A Playlist to End The Longest Black History Month EVER. Let’s Party.

There’s been versions of this joke circling around on Twitter. I don’t know if you’ve seen it, but there are a lot of folks who are prepared to call 2019 The WORST Black History Month Ever.

I mean the last 28 days alone have seen: luxury designer brands like Gucci, Prada, and Burberry thinking it’s OK to design sweaters that look resemble blackface and send nooses down their runway (what??); the Virginia Governor’s past forays into actual literal blackface (oh and his wife, the First Lady of Virginia? She gave out cotton to African American students during a tour of the Governor’s Mansion) (HOW?); there was that one time when Liam Neeson thought about killing a black guy; and – whatever my personal feelings on the matter – I literally cannot say another word about Jussie Smollett even if I tried. Oh and this is comparatively small, but then Green Book won Best Picture at the Academy Awards! Spike Lee almost walked out of the ceremony. I have never felt more in tune with his spirit.

There’s been a petition to just pack up this February all together and move this year’s Black History Month celebrations to July. I’m sure you can understand why.

That’s not to say it was all bad. There was some good in there, too: Ruth E. Carter and Hannah Beachler broke records by becoming the first black women to win in their respective Oscar categories (Costume Design and Production Design) – they also became only two out of three black women to EVER win outside of an acting category. And they did it within 10 minutes of each other! Regina King? Now also an Oscar winner. And perhaps you heard the good news but it looks like R. Kelly may spend the next 70+ years in jail for his decades of statutory rape and molestation of black girls. 🙏🏾

I’m really proud of all our Black History Month work at Autostraddle this month. We questioned the rumors of Josephine Baker and Frida Kahlo’s love affair. We highlighted black femmes who are often forgotten. We learned more about the closeted black lesbian political great Barbara Jordan. We re-imagined ourselves in classic films and in cosplay. Sometimes it felt like the world was imploding around us, but we dug our heels in deep. We celebrated each other, our queer and trans siblings, and those who came before. It’s a journey that I’ve been humbled to walk.

But now, I AM TIRED – and I bet a lot of y’all are too. I’m ready to kiss the last hours of the longest 28 days on record away with a fucking party!

I’ve been listening to this list nonstop for 24 hours. I promise it’s full of cross-generational bangers. Hope you enjoy. Remember – celebrating blackness doesn’t end in February. Take this list with you year-round. I believe in being 365 BLACK at all times. Stay black. Stay beautiful. Stay proud. ✊🏾😘

THE PLAYLIST

If you have Apple Music instead of Spotify, no worries I have you covered.

THE TRACK LIST

1. Jamilah Woods — “Blk Girl Soilder”
2. Labelle – “Lady Marmalade”
3. Betty Davis – “They Say I’m Different”
4. Jill Scott and the Roots – “You Got Me” (LIVE)
5. Vickie Anderson — “Message from the Soul Sisters”
6. Queen Latifah feat. Monie Love — “Ladies First”
7. Janelle Monáe – “Django Jane”
8. The Internet – “Gabby”
9. Mary J Blige – “My Life”
10. Whitney Houston – “You Give Good Love”
11. Anita Baker – “Giving You The Best that I Got”
12. Prince – “The Beautiful Ones”
13. Lauryn Hill – “Everything is Everything”
14. Meshell Ndegeocello – “Fool of Me”
15. Tracy Chapman – “Fast Car”
16. Kehlani – “Honey”
17. Stevie Wonder – “As”
18. Notorious BIG – “Juicy”
19. Lil’ Kim, Da Brat, Angie Martinez, Lisa Left Eye Lopes, Missy Elliott – “Not Tonight (Ladies Night remix)”
20. Donna Summer – “Hot Stuff”
21. Tina Turner — “What’s Love Got To Do With It”
22. Aretha Franklin – “Rolling in the Deep” (YOU WANT TO HEAR THIS ONE)
23. TLC – “What About Your Friends”
24. Diana Ross – “I’m Coming Out”
25. Patti LaBelle – “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” (LIVE)
26. Chaka Khan — “Sweet Thing” (LIVE)
27. Roberta Flack — “Killing Me Softly”
28. The Fugees — “Killing Me Softly” (Yes, you must listen to them back-to-back. I don’t make the rules of blackness. Thank you.)
29. Missy Elliott — “Work It”
30. Minnie Riperton — “Lovin’ You”
31. Solange – “F.U.B.U.”
32. The Carters – Black Effect
33. Kendrick Lamar – “Alright”
34. Donny Hathaway – “Someday We’ll All Be Free”
35. Big Freedia feat Lizzo – “Karaoke”

* BONUS TRACK, because Queen Bey don’t believe in nobody’s Spotify: Beyoncé — “Freedom” (“Lift Every Voice” Remix from Coachella ’18)  *

Proudly Black, Fat, Queer and Making a Home for Myself in Cosplay

I often tell people that I have the geekiest love story ever told. I pretend to be embarrassed by it but, in reality, I think it’s pretty frickin’ adorable — don’t tell my partner, though, cuz I’ll never hear the end of it. The two of us met writing fanfiction back in 2001, a time where sex scenes were labeled as lemons and our favorite Gundam pilots were labeled by numbers instead of character names. In 2002, we met in person at Anime Central, me decked out in Gundam Wing merch and her rocking a hand-sewn outfit to become one of her favorite anime characters.

She’d go on to explain the concept of cosplay to me, and unbeknownst to the both of us, it would become a big part of our lives together.

I remember feeling completely relaxed around her. More importantly, I remember feeling at ease as we held hands and walked the convention halls together. I never had a moment where I worried about someone starting some homophobic nonsense just because some folks feel the need to clutch their grandmother’s pearls when they encounter two ladies in love.

For three days, at the Hyatt Regency in Rosemont, Illinois, I felt like I could be myself.

This is why I’m so protective of the geek community. It’s a space that embraced me as I was taking baby steps out of the closet. I saw folks using LGBTQ+ flags as capes and others who cosplayed, drew, and wrote queerness into the fandoms that I loved. Honestly, it was probably one of the best places to explore my sexuality and go from assumed straightness, to assumed lesbianism, to most definite bisexuality.

But with my love comes a critical eye.

At 18, I clung to any bit of reassurance I could find. At 35? I’m more cautious about who I let into my circle. My acceptance is valuable. I’ve learned that it’s something that folks need to earn versus me trying to fit into someone else’s box.

If I had to pinpoint when my new way of thinking started to brew, I’d say it was back in 2013. Originally I’d thought I had to find a character who looked exactly like me in order to partake in cosplay. Spoiler: you’d be hard pressed to find many fat, black women in the media — let alone in geekdom. But by 2013 I’d been cosplaying on and off since 2004. My partner had become my seamstress. We’d go to two or three conventions a year. We would usually wear one costume, on Saturday, and be content with that.

One day, I’d gotten some pretty nasty comments about my cosplay. I’d love to say that it was a dark and stormy night to build suspense, but women who look like me deal with discrimination even on the brightest of Tuesdays. The comments ranged from whale comparisons to suggesting that I indulge in crispily fried birds — chicken, to be exact. In all honesty, it was the type of playground level commentary you’d expect from someone who could hide behind a Tumblr username.

