GET IN HERE: A+ #StaycationSpectacular Livestream and Open Thread!
Oh, hi! It’s Saturday, March 14, which means we’ve arrived at the Autostraddle International Staycation Spectacular!
All around the world, people are hanging out inside, taking a spa day in their own bathtub, and/or eating cheese plates on the veranda. I’m going on a picnic in my living room! People are bringing pie! But that’s tonight, and right now I’m right here, sitting in bed, ready to hang out, dude.
With you!
Welcome to the A+ Staycation Spectacular Livestream and Open Thread. Me and a bunch of the greats – Rachel, Stef, Kaitlyn, KaeLyn, Carolyn, Robin, Maddie, and special guests like our pets and friends! – are gonna spend a few hours of the day staycationing with you! And then you’re gonna comment right down there and tell us how great your morning and evenings are going, and also what you put on that cheese plate! Okay? Okay.
HERE GOES NOTHING!
AUTHOR’S NOTE: You sharing the link to this post will make me so very happy! Use the #StaycationSpectacular hashtag, too! Seriously! But please don’t share any direct link to the livestream on the general web.
5 Ways to Make the Most of Your Masturbation Staycation
feature image via shutterstock
On March 14, we want our readers to stay in together as part of Autostraddle’s International Staycation Spectacular! Follow along with everyone’s hotel parties, spa days, and indoor picnics around the world with the hashtag #StaycationSpectacular, and join us on the day of for the A+ livestream!
Staycationers ahoy! Are you pumped for the Staycation Spectacular, but feeling like maybe you want something a little more stimulating out of your day? Maybe you would enjoy a Masturbation Staycation. This post is focused on ideas for the solo sexy staycationer, but if you are having your staycation with one or more sexy partner(s), you can adapt this for y’all.
1. Do the Masters of Sex Cure Month: Condensed Edition
I’m a “maybe” on the Sqweel. I’ll go check it out at Babeland.
Carolyn took us all on an amazing journey in January with her Masters of Sex Cure Month guide. Adjusting the month’s activities to fit into one day can make for an incredible day-long solo sexy retreat. I recommend cleaning your sheets and your room the night before, so in the morning you can start the day off fresh. First, take a sexy bath from week one (with the help of a fizzy bath bomb). Follow that up with a Yes/No/Maybe list or worksheet as instructed in week 2. If you are getting a little stir crazy, get out of the house in the afternoon for week three’s sex shop field trip, then laze about the internet researching things you are interested in (or uninterested in) from your yes/no/maybe list. Throughout the day, masturbate whenever the moment strikes you throughout the day, and take notes on what you’re thinking and feeling as you go. Then reflect on your experience.
2. Dive into the NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Archive
One day of staycation to go through the archive? Lol, right – see you in a week.
One of Autostraddle’s longest-standing traditions is NSFW Sunday. This is a link to the first one ever, and I’m pretty confident in your ability to spend an entire day going through all sixteen pages’ worth of NSFW Sunday archives.
3. Find Yourself Some [Ethical] Porn
Did you read Chelsea’s guide to supporting ethical porn even if you can’t afford it? If not, go read it now, then come back. I’ll wait. Ok, now go see what the internet has to offer! Alongside Chelsea’s recommendations, Ali took you on an queer feminist porn quest in 2013. If you have a key to the CrashPad, check out our these great episodes, or keep it on-brand for the day with this list of solo performances. If porn isn’t your thing, check out some of our erotica recommendations, most of which are available on ebook, or check out those two times we published some original erotica just for you.
4. Go Sex Toy Shopping
Finally bought the Octopussy!!
If you live in a city with a good sex shop, go check it out and find something for your budget. If you don’t live somewhere with a good sex shop, or if you’re just super committed to not leaving the house, shop online at one of our affiliates. Need ideas? Check out our archive of anonymous sex toy reviews.
5. Go On a Sexy Podcast Listening Binge While You Clean or Craft
Maybe I should get into bootblacking! via Shutterstock
If you aren’t someone who likes to marathon orgasmic activity, you can still have a sexy staycation. There are a ton of sexy podcasts out there, just begging to be listened to while you take on a home improvement project, a cleaning rampage, a cooking adventure, or a crafting mission. My personal favorites include Tina Horn’s Why Are People Into That?! podcast, where she interviews different people about their areas of expertise and interest in different corners of the sex industry. She and her guests go really deep into whatever it is that they’re talking about, breaking down myths, stigmas and stereotypes on all topics from porn to bootblacking to fear. There’s no shortage of hilarious and fascinating tangents, either. While I started with the episodes that sparked my own interest, I’ve since gone further into her archive of topics I’d never even heard of, and I have yet to be disappointed. I also recommend the Heart, formerly Audiosmut, associate-produced by our very own podcast editor Samara.
What did I miss? How are you going to incorporate masturbation into your staycation? Maybe you need a playlist for the day. Have a blast, and remember, all of these things can be done from the comfort of a blanket fort while wrapped in your favorite robe, sporting floral sunglasses, away from the rest of humanity.
Gouda Have It: Staycation Cheese Plates, Because Cheese
Ali here: Cheese is so good. It’s so good, I camembert it. I liked cheese before, but then I lived in France and I got super spoiled and particular about my cheese. When you’re Staycationing, a cheese plate is a wonderful thing whether you’re hosting company or you plan to eat that entire board all by your fucking self (I support you in this). But y’all, you wouldn’t believe how many humans I’ve met who approach putting together a cheese plate — and pairing it with wine or other drinks — like it’s nuclear physics. Sure, there are best practices, but y’all. It’s cheese. It’s hard to fail.
The Basics of Getting Your Cheese Together
There are four categories of cheese — Aged, Soft, Firm and Blue. If you’re not sure how to go about setting up your first cheese plate, picking one cheese from each category is a good way to start. It ensures a fairly well-rounded plate that pairs with a lot of different things.
Another way to pick your cheeses is to select those made from the same kind of milk — an all sheep’s milk or all goat’s milk plate are popular options. (We’ve even got an all-goat’s-milk plate further down the page.) Picking a theme can serve to unify your plate and make you less crazy by narrowing down options from “all cheese” to “just these kinds of cheeses.” Doing a tour of a region, a tasting of a particular farm’s cheese, or an exploration of one of the four types of cheese (“Blue Cheese Bonanza,” anyone?) can be good jumping off points. Get down with your bad themes — make an assembly cheese plate where everything can transform into a tiny sandwich, or go with Cheese That Reminds You Of Bette Porter. Go wild! It is your cheese day.
If you’re serving a stinky cheese or an extremely soft cheese, make sure you put them out separately — that stinky cheese is likely to beat up the other cheeses and take their lunch money. If you’re serving company, make sure to serve at least one “accessible” (read: popular, not too stinky) cheese, even if the rest of what you’ve selected is hardcore Roquefort.
