Autostraddle’s Ultimate Holiday Gift Guide 2010: What Your Girlfriend Or Otherwise-Inclined Pal Wants
Happy holidays and good tidings to you! What is a tiding? Oh, it’s “a piece of information or news.” GOOD NEWS TO YOU. Are you prepared to spend money you really don’t have on things people really don’t need in the silent hopes of receiving something awesome that you also don’t need and aren’t going to buy for yourself? I hope so because guess what time it is….
Holiday Gift Guide time! In which we, the staff of Autostraddle, share our innermost hopes and desires via wish list, just like last year. This will probably give you some really great gift ideas of your own, so, you’re welcome. Let the unabashed consumerism begin!
(Sidenote: if you order via these links, a portion of your purchase goes to support our ongoing existence.)
Executive Editor Laneia:
Happy holidays and good tidings to you! What is a tiding? Oh, it’s “a piece of information or news.” GOOD NEWS TO YOU. Are you prepared to spend money you really don’t have on things people really don’t need in the silent hopes of receiving something awesome that you also don’t need and aren’t going to buy for yourself? I hope so because guess what time it is….
Holiday Gift Guide time! In which we, the staff of Autostraddle, share our innermost hopes and desires via wish list, just like last year. This will probably give you some really great gift ideas of your own, so, you’re welcome. Let the unabashed consumerism begin!
(Sidenote: if you order via these links, a portion of your purchase goes to support our ongoing existence.)
Executive Editor Laneia:
Tea, Totes, Nature & Fast Veganism
Loose tea is sooo much better than packaged tea in bags. Just thinking about it makes me feel superior to bagged tea drinkers. I think I’d feel even more distinguished and important if I could brew my loose tea leaves in this Bodum Kenya Tea Press. Damn. That’s fucking fancy.
I’ve wanted a foldover bag for what feels like forever but has probably only been about a year. This Lucky Brand Abbey Road Leather Foldover Tote in ‘vibrant orchid’ is more or less perfect, I think.
Apparently this book is a French classic, but of course I hadn’t heard of it until last week because that’s how I roll. Nature Stories by Jules Renard (illustrated by Pierre Bonnard & translated by Douglas Parmee) is full of poetry, short stories and ink blot illustrations (!) dealing with nature, of course, and our relationship with it. There’s a snail on the cover. I mean, I’m pretty much sold.
I’m currently experiencing an aversion to eating animals and I need some inspiration re: recipes. Appetite for Reduction: 125 Fast and Filling Low-Fat Vegan Recipes is appealing based strictly on the word ‘fast’ in the title. Usually by the time I get around to preparing something to eat, I’m already so hungry that I’m close to passing out. The fact that the recipes will also be low-fat is unimportant, but intriguing nonetheless. Isa Chandra Moskowitz seems to be a Big Deal in the vegan world (see: Rachel’s picks), so that’s exciting.
Also clearly I want what everybody wants this holiday season, which is an Autostraddle Calendar. I’d like to turn it to April and just leave it up all year.
Senior Editor Rachel:
Cooking, Cook Books and a Date Book
First of all, American Apparel Hoodie. What. I am what I am, ok?
If I had my way, I would eat brunch every meal of the day. One step at a time, with cookbooks like Isa Chandra Moskowitz’s Vegan Brunch: Homestyle Recipes Worth Waking Up For, I’m getting closer to living that dream. Other things you may find relevant to your interests: The Complete Guide to Vegan Food Substitutions! Be still, my beating stomach.
Keri Smith’s The Non-Planner Datebook: Maybe it’s pure fantasy to think that this Non-Planner Datebook will change the way I live my life, but then again I think that shared fantasy is the only reason anyone buys a datebook, so why not go for the gold. Also, it’s cute! Look how cute this is! You didn’t think books could be this cute, did you?
