“And Just Like That” It’s Che and Miranda’s Last Supper

This And Just Like That review was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors who are currently on strike, tv series like this one would not be possible, and Autostraddle is grateful for the artists who do this work. This And Just Like That recap contains spoilers for season two, episode eleven, “The Last Supper Part Two: Entrée.”

One of the best things about TV shows set and filmed in actual New York City are the dinners and the third act parties. Think Gossip Girl. Think Succession. Honestly? Think Sex & The City. So when Carrie teased her plan last week to have a season finale Last Supper in her OG apartment, and insisted on inviting all of Miranda’s exes, I thought we were in for some world class drama. Alas, nothing about this dang show makes a lick of sense and the second most exciting thing about the whole finale is that Carrie did, in fact, adopt one of Che’s flirt-cats and she named him SHOE. That’s cute. That’s Carrie Bradshaw.

And, frankly, it’s a good thing she’s got a new furry companion because the real showmanship of “Entrée” comes after the Last Supper, when Aidan throws rocks at Carrie’s window like the olden days, finally does enter the Apartment of Eternal Misery and Doom, and asks Carrie to “wait for him” for five years so he can go be the dad he needs to be to the teenage son he and his wife abandoned. It’s an enormous ask, even for Aidan Shaw — but Carrie agrees. She says she’ll wait like Keira Knightley waited for Orlando Bloom in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. Hopefully, he won’t have a kindergartener there to greet him when he returns to the shores of Manhattan.

One of the reasons Carrie’s Last Supper is so boring is because no one really talks about all the hijinks they’ve gotten up to in that place over the many, many years Carrie’s lived there. Miranda and Che have a really intense conversation in that corner of the kitchen where all the finger-banging went down and even they don’t have a fond giggle over it. Instead, Carrie says they’re going to go around the table and all say one word that’s symbolic for what they want to “let go of,” which is a kind of an intense thing to put people on the spot about over Bourbon Chicken Liver Pâté or whatever rich people eat at their catered meals.

Che says they’re letting go of rules, which is actually the funniest joke they’ve told all season, because when have they ever followed a rule in their entire life? Or at least their entire life on this show? Miranda met them when she caught them sharing weed with Brady at a funeral! (Oh Jesus, I just remembered “Rambo.”) It’s also a bonkers thing to say because Che does seem sincerely sorry they hurt Miranda with their stand-up, and they promise her they’re not going to do anymore material about their relationship. Which is a good rule! Miranda and Che both agree that their whole deal was a train wreck, but that it was a meaningful explosion for both of them. Miranda learned she’s queer! In her late 50s! Che learned that you should probably talk about it before your ex-husband wakes up starts up a threesome with your current girlfriend. Miranda says she’s giving up guilt, which is actually a really wise choice, and she proves it at the end of the episode by reconciling, platonically, with Steve, and crushing a big BBC interview.

I really don’t expect Sara Ramirez to be back next season, and I don’t blame them for it. They recently wrote an Instagram post about how they are not their characters, that they don’t write the words that come out of their characters’ mouths, and that their job as an actor is to act. It seemed directed toward that absolutely bonkers profile of them in The Cut earlier this year, and also just generally at fans who are being pricks to them because they don’t like Che. I’m sure they had big dreams for this character, just like we all did, and are as disappointed as the rest of us about the way it all played out, with them basically just being shoe-horned in like all the other new POC characters by the midway point of the season. I hope their next role is worthy of them! We’re always seeing and loving you here, Sara Ramirez!

Charlotte? Well, Charlotte’s letting go of her family’s expectations that she should be the perfect wife and mother, existing to serve their every whim. She finally has a long talk with Harry about how he thinks he’s doing a lot now that she’s working again, but making a few breakfasts and doing a few school runs is actually the bare minimum. She says she likes her job! She’s good at it! And she’s not giving it up, so it’s time for him to step up! And of course he does. He goes out and buys her a phone that’s not drenched in tequila and helps her set it up. I love these two so much.

Seema’s giving up “distrust.” Anthony’s giving up “control.” Giuseppe’s giving up “Rome.” LTW’s giving up “guilt,” just like Miranda, but for different reasons. And Dr. Nya is giving up “yesterday,” so she can finally hook up with this Michelin-starred chef named Toussaint whomst she’s been dancing around all season.

Me? Well, I’m not giving up anything because all my wishes finally came true: Samantha Jones is back! Only for one phone call, and only for one minute, but seeing Kim Cattrall back in action as the best character in this show’s history really made my heart soar. She was trying to make it to the Last Supper, but her plane got grounded in London because of the weather. Waiting five years for Aidan Shaw seems like a terrible waste of time. But Samantha Jones, I would wait for you forever.

“And Just Like That” It’s Queer Kitten Season for Che Diaz

This And Just Like That review was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors who are currently on strike, tv series like this one would not be possible, and Autostraddle is grateful for the artists who do this work. This And Just Like That recap contains spoilers for season two, episode nine, “There Goes the Neighborhood.”

I’ve started watching And Just Like That like its some kind of sketch comedy, mostly paying attention to the things I love, which, this week, includes: Miranda and Charlotte finally having a (hilarious) storyline together, Sara Ramirez with a bunch of kittens, Anthony being surly in gay love, LTW simply existing, Dr. Nya ordering Tinder sex like its GrubHub, and two masterpiece oil paintings. And mostly ignoring what I don’t love, which, this week is, once again: Everything involving Aidan Shaw. I’ll just go ahead and get that last thing out of the way because no one likes to read recaps by someone who hates what they’re watching.

Aidan and Carrie are still going strong — if by “strong,” you mean “planning a future together even though Aidan, a grown-ass man, cannot return to the apartment where Carrie hurt his feelings two decades ago.” Carrie has now met his children and is using the word “love” to describe her feelings for him, and he’s in New York every other week, hanging out alone in bars while she scoots off to her apartment to change clothes, etc. Because, again, he literally will not set foot in her apartment. Unfortunately for them, Aidan talks too much, so they get found out as Airbnb guests and get kicked out of Che’s apartment. This prompts Carrie to finally sell her place and buy something new, because Aidan cannot stomach even standing in the lobby of her building. I’m sensing some Aidan lovers in these comments lately WHICH IS FINE and you’re right that Carrie did more than hurt this man’s feelings, but if they can’t actually look into the faces of the monsters they were when they were together, how can they even hope to have a healthy future? You know?

Well, you’re looking very gay today.

Thank you!

Anyway, Aidan’s ex-wife pops up in Manhattan and invites Carrie to coffee. She’s in the know about her whole messy past with Aidan and mostly just tells her not to use their sons in her writing, which is super fair.

Elsewhere, BRADY AND LILY ARE HOOKING UP. I don’t know why it never occurred to me that this could happen, but I guess there’s some comfort in the fact that Charlotte and Miranda didn’t think it was possible either. And neither did Carrie! Funniest line of the episode: “That’s like hearing that two of my stuffed animals are having sex.”

It starts because Miranda is worried Brady is throwing away his future. She can’t even get him to agree to start college when “college” is just a long summer vacation in Costa Rica where he’ll learn to surf and earn a few credits. So Miranda asks Charlotte to ask Lily to hang out with him and nudge him back on track. Probably not great that Brady is only motivated when he’s dating a girl who’s motivated, but also, with Miranda Hobbes as your mom, maybe not a huge surprise? Which is honestly what’s causing Charlotte to spiral out the most, the idea that Miranda could one day be Lily’s mother-in-law. At Herbert’s campaign party, Miranda and Charlotte go full-on detective, trying to figure out what’s happening between their teenage children. He’s touching her elbow, but was that even on purpose? They’re looking at their phones and laughing, but are they even laughing at the same thing? Finally Miranda and Charlotte decide they’re just going to have to let it play out, and please gods let it play out on-screen. This is the most interested I’ve been in a storyline all season.

HANG THEM IN THE LOUVRE

Now that Miranda’s accepted that this thing is happening with her and Charlotte’s kids, maybe it’s time for her to also accept that Steve is literally never going to leave their place and do something about it. She’s sleeping in a twin bed in Dr. Nya’s spare room. Although “sleeping” is a generous read on what’s happening there. She’s mostly lying awake listening to Dr. Nya and whatever hot bod she’s swiped on having carefree, uncommitted sex at all hours of the day and night. Dr. Nya’s loving it, especially the part where, after sex, they can just scroll on their phones without pretending that’s not what they’re doing. Until her scrolling leads her to Andre’s IG announcement that his girlfriend is pregnant. A baby. Just like he always wanted. Poor Nya, man. It could be worse though. She could be reuniting with a thwarted ex who’s too much of a man-baby to even walk through the doors of the place where she lives. Dammit. Sorry. SORRY. I can’t help myself.

Anyway, look, the main thing I even want to say about living spaces on this show this week is that Charlotte’s got two oil paintings in her home of her dogs, Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. They’re lit up with those little museum lamps that hang on the wall, right in the main foyer. And now I understand why Charlotte is considered such a museum curation genius.

What in the fresh meow-shaped heck!

Your boyfriend is a twat.

What do you think? I already trained her to say the truth!

Che’s still getting shoehorned into the show, and maybe with a new love interest named Toby who brings a box of abandoned kittens to the vet’s office where Che is working. Toby thinks they look like that gay standup comic Che Diaz, and Che Diaz says that they are, in fact, Che Diaz. And then, for the first time since their pilot got canned, they start trying to put a stand-up set together. Nothing like a hot queer complimenting you to light a fire under your buns! At this point, I feel like even the show knows it has done Sara Ramirez dirty, so they let them spend a full episode carrying around a bunch of adorable kittens. Second best moment of the episode: Carrie walking into her apartment and being greeted with a tiny little MEOW and an adorable cat, and then Che sliding in on their socked-feet Risky Business-style.

The biggest surprise of “There Goes the Neighborhood” is the news that Lisa Todd Wexley is pregnant! She keeps falling asleep all over the place, which Herbert thinks is because she’s being passive-aggressive and doesn’t want to support his City Comptroller bid. Right before he takes the stage to give a little speech at Harry and Charlotte’s fundraiser, LTW is like, “My guy, when have I ever been passive anything? What I actually am is pregnant.”

What a goddamn queen.

I named them Samantha 1, Samantha 2, Samantha 3, and Samantha 4.

Che and Samantha 2.

By the way, NYC’s shelters are overflowing and you actually cannot take a box of kittens to any vet around here and drop them off, so if you love Che’s kittens, one thing you might consider doing is donating to the NYC ASPCA or Mayor’s Alliance For NYC Animals. I work with both organizations and they do more for cats and kittens in this city than you could ever even imagine!

Next week: Who even knows what season of the year or year of the calendar it will be! I hope the cats are still here!

“And Just Like That” Che Diaz Gets Done So Dirty

This And Just Like That review was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors who are currently on strike, tv series like this one would not be possible, and Autostraddle is grateful for the artists who do this work. This And Just Like That recap contains spoilers for season two, episode eight, “A Hundred Years Ago.” 

It was obvious from the beginning of the season that AJLT’s writers were determined to do Che Diaz dirty. Not only did the show refuse to course-correct on some of season one’s most grating Che characteristics, including the awful stand-up, they doubled down on it, forced Miranda to completely lose her character inside the relationship, and now! Now! Che has received the worst fate a person could possibly suffer in this universe. They are being forced to stand around — in their own apartment! — and watch Carrie and Aidan act like loved-up youths, and not two exes who absolutely decimated each other’s lives.

When Che asks them what happened to them, they hug like the sweetest secret you never knew, and Carrie takes full responsibility. You’re thinking maybe Che deserves this fate because of going to pound town with Miranda in Carrie’s kitchen last season, exorcising the demons of heterosexuality from Miranda’s body while Carrie peed the bed. But I would argue that’s just being a bad friend. This has got to be some kind of Geneva Conventions violation.

You don’t have to try to crush my fingers just because my pronouns confuse you, man.

Anyway the reason they’re even at Che’s is because they’ve decided to rent it out when Aidan’s in town because it’s getting expensive to live out of a hotel. They can’t rectify this expense by going to Carrie’s apartment because Aidan still won’t do that. They can’t rectify it by hanging out at Aidan’s farmhouse in Virginia with his three children (one of whom is TWENTY YEARS OLD) because he has a chicken that lays eggs in human beds as a joke, which Carrie doesn’t think is very funny. So they buy a Nespresso machine and some plates and live out of Che’s place. V. healthy. I can sense that all the things that kept these two lovebirds apart have simply vanished and been resolved with time.

Miranda’s worried, even Charlotte’s worried, and they get even more freaked out when Carrie starts talking about how she’s having the best orgasms of her life. Orgasms so good that she’s thinking she could never have had them when Big was alive because she couldn’t let herself go with Aidan when Big existed, and now she’s thinking Big was a mistake and Aidan was actually meant to me the great love of her life. Miranda turned her life upside down and shook it like so many pennies out of a piggy-bank over some good orgasms too, so she gets it, but maybe actually the truth is that all the dopamine, mixed with Carrie not drowning in grief for the first time in two years, sprinkled with the familiarity and Aidan’s — admittedly — still luxurious head of hair — maybe those things are causing Carrie to not think straight.

Yes, this is three sweaters on top of each other, so what?

She’s wandering around town in a very expensive bathrobe, gym socks pulled over her joggers, and Gucci Birkenstocks. But Miranda, who is clomping around in some magenta Carmen Sandiego boots, doesn’t seem to think there’s anything off about this. It appears to me she’s testing out a “Virginia Look,” but what do I know? I’m writing this in a baseball cap with a brontosaurus stitched onto it.

Miranda changes out of her brunch suit and puts on her librarian suit and heads on over to the Human Rights Watch. You know, the place with the coveted internship that she was ready to eat her own arm off to secure last season? And then she just left to go to Los Angeles to scissor with Che in a bungalow? Well, not only does she get that internship back, but when the boss goes on maternity leave, Miranda gets the boss’ job. If you think that’s sitting well with these actual intern-aged kids who’ve been busting their asses while Miranda rides around in a purple pickup truck on the beach, you are incorrect. They already kinda hated Miranda. And now they super hate her. JUST LIKE HER OWN SON. Miranda tries to bond with them by explaining that she does have 30 years experience in corporate law, but also that she’s “a sexually confused alcoholic who’s in the middle of a divorce.” It does not endear her to them. She simply cannot get a win!

That pink dress is a bit theatrical, but hey, who am I to talk?

Always winning? Lisa Todd Wexley. Now, see, she is dressed like Sexy Joker and it’s really working for me. Er, for her. Working for her. Purple knit dress and leather gloves, green fanny pack, some kind of bright yellow cape thing. She’ss out shopping for Charlotte’s new job at The Victor Garber Gallery. Charlotte wants to look like she did when she was in her twenties, like a “gallerina,” so she keeps biting off the head of all the nice girls who try to sell her clothes because nothing they’re suggesting is going to make her look decades younger. Charlotte, Aidan has a child who is TWENTY YEARS OLD! Relax! This very tiny woman decides to wear Spanx to her first day on the job, but when she gets there and sees a plus-size woman who is not wearing Spanx, she learns a lesson and takes off the shapewear and tosses it in the trash. Kinda condescending lesson, show, but at least someone’s out here learning something!

Hey, it’s Che Diaz.

Anyway, all of that to say that at the end of the day: Aidan Shaw doesn’t really “get” they/them pronouns, because of course he doesn’t, and of course he also makes zero effort to learn anything about it. I suppose he thinks they don’t have they/them pronouns in Virginia where he assumes Carrie will soon be moving to finally fulfill his fantasy of shaping her into a doting housewife. I honestly just want to meet that magic chicken.

“And Just Like That” It’s Miranda’s First Gay Valentine’s Day

This And Just Like That review was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors who are currently on strike, tv series like this one would not be possible, and Autostraddle is grateful for the artists who do this work. This And Just Like That recap contains spoilers for season two, episode seven, “February 14th.” 

Well, it’s Valentine’s Day and Cupid’s shooting poison arrows! By which I mean: Aidan Shaw’s in town and he wants to go to dinner with Carrie. Charlotte sees this reunion date as a sign, because if Aidan’s free on Valentine’s Day, it means he doesn’t have a girlfriend, right? This could be the start of something new and real for Carrie! Well, I mean not new, but a second chance at love! Or, like, a third chance? Carrie and Aidan’s second chance was more toxic than an arsenic sandwich with asbestos pickles on top.

Honestly, who even knows? Based on our experiences with Aidan of Ages Past — the Green Hornet, as he so passive-aggressively referred to himself — he could be punishing his current girlfriend by taking Carrie out on Valentine’s Day. Or maybe he heard Carrie started smoking again after her husband died and he wanted to meet up to SLAP ANOTHER NICOTINE PATCH ON HER ARM. Maybe he’s just hungry and passing the time while he awaits the next panel at Abortion CopCon. Maybe he’s still into springing surprise wedding demands on unsuspecting women, so “the whole world will know you’re mine,” and Carrie seems like a perfect second-chance candidate for his Nice Guy™️ Plans. God, I really hate this motherfucker. And when it appears that he has stood Carrie up for dinner, I am ready to reach through the TV and absolutely strangle him.

Where’s Big? I was looking forward to fist-fighting him again. Oh? He died? I guess I win!

But! It turns out they’re in different restaurants, right next door to each other. (I guess they’re in the part of NYC where restaurants are nameless?) The dinner is crackling with all their old chemistry and Carrie decides to keep it going by asking Aidan to come home with her. When they arrive at that home, the one that Aidan bought “for” Carrie and then forced her to purchase within 30 days after they broke up, he realizes there’s too many old hurts and memories for him to go up there and have sex. So he asks her to go to a hotel instead, and she agrees. At least he has kids in Virginia so he’ll be out of here soon enough. There’s no way Carrie’s moving to Virginia, or anywhere near some kids that aren’t Rock and Lily.

