Are You 10 Years Ago
Ten years ago the website autostraddle.com came into existence. Ten years ago also happened to be my 18th year of living on planet earth and since I was there when Autostraddle was born, Autostraddle is forever my coming of age story, and a turning point in my life.
Before Autostraddle there was the Tegan and Sara forum where I stayed up until 3am on school nights chatting with people who were like me. Before Autostraddle there was a deep void of almost nothingness that needed to be filled.
When I was 14 years old, the word “bisexual” fluttered across my brain like a slow butterfly and I thought to myself, oh yeah. And instead of all the lights coming on, they all turned off and everything was dark, and I felt alone in a way I had never felt before. See, before I had realized this about myself, I had been able to convince myself that I wasn’t a lesbian, I liked the boys at my school, I was normal. I clung to that idea while desperately trying to fit in. But suddenly, I had admitted something to myself. I did like girls. And dare I even admit that I might like them more than boys?
Before Google there were these things called books and I was too afraid to read any of the ones I really needed. I was closeted and had no resources. Before Google there was MSN Messenger and AskJeeves and Myspace and LiveJournal and thank goodness for that but I’m still mad that kids these days get to Google the answers to their math homework.
I was in the dark for a few years.
I was helplessly, hopelessly in love with every girl I ever met, and even the ones I never had. I felt helplessly, hopelessly alone. I was out to one friend who accepted me, which was a relief. But I still felt disconnected from everyone else. All around me, kids were calling things gay. School is gay, math is gay, your mom is gay. I knew it wasn’t a good thing. Every day I asked myself, why me? Why do I feel this way? What is wrong with me? I tried dating a guy. I tried to convince myself that I could love him. I pictured us after university, getting married. That’s what I would do, to be normal, if I had to.
Before Autostraddle what it felt like was: I am the only gay person on this earth. I will always be alone.
Riese and a;ex in Riese’s old apartment in New York
When I was 16 years old, about a month before my 17th birthday, Tegan and Sara released their album The Con. Tegan and Sara were the first people who made me feel brave enough to be myself. Tegan and Sara gave me permission to be myself and cut my hair off and whisper in a very quiet voice, “I’m gay.” Through the Tegan and Sara forum I spent so much time chatting on, I met one of my very first queer friends from that internet that I would go on to meet in real life.
Before Autostraddle, I was alone, because I didn’t know that you existed. I didn’t know that there was a community of people outside the walls of my high school that loved me for the very thing that I was most ashamed of in my life.
Like many of you who have been here since the beginning, I found Riese through her blog and her L Word recaps. We exchanged some emails, and I still remember the very first one I received. She wrote something like, “do you live in NYC? You could be part of our friend group. We all met on the internet.” And I screamed inside holy fuck why am I 17 and living in Canada.
When Riese launched Autostraddle she put out a call for interns. I applied immediately, and since the only question in the interview was “what kind of chapstick do you use,” and I used Burt’s Bees so aggressively for so many years that I am now allergic to it, I was hired. It was easily one of the most exciting things to happen to me in my life. From there I eventually went to New York to meet the team for the first time, and to meet Riese, to whom I looked up to and basically wanted to be when I was older.
new york is big and small
sometimes i want to ask —
do you remember riese’s apartment on 125th i took the ACE from penn station late at night, every time, there was only one train to new york from montreal and it took all day.
i remember it
i remember it like i’m looking at a photograph.
every summer we were there for pride and then sometimes i came on my own to see riese and get stoned and die because i never wanted to go home.
i remember the first pride and i came home so proud i finally told my parents. there is nothing freer than being yourself.
i remember marching in washington and riese’s red sweater.
when i came home from new york i had a light and it was inside my heart and every year i went back and you [you] set it all on fire again.
and everywhere i went i was protected. i was never in the dark. i was alone but i was never really alone because autostraddle was there. in my emails. seriously, we never stopped gchatting.
eventually i had to leave [new york]. we all did. i can’t tell you though, what it really meant to be there, where it all began. you were the first women who loved me back. and i loved you, so, so much. i can’t tell you, though, what it meant to be 18, 19 years old sleeping on an air mattress in riese’s living room or drunk outside mason dixon after i’d snuck inside with a fake id. do you remember that party? i still have the coasters. well, that place is closed now. i didn’t ride the bull. my heart was already exploding.
from my blog july 2, 2009:
My heart feels so much right now. I remember walking in — no, that’s inaccurate, diving is right — diving in because this couldn’t be something I was scared of. I wouldn’t allow myself to dip my feet in while everyone else got wet.
Look at everybody. Four on the couch, one on the floor. One on a chair. I was the fifth on the steps. One moving around everywhere. I don’t know if this is right but look at everybody. Everybody is so pretty. My eyes, wide, wide, wide, soaking everything in. Dear brain, promise me you’ll never forget this.
I never want to let this go.
An online friend of Riese’s made this for me. I don’t remember his name but his blog was called Achtung Baby. I still keep it in my wallet.
Faraway Friends With Pens: A Look At Letters And Notes
When I was in high school* we never had a pen pal set up with people in other foreign-language countries. I thought those things only happened in books and American Pie (or what was that movie about the German exchange student?). What we did do, however, was write each other little notes. And thinking about it now, those little notes were the most amazing things.
Anytime there was some sort of holiday (Halloween, “Valentine’s Day,” school dance), there was a table set up in the main hallway where if you gave 50¢ or $1 to some sort of cause (I really can’t think of any), you would also get to write a note to somebody and then someone else would deliver it to them during class. Kind of like Mean Girls! Because I’ve kept every scrap of paper ever given to me in my entire life, I have an entire box full of these notes. None of them make any sense, really, one of them says “bobbing.” Also you guys I can’t believe I just opened this box.
But on ordinary days, we used to pass each other notes for free. These were sometimes folded in the most complex and (and creative, looking back) ways, which made it more fun to open. I remember the girl who helped me realize that I was bisexual and I used to pass each other secret notes in between classes, sticking them in each other’s lockers. They said pretty much anything; what had happened in first period, what we dreamt about last night, what we were doing that exact moment before writing. It didn’t really matter. What mattered was that we were thinking about each other when we weren’t together.
