your mom can't be mad at chely wright
It’s almost Mother’s Day! Wheeeee! That fabulous day when everybody celebrates the woman who shot you out of her vadge or adopted you from the stork/social services/another woman. It’s also a great opportunity to enhance or create your mother’s acceptance of your homogayness! But remember — it is HER day — so do an honest assessment of her comfort level before getting her a Rosie doll, maybe.
Chely Wright told Ellen that Ellen’s Mom’s book Love, Ellen: A Mother/Daughter Journey helped her Mom accept Chely Wright for the beautiful lesbian that she is: Once she’s done with that one, there’s still more Acceptance and Love to be had in Just a Mom —
In Just a Mom, she speaks for all the ordinary Americans whose children have turned out “different” and whose first concern is that they will suffer pain and rejection in life. It is natural, DeGeneres points out, to harbor some disappointment or anger at a gay child, and she guides parents toward appropriate resources and organizations, like the Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). With warmth and conviction, DeGeneres expands on her memoir Love, Ellen to address some of the questions she has been asked as a spokesperson for the Human Rights Campaign, such as “Did I make my child gay?” and “How can I protect my child?”
— and speaking of, if your Mom is into country music, Chely Wright‘s Like Me: Confessions Of A Heartland Country Singer (toss in her album if you wanna) or Meredith Baxter‘s Untied: A Memoir of Family, Fame, and Floundering definitely brings the point home that you can’t just pray yourself out of being a lesbian, you have to accept yourself and your lovely blonde hair. If you really wanna crank up the guilt and waterworks and also the inspiration, The Meaning of Matthew: My Son’s Murder in Laramie, and a World Transformed is really f-cking good.
Cut to the chase with Always My Child: A Parent’s Guide to Understanding Your Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered or Questioning Son or Daughter or assure your parents you won’t be this sullen forever with It Gets Better: Coming Out, Overcoming Bullying, and Creating a Life Worth Living.
Remember Christian singer Jennifer Knapp? More importantly, DOES YOUR MOM? Her latest album is Letting Go and maybe one day she’ll be singing along to it and you can be like, “Oh my god, I love Jennifer Knapp, she’s gay!” and then your Mom will be like, “I love and accept you for who you are!” On that same tip, if she reads a Suze Orman book and then makes a gazillion dollars, you can be like “Suze Orman is gay, and so am I” and then you can hug it out.
Imagine your Mom is laughing a lot, and then right in the middle of that laughing, someone makes a joke about being gay that is not offensive to gays. Do you think she’d stop laughing? NO YOU CANNOT STOP LAUGHING UNDER SUCH CIRCUMSTANCES. Thus — Wanda Sykes: I’ma Be Me. It’s her HBO Special. I attest that it’s funny. Another funny HBO special? Ellen Degeneres – The Beginning. It’s on sale! Moms LOVE sales!
Oh, movies. It’s so easy to watch a movie, you just have to sit on the couch and bask in ther ays of homogay acceptance waffling from your set:
+ Prayers for Bobby: A Mom who tells her son Bobby that his homosexuality is “an abomination” is devastated with guilt when he kills himself, and then she becomes a gay rights activist so she can save other kids from similar fates. It’s a tearjerker.
+ We couldn’t say enough good things about Fish Out of Water, that’s why we had to interview the entire production team and let them say more good things. It examines what the bible REALLY says about homosexuality, verse by verse, with cartoons and coming out stories and experts and all of that.
+ For The Bible Tells Me So: In this amazing documentary, four normal super-Christian families reconcile having a gay child. Bishop Desmond Tutu, Harvard’s Peter Gomes, Orthodox Rabbi Steve Greenberg and Reverend Jimmy Creech cameo. “FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO offers healing, clarity and understanding to anyone caught in the crosshairs of scripture and sexual identity.” Follow-up reading? What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality.
+ For the Jewish equivalent, watch Trembling Before G-d, which I also enjoyed.
+ Saving Face is, in my opinion, the best lesbian movie out there. It’s a love story about two young Chinese-American women who fall in love and then have to deal with Wil’s mother not being okay with the gay. Your Mom would have to be pretty evolved to handle this as there is kissing and making out and stuff. But if you can enjoy straight rom-coms they can enjoy gay rom-coms right? Right.
+ Maybe this Mother’s Day, your Mom will take you on a Rosie’s Family Cruise. It could happen.
+ Trans people are notoriously misrepresented by mainstream media, but TransGeneration gets it almost right. It follows four trans* college students at different stages of their transition grappling with life which is confusing and/or hard sometimes, as you know.
If your Mom is Debbie Navotny, she probably wants tickets to this year’s PFLAG Conference and a Glee Album to listen to on the drive. At the end of the day, nothing says I love you like a Rachel Maddow Show Logo Mug.
Also, flowers.
I would buy my mom that mug, but my dad would probably burn it and douse out the fire with holy water. He hates Rachel Maddow is a passion. :(
So um… She’s already pretty gay, but doesn’t believe I am. Any books about gay kids with gay parents?
One reason I love my mom is because she tried to find a ‘The Rachel Maddow Show’ cocktail mixer for me after they mentioned on the show that they were going to make them.
I wish Mother’s Day hadn’t already happened here, these are all way better gift ideas that what I ended up giving
>who shot you out of her vadge or adopted you from the stork/social services/another woman
Aw, you left us cesareans out.
obviously we don’t recognize your cesarean birth as legal and therefore you can’t claim it on your taxes or be discussed on this website.
