Dykes on Dates: A Chill, Food-Filled Day on the Upper West Side

Welcome to Dykes on Dates, the series in which I, Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya, usually tell you about the dates I go on with my fiancé Kristen. Well, Kristen has been out of town for two weeks, so I haven’t really been on any dates! Instead, I thought it’d be fun to have a guest spot this week. Here’s Anya Richkind with a rundown of a recent date she went on with her girlfriend Jess! Enjoy!

My favorite thing about living in New York City is that after almost seven years of living here (?!??), it still feels endlessly explorable. When Kayla asked me to write an edition of Dykes on Dates (an HONOR!), I thought about the kinds of dates Jess and I go on, and they have a commonality — we love to explore The Big Apple. Jess has lived in NYC for even longer than I have, and we’ve been exploring this strange, gorgeous city together for almost six years. And I still love it every time.

One thing about Jess is that she has an intrinsic gift for transforming a moment of joy into a whole Experience of Joy. She’s basically the “yes and” of joy. If you’re throwing a party, she’s the one who will show up with hand-made decorations and a cake she decided to bake that morning. If you’re a Eurovision fan, she’s the one who will insist you make a scorecard to score each performance to make your own Top Ten (I actually witnessed this happening last week). If she’s craving Sonic’s Ocean Water, she’s gonna look up how to make it online, get all the stuff from the bodega, and actually make it — blue food coloring and all.

So when we explore a neighborhood, you can be sure we’re not just going to one place. That would be just a moment of joy. But with Jess, it’ll be an Experience.

Welcome to my edition of Dykes on Dates: The Upper West Side Experience.

It starts how it always starts: with a very long ride on the subway.

We live in Brooklyn, so going to the Upper West Side means taking the F to the B for about an hour. But even taking the subway can be part of the date! We shared our headphones (I have a soft spot for that) and listened to Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me because we have become NPR girlies, as well as fun bops, because I literally know nothing about pop culture and Jess is always teaching me about new music. Isn’t it amazing to sit in a metal canister being slingshotted through space, discovering a song you’ve never heard before?

Eat breakfast at Jacob’s Pickles.

Once we finally completed our subway journey, we arrived at the first destination: Jacob’s Pickles. Is this place pricy? Yes. But is the food absolutely amazing? Yes. Also, the portions are quite large, so if you’re trying to be a little more spend-thrift, you could probably get away with splitting a dish!

I’m certainly not a biscuit expert, but in my HUMBLE OPINION, the biscuits here are absolutely amazing. After much debate, we BOTH decided to get the sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit sandwich. (We considered what I was raised to call a “splitsy-splitsy” situation for a while, but honesty is important, and we both had to admit that we really just wanted the same dishes. And we had to accept that.) We also got a side of pickles because you can’t go to Jacob’s Pickles and NOT get pickles!!!

One other thing to share is that we did NOT have a reservation — very brave in NYC! On a Saturday morning! With great weather! However, we waltzed in at 10:30 AM, fully expecting to be told we’d have to wait an hour, and they sat us RIGHT AWAY! A pickled miracle.

Explore the museum that is Zabar’s.

After breakfast, we walked over to Zabar’s, which I can only describe as a famous Jewish grocery store that feels like it still has one foot in the 1940s (I feel like it’s in Marvelous Mrs. Maisel a lot). You don’t even need to buy anything there — it’s truly a trip just to walk through.

Despite what I said about not needing to buy anything, Jess did buy this hat. Can you blame her??

Explore the actual museum that is the American Museum of Natural History.

From Zabar’s, we walked over to the American Museum of Natural History (AMNH) — all of these things are within a 10-blockish radius of each other! Because Jess is a public preschool teacher, we have a “Cool Culture” pass (you just gotta love that name), so we were able to get into the museum for free. We did have to wait in a line we lovingly, tenderly referred to as the Ninth Circle of Hell, because the museum only had two people checking folks in, and some folks buying tickets were perhaps discussing the degree to which living ethically under capitalism is possible or not because they were up there for a WHILE, so the line — full of hangry children, exasperated adults, and a whole lotta tourists — was… an experience. But eventually we made it through, and it was all worth it!

Our first stop was the Bernard Family Hall of North American Animals — we’ve both been there before, but it’s a treat every time. To be honest, as a lover and maker of theater, my favorite thing about this is how theatrical it feels. You see each of these animals not just in a regular moment, but in a critical moment — the Bighorn Sheep glancing up like they just heard a strange sound; one Alaskan Moose charging the other. The stories tell themselves.

My favorite exhibit of all of these is unquestionably the wolves — they’re in a mini-room of their own, lights dimmed so you really feel like it’s nighttime and you’re scouring Gunflint Lake for prey. It’s easy to forget the pair of wolves are frozen in time — they look like they’re running right toward you.

Going to the museum as an adult, I thought about things I didn’t consider as a kid. Jess and I talked about the ethics of this kind of conservation — we learned about so many plants and animals we’d never seen by viewing them at the museum, but of course, we’re not really seeing them. It is, indeed, theater of sorts. But if this is theater, are the taxidermied animals the characters, or are we — the ones falling for the facsimiles — the characters? We wondered.

Make sure to make time for the whale.

If you’ve never been to the AMNH before, let me tell you about the whale. In the Milstein Hall of Ocean Life, on the second floor, there is this huge, blue orca whale affixed to the ceiling. So it looms over the first floor of the hall, like it’s swimming through unseen water.

Beneath the whale, there is a large mat — big enough for maybe 50 people (or more? I’m awful at estimating these kinds of things) to sit on. I hadn’t noticed it before, but Jess insisted we go down there and lay down, like other folks were doing. We laid down on the mat and stared up at the whale, and I knew right away that this was my favorite part of the day. I felt so calm. The belly of the whale was so huge. The body of the whale was so blue. I was a little kid again, marveling at the grandeur of the world and the smallness of myself. But I was an adult, too, holding hands with the woman I love.

If you go to the AMNH, don’t skip the whale.

Go eat more snacks and hang out in Central Park!

After the museum, we were hungry again so we got cookies and also froyo because if it’s above like 65 degrees, we’re getting some version of ice cream. Then we walked to Central Park, laid down our blanket (I told you, the Jess Experience is gonna have a lot of parts to it!!), and listened to this honestly amazing street performer playing Beatles songs at the John Lennon Memorial. I fell asleep, as I am wont to do in almost any setting where falling asleep is remotely possible. When I woke up, we decided it was time to head back to Brooklyn because, let’s be honest, we missed our cats.

