Generation Z Is Gayer, More Anxious and Less Conservative Than Other Generations

How Much of Generation Z Identifies as LGBTQ+?

A new survey from the PRRI (Public Religion Research Institute) is making the rounds for its conclusion that Generation Z is gayer than other generations — a conclusion also reached by nearly every study on this topic over the past several years. This rise in affiliation is probably due to the superiority of the queer lifestyle and the rise of JoJo Siwa as well as more objective factors like more LGBTQ+ media visibility, more acceptance of gay people, less fear about identifying as LGBTQ+ and more knowledge that LGBTQ+ identities exist.

According to PRRI, who surveyed 6,014 human beings in total, 28% of Gen Z adults (ages 18-24) identify as LGBTQ+. Meanwhile, 16% of millennials, seven percent of Generation X and 4% of baby boomers identify as LGBTQ+. PRRI also surveyed Gen Z teens (ages 13 – 17) but did not ask them about their LGBTQ+ affiliation.

Other recent polls have delivered similar numbers. In June 2023, Ipsos found 16% of Generation Z and 15% of millennials in the United States identifying as LGBTQ+. In February 2023, Gallup determined that 19.7% of Gen Z and 11% of millennials identified as LGBTQ+. The difference in results between those surveys and the PRRI survey is almost definitely due to differences in the poll structures, samples and methodologies, rather than a year-to-year explosion of sexual deviance amongst Zoomers.

“Generation Z is More Likely To Be Gay Than Republican”

As many gay headlines have declared, the PRRI data also found Generation Z is more likely to identify as LGBTQ than they are as Republicans (21%). Last year, a 2023 Human Rights Campaign report (which cited 27% of Gen-Zers as LGBTQ+) made a similar declaration, warning the GOP that their party will continue declining in popularity as being LGBTQ becomes increasingly popular, and therefore maybe they should chill out with all of their anti-trans legislation!

36% of Gen Z adults are Democrats (similar to other generations), and 43% don’t align with either party. 43% consider themselves liberal, and aside from millennials (24%), Gen Z adults are significantly less likely than other generational cohorts to call themselves conservatives.

But the PRRI survey also showed Generation Z was skeptical of partisan politics and the electoral system in general and that most participants “expressed little faith in the federal government or elected officials in Washington” and felt that “elected officials put the needs of the wealthy or corporations ahead of average Americans.” Zoomers expressed skepticism towards mainstream news media and their ability to find any unbiased sources of information, while also sharing some small hopes about the possibilities of local politicians enacting community change. It’s almost like it would be more important than ever for news outlets to have writers who are recognizable human beings and not AI!

Gen Z adults and Millennials also were less likely than older adults to agree that voting is the most effective way to create change in America and more skeptical of the police, federal government, criminal justice system and the news. Still, somehow, over half of Gen Z adults reported some or a great deal of trust in the police (53%), which was more than expressed trust in any other public institution —  police outpaced news organizations (37%), the federal government (41%) and the criminal justice system (42%).

The demographics least likely to report some or a great deal of trust in the police were non-white Gen Z adults (47%) and Gen Z Democrats (45%). Gen Z Democrats were the only sub-demographic of Generation Z adults who trusted the news and the federal government more than the police, and the only group for which the criminal justice system overall was the least trusted entity. Gen Z Republicans, perhaps because their current devoted leader calls the news “fake” and loves the police, had the lowest levels of faith in the news organizations, and the highest levels of trust in the police.

Generation Z Adults were also the least likely to identify as white Christians (27%) and more likely to be religiously unaffiliated (33%) than every generation aside from millennials, who came in at 36%. I went ahead and dug up PRRI’s 2012 study of millennials — and at that time, only 25% of Millennials identified as religiously unaffiliated, suggesting that these rates may be increasing over time for younger generations, and I’m curious to see how high those numbers will climb in the coming years. I’m sure the Public Religion Research Institute is too!

The people most likely to agree that “college is a smart investment” are the people who went to college for $500 and the people who’ve yet to attend college because they are too young: 56% percent of Gen Z Teens and 57% of Silent Generation members said college is a smart investment, compared to 42% of millennials and around half of every other generational cohort.

Generation Z Adults Are More Likely To Be Anxious, Lonely and Online

Teenagers these days are faring better emotionally than Gen Z adults, who did, we should recall, enter a major stage of adulthood amid the height of a global pandemic. Gen Z adults are consistently more likely than Gen Z teens to report experiencing negative emotions often or almost all the time. For example, they’re more likely to feel anxious (38% vs. 18%) or depressed (24% vs. 8%).

Gen Z Democrats, women and teenage girls were also more likely to be anxious, lonely, depressed and angry than Gen Z Republicans, men, and teen boys. There was also a correlation between being Very Online and experiencing negative emotions — Zoomers who made meaningful connections through in-person activities like sports fared better than those who made their more meaningful connections through social media sites. Correlation and causation is difficult to parse out there — people who feel connected to their local communities and group activities may be happier than those who don’t, and those who don’t are more likely to need to find their community on the internet.

In general, it seemed that negative emotions peak with Gen Z adults and Millennials, with feelings of loneliness, depression and anxiety gradually decreasing across generational lines. It is clear that the best way to be happy is to be retired.

Generation Z Is Skeptical But Engaged

Ultimately, these numbers all tell the same story: Young people in this country — Generation Z and Millennials — are skeptical of it. They’re opting out of the hetero-patriarchy and organized religion. They’ve lost trust in the government, the media, and the criminal justice system. But this research points out that they’re also far more likely than other generations to have participated in some form of activism or direct action in the last 12 months, including volunteering and attending a rally or demonstration — with women more likely to have done so than men.

With surveys like this it’s always hard to draw conclusions by comparing generations, never really entirely sure how much of these results can be attributed to an age group and how much is truly specific to a generation. Historically, college-age humans have always been exceptionally politically engaged compared to younger people (with less independence and knowledge of current events) and older people (who often turn inwards toward familial and work obligations as they get older). In their 2015 survey of Millennials, 15% reported having attended a rally or demonstration in the past 12 months, in line with 14% of Gen Z Adults on this survey. Meanwhile, whereas Gen Z adults are more likely to be out there on the streets, Boomers and Silent Generation members are more likely to have contacted an elected official to express their views.

We’re All Getting Gayer

Although the focus of this survey was on Generation Z, it’s worth noting that numbers are increasing across the board across generations, indicating people coming into their sexual orientations and gender identities later in life. In PRRI’s  2015 survey, 7% of millennials identified as LGBT, and now 16% do. That’s big growth, so good job everybody!

---

feature image by Dmytro Betsenko via Getty Images.

Data nerds can read PRRI’s 80-page survey report here!

Los Angeles Gay Bar The Abbey Faces an Overdue Reckoning

Feature image by FG/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images via Getty Images

This piece contains frequent reference to sexual assault.

I went to The Abbey for the first time in early 2019, a couple months after moving to Los Angeles.

New to the city and looking for queer community — and, let’s be honest, some post-breakup partying — I typed in lesbian bar on Yelp. I followed a mostly empty page advertising “Girl Bar” that ended up just being a defunct offshoot of The Abbey. Already there, I got a drink and did my best to talk to the few queer women amidst the crowd of cis gay men and straight people.

During my first year in LA, this was always the role The Abbey played. Nowhere else to go? Well, fine, let’s go to The Abbey. There are better gay bars on that very block, but with its size, lack of cover charge, and mix of genders — even if many were straight — it was a natural place for desperate queer women with limited options to end up.

But, from the beginning, I’d heard the rumors.

Spoken about with a regretful shrug, like the bar was a predatory actor still winning awards, people passed along warnings about The Abbey. Everyone seemed to know someone who had been drugged.

Open secrets — even ones that reference multiple lawsuits — are only so effective. That’s why it’s both upsetting and a relief to read the recent report on these incidents by Kate Sosin and Steven Blum for The 19th.

“More than 70 people interviewed by The 19th over the course of three years reported going to The Abbey… and experiencing disorientation to varying degrees or losing consciousness,” they write.

The piece goes on to highlight several of these incidents including Yvette Lopez who sued The Abbey in 2013, claiming she was drugged by an employee and then sexually assaulted, and Haely White, an actor and comedian who was sued by The Abbey after posting on Instagram in 2021 about being drugged. (Lopez settled; White is still fighting, “buried in legal fees.”)

It’s notable that most of the women who were drugged at The Abbey are queer. Since many of these incidents took place, bars like The Ruby Fruit and Honey’s have opened, but for years Los Angeles was completely devoid of lesbian bars. There are more dire consequences than boring nights when a lack of spaces exist for queer women and trans people.

This is emphasized by the fact that White was outed by The Abbey when they released a message exchange of White explaining she was on a date with a woman, even though she’s married to a man. “I was framed as a liar,” White said. The truth was her husband knew about the date — they weren’t monogamous even if she wasn’t ready to come out publicly.

Lopez also faced skepticism about her queerness — this time from detectives. She eventually dropped her case, because it was retraumatizing with victim blaming and detectives questioning whether she was, in fact, a lesbian.

Incidents such as these are allowed to continue for so many years, because there is an incentive not to report. Many of the individuals who spoke to the police or even just to management at The Abbey were dismissed or worse. Even White has faced emotional and financial consequences just for posting on Instagram.

In response to one incident when a woman did not report, the piece states: The Abbey said it had no record of this incident and went on to say that “anyone who believes they are a victim of a crime should report it to the police.”

It’s astounding to see this requirement of law enforcement stated by a gay bar. There’s an immense ignorance to queer history and queer present in this demand. I’m not surprised, but I am sick to witness this politic stated so brazenly.

The last time I went to The Abbey, I didn’t go inside. It was June 2020, the day of West Hollywood Pride, and I was at a protest. I asked if I could use their bathroom and was informed only patrons having brunch were allowed to use their facilities. The peak of a pandemic, amidst protests against police brutality, and they wouldn’t let a trans woman take a piss.

I hope this excellent reporting and the brave women who have come forward result in The Abbey experiencing a long overdue reckoning. I also hope there continue to be more spaces available for queer and trans people where we can dance and get drunk and do drugs while also feeling a greater amount of safety and care.

It’s impossible to create a completely safe space, but The Abbey is, at best, complicit and, at worst, entirely responsible for over a decade of harm.

What’s In and Out for 2024

Feature image by timsa via Getty Images

A new year is almost upon us! That means it’s time to declare what’s in and out for 2024. This list is 100% scientific and objective and I’m sure everyone will agree with me on everything, but, okay, fine, it’s also just my “opinion” or whatever and all complaints should be sent to me directly, etc. etc.

Let’s get into it!

---

IN

• Birds
• Blogs
• Cute little trinkets
• Daily dessert
• Dinner parties
• Eggplant
• Ethical consumption under capitalism
• Ethical Non-Monogamy (the action)
• Going to the sea when ill or tired
• Jigsaw puzzles
• Judgment-free hookups with new queers still figuring shit out
• Lost causes
• Novellas
• Overdressing for events
• Physical media
• Selfies
• Sex scenes
• Shoplifting
• Tipping 30%
• Unconventional sandwiches
• Waffles
• Working on local campaigns

OUT

• Arugula
• Delivery apps
• Ethical Non-Monogamy (the phrase)
• Follow-up emails
• French toast
• Generation wars
• Horror movies about trauma
• Minimalism
• Saying “I’m an abolitionist but (insert very not abolitionist desire)”
• Self-important media that critiques rich people
• Sex scene discourse
• Soft launching
• Subscribing to a dozen streaming services
• Superhero movies
• Therapy speak
• True crime
• Twitter alternatives
• Using they/them pronouns for trans women who use she/her
• Venmo requests
• Voting for the presidency*

*My own actions/beliefs aside I do think the 2024 U.S. presidential election is going to have a very low turnout. But, of course, it’s up to every individual able to vote to decide whether or not they want to and I do acknowledge the stakes are higher for people who live in swing states. Personally, I can acknowledge that another four years of Trump would be worse than another four years of Biden while at the same time struggling to justify voting for a politician who so brazenly supports a genocide against Palestinians — among other failures. I don’t know how we change the system and our world if we continue to have our votes taken for granted by a Democratic party who doesn’t care about our beliefs or our lives or human life in general. At the same time, I understand there’s a practical limit to a protest vote in a presidential election. Mostly what I hope for in 2024 is a de-centering of the U.S. presidential election from our political discussion and an understanding that whether Trump or Biden is president there will be so much work to do to take care of each other domestically and abroad. The United States is an evil empire and always has been regardless of our figurehead. It’s absurd with nearly a year left before the election, we already know our options and that our options are this. I understand making the pragmatic choice in this election. I also understand if you can’t bring yourself to do that. I just hope cynicism is out for 2024, because we have to keep fighting for the improbable possibility of a better world.

The 25 Most Popular Autostraddle Posts of 2023

As we do every year, it is time to take a look back at what the largest amount of readers wanted to take a look at in the year that is just not concluding. The past few trips around the sun have garnered similar results with our high-traffic posts dominated by stories that tapped into the soul of Autostraddle fandom (L Word recaps, lesbian celebrity gossip) and/or performed very well on search engines (streaming guides, lists of gay athletes). And one very memorable piece of great advice.

---

25. Autostraddle March Madness 2023: Trope-y Wives – Final Four, by Natalie, March 2023

---

24. Janelle Monáe’s “Lipstick Lover” Music Video Has Fully Melted Our Brains, by Carmen and the Speakeasy, May 2023

---

23. Bravo Dyke Weighs In on the Ariana, Sandoval, and Raquel “Vanderpump Rules” Scandal, by Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya, March 2023

---

22. Meet The Queer Women Contestants of “Survivor” Season 44, by Anya Richkind, March 2023

---

21. L Word Generation Q Episode 308 Recap: Quality Time Salts All Wounds, by Riese, January 2023

---

20. Sarah Paulson and Tig Notaro’s Lesbian Party Bus, Explained, by Riese, March 2023

---

19. What Are the Chaotic Queers of “The Ultimatum: Queer Love” Getting Up to Now?, by Riese, June 2023

---

18. The 100 Best Lesbian, Bisexual and Queer Sci-Fi and Fantasy TV Shows of All Time, by Valerie (Updated January 2023)

---

17. The L Word Generation Q Episode 309 Recap: Quiet Before The Firestorm, by Riese, January 2023

---

16. 40 Lesbian, Queer & Bisexual (LGBTQ+) Amazon Prime Video Original TV Shows, by Riese, November 2023

---

15. Quiz: Which Dungeons & Dragons Class Is Your Sexuality?, by Heather, April 2023

---

14. “Ted Lasso” Confirms That Bisexual Character’s Bisexuality!, by Heather, April 2023

---

13. The 40 Best LGBTQ+ TV Shows on HBO Max With Lesbian, Queer or Trans Characters, by Riese (Updated periodically)

---

12. The Rumors Are True: Sophia Bush and Ashlyn Harris Are Dating, by Riese, October 2023

---

11. Quiz: Which Bottoms Character Are You?, by Kayla, September 2023

---

10. 25 Lesbian Movies on Hulu That You Can Watch Right Now For Fun If You Want, by Riese (Updated periodically)

---

9. 37 Christmas Movies With Lesbian, Bisexual, Queer or Trans Characters, by Riese (Updated December 2023)

---

8. The L Word Generation Q Episode 310 Recap: Looking Full Steam Ahead I Guess, by Riese (January 2023)

---

7. WNBA Superstar Jonquel Jones Gets Engaged to Her Girlfriend, Looks Happier Than Ever, by Heather (April 2023)

---

6. The 50 Best Lesbian Movies Of All Time, by Drew Burnett Gregory (Updated January 2023)

---

5. 60 Best Queer and Lesbian Netflix TV Shows, by Riese (Updated periodically)

---

4. All 100+ Gay Players and Coaches in the 2023 Women’s World Cup, by Natalie, July 2023

---

3. Quiz: Which Barbie Are You? by Heather, July 2023.

---

2. 25 Streaming Movies With Hot Lesbian Sex Scenes, by Drew and Riese (Updated October 2023)

---

1. You Need Help: You Fat-Shamed Your Beautiful Girlfriend, by Heather Hogan. January 2023.

“…gaining and losing weight, over and over and over, is part of nearly everyone’s life. It is so inconsequential in the vast tapestry of existence, and if getting fatter over the course of nine short months throws you into this kind of tailspin where you find yourself not only unattracted to her, but you feel honor-bound to tell her so, how are you going to handle it when the really hard stuff happens? When one of you gets sick or disabled? When one of you becomes consumed by seemingly endless grief after the death of a loved one? When one of you loses your job? When money trouble strikes? When you lose your home? When one of you unearths a trauma you hid away even from yourself?”

