8:00 p.m.

Do you think she could get me an autographed copy of Lez Girls?

Due to a death in her family, Jenn was unable to recap last week’s Grey’s Anatomy. There is nothing gay to report about the episode. Callie and Arizona are in it for a couple of minutes each, mostly just doing the kind of doctor things you do when a tunnel collapses during a morning commute. However, Heather Matarazzo plays a pregnant patient whose soon-to-be husband is trapped under the rubble. It’s a rough hour for her. She arrives yelling about how someone needs to dig out her boyfriend so they can get married, nearly loses her baby, doesn’t lose her baby, overhears some stupid new asshole interns talking about her soon-to-be-husband being trapped under his car under the tunnel with no feasible extraction plan to keep him alive, has a panic attack, gets paralyzed when one of the stupid new asshole interns takes off her neck brace because she can’t breathe (because they caused her to have a panic attack!), gets un-paralyzed, and goes into labor. Also her boyfriend is maybe saved. That part isn’t clear.

I’m talking about this for three reasons: 1) Heather Matarazzo is a lesbian lady, who 2) also played Stacy Merkin on The L Word, which means 3) I have a reason to link to this clip.

Law & Order: SVU

Wednesdays on NBC at 9:00 p.m.

Yes, hello, Olivia Benson and I are here to get married.

Samira Wiley guest starred on last week’s Law & Order: Special Victims Unit as a woman named Michelle who came forward after 17 years to disavow the testimony she gave that sent her father to prison for rape and incest. The episode is based on the true story of Chaneya Kelly. It is heavy and moving and terrible and wonderful, and Samira just crushes it from every angle. You should watch. You’re going to cry.

The Good Wife

Sundays on CBS at 9:00 p.m.

What CGI?

Just a couple of years ago Kalinda Sharma was one of the most exciting, nuanced queer women on broadcast television. This week, she left The Good Wife forever, after several seasons of poorly written, out-of-character storylines that frankly derailed the entire show. No one knows what went on behind the scenes, but the heart of The Good Wife‘s first two seasons was the relationship between Kalinda and Alicia. Archie Panjabi and Julianna Margulies didn’t share the screen together in the last 56 episodes of the show. It’s obviously something that bothered Panjabi a whole lot, if only because cutting off her character’s access to the main protagonist severely limited the scope and range of Kalinda’s storylines.

Entertainment Weekly flat out asked her why Kalinda and Alicia stopped interacting, and she said, “I think that’s a question you need to ask the producers.” And when they asked her if she was happy with the way Kalinda was written off the show, she said, “Honestly speaking, I would’ve liked something that would have featured Kalinda a little more, but they have restrictions and I respect that. They did do a degree of justice to her in the last episode.”

The producers promised one last scene between Alicia and Kalinda before it was all said and done, and they gave us one — kind of. I had joked that Panjabi and Margulies would film their interaction with CGI trickery, but after watching the finale, I think that’s exactly what happened. And I’m not the only one. As soon as I finished the episode, I went on a Twitter dig to see if anyone else thought Kalinda and Alicia’s final scene was a split screen. Vox did. And Indiewire too. Like what is Alicia even looking at the whole time?

Panjabi is right that Kalinda did have a small triumph in her final exit, in the sense that she rejected a powerful alliance and left on her own terms, all sunglasses and swagger. I wish I could say I’ll miss her, but the writers and producers have watered her down so much, she’s unrecognizable. She was never going to rebound from that. I’m just glad Panjabi has already signed on to headline a new show where she can showcase her considerable talents.

Supernatural

Wednesdays on The CW at 9:00 p.m.

Rest with Tara, nerdy angel.

So. Women in Refrigerators. You know it, right? That superhero trope where a woman gets beaten, raped, mutilated, murdered, whatever to advance the plot of a male hero through the power of manpain? That’s exactly what Supernatural did to Charlie last week.

Sam ropes Charlie into helping him crack a codex that will hopefully rid Dean of the Mark of Cain. She bounces from Dean and Sam’s high security HQ to work out the codex in a seedy motel, and at the end of the episode, Sam and Dean find her murdered in a bathtub. And that’s it. A beloved fan favorite. One of the only women on the entire show. ~~Definitely the only queer woman in the show’s history~~. (Rachel just reminded me there was another queer woman in the early seasons of this show … who also died.) No build-up, no scuffle, not even a death scene. Just a lifeless body in a bloody bathtub like a comic book from 1964.