It was whatever to see you again Aidan. Toodles. I SAID TOODLES.

Miranda’s also got Valentine’s Day hopes and dreams. Not with Che. No, Che’s busy rescuing lost pets. (Finally, me and them have something in common besides owning a lot of suits!) And certainly not with Steve, who’s probably at home right now doing a bunch of crunches and push-ups. No, Miranda’s got Valentine’s Day plans with DIANA TROUT from Younger, who also happens to be the voice of the Jane Austen audiobooks Miranda loves. Miranda stumbles upon her when she’s in the bookstore with Dr. Nya trying to figure out how to label her sexuality. Is she bi? Pan? Che was nonbinary, so does that mean Miranda can’t label herself as a lesbian? Are lesbians still only women/women couples, or has that evolved? How is she ever going to pick out which queer flag sticker to put on her water bottle if she doesn’t know what label to use! This spiraling Miranda is the one I know and love. Welcome home, Pop-Tart.

Let’s hurry this along, the USWNT plays at nine.

At first, Diana and Miranda make plans for their first date at a nice restaurant on Valentine’s Day (that’s lesbian behavior, Miranda, just FYI), but Diana swerves at the last minute because she’s running behind on a work deadline. She invites Miranda over to her place, which honestly makes Miranda even giddier. Unfortunately Diana Trout has clearly been overtaken by some kind of alien or something because, when Miranda arrives, she’s in sweats and her apartment is a frat boy hell. Unwashed flannel sheets, unclean cat litter box, garbage everywhere. Diana takes off to the bodega to get quarters to wash her (one set??) of sheets, and Miranda decides to make a getaway. She’s spent the last several months sleeping on a broken IKEA couch and she cannot keep living like this! Surely there are middle age lesbians in NYC who have fresh sheets on beds without ex-husbands in them?!? Miranda hopes so, at least.

Charlotte and Lisa Todd Wexley’s kids try very hard to ruin their mothers’ Valentine’s Days. Herbert has scored some really nice dinner reservations, but LTW is reluctant to go and leave her son and his girlfriend home alone. First, she spotted Baxter very nearly giving Herbert Jr. a handie in the school courtyard. And then Baxter’s parents booked them a hotel room for Valentine’s Day. LTW says she can’t go to a fancy dinner because if she does Baxter and Herbert Jr. will have sex on her bed and then she’ll have to kill them. LTW “booty traps” her room by fluffing the pillows just so and taking a photo to document any disturbances, but what she finds when she returns home is so much worse. Baxter is in her closet, taking photos with her designer bags! THE AUDACITY! LTW kicks her out so fast.

Yes, I do think they should rename the color red “LTW.”

After a week of running herself ragged to push forward Rock’s new modeling career and Instagram presence, and getting the house ready for Lily’s anti-boy V-Day party, and helping Anthony find a wholesome Hot Fella to go on the Drew Barrymore Show, Charlotte is worn the heck out. She grabs a brownie from one of Lily’s friends before she and Harry head out for their romantic night on the town — and, of course, it’s a pot brownie and Charlotte gets absolutely high as hell and thinks she’s having a stroke. Once again, Kristin Davis steals the show with her humor, yelling from the back of the ambulance that Carrie should be the one to pick out her funeral outfit if she dies. Also she and Harry can’t stop hollering about how much they love each other. It’s so sweet and ridiculous. These two clowns have quickly become my favorite straight couple on TV. At the ER, the doc tells Charlotte she’s just stoned out of her mind, and Charlotte uses the mental freedom to share with Harry that she wants to start working again because she’s not exactly fulfilled being Rock’s social media manager. Harry’s surprised but supportive because of course he is.

I wonder who the next Younger guest star is gonna be on And Just Like That? Lord, let it be Laura Benanti. And if it’s not, Lord, at least let Aidan Shaw get hit by a cement truck. Amen.

“And Just Like That” Miranda Has a No Good, Very Bad Break-Up Day

This And Just Like That review was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors who are currently on strike, tv series like this one would not be possible, and Autostraddle is grateful for the artists who do this work. This And Just Like That recap contains spoilers for season two, episode six, “Bomb Cyclone.” 

As Dr. Seuss once philosophized: “How did it get so late so soon?” By which I mean: It’s now the middle of winter in New York City. Last week it was autumn, the week before that it was summer, and next week who even knows? I mean we have a hint of what’s coming next week, and it’s Aiden Shaw, which, in my opinion, means it’s the apocalypse — but I’m getting ahead of myself. Manhattan is covered in snow. And Brooklyn is covered in snow. And Miranda continues to zip-zap-zoop back and forth between those boroughs, sleeping in Dr. Nya’s spare room, tip-toeing around Steve to parent Brady, and trying to pull Che out of the depression they’ve spiraled into since their pilot crashed and burned. There is truly only so long a person can keep this up. The real world is not like Gossip Girl, okay? New York City isn’t big, square miles-wise, but it takes hours to get two miles in any direction. Miranda is tired.

She gets even more exhausted when Carrie finally tells her about the chat she and Steve had last season, about “til death do us part” and how Steve said Miranda can do whatever gay stuff she wants, but he’s never, ever, ever taking off his wedding ring. Carrie’s not trying to guilt-trip Miranda as much as she’s trying to nudge her toward doing something. Steve said he’d get a new place, but that’s not going to happen. He’s going to haunt the halls of their brownstone until Brooklyn is completely underwater, just a shredded middle-age ghost, wap-wap-wapping on that speed bag for all eternity. So Miranda takes Carrie’s advice to speed up this languishing divorce and it results in Steve blowing up at her like we’ve never seen, even accusing Miranda of never even wanting to move to Brooklyn, never even wanting him, and never even wanting Brady. She says her name is the only one on the mortgage! He says the place was a shithole before he fixed it up! It’s HIS house, he says. HIS HOUSE.

She ends up spooning with him to comfort herself and coax him into letting go — but it turns out he’s kind of already let go. She finds an empty condom wrapper on the nightstand! Which pisses her off! Not because Steve’s having sex with someone else, but because he’s still moping around in his wedding ring despite having sex with someone else!

It’s a real mess, but at least they’re finally moving forward toward an actual end.

Next stop on the heartbreak train: Che’s apartment, where they are holed up with chips and sweatpants, refusing to go outside and engage with other human beings. I call this: regular life. But Miranda calls it: failure. Or at least she strongly implies it. She wants Che to get up and do something, go somewhere, book a stand-up gig at the very least. Che loves stand-up! It’s their whole thing! Che’s stand-up reached through the crumbling walls of Miranda’s own heteronormativity and pulled her into a whole new world! But Che doesn’t feel like making jokes right now. They don’t even feel like doing one little “curry-lingus” bit, not even a small “I took an Uber to the bathroom.”

They are still doing Cameos, though, to keep the cash flowing. Although, Miranda doesn’t want them doing the Cameos in bed? And then Che calls Miranda “mommy,” and not in a fun way? Next thing you know, Miranda’s in her second break-up spoon of the episode.

If you’re worried that Che’s going to go the way of all the other newly added POC characters on this show, well, that sure is fair. Their non-Miranda storyline this episode is being Carrie’s pep-talker at this Widows’ Storytelling Event where Carrie’s supposed to read from her new book. They’re going forward with this thing, despite the snow cyclone, but that only gives Carrie an excuse to traipse out into the blizzard wearing one of the most seriously unhinged outfits of her entire life. How do I describe this dress? Okay. Imagine Julie Andrews does that thing from A Sound of Music where she sews clothes out of curtains, only this time she sews them out of sleeping bags; and instead of little sundresses and lederhosen, she’s tasked with making a ball gown for Anastasia. That’s what this dress is like. Despite bombing her opening joke, Carrie’s book is a hit at “Widow Con” and it does give Che some perspective on their current life setbacks.

I’ll never forgive this series for wasting Sara Ramirez’s talents like this. JUST SO YOU KNOW AND JUST LIKE THAT. I can hold a grudge for decades. Ask Ryan Murphy.

Charlotte and Lisa Todd Wexley, once again, steal the episode. Lily, who is quickly becoming a Julie Taylor, has decided to have sex with her boyfriend, but he’s too scared to buy his own condoms. So Charlotte agrees to go get some, in the raging snowstorm, because she wants to be a sex-positive parent and also because she absolutely does not want Lily to get pregnant or STI-ed. Not since Bea Arthur screamed CONDOMS, ROSE! CONDOMS! CONDOMS! CONDOMS! on Golden Girls has an actor delivered such an iconic prophylactic performance. “Please!,” Charlotte yells at a man behind a frost-covered window. “My daughter needs condoms!” I really did spit out the coffee I was drinking when she yelled it. I don’t remember Kristin Davis being so funny in the original series? Maybe she always was, but this bleakness from Miranda and Carrie is just making her seem extra hilarious.

LTW is being honored as a Black woman breaking barriers in film. Again, it is snowing like the end of the world out there, and so LTW puts her wig in a box and carries it to the venue, where she pops into the bathroom to finish getting ready. There’s another Black filmmaker getting ready too, and when LTW puts her wig on, she says, “We’re not gonna let a little snow stop us, now are we?” Man, she’s so badass. Between this and the stopping traffic in her red dress for the Met Gala, she’s become the real fashion icon on this show. In fact, what if this show was actually just about Lisa and Charlotte? I’d kinda love that.

For some absolutely bonkers reason, Carrie decides she’d like to reconnect with Aiden Shaw, who has been divorced for five years now, which makes sense because being married to that guy would be the most insufferable scenario imaginable. Anyway, she emails him, all, “Remember me?” We know that he does because we’ve seen the promo photos.

The way straight people feel about Che Diaz is the way me, The Lesbian People, feel about Aiden Shaw, so I hope you’re ready for some real catty chattin’ going forward.

“And Just Like That” Miranda and Che Are in Shambles

This And Just Like That recap contains spoilers for season two, episode five, “Trick or Treat.” 

I haven’t Googled myself since 2010, my second year of being a professional writer on satan’s internet. Actually, no, that’s a lie. I haven’t Googled myself and clicked on anything since 2010. Sometimes I do like to search myself to see if the Heather Hogan who voiced Ducky in The Land Before Time is still Google’s most popular Heather Hogan. (She is.) Unfortunately for Miranda Hobbes and her currently decimated life, Che Diaz does not have the same self-preservation instincts as me, so they agree to attend a live focus group feedbacking ¿Che Pasa? and it absolutely ruins their …day? …career? …life? I don’t know, man. It’s bad. Everybody likes Tony Danza but they think Che is a “bullshit version of what the nonbinary experience is,” which is what Che’s been afraid of this entire time. It’a also Lez Girls meta, like And Just Like That’s writers are lecturing us on being weird about Che Diaz. But, like, Che Diaz should have been a home run, you guys. It’s butch nonbinary Sara Ramirez. That’s on you.

Che is crushed and starts spiraling out about money and what they’re gonna do with their life and just a full-on existential crisis. Sara Ramirez is giving Callie Torres in this scene and it’s fantastic. I almost started crying just out of nostalgia. I feel so horrible for them! And for Miranda, who keeps making it worse and worse every time she says anything to try to be helpful. Which is weird because she’s talked Carrie out of ten thousand meltdowns like this in her life, but it’s also inevitable. Remember when Che got upset a couple of episodes ago and Miranda screamed, “Che, what do I do???” Miranda’s just as lost as Che is; she just doesn’t fully know it yet.

Oh man, I love this episode. This is the one where Blanche becomes an actual homicide suspect when Rose talks the girls into going on a murder mystery cruise.

Che says they need some space from Miranda, who’s basically been living with them because of Steve and his boxing bag, rushing home to Brooklyn every morning to try to mom-love Brady into going to college. Luckily, Dr. Nya comes through with a spare room for Miranda to stay in, on account of feeding all of Andre’s stuff to some harbor sharks. It’s a good plan, there’s only so much couch a middle age back can handle — but ultimately Miranda’s going to have to remember who she is, and grab her former cisheteronormativity by the horns, and lawyer it into submission. She cannot keep living like this!

Other characters who decide they cannot keep living like this are Carrie, Seema, and Nya. And by “this,” I mean “sex-less.” These gals are hor-ny and also it’s Halloween (last episode it was the middle of summer, who knows) which somehow makes thirsty people even thirstier. I don’t know if it’s the sugar or the costumes or what, but this is a scientific fact. Charlotte and Harry are obviously throwing a costume party, despite the fact that Carrie would most certainly rather spend her fall fashion hours walking around in various scarves and cashmere coats in Central Park. She decides to split the diff and attend the party as Helen Gurley Brown, the first EIC of Cosmo. She even tucks a Cosmo magazine under her arm as a prop. (Harry and Charlotte go as Elizabeth and Phillip Jennings from The Americans, Lisa Todd Wexley goes at the Bride of Frankenstein, Dr. Nya goes as Catwoman and gives me palpitations, Seema dresses as Seema of course, and Miranda just puts a red clown nose on and goes as her own personal life.)

I mean, luckily you had that gold polka dot jumpsuit in your closet already.

Carrie, Seema, and Nya decide to go cruising for men at a five-star hotel, which is not a thing I knew women did! It honestly seems kinda smart if you’re a wealthy gal in NYC looking for a one-night stand! Things go great for Nya. Things go Samantha Jones for Seema, who ends up with a man who has erectile dysfunction, and needs to use a penis pump, which doesn’t actually bother her; what bothers her is when he gets weird about her vibrator. B+ sex and she calls Carrie first thing the next morning to hash the whole thing out.

Carrie strikes out at the hotel but does end up meeting a guy who runs over her in a bike lane. It’s Charles from Younger! Perfect casting! Straight women are still so pissed about how things went down for poor rich handsome successful Charles in the final season of Younger! He plays the exact same character here, only he does apps instead of book publishing. At first Carrie thinks he’s A Poor and almost writes him a check in the urgent care she escorts him to after the bike wreck. Luckily, she spares herself that embarrassment and engages in a little bit of old school Carrie Bradshaw-style stalking, which leads her to his very wealthy guy apartment. Carrie is more turned on by money than she is by Halloween, so she tries to have herself a little fling with Charles. Unfortunately, he loves money too, more than sex, and interrupts their hookup to take a work call. Carrie decides this is not for her, but the pain of that Post-It note still lives on in her heart, so she lets Charles down by screaming out into his huge empty house that she’ll be going now, because they’re in different places in their lives, but he does seem like a nice guy, and have a good day! OKAY NO HARD FEELINGS BYE!

What are you smiling about PUMPKIN?

The only person who’s really winning this week is Rock, who gets an offer to be in a Ralph Lauren campaign. Charlotte loves this because it’s something she actually has in common with Rock! Harry loves it less because, well, he’s worried but also he’s used to being the fun parent, and this modeling thing is making Charlotte the fun parent. Wait’ll Victor Garber shows back up and offers her a job again and she decides that if her child can have a full life and work, she can too. You just wait for that, Harry!

Finally, I regret to inform you that Che Diaz said the word “curry-lingus” out loud in this episode, and if I have to live with that knowledge, you do too.

“And Just Like That” Miranda and Che Almost Have an Accidental Threesome

This And Just Like That recap contains spoilers for season two, episode four, “ALIVE.” 

This is like the old days when I used to recap Glee and Pretty Little Liars and could never figure out which bananapants storyline to start with. Is it Carrie receiving a dick pic and eager thumbs up from Bitsy von Muffling during Gloria Steinem’s rousing speech on feminism in publishing? Or is it Miranda and Che almost having an accidental threesome with Che’s ex-husband because Miranda has learned nothing from the Great Diet Peach Snapple Debacle of 2022? I guess let’s go with that one because what in the literal world!

Che’s back in New York, in a fancy new apartment, with a whole bunch of unassembled IKEA furniture. And just in time, too, because Miranda’s been sleeping on the couch at her old place while Brady sulks in his bedroom and Steve takes off his shirt and does a bunch of punching bag exercises in their bedroom. They’re in family therapy for Brady’s breakup, for some reason, and even Brady realizes this is self-indulgent New York Lonely Boy business, and probably the actual thing they should be in therapy for is Steve and Miranda’s pending divorce. Brady’s trying to get Miranda to say something, anything, but she’s just smiling and nodding and agreeing with Steve. Brady tells the therapist this is absolutely NOT his mother, and to prove it he says he won’t be starting college in the fall. When Miranda keeps grinning and nodding her head, he’s like, “Okay if I’d suggested SKIPPING COLLEGE six months ago, her whole brain would have exploded.”

Anyway it’s called ¿Che Pasa? and they’re probably going to win an Emmy for it.

So of course Miranda is relieved to see Che after three weeks of waking up to Steve doing his breakup-abs workout directly above her head. She is surprised, though, that Che’s ex-ish husband Lyle is there. Che says he drove them across the country and weathered the Brooklyn IKEA; the least they can do is let him crash on the couch. Lyle and Che regale Miranda and Carrie with stories of their misspent youth. They were “poly pioneers,” Lyle says, and it wasn’t even his idea! He just loved Che and Che wanted to be wild and free, so he went along for the ride! You can tell Miranda imprints herself onto Lyle’s story like a baby gay duck, and probably it’s one of the reasons why she almost gets herself into this surprise threesome.

It starts with Miranda and Che simply hooking up six inches from Lyle, while he sleeps next to them in bed. Truly, these two could use some stern advice on casually fucking in front of other people without their consent! But when Lyle wakes up, he has the exact opposite reaction than what Carrie had when they pulled this stunt in her kitchen. He just joins right in. It’s, uh, uncomfortable? Che and Miranda never even discussed it? Che’s all heavy breathing, like, “Are you okay with this?” and Miranda monologues herself into being okay with it, but then physically has a hard time getting involved in it — watching Che and Lyle kiss and ping-ponging her head back and forth to try to get in on the action — before ultimately tapping out due to a Charlie horse in her calf. She tells them to carry on and she’ll just go to the couch, but, mercifully, Che follows her into the living room and they sleep on the broken furniture together. (Metaphor alert!)