Go home.

The day ended the same way it began: sitting on the subway, sharing headphones, drifting asleep and drifting through space.

Dykes on Dates: Tender Pork Tacos That Are Too Good To Be True

Welcome to Dykes on Dates, my column all about how I’m making the time and space to still go on dates with my fiancé Kristen 4+ years into our relationship. Kristen just left for a three-week writing residency, which means there aren’t any date nights in my near future unless I decide to take myself on some solo ones. So instead of this column ending with a missive about a specific day/night out with Kristen, I’m just sticking to the basics this week and just menu planning a date for you. This is my foolproof carnitas tacos recipe that I like for date night because the slow-cooked pork is damn impressive enough to make someone fall in love with you all over again, the various customizable toppings make the meal interactive, and it’s extremely easy to pack this meal up and take it to the park. As we know, I love a good romantic picnic!

The Date: Pork Taco Night

Cost

Depending on how many ingredients you already have on hand, the specific variations to the recipe, and grocery prices where you live, this recipe can run you anywhere from $25 to closer to $75 BUT it makes enough carnitas filling for many meals. I usually freeze the bulk of my slow-cooked pork, which means future taco date nights!

Notes on Cost and Planning

This date night meal is geared toward folks who like to cook, and as I’m not a professional recipe developer and tend to have a loosey goosey approach to explaining how to make something (with very few concrete measurements), it also might require some intermediate kitchen skills so you know how to adjust the recipe to suit your desires. If you do want to follow a more precise recipe, I recommend the Instant Pot Bon Appetit recipe or, for something a little different, the Korean-inspired take from the NYT.

All that said, a cheap and easy alternative approach to this date night meal that doesn’t compromise flavor is to buy the “fully cooked carnitas” package from Trader Joe’s and just prep your own additional toppings. On a similar note, the brand Barvecue makes a frozen carnitas alternative that’s vegan, and shredded jackfruit can also be used as a vegan alt, but you’ll have to look up your own recipe as I’ve never tried it!

The Pork

So the first step is to find your cut of pork. The whole reason I did carnitas date night in the first place was because I found an incredible deal on a MASSIVE piece of pork butt at Publix. I got a giant piece for under $10. These cuts of pork often go on sale but in general are rarely expensive. What you’re looking for is any of the following (some of these are just different names for the same thing):

• picnic roast
• pork shoulder
• pork butt
• boston butt

Something in the three pound range is gonna yield enough pork for like 25+ tacos. So again, this is a date night meal plan with intentional leftovers. This taco date is the gift that keeps on giving.

The thing I do differently than most recipes out there (and perhaps a professional chef will yell at me for this idk!) is not actually cut the slab of pork before I throw it in my Instant Pot. Most recipes will have you cut it into 2-3 inch chunky cubes. You def can! But sometimes, just for practical reasons, I’m cooking these from frozen, because I usually will buy the pork butt when it’s on sale but then not necessarily use it right away.

Cooking from frozen is also why I usually use the Instant Pot. You don’t have to pressure cook your pork to follow my recipe! You can use the Instant Pot on the slow cooker setting (which is what I do when I’m cooking from a NOT frozen piece of pork) or by using a sturdy enameled dutch oven or, even better, a cast iron one.

Most carnitas recipes out there keep things extremely simple when it comes to your additional things that you slow-roast the pork with. There’s usually acid, spice, garlic, and basic seasonings. Here’s what I personally like to add to the pot with the pork:

• the juice of an entire orange and a bit of orange zest
• lime zest
• a ton of whole garlic cloves that have been smashed with my mortar and pestle
• a large onion, quartered
• whole cloves that I also crush by hand with the mortar and pestle
• ground cumin
• two whole cinnamon sticks
• whole tomatillos
• an entire dried guajillo chili (just thrown in whole, not cut)
• gochugaru flakes (you can use red pepper flakes, but I like the nuanced flavor of the gochugaru)
• cured sumac
• a stalk of lemongrass (or a dash of powdered lemongrass)
• lemongrass
• salt & pepper sure, but I also like to use an umami seasoning blend, like the Bon App x Burlap and Barrel one literally called “the umami blend” or the mushroom variation from Trader Joe’s
• sometimes, if I have one, I’ll throw in a little bonus ingredient, which is a splash of Modelo Negra

Cover your concoction with water. If pressure cooking, go with about 30 minutes on high pressure (an hour if cooking from frozen). If slow-cooking, bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer, and simmer for at least two hours. If slow-cooking, water will evaporate, so just make sure to add some to keep the meat covered at all times.

Once the pork is ultra tender, use a slotted spoon to move it to a bowl. Discard any ingredients you don’t want in your final product, like any whole peppers, large pieces of onion, tomatillo skins, cinnamon sticks, etc. I usually leave in the garlic, because by now it’s almost a smushy paste. Wait for it to cool and then shred with your hands. It should pull apart nice n easy.

This is when I usually pop the majority of the pork into freezer-safe containers and label them with the date, to be used later, reserving just enough for date night.

Right before serving dinner, I spread the shredded pork onto a foil-lined small baking sheet and put it under the broiler on high heat. This makes some parts crispy. Once it’s crisped to my desired level, I use tongs to move the meat into a nice large serving bowl.

The Toppings

There’s probably a joke in here about being a bottom, but genuinely a lot of my favorite date night dinners involve, well, toppings. This is why I’ve also delved into the joys of at-home pizza-making in this column! I think tacos function in a similar way, where there’s almost an activity built into the meal. It also makes it easier for when you and your date have different flavor preferences, spice thresholds, dietary restrictions, etc. I like to use small colorful bowls to present toppings and have recently been obsessed with the tiny golden shovel scoops I was gifted that have proven to be a great little touch to meals that hinge on toppings or condiments.

When it comes to carnitas, a lot of people like to keep things very simple, because the pork is so flavorful on its own that you want it to the star. You’ll want to use small corn tortillas for these, which you can make if you have a tortilla press or buy from the grocery store. Common toppings include chopped cilantro, chopped white onion, and a squeeze of lime juice. Maybe a pico de gallo. I, however, do like to offer an array of toppings so I can play around with a bunch of different combinations (though the first and last tacos I tend to eat are usually just the most simplest).

