feature image by Hilary Walsh
Professional attractive person Evan Rachel Wood and unlikely-but-determined ballet dancer husband Jamie Bell have reportedly split after two years of marriage.  The couple met in 2005 while starring in Green Day’s video for “Wake Me Up When September Ends,” and wed in 2012. Their son, whose name has not been made available to the public, was born in July of 2013. According to a rep for Mr. Bell, “Evan Rachel Wood and Jamie Bell have decided to separate. They both love and respect one another and will of course remain committed to co-parenting their son. This is a mutual decision, and the two remain close friends.”  Bell has recently deleted his Twitter account, and Wood announced yesterday that she’d also be taking a hiatus from Twitter.
Noted goodlooking human Evan Rachel Wood came out as bisexual in a 2011 issue of Esquire, and since then has continued to be a bisexual person, breathing the same air as other human beings on Planet Earth and walking among them. Following her wedding in 2012, a Twitter follower inquired as to whether her marriage to a man meant that Ms. Wood no longer identified as bisexual. Evan Rachel Wood replied that she was in fact still bisexual, just no longer single. In the wake of her marriage’s dissolution, Ms. Wood now appears to be not only single, but also still bisexual.
Sources close to Autostraddle.com report that the newly single Ms. Wood was spotted dancing at a ladies’ party called the Grind in Los Angeles this past Wednesday night, sparking rumors that you, yes YOU stand even a snowball’s chance in hell of becoming Evan Rachel Wood’s new paramour. Presumably, Evan Rachel Wood will also start showing up in your OKCupid matches, Tinder and at your local happy hour. Is she looking at you?  OMG maybe she’s looking at you. You should say hi!  Maybe you could work up the nerve to dance awkwardly with Evan Rachel Wood, and then later on you guys might exchange numbers! Later this weekend, you’ll meet up to drink almond milk lattes and shyly hold hands, and the paparazzi could describe you as Evan Rachel Wood’s “mystery flame.”  She just got out of a pretty big relationship so she isn’t in a rush to get serious, but that’s OK, Evan Rachel Wood!  We just want to peruse used bookstores and eat Thai food with you. We’ll take this at your pace.
