New DIY Documentary Honors AIDS Media Activism, Love, Loss, and Queer Community

Last March, I met filmmaker and scholar Alexandra Juhasz outside the Wexner Center for the Arts in Columbus, Ohio. She was in the middle of a Film/Video Studio Residency at the Wex, as it’s known as here in Columbus, working closely with an editor on post-production of her experimental documentary Please Hold.

Please Hold, which premiered earlier this March, explores the intersections of activism, memory, and media via a profoundly personal yet communal lens. It is anchored by videos of two of Juhasz’s closest collaborators and late friends in the last stages of their lives. Shot on a mix of consumer-grade recording devices — iPhone, Zoom, VHS camcorder, and Super-8 film — the documentary is an homage to grassroots AIDS mediamaking across decades and its ability to capture intimate, honest communication about hope and loss.

I was profoundly moved that Juhasz invited me into the studio with her to watch a cut of the film. A prolific writer and filmmaker, Juhasz is a Distinguished Professor of Film at Brooklyn College, CUNY. She produced and acted in the renowned feature documentaries The Watermelon Woman (Cheryl Dunye, 1996, and its remaster, 2016) and The Owls (Dunye, 2010). For decades, Juhasz has written, directed, and produced her own documentary features and shorts, which have screened widely in feminist, queer, and experimental documentary festivals. She has written extensively on HIV/AIDS, including the recent publications We Are Having this Conversation Now: The Times of AIDS Cultural Production with Ted Kerr and AIDS and the Distribution of Crises, edited with Jih-Fei Cheng and Nishant Shahani.

I first encountered Juhasz’s writing in grad school while studying LGBTQ media, history, and activism. Her book AIDS TV: Identity, Community, and Alternative Video, deeply shaped the way I theorized about LGBTQ local television in my own work. While preparing to begin my dissertation, I emailed Juhasz for advice about how best to write about these topics. I was looking for possibility-models, other scholar-activists who do research in the service of social justice and queer community. Since then, Juhasz has supported my work in many ways, including connecting me with media makers I interviewed for my dissertation.

As we watched the documentary together in the studio at the Wex, I realized that Please Hold honors one of these same media makers: Juanita Mohammed Szczepanski, a Black disabled queer feminist media activist who died in 2022. I spoke with Szczepanski years earlier about her work creating AIDS education media for the Audio-Visual Department of the Gay Men Health Crisis in the 1990s, after Juhasz connected us. I hadn’t realized the film would document Szczepanski’s last days. Watching the film next to Juhasz and her editor, I realized we were both holding Szczepanski’s memory, and our connections to her, in different ways. To know Alex Juhasz is to be held in community, a privilege and an honor that connects you to her own deeply felt responsibility to making the world a more livable place for marginalized people.

It was a pleasure to speak with Juhasz more about the film’s production, how it explores grief and loss, her approach to activist media making and distribution, and the importance of LGBTQ communities of care. Our conversation below has been lightly edited and condensed. Please Hold is available to watch for free on the film’s website and you can book a screening of it here.

Juanita Mohammed Szczepanski in “WAVE: Self-Portraits” (The Women’s AIDS Video Enterprise, 1990, VHS).

Lauren: Could tell me about the origins of this project and what inspired you to create it?

Alex: Thank you for asking. This video began because, during the COVID pandemic, my very good friend and a collaborator of mine on AIDS activist media, Juanita Mohammed Szczepanski, asked me to shoot video tape of her in the process of dying. She more or less chose the terms of her own death because she stopped receiving dialysis.

I came to videotape her twice in rehab centers in New York. And after that, I made a video that she had wanted from those materials called I Want to Leave a Legacy. When I was making that video, I realized that at a previous moment in my life, another very close person to me had asked me to make a video with him in the late stages of his life. That was my best friend, James Robert Lamb.