Celebrate the Holigays in Style With 30% Off In the Autostraddle Store All Weekend!

Hello my friends! As we approach the season widely known as “the holidays” and everybody is getting their Black Friday – Cyber Monday sale on, you know that we here at Autostraddle are gonna be participating in the typical way which is “giving you a discount on the merchandise in our beautiful store.” A+ members have a special code for a 50% discount (there’s another post on the website with that code) but if you’re not an A+ member then this post is for you!!

With the code YULEGET30, you’ll get 30% off of just about anything your little heart desires! Whether you are looking to build queer futures…

Build Queer Futures Tee – $26 $18

or be queer as fuck but also cozy…

Queer As Fuck Hoodie – $48 $33

or deliver the most perfect Secret Santa Gift ever with these Queer Magnetic Words…

Autostraddle Queer Magnetic Words – $18 $12.60

The sale goes until Monday, at which point these unbeatable prices will go back to their normal prices!

GET YOURSELF TO THE AUTOSTRADDLE STORE RIGHT NOW!

Obsessed: Twin Flames Universe, a New Age Cult With a Surprising and Insidious Approach To Turning Gay People Straight

Welcome to OBSESSED, in which I provide you with information and/or a media consumption list that speaks to my primary hobby: doing obsessive amounts of research into a singular topic or story for no reason, usually because I saw a documentary about it. This week I watched the Netflix documentary Escaping Twin Flames, which was an excellent follow-up to the October Prime Video Documentary Desperately Seeking Soulmate: Escaping Twin Flames Universe, about two self-proclaimed spiritual gurus in suburban Michigan who promised their followers that with the right spiritual alignment and self-help therapy and online classes, they would find their soulmates.

---

What is the Twin Flames Universe and Where is Twin Flames located?

The concept of “twin flames” — having a destined, exclusive soulmate — has been around for eons, particularly in spirituality circles, with roots in Hindu teachings. The popular understanding of “twin flames” in American culture seems to have begun with American New Age writer Elizabeth Clare Prophet and her book Soul Mates and Twin Flames: The Spiritual Dimension of Love and Relationships. The concept apparently perhaps reached its online zenith in late 2021, on account of celebrities like Alicia Keys and Megan Fox speaking openly about their own perceived twin flames.

Enter Michigan couple Jeff and Shaleia Divine, creators of the Twin Flames Universe YouTube cult, which promises its followers that abiding TFU principles will absolutely undoubtedly lead to them securing their own harmonious twin flame relationship — entering into a lifetime partnership with their best friend in the entire universe, designed for them by G-d. They feel qualified to lead this group because they found each other and are living in twin flame harmony. Furthermore it appears that Jeff thinks he might be the second coming of Jesus Christ. From their YouTube Channel’s “about” section:

The Twin Flames Universe YouTube Channel represents the collective divine life force that courses through the Twin Flame Ascension School and Life Purpose Class community, as created and loved immensely by our beloved Spiritual Teachers and Twin Flames Jeff and Shaleia…. Some people believe that we must “leave” (a belief of separation from God) in order to experience this NEW EARTH that everyone in the spiritual communities is buzzing about. We, the students of Jeff and Shaleia, believe in Union with God where there is no separation and love is right HERE, NOW.

Jeff and Shaleia of Twin Flames Universe were originally located in Farmington Hills, Michigan, a tony suburb of Detroit, but have since moved to Suttons Bay in Northern Michigan.

The Netflix documentary Escaping Twin Flames has been number one since its debut two weeks ago, and a three-part Prime Video documentary, Desperately Seeking Soulmate: Escaping Twin Flames Universe, narrated by journalist Alice Hines, who initially wrote about the group in Vanity Fair, explored the Twin Flames Universe through the stories of its followers and assorted experts. What’s revealed in these documentaries is not only intriguing to me from the perspective of CULTS but also because of the specific methods they used to recruit and then psychologically destroy their LBGTQ+ followers.

Who are Jeff and Shaleia Divine?

Jeff Ayan and Shaleia (real name Megan Plante) are the self-appointed gurus who, since 2018, have been releasing hundreds of YouTube videos on various New Age topics, most of them focused on finding your Twin Flame. “There is nothing outside of you that prevents you from being with your love,” they instruct. “Only you.” Jeff has a business degree from Western Michigan, and prior to Twin Flames was running a “lifestyle design” company in Hawaii.

Like similar cults, such as NXIVM and Teal Swan’s whole deal, Twin Flame Universe has its own psychobabble philosophies about “mood alignment” and “healing modalities” that promise to help participants overcome past trauma. They present a successful romantic match as the ultimate goal and cure-all to one’s emotional problems, and anybody’s failure to secure their match is framed as a result of their own insufficient spiritual work, lack of obedience to Twin Flames principles, or a lack of financial investment in Twin Flames tools. Followers are often pressured to cut off contact with their families, put in volunteer work for Twin Flames, and travel to exclusive, expensive Twin Flames events. The most dedicated followers can advance far enough in their own trainings to become official “coaches” for others.

Their rapidly-growing community has an extremely active Facebook group and regular Google hangouts, so devotees can easily lose their life to Twin Flame activities.

Students are encouraged to fixate on pursuing their Twin Flame regardless of said Twin Flame’s level of interest in them. This often leads to humiliation and frustration at best and restraining orders and stalking charges at worse. Some students even spent time in jail for actions taken in pursuit of their twin flame. Some were encouraged to remain in abusive relationships, or blamed for their twin flame’s mental illnesses.

The Twin Flames community is, therefore, especially attractive to people distraught over unrequited love who find comfort from others experiencing similar emotions and validation from a group philosophy that discounts mutual desire as relevant to destined romance.

How do Jeff and Shaleia Make Money From Twin Flames Universe?

Jeff and Shaleia have gotten very rich from this work and they are proud of that! They flaunt their luxury cars and are very Prosperity Gospel oriented.

Access to exclusive workshops, courses and individual “mind alignment” therapies (all conducted online) cost from hundreds to thousands of dollars. They’ve sold meal plans through a start-up called “Divine Dish,” which promised customers a reignited sex life by reconnecting with their body through lots of carbs and red meat. One participant in the Netflix documentary gained 70 pounds in 9 months on the diet.

They sell books and meditations. They sell videos of events where they and other Twin Flames couples share the stories of their Harmonious Unions. $333 will teach you how to become irresistible to your Twin Flame and a $777 E-Course will enable you to build the life of your dreams. Ascension coaching, which all members are encouraged to seek out, is cited as “between $20-$200 per session.” Followers were encouraged to max out their credit cards, quit their jobs to focus on Twin Flames and required to have regular, expensive, coaching sessions.

While Hines was visiting the couple to do reporting for her story, there were several Twin Flames followers living in the basement undergoing a “spiritual bootcamp” that seemed to consist primarily of doing chores for Jeff and Shaleia.

The (Formerly) Golden Lesbian Couple

The Prime Video documentary spends a lot of time with Catrina and Anne Irwin, two lesbian mothers who’d met and fallen for each other while married to men. Twin Flames affirmed their need to leave their marriages for each other at a time when that reassurance was hard for them to find elsewhere.

Catrina and Anne eventually became Twin Flames coaches, earning $120k combined in one year while also taking on the unpaid, laborious positions of VPs of sales and managing their own small cohort of coaches. But in the third part of the documentary, Anne explains the tension that arose when Jeff began pressuring her to adopt a new identity: specifically, Jeff wanted her to begin identifying as a man. When Anne resisted, Jeff sent texts like: “You guys look dumb as fuck hiding behind the lie still. Take a guy’s name and a guy’s pronoun or I will need to put someone else in charge of sales who does respect my work.”

As any trans person can attest, it’s incredibly psychologically grueling to be told by an authority figure that you are wrong about your own gender, and yet this was an approach Jeff was adopting with gusto and paradoxically aiming it at cisgender followers.

How did they end up in this place?

The Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine

Jeff and Shaleia had always believed that every partnership contained a 100% divine feminine and a 100% divine masculine partner. In the Wondery Podcast “Twin Flames,” Jeff is quoted as saying that while homosexuality isn’t a sin, “homosexuality doesn’t even really exist. If you’re two divine masculine energies having sex, you’re just shaking hands ’cause it’s not your twin flame anyway.” They denied the existence of bisexuality, asexuality and nonbinary identities.

Ascension Coach Angie, who identified as cisgender and bisexual, had to pass this idea on to her students, even though it conflicted with who she knew herself to be. But things got even trickier for Angie when Jeff and Shaleia decided that she was actually a man.

As the group kept growing and evolving and its mostly female membership began waning in enthusiasm due to not successfully pairing with their twin flames, Jeff and Shaleia decided to shift their focus to matchmaking within the Twin Flames universe. Unfortunately, they didn’t have a lot of male members to go around.

Thus, a fix arose: matching previously-thought-to-be straight women with each other. Obviously this was met with some skepticism and resistance, so Jeff and Shaleia came up with a different way to make these love matches work: insisting that one of the two women was actually transgender. This also required convincing previous same-sex couples in their community to fall in line with this new approach.

In Alice Hines’ 2020 Vanity Fair piece, she cites meeting three followers who were medically transitioning at Jeff and Shaleia’s urging who felt great about it. They agreed with Jeff’s assessment of their gender and were grateful for the support in pursuing who they knew themselves to truly be. Hines also met five followers who resisted accepting their new genders and therefore ended up leaving the group. This eventually became the reason for Anne and Catrina’s departure as well.

Arcelia, a trans woman former TFU sales manager who appears in both documentaries, felt embraced when she first joined TFU, early in her transition, but said she eventually felt “love-bombed” into being the LGBT+ poster child for the organization. Once Jeff and Shaleia began telling their followers what genders they were, she left the group. “It is not their fucking place to decide what gender somebody is,” she remembered thinking. “That is something people need to do on their own.”

As Hines writes in Vanity Fair, this circumstance, in which cis people are convinced by authority figures that they are trans, does “feel like bait for the anti-trans lobby.” Arcelia described the situation as what might happen “if excessive liberal progressives got drunk and had a baby with conservative Christians.”

Jules Gill-Peterson, a historian of sexuality and gender, also commented on this phenomenon in the Prime Video documentary, noting that the progressive LGBT-accepting language on the surface of the Twin Flames Universe actually masks a practice that is similar to Conservative Christian ideology. She draws a parallel to conversion therapy — it’s not truly acceptable to be queer in the Twin Flames universe. But instead of going the traditional route of convincing you to change your sexuality, they convince people to change their gender.

What Jeff and Shaleia claim in the FAQ of their website is that they “encourage and invite students to gain clarity on their sexual and gender identity through the students’ own self-discovery and exploration.” They are co-opting progressive values to push forward a conservative agenda, making it difficult to push back on these assertions without feeling like we are fighting ourselves. It’s almost the most clever thing these yahoos have ever come up with.

Cassius Adair, a trans writer and researcher who consulted on the Wondery podcast, spoke to this in a bonus episode: “I want to caution everybody when they hear stories like this — that if there are bad actors who want to control people or coerce people, then gender is one axis on which control or coercion can operate. But that’s not the same as this being a kind of microcosm of how trans communities really function.”

One section on the Twin Flame website is devoted to successful Twin Flames relationships, where you can read about each couple’s relationship. Despite Jeff and Shaleia’s claim that they are “a safe and tolerant place for all members of the LGBTQ+ community,” all the couples on this page are couples containing one (1) man and one (1) woman. Several are trans.

---

More Reading and the Twin Flames Universe Podcast

The first major Twin Flames expose came from Vice in 2020: This YouTube School Promised True Love. Students Say They Got Exploited Instead.

This is the Reddit Thread mentioned in the Netflix documentary: “Twin Flame” Cyber Cult? Concerned for a loved one.

Alice Hines original Vanity Fair piece: Everywhere I Went, They Went With Me, Because They Were on My Phone, uses many of the same sources an stories as the docuseries, but there’s a lot in here that’s not in the document. One of those stories is that of “Katie,” a former devotee who was encouraged by Jeff and Shaleia to pursue an ex who’d repeatedly denied her advances until she ended up in jail. An interesting tidbit from the podcast about this article was that Jeff and Shaleia were confident the article would be flattering and bring an influx of new students, and were preparing actively for that rush. The Twin Flames Universe Website has its very own “media statement” in which it declares all negative media about their group to be the result of disgruntled and malicious former students unable to overcome their own internal blocks through the program.

In early 2022, Wondery released Twin Flames, a seven-part podcast narrated by our very own Stephanie Beatriz. They speak with several former students, including the story of Angie, a then-straight woman who was matched with another woman as her Twin Flame and then was told she had to embrace her divine masculine, which eventually led to her split from the group.

You can also read the unsuccessful case Jeff and Shaleia filed against former members who talked to Vice reporters and posted negative things about TFU on Reddit. It’s a wild ride!

Autostraddle Before the Tipping Point: A Trip Through the Archive

This piece is part of our 2023 Trans Awareness Week coverage. Our Senior Editor, Drew Burnett Gregory, felt like cis people were plenty aware of trans people in 2023 thank you very much, so this week trans writers will be taking us back into recent history — specially post-Stonewall (1970) to pre-Tipping Point (2013).

---

When I came out as trans in 2017, I knew Autostraddle as a publication where trans people were welcome. Pieces from trans writers had popped up on my Twitter feed and, once I knew to look, there was an entire archive that helped me better understand myself.

This year for Trans Awareness Week, I wanted us to focus on recent trans history. The parameters I set were post-Stonewall (1970) to pre-Tipping Point (2013). As far as I’m concerned, cis people are too aware of trans people in 2023, but that awareness is often accompanied by the ignorant idea that trans people are new. That’s why this recent historical time period felt so essential to me. Not only have trans people been around in distant history — we’ve been around throughout the lives of anyone still living today. That distinction may feel redundant, but I think it’s important to remember.

Once we started thinking about this era, our team realized that Autostraddle itself is part of that history. Founded in 2009, there was half a decade of trans coverage — and lack of trans coverage — before Laverne Cox appeared on the cover of Time.

I’m fascinated by the way individuals and publications can grow. Rather than look to the past to retroactively prove someone or somewhere is bad, I think it’s worthwhile to observe how people and places get better. When I came out in 2017, this site had positive connotations to me. But that environment didn’t happen by accident. It was the result of trans people changing this place for the better and cis people welcoming that change.

There’s a clear journey from Riese as an ally criticizing the treatment of Max on The L Word to trans-related news stories to a photoshoot of a band with one transmasc member to trans writers getting space to answer 101 questions to, finally, trans writers getting to write complex, personal, and unique pieces like their cis counterparts.

All of that is worth revisiting through an archival lens, but I’ve gathered together about two dozen pieces that are especially representative of Autostraddle’s pre-tipping point journey. There are some real gems here, especially in the pieces from trans writers. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: If you’re someone who does not want to read terms used for trans people from 2009 to 2013 then this piece isn’t for you! There’s nothing I personally deem offensive included here, but even the way trans people talked out about themselves during these years was different.

---

Chaz Bono Talks About His Gender On AM TV And We Like It. by Riese (November 2009)

“Now, let’s get to the linguistic violations! The Associated Press sets a bad example with ‘Chaz Bono says beginning the sex-change process to turn him from a woman to a man is ‘the best decision I’ve ever made’ in Chaz Bono: Sex change is his ‘best decision’, a headline that’s repeated by about 200 other newspapers.

We’ve encountered this issue on Autostraddle before and I was surprised that so many people didn’t know ‘sex change’ is passe.”

Trans Photographer Amos Mac: The Autostraddle Interview by Laneia (February 2010)

“Amos: It was a blast working with Margaret (Cho). She is hilarious, warm, wonderful! Rocco and I had met her in October when we were asked to be part of the music video she was directing for the band GIRLYMAN. Margaret wanted the video to consist of queers, trans people, femmes and butches, as the song, ‘Young James Dean,’ is about butch identity, so her vision was to get as many different types of queers as possible in the video. Rocco and I really bonded with her while shooting it. We just really clicked as friends. Now we call her our ‘TranMa’ (a play on the term Grandma) and she calls us her TranSons. She loves OP and as she is an incredibly outspoken person, she was easy to interview and of course fun to photograph.”