And here’s where I really show off: I make my own cheese. Cheese isn’t super traditional for carnitas, and regular shredded cheese doesn’t really go with them (but also, You Do You, toppings can be whatever you want em to be!). But homemade cheese is a date nigh showstopper. While the pork is taking its sweet ol’ time, I make a soft, crumbly white cheese. I’ve been doing this for years, so I don’t really use a recipe, but I first learned to make cheese by learning to make paneer, using this Aarti Sequeira recipe that I find super approachable. But when it comes to making the sort of soft white cheese that I use for tacos, I basically just stop after step four in that recipe. Sometimes, I’ll let it drain a little longer or even pop it in the fridge if I want it to firm up slightly, but I don’t turn it all the way into cubes of paneer, leaving it looser.

Here are the toppings I usually have in little bowls for most taco nights in general, whether I’m doing pork or a different style:

• my homemade cheese
• lime wedges
• finely chopped white onion
• a spicy pico (I make it myself if I have time or just buy a fresh version from the deli section of a grocery store)
• hand torn cilantro
• quick pickled red onion slices
• avocado
• chopped serrano peppers (preferred) or jalapeños (if that’s what I have on hand)
• El Yucateco habanero (just because it’s my fav hot sauce and I tend to put it on everything)

If you’re planning on doing this date on a picnic, just load all your component into sealable tupperware containers and make sure you have plenty of napkins!

Drink Pairing

The thing about a date night meal that requires this much prep is that it should also come with a drink pairing. Honestly, a crisp light beer goes great with this, but a dry cider or a tart sour would also do the trick. If you do want to do a cocktail moment, I think a bee’s knees but sub spicy honey for regular honey is fun. And for a nonalcoholic pairing, the lemon & ginger juice seltzer from Trader Joe’s is the move.

Dykes on Dates is a series by Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya chronicling dates with her fiancé Kristen and offering ideas, tips, and tricks for stoking the flames of romance.

Dykes on Dates: Here’s a Picnic Menu That Feels Fancy but Is Cheap and Easy

Welcome to Dykes on Dates, the series where I give you tips for date nights and day dates with a focus on long-term relationships. Last week, I broke form a little bit with a mini essay on family, marriage, and examining my parents’ relationship from the vantage point of my own. This week, I’m back to basics! The first half of the piece will be a guide to a great picnic date — complete with a menu planned by moi — and then second half is my little missive on how my version of this date went, which this week features HIJINKS.

The Date: Elegant Tiny Sandwich Picnic

Cost

So technically, this date was “free” for us, because I only used ingredients and things we already own! The menu I’ve designed below is geared toward items I usually already have in my fridge and can be modified based on what you usually have on hand. Even if you do need to buy some ingredients, it’d be easy to keep this date under $30 if you’re not buying alcohol.

Supplies

It’s also possible you might need to buy some picnic supplies if you don’t already own them, but the good news about my recommended supplies is that they can all also be used for future picnics! I recently wrote a comprehensive list of picnic gear for you to check out, but here are what I’d consider the true essentials for the menu/vibe of this particular picnic:

• Plastic wine glasses (which can also be used for seltzer!)
• Assorted bowls with lids (or just Tupperware, but I’m obsessed with the linked Target nesting bowls and use them constantly)
• A cooler backpack (the linked one is the one I actually own, and it’s pricey but durable and great for beach trips, too!)
• A blanket (you can use one you already own so long as you’re fine with it being outside, and I recommend something thick so grass doesn’t poke through too much)
• A tray (Rifle Paper Co. has some really cute ones, and they often go on sale! I’ve also had luck at IKEA with cheap, colorful trays, but you can also just use a cutting board that you already own)
• Things you probably already own, like napkins, utensils, water bottles filled with water, plates and bowls

The Menu

For this particular picnic, I wanted the menu to be springy, have almost an afternoon high tea vibe, but also be relatively simple/no-cook! Along those lines and because I had a box of tomatoes on hand, I decided to go with gazpacho, assorted mini sandwiches a super simple salad, and some bonus snacks.

The Gazpacho
Ashni wrote a really great simple guide to gazpacho during tomato season! It’s true that making gazpacho can easily be done without precise measurements or the same ingredients every time. You basically need tomatoes, an allium, an oil, and a bit of vinegar! I made mine with cherry tomatoes (not ideal, but it’s what I had), a few garlic cloves, celery sticks I had leftover from my bloody mary bar at Easter, green onions, a fancy pepperonici-garlic olive oil I’m obsessed with, and a dash of citrus vinegar. Throw everything in a blender and blitz it! Too chunky? Add more oil and perhaps even a bit of water. Some people like to throw a slice of stale bread in to blitz, too, which I did along with a shake of some red pepper flakes for spice.

The Mini Sandwiches
I made three kinds of mini sandwiches:

• BLTs with leftover bacon I had in the fridge (also from the blood mary bar).
• Egg salad sandwiches made with perfectly hardboiled eggs, dijon mustard, the Trader Joe’s bomba I’m obsessed with, and salt — that’s right, a no mayo egg salad! I love mayo, but I wanted to experiment with making an egg salad without it. If you hardboil the eggs to be somewhere between medium and hard, they maintain a lot of creaminess, and mixed with a grey poupon dijon and some of the oil from the peppers, the salad achieved a creamy, fatty texture without mayo.
• Tuna sandwiches made with a packet of the Thai chili flavored tuna by Starkist, fresh dill, mayo, and mustard.

My process for making mini sandwiches is to make them on two full slices of bread and then cut them into fourths. I used just a plain loaf of country white bread since that was what I had, but these would be really good on shokupan.

Super Simple Salad
My super simple salad was made with just spinach, sliced cherry tomatoes, grated semi-soft goat cheese (like a drunken goat), and a dressing I made with olive oil, citrus vinegar, and salt. A dash of cracked black pepper to finish if off, and that’s it!

Bonus Snacks
To round out the menu, I wanted to include a few grab-and-go snacks. I went with the corn chips from Trader Joe’s (they are somehow even better than Frito’s) and the TJ’s caramelized onion dip as well as the “soft and juicy mango” (which is, it should be noted, one of Kristen’s nicknames for me) — also from, you guessed it, Trader Joe’s! Truly, no one does snacks better.

The gazpacho, mini sandwiches, and goat cheesy salad — along with the bottle of orange pet nat we grabbed — give an overall sense of extravagance despite being deceptively simple and cheap. I had everything I needed already, and I never had to turn on the oven or stove to prep! (I used my electric egg cooker for the egg salad and highly recommend it to anyone who consumes a large amount of boiled eggs.) And then the bonus corn chip snack rounded this menu out into the perfect balance of high brow/low brow I love to live in.

