Happy 4/20! I Got Extremely High and Watched Elena Undone, the Worst Lesbian Movie

I tried to time this out so my laundry was done and I could put the bedding on before I was high and starting Elena Undone, but I didn’t time it right so now I am high and since I ate a whole edible when I usually have half I’m worried if I wait until my bedding is done I will be too high to write this so I’m starting this movie now.

I love a movie that starts off with voiceover about love. Always a great sign.

I want Nicole Conn to know that I know making movies is hard and I’m really glad she gets to do her thing and —

Wait who is this voiceover man and why is he talking directly into the camera. Is this a documentary??

Wait sorry I’m really glad she does what she does and it’s a lot of people’s thing and I love that for them and when I say this movie is bad, I’m sorry.

The man is talking to me again. Who is he….

“YOU KNOW I HEARD SOMEONE MIGHT BE OVULATING THIS MORNING.” The way this pastor said those words. He didn’t yell them. The caps is my emphasis but oh my.

Slo-mo, slo music straight sex montageeee.

I don’t think this pastor’s wife is very happy. Nor this lesbian swimmer (??) Omg it’s been so long since I went swimming?? I want to go swimming. It’s almost summer. I’m like tearing up thinking about —

The mean church lady is an incredible performance. Camp. She’s ranting about gay people and it is beautiful.

Laundry done !!! Shit. Should I do my bedding or wait… Okay I’m pausing one moment.

Oof okay. Future me will be happy that I at least made my bed.

I need to shazam this song, ok it’s “Something Better” by Ashley Matte. I’m not sure about this pastor. Seems like not a good husband.

The voiceover man is back !!! Is this God? Is this supposed to be God? The voiceover man unsettles me.

This is really intense… are these… real people??

Oh voiceover man is kissing someone now. I’m so confused. Who is voiceover man. WHO.

Wait now voiceover man is talking to pastor’s wife? They know each other?? Seeing voiceover man in regular scenes feels so unsettling.

[Oh! I haven’t seen this movie before. That’s worth noting. That’s the whole thing.]

The ladies are chatting!!

Fuck it’s on Tubi so I have ads… oo I’m gonna get snacks! Sweet potato crackers. Cookies. Sour peach gummies.

Wait how many of these actors are British?

The actor who plays the pastor looks like if Tom Cruise had a brother who played football.

Voiceover man is back. What I’ve gathered is he’s a friend of the pastor’s wife from college, he was in film school. Now he’s like a gay motivational speaker.

I still find it unsettling to see voiceover man walking around in the world.

They’re eye fucking! Like they’re staring at each other, not eye socket fucking.

“I voted no on prop 8″ wow. A moment in time. We really lost that one. lol

Pastor’s wife is named Elena. This makes sense.

Why do they want more kids when they have these teenagers?

Ooo she’s going to bring her portfolio over. These photos !!!! Her photos. Hahahahahaha

This is starting to feel pretty gay, Elena.

The love interest is named Peyton but I looked on IMDb and the actor’s name is Thunderbird Dinwiddie??? That’s the best name ever !!

They’re just drinking wine on this couch. I feel like I’m watching a one-on-one on The Bachelor.

Voiceover man is back to being voiceover man!

Elena Undone, what are you doing?? Oh wait that’s not her last name, that’s just the title haha

This photoshoot is reminding me of Gia. Gia is great movie. I wish I was watching Gia. I’ve been thinking of doing an Angelina Jolie binge. I haven’t seen Hackers or Salt or some others.

Elena’s daughter. What a weird scene. Who is she supposed to be.

Wait are her kids dating?? I’m so confused. Why are her kids dating ????? I’m so confused. This is unpleasant.

I do believe these women are gay. I will give the movie that.

Tubi ads. This anti-shingles vaccine ad is so intense.

I do NOT like the pastor. I just remember their kids are dating wtf wtf. The kids are screaming.

Voiceover man. My gay friend.

This montage is so intense. She took her headshots? She is a headshot photographer. Good business.

THEY KISSED. FINALLY. This is bringing up memories from when I was in middle school and would search “girls kissing” on YouTube. This is hot. Okay wow needle drop. This is why the movie exists. I do sort of wonder like why not just watch porn…? You know like seems easier?

Wait was that song written for the movie??? Haha

She’s getting off on her husband’s sermon!

There is a fun sort of edging quality to how much plot we had to get through to see boobs. The visible cross necklace is a nice touch.

They have the exact same hair styles. I am unfortunately turned on.

Noooo. Voiceover man. Killing the vibe. He is so excited. I would be too. Imagine you’re gay and have a friend who is a pastor’s wife — and you just like have to excuse her asshole husband — and then suddenly she tells you she’s actually gay. Next level.

Every time I’m reminded these fucking kids are dating!! I just know when this post goes up, someone is going to point out something really obvious like they are not dating or they are not related — but it seems like they are siblings and dating!

Okay phew back to sex. Elena is getting toppy! Good for her!

Hmm I think if you’re having sex with a married woman you don’t get to be possessive of her. In general, I’m very against possessiveness, but especially in that scenario.

“When you came after me, everyone thought I was a goober. You didn’t care,” said through tears. Incredible writing.

I still do not like this pastor. So many montages. This purity thing is weird. This film feels really religious even though it’s against religion.

I’m not very into this kid drama. I guess the boy is their kid and the girl is just the kid’s girlfriend? That would make more sense…

I just remembered that Elena and Peyton met at an adoption agency.

Every time it cuts to Voiceover man and the interviews I’m surprised. Now I know these interviews are fake though because of this awful Dissociative Identity Disorder one.

The nosy homophobe is back!! I missed her.

I don’t understand the drama happening now. I think Peyton should give Elena some time.

I forgot about the flashbacks. Her mom tells her that love is about disappointment, oh God that’s awful. I think love is about possibilities!!

Voiceover man at it again.

Their friends pulled a Parent Trap only for Peyton to yell?? I don’t understand what Elena did wrong. She left her husband! Possessiveness. Peyton is bad news.

Voiceover man impregnated her !! Wow that’s really stepping into the story.

That’s it?? Well, we did it. Good job Nicole Conn, good job my fingers for still typing.

I did not like this film.