In the movie version of my life, I am something like a cross between Ina Garten and Tank Girl. I also have a lot more money. In this version, I have a beautiful kitchen where I keep beautiful jars of sugar and flour and such on my vast countertop, so that they are within easy reach when a professional TV crew films me making myself lunch. Also, it’s annoying to have to walk into the pantry every time I need sugar. Look how pretty this Oggi White Canister Sets!
Writer Carolyn:
Hard Drives & Other Essentials
I drop things all the time. Sometimes these things include my computer, which is why I’m paranoid about backing up. But sometimes it can be a huge pain, especially if you drop your external hard drive on the floor while trying to fit it into a suitcase, then plug it in later only to have it ignite and make your entire house smell like burnt plastic (yes, this actually happened). Not only is the LaCie Rugged All-Terrain External Hard Drive huge, it has a friendly orange shock-absorbent aesthetic that makes me think it will be hard for me to break.
I’m an English lit nerd, but for some reason I haven’t read The White Album: Essays in non-excerpted form yet and I want to. The publisher says this:
“First published in 1979, The White Album records indelibly the upheavals and aftermaths of the 1960s. Examining key events, figures, and trends of the era—including Charles Manson, the Black Panthers, and the shopping mall—through the lens of her own spiritual confusion, Joan Didion helped to define mass culture as we now understand it. Written with a commanding sureness of tone and linguistic precision, The White Album is a central text of American reportage and a classic of American autobiography.”
My current backpack is held together in places by cleverly concealed duct tape and super glue and, considering it is my laptop bag, suitcase, and grocery cart, that’s becoming a problem. This High Sierra Access Backpack is duct tape free and looks like it could do all of those things at once.
Bigelow Green Tea isn’t organic or special in any way except that it is delicious, especially if you are into tea to the point where you drink it every day, but not to the point where you want to bother with loose tea leaves or the word “organic” or anything else fancy, which is me exactly.
Associate Editor Sarah
Infinity Scarves & Modern Family Obviously
I’m really excited about Steve Martin‘s new book, An Object of Beauty. I didn’t realize he was all up in the New York art scene, but apparently it’s true. He wrote An Object of Beauty: A Novel based on a bunch of his observations about the art world. I can’t wait until I emerge from my study cave after finals so I can read this! I think it’s gonna be one of those books that simultaneously is really pretentious and really entertaining. Also, one time I saw him at Bonnaroo. He was wearing a white suit.
I realize that I am like two years late to the infinity scarf party. But now I live in a place where winter is no joke, so I’ve been thinking much more seriously about my cold-weather accessories. And this Chain Circle Loop Eternity Scarf is so pretty!
I don’t care who you are, you need the complete first season of Modern Family on DVD. I’m serious. Just buy it.
Music Editor Crystal
F-cking Rock & Roll
I can’t think of a better way to spend the holidays than watching Kristen Stewart making out with cute girls or strutting around on stage in leathers, straddling a Melody Maker in The Runaways. Also, Laneia said that the DVD commentary is “The Fucking Best Thing I’ve Ever Heard,” which is pretty serious.
Over the past few days I’ve become strangely obsessed with this idea that Jack Kerouac’s On the Road would be brilliant in audiobook format. One of my friends will likely buy this for me so that I’ll shut up about it.
Keith Richards left an impression on me when he said, “Everyone talks about rock these days; the problem is they forget about the roll.” His new autobiography, Life, will no doubt provide me with many more quotable words of wisdom, and quite possibly also the secret to immortality.
Intern Hot Laura:
Stylish College Survival
A one-year subscription to Bon Appetit would serve many purposes in my life. a) Mail to look forward to at the beginning of every month b) Something to read that isn’t for homework or on the Internet c) Food porn d) Something to cut up when I need to make projects for school because PowerPoints are for boring people business majors.
Giving someone an Electric Kettle is like giving them the gift of health. The amount of tea that ones drinks is inversely proportional to the amount of colds one catches in the winter which means I will be the picture of health and lazyness with my new easy brewing machine. If you are a friend or family member concerned about my health, you could also get me a cordless drill, as my wrists on well on their way to carpal tunnel from all the screwing* I do.
