A Definitive Guide to the Best At-Home Breakfast Sandwich

We’ve all picked up our own little ~hobbies~ in quarantine; some of you have been baking bread or making fresh pasta; some of you have apparently been getting really into rug tufting (??). I have not been doing anything impressive or productive; most of my days are spent listening to the soft fizz, like a Coke being opened slowly, of my brain disintegrating; I’ve started several craft-based hobbies that have not progressed since May of 2020 and my inbox is like a war zone. The one thing I have managed to focus on and find any fulfillment in is perfecting the breakfast sandwich. I have so much admiration for y’all who really discovered the meditative joy of making risottos and three-day sourdough breads, but that is not my ministry. I, like many people, have found eating regularly to be very challenging of late; I have accepted that the best way to get myself to eat meals is to make sure they’re something I really like and also something easy and fast to put together.

I am here to share the fruits of my labor, and many months of trying lots of different breakfast sandwich iterations before landing on this one. Maybe you will feel differently than me! I welcome your insight as well. Perhaps you can tell me about it over a breakfast sandwich.

First, the ingredients we will need for this journey:

Bread

This is a key element to nail down – you have a lot of options and some of them are definitely incorrect. An incomplete survey of our options:

+ Crusty sliced loaf bread
+ Bagel
+ English muffin
+ Croissant
+ Bun or roll of some sort

Bagels have a bread-to-filling ratio that’s too high, at least if you use both halves of it for a closed sandwich, although an open-faced bagel breakfast sando might be okay (still very dense, though!). English muffins are too thin, making for a low bread-to-filling ratio and they get soggy very quickly. Same problem with croissants; no structural integrity. What about tortillas? you may ask, which is a great point but one that takes us out of breakfast sandwich territory and into breakfast taco/burrito or huevos rancheros territory. A story for another day, my friend.

To me, the objective best choice is a ciabatta or focaccia roll; they’re airy enough on the inside that they’re light and easy to eat, small enough that you can pick up the sandwich easily in one hand, and yet sturdy enough that you get plenty of crusty bread along with your sandwich ingredients and they won’t get soggy even with condiments. I like to buy a big bag of them, slice them all in half right away, and then put the pre-sliced halves in the freezer so they don’t go bad and I can put them in the toaster right from the freezer.

Although I feel extremely confident this is the best, time-tested choice, I’m open to other interpretations, and especially interested in more avant-garde carbohydrate choices. Perhaps two hash brown slabs (gluten-free!)? A glazed doughnut? (The bakery at my airport has an egg and cheese on a glazed doughnut and tbh it’s great.)

Egg

Okay, the approach I’m going to suggest here is dependent on whether you tend to like your eggs fried or scrambled (or which of those things sounds better to you in a sandwich setting, I suppose).

For fried: I do the Smitten Kitchen bodega-style egg, which involves beating an egg with a little water to thin it out and cooking it on a flat nonstick surface like a crepe, throwing a slice of cheese on there, and folding it up with the cheese inside to form a gooey little pocket. As you can see, I cook mine for longer than hers, so it’s less delicate and omelet-y and more crisp on the outside, so you get some crispy cooked egg and melted cheese. You could also, if you’re really into runny yolk, just fry an egg and flip it over to cook the other side and throw a slice of cheese on top of it in the pan.

For scrambled/fluffy: This is based off the Flour Bakery egg sando, which uses as its premise the fact that reheated egg is gross but egg that’s been cooked with some high-fat dairy (ex. quiche or frittata) reheats beautifully to make sandwich egg in volume for a restaurant menu. This exact recipe is a little fussy, it asks you to steam the egg custard mixture in a tray of water, etc etc, but also isn’t actually hard — and the real draw here is that you can cook a lot of egg at once and then portion it and put it in the fridge (or freezer even!) and have your breakfast sandwich most of the way done already every morning. You can use the quiche inspiration premise to use plenty of other recipes for this, doesn’t have to be this one – if you have a quiche or frittata recipe you like, or for instance this Moosewood moment I grew up eating, that could all work also. If you want to add greens or veg or other seasoning to the egg mixture, I don’t see why you shouldn’t.

I personally like the bodega-style egg better, and also find the process of making it very satisfying, but also am not always up for a meditative multi-step cooking process that makes more than one dish dirty in the mornings, especially as my brain cells continue to degrade into asbestos over the course of quarantine. So I’ve been finding it expedient to make the baked fluffy eggs and keep them in the fridge too for days when I really need to have breakfast mostly already made or else I’m realistically not gonna end up eating it.

Vegans! Probably by now you’ve already developed some egg workarounds in your life but I would either use some baked marinated tofu here or perhaps some chickpea flour/tofu situation. EDIT: House vegan Stef has informed me that JustEgg would be ideal for this application.

Cheese

I am a purist and think that thick-cut sharp cheddar is the vibe here, but if you want to use like gouda or some shit, I’m not going to stop you. I also think there’s a strong argument to be made for the plastic-wrapped Kraft American cheese singles, tbh, to give things an authentic McD’s breakfast feel. Vegans, gotta be honest, you’re on your own here.

Protein

Optional! I’ve been using the Beyond Breakfast Sausages because I am vegetarienne and I like them better than the Morningstar ones, but you could of course also use bacon, ham, Canadian bacon, actual sausage, leftover chicken tinga, whatever you’ve got. If you have more patience than me, marinated pan-seared tempeh is great here.

Condiments

This is really what takes things from mediocre to memorable. I like to have one sort of creamy condiment and one spicy/tangy/savory one. For the former I’ve been doing a half-and-half mix of Dijon mustard and mayonnaise, which is drawn from the Flour recipe above; it kind of brings in a hollandaise feeling, which is nice with the egg. For the latter I’ve been doing either homemade tomato jam (a gamechanger of a condiment in general) or this tomato chile spread from Target. I also do some arugula and usually whatever hot sauce I have on hand. If you live in someplace where you can regularly access good avocados (jealous!) that’s probably gonna be good as well. Fresh tomatoes in season would probably be great. Lightly pickled onion? Radishes? Sure, go wild.

Assembly

Okay, go time! Ideally this is like, a 15 minute process at most, and you’re satiated and ready to live your life.

1. Get your egg situation going – if you need to reheat baked egg soufflé, take it out and microwave it for like 25 seconds so it doesn’t stay cold in the center, and put any cheese you want on top. Stick it under the broiler in your oven or toaster oven. If you’re doing a bodega egg, crack your egg into a bowl, add a spoonful of water and salt and pepper and beat; heat a flat nonstick pan and pour in, throwing your slice of cheese in the center. Let the egg cook through and fold it over onto itself into a little square to fit the size of your bread, and flip over to let cook on the other side for 30 seconds.
2. If you’re using a protein that needs to be cooked, go ahead and put that in the pan.
3. Grab your bread and toast it, can be straight from the freezer, you don’t need to thaw. I usually use the ‘bagel’ setting so the inside of my sandwich gets toasted without the outside getting too cooked, but whatever you wanna do.
4. After your bread is toasted, go ahead and condiment it – I do mustard/mayo on top, tomato jam on bottom topped with arugula.
5. Your egg and protein should be ready – you can throw them on and add some hot sauce, salt and pepper.

Delicious! You did it! No one can take this breakfast sandwich away from you; whatever indignities your day may bring, you can hold this in your heart. I’m so proud of you; I always knew you could do it.

5 Breakfasts to Impress Your Hookup Who Unexpectedly Stayed the Night, Dietary Restrictions and All

Hook-ups come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes hookups are so physically compatible and unashamed that you have to take a moment to make another offering to your own sex-deity altar. Occasionally, they’re awkward and hurried, and it’s a miracle that you remember how to navigate more than your own limbs. And in other far rarer connections, the mood is set to the exact pitch of making you both want to cry, unpack your collective trauma, nourish each other with a deep, imprinting hug, and part with a therapy pact more devastatingly sincere than some of your recent climaxes.

Variations aside, all enthusiastically consensual hook-ups and hook-up-related emotional experiences are valid, and this article is here for you. It’s also here for the distinct possibility that you brought someone home, and they had the intention of setting a 10-minute reminder to get up and get out of your hair (but my God it’s been a long week, and you didn’t remember you sleepily agreed to let them stay over until you wake up the next morning. And in your lack of preparation, you’re scrambling to come up with something to offer for breakfast.

If you, like me, have incredibly niche neuroses and intensive caretaker concerns that include providing your hook-up a breakfast to remember (or at least sustain themselves), these five quick, low-maintenance, dietary-specification-inclusive recipes are for you. And if my neuroses don’t apply to you, or if no one wants to stay for breakfast (fair, fair, but their loss) here are five recipes for yourself, to balance those nutrients and make for a brighter day. You deserve it.

Grilled Peanut Butter and Banana Toast

A classic haven’t-hit-the-grocery-store combo, this simple dish can also be for the incredibly athletic hookup whom you lied to and said yeah, you’re really looking to establish a lifting routine, you just haven’t found the right queer-friendly gym yet and maybe could they give you a few tips? And by tips you ultimately meant “please just bench press me into the mattress” (which they did, or at least you think they did because you’re not actually up on the whole gym lingo).

Ingredients

1 slice of bread (I recommend anything but the end pieces you’ve been avoiding)
1 tsp coconut oil
3 big spoonfuls of peanut butter
1 banana ripe enough to slice, but not too ripe that it’s intended for banana bread you will perhaps sometime in your life attempt
Honey
Optional:
Chia seeds

Fire up that stovetop, lightly coat a pan in coconut oil, and fry up a piece of toast on one side. Then artfully arrange your peanut butter, sliced banana, a drizzle of honey if they’re feeling indulgent, and a generously applied handful of chia seeds which you know don’t actually do anything, but sure say “hey, I care about your health and mine, and maybe these will help us live longer if the anthropocene doesn’t end first and the world turns back to its own wild creation!”

Alternatively, they may already have protein powder and are going to make themselves (and you) a shake. You’re in the clear! And you have a potential gym buddy, which you’re definitely going to take full advantage of!

Tofu (I’m not telling you to) Scram (take all the time you need!)

This delicious stir fry is for the conscientious vegan who understands that her cat does indeed need to eat meat, so she’s not upset by the fact that there is leftover shrimp shiu mai in your fridge, but you still have to reckon with your carbon footprint and the increased death of the Earth at 9 in the morning. Is there a slightly apocalyptic theme in the air? Perhaps. Isn’t that why we’re all doing this in the first place?

Ingredients

The block of firm silken tofu you bought when considering a brief stint in vegetarianism
1 tbsp olive oil
½ cup cooked black beans
That other half of an onion! Finally!
2 cloves minced garlic (or garlic salt)
1 chopped red pepper
½ cup mushrooms
1 tsp chili powder
As much cracked black pepper and salt as you prefer
1 tsp cumin, or tumeric, or whatever savory seasoning you have on hand
Optional:
Avocado. I’m not expecting you to have an avocado on any old day of the week. That stuff is special.

The only things on this ingredient list that aren’t optional are the tofu, the onion, the black beans, and enough seasoning so the tofu doesn’t just taste like a changeable slab of nothingness. Throw in whatever breakfasty vegetables that you’re finally going to have a reason to use, and not lose to limpness in the bottom drawer!

Combine your spices in a separate bowl, then heat your trusty skillet over a medium-high flame and coat with the olive oil. When it looks like it would cause serious damage if you touched it, add the pepper, garlic, onion, mushrooms, and garlic, and sauté for about 5 minutes. Then add the tofu block, and break it apart in the pan so you get that “oh my god! This is almost scrambled eggs! I really could go vegan! Maybe we have a future!” texture. Stir in the spices and black beans, cook until everything is juuuuuust browning, and serve. If you have avocados and tortillas, start prepping for your plant-based wedding. Just please include this recipe in your vows.

Polyam Pumpkin Pancakes

You’re excited to recount this lovely bi+ experience to anyone who will listen to you later on, but for now oh god, they’re both gluten-free. Sure, he may be just a little gluten sensitive, but for her gluten is a BIG CELIAC PROBLEM and you don’t want to end up in that terrible trope of evil bisexuals who kill/maim/hurt the people they sleep with, so you’re about to break out the big guns. And by big guns we mean seasonal baking mixes!

Ingredients

1 Pumpkin Pancake Mix (I recommend Trader Joe’s, but you may be out of luck because I have just bought the store out)
1 egg
2 tbsp unsalted melted butter
¾ cup milk
Maple syrup

Follow the directions on the box – I am not going to purport to know how to make pancakes better than the unsung saviors who write those directions and make delicious little illustrated puns about breakfast. But the basic structure looks like this: preheat your flexibly functioning skillet/griddle/pan, and use a measuring cup to dole out portions of un-lumpy batter. Relish in the fact that no one is going to make biphobic jokes about spatulas, and flip those smooth and crispy circles of delight over when they bubble!

Spread on whatever topping most suits your fancy, and perhaps put on a kettle as you breathe in the crisp morning air from your window and pontificate why monogamy is never called “ethical” before politely haggling over who should use the bathroom first.

Secular as Heckular Challah Bread French Toast

This kosher and dairy-free Saturday morning treat is perfect for the awesome Jewish gal who your grandmother unwittingly set you up with because she’d like you to find more community and though her best friend’s great-niece might want to take you Israeli folk dancing at the local synagogue on Shabbat. Depending on your grandmother, perhaps just let her know that you did, indeed, enjoy the time spent in community and it’ll earn you a free year of her not questioning your faith.

Ingredients

Day-old challah swiped from the synagogue’s Shabbat dinner
3 eggs
½ tsp Cinnamon
½ tsp vanilla extract
Pinch of nutmeg
2 tbsp unsalted butter
½ cup Dairy-free milk of your choice
Optional:
Strawberry preserves packets (also swiped from the synagogue’s Shabbat dinner)

This is a decadent dish, sure, but you both know you can count on the Jewish guilt to surface at the same time, so you’re in fantastic company. In the blessed interval of total enjoyment, combine the eggs, cinnamon, vanilla, ‘milk,’ and nutmeg in a bowl large enough to then dip slices of challah until they’re covered on both sides. Melt the butter in your same trusty pre-heated (it makes a difference, folks!) skillet, then cook two slices at a time until each side is golden brown.

Oh, No, I’m Catching Feelings and There’s Nothing in My Fridge to Express The Deep Emotional Journey On Which We’re Going to Embark

Surprise, you two are going to fall madly, deeply in love, and when you woke up she looks so goddamn beautiful in the crosshatches of weak morning light that you stay in bed staring at each other until noon, and you consider writing poetry for an ephemeral instant.

Find a brunch place nearby. Wander in holding hands, and only let go to pick up a fork for whatever opulent treat you’re too happy to really pay attention to. Treat yourselves. There will be time for many more breakfasts.

How to Host a Do A Thing Brunch and Get Your Things Done with Community

Building and fostering queer community is hard. We have no time, even fewer spoons and everyone’s broke. Plus, outside of structured environments like college or large cities with a concentrated queer community there often aren’t resources or dedicated queer spaces to meet in. DIYing it is hard but also definitely doable and one solution is the Do A Thing Brunch; an all queer social designed around eating delicious food while working on whatever group or individual projects you need a little time or encouragement to get done.