Dammit! I haven’t gotten to François Truffaut’s Jules et Jim in my queer education research yet! I knew I should have studied instead of taking my bratty son to therapy!

Still, though: Yikes?

Also, Miranda has put in too much work as a partner at a high-powered New York City law firm to spend her late 50s sleeping on a couch! Miranda, if you’re not going to have some self-respect, at least respect your poor middle-age back!

Carrie’s awkward encounter is much better, just in terms of sheer wackiness. She runs into her old Vogue editor Enid Frick, who has been unceremoniously aged out of big time publishing — but her newsletter is thriving and she’s decided to start an online magazine called Vivante. It means ALIVE. She asks Carrie to come to the launch party, since they’re the same age and all. Carrie’s thrown by this declaration because Enid is 20 years older than her, but Seema tells her to go anyway, and work out some kind of trade where Carrie writes for Vivante and Enid plugs Carrie’s new book. Seema tells Carrie to just not get caught in any photos with women using walkers because it will destroy her personal brand.

So Carrie spends the first half of the Vivante launch party ducking and dodging mobility aids, and the second half ducking and dodging Bitsy von Muffling, who’s been trying to hook her up with some older gentleman known as “The Tripod.” You don’t need me to explain that nickname to you the way Bitsy von Muffling felt the need to explain it to Carrie. Bitsy just wants Carrie to be as happy as a straight woman married to a gay man who works extra hard in bed to make up for not wanting to actually have sex with his wife!

Intersectionality? Never heard of her.

Enid has, of course, invited Gloria Steinem to this thing, and when she stands up to give a speech, she compares the launch of Vivante to the launch of Ms. Magazine, which is — you know, I was going to say that feminism’s got a lot of stuff to grapple with before we can declare aging to be the great final frontier of gender equality, but Steinem famously shafted Shirley Chisholm in favor of Wonder Woman for Ms. Magazine’s first cover, so yeah, I guess this whole scene is just about right. (Don’t you love having an old lesbian wood witch recapping television for you, lol.) The important thing is that while Gloria Steinem is giving her pep talk, Bitsy von Muffling texts Carrie a photo of The Tripod’s dick and gives her the goofiest thumbs up about it. It’s a miracle she didn’t also stage whisper, “You go, girl!” over the whole crowd. Never change, Bitsy!

As the party’s winding down, Carrie takes a selfie with Enid and Gloria, and works up the courage to ask Enid to plug her book in exchange for some content. But Enid doesn’t want Carrie’s writing! Enid wants Carrie’s Mr. Big money! She wants Carrie to write her a check for $100,000 for Vivante! Carrie waffles while Enid checks out the selfie of her and Gloria on Carrie’s phone. Enid is shocked to discover The Tripod’s dick pic — because The Tripod is her boyfriend! She tells Carrie to just PayPal her the hundred grand. (Can you really PayPal a HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS?!)

In other dick news, Charlotte and Harry have sent their kids off to summer camp and are having a whole lot of sex about it. Unfortunately, Harry’s shooting dust balls, which bums out Charlotte because she likes the fireworks. (Again, I am assuming you don’t need me to explain all these mixed metaphors to you, but let me know if I’m wrong. Charlotte elaborates, extensively, over brunch.) Charlotte takes Harry to the doctor and then gets down to the business of helping him strengthen his pelvic floor muscles with some kegels. She says she does three sets three times a day (“you’re welcome!”) and she’ll be happy to personally train him in this fine art.

Porter/Wexley 2024

Lisa Todd Wexley and Herbert are using their kid-free time to just work more, which is why they both forget to do important things for their 20th anniversary party, such as ordering the cake and sending the invitations. The in-laws squabble. Victor Garber arrives to offer Charlotte a job. And at some point, to ease the bickering, LTW decides to grandly announce that her husband husband will be running for NYC Comptroller! Everyone’s shocked. Not “surprise threesome” shocked, but we’re not all living life as wide open as Miranda Hobbes, Esq.

“And Just Like That” Miranda and Che Leave Pretend Life Behind

This And Just Like That recap contains mild spoilers for season two, episode three, “Chapter Three.” 

Oh my heavens, y’all! Finally! Finally! I have been watching Sex and the City for half my adult life, in large part because the straight woman I was in love with in my 20s was obsessed with it. Year after year, season after season, so much I couldn’t even comment on because I had no idea what to say due to all the straightness and fashions. And now, in Just Like That‘s second season, I finally have something to add to the conversation because there’s an outfit I both understand and adore! Behold, Richard Burton on a rainy NYC day!

I used to walk into the room head down / I don’t walk, now I float

Float on ’em, I float on ’em, just float

Classic yellow raincoat paired with blue Wagwear Wagwellies that are both rugged and stylish? It’s giving Paddington. It’s giving Gene Kelly. Richard Burton simply does not miss!

Obviously Richard Burton’s outfit is the highlight of “Chapter Three,” but the whole thing is honestly great. The SATC-iest episode of AJLT so far. The writers even found a way to balance Carrie’s understandably sprawling grief with the absurd humor that has always made these characters seem even semi-relatable.

In fact, let’s just start there because it’s only a short skip from where Richard Burton is prancing merrily in the rain: A teenage boy at Arbor Academy has made a MILF list, which Charlotte and Lisa Todd Wexley somehow get their hands on. They are delighted to discover that they’re numbers two and three in the rankings, and when the principal announces that this offense is going on this kid’s permanent record, Charlotte and LTW jump up in front of all the parents to defend him. The other moms are like, “You’re just standing up for him because you’re at the top of the list” and, in unison, Charlotte and LTW gasp and dramatically ask, “ARE WE???” The gay dads sitting beside them say they actually deserve to be numbers one and two, and who are they to quibble? Just a couple of super hot moms looking out for the best interests of their exceedingly rich children!

I beg your pardon, who are you calling Golden Girls?

Charlotte’s also on Best Friend Duty the entire episode. Miranda calls her, in a total Hobbes Spiral™️, when things start unraveling in Los Angeles. Stuff seems mostly fine with Miranda and Che, maybe because Miranda is spending every free second focused on Che and their sitcom. She’s running lines with Che, she’s attending Che’s show, she’s pep-talking Che every time they get upset about whatever new nightmare ¿Che Pasa? is throwing at them. (The blue hair, the zoot suits, the LAUGH TRACK.) I mean, Miranda’s not perfect at being a kept woman, but that’s only because the guy at T-Mobile talked her into getting an Android after she lost her iPhone to the sea last episode.

Miranda keeps botching Tony Danza’s lines and doing this hilarious/embarrassing thing that I also do all the time these days, which is shouting, “Why did they type get small again?!?” any time I’m using any kind of electronic device. I’ve reached the point where I just thrust my Kindle at my wife multiple times a day and she resets the font back to level five so I can read it. Che doesn’t seem like the kind of patient partner who’d be willing to do that, so Miranda goes back to T-Mobile and gets another iPhone.

What? Megan Rapinoe wears sunglasses inside.

Rapinoe. Rapinoe. She’s the soccer player married to the basketball girl. Candace Parker?

Which is how she finds out that Brady’s been trying to call her like a hundred times because he’s in Prague and his girlfriend has broken up with him! He is so upset, just standing in the middle of the street in the middle of the night sobbing and saying he didn’t want to talk to Steve! He wanted to talk to his mom! When he screeches that he wishes a car would just run him over, Miranda tells him to get on a plane and she’ll meet him back in New York.

This does throw a wrench in Miranda’s plans to be at all of the ¿Che Pasa? tapings, and also in her idea to get like a whole “fun robot” tattoo sleeve up her arm. (“Ah, shoulda seen that coming,” Carrie says when Miranda calls her from the tattoo shop.) Ricky, the Tattoo Therapist, is much more understanding about this change of plans than Che, because Ricky is self-actualized and able to see beyond his own needs and feelings. Che Diaz? Not so much. I mean, yes, they’re upset because Miranda brought their phone into the ¿Che Pasa? taping because of Brady threatening to jump in front of a bus, and it did kind of ruin their big coming out scene, but then Che calls Brady “just a kid” who’s having his first heartbreak, like he’s some random ginger-haired youth Miranda bumped into on the street and not the literal human child she grew inside her.

Miranda leaves “pretend life” behind and hurries home to catch Brady in her arms when he walks in the door and breaks down. It’s very sweet.

Okay she doesn’t know the difference between Sue Bird and Candace Parker.

I, Tony Danza, am not entirely sure we should be gatekeeping queerness based on pop culture knowledge.

Carrie’s having a breakdown too, but she’s trying to keep it to herself because she feels like the time limit is up on her grief. Unfortunately, she’s got to go to the studio to record herself reading the audiobook of her memoir about Big dying, over and over and over and over. She pretends to have Covid to get out of it, before finally confessing to a Louis Vuitton mask-wearing Seema that she made the whole thing up because she can’t say Big died out loud anymore right now. Seema gives Carrie the same advice as  Bitsy von Muffling(!!!!!) if you can believe it. She says something horrible happened to Carrie, and yeah, you move forward, but maybe the truth is that you never really move on. The gaping hole of grief will always be there; you just gotta grow some flowers around it and find new ways to live.

Seema’s able to access this advice despite her own grief, over her favorite Birkin bag getting mugged right off of her. She’s also able to access the name Blanche Devereaux like it’s actually French, like “Blanche Du-va-RAH.” It’s the wildest thing I’ve ever heard anyone say. “Oui oui, chef, I will enjoy this krwa-san like Blanche Du-va-RAH!”

Sir, it’s not a real gun, but she really will murder you.

At first I was like, “Just get another tote, Seema; good grief!” because I, too, have had my bag stolen off my back in NYC. But it turns out my JanSport backpack from 1999 wasn’t quite as valuable as Seema’s Birkin bag, which costs MORE THAN A HOUSE. I don’t know how that compares to the Telfar bag Mo bought Janine on Abbott Elementary this season, but I do now know two brand names of purses, so I’ve got a head start if I ever decide to leave my pockets behind and become a fancy femme.

In accepting the fact that her grief is always going to be with her, Carrie is able to find the strength to read the chapter of her memoir where Big dies in her arms. And then she gets Covid for real from flirting with a rugby team when she goes out with Seema to celebrate. Being straight, it always gets ya in the end.

“And Just Like That” Che Diaz Is the New… Mr. Big??

This And Just Like That recap contains mild spoilers for season two, episode two, “The Real Deal.” 

I feel like I should kick off this recap by talking about the major queer bombshell of the episode, but I don’t want to because it’s stupid and also because I’d much rather talk about my favorite part of “The Real Deal,” which is that Lily Goldenblatt has decided to give up classical piano and become an emo balladeer. Honestly, Lily would be an absolute star on TikTok; she’s beautiful and her voice is angelic. But! Her songwriting could use a little work. Take, for example, her debut bop, “The Power of Privilege,” which features lyrics such as “darkness comes, hollow dreams / empty mirrors, I’m unseen” and “Park Avenue streets, where do they lead / stuck in the deep, goddamn.”

It’s the “goddamn” that really sends Charlotte; she’s already upset that Lily sold her clothes — including her pink Chanel piano recital dress from when she was like twelve — and this music catapults her into the secondhand fancy clothing boutique called The Real Deal, where she demands that the clerk give back the pink Chanel dress because Lily is A MINOR. The youth behind the counter goes, “Uh, this isn’t a bar? We don’t card?”

After you’re finished posting my friend’s meltdown on the internet — how much are these boots?

Charlotte’s problem this week is Carrie’s problem, too: Neither of them know when to let go. (Also, frankly, my problem, but at least I have a therapist!) Lily needs a chance to grow up, and that includes putting purple streaks in her hair and singing sadly about the patriarchy on a dying planet. It’s not that she’s rejecting Charlotte; she’s just a teenager! I think it’s actually a very cool juxtaposition with Rock’s story from last season. It’s not just trans kids who have to figure out who they are. All kids have to figure out who they are. Or, at least all kids should have a chance to do that. Rock, by the way, has become a fashion icon with their bucket hats and backwards baseball caps and short-sleeve button-ups, and they’re supporting Lily begrudgingly, due to sibling bonding, and not due to thinking Lily is the next Billie Eilish, like me and Anthony do.

What Carrie’s having a hard time letting go off is the concept of Sex and the City. The podcast has sold some ad spots for a vaginal wellness brand and Carrie just can’t bring herself to read the copy into a microphone. Franklin offers to brainstorm some ideas for selling vaginal dryness products, after their Thursday sexing, but Carrie’s not into that either. Ultimately, her reluctance to get on board with the vulva branding forces this podcast production company to sell to Apple overnight, which is just about the most realistic glimpse at actual New York media this series has ever aimed for. Fortunately for Carrie, she’s still rich as hell and was only doing this for fun and Thursday sex, so she takes her thousand-dollar pigeon purse and hits the road, minus one Franklin. (He wants an actual relationship. How the turntables!)

I borrowed this hat from my gay niephling! Cool, right? I might be fishing for a threesome in it!

Thematically, Miranda’s storyline doesn’t quit fit with her pals because Miranda’s storyline is the same as it was every episode last year: She’s making the most un-Miranda decisions in the history of decision-making! Decisions that would have her screeching at Carrie at the top of her lawyer lungs if her best friend were making them! Behold, she’s going down on Che, doing some of her best work, in fact, when Che’s showrunner — who I forgot to tell you is played by Abby McEnany with a blue stripe in her hair — calls and tells Che to come to set. AND CHE DOES. Just answers the phone, dislodges Miranda’s head from between their legs and hops up to take a shower. Miranda giggles like it’s nbd, and that’s not even the alien-snatching I’m talking about.

While Che meets with Tony Danza, who’s planning to play their dad on their show, Miranda attends an AA meeting where she meets a very clearly queer person, as evidenced by: being covered in tattoos, husky voice, chewing on all the letters in her words, and she runs an environmental charity that cleans up beaches. She mentions her husband in the way that people who will ultimately be seeking a threesome mention their husbands. Miranda is charmed and attends a beach clean-up, where she loses her phone in a bucket of kelp (classic Miranda!) and has to borrow the phone of a random surfer to call Carrie to get Che’s number so Che can get her a ride home. I love this middle age plot line! No one knows anyone’s phone numbers unless you used to call them on a landline!

Instead of sending an Uber, Che sends…. their husband… who they are still married to… to pick up their girlfriend??? This information, plus the realization that she doesn’t even know how to call Che in an emergency, freaks Miranda right the fuck out. AS IT SHOULD. However, when she tries to talk to Che about it when Che gets home from their disastrous Tony Danza dinner, Che blows it off. They’re tired, okay? And it’s not even a big deal, all right? Them and their husband, they’re just slackers who haven’t bothered to file the paperwork on their divorce. That explanation also does not recommend you as a partner, Che Diaz!

It’s a good thing that I, Che Diaz, have Sara Ramirez’s face, huh?

Miranda, our lawyerly pal Miranda Hobbes, queen of the cross-examination, has exactly zero follow-up questions.

And I couldn’t help but wonder: does equality look like a… nonbinary Big???? Che doesn’t even entertain Miranda’s panic! Not even an: “Ah yes, I can see why blowing up your life and moving across the country for a stand-up comedian who bounces during cunnilingus and IS STILL MARRIED to a man who drives a purple pickup truck might be alarming to you. Allow me to alleviate your fears with compassion and logic.” No! Just: “What’s the problem? We’re simply 47-year-old SLACKERS.” Big would’ve never called himself a slacker, obviously, but he was just as emotionally unavailable and dismissive and I cannot believe Michael Patrick King has got me comparing a Sara Ramirez character to Mr. Big! CHE, STOP IT! LET ME AND MIRANDA LOVE YOU!

And Just Like That also tries to squeeze in some storylines for the new characters, but none of them really land, despite that fact that Lisa Todd Wexley’s is about the compounded historical trauma and intergenerational effects of racism. I can never decide if it’s good this series is trying to talk about this, or if they should just leave it alone. Herbert’s mom comes to visit, which has LTW in an anxiety spiral because Herbert’s mom is the kind of woman who sees a zebra print skirt and is immediately inspired with the most gloriously vicious comment about how you’ve obviously just arrived home from the matinee of The Lion King. She also wants her granddaughter’s hair done in neat braids and she doesn’t want to hear her son yelling at a racist cab driver — which, you know, in terms of his personal safety, that’s not an unreasonable request for a mother to make. On the other hand, cab drivers and NYers screaming at each other on the sidewalk is the official sport of this city, so.

Make a Lion King joke and watch me eat your face.

Seema gets a recycled plot from Samantha Jones, about feuding with her gay hairdresser. And Dr. Nya decides to “bonfire of the beanies” all of Andre Rashad’s belongings because he tells her, over the phone, that he hasn’t cheated on her… yet.

Stuck in the deep, goddamn, indeed!

“And Just Like That” Miranda Straps It On for Che Diaz

This And Just Like That recap contains mild spoilers for season two, episode one, “Met Cute.” 

The weirdest thing that happened to me, between seasons of And Just Like That, is that I found myself getting into a not insignificant number of arguments defending Che Diaz. Not just because Che Diaz has Sara Ramirez’s face (though that doesn’t hurt), and not just because nonbinary butch representation is a more essential than ever, but also because, in my memory, it honestly wasn’t that bad? Sure, Che fingered Miranda in Carrie’s kitchen while Carrie peed into a Snapple bottle two feet away because Miranda was meant to be taking care of her, post-surgery. That was bad. And Che Diaz did have that WOKE MOMENT button on their podcast, which was, I admit, a kind of inanimate distillation of Che’s entire personality. Also bad. And I have blocked out all the stand-up, but that’s because I block out all stand-up, fictional and otherwise. There were a lot of good things about Che too, though, right? They woke up Miranda’s entire sexuality! They’re the only one who brought a handkerchief to Big’s funeral! Their suits! The main problem with Che, I kept saying, is that they were trying to have real conversations about hard things inside the elaborately outrageous world of Sex and the City — of course they don’t fit in!