I wanted to think about the responsibility of holding those two documents, but also how they produced this very clear arc about some histories of HIV/AIDS in the United States, which is to say, my friend Jim is a sort of poster boy from the first years of the pandemic: gay white man, very pretty, an actor. He died when he was 29 years old. There was no medication, and he had a very painful death. The videotape that I shot of him all those years ago when we were young was very strange actually, because I think his mental state was affected by his impending death.

And then fast forward 30 or so years: Juanita is a Black disabled woman who’s a lifelong AIDS activist, who doesn’t die of HIV, but dies in community that’s been produced around collaborative art making and is really committed to disability justice and dies within the time of COVID and because of health inequalities that were escalated because of COVID.

My responsibility, what I can learn from those tapes, what they tell me about HIV/AIDS, and also what they tell me about living through dying, and making community even as people are dying — that’s what started it.

Lauren: Can you tell me how the film itself explores grief, memory, loss, and those relationships?

Alex: The video wants to think about technologies of memory, various receptacles that hold something of a person that you loved after they die. It could be a trace of them, but it could be work you’ve done together. This is very important to this project. They are people that I engage in art making and activism with. I know that various technologies shape memory and shape grief differently.

So, it really wants to think about how VHS, which is what I shot Jim on, has a different almost metabolism than an iPhone video, which is what I shot Juanita on. While they are both media that are holding traces and memories and conversations and activity with these people, I think that they’re held differently.

I was thinking about those two media to think about material things, like in the case of the film, a sweater and a scarf that emerge. Then I extend that to my own body and I think about the fact that I’ve aged. Grief changes as the body holds it. I think about neighborhoods, so places that one returns to and how they trigger memories, but they change, so they hold memory differently as well.

I think the other thing I would want to say, just from having screened it quite a bit in small groups at this point: It doesn’t work with grief quite like we expect movies to. It’s not triumphant, it’s not organized around catharsis necessarily. It doesn’t have music that tells you when to feel bad or good. It doesn’t have the typical beats that cinema is organized around, but I think it has the typical beats that life is organized around, which is this kind of pulsing.

Sometimes grief feels like celebration. Sometimes grief feels like connection. And sometimes it’s very hard to process. Jim died when I was a girl, and I’ve lived with his death longer than he was alive. My grief for him is very different than my grief for Juanita, who died only a few years ago.

We’re in a time organized by grief and mourning. Even if it’s not for the loss of people, it’s for the loss of our democracy and the loss of structures that made sense to us. It lets you come in where you are and acknowledges that’s changing. It might even change over those 70 minutes of the video.

Lauren: You mentioned that iPhones metabolize grief differently than VHS. I’m wondering if you could tell me a little bit more about the mixed media approach to this film, how you decided to combine all these different types of film making, and why that was important for you.

Alex: What it feels like to make media with different technologies, that’s always for me part of thinking of what medium is. A camcorder is actually heavy, and there’s a kind of commitment that to work with heavy equipment demands. iPhones are very light and they are very easy to use and they’re extremely easy to shoot things with and extremely easy to take that footage and put it somewhere else and distribute it and share it and see it.

And therefore, one of the ways that they’re different is that we’re constantly shooting video that is completely expendable. It’s hard to know the difference between the important things you shoot and the not important things you shoot. It’s interchangeable. So that lightness of the iPhone material, the lightness of social media, and I mean that literally but also metaphorically, is part of what I’m thinking about. When Juanita asked me to come shoot her on her deathbed, she had wanted me to shoot her on a camcorder and she didn’t have the power cord, so I took out my iPhone.

But it’s not just the technology. Watching someone die is a cosmic shift. If someone asks you to be part of that, that’s an incredible responsibility and it’s a heavy responsibility. It’s a beautiful responsibility. So, it’s not just that I had the iPhone. I had made this agreement. She had asked me and I didn’t even know why she had asked me initially. It’s in the footage, she tells me, but she’d asked me to do this. I wanted to mark the heaviness of the weight of it, the beauty of it.

This is where the project is about what it means to be in community and collaboration. It’s a very different kind of relationship to media making. It’s activist media making.

