What Your Girlfriend Wants: Autostraddle’s Final Ultimate Holiday Gift Guide 2009
It’s down to your final week of gift-buying, ladies and gentlemen and LTGs and GTLs, and if your brain is fried from final exams/your terrible job/unemployment/alcoholism, you could perhaps use some help selecting gifts for your loved ones. Autostraddle can help. And even if your shopping is done, this post is really about desire and laughter, and who can’t use a little bit of that this time of year?
Plus, even if you aren’t buying us any presents, we get like ten cents every time you buy something via a link on our webpage, and we’re saving up for some mittens!
Senior Design Director Alex (NYC)
Likes aesthetically-pleasing things, dancing and carrying on.
Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture DVD (2nd Edition):
I love all sorts of Trivial Pursuit — I don’t discriminate cause the questions are too hard… but sometimes you only want the pop culture questions! They’re fun! And even better: in DVD form. This looks like a party in a box and I really really want it.
1-year Subscription to Interview Magazine:
I always steal Riese’s Interview magazine when she gets it, so maybe it’s about time I get my own. I can’t help it, it’s just so gorgeous and their interviews/write-ups of people and artists are always inspiring. Plus, magazine subscriptions are always cheaper and a better deal than buying them on the newsstands anyway ($9.97 for a year!)
Intern Hot Laura, Student (Philadelphia, PA/Ohio)
Likes talking to her grandma on the phone, being domestic [but with sass], dancing, and making things with her hands.
A cordless drill:
I have been asking everyone in my family for a cordless drill for two years, but no one seems to be taking me seriously. Guys, if you’re reading this I am serious! There are many things I could do with my cordless drill. I could put up curtain rods so my windows won’t be naked, I could pretend to be Rosie the riveter, I could even fix my door. Obviously I would have a girl come over while I do all these things and sweep her off her feet with my power tool prowess.
The Sound of Music:
The Sound of Music is the best movie ever and was always exciting to watch because there is that part in the middle where the first vhs stops for intermission and you have to go put the other tape in. Unfortunately, I don’t have a machine that will play vhses [hello pluralization?] anymore. Q: How do you solve a problem like Maria? A: Get the dvd version instead!
“On Food and Cooking”:
I’ve never heard of this guy [apparently he’s famous] but it looks cute and I like to pretend that I can cook. Here are a few choice pieces from Amazon’s reviews: “McGee has taken his slightly outdated volume and turned it into a stunning masterpiece that combines science, linguistics, history, poetry and, of course, gastronomy.” “He explains…why eggs are so nutritious and how alcohol makes us drunk.” “McGee’s conversational style—rich with exclamation points…” Um, yes please.
Chief Operating Officer Brooke (Miami, FL)
Enjoys talking business, bottle service and basketball.
In addition to the item below, she would like someone to come organize all of the stacks of papers and folders she has laying around… just sayin.
Bang & Olufsen Earset 2:
Intern Jen, Student (Canada)
Splits her time 60/40 between Canada and New Zealand, loves trees/ponds/stars, selling large parcels of land, and sandwiches.
Small Bamboo Tablet:
I want this because the one that used to live at my house moved away a couple weeks ago and I really miss it. Sometimes after laboring over piles of income statements/balance sheets/weird stats equations, the only thing that keeps me sane is spending way too much time designing logos for my fun marketing class.
Purple Paring Knife:
You know when you have a really perfect tomato all ripe and ready to go into a salad? But then you start to cut it with your piece of crap dull knife and it mashes the tomato with its pathetic dullness and the once perfect tomato doesn’t taste right anymore. Sigh. I want 2010 to be a year of proper tasting tomatoes.
Green 8 Cup Coffee Press:
I already have a coffee press but it only makes enough for about 1.5 cups and that is just not enough on most days. Also, I hope this green one will clash just right with my new purple knife
Vlog Superstar Nat (Los Angeles)
Step Brothers DVD
I forgot how funny this movie was!!
T-Mobile G1 Phone with Google
My phone is broken and it is time to upgrade to a phone with internet!!!
Fashion Pet Classic Medium Cable Dog Sweater
My Dog only has one sweater and she looks good in Red!
Music Editor Crystal (Australia)
P!nk: Funhouse Tour Live In Australia:
When Pink toured Australia mid-year, I went and saw most of her 58 concerts [and wrote about it!]. Now thanks to DVD magic I’ve been re-living the Funhouse every single night. Best tour DVD of the year, hands down.