Cheese plates aren’t just cheese, either — you can serve bread, fruit, pickles, nuts, even chocolate! The name of the game here is diversity of texture and flavor. Definitely pick things that you can smear cheese on/put on top of the firmer cheeses. Speaking of pairing…
The Basics of Pairing Cheese With Drinks And Such
Presumably you won’t just be eating this plate — you’ll probably be drinking something with it too. The most popular option is wine and that could be one entire post, just on pairing cheese and wine together. There are cheesy (lol) sayings like “What Grows Together Goes Together,” so if a goat and a grape come from the same area, that goat cheese probably goes well with that wine. Then there are tannins to consider (I like to pair tannic wines with cheese that can be compared to butter: super heavy cheese, warm flavors). But here’s a secret — I cheat. There is a cheat sheet that I use when I don’t want to experiment with a pairing and risk looking like a wine n00b. There are only two things I can definitively say for sure without a cheat sheet when it comes to pairing wines and cheeses:
- Never pair Cabernet Sauvignon with any cheese that has pepper added to it; black pepper changes the way Cabs taste, and mostly not for the better. I learned this from my fiancée when she spent three months in Napa making wine.
- Riesling goes with a lot, so if your plate is super varied, it’s a good option. Which is too bad for me, because Riesling isn’t my favorite.
Keep in mind, though, that cheese doesn’t just pair with wine. You can pair cheese with whiskey, for example, or tequila or rum. You can pair cheese with artisanal soda or no-alcohol mocktails. And because I think eating anything is a total experience, you can pair cheese with activities you are doing (i.e., A Cheese Plate for Meeting One Million Deadlines, or The Netflix Marathon Cheese Plate). Basically, when it comes to experimenting with these pairs, knowing the following things helps:
- The flavors of the things you’re pairing — that’s why grocery stores and farmers’ markets with samples out are my jam. Usually I know what the wine, whiskey or other such drink tastes like. I just need to taste the cheese before committing.
- Whether you want to complement or contrast. Either is good, they’re just different effects. Do you want to contrast a sweet wine by pairing it with a salty cheese? Or would you prefer to pick up the fruity notes with something lighter? Your choice.
- Whether any of the flavors is particularly strong. I like to say that if the flavors of the things you’re pairing would be equal to each other in a cage match, they’ll pair fine. One flavor shouldn’t be substantially stronger than everything else, or everything’s going to taste like that one thing — think like that stinky cheese we sat in a corner by itself when we were making the cheese plate. If we didn’t serve it separately, it would just overwhelm everything.
The Golden Rule
Speaking of “your choice,” remember how I said Riesling isn’t my fave? To me, even though Riesling is supposed to go with a lot, it’s never going to taste as good to me as, say, a Cabernet Sauvignon. It just isn’t. Which is to say, for me Riesling doesn’t go with everything. That’s what the Golden Rule of Cheese Pairings is about:
If you think it tastes good together, it tastes good together. And fuck what experts say if you think they’re wrong.
Taste is super subjective — and sure, there are people who really fucking know what they’re talking about. It can be fun to try their pairings to see if you agree, but you are not required to acquiesce to the cheese authorities. Damn the man, have your cheese plate. You are the authority on your own taste buds.
That goes for us too — we’re going to give you some example cheese plates to get your noggin inspired, but here’s the thing. You can ignore us. You can ignore us and follow your heart. Or you can do what we did; the following plates are tried and true.
Advanced Cheese Plating, Courtesy of Team Autostraddle
Ali’s Whiskey Lunch + Deadlines Plate
Photo by Abby
Because sometimes Staycations have to be Working Staycations, which I define as paying more attention to my emotions and stress level than I normally do and treating myself. Treating myself in this case can be defined by the presence of Brenne Whisky during lunch hours. Not something I do often (or ever) because I get tipsy comically quickly, but hey. It’s Sunday (while I’m writing this, at least). I’m writing a novel. I need to treat myself sometimes, because turns out writing a novel is really fucking difficult. This cheese plate is intended for three people all of whom are working on projects at our dining room table and is built to pair nicely with Brenne Whisky, a French single malt on the sweeter side with undertones of Cognac and Bananas. Brenne Whisky, by the way, is a former A-Camp Whiskey Tasting sponsor and we all lost our minds over it.
- Silhouette Goat Cheese from the Ardith Mae Farm (with vegetable ash — it’s actually not a blue cheese, but it kinda looks like one). Has a nice smokey flavor with the lovely creaminess that the goat cheese. Chosen to contrast the Brenne and to put it in the context of a flavor profile more common to single malts.
- Edamer from Hawthorne Valley Farm. This is like cheddar, but a little lighter and less sharp. Chosen to compliment the Brenne — I thought a sharper cheddar would overwhelm some of the Brenne’s more delicate, fruity notes.
- Aged Gouda from the grocery store on the corner. This is my more accessible cheese, and I wanted a Gouda without the smoked aspect since we already have a lighter smokey flavor with the Silhouette — I thought more smoke would be too much smoke for such a light single malt.
- Pink Lady apples
- Baguette (Hot Bread Kitchen)
- Pickles
- Carrots
- Aged Parmesan Cheese Ranch Dressing (all cheese, all the time)
- Dark chocolate. This was also chosen specifically to pair with the whiskey, because the whiskey does have a banana quality to it. Dark chocolate goes with it swimmingly.
Pairs well with: Brenne Whiskey, duh. But I also think this would pair well with some medium-bodied red wines and some medium ales. Basically the keyword here is “medium.”
Laura Mandanas’s Gilmore Girls Plate For Two
This cheese plate was delicious, obviously, but what was really great about this arrangement was that there were lots of munchies, everything went with everything else, and I remembered to put out multiple cheese knives. My girlfriend and I found this perfect for TV watching, because it ultimately meant less time futzing with the food and more time staring into Rory and Lorelei Gilmore’s beautiful baby blues. Goodness gracious, I do love those girls.
- Goat cheese
- Halawi Dates
- Ginger Shortbread
- Pepitas
- Blue cheese
- California Mandarinquat
- Pecan
- Italian Table Cheese
- Sharp Cheddar with Almond Crust
- Flying Chocolate Pig with Bacon
- Brie
- Table Crackers
Pairs well with: Gilmore Girls and root beer.
Maddie’s No Cows Allowed Goat’s Milk Plate
This is a GOAT’S MILK ONLY plate. I visited the fine cheese monger known as Trader Joe, picked his finest [only] cheeses made from goat’s milk. The chevre with herbs was delightfully predictable. The cheddar was sharp, flavorful and much more crumbly than your average cow cheddar. The goat gouda was the surprise favorite: rich, smooth and nice with the apple.
- Goat chevre with “fine herbs”
- Goat milk cheddar
- Goat milk gouda
- Grapes
- Oven-roasted asparagus
- Gala apple
- Multigrain baguette
Pairs well with: the cheapest red wine you can find.
Carmen’s Haus Meeting Plate
I’ve recently moved into a new house with Skinz, my forever BFF, and a new and amazing and really fancy roommate named Hillary. And everything is white! Like, everything you guys. The hardwood floors are white. The walls are white or soon-to-be-painted white. The furniture has a creamy glaze. The couch is — yep — white. Even her dog is white, which means no matter what color I wear now you can see dog hair on me! Yay!
I made us a cheese plate for our first-ever haus meeting because nobody can be happy without cheese and also, killing two birds with one cheesy stone is my idea of a good time. I totally coincidentally chose a lot of light cheeses and then ate them alongside a Stella Artois, which is so light it’s pretty much clear. What I’m saying here is, the cheese matched the decor matched the drinks: all white everything.