We did it with friends too. It’s just what we did when we were bored in class. We doodled, scribbled a note, folded it up and stuck it in somebody’s locker. Sometimes we wrote notes at night and delivered them in the morning. There were whole conversations happening on paper that weren’t even being spoken aloud.
As we grew older and got cell phones, the notes became less and less. It was all about texting during class, and, well, it was lame to buy Halloween-o-Grams. Our dollars were better spent on food instead of paper, unless it was rolling paper. This is kind of what our lives are now, aren’t they? I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, because I don’t think it is, I’m just saying that this is where we are. For long-distance friends and lovers, emailing is fast, free, and you can access it on your phone which makes it instant (I mean this in a different way than “fast”).
I was in a long-distance relationship once, and our primary contact was email. Both of us having intelligent phones, we could email each other as if it were text messaging. This is really special you guys! I don’t want you to think that because this is a post about writing on paper that email is like super non-personal and formal and without emotions. I think that you, Autostraddlers, know what email means more than a lot of people out there!
But some of the most special, exciting parts about being in a long-distance relationship, besides actually getting to be in the same city, is getting stuff in the mail. Thinking now, what I learned most from my high school pen pals and from being in a long-distance relationship, is that communication is special. Writing words on paper is a lot different from typing an email. Both are wonderful, but now, because of how fast emailing is, we understand what getting real letters in the mail means. A hand written letter means that someone took the time to sit down and find a pen, and write the words and then fold it into an envelope and go to the post office and buy a stamp and send it away, maybe never to see it again. It’s a labour of love. You can’t have 15 tabs open at the same time. And it’s like you put a little bit of your heart into it too, you know? Instead of just the same font and the automatic signature at the bottom. It’s scary because there’s only one copy and you can’t ever have the exact same copy. And you send it away, you just give it away, and hope that someone else delivers.
*In Quebec, Canada, high school includes middle school, ie, ages 13-17.
++
HOW TO DO A REALLY COOL PAPER FOLD
Now I’m going to show you how to fold a note like I used to in high school (“middle school”) which I think will be really really special for putting notes in pigeonholes at the next A-Camp.
Just remember that it’s symmetrical, so when I said “fold X”, I also mean fold the other side as well.
1. Fold paper in half vertically.
2. Do it again.
3. Imagine that there is a square at the end of your paper. Fold the square diagonally.
4. Okay, now it’s starting to get a bit tricky…to describe. Imagine again that there is a square after the square you just made. that’s a terrible description, so I made you a diagram so you can see inside my brain.
Fold along the imaginary diagonal line.
5. Fold directly upwards along the horizontal “center” line. I only folded one side here.
6. Now I’m sure you can start to see where to this fold is going… Take the end that is sticking out and fold it over onto the center. Fold the other half of the paper over so it covers the part you just put in the center (following?). You should then be able to stick the last end inside and everything should stay in place.
I found this a bit hard to describe so I’m really sorry if these are the worst descriptions/pictures ever. But I’m not sorry about the product placement.
Next: Tales of a serial pen pal and instructions for a tiny letter
Top Five Live Feist Videos You Need To See
Leslie Feist is:
a) a Canadian
b) woman
c) who rocks a guitar
image credit: kai junemann
Aside from being super sexy, Feist is also super talented, as evidenced in these 5 videos I’m about to share with you and her 10 million Juno awards. Inspired by Intern Grace and a lack of willpower to study for exams.
Sea Lion Woman, live in Paris 2005
This song is super fun, and Feist is a total rock star. You should watch the rest of the videos from that Paris concert, as they are also fantastic.
“Nothing sexier than a woman who can carry a guitar and jam out like that…” – YouTube
Undiscovered First, Black Cab Sessions 2011
Feist &co. improvise some percussion in a (presumably) black cab. Mostly I love the before and after they play the song. I mean also the whole thing. Does anyone else wonder where they’re going?
Lover’s Spit, with Kevin Drew, 2007
Okay, the people screaming are annoying. But I just really love it when Feist stands on pianos, and this song is so awesome.
Look At What The Light Did Now, with Kyle Fields, 2010 (from documentary)
Just a few things about this video:
+ The peacock feather
+ The adorableness of this location
+ Feist has cowlicks just like me!
+ legs
+ The peacock feather
Where Can I Go Without You? with Chilly Gonzales, 2009
Oh my God, you guys. Her voice is so good. Did I mention I love it when Feist stands on the piano? I wish she would stand on a piano and sing to me.
Know How, Kings of Convenience with Feist, 2009
Just promise me you’ll watch it ’til the end.
If you want to skip all that sentimental crap, just watch this video where Peaches and Feist get in a pool together. Sidenote, Feist used to perform with Peaches as “Bitches Lap Lap”… so I mean just do what you want with that info. More Feist videos can be found on The Internet.
You, Me, and Charlie: Dianna Agron’s New Online Art Collective
Emily’s Team Pick:
Hi! Even though I think Glee is really sucking lately and they are ruining Quinn’s character, I still really love Dianna Agron.
If you didn’t know, Dianna Agron has a tumblr, which basically ups her cool factor by 10,000 points. Also she’s been working on a new website and asking for submissions through her tumblr, and it’s finally here!
So, here it is: You, me, and Charlie.
It’s basically everything that’s fun and beautiful in the world. Book reviews, movie reviews, funny videos, hipster instagram lomography photos, fun facts, awesome music, and more, all contributed by YOU and Dianna Agron.
You are, of course, welcome to send in your submissions. I’m not entirely sure how it works, BUT it does look like fun and you can probably submit almost anything. What I really like about Dianna Agron is the way that she interacts with her fans; she always seems to follow up on her end of the deal. So if she says that she wants submissions, then I feel like she won’t leave you hanging.
Finally, here’s some things Dianna has to say about The Trevor Project that I really like and you might like too.
Write Your Paper Faster With Kittens
feature image by bigtallguy
Emily’s Team Pick:
It’s the end of the semester and you probably have, like, 4 research papers due in the next 3 days but you are so tired and don’t want to write them and instead you are reading this. Well, my friends, my roommate has just discovered the greatest essay writing tool of all time.
It’s called Written? Kitten! and this is what happens: for every 100 (or more, you can change it) words you write, a picture of a kitten pops up!