I know Converses are the co-official shoes of lesbians (the others being white sneakers), but I really think it’s time for me to move on to something new. Something that can offer me more support, make my happy and keep my ankles warm. I just don’t understand why the Nike Women’s Blazers that I like are $15 more just for being a different color. I guess that what’s you get when you buy from the man.
*Like screwing nails into walls, guys.
Style Editor Becky:
Stories, The Dance, Shoes & more…
So, I don’t really know how to make coffee. I had always been a heavy yerba mate drinker but then my mom got a Keurig Mini Brewer.
They’re awesome because they require little to no mental work on my part and the variety of little cups can make me feel like I’m making important early morning decisions that won’t actually have any negative repercussions.
Also, coffee needs to be served at least once a month with some churros. I think it’s good luck or something. Here’s a handy churro maker.
We watched this charming coming-of-age story, Duck Season ( Temporada de patos ), in one of my film classes not too long ago. Given my affinity for coming of age stories (some other favorites: Valentin, El Viaje de Carol, and Noi), I’d really like to add this one to my collection. Also, Flama and Moko are absolutely adorable.
I’m going to be doing a lot of dancing in the coming months, and in preparation for my thesis film, a lot of research pertaining to Orisha dancing. Dance literature, like Making Caribbean Dance: Continuity and Creativity in Island Cultures is always interesting, and Cuban/Santerian everything (especially the music) makes my heart melt.
Sebago makes some damn nice shoes. I would take these Oxfords in a heartbeat if they came in my size, but these Ankle Boots and these Loafers are also very nice. I need some new dressy casual shoes and these would more than handsomely fit the bill.
Tech Editor Taylor:
Major Geekery
I tried to get rid of all my things in 2009, but as it turns out, I want things again. Who knew? So here we go. Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood, but looks absurdly cool. I can’t wait to terrorize rooftops as the super creepy doctor character. You know the one.
I don’t need a Kinect by any means, but by god it’s the holiday and this is my wishlist and I want one because it’s shiny and superfluous which is 100% of what I require in a gift. I can’t dance to save my life, but Dance Central could teach me the moves to win the ladies. All the ladies. And I could do it alone where no one could see, assuming I locked my girlfriend out of the living room or barricaded her in a closet or something.
And yeah, while we’re getting superfluous, I love Android and the bigger the Android, the better. How sexy is the Samsung Galaxy Tab? It’s big, shiny and full of virtual stuff, like the internet. You could like, go online on that thing.
Our universe is so fucking cool, I wish I was an astrophysicist but that sounds really hard. And I still haven’t read Cosmos, the Carl Sagan classic, but I intend to when I’m smarter. Next best thing: Cosmos: Carl Sagan (7 DVD Set).
Intern Emily:
Lesbians Love Their AA Hoodies/Poetry
For the holiday season I would really like it if someone bought me Unbearable Lightness by Portia de Rossi. Riese said it was good and also I love auto/biographies.
I would also like The Complete Poems of e.e cummings. EVERYBODY NEEDS MORE (good) POETRY IN THEIR LIVES. e.e cummings is one of my favourites. The end.
I also want this American Apparel Salt and Pepper Hoodie, xs, in “zinc”. You cannot deny the appeal of this hoodie.
Music Writer Lindsay:
So Much Misc.
It’s tough to make a living as a music writer right now, but lots of people are sure as hell trying, and quite a few of them are doing it beautifully. This year’s edition of Da Capo’s Best Music Writing includes pieces from everywhere and about everything, from Ozomatli‘s trip to Burma to the Bob Dylan Christmas album to a track review of “Empire State of Mind.” And the field of writers represented is pretty impressive, too, from the towering greats from the world of print like Robert Christgau and essayist Mary Gaitskill (whose piece in the anthology is titled ‘Lady Gaga in Hell’) to the new, web-centric faces of music criticism like Idolator’s Maura Johnston, Pitchfork Media/Vulture’s Nitsuh Abebe and Christopher Weingarten (who tweets album reviews at @1000TimesYes). Also, Autostraddle BFFAEAE Michelle Tea has a piece about The Gossip in it. As if you needed another reason.