Well, And Just Like That season two has arrived, and Che Diaz is with Miranda in Los Angeles, filming their new show. It’s about Che’s life as a nonbinary Mexican-Irish comedian, and it’s called ¿CHE PASA? — so I don’t know, man.

¿Che pasa?

😍

What I do know is that straight people were constantly complaining that there wasn’t enough sex or fashion last year, so AJLT kicks off its sophomore twirl around the sun with a lot of banging and also a trip to the Met Gala, which everyone keeps calling the “Met Ball,” like when commercials say “the Big Game” because they don’t have the rights to use the words “Super Bowl.” But let’s start with the sex!

Miranda and Che are borkin’ in the hot tub and feelin’ just fine! So fine, in fact, that Miranda decides she’s gonna strap it on for Che Diaz, so she goes to the sex toy story and buys, like, one of every dildo and an elaborate harness and various other accoutrements. While she and Che talk to Carrie on speakerphone about her dating life — she’s sleeping with Franklin from the podcast, on Thursdays — Miranda wriggles into the harness and samples a variety of dicks. She says the whole contraption reminds her of a cat toy, thereby proving that she’s never interacted with a cat or a toy. She doesn’t know, honestly, if she’s into the strap-on, physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. But Che’s got a bit of a “hup to!” attitude about the whole thing, like she’s commanding a marching band or a pony. Miranda ultimately decides she’d rather just go to dinner than try to figure out the dicks. She’s already nearly drowned inside a sensory deprivation chamber; that’s enough new stuff for one day.

I got tickets to the Sparks game, I’m making her gayer every day!

Miranda’s worried that Che’s just with her for the sex, especially because Che’s being weird about Miranda hugging them at their comedy show, or trying to nuzzle them while they memorize their lines for ¿CHE PASA? in bed. But the truth is that Che’s being weird because they’re feeling weird, about their body, because Hollywood is brutal and every costume fitting is a referendum about how they shouldn’t wear jeans and they need a jacket over their t-shirts and whatever other fatphobia. The show’s got Che on a diet when they’re not forcing them into a sparkly blue clown town blazer, and it’s making them not want to be touched. Miranda might not know about straps, but she does know about misogynistic bullshit, so she consensually spoons Che and says they’re a beautiful person and that they should get a pizza about it. Hugs and pizza as trauma solving? Now that’s longterm queer relationship rep!

Carrie need to be her own Windkeeper! I’ve lost my boner.

When Charlotte accidentally discovers that Carrie’s hooking up with Franklin, she agrees to not be Charlotte about the whole thing. She aims for Samantha: “How big’s his dick?” which doesn’t feel right, so she swerves and tries on Miranda: “If you sleep with your co-workers, you give away your power!” It’s so spot-on that it’s literally what Miranda shouts when she finds out. But Carrie’s not interested in all that. She’s just looking for a casually sexy off-ramp from her grief, and maybe one new life skill, such as poaching an egg. Unfortunately, Franklin wants to add an occasional Tuesday into the mix, so Carrie has to figure out how to let him down gently and keep her boundaries firmly around Thursdays. Franklin understands; he’s just a placeholder until Aidan Shaw can arrive later this season, being the absolute worst as he always has been and will be.

Lisa Todd Wexley is still married to George Washington from Hamilton, and they’re still sexy as heck, but she is not here for him throwing around his big checkbook energy to solve her work problems. Dr. Nya and Andre Rashad are on a break, while he tours around doing music stuff and they try to figure out if there’s a future for them without kids. Seema’s dating that jackass club owner, Zed, who smokes cigarettes inside and still lives with his ex-wife. When Seema finds out about that last thing, she walks right out of lunch with his son to reclaim her spot as Carrie’s plus-one to the Met Ball.

Breathe in the pain, breathe out the fashion. Breathe in the pain, breathe out the fashion.

My god cis people are insane.

And, of course, Charlotte and Harry are still perfect for each other. He wants to go with her to the Met Ball because he thinks he’ll get to walk the red carpet with the stars and impress his co-workers with a selfie beside Rhianna. When Charlotte explains they’re only rich, not famous, so they have to go in the back door, he decides to stay home and watch the Yankees on TV. The kids sympathize with Charlotte; they’re the ones who had to break the news that Harry thought he was going as her date in the first place. She’d planned on taking Anthony. They even help her get ready. Lily’s not strong enough to lace Charlotte into her dress, so Charlotte has to beg Rock. They say they won’t be party to upholding the patriarchy and its heteronormative standards of beauty and Charlotte is like, “Honey, I understand, but right now Mommy needs your strong trans muscles to support your sister’s cis noodle arms to get this corset tight enough for my dress to zip.” Rock gives in because they do love their mom a whole lot.

Iconic.

There’s an absolutely classic Sex and the City shot of LTW crossing the street, stopping traffic, in her red dress with the giant veil and sweeping train. (“It’s not crazy. It’s Valentino.”) Seema heads out with her whole glam squad trailing behind her, all gold getting into a gold Benz. And Carrie, ultimately, decides to wear her wedding dress to the Met Gala. She says she’s repurposing her grief. It’s pretty perfect.

“And Just Like That” Miranda Is in Gay Love, Get Out of Her Way

Quick life tip from your lesbian dad Heather Hogan: If someone says to you “I’m a fucking narcissist!!!” and then chases that declaration with a request for you to follow them across the country, the answer is: NO. No no no no no! I don’t care if they look like Sara Ramirez. I don’t care if they sing like Sara Ramirez. I don’t care if they are so good in bed they make you forget your own name. Do not pursue a narcissist to a second location! (Honestly don’t seek them out at a first location either, but especially don’t add miles to it!) Miranda Hobbes apparently cannot hear me screaming this — or anything! — at her because that’s exactly what she decides to do in And Just Like That‘s season one finale.

See, Hollywood has called Che and told them that they’re the next Roseanne (WHAT) and so Hollywood has invited Che to make a pilot. They’re very excited, and so they have thrown themselves a going-away/celebration party, with even their grandmas in attendance. There’s a band. They perform “California Girls.” Everyone cheers at everything that comes out of their mouth, as usual. Miranda is as confused as Che’s family. She keeps asking them what is happening, and what is Che singing about, and what is a pilot, etc. But these women also don’t know. Miranda wonders, after Che’s performance, if, perhaps, they could have found a minute to maybe text Miranda this information; they did have time to find backup singers, after all. Che says “Blah blah yeah but what if you come with me to Los Angeles?”

It’s an automatic yes for Miranda.

Well Samantha was gay first, and don’t you forget that on your little cross-country trip.

Dr. Nya Wallace is bummed to hear it, not just because she and Andre are taking a little break to see if a baby that doesn’t exist is worth calling their relationship quits, and so she’d hoped to hang out with Miranda and her terrible son to reinforce her stalwart stance on not being a mom, but also because she wrote Miranda a glowing recommendation for an impossible-to-get internship and Miranda’s leaving that opportunity behind too. Carrie also cannot believe Miranda is abandoning her career dreams — and that she’d rather go sit in an audience and laugh at Che than come with her to Paris to scatter Big’s ashes — but Miranda just keeps hollering I’M IN LOVE I’M IN LOVE I’M IN LOVE every time someone tells her she is completely unrecognizable right now.

I don’t even really know what to say about it, at this point. I do believe it’s realistic for Miranda to behave like this because sometimes love and lust do make perfectly reasonable people go completely berserk, and Miranda has been waiting her whole life to realize she’s queer, and she’s been miserable for so long. But that doesn’t make this any easier to watch or any less of THE WORST IDEA I HAVE EVER HEARD! Miranda doesn’t know it yet, but she is VERY lucky she’s going to have good friends around to pick up the pieces of this MESS when it’s over.

How do I know it’s going to be a mess? Well, for starters, I still haven’t seen any proof these two know a single thing about each other. And there’s the way Che did a whole Broadway play about this unilateral decision they made about their fledgling relationship. And also because of the way they just… drop their entire podcast and the people co-starring and producing it because “it did what they wanted it to do.” I hope their pilot gets picked up? Do they know how many pilots don’t ever even see the light of day ’cause it’s almost all of them! Carrie’s fine with Che’s decision. She goes out playing the widow card one last time, and anyway, she’s richer than the Queen and for all the clowning I did on her writing career in the original series, she did hammer out an entire book about her dead husband less than a year after he died. That’s seriously impressive.

I couldn’t help but wonder: Had I really wasted my last widow card on a podcast called X, Y, and Me?

Jackie is less fine with it, and he doesn’t even invite Che to his surprise pop-up wedding because of his hurt feelings. He does invite Hot Podcast Producer (HPP) Franklin, though, and he’s got an idea for Carrie. After staring at her lovingly from behind the glass all season, and waiting until she exhausted her supply of widow cards, he has decided she should do her own podcast. It’ll be a call-in show like Delilah, only instead of yacht rock love songs, it’ll be Carrie giving advice. He says, “I mean you’re great at it and also you could voiceover an entire TV show! You sound so nice in my ears!” He wants to be her solo HPP. She’s flattered, truly, and kind of shocked to realize that he is actually a very good looking fella.

First, though, she’s gotta figure out what in the woo-woo heck Big is doing inside her reading lamp. He keeps flipping it on and off in the most annoying way at the most inconvenient times! She takes it to the lamp store to get it fixed — ’cause this is NYC, and yeah, there’s lamp repair shops — and is kind of disappointed to find out it’s just a wire and not a ghost. But then! Even after it gets fixed! Big keeps messing with her! One night she’s like, “Blink if you can hear me.” And it doesn’t blink. And then, just as she’s given up and is trying to go to sleep, it does blink. And that’s how she knows it’s Big, because it’s being such a brat. Big’s brother invites her to lunch and tells her that since it’s been a year, he’s thinking of commandeering Big’s ashes and adding them to “the family crypt in Connecticut.” She really doesn’t want that, even if he can “squeeze Carrie in” now that he’s getting divorced.

Hi, Big. It’s me. I spent one of the million dollars you left me in your will for the luggage up-charge to fly this dress here in my suitcase.

Finally, after a very nice but lackluster date with her widowed teacher buddy and his beautiful hair, Carrie decides it’s time to give Big’s ashes the home they deserve. She’s taking him to Paris to toss him into the Seine, which is surely illegal, but it’s time to move on. She wears the orangest dress with the pinkest gloves you have ever seen in your entire life. I don’t know anything about fashion, but everyone on Twitter loves this dress. It looks like a very tasty sherbet, or something one of my Animal Crossing villagers would wear while running around my island doing airplane arms. Carrie doesn’t do that. She simply goes to her bridge with her diamond-studded Eiffel Tower purse/columbarium, thinks about the finale of the original series and how Miranda chastised her for chasing love across the ocean and prioritizing romance over her career, and lays Big to rest.

Then she texts Samantha, who says that yes, she would like to meet Carrie for a cocktail tomorrow night. But off-screen because Samantha lives inside Carrie’s phone now the way Big lives inside her lamp. I hope Miranda comes back in a Diet Peach Snapple bottle.

Charlotte, I borrowed this outfit from one of your Madame Alexander dolls; I hope that was okay.

And that leaves us with Rock’s they-mitzvah, which Charlotte has been planning from basically the second Rock was born. Two rabbis have already quit on them, so it’s time to call in the greatest character of the entire season: Rabbi Jen (played pitch-perfectly by Hari Nef). When she shows up to work with Rock, she quickly realizes they have not been studying the Torah, like at all. They are not ready for their they-mitzvah, and even if they do it in English and try to distract everyone with Anthony’s sourdough challah, it’s going to be a disaster. Charlotte has pulled off bigger things than this through sheer force of will and smiling like a serial killer, so she insists they move forward. Rabbi Jen says that’s fine, but she’s got a wedding in Bushwick on the same day, so she’s gotta have a hard-out at 2pm. With that settled, Anthony takes away Rock’s PlayStation controller and tells them it’s time to learn to be the star of the show.

It seems like they’re going to go through with it, a full pink suit and pink sneakers on the big day, the whole place dressed like Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory — but at the last minute, Rock tells Charlotte they don’t want ANY labels. They don’t want to be a girl, a boy, genderqueer, a Jew; they don’t even want to be a New Yorker. It’s this last thing that really sends Charlotte and Harry over the edge. They both gasp like their ship is glug-glug-glugging underwater and Charlotte almost needs to be born away to a fainting couch. Luckily LTW is there in one of her completely maniacal outfits to tell Charlotte that everyone who parents a teenager is barely keeping their head above water, and that it’s going to be okay.

I don’t want to go to Jewish summer camp; I want to go to Rabbi Jen’s spin-off!

In the end, Charlotte simply takes over for Rock, with Rabbi Jen by her side. (This after Rabbi Jen emerges from a bathroom stall while Miranda and Carrie are having it out about Che and Paris, and tells them that she has pieced together what’s going on here, based on the context clues provided in their screeching, and while she understands these are hard things to deal with, Miranda and Carrie must protect their precious bond of friendship! They do what Rabbi Jen says, as we all should.)

And so, Charlotte becomes a woman. And Miranda turns her hair red again and follows Che to Hollywood. And Carrie starts her podcast, which is called Sex and the City, and smooches HPP Franklin in the elevator after the first episode is done.

The funniest thing about watching and recapping this series has been seeing straight people react so strongly to gay characters — “Miranda” has been trending nearly every single Friday — while gay people have mostly been trying to figure out where Lisa Todd Wexley got that safari jacket with the arm pocket for her hairbrush. Well, good news! For the bargain price of $1,275 — originally $2,500! — it can be yours. It even comes with the brush.

I can’t believe I’m going to Hollywood with my gay lover and getting rid of my stupid son on the same day! What a win for Miranda Hobbes!

Thank you for reading these recaps, my friends. It’s been a hoot being out of recap retirement, and it’s all because of you. You made it so fun. May you find your own HPP, if you’re looking, or the safari jacket of your wildest dreams. You put whatever you want in that arm pocket, baby. You deserve it.

“And Just Like That” Miranda Is THAT Girl

Let me tell you something: If anyone ever says to me, “I was craving me some Heather” the way Miranda says to Che, “I was craving me some Che” in this episode of television, I hope they literally mean they want to bludgeon me in my heart with a spear me and cannibalize my dead body in a sacrament to a lesbian deer goddess — which is the plot of Yellowjackets, I believe — rather than meaning they simply want to hang out. Because “I was craving me some Che” is the worst thing I have ever heard in my entire life. Worse than the time A ran under Hanna Marin with her car and then sneaked into the hospital to sign her cast “My bad!” Worse than the time Sue Sylvester locked Kurt and Blaine in an elevator with that psychotic doll of herself riding a tricycle in the hopes that they’d get back together. Worse than that time when Serena van der Woodsen hired an actor to play her cousin and then her fake cousin started dating all her dads. WORSE THAN WHEN EMILY FIELDS STABBED HER DEAD GIRLFRIEND’S FAKE COUSIN ON TOP OF THAT LIGHTHOUSE. Worse than all fake cousins!

I was actually going to say, “I don’t even know where to start with this storyline this week” — but let’s start there. With Miranda craving her some Che.

No one, not even Che and Miranda, mention that Miranda left her husband of 15 years and hopped on a plane to Cleveland to chase down Che last week, or that en route she called Carrie and screamed, “I’M IN A ROM-COM.”

Apparently it went… okay? Because Che and Miranda are now going on dates at diners? However, despite that whole Ohio gesture, when Miranda shows up at Che’s apartment unannounced this week with cookies, calling herself Meg Ryan, Che’s kind of annoyed and Miranda is so mortified she unfurls her body down like three flights of stairs, cursing herself and her newfound lusty impetuousness. She firmly says that she is NOT in a rom-com, and also that she’s sorry she’s the worst, and also she did bring cookies, and also it was a boundary violation, and also she was just “craving me some Che.”

This is actually one of the few times we’ve seen Miranda and Che have an actual conversation, and maybe if they’d had multiple episodes of conversations, multiple episodes of flirty dates, maybe then they would make a little bit more sense. Miranda’s late-blooming queer mania makes sense. Che’s whole Che deal makes sense. (I keep seeing people say Che Diazes don’t exist, which is just the wildest thing in the world to me. It’s fine if you don’t like them, but, I mean, I know several Che Diazes. I was just talking to Stef Schwartz about this last night. Che Diazes are real! They are not cryptids! They walk among us!) But I just don’t buy Miranda and Che together. Sex? Yes. Diner dates? No. At one point, Miranda compliments Che by saying, like, “You look really, um, whatever is a good, non-gendered, non-objectifying way to say, you know, handsome or pretty or nice or sexy. I don’t want to offend you!”

Che asks Miranda to please come back upstairs, but Miranda just stays there in the foyer screeching about how it’s just fine — just totally fine!!!! — if Che is having sex with other people. Che says they are not sleeping with anyone but Miranda right now. HOWEVER. Che and Miranda are not dating, Miranda is not Che’s girlfriend, they are just “having fun” and “getting to know each other,” okay? Miranda says she’s fine with that too. SHE IS FINE. Che asks if Miranda will please leave the cookies, but Miranda will not leave the cookies, because the cookies are a metaphor — and so Miranda is going to withhold them. And also stop answering Che’s calls and texts immediately. Oh, she’ll still be checking her phone constantly, but Che won’t know.

Actual dialogue: “Miranda, what the fuck?”

When Miranda tells Carrie this plan, Carrie’s brain goes whizzing back 20 years, and she feels completely baffled, once again, that dating turmoil is how Miranda is choosing to spend her fifties.