If your browser supports it, Written Kitten will also save your essay so you can close the window and not lose it. Obvs it’s also probably better if you save it somewhere else too, though.
Do you need more motivation than this!?
Get Baked: Savory Scones
What’s better than your aunt’s homemade scone recipe? Okay, maybe your grandma’s but for the purpose of this post the answer is NOTHING. The only way this could be better is if your aunt actually made them for you. This recipe is really simple, the apparent catch is trying not to burn them, which I obviously did. What’s so great about scones is that you can pretty much add whatever you want in them! I made broccoli, tomato, spinach and cheese scones.
Savory Scones
this is not actually a picture of my scones
Ingredients
2 c. flour
2 ½ tsp. baking powder
½ tsp. baking soda
½ tsp. salt
1/3 c. butter
1 ½ c. grated cheddar cheese
1 c. plain yogurt or cottage cheese
broccoli
tomatoes
spinach
spinach scone mix
1. Preheat the oven to 425 F.
2. Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a bowl.
3. Add in butter and mix it in well (If you don’t have a pastry blender like me you can use your hands).
4. Stir in the cheese.
5. Add the yogurt or cottage cheese and mix well. It shouldn’t be too sticky, nor too dry and hard.
6. Add in additional ingredients such as steamed broccoli, tomatoes, herbes, etc. Can also had in ham, bacon, or savory herbes. Stir.
6. Form a ball and pat it into a circle or square or whatever shape you want, on an ungreased baking pan/sheet.
7. Bake till golden, about 15 minutes.
alright, i burned some of them
This Is A Period Playlist
The other week I watched the heterosexual movie No Strings Attached, and I liked it. This is completely irrelevant to anything on this website EXCEPT at one point Ashton Kutcher’s character made Natalie Portman’s character a period playlist? And I was like, this is kind of cool? The movie website has the playlist available in its entirety (be warned, there is automated music that you can’t turn off), but I thought I’d come up with one of my own! What does one do with a period playlist? I’m not entirely sure, but whatever, now I can say I have a period playlist. Also have you seen the period tumblr yet, because girl, you need to.
The Period Playlist
Song Against Sex – Neutral Milk Hotel
Strawberry Fields Forever – The Beatles
Madder Red – Yeasayer
Big Red Machine – Justin Vernon
Red Belt – Tegan And Sara
Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now – The Smiths
Young Blood – The Naked and Famous
Swimming In The Flood – Passion Pit
Red Rabbits – The Shins
Ruby Tuesday – The Rolling Stones
Bad Blood – Bright Eyes
Blood Bank – Bon Iver
Feel Flows – The Beach Boys
Coming Up Roses – Elliott Smith
Always On Time – Mnemonic Sounds
Walking With A Ghost – Tegan And Sara
Red Moon – The Walkmen
PLEASE SHARE YOUR PERIOD SONGS IN THE COMMENTS!
Want to suggest a playlist theme? Hit Crystal up on Formspring and someone on the team will make it for you.
Check Your Emotional Baggage Or Take Someone Else’s
Feature image via weheartit.
Emily’s Team Pick:
I’ve been feeling really crappy lately. Every time I turn around, something else is falling apart. Say, could you hold this for a minute?”
These are the words that greet you when you first check into Emotional Bag Check. I bet you’re thinking, “hey, that sounds nice. I would like someone to hold my emotional baggage for a while.” So go ahead and check in your bags, and someone, somewhere, will read your message and hand-pick a song to help you cope. Seriously.
Or that person could be you! Maybe you’re thinking, “man, I’ve totally been there. I have a few songs that might make someone feel better.” Because then you could be the person to take someone’s heavy load for a while and send a song their way. Do you see how this is working? It’s like that Stephen Dunn poem, Kindness:
Here, let me help you, then you me,
otherwise we’ll die.
Read more about the website at Good.is!
That One Song That Defines That One Moment
Feature image from favim.com.
It was around late September/early October 2009 when I first saw The Airborne Toxic Event. I didn’t even want to go because it was a Wednesday or something, but my friend said she would pay for half my ticket. It was at a venue I’d never been to before, kind of in-the-middle-of-nowhere Montreal. There weren’t that many people, but it was a great show. In a way it was a show that would come to define Fall/Winter of 2009 for me.
See, I’d never heard of The Airborne Toxic Event and since then I haven’t heard anything new from them, haven’t been interested in even looking. The Airborne Toxic Event for me is forever associated with October 2009. In particular one song from that show will always sort of grab my heart in a way that nothing else can, because it was a weird, heart-grabbing time in my life.
We were standing right in the center, staring at the lead singer. And they played this song called “Sometime Around Midnight”. And the song, and the lyrics, and the timing, the heart-grabbing girl in my life who wasn’t really there… It was one of those moments where it felt like it was just me and the band, like he was singing only to me.
and she leaves
with someone you don’t know
but she makes sure you saw her,
she looks right at you and bolts
It was the lyrics that got me. They were everything I was feeling at that time: lost, confused, in love, drunk…
I was drunk a lot that fall. I was wandering the same street weekend after weekend hoping to run into this girl because I was just so sad and crazy. And it all culminated in this one night, my friend’s birthday, where I could practically hear “Sometime Around Midnight” playing in my head, and I was drunk and infatuated and the world was falling around me and all I could think was “you just have to see her, you know that she’ll break you in two.”
photo by mario leko
Things were different for me after that night, but every time I hear that song it’s all I can think of. I feel nostalgic about it now in a weird way. I don’t want to go back but sometimes I long for a time when I wore my heart on my sleeve.
Everybody has a song like that, I’m sure of it. A song with a memory so strongly attached to it that it can change your entire mood when you hear it, a song that so clearly represents X Time In Your Life, or even X Day In Your Life, X Moment. I don’t expect this song to have the same meaning for anyone else as it does for me, and that’s the beauty of it. I want to hear your song and your story, so share it with us!
Playlist: So You Had A Bad Day
It is a truth universally acknowledged that some days are just shitty. Through no fault of your own, but because of a bunch of shitty out-of-your-control events that all seem to happen in the same 12 hours, everything makes you mad and nothing seems to go right. I believe Hyperbole and a Half accurately described this feeling once.
via hyperbole and a half
It’s an uncontrollable frustrating murderous rage! Don’t worry, everybody has those days. In fact, I had one of those days just the other day. So I made a playlist for you. It comes in two parts because if you’re like me then you hold your rage in all day and it takes a long time to unwind.