Fred’s Port-A-Pint Folding Beer Glass is more eco-friendly than Solo cups. Classier than straight-from-the-can. Perfect for stadium smuggling.
Fred is also responsible for the Gin and Titonic Ice Cube Tray, which is probs the cutest party item that references an international tragedy ever.
I’ve been looking for a pair of low-cut boots for a while now that it’s getting to be that time of year in England where the windchill makes wearing flats pretty much impossible and my standby boots have taken a bit of a beating. I really like these Hold Em Low Boots, but haven’t had much luck finding them over here. Maybe I should try harder.
Hey, a girl can dream, right?
Senior Editor Jess R:
Celebrities Make Good Gifts
If you were even half as fascinated by the late night drama between Leno/Conan last January as I was, you need to read The War for Late Night. Bill Carter also wrote the ’94 book chronicling the first Tonight Show bitchfight between Leno and Letterman (you probably saw the HBO movie). This time around, Carter was given unprecedented access to phone conversations, texts, emails and private meetings between NBC execs, producer and countless insiders and has a way of sharing juicy stories without painting anyone as a complete saint or sinner. I really hope Tilda Swinton plays Coco when HBO inevitably makes this movie.
It’s not nearly as complex a story as Portia’s Unbearable Lightness, which was hands down my favorite book of the year, but Me by Ricky Martin is still kinda interesting, despite the third grade reading level. Look for the story Ricky tells about meeting his first love, a radio DJ, in the early 90s.
Fashion Blogger fit for a femme:
Cute & Quirky
Who doesn’t love a good watch? With personal technology telling us all of the things all the time these days, watches no longer feel like a practical essential, but something a little old-fashioned and queer. We can certainly afford to be a bit more modern in our approach, and Nixon does so wonderfully.
If the Nixon Metric doesn’t do it for you or your ladybird, I promise something else they make will, so take a look – they have hundreds to choose from on Amazon.
Nothing says I love you like an obscenely pricey, out of print, limited edition import that no reasonable, responsible adult would shell out for herself under normal circumstances. The Cure’s Lovesong – Lovebox would be my choice.
I love two-part presents! Luca Turin is recognized as one of, if not THE Patron Saint of Scent, and he’s written many books on the subject. Perfumes: The A-Z Guide is supposed to be deliciously clever and not a little snarky! I think it’s perfectly paired here with Fifi Chachnil, which is a great deal more coquettish and sexy than it looks. You can read my review of it here.
I am a big fan of the leather. We know this. When touched by the giddy hand of Betsy Johnson, it is a dreamy mix of tough-but-twee chic. Here I paired the Heart Of Gold Tab Wallet with the Black Ribbon Keychain Charm, because more is MORE! If you get someone a wallet, don’t forget to put a shiny new bill or two in it for good luck!
Practical has never been so sweet. We recently moved and while the path from driveway to front door has an outdoor light, there’s no light sensor. It got me thinking how thoughtful it would be if kind, capable queer hands took the time and care to buy and install one of these Solar Motion Lights wherever needed!
Riese
Books, Bikes and Burberry Brit
Firstly, I need a motherf*cking bicycle, ’cause I don’t live in NYC anymore and I don’t have a car and these legs were only made for walking ~5 miles a day maximum. However, I know nothing about bikes so I get overwhelmed trying to pick one. This is how I want to feel on my bike:
Secondly, I need Doris: An Anthology 1991-2001, because I like the quotes Laneia gets from it. Now that I live in (the) San Francisco (area), I should probably read Valencia by Michelle Tea (I read The Chelsea Whistle!) like everyone else already has. In related news, I ALSO haven’t read Potential: The High School Comic Chronicles of Ariel Schrag and I feel like a lot of you have.