Steve, too, remains baffled. When he and Brady show up at the house-painting day for Dr. Nya Wallace’s women’s shelter — which is either in Greenpoint of Fort Greene, which are not the same place, but the characters keep using their names interchangeably — he volunteers to work with Carrie. When they get alone, he immediately launches into an investigation of the what, when, and where of Che Diaz. The problem with this scene is that while Steve gets the pronouns right, he and Carrie keep calling Che a woman — as in, “Did you know Miranda wants to be with women?” — over and over and over. Carrie says she didn’t know Miranda is gay, and, in fact, in the original series she one time yelled I AM NOT GAY at a man in the park. Carrie doesn’t want to talk about this, and Steve gets it, but also, last week Miranda dropped the Che news on him and then hopped on a plane to Cleveland and hasn’t been heard from since, so he would really just like to have an answer or two to work with. Carrie starts physically backing away from him, then steps in a paint tray in some like ten-inch bedazzled heels, and then drops Big’s wedding ring down the drain when she’s trying to wash the paint off her completely insane shoes. And that’s why you always wear sneakers!

Steve, if I can hold this pose in these heels three months after having my hip replaced, anyone can do anything. You can even date again.

Steve finally backs off and just helps her get her ring back.

Also lost this week? Lily’s tampon string. (That was a masterful transition, you are correct, and I probably do deserve a Pulitzer for it.) See, Charlotte’s done getting her period. Finally! Menopause! But Lily’s just started with getting her period, and while she’s been reluctant to try wearing tampons, she’s decided to give it a go so she doesn’t miss out on her bestie’s pool party in the Hamptons. You know, just typical teen stuff. Charlotte lives for these bonding moments and puts an entire dinner party on hold to help Lily figure out the mechanics. It’s legitimately hilarious. Charlotte’s miming that Lily should push it sort of in and back, not up at a 90-degree angle; then coaching her from inside the shower; then hopping back out to do an even grander pep talk with shadow puppets. She isn’t weird about it at all, just animated, and as much as Charlotte has struggled this season to get a handle on being the parent of a trans kid, these are the times when she shines. On day two of the Great Tampon Wars, Lily loses the string, and Charlotte coaxes her through trying to find it from outside the port-a-potty at the women’s shelter painting party.

As a reward, Charlotte gets a flash period — while wearing the whitest coveralls in existence — and so Carrie and Miranda spring into action and wrap her up in a sweatshirt.

Ah, memories!

Coveralls are in, Lily, I saw them on Wildfang.

So. Carrie’s wedding ring. She can’t bring herself to take it off, which everyone keeps telling her is okay, but she realizes the fact of it probably means she isn’t ready for her second date with Peter the Teacher and his beautiful hair. So instead of taking it off, she uses a Band-Aid to fashion a DOUBLE wedding ring out of hers and Big’s rings, and goes to the date place to tell Peter she can’t do a date. He gets it. He’s still got a voicemail from his wife that he listens to all the time. But it is two strikes with them, and he knows it and he wants her to know it too.

It’s not the baseball talk that jolts Carrie into finally tucking her wedding ring in a box in the closet; it’s the fact that Steve tells her that he’s never, ever, ever gonna take his wedding ring off. He said “til death do us part” and he meant it. Miranda can do whatever she wants, he says, and oh she is, but for him: “Never. Comin’. Off.” Carrie is nicer to Steve than she’s ever been to anyone, sincerely telling him that he is a wonderful person, and please don’t close the door on meeting someone else FOREVER. He won’t budge, and that makes her realize she should probably at least try for a third date with Mr. Silver Fox.

I don’t want to hear another word about how Blanche Devereaux is eight years younger than me!

But it’s not just the main trio bringing their drama to the women’s shelter. All the women of color finally get to meet this week, as their respective white pals converge on Nya’s shelter. Seema comes with Carrie, who says she’s been told she can’t just be the white woman who writes a check. Seema says that she’ll be the brown woman who does just write a check, and will spend the day smoking and waiting patiently for Carrie to be done so they can go dancing. Lisa Todd Wexley arrives with Charlotte in a giant stretch limo with their kids, and then orders a whole fleet of food trucks to come serve everyone lunch. All the kids bum out Andre, who said he was okay with not being a dad but it just hurts his heart too much to see other people with children. Nya asks him to please not negate the miracle of them by pushing for children any more than he already has, but he really wants to be a dad. It’s very sad! I wish I could watch this show more often, then one where Nya and Lisa Todd Wexley and Seema live! I wish their entire existence wasn’t anchored to the white characters on the show! I wish Lisa Todd Wexley would bring me a whole block of food trucks!

Next week is the season finale. What if Samantha shows up? I know I’m being as delusional as a Miranda by even asking that — but what if.

“And Just Like That” Miranda Casts Herself in a Gay Rom-Com

There’s a moment in this week’s And Just Like That where Carrie is standing in the hallway of her brownstone, and her new downstairs neighbor is standing in her own doorway, and the mirror on the wall is framing them both — Carrie Bradshaw and her 25-year-old shadow self, Ghost Of Hangovers Past, thin trendy curly-haired successful artists, one with her whole life ahead of her, and one with a dead husband and a mechanical hip. “Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered” wants to wrap itself around this moment and ask a bunch of questions about growing up and about growing old. Steve even says it out loud to Miranda as she’s blowing his entire world to smithereens: Miranda, we are old. She disagrees, but mostly because she is on a manic queer sex high. Carrie feels old because her new neighbor is loud and never sleeps, and it’s driving Carrie nuts. Charlotte feels old because she learns about finsta and also realizes she’s using her mom’s sexually repressed parenting strategies.

I said it last week and it’s true this week too: The thing about aging is you never really realize that you are aging; you just suddenly, for whatever reason, one day realize that you have aged. Nearly everyone is shocked by the realization, and nearly everyone has at least one small identity crisis about it, but I have to say — as a middle age lesbian who takes blood pressure medication — most people don’t GET ON A PLANE TO CLEVELAND TO CHASE DOWN SARA RAMIREZ ABOUT IT.

Miranda, you need to slow down. You’re still a baby gay. You’ve never even watched a single episode of any Degrassi.

So Che’s in the park doing a Pride rally, yelling about how if you’re out and proud, you’re part of the revolution, the evolution, the constitution, the absolution, various other rhymes, etc. Miranda’s in the crowd, smiling up at the stage like one of those hyenas from The Lion King, all teeth and glowing eyes the size of the moon, a look that she wears every single time she’s near Che in this episode, like maybe she’s in love with them or maybe she’s going to literally cannibalize them, who’s to say! Che thanks the allies in the crowd for showing up and not hiding. Miranda peeps over and sees Brady and his girlfriend there, supporting their LGBTQ+ friends. Somehow, her eyes get EVEN BIGGER and she dips down and starts skulking away. Che clocks it and stumbles over their speech, circling back to “uh stop hiding” but Miranda runs off down the block.

She returns after the rally is over and offers Che an iced coffee, which she correctly heard is the gayest beverage, and an apology. Things go sideways real fast. Che’s like, “Your son doesn’t know about me? Wait, doesn’t know you’re in an open marriage? Wait, you are in an open marriage, right? Wait, are you… fucking kidding me right now?” It is very important to me that you understand that during this conversation, with Che getting angrier and angrier, Miranda does not stop showing her whole entire teeth! She has completely lost the plot! Her face is just locked into an unhinged grin! She tries to explain that this is all new, that it’s flipped her whole body and brain inside out, that her marriage was over anyway, that she didn’t want to ruin what she and Che have with, like, “facts” and “reality.” Che says they do not lie, they do not cheat, and most of all THEY DO NOT HOMEWRECK. They storm off and chuck Miranda’s iced coffee in the trash.

Okay I’m just going to say it: It’s very weird for Miranda to need to be shot with a tranquilizer dart more than me.

Miranda then takes a turn about town reiterating her claim that her marriage has already been done for like a decade! It’s over! Ovvveeerrr! She knows it’s over, her friends know it’s over, the whole thing is just a misery that occasionally includes nice desserts! Charlotte looks at Carrie like, “I handled the alcoholism thing, this one’s all you.” And so while Miranda just goes on and on and on about how the only thing that matters to her is being with Che, Carrie squeaks out, “Have you, um, asked Che if they want to be with you?” And so that is exactly what Miranda does. She gets in an Uber and goes to Che’s PLACE OF BUSINESS and asks if she is crazy. Che really has to clarify what, exactly, Miranda means, because: is she acting like a bonkers person right now? Yes, she is. What Miranda is actually asking, though, is if Che has feelings for her too. Che says yes, that they are in love with her. Which shocked both me and Miranda, if you want to know the truth. Che wanting to have sex with Miranda? Yeah, absolutely! Che falling in love with Miranda? I’m gonna need a little more proof than what I have seen on my screen to believe that one.

Not Miranda, though! She nearly combusts right there on the sidewalk and is already printing out divorce papers from the Staples mobile app to pick up on her way home. Che puts a hand on her and tries to calm her down so she can hear this important piece of information: Che can never give Miranda something traditional. Miranda, a top New York lawyer, does not clarify what in the vague hell that means. She’s still grinning to beat the band and spinning so many gay fairytales in her head she’s dizzy with them. Che heads off to Cleveland for a gig and Miranda heads off to Brooklyn to punch Steve’s heart out of his chest.

No, Miranda, I don’t know what the cisheteropotato is.

‘Cause guess who didn’t know their marriage was over? Her husband.

Miranda: Put in your hearing aids, you bumbling fool. And turn off the Yankees game. And hold my hands.
Steve: Um. Okay. Are you dying or something? Are we getting a divorce? Why do you look like a wolf right now?
Miranda: No to dying, I’M AS ALIVE AS THE WIND! AS ALIVE AS LIGHTING! I AM ETERNAL! But yes to the divorce.
Steve: Oh Jesus here we go again.
Miranda: Don’t act so shocked. Are your hearing aids in? STEVE! ARE YOUR HEARING AIDS IN? Don’t you want more than this shit? More than pies and brownies and Netflix and laundry and dishes and going to work and coming home and our idiot son and working and paying bills and going to bed at a decent hour and this… just… couch.
Steve: No. This is exactly what I want. This is life. I’m happier than I ever have been, mostly because you’ve stopped telling me I’m not good enough for you every ten minutes, but I’ve rallied for us too many times to do it again. I’m old. I’m tired. So. If you’re not happy, sure. Let’s get divorced.
Miranda: Okay good because I’ve been fucking Carrie’s boss, Che Diaz, and they won’t be with me if I’m with you. Do you want me to turn the game back on? I’m going to Cleveland.

Listen, I’m no fan of men — but that was hard to watch! I wanted to see Miranda come out! I wanted to see her have the gay sex of her dreams! I wanted to watch Sara Ramirez swagger around in a suit! I am pleased with all of that! But come on, Miranda, you were married for 15 years to a pretty decent guy, even if he bored you. He’s been a good partner and a good dad, even if you didn’t want to have sex with him. Surely there was a better, more compassionate way to end things.

Well and Miranda is out the door and off to the airport. She calls Carrie and yells, “I’M IN A ROM-COM!” And Carrie’s like, “Safe travels, whoever you are!”

Does anyone want to bet five American dollars that Miranda is not going to like what she finds in Cleveland and that she’s going to wish she had clarified, even just slightly, what “something traditional” means? ‘Cause Miranda keeps saying “be together” “be with Che” “me and Che together” and I’m not sure that means the same thing to Che as it means to her. It is seriously causing me physical distress that Miranda does not have access to Autostraddle’s You Need Help archives! The energy she is giving in this scene — and, in fact, in this entire episode — is that little pig named Wallace from the Geico commercials who hangs out of the car window holding a pinwheel and screaming.

Got the Wordle in two today, bitch!

In less dramatic aging news, Lily walks in on Charlotte giving Harry a pre-breakfast BJ, and instead of explaining it, she slams the door in her child’s face and then tells her she was checking her dad’s penis for cancer. Lily shrieks, “WHAT?!” and Charlotte realizes she actually made the situation much worse. So she invites Lily out to lunch to have a nice, open, grown-up chat about sex in the city, only to find that Lily has a finsta where she posts photos of herself in yoga clothes in suggestive poses. Charlotte completely Charlottes it, getting louder and gesticulating more wildly, until Lily ultimately walks out of the restaurant as Charlotte yells, “WE DON’T WALK OUT ON EACH OTHER!!!”

Lily goes to Aunt Carrie’s house, to try on some more of her clothes and help her inventory them, before Carrie sends them off to storage. Carrie tries to talk down Charlotte on the phone, but Charlotte is at a Charlotte-11 (a normal person’s 25) and she cannot be consoled. Carrie invites Lily to sleep over, and she gladly takes her up on that. This is a very sweet dynamic and I’m glad we’re getting to see it.

When Lily comes home, Charlotte apologizes. Lily says the finsta is just for like eight of her friends anyway, and that does make Charlotte feel better. Charlotte asks Lily if she has any questions about what was going on with her and Harry in the bathroom the other day, and Lily only has one: Did Charlotte find any cancer on her dad’s penis?

OH LILY.

I *am* still the fairest one of all! I knew it!

Carrie’s feud with her downstairs neighbor sends her into one of her little spirals. First she’s mad about the noise. Then she’s mad at herself for being mad about the noise. Then she’s mad at herself for being mad at herself for being mad about the noise. She doesn’t want to feel old! She wants to feel young and cool like on her original series, with the tutu in the middle of Manhattan! She also wants her neighbor to think she’s cool! That dream is crushed when her neighbor passes her walking around the block in her Daily Cigarette Suit, which consists of sunglasses, multiple head scarves, and a pair of giant rubber gloves. Because of the cigarette smell. Carrie tires to explain that she wouldn’t even need the quiet if it weren’t for the fact that she’s a writer. Of books. She is a BOOK WRITER. Her neighbor is a very popular jewelry designer, though, so.

In the end, Carrie’s neighbor’s does think she’s cool, not because she’s young or likes noise or drinks too much, but because she clocks the boyfriend as a prick, and commiserates. She’s dated her share of pricks too. Like six seasons worth. She gets it.

Carrie puts on the dress she wore in that Paris episode of the original series, the giant blue peacock one, and she sits by the window, and she eats popcorn.

Did you know the Golden Girls — Dorothy and Rose and Blanche — were younger than Miranda and Carrie and Charlotte are right now? Blanche was FIVE YEARS YOUNGER than Miranda. Aging is so weird. But the way we think about aging is even weirder. Like how I am suddenly identifying more with Carrie than with Miranda?! The afternoon truly does know what the morning never suspected.

“And Just Like That” Miranda Asks for the Gay Sex She Wants

My wife doesn’t watch And Just Like That, but she gets so annoyed about the name of it whenever she asks me what’s happening on the show because I’m constantly talking about time-jumps. “So none of this is actually happening… just like that?” And no, it’s not — but I think that’s the point. Not only because of the way time moves through grief, in stops and starts and big backward loops and forward leaps, but also the way we perceive our own inevitable aging. One day you’re the age of the actors playing the teens on Freeform and CW shows… and just like that, you’re the age of their moms. One day you’re the age of all the professional athletes you admire… and just like that, you’re older than the oldest player in the WNBA who everybody talks about like a grandma. One day you can stand up from the floor like whatever it’s only standing up from the floor… and just like that, you make a grouchy noise even when you stand up from the couch. One day, everything in the world — TV, movies, clothes, commercials, books, Broadway, food, festivals, and on and on — are made for you… and just like that, you’re an obsolete consumer.

The original Sex and the City was the opposite of mortality. It was about being a wealthy single woman in the trendiest fashions, marching around in the greatest city in the world, hitting up every hot spot like you owned the place; friends, fabulousness, every moment a new adventure, nothing but time. And Just Like That starts with death and then jumps headfirst into the seemingly never-ending indignities of grief and of aging, of waking up one day and realizing that you blinked and the world changed shape. It’s an especially odd thing for that to happen to you in New York City, with its endless promises and eternal insomnia.

I got Covid and then Long Covid when I was 41, right here in NYC — so I hit mid-life, disability, and chronic illness at the exact same time. In the thick of it, the acute phase, when everything felt like it was crashing in on my head, my friend Meg used to say, “You’ll write about this one day” — which not only meant, “You’ll have the physical ability to write about this one day,” but also, “One day, this devastating thing that seems like the end of your life will be just another piece of your story.” And she was right.

I hate it when the Wordle uses the same letter twice!!!

Rilke said you can’t even measure time, that no year matters, that ten years are nothing, and that being an artist is really just about standing confident in the storms of spring, even if you don’t know if summer will come. Which is basically what Carly Simon’s singing about in “Spring Is Here” as Carrie writes through the seasons and finally finishes her new book, which is about Big dying, and which her editor loves love loves — but also she’s wondering if, just maybe, you know just a suggestion, and it doesn’t have to be a lifestyle or anything, but what if, just entertain this idea for one second, what if Carrie went on a date — just one! — so she could write about it in her epilogue and give her readers a little tiny baby glimmer of hope. They’re used to sex writing from her! Cosmos and fairy tale love and thousand-dollar shoes and brunch. Not, you know, funerals and hip surgery and peeing in a Diet Peach Snapple bottle. The tonal shift might be kinda jarring. (Meta!)

Carrie doesn’t want to date! Doesn’t want to go on a single date! Especially does not want to have sex with anyone who isn’t Big! All of it makes her feel like vomiting! (Foreshadowing!) Charlotte’s been waiting for this conversation, and has all the eligible bachelors at her kids’ school clocked, tagged, and assembled in an Airtable for Carrie to peruse at her earliest convenience. Seema’s taken the liberty of creating a profile for Carrie on a variety of dating apps. Miranda is no help in this department; the only thing she’s been doing on her phone for the last three months is checking repeatedly to see if Che has DMed her back. (They have not.) Carrie swipes through Seema’s choices for her on the apps. The guy who’s chewing on his glasses is out for sure, but there is a widower who is also a teacher who also very weirdly looks like an aged-up Berger, and he seems nice enough. She agrees to one date with him. For her readers.