Being Trans Is So Hot Right Now, At Least for Celebrities and Models, Kinda by Rachel (December 2010)

“There’s nothing wrong with recognizing the achievements and accomplishments of trans people. Lea T’s career really is inspiring, and attention should be drawn to the careers of women like Connie Fleming and Candy Darling, the trans fashion pioneer of the 1970s. But to write a full-length article gushing over the trans community’s having ‘made it’ because of a few modeling contracts without even acknowledging that from January to June of ‘the year of the transsexual,’ there were reported 93 murders of trans people, and that that’s only a fraction of how many probably really took place, feels like it’s willfully misunderstanding the climate.”

xxboy Meets World by Sebastian (January 2011)

Note: This piece is the start of trans writers getting the space to write their own pieces. Sebastian wrote several more articles over the next year. I love that even in this 101 piece Sebastian is allowed to be as voicey as the other writers on the site. 

“When Laneia and Riese first contacted me about writing for Autostraddle, I had a whole bunch of mixed emotions. The fanboy in me who’d read every Real L Word recap pretty religiously had an “OMG THEY LIKE ME?!” moment. The queer in me was honored and excited about the opportunity to write for a site that is so prominent in the world of non-hetero culture. The man in me felt a little out of place and possibly ignored.

The opportunist wondered if this would help me get jobs and/or girlfriends.”

Trans Etiquette 101: No Offense, But That’s Offensive by Sebastian (February 2011)

“7. Do not ask what the person’s birth name was. There is absolutely no reason for you to need to know this and it is likely something this person wants distance from. It is a particularly offensive question when phrased, “What is your REAL name.” After all, Sebastian is my real name and has been since I started asking people to use it.”

Where the Bois Are: Bklyn Boihood is the Future by M.J. (March 2011)

Note: This is a piece about the Bklyn Boihood collective who would go on to write a handful of pieces for Autostraddle.

“Ryann returns with the story of how it all started — the modest, yet inspired beginnings of a very Big Thing: ‘Back in 2009, we were just hanging out at Genesis’ place. We’d been talking about how we don’t really see ourselves represented in a lot of ways. We didn’t see ourselves at the parties we were going to, we didn’t see ourselves in the organizing world, in any sort of medium.’”

What Do You Mean You’re Not Monogamous by Bklyn Boihood (Akwaeke Z Emezi) (March 2011)

Note: Yes, THAT Akwaeke Emezi. I had no idea they’d written for Autostraddle and discovering their pieces was one of the coolest things about this trip through the archive. I also love that this is a piece about non-monogamy, not specifically about transness.

“I never thought of how I handled relationships in terms of monogamy or nonmonogamy, those specific labels. It didn’t occur to me that there was a term for my preferences, and when it did, I freaked out because I thought, “How can someone want to be with me if I can’t give them what makes them happy?” Everyone I’d been involved with deeply wanted monogamy, and they seemed to be part of an overwhelming majority. I didn’t want to not be able to give that to them, but eventually I reached a point where I had to put my foot down, throw my hands up and say it: I don’t want to be monogamous. Never have. Ever. Ever.”

I’m Just Your Typical Urban Hipset Femme Twentysomething Trans Lesbian by Annika (April 2011)

Note: Trans girl lesbians have arrived! Annika wrote a bunch for the site over the next two years. Annika, if you’re reading this, let me buy you dinner whenever we’re in the same city.

“In many ways, I am your typical urban hipster femme twentysomething lesbian: I work for a greentech startup that has nothing to do with my liberal arts degree. I worry about our generation’s internet addiction (mine included). I spend a lot of money on vinyl and concert tickets. I moved to San Francisco last summer, but I’ll never start saying “hella.” I voted for Prop 19. I’m secretly mad that my love of British slang makes me cliché.

Oh, and I’m a transgender former-University-of-Southern-California-Frat-Boy.”

Chaz Bono Doesn’t Speak For Me: Reluctance About the “Reluctant Transgender Role Model” by Oliver Baez Bendorf (May 2011)

“I in no way want to invalidate Chaz’ suffering, or the suffering of any trans person for that matter, but I take issue with the insinuation that our lives are unendurable. There is suffering, yes, but why must that always be the throughline? There’s such a lack of nuance here—it’s not always that neat equation of once I was suffering, but now life is perfect.”

Annika and Sebastian Answer Your Trans* Questions (Part Deux) by Annika (July 2011)

“Q: What happens if/when someone chooses to not fully transition? I mean, that happens sometimes, right? Like if someone can’t afford surgeries or get them for health reasons?

SEBASTIAN: We don’t really use the terminology of ‘full’ transition, because a full transition means different things to different people. Sometimes people don’t have all the surgeries or procedures or medical interventions because of financial reasons, but often times it is because not every trans person needs or wants every type of medical intervention.”

Trans* Characters Are Increasingly Portrayed By, Surprise, Actual Trans* People by Annika (July 2011)

“My only concern is that trans* actors will be restricted to portraying only trans* characters- this would be a shame, because it would both ignore a lot of talent and reduce us to merely our trans* experiences. I can only speak for myself. Being trans is an important part of who I am, it certainly doesn’t define me as a person. So Zooey Deschanel, if you’re looking for a co-starlet for your next film, I’m your gal.”

OPEN THREAD: Trans Day of Remembrance by Annika (November 2011)

Note: Autostraddle articles used to have robust comments sections, so 34 in this thread is not a lot. But it still touched me to see trans people in 2011 gathering at Autostraddle to reflect on Trans Day of Remembrance.

“Today is a reminder that we all must take responsibility for combating transphobia. It’s about making our voices heard and taking a stand against bigotry and hatred. It’s about creating a future in which the next generation of trans* kids can feel safe and proud of who they are.

Until then, we must honor our dead. Please feel free to share your stories and feelings in the comments section below.”

Gender Blender: An Intimate Film About Life Outside the Gender Binary by Vanessa (January 2012)

Note: There were discussions of non-binary identities, especially from Bklyn Boihood, but this still feels like a shift toward normalizing that experience.

“So how do we fight that situation, how do we break the binary, how do we make the world a safe space for other people to express their true genders once we’ve finally got a handle on our own and the confidence to live openly and truthfully? Well if you’re Lauren Lubin, you decide to make a movie about your experience transitioning from female to gender neutral, and you aim to educate the world so that eventually things will change.”

19 Terribly Interesting Tips On Raising a Trans Kid (From a Trans Kid) by Morgan M (April 2012)

“Don’t equate “Mommy I want to wear girls clothes” with “Mommy is the stork going to make a second trip to drop off my vagina?” Just because your child has these feelings doesn’t mean they are trans, genderqueer or simply fabulous. However, they do need the space to figure themselves out, and if you deny them that I guarantee you the feelings will only intensify over time. If you deny them this chance to express themselves in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone, it will only lead to complexes, trust issues and even more identity issues. SPOILER ALERT: everything you do as a parent makes these.”

Sarah McBride: The Autostraddle Interview by Carmen Rios (May 2012)

“I found out her favorite Spice Girl is Ginger (formerly Baby, but who didn’t outgrow Baby?). But I didn’t even have to ask her for Top 5 Words About Coming Out because as soon as we dug in to what it was like for her, she spurted them out.

‘Surreal. But surreal in a good way. Comforting. Liberating and more than anything – empowering,’ she said, leaning back after thinking hard about each one.”

In a Bind Helps Get Trans* Youth Out of One by Maeve (September 2012)

Note: The first comment on this piece is: “Eh… what’s with all the trans stuff lately?” It made me laugh seeing that, because it’s the kind of comments my pieces have received since writing for Autostraddle. A sign that Autostraddle has had “trans stuff” for a long time and that some cis people always think we’re new.

“‘The program is all based on donations. It’s in the spirit of helping out your own,’ says Kit. Binders are frequently donated by transguys who have had top surgery, changed size, or found a size or style that works better for them. In a Bind also accepts donations of new binders, as well as monetary donations used to offset shipping costs.”

Michelle Kosilek’s Surgery Raises Questions About Trans* Prisoners’ Rights by Rose (September 2012)

“The fact that there’s so much misunderstanding about trans* rights even in more progressive circles does a lot to explain why even normally pro-LGBT politicians, like MA Gov. Deval Patrick and Elizabeth Warren have come out against Kosilek on this issue. Although Warren’s statement — ‘I have to say, I don’t think it’s a good use of taxpayer dollars’ – isn’t quite as strongly-worded as that of her opponent in the Senate race, Scott Brown, who called it an ‘outrageous abuse of taxpayer dollars’ and referred to a possible overturn of Judge Wolf’s ruling as ‘common sense prevailing.’ There seems to be particularly dismay at Warren’s stance, though, since she’s someone who has made a career out of standing up for the downtrodden, and would be expected to be on the progressive side of things when it comes to both trans* rights and prisoners’ rights.”

Call for Submissions: Trans*Scribe by Riese (February 2013)

Note: This is when everything changed. This call for trans women writers brought so much talent to Autostraddle — including future editor Mey Rude — and really shifted the kinds of pieces trans people could write on the site. It’s kind of wild to think this happened because Annika decided to take an indefinite internet break. Seriously, Annika, thank you for everything.

It’s really worth reading the wide range of pieces that were born from this series.

“So here’s what we’re looking for: writing from queer-identified trans* women — personal essays, features, lists, interviews, advice, anything!”

Getting With Girls Like Us: A Radical Guide to Dating Trans* Women for Cis Women by Savannah (March 2013)

Note: I do want to highlight this one piece from the series. Writing about sex as a trans woman on the internet is challenging and as someone who has done it a lot here, I appreciate this piece for paving the way.

“I happen to have had a couple of awesome relationships with cis women who were already in long-term, (explicitly) non-monogamous relationships. That said, I can’t help but notice there seems to be a pattern in which I am invited to be someone’s ‘thing on the side.’ While I can’t know for a fact if this is because I’m trans, I have heard other trans women relate similar things. In principle, I have no problem entering into such relationships with someone I trust and with whom I feel genuinely close. I’m just saying I know I’m not the only trans woman who feels a bit frustrated when this kind of thing seems to be on constant replay.”

Trauma Queen: An Autostraddle Book Review and Interview by Mey (June 2013)

Note: I just want to note this moment when trans people started being interviewed almost exclusively by trans writers!

“Janet Mock just wrote a blog post highlighting the problem that trans* women of color’s stories so often get pushed out of the way and purposefully silenced. Your memoir is one of the books she mentions that’s changing that. How did it feel to be mentioned in that blog post?”

Real-Life Sofia Bursets: Transgender Women Face a Nightmare in Men’s Prisons by Mey (July 2013)

“The problem isn’t trans women being placed in men’s prisons, or trans prisoners being denied medical treatment, the problem is the entire system. There are no good cops or good prisons, all of them work towards the goal of white supremacy and terrorizing, torturing, locking up, and murdering Black people. Police and prisons must be abolished now.”

Mira Bellweather and “Fucking Trans Women” Zine: The Autostraddle Interview by Kennedy (August 2013)

“So much of what I read about sex and what I have seen out in the world stresses one point over and over to the point where it’s completely useless: communication. Yes, communication is important. Yes, we need to learn how to talk about our bodies. But one of the most common issues I hear about from other trans women is over-thinking everything, and being too preoccupied with our bodies to really enjoy sex.

I have a sort of mantra that I repeat to myself: if you’re in your head, you’re not in your body.”

Laverne Cox, Superstar: The Autostraddle “Orange Is the New Black” Interview by Mey (August 2013)

“I just wanted to tell the story as truthfully as possible. I believe what artist do is take pain and turn it into art. Some of those moments which are similar to moments I’ve had in real life I got to make art out of and I’m so grateful for that.”

---

And I’m so grateful to all of the trans people who spoke to and wrote for Autostraddle in its early years. I hope this space only gets even more trans with every passing year. <3

Welcome Our New Senior Editor, Drew Burnett Gregory!

When I first joined Autostraddle in the spring of 2019, my TV Team colleagues often commented upon my expectations. When you come of age during Ellen or Queer as Folk, begin writing about TV during The L Word or Glee, the television of 2019 felt like a glutton of riches. But I was a baby — if not in age, then in queerness. I wanted to know why these shows didn’t have more trans women. I wanted to know why there were only a dozen great queer shows instead of two dozen.

It wasn’t just my youth. I came to criticism and culture writing as a cinephile and filmmaker. The 2010s brought a rise in mainstream queer film similar to the rise in queer television. But outside the mainstream, there have always been queer films. I raised myself on the international and underground cinema of the 20th century that’s more radical than anything still in Hollywood. And as a filmmaker, the only limits are budget. As a screenwriter, the only limits are my imagination. Spend enough time in your own fiction and you start to expect more from the fictions of others. You start to expect more from the world.

When I came out in early 2017, my expectations were high. I wanted people to completely reimagine their understanding of sexuality and gender. I wanted our film and television to not just be representational but to be made by us and for us. I wanted the queer world I knew was possible to exist. Now.

But my expectations began to shift during the past couple of years. The recent cultural and legislative backlash against queer people — especially trans people, especially trans youth — has had me settling for less. I’ve started mistaking a lack of outward hate for love. I’ve started accepting the bare minimum. That has to stop.

My promise to you as the new Senior Editor at Autostraddle is this: I’m going to start dreaming again. And I’m going to do everything I can to make those dreams a reality. My expectations — for myself and our world — have never been higher.

The more I’ve thought about expectations, the firmer I’ve grown in my belief that we have to create the world we want to live in. It’s like a culture-wide version of the cliché “fake it till you make it.” We can’t always be our truest queer selves, but we can in certain places and around certain people. That’s why gay bars and other queer spaces are so important. As a reader and a writer, Autostraddle has been one of those spaces for me. I want to make sure it continues to be that space for us and I want to keep our expectations high.

At TIFF this year, I went to a talk with one of my favorite queer filmmakers, Pedro Almodóvar. He said, “When you’re the director, you have the power to impose your point of view, to impose your outlook on life even if it’s not the same as everybody else’s.” The same is true when creating a space like Autostraddle. We get to decide what this space looks like. We get to decide if we’ll devolve with our culture or keep pushing toward a better future.

I started writing criticism and personal essays on an anonymous Tumblr. It wasn’t meant to be a career — it was just my version of a journal during my early days of transitioning. That’s the kind of person I am. In order to reflect on my own burgeoning femininity, I had to watch and rank every movie starring my personal paragon of femininity Nicole Kidman. To process my experience of transitioning while in a relationship, I compared myself to the sexy fish monster in The Shape of Water. These musings were just for myself — and my handful of followers — until one day Heather Hogan tweeted that she was looking for a piece on Supergirl. Minutes after emailing her a link to my Tumblr, Heather responded and my life was changed forever.

Over the past half a decade, I’ve been lucky enough to learn about nonfiction writing from Heather and the other past and present editors of this site. I’ve become stronger in my writing about film and television. I’ve learned to write about sex and dating and family and politics. I’ve written profiles and interviews and longform personal essays that let go of criticism as pretense. I was just a young queer trans woman who loved movies and now I’m a seasoned nonfiction writer. I want to provide the trust and guidance to young writers that I so generously received.

One of my favorite things about Autostraddle is we never have to explain ourselves. Other publications make me define “cis” in the middle of a personal essay — not Autostraddle. My greatest hope as an editor is to provide queer writers with a place where they can be artists, be thinkers, be their full selves. I want writers to feel free to live in their own worlds as they invite others into their stories and perspectives. Whether in a silly list or a heartfelt essay — or a combination of the two! — I want people writing for their own communities first and foremost.

This doesn’t stop at queerness. Or, rather, for me, queerness encapsulates so much more than sexuality and gender. Sure, I dream of a queer world where I’m not misgendered every time I go to the grocery store. But I dream even more of a queer world where police and prisons don’t exist. If we settle for the liberal fantasy of modern queerness rather than engaging with our lived realities, we’ll continue to backslide and our most vulnerable will be left behind.