On this cheese plate:
- Stolen Sharp White Cheddar Cheese, like literally stolen cheese from Skinz’s old house.
- Jarlsberg Semi-Soft Part-Skim Cheese, which is creamy and actually amazing and not that much money!
- Cabot Pepper Jack Cheese because I love spice and also because this is a super-thrifty cheese choice.
- Brie, because we needed something you could really put all over…
- Homemade Rolls, which I loved and don’t find ugly at all.
Pairs well with: white walls, white floors and white wine (lol). Also the aforementioned Stella.
Rachel’s Vegan Dreamin’ Cheese Plate
Hello this is your resident vegan speaking. I am a wacko who is super into vegan cheese; I’m not usually crazy about the storebought brands, but I like making and eating cheese-esque situations at home. If you are also into this, I highly recommend Miyoko Schinner’s cookbook on this. I didn’t have time to make any of her recipes this week but they’re pretty sweet. Here’s what I did make:
- Coconut milk cheddar made from this recipe (meltable!)
- Multigrain artisanal cracker situation
- Creamy mascarpone-ish cashew cheese
- Medjool dates
- Kite Hill almond cheese from Whole Foods (I’m actually not wild about this, especially not at $10 for 4 oz, but it was worth a shot)
- Gala apple slices
Pairs well with: cheap red wine and watching Medium on Netflix
So You Want to Host a Themed Movie Marathon
feature image via shutterstock
On March 14, we want our readers to stay in together as part of Autostraddle’s International Staycation Spectacular! Follow along with everyone’s hotel parties, spa days, and indoor picnics around the world with the hashtag #StaycationSpectacular, and join us on the day of for the A+ livestream!
It’s a truth universally acknowledged that if you’re going to hang out inside all day, curling up with your off-brand Snuggie and popcorn to watch a movie is a pretty solid idea. This plan becomes EVEN MORE fun when you add a theme of some sort and possibly some friends. I firmly believe that the amount of fun you have during this experience is directly correlated to how hard you go in on your theme, because the rule is always that the more deathly serious you take something, the more fun it gets, right? Right. I will be conducting my Themed Movie Experience with my friend Batia, and our theme will be Jeff Goldblum. I know, it’s a really great idea, we’re geniuses. I’ll be talking about the themed movie marathon concept through a Jeff Goldblum lens, but obviously feel free to use your imagination and apply it to your own life, it’s your world we just live in it, etc.
Pick a theme
This is vitally important as it lays the groundwork for your entire situation here. The key is to find the right balance between specificity and broadness. “Action movies” is too broad; “movies that have both musical numbers and a Culkin” is probably too specific; “movies where Michelle Rodriguez kills a man” is perfect. Picking a specific actor and watching different parts of their filmography works well, as does picking important films from a specific time periodl. If anyone is screening all the Fast&Furious movies, all the Taken movies, and/or subtextually homoerotic teen girl witch movies, please invite me.
Movies and timing
I know you’re excited about watching every movie ever made in which a trained animal learns to play a human sport and saves the soul of a whole town while helping one little child believe in magic, but that is a bad idea. Not the animal theme, but watching too many movies. It’s probably better to err on the side of keeping the bar low, because it only takes one movie too many to turn the whole thing into a slog rather than a delightful frolic. Here’s what we’re aiming to watch:
Jurassic Park
Vibes
The episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent where Jeff Goldblum and the lady detective I’m convinced is gay deal with a vampire cult
The Big Chill
It’s also important to schedule breaks in between movies for snacking (at least more focused and dedicated snacking, separate from movietime snacking), changing themed outfits, recapping important movie points, etc. Speaking of snacks:
Snacks and other food
You could just order delivery and enjoy it while draped across your sofa like a decadent Roman empress, and that would be fine. You could ALSO fully integrate your themes into your victuals, like an ambitious mother throwing a Batman-themed birthday party for her six year old. Personally, we’re entertaining the options of veggie dino nuggets (you know the ones by Dr. Praeger’s?) during Jurassic Park and cranberry juice or bloody marys during the vampire episode. Opportunities abound. This category really opens up for people who are watching food-based movies. Go wild, y’all.
LIFE FOUND A WAY (into my belly, seriously these are pretty good)
Drinks
Depending on a number of factors, maybe you would be interested in some alcohol-based activities as well. I don’t understand how making up drinks or ~mixology~ works, but it seems like probably you could make a drink you like and name it after your favorite movie character, and no one could stop you. I mean there’s no law about it. If there’s already drink references in your movie (The Big Lebowski comes to mind) then you’re really all set. Right now our vague Jeff Goldblum homage drink idea I think combines seltzer, tequila, orange blossom water, and lime, possibly simple syrup (or agave nectar??? hmmm). How is this actually related to Jeff Goldblum? We’re still developing the backstory. I’ll keep you posted.
Wardrobe
Both staycationing and movie marathoning really lend themselves to sweatpants and/or fleece onesies, so if you don’t want to go all out on an advanced wardrobe experience. But if you do! IF YOU DO. It’s like all the fun of going to a Rocky Horror showing except you don’t have to leave the house, or see other people, or be written on in lipstick, and also you get to watch any movie not just Rocky Horror. (You can also watch Rocky Horror, if you want.) Anyhow there’s a lot to work with here. Personally, I am torn between emulating Jeff Goldblum’s grown-up mall goth/amateur pickup artist look from Jurassic Park and his extremely lesbian ensemble in Independence Day, a movie which I don’t think is technically on the docket but which lives on in my heart always.
tough choice or impossible choice?
If you don’t want to commit to a full-body look, you also have the option of themed accessories, like these nail stickers I made for Batia which are, if I’m being honest, incredible.
Togetherness activities
The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup and the best part of movie marathons is FRIENDSHIP. If you are watching your movies with one or more others, this category is for you, although I want to honor and respect those of us who are going to watch every Pixar movie all by our solitary selves.
Batia and I are separated by several states and a number of the great lakes, so we are marathoning together long-distance. There are a few ways to do this: you can use actual screensharing to watch things LITERALLY AT THE SAME INSTANT, via something like Google Hangouts. You can also just be on the phone or on gchat and, you know, try to synchronize things.
This is just the beginning, however, of the FRIENDSHIP POSSIBILITIES. We haven’t even gotten into all the multitudes of ways there are to make what could be lowkey and lazy weirdly rigorous, which I assume we all agree is really fun. For instance:
- Consider scorecards/some sort of rubric. For us specifically, I’m thinking of the rating scale that Watching Every Jeff Goldblum Movie uses. People can fill them out as you watch and then compare afterwards.
- If you have seen the film before, consider a drinking game/moments to interact with the screen, like Rocky Horror.
- Just an idea? I don’t think you would regret posed group shots enacting scenes from the movie. This option is especially enticing if you really took your costuming seriously.
5 Best Things To Wear To Your Gay Stay-Cation
Feature image via Andreas Saldavs/Shutterstock
On March 14, we want our readers to stay in together as part of Autostraddle’s International Staycation Spectacular! Follow along with everyone’s hotel parties, spa days, and indoor picnics around the world with the hashtag #StaycationSpectacular, and join us on the day of for the A+ livestream!