Part One is for when you come home from work/school/the doctor’s/your great aunt’s birthday party and you’re all worked up because of all the things and you’re like “I HATE EVERYONE”/WHY. For that I have included “I Hate Everyone” by Get Set Go which might actually be the underlying theme of this playlist. But it gets better! I promise. #itgetsbetter. That’s that Part Two is all about. Tomorrow will be better, I swear.
So You Had A Bad Day
Part One:
Runaway – Kanye West
Better Already – Northern State
Evident Utensil – Chairlift
Right As Rain – Adele
Good To Sea – Pinback
I Fought The Law – The Clash
Baby, I’m An Anarchist – Against Me!
I Hate Everyone – Get Set Go
Camp Out – An Horse
LG FUAD – Motion City Soundtrack
Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect – The Decemberists
Don’t Give A Damn – Chairlift
Part Two:
Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want – The Smiths
Get Me Away From Here, I’m Dying – Belle & Sebastian
I Know I Know I Know – Tegan And Sara
Better – Regina Spektor
L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N – Noah And The Whale
Monday Monday Monday – Tegan And Sara
Surf Wax America – Weezer
This Year – The Mountain Goats
Float On – Modest Mouse
Today Will Be Better, I Swear! – Stars
Stay Young, Go Dancing – Death Cab For Cutie
Let It Be – The Beatles
Add your favorite bad day tracks in the comments below!
Want to suggest a playlist theme? Hit Crystal up on Formspring and someone on the team will make it for you.
Joe Solmonese Announces He Will Leave HRC In 2012
Joe Solmonese is leaving the Human Rights Campaign in early 2012, the HRC announced on Saturday. The story first broke at Pam’s House Blend on Friday.
Solmonese will not renew his contract, which ends March 31 2012. According to Pam’s House Blend, his departure will prompt a larger staff change.
You may know Solmonese as the guy who emails you a lot. Solmonese was appointed president of the HRC when he was 40 years old, in 2005. In the press release, he stated that leading the HRC “has been an inspiring experience and a complete privilege. I could not be more proud of our staff, our volunteer leadership and of the extraordinary progress we’ve made together as a community.”
Since Solmonese has taken over, the HRC has seen same-sex marriage become legal in 6 states, the passage of the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act, and the repeal of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’, among other things. The HRC now has more than 1 million members. Here is a full list of things Joe Solmonese has done (with the HRC).
Solmonese and the HRC have also been on the receiving end of a great deal of criticism during Solmonese’s time with them. Many felt that he was “too patient” with Obama on issues like DADT and DOMA, and urged activists to wait and see what the President could accomplish instead of demanding change. HRC under Joe Solmonese was criticized by gay conservatives for being too leftist, by leftists for being too moderate, and by trans* people and activists for leaving them behind. Pam Spaulding of Pam’s House Blend went so far as to call for his resignation last year.
By any sane performance metrics, he has failed to successfully lead. Promises like those made in the “This year we are going to bring down DADT” video at the HRC Carolinas dinner on Feb. 27 were used to extract money from low-info, fat wallet attendees. It’s rinse and repeat at events like that around the country and there is precious little to show for it in terms of the major promises made by Solmonese — and this President… Joe Solmonese should do the honorable thing and step down. It is shameful to cash all those checks without the follow through on the job. The White House was never put under serious pressure; the late calls now in the e-blasts for the President to do something ring hollow after the toadying that has gone on for two years.
But Solmonese is not retiring for good; he will continue his work despite critics, albeit outside of the HRC. He will keep fighting for gay and lesbian rights, he says: “As I explore new professional possibilities, I plan on continuing to pour my heart and soul into improving the lives of members of our community – from battling proposed marriage amendments to creating more equitable workplaces to ensuring the President Obama is reelected for a second term.”
There’s no doubt that Solmonese has been incredibly influential for the HRC and his departure may change the game for the organization.
So which direction will the HRC head in after March? There’s hope that the new leadership will take a more bi and trans-inclusive stance, though it’s hard to say until a new president has been announced. Members of the HRC’s volunteer board will work with an executive search firm to help find a replacement.
Movie Night: Y Tu Mama Tambien
It’s time for Movie Night, where we choose a movie based on any number of variables and feelings, create a themed menu to match, then spend Friday / Saturday night eating these foods and watching these movies!
THE MOVIE
Y Tu Mamá También
[ buy me ]
Synopsis, from imdb:
In Mexico, two teenage boys and an attractive older woman embark on a road trip and learn a thing or two about life, friendship, sex, and each other.
“He really fell in love with me.”
“Who wouldn’t?”
One night when I was in China and possibly under the influence, I decided that if I could learn Chinese then I could teach myself to speak Spanish. I have a leg up, you see, because I already speak French, which means I practically speak Spanish as well. Surprisingly, the next morning I was still convinced this was a good idea. How was I going to teach myself Spanish? Well, obviously, I was just going to listen to a lot of Spanish music and watch Spanish movies and then, you know, I would just acquire the ability to speak it myself.
What is even more surprising, however, is how terribly this plan is going. I’ve been back from China for a month now and I still don’t speak any Spanish! Anyways, so as part of my teaching curriculum, I have to watch some Spanish movies. Which is why tonight’s movie is Y Tu Mama Tambien and the meal plan is “Mexican.” It’s Mexican night!
I almost watched this movie without subtitles, but then I wouldn’t have been able to tell you what happened at all. Subtitles are key, even if you speak French.
“At 4 AM Julio vomited in the street. Around 5 AM, Tenoch smashed his headlight on the way home. At dawn, Saba had his first experience with group sex.”
I had a vague idea of what Y Tu Mama Tambien was about. I knew it won some awards, was possibly a commentary on present day (2001) Mexico, and Gael Garcia Bernal was in it and I love him. But for a good 20 minutes at the beginning I kept thinking, “ohmygod, I can’t write about this for Autostraddle, there are way too many penises hanging around.” Literally. There is a lot of nudity (men and women) and sexual content in this movie. There is also quite a fair bit of homophobia, but if you haven’t seen it yet, I still think you should give it a chance. The nudity and sex scenes are well done, and the homophobia is justified and in character (surprise! Gael Garcia Bernal and Diego Luna share a special moment).
