30 Days of Carol: Day 30 – Dearest

30 Days of Carol

Dearests,

There are no accidents; only month-long commitments. There are bits and then there are bits. This one, the latter. It would’ve found us one way or another, this two-year old movie that’s not old enough to even be a droplet running down the umbrella of nostalgia, but also not new enough to warrant such torrential – if we’re going to stay with this rain analogy, and I’d love if we did – coverage.

But everything comes full circle. Be grateful it was sooner rather than later. Some might say it was too later than sooner. To me directly, for reasons that will be a forever mystery to me. But what do you do, not have a little fun on the internet? Not make friends and connect with old ones? Not distract yourself for even three minutes – or however long it’s taken to read these posts; we’re not Medium so this is a rough estimate, and please no one correct me in the comments with something like, “It’s actually more like one minute,” which I will understand to be something that is meant to both undermine me and insult the caliber of the posts in this series –from the never-ending cycle of hell that awaits you in another tab?

You’ll think it harsh of me to say so, but no explanation I offer as to why I’d start something like this and then abandon it exactly 30 days later will satisfy you. Which is convenient for me, because I don’t have one. It’s a little bit like when someone asks you why you did something and you ask them back, “Why do you think I did it?,” and then with bits and pieces of their response craft a hideous papier-mâcheté version of an answer.

You’ll think it underwhelming of me to say so, but one explanation I offer as to why some of these posts seemed more thought out than others – even though exactly the same amount of effort (that became detrimental to my life in many ways outside of this) went into every single one (seriously! ((sad!))) – is that sometimes your girl’s got it and sometimes she doesn’t. But know I’ve loved every second of it. Truly.

Please don’t be angry when I tell you that you seek resolutions and explanations because you’re gay, but you will understand this one day. It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. It’s the hard that makes it grea— whoops, slipping into A League of Their Own here. But when you finally understand… I want you to imagine me there to greet you with a vat of creamed spinach. Our lives stretched out ahead of us, a perpetual Waterloo sunrise.

But until then, there must be no contact between us. I have much to do, and you, my darlings, even more. Please believe that I would do anything to see you happy. So, I do the only thing I can… I release you.

30 Days of Carol: Day 29 – An Edible Arrangement for the Person Responsible for Cutting the Richard Scene

30 Days of Carol

In the Carol screenplay written by Phyllis Nagy, there is a scene in which Therese gives Richard a hand job. It happens on page eighteen and is after Therese meets Carol for the first time. The scene is meant to highlight Therese’s inexperience, as well as the interactions with Richard that have been put on autopilot (all of them). For obvious reasons, it has been — until now –unspeakable. But I bring it up because I feel a thank you is in order.

Because that scene was filmed. It leapt from the page onto a film set and was shot over and over and over. The story is that they couldn’t get the, hm, aftermath to look realistic. First it was too watery, then it was too thick, then it wasn’t the right color, and so on. It was some poor production’s assistant job to hold a squib rig (the instrument responsible for things like blood splatter, etc.) at the ready while crouched down just out of shot for the hours-long nightmare of having to listen to New Jim climax on loop.

And yet, despite all of this effort, all the first and second-hand embarrassment, the scene was cut. Sure, scenes get cut all the time. But think how freaking jazzed some straight male executive was to have this scene included “for the story,” searching for something, anything, to invalidate this movie about women not wanting men. That means whoever’s responsible for its removal really went to bat for us. They were our Dottie Hinson up for the last pitch (from the first half of the movie).

Toddbaby, was it you? Did you watch the first cut of the film and think to yourself: “Oh no.” Cate Blanchett, who helped co-produced the film – was it you? Were you informed of its inclusion via fax or whatever ancient form of communication you certainly use to receive messages and said out loud to a bouquet of juliet roses, “Remind me to speak to Todd about removing that,” thus making it so? Rooney, did you see playback-after-excruciating-playback, internalize it, think on it, and then three months later threaten to trash the place if they didn’t take it out? New Jim, was it you? Hell, I’ll send an edible arrangement to Richard, I don’t care.

Whoever it was, please, it would be my pleasure – no, MY HONOR – to send you a delicious edible arrangement. Just contact me. Keep in mind the last time someone accepted an edible arrangement offer I’d made on the internet, they gave me their email address when I asked for their address, so don’t do that. Send me your real address, or at least someone’s real address. I love you.

30 Days of Carol: Day 28 – The Original Carol

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I’ll start by saying that this is not the original post I’d planned to (and did) write. The original post I wrote was about seeing Love, Simon – the new teen coming out dramedy/comedrama – last weekend with a group of gays, and how its normalcy made me reflect on what queer longing looked like for me as a person who came of age well before this byproduct of the Carols and the Moonlights and the Call Me By Your Names, and how differently my life would be if I’d had them. This post had it all. It was hittin’ the highs and the lows, the sweets and sours. It had questions. I revealed a very embarrassing fact about myself!