In Please Hold, I use video compositing a lot. I think it’s the visual and media language that defines this moment in history. It’s very desktop-looking on purpose and very collage-y. The collage holds VHS and iPhone videos next to each other, or digital video and iPhone video and then text on top of that. I’m interested in that collage aesthetic that flattens the discrete technologies. Then I work very hard to keep reminding you that they are discrete technologies.

In every shot of video, I tell you what kind of camera it was shot on and when it was shot because, again, I think that the computer screen that you and I are looking at right now equalizes, flattens things. I’m both interested in seeing that as an aesthetic and thinking about what it does.

The film is about grief, it’s about memory, but it’s also about communication. It’s also about me talking to people who have died and me talking about people who are very much alive, who I’m in activist community with. I’m trying to think visually about the sort of flatness of the screen and the depth of the interaction. That’s what that compositing does to me. But that’s also having the Zoom interviews where you see two people, like we’re doing right now, as opposed to a more traditional talking head. You’re constantly aware of the depth, the third dimension of the screen, because the listener produces that.

Lauren: I wanted to ask you about the Zoom interviews. How did you decide to incorporate these conversations with folks that you’re in activist community with?

Alex: Video Remains is the video that I made with my footage from my friend Jim’s and my one hour on the beach together in the last year of his life. It took me a long time to make that video and it’s very important to me. I think it has a place within the history of AIDS media that is a critical place.

This video [Please Hold] is referring to it in many ways and thinking about technological shifts. In Video Remains, I talked to my fellow AIDS activists, they were all women and lesbians, on the phone. That’s cut into the long take footage that Jim had asked that I shoot of him on the beach when he was telling the story of his life.

Fast forward to now, with these new technologies, I’m like, we wouldn’t talk on the phone, we would talk on Zoom. It parallels that method of sharing space and knowledge with collaborators and my activist community. The video that I made now is thinking about how COVID, and our experiences during lockdown in particular, rejiggered our expectations and relationships to communications technology.

It’s a recognition that that’s a new form of media making. I’m an activist media maker. I make things for nothing. I shoot them with whatever is at hand. I distribute them that way. And Zoom is an amazing, inexpensive form of technology to interview people. The interviews look and sound pretty good.

I am also trying to think about these different formats of connection, what it is to live together in a place, what it is to use a phone or Zoom, what it is to be in a place or be with a person who has been, that was recorded and you revisit.

The film really believes that we can continue to collaborate with the people we love after they die, or that I can, because I’m still asking the questions and working on projects and trying to make the changes that were very important to both me and Jim. I’m still committed. I need their voices. I need who they were to me and what they know and what we could make together. I can still use that, even when they’re no longer here, because we made these videos together. I’m so lucky.

Clockwise: James Robert Lamb, Pato Hebert, Alexandra Juhasz, Juanita Mohammed Szczepanski (built from “Video Remains,” Alexandra Juhasz, 2005, Zoom interviews, 2023, and “I Want to Leave a Legacy,” Juanita Mohammed Szczepanski, 2022, iPhone).

Lauren: How else has this work impacted your life?

Alex: Right now I’m starting DIY and activist distribution, which I’m doing by myself. I’m trying to get it out in the world, but trying to get out in the world under the terms that seem right for me.

In the book that I wrote with Ted Kerr, [we write about] the idea of “trigger films” or “trigger videos,” [videos] from the early part of the AIDS crisis that you would show, stop the video in the middle of a scene, and then people would talk about it. We use the word “trigger” now differently. We talk about this in the book, but both uses of “trigger” are about setting terms for healthy conversation.

I think that Please Hold is also a trigger film. I think that what it’s best for is to spark conversation. And I think that, like so much on the internet, it shouldn’t be watched alone by yourself, with two other things on your screen. That’s probably true of a lot of art films. But I’m saying, it’s not just any art film. It’s a film that holds the traces of two people who died, who ask to be seen. It takes a lot from us as contemporary media viewers to change the way we’ve been taught to watch to be more human and to be more caring and to be more present.