We might live in a world where the Disney corporation is too supportive of queer people for Florida governor Ron DeSantis. But we don’t have to live in a world where they’re supportive enough for us. I mean, Elsa still doesn’t have a girlfriend and we’re supposed to believe those boys from Luca are straight! Come on! We can expect more than that. Goodbye exclusively gay moments — hello exclusively gay lifetime.

The media landscape is an increasingly homophobic, increasingly sexist, increasingly capitalistic nightmare. Every day we get to keep dreaming at Autostraddle is a gift. So, hey, let’s dream big!

Join me as I raise my expectations — for myself, for this site, for our community, for our little world, and the world beyond.

Long Live (Heather’s Version)

My beloved friends,

I’ve been staring at a blank page for weeks, thinking about Tim Riggins. The lovable, aimless, sensitive, brooding scamp from Friday Night Lights. The only man I’ve ever loved. (Well, the only man I’m not related to that I’ve ever loved.) From the moment I told Carmen and Kayla and Riese that, after nine years, I was ready to pass along the Autostraddle torch and leap into the wild unknown to pursue new creative dreams, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Dillion Panthers #33. Because, dang, that guy knew how to say goodbye. In fact, one of the most moving moments on the whole show — which is full of sob-inducing scenes, by the way — is when Tim Riggins walks out onto the field after losing the state championship his senior year and places his cleats at the goal line. No fans, no teammates, no coaches, no cheerleaders; just stadium lights illuminating the dark Texas sky, and a guy who loves football more than anything in the world. The symbolism isn’t subtle, but it’s real.

I don’t know how to talk about my feelings without talking about TV, or books, or movies, or video games. Fictional characters whose lives I’ve imprinted mine onto to help me make sense of the tangled, tricky, sometimes cruel and lonely world. And the first place that was ever okay was Autostraddle. That’s actually a thing we say a lot around here: Only at Autostraddle.

Sorry I’m late, I just spent six hours doing Veronica Mars-style deep-sleuthing because this famous woman showed up on that famous woman’s Instagram with their faces kinda smooshed together. Only at Autostraddle. What if I review The Land Before Time (1988) because that Kate Winslet lesbian archeologist movie is a slog? Only at Autostraddle. Just give me ten minutes, and I’ll Photoshop Megan Thee Stallion onto a soccer pitch with Megan Rapinoe. Only at Autostraddle. Okay what about if I make a full black-to-white gradient chart of kittens called 50 Shades of Grey Cats? Only at Autostraddle. I want to write about how much I love my wife on Monday and how much I hate onions on Tuesday and how to use a cordless drill on Wednesday and a review of my favorite cartoon on Thursday and an essay about chronic illness on Friday. Only at Autostraddle.

I walked in the door here and was invited to be as weird as I wanted to be for the first time in my life. I figured out who I am here, who I really am, because of so many of you and so many of my colleagues. Your kindness, your compassion, your generosity, your senses of humor, your commitment to doing what’s right no matter how hard it is, your vulnerability, your courage, your willingness to hold the people you love most accountable, your innate and overflowing goodness. Over the past nine years, I have become a better writer, absolutely — but, more importantly, I have become a better person. The very best version of myself. And none of that would be true if it weren’t for you.

You helped me embrace my butch identity and cheered me on when the bowties came out and the hair got chopped off. You helped me summon the audacity to believe in the kind of love that made me a wife. You guided me toward finally understanding, and then celebrating, my neurodivergence. You cheered me on when I rescued feral cats, you sent your deepest sympathies when friends and family passed away, you cackled at my silly jokes, and watched all my favorite TV right beside me, and when I got sick with Long Covid, you only held me tighter so I would have the strength to re-find my footing. The comments, the emails, the DMs, the cards, the letters, the coffee mugs and stickers and fountain pens and t-shirts and comic books and hand-knitted mittens and hand-woven friendship bracelets and hand-crafted ceramic gay sharks — you have given me more in my time here than I could repay in a dozen lifetimes. In my last Autostraddle Zoom meeting, I cried my little lesbian eyeballs out, sobbing about how I have felt more seen and loved in my time here than I could ever have imagined feeling, in all my whole life.

I feel like since I started with Tim Riggins, I should toss out my stats, to really drive home my time here in numbers. Nine years. 1,716 articles. 1.5 million words. Countless millions of pageviews. When I started writing for the queer internet, there were zero — ZERO! — queer women characters on primetime broadcast TV. In fact, almost all the sapphics were crowded onto one channel, one show: The L Word. Last year, GLAAD counted 596 total LGBTQ+ characters across all networks and streamers. (And yes, you’re calculating correctly: Streaming TV absolutely did not exist when I started doing this work, but that didn’t stop me from enjoying fan uploads and language-dubs of international shows on YouTube! Coronation Street and Hand aufs Herz forever!) I’ve been working my entire career in the middle of a representation hurricane! I’ve watched the world change as the landscape of TV has changed! Before I came to Autostraddle, I used to have to fisticuffs my co-workers for one gay TV thing to write about PER WEEK. Now there’s so much gay TV, we can hardly cover it all, even if we never sleep, even at a glance.

The next part I can’t write about, really. It’s all very Jane Austen: If I loved you less, I could talk about it more, etc. It’s just that working at Autostraddle has put me in the path of some of the most wonderful, brilliant, hilarious, genuinely good people in the entire world, people who are now some of my dearest friends.

My TV Team! Natalie, who I met because she had to call me out a hundred years ago for something very problematic I wrote, and who is now my constant sports companion and favorite co-writer. Valerie Anne, whose personal blog of Glee recaps I stumbled over during the show’s first season, and who became my first queer writer friend. Nic, who drifted into my path during my #BooRadleyVanCullen Pretty Little Liars tweeting days, and who I never let go from that moment. Those two clown shoes are now my actual real life neighbors and some of my closest friends, my Dungeons & Dragons teachers and co-adventurers. Y’all know I would rush into and carry any of y’all out of a burning building, in my arms, Wildmoore-style!

My senior staff! Carmen, secret queer sports femme, who came to me in a comment on a TV post and is now in charge of this entire publication, who gave me the absolute gift of her friendship and her leadership. Kayla, who somehow tells in-person stories even better than written ones (which is saying something), and who had me enthralled and in stitches when I met her at a rainy, spooky Wisconsin A-Camp. Nico, whose gift for wacky astrology posts is aspirational, and whose commitment to doing what’s best for our A+ members is a kind of care that’s unmatched. Laneia, the only person who really, truly got it when I said ten minutes on the phone with Dolly Parton would change my life, and who is the only person I ever met who could think of a fresh way to describe literally anything. Riese, who took the biggest chance in the world on me a decade ago, who cheered on almost every bonkers idea I ever floated, and who stood by my side when I got sick without ever flinching. We don’t have matching tattoos, but we do have matching bruises and scars, and that’s forever.

My A-Campers who became my beloved friends. And my other colleagues who spent time with me here and have gone on to do even more prodigious things.

Where could I ever have met a group of people that changed me on such a fundamental level? Who I will love with my whole heart for always? Only at Autostraddle.

Which leads me to the other announcement of this post: Taking over at Autostraddle Senior Editor is someone you also already know and already love: Drew Burnett Gregory. I’m just going to tell y’all exactly what I told the Autostraddle team: I could write twenty pages on Drew’s qualifications. I could say there’s no one on this earth who knows more about queer cinema than her. I could say that her ability to make all art accessible to all queers is unparalleled. I could say that I have seen her grow from a woman who wanted to write a single essay about Supergirl into an absolute powerhouse of TV and film criticism, Rotten Tomatoes top critic, dozens of film festivals. I could say that every dream she’s ever shared with me is a dream I believed like the sun, because they were her dreams — and that would all be true.

But what I really want to say about Drew is that her courage to engage fully with queer art, to search for new ways to appreciate everything she watches, is aspirational. And somehow, through some kind of magic and mind alchemy, she’s also able to never settle for less than what she believes this community deserves. She can find ways to love and relate to almost any story, and then she can stand confidently in that love and ask for more. I have been watching her do it for years now and it has never stopped blowing my mind, and inspiring the absolute heck out of me.

Thank you all for understanding that I will never be able to write a book, or chase after the fleeting butterflies of whispered dreams, while also working full-time at a place that calls to me the way Autostraddle does. I will always put it first because I love it too much not to. Plus, I know for sure — like a bone-deep knowing — that this is the absolute perfect time for me to transition out of my role, and for Drew to step in and live out her own editorial dreams. She is so well-loved and so widely respected and there is no doubt that her time as an editor here is going to be one of renewed enthusiasm and energy.

This is not even close to the end of my writing career (I hope!). I’m really trying to publish a dang book of essays, I promise. Everyone always asks, and friends, I sure am working on it. In the meantime, your support of my newsletter would mean the absolute world to me. That’s where I’ll be twice a week for the foreseeable future as I figure out what the next phase of dreaming looks like for me. And, of course, you can find me on Twitter, Instagram, and Blue Sky.

The thing I love about Tim Riggins’ football send-off is, well, what human on earth can ever really say they left it all on the field? It is such a rare and impossible thing to look back at any time period in your life — even four quarters of some kind of sports matchup — and say, yes, I gave it literally everything I had. This is my last week at Autostraddle, and as I think over my time here, I firmly believe I could drop my cleats at the goal line with pride. Not every play went the way I hoped it would. Not every decision I made was the right one. But, man, I did some cool stuff with some awesome people, and I left all my sweat and blood and every bit of effort I could conjure on the field. I’m sad and excited and hopeful and proud. So proud. Mostly, though, I will remain forever grateful that you took this journey with me. Clear eyes, full hearts, thank you.

love,
Heather

For Them Acquires Autostraddle: An Explainer

This post was initially an email sent out to our A+ members on the morning of Tuesday August 22nd, but in light of questions shared by all our readers in response to our interview with Kylo yesterday, we’re publishing it now for all to read.

---

THEY SAID YES 💍

We’re gathered here today to celebrate the union of two queer-owned companies!! We’re beyond thrilled to announce that we’re merging with QTPOC-owned queer wellness and tech company For Them. Our Autostraddle Co-Founder and CEO Riese and For Them’s Founder and CEO Kylo Freeman have been talking about this acquisition for many many months now, and we’re finally making it official. This is MAJOR, Y’ALL!

Thanks to being acquired by For Them, Autostraddle will live on in all the ways that you love and so, so much more. We’re looking at a future where we’ll be better resourced when it comes to advancing our gay agenda, where we’ll have new, exciting and experienced leadership, and where we’ll have the ability to turn the queer dreams that once seemed so far off into Real Fucking Life.

What Does This Mean for Autostraddle?

1. Autostraddle isn’t going anywhere. And neither are our archives! For Them and Kylo are committed to maintaining the queer archives of content at Autostraddle for generations to come. We’re also looking forward to, because of our new leadership and the support of For Them, having more time to dedicate to the life-saving editorial work we’re known for.
2. We’re maintaining our editorial independence. Autostraddle remains Autostraddle. The website will remain a website, and we’ll continue to address an audience of lesbian, queer and trans readers. Carmen Phillips will remain Editor-in-Chief and our mission and vision for an Autostraddle that centers the most marginalized members of our community remains. We’re working to making Autostraddle readable on an app by the end of the year, and have already started talking about bringing events back in a real way. We’re hopeful that maybe we may even have some better work / life balance because our all queer and trans team is joining forces with For Them’s all queer and trans team!
3. Our full-time team is going over to the other side! Some of our roles are changing and some are staying very much the same. Carmen, Kayla and Heather will be in the same roles. Nico is heading up Autostraddle’s Membership Editorial and Ops — there won’t be any more fundraisers, so they’ll be able to focus completely on making A+ membership even cooler! Laneia will remain on the team in operations where she’s helping us build bright, exciting futures and also a lot of serious databases and systems. Riese is thrilled to be moving out of leadership and away from her role as CEO and back into writing, editing, podcasting and generally playing to her strengths by working with the new CEO on strategic development.
4. However, in anticipation of the merge and existing infrastructure on the other side to support our Brand Partnerships pursuits, our Brand Partnerships Director Anya finished up her time last month, and we already miss her so much! Building out our brand partnerships with Anya — who is brilliant and determined and hilarious — and getting to work closely with her in that process, was frankly a delight. She hustled her ass off to learn more about our place in this industry, going to conferences and industry events and getting our name out there in front of brands we were previously unable to reach — and maintained a positive attitude in the face of really sharp odds! More than that, she learned and taught us all new lessons with each deck she built and client she met with. Furthermore, her work on topics including Selling Sunset and Survivor is Pulitzer-worthy. She’s generous, kind, humble and fantastic, and we already miss her presence in our Slack every day.
5. This was an “equity-only deal” which makes it more of a merger than a sale. No cash changed hands. What we’re all getting out of this is a leadership team with serious business acumen, a combining of resources, better chances at success, and opportunities for serious growth.
6. For Them is ALSO member-supported, and in this time of transition, we need your support more than ever. This also means that there’s a plan to bring our member programs together. This will be a process that happens gradually, but we think it’s going to be really exciting for y’all. Your membership and donation dollars remain 100% gay and will still go directly into Autostraddle editorial and operations. AND there are going to be a host of new benefits for both A+ and For Them members. It’s the best of two gay worlds!

---

So What’s For Them?

For Them is a QTPOC-owned company reimagining wellness for queer and gender-expansive folks through products, community and gender-tech. They launched their startup in 2021 with their flagship product, The Binder. The Binder was designed to provide maximum compression with maximum comfort, based on Founder and CEO Kylo Freeman’s lived experiences searching for a gender-affirming chest binder that was breathable. Today, For Them is a media and technology company driving the queer revolution through product drops and services that function as direct links to queer wellness, radical self-expression, authentic connection and human experience. For Them is also at work on new products and releases that will go beyond The Binder, and has recently launched the For Them Podcast Network.

”As a queer, non-binary human-being, I saw thousands of companies focusing on products and services that did not speak to my experience. Wellness looks different for everyone. For Them understands and celebrates that.” -Founder, Kylo Freeman

---

Meet the New CEO

Kylo Freeman (they/them) is a queer, Black, nonbinary and British founder, actor, producer and venture partner based in NYC. They started their career in finance (PwC, AXA Art, prehype) and then moved to New York to study acting at Stella Adler Studio.

Kylo’s acting career, which includes credits on NBC’s “The Blacklist” and “New Amsterdam” as well as AACTA nominated best indie feature film “Under My Skin,” lead them to founding their first company in 2018. After noticing the imbalance in the funding of diverse stories, they started Boycott Entertainment – production company focussed on underrepresented talent behind the camera.

Kylo is passionate about the queer community and is consistently innovating around ways to improve the wellbeing of gender non-conforming and trans folks. They have recently joined Resolute VC as a venture partner, which is another space where they strive to empower underrepresented humans with equitable access to opportunity.

When Carmen asked Kylo what they saw in Autostraddle, Kylo had this to say:

“So I’ve been a massive superfan, and a genuine fan ever since I could remember. Autostraddle helped me come out by showing me what a full, queer, happy life could look like. Then I got the pleasure of meeting Riese and we just got on really well. We realized that the way we think and the way you all think is very similar in terms of mission and what we’re trying to achieve and what’s important. I think that’s really, really rare and I haven’t come across that a lot in the business world, of two people driving towards the same goal from a different angle. Then I met the whole Autostraddle team and in terms of mission, in terms of ethos, the whole team’s incredible. And it just felt like it was a very easy decision from my end, to be honest.”

---

How’s the Team Feeling?