Arial7 Headphones:
I think these headphones speak for themselves. If any of my loved ones are reading this, my favourite model is ‘TANK’. Just fyi.
Indestructible iPhone cover:
One of my worst habits is compulsively shredding up anything within reach, and my iPhone cover is always the first victim. That’s why I really want this Speck iPhone cover for Christmas, it looks immune to idle hands.
1000 Recordings To Hear Before You Die:
I can’t buy this book because I’m already in debt due to my already-excessive music consumption. But if the music lover in your life has a little more willpower, I think it’ll be an awesome gift.
Intern Elizabeth, Student (Chicago, IL)
Collects useful degrees (poetry! art history!) tattoos, scars, books, dvds, music, magazines & useless information.
(500) Days of Summer:
It was really cute, and I love Zooey Deschanel (and Joseph Gordon Levitt).
Wicked Willow I: The Darkening, Wicked Willow II: Shattered Twilight, and Wicked Willow III: Broken Sunrise.
It was amazing and heartbreaking and I am a huge nerd for anything Buffy related (and just a nerd in general, really).
Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo for PS2
It’s this awesome, weird, competitive tetris-y sort of game, and the best part is trying to figure out what the strange characters are screaming at you in Japanese. And sometimes in English the characters tell you they are quick and easy.
TV Editor Carlytron (NYC)
Tuxedo t-shirt:
Somehow I don’t own one of these!
Editorial Assistant Jess (NY)
Pop culture junkie (with a minor in lesbian internet) who works with computers and enjoys concerts, techie gadgets, working out, sushi, art galleries, making lists, traveling, puppies, and nyc in the fall.
Kodak Zi6 HD Pocket Video Camera:
Why not just get the Flip? Well, the Kodak has expandable memory slots, has better image stabilization and takes also takes still pictures! Hopefully this comes into my life in the near future to help with interviews for Autostraddle.
Ally McBeal: The Complete Series:
So I can re-live my high school feelings.
Casio Keyboard:
Rock Band is fun and all but I’ve had my eye on this baby for a while now. I grew up playing piano and unfortch living in a NYC apartment usually does not allow enough room to make that happen. This keyboard has great reviews and will allow me to learn the acoustic versions of Poker Face & Bad Romance til my heart’s content.
Executive Editor Laneia (Arizona)
Half Broke Horses:
by Jeannette Walls
From the author of The Glass Castle, which I also haven’t read but would love to HINT, Half Broke Horses is about Walls’ grandmother and her actual real life. Memoirs are always good, but this one is written by someone else? Intriguing.
Bodum Coffee Press:
Coffee presses don’t use paper filters so there’s no waste! Also I hear that Bodum presses make “gooooood” coffee. PLEASE I WANT THIS.
Moleskine Japanese Album:
The Japanese Album has fold-out pages! You could put pictures on them, or you could draw. You could do anything! I love Moleskines so very much.
Intern Lily, Student (NYC/Miami, FL)
Lilith-Fair-worthy singer/songwriter who dreams of figure skating, plays classical piano, fears ice and commits operation lesbianage at her all-girls college in the heart of New York City.
Gift that I want more than anything ever ever EVER: Tickets to the Figure Skating portion of the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver: Do you enjoy being in the same room as 50-year-old cat-sweater-wearing housewives? Do tight-sequin-pant-wearing Russians who refuse to smile make you happy? Do you love dramatic classical music and flamboyant men? WELL I DO! And that is why this is number one on my Christmas list …and should be number one on yours as well.
But The Winter Olympics: An Insider’s Guide is probably the closest I’m ever going to get to the Olympics next year.
Macbook Pro: I bought a PC because I felt that Macs were just trendy overpriced accessories that college students enjoy showing off in Starbucks. But my PC is awful and I forgot that I love being trendy!
Freaks and Geeks (Season 1):
Arguably the best show that ever happened on the teevee. I used to watch this with my mom when I was younger…she loved it because it reminded her of her youth. ALSO James Franco is in it, and I have many feelings about Mr. Franco. I want to strike up a conversation with him one day when he foolishly decides to study in my school’s library, but then he’ll think I’m hitting on him like every other girl…I just want to be his best friend forever!
