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Celebrities (Vapid Fluff)

BREAKING: Cara Delevingne and Ashley Benson Are Definitely Dating, Kisses! -A

Riese —
Aug 14, 2018

feature image via instagram

Model/actress/author Cara Delevingne continues making major strides towards overtaking Papi and Shane as The Chart’s most active and notorious hub. The Daily Mail, a bastion of journalistic integrity, made a bold move this morning when they declared that Cara Delevingne and Ashley Benson “confirmed” their romance by “passionately kissing” in London’s Heathrow Airport.

“The pair first set tongues wagging in April,” reported The Daily Mail, “When they stepped out hand-in-hand during what looked like a double date in NYC.” Honestly, “tongues wagging” is a default facial mode for lesbians, but it’s true that we’ve had a little something extra to talk about for several months now. I MEAN:

https://twitter.com/harleivy/status/997623948593557504

“Cara is so entertaining in relationships,” said noted Vapid Fluff Editor Stef Schwartz, who unfortunately was unavailable to report directly on this event today due to a prior engagement at her soon-to-be-vacated childhood home in New Jersey. “Like, wasted with Michelle Rodriguez, being really pretty with Annie Clark, makin out w Paris Jackson while Macaulay Culkin watches.”

“People have been speculating for MONTHS,” added body language expert Stef Schwartz. “So I am pleased to have some confirmation. I hope Macaulay Culkin was around to bemusedly witness this blessed event.”

Actress and Sweet Tarts Gummies fan Ashley Benson has been notoriously homoerotic for the entirety of her career, including a multi-year bout of sexual tension with her Pretty Little Liars co-star Shay Mitchell, who is not necessarily heterosexual. Ashley’s Pretty Little Liars character, Hannah, was involved in an extensive romance with male lesbian heartthrob Caleb. She wished us all a Happy Pride in June. “She’s been vibing gay forever,” said noted Pretty Little Liars expert Heather Hogan.

Speaking of Caleb, Ashley was wearing a “C” necklace, which one can only logically determine stands for “Cara.” After so many months of canoodling and supporting each other, it is our supreme honor and privilege to celebrate not only this relationship, but the fact that Ashley Benson likes girls, which is solid evidence for our ongoing hypothesis, “everyone is gay.”

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