I’m not about to come here and tell you exactly what you must wear on your staycation. That wouldn’t be right, and it wouldn’t be true. But having a staycation is about being your best self, and these items have been hand-picked to point you in the right direction. Keep these ideas in mind when making your sartorial choices this Staycation Saturday, and you’ll be set for success.
1. Some bomb-ass underwear
Sonnet Study Corset in Noir, $59.99
Love Claudette Polka Dot Longline Bra, $78.83
Torrid Mesh Rumba Panty, $10.98
BlueBella Lottie Sheer and Satin Bodysuit, $68.08
Whether or not you’re planning to get sexy time in on your staycay, you’ve got to start your outfit with a confidence-building layer. That may mean pulling out your laciest, strappiest, most expensive lingerie item, or it may just mean wearing those super-comfy Gap boy shorts that always make you feel effortlessly cool and desirable. If you’re having trouble figuring out what that item could be, try this: Imagine your partner/crush/random object of desire is seeing you in sexy mode for the first time, and you’re looking fly but also totally like yourself. What are you wearing? That’s the winner.
2. The comfiest pants you own
Wonder Woman Sleep Pant, $38.50
Calvin Klein Underwear Collage PJ Pants, $42
Nothin’ But a Zzz Thang Sleep Shorts, $29.99
GapFit gFast Cotton Leggings, $44.95
This one is non-negotiable (unless you’re negotiating down to no pants, in which case I say, GO FORTH). You’re not going out today, except maybe to pick up an extra jug of OJ, so you don’t need to impress anybody with your ability to pick out weather-appropriate and underwear-hiding clothing. For me personally, staycation means pulling on the uber-comfy leggings that keep me warm and make my ass look amazing, while their high waistband provides enough space for my stomach to expand as I indulge in a day of snacking, chomping and imbibing. My girlfriend prefers the Aerie boxer shorts she stole from me a year ago, which is fine so long as they fit neatly into that category up there.
3. An oversized top half
Scissoring Sweatshirt in Red, $48
Lavish is the Life! Robe, $79.99
Drawstring Hoodie, $59.95
Kimono in Botanical Digital Print, $68.08
I’ve been lusting after a silk floral pattern robe for a while now. Not any particular robe; I just have this idea in my head that if I get one, maybe with a blue satin ribbon around the hem and some lacy detailing, my life will suddenly become perfect and my days working from my couch will feel elegant (carefree, even!) rather than self-indulgent. But I don’t have the money to shop at Anthropologie right now, so for my staycation I’ll be wearing what is legitimately the softest item of clothing I own: my Autostraddle scissoring sweatshirt. This part of the outfit is about versatility; it’s gotta be a little baggy, to keep you relaxed, warm enough that you don’t have to wrap a blanket around your body like a shawl (though feel free to do this anyway) and easy to remove if you decide to have a dance party and get a little sweaty. So, a robe, a fluffy cardigan, literally the best sweatshirt ever created…any of these will do.
4. Slippers
Gold Toe Fleece Lined Slip-On Slipper, $24.97
KISS GOLD Fresh Floral Print Premium Cotton House Slipper, $17.99
S’mores USB Heated Plush Slippers, $24.99
Daniel Green Women’s Gildy Moccasin, $40.18
Shoes are wonderful. I have like 5,000 pairs, most of which sit in a bucket in my closet because I wear the same salt-stained ankle boots every day. But you know what I can’t wear on Staycation day? Any of those shoes. On a day when the ideal maximum distance you walk is from the couch to the fridge, the only footwear you need is a good pair of slippers. Something soft and plush, with room to wiggle your toes and easy to slip on and off at a moment’s notice. If you’re planning on checking the mail or walking the dog, maybe find something with a sturdier sole. But if all you want is to treat your toes like royalty while you lounge on the couch, I suggest you follow Taylor’s footsteps (ahaha) up there and look into a USB-powered version.
5. Something wild
Tilt the End of Time Fascinator, $29.99
Rad & Refined Floral Cluster Sunglasses, $44
La Piscine Print Fanny Pack, $24
Large Velvet Hair Bow, $14.33
This is the item that will set you apart from any other staycationer. It’s that weird thing you bought on sale at the thrift store because you convinced yourself you’d make it your “thing,” only to stuff it up on the top shelf of your closet for the next six months. Maybe it’s a hat with a giant feather. Maybe it’s a tiara, or a gigantic red bow. Maybe it’s something that doesn’t even go on your head. The point is, it’s something you’ve dreamt of wearing, but never had the courage to take it out of the house. Well, today, you don’t have to take it outside. You just have to put it on.
The Ultimate Staycation Kit to Eschew The World And Take Care Of Your Brain
On March 14, we want our readers to stay in together as part of Autostraddle’s International Staycation Spectacular! Follow along with everyone’s hotel parties, spa days, and indoor picnics around the world with the hashtag #StaycationSpectacular, and join us on the day of for the A+ livestream!
I was once a hardcore extrovert. Through my teens, being alone and doing nothing both made me super anxious, so I kept myself busy and actively social. Looking back, I can’t say objectively if this was a healthy way for me to be, but either way, along the way, something changed. I came to appreciate and long for alone time where all I had to do was exactly whatever I wanted to do. Mid February through mid March has been the busiest month of work I’ve had since I moved to Nicaragua, working 14-hour days with one-day weekends. I’m also currently extricating my heart from a logistically unfeasible romantic situation. I’m so overstimulated my brain probably looks like a pinball machine.
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So on March 14th I’ll be celebrating Autostraddle Staycation day in my bed with most of the lights off and a brand new notebook. Here’s my guide for an exquisitely necessary hermit day. Who wants to rest with me?
1. A Space Where You Can Be
The first step to a successful solitary staycation is identifying the right location. For me, it’s going to be right here in my bedroom because I’ve barely been home at all in 2015 and I’m pretty sure my bed has forgotten what I look like. But maybe the people you share your home with are one of the sources or your anxiety, or maybe you work at home and will pop if you spend anymore time there. Find a secluded outdoors spot or a hotel to set up camp in.
2. Clothes (Or Not)
I have negative plans to put pants on during my staycation — give me an oversized tank top or give me death. Dress yourself for ultimate relaxation. If I didn’t live in a tropical climate with no A/C, I’d be coveting Alternative Apparel’s Slouchy Slub sweatshirt. That name! And if for any reason I have to go outside I’ll pull on my Hane’s Premium Men’s Sweatpants (team elastic bottom sweatpants for life).
3. Reading material
My new copy of Kingdom Animalia by Aracelis Girmay has been sitting on my nightstand calling to me for weeks. I’ll spend the morning digesting each poem slowly and hope they get stuck in my gut for seven years. I’m also finally going to finish The Miseducation of Cameron Post. Hermiting also lends itself well to inspirational memoirs like Janet Mock’s Redefining Realness or Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal by Jeanette Winterson.