Long story short: I didn’t take that shit lying down. I ended up gaining an online following over the very thing I was being made fun of for: being a fat, black, queer woman.

I spent the next couple of years upgrading my status as — gasp, a SJW — branding myself as a slayer of Internet nonsense because, seriously, what even IS a lesbian bed death? (Disclaimer: I know what it is, I just had to look it up.) My cosplay evolved from having my partner make exact replicas of character outfits to designing looks I was comfortable in. Styles she’d make that represented the character and me as a person. I could show my love for a character with my fat, black body, because at the end of the day, I was the only person who could cosplay a character my way. My conventions expanded from two a year to damn near two a month, and I’d rock a different look every day instead of just once.

Along the way, I’d continue to try my best to inspire those who knew me online or from cons to love themselves despite what random Twitter-User-With-Two-Bot-Followers said to them. I became more vocal about the issues that were important to me, namely, the interlocked oppressions and struggles of fat folks, black folks, queer folks — in an always necessary word: intersectionality.

Which brings me back to that critical eye.

I didn’t want to comment on it at first, because I didn’t want folks to think I was ungrateful for their support. These were people who had been there for me from the beginning of my fandom journey. They cheered for me as I dealt with a whole host of commenters who felt more like those random monster encounters in RPGs. We had history together. There was this fear that lingered in the back of my mind that people would think I didn’t appreciate them. But I realized that some were forgetting the and in my character bio. I’m black and queer and fat and a woman. There were those who were separating each of those labels.

Sure, some people were all smiles and you’re such an inspiration when I told off some jerk online who criticized my weight, but those same folks were suddenly uneasy when I brought up race. Even positive, uplifting hashtags like #28DaysOfBlackCosplay were met with, “Um, excuse me, I’m curious about what you’d think if I started 28 Days of WHITE Cosplay.”

I’m exaggerating. It was definitely less civil than that.

If you’re unfamiliar with the hashtag, #28DaysofBlackCosplay was created in order to shine a light on black cosplayers, a group who’s prone to discrimination and/or being treated like some rare trading card because wow I didn’t know black people were into that! Chaka Cumberbatch-Tinsley’s digital movement is celebrating it’s 5^th anniversary this year and addresses a serious issue of exclusion within the geek community while giving black cosplayers visibility and a sense of community. But, as is often the case with anything with the word black in the title — folks took offense, even if they’d had my back before, even if there’s nothing negative about the hashtag.

This happened from all angles, too. I’d get virtual hugs about women’s issues, but head-scratching over whether or not the characters in my book had to be queer — “NOT THAT I HAVE ISSUES WITH GAY PEOPLE REPRESENTATION MATTERS I JUST THINK INSERTING AN ALL MIGHT SIZED FIST IN MY MOUTH IS A GOOD LIFE CHOICE.”

Sorry not sorry for the My Hero Academia reference.

The worst (and most awkward) case scenario? Having a clash of the identities when one was propped up over or against another. “Black people should protest peacefully, like queer people” is a thing I’ve heard people say with their whole entire chest. I’d kindly point out how Stonewall was, in fact, a riot, and that they were asking a black queer woman to separate her identities because one was, supposedly, better than the other.

As the eldest Brady Bunch daughter once said: “Sure Jan.”

The whole enterprise was awkward, infuriating, and exhausting. I could wear my giant Rainbow Brite ballgown to Pride and get all the love, then have a white woman badmouth Black Lives Matter to my face. Yes. This happened. Truth be told the ability to simultaneously compliment and insult is quite common in identity division. We convince ourselves — hey, at least she liked my giant, ruffled rainbows, right? At least she was at Pride and here for the LGBTQ+ community, right?

But is it really support if my and is purposely being ignored? Insulted?

People don’t realize how damaging it is to only acknowledge a part of someone instead of their entire being, especially if you’re gonna badmouth one aspect of a person’s identity, but praise, support, or comfort the other. I don’t expect an immediate understanding of my fat, black, queer experience, but I would — at the very least — want some compassion.

I still adore the geek community. I always look forward to going to conventions, playing elaborate games of dress up, reuniting with friends, and meeting new people. I don’t think I’d be as open as I am if I hadn’t found this space with its black celebratory hashtags, it’s rise of queer-friendly merch in artist allies, and its cosplay is for everyone mantras. That doesn’t mean the community is without its flaws.

It’s OK to question the things you love. It’s OK to point out the problems and ask for folks to do better by you. It doesn’t mean you love it any less, it just means that you know that you deserve better.

The Black Lesbian Movie Project

Hey, hello, what’s up!

As we know, I’m a huge fan of black culture. I also think that almost anything can be made better if it were gayer, so Autostraddle (bless their hearts) is giving me the chance to be the change that I want to see in the world. Allow me to butch up our favorite black movies, thereby even making them even MORE fantastic than they already are!

Coming to America

Original Stars: Eddie Murphy, Arsenio Hall
Original Plot: Eddie Murphy stars as the Prince of Zamunda, who convinces his father, James Earl Jones, to allow him to leave home for the first time to look for his true love.

Now, Let’s Make it Gay: Lena Waithe, Tessa Thompson, Gina Yashere

THIS IS PRIME LESBIAN MATERIAL. I mean, everything is if you try hard enough, but imagine it: Lena Waithe – faced with the possibility of an unwanted arranged royal marriage in Zamunda – leaves her black ass country to come to black ass QUEENS, NEW YORK with her black ass best friend, Gina Yashere, to look for and fall in love with her black ass QUEEN, Tessa Thompson!

Bonus: John Amos, returning in his 1980s role as the love interest’s father, still suddenly turns nice and tries to kiss up once he finds out Lena is royalty, but James Earl Jones pulls a Mufasa on his ass and scares the shit out of him once he finds out John Amos DARED to treat his daughter as if she wasn’t good enough for Tessa Thompson. Because you see in Zamunda, where they are lightyears ahead of us, gay is not just good – that shit is fucking stellar!

Eve’s Bayou

Original Stars: June Smollett-Bell, Lynn Whitfield, Samuel L. Jackson
Original Plot: Eve Batiste (Jurnee Smollett-Bell) is a young girl living in 1960s Louisiana when she finds out terrible secrets that can tear her family apart. Samuel L. Jackson plays the cheating husband, Louis. Lynn Whitfield is Roz, his wife, a black woman who has put up with a man’s bullshit for way too long. As Eve takes matters into her own hands, she learns that messing with spiritual magic affects more than just the one you cast your spell at.

Now, Let’s Make It Gay: Viola Davis

I AM HERE TO REPAIR ROZ BATISTE’S HEART AND I AM WILLING TO IMPOSE EVERY KIND OF MAGIC TO DO IT. Samuel L. Jackson is cheating on my girl and the whole Louisiana bayou knows it! I will not stand for it! So, when Roz and her sister-in-law Mozelle (Debbie Morgan) go out to the market and agree to get their fortunes told by a very-in-touch-with-her-easily-scares-children-side Voudou Priestess Diahann Caroll, imagine Roz’s surprise when Lady Diahann tells her that she’ll run into an answer that will solve all her problems later that very same day.