It’s awkward as heck. It’s his first date since his wife died and her first date since Big died, so they open with causes of death — and then they get blisteringly drunk. They crash out of the restaurant doubled over howling with laughter. Seems like maybe it’s going to go down as a pretty good inaugural post-mortem outing for both of them. Until they both start vomiting all over the sidewalk and each other’s shoes. I am easily queasy and their barfing went on so long I had to take off my headphones and look away. A bust, after all.

Siri, play anything by Adele please.

Also a bust? Miranda tries to rekindle her sex life with Steve in the kitchen after dinner one night, mostly trying to recreate the sex she had with Che at Carrie’s place. Last week Charlotte screeched at her “A FINGER MADE YOU FEEL ALIVE?!?” and so Miranda pounces on the anatomy of it all and asks Steve to finger her right there before Brady gets home. It’s so weird and uncomfortable. Steve is super into it. Miranda less so. Much less so. She gives up after about 15 seconds and goes back to washing the dishes. Apparently these two have been to counseling twice, and it was a non-starter both times. I have no idea why they’re still married. They don’t even get along outside of their dead sex life. They yell at each other at the farmer’s market, in person and on the phone, and Steve’s bumbling around like Miranda’s great-grandpa, losing his wallet and hollering about cheese.

Dr. Nya Wallace and her husband run into them, and Miranda’s like, “Oh, this is what a happily married couple looks like.” Nya is all, “Yes, and since my one role on this show is to talk about fertility issues, I am not yet pregnant!” Miranda sympathizes in person, and then ELABORATELY over text, which Nya’s robot car reads out loud to her while her husband just sits there like the eyeball emojis, fuming that she told one of her students that she got her period before she told him. Distracted, she kind of drifts forward toward a crosswalk where a gay couple is pushing their toddler — THEIR TODDLER! — in a stroller. One of them comes over and has a full Billy Eichner-level meltdown at the window, which eases the tension in the car. They may not have A TODDLER but at least they’re not this guy.

Charlotte’s drama is much lower stakes. Turns out she is a tennis shark, and she and Lisa love to go to the tennis club and beat down all the other middle age women. Charlotte is reluctant when Harry suggests some couples doubles, and her premonition is correct. She knocks over Harry during match point, but then refuses to apologize because women always apologize and tennis is the one place she never has to say she’s sorry. And BY THE WAY, she thinks Harry is a mansplainer. Lisa and Herb see them squabbling in the street and that makes Charlotte even madder! Now they think she and Harry are the kind of couple who yell at each other on the sidewalk! Which they are! But not everybody needed to know that!

Let’s get out of here before they start talking about Serena.

In true Gossip Girl fashion, everyone ends up at a charity event at the end of the episode. It’s an auction for Rock and Lily’s school, and Carrie has agreed to be auctioned off as a LUNCH date. Everybody’s fine, chill, having a nice time when two DRAMA BOMBS drop. Firstly, Carrie’s widower is a teacher at the school and so he’s there. Carrie forces Anthony to follow him around — between the handjobs he’s getting from cater-waiters in the restroom, obviously — and not let him get anywhere near her. Anthony tells her she’s got one more “my husband died” as a sympathy plea, so she better save it for something good. The second bomb takes the form of a dapper dyke. Yes, Che Diaz is performing a “clean set” which they say will only take about three minutes because the other 37 minutes of their material is NSFW. Carrie didn’t tell Miranda that Che was coming to this thing, which is SUPER crappy, especially after Miranda straight up asked Carrie if Che ever mentions her earlier in the episode. (They do not.)

Carrie’s auction is a horror show. Herb’s the emcee and he keeps saying “sex writer” and “but, like, we’re not SELLING sex; we’re not auctioning off SEX with this SEX WRITER.” Carrie is so mortified she tries to bid on herself just to end it. Charlotte, too, starts shouting out money numbers. Finally, Carrie’s widower bids $1,050, which is kind of perfect. More than the opening bid, but just barely. He’s a teacher. Big would have swooped in and bid like twenty-five thousand dollars, but Big is dead and also he was a dick, and now even these women know money can’t solve everything. After the auction, Carrie says she’ll reimburse him, but he says not to worry, and that she doesn’t even have to go on the date if she doesn’t want to. But she does. Kind of. He seems like a genuinely kind guy. So she says yes and goes home to write her epilogue.

And then he washed his hands, which does seem nice in theory, but it’s not like he can wash the cishet-ness off of him, you know?

Miranda does not go home. She stalks down Che, who chases her out to the curb where she’s waiting for an Uber, wondering why she’s acting so cold and weird. Miranda says it’s because Che didn’t DM her back. Che kinda chuckles and says they’ve smoked way too much weed to clock every person in their DMs they’ve had sex with, and why didn’t Miranda just message again. Che says, “Ask for what you want. That’s a turn on.” And in my favorite Miranda moment ever, she turns her body toward this queer person who has flipped her entire life inside out, and yells “WELL I DIDN’T KNOW THAT!” Apparently, this Miranda storyline isn’t for everyone, but it just makes so much sense to me and resonates so deeply as a lesbian who didn’t know I was a lesbian for way too long, and also as a person with absolutely no chill whatsoever. Che says they want to go somewhere and take off all Miranda’s clothes. Miranda says, “Really?!”

And just like that, they’re in a hotel (I think) in bed, Che topping Miranda once again, and Miranda blurts out, “I think I’m in love with you!”

I literally shouted, “MIRANDA! NO!” when she said it. My wife was on the phone with some clients and she looked over at me and I yelled “I’M SORRY I YELLED.” She muted her call and was all, “Babe, I don’t care if you yell at the TV, you’ve been doing that our whole relationship, but why are you bent over with your nose touching the screen! That is so bad for your neck and back!” And that’s when I realized I am actually invested in this goddamn storyline.

I think you should put your hand over my mouth to shut me up again.

Che tells Miranda that Miranda is in love with herself, smooth as buttering Jorts, like they’ve said it a million times to a million other women. Or maybe it’s just that Che’s so good at sex. Two outs. They give Miranda two outs to not make it weird. But Miranda will not relent. She says no, that she is in love with Che.

OH MIRANDA.

God, realizing that you are queer later in life is the most liberating, horrifying thing in the world! It’s like you’re waking up for the first time, like you’re alive! And also, you have so much embarrassment to make up for that other people got out of their systems when they were — well, original Sex and the City age.

Okay but is Yellowjackets supernatural or is all that shit really happening?

Anyway, Miranda, if you’re reading this, and you absolutely would be if you were a real person ’cause Google would have mercy on you and send you to us: 1) How to Leave Your Husband. 2) How to Fuck Your Friends Without Fucking Up the Friendship.

Or, you know, let me just bring it back around to Rilke ’cause Carrie Bradshaw’s got nothing on me:

Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final

“And Just Like That” Miranda *and* Charlotte are Fantasizing About Che Diaz

The weirdest thing about having a face is how many faces you have in a lifetime. I used to look just like my dad, and then just like my mom, and then like my dad again, and then my mom. At one point, the top of my face looked like my dad and the bottom of my face looked like my mom, and then that flipped like a Potato Head. Right now, I look like my grandpa, my dad’s dad, except for in profile. In profile, I look like my great-grandmother. Who knows who I’ll look like a year from now. The only thing more bizarre than genetics is time, which is what Carrie’s dealing with on And Just Like That, this week. In fact, it’s what everyone’s dealing with. The way time changes everything and nothing, and how we experience it linearly and backwards and all at once. Like grief. Carrie even gets the chance to erase time. Renowned plastic surgeon Dr. Jonathan Groff says he can magic away the last fifteen years with the snap of his fingers.

It’s tempting. It’s been three months since Big died, and Carrie knows she has to move on. Literally. She needs to find a new apartment. She sold her and Big’s place because of that haunted Peloton, and she’s had her place since she was 29. She doesn’t want to be one of those New Yorkers who tells anyone who’ll listen that her rent used to be seven dollars a month. She finally “settles” for an enormous place downtown, all river views and endless windows, everything white white white like a blank slate, or a brand new personality. She hates it, and not just because there’s a constant beeping noise that will not go away — but she feels guilty because she’s been dragging Seema around for months and she needs to just pick something. Things go from kinda lonely to crushing when she and Charlotte invade her storage building to look for stuff to put into the new place. She finds one of her most bonkers hats and loves that. A lamp from the 90s and she loves that too. But then she stumbles onto Big’s record collection and has to leave.

Oh my god, you saved the Post-It note from when Berger broke up with you? Wow. You ever really think about how you dated a guy named BURGER? 

She tells Charlotte it sparks sadness, and Charlotte gets it. She, too, is being forced to redecorate against her will because things keep changing. In her case, it’s Rock, who wants to get rid of Charlotte’s antique doll collection, cut their hair, and paint over their old name and the flower mural that’s above their bed. Lily also thinks it’s a good idea due to her mom’s dolls being culturally inappropriate. She tells Charlotte maybe they were fine when she was a kid, but the world has changed, and Charlotte’s gotta change with it. She doesn’t want to become an antique doll herself, does she? Honestly, maybe she does! She has the life she’s always dreamed of, and this is the first time she’s had to grapple with the fact that you don’t get to dream lives for your kids too. They’re their own main characters, and you’ve just gotta hope you’re giving them the love and life skills they need to live their own happy story (and also that you don’t become the antagonist in their grown-up therapy). Rock says this all very matter-of-factly. They know what they want, they know who they are, and that’s that. Lily’s obviously on-board.

Across town, Miranda seems to continue wishing that she never gave birth. The live-in teenage girlfriend! The endless laundry! The fact that her son won’t stop pestering her when she’s just trying to masturbate while thinking about Che, again, for like the millionth time. “Is it menopause, do you think, or is it my compulsive personality?” she asks Charlotte and Carrie during a picnic, where she finally confesses to Charlotte that she had sex with Che. She tells Charlotte not to have a big reaction, but Charlotte has no idea what a subtle reaction would even look like, and starts firing off judgment and endless questions. Is this AN AFFAIR? Is Miranda GAY NOW? Is Miranda even PROGRESSIVE ENOUGH for this? Why can’t she just DYE HER HAIR like a normal person? Or GET A FACE LIFT like Carrie? It’s not like Charlotte hasn’t also had SEX DREAMS about Che on A FERRY!!!! WHY CAN’T THINGS JUST STAY THE SAME!

It’s fake wine! It’s called Caber-yay!

Truly spoken like a white woman, Charlotte!

Elsewhere, at other meals, you’re not even going to believe this but four entire Black characters are having dinner together. Two Black couples! Black couples who have Black friends! What a world! The character development of Dr. Nya Wallace isn’t what I had hoped it would be at the beginning of the series; she’s still a side-character in Miranda’s show, but at least we’re getting to see the show she actually stars in this week? And she has hot sex with her hot husband, which brings the total sex count on this show to two: One queer time and one time with two POC characters. THAT is a drastic improvement over the original series, which never prioritized the pleasure of people who weren’t cis, straight, and white.

Nya loves having sex with her husband; she’s just not sure at this point if she wants that sex to lead to babies. At the very least, she doesn’t know if she wants to go through IVF again — no matter how many kids Fertile Myrtle and her husband have, or how many times they insist Nya and her husband need to have kids too. These two, the Pope, what a week of bossing around people who don’t have kids! I’m not sure if the person Nya should be taking advice from is Miranda; or, at the very least, Miranda’s advice should come with a disclaimer that she’s blowing up her own life right now in the hopes that she can sift some authenticity from the rubble.

Why did they reply with a scissor emoji? Do they want to do arts and crafts together? 

At the end of the episode, while she’s folding laundry and mumbling about “stupid Brady… goddamn Steve…” she DMs Che to hang out again. At the very least, she needs something else for the wank bank. She’s mentally replaying that one-time kitchen sex against a white backdrop, with like a smoke machine and everything’s echoing, like they’re having sex inside an Assassin’s Creed simulation, over and over and over.

A special shout-out to Cynthia Nixon, who directed this episode, including directing herself during the vibrator scene. Remember that time Samantha took her broken vibrator back to The Sharper Image and the sales associate was like, “The Sharper Image does not sell VIBRATORS; The Sharper Image sells BACK MASSAGERS. Damn I MISS SAMANTHA. Carrie also misses Samantha. In fact, she tries to play the dead husband card to get Miranda and Charlotte to stop fighting, and when they won’t, she plays the Samantha card, and that halts them in their tracks.

Seema, do you know where to buy “jeans”? Maybe we can go there next? Miranda says I need some “jeans.”

Less dramatic is Carrie’s friendship with Seema, which continues even after she closes on the apartment she hates. She invites herself to Seema’s family’s Diwali celebration, after Seema describes it as “light triumphing over dark,” and learns that Seema has a fake boyfriend named Dennis who works for Doctors Without Borders, because her family doesn’t love the fact that she’s 53 and single. Seema tells Carrie not to worry too much about Dennis; she knows he’s fake, it’s not like she’s hallucinating Dennis when she’s home alone. And also Fake Dennis is white, so her parents are going to be fine when they break up. Seema is so real with Carrie that Carrie gets real back and says she hates the apartment. Seema shrugs and says NBD, they’ll just sell it. Commission is commission after all, and she needs all the money she can get to buy her endless supply of cigarettes because she smokes like a barbecue pit!

Charlotte comes around in the end, like she always does. She gets Rock a great short haircut, lets them hang up a skateboard poster over the hand-painted flower mural, and packs away her terrifying Madame Alexander international doll collection. Luckily, she keeps a set of bright pink box cutters on her at all times.

She flipped out about the dolls, and I was like, “Mom, have you even seen Yellowjackets? There are queer teens out here cannibalizing other teens! I just want to hang up my longboard!”

Carrie comes around too. She brings Big’s records home because she loves the records. And she opts out of the facelift. She loved the last 15 years of her life. She doesn’t want to erase them. Pink dress, pearls, seven-hundred dollar click-clack shoes, Big’s tux jacket on top — she opens the door and walks into the light.

“And Just Like That” Sex Is Back in The City (And it’s GAAAAY)

Every time I write about And Just Like That or Sex and the City, I always feel the need to preface it by saying that the original wasn’t, you know, prestige TV or anything. It wasn’t, like, great. It wasn’t exactly excellent gay rep. It certainly hasn’t aged well, at the very least.

And yet, I can’t stop thinking about how something kept me — at my core, just a rural dyke who owns two pair of “nice pants,” total — watching and watching and watching. And it kept Riese watching and watching, and Carmen watching and watching, and so many of you watching and watching. It is shocking to me how many people are reading these recaps, and that I even came out of recap retirement to write them! Do you understand that children were threatening to axe-murder me about Ezra Fitz the last time I recapped television? That the actual last recap I wrote included the character of William Michael Schuester? That I know Mr. Schue’s middle name is MICHAEL? I am a grizzled lesbian wood witch who has been traumatized by recapping television. Yet, here I am, having volunteered — nay, nearly begged! — for this assignment.

This show is very weirdly like The L Word and Generation Q. A lot — maybe even most of — the time, it makes you roll your eyeballs out of your head. Shane, go to therapy! Carrie, buy some sneakers! But sometimes it just hits so hard and so real, and touches the live-wire of vulnerability buried deep inside your own psyche that you feel impossibly close to these women you would never ever hang out with in real life.

This week’s episode, “Tragically Hip,” feels like Sex and the City at its best. Yes, there’s plenty to pick apart — the original series would have never survived social media — but writer Samantha Irby’s talents are on full display here and these characters finally feel like the ones I know. It’s messy and gut-punchy and hilarious and ultimately triumphant, in those small ways that propel us forward and make a life a life. (Please read Samatha Irby’s newsletter about this episode. Kayla shared it with me this morning and I cannot remember the last time I laughed so hard.)

Miranda, you were almost a lesbian, right? Like when you were a kid?

I mean I dressed as Jo March or Jo from the Facts of Life every year for Halloween, so, yeah.

Carrie, it turns out, has a congenital birth defect in her hip, and she needs surgery to straighten it out so she can wear heels again. She’s mostly been limping around using an umbrella as a cane, but when Seema catches her ascending the stairs like Scrooge McDuck, she makes a call and lands Carrie an appointment with a world-class orthopedist in Manhattan on the same day. (Truly the most unrealistic thing that has ever happened in this series.) Miranda and Charlotte, of course, promise to be there through the whole recovery, and they mostly keep that promise. Charlotte even lifts up Carrie and Prince Charmings her to the restroom because she read in a parenting magazine you should always be able to hoist your biggest child above your head in case of emergencies. She’s been doing burpees!

Miranda, however, is slightly distracted. She’s drunk-ordering books for herself about how she has a drinking problem, and then forgetting that she ordered them due to her drinking problem. She’s also crushing on Che Diaz like she’s never crushed on anyone in her life because she’s never had a queer crush before, which of course means she’s crushing on them like a first crush, which means her brain is 13 years old again.

When Che shows up at the hospital to see Carrie, Carrie is rightly like, “Why is my boss visiting me for an outpatient surgery? I can’t even pee by myself! Get them out of here!” Miranda gets them out of there by inviting them to stay for lunch, just the two of them, a couple of strangers telling their whole entire life stories to each other — their trauma, their most formative experiences, their secret hopes and deepest fears — over sandwiches. Classic lesbian first date. It’s very weird seeing Sara Ramirez in a hospital without scrubs, but you do get the feeling Che is prepared to do CPR or open heart surgery at any second, armed with nothing but a butter knife and confidence.

Like, Bette, grow up! You and Tina are ruining your amazing child’s life with your horny, petulant bullshit!

Um. I’m new to this, but I don’t think you’re allowed to talk about Bette Porter like that.