4. Things to put in your mouth
It’s important to keep yourself well hydrated and fed during all this hardcore hanging out. Before the big day, I’m going to stock up on Dr Pepper, bananas and peanut butter. I’ve got a box of Annie’s Cheddar Bunnies squirreled away for just this occasion. And I’m planning to make some kickass lentils ahead of time. Here, just because I love you, is my totally vegan, stupidly easy lentil recipe:
Instructions: In the bottom of a large pot, sautee the onions (chopped pretty small) and the garlic (chopped as small as you can without getting bored) in vegetable oil until the onions start to turn clear. Add in the lentils, chopped carrot and chopped potatoes. Cover the whole mess with water, add the spices, stir, and cover. Cook it until everything is kind of mushy looking and the lentils are totally soft. Eat.
5. Paper and pen
When I get way too busy, my brain stops dealing with the peripheral feelings and worries that seem too small to bother with but can actually pile up to make me an anxious depressive wreck. I am not a consistent journaler by any means, but sometimes it is the only thing that works to extricate the piled up jumbles of blah in my head. Journaling scares me, because usually when I do it I figure shit out that I then have to process and deal with and my golly it is just so much easier to pretend everything is fine enough. The beauty of a hermit day is that I not only have time to write, I have time to figure out how do deal with how crappy that writing may make me feel and make a game plan for getting out of it. My roommate just brought me a beautiful purple journal from Nepal, and I will inaugurate it with my feelings.
6. The Self-Control App
It will be tempting to spend the whole day screwing around on social media and catching up with the people I’ve been ignoring for a month. This would also be wildly counterproductive to my self-care aims. The Self-Control App is the only reason I finished my senior thesis, and it will be my buddy on this day. If you have a Mac, I highly recommend it. The Stay Focus’d extension works great with the Chrome browser, and Robin recommends Leechblock for Chrome. I’m planning to shut down Facebook, Twitter and my email, because social media stimulates all the parts of my brain that keep me from actually calming down and focusing on myself. Instead, I’ll cue up some longform articles I’ve missed out on and finally finish that one essay I want to make for you that has been blinking at me since the new year.
7. Some junk TV
I realize a lot of these things sound downright productive, but don’t worry: I’m also planning to watch When Harry Met Sally and Say Anything for the 23rd time each.
If I interpret 80’s John Cusack as a lesbian, my entire life suddenly makes perfect sense.
8. Odds and Ends
A joint, a vibrator, a bottle of wine or a yoga mat would all be stellar things to add to the list. I will probably end my day with a low key social activity, like having friends over to play %Bananagrams, to make sure the self-care time doesn’t turn into wallowing. In the end, your solitary staycation is all about you and what chills you out and makes you more equipped to take on the world. Happy hermiting!
Staycation Grab Bag: DIY Ideas and Inspiration for Your Big Days Inside
On March 14, we want our readers to stay in together as part of Autostraddle’s International Staycation Spectacular! Follow along with everyone’s hotel parties, spa days, and indoor picnics around the world with the hashtag #StaycationSpectacular, and join us on the day of for the A+ livestream!
Are you guys excited about Autostraddle’s International Staycation Spectacular? I’m basically exploding inside while I wait for my indoor picnic to happen. I offered up some ideas for staycation themes and activities in our launch post, but since I’m really devoted to helping you live your dreams, I thought I’d follow it up with some concrete steps to make them happen. Like DIY projects! And pretty pictures!
Here we go.
DIY Spa Day Supplies
+ DIY fizzy bath bombs! Because Laura knows that nothing is more fun that a fizzy bath bomb, and I concur.
+ Also, the other delightfully crafty human named Laura who works here taught us how to make oatmeal and lavender soap once and I bet it’s amazing to rub all over your body.
+ Same with the body butter she made that time.
+ You could always wash your face with a bunch of oils, ps! Or you could scrub it with this sweet ‘n tough olive oil stuff.
+ Find more where this all came from in the DIY Beauty Bar.
+ These mini lavender cupcake bath melts are also adorable, maybe because the term “cupcake” is so adorable.
+ Make some rose water before you do anything else. It’s a staycation! Treat yo self.
+ Here’s some guidance on giving a back massage for you to hand to someone else on Saturday when they’re giving you a back massage.
+ I hope this nighty-night DIY bath salt stuff isn’t as creepy as its name is.
+ Three words: Tub Tea Time!
+ If you build this bathtub caddy, you might forget you’re not at a 5-star hotel. You might also wanna throw in these spa-like details, take some time to create a nice shower space, put together an at-home spa kit, and roll your towels like a pro for the full effect.
+ I won’t judge you for crocheting a bath pouf. Or spelling it poof, incidentally.
+ Take a motherf*cking detox bath. Or, add some of these 12 remedies to your bathtub and take a different kind of bath for a different purpose because who knew you even could!
+ Last but not least, light up an aromatherapy candle for good measure. Also for aromatherapy.
Take a Seat
it’s a hammock! a fort! and a bed!
+ This macramé hanging chair is making me rethink my entire life so that I can center it around building this chair.
+ Also, same for this hammock chair.
+ You could make one of these 25 DIY blankets for the beach, picnic, or pool and lounge on that. I am particularly devoted to this one, because chevron.
+ This DIY picnic blanket seems really on brand for you. Also, it’s the most portable thing ever.
+ I would sit on something called a “sit-upon” because that’s just too perfect a name in my eyes.
+ Here’s some low-budget outdoor (read: backyard) camping ideas including instructions for this DIY swing!
Put Something Over Your Head Maybe
+ Hello, can I make a hula hoop hideout or am I too old. I cannot handle the truth.
+ How about a “simple” DIY tent? I don’t know how to operate a sewing machine, but.
+ You could pitch this tent anywhere. Maybe the beach? I don’t know your life. Seems romantic.
+ Apartment Therapy’s DIY outdoor awning is, um, everything.
+ They told us how to make a treehouse once, too.
+ Actually no, I take it back. This indoor/outdoor fucking playhouse is everything. I want to live in this, I think. Eli could totes fit, right.
For Tea Parties
+ Let’s make some teacup candles for our tea parties because tea is the best!
+ Use these fans, because you can and because you should and because have you looked at these, they are so cute.
+ Also, I think if you’re hosting a tea party you should probably read one of our myriad guides to the stuff.
Picnic-Me-Up
+ I trust this HelloGiggles guide to the perfect picnic 100 percent. That is all.
It’s Almost Like You Went Outside
+ Oh, I’m sorry. Did you not want a mountain mural on your wall. It’s like a staycation you’ll never have to stop waking up in, y’all. Think about it.
+ Hang some DIY cloud lights for effect afterward and you may as well be at A-Camp in the early morning.
+ Mmmm. Natural room scents.
+ I hope “succulent gardens for small spaces” is eventually so relevant to my life it becomes a chapter in my memoir.
+ Ocean in a bottle, because now the song “Message In A Bottle” is stuck in your head, too. I can’t suffer alone.
+ Do you think Laneia would like a moss bath mat? I do.
+ These pressed herb candles might make me melt. See what I did there.
+ If your candles aren’t as pretty as all that, just toss ’em in a birch candle holder.
In My Rooooom
+ These 10 ideas will make a canopy bed possible for you, even if you don’t have a canopy bed, because if you believe in anything hard enough it comes true.
+ Got some Christmas lights? You totally do, you hipster. Hang ’em up! And hang ’em up right.
