Breaking news broke today that yesterday evening, while attending a basketball-centric sporting event in the fine city of New York, recently-out actress Michelle Rodriguez and her very attractive companion, model Cara Delevingne, engaged in drunken antics including but not limited to posing for selfies, slouching and “making out.”
The New York Daily News editorialized the event by headlining “Michelle Rodriguez makes spectacle of herself” for their hard-hitting piece on the Legendary Canoodle. Many anonymous queer women, speaking to me telepathically over the internet, declared that “this is the best spectacle I have seen since the Spectacular Spectacular in Moulin Rouge.” Others disagreed, preferring the classic film’s “Spectacular Spectacular” to two attractive women smoking e-cigarettes while dressed like high-fashion interpretations of “life after death.”
The Daily News noted that Rodriguez was “clearly intoxicated” and “was caught on camera in the steamy session during the fourth quarter of the game.” Furthermore, they report that “her antics elicited jeers and cheers as spectators watched in amusement.”
Independent research confirms that The Knicks, much like All of Lesbiankind, won last night’s game. Despite my personal lifelong dedication to The Detroit Pistons, I am not mad at this situation.
Refinery29 offered a more liberal and exciting version of the event, noting “legs and arms were akimbo, hair was messed up, and sitting upright in a chair seemed nigh impossible. All in all, the two seemed to enjoy mugging for the paps and getting their smooch on, which is totally kosher — except for the poor saps who were stuck sitting behind them.”
“There was action on the court, for sure, but the real action was in the stands,” writes colorful newspaper USA Today.
Despite reports from several reputable news sources that M-Rod and C-Dev were “making out,” we cannot locate photographic evidence of any tongue-kissing or breast-grabbing occurring at the game. Entertainment Weekly has referred to the romantic interactions between the pair as a “sloppy kiss.”
Some photographs do suggest that tongue-kissing made its way onto their salacious agenda. Ethically shaky website Perez Hilton confirms “Yes, with tongue!”
At some point during the game, Michelle Rodriguez placed a voodoo spell on an unidentified white male.
Following the invigorating basketball game, the two women were spotted practicing a unique fusion of Tae-Bo and The Self-Defense Class I Took In Girl Scouts outside the arena.
Although there is no official word on Cara’s sexual orientation, she has previously enjoyed innocent lip-locks with other females such as Sienna Miller and Miley Cyrus, and has entertained lesbionic rumors concerning her friendships with Rita Ora and Rihanna.
Michelle Rodriguez recently disclosed her attraction for women to Entertainment Weekly in a groundbreaking move that garnered a significant amount of traffic to this website. The exact nature of her relationship with Cara remains characterized as “a friendship,” but many straight women have noted that sexual orientation would not impede their desire to engage in tribadism with Ms. Rodriguez.
If any further developments occur, you can rest assured that we will be “on it,” much like M-Rod’s leg was “on” C-Dev’s leg last night.