Then, I brought it masterfully back to this series, and wondered what my Carol was. While considering potential movie candidates (based on my affinity towards them growing up despite them having zero explicitly gay content or even subtext, which I now know is because I was placing myself squarely in the role of the female lead’s love interest), I decided to investigate the 1996 film One Fine Day starring Michelle Pfeiffer. Pfeiffer was my root from her Catwoman days, and I remembered her seeming generally repulsed by most of the men in One Fine Day, so I figured it was a good place to start. But the more I deconstructed the movie, the more I realized that this wasn’t “my Carol” in a world starved for gay content, this was… Carol.

Okay, sure, yes, the opposing romantic lead is a pre-glow up George Clooney, but I didn’t register him when I was younger and I certainly don’t have to now. Besides, you can’t tell me the other evidence doesn’t make up for it. Let’s investigate, once again:

It’s main character?

A blonde-bobbed single mom recently split from her child’s father who spends a lot of the movie out on the streets of NYC dressed for success and looking at men like she wished they were dead.

Scene transitions?

https://giphy.com/gifs/5aYk3uQN7qTD3O974q

Riding in cars.

Its most recognizable song?

Another Doo-Wop Classic, The Chiffons’ “One Fine Day”.

Remember Carol’s looks directed at men?  Here are Michelle’s:

https://giphy.com/gifs/n8KZpbdqvkG62AUa4U

https://giphy.com/gifs/finukGOwLMU7Y0nWAK

https://giphy.com/gifs/AsAhyosb96VPTkqeCv

https://giphy.com/gifs/1yjLu8te2TYGl0KTnQ

https://giphy.com/gifs/5bkpbT5jcdx8ohctax

Michelle’s mom is the movie?

Holland Taylor. AKA Sarah Paulson’s girlfriend. AKA ABBY, CARL’S BEST FRIEND.

Remember Carol’s other looks? Well here are a couple from Michelle’s without a target:

https://giphy.com/gifs/1UNGsRjF38ku93I2gE

https://giphy.com/gifs/xX008fZo8GGI8KSlRu

Michelle’s son in the movie?

Sure, he has basically the same haircut as Rindy.

“Hm, Michelle probably didn’t have Carol’s enterances though.” – You

https://giphy.com/gifs/1r8W0m7R9Xu3nDrKPv

… being wrong.

Are there also too many white people?

.

.

.

There are also too many white people!

But DOES she have a makeup moment?

Oh, she has a makeup moment.

There’s probably no way there could also be a MECHANICAL TOY element in this…

https://giphy.com/gifs/9xyQRGzcUhclCZ7fhM

WHOOPS.

I wonder if there are other looks?

GOODNIGHT AND GOOD LUCK AND BURY ME IN THIS GIF

https://giphy.com/gifs/fWgAV76S5hYbVYfZue

30 Days of Carol: Day 27 – The Plot of Every Carol Character’s Movie Based on Their Poster

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Isn’t it incredible that we found out the real story behind Carol is that time travel exists and lesbians are at the helm? Cinema: I love it. How one small detail can take a movie from romance to science fiction – that’s the magic of the screen.

The breakthrough reminded me of how different Carol could have been if it was based on this alternate poster featuring Therese in a shadowy expanse. Whenever I’ve seen it, I’ve imagined this Carol to be a movie about a scorned mistress who eventually breaks into an office to collect receipts. Then yesterday I came across a chart from Electric Literature that generates elevator pitches for you, and when I plugged ol’ Carol in there, I got:

A lyrical thriller about a refugee mistress’s endeavor to re-awaken her political apathy.

If I wasn’t dead tf on. I didn’t specify what she was collecting receipts for, and now I know it’s about voter fraud. I wondered what else this chart knew, so I put it to work for every character.

A psycho-sexual tragedy about an agoraphobic ghost’s dream to confront her sexless marriage.

An edge-of-your-seat meditation about a wealthy murder detective’s strategy to explore her privilege.

A heartrending thriller about a dissatisfied student’s dream to re-awaken his political apathy.

A profound thriller about an unlucky child’s failure to explore his toxic friendships.

An inspiring noir about a quixotic ghost’s dream to transcend her traumatic childhood.

An inspiring trilogy about an agoraphobic mother’s pains to re-awaken her father’s murder.

A razor-sharp war epic about a precocious adolescent’s plan to pursue a sexless marriage.

A darkly comic thriller about a doomed divorcee’s expedition to reawaken his Oedipal complex.

A darkly comic war epic about a depressed child’s effort to expose her social media addiction.

A darkly comic war epic about an unlucky child’s failure to accept her (parent’s) sexless marriage.

A riveting story about a doomed widow’s adventure to circumvent her mother’s death.

A riveting story about an unlucky mother’s battle to reawaken her political apathy.

A riveting autobiographical novel about a wealthy adolescent’s vacation to expose her fear of spiders.

A psycho-sexual autobiographical novel about a precocious extended family’s promise to expose their spiritual evolution.