Who does my homie run into? NONE OTHER THAN VIOLA DAVIS, who smiles at Roz as they reach for the same vegetable. Roz is instantly smitten.

Friday

Original Stars: Ice Cube, Chris Tucker, Nia Long
Original Plot: Ice Cube and Chris Tucker are best friends who are hanging out and getting high on a Friday. After losing his job, Craig (Ice Cube) spends the day sitting on his porch with Smokey (Tucker). They’re trying to figure out what to do with the rest of their day, when trouble comes along and decides for them.

Now, Let’s Make It Gay: Starring ME!

I’m not going to tell you that I pitched this post solely so all my favorite movies could have black lesbian leads and sidekicks.That is not why this came about at all. But, in this very movie, I will be the star because in my heart of hearts I believe that in some form of SOME UNIVERSE I’m destined to be with Nia Long.

You’ll see me in this movie shooting the shit with Smokey while we’re sitting on my porch, trying to figure out how not to get my shit wrecked by Big Worm and Deebo, and finally standing up to the neighborhood bullies instead of running away because HOW DARE DEEBO PUT HIS HANDS ON DEBBIE. Oh, and in the end? I get the girl.

Soul Food

Original Stars: Irma P. Hall, Vivica A. Fox, Vanessa Williams, Nia Long
Original Plot: Every Sunday, a black family gets together for family dinner. The three sisters: Teri (Vanessa Williams), Maxine (Vivica A. Fox) and Bird (Nia Long) struggle with loving each other through the pain as they cope with the possible loss of the foundation of their family, Mama Joe otherwise known as Big Mama.

Now, Let’s Make It Gay: CCH Pounder and Wanda Sykes for a special guest appearance

Maxine’s son, Ahmad, who looks up to Big Mama and is one of her closest confidants, is given an important truth one day. When he sneaks into Big Mama’s hospital room, he asks her why she always keeps an open chair at the table every Sunday. He’s expecting the same old story of how the chair is supposed to be a reminder that those they love are always welcome to join them even if they can’t always find their way back home. (Yo, sorry, not to hype myself up but that was a LINE! I got skills!) It’s the story that Mama’s girls have always recited with fondness as they think about their father.

This time, though, Mama Joe explains that it was for the woman she met at the grocery store fourteen years ago. Deborah (played by CCH Pounder). With a light in her eyes that Ahmad hasn’t seen before, Big Mama talks about the one who checked in on her nearly every day after she found her once tearing up in the vegetable department. The woman who came over when the rest of the family was busy at work or fighting or maybe even a mixture of both. The woman tried to get Mama Joe to worry a little less and laugh a little more. She saved the seat for the woman who pulled her from the kitchen to dance in the living room, all smiles, reminding Big Mama in that sing-song voice, “You weren’t born to stay in that kitchen all your life.” She saved the seat for the woman who knew after their dance was over, Big Ma would still go back and finish cooking. Because she knew cooking sprinkled itself into everything and everyone she loved.

At the end of the movie, Ahmad doesn’t just invite Faith – the cousin who only appears when she needs something and is misdirected as fuck, especially when she directs herself into her cousin-in-law’s pants – to the table. He invites Deborah, too. When everyone asks who she is, Deborah smiles and Ahmad says, “This is the woman that loved Big Mama in the way she deserved.”

(PS: Teri could have a girlfriend at a drop of a hat if she just chilled a bit. I’m imagining Bette Porter. Of course, because I still haven’t finished The L Word and I don’t know whatever possible true love Bette is supposed to have. But Jennifer Beals and Vanessa Williams ending up together as a badass hot lawyer dream team? It’s what we deserve.)

Also, Wanda Sykes NEVER comes to these family dinners and has no real role in the movie, but she happens to stop by for a quick second at the exact perfect time and everything is worth it ’cause she makes this face:

right when Vanessa Williams says the iconic line: “Faith fucked my husband!”

The Wood

Original Stars: Taye Diggs, Richard T. Jones, Omar Epps
Original Plot: Two stories wrapped in one, a man gets pre-wedding nerves and his best friends have to get him back on track before the big ceremony. As they do so, they reminisce over their friendship and how they fell in lust and in love back when they were just three black boys in the late 80s making a bet to see who could lose their virginity first.

Now, Let’s Make It Gay: Janelle Monáe, Samira Wiley, Danielle Brooks

This is going to be the same tale of three black women that are trying to get to one of their gay weddings on time, but keep fucking shit up as the bride-to-be questions whether or not she can stay with one person forever. As they go through their day – running to exes for help, fucking up their outfits and generally just being self-imposing hurricanes of chaos – they reminisce about the bet they made as teenagers as to who could lose their virginity first.

Now, you may think, mmm okay, that’s cool whatever – but think about it: We’re talking about three black girls deciding to lose their virginity to other girls. In the 80s. In black ass Inglewood, California. This is the best movie you will ever see because who even has the range, the nuance, the depth, THE COURAGE to tell a funny ass story where three black girls are ON A MISSION TO LOSE THEIR VIRGINITY ON THEIR OWN TERMS AND THEY END UP HAPPY AS SHIT??? Get Ava DuVernay and Dee Rees in here, this needs to happen immediately.

Love & Basketball

Original Stars: Sanaa Lathan, Omar Epps, Gabrielle Union
Original Plot: Quincy (Omar Epps) and Monica (Sanaa Lathan) are two neighbors that love two things: basketball and each other. The movie follows them through childhood and early adulthood as they work through family troubles, relationships, and staying true to their greatest love: basketball.

Now, Let’s Make It Gay: Let’s keep Sanaa Lathan and Gabrielle Union and get rid of Omar Epps!

You and I both knew this was coming.

Let us remember the small, but important mean girl part played by Gabrielle Union. In the second quarter of the movie, Quincy and Monica have not gotten together yet and Quincy decides to date Shawnee (Gabrielle Union) since Monica can’t give him a straight answer about whether she likes him or not. Shawnee’s  real pretty and loves to remind Monica that she’s not the kind of girl Quincy should be with. Because Monica is the type of girl that should be with Shawnee.

Instead of Quincy and Monica falling in love, Monica mistakes her feelings for Quincy as wanting to be with Quincy when she really wants to be like Quincy and date girls. This isn’t too much of a reach, Monica needs a treasure map and several compasses to acknowledge her feelings even though she’s always in them. Think about this, I really believe Monica usually forgets that emotions exist?? Like she can ball so hard motherfuckers wanna fine her, but does she know she’s also allowed to check in with her heart and be like “we doing okay in there, buddy?” Of course she doesn’t! And who better to remind Monica that she’s allowed to feel shit than the girl who gets a rise out of her the most?

Girl’s Trip

Original Stars: Regina Hall, Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Tiffany Haddish
Original Plot: Regina Hall stars as Ryan Pierce, a highly successful businesswoman, wife, and “next coming of Oprah” who decides to reunite with her college best friends at the Essence Music Festival. As she comes to terms with her failing marriage, she’ll need her friends now more than ever.

