Autostraddle Anonymous Sex Toy Review #22:
It’s our twenty second Autostraddle Anonymous Sex Toy Review! Over the last few years, we’ve been propositioned frequently by sex toy companies wondering if we’d like to review their toy in exchange for, you know, their toys. In 2011, in addition to “saying yes to the dress” we started saying YES to the sex toys!
This week we have the Stronic from Good Vibes.
“An innovation in intimate sensation, the Stronic Eins incorporates a piston-like multispeed motor that creates a forward-back motion to produce a feeling distinctly different from standard vibration. Featuring a smooth silicone shaft, intuitive controls and magnetic induction ‘click n’ charge’ technology, the waterproof Eins is perfect for both bedroom and bath.”
+ Material: violet or pink silicone and ABS
+ Size: 4 ½” x 1 5/8″ at widest point, 1 ¼” at tip
+ Price: $200
The newest offering from the Germany-based Fun Factory, the Stronic Eins looks exactly like many other sex toys – but it isn’t.
As an object, it feels surprisingly heavy. The surface of the toy is matte, almost sticky medical silicone that seemed to pick up a slight layer of dust after sitting on a bedspread for approximately eight seconds, and a ton of water-based lube is an absolute necessity. The tip is a little bendy. The toy flares a bit before the base, which the manufacturer suggests is meant to stimulate your clit, which it doesn’t actually reach. It charges through magnetic induction (so it’s waterproof) over about 16 hours, and the battery lasts about three. The base is hard plastic and has three buttons: “-,” “+” and a larger red one marked “fun.”
(I also have to mention the packaging, which mostly features polka dots and an actual size picture of the toy, but which also depicts a heterosexual couple and claw marks, which, in combination with the “fun button” situation, made the toy feel way more hilarious than sexy at first.)
The big thing with the Stronic is that it doesn’t vibrate, it pulses (in theory, thrusts). If any surfaces in my apartment were actually level, it could probably scoot across them like Thing from the Addams Family.
To use it, you basically have to be lying down, with your hand, legs or killer kegels holding it in place tightly enough that it doesn’t fall out, but loosely enough that it can actually move around. It seems to work best when you lie there and try not to move too much, which I suppose is either awkward or good according to your preference. Straddling it upright doesn’t work, because it either falls out or barely moves, depending on how you hold/support it. The top of the shaft, near the base, has a lump that marketing materials seem to think will get near your clit. It doesn’t, but it leaves enough room for fingers or a vibrator (though not, unless your partner likes bruises on her chin/neck, a tongue).
It has ten settings: a sales mode, three “algorithmic” modes with a slower steady pattern, three “constant” modes with a faster semi-steady pattern and three “dynamic” modes that switch around between speed and intensity (i.e., slow and then oscillating and then fast and then back). Some of the higher settings seem to blend together.
It feels more substantial, and moves differently, than just your average vibrating dildo. It’s heavy, and it moves back and forth rather than side to side. Some of the settings feel really good, and some feel nondescript at best, but almost all of them feel pretty thuddy.
The main reason you would want something like this — a toy that thrusts, rather than a toy that vibrates — is presumably because you like the feeling of getting fucked and want to get that feeling without necessarily having anyone else present and without straining your wrists.
The Stronic almost gets there. On one hand, if I slept with someone who moved like this in real life, I would consider that person an asshole or bad in bed or both (the phrase “disembodied strap-on attached to a jackhammer” comes to mind). On the other hand, the movement feels a lot better than other vibrating penetrative toys I’ve tried, though those toys stay in place a lot better.
The Stronic looks good, is innovative and feels good — but on some level, it still feels like a novelty more than a toy box necessity.
Great review! More please?
The thing is, whenever I see ABS in connection to a sex toy, I can’t help but think of ABS in regard to cars. In automotive speak ABS stands for “antilock braking system”, which is a safety feature that prevents wheel lockup and skidding during emergency braking. So of course my mind goes to that same place.
Now all I can hear is that strangely calm computer voice form 90’s model cars saying “ABS Engaged” from somewhere between my thighs. This would be far less than sexy I think. :)
I don’t know, that computer voice would be pretty sexy to me… :P
Disembodied jackhammer? Sold!
No, not really. This just reminds me of some horror stories my straight girl friends have told me about.
I can’t wait to go into Good Vibes and see what this thing does in person, because it sounds so ridiculous. $200 for novelty is not within my budget but laughs are!
fun factory stuff is probs a lil cheaper in germany.so fuck german chocolate/beer/whatever, I’ll get you guys this when I come to visit
this does not make me want to buy this toy at all, but the review is hilarious.