Alternative Mini Sandwich Ideas for Vegetarians
I don’t want too many folks to feel left out by this menu I planned, so I threw together some quick combinations that I think would make for good veg options, with a couple at the end that also work for vegans:

• Sliced radish + salted butter
• A fruity jam + goat cheese
• Sliced cucumber + cream cheese
• Sliced peaches + brie
• Mashed chickpeas + sliced red onion
• Sliced tomato + salt + vinaigrette

Now that I’ve told you how to execute this very lovely picnic menu, let me tell you how I fucked it up.

I forgot the gazpacho.

Like, the whole point of gazpacho is that it’s relatively easy and quick to make. So long as you’ve got a powerful enough blender, you barely need to chop. Nothing gets cooked. It’s basically a blend, taste, add, blend, chill type of deal. I placed my little covered bowl of gazpacho in the fridge and started prepping my mini sandwiches and gathering my picnic supplies.

When it came time to pack our bags and head out for our picnic at a gorgeous park about a fifteen minute walk from our place, I made sure I had a spoon for us to share packed in the little bag of utensils I was bringing. I scooped a dollop of sour cream into a small Tupperware container, because I knew Kristen would want some with the soup.

We walked to our picnic spot, the weather incredible, much cooler than it usually is by now in central Florida but still with a bright, skin-warming sun shining on us as it made its descent. I’d thought of so many things: the fancy wine chiller Kristen got me as a gift, extra napkins, not only the mini container of sour cream but also a tiny golden spoon in the shape of a shovel for it.

It wasn’t until we’d picked our picnic spot (one mostly shaded but still with a little patchwork of sunlight), laid out our blanket, and I started arranging the mini sandwiches onto their special tray that I realized the spicy gazpacho was still sitting in the fridge back at home.

I historically don’t do well when little things go wrong when it comes to the food I make. It’s not that I’m a perfectionist in the kitchen; in fact, I’m a bit chaotic in my cooking approaches. But even though I still largely do things my way, I still want them to eventually come together in the end. It may have not taken a lot of time or steps to make the gazpacho, but I am weird about my attachment to the food I make; it’s like an extension of me, especially when I’m making it for someone I love.

Kristen, on the other hand, is swift to pivot and also reassure me in these moments. In the most extreme instance of a Food Mishap, I once spent hours crafting a giant seafood tray only to pull it out of the oven once it was done and lose my grip, its entire contents — shrimp, clams, crab legs, corn, potatoes, onions, scallops — spill onto the kitchen floor. A gloppy, expensive mess. Somehow, I did not cry. Kristen is a huge part of that.

So as usual, she assured me we had more than enough food, that the gazpacho would taste just as good — if not better! — later. The picture I had in my mind of stacks of sandwiches next to a blue bowl of crimson chilled soup was no longer possible, but that wasn’t the point, right? The point was a date with Kristen, not picture-perfect content.

Now is when I confess that it’s a tricky thing to have a series like this, one I genuinely enjoy writing and don’t plan on stopping any time soon. But I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t mean that sometimes date nights feel like they’re for someone else, for you reader. At the same time, with both of our busy work schedules, it’s admittedly nice to have a very specific reason to make sure we’re going on intentional dates at least once a week. I don’t know. I think I’ll probably be figuring this all out as I go.

The gazpacho was the main mishap, but in a very Florida development, a beetle also flew directly into our caramelized onion dip, forcing Kristen to scoop it out. I’m used to this now; eating outside in Florida usually entails reckoning with the creatures and the land and the trees and the leaves and the humidity and just all of nature trying to press itself into you. The beetle initially fazed me, and then I got over it, faster than I got over the gazpacho.

We picnicked as the sun set, and after, we went on a walk by the water and sat briefly in lawn chairs on the central grounds of the college Kristen went to for undergrad. It was twilight, and bats swarmed overhead, occasionally diving for bugs. Kristen glowed in the golden campus lights and night sky, and I felt at peace with the forgotten gazpacho. What’s a good date without a little mess? Without a little left unplanned? Like an impromptu walk through a buzzing, bat-filled campus.

This series might have a clear structure to it, but that doesn’t mean our dates do.

Dykes on Dates is a series by Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya chronicling dates with her fiancé Kristen and offering ideas, tips, and tricks for stoking the flames of romance. Have an idea for where we should go out next? Let me know in the comments!

Dykes on Dates: Parents Weekend

Welcome to Dykes on Dates, where I usually break down a date with my fiancé Kristen that you can then execute in your own life! This week, we’re doing things a bit differently though, because it’s my column and I make the rules!!! Instead of specific tips for a date night you can do, I’m offering up a little mini essay on the last-minute trip I took to Charleston with Kristen and my parents where we basically ended up going on a bunch of double dates with my parents, which unexpectedly made me think a lot about marriage, family, renegotiating relationships with parents in adulthood, and the ways Kristen and I like to have fun together.

Usually when we travel, it’s just the two of us. We love exploring and eating our way through a place together. It’s how our relationship started. Kristen was on book tour for her first novel, and I had a flexible work-from-home job that let me travel, and it was when pandemic was just the name of a board game I played sometimes, so we flew and trained and drove all over the country. I made the restaurant reservations and navigated walking directions. She booked the hotels and read from her book in packed bookstores and spent so much time with every single person who wanted to meet her, and I watched from the back of the room trying to play it cool when really I was falling in love. Yes, all the conditions were right for rosy romance. A cross-country book tour, endless dinner reservations, hotel sex. But it was much more than a romantic comedy montage. We were creating something real and lasting together, evidenced by the relationship’s continuation mere months later when everything about the way we spent our time together changed drastically. Even in lockdown though, we made food and fun and spontaneity core parts of our relationship in whatever ways we could.

Usually when we’re with my parents, we’re also with a lot of other people, too. I don’t travel home as much as I’m sure they wish I did, but it’s difficult to explain to them that it doesn’t really feel like home to me, because most of the time no place does. I left Virginia after high school, lived in Ann Arbor, Jackson, Michigan, D.C. Los Angeles, Chicago, Brooklyn, Las Vegas, Miami, and Orlando since then. No one place feels like a fixed home. I make every place into a home or at least something close to it. And besides, my parents no longer live in the place I was raised but nearby, in a city I know much less familiarly than any of the others ones I just named even if I technically grew up 20 minutes away from it. So when we go home, it’s usually for a week at Christmas. It’s usually for some sort of familial obligation, and so other family members are there, my siblings, my cousins, aunties, uncles. My family doesn’t feel big to me, but I’m told it is. And Kristen was thrown into the deep end when she met my parents for the first time. It wasn’t for Christmas or for a birthday. It was for my mother’s book club meeting for her first book, at the tail end of tour. Kristen was quite literally in the hot seat as my mother and a long dining table full of her friends asked her questions about her art. Not a lot of people would have been game for that; Kristen nailed the whole thing.