“The love that I have for Autostraddle, starting from when I used to read it daily while coming out of the closet, can barely be put in words. Now, I consider myself so deeply lucky to be a part of this beautiful, funny, ridiculously smart, hardworking, tireless team — people who day in and out, put in endless hours to keep telling the stories of our community, on our terms. Joining our team with ForThem is going to open up exciting new opportunities in front of us to not only continue existing, but also grow and serve our communities.” – Carmen Phillips, Editor in Chief

“Autostraddle has been a huge part of my life for the past 8+ years, and I’m so excited that it’ll live on and can’t wait to see what this new chapter looks like. Working under Carmen’s vision as Editor in Chief has been one of the most rewarding aspects of my writing/editing career, and I’m really proud of the things we’ve done together alongside the rest of the team. Changes are exciting and an opportunity for growth, and I’m ready to jump into whatever that might look like moving forward!” – Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya, Managing Editor

I’ve already started behind the scenes work with ForThem as we prepare to marry our member programs, and seeing their team has reminded me of just why and how I fell in love with working at Autostraddle. Autostraddle is full of smart, earnest, funny as heck queer people who are total weirdos who follow their hearts. I am starting to get the sense that For Them’s team is similar, and I couldn’t be more excited about growing our crew and about the many, unfolding and expansive possibilities for the future of this site, this community and everything we’ve been dreaming of accomplishing! – Nico Hall, Membership Editorial and Ops

Autostraddle has always been one of the most important publications on the internet, and that’s as true — maybe even more true — than ever, here in 2023. With state governments and local school boards restricting essential access to LGBTQ+ resources, with trans people under attack from both the church and the state like never before, and with so many other queer publications folding, Autostraddle remains a beacon of hope in an often very cruel world. I am excited that Autostraddle is going to join forces with a group of similar-minded people who are committed to making sure queer and trans people have the support they need to live the fullest, happiest lives possible. – Heather Hogan, Senior Writer

Change can be scary but it can also be terribly exciting, and this is definitely the exciting kind of change!. I’ve loved working with the ForThem team this year – dreaming the biggest dreams possible for the future of Autostraddle, dreams I’d long let go of. I think our whole team will benefit from the structure, experience and forward-thinking vision that Kylo will bring to the table as our new CEO. – Riese Bernard, Co-Founder

---

New Member Benefits Are Coming!

Right now, our teams are hard at work on a roadmap for the future of gay-marrying A+ and For Them member benefits, but we want you to know that just like Autostrddle, A+ isn’t going anywhere. In the future, A+ members can look forward to new perks like For Them’s app and member community, The Playground — and Silver, Gold and Platinum A+ members can look forward to access to discounts and exclusive product drops. You’ll likely receive more news over the next several months, and at the very least, we believe members will have access to the app by the end of the year. We’re committed to keeping pricing accessible at the least expensive tiers and to providing members with more benefits as time goes on and members willl continue to receive every member perk and the A+ content they currently access! Stay tuned, open your emails and watch this space for more!

Thank you, always and forever, for being a part of this place. You have our queer hearts.

---

Privacy Concerns

Apologies that we didn’t pre-empt the concerns that we received around data and privacy on our interview with Kylo posted yesterday. We want to address those concerns now.

In terms of the data Autostraddle has on A+ members: we have the name and email you signed up with. If you have received perks, we have your address. This is very similar data that any online shop might have for you. We do not have access to your credit card or other payment information, as that is encrypted via third party payment processors and we don’t have any ability to access that information. To be perfectly clear, advertisers have asked Autostraddle in the past for more reader data, and we have not collected it nor sold it.

For Them, similarly to Autostraddle, collects name, email, phone number device information and payment info (via a third party processor), as well as address when necessary for shipping products. The “gender tracking” on the app is not referring to any kind of biometric data tracking, but rather to a reflection style feature of the app. The app allows you to track how euphoric, confident or joyful you feel on any given day in a kind of personal diary, for your own personal use. It also allows you to track your outfits. None of this data is medical or biometric. Location is not tracked. They never, ever ask about medical procedures, HRT, diagnoses, medical history or anything of that matter. If anyone wishes to download their information to review, bring to a therapist, etc. then they can download their history. Other than that, this information is not shared with anyone. Users also have the option to delete their entire profile at any point they deem necessary. None of this data is sold to third parties, and never will be, nor would it be useful in any way in terms of salability to third parties. These features were developed through conversations and work with beta testers who requested these features be made available to them in the app and this “tracking” is the end product in and of itself, and is not intended as a means of scraping data. All data is encrypted and secure.

A+ members will be able to opt in as to whether they download the app and they will be able to opt into using any individual features within the app. There is no way for us to force you to download the app, and since the website will still be accessible as a website, it will not be necessary to download the app to continue to read and access A+ content. The merging of the memberships may involve migrating our data to a more secure and advanced system, but that’s not in order to sell it, but rather because we might have the chance for the first time in 10 years, to use a member database that is not made out of tape and bubblegum. Mostly, the “merging” of the memberships was just our way of communicating that members of both companies are going to start receiving each others’ perks and benefits. For Them is going to be releasing new products in the future, and for example, A+ members at the Silver level and up are going to be getting discounts on those products. For Them members will get to read A+ content. We’re working on building out the tech that will allow all this to happen smoothly, but that does not involve in any way selling your data or obtaining data from you that you don’t willingly give us.

We also want to close by addressing the concerns around the following phrase in For Them’s privacy policy: “Finally, we may also share your Personal Information to comply with applicable laws and regulations, to respond to a subpoena, search warrant or other lawful request for information we receive, or to otherwise protect our rights.” While this is absolutely standard language when it comes to privacy policies (you’ll find this in many other queer apps’ privacy policy for example), we want to assure you that unlike certain other media companies we shall not name for legal reasons, we will not blanket comply with information requests, but will instead take any such requests (or orders in the case of subpoenas and warrants) through our legal team. Keeping our community safe is our priority and we will do so to the best of our ability.

We will not harvest or sell user data to third parties. For Them’s physical products and the app are our end game. Autostraddle will continue to create content which is also our end game. Our end game is not data harvesting. Ultimately, whatever we’re doing, whether it’s making gender affirming products or lesbian content, we’re here to serve our community. Our legal team is currently reviewing an updated privacy policy that addresses all the above concerns in greater depth. This will be published within the week.

We hope this was clarifying and helpful.

Get In Here and Meet Kylo Freeman: For Them’s Founder and Autostraddle’s New CEO

We’ve got some pretty big changes coming up at Autostraddle — a new, bright, hopeful chapter that began as the smallest seed of an idea last winter, has been through months of conversations and considerations and meetings and consultations and adjustments, and is now finally becoming a reality. Autostraddle is being acquired in an equity-only deal by For Them, a New York-based company “driving the queer revolution through products and services that function as direct links to queer wellness, radical self-expression, authentic connection and human experience.” Their first product, launched in 2021, was The Binder, a chest compression garment designed for safe, all-day wear and comfort, created in collaboration through fit tests with 500+ trans and non-binary humans. In addition to developing future product drops and services, For Them recently launched their membership program, The Playground, as well as a podcast network. And now they have acquired this very website.

For Them’s founder and CEO Kylo Freeman will be our new CEO.

Carmen will remain Editor-in-Chief, and all our editors are staying through the transition. The website will continue to exist and thrive and serve lesbian, queer and trans communities. After facilitating the changeover, I’ll be stepping out of leadership and shifting my focus to editorial, under Carmen’s leadership, as well as working with Kylo on product development and Brand Partnerships. We won’t be fundraising anymore, but Nico will continue running A+, which will remain our primary source of revenue.

You can expect A+, like so many things around here, to get even more awesome in the coming months and years. Together we’ll be building a fuller community experience, including events and an app.

There’ll be a lot of practical information coming out in the coming months, but for now on this webpage we wanted to kick off this merge in the most Autostraddle-ish way possible: with a very incredibly serious interview!!!

This interview was conducted over the Zoom app, led by Riese (Co-Founder) and Carmen (Editor-in-Chief) and aimed at Kylo (our future CEO, who by the way is also an actor which is relevant and you will find out why).

Also present on the Zoom in a peanut gallery capacity:

• A+ Director Nico Hall
• ForThem’s COO Em Chadwick
• ForThem’s Social Media & Comms Lead, Motti.

Also you should know that even though ForThem is in New York and that’s where Kylo and Em live, Kylo and Em are from the U.K. This will come up in the interview so just be prepared is all!

---

Riese: I want you to know first of all that I prepared for this interview, like I do for all celebrity interviews, by familiarizing myself with your body of work, which for me meant watching two of your episodes of New Amsterdam—

Kylo: No you didn’t. Don’t say that.

Riese: I did!

Kylo: That’s embarrassing!

Carmen: That is how Riese prepares for interviews, but also I did not realize that you were in New Amsterdam and now I have to see your episodes.

Kylo: Oh god. Was it the one where someone’s leg was bent at a weird angle and I grabbed it and said some medical jargon I didn’t understand and then fixed their leg, was it that one?

Riese: No, so far you’ve only had one line, and in the first episode you didn’t have any lines at all—

Kylo: My Mum was like, “you don’t have any lines?” and I was like, “you didn’t see all the face acting I was doing?”

Riese: But then in the next episode you said something mean to Lauren’s girlfriend about her privilege.

Kylo: Oh sure.

Riese: Which I thought was a little harsh.

Kylo: I’m sorry.

Carmen: Kylo, I’m going to start with the main thing our readers will want to know about you as CEO, which is …. when did you know you were gay?

Kylo: I think I always knew in my bones and soul, but I had the bravery to admit it to myself maybe when I was 16, and then I eventually started telling people and exploring what that meant when I was 18.

Riese: Was there something that inspired your revelation at 16?

Kylo: Oh yeah. [laughs] Yes. She’s very straight and has a husband. But I should first say that my gender is interesting to this too, because that was also something that was really alienating for me when I was very young, being asked to wear anything feminine, but I didn’t really understand it. Which’s where my passion for creating representation across multiple communities comes from. But I conformed and got pushed into the mainstream, heteronormative society of Liverpool and the UK, and then I met a woman that I felt very passionately about, and that was very confusing and I figured that it must mean something about my sexuality.

Riese: Along those same lines, when did you know that you wanted to start a queer company?

Kylo: I’ve always wanted to start a queer company, but when did I have the resources and the privilege to do it? I mean, not until I was almost 30.

As I started to really understand my sexuality and my gender I could really see the ways that we’re very underserved and underrepresented across so many areas — from products and services to community. So I’ve definitely been passionate about doing it for a long time.

My first company was a production company focused on underrepresented folks behind the camera. That’s because I was getting booked as an actor, and there was a big push for diversity on-screen, but we didn’t seem to have that same diverse talent behind the camera, or writing the stories. I think For Them is solving the same issue, which is: how do we serve underserved folks in the community?

Carmen: That’s great. And I think that’s gonna lead right into my question, which is — when did you know that you wanted to buy this company and why? What do you think sets our company apart from everything else out there?

Kylo: Um, don’t be scared, Riese, but I’ve known of you for a long time. I’ve known Autostraddle ever since Autostraddle was made accessible to me on the interwebs. Autostraddle also told me about The L Word, which blew my whole mind wide open, and it was cool to keep going back to Autostraddle to keep up on what you thought about the episode that I’d watched.

I think Autostraddle genuinely — it’s cheesy to say, but it helped me come out because it helped me understand that there’s so many queer folks out there living lives that are cool and interesting and full. You all have such a unique voice and a strong connection with your community.

So I’ve been a massive superfan, and a genuine fan ever since I could remember. Then I got the pleasure of meeting Riese and we just got on really well. We realized that the way we think and the way you all think is very similar in terms of mission and what we’re trying to achieve and what’s important. I think that’s really, really rare and I haven’t come across that a lot in the business world, of two people driving towards the same goal from a different angle. Then I met the whole Autostraddle team and in terms of mission, in terms of ethos, the whole team’s incredible. And it just felt like it was a very easy decision from my end, to be honest.

Riese: I love that!!!! Okay, so. When you were little, did you dream of owning a website that recently published an article called, “How Many Times Did I See Black Swan in Theaters While Closeted? An Investigation”?

Kylo: It was my one and only dream.

Riese: Follow-up — how many times have you seen Black Swan?

Kylo: Actually, a lot. Actually a lot.

Riese: Really?

Kylo: Yeah, I’ve seen it a lot, it’s so sexy. I can’t say that enough. So thank you for the article, thank you to Black Swan. It could do with a little more diversity in the cast, but that’s the lens I’m always driving with. But it’s sexy and important.

Carmen: I think objectively both of those things are true. I think the readers are gonna love knowing that you think it’s sexy. We all agree there.

Kylo: Excellent.

Carmen: I actually have a serious question, which is, what are your dreams for Autostraddle for our employees, our writers, our readers?

Kylo: I don’t know if this term resonates for folks that haven’t done improv, but, but it’s just: “yes, and.” Everything that you’ve achieved, I’m in awe of, I think it’s so incredible. You have this amazing 14-year year base, and I’m not trying to disrupt that, and I’m really excited to be able to provide that to our members, and for Autostraddle members to get all the perks that our members have, access to our products and services, and to hear from them what they want, and to invest in those ideas.

And here’s the thing: I’m a builder. I’m a CEO. I can build stuff. I haven’t built a successful editorial business, and that’s why I wanted to go out and seek the advice and collaboration of people who have done this really well. I want to give it more structure and resources and grow it to the point that you dream of. I think because we’re all naturally driving towards the same mission, not much will change. We’re just saving and bolstering that queer archive that we care so much about.

Carmen: I do feel like this fits right into my question which is, what has been the most exciting and the most surprising thing about working with these weirdos?

Kylo: Who are the weirdos? You all? Us?

Riese: Autostraddle. Our team.

Kylo: We’re pretty weird too, so, it doesn’t feel that different? I’m used to working with an all-queer team that has amazing creative ideas that are a little bit out of the box, so it feels like a perfect fit from my end. I’m also just super-excited to have more than just one person on our team who can write, which is Motti. Motti would like to sleep a little more and write a little less I think.

Motti: Kylo hired a Brooklyn stand-up comic to run comms for the company.

Kylo: That’s right, and I regret nothing. Hm, what was most surprising? I think I’ve been surprised how well we fit together. I feel that is quite rare, right? Like, I could genuinely hang out with all of you. I don’t know that that happens a lot at work, you know?

Riese: Probably not, but what do I know? I work here.

Carmen: Okay, my next question is, should our readers be terrified that our site is gonna turn into Binder Sponcon overnight, or will we keep the editorial independence that they have come to expect and adore?

Kylo: Certainly the latter. Please educate me, what is Binder Sponcon?

Riese: It’s sponcon about binders.

Carmen: Correct.

Kylo: Sponsored content about binders. Oh, okay! I think the queer community is much more than binders, although I think binders are a good parallel to how underserved we are and that’s why For Them started out manufacturing a binder. But totally, editorial independence will be kept, you’ll continue to foster an audience of lesbian, queer and trans people. Carmen will be at the helm, and I just hope that we do even more content with more folks in the community. But no binder sponcon — well actually — you’re not even gonna do one? Maybe one. I’m not saying none.

Carmen: Maybe one.

Kylo: Not on day one.

Riese: Maybe day three. Binder Day.

Carmen: You’re joking but we will make up holidays.

Riese: Yea, like “It’s Great To Be Gay Day.”

Carmen: Which is 100% made up and does not happen at the same time every year, it happens when we decide it happens.

Riese: Yeah I love that. We sold a lot of stickers for that holiday.

Carmen: We sure did.

Riese: Okay my next question is, I’ve noticed that (ForThem COO) Em puts two question marks at the end of an ask in Slack. Is that a British thing? Or do you think it’s meant to connote urgency? Or to give me a heart attack every time she asks me for something?

Kylo: I don’t believe it’s a British thing. I think it’s probably to note urgency.

Riese: Okay wow, so there is a lot of urgency then.

Kylo: But is that urgency being communicated well with those two question marks? It’s probably a habit. I mean, Em?

Em: I have nothing to say for myself other than being haphazard with my keyboard.

Kylo: I think it’s a habit. When Em types on her laptop, fire comes up from her keyboard. And the way that she reads her screen is flying upwards and down and left and right and it will give you a full-blown panic attack if you are anyone but Em.

Riese: It’s true. Whenever we’re on a meeting and you’re doing something on the computer, your eyes are darting all over the place.

Carmen: Oh my God, like full-on Matrix?

Em: Trinity is my absolute idol, so I’m into that.

Carmen: Okay, speaking of British things, can you say something British for our British readers?

Kylo: Well, I was gonna say “good day gov’na” but it’s not 1800, so I don’t know. You haven’t heard the full Liverpool accent, which is actually pretty specific.

Em: It’s amazing and I love it. It’s like, “we snogged outside the chippy.”

Riese: Okay, let’s say we run into each other on a cobblestone street on our way to a Shakespeare play and you want to invite me over for tea tomorrow. What would you say?