Martha Argerich: The Collection 1:
I’m a huge classical music fan and I especially love listening to classical piano (a bit of a bias as I’ve been playing classical piano for what feels like my whole life.) If you’ve never heard Martha Argerich play piano then you are missing out on some of the best renditions of the most incredible pieces ever written. Plus, she was a total hottie back in the day.
Spice World on DVD:
Yes, I have Spice World on VHS…any self-respecting girl who grew up in the nineties owns this brilliant masterpiece. But times have changed and I no longer own any sort of contraption that will play VHS, which is why it is time to upgrade so I can once again relive the moment when the Spice Girls meet aliens in the woods.
Intern Rachel, Student (Boston, MA)
Barista & Librarian & public transportation enthusiast, enjoys tea & cardigans, dislikes patriarchal white hegemony.
Today’s Act Notebook by Maruman Mnemosyne
I am a crazy person, and so I was really excited to find that there are beautiful, high-quality notebooks from Japan created specifically for my obsessive list-making. They come with boxes for the date and also to check items off! Dreams do come true.
Sony Cybershot DSC-W290:
I am in serious need of a new camera, and this has 5X zoom and looks very compact. Also, it has “face detection technology,” which will either be creepy or awesome.
Infinity Scarf:
I feel like the only person on earth who does not already have one of these. They come in a million different colors and fabrics and they are just a giant loop! They do not have ends! What a good idea!
Assistant Editor Sarah (Missouri)
Journalist and Art History double major, ice-cream scooper, book reader, adventurous baker, road tripper, museum lover and dreamer of moving to Italy.
It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia Seasons 1-4 Box Set:
The more I watch this show, the more I love it. My roommates own seasons 1-4, but that does me no good in the long run! This box set is an essential part of any TV-on-DVD collection.
Magnetic Spice Rack:
I have a confession: I’m mildly obsessed with spices and consequently spice racks. I’d like to make my own wooden one, but who has the time? This magnetic rack would work great in my small kitchen.
Flip Camera:
My friend brought one of these on spring break last year, and it was fantastic to have around. Apparently Jess has found a brand that’s better, but I’m a label whore when it comes to electronics. Plus, the Flip commercials are so cute!
Taylor, 
Technostraddle Editor (NYC)
Hellboy Hardcover Library Edition, Vol 1-3:
I’d always assumed I wouldn’t like Hellboy. The name always turned me off, until last year I picked up a Hellboy comic for the first time. Turns out, I absolutely love it. The art by Mike Mignola is gorgeous and moody, the stories are awesome retellings of world folk tales and obscure mythologies. It might be my favorite comic (and that says a lot!), so I’d love to have it in a hardback collection.
I Am a Strange Loop by Douglas Hofstadter:
I’ve been meaning to pick this up for ages, but sadly I am quasi-illiterate these days. In I am A Strange Loop, Hofstader examines the phenomenon of consciousness and tries to figure out what the hell we are referring to when we say “I.” This may be kind of heavy reading for the holidays, but it’ll make you look smart. And that’s what counts!
Fringe: The Complete First Season:
I just caught a few episodes of Fringe lately and it seems awesome, so I’d really like to catch up. It feels like a grown-up version of the X-Files, with less sexual tension, higher production values and even more pseudoscience! Yes!
Frye Erin Oxford (dark brown):
These are seriously the best shoes that ever happened to me! I own the red ones (featured on the Frye website) and I wear them all the time! They’re an oxford for women that’s totally classic, comfy and shaped like a traditional oxford. They make me feel dapper and I love them. Also, Frye has AMAZING customer support. I emailed them about a tiny defect in my red pair and I got a super personalized, apologetic email back where they told me to get the repaired at a cobbler and send them the bill! Wow!
Intern Vashti, College Dropout (Chicago, IL)
The Original Autostraddle Intern enjoys arts & crafts, the internet, ALL CAPS and has a destructive relationship with 4AM. Is leaving granola and oregon behind for bigger dreams unrelated to human physiology.
Planet Earth – The Complete BBC Series:
How long ago did this come out? SO LONG AGO! For some reason this epic documentary is not in my DVD collection, and I find this very upsetting. I have a hard time choosing between the BBC version and the Discovery version, but BBC wins out for the following reasons:
1. It is cheaper and easier to find.
2. In the Shallow Seas segment there is a clip that is very near and dear to my heart. I took the liberty of giving it my own title: SUNFLOWER STARFISH OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION EATING THE SOFT INNARDS OF HELPLESS SAND DOLLARS.