I’ve tried to put a tiny scrim between getting the film for free, which I’m letting you do, and watching it with more care. You have to fill out a little form that says, “I’m going to watch it by myself. I’m going to watch it with some people. I’m going to set up a screening.” Then I send you the link. I don’t know if that’s going to work. But I’ve never really cared how many people see things that I make. I care about the context in which things are seen. That’s true of activist media more generally.

I want that context to be respectful and contemplative and interpersonal and give people space to talk afterwards, which so little viewing does now, especially when things are digital. The main thing I’m doing is trying to move it in the world and have conversations where I can be present with other people with what it brings up.

Lauren: That’s beautiful. That’s such an interesting way to experiment with distribution. I love that. As you’re talking about care, I was even thinking about your film We Care that I’ve showed in class a number of times, that is also about care and dying, so I can see those through lines in your work.

Alex: I think that the norms of dominant cinema push to the edge a lot of the things that actually can and do happen when we consume media together. One of those is the idea of care. That’s something you could build around screenings.

I think people do it, but you need to think about, in what conditions do you do that? Because the consumption of media now that we’re all on our laptops, it’s just violent and hurtful. It doesn’t matter if you’re consuming something you like. It doesn’t make you feel good. It’s the opposite of care, even if you’re watching something beautiful. The extratextual conditions of making and screening activist media are as important as the piece of media itself. And that’s what I’m doing by building out my own distribution.

The reason I made this was to talk to people about AIDS, and to talk to people about HIV, and to talk to people about memory, and to talk to people about dying, and to talk to people about community, and to talk to people about all the ways we love each other and all the ways we help each other, and how beautiful it is to be in community. I want to have that conversation every time it’s screened.  I hope other people will talk to each other about those things. That’s why we make art, certainly activist art.

What we want from activist media is that you’re transformed, that you feel a transformation and you feel that you can interact, not just consume.

Lauren: That brings me to another question I wanted to ask. Can you tell me about the title Please Hold?

Alex: The first shot of the film — well it’s not the first shot anymore, it’s deeper into the film now — is me riding up an escalator at the Delansancy/Essex Street stop on the Lower East Side, the F train. It’s a long take, and I go up the staircase. I think it’s beautiful. It’s so dirty, and makes all this noise. It’s so industrial and of this other era and it evokes that neighborhood in New York City.

As you get to the top, you see this boy wearing this powder blue sweatshirt, and he’s on his phone, and he’s almost dancing. It’s like choreography. But if you look above him, there’s a LED sign and it’s saying, “Please hold the handrail.”

I was deep into editing the film and I’m like, “Oh my god, that sign says please hold!” If you listen to the film, I talk about holding all the time. The word “hold” is used in it over and over and over again. And I’ve already talked about it like that with you. I’m holding these memories, I’m holding these tapes. A lot of the people in the film help me think about holding things together.

My friend Ted [Kerr] talks about holding a sweatshirt of Jim’s that I had given him. That’s a way for Jim to stay with us, we hold it together. And then holding the Parkside, which is a gay bar, queer bar, and you’re holding that space. Jih-Fei [one of the interviewees in the film] talks about holding spaces when nobody will let you, which is very much about what we’re in right now. What it means to hold the space of trans identity or gender non-conforming identity or a bathroom that’s become dangerous territory, and they say you can’t use it, and you hold it. That is something that political people do.

The Parkside also holds ghosts, it holds porn magazines. So holding just constantly emerged in the process. But then the title was given to me by the Lower East Side. And of course, “please hold” is also what someone says on the phone in a not nice way, so it has that register as well. It makes you wait when you’re not ready to wait.

The film is also about walking as a technology of memory, how the world presents information to you when you’re ready to receive it. Walking can wake you up to take in input that you wouldn’t see. So the fact that the title is there because I’m walking in the neighborhood is very much an idea of the film that the world can help you too, if your body is open.