Kylo: I’d say “hey mate, do you wanna grab some tea?”

Riese: Hm. [disappointed]

Carmen: This is great, I feel like I’m inside of Love Actually. My Beckham has been bent.

[Riotous laughter]

Em: That’s the reference of the century.

Riese: Okay real question: How do you plan to foster a positive company culture?

Kylo: So, ForThem’s been active for three years. I’ve built companies before this. I’ve also been in a lot of bigger companies where I felt like culture was not being fostered in a safe and good way. And so I have all of those learnings and I’ve basically tried to build a queer company from scratch. So a lot of that has stuff that’s non-traditional, based around structure that I think creates safety and openness and collaborative behaviors in the team, we’re very intentional about our values. So I want to continue as we’ve started. We take a lot of feedback from the team, you’re very collaborative.

I think that’s really all I have to do as a leader, is just listen to folks and try to strive to create a great environment for everyone. I know I’m not perfect. We just do our best out here.

Carmen: Okay. Riese told me that you don’t like reading Slack messages that are over two paragraphs long. Have you ever read an article on Autostraddle.com?

Kylo: Yes! [laughs] Okay, in my mind, publications and Slack messages are two different kinds of content, right? The wonderful and nuanced and interesting writing on the Autostraddle website cannot be compared to urgent two question mark slack messages, right? I’m a team member that just loves to hear people’s voices. I think as we’re asking folks to do things it just creates a little bit less friction. Riese’s slack message was like — some words were bolded, there were some italics in there, some underlines, there were paragraphs and bullet points, it’s like, structure. It’s like a love letter, you know?

Riese: A love letter about health insurance, yeah.

Kylo: A love letter about health insurance and I will not read it!

Riese: My next question is, which part of Autostraddle do you intend to torch first?

Kylo: [laughs]

Nico: Make sure that you write “laughs, but not villainously.”

Riese: “Laughs kindly and generously.”

Carmen: “Laughs, but not like a Disney villain.”

Motti: “Laughs, but takes out the flamethrower.”

Kylo: Nothing! I don’t plan to torch anything.

Riese: Okay. How do you plan to manage and leverage the company’s resources effectively?

Kylo: Look, indie publications are tough to run. Traditionally, Autostraddle has overspent slightly in certain areas, but that’s not due to any mismanagement of funds, but rather, because they’ve struggled to balance their ethics around fair wages and providing opportunities for new talent with the realities of maintaining sustainable revenue streams for a mid-size media company. It’s unprecedented how long Autostraddle has survived on just a boot-strapping model. So what we’re going to be doing is building a scalable budget that over time can grow in a way that still feeds the business. I began my career and education in finance, I was originally an auditor (!) and then became CFO for various startups. Being an entrepreneur in residence at prehype helped me match my financial background with skills of how to build sustainable companies. So I’m bringing a lot of knowledge and experience to the table, but I believe you’ve done an amazing job with the very limited resources that you’ve had.

Carmen: So what are you most excited to see happen in the new Autostraddle x ForThem merger?

Kylo: I want to nurture what you’ve already built, but then create even more opportunity for more underrepresented queer writers, and venture into more podcasts and into new queer IRL spaces, too. We’re building your puzzles into an app. I know that’s something Riese and I talked about early on, moving into the areas that your audience has been asking for for a long time but you haven’t had the resources and human power to do it. I think that’s really exciting because to me, you’ve already told me what folks want, right? But you haven’t had enough people to be able to drive towards it. I’m just excited to drive towards those things that you would’ve done if you’d had all the resources in the world, you know?

Carmen: I think that’s a great answer.

Riese: Okay, next question – do you remember what snack I got when we went to that co-working space in February, on the day we were looking through our finances? Like, I remember the snack was kind of a weird concept, but I don’t remember specifically what it was.

Kylo: Yes, I do, because I remember feeling like it was just quite a surprising choice. Because it was lunchtime. You got some sort of granola yogurt thing, is that right?

Riese: Oh, I did. But also I got like, a bowl of some sort of potato something?

Kylo: Yeah exactly.

Em: And there was this big pot of sauce and it made me feel sick when I looked at it. It had a bad texture.

Kylo: It was a pretty unique choice. It made me even more excited for our conversation because it made me think wow, this person is different.

Riese:Yeah, exactly.

Kylo: This person thinks outside the box, you know?

Riese: Uh-huh.

Kylo: Like, there was avocado toast on that menu —

Riese: Yeah, I could’ve gotten that.

Kylo: There was pizza on there — there was… anything but that. I actually really enjoyed that choice.

Riese: That means a lot to me, thanks.

Nico: “There was anything but that.”

[laughter]

Riese: I don’t think I ate it though.

Kylo: You did not. Which was even more interesting.

Carmen: Okay, last question: what are you most nervous about when it comes to running Autostraddle?

Kylo: So my goal is and has always been to serve the queer community, and my worry is that we as a collective won’t have all the tools we need to get it right every time — there are so many perspectives to consider and validate, and then, so many opportunities to make mistakes. So I hope we have the opportunity to learn from them. But I think with a larger team, and lots of different queer folks’ perspectives, we’re gonna get better and better at this stuff over time. We have a really diverse team too — across race, gender — I think that’s why it’s important to stay as collaborative as possible, right? This is not a dictatorship. I’ve learned so much from my team that I knew nothing about before. This is a real collaborative team, and the more we lean into that, and listen to everyone’s voice, the more we’ll be able to get closer to serving folks right every time. I want to keep learning, you know, as we go.

Motti: This is especially hard for Kylo because they are an 80-year-old man. Sometimes they need to be told what’s cool and hip and stuff.

Kylo: That’s true, you can put that in.

Riese: What do you think is cool and hip?

[pause]

Riese: Do you wanna ask Motti?

Kylo: [looks at Motti] Bum bags?

Riese: Bum bags?

Kylo: Bum bags! Bum bags and slippers. I know you call them fanny packs—

Carmen: Ooooh oh my god, I was like “what are you talking about?”

Nico: “Fanny Pack” would have different implications across the ocean.

Carmen: Ohhhh right because “fanny” across the ocean—

Kylo: Right ‘cause fanny is a vulva, so.

Riese: It sounds to me like a colonoscopy bag.

Nico: It sounds like maybe a preparatory instrument.

Motti: An enema for bottoms! Called a “bum bag.”

Riese: That’s good!

Kylo: Look at this product development we’re doing on this call!

Riese: My last question is, have you seen Suits? Meghan Markle is in it, and she’s married to the prince of your country. Harry. Prince Harry.

Kylo: I have seen Suits. Yeah. She is married to the prince of our country.

Riese: She’s very pretty, right?

Kylo: Yes, she is very pretty. And it’s a shame that we have lost her as an actor, but it is a privilege that we have gained her as a princess. Meghan, I love you.

Riese: [to Nico] Do we have any other questions we need to ask?

Nico: You gotta work in member support.

Riese:“We will collapse without ongoing member support.” Can you tell that to our readers?

Carmen: “True or false—”

Riese: “True or false — we still need massive member support to survive? Please don’t cancel!”

Kylo: So, hi, A+ members. Welcome. Your wonderful member dollars will still be driven to the same awesome place that they were driven to before, so all of your membership money will sustain our wonderful queer writers. They will create queer content, and Autostraddle as a whole has its own budget and that’s where 100% of your A+ dollars will go. We have a membership program as well, and those programs will eventually merge and you’ll have access to even more cool perks and features than you do now.

Riese: That’s great, thank you!

Kylo: Okay. So last point, I’m from Liverpool and we are very passionate about our football team. And our sort of statement for the football team is “you’ll never walk alone.” And I just wanna get that in there.

Carmen: We’ll make it work.

Kylo: There’s a song around it, I’m going to send it to you. You have to sing it with your hands above your head screaming.

Riese: I’m from Ann Arbor, Michigan, and what we say is, “Go Blue.”

Carmen: I also grew up in Southeastern Michigan saying “Go Blue.” But famously, I pretend not to know sports, but I would like to officially announce here that I am going to come in second place in the Autostraddle WNBA Fantasy league this year.

Kylo: Whoa.

Carmen:And that is only after a year of learning basketball.

Kylo: Oh, that’s amazing.

Carmen: Knock on wood. Watch, by the time this is published, I’ll get knocked out of second place. But knock on wood.

Riese: You’re winning now, and this moment is all that matters.

---

Addressing Your Privacy Concerns

Apologies that we didn’t pre-empt the concerns that we’re seeing around data collection and privacy. We want to address those concerns now.

In terms of the data Autostraddle has on A+ members: we have the name and email you signed up with. If you have received perks, we have your address. This is very similar data that any online shop might have for you. We do not have access to your credit card or other payment information, as that is encrypted via third party payment processors and we don’t have any ability to access that information. To be perfectly clear, advertisers have asked Autostraddle in the past for more reader data, and we have not collected it nor sold it.

For Them, similarly to Autostraddle, collects name, email, phone number device information and payment info (via a third party processor), as well as address when necessary for shipping products. The “gender tracking” on the app is not referring to any kind of biometric data tracking, but rather to a reflection style feature of the app. The app allows you to track how euphoric, confident or joyful you feel on any given day in a kind of personal diary, for your own personal use. It also allows you to track your outfits. None of this data is medical or biometric. Location is not tracked. We never, ever ask about medical procedures, HRT, diagnoses, medical history or anything of that matter. If anyone wishes to download their information to review, bring to a therapist, etc. then they can download their history. Other than that, this information is not shared with anyone. Users also have the option to delete their entire profile at any point they deem necessary. None of this data is sold to third parties, and never will be, nor would it be useful in any way in terms of salability to third parties. These features were developed through conversations and work with beta testers who requested these features be made available to them in the app and this “tracking” is the end product in and of itself, and is not intended as a means of scraping data. All data is encrypted and secure.

A+ members will be able to opt in as to whether they download the app and they will be able to opt into using any individual features within the app. There is no way for us to force you to download the app, and since the website will still be accessible as a website, it will not be necessary to download the app to continue to read and access A+ content. The merging of the memberships may involve migrating our data to a more secure and advanced system, but that’s not in order to sell it, but rather because we might have the chance for the first time in 10 years, to use a member database that is not made out of tape and bubblegum. Mostly, the “merging” of the memberships was just our way of communicating that members of both companies are going to start receiving each others’ perks and benefits. For Them is going to be releasing new products in the future, and for example, A+ members at the Silver level and up are going to be getting discounts on those products. For Them members will get to read A+ content. We’re working on building out the tech that will allow all this to happen smoothly, but that does not involve in any way selling your data or obtaining data from you that you don’t willingly give us.

We also want to close by addressing the concerns around the following phrase in For Them’s privacy policy: “Finally, we may also share your Personal Information to comply with applicable laws and regulations, to respond to a subpoena, search warrant or other lawful request for information we receive, or to otherwise protect our rights.” While this is absolutely standard language when it comes to privacy policies (you’ll find this in many other queer apps’ privacy policy for example), we want to assure you that unlike certain other media companies we shall not name for legal reasons, we will not blanket comply with information requests, but will instead take any such requests (or orders in the case of subpoenas and warrants) through our legal team. Keeping our community safe is our priority.

We will not harvest or sell user data to third parties. For Them’s physical products and the app are our end game. Autostraddle will continue to create content which is also our end game. Our end game is not data harvesting. Ultimately, whatever we’re doing, whether it’s making gender affirming products or lesbian content, we’re here to serve our community. Our legal team is currently reviewing an updated privacy policy that addresses all the above concerns in greater depth. This will be published within the week. We hope this was clarifying and helpful, but do feel free to thread any questions.

50 Pictures of Queer Joy at 2023 LGBTQ+ Pride Celebrations All Over the World

As we wrap up Pride Month, let’s take a visual journey through some of the many celebrations that happened worldwide! What you will experience below represents not the full spectrum of Prides that occurred this year but instead, a spectrum of Prides captured on film that we have legal rights to post on our website!

---

West Hollywood, CA

---

Washington DC

---

Sao Paulo, Brazil

---

Los Angeles, CA

---

Louisville, Kentucky

---

Lisbon, Portugal

---

New York, NY

---

Bangkok, Thailand

---

Bari, Italy

---

San Francisco, CA

---

Avellino, Italy

---

Provincetown, Massachusetts

---

Toronto, Canada

---

San Juan, Puerto Rico

---

Nashville, Tennessee

---

Genoa, Italy

---

West Bengal, India

---

Zurich, Switzerland

---

Manila, Philippines

---

Wilton Manors, Florida

---

Mexico City, Mexico

---

Rome, Italy

---

Paris, France

---

San Salvador, El Salvador

---

Mumbai, India

---

Austin, Texas

---

RIGHT NOW! Log Onto Discord to Chat With Samantha Allen

This is happening right now, Wednesday, June 21st at 5pm PST / 8pm EST. If you can’t make it, or want to review the discussion, a transcript will be published under A+ next week!

How do I read Patricia Wants to Cuddle?

You can buy it now from Bookshop in hardcover, or order the paperback or get the audiobook via LibroFM, where all options support Autostraddle and indie bookstores! You can also request it from your local library!

How do I get on the pop-up Discord?

It’s right here!

Here’s the invite link.

And below is a widget!

What if I can’t make it? The time doesn’t work for me :(

I’m sorry (especially if this is in the middle of the night where you are)! This is always so hard. We have to host most events within times that are reasonable for the team working them and the author participating. However, I will publish the transcript the following week behind the A+ paywall, so you will still be able to catch up on the chat!

P.S. If you’re in Europe (truly being hit the hardest by the time zone situation here) or anywhere else where this is straight up in the middle of the night for you, and you have a question you’d love to see asked, you can email me at nico[at]autostraddle.com with the subject line BOOK CLUB QUESTION and I’ll collect them all and ask them on your behalf, and then the transcript will be available the following week for you to check out! I know it’s not a perfect solution, but when it comes to events with live humans who go to sleep at night within their respective time zones, it’s the best we can do right now.

What will the event be like?

It will be a text-based Q&A within Discord. I (Nico) will be there to moderate / help with flow. Basically, read the book (or as much as you can), bring your questions for the author, and ask those questions in the chat!

Accessibility

We want Autostraddle events to be as accessible as possible and we opted to go with a text-based chatting format via Discord in large part because it was one of the most accessible ways to hold this virtual event, not just in terms of audio/visual accessibility, but also because we know it can be hard to ask a question out loud or know when to jump into a conversation. We hope this helps things go as smoothly as is possible for a virtual event. That said, if there are accommodations that would make it easier for you to attend this event, please reach out to me at nico[at]autostraddle.com to let me know. Also, here’s a link to a guide on using Discord with a screen reader.

TOMORROW! A+ Book Club Chats “Patricia Wants to Cuddle” with Samantha Allen

As a huge fan of horror, of reality TV, of queer people, of cryptids — I am in love with this book and canNOT wait for book club tomorrow. Are you coming?

If you read Kayla’s review “Did Somebody Say Lesbian Sasquatch Horror-Comedy “Bachelor” Parody?” about Patricia Wants to Cuddle, then surely you were either like a) I am reading this immediately or b) I shall have to read this as soon as I can. If you haven’t yet, there’s no better time to get in on this sapphic squatch novel because we’re talking to author Samantha Allen in June in celebration of the release of the paperback edition! The book club will happen on a pop-up discord server just for the book club meet, tomorrow, Wednesday, June 21st at 5pm PST / 8pm EST.

The details:

How do I read Patricia Wants to Cuddle?

You can buy it now from Bookshop in hardcover, or pre-order the paperback which ships May 30 or get the audiobook via LibroFM, where all options support Autostraddle and indie bookstores! You can also request it from your local library!

How do I get on the pop-up Discord?

First, you’ll need to make sure you’re an A+ member! A+ members support everything Autostraddle does, and they get all kinds of bonus content as thanks — now including access to the A+ Read a Fucking Book Club!

A post will re-appear on the day of the event, behind the A+ paywall, with the link and join widget, about fifteen minutes before it starts at 4:45pm PST, so that A+ members can join. The discord will also already be open for Pride!

When is this again?