Created by S, a partisan in Oxford’s trans sticker war, Do A Thing Brunch was born when she discovered herself newly single and living alone. Wanting to expand her social circle, have more meaningful interactions with friends and the chance to work on important projects in an encouraging social setting the solution seemed obvious; cook a ludicrous amount of food and host brunch. Not quite open house, invitation was on a friends and friend of a friend basis, who in turn invited their friends building something really special.

Outside of fostering friendship what makes Do A Thing Brunches really special is they enable people to tackle that project they can never quite finish or even start. It’s amazing what having company with an understanding that you’re there to do this very specific thing can do to help tackle both procrastination and the executive function some of us experience that keeps you from being able to begin even things that matter deeply to you. Plus if that isn’t enough, asking the people around you to help you start or even tell you to do it can be enough to get you going (this sounds like neurotypical nonsense but it’s actually a standard technique for tackling executive function problems and it’s honestly infuriating how well it works). People have brought everything to S’s brunches, from lesson plans to mending piles to origami, and they’ve worked on collaborative projects as well – including masses of sticker ammunition for S to use in combating TERF street art propaganda.

The nice thing about using brunches to foster community is that they’re flexible. You can even skip the Do A Thing element if that suits your particular group’s vibe though I think that would be a mistake given how much it has to offer us. Want to get more involved in community and social justice work? Do A Thing brunch is the perfect way to get you and your friends organised, plan it out at monthly meetings over vegan pancakes or frittatas. Desperately need to see your friends but have to spend all your “free time” working on your side hustle? Do it at brunch surrounded by your friends and tasty food. The options are endless.

So how to create a Do A Thing brunch of your very own?

The Who

Obviously it’s easier if you already know some people. Invite all the local queers you’re on even vaguely friendly terms with and get them to bring their friends. Only a fraction will show up so your house won’t be packed to bursting, but the Official Event element of it will still provide a non weird chance to get to know that cool near stranger better.

If your circle is limited and you mostly only know work people you might have to expand your specifications to include, gasp, cishet people. But don’t worry, water always finds its level and all the queers in their social circles will filter through. Alternatively you could try local LGBT+ groups online. Even if there is no organised queer social life in your town there probably will be something on Facebook, even if it’s something for the wider region. Messaging the organisers or posting directly to it depending on how its run can help you find the other local queers starving for company, though probably you should all meet up in public, at least at first.

The Where

The original Do A Thing brunch took place in S’s house but you can change things up a bit if you like. Picnics are an awesome option if you live somewhere that isn’t a frozen wasteland for ¾ of the year, and allows for meeting safely in a public place if just one lone weirdo turns up. On the down side it does limit food and bathroom options as well as some of the activities you can get done (no charging ports, wind etc). If you do have a local LGBT+ centre they might let you host a potluck brunch there, though some of them will charge for the privilege and the kitchen facilities can vary. Brunch in a restaurant is less of a good idea for this, both because of the cost factor and also because unless the Thing you’re Doing is limited to planning you can’t really do it there. But if you really just want brunch but with queers, damnit, (relatable) then sure, that’ll work too.

One benefit to hosting according to S is that it wildly expands the number of things you personally can do at your brunch. You’re in your house with your things so the project doesn’t have to be portable! Uses S has made of this includes getting “people to help me stuff trays of dumplings for the freezer or assemble furniture”, and I admit that when I host things I tend to make my friends without balance problems change the lightbulbs. Plus you don’t have to leave your own house or put shoes on and we all know that’s what everyone really wants out of life these days.

What thing?

Any thing! You can tailor this to the mood and needs of your own particular group. Whether you want to get together to plan activist work, organising queer community events, letter writing campaigns and any other work to make the world a less shitty place, or to work on your individual projects with good food and good company the brunch will provide. You can even change week by week or allow a mixture of group and individual work going on at once. Do what works for you.

The food

The world is your oyster here. The greatness of brunch is it can be anything you want it to be and you could even get Deliveroo or another food delivery service to provide if you all wanted! You do you. Part of how S lured people into making it a regular thing is cooking up a delicious spread herself but potluck is also an option. You do need to make sure of dietary needs first and pass them on to everyone contributing though. A guest discovering they can’t eat anything there because of cross contamination or because you cooked around a theme they’re allergic to is going to make it a sad experience for everyone. You also need to make sure everyone’s on the same page about cost splitting. If you want to provide everything yourself or have the guests pitch in that’s all fine but bad feelings will result if people aren’t warned first.

Now, planning a menu (if you are going to cook yourself) can be overwhelming. Which is where Autostraddle, with its long standing obsession with brunch, has you covered.

Hansen has the essentials.
El Sanchez has some controversial food opinions you’re either going to love or hate.
A.E. Osworth has brunch cocktails while Layla has tips on throwing an alcohol free yet decadent brunch, complete with Madeleine recipe.
Stef tells you how to brunch, but make it fashion.
Finally, Rachel, as a true overachiever, has collated 101 brunch recipes and provided you with everything you need for a hungover brunch.

We even made you a playlist all the way back in 2014 because we’re just that thoughtful and in tune with your needs.

Happy brunching, and happy friend hunting while you’re (I can’t bring myself to say munching) at it.

Break Out the OJ: Autostraddle International Brunch Weekend Is Coming Right Up!

Word on the street is that you cats like a good brunch, and guess what? So do we — and that’s why we’re excited to ring in another International Autostraddle Summer Brunch Weekend! Are you eggs-cited yet? (Sidebar: I literally hate myself so much for typing that but I’m leaving it in because I believe in living my truths.)

I can guarantee from years of experience that even though being six mimosas in four hours after brunch originally started with your best friends on a patio in Los Angeles drawing emoji with chalk into the night is close to a religious experience, brunching with a bunch of shiny new queer faces that are soon to become your shiny new queer friends is pretty fucking neat, too.

That’s where #AutostraddleBrunch comes in.

The concept is simple: You and a bunch of other excellent weirdos from this magical universe right here gather in one place to break english muffins together and finish off carafes of mimosas and entire pots of coffee and fall hopelessly into casual and platonic relationships with one another and everything is covered in jam and nothing hurts.

This year, International Autostraddle Brunch Weekend will be on August 20 – 22. You should host one! You should go to one! You should eat every last piece of toast in the building!

Hosting is easy peasy lemon squeezy, and, sidenote, also totally worth it. I promise you can handle it! I also promise you’ll be so glad you did it. You can have a bunch of queers meet you at a bar or restaurant, host a potluck at your home or someone else’s home or a vaguely public park, commandeer a food truck with an army of lesbians, have a flannel-bathed picnic in the park, drink Perrier outside of a food truck with some cool strangers — whatever floats your boat in a sea of fresh-squeezed orange juice. Be creative! Be cliche! Who cares, let’s brunch!

To get started kicking ass and making reservations, check out our event resources portal. Then, take it one step at a time: Pick a date, pick a place, make a plan, and decide how people should RSVP. (If you choose to surrender your personal information to Mark Zuckerberg against your will in the name of all things convenient, here’s a very cute Facebook Event Banner for you to use for your eventual Facebook event which is, by and large, the easiest way to run this whole shebang. (THANKS RAQUEL THEY’RE AMAZING AND SO ARE YOU.) Once you have your shit together like a true adult who plans to day-drink with strangers soon, you submit the event details to us and we help you spread the word.

If you’re not hosting, though, the least you could do is show up and brighten everyone’s world. You can check out the events listings at any time to find a brunch situation near you, and we’ll be posting a big ol’ roundup of the entire worldwide brunch situation in advance of the big day. In the meantime, you can join the movement on Twitter / Instagram / whatever the kids use these days with the hashtag #AutostraddleBrunch.

I hope you ordered those Hillary Clinton champagne flutes, y’all. (I know I fucking did.) ‘Cause it’s queer brunch o’ clock.

Dapper Brunch Style Served Six Different Ways

by Anita Dolce Vita, Editor in Chief at dapperQ

When someone asks me for advice re masculine or androgynous “brunch style,” I always have to request further clarification because, unlike “black-tie” or “business-casual,” the term “brunch style” does not automatically imply a specific level of formality. My suggestions would depend on the occasion (Meet the parents brunch? Wedding brunch? Date brunch? Hungover with your friends brunch? Autostraddle meet-up brunch? Hip-hop party brunch?) and the venue (Five star restaurant? Pub? Trendy café?) So, I’ve selected a few outfits from dapperQ that can work for a variety of occasions and settings. While many of the items listed in the outfit details may no longer be available in stores or online, I recommend visiting dapperQ’s store guide for brands that sell apparel for masculine presenting women, gender-queers, and trans* identified individuals.

Casual Brunch with Autostraddlers

You can certainly wear a button-down and tan chinos, but by playing with colors, patterns, and layers, you can create an outfit that is fun and head-turning stylish without being stuffy. Here, Gabrielle looks effortlessly dapper and demonstrates that the Devil is in the details (note the accessories) when it comes to pulling together a look that is casual cool.

Outfit Details: Jean jacket by Gap; checkered shirt by Gap; maroon slim pants by Uniqlo; cardigan sweater by TopMan; bow tie by Marimacho; dandelion socks by Uniqlo; black suede slippers by Aldo; wrist watch by Nava.

If you’re not a fan of layering or are looking for a warmer weather option, LK Weiss, founder of the Maine style blog Jack Tar 207, works a lightweight dapper option here. Simple nautical touches, like the anchor bow-tie and colors inspired by the sea, make the ensemble cohesive but not too “matchy matchy.”

Outfit Details: Slacks from H&M; shoes by Sperry Topsiders; whale belt by L.L.Bean; button-up by J. Crew; anchor bow-tie from Southern Beaus/etsy.

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Formal Brunch

Nicole’s outfit is perfect for a working “power” brunch, a wedding brunch, or brunch at a restaurant that calls for dressy attire. Like Gabrielle above, Nicole adds color, texture, layers, and patterns to personalize a monochrome blue suit and make it POP!

Outfit details: Bindle & Keep bespoke suit; Bindle and Keep bespoke club collar shirt; Clapham silk knit tie, Brooks Brothers blue gingham pocket square; Trafalgar leather belt; Calibrate socks; Cole Haan Winter Wingtips; Coach Foldover Tote; Ivory + Mason Black-Blue Doheny Eyeglasses; Stuhrling Original Elite Blue Dial Watch; Tiffany Box Link bracelet; custom wood and sterling silver bracelet.

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Meet the Parents Brunch

Ok, so you want to make a good impression, but perhaps do not want to roll up in a three-piece-suit. Ricky keeps it stylish and affordable by matching dressy, tailored trousers with a blazer they picked up for $1.99 at a thrift store in Albuquerque! The flowered button-down is another example of how experimenting with patterns and colors can turn up the volume on an otherwise rather muted gray/brown color template.

Outfit details: Jacket, Johnny Carson; Shirt, ASOS; Pocket square, Dei Giovani Chicago; Pants, Banana Republic; Shoes, Belivus.

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“I’m So Hungover, I Just Can’t” Brunch

You can’t, but your outfit most certainly can! And, it will. I’m giving you two examples – one for cold weather and one for warm weather – of how to look absolutely dashing and still maintain a high level of comfort. First, let’s look at Blake. Yes, Blake is wearing a flannel and jeans. But, she is wearing dark-wash jeans with a tailored, clean line. No stained sweats. No jeans with worn, ripped cuffs paired with running sneakers. Then, Blake layers her flannel under a fresh, clean black sweater. The stylish boots and awesome anchor socks pull it all together.

Outfit details:  Shirt, sweater, and jeans, Old Navy; desert boots, Clark’s.

Now for the warm weather option. Janina coordinated a super comfortable, yet stylish outfit perfect for lazy days that still require you to bring your A-game. Take a page from her book: Add the hat and you don’t even have to worry about doing your hair!

Outfit details: Express Striped Short-Sleeved Shirt; H&M Grey Suit Pants tailored into shorts; White Converse Shoes; Free Authority fedora; Ray-Ban wayfarers; Mossimo white belt.

And there you have it. You’ll be ready to eat the world’s largest pile of french toast, complete with maple syrup!

Femme Brunch Style: Casual Glam to Fancy Formal

Hold onto your eggs, we’re getting ready for Autostraddle’s International Brunch Weekend 8/23-24! Find a brunch meetup in your city or create your own by heading over to our events page. You can also load up on all things brunch by watching this space. From playlists to recommendations to personal essays, we’re writing all about the brunch experience. Get excited! BRUNCH.

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Alright. You’ve found the brunch meet-up in your city, you are super excited to eat (and eat and eat) but one MAJOR thing stands in your way. You. Still. Need. To. Get. Dressed.

What does one wear to brunch? Considering how many different options there are as far as eating brunch, it’s no surprise that brunch style is what you make it. Whether you’re headed for high tea (and crumpets) or a greasy spoon affair followed by a hair of the dog Caesar, it’s your prerogative to look the part. We’ve sourced a myriad of femme of center options for you to stuff your face with hashbrowns and free-range eggs benny in! Just try not to spill on your fly outfit!

From Lydia (me!): My personal take on brunch dressing is fancy shoes + adjustable waist. Chances are you’ll be seated for an extended period of time, so your feet will have recovery time once you make it into brunch venue of choice. Punchy patterns and colors are a must because brunch is like, totally fun. Please note: this is not the time for body-con anything. You’ll regret any sort of tight, restrictive clothing. My secret? A breezy skirt with a drawstring waist. You want room for your food babies, don’t you?

I’m wearing: A thrifted duster coat, vintage skirt and tee, ASOS sunglasses and Swedish Hasbeens clogs

Nina G. gives us some Downton brunchin’ vibes for a fancy dining experience.

Okay so I’m one of those lazy people that gets up WAY too late to go to brunch, so I’ve created this whole mythology around it as something that fancy British people do in Masterpiece Theater period pieces. Shows like Downton Abbey come to mind, with the seriously drop dead gorgeous Lady Mary Crawley who always had a persnickety look to match her delicate white lawn dresses. If I ever wake up early enough to attend brunch, I’m going full out turn of the century realness. I’m talking white lace maxi dress, a straw hat and major inheritance drama.

Next up, Bevin has a casual take for late morning eats.

Brunch style to me is all about comfort and casual glamour. Right now I use scarves tied around my head with a big bow as a method of being super stylish without having to do my hair. I just put my hair up in a top knot bun, wrap a long scarf and tie it in a bow and use a couple of big bobby pins to secure it in place.

For outfits I like to use sheer vintage lingerie as an overlay. In this outfit I have a sheer yellow vintage polyester nightie over a black body con hip length shirt from Target maternity, a tight black skirt, a pair of leopard lace leggings and easy strappy sandals from crocs. They are very comfortable and I can walk really well in them.

Lastly, Tayler serves up sheer breakfast goodness!