I’ve had the great luck to stay alive this whole time and my body is so different. There’s a lot of seeing me young and seeing me now in the split screens. There’s a lot seeing Juanita young and seeing Juanita now in split screens. There’s not that of Jim because I only have the images from that one period of his life and he didn’t get to live to be older.

My body at this age, I just turned 60, takes in the world differently than my body did when I was 29. And in a lot of the footage that you see, I’m 29. I actually understand the world differently through this technology. I think in a sexist world in particular, I say this as a cisgender woman, I think I understand the world much better in this body than I did when I was 29, and that’s why there’s so much ageism, especially against women, because people don’t want women to be smart in that way. They want to tell us these bodies are not useful tools and not intelligent receptacles. Quite the opposite, as we age, our bodies become smarter if we’re lucky, or wiser, or deeper, or more sophisticated. I do not need to be the 29 old girl that I see there. I’m very glad that I’m not.

Lauren: Thanks for sharing that. Is there anything else that you want to share, or that you want Autostraddle readers to know?

Alex: One of the things that I love about this movie is how queer it is. It is my definition of queer, everyone can have their own. What I love about it is that the characters that you meet are every kind of different. They’re every kind of deviant. They’re every kind of edge. And sure, you can say they’re lesbian, trans, gay, Jewish, Black, Asian, young, old.

But the movie is not committed to a particular slice of the queer world. It’s expansive about how queer love and queer community, queer analysis, queer ways of living and family and being political and caring and making relationships of care. That has been everything to me. And that’s true in my nuclear family, lesbian family, that’s very extended into other parental roles. It’s true in my queer romance with Jim. We lived together for many years.

It’s true in my very queer friendship with Juanita that crossed race and class and brought us together in an overt analysis that came from the celebration of gay and lesbian life and trans life.  So I want the readers of Autostraddle to behold a feminist queerness that is my community and is me. I love being in this community. I love being seen by this community.

I love speaking to this community. I love the way the film stretches that inclusion and also its limits. That’s the queer lifeworld that I draw from in that video.

Lauren: Since it has been a couple months since Trump’s inauguration, I’m wondering how you feel about the film coming out right now and what you feel the film has to say about this contemporary moment.

Alex: I am as confused and hurt and angry and afraid and uncertain as anybody. I don’t have any answers right now at all. Many of the things that I thought were answers don’t seem to be. That’s super scary.

But what I just said to you about queer community and queer love that is connected to activism — not just who you have sex with or who you want to go to a party with, although that’s part of it, but connected to working together to make the world better for the most disenfranchised, the people who are the most weak and the most threatened at any particular moment. And sometimes, like right now, that is trans people, right now that is people in our world with HIV and AIDS who are truly about to be decimated by the end of PEPFAR and threats to Americans’ access to free medication.

Queer love and queer community that’s organized around wanting to help each other and help the most disenfranchised — that is always a goodness. The minutes you can spend in it or the hours you can spend in it are worldbuilding. They’re being in the world that we want and we deserve and we can make, and even if we can’t right now respond to the huge threats, and even as they will be endangering people we love, or killing people. Killing people in Africa via [the end of] PEPFAR, killing people in Gaza, killing people in the Ukraine, killing people in the Congo, I could go on.

We as humans can make little reprieves, little pockets, little sparks of beauty and dignity and decency. And queer people have always done that. We’ve had to. And so watching the film together, talking together, that’s just an example of knowing that we can make moments of power. It might not be big. We talked about how how many people watch something is not a register that matters to me. Smallness is often what you need to have deep impact. We can be in community and learn with each other. And so we will do that. We can do that. We are doing that. We have done that. And it might not change the badness, but it is itself a goodness.

Lauren Herold: Thank you. That’s a beautiful way to end this conversation and also I feel like I needed to hear that today. So, thank you for saying that.