30 Days of Carol: Day 26 – The Food from Carol, But Make it Vegan

When I suggested themed food and drinks to pair with watching Carol on a 24-hour loop when it dropped on Netflix last year, I forgot to read the room. That room? Full of gays. And there I went, including meat and dairy. For that and many other reasons: not my best work.

I’m back for what I hope can be our martini with an olive branch moment. To all of the people that have ever eaten a side of dry potatoes as your dinner because no one looked at the menu beforehand, please consider this all vegan Carol fare my official apology.

Vegan creamed spinach at Scotty’s

I’ll be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a picture of creamed spinach that hasn’t looked like the punishment that awaits delinquent children. It has a very “sold as is” quality about it. I’ve never eaten creamed spinach, but I can’t imagine the taste delivers in the exceeded-my-expectations department. Removing its probably only saving grace – butter – feels like suiting up for a guaranteed L.  That being said, this vegan creamed spinach looks delicious! Maybe that’s been the key this whole time –just take out the heavy stuff and focus on properly seasoning and voila, an edible side dish.

Vegan Mashed Potatoes at the Aird’s

More mashed potatoes, ORIGINALLY CARL? Please know that I have steered all of us clear of any recipe that suggested NUTMEG as an optional spice, which is a disrespectful troll.

Vegan Bacon at Spare Time

As someone who has gone to incredible lengths to prepare tofu in a way that results in a food item that hasn’t submitted to The Tofu Void (and consistently failed at doing so), this rice paper bacon is a game changer. It looks so bacony! And the porousness of the paper probably holds flavor well, so let’s break out that liquid smoke and stare out the window in despair!

Vegan Cream of Tomato Soup at the diner in Philadelphia

Cream of tomato is the soup they’re having at that diner, right? Little side of saltines? I’d eat it!

Vegan Ham Sandwiches in the car

Because it seems like everyone from “the greatest generation” had preferences for the worst of everything, I’m going to guess the kind of sandwiches Therese and Carol eat in the car are ham. Instead of buying slices of it in the alternative meat aisle at the grocery store, bake this FULL ham, slice it, and then please bring some to me.

Vegan Poached Eggs at Scotty’s

I’ve saved this for last because this has blown my damn mind. So you’ve just “made” an egg and figured out how to encapsulate a “yolk” that will run out of it when cut? Humans are incredible. BON APPETIT!!!

30 Days of Carol: Day 25 – Cracking the Code on These Two New York Lesbians

30 Days of Carol: Day 24 – The Carolhead Trivia Quiz

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Piggybacking off of yesterday’s Carol trivia post, we have for you the first ever Carolhead trivia quiz. Helping ease us into Trivia Meet-Ups Month, it’s the second quiz in the long line of Autostraddle quizzes that await you next month, and follows Riese’s “Total ‘90s Lesbian” quiz that bested us all. Joke’s now of her, though, because according to her, she got a whopping two right on this quiz. She may be the Ultimate 90’s Lesbian, but she’s got a ways to go as a Carolhead even though she’s “seen the movie” and “reads my posts.”

Maybe you’ll also falter. Or maybe you’ll breeze right through. Whatever the outcome, I’d love to hear about it in the comments. ~* stares from across the Oak Room with bated breath *~

30 Days of Carol: Day 23 – Carol Miscellanies

I tell you what, hinging my personal brand on The 2015 Oscar Nominated Film Carol™ for two years and solidifying it with this series has been a trip. I’ve learned so many things – not just about the movie and its peripheries, but about life. Myself. Other people. About connection.

I wanted to make sure I shared all of it with you before 30 Days of Carol ends and I retreat into the ocean.

Rooney Mara was invested in the accuracy of the theatrical poster.

According to an anonymous source, Rooney Mara was concerned about the inclusion of Therese’s pearl earrings on the official Carol poster because they aren’t featured until Carol and Therese meet at The Ritz at the end of the movie, and the picture of Carol is from their second date. Her concerns were apparently overlooked!!!!

The character of Carol seems to be based on a combination of three people, and the hotel room recording was real.

Patricia Highsmith is said to have based Carol on Virginia Kent Catherwood, whom Highsmith met in 1944 in New York and who apparently lost custody of her child after “a recording made in a hotel room and exposing a lesbian affair was played in court”; Kathleen Senn, whom Highsmith met while working in retail at Bloomingdale’s; and a psychoanalyst named Kathryn Cohen, who was “beautiful, intelligent, melancholy, monied, and married.”

Therese brushing her teeth in the kitchen sink in on purpose.

From Carol production designer Judy Becker: “In Therese’s kitchen — I modeled it in my mind after some pre-war tenant flats that all had the bathtub in the kitchen. In Therese’s apartment, I put the bathtub in the kitchen with the lid, and that’s where she develops her photography.”

Carol was shot in 34 days.

Sixteen hour shoots at a time.

The script had been floating around for 15 years before being made.

Phyllis Nagy wrote the Carol screenplay in 1997 a year after Patricia Highsmith’s death in 1996.