It’s taking place tomorrow on Wednesday, June 21st, so you have plenty of time to get caught up on the book / reality TV parody drama. It’s happening from 5pm PST to 6:30pm PST. Times in some other zones are as follows:

• 8 – 9:30pm, Eastern Standard Time
• 1am – 2:30am, London, UK
• 2am – 3:30am, Berlin, Germany
• 8am – 9:30am, Thursday, June 22nd, Hong Kong
• 9am – 10:30am, Thursday, June 22nd, Australian Central Time

What if I can’t make it? The time doesn’t work for me :(

I’m sorry (especially if this is in the middle of the night where you are)! This is always so hard. We have to host most events within times that are reasonable for the team working them and the author participating. However, I will publish the transcript the following week behind the A+ paywall, so you will still be able to catch up on the chat!

P.S. If you’re in Europe (truly being hit the hardest by the time zone situation here) or anywhere else where this is straight up in the middle of the night for you, and you have a question you’d love to see asked, you can email me at nico[at]autostraddle.com with the subject line BOOK CLUB QUESTION and I’ll collect them all and ask them on your behalf, and then the transcript will be available the following week for you to check out! I know it’s not a perfect solution, but when it comes to events with live humans who go to sleep at night within their respective time zones, it’s the best we can do right now.

What will the event be like?

It will be a text-based Q&A within Discord. I (Nico) will be there to moderate / help with flow. Basically, read the book (or as much as you can), bring your questions for the author, and ask those questions in the chat!

Accessibility

We want Autostraddle events to be as accessible as possible and we opted to go with a text-based chatting format via Discord in large part because it was one of the most accessible ways to hold this virtual event, not just in terms of audio/visual accessibility, but also because we know it can be hard to ask a question out loud or know when to jump into a conversation. We hope this helps things go as smoothly as is possible for a virtual event. That said, if there are accommodations that would make it easier for you to attend this event, please reach out to me at nico[at]autostraddle.com to let me know. Also, here’s a link to a guide on using Discord with a screen reader.

Quiz: What’s Your Pride Vibe?

It’s Pride — ever heard of it? Perhaps you’d like to browse Autostraddle’s ongoing Pride package this year, called RAGE PARTY, because it’s about the multitudes contained by Pride, a nexus of immense joy and immense anger, of recreation and resistance. But today? Today, we’re having just silly, goofy fun with one of my famously “upsetting” quizzes in which I ask you a series of chaotic questions and then probably drag some aspect of your personality.

---

LGBTQ+ Documentaries To Watch This Pride Month That Aren’t the Most Obvious Ones

Our Pride theme this year is RAGE PARTY, an explicit acknowledgement of the complexity and expansiveness of Pride as a site of simultaneous recreation and revolution. It’s a time to hold each other close as we fight our oppressors. Rage on! In that spirit, I’ve rounded up some LGBTQ+ documentaries on queer resistance, history, and activism for a simmering Pride night in.

There are a lot of watch lists and documentary recommendations geared toward Pride floating around mainstream media right now, so I’m trying to focus on entries I didn’t see come up as often on those (kinda basic tbh!) lists. As a result, you might have to deviate from some of the more popular streamers like Netflix and Hulu to seek them out, but they’re worth the hunt. Time to sign up for Kanopy! I’ve put the docs in order of year released, and we’ve got films from 1989 to today! Check out over three decades of queer and trans real life stories! The list is, of course, far from exhaustive. So please feel free to shout out your favorites in the comments, even if they’re hard to find!

---

Tongues Untied (1989)

An experimental documentary that centers Black gay men, Tongues Untied uses poetry, performance, music, spoken word, art, and narrative to unspool Black gay life and challenge homophobia and racism. It’s an excellent starting point for this list and is available on Kanopy.

---

Last Call at Maud’s (1993)

Later in this list, you’ll find a shoutout to the more recent docuseries, The Lesbian Bar Project. But if you want to deep dive dyke bar documentaries, start here with 1993’s Last Call at Maud‘s, which touches on lesbian culture and spaces from the 1940s to 1990s, centered on the iconic defunct lesbian bar Maud’s in San Francisco. It’s available for rent or purchase on Prime Video.

---

Bloodsisters (1995)

Yes kink at Pride, and yes to this 1995 leatherdyke documentary that plunges into the lesbian BDSM scene in San Francisco in the 90s. For Autostraddle, Daemonum X wrote of the documentary, which is available to stream on Kanopy:

“Leatherdyke is a sexuality, and those of us who identify with it are automatically associated with perversion. When you’re turned on by filth, blood, and pain, no matter how hard you try you simply cannot bring it back from the margins. You cannot make dyke SM sexuality respectable in the eyes of society, and for many of us that’s even part of the appeal. The risks and the stigmatization of waving your freak flag have only moderately improved in the last twenty-five years. The watered down, mainstream ideas of kink have only moved the needle so far. Leatherdyke sexuality carries an inherent politic of anti-respectability and for that it has always been ahead of its time.”

---

Brother Outsider: The Life of Bayard Rustin (2003)

This documentary would make an excellent companion to the primer on queer labor activism: Gay at Work: Queer People and the Labor Movement, written by Daven McQueen for Rage Party. It’s available on Kanopy and additional apps.

---

Screaming Queens: The Riot at Compton’s Cafeteria (2005)

Three years before Stonewall, trans folks and drag queens fought back against police violence at Compton’s Cafeteria in San Francisco’s Tenderloin. It’s considered one of the first documented instances of large scale queer resistance to police harassment in U.S. history. It’s available on Kanopy.

---

T’Ain’t Nobody’s Bizness: Queer Blues Divas of the 1920s (2011)

The iconic queer author Jewelle Gomez narrates this exploration of Black queerness in the 1920s blues boom, exploring the lived experiences of icons like Ma Rainey, Bessie Smith, Alberta Hunter, and Ethel Waters. It’s available on Kanopy.

---

United in Anger: A History of ACT UP (2012)

“United in Anger isn’t just a film, it’s a teaching tool for future activists,” Gabby wrote for Autostraddle in a review of the Sarah Schulman-produced documentary about ACT UP that utilizes footage compiled by the ACT UP Oral History Project. Pair it with a copy of Let the Record Show. It’s available on Kanopy.

---

Call Me Kuchu (2012)

This documentary focuses on queer life in Uganda, including the effects of violent church-backed homophobic legislation in the country. It covers the 2011 murder of activist David Kato and its aftermath. It’s available on Kanopy.

---

Kiki (2016)

Regarded as an unofficial “sequel” to Paris Is Burning by critics, Kiki similarly follows ballroom and drag culture in NYC, focusing on LGBTQ youth of color. It shows the various intersecting conflicts trans youth of color face as well as immense trans joy and community, making it a perfect fit for Rage Party. It’s available to stream on Kanopy.

---

Check It (2016)

This documentary follows the Check-It, a street gang formed by ninth graders in Washington D.C. in 2009 that consists of trans and queer Black teens who have been rejected by their families, subjected to homophobia, transphobia, racism, and pushed into extreme poverty and homelessness. It’s available to stream on several different apps.

---

Dykes, Camera, Action (2018)

For my queer cinephiles! This documentary explores lesbian cinema, featuring filmmakers like Barbara Hammer, Vicky Du, Cheryl Dunye, Desiree Akhavan, and many more! Queer resistance and queer art go hand in hand, so dive on into this exploration of queerness on screen. It’s available on Peacock.

---

I Hate New York (2018)

This documentary follows the lives and work of activists and artists Amanda Lepore, Sophia Lamar, Chloe Dzubilo and T De Long, and it’s title is a tongue-in-cheek critique of the ways the powers at be have sought to erase trans life and spaces from New York City, including efforts like the shutting down of Cats II and Sally’s Hideaway in Times Square in the 90s. It’s available to stream on Tubi.

---

Changing the Game (2019)

Following three trans teen athletes as they compete in their respective sports and confront transphobia and other obstacles, Changing the Game feels like an urgent documentary as youth athletics continue to be a staging ground for rampantly transphobic legislation throughout the country. It’s available on Hulu.

---

Sylvia Rivera: She Was More Than Stonewall (2019)

This full documentary is available on YouTube via CT Trans History and Archives.

---

Always Amber (2020)

This coming-of-age documentary follows genderqueer teen Amber and a group of trans teens in a way that gives them a lot of agency and room for exploration of their own identities. Drew Burnett Gregory wrote of it: “This documentary is about a person and it’s about a generation and it’s about a future that is yet to exist. It’s a political declaration that all people regardless of age should get to determine how they present and how they’re addressed and who they are.” It’s available to rent or purchase on Prime Video in the UK and Apple TV.

---

Your Mother’s Comfort (2020)

Trans activist, politician, and leader Indianara Siqueira fights to save the LGBTQ+ homeless shelter for trans sex workers she started in this international documentary set against the backdrop of the election of a far right president in Brazil. The film is available to stream on the apps Hoopla and Revry.

---

My Name Is Pauli Murray (2021)

This documentary about an important Black queer and trans elder who has so often been erased by dominant history narratives is a necessary deep dive on their many contributions to Black liberation and civil rights. It’s also not without its problems, explored with nuance by Autostraddle Editor-in-Chief Carmen Phillips in her review, which notes Pauli is misgendered throughout parts of the film, something that’s grappled with and pushed back against by some of the trans folks interviewed in it. If you’re going to watch, I highly recommend reading Carmen’s review as a companion piece to understand some of these flaws. It’s available on Prime Video.

---

Rebel Dykes (2021)

Set in 1980s London, Rebel Dykes is immersed in a specific punk lesbian scene and explores the intersections of politics, sex and the erotic, activism, art, and music. It’s available to watch in the UK through the BFI’s website.

---

The Lesbian Bar Project (2022)

The Lesbian Bar Project is an ongoing campaign to champion the few surviving lesbian bars throughout the U.S., and part of that campaign included a short documentary as well as a three-part docuseries. The three-part docuseries is available to stream for free on the Roku channel and is worth checking out if you too are invested in the decline of the dyke bar, a topic we cover here at Autostraddle in myriad ways.

---

The Stroll (2023)

Made by trans directors Kristen Lovell and Zackary Drucker, The Stroll centers Black trans sex workers in NYC’s Meatpacking District, exploring the neighborhood’s history of violent policing, gentrification, community care, and queer and trans resilience. It’s available to stream on Max, starting June 21.

Gay at Work: Queer People and the Labor Movement

feature image photo by  Xavier Lorenzo via Getty Images

June, obviously, is Pride. But this year, it’s also the start of what’s gearing up to be a Hot Labor Summer. Yes, as Amazon Labor Union president Chris Smalls declared in late May 2022, last summer was also a Hot Labor Summer, but there’s more than enough union power to go around. As a former labor organizer, I’ve been filled with a lot of hope seeing workers stand up to their bosses and better in their workplaces – especially queer and trans workers, without whom the current surge in the labor movement simply would not be possible.

When I started a union campaign at a previous job with some of my coworkers, it was, in some ways, a shot in the dark to express our frustration with a difficult (and often toxic) workplace. Over the months, it became a way to take back my sense of self as a queer Black person in a job that prioritized straight, cis, white identities to the detriment of everyone else — to fight for a workplace where I and my coworkers would be treated with respect and dignity. Later, working as a staff organizer on a different union drive, I watched other oppressed workers come into their power in the same way as they realized that they deserved better than their bosses would ever let them believe. And now, all of us are lucky enough to witness that on a national scale and maybe even join the fight ourselves.

In the past few weeks, we’ve seen queer writers take center stage in the ongoing WGA strike, bringing Pride to the picket lines as they demand a more sustainable future for marginalized writers in Hollywood. After showing solidarity with WGA strikers over the past months, members of SAG-AFTRA, including its many queer actors, voted overwhelmingly to authorize a strike if the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers doesn’t accept a satisfactory agreement in their current contract negotiations by June 30. The potential for a nationwide UPS strike in August is also heating up, which would be the biggest work stoppage in U.S. history.

Okay, so maybe it’s more of a Hot Strike Summer, but in any case, the labor movement in the U.S. is popping off, and queer people are part and parcel of the fight. We’re no stranger to a righteous struggle, after all — I know I don’t have to remind you that Stonewall was a riot. A Pride rage party would not be complete without diving into the history of queer labor leaders whose dedication to the working class, even when their identities put them at risk, led to many of the rights and protections we have as queer workers today. Let’s get into it.

Early Struggles

To kick off our tour of queer labor leaders, we have to go back almost 120 years to 1905, when 12-year-old Pauline Newman, a Lithuanian immigrant to New York City, was hired at the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory. Newman, who had a “blunt aggressiveness and fondness for masculine dress,” was an outspoken union advocate even as a young teen, eventually becoming the first woman organizer hired by the International Ladies Garment Workers Union. She organized up to and in the wake of the devastating Triangle Fire, having known many of the girls who died in the disaster. She was a fierce organizer for the rest of her life, working for both the ILGWU and the Women’s Trade Union League. Through her work in the latter, she met Frieda S. Miller, who would become her partner for the next 50 years as both women dedicated their lives to improving the lives of working people.

Pushing forward into the 50s and 60s, the gay and Black liberation movements began in earnest, with leaders of both coming to the forefront through their work in the labor movement. One icon in all three arenas was Bayard Rustin, an often overlooked leader who worked closely with Martin Luther King Jr. and was a key organizer in the March on Washington. He directed the AFL-CIO’s A. Phillip Randolph Institute to integrate historically all-white unions and unionize Black workers.

Both Newman and Rustin, who were not particularly diligent about hiding their queerness, were often relegated to behind-the-scenes roles in the labor movement. It wasn’t until the 80s that Rustin began openly advocating for gay rights at the suggestion of his partner at the time, a commitment he continued until his death in 1987.

Trans Worker Power

Joni Christian was a General Motors assembly worker when, at 26, she received gender affirming surgery and came out to her coworkers. This was in the 60s, so it might not surprise you to learn their reactions were not positive. In a move reminiscent of recent attacks on trans rights, a petition was circulated at the plant attempting to bar Christian from the women’s restrooms.

As a member of UAW, Christian went to her union local and used her legal services to sue GM for invasion of privacy. She got the support of local president Gary Briner, won a settlement with GM, and improved her working conditions enough that she stayed at the company for another 30 years.

In the present moment of both relentless attacks on trans rights and a surge in union participation, Joni Christian shows us trans resistance is everywhere — from the streets to the workplace.

A New Generation

A lot has happened in both the queer liberation and labor movements since Newman, Rustin, and Christian, among other queer labor leaders like Harry Hay, Harvey Milk, and Leslie Feinberg, fought for their rights in the workplace. Queer and trans people have made historic wins, like marriage equality, and yet continued to see attacks against our rights, especially in the past few years. On the labor front, union membership declined steadily from the 80s onward;  it’s only been since the pandemic that we’ve seen a major resurgence in interest in the labor movement.

From Amazon workers’ historic election last year to the growth of graduate student unions across the country, workers have been busy fighting and winning. One of the most prominent examples has been Starbucks Workers United, the union of the coffee shop chain’s young, determined, and very queer workers. Many of the baristas leading the charge of Starbucks unionization are queer and trans, and with over 300 stores unionized so far, they’re making history in improving the working conditions of marginalized people across the country.

I live in Boston, and last year was able to attend a live reveal of the union election results of two local Starbucks locations. They both won easily, and seeing the workers, many of whom were my age or younger, many of whom were queer, celebrating their victory literally made me cry a little bit. Not just because of the unions they’d won — and what that power would mean for the future of their jobs — but because these are the same people I’d seen and have continued to see in the streets fighting for the rights of working and oppressed people in every other context. All these movements, whether for Black liberation, queer liberation, abortion rights, affordable housing, or labor, are intimately connected, and the struggle of queer labor organizers makes that abundantly clear.

‘Be the Change’ Creates Network of Care in Tennessee Prisons

Editor’s note: The author of this piece is a member leader in the Nashville chapter of Southerners on New Ground, which partners with Be The Change.

Tavaria Merritt is a community organizer, a pastor, a dreamer, and someone who loves her people deeply. Tavaria, who also goes by Varia and T, has lived that truth all her life, even in the most unstable of circumstances.

When Varia was incarcerated at South Central Correctional Facility in Clifton, Tenn., she saw the ways that she and other LGBT+ people in the prison were treated both by staff and other inmates, and she became passionate about organizing within the prison to help folks find supportive community, build power, and fight for better treatment inside.