Now, Let’s Make It Gay: Still Regina Hall and Queen Latifah!

I have a 2,000+ word document on Girls’ Trip because THEY ALREADY COULD’VE MADE THIS GAY AND THEY ROBBED US. Ryan and Sasha (Queen Latifah) were most definitely together in college when Ryan got cold feet about coming out and instead started dating the football players because it was safer. She left Sasha and all her dreams in the dust. That’s already in the story, so all I’m asking for is the explicit declarations!!!

Show me where Ryan tries to talk to Sasha, but messes up all her words because she’s still supposed to be in love with her husband, except that’s not going well and Sasha is right here and she never thought she’d get to see her again. Has she gotten even prettier? Is that even possible? Is her smile even brighter? Ryan wonders to herself, “why have I been with that dude when I’ve only been reunited with Sasha for one day and already feel more at home than I have in years?”

I DEMAND to see Sasha pulling away from Ryan after Ryan refuses to open up to her out of fear of vulnerability. I want to hear Sasha tell her, “You hurt me. We were supposed to be IN LOVE together.” I want the heartache of watching Ryan recoil when she thinks one of those famous people at the festival can hear them. I need Ryan to tell Sasha how she really feels. In the closing scene of the movie, when Ryan gives that big motivational speech to all the black women in attendance that they deserve good love, the best love – I want for her to say she’s found that love in her best friend and for that cheating fuckface of her husband to walk on stage right when Ryan goes, “Like I’ve found in Sasha. Like I still do everyday.” CAUSE IM A CHEESEBALL AND I WANT IT.

Do The Right Thing

Original Stars: Spike Lee, Rosie Perez
Original Plot: It’s a hot summer day in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn as Mookie (Spike Lee) goes to work at Sal’s Pizzeria. As he makes deliveries, racism shows its face at just about every corner and the mostly black and brown neighborhood deals with subtle and overt violence.

Now, Let’s Make It Gay: Regina King

T H I S IS M Y S H I T. Regina King is taking over Spike Lee’s role as Mookie, the pizza delivery person who works at Sal’s and is the audience’s guide to the neighborhood. Sure, I want Regina King to be in this because I love her and I just think she and Rosie Perez would be good together, but there’s an even deeper reason I need this to happen. Aaron McGruder’s The Boondocks is one of my favorite comics and one of my favorite TV shows AND IN THE TELEVISION SHOW REGINA KING VOICES BOTH BROTHERS AND HAS NEVER BEEN PROPERLY RECOGNIZED FOR THAT. How will this movie change that? I don’t know, but what I’m saying is Regina King contains multitudes, her multitudes contain multitudes, and she’d be perfect in this. Then one of my favorite movies would be EVEN MORE PERFECT and we could add another classic to her already beyond amazing thirty year (and counting!) career.

The Best Man

Original Stars: Harold Perrineau, Morris Chestnut, Taye Diggs, Terrence Howard, Sanaa Lathan, Regina Hall, Nia Long
Original Plot: Harper (Taye Diggs) is a new writer that, thanks to being picked by the Oprah Book Club, is about to blow up. But as he joins his college friends for his best friend’s wedding weekend, his book digs up years old drama in the crew. Important for our needs is Murch (Harold Perrineau), the nerdy friend in the bunch who’s in a loveless long-term relationship with the gold digging Shelby.

Now, Let’s Make It Gay: Gabrielle Union, and still… Nia Long!

Literally everything in this movie stays exactly the same except for two things:

1. Murch is now played by Gabrielle Union. She gets Candice (Regina Hall) to fall for her after reciting an Audre Lorde quote to her at the bachelor party where Candi is dancing. Yes, that really is a plot point from the movie.

2. Jordan (Nia Long) has most definitely been trying to figure out her sexuality. As soon as she sees Robin (Sanaa Lathan) at the church, she’s like “Oh shit.” Is it my life’s goal to make Sanaa Lathan and Nia Long play more lesbian parts? Of fucking course! That would be magical, like imagine if we had a bunch of our favorite actresses decide to do more woman-loving parts? We deserve this.

House Party

Original Stars: Kid ‘N Play, AJ Johnson, Tisha Campbell
Original Plot: As Kid dodges bullies, cops, and gunshots to get to his friend’s house party, he tries to get the girl of his dreams and make a name for himself as one of the best rappers in his school – all before his dad figures out he snuck out. There’s lots of 90s dancing.

Now, Let’s Make It Gay: Zazie Beetz, Teyana Taylor, Nafessa Williams, Karrueche Tran

Zazie Beetz is Kid, a young, mostly dorky girl in that “everyone wants to date her sort of way.” She gets suspended from school and needs to keep her dad from finding out before her best friend’s party starts. After trying to stay ahead of a bunch of Mean Girl style bullies and outsmarting cops all night, the party officially begins when Kid walks in. Teyana Taylor is Play, who’s hosting the party and trying to keep the shenanigans to a minimum ’cause “ain’t nobody fucking up my mama’s house.” Kid ‘N Play both have their eyes set on Karreuche Tran and Nafessa Williams, Sydney and Sharane respectively, the prettiest and most popular girls in school.

Guys, I only know for sure for sure that Teyana Taylor can dance her ass off, but I’ve been laughing at this set up all night. Please watch Claws and tell me Karrueche wouldn’t be funny as SHIT in this movie. As soon as some shit pop off, imagine her calm distant demeanor VANISHING as she moves people out of her friends’ way with a deep ass “MOVE, BITCH!” (of course Ludacris’ instrumental version of the song plays in the background). Try to tell me that Zazie wouldn’t play it really cool for like .25 seconds before finding out Nafessa has a crush on her. You tell me that Teyana Taylor wouldn’t look amazing slow dancing with Karreuche. (I’ve GOT EVIDENCE YOU’RE WRONG)

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And here’s further evidence Teyana would play a great lesbian.

Look me in my eyes and try to LIE TO MY FACE.

Young, Gifted, Black, and Closeted: Barbara Jordan’s Political Rise in a Country Not Yet Ready For Her

Early in 1974, the House Judiciary Committee began an impeachment inquiry into the President of the United States over the Watergate scandal. A bulk of the investigative work would be handled by an army of lawyers — including a recent Yale graduate named Hillary Rodham — but eventually, the task of moving impeachment proceedings forward fell to the committee’s 38 members. Still a freshman congresswoman, Barbara Jordan sat through opening statements from the committee’s senior members before she had an opportunity to address the nation in prime time on July 25, 1974.

The words? Eloquent. Her statement is universally considered to be one of the greatest speeches in American history. The voice, though? The voice, it was magical. Her contemporaries, including fellow Congressman Andrew Young, Molly Ivins and Bob Woodward, said she had the voice of God. She said, in part:

Earlier today, we heard the beginning of the Preamble to the Constitution of the United States: “We, the people.” It’s a very eloquent beginning. But when that document was completed on the seventeenth of September in 1787, I was not included in that “We, the people.” I felt somehow for many years that George Washington and Alexander Hamilton just left me out by mistake. But through the process of amendment, interpretation, and court decision, I have finally been included in “We, the people.”