Traveling together, the four of us — Kristen, me, my parents — just wasn’t something I ever really thought would happen. I always figured at least my sister would be around, too. But my parents only invited us to their weekend in Charleston, where they had access to a friend’s condo, dangling the promise of a free place to stay for a weekend in a fun food city in front of us. It’s perfect, really. Charleston is equal driving time from where they live and where we do. In fact, it’s where we usually stop overnight on our way to Christmas.

To be completely honest, I didn’t want to go. Work has been even busier than usual. I’m loving planning our wedding, but I’d be lying if I said it has been stress-free. I was sort of looking forward to the prospect of no trips in April, every weekend spent at home. My parents also have a wildly different approach to vacations than I do. They plan next to nothing; I like to have reservations and an itinerary for every day. But Kristen convinced me to go. We’ve never done this, not really. Even when they visiting us in Orlando, it didn’t feel like the four of us were really, truly hanging out on vacation together. We were hosting them. I know I’m lucky that taking a trip with my fiancé and my parents is even possible. Most people in my life couldn’t even fathom it as a possibility, some fully estranged from their parents, some with parents who are no longer living, some with just complicated fraught familial relationships. Basically, I was being a brat. There was no compelling reason not to go on this trip, even if it was last minute. We do last minute all the time. We love spontaneous adventures when it’s the two of us. Why not do so with my parents? We’d still be able to work (which we often do on our trips, because it’s what works for us). Plus, a free place to stay!

Something I keep forgetting about is that getting married does mean to a lot of people that Kristen is officially becoming part of my family. I keep forgetting, because I already consider her part of my family. But I think I would be oversimplifying things to accuse anyone in my family of heteronormativity for seeing marriage as the “official” way for Kristen to join our family. I know that even if we were making different choices about our relationship, they would still treat her like family. But I also know that our upcoming marriage is meaningful. If I were having a more traditional Indian wedding, parents and family would be a hugely important component. I’m not, and it’s bittersweet; I know it’s ultimately for the best for a lot of reasons. I’m honestly still figuring out my relationship with my parents, even at 30, and I think that’s normal. More and more, I want to be friends with them. When I’m with my siblings and my parents, I just feel like their daughter; I don’t open up to them the way I would with friends. And my parents haven’t had a lot of time to get to know Kristen — or for her to get to know them. Christmas is always chaos. Maybe as a foursome, we could all unlock new relationships to each other.

Listen, I truly never thought going on a full weekend of double dates with my parents would be fun let alone revelatory, but it really was, and it reminded me that their steadfast marriage and the ways they constantly compromise — because at their core, they’re extremely different people to the point where I use them as proof that “opposites attract” isn’t just a platitude — have greatly influenced my own concept of long-term partnership. They’re good relationship role models, and again, I’m lucky for that.

Anyway, I’m still clearly unpacking a lot of that, but we had a great fucking time in Charleston. We walked over ten thousand steps a day. We ate so much good food, had so many good drinks. Our favorite spot hands down was Bar Rollins, a natural wine bar with tinned fish a.k.a. exactly my kind of place, and we slipped away to it just the two of us, making sure to divide our time between quality one-on-one time and double dates with my parents, which worked out really well in terms of bonding with them but also still making sure we had time to connect with each other. We also liked the cafe Babas on Cannon, where I wrote the beginning of this column you’re reading right now while eating a delicious slice of deep dish quiche. Kristen got the pickled shrimp toast, and you should, too. We also ventured over to Mt. Pleasant to go to the seafood bar/party spot Red’s Ice House because — and yes, even though I am a proud Bravo Dyke, I am a little embarrassed to admit this — Craig Conover from Southern Charm told us to go when we unexpectedly had a chance to meet him and Paige DeSorbo at Craig’s pillow store. Iykyk, please don’t make me explain it! It was hard enough explaining who they were to my parents, who also decidedly did not want to discuss Scandoval! Red’s was exactly our vibe in the sense that it’s on the water and has cheap drinks and local oysters. THANK YOU, CRAIG!

Also, if you’re ever visiting Charleston or any seaside town known for its seafood and you’re staying at a place with a kitchen, I highly recommend planning for at least one of your dinners to be at home and going to a fish market. It’ll save you money by not going out for a night, and you can keep it really simple. We did a couple pounds of fresh shrimp and cooked them in just lemon juice, garlic, butter, and Old Bay, served with a big salad and bread. Delicious and sooooo much cheaper than going out, and if you like to cook, it’s fun to do so on a trip!

At a cocktail bar one night, I ordered a drink with pickled peanuts nestled at the bottom, and I talked to my parents about things I don’t usually talk to them about — relationships with other family members, thoughts about the wedding, even using the word “boundaries” for the first time ever with them. None of it felt dramatic, but it felt like a shift in the things I can talk to them about. They could see how much Kristen does for me, how she can lower my anxiety with just a hand on my back. And I could see them seeking out fun, spontaneous adventures together the same way the two of us do. They still go on dates, even after being married for nearly 30 years. Their relationship looks more like ours than I ever realized. They hang out a lot, socialize together, share friends. They’ve always found ways to make last-minute adventures happen, which often means having to bring work along, like we always do. If a rando reality show star told them to go someplace, they’d do it too, because even if it sucks, at least there’s a story there, and at least you’re experiencing something uncertain together.

While our days were spent walking, eating, and drinking, we ended each night the same way, back at the borrowed condo, doing newspaper crossword puzzles together. We didn’t always agree on the puzzle answers, but we got there.

Dykes on Dates is a new series by Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya chronicling dates with her fiancé Kristen and offering ideas, tips, and tricks for stoking the flames of romance.

Dykes on Dates: Sometimes Date Night Is Just Chips, Dips, and a Drink Tasting

Hi and welcome back to Dykes on Dates, where I go on dates with my fiancé and tell you about them so you can try them out, too! My favorite dates I went on recently with Kristen were to the annual arts festival in our neighborhood, which is not exactly actionable advice unless you also live somewhere with a massive annual arts festival on the horizon. Instead, on the heels of my homemade pizza date tips, I’m here to offer recommendations for another at-home date. Recreating a wine tasting/brewery experience at home!

