QUIZ: What’s Your Greatest Fear?

*Horror Host Voice* It’s a season of spooky, scary, scintillating, sapphic frights! We’re just a week out from the peak of the season. There’s no better time to face our fears, head on, to really look them in their yellow, vegetarian vampire eyes.

So what scares you the most? HUH. TELL US. Oh, you’re not sure? Okay, that’s okay. Sometimes we need a little help to really know ourselves. Let’s find out together.

What's Your Greatest Fear?

What's your take on horror movies?(Required)

Love them. I'll watch just about any horror movie.

I like everything but truly egregious gore.

I only watch queer horror. But the *type* aside from that doesn't matter to me much!

Give! Me! Camp!

I'll watch the classics.

Look I am only watching kids' Halloween specials right now that is my life.

I have never seen a horror movie.

I saw a horror movie once and it left me so terrified I am NEVER watching them again!

I don't know about horror movies but I've watched some horror TV shows.

Pick a pump(Required)

You're staying at a distant relative's house on a cross-country trip. So far, your second great cousin (or what-have-you) has been nothing but sweet to you. However, every room in her home is decorated on a theme, and some of them are a little off-putting, and you're getting nervous because you don't know where you're sleeping, yet. She shows you to the guest room where you'll be staying. When she opens the door and flips on the light, you are horrified to see that the room is covered wall-to-wall in:(Required)

Clowns. There are clown figurines, clown paintings, there is a clown rug — the works.

Mermaids! She really went all out. The wallpaper is even merfolk themed. Just look at them, frolicking among the waves.

Unicorns. Odd that you're horrified, but you do you.

Photographs of what must be every relative in your family, including each and every one of your school photos. How does she have those? You never even heard of this woman before someone suggested you look her up!

Old paintings of children. They're playing. There's something wrong with their eyes.

Black and white photographs of people stiffly staring at the camera. WHY.

Nothing. It's the only undecorated room in the house. The walls are bare, the floor is bare, there's just a white cover and single pillow on the bed. You're considering just getting in your car, picking up some coffee and driving on.

Dress forms and mannequins. It's a sewing room in addition to a guest room! Nothing weird, but you know you're going to wake up five times in a row thinking one of those dress forms is a person staring at you.

Taxidermy.

Who's calling?(Required)

Spam? I think it's spam.

My girlfriend :)

A ghost, probably.

My best friend!

2009! They want their jeans back.

I don't pick up phone calls. I'll never know!

Eeep! That's probably the food!

My work. SIGH.

My kid!

You'll never catch me...(Required)

In the woods at night.

Sneaking into a cemetery.

Going into the basement alone.

Outdoors in general.

At brunch before noon.

On Tinder.

Without my library card!

Crossing a picket line.

Touching an ouija board. I KNOW THAT'S BAD.

Choose an animal to spend an afternoon locked in a classroom with, as performance art.(Required)

an alligator

a brown bear

a coyote

an angry mockingbird

a bat

a cat with the zoomies

a kangaroo

a giant, animatronic singing rat

a tarantula

What's your take on paranormal phenomena?(Required)

Ghosts are 100% real. I've seen them.

I am actually pretty into gathering evidence of ghosts! I have some recordings.

None of it is real and I'm honestly pretty determined to get people to understand that.

I want to believe!

I don't think any of it's real, but I also don't care what other people believe.

Being psychic runs in my family.

I've seen a UFO! Does that count?

I'm not sure whether any of it is real or not, but I'm open to being moved by evidence from either side.

I've visited the Mothman statue but that's about the extent of my experience!

So you've made it out just fine from your distant relative's home and honestly you feel a little bad that you were so put off! Yeah, the night was kind of spooky, but you got through it. It's early morning, the sun's just rising, you've said your goodbyes and you've started a long day of driving. You've just decided to take the scenic route when you immediately regret it upon realizing you're driving toward:(Required)

a scarecrow in a field of desiccated corn moving on its own

traffic

a sign that says there are no restrooms for 137 miles

your ex's house

the sun which is just beaming directly into your eyes through the windshield

a series of antique shops — you have to stop and this is going to take forever

Burning Man

a hitchhiker, who you pass...who then appears again in front of you, farther down the road

storm clouds and you HATE driving in the rain

What did you last read?(Required)

a romance novel

a horror novel or horror graphic novel

furniture assembly instructions

an email

a memoir

history book or article

a scifi or fantasy book or story

cookbook or recipe

fanfiction

How do you take your coffee?(Required)

No.

black, nothing else, extremely hot

with sugar

a specific amount of sugar packets and creamer packages

with oat / almond / soy milk

iced

with just a dash of cow's milk

tea, please

let's be honest this is 75% pumpkin spice creamer

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