And here’s what’s nuts: At a panel last week, executive producer Robbie Thompson said he begged the CW not to make them kill of Charlie. He said he texted, emailed, called, tried to set up in-person meetings, but to no avail. And another executive producer, Jim Michaels, said the same thing at a con in London. The decision to fridge Charlie came from the top.

This on the same week as Nyssa marrying Oliver. Keepin’ it classy, CW!

Weird Loners

Cancelled on Fox

Let’s get back together tonight and spend the next six months re-breaking up.

Fox pulled the plug on Weird Loners last week, but at least they aired the final episode of the six-ep first season, because in it, the gang spent a whole lot of time at Truck Stop and Zara revealed that she’s bisexual. It’s a cute episode even though the premise is kind of Kissing Jessica Stein-y. Zara’s ex-girlfriend is also bisexual, and so both Stosh and Caryn (who has decided to be gay because she’s not having luck dating men) go after her. It doesn’t work out for either of them. Stosh because he’s a narcissistic asshole. And Caryn because she’s straight. But, in true Truck Stop fashion, it is Zara who ends up making out with her ex at the end of the episode. No one is heartbroken and ladies kiss and everyone wins.

In the B-story, Eric is mistaken for a gay woman, and accidentally joins the Truck Stop’s lesbian dart league. I thought about being offended by it, but it was pretty funny.

Black-ish

Wednesdays on ABC at 9:30 p.m.

My mechanic and I have to go home to the one-bedroom apartment we share now, bye.

Raven-Symone guest starred as Dre’s lesbian sister on last week’s Black-ish, and Gabby has some thoughts on how the episode landed with her as a queer person of color.

I don’t make it a point to watch Black-ish; it’s funny as hell but I can’t get over Dre’s self-centeredness. It’s this ever-present thing that just makes me roll my eyes like is this what it’s really like to deal with men? Every sitcom dude suffers from the same myopia.

But, I’m really here to talk about Raven-Symone as his sister Rhonda and how this episode focused on her in the closet but still under the hood lesbianism. Dre explains how his family has a very polite don’t ask, don’t tell policy and the point is portrayed in a bunch of super funny running gags, like how his oldest son, Dre Jr., has absolutely no gaydar. Like had no idea Aunt Rhonda, Raven-Symone, is a lesbian even though she lives with her “mechanic roommate” in a one-bedroom and they have a cat name Kitty Lange. Drum roll snare.

I can’t speak about any family other than my own but let’s just say that these jokes really hit home. In my family, the abuelas and titis have refered to my girlfriends as mis amigas aka my friends. Always friends. Never novia which is girlfriend or esposa which is wife. It’s always la amiga de *insert your name here*. And it’s not like they don’t know what’s really good between me and whoever, it’s just easier to politely say friend so you don’t have to say dyke. So I really felt that joke on this show.

Also, twenty-three minutes isn’t enough time to tackle anything too in-depth but I appreciated how they covered Biblical condemnation and gay marriage in that amount of time. My family’s Christian too and my mom definitely had her struggles with scripture that considered my budding gayness an abomination. She didn’t flip the switch into loving and accepting me in twenty-three minutes but through communication and lots of tears/hugs, things definitely evolved. Despite Dre’s fixation on himself as the savior of all things, Rhonda and her Mom found their way to each other and made peace and wedding plans.

Maybe the portrayal of a Black mom coming to terms with their child’s sexuality on Black-ish wasn’t as nuanced as Kim Wayans excellent performance as the mother in Pariah but damn, Black-ish did its best. For what it is – a sitcom- and its time limitations, the episode and its stereotypes flowed with the vibe of the show and dealt with issues that have historically plagued many ethnic communities.

So I’m with it. This entire episode is worth a watch.

Black-ish has been renewed for a second season with a promise of more Raven!

Whew! That’s a lot! Let’s talk about your thoughts/feelings on the week in queer TV.

“One Big Happy” Gets Axed, Ilene Chaiken Gets Crowned: How Lesbian TV Fared This Renewal Season

It is the best of times and the worst of times, a season of sweet relief and a season of crushing blows, it is TV renewal season and it has been quite a day. (It’s also May Sweeps, so really it’s been quite a week. Charlie, the lesbian character on Supernatural, was murdered; and Nyssa, the lesbian character on Arrow, was married off to a man.) We spend a lot of time talking about how we’re striding into this golden age of queer representation on television, and while it’s true that we’ve made astronomical progress in the last ten years, it’s important to remember that queer women are still wildly underrepresented on TV, and so every tiny scrap of representation matters. (See above, re: May Sweeps.)