I’ve lovingly termed this look “BB” or “Brunch Bitch.” I actually pieced this look together out of my real wardrobe with full intention to wear it out to brunch. I bought the Agent Provocateur Whitney bra for myself a few weeks ago by holding one hand over the price tag and using my other hand to hit “send payment” but that doesn’t mean BB has to be inaccessible! There are tons of strappy black bras out there right now like this Choux one I found for only $25. Keep it sleek with a sheer top to show off your fab bra and I like to pair it with a nice trouser. Add a simple black or white shoe and show up to brunch looking like a million bucks. Maybe a babe will buy you a mimosa or two.

Stay tuned for the dapper/masculine counterpart to getting snazzy for brunch!

Wilder Hungers: In Defense of Brunch

From my time in culinary school and all the interactions I’ve had with chefs over the past couple years, one of the most surprising things I have learned about the food industry is that most chefs hate brunch. I guess I understand why they would. People come clamoring into restaurants with a million demands about how exactly they want their eggs cooked. Chefs think the whole bottomless mimosas thing is bunch of bullshit, and they don’t want to provide you with both sweet and savory options in the middle of the freaking day. Servers are miserable. I get it, I really do.

BUT at the same time, I could NOT DISAGREE MORE. Brunch is my favorite. Why? Because I WANT to eat pancakes at 2 pm without feeling like a complete waste of human life. I want to also eat a fritatta because I’m probably not going to eat again until 10:00 pm. I don’t want to wake up early on a weekend just so I don’t miss the breakfast cut off. I want to drink cheap champagne and orange juice to my hearts content while I gossip with my friends, just feeling good about being ALIVE. In fact, I think brunch is practically like the world’s greatest therapy session. Yea, some people like to get all dressed up for brunch and actually do their makeup and hair, but I am not one of them and neither are most of my friends. Brunch doesn’t care if you wear gym clothes and haven’t washed your hair in days. And chefs, I know you hate brunch, but I think you are doing really great things with it! Your breakfast and lunch mash-ups are the best (breakfast pizza, I bow down to you) and I often crave them more than your dinner entrees. Sorry. So without further ado, I present my top 5 places to have brunch in NYC:

1. Café Mogador

My all time favorite place ever that I’m not really cool or model-esque enough to eat at but I don’t care because the Middle Eastern Egg platter and that freaking zahatar pita is perfection defined.

2. Buvette

Super long lines always but they always move really quickly and I don’t even care because LOOK at how fluffy these steamed eggs are.

3. Russ & Daughters Café

This is a new restaurant by the people behind my favorite bagel shop. Classic Jew fare by people who have been killin’ it for 100 years.

4. Supper

Ladies, you need to get the polenta and eggs with the shrooms. You need to do it.

5. Roebling Tea Room

I have no picture but I just need to point out that I die for their granola and egg salad. Also it was one of my first and favorite dates with my girlfriend so it hold a special place in my corazon.

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And I couldn’t leave you guys without a brunch recipe. This one is inspired by my birthday trip to Tulum, Mexico (Which I could write an entire food post about in itself). Huevos rancheros are perfect because it’s like eating tacos in the mornings but better because EGGS. Here are the ones I ate in Tulum with a side of boozy juices.

I don’t have a picture of this recipe so close your eyes and pretend. If I were to entertain various individuals for brunch, I would probably make these because a) they are nearly impossible to screw up and b) they would probably justify margaritas before noon.

Huevos Rancheros – Serves 3 or 4

Step 1: Make A Salsa Verde. There are infinite recipes on the inter web, but this charred version from Bon Appetit is my favorite.

Step 2: Make the beans (Or you can skip this step all together and use a can of Goya black bean soup which is already perfection. A trick I learned from this lady.)

You Need:

• 1 15 oz can of black beans
• 1 bay leaf
• 2 green onions, white and pale green parts only, sliced
• 1 large garlic cloves, minced
• Small handful of cilantro, chopped
• Salt and pepper

Directions:

All of these things together in a pot with 1/2 cup water, and cook until simmering.

Mash it up a bit with a potato masher, or fork, if you like that sort of consistency (I do).

Season to taste with salt and pepper and keep warm.

Step 3: Assemble those babies

You need:

• oil
• 6 soft 6-inch corn tortillas
• 6 eggs
• 1 cup shredded Monterrey Jack or Pepper Jack (or more if you like cheese)
• 1 avocado, sliced
• cilantro
• Hot sauce, for serving

Directions:

HEAT: a large non-stick skillet over medium-high heat and add a little oil.

BROWN: tortillas on each side, about 30 seconds per side. Keep tortillas on a plate lined with a kitchen towel and fold the towel around the tortillas to keep warm.

ADD: more oil to the skillet if necessary and cook the eggs undisturbed until the whites are set but the yolk is still runny, about 3 minutes. Do this in batches if you need to.

TO ASSEMBLE: Spread the tortillas with some of the black bean mixture, top with an egg, cheese, avocado, cilantro and hot sauce to your heart’s desire.

Essential Brunch Recipes: Fluffy Pancakes, Home Fries and a Bacon Bloody Mary

Hold onto your eggs, we’re getting ready for Autostraddle’s International Brunch Weekend 8/23-24! Find a brunch meetup in your city or create your own by heading over to our events page. You can also load up on all things brunch by watching this space. From playlists to recommendations to personal essays, we’re writing all about the brunch experience. Get excited! BRUNCH.

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Sometimes you can’t go out to brunch. Sometimes you gotta brunch at home. For those times, you need to have some perfect, secret recipes up your sleeve. We’ve got your essentials covered here: fluffy pancakes, crispy home fries and a damn fine bacon bloody mary.

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The Fluffiest Pancakes In The Entire World

by Hansen

Making pancakes on lazy morning weekends is one of my new traditions. They’re so easy and comforting. I make them nearly every weekend, to be honest, and I pile them high on a plate and eat them with my girlfriend while snuggling on the couch, watching a movie or planning the day. Pancakes are deceptively simple. In reality, they’re tricky, because it’s a fine line between getting awesome pancakes and getting a hard lump of tough dough so dry you need gallons of syrup. In fact, I used to be a maple syrup girl, but this recipe doesn’t even need them.

One weekend, I couldn’t find the pancake recipe we usually use, so I googled “fluffy pancakes.” I made them according to the recipe even though I was skeptical as hell, and this was my legitimate reaction after taking a bite:

See, the trick to fluffy pancakes is to spoil the milk with vinegar. It creates tiny bubbles which make your pancakes fluffy, and it’s super fast, and it has worked for me every time. It sounds, well, it sounds disgusting, and it looks disgusting, but I need you to trust me. I have eaten these so many times I can’t even count.

Also, I’ve made these pancakes a variety of ways, using gluten-free flour, regular flour, whole wheat flour, regular butter, vegan butter, olive oil once (all we had!), almond milk, regular milk and soy milk. You can substitute to make it completely vegan or gluten-free and the fluffiness is there every time. You with me? Let’s do this.

adapted from All-Recipes

makes 9-10 medium-size pancakes

Ingredients: 

• 3/4 cup milk
• 2 Tbsp white vinegar
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 2 Tbsp white sugar
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 egg
• 2 Tbsp butter, melted
• Chocolate chips (optional, but really, I mean, just do it, and get dark chocolate morsels while you’re at it because they’re bigger)
• cooking spray/oil/butter for pan

I like to have three bowls handy for this: my large mixing bowl, a small bowl to combine dry ingredients and a large mug in which to melt the butter, then stir in the egg.

1. Mix the milk and vinegar in the big mixing bowl, stop grimacing at the weirdness that’s happening, set aside.

2. Combine all dry ingredients. (Not the chocolate chips! those are last minute additions!) I am not a fussy cook, so I don’t sift it all together, but follow your arrow.

3. Melt the butter in the microwave. Pro tip: watch your fucking butter so it doesn’t explode all over the place. (I may not be a fussy cook but I am a distracted cook and this happens to me almost every time.) Take it out as soon as it’s about 1/2-2/3 of the way melted, then stir it together to melt the rest. Add the egg and stir together.

4. Add the butter and egg concoction to the weirdo milk mixture. Stir that all together. It’s totally fine that it’s lumpy, you’re going to forget all about its lumpiness in .7 seconds.

5. Add half of your dry ingredients to the wet ingredients, whisk/fork/stir it all together, then add the other half.

6. Get your pan ready, and set your chocolate chips on the counter beside it. My girlfriend taught me this trick: add the chocolate chips after you put your pancake mixture in the pan. That way you can distribute evenly, and every pancake eater in your house gets chocolate chips. This is especially helpful if you are feeding small children/your roommate who can just tell that you gave another person more chocolate chips. It also prevents clumping of the chocolate chips all at the end which everyone knows leads to intense regret.

7. Pour in your pancake batter. Make them Mickey pancakes, make them heart pancakes, make them tiny or big – just make them however you’d like. I do about four-inch diameter pancakes and this recipe makes ~10 of those.

8. Your pancakes are ready to flip as soon as you start seeing bubbles pop up on the sides that pop and don’t fill in on themselves.

9. Check your brownness level and transfer to a plate when they’re done. I kinda burnt half of mine because I got distracted drinking coffee and playing with my cat, but they still tasted awesome, let me tell you. Serve ’em hot. You can add syrup if you’d like, but like I said, they are so moist and wonderful they don’t need it.

Go be amazed by your fluffiness.

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Next page: The secret trick to making your home fries crispy and delicious.

Playlist: Brunchtastic

Hold onto your eggs, we’re getting ready for Autostraddle’s International Brunch Weekend 8/23-24! Find a brunch meetup in your city or create your own by heading over to our events page. You can also load up on all things brunch by watching this space. From playlists to recommendations to personal essays, we’re writing all about the brunch experience. Get excited! BRUNCH.

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Goodness, it’s brunch week. Audrey, Kaitlyn, Robin, Lydia and I teamed up to make you a brunch-length playlist to fulfill your wildest dreams. We’ve got a wide spectrum of brunch music here, from Simon and Garfunkel to STRFKR to M.I.A. to the Mountain Goats. It’s 2.5 hours of tunes, because we know how long brunch takes. This should cover your journey, from sweet to savory and back again.

Brunchtastic

[STREAM THE PLAYLIST]

Wonderful Everyday: Arthur – Chance the Rapper & The Social Experiment
Uptight Downtown – La Roux
Punky’s Dilemma – Simon & Garfunkel
Rather Be Feat. Jess Glynne – Clean Bandit
Time to Run – Lord Huron
Warm in Winter – Glass Candy
The Nothing Part II – Lady Lamb the Beekeeper
At the Hop – Devendra Banhart
Atlantis – STRFKR
Come Over Feat. Stylo G – Clean Bandit
This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody) – the Talking Heads
September Gurls – Big Star
Relief Next to Me – Tegan and Sara
Mammas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys – Waylon Jennings
Is That Enough – Yo La Tengo
Portions for Foxes – Rilo Kiley
Boy with a Coin – Iron and Wine
Don’t Wait – Mapei
That’s What’s Up – Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
Cut Your Teeth (Kygo Remix) – Kyla La Grange
You Make Loving Fun – Fleetwood Mac
Sentimental Heart – She & Him
Clean Slate (For Alex and El Goodo) – M. Ward
You Just Haven’t Earned It Yet, Baby – the Smiths
Living Proof – Cat Power
Leading Me Now – The Tallest Man On Earth
Thinkin Bout You – Frank Ocean
Late Bloomer – Jenny Lewis
Proud Mary – Creedence Clearwater Revival
The Lakes of Canada – The Innocence Mission
Latch (ft. Sam Smith) – Disclosure
Honey & I – HAIM
Love Love Love – The Mountain Goats
Lazy Lover – Brazilian Girls
Each Year (Ra Ra Riot Remix) – Absofacto
Bizness – Tune-Yards
Young Girl – Dear Georgiana
Two Of Us On The Run – Lucius
Sunshowers – M.I.A.

Brunchtastic from Autostraddle on 8tracks Radio.

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Want to suggest a playlist theme? Hit Stef up and someone on the team might make it for you.

How to Trick Everyone Into Thinking You’re a Celebrity at Brunch

I live in Los Angeles, the great Brunchland and home of the stars. The thing about LA is ANYONE CAN BE FAMOUS. Every time I walk to the bus, I’m convinced I’ve passed at least three famous people. There’s no way to know every celebrity so the trick isn’t actually becoming famous, it’s appearing to be famous. Here’s how I pull off false célébrité to ensure that when I go out to eat, I’m at the VERY LEAST treated like a rich white woman.

1.) Sunglasses

Any sunglasses will do as long as they’re not too attention grabby thus nullifying the purpose of said sunglasses. Wear them inside because it’s not ABOUT the sun. Sure, it’s bright out but you have an arri shining into your eyes every weekday on set, sun don’t mean shit to you girl! You’re trying to keep a low pro.

2.) Time your entrance

It’s douchey to come with an entourage (you have to meet them there), but it should still appear as if you came with a protective layer of humans you deem less significant than yourself. Shields some would say. Assassins have been out of style for a while but they could come back at any moment and you want to appear as if people love you so much they want to kill you in public.

3.) Babies are in

Kids are essentially mini human buffers. They make people feel like they’re interacting with you by noticing how cute your progeny is. “Your child” (doesn’t actually have to be yours) will likely run up to the table of non-famous people and interact with them like they too are humans worthy of love and affection. Children prove that on paper, you are capable of enjoying other humans.

4.) Don’t laugh. Ever.

Celebrities don’t find anything funny in public. If you ever see a paparazzi pic of a celebrity laughing, it’s photoshopped or posed to prove that they’re over the person they last dated. No lesbian exists that is over the person they last dated so don’t bother.

5.) Make a reservation under a fake name that’s an actual celebrity

Preferably someone that’s passed. I don’t know why celebrities don’t think this is insensitive but you’re one of them now so go with it.

6.) Ironically play the Kim Kardashian game in plain sight

It’s funny because you KNOW Kim IRL.

7.) Bring your own boxed water

It’s not wrong to bring in something if they don’t offer it on the menu. When someone asks why your water is different/superior say, “The environment.” Upon first hearing it sounds almost important but they’ll be back to whatever godforsaken rock they crawled from under before they realize it doesn’t actually make any sense and is a dumb noncommittal answer.

8.) Pay $25 to valet your car

This is a twofer because THEN pull a bike out of the trunk and lock it outside of the restaurant so people think you biked there and are staying grounded. Additionally, don’t have a helmet so people are automatically “concerned.”

9.) Don’t come with people that are actually recognizable

If you have friends that can be recognized for their entertainment contribution to society, DO NOT SIT WITH THEM. They will pull focus from you OR bring attention to the fact that no one knows who the eff you are. The whole point is for them to glance over your general presentation, take in your vibe, and assume you’re a celebrity they don’t know yet then spend the rest of their brunch staring at you trying to figure out if/why you look familiar. Real famous people are your kryptonite.

Get Baked: Make-Ahead Overnight Hangover Brunch Extravaganza

Sometimes — often, even! — you want to eat a delicious homemade brunch in your own kitchen, but the actual making of brunch turns out to be an insurmountable obstacle. If you want to eat by 10:30 am on Sunday it means getting up at like 9, and you’re kind of hungover and somebody spilled beer on you last night and also you had that dream where Raven-Symoné didn’t like your haircut, so it’s just not going to happen.