Today I am an inquisitor. An hyperbole would not be fictional and would not overstate the solemnness that I feel right now. My faith in the Constitution is whole; it is complete; it is total. And I am not going to sit here and be an idle spectator to the diminution, the subversion, the destruction, of the Constitution.

The nation had watched the Watergate hearings for months — 71% of households told Gallup that they’d watched the hearings live — and while that’d had a deteriorative effect on Nixon’s poll numbers, most Americans didn’t believe it warranted his removal from office. Jordan’s opening statement on the Articles of Impeachment changed that. In her allotted time, she was part professor, explaining to the public the president’s obligations under the Constitution, and part prosecutor, clearly laying out the evidence to prove wrongdoing. There was never a moment where the viewer was left thinking that Jordan’s aims were partisan in nature; instead, Americans were convinced of Jordan’s fidelity to our nation’s values and ideals.

“What Barbara Jordan did [in] that appearance, she articulated the thoughts of so many Americans. Frankly, when she ended it, it was no doubt in my mind that we’d have a Senate investigation and that the president might very well be impeached or have to resign,” longtime CBS newsman Dan Rather once said.

Following Jordan’s statement, public opinion turned firmly against the president. For the first time, a majority of Americans thought Nixon’s actions warranted removal from office. Two weeks later, the president would resign, in disgrace; Jordan — the “big and fat and black and ugly” girl from Houston’s segregated Fifth Ward — had brought down the president.

Those 15 minutes would ultimately define Barbara Jordan’s life. She became a household name: universally adored by folks on the right and the left, among black and white households. She got fan mail at her Congressional office by the truckload. One supporter took out billboards all across Houston that said, “Thank you, Barbara Jordan, for explaining the Constitution to us.” Her high profile earned her the keynote speaking slot at the 1976 Democratic National Convention. On the day she spoke — giving another one of the most celebrated pieces of political rhetoric in history — her star eclipsed everyone. She was, perhaps until Barack Obama, the most universally beloved black political figure in American history.

But those 15 minutes also created a mythology around Barbara Jordan that is a bit deceiving. It’s a kindness that is, usually, only extended to men. The kindness that allows the most notable thing they ever did to cloak everything else, including the negative things. As altruistic as Barbara Jordan may have been in that moment, that was not representative of the entirety of her career. The full story of Barbara Jordan is one far more complicated than history seems invested in telling.

“I think the interesting thing about Barbara that is seldom said… very few people really realize that Barbara Jordan was a good politician. She said, ‘I am not a female politician. I am not a black politician. I am a politician and I am good at it,'” Gov. Ann Richards once said about her good friend Barbara. “Barbara was criticized a great deal during her life because she was not ‘militant enough,’ because Barbara had no patience for symbolism. She had no interest in being a symbol. She had interest only in proving herself by her effectiveness and leaving a legacy of what she had done, not just what she had said.”

The history that Jordan was making wasn’t of much interest to her, change was. She became an institutionalist — a firm believer in the necessity to make change from within — even as Civil Rights activism, which championed external pressure on the system, exploded across the nation, particularly, in the South. She ran for public office twice, losing both times, before the Supreme Court case, Reynolds v. Sims forced Texas to equalize the population across legislative districts. The third time was, indeed, the charm and Jordan became the first black person to serve in the Texas Senate since 1882 and its first black woman ever.

Jordan stepped into the Senate and, immediately, set to figure out how things worked. She studied all the technical aspects of her job, most notably developing an encyclopedic recall of parliamentary procedure — but she also found her way into the backrooms where drinks are spilled and deals are made. She stepped into this room of all white men, some racist, and charmed them all. She played the guitar. She told jokes and, probably more importantly, let them tell their jokes, even if they were sexist and racist. She challenged their stereotypes about black folks by just being herself, and never called out her colleagues for their missteps.

Richards recalled, “If you are a Texan and you’re in public office or you’re running for public office, it’s necessary that you kill something. And if you’re not a good shot or you can’t kill a bird, you still have to show up at the hunt… because the newspaper’s gonna take a picture and you can’t be absent. So Barbara was on a quail hunt one year with a bunch of good ol’ boys and you can imagine how much training she had in bird shooting in the Fifth Ward of Houston, Texas. But before the evening was over, Barbara had a buncha white good ol’ boy rednecks singing ‘We Shall Overcome’ and it was that facility, that ability, that she had… in a personable way into the power structure, that’s what made Barbara Jordan so successful.”

To her credit, her membership in the good ol’ boys club won her some substantial legislative victories — on extending the minimum wage to cover non-unionized farmworkers and domestics, the Equal Rights Amendment, fair labor practices and preventing voter suppression — and earned her the respect of her peers. After just one session in the Senate, her colleagues unanimously recognized her with a resolution of appreciation, calling Jordan a “credit to her State as well as her race.” Her colleagues would elevate her to president pro tempore, allowing her to serve as Governor for Day, before she left Austin for greener pastures. Among the friends Barbara Jordan would make in Texas? The future president, Lyndon Baines Johnson. LBJ saw in Jordan a kindred spirit — someone with his capacity for deal-making, someone invested in protecting his Great Society programs and, perhaps most importantly, someone who remained loyal — so he opened a lot of doors for her. He introduced her to folks that would fund her Congressional run and, once she was elected, he got her that prized seat on the Judiciary Committee.

But Jordan’s style didn’t appeal to everyone, particularly Civil Rights activists who thought her too cozy with the white establishment. Curtis Graves, an activist that’d been elected to the Texas House at the same time as Jordan, was particularly critical. When Jordan announced her candidacy for the US House, Graves assumed that she would help maintain the Texas Senate seat for Houston and when she didn’t, he lodged a primary challenge. Graves didn’t have the money or the institutional support so, instead, he attacked Jordan mercilessly. She was called a “tool,” bought and paid for by the white establishment. He questioned her blackness and his supporters spread rumors about her sexuality.

Jordan never confirmed her sexuality publicly, not once. It wasn’t until her obituary ran in the Houston Chronicle in 1996 was there any public acknowledgement of her longtime partner, Nancy Earl. Their relationship — which included Earl saving Jordan’s life after a near drowning incident at the house they shared — wasn’t a secret to close friends and family; it just wasn’t fodder for public consumption. Jordan treated her sexuality like she treated her race, gender and health: she didn’t want to be pigeonholed or have anything obstructing her path to gaining more power.

She was ambitious, unapologetically so, and, as ambitious people in politics are wont to do, once she’d mastered her role in the House (including passing the 1975 Voting Rights Act over the objections of her home state leaders), she wanted to do more. But the system that never imagined a place for Barbara Jordan from its inception could not find a place for her then. Despite being floated as a potential vice presidential candidate in 1976, Jimmy Carter extended no offer to Jordan to join his cabinet. She made no public statements about why she was leaving Congress after just six years to return to teach at the University of Texas, but told MS. Magazine, “I did know that in Congress one chips away, one does not make shots, one does not make bold strokes. After six years I had wearied of the little chips that I could put on a woodpile.”