Cate Blanchett had a hand in finally getting the film made.

Cate was introduced to Highsmith’s work through her role in The Talented Mr. Ripley and followed the Carol script until eventually involving her production company, Dirty Films Ltd.

Mia Wasikowska was on track to play Therese after Rooney Mara turned the initial offer down.

via shutter stock

A “What If” for the ages.

Cate sought to ruin everyone’s lives on the Carol press tour. (JK)

When asked by reporters if this was her first crack at a lesbian she responded with: “On film — or in real life?”

Rindy is played by twins.

The Mary Kate and Ashley of our time.

A 1950’S TREATMENT OF THE BOOK THAT WAS ADAPTED FOR THE SCREEN AND FOR THE TIMES CHANGED CAROL TO “CARL”.

This fact has changed me as a person.

Carol’s car was a loaner.

The 1949 Packard Super 8 Deluxe was loaned to production by a man who had named the car “Ethel”.

This video of actresses being charmed by Cate Blanchett set to Britney Spears’s “Womanizer” exists.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uQrvvEMiY8

I love this more than most things in life.

The premise behind the horror trailer cut of Carol was a running joke on set.

After posting this trailer on Twitter, someone who worked as a stand-in on Carol informed me that this is what the cast and crew joked the movie was really about.

Carolheads are amazing (and extremely gay).

From Autostraddle commenter @Ally: “The night after my girlfriend of four years and I broke up, we decided the only way to process our feelings was to rewatch Carol together. It’s truly a film for all occasions.”

Carol is officially a conversation-stater among queer people in the UK.

From Autostraddle commenter  @Remainflexible: “30 days of Carol is a solid conversation-starting topic in pubs up and down the UK, even in the preppiest pubs in London, as I can testify after Saturday night. Good work. Think of the potential relationships this can be starting.”

Carol can improve your life in practical ways.

I’ve gotten date offers out of it. I’ve made friends. I’ve found out my ride or dies. I’ve learned who’s gay in a room just by wearing this shirt. I’ve worried co-workers. I’ve hitched a wagon to the moon.

30 Days of Carol: Day 22 – Guess Who’s Unimpressed by Carol

https://giphy.com/gifs/2tNstPSMYK3dSyXv8Z

I’m not even talking about this girl’s character – the girl herself. She’s taking in Cate Blanchett as Carol with the calloused distance of a seasoned P.E. teacher watching a kindergarten graduation. Imagine. Having this in front of you and treating it like the big reveal of trying on a shirt your grandmother got you. May god have mercy on her soul.

30 Days of Carol: Day 21 – I Regret to Inform You That Carol is Always Tardy to the Party

One, if not the only, perk of watching the same thing every day for months (no one explicitly said I had to watch it every day but here I find myself doing it anyway) are the details that seem to reveal themselves when they feel you are ready. For example, I missed Carol winking at Therese outside The Cape Cod Room at The Drake Hotel in my first viewings, perhaps because this particular detail knew that I wasn’t going to be prepared for its simultaneous casualness and glamour while in the middle of some existential reeling. Patiently it waited for me to find my footing.

Well into this journey, and many viewings over, I thought everything that could have revealed itself had. I was wrong. The detail that revealed itself 20 days into this challenge was one that wanted to make sure my dedication as a Carolhead had became unconditional. One that knew I was capable of accepting Carol as a fully-realized person – flaws and all. Because what it revealed to me was something damning, and something particularly crushing to my sensitivities: that Carol is chronically late.

We know that Carol was late for Glove Lunch at Scotty’s. It’s not specified how late, but late enough for a nervous Therese to get inside, try and appear cool in the waiting area, and then give that up to watch out the window. What I didn’t know until recently was that Carol was also late for their second date.

According to Therese’s planner for December 21st, the Sunday of Sundays, the agreed upon time for Carol to pick up Therese at the Frankenberg’s 7th Avenue entrance was 2pm. But according to this clock on the side of the building that I’d missed dozens of times, Carol didn’t arrive until 2:25pm. Ouch.

Not only does Carol show up 25 minutes late, Carol doesn’t apologize for it. She doesn’t even mention it! This is a move of someone who has folded being late into a part of themselves as gently as they would egg whites into a custard. C’est la vie; there is no other way. For a chronically late person to acknowledge and apologize every time they were late would be a round-the-clock task, and so rarely do they mention it. They have rationalized with themselves long, long ago that it’s fine and that being late is “a part of life” and “no one’s ever always on time” and they’ll get there when they get there.

It’s the same kind of misguided spirit behind seeing my reflection under airport lighting and convincing myself that it’s the mirror and that this is what everyone’s skin looks like and therefore no more attention to the matter is needed, for example more water please: it’s a bit of a yikes.

But of course that’s how it would be. Everything is on Carol’s terms, and so why not the time, too? Should have told her to wait indeed.

