101 Disney Channel Original Movies, Ranked by Lesbianism
For many of us, the Disney Channel was full of very formative moments in our young queer lives. We got our first girl crushes, we got ideas for our fashions and gender presentations; we found our heroes. So whether your first girl crush was on Kim Possible (or Shego), Vanessa Hudgens, Raven Symone or Demi Lovato, we all remember these movies as having way more queer lady content than Disney probably ever intended to put in there. So let’s count down these movies by how lesbiany they are. Or bisexual lady-ish they are, or queer lady and non-binary folk-ish. Also, what the heck you guys, there are so many of these! I thought there were like 40 or 50! But there are like 100!!! Enjoy!
101. You Lucky Dog
This stars Kirk Cameron, who is decidedly un-lesbian.
100. Tiger Cruise
Definitely not as gay as the title suggests. What sounds like the name of a cruise ship for single gay ladies over 40 is actually about the military??
99. Dadnapped
Too focused on trying to please your dad, not focused enough on trying to flirt with girls.
98. The Suite Life Movie
Zach and Cody are definitely two of the straightest names any guy could have.
97. Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Across the 2nd Dimension
Phineas and Ferb are the only straighter names than Zach and Cody.
96. Miracle in Lane 2
Using disabled people for inspiration porn is not cool, Disney.
95. Zapped
There are too many of these movies about trying to make boys better! Just date girls!!
94. The Poof Point
If this were a movie about disappearing lesbian bars than maybe it’d be higher.
93. Hounded
Dogs are pretty lesbian, I guess.
92. Under Wraps
Mommis are lesbian, mummies are not.
91. Life is Ruff
Again, dogs are pretty lesbian, but that’s not enough.
90. How to Build a Better Boy
Why build a better boy when you could just date a girl???
89. Can of Worms
Naw, these aliens or whatever are gross, I don’t like them.
88. Jumping Ship
This is actually Horse Sense 2, but they took the horses out, which makes it less gay.
87. The Jennie Project
Teaching monkeys to talk is not a good idea. I’ve seen all the Planet of the Apes movies, old and new.
86. Full-Court Miracle
Basketball is full of lesbians, but boys basketball isn’t.
85. Buffalo Dreams
I’ve never actually seen this one, but I don’t think it’s gay.
84. Smart House
Katey Segal in this movie is a pretty good domme, but that’s the only lesbian content we’ve got.
83. Minutemen
I don’t have any time for boys causing mischief. Not gay.
82. The Luck of the Irish
If this were about a boy turning into a mermaid instead of a leprechaun it’d be a whole lot higher on the list.
81. Mom’s Got a Date with a Vampire
Now, if this vampire was a lady vampire, then we’d have something to talk about.
80. Bad Hair Day
After reading the Wikipedia for this one, I still don’t really understand it, but I know it’s not very lesbiany.
79. ‘Twas the Night
This one has Bryan Cranston in it, but no lesbians.
78. Geek Charming
I actually really love this movie, but it is a classic heteronormative high school popular girl/unpopular boy love story.
77. Scream Team
No one can make you scream like a queer woman can.
76. Alley Cats Strike
I may be alone in this, but I think bowling is a decidedly un-lesbian sport.
75. Don’t Look Under the Bed
This is about the Boogeyman, the straight version of the Babadook.
74. Phantom of the Megaplex
Mickey Rooney is in this movie, and he’s not a lesbian.
73. Genius
This is kind of like a transgender story? A boy creates an alternate version of himself? But It’s not as gay as it sounds.
72. Up, Up and Away
The superhero genre is notoriously bad at queer lady representation.
71. Eddie’s Million Dollar Cook Off
Eddie wants to be a cook, but his dad wants him to be a baseball player, just like some parents want lesbians to be straight.
70. Quints
“Adam, Becky, Charlie, Debbie, and Eddie, all the quints are straight, they all have straight names.” – My friend Adrian
69. Going to the Mat
The Wikipedia says “It ends with a reporter interviewing Jace’s teammates about his wrestling; they deny that he is even blind, because they realize that he is a significant person, and they accept him for who he is and not just a blind person, which is what they saw at first.” What??? He’s still blind. Blind people are significant too. This should actually get last place but I put it this high because wrestling is very lesbian.
68. The Even Stevens Movie
“The Even Stevens Movie isn’t gay?” – My friend Adrian again. And nope, it’s not.
67. Invisible Sister
Rowan Blanchard is in this, and she’s queer.
66. A Ring of Endless Light
Mischa Barton is here so that makes it kinda bisexual, but so are dolphins, so that makes it terrible.
65. Starstruck
The girl in this makes some very gay decisions, but she makes them about a boy, so it’s not very high.
64. Wizards of Waverly Place: The Movie
We know that Selena is fairly gay, if only in her music videos, but this movie is about wizards, who are the straight version of witches.
63-53. Johnny Kapahala: Back on Board, Halloweentown High, Halloweentown II: Kalabar’s Revenge, Return to Halloweentown, Zenon: Z3, Zenon: The Zequel, Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam, Twitches Too, Teen Beach 2, The Cheetah Girls 2, The Cheetah Girls: One World
Honestly, none of these sequels are as gay as the first movies.
52. Good Luck Charlie, It’s Christmas
This show had some lesbian parents in an episode.
51. Tru Confessions
Her confession is that she’s a lesbian.
50. Cloud 9
Snowboarding girls are most likely bisexuals.
49. Hatching Pete
This is literally about a kid “coming out” of his shell. Come on.