“I was born to bring people together and show them what real love is about,” reflected Varia. “I had a desire to create something, and that is a community for the LGBT inmates here. If nobody was bold enough to do that, I was willing to stand against the odds. On June 8^th, 2014, I started something that had never been heard of within Tennessee prisons.”

She began by distributing a letter to everyone in her unit who she knew was LGBT. They came together to share their concerns and identify changes they desired to see within the prison. Together, the group became known as Be the Change LGBTQ Community. They began working to shift the culture at South Central to one where inmates and staff were more respectful of LGBT folks.

Today, Be the Change offers programs inside like support groups for trans women, addiction and recovery support, and those facing lengthy or lifetime sentences. They work to prepare folks for release by connecting them with outside resources and supporters. They host weekly services in affiliation with the Unitarian Universalist Church where all are welcome to connect with their spirituality — it’s the first and only affirming religious service at the prison. Varia uses her experience as a pastor and preacher to motivate the community.

“It’s my faith that has kept me strong,” she said. “I still believe in my faith and my Pentecostal movement, and they can’t tell me that I’m wrong, I know what’s right in my soul. I was called to lead people who have been let down, put down, people who were talked about when they were kids, people who were told they would never amount to anything, those who are outside the box and told they were not normal.”

Varia also works with administrators and staff to create a safer environment for Be the Change members, such as collaborating with the medical staff to ensure trans inmates receive appropriate care. Be the Change also advocated for a “cell with care” policy at the prison to ensure LGBT inmates would not be placed in cells with individuals not known to be accepting, as well as a policy to allow trans women to shower safely.

The organization has a safety team dedicated to protecting members from violence, and they share food resources among one another, in part with the help of outside donations. They also have members who are able to be informal counselors and confidants for folks experiencing anxiety and depression while inside.

To guide Be the Change, across all their activities the group uplifts five core principles: Believing in the worthiness of every person, accepting others for who they are, growing through a personal search for truth, working for justice, and understanding that everything is interconnected.

“Whatever your lifestyle, whatever your baggage, wherever you came from, you are welcome,” Varia said. “We can do this thing together as a team.”

Part of what has allowed Varia and Be the Change to be successful at getting policies in place to keep the community safer is their deep knowledge of the prison’s existing policies and procedures.

“I know this prison like the back of my hand,” Varia said. “I’ve worked the grievance board, I’ve worked laundry, I’ve worked the yard, I’ve worked the education department. They can’t get one over on me. If you come to me you better know the policy or I’m gonna tell it to you.”

Be the Change is also networked outside of South Central. They send mail to other prisons and partner with outsider organizations like Southerners on New Ground and No Exceptions Prison Collective. Varia and her team work to keep up with inmates who get transferred to other prisons as well as those who are released. By sharing pamphlets, art, and messages of hope, they are building a network of mutual support, encouragement, and resource sharing.

Varia doesn’t just help others — her community helps and supports her too. Having a strong community of support with members who share diverse experiences helped her come into her identity as a transgender woman in 2019.

“I’ve always been outspoken and did me and didn’t care what people thought, but I still need support to grow,” she said. “Being part of a community made transition so much easier. More than they realize or know, they helped me! When I came in, I didn’t know I was a girl. Now I walk around with my eyeliner on, my hairbands on, I don’t worry about no say so. Words don’t hurt me, I overcome the words.”

As Varia blossomed into the fullness of herself, she became even more passionate about educating prison staff and protecting and uplifting her community. Now, Be The Change members call her Mama T because “they’re my kids, I cover them. I will always stand with them, I might correct them, but most of all I’m going to show them love.”

As an organizer, Varia has worked to create a safer environment for her community. As a pastor, friend, and mentor, she has remained committed to helping others.

“A broken person brought together a lot of broken people over the years. I’ve been let down many times. I’ve been discouraged. I’ve been at the place that most of my people have been in, it’s why I can understand,” she reflected. “Every day I wake up and look forward to doing what I do best. We as a body and as a family are coming together stronger than ever. One of the things I often say is ‘we don’t die, we multiply.’ We are the chosen people, we are special, unique people. I don’t care how many people tell us that we’re not, we are.”

To support Be the Change or to learn more, visit their website btclgbtq.com. 

Kemi Adeyemi’s Feels Right Explores the Politics of Black Queer Nightlife

“Have you talked to Kemi Adeyemi yet?” Since I began writing about new books in LGBTQ studies for Autostraddle, other folks I’ve interviewed have encouraged me to reach out to Adeyemi, Associate Professor of Gender, Women, and Sexuality Studies at the University of Washington. Adeyemi’s new book Feels Right: Black Queer Women and the Politics of Partying in Chicago explores the experiences of Black queer party promoters and party goers in the segregated city. In the last few years, a number of new academic books have been published in lesbian studies and on nightlife; Adeyemi’s is the only one to explicitly focus on the lives of Black queer women. Feels Right takes seriously the way Black queer women come together on the dance floor as a political act in pursuit of community.

Adeyemi’s book is as much about nightlife studies as a field as it is about Black queer women’s experiences with Chicago’s nightlife. Adeyemi told me when we talked in May that she has long been “frustrated with writing about queer nightlife that really presents it as this utopian escape from everyday life.” “That’s a story, it’s not reality,” she argues.

Adeyemi adds, “so much of being out at night and partying is so intimately entangled with everything that happens outside of the party. And it didn’t feel fair to my ethnographic research or to my interviews to rescript this content into this beautiful story.” Feels Right asks, “what is queer nightlife, if that’s not the endpoint?” Adeyemi’s book explores what it actually feels like both to party and to plan parties for Black queer women in Chicago, which “is not always an entirely pleasurable affair.”

As Adeyemi writes in the Introduction, “good feeling is only ever temporary, if it arrives at all, amid the myriad of buzzkills that shape the queer party, whether they be bad music, whiteness, arguments between attendees and organizers, corporate greed, neoliberal capitalism, or just bad vibes.” Instead of a utopian story about the communities formed by Black queer parties in Chicago, Adeyemi is interested in tracing the actual experiences of party promoters and attendees. She wants to explore “the entire scope of the sensorium,” she tells me, which includes exhaustion, frustration, disappointment, and burn out.

Instead of feeling good, Adeyemi is interested in what it means and what it takes to “feel right,” which she describes as “those hard-to-pin-down sensoria signaling that everything has clicked together.” As she writes, “Issa vibe.” Feeling good and feeling right can happen at the same time, but aren’t necessarily overlapping. “The framework of feeling right offers a closer, kinesthetic look at the interlocking systems that situate us in our bodies, among other people, and within the built environments that structure our movements and our energies,” she explains.

The built environment is key here, particularly in Chicago. As she writes in the book, “The search for feeling right on the queer dance floor always overlaps with efforts to feel emplaced in Chicago, where access to feeling right and access to legal rights are entangled and circumscribed by neoliberal spatial politics that overdetermine where black queer people go and how they feel.” Adeyemi’s understanding and analysis of Black queer nightlife in Chicago is intimately entwined with the segregation and development of its neighborhoods, and the way that Black queer people express how it feels to live in the city. As she notes, “the queer dance floor is not an apolitical site in these conditions.” Adeyemi writes that most of the Black queer women she interviewed didn’t feel right partying in Boystown, for example, Chicago’s most well-known gayborhood, which is full of bars that primarily cater to white cis gay men and where Black queer people often feel like outsiders at best and violently excluded at worst. In a city marked by “racialized territorialization,” queer nightlife spaces are “highly contested zones where black queer women directly implicate their bodies as they assert their physical rights within and over the neoliberal city.”

Adeyemi’s chapters explore three parties in Chicago created by and for Black queer people: Slo Mo, Party Noire, and E N E R G Y. Each chapter examines a particular way of feeling right that Black queer women seek or embody at these parties. Adeyemi writes, “The right to feel good is a veritable political project that drives many black queer women to return to their nightlife scenes time and again, even as their pleasure is seemingly endlessly deferred on the dance floor and in the city.” She looks at particular moments at these parties — conversations, gestures, dance moves, conflicts — that illuminate these feelings. She summarizes for me, “the first chapter is about slowness and people’s capacity to just be easy in the bar, to dance slowly, to sing, to talk. The second chapter is about the feeling of Black joy and everything that’s fraught with that. And then the third chapter is about feeling ordinary.” As she examines these feelings with her interlocutors, she intertwines her analysis with a discussion of gentrification in Chicago’s South and West sides and how it impacts these parties, and in particular how it interferes with partygoers’ attempts to feel good and feel right.

The conclusion of the book focuses on how it feels for party organizers to plan and attend regular events week after week, month after month, and year after year. These organizers balance their desires to create space for Black queer community with the amount of organizational labor this entails and with their own emotional wellbeing. All of this can be exhausting in and of itself, particularly in the summer during Pride season, and can lead to burnout if and when the balance isn’t achieved. Adeyemi puts her interlocutors in conversation with each other, centering the voices and wisdom of Black queer party planners as they envision a more sustainable and communal future for their parties.

Since we’re chatting on the eve of Pride month, I ask more about what she thinks of Pride as both a space of rebellion and recreation, where people go to party. “I do think Pride is like, literally like the perfect example of the frustrations that my book is talking about. Everybody feels like they have to come out for Pride and it’s just like the worst time ever. The worst parades, the worst parties, the worst forms of intoxication,” she laughs. “But you go, and you either go because you think you’re gonna have a good time, or you go to feel righteous rage.” When we imagine Pride as a utopian space for queer joy, it disregards all of these realities that Adeyemi points to: how disappointing Pride can feel amidst the imperative to feel good during it.

Thinking about what Pride means in our contemporary anti-LGBTQ moment, she adds, “As far as securing legal protections over our bodies and our siblings’ bodies, the stakes do feel different. They feel heightened, they feel more dangerous, they feel more urgent. They feel more violent. And then the chasm between those stakes and Pride™, that is so vast. My best case scenario, my most rageful Pride season, would be just taking to the streets. No floats. But also: pay artists and pay party promoters!”

Adeyemi started this project as a graduate student living and partying in Chicago in the 2010s. She tells me that she wanted to explore Black nightlife and gentrification, and it eventually made sense to do so in the community spaces she was already inhabiting. As she signals in the Preface, the sheer amount of work it takes to research nightlife is often underestimated: “People who don’t work on nightlife love to comment that my research must be so fun, a comment that often doubles as a suggestion that nightlife research isn’t really research at all.” On the contrary, she tells me that this work is both incredibly rewarding and draining:

“I like to go out and dance, and I like to party. But when you have to do it with your brain on in a certain kind of way, when you’re having to pay attention to different kinds of things and not just paying attention to what your body needs or feels or how to be with the beat, or how to be moving in the crowd, when you have to be doing that and also watching for interactions or being attuned to the overall dynamic for the purposes of writing about it, that is also really intellectually and emotionally draining.”

As Adeyemi has gotten older (she is now in her mid-late 30s), going out at night for the purpose of research has gotten more difficult. But she affirms, “The process of being in conversation with people about when, where, why, and how they party was so enriching and fulfilling.”

Centering the experiences of Black queer women was important for Adeyemi in an academic field that rarely does. Adeyemi’s work, particularly her third chapter on E N E R G Y and ordinariness, provide commentary on how “Black queer women are largely absent and illegible within existing queer nightlife scholarship that is overwhelmingly centered on people who identify as men and where the very phrase ‘queer nightlife’ has become a kind of metonym for the scenes and spaces that they have historically attached to, such as gay bars and drag scenes.” In a series of powerful and bolded questions posed throughout the chapter, Adeyemi asks readers to interrogate their own relationships to Black queer women in their research:

“How Do I Need Black Queer Women to Do My Work? Do I Avoid Black Queer Women in Order to Do My Work? How Do I Need Them to Help Me Think? How Do I Need Them to Be Absent to Help Me Think? What Are the Keywords I Use to Describe Black Queer Women? Where, on the Spectrum from Ordinary to Extraordinary, Do My Keywords Position Black Queer Women? Is My Writing about Black Queer Women or Is It about My Ego? Am I Just Hoping that My Research Is about Badass Shit or Is It Really? Is My Research Radical or Am I Just Citing Black Queer Women? Are Black Queer Women Actually Doing This or Am I Just Assuming They Are?

What Do I Need from Black Queer Women? What Do I Expect from Black Queer Women? What Do Black Queer Women Expect from Me? How Am I Listening to Black Queer Women? How Do I Know? How Do They Know? Do I Think about Myself More Than I Think about Black Queer Women? Be Honest.”

In our conversation, I ask Adeyemi more about what it has been like to research and write in a field dominated by gay cis men. Adeyemi comments thoughtfully, “Those are precisely the people who trained me. Those are the people whose books allowed me to see and think about what my book might be like. Those are the people whose gay and queer party lives have literally spawned industries. Do you know what I mean? So I move with a lot of gratitude. And with a lot of frustration. That third chapter [on E N E R G Y] is for me really about the frustration of academic discipline. The frustration of graduate training, the frustration of how we assign what we assign, how we cherry pick chapters of particular books. You know, you’re familiar. Any of us who have gone through an institution understand the challenges of instruction, learning how to be in that conversation, or learning how to be in that space, or learning how to be in your body in that particular space.”

I do know, in no small part because Adeyemi and I both graduated from the School of Communication at Northwestern University in Illinois. Adeyemi got her PhD in Performance Studies, a competitive and prestigious program with a majority QTPOC faculty. I was enrolled in Screen Cultures, a (straighter, whiter) film and media studies program across campus. While I took classes with students in Performance Studies, Adeyemi was finishing her degree right as I entered grad school, so we never met during that time.

But I certainly experienced what Adeyemi described to me. In PhD programs, the classes we take — and which departments we take them in — shape the way we are taught to think, research, write, and teach. Each field has its canon, its major debates, its research methods, its conferences, its intellectual history, its celebrity faculty members, its taboo subjects. Graduate students are disciplined (literally and figuratively) into learning the norms of their academic field to become successful scholars who can continue on the legacy of their faculty mentors. It can be both an intellectually thrilling and a grueling experience. To focus your research on an underrepresented community — particularly one that you belong to — can add layers of marginalization to this experience. To do so in a program or department that purports to value queer, feminist, and trans of color theory but still upholds disciplinary norms and hierarchies that make academia a violent space for queer people of color — that is a fraught experience, to say the least. To then push back against one’s own disciplinary training and to carve out space for yourself in an exclusionary field — this a bold move, and one Adeyemi does gracefully.

“I’m much more complex than I have been thought about, written about, and depicted in academia and in popular culture,” Adeyemi writes. In her future research projects, she tells me, she continues to be interested in the position of Black queer women in scholarly work and in academia itself. She wants to ask, “What can Black queer and feminist studies do to think about Black genders and sexualities as more than theories and concepts?” Her book provides one example of what it looks like to do that work. Building on conversations with dozens of Black queer people, Adeyemi’s writing practices how scholars can “forge connections with one another in critical thought,” as she puts it, to practice thinking with Black women rather than just about them. The result is a book that pushes the boundaries of studies of queer nightlife to interrogate and reimagine the field itself, with Black queer women at the center.

36 Queer-Owned Businesses Selling LGBT T-Shirts To Support This Pride Season

---

---

Autostraddle: Our #1 Most Favorite Queer-Owned Business

---

Flavnt

---

A Tribe Called Queer

---

Style is Freedom

---

dfrntpigeon

---

Two Minds Press

---

Kirrin Finch

---

Lockwood51

---

Sabor a Libertad

---

FRE Collaborative

---

Many Many Moons Ago on Etsy

---

Wildfang

---

MegemikoArt on Etsy

---

Tomboy X

---

Mi Vida

---

Rebirth Garments

---

The Phluid Project

Ash & Chess

---

Queerly Designs on Etsy

---

Tegan & Sara Foundation

---

Official Rebrand

---

Sparkletown Studios on Etsy

---

Thugz Maison

---

Jen Zeano Designs

---

Demian Diné Yazhi’ on Etsy

---

Haute Butch

---

Queer Gear

---

Stuzo Clothing

---

Transfigure Print Co

---

Kiernan Dunn on Etsy

---

Gbee Studios on Etsy

---

Bad Real Bad

---

Decolonizing FitnessSaveSave

---

One DNA Apparel

---

Surpride on Etsy

---

South Street Art Mart

---