Let’s run down the good, the bad, the unknown, and the whatever of this renewal season.

The Good

thegood

+ Y’all, Ilene Chaiken inked a two-year seven-figure deal with 20th Century Fox. She will continue to showrun Empire and she’ll also work to develop new projects. One boss over at 20th said, “Ilene is about as gifted a showrunner as there is in this business.” She’s always going to be the murderer of Dana Fairbanks and Other West Hollywood Horrors to me, but also there has never been a show like Empire, and I mean that in terms of race and sexuality and also, I mean, any person who is responsible for bringing more Cookie Lyon into my life is a kind of hero.

+ ORPHAN BLACK IS BACK FOR SEASON FOUR.

+ Black-ish, which featured Raven-Symone as a lesbian character last week — a thing we’ll talk about in Boob(s On Your) Tube on Monday — has been picked up for a second season.

+ Fresh Off the Boat, another show centered around people of color that gave us a really stellar gay-themed episode this year, has also been renewed for season two.

+ You know Grey’s Anatomy is back for a 12th season, nbd. ABC has renewed it through infinity.

+ The 100 is coming back for season three, so Clarke and Lexa can figure out what the heck is going on between them.

+ Jane the Virgin will for absolutely sure return for a second season, which is super amazing news, and not just because it features Luisa, a lesbian woman of color whose new girlfriend is a professional wrestler named Juicy Jordan. It’s also a show full of kickass feminism and so many women interacting with each other about so many amazing things all the time. It’s my absolute favorite show of 2015.

+ No one knows if this summer’s Rookie Blue is season 6 or season 5B, but whichever one it is, it’s back! Gail and Holly, hurrah! (Same for Under the Dome; it’ll be back this summer with its widowed lesbian mama.)

+ These awesome female-led shows that don’t feature queer female characters (yet) have also been renewed: How to Get Away With Murder, Agent Carter, Madame Secretary, and Scandal. (Thank you for being a friend, ABC.)

The Bad

thebad

+ NBC pulled the plug on One Big Happy after a shaky, but promising six-episode first season. Here’s hoping the Peacock understands that it wasn’t the lesbian lead that caused the show’s ratings troubles. And here’s hoping Liz Feldman enjoys all the success in the world in the future. She deserves it.

+ NBC also killed Marry Me, which featured “soft butch flannel queen” Kay, one of my favorite new lesbian characters of the 2014-2105 TV season, and one of the very few black lesbian characters on broadcast TV.

+ ABC passed on the Fortune Feimster/Tina Fey tag-team, Family Fortune, which would have been a multi-camera sitcom (co-starring Annie Potts!) about Fortune coming out to her family. I’m really bummed about this one not making it.

+ Fox cancelled The Mindy Project, Riese’s favorite comedy and the show that gave us a new lesbian character of color named Dr. Jean and Julie Goldman and Laverne Cox on our screens this year. But! There’s a very real chance Hulu is going to pick it up.

+ We also lost supporting queer characters on Parenthood, Heart of Dixie, and Red Band Society, none of which got renewed. Parenthood got a proper send off, at least.

The Unknown

+ One of the characters on Weird Loners came out as bi this week (which, again: we’ll talk about in Boobs Tube!), but Fox still hasn’t announced if the show will get a second season.

+ Person of Interest hasn’t yet been renewed for a fifth season and it needs to be because if I don’t get to see Root and Shaw make out some more I am going to LOSE MY MIND.

The Whatever

GIVE HER BACK!

+ Supernatural is coming back for season 11, but hey guess what? They killed Charlie the lesbian this week, so until they resurrect her, I don’t care.

+ The CW has given Arrow a fourth season, which I want to be excited about because Nyssa al Ghul is a lesbian woman of color who also is a badass motherfucker, but the show killed off bisexual superhero Sara Lance earlier this season and married Nyssa off to Oliver last week, so.

+ Gotham completely forgot Renee Montoya exists and played the Bisexual Psycho trope all over the finale with Barbara Kean, so until I hear about some serious progress on those two fronts, that show is dead to me.