The Date: Drink Tasting and Snacks

Cost

Varies, depending on the style of drinks and snacks you pick. We got all of our supplies at Trader Joe’s, which really does have the best snacks in the game. We spent under $30 for this date.

Additional Planning Notes

Part of the reason we went to Trader Joe’s was because of their Build Your Own Six-Pack option, which is ideal for a tasting and keeps costs down vs. having to buy multiple six-packs of things to try. Other grocery stores often offer DIY six-packs, too, but the selection at Trader Joe’s is usually impressive and includes local offerings.

Keep the snacking simple! Maybe get two styles of chips and three styles of dips and then throw in a tinned fish or a pre-sliced charcuterie meat. We also picked up a bagged salad — the new elote one at Trader Joe’s is great. It has a smokey flavor and a crunch factor!

This date is easy to modify for sober folks. You can do a tasting of artisanal sodas (check out this Bubble Trouble missive for inspo) or even make homemade sodas from flavored syrups and club soda.

I’ve been wanting to do an at-home tasting paired with snacks ever since I edited Ashni’s brilliant canned sparkling wines x chips taste test piece and, because I’m a Gemini who loves to multitask, I thought why not make this the next installment of Dykes on Dates!

Kristen and I often like to go to wine tastings or breweries where we can get flights together. We both like trying new things and especially like to do so together so we can compare tasting notes and preferences. We don’t take ourselves too seriously when we do this! Sometimes, she will taste a wine and say “tastes like wine,” and you know what? She’s right. Secretly though, she does have the superior palette to mine. I use a wine app called Vivino where you can upload whatever wine you’re drinking, write a review, and read reviews from others. If you and your person are into wine, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND making an entire activity out of reading Vivino reviews together. People will be out here saying “this wine tastes like wet gravel and broken toothpicks” and it’s just incredible use of the English language imo.

Instead of going out somewhere to taste things, we decided to do a chill date night at home after a long weekend of a lot of walking around in the Florida sun. I also wasn’t in the mood to cook, which is rare for me, but happens from time to time. So we planned a spontaneous day-of date mostly built around an impromptu walk to Trader Joe’s. Hashtag not an ad, but Trader Joe’s is theeeee place for date supplies. Cheap wine! Build your own six-packs! Candy! Snacks! Chips! Dips! I don’t do my regular grocery shopping at Trader Joe’s, but it’s my go-to place for picnics, party supplies, and hors d’oeuvres.

Food-wise, we picked up the aforementioned elote bagged salad mix, which was easily a 9/10 salad. We also got my latest TJs obsession, which is a jar of hot pepper Italian bomba. This shit is spicy and good on EVERYTHING. Specifically, the flavor combo I ended up inventing during date night was a salt and vinegar chip, plus a scoop of seafood patê, topped with a dollop of the bomba. Spicy, fishy, salty, vinegary paradise! I used the Minerva spicy sardine patê specifically, but you could also use the José Gourmet patê. We also got the TJs corn chips — which are somehow superior to Fritos — and caramelized onion dip as well as the new tirokafteri.

But what we really came for was the DIY six-packs. Initially thinking we were going to do an at-home brewery moment, we ended up pivoting because our Trader Joe’s has a wider selection of canned cocktails, spritzers, wines, etc. Kristen picked three, and I picked three. We went with two sparkling rosés, two hard kombuchas, a hard seltzer, and a cream ale, focusing on flavors we both like (coconut, lemon, ginger, etc.) but picking things new to both of us.

Yes, those are Hooters flight glasses. While living in Miami, one of the first places we found near our place that offered outdoor dining and an outdoor bar experience we felt comfortable going to was…Hooters. Now I will forever associate that particular period of the pandemic with the sights, sounds, and smells of Hooters. One time, I ordered a special flight that came with these take-home glasses, and let me tell ya — they do lend a certain legitimacy to at-home tastings! Stay tuned for a Dykes on Dates set at Hooters!!!! (jk………unless)

Now, I have a tendency to go all out with snack plates, charcuterie and cheese boards, etc. But the vibe for this date was intentionally very chill, relaxed, no-fuss. The point was to try the drinks with Kristen and focus on those. It’s oddly soothing and even kinda hot to describe what you taste to another person. Like not to sound like the movie The Menu, but describing the mouthfeel of a rosé, even when that rosé is $2.50 and in a can? Sexy! So in order to focus on the drink tasting aspect and also be more present, I forewent cooking anything or even chopping anything. Everything we bought from Trader Joe’s was ready to serve. The bag salad just had to be dumped in a bowl and mixed, which Kristen did, because she is the designated bagged salad mixer in this household.

This was truly the least amount of food prep I’ve ever done for an at-home date night. I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed with work as well as my writing and just like general life things lately, so I could have very easily just skipped on date nights at all this week, but I’m glad that I instead found a way for us to do something special and nice together that was also incredibly low effort and low cost. Tasting the new drinks felt like a real activity, and though the food was simple, it represented all the flavors we both like.

I promise next Dykes on Dates will be something sexier where I get dressed up, made up, and we actually, you know, go out. But if there’s anything the past couple years have taught us about long-term relationships, it’s that these at-home date nights can be just as special — and necessary!

And after our easy, breezy date? We made our way to the couch to continue our rewatch of Yellowjackets season one, a show that means a lot to us and I easily associate with our relationship — NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO CANNIBALIZE HER, EVEN THOUGH KRISTEN SOMETIMES FEARS THAT but because it was the first piece of pop culture we really became obsessed with, together. We’ll both be in attendance at the Yellowjackets season two premiere virtual watch party for A+ members tomorrow. Hope to see you there!

Dykes on Dates is a new series by Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya chronicling dates with her fiancé Kristen and offering ideas, tips, and tricks for stoking the flames of romance.

Dykes on Dates: Tips for Topping (Homemade Pizza)

Hi and welcome back to Dykes on Dates, the series where I tell you all about real dates with my real fiancé Kristen (okay, saying real too many times absolutely makes her sound fictional) and how YOU can do them, too. Last week, Dykes on Dates went bowling. This time, we’re topping! Homemade pizzas, that is. I’ve broken down the guide by skill level, and then you’ll find my mini essay on homemade pizza dates after the photo.