The solution to this problem is to have Past You make the brunch so Present You only has to move some bowls around and turn on the oven and is eating within 30 minutes of turning on the coffee maker. It’s going to be your favorite thing Past You has ever done for you, even better than the time Past You changed your ex’s name in your phone to Seriously Don’t Text Me For Real.

A note: these recipes are all going to be vegan because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to eat them, but I promise the carnivores it’s gonna be JUST FINE CALM DOWN. Just use real cheese or butter or meat where I don’t. When it comes to eggs, you’ll be able to figure it out. Okay let’s go.

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Quiche

Quiche is the perfect make-ahead food because it stays good for a surprisingly long time and is even good at room temperature, so reheating it isn’t even required. It has multiple food groups in it, and depending on how you make it (I’m looking at you, Mom’s traditional recipe that calls for like two cups of heavy cream) it can be the secret nutritional powerhouse of your brunch. I’m using a variation on this recipe.

Ingredients:
1 package vegan pastry or piecrust (make your own if you want, overachiever)
Head of broccoli chopped into small florets
1 onion, sliced
1 bell pepper, sliced
1 cup chickpea flour
2 1/2 cups water
Enough vegetable buillion for 500 ml of stock
1/2 tsp sage
1/2 tsp turmeric
3 Tbs nutritional yeast
1/2 tsp black salt/Kala Namak (optional, but makes things taste eggier)
CHEF’S CHOICE: seriously what do you want to put in your quiche? Mushrooms? Cheese? Sundried tomatoes? Pesto? Go for it.

(If you’re not vegan, ignore everything after the bell pepper and use about 6 eggs and about a cup of milk. You can figure it out, it’ll be fine.)

Night before:

1. Roast the broccoli at 400 F for 20 minutes or so, until cooked through and caramelized. Sauté the onion and bell pepper until caramelized. If there are any other veggies or fake bacon you want, now’s the time to cook them.

2. Prick some holes in the bottom of your piecrust with a fork and bake it empty for 15 minutes at 375.

3. In a bowl, mix the chickpea flour and one cup of water together, and set aside. Bring the rest of the water to a boil with the buillion, nutritional yeast and spices. Once the water is boiling, pour in the chickpea flour mixture while stirring. Lower the heat and keep stirring for a few minutes until the mixture is very thick, then turn off the heat.

4. Add all your veggie situations into the chickpea situation. It will be hard to stir but I know you can do it. Pour into the piecrust and use a spatula to smooth the top. You can decorate the top with slices of tomato or caramelized onions or cheese or whatever your little heart wants.

5. Bake at 375 for 20 minutes. At 20 minutes, brush the top with some melted vegan margarine (maybe not if there’s cheese on there, though, that might be weird). Put back in for 5 minutes.

6. Allow to cool and then put in the fridge.

Morning of:

1. Take out of the fridge. Seriously that’s pretty much the whole process. It would be good to take it out right away so it can warm up to room temperature, but whatever. You can also cut a slice and microwave it or put this whole puppy back in the oven if you feel like it.

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Breakfast Potatoes

Breakfast potatoes aren’t ideal make-ahead food, but in my opinion they are integral to brunch and leaving them out isn’t an option.

Ingredients:
3-5 Russet or Yukon Gold potatoes
2 bell peppers of colors of your choice
1 large onion
Mushrooms? Kale? Garlic scapes? The world is your oyster.

Night before: 

1. Chop up your potatoes into cubes — 1/2 inch to an inch is ideal, but do you — and put them in a bowl. Also in this bowl you’re going to put enough salted water to totally cover the potatoes. The water keeps the potatoes from browning and also does something to the starch that makes them crispier, and the salt in the water seasons them from the inside. Cover this bowl with cling wrap and put it in the fridge.

2. Chop up your bell peppers and onions and any other veggies you want and put them in a tupperware, and also put that in the fridge.

3. If you’re feeling very motivated, you can measure out the spices that you want to use on your breakfast potatoes — garlic salt? cumin? paprika? — and put them all into a ziploc bag now. Just one less step tomorrow.

Morning:

1. Take out your potatoes and drain them in a colander. If you’re feeling really enthusiastic and have a lot of time, you can re-soak them in a new batch of cold water for 20 minutes, which will apparently make them even crispier. If not, not a big deal. Either way the important thing is that the potatoes end up really dry — I usually roll them up into a dishtowel like a burrito to get them extra dry, because that’s what will get you a really crispycrunchy outer potato layer.

2. Here, two paths diverge in a yellow wood. You can either bake your breakfast potatoes or fry them. They both have pros and cons. Baking means that you get to be less involved; you kind of just put them in the oven and let them do their thing. However, frying means that you have the oven freed up for other things, like cinnamon rolls and reheating quiche, and also frying things is delicious. Your call.

3. If you are baking your potatoes, put them in a bowl (can be the same one, I don’t care) along with your chopped veggies and spices. Drizzle some oil on there and toss until everything is coated. Spread out on a baking sheet in one layer if possible and bake for 30 to 40 minutes at 450 F. It’s good to open the oven and stir them with a spatula every once in a while.

4. If you are frying them, put some oil (a lot of oil, we’re not making a salad) in a pan (preferably cast iron) and turn to medium-high heat. Once the oil is hot, toss in your potatoes, veggies and spices, stirring til everything is coated. Move things around once every ten minutes or so until the biggest pieces of potato are easily pierced by a fork. It’s imperative not to stir too often — that’s how you get mushy potatoes. I know it seems like they’re gonna burn but they’re not. Unless they do burn, in which case just turn the heat down a little.

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Cinnamon Rolls

I’m usually not about sweet foods at breakfast, but can you even deal with how impressed your sleepy hungover friends are gonna be when you whip out HOMEMADE CINNAMON ROLLS after a long night of OINTB marathoning?

Rolls:
1/2 oz active dry yeast
1 1/2 cups warm water
2 eggs/egg substitute
1/2 cup softened butter or vegan margarine
2 tsp salt
6 cups flour

Filling:
1 cup packed brown sugar
4 tsp cinnamon
1/2 cup softened butter

Glaze:
2 cups confectioner’s sugar
1/4 cup milk or nondairy substitute
2 tsp vanilla extract

Night before: 

1. Stir the yeast into the warm water to proof. After a few minutes, combine the yeast mixture with the eggs, butter, sugar, salt, and half the flour. Add in just enough of the remaining flour to make a soft dough; you may not need all of it. Don’t knead it like bread or overmix it. Set aside covered with a kitchen towel to rise for an hour.

2. In the meantime, mix the cinnamon and sugar together. After the dough has risen, divide it into two and roll half the dough out into a rectangle (allegedly 18×12 inches? Whatever). Spread half of the remaining 1/2 cup of butter onto the dough rectangle, leaving a 1/2 inch margin at the sides, and sprinkle on half the spice mixture. If you want to add any nuts or raisins or anything, now is the time. Roll the dough up from the long side until it’s a sort of log, and then chop into 12 discs. Rinse and repeat with the other half of the dough and filling.

3. Take a baking dish or two and oil the inside of them, and then place the cinnamon rolls inside them. They won’t look that much like cinnamon rolls yet but that’s fine. Cover the baking dishes with cling wrap and stick them in the fridge.

4. One last thing! Mix the confectioner’s sugar, milk and vanilla together in a bowl with a fork, and cover that and put it in the fridge also.

Morning:

1. Preheat the oven to 375 F and grab the rolls out of the fridge; bake them for 20-25 minutes or until they’re starting to brown.

2. While the rolls are still warm but not too hot, give the glaze another stir and then drizzle it over the rolls with a spoon.

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Fruit Salad

This is so stupid easy it’s not even a recipe. Buy a bunch of fruit that you like and chop it up and put it into a bowl, and then put that bowl in the fridge overnight. Maybe try to avoid any super soggy fruits like raspberries. Or don’t, whichever.

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Now you’re free to sit back, put some food in your face and/or the faces of others, and reflect on your excellent life choices.

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Runner-ups: the obvious thing to include here would have been crockpot overnight oatmeal, which is an excellent foodstuff. It did not make the cut because let’s be honest, oatmeal is for breakfast, not brunch. No one has ever nabbed a girlfriend by offering her oatmeal the morning after.

20 Singaporean Breakfast Foods You Can Savor At Home

Hold onto your eggs, we’re getting ready for Autostraddle’s International Brunch Weekend 8/23-24! Find a brunch meetup in your city or create your own by heading over to our events page. You can also load up on all things brunch by watching this space. From playlists to recommendations to personal essays, we’re writing all about the brunch experience. Get excited! BRUNCH.

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In Singapore we play fast and loose with morning-time foods: if it’s served at a hawker centre before 11 (and especially if it’s sold out by that time) then you can have it for breakfast. So your first meal of the day could be toast or soupy noodles or fried dough… or all of them. In a pinch you can have any of these foods for “brunch,” though you should be aware that in this part of the world we call that “waking up at a time that disqualifies you as a productive member of society.” (My mother says this a lot less politely.)

Most of these foods are bought and consumed at inexpensive hawker centres or coffee shops — you don’t expect to spend more than $2-5 on breakfast, unless you’re at a hipster joint that commodifies nostalgia and puts it on your plate for five times the original price — but chances are you’re not anything closer than a long-haul flight to one so I’ve dug up recipes from the internet. The ingredients you’ll need (or frozen versions of some of the dishes, like prata) should be available at Asian grocery stores.

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1. Kaya Toast and Half-Boiled Eggs

The rest of this list will be alphabetically ordered but kaya toast and eggs gets top spot because it is by far the Queen of Breakfasts — and really easy to put together at home! You can get kaya in stores (Gabriella has mentioned her favourite and Yeo’s is a household brand name in Singapore) or make your own, but I’m gonna be real with you and say no one makes their own because it’s a tonne of work.

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2. Appam

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3. Chai Tow Kway (Fried Carrot Cake)

Spoiler alert: there’s no carrot in our carrot cake.

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4. Chee Cheong Fun

Girlfriend: “If you make chee cheong fun from scratch for me, I’ll have to marry you.”
Me: “If you make tau huay from scratch for me, I’ll have to marry you. Thank god we’ll never do any of these things.”

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5. Chwee Kueh

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6. Congee (Rice Porridge)

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7. Economic Fried Bee Hoon/Noodles

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8. Fishball Mee Pok

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9. Mee Goreng

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10. Mee Rebus

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11. Mee Siam

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12. Mee Soto

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13. Min Jiang Kueh (Peanut Pancake)

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14. Nasi Lemak

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15. Putu Mayam

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16. Roti John

“John” as in the name, yes — local legend has it that a long time ago a white guy asked a Malay hawker to make him a hamburger, and this was what the hawker came up with as a substitute. I can’t say I believe this particular story is true, but I can believe that a white guy would do that.

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17. Roti Prata

Prata is called “roti canai” in Malaysia, referring to Chennai, where this dish is said to originate from. (Sidenote: Malaysians will inevitably claim that plenty of food on this list is Malaysian and not Singaporean, and they wouldn’t be 100% wrong — but I am also less concerned about the 3872982 petty conflicts that emerge between Singaporeans and Malaysians (food is a particularly touchy subject, but just one of many) and more into stuffing my face.)

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18. Sayur Lodeh

This curry is usually eaten with lontong, a rice cake cooked in banana leaves. (If you can’t find it, any rice will do.) As a vegetarian, lodeh also makes up 90% of my Hari Raya diet while other people get food like ayam rendang.

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19. Thosai

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20. Vegetarian Fried Bee Hoon

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Finally, a note on beverages: while I hear some of you (maybe just a couple) are into alcohol with your brunch, if you’re ever in Singapore, try your hand at ordering kopi (coffee) or teh (tea) from a coffee shop. It’s something I’ll admit I haven’t mastered, for reasons ranging from “as an ethnic minority I resist having to adopt a dominant language to order tea” to “I’m f-cking lazy.” But mainly it’s because I’m a Milo dinosaur person myself.

Sweating in Sweatpants: A Brunchventure

Hold onto your eggs, we’re getting ready for Autostraddle’s International Brunch Weekend 8/23-24! Find a brunch meetup in your city or create your own by heading over to our events page. You can also load up on all things brunch by watching this space. From playlists to recommendations to personal essays, we’re writing all about the brunch experience. Get excited! BRUNCH.

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Pretty much the only thing that will wake me up at a decent hour on a Sunday morning is the prospect of brunch. This past Sunday, after rubbing the crust out of my eyes and peeling my body off the sheets in the sweltering heat, I managed to see that my group chat decided we were going to Peaches in Bed Stuy. I have definitely expressed my general desire to make Peaches my bae, so I was all, “Everybody on your bikes, see you in 10. Don’t talk to me until I’m drinking a Bloody Mary.”

I didn’t really think about what I should wear because I was so preoccupied with how I was about to make love to some cheesy grits. So, I threw my hair up in a messy bun, slapped on some sweatpants and started biking. About three minutes in, I realized that between my leather bike seat, corduroy sweatpants and spandex underwear, I had created a perfect storm. The scrunchy bit at the bottom of my sweatpants was trapping the heat in, and I began considering whether or not anybody would notice if I just biked around in my underpants. Thankfully by this time I had already arrived.

Usually the wait for a table at Peaches can be measured in one million glasses of water, but we arrived just in time to beat the after-church crowd, so we only waited about ten minutes. It is during this ten minutes that I saw one woman waiting for a table wearing pin curls and a pencil skirt. Another gentleman was wearing a three piece pinstripe suit and a fedora. I was wearing last night’s whiskey sour and SWEATPANTS. Is it hot in here? It feels hot in here. You know what will probably cool me down? A Bloody Mary. Yeah, definitely that.

Service at Peaches is… Southern. Let’s call it that, because otherwise I’d have to pull out my impatient New Yorker face get all “where’s my damn coffee!” And I don’t want to do that. The sluggish service gives me, Nicole, and Quinn enough time to have a well-rounded brunch discussion. We started off with the perils of STDs and trading gyno recommendations, which somehow led to embarrassing exes, and finished on drunk. Nicole had the Jim Cade Breakfast (french toast, eggs, potatoes, toast, miracles), Quinn had the Crab Cake Sandwich (on brioche with a side of fries covered in creole seasoning), I stuck with the standard fried eggs and potatoes with bacon and grits, because it was the cheapest option and I was saving room for that Bloody Mary. Speaking of which, as if I haven’t plugged this restaurant enough, Peaches makes the best Bloody Mary I have ever had in my life. Hands down, no contest, just the best, extra spicy. The only thing I don’t think anybody has figured out is how to stop those little pieces of horseradish from getting stuck in the straw, impeding Bloody Mary consumption. Maybe we could use those giant bubble tea straws? That might work.