30 Days of Carol: Day 20 – What Was Therese’s Manager’s Deal?

In The Price of Salt, Roberta Walls is described as a woman who “flew up and down counters and from one corner of the floor to the other, from nine in the morning to six at night.” This would be Therese’s manager at Frankenberg’s, or as we experienced her in Carol, the see-you-next-Tuesday-iest version of a character brought to life. Sorry for partying, but…… The book also relays that Roberta was angling for a promotion at Frankberg’s, and this combined with the description of her frantic physical state of being implies a Type A personality. Fine. Everyone needs a Tonya to their Dana to their Alice to their Shane.

But like, what was movie Roberta up to? You can be Type-A and not be the most ghoulish co-worker to have ever co-worked. Roberta Walls is a member of the Snaps When Getting Someone’s Attention Society, AKA some of the worst to ever do it. Therese asks Roberta for a pen and paper and Roberta – who’s two feet away doing absolutely nothing – looks at Therese like they’re outside and she’s across the street with a precarious armful of items and Therese has asked for her help in retrieving a pencil shaving from the ground.

Person: “Hey, could I borrow a pen to write down information a customer is telling me?”

Roberta:

this incredible graphic is free of charge

And then in the middle of Therese actively talking to a customer screaming from across the room “BELIVET, MISS BELIVET” so loudly that Therese is forced to apologize and excuse herself. Which by the way for someone looking to be promoted is terrible managing? Correct me if I’m wrong but there’s a little thing called Frankenberg material and interrupting a customer with shouts isn’t a part of its makeup. Frankenberg’s is about: 16 spaces after a period, hygienically moral or morally hygienic appearances, business-like manners, and nothing else.

Roberta Walls: have a relax.

30 Days of Carol: Day 19 – The Best Lines from “Carol” Fanfic

When I posted the first three pages of Carol: Tokyo Drift, the immediate and main concern was that I investigate what happened in the hotel room where Carol and Therese camped out for two days. My approach of leaving things to the imagination was given a thanks, but no thanks. “Loved this, but also what if you didn’t talk any more about the stuff that’s been happening, like at all, and go back to those two days. It would be cool if we knew what happened, since you’ve now mentioned both hotels and hotel damage security deposits. Just one thought as a reader.” – ALL OF YOU.

Your thirst for erotica was noted. Honestly? I love that about you. However, I’m not about to write erotica, so I’ve instead collected the subjectively best Carol fanfic lines I could find on the internet. Please enjoy.

From “50 Shades of Carol”

“OW!” [Therese] shrieked. “That hurts.”

Carol looked up, and this time registered how tight Therese was. Two fingers barely fit and caused pain…

From “Carol Movie, The Prince of Salt”

“My sweet girl,” she said and kissed her. Then Carol grabbed Therese’s hand, fingers still inside her and said, “You’re doing wonderfully. Please, don’t stop.”

…

Suddenly, Carol’s body seized and shook — her lips on Therese’s right cheek where she let out a moan in a pitch Therese had never heard before. A tone so beautiful, Therese thought she might as well have been listening to a full string quartet.

From “Surprise!”

“I never told you, but I sometimes pictured you as a hot nurse coming into the room and taking care of an old lady like myself. This was so amazing, I love you so much darling.”

From “Surprise! (The Next Chapter)”

Therese blushed when she heard those sexy words being whispered in her ear with that incredibly velvety voice of her lover. Just a few dirty words were always enough for the brunette to get incredibly turned on and horny. She did have some positions in mind that they didn’t use very often but that she always enjoyed to the maximum.

…

(Therese in a nurse’s outfit) “Mrs. [Aird], I’m so glad to see you. I heard from my colleague that you’ve been a bit ill the past few days, and I’ll be taking good care of you.” Carol couldn’t speak, she was stunned at the boldness of the younger girl. She had been feeling a bit under the weather lately, and she was happy to let Therese take care of her. She could only nod in response, and swallowed hard as the younger girl walked up to her.

“Follow me, please.” Therese whispered hotly into Carol’s ear and she could feel the older woman shiver. She was completely submerged into her role now, and she wasn’t going to back down. Oh, she’d take care of Carol alright.

From “Shameless”

[Carol] pounced, actually pounced on me, grinding her hips down into mine, kissing up my neck and biting on my jaw. “… And I can’t wait any longer.’

“Jesus Christ.”

“Oh please. Carol will do.”

From “Therese’s Fantasy”

“Damn, baby. I’m sad that I missed being able to watch all of that masturbating.”

From “Duyên”

…

“I went to eat with a friend, spent most of my afternoon with her. Now I’m taking a bath.”

“No wonder why you sound so relaxed.” There was a pregnant pause. “Hold on, a bath or a bath?”

Carol’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion until the meaning of Therese’s words clicked in her brain. “Just a bath, though you can never tell with these things.” Her voice had lowered to a whisper.

“Think about me if it turns into the other,” she said unabashedly, nevertheless, she knew she was blushing, feeling nervous because there was still a chance, even if minimum, of rejection.