Alex: But see, this conversation is that, Lauren. It’s like, I see you. I heard what was happening in your life. Thank you for listening to me so much about my film. It’s simple, but we can and should and have to do that for each other all the time right now.

How Happy Could I Make These ‘Severance’ Characters?

Welcome back to another round of “How Happy Could I Make…” a lightly unwell series in which I ruminate on which characters from a media property of my own choosing I would make the best wife for. Previous entries have covered Yellowjackets, Disney Villains and Iconic Mean Moms from TV. An added benefit is that it is a gorgeous place to examine my own people pleasing tendencies, so what’s not to love? Is it exactly what my therapist wanted for me? Who can say! Today our focus is on the lovely (and unwell) folks from Severance, so buckle up, cause this is gonna be doozy!

I have kept this LARGELY spoiler free, but if you are super precious about spoilers, this is your warning! Also, I am counting the innies/outies as one, because…well, that’s the kind the point the show is making? I think?

Mark and Mark S

Mark is having what must be the worst few years of his life— I mean, your wife dies in a car crash, you get severed to deal with the pain, only to discover that in fact, your wife is still alive (kinda) and being endlessly tortured by the company that you work for? That is a level of turmoil that is beyond me, I think!

I mean, really, what can I do for Mark? He is so invested in the weirdest love triangle of all time, I can’t imagine another person is what this situation calls for? We’d get along cause we like to read, I suppose? Is that enough? I submit that it is not.

Marriage Rating: 3/10

Helly R / Helena Egan

I think it’s fair to posit that Helly R and Helena Egan feel the most distinct of the innie/outie pairs, and if you don’t, well, this is my article, so there! Sure, they share a similar commanding presence and (it must be said) a light brattiness, but I will never forget the way Helena Egan dismissed Helly as “not a person” after her many attempts to quit— nor the…ahem dogged persistence with which Helly R tried to fight back.

Could I make Helly R happy? I think I could! She’s got a lot of questions about the world and one of my love languages is recommending various bits of learning and pop culture to people. On the other hand, she’s got a stubborn streak that might outdo mine and it’s lowkey scary to imagine us in an argument. And let us not forget she is an important side of the Mark love triangle, and you know my feeling on getting involved with that! Helena Egan, on the other hand, I think she and I could get along quite well. I mean, yes, she’s got a nightmare family and company with some hellish beliefs, but what is Helly R if not proof that there is good in all of us? I would help Helena Egan find the Helly R in herself! That’s something!

Marriage Rating: 5/10

Irving / Irving B

Irving, my king! My tender king! His early Kier zealotry was scary to me, I admit, but the tenderness with which he courted Burt really melted my heart. And he’s got a talent for art and napping on the job, two things I love and respect.

Our marriage though…hmmm. Well he’s a little too in love with Burt, don’t you think? I’m charming and all, but Irving B falling in love for the very first time, who am I to take that from him! As for his Outie, I think there is a lot of time for us to spend making art together, but with love to him, I am really in a landscape place painting wise, and I don’t really wanna watch him paint endless hallways for the rest of our lives. I mean, if I can get him back off that damn train!

Marriage Rating: 4/10

Dylan / Dylan G

The thing I love the most about Dylan is what makes it impossible for us to wed: he reminds me so much of my brother. It’s mostly the way he flatly delivers statements about the importance of his finger traps, the way he says, “He dumb? He a dick?” Either way, I cannot in good faith say I could make Dylan or Dylan G happy.

For one, they both are in love with Merritt Wever! A position so understandable that I cannot fault either of them! No, for Dylan and I, it would be a friendship that was based on our mutual inability to figure out what we want in life. I would happily support him on a journey to you know, becoming a better and more present father! And hell, I’ll even help you get Merritt Wever back!

Marriage Rating: N/A due to brotherly love 

Mr. Milchick

Do I have the ability to fix this man? No, I don’t think I do— if the clues we’ve picked up about his life being in service to Keir for a long time are any indication, I think my ability to remove Seth (does anyone else having Irving snarling “Yes, do it, Seth” at the ORTBO on a loop in their head?) from whatever the hell he has going on would be nigh on impossible.