I’ve read all the pages Google Books made available for me and now I’m ready to read the entire thing — Performing Glam Rock: Gender and Theatricality in Popular Music. In related news, I’m interested in knowing more about The Evolution of Indie Culture, Zines and the Politics of Alternative Culture and Fandom: Identities and Communities in a Mediated World.
And I asked for a bunch of books last year that nobody got for me, including Marshall McLuhan and The Cultural Resistance Reader.
I love Trivial Pursuit. I also love winning, mostly because I get bored when it’s not my turn so I like my turn to last as long as it possibly can. I feel that the Trivial Pursuit Book Lovers Edition game is the game I am most likely to win.
I have a superhuman sense of smell. I probably dunk a bottle of Burberry Brit onto my body every day to ensure I set a good example for all the bad-smelling humans, animals, restaurants, street-carts, onion-eaters and garlic-eaters out there by always smelling my best (sidenote I somehow am totally fine with the smell of cigarettes, weed and alcohol, idk). I always need more: Burberry Brit by Burberry for Women. Also imperative to constantly smelling your best is the tiny Juicy Couture Love G&P Rollerball Eau de Parfum (whatever that means), which is lip-gloss sized and good to spruce up on the go.
Intern and College Lesbianagist Lily:
Fit for a Femme For Reals
Sometimes I like to pretend that I am part of the Sedaris family. I’ve told my brother on multiple occasions that we will one day be exactly like Amy and David Sedaris except that I will be both Amy and David rolled into one awesome person and that he will sort of just be there for show. I’m sure he really appreciates my idea of our future. Until then, I’ll take David’s Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk: A Modest Bestiary and Amy’s Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People.
I am about to be really, really cold and I don’t own a North Face Jacket because I find them ugly and expensive. BUT they keep you so warm! So I think someone should buy one for me. My warmth is really quite important for anyone in my general vicinity—I tend to complain, loudly and frequently.
Dior DiorShow Waterproof Mascara is the best mascara in the entire world. I like to get it in waterproof because I’m a crazy emotional human being so I like to be prepared for anything that might set off my tear ducts (cute kids, a sad ad on the subway about homeless puppies, any movie about old people).
I would like one pair of Personalized Gold-Plated Bamboo Hoop Earrings that says “Lily” and one pair that says “Sexy”. That way I can interchange them depending on my mood. This would quite possibly be the most important gift that I could ever receive ever.
Tinkerbell:
what a puppy wants, what a puppy needs
Hello Autostraddle this is Tinkerbell. This year I want to donate all of my money to Autostraddle, just like last year. However as I am a dog I cannot garner employment and funds myself. However you can. In addition to being a dog, I am oppressed. I am a victim of cisgender privilege and also aristocratic privilege, class privilege, emotional privilege and also human privilege.
Furthermore, Rachel wants a hoodie and so because of peer pressure I would also like a Hoodie. THIS IS A HOODIE FOR A DOG. Some people put babies in dog things. I don’t like that. It is cheap but don’t hurt the baby.
Also I need a new collar, the 122 Swarovski crystals jewelled Python Print Leather Dog Collar will do. It’s called “The Wild Thing,” like the movie. Riese saw that movie the day she lost her virginity. She repeats things a lot.
Sometimes, I complain about things like how I can only type little words, one eye is falling out, cisgender privilege, I used to be a purse, I’m cold, bananas remind me of vomit and Riese says ‘Don’t make me pull an Old Yeller on you.’ I imagine this is a movie about an old man who yells and then becomes a princess. I’d like to watch this film just to be sure.
Merry Hannukah Autostraddle dot com.
In closing, it’s likely that what your girlfriend or friend or Mom actually wants is the queerest most sophisticated calendar of all time — The Autostraddle 2011 Calendar. It’s got gay holidays and straight holidays and 12 sexy lesbians. Buying one will help keep Autostraddle in business! You should buy two! Three! Do it now before we run out!