She’d venture in and out of public life after that: working for a free South Africa with the Kaiser Foundation, testifying against the confirmation of Robert Bork in 1987, giving the keynote at the 1992 Democratic National Convention, chairing the Commission on Immigration Reform and collecting the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 1994. Bill Clinton wanted to nominate her to the Supreme Court — for what would become Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s seat — but by then, her health was failing.

Barbara Jordan died on January 17, 1996; she was just 59 years old. In news reports across the country, her 15-minute statement at the Watergate hearings was part of the lede of her obituary. Maybe she would’ve wanted it that way. But it’s also important to remember that her contribution to public life was more than just those 15 minutes — that girl from the Fifth Ward had made a way out of no way.

23 Black Queer and Trans Femmes to Follow on Instagram This Black History Month

We need more truth and love and joy for black femmes in the LGBT community. I made this list to call that in. Every day, my existence is made better by the efforts of beautiful black femme souls working to make this world a better, safer, more inclusive place. Still, our moments of celebration can feel few and far in-between. Our advocacy and hard work in shaping resistance movements go unseen. I’m more likely to see the news that one of my trans sisters was murdered or abused than hear about their accomplishments and the light they’re bringing to our lives. It has to stop.

These are 23 of the black, queer and trans femme women and non-binary people that make me feel overwhelmingly seen and loved on social media. Every person on this list deserves their own celebration – or at minimum your follows and likes to amplify their voices. Following their accounts has been a balm for my soul. I know it will be for yours, too.

This Black History Month we are supporting the black femmes currently making history. Get ready and if you aren’t already, I suggest you sit down before reading this list, cause honey these glorious embodiments of black femme magic are sure to sweep you off your feet.

All images are from each person’s personal Instagram.

Nay Bever

Nay pretty much does it all. She’s an LA based artist (find her work @gaudylosangeles) and model who has worked with prominent creators in the body positivity world such as Gabi Fresh, Shooglet, and Adipositivity. She’s also co-host of the podcast “Attack of the Queerwolf!” When she isn’t doing all that, she’s on IG doing the advocating against fatphobia and giving us the unapologetic “not here to please you” black girl content we all need. Follow her here.

Munroe Bergdorf

The intense levels of public scrutiny Munroe Bergdorf has faced the last couple years – especially in the wake of calling out L’oreal for their racism – hasn’t slowed this model and activist down one bit. If anything, it’s encouraged her to proudly double down on her activism. Munroe is the first of many people on this list fighting for inclusivity and equality in the fashion industry and world at large. One look at her IG page full of fierce femme looks and words of encouragement will it make it clear why she stays booked, and she always will, despite the haters. Follow her here.

Reneice Charles

My editor gave me permission to shamelessly promote myself, so of course I’m taking her up on that. Hello, I’m Reneice! I’m one of the few black, fat, queer, women food writers around. I write a baking column called Femme Brûlée right here on Autostraddle.com! I’m also an MSW, activist, body positive life coach, and lover of plus size swimsuits. My Instagram is where all these skills intersect. I live for swim photoshoots, post often about food in my stories, and denounce all the ‘isms and ‘phobias I can through writing, food, modeling, body positivity and self love. Follow me here.

Kiersey Clemons

If Kiersey Clemons isn’t already on your out, queer actress to watch list, go ahead and add her right now. Her talents on screen can were most recently seen in RENT Live, as well as indie film favorites Hearts Beat Loud, Dope, and Netflix’s Easy. All queer roles! Her talents on IG include incredible fashion posts, advocacy from the heart, and selfies that should be next to the definition of “Black Girl Glow”. Follow her here.

Cora Harrington

Cora Harrington is the founder and Editor in Chief of the blog The Lingerie Addict, the world’s largest lingerie blog. Everything I know about intimate apparel I learned from Cora and her new book In Intimate Detail, which is available for purchase now. The Lingerie Addict was the first place I ever saw that bodies like mine and high quality lingerie meet. I came for the inclusivity and stayed for the in-depth knowledge of the lingerie world and the breathtaking photoshoots Cora posts of herself modeling the latest fashions. It’s content that’ll make you blush in all the best ways. Follow her here.

Laverne Cox

Laverne Cox is a force and a vision. She’s an Emmy winning television producer, Emmy nominated actress, model, and LGBT advocate. She is the first ever trans woman to star (and slay) on the cover of Cosmopolitan magazine. She also continues the trend of being an impressively talented black woman who somehow still finds time in her schedule to educate, support and uplift our community. Follow her on IG for all these accomplishments, and because no one works a fan or red carpet like Laverne Cox – her insta stories will remind you of that almost daily. Follow her here.

Erika Hart

There is no one, NO ONE in my online world that does as much activism and education around black AND disabled AND queer AND fat lives as Erika Hart. She’s a sexuality educator, activist, performer and cancer warrior who proudly went topless at Afropunk following her double mastectomy so that she could help dismantle the lack of visibility of black and brown bodies. I feel centered by Erika and her Instagram, and am stronger because of it. Follow her here.

Briq House

Briq House’s burlesque performances are refreshingly unique and overwhelmingly sexy. They changed my life. They also earned her the much deserved bragging rights of one of the Top 50 Most Influential Burlesque Industry figures of 2018. She is also Executive Producer of Seattle’s Sunday Night Shuga Shaq, the only all-POC Burlesque Review in the Pacific Northwest. Briq’s Instagram will have you fanning yourself and reaching for water to quench your level 10 thirst. Her page is an altar to black femme sexuality, a reminder that sex work is absolutely real work, and radiates with the kind of infectious confidence that will have you taking an impromptu solo boudoir shoot like the goddess you are. Follow her here.

Samantha Irby

Samantha Irby is the  New York Times best selling author of We Are Never Meeting Again. She writes the hugely popular blog Bitches Gotta Eat, which is full of the funniest and most heartfelt writing I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading. She has published two other books, Meaty and New Year, Same Trash. Her Instagram is full of hilariously relatable content and expert memes as well as incredible book recommendations, top notch food content, and adorable cat photos. Follow her here.

Fatima Jamal

Fatima Jamal, also known as @fatfemme online, is an incredibly talented artist, writer, and public speaker whose work centers and explores themes related to the body. She’s also a fierce fashionista and plus size model who slays the gram flawlessly while advocating for unapologetic self-love. It’s no wonder she was named one of the coolest queers on the internet by Teen Vogue, and I have to agree. Her presence on my timeline is always a gift! Follow her here.

Jazzmyne Jay

BuzzFeed producer and bodacious babe Jazzmyne Jay really knows how to give good ‘gram. She’s a style icon, so the outfits are always on point, and I’ve fallen into every single one of her thirst traps. Plus, you’re likely to leave her page uplifted as she’s also an advocate for body positivity. Follow her here.