Carol bit her lower lip, feeling a pang of arousal in her belly. “I need visual stimulation, you know.”

…

Throwing her head back, Carol laughed richly. A contagious laugh that made Therese laugh too. “Are you seeking for praising, angel?” she raised an eyebrow, an amused smile as the remains of her previous laugh.

“No, I don’t actually need it.” She kissed her. “I also have proof of that with all your moaning.”

From “Chemistry”

She could feel Cate’s soft breathing underneath her hand as it went up her stomach and reached close to her breasts. She wanted to go even further, but she was afraid it would wake up the blonde. So, she lowered her hand but she could feel the other woman’s hand covering her own suddenly. She panicked; had Cate felt her hand coming close to her breasts?

“Roons … don’t stop please. It feels so good.”

…

“Are you enjoying the view darling? You’re in for a treat, babe.” Cate winked, and then slowly pulled down her thong.

From “What a Bold Girl You Are”

Wrapping her arms around Therese’s bottom, Carol effortlessly stood and, while carrying Therese, walked to Therese’s desk to sit Therese down on the desktop and position herself between Therese’s legs. Carol looked up to meet Therese’s eyes. “My, what a bold girl you are.”

From “Little Death”

“And now, we’re lovers?” Therese panted and brought her hand up to clutch at Carol’s neck, to pull her pretty face down closer to her own until their foreheads touched as they rode each other and the entire world became their eyes.

“Yes, I suppose we are. Although really I think we always have been. Don’t you?”

“Yes,” Therese whispered and closed her eyes against the light but continued to feel it on her eyelids and even on her lips as she smiled. “I do.”

From “Emergency”

Carol grinned, and was just reaching out her other hand to weave her fingers into Therese’s hair when her portable phone rang. “Shhhhh…” Carol whispered, and grabbed the phone from her pocket.

“Hello? Dr. Aird here,” Carol said, holding the phone with her left hand while still handling Therese’s crotch with her right. Therese stared at her, stunned by her uncontrollable lust for Carol, whose fingers and thumb were still gently moving between her legs. “Mmm-hmmm, okay, so what did the resident say?” Carol continued talking as if nothing was amiss. “Alright, I’ll come talk to them. Maybe we can discharge the man home for now and set up a referral. Okay, bye.”

Carol put her phone back in her pocket and released her grip on Therese. “Duty calls, babe,” she said casually.

From “For There She Was”

Cate gently pushed her on the bed and crawled over her. She started kissing her neck and biting her jaw. Rooney was already finding it hard to breathe normally. She hadn’t completely realized what was happening yet. It was like being in a dream in which you see something happen to you but you know it can’t be real. But the woman moving over her was real. Her hot skin under her hands was real. Her wet lips on her mouth were real. Her wonderful perfume pervading the place was real. It was really happening. She was truly in bed with Cate Blanchett.

…

After they both reached something that was dangerously close to heaven, under the work of each other’s tongue and fingers, they were lying in bed trying to catch their breath.

“My God, that was…” Rooney said stunned, slightly panting. She couldn’t even find the appropriate words to describe what she had felt in those moments.

“I know…” Cate replied a bit incredulous, too. “Have you ever… I mean, before me… have you…?”

“No, never…”

“Then, my dear, you have a natural talent for this” she said smiling slyly.

Rooney smiled embarrassed.

“But tell me…” Cate added, kissing her softly “Am I a better kisser than Catherine Zeta-Jones?”

30 Days of Carol: Day 18 – The Next Three Pages of Carol: Tokyo Drift

30 Days of Carol: Day 17 – The First Three Pages of Carol: Tokyo Drift

Before I even imagined a world where there could be of 30 Days of Carol – which, by the way, was a joke I made in passing that Riese immediately considered a legally binding contract – I imagined a world where Carol: Tokyo Drift could come alive on stage. “If it’s good enough for the Fast and the Furious franchise, it’s good enough for me.” – A thing I say regularly. I planned to have every lesbian I could find play every character, and I still do. Until it’s finished, its beginnings will have to exist here among family for safekeeping.

Have I actually worked out the plot, and did I combined two genres of movies to do so? I have and I did. Today and tomorrow are the first several pages edited for internet consumption.

30 Days of Carol: Day 16 – Is Carol Mommi or Daddy?

Welcome. Grab a comfy chair and maybe some water. Tea? I think it’s time we talked.

Last summer, the Mommi movement was born. Kayla and I dug our hands into the earth for it, molded it, and set it out in the sun. In a stunning g-chat back-and-forth, we dissected what it means, what it looks like, who is/who isn’t, what it includes, etc, etc. Since then, we’ve had some fun with it – both online and in real life.

 There have been gift guides and merch. Spirited discussions of Mommi have unfolded in comment threads. I’ve gotten texts from people I haven’t spoken to in ages that have relayed an overheard Mommi conversation at a bar and asked “Mommi?” about an attached picture of shoes. You could definitely say it’s brought people together. You could also say it’s divided them.