At this point there was a thin layer of moisture covering every inch of my body. I have this hereditary predisposition for shoveling food into my mouth like its my last meal on earth, so I usually get a little moist when I eat, but between the food, the hot sauce, and those goddamn sweatpants, I was drenched. I suggested that maybe I needed to go buy a pair of shorts. Maybe we should go thrift shopping. Quinn was like no thanks that meal was an adventure, leaving me and Nicole to walk my bike from Bed Stuy to Bushwick which, it turns out, takes a lot longer than you would think, especially when you are wearing sweatpants and vodka and tabasco are seeping from your pores.

I tried my best to navigate using my inner compass because I’m a native Brooklynite and these hipsters don’t know shit. But it turns out my inner compass needs to be re-calibrated, so we got sort of very lost, and had to sit down at the least relaxing cafe underneath the Myrtle Broadway overpass to drink smoothies and send snapchats. Nicole introduced me to her parody lifestyle brand, Mostly You, which you should all follow on instagram. It had me cracking up, but then again I was maybe having a heat stroke.

When we did finally arrive at Urban Jungle Vintage on Knickerbocker ave., I was immediately struck by the abundance of American flags plastering the walls. There were also a plethora of not-so-questionably racist artifacts decorating the store. I don’t know if any of this stuff was for sale, but it definitely went hand-in-hand with the horrendous florescent lighting and poor curation of items. Most of the clothing appeared to have belonged to one person’s hoarder mother between 1968 and 1989. As my hangover set in, I began to question whether this was a good idea at all. Of course, Nicole immediately spots the only two killer items in the store, both baseball jerseys. Behold:

So, what’s up with upholstered vests? Was there some sort of fabric shortage in America at some point? Did the government command every citizen to tear down their drapes and dismantle their decorative pillows so that everybody could have ugly vests? I swear, I was buried in a sea of upholstered vests. Nicole threw me a lifeline and pulled me out so we could try on all of the polyester stretchy shirts, which was actually not fun at all. One of the particularly offensive shirts made the hair on my arms stand up on end, or would have if I hadn’t impulsively decided to get my arms waxed on Friday (it was free, and I don’t regret it).

In a last ditch effort to find a pair of shorts I came upon the most confusing clothing item I have ever seen: a pair of thick, flannel, Abercrombie daisy dukes. Upon what occasion does one need to keep their butt cheeks exceptionally warm and itchy, while exposing maximum leg? I thought back to the girls from UMass I used to see teetering around Amherst in the dead of winter, practically naked, arms linked to remain upright, wearing a nice jacket of miller lite and pinnacle vodka. They could have used these shorts, but the cameltoe I incurred from the them actually outweighed their impracticality.

I left empty-handed. My sweatpants were damp. My hangover was real. I used the last ounce of energy in my poor, dehydrated body to book it back home and fall into a deep slumber. There I dreamt of a cool breeze passing over my naked body while eating creole fries on a sandy white beach. Next time I think I’ll opt for the mimosa and some flowy pants.

Top Ten Brunch Hacks That Will Save Your Life

Hold onto your eggs, we’re getting ready for Autostraddle’s International Brunch Weekend 8/23-24! Find a brunch meetup in your city or create your own by heading over to our events page. You can also load up on all things brunch by watching this space. From playlists to recommendations to personal essays, we’re writing all about the brunch experience. Get excited! BRUNCH.

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I’m no brunch expert and I’m not here to pretend I am, but I do eat a lot of brunch. A LOT OF BRUNCH. And not just because I love food (although I DO), but because thanks to a non-notable career in stand-up comedy which involves a lot of bus rides, couch crashing and hotel stays, brunch is practically the only meal I regularly eat out these days. I’m also a person who often partakes in several a cocktail when performing comedy at bars or just being an annoying loud person at karaoke in my free time, so for me brunch is a necessary life-saver to help me make it through a weekend. Over the years I’ve slowly learned how to make every brunch item the best it can be, finally being able to brunch at what I like to call, the optimal level of brunching which is basically REALLY GOOD BRUNCHING. In honor of Autostraddle’s celebration of brunch, I’ve agreed to share my never before revealed trade secrets so YOU as well may enjoy your own brunch at its full potential. Get ready to throw your life standards out of a window and have your brain blasted open, because I’m about to give to you my Top Ten Brunch Hacks¹ That Will Change Your Life (during brunch specifically)!

10. Steak and Eggs – Steak and Eggs with Hollandaise

Steak and eggs are pretty good, as long as you like your steak medium rare or just as long as you like steak. I don’t get this meal too often, but when I do, I rarely regret it. One fateful brunch I told the server I couldn’t decide between eggs benedict and steak and eggs because I wanted all three, but I mostly just wanted hollandaise. The server suggested he add hollandaise to my steak. This blew my mind. It was the most delicious meat covered in egg gravy I’ve ever had. Always get hollandaise on your steak because, I mean, who cares. It’s good.

9. Fruit – Fruit with Whipped Cream

Fruit. YUCK. Whipped cream. YUS. Put these two together and you have taken your fruit to the next level and that level is whipped cream. Be sure to add enough to mask the fruit flavor of the fruit.

8. Waffles – Chicken and Waffles

Waffles are one of those things you think will be good because you want toast, but you don’t want bread, but you don’t want pancakes. I think. Why add some sad chunk of butter and a pool of sad syrup to your soft toast pancake when you can do that AND put a leg of fried chicken on there! Fried chicken fixes most problems, especially ones involving sad soft toast.

7. Bagel – Bagel with Lox

Bagels are like savory donuts, but not as good. I always knew I could get cream cheese on a bagel, but the day I found out it’s not only tasty, but socially acceptable to also add raw salmon, capers, red onion and spinach to a bagel and eat it in public I really became confused as to why people only eat cream cheese on bagels. That’s like only eating cheese in your taco.

6. Pancakes – Macadamia Pancakes with Coconut Syrup

A couple years ago I went on vacation to Hawaii. Also a couple years ago I went shopping at Whole Foods when I had the money to do so and I found a pancake mix that was labeled “Hawaiian Pancakes” which had macadamia nuts. The box suggested you eat them with coconut syrup, which I bought. Eating them didn’t really make me feel like I was in Hawaii, but it did make me feel like I could finally not be bored with pancakes after three bites. Eventually I had to throw away that coconut syrup which I wasn’t sure how to use once the mix was gone.

5. Mimosa – Pitcher of Mimosas

Mimosas are a brunch staple so…why not be sure they WILL NEVER GO AWAY?

4. Eggs Benedict – Crab Cake Benedict

Eggs benedict is one of the greatest probably bad for you foods that has ever been created (after several kinds of cakes). Benedicts will always be satisfying and regularly help your brunch time hangover. You may think your Canadian bacon benedict couldn’t be more tasty, but I’m pretty sure you think that because you’ve never had hollandaise on top of a poached egg on top of a crab cake. It’s like kissing Jesus. Which means it will cure your cold sores and kind of scare you a bit.

3. Huevos Rancheros – Chilaquiles

So you’re ready for a siesta, but you need some cheese and beans first. Believe me, I’ve been there. Huevos rancheros are always a good filling Mexican-style breakfast, especially for brunchers who eat like they live: SPICY. While I love huevos rancheros, if you’re looking for a good-tasting and hangover saving Mexican delight, how about take it up a notch and have chilaquiles. What are chilaquiles? Well, they are basically nachos. For breakfast. Tortilla chips baked in adobe or verde sauce with shredded chicken, pork or lamb, then covered in queso fresco, crema, beans, cilantro and fried eggs. If you didn’t know breakfast nachos are a thing, they are and they will save your life. De nada.

2. Bloody Mary – Bloody Mary with Meat

No brunch cocktail will ever match the gloriousness of a Bloody Mary. Or at least that’s what I thought until I was offered a Blood Mary with meat in it. Bacon and Bloody Marys should have been together a long time ago. It’s sad to think about all that they’ve missed and will need to catch up on. It’s like the end of that movie Forever Young with Mel Gibson where he finally reunites with his true love, but he’s a young Mel Gibson and she’s an old true love, but then he starts aging rapidly so at least no one will whisper things, but it’s still really sad they missed all that time together when he was in cryostasis. Also, it’s too bad he’s Mel Gibson.

1. Omelet – Nothing

There is no way to fix an omelet. They are gross.

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¹ I might not know the actual meaning of this word.

Liquor In The Mid-Afternoon: Barefoot Brunch

Hold onto your eggs, we’re getting ready for Autostraddle’s International Brunch Weekend 8/23-24! Find a brunch meetup in your city or create your own by heading over to our events page. You can also load up on all things brunch by watching this space. From playlists to recommendations to personal essays, we’re writing all about the brunch experience. Get excited! BRUNCH.

Barefoot Brunch — the kind of brunch where you don’t brunch out. You brunch in. The brunch was within you all along. Or at least, in your apartment. And you don’t have to wear shoes in your apartment. Y’all, it’s raining outside today. And I just moved, so I’ve just put together a lot of IKEA furniture. Like hell I am going out for brunch right now! I am staying in. Who’s with me?! Plus I like making brunch drinks; brunch drinks have a special place in my heart. Here are a few excellent cocktails to make for your guests.

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Easy Peasy Peachy Bellini

1.5 oz gin (I’m using Brooklyn Gin)

1 oz peach schnapps

top with Prosecco

Peach slice to garnish

Now probably I could have built this bellini in the glass since the Prosecco would have taken care of chilling it. But I am cray cray and wanted everything really chilly, so I grabbed a jam jar filled with ice to mix in. If you’re at the same level of “it’s so damn hot outside, what the hell, this is the Midatlantic, it’s not supposed to feel like this” as I am, please feel free to join me in that level of crazy and mix the 1.5 oz gin and the 1 oz peach schnapps in a glass with ice.

Strain it into a wine glass or champagne flute. Top with Prosecco. When popping a bubbly, please always use a tea towel so you don’t shoot someone’s eye out.

Slice a peach and just drop the whole slice in. The easiest way to slice a peach is like an avocado — slice all the way around and then twist so you have two halves, one of them with the pit in it. Slice off the half that doesn’t have the bit. Eat the half that does because dang it, peaches are tasty. And then that’s it, you’re done. Easiest brunch drink in the world. No juicing. No crazy techniques. And it’s amazingly delicious and very boozey.

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Morningside Sunrise

3 oz Lillet Blanc

1 oz Crème de Cassis

top with tonic water

garnish with a peach slice

This is named for its lovely color — a nice rich purple. And it’s very sweet. Grab a wine glass and fill it with ice. Dump the crème de cassis in the bottom of the glass, the 3 oz Lillet on top of it.

And then top with tonic water. Hang a peach slice on the side of the glass. You literally don’t even have to mix it. It’s a lazy lazy sunrise. And if you’re making the bellinis, it’s also a good way to use your sliced peaches up if your guests don’t all want the booziest bellini in town.

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Mary’s Fish Allergy

I can never order a Bloody Mary — I am both a vegetarian and allergic to fish. For those of you in that boat, join me on the dark side. These are just as delicious.

2 oz vodka

6 oz tomato juice

2 dashes soy sauce

2 dashes favorite hotsauce (I’m using Tabasco, but some people use sriracha)

2 dash Bittermens Hellfire bitters because my real goal is to light your mouth ablaze

2 pinches sea salt

2 dashes tamarind paste (or 2 pinches tamarind powder)

All the pepper. All of it.

Celery stick to garnish

Fill a shaker half with ice. And then do the dashes first — the soy sauce, tamarind, Bittermens Hellfire Bitters and hot sauce. Yes, yes both of them. Both the hot sauce and the habañero bitters. Because I want it to kick you in the teeth. That’s the whole darn point.

Then add the sea salt and four turns of a pepper grinder.

Just as an FYI, the tamarind and soy sauce are what’s standing in for the traditional (and fishy) Worcestershire sauce — all you really need is something to give it an umami flavor, and the combination of those two things will definitely do it.

Dump in the 2 oz Vodka and the 6 oz tomato juice and shake it for a good 30 seconds. You want that salt and pepper to get all up in there.

Strain it into a tall glass and cut your celery stick to match the glass’s height. Add four turns of a pepper grinder right on top for good measure.

If you want what my fiancée’s sister calls a “Gentle Mary,” cut the vodka down to 1 oz. It is much gentler that way.

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What are your go-to brunch drinks? Have you riffed on anything traditional lately? If none of these are go your liking, I highly recommend trying a Fizzing Whizbee.

3 Tips from the Slapass Convent For Making Your Brunch Totally Decadent

Hold onto your eggs, we’re getting ready for Autostraddle’s International Brunch Weekend 8/23-24! Find a brunch meetup in your city or create your own by heading over to our events page. You can also load up on all things brunch by watching this space. From playlists to recommendations to personal essays, we’re writing all about the brunch experience. Get excited! BRUNCH.

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BRUNCH BRUNCH BRUNCH, Noonish, At the Slapass Convent: this is the text I get from a BFF, Lauren, in Austin one summer. In lieu of gold rimmed invitations on soft, white paper, these calling card texts were our bat-signals to brunch; we flocked to them. Occasionally we would meet at this restaurant or another, but our brunches were usually too rowdy and too lengthy to really fit into a public space. Sometimes we would meet at my parent’s farmhouse, tucked up on a hill and away from other houses on five acres. There, people could drift in and out as they pleased. You could be an hour early or an hour late, depending on if you wanted to help cook.

Later, when four of my friends moved in with each other, they quickly christened their place the Slapass Convent and this house became our Brunch Haven. In those days, brunch was often held to help everyone recover from the previous night. The whole lot of us would be experiencing what my mother politely referred to as a delicate morning and we would rally to help each other recover. The main staple of our brunches was the famous mimosa. No one is certain of our exact record, but one especially epic brunch is remembered as vanquishing just shy of 30 bottles of champagne and/or prosecco. I remember some version of migas on the stove, sometimes pancakes. It was always a lengthy process with plenty of breaks for smoking and chatting on the front porch. Often the brunch would weave itself in the rest of the day and we would end up in another nighttime get together.

For a while, this was the only way to brunch. As some of these seemingly key elements evaporated from my life, I thought brunch itself might disappear as well. I could not imagine my lovely brunches without mimosas or prosecco. Luckily, I quickly learned that there were many avenues of drinky eccentricity sans bubbly. I realized that I am, at my core, a deeply decadent person. I like silk and lace; I love frivolous accoutrements; I write at a lectern; I got my MFA in poetry. And brunch? Brunch is all about decadence, about making a little monument of time and space to frivolity.

Somewhere along the way, as I was defending decadence to myself, I made an important discovery: if I have a patronus, it might be Cecil Vyse:

He is hopelessly decadent, frivolous, and has a wardrobe I aspire to. Room With a View is one of those movies that I have watched a thousand times, but if you come over to hang out with me, I will always ask if you wanna watch it. The first thousand times I watched, I wrote Cecil off as a ridiculous character, too wrapped up in his own decadence to treat other people as anything other than things. While he clearly had some growing up to do, I have come to really love and appreciate his devotion to pomp. The world is often really sad. There are crazy and catastrophic happenings every day and perhaps at times we need a stay from reality. I know I do. The beauty of brunch is that temporary leisure time and the ability to whittle away hours with friends. Pretending, for a morning and an afternoon, that it is always Sunday and always summer and always safe.