Caligula and Other Plays by Albert Camus:
I have not read Caligula, Cross Purpose, or The Possessed but The Just is probs my favorite play ever and I need it so I can quote and refer to it constantly.
Zune HD [32 GB]:
I have been in love with the Zune since it first came out. While I may be a PC 4 lyfe, I’ve had iPods before so it’s not my bias against Apple that makes me love it so much. The navigation and look of the Zune [in my opinion] is above and beyond that of the iPod. So now, with Zune’s answer to the iPod touch, how could I not want it? LOOK HOW PRETTY IT IS YOU GUYS.
KEDS:
I have a deep appreciation for the hipster aesthetic but I just can’t make myself like Vans. They’re just so… mainstream. I turned to Keds at the end of the summer and already they have become a part of the Brand Name Shoes That I Will Wear No Matter How Mainstream They Become [along with Converse and Sperry Top Sider. ps – I wore these way before I knew I liked the ladies]. I already have a navy blue pair, but I need a pair of loden green Keds like whoa.
Editor-in-Chief Riese (NYC)
Because I am attempting to take over the world of media, I’m trying to eat all the masters I possibly can. Why haven’t I already read Marshall McLuhan’s Understanding Media: The Extensions of Man – Critical Edition? I don’t know.
Fresh fruit in New York City is hard to find and when you find it, it’s super expensive. I am going to die of scurvy in two months if I don’t eat some f*cking apples STAT so I could use the Golden State DeLite Fruit Club.
I go through a pair of Roll Down Yoga Pants by Hard Tail every year because I wear them literally every single day. My 2003 pair is only now getting holes.
Also, our apartment is missing several key survival items, including but not limited to a pasta strainer, a large pot and knives and a pot.
Tinkerbell
Hello Autostraddle this is Tinkerbell. This year I want to give all my money to autostraddle. Unfortunately because I am a dog and because of the recession I am unemployed and must rely on the kindness of strangers.
If a stranger would like to purchase me a ‘stocking stuffer’ I would prefer the Merry Pet The Mansion Wood Pet House, so that Littlefoot will come over to play with me and we can have romantic times. It is made from kiln-dried Asian fir treated with natural color stains. I do not like unnatural stains or kiln-dried Asians, only kiln-dried Asian firs and natural stains, like chocolate and blood. This will be my love shack. Without it I cannot be merry. Thank you love tinkerbell.
I would also like the snuggie for dogs because it is like a blanket but with sleeves. It is cold on the floor when Riese has violent terrorist nightmares.
Here are some CRAZY ASS DEALS
because the recession is AWESOME:
Movies
$10.99 – Muppet Movies DVD 3-Pack – (Kermit’s Swamp Years / The Muppets Take Manhattan / Muppets From Space)
$16.99 – Jim Henson’s Fantasy Film Collection – (Labyrinth / MirrorMask / The Dark Crystal)
American Apparel’s totally overpriced wardrobe staples are 50-70% off:
$8.99 (usually $19.99) – American Apparel – Tri-Blend Short Sleeve Deep V-Neck
$23.10 (usually $45) American Apparel Flex Fleece Zip Hoody
$9.90 (usually $19.90) American Apparel 8328 Cotton Spandex Jersey Legging‘
Support the life of print:
+ Subscribe to BUST for $19.95 (33% off)
+ Be gay and give a subscription to OUT for $14.95 (normally $59.98) or CURVE for $24.95 (normally $31.60)
+ Be smart and give a subscription to Harper’s Magazine for $14.97 (normally $83.40)
+ Be a reader and pick up Alison Bechdel’s Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic is 30% off at $13.57 hardcover, and $10.50 in paperback, Tipping the Velvet: A Novel by Sarah Waters is $10.88 (32% of) or get the books True Blood was based on $36.97 (normally $63.92) (Sookie Stackhouse 8-copy Boxed Set (Sookie Stackhouse/True Blood)) OR get your theory on with Nobody Passes: Rejecting the Rules of Gender and Conformity for $10.85 (32% off).
And yes, the Hitachi Magic Wand Massager, normally $60, is $29.12. You know if your back hurts or whatever.
You can find all of the items mentioned here at our amazon store.