DIY Fizzy Bath Bombs For Your Filthy Hot Bods
On March 14, we want our readers to stay in together as part of Autostraddle’s International Staycation Spectacular! Follow along with everyone’s hotel parties, spa days, and indoor picnics around the world with the hashtag #StaycationSpectacular, and join us on the day of for the A+ livestream!
Hello, beasts! I hope you’re getting amped for your staycations. My plans for the day include making a cheese plate, watching House of Cards, deep conditioning my hair, and taking a long, decadent bath in the blood of my enemies.
Just kidding on that last one. But a fancy bath is definitely on the agenda, and since I haven’t gone Gone Girl on anyone lately, there will be liberal use of bath bombs. Because when I staycation, I really mean it. I sit and I steam and I stay. Bath bombs. Go hard.
In preparation for some truly sumptuous soaking, I’ve been trying out different fizzy bath bomb recipes for the past month. After numerous trials, I’ve perfected my optimal mix. It has milk for moisturization. Lavender to aid relaxation. Corn starch to make the water nice and silky. Epsom salt to relieve sore muscles. Shea butter to smooth dry elbows and heels. Almond oil for shiny hair. Coconut oil for soft skin. And, oh yeah, look how soothing the fizzy bubbles are!
That’s right, they’re obscenely soothing. Bath bombs are the perfect treat to pamper your hot, filthy bod. Or filthy hot bod? Look, I don’t know your life.
(A note for fellow nerds: The fizzing comes from an acid-base reaction. Remember as a kid when you made the classic baking soda and vinegar “volcano” for science fair? That’s the same principle at work in bath bombs. I’m just using citric acid instead of vinegar here.)
Anyway, if you’re all ready to get started, we’re going to do this in two parts. First I’ll give you the exact recipe I use, then I’ll teach you how to make your own custom recipe. Because is there anything more badass than customized luxury bath goods? I mean, maybe, but just go with it.
Bombs away!
Badass Moisturizing Lavender Bath Bombs
Ingredients:
- 1/4 cup Citric Acid
- 1/2 cup Baking Soda
- 1/8 cup Powdered Milk
- 1/8 cup Epsom Salt
- 1/8 cup Corn Starch
- 1 tsp Shea Butter
- 1 tsp Coconut Oil
- 1 tsp Almond Oil
- 10 drops Lavender Essential Oil
- 4 drops Blue Food Coloring
- 3 drops Red Food Coloring
- 100 ml water
Equipment:
- 2 bowls
- 1 spray bottle
- measuring cups & spoons
- microwave
- a mold (I used this fancy mooncake mold, but ice cube trays and muffin tins are also great)
Directions:
Wet ingredients to the left. Dry ingredients to the right.
- Mix dry ingredients (1/4 cup citric acid, 1/2 cup baking soda, 1/8 cup powdered milk, 1/8 cup epsom salt, 1/8 cup corn starch) in one bowl. Stir until well combined.
- Mix shea butter, coconut oil and almond oil (1 tsp each) in another bowl. Microwave for 1 minute. Stir until well combined.
Quick! Stir stir stir.
- Pour wet ingredients into dry ingredients. Mix.
Other essential oils I love in bath bombs: spearmint, peppermint, grapefruit, eucalyptus, and tangerine. One time I tried lemongrass and it made me smell like potpourri. Which was… alright? I guess?
- Add 10 drops of lavender essential oil. Mix well.
- Put a small amount of water (I used 100 ml) in your spray bottle. Add food coloring (4 drops of blue, 3 drops of red). Put the top on and shake to combine.
Warning: food coloring will stain your skin if you put it directly on your body. Don’t do that. But a few drops diluted by an entire bathtub full of water is just fine.
Tip: if you’re impatient and know you won’t want to wait for it to dry later on, you can add a little bit of alcohol to your colored water mix. It makes it dry quicker.
- Spray the colored water over your ingredients while mixing. You only want to do a little at a time, so the chemical reaction doesn’t start. If you hear the mixture fizzing, it’s too moist. Stir, or quickly add more dry ingredients.
Honestly, this is slightly too much water. My music was up too loud and I didn’t hear when it started fizzing.
Keep going until your mixture is about as damp as you’d need sand to be in order to mold a good sandcastle. Check the consistency of your mixture by picking some up in your hands and squishing it to make a ball. Keep spritzing and stirring until you can make a ball that stays clumped together (rather than immediately crumbling apart).
It’s okay if there are still white spots.
- Scoop the mixture into your molds. Pack it down tightly.
Use the back of a spoon to get more leverage when you’re packing the mixture into the mold. You can also use your fingers.
- Put your mold in the freezer to set. Drying time varies depending on how much moisture you added, but I generally leave mine for at least half an hour. If you’re patient enough to leave it overnight, that’s even better. The dryer and harder the ingredients are, the better they’ll hold their shape.
- When the bombs are done drying, pop them out of the mold. If you’ve done it too soon and they’re still moist, just crumble it up, remold, and wait a little longer. You can add more corn starch to the mixture if you think you really went overboard with the water. Or, if you didn’t add enough water, just crumble it up, spritz some more in, and put it back in the mold to try again. Keep in mind that a crumbly bath bomb will still work; it’s just not as pretty.
See? I left the blue one in overnight. On the green and purple ones I was too impatient to wait that long, so they got a little crumbly.
- Put one or two in your bath and watch them fizz away. As you’re steeping, take some time to reflect on your life and feel good about all the decisions you’ve made that have gotten you to this point.
Choose Your Own Adventure Bath Bomb
Remember when I said earlier that I’d teach you how to make your own bath bomb recipe? Of course you do, starshine, and that time has now come. Here’s what you need to know.
Magic Bath Bomb Ratio:
- 1 part acid
- 2 parts base
- 1 part powdered ingredients
- 10-20% binding agent
- Color, scent, floaty things as desired
As long as your concoction more or less follows this ratio, your bath bomb is going to turn out just splendidly. The stakes are very low here, so play around, have fun, and see which combinations you like the best!
To get you started, here’s a list of possibilities.
Acid (select one):
Base (select one):
- Baking Soda
- Baking Powder (although it has some acid in it already, so you’ll have to adjust the ratio; this recipe turned out well for me, if you want to try it)
Powdered Ingredients (use as many as you like, as long as the total follows the ratio):
- Powdered milk
- Bentonite clay
- Honey powder or grain powder
- Corn starch
- Sea salt, Epsom salt
Binding Agent (select one):
- Water
- Tea, floral water, male tears, rainwater you’ve personally collected from the heavens via champagne flute, etc.
- Cocoa butter, mango butter or shea butter (just melt it first, and be aware that the final mixture tends to comes out more crumbly)
Color, Scent, Floaty Things (go wild):
- Lavender, rose petals, flower petals
- Ginger, cinnamon, herbs
- Coconut oil, olive oil, jojoba oil, almond oil, avocado oil, baby oil, etc. (just add more powdered ingredients if your mixture becomes too wet)
- Cocoa butter, mango butter, shea butter (ditto)
- Essential oil, fragrance oil, witch hazel
- Oatmeal
- Lemon, Orange, Grapefruit
- Sprinkles, Jell-o, sugar decorations (but go easy on this, because yeast infections!)