Let’s infuse some lightness where we can! I have been giving myself free reign to be indulgent. Though prosecco was my former go to, I am finding all sorts of other ways to make brunch overflow with muchness. My three favorite are:

Flowers

There is nothing like a fresh bunch of flowers to make you feel alive and decadent. They are completely unnecessary and yet, once they are on a table, so essential. They are the relentless reminders that there is beauty in the world and sometimes it smells lovely.

Extra decadent points if you display your flora in an unconventional way. Cut the flowers down to size and break up a bouquet over several mason jars or tea cups. You can also do away with stems altogether and let the blooms float around freely in pretty bowls of water.

Whimsical Glassware

There is a special kind of beauty the exists in easily breakable glassware. Glass catches light and throws it back onto the table in pretty patterns. It shines and lets you see the jewel tones of whatever it is you are sipping on. Is it necessary to sip your mimosa out of an ornate flute? It it crucial that tea be ferried to your lips in a tiny glass tea cup? No? Then delight in it!

Bonus points of decadence for tea trays, picnic blankets, etc., give your brunchy foods a nice home to rest on!

Dessert After Brunch

We have it after a nice dinner and so too should we have it after a nice brunch! Sometimes brunch food is dessert food, but some extra sweetness never goes amiss. Madeleines are my thing, my go-to cache of decadence. They can look deceivingly fancy with their pretty shell shape and can often prompt people to ask you about Proust. Never fear! The only thing you need to make these faux-fancypants cookies are the special pans; after that, the recipe is super simple:

Madeleines

• 2 good eggs
• 2/3 cups sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1 tablespoon lemon zest
• 1 pinch salt (+ 1 pinch to pitch over your shoulder)
• 1 cup flour
• 10 tablespoons butter (a stick & a fourth) softened (not melted)
• *however much powdered sugar your heart desires to dust your confections with

Preheat the oven to 350. In a largish bowl, beat your two good eggs together with your sugar. Add the vanilla and lemon zest to this mixture. Toss in your pinch of salt. If you are superstitious (or me), throw a pinch of salt over your left shoulder. Slowly add in the floor, sifting it in to get an even mixture. Stir in the softened butter; the batter should have a nice matte shine to it and be difficult to stir. Place a spoonful of batter in each shell-shaped madeleine mold and bake for 10-12 minutes, until golden brown.

Bonus timing help: get your French song on four times, check on the madeleines, then maybe watch once more.

After you take them out of the oven, allow to cool and then dust with powdered sugar or enjoy them naked (take that how you will). I don’t know where I first found this recipe but there are also many variations on the interwebs. Some use almond extract instead of lemon zest. I have also heard tale of using rosewater. Once, in my foolish, experimental youth, I tried raspberries but they threw off the consistency. I also tried to mix it up with lemon and lime zest with the result being classy looking cookies that tasted like Fruit Loops… Go crazy! Get decadent!

What are your favorite decadent brunch touches? What are your plans for the International Autostraddle Summer Brunch Weekend?

Queer Girl Brunch Guide: So Many Cities, So Many Brunches, So Little Time

Hold onto your eggs, we’re getting ready for Autostraddle’s International Brunch Weekend 8/23-24! Find a brunch meetup in your city or create your own by heading over to our events page. You can also load up on all things brunch by watching this space. From playlists to recommendations to personal essays, we’re writing all about the brunch experience. Get excited! BRUNCH.

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Oh hey were you wondering where to get brunch? Maybe like the weekend of the 23rd and 24th? Here are some ideas for you, sourced from whatever recommendations we could force our staff and close associates to provide. Feel free to irately list all the excellent places we missed in the comments!

Berkeley, CA

La Note
2377 Shattuck Ave
510-843-1535
La Note is a place I go with my friends when we are looking to treat ourselves. You drop a little more $ here, but the French-inspired cuisine is to die for: crepes, croquettes, grapefruit mimosas and Kir Royales, and coffee so strong you need to drink a gallon of water to recover!

Homemade Cafe
2454 Sacramento St
510-845-1940
Homemade has sassy waitresses, kale scrambles, and beautifully curated muffins! It’s a low-key brunch place that usually has a shorter wait time than your average place, seats about 20 people, and has less-expensive food options. You can even get a frequent-bruncher card that helps you work towards free food!

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Brooklyn, NY

Alchemy Brooklyn
56 Fifth Avenue (Park Slope)
718-636-4385
Grass-fed hanger steak & organic eggs, Sweet Guinness Pancakes, Brioche French Toast… are you in? It’s around the corner from Bergen Street Comics and Babeland. So you can brunch and then go purchase sex toys and Lumberjanes all in one shot!

Caracas Arepa Bar
291 Grand St (b/t Roebling St & Havemeyer St, Williamsburg)
Brooklyn, NY 11211
(718) 218-6050
The $8.50 Hangover Relief Brunch involves fried eggs, ham, potato hash and avocado slices and will cure every problem you’ve ever had. The building itself is really cool and you should probs try an arepa, which I can’t describe so I’ll quote the website: “dense yet spongy corn-flour rounds, pitalike pockets, corn muffins, cake-swaddled mélange, white corn cakes, Latin sloppy Joe, sandwiches of a flat cornmeal patty, soft and smooth within, golden crispiness, tasty treats, burrito-killer, panini-killer, wheat-free, gluten-free crisp on the outside, steamy-soft in the middle…”

Cheryl’s Global Soul
236 Underhill Ave (Prospect Heights)
Brooklyn, NY 11238
(347) 529-2855
This place, overseen by Executive Chef Cheryl of Food Network’s “The Melting Pot” herself, has french toast with the best Chantilly cream in the world. There’s a combo where they give you both a mimosa and coffee along with your meal. Also, there’s a patio out back where you can sit in the shade and think about how great your life now that you have Chantilly cream in your mouth. There’s often a wait on the weekends, but it’s worth it.

Cubana Social
70 N 6th st
(718) 782-3334
It’s cuban so you’d think it would be all pork everything but they are amazingly veg-friendly and everything is really fresh and delicious, plus they serve really strong coffee and you can get mojitos with brunch (which is amazing). It is also the site of cara’s notorious fall, cos they sat us on the stage (they have live jazz sometimes, and other times they screen movies there). Also I dunno if this has changed since I moved but I feel like nobody knows this place is there; there’s never a wait.

House of Small Wonder
77 N. 6th Street (b/t Wythe & Berry / Williamsburg)
Brooklyn, NY 1121
Worth it just for the decor which includes a tree growing smack dab in the middle of the place. Lots of brunchy sandwiches like the Fig Bree Apple Baguette and Organic Egg Scramble on crossiant. It aims for an environment like European cafes, “where the small cozy establishments focus on quality and not quantity,” and a menu with Japanese influences.

Peaches
393 Lewis Ave (b/t Mac Donough St & Decatur St in Bed-Sty)
Brooklyn, NY 11233
(718) 942-4162
“Peaches is bomb southern food. You know how that guy who wrote “Stuff White People Like?” He insists that Brunch is a white people thing. That is not true, just go to Peaches. I’ve never felt so underdressed while eating breakfast foods. I want to make Peaches my lover.” – Hannah Hodson, Peaches’ lover

Taco Chulo
318 grand st
(718) 302-2485
It’s mexican so if you’re vegan you can get a smothered burrito or the guacamole breakfast, which is what I always got. The food, coffee and cocktails are pretty solid (hibiscus margaritas), but the best part is that it’s down the block from lodge, which always has like a two-hour wait on the weekends. Taco chulo almost always seats you immediately and then you feel like that emoji with the sunglasses, which is my favourite emotion.

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Cambridge, MA

Petsi Pie
31 Putnam Avenue
617.499.0801
This lovely spot is tucked away between Central and Harvard Squares, and while I’m terribly uninformed about the pies for which they are named, I think they make the best egg sandwiches in the Boston area. They have seven different options for egg sandwiches, all on brioche with cracked pepper baked right into the dough. I also have sampled many of their gigantic scones, all of which are top notch. Petsi Pie is a very reliable brunch place in inclement weather — I brunched there while we were shoveling out after Winter Storm Hercules. One thing that’s important to note is that they don’t have much in the way of gluten free or vegan options.

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Chicago, IL

Chicago Diner
Lakeview:
3411 N Halsted St
773-935-6696
Logan Square:
2333 N. Milwaukee Ave
773-252-3211
Chicago’s go-to vegan restaurant has killer breakfast foods that everyone can enjoy. Their vegan cinnamon rolls are an steal at 2 for $5, and their potato hash is not to be missed. They have a variety of vegan proteins, including seitan sausage and tofu bacon, and a build-your-own breakfast option where you can pick your favorite parts of the menu. If you’ve still got room after all that, order one of their decadent lactose-free milkshakes. You won’t regret it.

Dunlay’s on the Square
3137 W. Logan Blvd
773-227-2400
Dunlay’s is a bar, so the first items on their brunch menu are drinks. Sip one of those while you choose from a full menu of eggs, pancakes, hash, sandwiches and more. Big Mike’s Irish Breakfast comes complete with a Guinness, if you’re into that sort of thing, and the roasted chicken chilaquiles are authentically Latin with queso blanco, poblano crema and avocado. Their creamy, gooey hash browns are almost a meal on their own, but save room for an order of their monkey bread — basically a big pull-apart cinnamon roll — after your meal. If you don’t feel like waiting an hour to get into Logan Square’s other famous brunch spots, Dunlay’s won’t let you down.

Cozy Corner Diner & Pancake House
2294 N Milwaukee Ave
773-276-2215
The best diner in Chicago is in the process of getting a facelift, and if you see how busy they are on weekends, you’ll see why they’re expanding into the former grocery store next door. They serve cheap, delicious breakfast foods with a smile, and they’ll go out of their way to get your group whatever you need during your meal. Is diner breakfast food usually worth a 40-minute wait? No, but if Cozy Corner wasn’t worth it, there wouldn’t be a line out the door every Sunday morning.

m.henry
5707 N Clark St
773-561-1600
Both m.henry and its sister restaurant, m.henrietta, serve up what they call “globally inspired, new American style cooking.” That’s just a fancy way of saying it’s freaking delicious, huge portions of decadent breakfast foods. When every menu item has an ingredient list that takes up two lines, you know how much thought has gone into making sure it’s good. By far the best item on the menu is Fannie’s Killer Fried Egg Sandwich, which comes with applewood smoked bacon, gorgonzola, arugula, thyme and plum tomatoes, but the baguette French toast with fresh berries and vanilla creme is light, fluffy heaven on a plate. They don’t serve alcohol but are very BYOB-friendly, and will bring out an ice bucket to keep your champagne chilled while you make your own mimosas.

Sweet Maple Cafe
1339 W. Taylor St.
312-243-8908
This sweet and quaint cafe puts love in their food. Seriously, everything in this place has a homemade heartiness and is perfect post hangover food. The must have items are homemade biscuits, pancakes, and home fries. Please go here now!

Taverna 750
750 W. Cornelia Ave.
773-904-7466
Martinis, mimosas, and scrumptious well plated food is what you will dive into at Taverna 750. The fabulous Italian style eatery must haves are the steak and eggs, veggie hash, or the eggs benedict which are equally amazing. They’re always adding new items that can suit anyone’s taste palette or wallet. This brunch is perfect for folks who want to go dutch!

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Houston, Texas

Baby Barnaby’s
602 Fairview,
713-522-4229
There are several Barnaby’s in Htown but only one Baby Barnaby’s and it is the best, most rainbow brunch spot in town. They have a rainbow painted roof and a sweet little patio in the front. The wait can be long for the coveted Sunday brunch and famous green eggs but you sign your name on a clipboard and a handsome waiter calls them out in delightful ways. They also provide you with ice water and coffee while you wait which is lovely.

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London, UK

Black Cat Café
76 Clarence Road
Hackney
020-8985-7091
Black Cat Cafe uses 100% vegan (and often local) ingredients. They’ve got a considerable amount of space if you’re bringing a large party — the cafe was the venue for our post-Pride London Autostraddle meet-up and the staff were great to us. They’ve also got a fridge full of food to take home (including vegan haggis!) and a neat book collection for sale.

The Deptford Brunch Club
Douglas Square (next to Albany Theatre)
Douglas Way
Deptford

This pop-up brunch club is only going to be around till October 2014. If you’re into street food in the style of London’s many weekend markets and bottomless booze, this is for you.

The Gate
370 St John Street
0207-278-5483

51 Queen Caroline Street
020-8748-6932
The Gate Restaurant is fully vegetarian, and also often fully booked up for weekend brunches so save yourself a spot in advance. The food is excellent (albeit a bit pricey) but the main memory I have of this place is this one time my friend and I spent a good amount of time trying to decide if the waitress was queer, only to have her later tell us she “recognised my accent” as she handed us the bill. We couldn’t decide if this was just an offhand remark or a hint that she’d overheard our whole conversation (the restaurant was fairly empty then) so naturally, we fled in embarrassment.

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Los Angeles, California

Blu Jam Café
7371 Melrose Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90046
323-951-9191
Monday-Sunday
The wait can be upwards of 30 minutes on the weekends and parking in the Fairfax District is bordering on nonexistent. But it’s completely worth it when you sit down to Chilaquiles or the Vanilla French Toast. While they don’t do bottomless mimosas, they do have tasty vegan options like the Spicy Tex Mex Tofu Hash. Also, it’s super close to the Melrose Trading Post, LA’s best flea market/spot for people watching.

Border Grill
1445 4th St
Santa Monica, CA
310-451-1655

445 S. Figueroa St.
Los Angeles, CA 90071
213-486-5171
Sundays only
Owned by the awesome, Mary Sue Milliken and Susan Feniger (a queer lady and general LGBTQ ally) these hot spots are the best for brunch! For $30 you get all you can eat small plates of anything from Fish Tacos to Bread Pudding French Toast. For an extra $10 you get bottomless Mimosas! The Downtown location never, ever has a wait and Santa Monica generally has a 15-20 minute wait. And for the love of all that in confectionary, have the Churro Tots!

Hamburger Mary’s
8288 Santa Monica Blvd.
West Hollywood, CA 90046
323-654-3800
Monday-Sunday 11am- 3pm
This place has the most interesting collage walls and even more interesting clientele. Located right at the edge of Boys Town, this is where you go to have a good time and flirt shamelessly with everyone who walks in the door. The Cinnamon Roll French toast is die for,as is their menu of coffee/alcohol combos. There is never a dull a moment here,the waiters are hilarious, L Word cast members show up at random and the music is to die for.

Kitchen 24
8575 Santa Monica Blvd
West Hollywood, CA
424-777-0959
This spot is located in the heart of Boys Town and caters to anyone awake enough to make it. True to its name it’s open 24hrs and serves pretty much everything. The Disco Fries go exceptionally well with the Build Your Own Omelet option, and on Saturday you can add $10 bottomless Bloody Mary’s or Mimosas to your order. With its ample outdoor seating and really sweet waiters, this place is the best for a relaxed meal with friends.