Jari Jones

Trans model and activist Jari Jones could teach one master class in Slaying The Gram and another in changing the face of the historically racist, transphobic, and fatphobic fashion and beauty industries at the same damn time. She holds brands accountable and looks damn good doing it. Jari’s IG feed is bound to give you closet envy and her smile is one of the brightest around. Follow her here.

Kelela

Kelela is a contemporary R&B artist with a voice like honey who’s open about her sexuality in an industry that’s still far too silencing of queer love. Her music is turn the lights down sensual, her style is eye catching, and you can experience it all on her IG. Follow her here.

Lizzo

If you haven’t had a solo dance party to one of Lizzo’s confident, affirming, catchy as fuck tracks yet, then do yourself a favor and get on that. Her songs are the uplifting powerful bops every black queer femme deserves and her music is a major element to maintaining my glow. You might wanna get on her Instagram, too. It’s full of the juicy thirst traps and her signature videos of twerking while playing the flute (like the multi-talented diva she is). Follow her here.

Kim Milan

Kim milan is an award winning writer, educator and activist whose work and excellence is internationally recognized. Her racial justice trainings are some of the best available worldwide. She also teaches yoga classes with her precious daughter in tow. Talk about goals! Kim is an incredible role model for black queer parenting and entrepreneurship. One look at her Instagram shows that Kim’s love for her family, herself, her work, and the community are fierce. Plus, all those baby smiles are bound to give you the warm fuzzies. Follow her here.

Janelle Monáe

There is SO much to say about Janelle Monáe that I’m just going to say: If you aren’t yet following her IG for her Afrofuturist award winning music, or her award winning career as an actress, then please follow for the way Janelle wears her looks and the way it makes you feel. Her outfits on Instagram make me scream daily. Her music has been fuel to my black resistance for years and will be for years to come. Follow her here.

Jasika Nicole

If you search Jasika’s name on Autostraddle.com it’ll be made clear pretty quickly that our love for her runs deep here. Along with being an award winning actress (Danger & Eggs, Suicide Kale, Underground, Scandal, Fringe, and many more) Jasika is an expert seamstress. Follow her on insta for incredible DIY sewing inspiration, adorable spontaneous dance breaks and my personal favorite, couch karaoke. Follow her here.

Aaron Philip

Aaron is a disabled, gender non-conforming, femme tearing down the walls of ableism in the fashion industry. This bright beautiful star is working to increase visibility and accessibility for black, queer, disabled fashionistas everywhere. Her presence, work, voice, and style are flawless and so needed. Especially for the millions of people worldwide who had never seen anyone that resembles them in high fashion until Aaron. Find her on IG for all the looks, all the equality work, and such expert level smizing I’m sure Tyra is proud. Follow her here.

Ali Simon

Doing the good work of decolonizing the world of health and wellness, Ali Simon is a body positive yoga instructor with one of the most popular and inclusive classes in Los Angeles, CA. You can imagine then that her Instagram is a source of uplifting, affirming love and care content for all bodies, especially marginalized ones. Follow and get your flow on.

Jessamyn Stanley

Jessamyn Stanley makes defying stereotypes look like art. She’s a yoga teacher for bodies of all sizes and abilities, a body positivity advocate, and writer. Carving out space in the yoga industry for fat, queer, black bodies is no small feat, but Jessamyn does it with a smile on her face and a hand out to pull as many people into the light as she can. I can’t get enough. Follow her here.

Portia Wilson

Portia Wilson is the founder of Deeper Genius Acupuncture & Healing Arts in Los Angeles, CA. Through her practice of acupuncture she works to dissolve the barrier between black women and wellness/preventative health. I’ve had the pleasure of being treated by Portia and it was by far the best experience I’ve ever had with a physician. If I’d known a healthcare experience could go so well, I’d have a completely different relationship with the industry, and that is exactly the magic and importance of Portia’s work. Follow her to see how good the present and future of healthcare can be.

Tessa Thompson

If you’ve seen Tessa Thompson in literally anything she’s done (there’s SO much), but especially for the purposes of this site, Janelle Monáe’s Pynk  music video, then you know why she’s on this list. You can also watch her on TV in Westworld, in the movies Selma, Dear White People, the Creed series, Sorry to Bother You, and Thor: Ragnarok (Valkyrie! That bodysuit!). Then follow her on Instagram and swoon at literally everything she wears and every time she and Janelle bless us by being in the same place at the same time. Follow her here.

Indya Moore

Afro-Latina trans model and actress Indya Moore stepped on the MainStage with year with F/X’s Pose and she has no intention of stopping any time soon. Did we mention that she just landed an entire Louis Vuitton campaign!! She serves looks like they are breakfast, but it’s her advocacy and constant genuine care for trans and queer communities of color that will keep you coming back for more. Follow her here.

The Rumors Were Enough: Josephine Baker, Frida Kahlo, Their Romance and Me

The first time I discovered that Josephine Baker and Frida Kahlo maybe fucked each other, it was the middle of the night.

I was caught in a Google-loop during an insomnia spiral. There was a blog post that was only a few sentences long. I tried to find it recently and couldn’t. There wasn’t much to go on (there still isn’t), but even the whisper of a love affair between the infamous Mexican feminist artist and the African American dancer in Paris set my heart beating overtime.

It was one of those moments where everything I thought I knew to be true was maybe also a lie, like the first time you find out your mom had this whole other life before you were born. I’d grown up learning about Josephine Baker. She was a very in vogue Black History Month figure when I was a kid, there were posters of her in my school library. Dancer, American expat living in Paris, secret spy of the Parisian military – I always thought she was glamorous. I was the kind of kid who knew I was “girly” long before I had any queer language to call myself “femme.” Josephine Baker kicked ass in diamonds and gowns, flawless make up. She was my personal hero. No one ever bothered to say she was bisexual.

According to her biographer and son Jean-Claude Baker, it’s likely Josephine Baker had affairs with many women. Clara Smith, a successful blues singer who worked with Louis Armstrong. Mildred Smallwood, the first African American woman to appear in American Dance magazine. Bessie Buchanan, the first African American woman to have a seat in the New York State Legislature. The famous bisexual author Colette. So, why not Frida Kahlo?

Frida, after all, was much more open about her sexuality, even back then. She had rumored relationships with fellow artists Georgia O’Keeffe and Jaqueline Lamba, along with actresses Dolores del Rio and Paulette Goddard. She was comfortable playing with her gender presentation, dressing in turn as butch and femme. In 1939 Frida Kahlo, recently separated from her husband Diego Rivera, traveled to Paris for an exhibition of her work. The showcase was hosted in part by the Lourve, with Kahlo’s “The Frame” becoming the first painting by a 20^th century Mexican artist to be purchased by the museum. At the time, Josephine was working for French military intelligence.

There’s this photo. One single photo. That’s all the proof we have that these two bisexual women of color shared space with each other. It’s a photo that’s spawned what can feel like a thousand loosely held together rumors. Some believe that Kahlo seduced Josephine that same night, others have Josephine making the first move and the affair taking place over several months. In the 2002 movie Frida, the two are depicted as meeting at a nightclub after one of Baker’s performances and implied to have fallen into a relationship for the duration of the artist’s time in the French capital.