+ The Good Wife is coming back but they messed up to bad with Kalinda in the end and now she’s gone and so I don’t care about it.

That’s all I know for now. I’ll update the unknowns as soon as they’re known.

Your Primer on TV Upfronts 2014: A Mixed Bag

A few years ago, I had no idea what upfronts were. Now the days when they’re released are amongst my favorite of the year. I loooooove television. Love it. So there’s nothing that bums me out more than seeing a bunch of shows that have no appeal or look embarrassingly stupid. Then there are the shows that you’ve been looking forward to since you heard about the pilot however long ago. And then there are the shows that you know you will love and you know you will be one of the few and you will either suffer a blow six episodes in when the network unceremoniously cancels it or be on pins and needles for 3-6 seasons hoping and praying your show will live another day.

I’m in the key demo right now and I don’t wanna waste these precious years by not watching TV or not having strong opinions. I know upfronts are only a few minutes and I could be completely wrong and come around on a show later or hate something I expected to love. But I doubt it. Here are the shows I felt worth commenting on.

NBC

A to Z

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FKlRDYy_7o
What a piece of shit. I am so bored and this is so straight and who will care about this show other than twelve year olds that probably shouldn’t be watching it. No thank you.

State of Affairs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlPJVmeA3t8
I’ve already dubbed this show White Scandal. Is this Katherine Heigl’s triumphant (??) return to television? I have no choice but watch a show with a black woman as president especially when it’s everyone black person’s fake grandmother, Alfre Woodard.

Constantine

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPE2oBnzROY
It is my belief that Constantine will have learned from the Marvel Agents of Shield and American Horror Stories of the world to come up with something good. I love the idea of serialized semi-horror and comic book (“Hellblazer”) adaptions are obviously extremely popular right now.

Bad Judge

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lF3vxmJsDIk
I am so glad to see Kate Walsh in a comedy. I don’t know that people think of her as a funny person but I certainly do and have felt that she has so much more to offer the world than being a horny lady doctor or whatever her deal was on Grey’s/Private Practice.

Marry Me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyIuHEfNmYM
The way some people feel about Community is how I felt about Happy Endings so when I found out David Caspe sold another show and that the star of said show would be Casey Wilson I was much excite. Then I found out Ken Marino from the (backhanded compliment genre of) cult comedy hit Party Down was in it and my hopes went through the roof. I doubt this show will be quite the delight Happy Endings was but we can pray.

ABC

How to Get Away with Murder

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbSl-SPyHtg
Shonda Rhimes’ new show stars Viola Davis. What else is there to say. Shonda Rhimes owns a night of television. You’re going to watch this show at least once because you won’t have a choice.

Galavant

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPNVhGbw_Sg
Man, what.

Black-ish

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNqqjDv6_dU
I am in. I am all in. I do not care about the think pieces to come. I do not care about the policing white people will do. I do not care about the microscope this show will be put under. Sign me the fuck up.

Cristela

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gX1GBEJ-2aQ
I have zero confidence I will like this show but I am glad it exists because it means corny multicams aren’t just for white people anymore. If you like 2 Broke Girls then you will probably be into it.

Fresh Off the Boat

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOutgc-GG6g
I am ready to love this show solely based on the woman that plays the mother (Constance Yu). I laughed out loud at her three times during this trailer so even if she is the only viable part of the show, it’ll probably be enough for me.

Selfie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5-9qDF36I4
Who let this happen.

Fox

Wayward Pines

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2z-b3Nw6Znw
Why are so many dope people in this show? Why do these people live in this creepy town? Why will I watch this show when I know the whole point is to drag out answering any of my questions for as long as possible? Is this the new Lost? (Will I ever watch Lost?) ((No.))

Gracepoint

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9IWvbbZPZc
Oof. For the most part I avoid shows focused on murder(s) because they are sad and slow moving but something about this one drew me in so if you’re going to go with one of the many many shows about bad things happening to people, try this one.

Hieroglyph

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JC2Nn0lPmfc
Two women kiss so I thought it my duty to include this.

Mulaney

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3P19ICEYfI
John Mulaney is a goddamn joy and a genius and I will watch his multi-cam and I will try to like it even though the non-stand up part of this did nothing for me.

The Last Man on Earth

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_xNvdptsXY
Well this seems aggressively self-indulgent.