The Date: Homemade Pizza

Cost

Varies, can be as low as under $5 if you’re making your own crust and using ingredients you already have in your fridge/pantry. Can be up to $50 depending on the fanciness of your ingredients and if you’re also planning to have a wine or beer pairing. But truly this is a date that can be done on the cheap! And it takes place at home!

Notes on Cost

Depending on which of the crust methods you choose below (pizza baby, pizza dad, or pizza chef), this will vary. Store-bought pizza crust can be as low as under $3 (as it is at my Publix), and buying from an actual pizzeria will usually run higher. Homemade crust is cheapest though the most costly in terms of time. I cannot stress enough how you should use! Ingredients! You! Already! Have! Or maybe spend on one fancy ingredient, like some of the ones I shout out in the forthcoming mini essay!

Additional Planning Notes

Here’s where we’re going to look at the three different skill levels of homemade pizza night, which I have dubbed pizza baby (beginner), pizza dad (intermediate), and pizza chef (advanced). We are specifically focusing on dough/crust here, as that’s generally the most difficult part of homemade pizza. No matter what level you choose or whether one of you is more of the chef in the relationship than the other, the toppings aspect should feel collaborative! If you’re the chef and your partner is the kitchen princess, make it fun and pretend to take their specific pizza order like you’re an actual pizzaiolo. Chop toppings and arrange them in bowls and drop them on the pizzas together! Take turns rolling out/throwing the dough. Drink wine while you do it or try out artisanal sodas. Throw on one of the many Spotify playlists called “Italian cooking music.” Make it as cozy or indulgent as you like.

Pizza Baby

Don’t really wanna fuck with dough at all? That’s cool! You can make what my dad calls “naan pizza,” which is literally just sauce, cheese, and toppings thrown on top of store-bought naan from the grocery store. I have a package in my freezer at all times. Cook time for “pizza” in this instance is like five minutes! It also means you need to precook any raw toppings before putting them on top, because they won’t really get much of a chance to cook in the short time it takes for the naan to warm up. These are also fun because they’re personal-sized, so if you are a vegan who dates a meat eater, you’re each able to customize your toppings easily!

Alternatively, you can also buy a frozen plain cheese pizza and then jazz it up with your own toppings! Maybe one day I’ll rate and rank the best frozen pizzas, but for now, my go-to is CPK. Hear me out: What if you threw some Fishwife anchovies on top of a frozen pizza?! Perfect high-brow/low-brow combo if you ask me!

Pizza Dad

The intermediate option is to buy pre-made raw pizza dough from your grocery store or a local pizzeria. I often buy the pre-rolled dough from Publix or the pizza dough ball (they’re in the bakery section usually). Even if your local pizza spot doesn’t advertise that they sell dough, call them up to inquire! They usually do, and it’s usually tasty. But let’s not pretend that this small shortcut automatically makes homemade pizza “easy.” If you’re used to working with dough a lot, great, you’re probably set! But if you’re not exactly a pizzaiolo yet, there can be a learning curve when it comes to getting a crust that’s crispy in all the right places, not undercooked, and not burnt. I’ve incorrectly estimated the cook time for pizzas many times! And I have a pretty nice pizza stone! It can just be tricky (and, as with most things that involve dough, can be impacted by your environment; working with dough in dry Vegas versus humid Miami made for very different experiences for me!).

Pizza Chef

Okay, yes chef! You and/or your partner already have some pizza making experience or otherwise are down for a challenge. In my opinion, homemade pizza doesn’t get much better than the recipe for King Arthur crispy cheesy pan pizza, but if you/your partner are Sourdough Gays, then they also have a recipe that utilizes unfed starter so you don’t have to discard it! Also hashtag NOT AN AD, but hashtag PROUD SISTER: My lil sis is the lead industrial designer at Halo, which manufactures a sick portable outdoor pizza oven and if you have a pizza oven then you can institute a WEEKLY pizza date night, just saying. Tis what I intend to do when I finally get one this spring.

Homemade pizza humbles me. Maybe that’s why I like it for date nights.

I’m used to impressing Kristen in the kitchen, to pulling off feats, to improvising something complicated for the first time and sticking the landing. For some reason, I haven’t mastered pizza, at least not at the level I’d like to. No, not “for some reason.” I know the reason. Pizza is baking, ultimately, and I am not a baker. Even the store-bought Publix dough has given me grief.

For a while, I didn’t have a rolling pin, using a wine bottle to roll out dough for our pandemic pizza nights in Vegas and then Miami. Kristen bought me a rolling pin and then a pizza stone, too. We upgraded our shitty pizza cutter to a nicer one. These things helped, but I’m still no pizzaiolo. The finished product is delicious, but the path to get there is arduous — except on the nights I opt for simple naan pizza that we eat in front of the television, watching Bravo. That can count as date night, too, especially after a long work week.

But really, homemade pizza date night isn’t about the dough or the grief it gives me or the cook times I can never seem to get right. It’s about the ambiance, the pizza vibes we generate. Kristen has been curating the best “Italian cooking playlist” out there for years now. I have a glass of wine while I cook, which I don’t always do, but with pizza it feels right. Kristen lights candles. I chop and arrange toppings in little bowls whose colors match the hues of the toppings. This part I love; this part doesn’t give me grief. I may be a bottom, but I’m all about preparing to top when it comes to pizza.

And maybe I like Kristen to see me sweat a bit, to see me misgauge the oven temperature or have to a sling a pizza back into heat because the center’s a wet, doughy mess. It’s fun and intimate, you know, to let them see you be a bit of a mess. Plus, between the wine and the Dean Martin, the vibes are immaculate regardless of how long it takes the pizza to cook.

KKU’s Favorite Pizza Toppings:

• Quail Eggs: If your local grocery store doesn’t have them, find an Asian market. Crack them onto the pizza in the last four or five minutes of baking.
• Arugula or Watercress: Add after the pizza is done cooking.
• Fresh Mozzarella: Just throw globs of it on during the last five to ten minutes of cooking and let it get gooey, maybe a little brown in places by turning on the broiler.
• Raita: I make a mean chicken makhani pizza, and drizzling it with a bit of a yogurt sauce at the end is crucial.
• Sliced Pepperoncini: Add after cooking.
• Sliced Pickles: Yes! Pickles on pizza! Also add after cooking.
• Anchovies: You know the ones.

Dykes on Dates is a new series by Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya chronicling dates with her fiancé Kristen and offering ideas, tips, and tricks for stoking the flames of romance.