- Cosmetic glitter, engagement rings, little toys
- Seaweed
- Honey
Again, these are just some possibilities. Dream big, and if you come up with something awesome, let me know.
10 Luxurious Robes for Your Staycation Snugglefest
On March 14, we want our readers to stay in together as part of Autostraddle’s International Staycation Spectacular! Follow along with everyone’s hotel parties, spa days, and indoor picnics around the world with the hashtag #StaycationSpectacular, and join us on the day of for the A+ livestream!
Hey there, you pretty kitty. It’s staycation time, so pour yourself a hot cuppa tea and melt into one of these yummy robes. A great robe makes you feel like you’re falling slowly down a deep deep tunnel of ambient warmth while being hugged by a million fluffy kittens who are purring into your ear, “Stay, relax, shhhh.” Perfect for lounging around, whether you’re hosting a PJ party, indulging in a snugglefest with some sexy company, or curling up in bed with a fav book.
Who needs to go outside and face the world? Not you, not today. Get your warmth on!
For Her Pleasure
Get the full-body plush experience with this hooded microfleece floor-length robe. This robe has everything: roomy unisex sizing, two belt loop options for a better fit, front pockets, chemical-free dyes, and a hood for your cold noggin. Available in unisex sizes S-4XL in a variety of colors and prints.
Alexander Del Rossa Fleece Hooded Bathrobe Robe, $49.99
Lasso of Truth
Now your can cosplay without even getting out of bed! Save the day in this officially licensed plush Wonder Woman robe! Lasso of Truth and bulletproof bracelets and Ms. Magazine t-shirt not included.
Wonder Woman Ladies Cotton Bathrobe, $59.95
Don’t You Know Your Queen
Be the queen bee whether enjoying a champagne breakfast or making naughty plans with a play partner. This satin shortie will look great over your cutest underthings or your lovely birthday suit. Available in fourteen shiny colors and available up to 2XL.
Veami Kimono Robe, $14.95-$39.99
The Smoking Gun
Won’t you look so fancy in this smoking hot smoking jacket? Take out your best pipe and your martini shaker and find some sexy company to share a quiet evening by the fireplace. Twill wool and cashmere blend with satin piping and satin lining, shawl collar and turn-up cuffs in a wrap style. This one’s an investment, but daaaamn, will you be dapper.
Duke & Digham Smoking Jacket in Thaddeus Black, $199.99
Reduce, Reuse, Relax
Whether you’re doing a sun salutation, making your own organic mud mask, or sorting your recyclables, be kind to yourself and the earth in this 100% GOTS certified organic cotton robe made with low-impact, environmentally friendly dyes. Namaste, betch.
Pure Fiber Organic Combed Cotton Bath Robe, $65.99
Red Hot Polka Dots
The company that makes your favorite house slippers now makes your favorite robe. It’s a little cute, it’s a little kitsch, it’s damn comfy.
Dearfoams Patterned Robe with Sherpa Collar, $26.99-$30.00
There Might Be Bears
If your idea of a good staycation activity is chopping wood or harvesting maple syrup from your trees or whittling yourself a new harness, this is the robe for you. We all know lumbersexuals appropriated the merciless and timeless style of wilderness lesbians, so take back our people’s signature look with this cozy flannel number in nine different plaid print options. Did I say nine plaid print options? Why yes, I did.
Noble Mount Premium 100% Cotton Flannel Robe, $39.99
Mud Mask Spaaah Realness
Get your spa on with this Turkish spa robe. Cut up a cucumber and plop some slices over your eyes. Splash your face with bottled water. See? It’s just like being at the spaaaaaah. This Turkish spa robe is actually made in Turkey. I don’t know if that actually makes it better, but the price is right and the reviews are glowing.
TowelSelections Turkish Cotton Bathrobe Terry Kimono Robe, $38.95
This is Not an Invisibility Cloak
Pack up your owl and head to King’s Cross Station, because it’s time to enter the magical world of Hogwarts in your official Harry Potter robe. Also available in Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Gryffindor, depending on where the sorting hat assigns you, of course.
Harry Potter Slytherin Robe, $69.95
On the Prowl
Leopard print has that perfect mix of “look at me I’m so hot” and “don’t even think about messing with me.” True confession time: I have two fuzzy leopard print robes already and probably my next robe will be leopard print, too, because that’s how I roll. Maybe I will buy this robe. Oops. I did it. Are you ready to go on the prowl, too?
Casual Moments Leopard-Print Hooded Robe, $20.40-$40.80
Are you warmed yet, poppets? From your heart cockles to your lower extremities? Do you have a favorite robe for lounging? Are you buying a new one right now?
Nerdy Staycation: Books You Can Totally Complete In A Weekend
On March 14, we want our readers to stay in together as part of Autostraddle’s International Staycation Spectacular! Follow along with everyone’s hotel parties, spa days, and indoor picnics around the world with the hashtag #StaycationSpectacular, and join us on the day of for the A+ livestream!
With all the things you could be doing with your Staycation, I’m going to make the argument for books. Yes, perhaps you want to boot up your old Nintendo 64 that you just dug out of boxes in your parents house, and you can and should do that too (I’m doing that!), but there’s nothing more relaxing and recharging than reading a book. It comes with a feeling of moral superiority and the added bonus of actually improving your brain, instead of melting it in a pool of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Building a reading habit comes with so many benefits, and what better time to start (or continue, I don’t know your life) than on a relaxing weekend where you go nowhere.
Obviously originally by Allie Brosh and then meme-ified
Here are some recommendations to get you started that can totally be completed in a weekend (and I’m actually a very slow reader despite the numerous books read in graduate level literature seminars, so probably you will finish faster).
Books With Queer Content
Event Factory by Renee Gladman
This novel is very concerned with language, the protagonist is queer and it contains a fisting scene which, I would argue, is a metaphor for the author-reader relationship (but tell me if you think I’m full of shit). This book would appeal to people who like poetry and idiosyncratic protagonists.
Jam on the Vine by LaShonda Katrice Barnett
This is a historical fiction meets literary fiction story with elements of jazz music worked into the cadence of the words on the page. Ivoe Williams, the protagonist, is a queer (though that’s not what she calls herself in 1919) black journalist covering the American prison system in the early 20th century. This book would appeal to people who like epic timeline spans and history.
Okay, yes, this is a gay man. But there’s something kinda wonderful about being led by the hand through 1950’s and 60’s New York City by a Frank O’Hara poem, with all the humor and campy Hollywood references that a gay man of that era tended to deliver. If you’re like, ugh, Ali, just ONE place where we don’t have to worry about the men and you remain unsold, I dare you to listen to Frank O’Hara reading one of my very favorite poems, entitled Poem. This book would appeal to people who like urbane, clear lines and movie stars.
The Canon You Never Got To
(As much as I disagree with the “canon” as a thing because it is often straight, white and male, here I am using it to refer to stuff that some of us read in high school and some of us didn’t.)
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
I am about to admit a thing — due to our two-track English system in high school, The Great Gatsby is one of those books that I completely missed. But it is now on my Kindle and I am ready to go! In fact, I am so ready to go that I’ve read a bit of it. So far, I think this book would appeal to people who would like to attend the Jazz Age Lawn Party and those who love, hate, love to hate, and hate to love the society pages.
