Which Set of Goth Lesbian Girlfriends Is Going to Buy the Lizzie Borden House

Morbid lesbian true crime aficionados, fans of the 2018 Kristen Stewart and Chloe Sevigny vehicle, and real estate moguls will be thrilled to know that the Fall River home is for sale after 15 years of operating as a bed & breakfast. For the low low price of $2 million, honestly almost middle-of-the-road as far as Massachusetts property sales go, you too could live in the home where Lizzie Borden’s parents were killed, arguably by Lizzie Borden, as well as the attendant “business, …bed and breakfast’s website, intellectual property, and the merchandise sold there.”

The current owners (and realtor) seem to be hopeful that the property will be maintained as a bed & breakfast and tourist attraction; it also seems a prime opportunity for lesbian crime fiction writing retreats, a communal space for wealthy misanthropic gay women with bad relationships with their dads, or perhaps some sort of hatchet-throwing boot camp. There’s also some appeal to the idea of using it as a private residence; think of arguing with your wife over whether it makes more sense to buy plastic water bottles and re-use them or buy glass BPA-free ones and have to replace them when you inevitably lose them in the same kitchen where Lizzie and Bridget Sullivan may or may not have exchanged charged glances, or having to dig the car out in the winter in front of the barn where Stewart and Sevigny were depicted fucking in the film (so much scratchy hay!).

Alternatively, a quick Zillow search has revealed that in addition to the ancestral Borden home where Lizzie’s father and stepmother was murdered, also for sale is Maplecroft, the estate that Lizzie and her sister lived in for the rest of Lizzie’s life after the murder trial – and it’s a Pioneer Valley steal at only $890,000 asking price right now! I think it might be cottagecore? I’m sure you can let me know in the comments. Huge month for the Borden hive – let us know where you guys settle, send pics of what you’ve done with the place.