Dykes on Dates: Bowling Is the Epitome of Romance

Hello and welcome to the very first installment of Dykes on Dates! My fiancé Kristen and I are very good at going on dates, even four years into our relationship, and we love it! So I thought I’d bring some date planning ideas to y’all every other Thursday. These will double as date recommendations but also just a diary of the dates Kristen and I go on, which means some of them might be about date idea misfires! We’re all in this together. Each installment, we’ll start with logistics and then move into a mini personal essay of sorts. As always, feel free to make suggestions or requests in the comments.

I’ll also include tips and tricks for lowering the cost of the date. Some, but not all, of my date ideas are catered toward people who drink, but I will include sober options where applicable! Some, but not all, of my date ideas will be set outside of the home, and I’ll also try to include at-home alternatives where applicable.

Not every single date will be for every single couple! That’s why I’m doing this every other week, bringing you a slew of date ideas with a ton of planning details and notes from my own experiences. Kristen and I will be challenging ourselves to try new things, too, so sometimes the dates might not even be our cup of tea! I’m going to be honest and personal in these!

While some dates can obviously be used in more casual dating arrangements, I’m writing from the perspective of an engaged person who lives with my partner of four years, so the point of view is geared more toward long-term queer relationships.

The Date: Bowling

Cost

Varies, can be as low as $15 or as high as $100, depending on how long you want to bowl, rates at your local alley, and whether you’re ordering food and drinks, etc

Notes on Cost

Many bowling alleys will run specials and happy hours that lower the cost of games, drinks, and food. If you and your partner really like to bowl a lot, then I recommend paying by the hour versus paying by game, because games go FAST when there’s just two people. But if you wanna be more casual/leisurely about it, you can absolutely pay by game, which can be as low as $2.50/game. If you do drink, the most cost effective way to do it is to split a pitcher of domestic beer!!!!! You know I’m choosing Bud Light, but my fiancé is a Miller Lite dyke.

Additional Planning Notes

Don’t forget to wear socks and comfortable clothes! One time I wore a cute dress to bowling and immediately regretted it! It absolutely fucked up my game!!!!

Alternative Options

A modified at-home version of this game could look like temporarily transforming your space into a bowling alley. Set up a simple tabletop bowling game or even channel cosmic bowling with an LED glow bowl set that, sure, is meant for children, but who cares!!!! Then just serve things like popcorn and frozen mozzarella sticks or order a pizza. You can even order a $3 pitcher online to serve beer or nonalc beer if you really wanna bring some accuracy to the setup.

Dykes on Dates

Kristen and I go bowling every few weeks, but we might start going more regularly because of how much we love it for date night. Our local alley is the Aloma Bowl, and it’s got just the right amount of bells and whistles, smells like shoe cleaner and dropped beers, and is home to what we jokingly (but also sometimes seriously) refer to as our favorite bar in Orlando. It’s called the Brooklyn Bar, and I suppose that means it’s New York-themed, though it’s difficult to discern that in the details. Really, it’s just a solid dive bar tucked into a corner of the bowling alley with a killer karaoke night twice a week. We’ve not had the courage to go up on stage yet (there are a lot of regulars, many of them 60+, all of them incredible singers), but maybe next Bowling Date Night.

The thing about bowling is the more you play, the more you want to play. We’ve been known to knock out a full five or six games together, which means we’re throwing those bowling balls a good 100-120 times each, more if we manage to get a tenth frame bonus. Are we sore the next day? Yes. Is it worth it? Absolutely. And hey, increased and intense upper arm strength concentrated to just one arm can be useful in a lesbian relationship I am just saying.

When I started dating Kristen, I said to her very matter of factly: “I’m very good at throwing things at other things.” I can’t remember where we were or even what city we were in. It was the early period of our relationship when I lived in Brooklyn and she lived in Orlando but we bounced around the country together at least every other week, as she was on book tour for Mostly Dead Things and I had a flexible job that allowed me to travel. She asked me to clarify what I meant by my declaration, and I listed some examples: bowling, yes, but also darts, horseshoes, arcade basketball, shuffleboard, corn hole, the more obscure yard game Kubb, I’ve even tried my hand at curling and wasn’t bad for a beginner. If a game requires throwing something at something else, I’m both down and good. Maybe we were in San Diego, because it was there that I decided to prove this point by throwing a skeeball ball into the 100 ring — yes, throwing, instead of rolling. Which is against the rules, but my point was proven. Where I lack in overall strength, I make up for in aim.

The first time we bowled together, we were in Austin, went with one of her best friends, split a pitcher, and played for over four hours. After that, it joined karaoke as one of the shared activities we love to do.

The spirit of bowling — with the right person or people — is congenial. Sure, there are leagues and people who take it very seriously, but it’s not a cutthroat sport. When I bowl, the only person I really feel like I’m bowling against is myself, trying to beat my own personal records every time. We cheer each other on, kiss when one of us gets a strike. Yes, we’re trying to win, but we’re not necessarily trying to beat each other. All couples are different in terms of how competitive they get, but I think it’s hard to be an asshole at bowling. The beer’s flowing, and the vibe is distinctly 1995-2002, no matter what alley you’re at. (We have occasionally tried out one of the fancy bowling alleys that do not have this vibe, and it’s never worth it!!!!!) It’s hard to be mad in a bowling alley.

And yet. One weird thing about me that was discovered by accident is this: When I’m angry, I’m really fucking good at bowling. We’re already established that I’m just generally good at bowling, but I’m talking breaking 200 good. I’m talking strike after strike after strike good. This became clear to us when, shortly before a bowling date with Kristen, I experienced a small but frustrating work-related challenge that pushed me over the edge of an already long day. I took my frustrations out on the lane, and it showed.

My weird emotion side effects aside, bowling should be an easy breezy time. It might not be obviously romantic, but it is. You get to talk a bunch, like a dinner date but with an added activity — one that not only enables you to but almost insists you stare at your partner’s ass. Even if you didn’t grow up going to bowling birthday parties in the suburbs like I did, there’s something in the air at a bowling alley that’s conducive to nostalgia, to telling winding stories, to not realizing how much time has passed. The focus on the game also means not focusing too much on your phone. It’s easy to connect while bowling.

We like to do date nights where we actually combine bowling with going to the movie theater after, a nice balance of activity and then chilling out. These are the best kind of dates, the kind that feel endless and like one adventure spilling into another.

Dykes on Dates is a new series by Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya chronicling dates with her fiancé Kristen and offering ideas, tips, and tricks for stoking the flames of romance.