We live with the unicorns and fairies. Is cool. :D
Ha! Considering that my mom is pretending that I’m dead, I’m sure she would love a copy of TransGeneration ;)
You may want to just go ahead with a DVD of John Waters’ “Female Trouble.” It doesn’t exactly have anything to do with transsexuality, but it would just be funny.
HUG.
#thatsall
i would like to receive a gym membership for mother’s day. it’s all i ever want every year and yet i never get it. like, your incubation period is the reason my thighs are totally out of shape, you ingrate. jeez.
My mom *is* Debbie Navotny. A Glee album, what a great idea! Thanks, Autostraddle.
my mom is still in that “boo hiss hiss teh gay!” place so i guess i’ll just make her cupcakes. i’ll tell her a gay unicorn helped me make them.
I would get my mom the mug, but then I’d probably steal it for my own use. I love Rachel Maddow too much.
Last time I saw my mother she told me that seeing gay people kissing/holding hands was “disgusting”.
So no, probably not getting her any of these things. Good suggestions though!
Did you tell her she was acting like a fucking cunt? :D
no, but seriously, the idea of going to see her on Sunday is makes me physically ill. But I’ve been appointed. What do I do?!
take deep breaths and/or shots.
Tell her that the prospect of visiting her made you physically ill due to her repulsive attitude.
I haven’t talked to my parents in a few months (not even about the gay thing, other insane religiousness) so. Not doing this.
I could buy a Maddow mug for myself or for my bff tho…
I’m poor so I’m making my mom something out of popsicle sticks & macaroni
My mom’s dead, but she kicked all ass. Lived with gays back when it was considered insane to do so, was supportive towards a trans kid she knew, again, back when that was considered horrifying, and always loved me no matter what. Was in the hospital on her deathbed when gay marriage became legal in my state, and said she would’ve been down there to celebrate with everyone if she could. I love my mother, she always had my back and did not give a fuck what others thought.
I nominate your mother as an honorary Autostraddler. It sounds like she truly had lived like she had no fucks to give.
<3
Your mum sounds legendary, rider. Can we give her some kind of award?
Like a Number One Mom mug that is ACTUALLY A LEGIT CERTIFICATION.
Yup, she was the only adult I respected, since she talked to everybody the same way.
Rosie’s Family Cruise, yep, I’d like that as a Mother’s Day present!
I tried telling my mom I was so not exactly straight the other day. The look of terror on her face made me realize this is going to be a long and tortuous process so I should probably have fun with it where I can. Gay Agenda Mother’s Day gift isn’t a bad place to start…
My mom has her own gay agenda. She likes troll town halls and ask the representative “Why her baby girl isn’t worthy of a lifetime of love.” She usually takes a picture of me and holds it up while asking. We live in Kansas, so this happens about once a week.
She’s definitely getting the Rachel Maddow mug.
she likes TO troll town halls.
my fingers have a gay agenda too.
they like to f*ck everything up.
Hmm, maybe I should buy my mom TransGeneration. :< I'm planning on coming out to her and my dad next week as FTM and quite honestly, I'm terrified. If anyone knows of any books or whatever that I can give to them as a resource when coming out that is a) not pathologizing, b) avoids the "man trapped in a woman's body" analogy and c) is not focused on gender norms/the dumb gender binary, I'll love you FOREVER. <3
First, good luck! (and congrats??) I really hope it goes okay.
Second, Sebastian has some good recommendations on his blog, at http://xxboy.tumblr.com/books
PFLAG also offers a pretty good parent-directed primer answering trans*-related questions, which you can download for free here: http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=413
My mom always told my brother and me it was okay to be gay when we were little, and tried her best to use language that didn’t assume everyone in the world/I was straight. When I came out to her she said (and I quote) “You can date a person of any race, religion, class, or gender– but I swear to god, if you ever come home with a fucking Republican, I WILL disown your ass.”
There’s nothing like some queers talking about their families to make me remember how good I have it. I am now resolved to make this mother’s day extra special.
THANK YOU AUTOSTRADDLE
for recognising Saving Face as the best movie to exist, ever.
And these suggestions might be a tad more helpful if it wasn’t 3 days before mother’s day. :P
Ah! My mom loves Ellen, this is brillant!
<3
I came out to my mom ON Mother’s Day four years ago…and she initially didn’t handle it too well…and I felt like a terrible child.
Except now she’s pretty supportive and belongs to the ACLU and asks me questions about how bisexual people get married. She’s still learning, but I’m really proud of her and she’s once again proud of me.
So for y’all whose moms aren’t down with the gay, I just want to say that sometimes they can come around. It may take some heartache and a lot of explaining and time. Or it may never happen, but you might find someone in your life who is just as caring and important to you as a parent would be, and that can be just as beautiful.
I made my mommy nutella crepes because I’m obvs the best daughter ever. and she’s been relatively accepting of my homogayness she had a good secret cry session and now is at the stage where she asks awkward questions like “if you and your (now ex) gets married, who wears the tux?” and “I don’t want chinababies, I know that you people adopt them but I don’t want one” apparently she gets all of her gay information from modern family….
I forgot to get my mom a present/card until about 9:30 this morning, and then the hallmark store was closed, so I ended up getting home in the middle of breakfast obviously an irresponsible child.
luckily, this year, I found a card with the perfect mix of insincerity and apathy (I am a terrible daughter)