This is not just a movie about sex. It’s about friendship and growing up between two young men in the summer between high school and college. It’s also about class differences in Mexico, as the two boys come from very different families. I probably would have grasped this more if I knew Mexican culture better.
“Julio couldn’t understand what he was feeling – it wasn’t rage. The only time he had felt this pain in his stomach was when he was 8 when he woke up thirsty one night, and on his way to the kitchen, found his mother in his godfather’s arms.”
It’s not so much what these characters do but rather what they say. The dialogue is key to the movie, which is why I’m glad I watched it with subtitles. There’s one scene while they’re in the car where Julio and Tenoch are teasing Luisa about an old boyfriend – there’s laughter and the mood is light, they are bantering, and then Luisa reveals something that’s the complete opposite of what you might expect and the mood changes so fast. It was one of my favourite parts of the movie; it felt so real and honest. All of Y Tu Mama Tambien was like that. It was set up like a raunchy male comedy, and probably would have been that if it had been made in Hollywood, but the characters were so layered and interesting and the story so raw that it was anything but your typical Road Trip Movie.
Luisa: You slept with his girlfriend?
Tenoch: This asshole also fucked mine!
Luisa: What about number 3?
Julio: Number 3?
Luisa: Your manifesto, not to screw each other’s girlfriends.
Julio and Tenoch: That’s number 5!
Definitely you need to see this movie right now. Don’t be put off by the penis aspect, it’s a bit shocking at first but in my opinion, part of what makes the movie so real.
THE MENU
Enchiladas
Guacamole
for the enchilada:
+ large tortilla
+ cheese
+ salsa
+ green onion
+ 1 egg
+ chicken/some kind of meat (optional)
+ salt and pepper
Preheat the oven to 350 F.
There are many things you can put in an enchilada. If you’re my girlfriend then you hate beans, so you’d probably prefer a zucchini enchilada. If you’re me then you hate zucchini and want to replace it with chicken.
In my enchilada I fried up an egg and cut up some leftover steak and threw it in there. Enchiladas are actually really easy to make and don’t take much time at all. Put your stuffing in the middle of the tortilla and then roll it. What I do for the rolling part is fold the top and bottom ends (I know it’s a circle but just pretend) and then roll it right to left like you’re rolling a poster. The loose end should be at the bottom so it doesn’t open up.
Pour the salsa on top and then add some sliced cheese. I used cheddar, but a grated “mexican” mix is obviously good too (I think I bought a package of that once?).
Stick it in the oven for about 5 to 10 minutes or until the cheese is completely melted or until it catches fire. I use a toaster oven and anything longer than 5 minutes starts to burn.
Put the green onions on top!
for the guacamole:
+ 1 avocado
+ 1 or 2 baby tomatoes
+ onion
+ garlic
+ lime juice
+ cilantro
+ salt and pepper
+ balsamic vinegar (optional)
+ chili flakes (optional)
Guacamole is also easy to make. Really good guacamole is probably harder and requires more cooking talent than I have, so we’ll have to settle for just decent.
Slice open the avocado and mush it around in a bowl until it’s no longer solid. Cut small pieces of tomato and onion and add that in. Throw in the garlic (all chopped up). Add cilantro, lime juice, salt and pepper. I like balsamic vinegar with mine so I always add a bit of that, as well as some chili flakes to spice it up. Mix and eat with tortilla chips!
To complete the meal, drink a Corona or 3.
Have you ever seen Y Tu Mama Tambien? Do you have feelings about it? Share them!
This Video Is Probably The Greatest Thing Ever Made
Emily’s Team Pick:
I was on tumblr, you know, as one might be, when I stumbled across this video:
I almost didn’t watch it, but I’m a sucker for hand-drawn birds. Turns out, this is the best video I have seen in a really long time, maybe ever. Mind = blown.
A Light Has Gone Out: Champion of Social Democracy Jack Layton is Dead
I was browsing facebook this morning when I noticed a friend had updated her status to “RIP Jack Layton”. My immediate reaction: What the fuck? Jack Layton can’t die. He’s Jack Layton. And then I googled news-ed it.
I hesitated to write about this because I really hoped it was one of those internet hoax things, and that Layton would pop his head out somewhere, tired from his battle with cancer, but still alive and well, fighting the good fight. But he hasn’t done any such thing, and even though I’m still in disbelief that I almost want to end this sentence with a question mark, I have to face the truth that Layton really is dead.
At the age of 61, Jack Layton died from cancer this Monday morning in his home.
Layton was the leader of the NDP, the Official Opposition party to Stephen Harper’s Conservatives. On July 25, he took a temporary leave of absence to fight the cancer, so he could “fight for families in September”, when Parliament resumes.
It feels like a punch in the gut, especially for people hoping to see a new future for Canadian politics, one coloured in orange.
Layton led the NDP in 2011’s Federal election to a record breaking 103 seats in Parliament, making it the first time in the party’s history that the NDP is the Official Opposition.
It was hard to not be moved on election day, watching a wave of orange NDP votes sweep the country.
Jack Layton did it. He rallied the country, gave hope to young voters, even got Quebec to eschew the Bloc. He made us feel like we had a voice. I had no idea Layton was that sick, but that’s characteristic of him. He was always a fighter, always ready to give everything he had to Canadians. He sacrificed himself for us.
Before he died he gave his partner Olivia Chow a letter he wrote to Canadians in the event of his death. It’s inspiring and well worth the read, possibly the epitome of what made Jack such a great leader.
To young Canadians: All my life I have worked to make things better. Hope and optimism have defined my political career, and I continue to be hopeful and optimistic about Canada. Young people have been a great source of inspiration for me. I have met and talked with so many of you about your dreams, your frustrations, and your ideas for change. More and more, you are engaging in politics because you want to change things for the better. Many of you have placed your trust in our party. As my time in political life draws to a close I want to share with you my belief in your power to change this country and this world. There are great challenges before you, from the overwhelming nature of climate change to the unfairness of an economy that excludes so many from our collective wealth, and the changes necessary to build a more inclusive and generous Canada. I believe in you. Your energy, your vision, your passion for justice are exactly what this country needs today. You need to be at the heart of our economy, our political life, and our plans for the present and the future.