48. Now You See It…
Aly Michalka is one of my roots, and here she is as a documentary filmmaker, a very bisexual profession.
47. Stuck in the Suburbs
Stuck in the Suburbs should be the new way to say you’re still in the closet.
46. Jett Jackson: The Movie
Not gonna lie, Jett Jackson was kind of the blueprint for the crushes I get on tender butches all the time now as an adult.
45. You Wish!
Oh man, alternative wish universe Lalaine was sooooo gay.
44. Radio Rebel
This is a movie about a podcast DJ. Wow, it’s hard to get gayer than that.
43. Johnny Tsunami
More snowboarding! I love this movie! Watch it!
42. Halloweentown
A Halloween classic! And Halloween is Gay, so this movie is gay.
41. Horse Sense
Horses are very gay. Plus the Lawrence brothers look a lot like lesbians.
40. Girl vs. Monster
Basically the Disney version of Buffy.
39. Let it Shine
So many of these movies are about shy people finding their voice, why is that? (Because they’re gay).
38. The Other Me
Another movie where someone makes another version of themself! Another movie about a trans person!
37. Read it and Weep
A girl publishes her journal and it causes drama. That sounds like something that would happen at A-Camp.
36. Adventures in Babysitting
We all know that Penny came out as bisexual in college.
35. The Color of Friendship
The color of friendship is purple, and purple is a gay color.
34. The Ultimate Christmas Present
All I want for Christmas is a lesbian DCOM.
33. High School Musical 2
By far the most lesbian of all the DCOM sequels. Zac Efron wears capris in this!!!
32. Pixel Perfect
Ricky Ullman, the star of this movie, lived with the Veronicas for a while. That’s true. And Gay.
31. Wendy Wu: Homecoming Warrior
A strong girl of color kicking butt and being cute! Gay!
30. High School Musical
This movie is all about being out and proud about what you like and who you are. We’re all in this together, and we’re all lesbians.
29. The Thirteenth Year
A wonderful coming out analogy about a boy turning into a mermaid. This is literally a movie about being a trans girl.
28. Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century
Zenon is bisexual according to my friend Fia.
27. Get a Clue
It stars Lilo, so that’s pretty gay.
26. Go Figure
A girl who both figure skates and plays hockey is the ultimate futch.
25. Camp Rock
Demi Lovato is very gay, and so are the Jonas Brothers. Plus it’s about a cute girl playing the guitar. I love it.
24. Avalon High
In this movie a girl is the reincarnated King Arthur??? And Guinevere is still a girl???
23. Twitches
All witches are lesbians, especially twin ones.
22. Brink!
Lesbians love rollerblading. I’m pretty sure no one else does.
21. Cow Belles
Aly and AJ kinda made me gay.
20. Right on Track
Girls driving racecars! One of them is Brie Larson!
19. Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure
A classic story of a high femme’s first adventure into the world of lesbian dating and culture.
18. Jump In!
Keke Palmer is in this! And she does double dutch! It’s very gay!
17. The Proud Family Movie
Come on, is there really any question that Penny comes out as bi in college?
16. Den Brother
A “boy” becomes the scoutmaster for a group of Bumblebee scouts (like girl scouts) and is finally able to come out as trans.
15. Rip Girls
Girls surfing is very gay. Very, very gay.
14. Frenemies
Queer actress Bella Thorne stars in this movie about going from “friends to enemies to friends again” which is like, the gayest thing I’ve ever heard.
13. Ready to Run
Once Cecelia tweeted a picture of her with the caption “high school for me was actually a Disney Channel Movie called Horse Play: I Love Ponies, Not Girls, What?” That’s this movie.
12. The Swap
Um, come on, it’s about a boy and girl who switch bodies. That’s as gay as a story can get without any actual kissing.
11. Stepsister from Planet Weird
“Stepsister from Planet Weird” is a euphemism straight people use for their queer family members.
10. Gotta Kick It Up!
Honestly this is just an all-around wonderful movie about a group of Latina girls who start a dance team and you know at least one is gay (probably America Ferrera).
9. Descendants
Wow, who knew that the sons and daughters of Disney’s most famous villains were all lesbians?
8. Teen Beach Movie
I really think this is an under-appreciated gem. It’s so gay. The chemistry between The Fosters‘ Maia Mitchell (as a surfer girl with the very gay name Mack) and Grace Phipps (a good girl from the 60s) is palpable.
7. Lemonade Mouth
I really don’t understand how real life queer singer Hayley Kiyoko in Lemonade Mouth isn’t a huge queer icon! Like, she was so many kids’ root!
6. The Cheetah Girls
A beautiful movie about the friendship and music and fashion between three queer women of color.
5. Kim Possible Movie: So the Drama
I know that technically Kim and Ron end up together, but we know that really, she later breaks up with him so she can date Shego.
4. Double Teamed
This is the story of two real life WNBA players and twins. That’s really lesbian.
3. Cadet Kelly
A lot of you probably want this to be the number one movie, but sorry, it’s not. It’s still wildly gay, uncontrollably gay and magically gay. This is a classic.
2. MotoCrossed
I mean jeez, come on, this is about a girl who disguises herself as her brother so she can ride motorbikes. That’s super gay.
1. Princess Protection Program
This is the most Femme4Femme movie I’ve ever seen. Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato! Demi is a bratty princess and Selena is a no nonsense tomboy femme who brings her down to reality as they share a bedroom, call each other pretty and learn to love each other. They grow up to be the hottest lesbian couple in the world. This is the movie that made me who I am today.