Macbeth by William Shakespeare
While The Tempest is actually my favorite Shakespeare, Macbeth is a close second and, in my opinion, easier to digest in a weekend— turns out the language of jealousy, greed and violence hasn’t changed much since the 1500s. I always say Shakespeare is meant to be seen, so while you’re at it, treat yo’ self (ack, Parks and Rec is over!) to some tickets if you can find the show playing near you. If you’re in New York City and you’d like to combo pack Macbeth with the Jazz Age from Gatsby, you should snag tickets to Sleep No More. Then I will be very jealous of you. This book would appeal even to people who historically don’t care for Shakespeare, and people who like murder and mayhem in their books.
To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
It’s a timely time to discover or revisit Harper Lee’s one and only published novel because she (or her attorney) is releasing a second book. When we read this in high school, it was the rare moment that everyone (even the people who hated reading) was so super into it. It’s also one of those books that turns up in all the pop culture references. I highly recommend filling this hole. This book appeals to fans of history, cinematic storytelling and Gregory Peck.
Recent Award Nominees
Land of Love and Drowning by Tiphanie Yanique
I’m a bit biased here, because Tiphanie is one of my professors. And this book is also a little long for a weekend (like at the upper limit for a weekend read, I think), but still totally possible to finish in two or three days — mostly because, like her teaching style, Yanique’s novel is both accessible and intellectually rigorous. You will not want to stop turning pages, and that’s how you can get through such a hefty book so quickly, even while savoring every gosh darn word. It’s an epic timeline and one of the characters speaks entirely in beautifully rendered dialect. Partially first person and partially narrated by the old wives, the language and style of this novel are just as wonderful and intriguing as the plot. This book appeals to folks who enjoy epic timelines and history, and also musicality of language that I find totally unparalleled anywhere else right now. Land of Love and Drowning recently won the Flaherty-Dunnan First Novel Prize.
Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel
Holy crap, this book. It’s perfect for a Staycation because this apocalypse narrative is not something you should read before, during or directly after you get on a plane (just, like, fucking trust me on this one, because I read it on a plane and NOPE). It’s also a story you’ll whip through, because apocalypse. It’s, frankly, the most realistic imagined apocalypse I’ve ever encountered and it is haunting. This book would appeal to anyone who likes a dystopia and doesn’t easily get nightmares (or can power through their nightmares for the good books). Station Eleven was nominated for the National Book Award last year.
Geek Sublime: The Beauty of Code, The Code of Beauty by Vikram Chandra
This book is the nerdiest thing I’ve ever read, and I’m the Geekery Editor. While it’s dense, Geek Sublime is definitely the right length for a weekend — just be prepared for your brain to smell like bacon as it works really hard, okay? Chandra (best known for his novels) takes us down a winding, nonfiction/criticism path where he both draws connections between writing code and writing novels and poems, and then problematizes those connections. He describes for us the way computers work (which, like, I understood before but I understand X1000 now), and takes us on detours that include Sanskrit grammar and the history of violent masculinity in technology. This book appeals to people who are nerds and people who love nerds.
Now it’s your turn — what are you reading for your Staycation 2015? Do you totally hate my choices? What can you add to the categories I picked (which are almost arbitrary, there are so many good weekend-length reads)?
Let’s Meet Up and Stay In: Autostraddle’s International Staycation Spectacular is March 14!
Photos via shutterstock.com
Let’s face it. Meet-ups make our world go ’round. We’ve brunched, we’ve purchased records together, we’ve climbed mountains, we’ve hit parks and beaches, we’ve speed-dated, we’ve done it all, you guys! And it’s been brilliant and amazing and shiny. But what we’re about to do will top everything.
On March 14, we want you – yes, YOU! – to take a staycation, dude. Oh, and we want all the ‘straddlers in your area to join you.
We want you to meet-up and sit back, relax, and chill the fuck out. We want you to host an in-house spa day, throw a hotel party uptown, rent an AirBnB and pretend you’re in a cabin in the woods, paint each other’s nails, read magazines together in the air conditioning, WHATEVER. If you would do it on vacation, do it at home or in a hotel or in a rented room! And make it better and do it together!
If you decide to spend the day with your activity partner or best friend or self instead, you can still be a part of the spirit of the day with our A+ Live Team Staycation Stream and get in on our wild and crazy shared experiences by using the hashtag #StaycationSpectacular on social media. That’s right! Via our livestream, Instagram accounts, and Twitter feeds, we can all be weirdos together without even getting out of bed!
The possibilities are endless, and the rules are simple: get relaxed, get indulgent, and get ready to wear yoga pants (if you’re into that). Here’s some ideas to get you started!
Treat Yo Self
Spend the day in an oasis of your own creation. Scrub your face. Paint your nails. Do your thing. We’ll have some DIY ideas for you in the next week, and we’ve certainly led you to the Queer Beauty Bar and the DIY Beauty Bar more than once. Put a robe on and let loose with some good ol’ masks and creams. Oh, and also you get to wear slippers. Like, are you serious?
Hotel Party
What’s the point of a vacation without a hotel party? Um, did we agree to live like Kings or what. Reserve a room in a local AirBnB, the upscale hotel down the street, or the inn next door and pretend you’re somewhere else where nobody knows you at the hotel party of your dreams. By throwing the hotel party of your dreams.
Eat Well and Prosper
Make the meal with a thousand ingredients that you never have enough time to cook. Order in some of the best food you’ve ever tasted in your life, price tag be damned. Eat gourmet chocolate all day. Have champagne for breakfast. Live on the edge, damn it.
Curl Up By the Fireplace
Lay out a plush rug and spike the hot chocolate. (Or don’t!) You don’t need to go skiing to feel like you’re in a ski lodge, after all. Extra points if you don’t have a fireplace so you watch YouTube videos of them instead.
Picnic with Reckless Abandon
Is there anything more idyllic than a picnic? Don’t answer that. Instead, grab a basket, a blanket, and a pair of shades and spend the day pretending you’re not in Kansas anymore. I’m doing this, PS! Because there’s nothing I love like a potluck and there’s nowhere better to have it than down the staircase from my room to guarantee I’ll only be five minutes late! So, yeah. This also works for an indoor beach party or actual beach party. Basically, if you live somewhere where a bunch of people can lay blankets down inside your options are limitless and a picnic is a damn good one, is all I’m saying. Also, stay tuned to this very website for some upcoming cheese and beverage combinations that will win your heart if shit like this, this, and this haven’t yet.
Anti-Lesbian Bed Death Day
This speaks for itself. It’s a staycation. There’s a bed. Take the day off by getting off with the one(s) you love.
Okay, y’all. That’s all the inspiration I’ve got but I know you’re gonna do a great job coming up with some crazy fun stuff to do with all your queermo friends / brethren, so get hosting and share your events and ideas in the comments! Just decide on the details of your staycation meet-up and submit them here. You can even use this image for your events on Facebook! Thank you, Intern Nikki!
And even if you plan not to see another soul that day, remember to share your lives with us using the #StaycationSpectacular hashtag and join A+ so you can tune in to our Live Team Staycation Stream on March 14!