To young Canadians. He’s talking to me. Jack Layton was there for us, the students, the young poor people hopeful and terrified of a future that can sometimes seem so grim. I don’t even know what to say because it feels like such a personal loss, and then I remember that it’s everybody’s loss. The world is less without Jack Layton.
Jack Layton was a hero. The thing about heroes though, is that they never really die. We take whatever strength they gave to us and use it to live our lives as better, stronger people. He will be missed more than I can say.
a young jack layton
My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world. – Jack Layton
Turned Out: My New Favorite Fashion Blog
Emily’s Team Pick:
Probably the reason why I follow so many street fashion blogs is because I’m unfashionable and wish I was fashionable. Which is why I particularly like Turned Out, a fashion blog that seems to focus on young hipster-y looking people. It’s run by a woman named Maya (and I think her sister Greta?) who lives in New York City but has roots in New Zealand (maybe? I kind of just like to look at the pictures), and all her photographs are of women, which is great because I happen to really like women.
Aside from the stylish part of her blog, I also think she’s a good photographer. Call me a hipster, but I really like the grainy/black and white/film-ish aspects of the pictures.
There isn’t a lot of writing, which I like, because again, I just want to look at pictures. In fact, while I was looking through the site trying to find pictures for this post, I got distracted by all the pretty girls and forgot I was supposed to be writing a thing. Turned Out has been around since 2008, but it’s quickly becoming one of my favorite fashion blogs. It’s kind of like Lookbook, but without all the crappy entries.
The Terrible Side of Terrible/Awesome ’90s Fashion
Emily’s Team Pick
Oh, the ’90s. Remember the ’90s? I do, vaguely. I was, like, 0-10 years old. You might remember some terrible/awesome TV shows (Saved By the Bell, Boy Meets World, 7th Heaven, etc), ‘N Sync before Justin Timberlake was Justin Timberlake, dial-up internet, Britney Spears when she looked like this:
Whoa, that’s hilarious, where can I see more pictures like that? Funny you should ask, self, because here is a website (on tumblr obvs) dedicated solely to providing you pictures of ugly ’90s clothes.
Oh look, here’s a picture of Neil Patrick Harris:
I don’t know, everything on that site looks awesome. The older I get, the more I appreciate the ’90s it seems. Ah, childhood.
Also, I can’t think of the ’90s and not think about Robin Sparkles.
Whatever, just go take a trip down memory lane.
60 Days in China: Where Everywhere Else Seemed Upside Down
“The whole object of travel is not to set foot on foreign land; it is at last to set foot on one’s own country as a foreign land.” -G.K. Chesterton
++
I’ll start with something simple. There were two things we might usually eat for breakfast in Beijing (“we” being me and my friends): the breakfast sandwich, and the crunchy burrito. Later, when breakfast sandwich guy added a new dish to his menu, the potato wrap, we had potato wraps for breakfast.
Of course, they aren’t really called those names. I have no idea what they’re called, and if I had asked I wouldn’t have remembered. Chinese is like that; you can hear a word 1000 times and it might still have no meaning.
I liked the crunchy burrito the best. These stands are all over the place, but I particularly liked the guy who makes them at the East Gate of our university, across the (tiny) road from the breakfast sandwich guy, and fifteen feet away from the place where we bought our juice in the morning. So close to Korean (lunch option) and Muslim Noodles (another lunch option).
road along the east gate of my university
The crunchy burrito costs me 3.50 kuai. That’s $0.50 CDN. Will I ever eat breakfast for that cheap again?
crunchy burrito
I am Chinese-Canadian. I went to Beijing, China for two months through my university to learn Chinese. That is why I was there. And I did learn some basic Chinese, but as probably with anyone who travels, I learned a lot more about other things.
I want to tell you about it but it’s hard to because I’m here, home, and China feels very far away. ‘There’ is so different from ‘here’, which may sound obvious, but I mean on top of the cultural differences, I was different. I had to live my life differently. And now, here, it’s back to the same way things were before, which is not a bad thing, just… different. And now, when I’m here, the feeling that I know how to live in Beijing is becoming hazy and slipping away.
gobi desert, inner mongolia
I guess I first had to deal with getting used to having all this money in my pocket. It didn’t feel like my money. I think this is what happens to a lot of people when they travel; it doesn’t feel like yours because it looks different and it’s worth a different amount and you must spend it on things you wouldn’t normally spend it on. In China I learned how to spend money on food. In China I had 6 times more money in my bank account than I did back home and I learned how to still spend it well.
I had to get used to having freedom. That also might sound strange when talking about a country where its people are not free, but picture this: you’re in a new place where nobody knows you. The only people who speak your language are the 25 people who came with you. You have 6 times the amount of money you did before, you’ve got two months with an open schedule, and there is nobody, nobody, telling you what to do.
gobi desert, inner mongolia: sand dune jumping
One of the things I loved most about China was that I did things. I don’t think I wasted a single day in China, unless it was recuperating from the night before or that one time I fell asleep at 1pm and didn’t wake up until 6pm thereby cancelling my own trip to the China National Museum.
In Montreal I’m lucky if I get out of my pyjamas before 1pm (or at all), but in China I did things! I did so many things!
I went bungee jumping and it was terrifying and amazing and literally breathtaking. It cost the equivalent of $20 CDN and a lot of nerves and I would never have done it if I hadn’t been where I was, just off a boat in the middle of a gorge somewhere in the Chinese mountains.
If you can tell by the look on my face that I’m about to die, you’re right, I did die. I died and came back to life and heard my breath in my ears and felt like maybe I was someone new, someone braver than before.
I went to Qingdao, where they make Tsingtao beer, and I stayed in a hostel for the first time. I puked my brains out one night and then found myself on a bus to Inner Mongolia where I lay on the grasslands and saw a shooting star. I went to the Gobi desert and rode a camel and jumped down sand dunes and it felt like jumping on the moon (or at least that’s what I imagine jumping on the moon might feel like). I went to an electronic music festival headlined by Fatboy Slim right under the Great Wall of China, and I went to the actual Great Wall of China. I stole flags from a decommissioned Russian aircraft carrier at a party in Tianjin. And when the party was over, I was the last to leave (seriously, we missed the last bus back to Beijing).
oh my god i'm on the great wall, photo by carolina betancourt
And those are just the big things. Those were the big thrills, the wide-eyed, can’t-believe-I’m-really-doing-this things.