Moonshadows
20357 Pacific Coast Hwy.
310-456-3010
Moonshadows is the perfect spot for lovers and friends. The restaurant has a gorgeous view overlooking the ocean, live music, and nothing but beauty in a brunch. It’s right on the ocean and while you dine you have the pleasure of hearing the waves crashing as you enjoy your beautiful meal. From the oysters to the beautifully crafted crab cakes to the wonderful red d’anjou pear salad, anything you pick from the menu will be a great choice! Enjoy!

WeHo Bistro
1040 N. La Cienega Blvd.
310-657-9696
Be prepared for a short wait, great service, and delicious food! Starting with the most amazing french toast, delectable filet minot & eggs, or a wonderful crepe paired with your choice of mimosa or select wine. The best part about WeHo bistro is the wonderful patio area and the pet-friendly atmosphere makes it a superb brunch date!

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New York, NY

Amy Ruth’s
113 West 116th St. Harlem, NY.
212-280-3109
This is a very famous soul-food restaurant with a very serious waffle menu. Treat yourself to The Rev. Al Sharpton (Chicken & Waffles), The Monica Brown (waffles & fried whiting), The City Councilwoman Inez Dickens (5-grain waffles), The Bishop Charles Reed (original waffles w/ fresh sauteed apples) or chicken, pork chops, omlets and other classics not necessarily named after anybody.

Bocado
1293 Lexington Avenue
212-289-9004
They have a breakfast pizza. If that’s not enough to convince you, try their belgian waffles or a delicious Croque Madame. Every brunch comes with a free mimosa or bellini, and it’s worth splurging on a second one. Delicious, classy and not too expensive!

Crooked Knife
29 E 30th St (b/t Madison Ave & S Park Ave in Midtown East)
New York, NY 10016
(212) 696-2593
BOTTOMLESS BRUNCH. BOOZY BRUNCH!

Good Enough to Eat
520 Columbus Ave (b/t 85th St & 86th St)
New York, NY 10024
(212) 496-0163
This is a family-friendly option for queermos with kiddos who will undoubtedly enjoy the farmhouse decor. They serve breakfast every day from 8am to 4pm (9am on weekends), with homestyle American dishes like Silver Dollar pancakes, Pumpkin fresh toast and a Deep South Scramble.

Josie’s
300 Amsterdam Ave (at 74th street)
(212) 769-1212
This kinda-bougie all-vegetarian restaurant has been around for a while, boasting a variety of inventive brunch options and a pretty unbeatable pre-meal bread situation. Vegan tofu scramble! Apple pancakes! Homemade turkey sausage!

La Palapa
77 St. Marks Pl (b/t 1st Ave & 2nd Ave)
New York, NY 10003
(212) 777-2537
This neighborhood Mexican spot in the East Village, which has a lot of vegan/vegetarian options, is an Autostraddlers’ favorite, especially if you like to start your morning with a margarita. Their brunch deal is unbeatable – $15 for coffee or tea, a brunch drink, a brunch entree and a plate for fresh fruit. Plus it’s great for groups!

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Northampton, MA

The Green Bean
241 Main Street
413-584-2326
I lived in Northampton for exactly 7 weeks three years ago, and it was long enough to establish that the Green Bean makes the best brunch. It’s always packed — expect to wait, and expect the wait to be worth it. All their major egg dishes (and there are also not-egg vegan dishes, and fake meat options) come with bomb home fries AND a delightful scone (just the right amount of sweet to go with your savory). Their menu is full of winners, but if asked to pick a favorite, I’d go with their delightfully simple breakfast sandwich: the Itty Bitty, which is a fried egg on an english muffin with goat cheese, pesto and tomato. Highly recommended. Also, there’s bottomless coffee and you get to pick your own mug off a tree.

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Oakland, CA

Aunt Mary’s Cafe
4307 Telegraph Ave
510-601-9227
Aunt Mary’s has brunch with a Southern fusion twist– eggs with collard greens, shrimp and grits, etc! All the waitresses are way cute, and appear to be fierce femmes (though who knows!), and their pozole is almost as good as mine!

Cock-a-doodle Cafe
719 Washington Street
510-465-5400
You gotta love a queer-owned brunch spot that also has its own Taco Truck on Fridays and Saturdays! Also, fried chicken with graham cracker encrusted French toast, holy shit!

Mama’s Royal Cafe
4012 Broadway
510-547-7600
The fact that Oakland has more lesbian couples per capita than anywhere else in the country is abundantly clear circa every Saturday/Sunday at noon on the sidewalk outside of Mama’s, where they’re all waiting for a table at the same brunch spot. Mama’s feels kinda like a diner but with locally sourced ingredients, inventive specials and tofu scramble. Once you get in, service is fast and everything tastes good.

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Phoenix, AZ

Liberty Market
Mon – Fri 7am – 11am
Sat + Sun 7am – 1pm
230 N. Gilbert Rd., Gilbert AZ

Liberty Market has vegan, vegetarian and gluten-free options, and the historic space is large enough for you and several of your closest, queerest friendos. There’s a fistful of breakfast cocktails to choose from and their coffee/espresso bar is amazing. Get Chef David’s Breakfast Sandwich and sit near a window so you can take in Old Town Gilbert. (Don’t leave without finding the kugel in Water Tower Park. Thank me later.)

Morning Glory Cafe (at The Farm at South Mountain)
Tues – Fri 8am – 11am
Sat + Sun 8am – 1pm
6106 S 32nd St, Phoenix, AZ 85042

Morning Glory Cafe is a little outdoor breakfast spot serving meat and vegetarian options, right there on the farm grass. The entire sky is over your head and you can pick up a bouquet of wildflowers from the shop on your way out. It’s also super intimate and quiet (you’re outside on a farm, you know?) and even though they will accommodate larger parties, it’s better to just keep it small. Limited breakfast cocktail selection, but who needs alcohol when you’re ON A FARM. The Brioche French Toast is so good you’ll probably just lie down and cry when it’s all over.

Pomegranate Cafe
Tues – Sun 8am – 4pm
4025 E. Chandler Blvd., Suite 28, Phoenix, AZ 85048

This is all the way down in Ahwatukee, but it’s the best damn vegan/vegetarian food in the entire valley, so it’s worth the drive (and the strip malls). Pomegranate is probably best for an intimate brunch with two or three friends because of its size (though they did expand their space a couple of years ago), but don’t let that stop you and 20 friends from stopping by anyway. They serve kombucha beer, mimosas and sangria, but the Hibiscus Cooler is my favorite. Get the Green Garden Protein Bowl with a side of tempeh bacon if it’s the last thing you do.

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Portland, Oregon

A N D
5420 E Burnside St
Almost every restaurant in Portland has good vegan, vegetarian and gluten-free options, but AND really specializes. It’s vegan by default but you can ask for egg or cheese and best of all there is none of those pesky extra charges for the veg and gluten-freedom.

Broder
2508 SE Clinton St.
2240 N Interstate Ave. Suite 160
Two locations means that all Eastsiders can enjoy this Scandinavian themed brunch spot. It also means that, even though it’s popular, the wait is only medium, even on a Sunday.Plus the staff is almost all adorable Portlandy gay men who are sweet and great servers.

Interurban
4057 N Mississippi Ave.
Known for its incredible happy hour Interurban has not yet been discovered as a brunch place so there is usually no wait, at least for the next 6 months. Firendly gay wait staff serve up specialities such as homemade Pop-Tarts, salted caramel french toast and and to-die-for brunch greens.

Pambiche
2811 NE Glisan St.
A busy Cuban dinner eatery, Pambiche also serves a Caribbean style brunch with some of the best Cafe con Leche I have ever sipped. They’ve been doing this for awhile so I’m not sure why no one has figured out that you have less wait time on a weekend morning but I’m all for it. They helpfully label everything veggie, vegan and GF. I’d even go for just the free sweets basket that comes to every table.

Sen Yai
3384 SE Division St.
Another spot not usually thought of as a brunch option is this noodle house from the same folks who bring you the wildly popular Pok Pok restaurants elsewhere in the city and now even in NYC. They don’t have the crazy (read: 2+ hours) wait of the other locations in general and their morning offerings are an interesting look into how Thai’s break their fast with dishes such as rice porridge in pork bone broth, Vietnamese style sunnyside up eggs, Chinese sausage and muu yaw ground pork served with a baguette or fried Thai-style savory crullers.

Sweedeedee
5202 N Albina Ave.
This twee little spot has some of the best baked goods in town and items like the salted honey pie are not to be missed. The most accurate description I have ever heard was when a friend said it was as if Marcel the Shell with Shoes on opened a cafe. Locals, hipsters, tourists and even your mom will fall in love with this place so there is a little bit of a wait, but it’s still not too bad by PDX stadards.

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Queens, NY

Il Bambino
34-08 31st Ave
Astoria, Queens
718-626-0087
Il Bambino takes all your favorite breakfast elements and puts them on a panini. Even better, they’ll make any of the 16 brunch sandwiches vegetarian for no extra cost — just tell them what you’d like to substitute for the meat. The cute back patio is the perfect sunny spot for a weekend meal, but they also serve brunch on Fridays until 3:30 if you want to beat the rush.

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Rochester, New York

The Owl House
75 Marshall Street
585-360-2920
Fresh ingredients. Seasonal and always changing menu. Tasty brunch drinks including your standard mimosa and fun non-alcoholic concoctions like the Put Up Your Dukes–locally roasted coffee, vegan bourbon cream and black walnut bitters. Come for the watermelon salad with mint, cucumber olive oil, and feta (or housemade sunflower seed cheese). Stay for the breakfast poutine. Almost everything can be made vegan or eggy-meaty and many items are gluten free, so bring all your special-dietary-needs friends!

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San Antonio, Texas

Candlelight Coffeehouse
3011 N St Marys St,
210-738-0099
Candlelight is a beautifully cozy brunch spot with a huge, shady sprawling patio. For their “food styles” on their Facebook they straight up say brunch.You order at a counter so the wait is however long it takes you to muscle into a good spot (from no time at all to ten minutes), the best are these really opulent couches placed around coffee tables. They really know how to make Eggs Benedict but it is the Smoked Salmon Scramble that is truly addicting. I don’t know what a “semi-bottomless” mimosa is; when I lived down the street, they were bottomless…

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San Francisco, CA

Brick House
426 Brannan St. (b/t Ritch St. & Zoe St)
San Francisco, CA 94107
415-369-0222
It’s sort of off the beaten path and a bit crowded — the decor and menu has an Austin, Texas vibe — but worth it. The menu is pretty f*cking scrumptious, including a signature eggs benedict, jalapeno golden polenta grits, vanilla bean french toast and killer huevos rancheros.

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Singapore

Eight Cafe & Bar
8 Bukit Pasoh Rd
6220-4513
Located close to the CBD, Eight serves brunch on Sundays. While I generally steer clear of anything that markets itself as “Asian fusion,” Eight serves very decent food for a decent price in a relaxing atmosphere.

The Garden Slug
55 Lorong L Telok Kurau
#01-59/61 Bright Centre
8688-8575
The Garden Slug is a little out of the way but well worth the visit for its tasty, inventive food. They’ve got plenty of vegetarian options and a track record of strong support for queer causes and people, both of which I know better than to take for granted in Singapore.

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Todmorden, West Yorkshire, UK

Todmorden is a little Lancashire/Yorkshire border-town at the meeting-point of three valleys. Each valley has a road leading to a now-depressed post-industrial mill-town, and each of these roads has a tip-top brunch place on it. Like so!

There are also many, many, many queer ladies here. They came in the seventies to start communes n stuff and now it’s a veritable mecca for lesbians and veggies. Of course, you might think that a Yorkshire brunch guide would be all fried foods and pastry, but that’s where you would be wrong. It’s only half fried foods and pastry! Although to be fair you’re probably reading this article for fried foods and pastry joints so yeah.

The Bear Cafe
29 Rochdale Road, Todmorden
01706-433606
Super-awesome cult veggie-vegan was-once-a-co-op local-fairtrade-organic-and-all-that-jazz health-food emporium and cafe, everyone round these parts knows The Bear. There is an actual brunch section on the menu featuring such delights as Huevos Rancheros (poached eggs and salsa), miso and tomatoes on toasted caraway rye bread (NOM!), homemade granola and pancakes. Shedloads of vegan options.

Exciting fact! Many moons ago, for my sins, I was the manager of this cafe…in fact that’s kinda how I ended up in this odd little town.

Kava
53 Halifax Road, Todmorden
01706-818730
My favourite breakfast spot in Tod, vegetarian Kava do a totally mean fry-up. Plus the co-owner Svet is the most charmingly enthusiastic barista you will EVER meet. Bar non. There’s also a cute garden out the back, dogs are welcome, the food leans in a Unkrainian direction, the coffee is wood-roasted and the music is a depressing mix of early-90s dirges plus The Smiths (because the co-owner Dale used to be in that very band!! I know, right?!) (BTW you should totally click on that link to see Svet being gorgeous about Tod.)
Brunch highlights include Yufka (baked stuffed Ukrainian pastries), filled croissants and a full vegetarian/vegan English. Loads of vegan options too.

Exciting fact! Svet has the world’s best collection of tights. I’ve literally never seen her wear the same pair twice.

Vanilla Kitchen
52 Patmos, Burnley Road, Todmorden
01706-433748
Recently-opend bistro near the park with a crazy-imaginative menu. Not officially a brunch spot as it doesn’t open til 12 but the food is so yum that it needs a mention. Highlights include Croque Mon Tod – a fried ham and cheese sandwich with Lancashire cheese, and a ridiculously delicious dish of sautéed halloumi with olives, spinach and baked eggs.

Exciting fact! This is the last place in Todmorden to get the evening sunshine so it’s officially the best place for dinner al fresco too.

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Winter Park, FL

Ethos Vegan Kitchen
601-B South New York Avenue
407-228-3898
Ethos is hands down the best brunch spot in the Orlando area. It’s an entirely vegan restaurant which offers delicious brunch options like seasonal pumpkin pancakes (which are unreal) and biscuits and gravy. There is pretty much no wrong choice when it comes to their brunch menu (and their regular menu, honestly). Their brunch hours are Saturday & Sunday from 9am-3pm and they have a different brunch special every week.

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Vancouver, British Columbia

Bandidas Taqueria
2781 Commercial Dr,
604-568-8224
My vegetarian pick! I kind of hate vegetables but this place makes me forget. I hightly recommend the eggs benny; instead of english muffins they use cornbread muffin tops. CORNBREAD MUFFIN TOPS. Guys. GUYS. CORNBREAD. If you are super early, almost zero wait time. Around 10:30-noon it’s about a 35-50 min wait on weekends, because everyone rolls out of bed around the same time.

Chewie’s
Kits: 2201 W 1st Ave
604-558-4448

Coal Harbour: 110-1055 West Hastings St.
604-620-7634
To be honest, I’ve only ever had the chicken and waffles at Chewie’s because it is damn delicious and it’s hard to find in Vancouver. It’s very easy to make reservations online, and I’ve never had to wait to get seated. If you want late Sunday afternoon decadence, this should hit the spot (if you are a carnivore)!