This is also where everything falls apart at the seams. Josephine Baker, noted black bisexual artist, and Frida Kahlo, noted Latinx bisexual artist, shared one room together one time. To the best of any documented knowledge, everything that happens after that point is fiction or internet rumor. There are those who’d then argue that we shouldn’t give the rumors much weight or publicity. Lots of people share rooms with each other, it doesn’t mean they ran upstairs to have sex right after.

And yes, there is comfort in cold, hard facts. But when has queerness ever been left in fact? Here’s another set of facts: Josephine Baker and Frida Kahlo are, separately, two icons that meant a lot to me in my black Latina youth. I was in my early 20s before I ever heard that either was queer. What would it have meant for me to have bisexual role models who looked like me when I was 12 instead of 22? What would it have looked like to take seriously that Kahlo and Baker, if not lovers, could have certainly at least been queer family to one another. That there’s another path for kinship between queer women of color that dates back to the early 20^th century and across national borders. What if there’s – gasp! – an Afro-Latinx Power Couple that eludes us right at our fingertips.

Documenting queer history is difficult. It’s nearly impossible to navigate. Early 20^th century queerness is not legible in ways that you or I understand as “lesbian” or “bisexual” from our viewpoint in 2019. It’s much more fleeting. If we’re honest with ourselves, it still is. There’s what we assume or accept as fact, then, just like in life, there’s the messiness of what we can possibly never know for sure. We often make concessions for our historic queer icons, because sometimes the other choice is never seeing ourselves in a timeline beyond our own lifespan.

That’s the thing. For all of the historic queer women couples we know, painfully few of them are between two women of color. If there’s a crop of rumors surrounding Frida and Josephine, there’s a reason. I understand it intimately. It’s a desire to be seen, to imagine that there’s a you before the you that you are now. That she, too, could have found love.

Searching for confirmation if Josephine Baker and Frida Kahlo were ever lovers is maddening and fruitless. Ultimately, it even misses the point. It matters less if they slept together. It matters more, so much more, that perhaps they even could.

Black Queer Resiliency Will Guide Us Through Black History Month

I had an entire other plan for how to open our Black History Month series. It’s my favorite holiday. Maybe it sounds strange to you to call Black History Month a holiday. After all, there’s no Santa Claus coming down the tree or an Easter Bunny bringing baskets. No “day after” sale on candy. No rainbow colored balloon arches like the kind that adorn gayborhoods every June. In fact, Black History Month is probably thought of as stodgy – tired black and white photographs of Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Jackie Robinson.

Here’s the secret about Black History Month: few people know how to celebrate the way black people know how to celebrate. And we celebrate this month FOR US. We don’t look towards white eyes or ask for white approval. The morning of February 1^st social media streams are filled with gifs and memes, well-timed quotes and inside jokes, words of affirmation. Black churches host banquets. Community centers put up billboards draped in red, black, and green. There are talent shows and pageants where little black girls are forced on stage in itchy thick white cotton tights to recite Maya Angelou’s “Phenomenal Woman” and “Still I Rise.” Our littlest ones fumble through the words of the black national anthem, “Lift Every Voice and Sing.” There are dozens of these traditions happening all across the country this month, and I love each and every one of them. At the 2017 Emmys, actress Issa Rae told a reporter, “I’m Rooting For Everybody Black” and even though it wasn’t technically Black History Month when she said it – nothing better captures the attitude. 28 days that are unapologetically For The Culture.^TM

So yes, there’s another version of this post, existing in another timeline of our universe, where I shouted from the rooftops about BLACK EXCELLENCE AND BLACK JOY. For sure those are going to be reoccurring themes in the pieces we’ve curated for Autostraddle’s Black History Month series. But then this week happened, and I scrapped it.

On Tuesday morning, Jussie Smollett, one of the most famous young black gay men in the country, was viciously beaten in a racist, homophobic hate crime in Chicago. He was called a nigger and a faggot. He was left with a noose around his neck. In the days that followed, there was a hollow echo in my chest that I couldn’t shake – something inside of me was cold, broken. Many of our black queer writers were scrambling to make deadlines and put together this series that you’re going to read all month, but we had to stop. We had to hold each other. We had to be angry. We had to mourn.

It’s not solely about Jussie Smollett (it never was; he’s been the first to say that himself). It’s about what’s happening to so many of our sisters, brothers, and gender non-conforming siblings. It’s about black trans women who face violence daily and it goes unchecked. It’s about being afraid to walk your dog at night, dress how you feel most comfortable, or hold your lover’s hand. It’s about how our visibility won’t protect us. It makes us a target, and knowing that but being brave enough to stay visible anyway. It’s about white supremacy that’s alive in 2019 the way it was alive in 1969 or 1869. It’s about the ways that white supremacy is a twin ideology with homophobia. Both exist to rob black queer communities of our very ability to feel safe in our skin. And it’s about how we grab ahold of each other and fight back.

It’s almost cliché, a queer women’s magazine opening its Black History Month series with a meditation on Audre Lorde. Lorde is also my favorite writer, so perhaps it’s most cliché coming from me. (What could be more cliché than a black queer girl with an Afro and big earrings and a back tattoo walking around quoting Audre Lorde? Nothing, I suppose.) Still, when I could no longer feel inside of myself – when everything went numb from anger and grief – this is what snapped back into my clearest focus: “I am deliberate and afraid of nothing.”

I am deliberate and afraid of nothing. The first time I read those words, I’m sure I was in a place in my life where I felt safe. Now I’m constantly terrified. I think it’s because it’s the same fight, always the same fight. Hatred is before us, unvarnished and bare. I don’t know how to be “afraid of nothing” when all I can feel is fear about everything. But, I do know how to be deliberate. I know what it means to deliberately get out of bed after spending full day alone under the covers. I know what it means to deliberately force myself to laugh. To brush my teeth and wash my face and walk out of my front door. To love.

It is that resiliency that has seen black queer people through – and it’s that deliberate, stubborn black queer resiliency that I am holding on to with my knuckles and blind faith. This month we’re going to highlight black femmes you can follow, and re-imagine classic black love films with a lesbian lead. We’re going to fantasize about ourselves in superhero and Disney Princess cosplay. There will be space for thoughtful meditation on what it means to be someone like Barbara Jordan, the most famous black woman politician in history, and still struggle with your sexuality in the closet. We are going to talk about food and poetry. Us black queer folk? We’re gonna beat our faces or polish our kicks until we can see ourselves smiling back in them. We’re going to hold on tight and put one foot in front of the other. Nothing pisses the racist homophobes off more.

This morning, on the first day of Black History Month, Jussie Smollett released a public statement: “During times of trauma, grief and pain, there is still a responsibility to lead with love. It’s all I know. And that can’t be kicked out of me.”

If you are looking for actionable ways to help in the fight, consider donating to Affinity Community Services, which serves Chicago’s black LGBTQ community and has a focus on black women. Until then, we’ll be back on Monday with more of our Black History Month content. ✊🏾