I loved it all. I loved every second of it, and I never wanted to come home.
But I had to. Coming home was the strangest thing, like I was going to a foreign country again, except that maybe I’d been there once before in a dream. I expected everything to be the same, and then was surprised when it was. I think I hoped that things had changed because I felt that I had changed, and wanted my world to reflect that.
But it didn’t. Everything is the same. I picked up right where I left off, with the same job, same house, same friends. But that’s okay, because this is life, and China was a beautiful summer vacation/semester abroad. Now I have something to save up for, and something to look forward to next summer.
I miss the cheap food. I miss my broken bicycle. I miss the bad English translations and the Chinese signs I can’t read and I almost miss not being understood by anyone. I miss feeling like I need to do something everyday, I miss needing to get out of my room because there’s no food in there and there’s nothing on the internet.
dumplings at the east gate
I miss being eager to learn and not being complacent.
I want to tell you and everyone you know to go to China, but it’s not for everyone, at least not yet (though if you want to see China before it comes more and more Westernized, the sooner the better). There were so many times when I thought to myself “my step-mom would hate this”, or “[x] would starve here”. There are many things to get used to, starting with just the sheer number of people around you. there’s the people who solicit you for just about everything, there’s the seeming lack of rules on the road, and the honking every two seconds even when you see the car and they see you, and the spitting/hocking that comes from some place deep down inside. There’s the bathrooms that are half the time just a hole in the ground, and you’re lucky if they provide toilet paper.
bathrooms in inner mongolia, picture by karine boileau
But China is for me. China is where I learned to speak, and to be less afraid. It’s where I was the kind of person who would actually jump off a cliff with only a bungee cord attached to my feet. It didn’t feel like home, but I don’t think I wanted it to. It felt more like a place where everything is upside down, until one day you realize that everywhere else is upside down. In China I looked at the world from the other side, and I just saw things differently, with wider eyes. In China, I thought, maybe I’m the one who’s been turned around. It made me have feelings about the East and West, and I’ve found I’ve come to love a country that a lot of people in the West hate or don’t understand. It feels like Beauty and the Beast a little bit, though maybe China really is just a beast and not a prince in disguise. I still don’t know how I feel about that.
outside the lama temple, residential street
I want to continue to study China. There is so much to learn and so much stuff that’s just been existing this whole time that I don’t know about yet, so many things to do and see and touch. I don’t want to think that I’m the best because I’m from the West, but I want to better understand the relationship between the East and the West, especially now that China is playing such a prominent role on the international stage. I want to know China so I can talk about it, and be part of the conversation about how to make our world better.
China is beautiful because it’s not like anything you’ve ever known before. There is nothing that reminds you of home, and when you get home, everything will remind you of China. Montreal is home for me, and it always will be, but for now it’s just a rest stop until the next time I go. The best thing about coming back though? I got to take that fearless, bungee jumping girl home with me, and I’m a braver, better person.
Special Note: Autostraddle’s “First Person” personal essays do not necessarily reflect the ideals of Autostraddle or its editors, nor do any First Person writers intend to speak on behalf of anyone other than themselves. First Person writers are simply speaking honestly from their own hearts.
We’ve Come A Long Way, Baby, It’s Time For Some Comment Awards
Good morning homos! By the time you read this, I (Emily Choo) will be on a plane to Beijing, China. Actually it’ll be a plane to Toronto first, then China. So this is my last comment awards post for a while and damnit if I’m not going to talk about myself for the entire intro.
Just kidding I’m so tired I can’t even feel my feelings. But here’s what happened this week:
A thing called “Eurovision” happened andwe made a playlist for it/you! Riese used to like movies but doesn’t anymore and explains it with brillance per ushe. Hopefully you’ve finished reading Bastard Out of Carolina because Rachel is ready to talk about it with you.
Annika and Sebastian are letting you ask them anything you want to, which is so brave and awesome! Also we’ve got another Get Baked, this time with kale! Which is not something I enjoy, but what do I know? Feel free to have a gender neutral beer or a masculine beer or a feminine beer or just a cold one with your kale.
May is $5 albums at amazon month, so the team picked their favourite ones to help you choose, and here are 25 female fronted comedies you should see.
Later skaters! It’s been real, or whatever the kids say!
On Rachel’s Team Pick: BUST Magazine Craftacular:
The Pirate/Scottish Award to sjz:
this sounds awesome. i’m always looking for an excuse to get me craft on.
On NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Gets Off with Lambda Nominees:
The Guilty Conscience Award to hoggilton :
The awkward moment when you read “lesbian sex tips” as “lesbian sex tapes”
The Everyone Is Gay Award to kat, chipper dyke, Abernathy :
On You’ll Never Guess Who’s Funding NY’s Pro-Gay Marriage Push:
The EVAN RACHEL WOOD BISEXUAL Award to BR:
Oh Ian McKellen Homosexual, I want you to be my uncle.
On Upfronts 2011: Playboy Bunnies, Broadway, Vodka and Girls Girls Girls:
The Award For Winning an Award to BR:
So this is one of those things where it’s a bunch of real TV shows and then you have to find the fake one and the fake one is that Tim Allen thing cos, no way right, and now I get a prize?
Right?
On Phoenix Suns CEO Rick Welts is Gay and It’s Totally Okay:
The Johnson Award to yodelmachine:
i am super proud of rick welts, and glad he survived what must have been some truly terrible nicknames back when he was younger. (dick welts comes to mind.) (poor guy.)
On Riese’s Team Pick: The Burning House Tumblr:
The Cool Logic Award to Scarlett O:
Am I the only one who questions the cast iron skillet for the simple reason that it will more than likely survive the fire therefore doesn’t need to be rescued? That shit’s designed to be engulfed in flames.
On Rachel’s Team Pick: Donald Trump Isn’t Running For President:
The EVAN RACHEL WOOD DONALD TRUMP LESBIAN Award to diver:
next they will have an actual television commercial run for prez
On Build a Better iTunes Library with Amazon’s $5 Album Sale:
The Family Love Michael Award to Denbo is my HomeGirl:
THERE’S A FIRE…..sale?