Because of no one’s fault, extended conversations/examples about what Mommi means/is will often sidestep the casual reader, and so what we’ve seen is a slight deviation in its identity since its inception. Of course, over time, it’s to be expected that what Mommi will come to mean to every person will vary. This is natural. But in lieu of recent conversations, and for the sake of clarity in the meantime, let’s review what Mommi’s about:

• Mommi is a state of being, not a state of mind. Aesthetic. Style. Appearance. It’s more tangible than the abstract Daddy.
• Mommi does not strictly exist under the “mom” umbrella. It is possible to be: a mom and not Mommi, Mommi and not a mom, Mommi and a mom.
• Mommi is independent of another person. You can be daddy and be someone’s daddy. You can be Mommi but not someone’s mommi. (This is an important note to make as of late, ahem.)

What can make this even more complex is the possibility to embody the Mommi aesthetic but possess a certain untouchable, take-what’s-yours energy that spills over into daddy. (See: Bette Porter, Claire Underwood.) This distinction is not to be interpreted as having/not having power/strength, and is instead a comment on a softer presence.  All of this is to say – and hopefully it’s become clearer as this post has gone on – that:

Carol is Mommi.

“But she is so BOLD,” you’re saying aloud. “Ummmm, you wrote a whole post about it henny?” And, yes, Carol is bold, but Carol is also willfully vulnerable. Carol drinks tea in a cardigan and a nude french manicure. Carol has powder blue leather gloves that she pairs with a mink. Carol wears silk scarves over set hair. Please scroll up to investigate how Carol is holding a martini glass versus how Abby is holding one. Carol has a _______ for every occasion.

And that’s that. Thank you for your time, your thoughts and your prayers, and your energy. Be blessed.

30 Days of Carol: Day 15 – I Found Either the Best or Worst Song to Score the Carol Trailer

For the most part, I’m a person with a clear mind. It’s incredible, really, having little to no thoughts when idle. When I do chores or even sometimes when I’m driving, it’s often in dead silence, but not because I’m with my thoughts – it’s because I’m content to sit with the nothing. Chilling stuff. I had an ex who would come home and find me in a room without music or a podcast on and was deeply unsettled every time it happened. Not that music’s or podcasts’ explicit purpose is for distraction, but there is an element of turning it all off.

It’s why when thoughts come through without much effort on my end, I take note of them. They are often nonsense, which is maybe the reason I exist in this subdued state – my brain has trained itself to filter out bad or poppycock thoughts, and it just so happens to be all of them. Recently before bed, my brain in a vulnerable state from another exhausting day, one such thought snuck in: “What if you set the Carol trailer to 311’s ‘Amber’,” it thought, to which I thought back, “Lol.” (For all of our readers below the age of 25, 311 was an alt-rock-ska-fusion band popular in the 90s, which as you can tell from my assessment of their genre produced some very questionable music.)

“It might be the worst but it might be the best actually?” it continued on. “For sure,” I thought back, and then set out to test our theory the next morning. After watching it through while screaming many, many times over, I think it’s so the worst that it’s the best? It honestly does seem to follow the story with the timing of the lyrics. Confirm or deny in the comments.

30 Days of Carol: Day 14 – One Mint Julep (Recipe)

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Today is Erin’s birthday! So we’re giving her the day off of 30 Days of Carol and I’m stepping in to celebrate the birth of the nations’s co-number one Carolhead, with — what else! — a mint julep.  “One Mint Julep” is, of course, The Clovers song that plays as Carol and Therese make their way to Chicago to curl up in single beds at the Drake Hotel. On the way, they shimmy Carol out of her fur coat and giggle and point out the scenery and Therese eats an apple and stares out the window like the smittenest kitten in the midwest.

I am something of an expert on mint juleps, hailing from the deep south as I do, and so here is a recipe and some professional tips on how to make one.

Ingredients + Tools

2 1/2 oz Bourbon (I used this award-winning small batch bourbon from the LGBT-friendly Sugar House Distillery in Salt Lake City, even though — technically — bourbon’s supposed to be made in Kentucky.)

Leaves from 4-5 sprigs of mint, plus 2 sprigs for garnish

1 tbsp of raw cane sugar (or 1 oz of simple syrup)

Muddler

Cocktail spoon

Old fashioned glass (or pewter cup, if you’ve got it) (I do not)

Crushed ice

How To Make It

Put an old fashioned glass in the freezer to chill

After it’s nice and cold, place your mint leaves and sugar in the bottom of the glass with 1 tsp of water and gently muddle them until the sugar is dissolved, which will take about a minute. Don’t beat the devil out of those mint leaves! You’re just trying to open up the veins and get the essential oils out!

Pack your glass with crushed ice. It’s gotta be crushed. No other ice will do. One good way to crush ice if you don’t have a snow cone maker handy is to put a bunch of ice cubes into a dishtowel and smack it against your countertop.

Pour the bourbon on top of the ice.

Stir until the glass gets frosty again.