The Dutch Wooden Shoe Cafe
3292 Cambie St.
604-874-0922
Minimal to no wait. Tuesdays are 2 for 1, you can get bomb pannekoeks for little funds (mid-week deliciousness). Quick service and off-the-beaten-path option.

Medina
556 Beatty St.
604-879-3114
The last time I hit up Saturday brunch, we arrived around 9:30 and it was a 45 min wait. A known brunch spot in the city, prepare to spend a bit of time hanging out in front. Tasty and fancy feeling at a decent price (under $20), it’s a lovely treat yoself option!

Insider tip: make sure your entire party is present, as they won’t seat you unless everyone is there.

Sober in the City: How to Brunch Like a Sober Boss

Hold onto your eggs, we’re getting ready for Autostraddle’s International Brunch Weekend 8/23-24! Find a brunch meetup in your city or create your own by heading over to our events page. You can also load up on all things brunch by watching this space. From playlists to recommendations to personal essays, we’re writing all about the brunch experience. Get excited! BRUNCH.

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Ahhh, brunch you old so-and-so. You were once in my top 10, if not top 5, excuses to get wasted when I was an active addict. Brunch is a portmanteau of breakfast and lunch. But I was never brunching for the food. I wanted a reason to drink in the middle of the day. Brunch provides a golden opportunity for people, addicts or not, to get shit-faced and stumble home before dark without judgment.

Often times, when someone gets sober, they come to the realization that their once “favorite” social activities – brunch, karaoke, dancing, dinners, bowling, parades, going to the beach, attending sporting events and concerts, etc. – were all just background noise to the headlining activity: getting fucked up! When recovering addicts participate in these same activities without using substances, they sometimes come to yet another realization: They actually truly dislike some of these activities and/or they much prefer experiencing some these activities sober.

Learning about what your likes and dislikes are when your mind is in an unaltered state is one of the most enlightening experiences. You genuinely find yourself. I realize now that I quite enjoy dancing, but I’m not big fan of some of the nightclubs I once frequented. (What the hell did I ever see in this place?) I still love going to the beach and participating in Pride events. I used to roll my eyes at lavish, cheesy weddings, and now I love observing family dynamics, watching drunken hookups, and doing line dances with complete strangers at receptions. Who knew?

It also turns out that I’m a foodie and love brunching sober because I get to focus and spend more money on the actual food! (Pizza and Oreos are NOT theeeeee best combination of food I’ve eeeeeeever eaten. That was the vodka talking.)

So, with Autostraddle’s International Brunch Weekend approaching (8/23-8/24), I’m going to give you sober queers some pointers on how to brunch like a boss. If you have ideas too, please share them in the comments section. And don’t forget to list your sober brunch events on Autostraddle’s Meet-Up Calendar.

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Host Your Own Themed Brunch

Spa brunch complete with cucumber infused water, mini quiches, fresh-mint scented steamed hand-towels, mud masks, eye cooling pads, and aromatherapy? Go for it! Brunch with an Orange Is the New Black inspired menu? Hellz yeah! Tea (not as in political) party brunch that boasts a menu of traditional English teas, finger sandwiches, and puddings? But, of course! A dashing dapper backyard jazz potluck brunch where guests wear bow-ties, pearls, suspenders, twirly skirts, and big hats? Only if you invite me! What I’m trying to get at here is that there are a million and one creative ways to make brunch interesting without the unlimited cheap booze and questionable eggs. You can enjoy the social, not just culinary, aspects of brunching by creating a unique shared experience. When developing your menu, check out these 20 awesome mocktails for drink inspiration. You can ask that your guests refrain from consuming alcohol altogether, have a “sobers only” brunch, or have both alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverage options. Ball is in your court.

Go to a Restaurant Known for Its Food

New York City is a foodie’s dream come true. You can find a multitude of delicious cuisines at every price point. However, before I got sober, I rarely took advantage of New York City’s best brunches because I was always too concerned with making sure that my meal came with an all-you-can-drink option. Yet the all-you-can-drink option is usually only available once a week during brunch hours. Ever wonder why? Well, some very successful chefs and restaurateurs are actually anti-brunch in their own personal lives because they believe that restaurants use brunch as a sham to sell food made with cheap inputs and old food left over from their more profitable Friday and Saturday nights to unsuspecting intoxicated patrons. (Think “seafood frittata.”) So, do your research and go to a restaurant with a good reputation for serving up outstanding brunch meals. Maybe even try a new cuisine. Just keep the focus on eating delicious food, because you’re no longer that person who will eat anything (and think it’s delicious) after a few cocktails. Moreover, if you’re going to brunch with people who drink, check out my Pride post, which offers tips on how to stay sober during Pride, but can also be helpful in many different social situations where alcohol is involved.

Go to a Restaurant Known for Its Entertainment

So, your friends don’t care about the quality of food and insist on experiencing the all-you-can-drink brunch. Now you must decide on whether to go with them or miss out on the fun. If you feel that going to a boozy brunch will trigger you and jeopardize your sobriety, skip the brunch. However, if you’re like me and in a place where being around drunken people is a reminder of why you no longer drink, take your friends to a restaurant that has some form of entertainment. Everyone can have the shared social experience of enjoying a great jazz band, a phenomenal drag queen performance, or even dancing on tabletops at one of NYC’s famed party brunches featuring top DJs. The entertainment will certainly be more interesting and less triggering than listening to your wasted friends complain about their consistently horrible OK Cupid dates and bad bosses and the half-baked, substance-fueled ideas they have to address these problems.

Dress the Part

While a fair number of brunchers will be dragging themselves hungover from the night before in sweatpants and shades to the pub so they can get a bit of the “hair of the dog,” you, my sober friend, will be bright-eyed, rested, and have a well-hydrated glow. Now’s the time to show off your sartorial smarts and be that head-turning queer at the table. For outfit inspiration, I highly recommend Tomboy Femme, dapperQ, Qwear, and Fit for a Femme.

Now, go forth sober queer and brunch like a boss!

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Feature Image via Daily Mail

You Need Brunch Help: So You’re The Only Vegan At Brunch

Hold onto your eggs, we’re getting ready for Autostraddle’s International Brunch Weekend 8/23-24! Find a brunch meetup in your city or create your own by heading over to our events page. You can also load up on all things brunch by watching this space. From playlists to recommendations to personal essays, we’re writing all about the brunch experience. Get excited! BRUNCH.

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“So if you’re vegan… what do you eat?!”

So here we are, it’s a glorious Sunday morning (or early afternoon) and you and all your hungover friends are hobbling out into the bright sunshine to drink bottomless mimosas as part of the great weekend tradition we call Brunch. Better yet, you’re all dolled up in your Sunday best and off to go meet with some brand new queer best friends at your local Autostraddle brunch! Your friends suggested this place and gosh, you just love brunching with your friends so much! Except when you get to the restaurant and look at the menu, there’s not a damn vegan option to be found. This happens sometimes — non-vegan friends might not think about making sure there’s a tofu scramble or tempeh bacon available before they pick a place. Depending on where you live, being vegan can be so easy that your friends might have even forgotten you have different dietary needs — but all of a sudden you’re sitting at the table gazing at a veritable ocean of eggy waffles, creamy sauces and unidentifiable breakfast meats, with nary a vegetable in sight. Usually that’s when people start cooing “Ohhh, is there anything you can eat? Like a salad?”

I’ve suffered through many a diner breakfast this way, glaring down at my plain toast and coffee, swearing that I don’t really eat breakfast anyway, it’s no big deal, really, but the truth is that after a while, I’m not only hangry, I’m a little resentful. So your friends are inconsiderate jerks!* That’s okay! Here are some tips to help you get through brunch without compromising your morals or starving to death.

* – Just kidding, I’m sure your friends are very nice.

Call Ahead

I read somewhere that if you call ahead at Medieval Times and tell them you’re vegan, they’ll make you some hummus or a stuffed pepper instead of a whole chicken you have to eat with your hands. Are you guys brunching at Medieval Times? You guys are hardcore. Anyway, if at all possible, it never hurts to call ahead to a restaurant and ask if they have the ability to accommodate your diet. A lot of places won’t mind the opportunity to get creative with ingredients on your behalf. Part of me always hates asking questions because of being perceived as that annoying vegan, but there’s a big difference between politely inquiring about the egg-free options and loudly preaching about the evils of factory farming to all your friends while they’re just trying to enjoy their bacon. Odds are good if you give the kitchen a good-natured fair warning, they can whip up something delicious without having to so much as inconvenience an animal.

Get Creative

If calling ahead isn’t an option and none of the brunch entrees look particularly safe for a vegan diet, you can usually piece together something pretty excellent. Does the restaurant have plain toast and an avocado? Boom, you have avocado toast, you mad genius — bonus if the restaurant can give you a side of rice and beans, provided they’re not cooked in some kind of animal stock. Are there breakfast potatoes? What are they cooked in? You definitely want those breakfast potatoes. Maybe the restaurant can sauté some veggies with those bad boys. Toss in a side of fruit and you’ve got yourself a pretty sweet breakfast situation.

Eat A Garnish

If all else fails, there are probably like, some fake flowers on the table or something. Eat those. Eat the orange slice that comes in your friend’s cocktail. Pour some hot sauce on a napkin.

What are your tips for navigating a vegan brunch in a world full of scrambled eggs and hollandaise? Let us know in the comments!

Nothing Is Off Limits: How Queer Brunch Raised This Queer Feminist Fagette

At 16 I was a rage-filled, loud-mouthed, angry queer feminist. I was over the butch-femme dynamic in the lesbian community and the casual misogyny I found among gay men was no longer a thing I was willing to overlook. I felt as if I had no real place in the LGBTQ community at a time when I needed a community more than ever. I was always being told I was a little too loud/ outspoken/ anti-racist/ independent to belong anywhere. It seemed the price of belonging was putting up with part of your identity being marginalized. This was especially painful because I didn’t have a place with my family either. To make a long story short, I wasn’t out to them, but I wasn’t in the closet enough for polite conversation and questions about boyfriends. So I was without biological family or the found family seasons 1-3 of The L Word had promised me.

What I did have were a handful of wannabe A-Gay guy friends who dated guys way too old for them. My friend Max had one boyfriend in particular named Steve. Steve thought my permanent attitude problem was hilarious and that my love of Doc Martens was a sign of good character. He was also 30 and loved making Max happy. One of the things that made Max happy was dragging me out to socialize. So that’s how this teenage misanthrope found herself sitting in a West Hollywood restaurant on a Sunday morning pretending to know what a Bellini was. That first Sunday was awkward and full of quirked eyebrows and mimosas. I had no idea what to say to the 30-something friends of my friend’s boyfriend. At this point, I was so used to not fitting in I didn’t even bother to listen to the questions they asked. I figured that Max had gotten this out of his system and I was off the human interaction hook. Instead, Steve invited me out again the next week and the week after and the week after that.

The group of people varied by week, as did the location, but one thing that was always the same was the “nothing is off limits” vibe that saturated the meals. After I stopped waiting for judgment to pass, I started to pay attention to the conversations. Some of them were frivolous chatter about shoes and exes, others were about battles with depression and drugs. There were talks about how shitty race-themed nights at gay bars were and how lesbians did more harm than good by forcing people to pick a side. We talked about living in half a closet at home and being fully out at school. It was the first time I’d ever been around adults who had survived the things I was going through and were willing to say more than “Go to AA” and “Don’t start, you’ll never stop.” Every single person who I met was positive that many of their problems were reflective of flawed systems, be they churches or the HRC. And they all wanted to see better things happen for younger queer people. While they always asked me questions about why I thought what I thought, they never questioned my identity or invalidated my experience. They also taught about things I’d never have known otherwise. These meals were where I learned about Act Up, received a copy of Stonewall the book; hell, the first time I ever heard of Stonewall was at brunch. Brunch became a space to learn and to belong for a few hours.

Eventually Steve and Max broke up, Max moved away and brunch stopped being a regular thing for a while. Then I met Eli and Amy, two gay siblings who were in the market for a new friend. I was 18, and while I had definitely grown out of most of my darkness since that first brunch, I was still many identities in a single body and looking for the label that fit. I’d also adopted “Have no filter, give no fucks” as my motto and resigned myself to not having community until I was older. Eli and Amy had other plans. When I first met them after a GSA meeting at school I thought Amy just wanted to hook up, but it turned out Eli was the one with an interest in me. He’d heard me bitch out a girl who called me a pathetic hag and liked my inventive cursing. They invited me to brunch a few weeks later and I said yes. If I’m being honest,I only said yes because I wanted to sleep with Amy. But I’m glad I did. Brunch with them meant brunch at their parents’ house, with their friends (Kate, Pete, Joey, Sid and Lee), and lots of booze. It was less about busy friends keeping up with each other like the Steve led brunches and more a messy, loud Queer Theory class. This was the QAF and L Word fun I’d been looking for. We cooked brunch and talked shit about closeted celebs the boys had slept with and talked about how much it sucked that every gay movie was so painfully white and depressing. We partied during the week and met up between classes, but brunch was where we let our queer identities free in a way that was more natural and less defensive compared to who we were in public.

This brunch crew wasn’t about learning a new side to my community from adults; it was about a bunch of kids being a new side to a community. Amy, Kate and I caught endless shit from the girls at GSA meetings for running with a bunch of bitchy queens. The boys were made fun of for having the “Lesbian Harem” out with them at gay bars. We didn’t quite fit anywhere but with each other. It was at brunch during a discussion about not fitting in that Sid looked at me and said: “You are such a fag.” The boys called each other that all the time, and even applied it to Kate when she went on one of her female masculinity (though I’m sure we didn’t have that term when I was 18) rants. When I asked for an explanation, Joey said I had all the sensibilities of an A-Gay, the balls of a gossip columnist, the presence and mouth of drag queen, with the academic background to back it all up. I was like the perfect gay man activist. I was flattered, but I took exception to being called something that was male; I was a girl damn it! Being tough didn’t make me a man! Sid looked at me, and after a few minutes said “OK, fagette then”.

It wasn’t like the movies; I didn’t have some sudden epiphany in that moment and embraced my new found identity. Hell, I didn’t think of it as anything but a funny nickname for years. But when some asshole outside Trunks, a gay bar in LA, told me I wasn’t actually a fag and should go home, I remember very clearly turning around and saying “No, I’m not a fag. I’m a fagette.” I was 22 at that point and hadn’t seen any of my brunch friends in years. We’d gone to different colleges and countries, had boyfriends and shitty jobs. But later when I thought about it, maybe brunch had never really stopped. Brunch had always been a place for a million pieces of me to slide together however, and finally, almost ten years after my first Bellini and Benny the pieces had stuck. There was finally a whole picture, made up of rage and feminism, as well as those early conversations about Stonewall and Sunday’s spent trying to find a gay movie that didn’t piss us all off. I was the fagette, a girl of many sides who railed against anything that tried to confine my identity to their expectations.

In the years that followed there would be a song by Athen’s Boys Choir of the same name as well as Urban Dictionary’s definition of fagette. But for me, it will always mean 15 and lost, 18 and reckless, 22 and finally daring to take up my own space. And brunch will forever hold a spot in my heart.