On OPEN THREAD: What’s Your Beer’s Gender Identity?:
The Beaver Fever Award to vending machine, Maryann, kat:
The But Why Is the Rum Gone? Award to kd15, DarcyOH:
Yesterday Was Thursday. Today Is Friday. That Means Comment Awards. Fun Fun Fun.
Oh hey there. Did I just see you on Autostraddle’s new social networking feature? Do you, uh.. wanna go on a picnic with me? What if I bring some of these hot chicks? What about then? Also I know some people who are making a cool webseries, maybe we can invite them too. If all else fails, we can just learn the Judas dance and start a dance party.
Also I didn’t know how to fit this in, but Sebastian wrote this really great article about his newfound heteronormative privilege, and Sarah totally warmed our hearts with this story about students protesting their anti-gay graduation speaker.
(Also I can’t believe it took me this long to make a Friday joke?!)
On Formspring Friday: Ten Chances to Make the World a More Well-Advised Place:
The Coming Out Award to Grace_B:
I did it like this:
ME: Hey mom, I’m going to Fame tonight, so I’ll be home late
HER: Isn’t that a gay bar?
ME: Yeah, I’m going there to meet girls, cause I’m bisexual.
Yep, I totally came out over text message.
On Grey’s Anatomy’s Lesbian Wedding: A Night of Rage and Love:
The MerDumb Award to Liz:
So at first I read Mereck as Meridick, and I was like “well, that’s appropriate”.
The Rainbow Unicorn Award to moonshiner, kat:
On This Sunday Funday Mother’s Day Is Gay:
The The Planet For Real Award to novastar, Sawyer, fofiriam, jenissuper:
On Laneia’s Team Pick: This Tumblr; Life As I Knew It:
The Tumblr = Lesbians and Cats Award to butterscotch clouds, Nicole B.:
The Unicorn-Horn Award to Vida:
I’m gonna need to see Croce’s (invisible) horn.
On Obama Needs Money, Gays Needs Rights, Let’s Get Together and Feel Alright:
The Impish Pet Award to Chaos, kat, terracottatoes:
The 40 Quarters Award to Raksha:
Shit, sorry Obama. I already gave 60 quarters to UNICORN PLAN-IT and what little I have left I need for putting into motion my plan to get the fuck out of this country and as far away as possible. Best of luck, though!
The Let Him Know Award to softly, e:
On Introducing Autostraddle Social 1.0 Social Networking For Total Weirdos:
The Punny Award to Sally, Alice (SomethingClever), Maryann, allie, and everyone not picture: terracottatoes, smartypants, dizzy:
On Get Baked With Autostraddle: Picnic Edition:
The terracottatoes award for freaking terracottatoes to terracottatoes:
i have a bone to pick with you, laura. why the fuck did you just ruin my bicycrepe dreams? i’m no longer spoking to you.
On NOM Debuts Brand New Crazy Video To Stop Gay Marriage In New York:
The Stating It Bluntly Award to Janis Bing:
“Our right to infringe on other people’s rights will disappear”
OH NOES
On Lizz’s Latest Thing: Fuck Yeah Leather Jackets:
The Brittana Award to countrysongs, allie:
How to Make a Zine (We Made Some for You!)
A few months ago I took a workshop on zine and chapbook-making and it was so much fun that I went home and made a bunch of chapbooks and got them printed. I even made one on the computer because I wanted to use my own images and not ones from magazines! A chapbook is a short “book” of less than 40 pages and is often used for poetry.
Zines or chapbooks are really easy to make. The hardest part is the creativity! Here’s what you need:
+paper
+pens/things to draw/colour with
+glue
+scissors
+magazines and/or pictures
+whatever you want to put in your zine! I like to tell short stories or use each page for a line of a poem. Laneia likes to share feelings and make observations. You do you!
There is a really easy way to make an 8-page chapbook out of one piece of paper. I took some instructional pictures to show you how!
How to Make an 8-Page Zine/Chapbook Out of One Piece of Paper
1. You will need a rectangular piece of paper. I think anything smaller than a 9″x12″ will be too small.
2. Fold the paper in half both ways.
3. Lay your paper out so it is longer horizontally. Fold the left and right sides of the paper to the vertical crease in the middle.
It should look like this when you unfold it:
4. Now you need your scissors. Fold your paper along the horizontal middle line. I’ve drawn a line on my paper to show you where you need to cut, but you don’t need to draw the line yourself (unless you want to!)
After you cut it, it should look like this:
5. Now for the actual folding part! Fold your paper again along the horizontal middle line (the part that you just cut). With the cut, you should be able to push the two ends together to make sort of like a starfish looking thing:
6. Just fold the two outside flaps over, until you have a little book! Does that make sense? It should make sense if you have it in your hand.
Here’s an example of what a finished one might look like when it’s all unfolded:
And here are some zines you can purchase from Autostraddle, all created and designed with love by me or Laneia!
Limited Edition Emily Zines – half-size, 8 pgs, color, so so special – $10
I have about four copies of each, so there is a limited amount. I am willing to print a few more pending demand, but hurry up because I am going to China in a week and a half and won’t mail anything from there! Price includes shipping all the way from Canada!
This Isn’t a Bird Story – full-size, 22 pgs, color, special shiny cover paper – $15
Created last fall using print clippings, drawings, electrical tape, polaroids, origami paper, the inside of a moleskine cover, stickers, Laneia’s favorite childhood books and one kindergarten treasure box tally card. Price includes shipping all the way from Phoenix!
“The original title of this zine was to be Bloody Vains, but now it’s called This Isn’t a Bird Story, because it isn’t. I began putting this together when my computer crashed a few weeks ago. This Isn’t a Bird Story is a collection of nice, pretty things that I like and that’s basically it.”
Additional monetary donations are always welcome, of course. ALL YOUR MONEY GOES TO AUTOSTRADDLE AND THE FUTURE!
Autostraddle recommends Microcosm Publishing for any additional ziney needs you may have. Have you ever made a zine or chapbook? Do you have feelings or stories or maybe a zine of your own that you’d like to share?