Che says that one time, in the hospital, they got diagnosed with diverticulitis — but their dad thought the doctor said “dyke-culitis.” Like medically, the doctor was able to see on a colonoscopy that they’re gay. I’d like to think I’m that gay too. That’s my main life goal now. I’d like to be getting a mammogram one day and have the tech be like, “Your right breast is slightly bigger than your left breast and — oh, did you know you’re a lesbian?”

Miranda says nothing like that has ever happened to her, but one time she did diagnose herself with fucks-nemia and so she quit her law firm. Che looks at her suspiciously, like does she know that was only the beginning of her evolution? But clearly she does not, all wide eyes and smiling at Che like a wolf; so they do not push it.

Later, when it’s Miranda’s turn to sit with Carrie during recovery, Che shows up at her apartment with a professional mic for better podcasting and also tequila, which isn’t exactly the best gift for a person who’s on Percocet, so Miranda offers to do some shots with Che instead, while Carrie naps. Tequila leads to weed and weed leads to more shotgunning — which Miranda asks for this time — and shotgunning leads to more giggling, towel smacking, hand-grabbing, and just like that… it’s Scissor City!

Did I ever tell you about the time I dressed up as Jo from The Facts of—

Miranda, for once in your life, hush.

It’s a perfect time for Carrie to wake up and realize she needs to pee. She calls out for Miranda but Miranda can’t hear her over the sound of herself becoming gay. Carrie finally peeps her and Che doin’ it in the kitchen, in the reflection of a mirror. She looks, gasps, looks away, can’t believe what she thought she saw, looks again, gets confirmation, gasps again, and covers her eyes with her hands. Finally she decides her best bet is to pee into the Diet Peach Snapple bottle on the nightstand, which she is miraculously able to do — but then she spills it all over her bed.

When Che and Miranda finish up, they kiss kiss kiss kiss, and then Che bounces to New Jersey for a gig. Carrie calls out, like, “Hey lesbo, you wanna come in here and help your piss-soaked friend with the BROKEN HIP?”

Miranda tries to play it cool, it’s fine, everything’s fine, she’s a top lawyer and she can logic and reason and argue her way out of everything and it’s fine. Carrie feels less than fine, due to her apartment smelling like weed and her clothes smelling like pee and also she just had to sit through her friend having sex with her boss in the kitchen while she was in a benzo haze. Not as bad as waking up in an empty bed where your husband used to sleep beside you before he died in your arms, but not exactly a peaceful slumber transition. Carrie is so mad. Like that kind of mad where you’d rather sit there in your own pee pajamas than let the other person help you because you are SO MAD. Miranda keeps moving, talking, getting fresh sheets from the drawers, fresh PJs, and finally Carrie is like, “STOP. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. LIKE, IN AN OVERARCHING WAY. WHAT IS GOING ON!”

I mean, I should have known, right? I hate Royal Weddings, CrossFit, sun-dappled Instagram photos, cruises, Nicholas Sparks — all that straight people shit.

Miranda finally cracks. She says she’s unhappy. No, not just unhappy. She’s fucking miserable. She hates her marriage, she hates her life, and yeah, she’s drinking too much, because it’s the only thing that fuzzies the awareness that she’s walking through the world like some kind of brunch-lady zombie. Carrie says, very compassionately, “Since when?” And Miranda says, “I don’t know. Since forever.” She says she’s sorry about Che and the Snapple pee and just everything, but what just happened in the kitchen, she’s never felt like that. Like ever. In her five decades on earth, she’s never felt that way before.

(For everyone out there saying people like Che Diaz don’t exist? Oh, they do. And may the goddexx bless you with the great good fortune to stumble upon a butch just like them at least once in your life.)

Anyway, Miranda goes home and pours out all of her alcohol.

Things are also queer over on Park Ave. where Charlotte’s kid has started going by “Rock,” which Charlotte finds out on a PTA Zoom because all the other parents are calling them Rock. Oh, also, their pronouns are they/them. Charlotte marches into the living room where Rock’s playing video games and Lily’s doing homework and demands to know what in the trans heck is going on. Rock, unfazed, says they came out in a TikTok, and it’s not their fault their mom and dad didn’t see it. They play it for them. They’re wearing a backwards baseball cap and rapping about R-O-C-K — and in my favorite moment from the whole show, they start singing along with the TikTok and so does Lily. R-O-C-K. It’s perfect.

I’d love to stay and watch you go through an identity crisis that has nothing to do with you, but I really need to go see if Christen Press and Tobin Heath posted anymore vacation pics.

Charlotte and Harry don’t handle the news super well. They have a meeting at the school to ask why no one told them this was going on, and also to demand some answers about why they’re letting teenagers choose their own names and gender. The teacher and the counselor patiently explain that they allow teenagers to choose their own names and gender because they’re the ones who know their own names and gender. They offer therapy, but Charlotte and Harry aren’t sure their child needs therapy. But no, the therapy is for Charlotte and Harry. Rock is thriving, thank you very much. Harry doesn’t want someone else talking like they know his kid more than he does; it really upsets him. Charlotte doesn’t want to overreact. Or under-react. (Carrie: “Charlotte, when have you ever under-reacted to anything in your life?”) Like how does their child know this? They’re just a child! What if they’re just trying to be cool!

Rock’s teacher is like, “You know, generally, human beings take the path of least resistance. So choosing a marginalized and deeply oppressed identity, one that is, in fact, the hot button political issue of the moment, one that leaves them open to being scapegoated by an entire political party and multiple religions, that’s not exactly a ‘cool’ choice.”

Charlotte’s going to get it right, and she finally uses the correct pronouns at the end of the episode, which makes Carrie smile and pat her knee, but man, she is torn out of the frame.

I never really know how to write about fictional parents and their fictional queer kids because I was honestly kind of raised by wolves, but this does feel pretty real in the very privileged world of wealthy white people who send their kids to private school on the Upper West Side and care enough to do so many burpees they can carry a grown woman to the toilet, in the off-chance they ever need to scoop up their teenagers in a fire and haul them over their shoulders down five flights of stairs and across the block to Central Park. The endless fretting and ultimately the getting where they need to be. The main thing that feels right, though, is that Rock knows who they are, that their friends are on-board, and especially that they have the full love and support of their sister.

I seriously cannot believe how fucking gay this show is. I knew it was going to be gayer than the original, but I didn’t know it was going to be mostly gay. Like 2/3 gay. We’ve only seen sex on-screen one time in this whole season, and it’s been queer sex. Truly, who’d have thunk it?

Hey guess who also makes an appearance this week? Samantha Jones! Not in person, but in a story Carrie tells about how Samantha had to pull out Carrie’s diaphragm in season two, and it took like a whole entire minute of her fiddling around in Carrie’s vagina, and that’s friendship. Carrie texts to give Samantha a heads up. She was on pain meds and she said Samantha’s full name. Samantha texts back, says “One of my finest moments” and that she’s glad Carrie’s vagina’s getting some airtime. Carrie takes it one step too far. She tells Samantha she misses her. She gets three dots back, for a second, then nothing.

Look! I got my own Jorts!

I know a lot of people really hate this reboot. I know a lot of people don’t want to see Big dead, don’t want to see Carrie Bradshaw with hip problems, don’t want to see Steve — the only really good guy on the show — getting tossed to the sea like this, don’t want to see Miranda struggling with the reality of her enormous privilege and her depression at being closeted her whole life, don’t want to see Charlotte bumble around in the same way. But I really kind of love it. Life is hard and messy and heartbreaking and unexpected and if the last two years have taught us anything it’s that nothing is ever permanent and so many things are an illusion (including control of, like, anything) and the most we can ever really hope for is to love and be loved and to be lucky enough to be aware of it in the moment.

Or, in the wise words of Samantha Jones, “This love stuff is a motherfucker.”

And Just Like That… Sex and the City Realizes People of Color Exist

This week’s episode of And Just Like That, “Some of My Best Friends,” is very hard to watch! The title, of course, is a not-so-subtle nod to “I can’t be racist, some of my best friends are Black.” And all three storylines are about these three very rich, very white women trying to become friends with women of color. It was written by the wildly accomplished Black journalist Keli Goff, who won both an NAACP Image Award and a News & Documentary Emmy before joining this creative team as a writer and producer (she’s also a writer on that new Kate McKinnon mini-series adaptation of Tiger King). Goff is an NYU and Columbia alum, so I feel pretty sure she’s drawing from a lot of her own experiences here in NYC’s white WASP-y circles. But geezus, it’s 42 minutes of cringe! Which maybe is the point!

Be quiet, Harry, I’m trying to do a tweet about how Stacey Abrams is gonna save democracy single-handedly with zero help from me.

Charlotte wants to become friends with Lisa Todd Wexley, so she decides to have her over for a dinner party, but then realizes if she does that, the Wexleys will be the only Black couple in the mix because Charlotte literally doesn’t have any other Black friends. She tries to invite some of the few POC in her peripheral social circles, including a neighbor and another mom from whatever it is private school people call the PTA. She ends up having to cancel, but does get an invite to a dinner party at the Wexleys… where she and Harry are the only white couple.

The first thing Charlotte does is mistake a Black woman for a completely different Black woman, just as Harry’s blurting out, “Did anyone read the new Zadie Smith novel?” Charlotte later monologues at Lisa’s mother-in-law about Black art, while Harry yells “I love Michelle Obama!” in the background. I guess if you watched Charlotte’s conversion to Judaism, this makes at least a little bit of sense, just in terms of her all-in personality and general well-meaning awkwardness. But eesh. They’re acting like Black people just suddenly showed up in New York City, like it’s Rosewood, Pennsylvania or something. (Stay out of the lighthouse, Lisa Todd Wexley!)

Be honest, is the white women behind me doing the Wakanda Forever thing with her arms right now?

Miranda goes on a dinner date with her law professor, Dr. Nya Wallace, which doesn’t make too much sense. They talk about being lawyers, wives, moms, the myth of having it all — and the whole time they keep calling each other “judge” and “counselor” and “is that your closing argument,” etc. which is how Kalinda and Alicia flirt with each other in The Good Wife fan fiction, so that was all right with me. My main takeaway from their dinner — besides that yes we get it Miranda has a drinking problem — is that Miranda needs one of those shrines from the witch’s hut in Stardew Valley where she can turn her kid into a dove and erase herself from her husband’s memory. Carrie may be the one who lost a spouse, but Miranda is depressed as hell!

Carrie’s new friend makes some sense. Her name is Seema and she’s one of those luxury real estate brokers who are so wealthy and charming and no-bullshit and gorgeous that they get their own shows on TLC. She’s gonna sell Carrie and Big’s apartment, so Carrie can move out of this haunted place and into her old place where only the coffee maker is possessed. First of all, though, she’s gotta paint the whole apartment beige and make all the furniture white and basically erase any sign of Carrie and Big’s personalities so new rich people can project their personalities onto the space. She and Carrie bond over being fashionable women in their 50s, but Carrie sours things when she patronizes Seema about “good for you for still putting yourself out there” re: datings apps. Seema calls her out on it, tells her she’s sorry she lost her husband — but she doesn’t feel sorry for her, because she at least found a great love in her life. Carrie agrees and they share some sushi.

PELOTON PELOTON PELOTON PELOTON PELOTON PELOTON PELOTON PELOTON PELOTON

Carrie does have a couple of great moments this week: first, wearing a white tulle skirt to the bodega in a nod to the original series’ opening credits; and second, putting Big’s ashes in a Barney’s bag to carry them to her new/old place.

Sadly, Che’s only in “Some of My Best Friends”  for about two minutes. But they’re a hoot! The best part of the episode! The social media manager for “X, Y, and Me” meets with the team and tells them they suck, and Carrie, especially, has got to get her shit together. She hasn’t put anything up on Instagram in three weeks; it’s like “a corpse!” And then: “Carrie, girl, I’m sorry for your loss — get your social’s up!” Che says they would have for sure played the death card in that scenario, but Carrie says she’s saving it for when she starts getting pushed to get back on Twitter. Which: FAIR!

I wonder if there’s still tickets to the Liberty game tonight.

The other very bizarre thing about this episode is that Stanford moves to Tokyo with the TikTok star he’s managing, and does so with a goodbye note to Carrie and goodbye divorce papers for Marcus. Willie Garson passed away while filming this season, and dang, man, he deserved a better send-off. It’s especially a bummer juxtaposed with Chris Noth’s goodbye, what with sexual assault allegations against him (finally) making waves. (Cynthia Nixon, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kristin Davis have responded to the sexual allegations, standing with the women who have come forward.)

Next week: Che and Miranda are making eyes at each other, at the very least. Hopefully also the other appliances in Carrie’s apartment start coming to life.

“And Just Like That…” Che Diaz Turns Miranda Hobbes Gay

A lot of queers who — very understandably — didn’t watch the original Sex and the City are watching And Just Like That, and even though I promised you’d be able to follow along anyway, I think I need to set the stage for this one. Big was, as both me and Susan Sharon pointed out last week, a real prick to Carrie for most of their on-screen relationship. During one of his and Carrie’s most wankery times, he went to Paris when he couldn’t commit to her, fell for this 20-something fashion phenom named Natasha, married her, and then cheated on her with Carrie in their apartment, repeatedly. And then! When Natasha caught them! She chased after Carrie and fell and busted up all her whole teeths and had to get an entire new mouth! Carrie is the one who had to take her to the teeth ER!

Oh ho, but Carrie wasn’t done. She later stalked Natasha to this restaurant where she was just trying to enjoy a nice meal with her new chompers, and made a scene about how guilty she felt. Natasha was like, “Well now you’ve ruined both my life and my lunch!” And that glorious one-liner was the last we saw of her.

Until now.

You know, I maybe should have spent less time asking my Black professor to tell me I’m not racist and more time pre-reading this will, now that I think about it.

It’s time for Big’s will reading. You know how these multi-millionaires are. Money to this museum, money to that major NYC hospital, this to Harvard Business School, that to whatever symphony, and one million dollars to his ex-wife. Carrie cannot believe her ears or her eyeballs when Miranda shows her the thing about the ex-wife. One million dollars. Natasha Mills. Right there in big bold print like getting punched in the head, or like someone ending a one-word text with a period. Horrifying. Conclusive. “OK.” “Fine.”

Carrie takes the information home and flips out, trying to log into Big’s computer, trying to open his phone, digging through his wallet and suit pockets. When she finds a photo of a dog named Gogi that she’s never even heard of, she decides it’s time to start acting like the living embodiment of some kind of Adele song. She emails Natasha, she DMs Natasha on Instagram, she goes to Natasha’s office. Nastaha wants no part of this grief tour: she doesn’t respond to Carrie’s emails, she blocks her on Insta, and she has her assistant tell Carrie she’s in Rome, even though Carrie saw her walk into the building from the back of the Uber where she was — once again! — stalking her.

That was a really sheep shot!

Miranda and Charlotte are with Carrie for her big adventure. Miranda tries to calm her down early on, suggesting that she is, perhaps, “a little wired.” To which Carrie responds, “Oh, I am! I’ve been spiraling all day!” She is also not sleeping or eating and is spending full days clomping around the entire island of Manhattan in six-inch heels. Miranda tries to talk some sense into Carrie, who will not hear it. She says she’s furious at Big for dying but also for ruining their happy-sad ending! They were happier than they ever had been when he had that heart attack! They were happy, goddammit! Happy! Now she’s feeling as insecure and impotent as she was when they were dating. Charlotte does not try to talk sense into Carrie; instead she takes one look at Natasha and says, “Ugh she’s wearing flats!”

Carrie finally gets a face-to-face with Big’s ex-wife — by walking in on her in a public restroom at a coffee shop on the Upper West Side. Natasha screams. Carrie screams. They both throw their drinks in their air. Natasha’s is, fortunately, iced. Carrie’s is boiling hot and she burns the heck out of her hand. It’s that, more than anything else, that piques Natasha’s sympathy. She makes Carrie a little ice pack out of her son’s snack bag and tells her she hasn’t talked to John since their divorce, that he was always a puzzle to her, that she’ll never understand why he married her when he was clearly in love with Carrie, that she will not be taking the money, and please stop trying to follow her on social media.

Do you think we’re the only people in this city who still have landlines in our homes?

Okay well I can admit when a bitch is cuter than me.

Carrie understands this enormous generosity for what it is. She thanks Natasha sincerely, and finally calms down.

Elsewhere, EVERYTHING IS SO GAY.

It all starts when Charlotte is reading Harriet the Spy to Rose before bed, just some very sweet mother-kid bonding time with a beloved gay gateway character. Charlotte calls Rose “baby girl” and Rose says they actually kind of hate it when Charlotte says that. Charlotte says, “You’ll always be my baby.” And Rose is like, “Yes duh TikTok has shown me that queers are totally fine being baby; my issue is with the ‘girl’ part.” Charlotte says sometimes she doesn’t feel like a girl either. Rose says, “I always don’t feel like a girl.” And Charlotte falls right off the bed.

Who all’s gay here?

ME! MEEEE!!!!

Miranda has a similar experience of falling, only less onto the floor and more completely and totally in love with Che Diaz. At Starbucks, while they’re waiting for Carrie to finish up her daily creeping, she tells Charlotte she doesn’t know if she and Steve are really in a relationship, or if they’re just roommates who both love their nightly ice cream routine.

And then off they all go to Che Diaz’s stand-up show, which is being recorded as a Netflix special. Che is somehow just as magnetic on stage as they are on their podcast, and in their one-on-one interactions. The audience is full of queer and trans Brooklynites, and Che’s talking about coming out as non-binary, about non-binary rep on TV and film, and about how everyone depicts trans people as walking around all lonely and sad with a single thunder-cloud over their heads while the Charlie Brown music plays. But that’s not their experience at all! Their family loves them, even though they’re confused by them; they have loads of friends; their career is on an astronomical trajectory; they’re sexy as anything no matter what they’re wearing; they’ve fucked or been fucked by two-thirds of the people in this room; and they have the face and charisma of Sara Ramirez. What else could a person want?