Garnish with two mint sprigs.

That’s that.

Happy Birthday, Erin!

30 Days of Carol: Day 13 – Looks Directed at the Men of Carol, Ranked By Contempt

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Heather Hogan hit the nail on the head so hard when said that the reason Carol was rejected by some critics wasn’t because of homophobia, but because of misandry, that a table broke beneath her. Carol exists in a world wherein men are burdens, annoying, and avoided, and because men like to imagine themselves as the default in any scenario, they lose their goddamn minds when their worthlessness is brought to their attention. This movie did that for two beautiful hours straight, which explains some people’s reaction toward the film, but also means we got some amazing moments of women looking at men like they wished they were dead.

Usually it can be a little bit of chore going through scenes for screenshots, but I was having the time of my life with this one. Click, click y’all. Let’s bathe in them together, quantifiably.

17. This “Okay, close the door please,” look is cushioned with the kind of smile that you give to a distant relative who’s just said something really weird and you’re trying to figure out how to leave the room.

16. Therese looking into the room where Richard is sleeping like she’s at a restaurant and another party who put their name down after her just gotten called.

15. I’d come up with a comparison but this is straight up like a man shouting your name from across the room in the middle of someone telling you they love you for the first time.

14. Very cool, Harge’s dad.

13. This man is delivering Therese a letter and she says nothing while looking at him like this. Bless her.

12. Carol’s smiling but it’s the smile you give when you’re bargaining with a god you don’t believe in for either a fire alarm or a temporary blackout or both.

11. Post kiss attempt reaction looking like when you’re trying to stop someone across the room who doesn’t know they’re not supposed to say anything with your eyes.

10. Lose my number.

9. If Therese, who is elbowing Richard in the chest to keep him from touching her, were turned around, her eyes still wouldn’t be fully visible as they have rolled under the projector.

8. This looks like Carol is mentally trying to lift Harge by the throat.

7. Richard: I love you. Therese:

6. I’m sorry who are you again.

5. The visual equivalent of pulling a long hair out of the food that is currently in your mouth.

4. Take cover, boys!

3. This is the “GOD, MOM” of glances, and Richard hasn’t even said “YOU MADE ME BUY BOAT TICKETS” yet.

2. Lmao.

1. Okay, this is Carol actually wishing death upon a man. Hard to argue with the facts.

30 Days of Carol: Day 12 – An Exclusive Look at Therese’s Planner on the Morning of December 21st

On December 21, 1952, Carol Aird and Therese Belivet met for the third time. Previously, they’d met at a retail counter and then in a midtown New York City restaurant to commemorate the first ever Glove Lunch (and one I will recreate in a midtown Los Angeles restaurant in the near future). Lunch, typically a more substantial sibling to breakfast in Western culture, is a generous description here as we know what was consumed were eggs, spinach in heavy cream, and vodka, but whatever blows your bangs back, ladies.

Established at Glove Lunch was the upcoming Sunday they would spend together, starting at 2pm. Therese wrote it down immediately in her planner: “Carol Aird, Seventh avenue entrance, 2pm.” The care with which Therese handled these arrangements reveal a meticulous nature paired with a nervous excitement, so there’s no way that would be the only thing in her planner for that day.

I did some digging to find out exactly what Therese was up to before leaving Richard in the dust on a busy sidewalk without a trace of consideration.

30 Days of Carol: Day 11 – I’m Really Sorry

Look, I don’t like this any more than you do. I don’t want to be doing this. But we have to keep ourselves honest. We the Carolhead Nation are nothing without our integrity.

That means admitting the hard truths, or at the very least leaving space for their possibility. Or at the very, very least cracking the door to that space with a visual aid and letting people infer from that what they will.

This picture of Therese, Carol’s angel, and Rindy, Carol’s sweet pea, could be chalked up to coincidence, sure. This hairstyle was popular for women in the ’50s. The page boy, or “pudding basin” cut, was experiencing a… renaissance, and so of course you’ll find instances of it repeating itself. But let’s also consider its lively entourage.

If you think that the prominence of “Mommy’s baby” is not a purposeful eye-draw the first time Therese faces Carol, you’ve got another thing coming. Literally, 30 seconds later, when Therese explains that the Bright Betsy doll cries  “…and wets herself,” with the knowing cadence of someone looking to expose a person’s last speck of modesty to a white hot heat. Tying all of this together is Rindy as what drives the scene.

I would love to say it ends there. Except we know soon after their initial meeting, upon the news that Harge is seeking full custody of Rindy, as in taking her away, Carol’s first instinct is to gone-girl Therese with a cross-country trip on what would be their fourth time seeing each other. Yes, Carol operates at a baseline of medium-to-high bold at all times, but the timing of this one is hard to explain away. Not long after that, we get this beautiful hair brushing parallel shot rounding out the first time we see Rindy and the last time we see Therese as the Therese we first met.

Anyway. Attraction is complicated! Hahaha! Have a good Thursday!!!