Che says most people want the boxes, because they’re comfortable, and it feels good to check stuff off. And then, a sermon: “You’re not happy with who you are? Step out of that box and change it! Change your address, change your job, change your mind, change your gender, change your shirt. I just wanna say, to all those people out there who are so sure — who write for TV and newspapers and magazines, to everyone who wants us to be alone and sad — I just wanna say, ‘Suck my dick.’ Actually, I don’t have a dick; if I did, I would have had this special five years ago.”

And then they drop the literal mic.

Charlotte goes outside and calls Rose and tells them that she loves them. She got some real bad advice from her cis gay BFF, Anthony Marentino, earlier. He said to just ignore Rose cause Rose is a kid and doesn’t know who they are and five years ago they thought they were a dog. It doesn’t sit right with Charlotte, but what Che says, that rings true. Charlotte is confused, but she loves her kid, and she’s gonna try so hard to get this right. (She’s also gonna get to the bottom of Miranda’s drinking and potentially the surprise rivalry she found out she has with Stanford, but maybe those two things can wait until tomorrow.)

Did you not watch Grey’s Anatomy? I made most people gay back then.

No I totally did but I spent the whole time worried about HIPAA violations!

Miranda just stands there in the stage lights stunned. Stunned. After shushing her friends, telling them they’re missing it, making literal cartoon heart eyes up at that stage, screaming and cheering with every queer in the crowd, she is amped. Miranda thought Carrie was wired earlier, but she herself is actual lightning right now. She’s been fine with her and Steve not having sex, she hasn’t even really thought about it. But now she’s watching Che on that stage and getting born again right there in that club in Brooklyn like it’s some kind of Baptist tent revival. And she is not going home! All that’s there is chia seeds and fro-yo and she’s got a VIP bracelet to get into Che’s afterparty (not a euphemism).

She whirls into the bar like a middle age tornado, talking like she’s on speed, even by her own very sparky speech standards, telling Che they’re a genius, a composer, a comedy prophet. Che’s face. They know. First of all they tell Miranda to take a breath for just a second before they pass out from revelatory lust. And then they offer Miranda a joint to calm down. Miranda says she can’t smoke. Che says it’s cool, they’ll just shotgun her. Miranda knows what’s coming but she is not ready.

*whispers* I learned this from Naomily.

Che inhales, leans forward, gently blows smoke into Miranda’s open mouth. The camera goes slow-mo, in a circle, smoke and lips and Miranda never even blinks.

You know what you’ve never seen on TV in your entire life? A Mexican-Irish non-binary goddexx doing blowbacks with an uptight middle-age married woman who never even considered she’s anything but straight before now. This, my pals, is a first. A hot as literal hell-fire first and I know that I am not the only person who ended up on the floor watching it. (I actually for real know that because Autostraddle EIC Carmen Phillips told me she did too.)

And just like that, Miranda Hobbes is gay.

“And Just Like That…” Miranda and Che Get Their Funeral Flirt On

SPOILERRRSSSS!

It is such a novel thing to be yelled at by straight people about TV. Our paths hardly ever cross because I mostly do not write about straight people and also I have a lot of straight phrases muted on Twitter, such as “Ezra Fitz,” “Bellarke,” “boat shoes,” and “love is love.” Also I get confused when straight people yell at me because I often have no idea what in the Eat Pray Love they’re talking about. Like after my first And Just Like That recap yesterday, all these women were like “MEREDITH GREY LOST HER SOUL MATE TOO!” and I was like “What are you even saying? Cristina Yang didn’t die; she just moved away.” But I guess they were talking about Derek Shepherd, so please allow me to apologize and right my wrong.

In addition to Big, another man who died on TV was Derek Shepherd, and how he died was getting his brain operated on while narrating the entire surgery from the ether, talking about what a bunch of idiots these other neurosurgeons were. The only one who could save Derek Shepherd was Derek Shepherd! Which is basically the same thing that happened to Dr. Strange, except for he became a wizard and Derek just became one of the ten thousand ghosts lurking around Seattle Grace Mercy West talking shit about other doctors.

Are you thus appeased, inexplicable straight people reading this recap?

I couldn’t help but wonder: Was anyone on this show actually going to have sex besides a teenage boy?

Anyway, “Little Black Dress” opens right where “Hello It’s Me” leaves off. Big’s still dead and Carrie’s still devastated. She calls Miranda, who comes over — gladly, to be honest; Brady will not stop having loud teenage sex in her house — and holds onto her while the ambulance comes to take Big’s body away. Carrie doesn’t know what she’s going to do, and she means in the immediate and in the long term. Like how do you plan a funeral? And how do you go on with your life when the person you thought you’d spend the rest of it with just dropped dead and is trending on Twitter because he tanked Peleton’s stock?

Both Miranda and Charlotte have some experience with this, Miranda especially due to her mom dying, but Charlotte does the most un-Charlotte thing possible. Wrecked with guilt about how if she hadn’t pressured Carrie into coming to Lily’s recital, Big might still be alive, she keeps saying that! Over and over! It is very weird to see someone on this show besides Carrie Bradshaw making everything all about herself, especially at a time when Carrie Bradshaw definitely deserves to have everything be all about herself. At one point, Carrie actually snaps at her, “Get up and get it together!” Which: Fair.

Another lesson Charlotte has yet to learn is when a good time would be for purse wine! Or like purse Whisky! Or purse Xanax!

You know who would know ALL OF THESE THINGS? Samantha Jones.

Speaking of whomst — Carrie does not want flowers for Big’s funeral and she does not want a funeral at a funeral home, no matter how moving that funeral home’s sizzle reel is. She wants something chill and chic where everyone who knew and loved Big can celebrate him and how he touched their lives. (Maybe I’m misremembering, but did he even know the other characters on this show?) But one beautiful vignette of lilies does arrive. All white. Perfect. The card attached simply says “Love, Samantha” and that’s as close to tears as I got during this whole entire thing. Carrie texts her to say thank you, but Samatha doesn’t text back.

Meghan Markle wore this plate hat to a Princess Di tribute leave me alone.

Che is one of the elite who gets an invite to Big’s funeral. They say they’re there because it was someone Carrie loved, and also because people can be jerks on any and all occasions, even somber ones like this, but they used to be a bouncer at a dyke biker bar — “That’s some world class bouncin'” — so they’ll handle any hooligans. This is neither the time nor the place, but damn they look good in an all-black suit. You know who else thinks so? Miranda. She and Che don’t exactly get off on the right foot due to Miranda catching Che giving Brady some weed and FLIPPING OUT, saying the word “fuck” a Bette Porter amount of times, and threatening to rip Che’s head off. Che laughs. Well, smirks. And Miranda wants to know if Che thinks this is funny. Che says no, that actually Miranda is not funny, but in an hour or so, Che could make it funny ’cause being a professional comedian is kinda their thing. (Also being cool as fucking hell is their thing.)

Miranda wants to know who Che even thinks they are! Like seriously! Who! And what! Some kind of “funeral pot pusher” or something! Che says that does, in fact, seem like an untapped market and a lucrative business opportunity and then swaggers right out of there.

About 90 seconds later, Che and Miranda re-meet, when Carrie introduces one as her “podcast boss” and the other as her “ride or die.”

I’m a podcaster, comedian, and orthopedic surgeon.

My god I love overachievers.

Miranda wants to apologize, but Che wants to flirt. AND WHOO BOY. Miranda’s like, “Um. Che, right? Like the Marxist revolutionary, or…?” Che smirks again, says, “No, like Cheryl. I dropped the ‘ryl’ because, well, do I seem like a Cheryl to you?” Miranda agrees that they do not seem like a Cheryl. She tries to explain, again, that she’s sorry and sometimes can be like a mama bear. Che legit goes, “Mama bear? Honey, try Papa bear. Like a big daddy silverback.” They make paws with their hands and claw at the air, all RAWR!!! Miranda is already so enamored the camera has to leave the building to contain her swooning. Che says Miranda doesn’t seem like a Miranda. More like a Rambo. And Miranda laughs so loud it echoes throughout the entire funeral museum(?).

I’m gonna be real with you: I took off my hoodie and tossed it across the room during this scene. How does Sara Ramirez keep getting sexier? I think they could win a top-off with every queer in TV history right now, including Callie Torres.

A couple of people make some scenes at the funeral, including Susan Sharon (B-side!), who blurts out “Does anyone else remember what a prick he was to her?” during Big’s In Memoriam film, and then loudly and vehemently tells Carrie afterward that she FORGIVES HER and will be WAITING FOR CARRIE’S APOLOGY as soon as Carrie HAS THE BANDWIDTH. Forgive her for what? Carrie literally had no idea. Also Big’s secretary, who somehow doesn’t get a front row seat at the funeral, starts sobbing very loudly during it, but Che’s got it covered with a monogrammed cotton handkerchief that they pull out of their suit pocket MY GOD.

Big’s ashes arrive soon after the funeral and Carrie doesn’t know what to do with them. Luckily Charlotte also arrives and, once again, tries to make this entire thing about her own guilt. Carrie finally yells at her, and it’s cathartic, and even Charlotte has to agree that she’s acting bananapants and needs to pull it together for her best friend.

PAPA BEAR: ACTIVATE!

After the funeral, Miranda also flirts with her professor, Dr. Nya Wallace, on the subway platform again. This time after walloping a guy in a Chucky mask over the head with her text book as he tries to steal Nya’s purse. Eleventy bazillion words have been written about how New York City is a main character on this show, but not the New York City I know. Until this scene, where everyone on the subway just watches this happen, including a guy on the phone who’s like, “Yeah hang on, a kid dressed up like a horror doll is doing some shit” and then shakes his head like “Oh this city” when when Miranda smacks him to the ground with her book.

It really is a hell of a town.

“And Just Like That…” Introduces 3 Inevitably Queer Storylines!

SPOILERS BELOW!

You’re probably wondering what a gal like me is doing recapping a show like this. I don’t even know how to spell “Manolo Blahnik.”

Well, it all started in middle school when I realized that our yearly sex education classes could be utilized to my lesbian advantage. Generally speaking, it was frowned upon to hate my friend’s boyfriends. As just a small example, I one time tried to run over my best friend’s boyfriend, the quarterback of our football team, with an automobile, and everyone acted like that was just such a reckless and rude thing to do! Even though he called me a cunt and also was STEALING MY BEST FRIEND.

I had already come close to social ostracization in seventh grade, when I told Ann Stanley that 13-year-olds did not know what love is and therefore her boyfriend Preston Hooper did not love her and was only saying that because of blow jobs. (Blow jobs, Ann! Do you want Jesus to catch you with a dick in your mouth?) When we started sex ed, I sensed an ally in our health teacher Mrs. Carpenter, whose husband was a Baptist preacher. “Let’s talk more about chlamydia!” I would suggest. “Can we get some more details on gonorrhea!” And after every vivid description, I would reiterate that the only real way to stay safe from these things was to completely and totally avoid interactions with all boys, and instead focus all of our time and energy on other girls. Mrs. Carpenter agreed. Neither of us knew where to buy some condoms.

The original Sex and the City was my grown-up sex ed. All the straight men on the show — maybe besides Steve, but he ended up marrying a lesbian anyway — were objectively horrible. And it was a fairy tale! So I would watch with my straight friends and constantly be like, “Wow, seems like men are simply disgusting! If only there were some soft, hilarious, smart, driven, successful, compassionate, gentle, athletic, tall and slightly awkward alternative who knows how to cook all your favorite meals, and who your parents and pets already love.”

And that’s how I ended up watching every single episode of SATC and handing over actual money to see the movies in theaters. Even the last one. Which was the worst thing I’ve ever paid for, including a Jar Jar Binks action figure in 1999 and a fish sandwich from some street vendor in London that gave me food poisoning while I was staying in a hostel.

And now I am recapping this sequel which promises gayness on three fronts: 1) Sara Ramirez. 2) Charlotte’s kid. 3) Miranda.

I couldn’t help but wonder: Could being this happy on TV actually be bad?

Big and Carrie are happy, you guys. Incandescently happy. It was a rocky road to get here and he was mostly garbage along the way, but right now, they are just the giddiest middle age straight cis couple you ever did see. They dance and they sing and they goof around in the kitchen while cooking together. They’re adorable and sensual in bed, where they’re still having satisfying and effortless sex after all this time. They’re readying themselves for a trip to the Hamptons, even, and will be right on their way after Carrie attends the piano recital of Lily York-Goldenblatt — Charlotte and Harry’s over-achieving, gender-conforming daughter — at the prestigious MANHATTAN SCHOOL OF MUSIC. (They have another kid, Rose, but she’d rather be skateboarding and also not wearing dresses.) Big doesn’t attend the recital ’cause he’s gotta do his one thousandth Peloton class and also smoke his weekly cigar.

Now, if you are a person who has watched lesbians die on TV in ways ranging from being inexplicably shot through the literal heart standing ten feet away from an open second-story window, or being gunned down on their wedding day, or licking a poisoned envelope, or being turned into sentient space dust, or getting beheaded, or electrocuted by a toaster in the bathtub, or mowed down by a riding lawnmower, or strangled at Jesus Camp by their fake cousin, you can tell what’s about to happen here. Big’s gonna die. Lily’s just playing her precocious little musical genius heart out on that piano at The MANHATTAN SCHOOL OF MUSIC and Big’s heart stops working! Heart attack! Right in the shower! One day, Lily will grow up and quote Julia Stiles’ iconic line from the 2001 masterpiece Save the Last Dance — “She was dying while I was dancing!” — but today it’s just Carrie who finds Big. She’s wearing her wedding shoes and he’s hardly breathing and he dies right there in her arms.

JUST LIKE THAT.

It’s not a huge surprise, to be honest. Helen Fielding killed Darcy in the third Bridget Jones book. Jane the Virgin killed Michael in the middle of the show. Autostraddle Editor in Chief Carmen Phillips has been predicting this since day one. Straight people run out of stories to tell too, and so men gotta die sometimes. At least he wasn’t crunched underneath the tires of a teenage lesbian’s pickup truck in the parking lot of a rural Georgia car wash, you know? And anyway Carrie and Big sort of did bring this upon themselves by being happy, which is the biggest no-no that all queer couples on TV know about.

I gotta go, babe, there’s a middle age queer woman here who thinks she’s straight.

Big’s not the only thing happening in this pilot episode. Miranda’s going back to school to get her master’s in Human Rights and maybe run for governor of New York, who even knows. What me and Carrie both know, however, is that Miranda’s grey hair looks AWESOME. She’s kind of a wreck at school, though, and goes on like a ten-minute diatribe about how much she loves her Black professor, Dr. Nya Wallace, especially her braids. It’s hard to watch. Not as hard as watching the first 30 seasons of this show without a single person of color in the cast, but still. Yikes!

Miranda’s obviously got the hots for Dr. Nya Wallace, whomst she accidentally ends up stalking around the subway for like half the episode. Miranda knows she fucked it up and has some purse wine at Lily’s recital to cope, and also snaps at Charlotte to stop judging her about it. She’s got more going on than being a Park Ave stay at home mom and sometimes that requires purse wine! Relax!

I’M GAY! I MEAN HOME! I’M HOME!

Charlotte, of course, cannot relax. Has, in fact, never relaxed one day in her entire life. Which is going to make her relationship with her obviously very queer and cool and black sheep daughter extremely fraught. She didn’t just buy her a dress to wear to the recital; she bought her an Oscar de la Renta dress! Everyone in florals, okay? (Lily says, “It’s pretty.” Rose says, “Define pretty.”) It’s gonna be a real expensive transitory period for these two. At least when I went through this phase of flipping out every time my mom approached me with girly clothes, the garments in question were from Sears. (I wonder if Lily or Rose has ever even heard of a Sears? Or a mall? Imagine growing up without Cinnabon.) Rose deals with the dress by adding one of those tuxedo t-shirts over it, and also a beanie that looks like Hedwig (the magical owl, not the queer from The Angry Inch — just another thing she doesn’t have in common with her mom). Looks like Charlotte’s also got some mama drama brewing with another parent at The MANHATTAN SCHOOL OF MUSIC, and not just because she, too, approves of purse wine.

On this episode of Seattle Grace Mercy West Mysteries: Where did Erica Hahn even go?

Okay but what about Carrie’s career? Well, she’s landed a co-hosting gig on a podcast called XY and Me, starring Sara Ramirez as Che Diaz. Che’s the “queer, non-binary, Mexican-Irish diva” voice. Carrie’s the straight, cis, white voice. And get this: Che thinks CARRIE BRADSHAW IS A PRUDE. Well, well, well! How the turntables! XY and Me has the greatest tagline in history: “The podcast that discusses gender roles, sexual roles, and cinnamon roles.” See, Sara Ramirez agrees about Cinnabon! Che calls Carrie and their other co-host, a cis man named Jackie,”the boring genders,” and then smashes a button that yells “WOKE MOMENT!!!” Later in the elevator, Che vapes some weed and tells Carrie to lighten up, get raunchy, and act like the character who had a sex column in the 90s and not some boring married lady.

Carrie is wearing glittery horse riding gloves for their entire conversation, by the way, and an emerald and diamond pendant that’s bigger than the one Kate Winslet lost to the sea in Titanic. What’s boring about that!

I’m a great ally! I practically invented the gay best friend trope!

And finally, Samantha is in London because Carrie FIRED HER as her publicist. She moved and stopped returning Carrie’s calls and honestly who can blame her. Her absence is way worse than Big’s will be, in my correct opinion. She’d absolutely take Rose shopping for a suit! And makeout with Sara Ramirez in an elevator the way the goddesses intended!