But not, I think, entirely impossible? One of my favorite things about this show is the relationship Lumon has with Milchick and vice versa—I cannot be the only one who thinks about those lunatic Milchick as Kier paintings they gave him? Or the look on his face as he realized what they were? Or, frankly, the look on his face as Natalie prattled on about how she got a similar gift and it meant so much to her? Something is breaking in Mr. Milchick, but I am just…unsure that we are gonna like the results. And I’m sorry Seth, but I simply cannot take a risk on a man like you right now! Plus, a motorcycle? Loud and dangerous? I’m good! You will always have my respect for delivering the wildest line on this show though!

Marriage Rating: 3/10

Natalie Kalen

I am including Natalie because I find her ability to deliver platitudes from between clenched teeth inspiring and as a fellow lightskinned woman who has danced around PR as a job my whole life, I feel like I GET her, you know? I have felt like Natalie in the last few years of my working life, grinning maniacally through whatever nonsense someone asked for. But we haven’t seen her for a bit, have we? I am worried about my girl, though I know wherever she is, she is smiling and absolutely kicking that headsets ass.

How would our marriage be? Hmm..tense, I think? I can’t imagine her ever taking a moment to relax. Frankly, I cannot even imagine her sitting with anything less than perfect posture, and while I appreciate the core strength, I don’t think she is capable of enjoying not being at The Board’s beck and call. SPEAKING of: Does she ever take that headset off? Because I am not trying to live with The Board constantly in my girl’s ear. That’s my job as her yappy wife!

Marriage Rating: 4/10

Devon

PLEASE LET ME SAVE YOU FROM RICKEN. I know you like him (how???) and I know there were some moments in flashback where it seemed like he was less annoying to speak to, but babe! Please! You’ve got bigger problems at hand, and your husband, of his volition, wrote a self help book so loopy that a literal cult said, “Hold on you might be onto something here!” Might be time to really reflect on that.

Now, am I particularly maternal? No, not really, and certainly not at the infant/toddler stage, so Eleanor does provide a bit of an issue. And as much as I find that wood and glass home stunning by day, the second the lights go out you are a Peeping Tom’s entertainment, or you run the risk of ruining how beautiful that house looks with a ton of curtains. No thank you madam! All that aside, you are not in a cult, nor would you sign up for the severance procedure, so I think that puts us leaps and bounds ahead of everyone else.

Marriage Rating 7/10

Mrs. Cobel

Ohhhhhhh Harmony. Harmony, they did you so wrong, my girl. From child labor and drug addiction to stealing your greatest (dark and horrible) work? You never really had a chance, did you? It seems you see that, but —and I say this with love — I am not sure if you are able to come back from this. Understandable! Again, you are not new to this, but you are true to this.

…and yet! If I could help her see past Kier? If I could free her from this cult that has stolen her life? If I could get her into some less troubling STEM work, help her see there is more to the world than serving Kier? I am kind of addicted to the way she talks, and not to be crass, but my girl’s got a rack for days, goddamn! And I could teach her how to bake for real! It would be the greatest challenge of my life, and possibly the most rewarding thing I could do. I am dreaming big for myself and Harmony, because I think we both deserve it!

Marriage Rating: 8/10

Gemma / Miss Casey

It is a toss up between Gemma and Harmony for who I would like to save the most, tbh. Part of me feels like Gemma got even more screwed than Harmony— to have a normal life and then have it taken away feels crueler than Harmony being brainwashed from birth? Then again, what is the point of trying to play any kind of moral arbiter with these people, really. Still, Gemma was simply living her life and then she got snatched up to be tortured by people in hallways for an undetermined amount of time? Horrid!

Gemma and I would have an incredible marriage though! I mean, she’s a Russian Lit nerd, I am an English Lit nerd, we’d simply read and argue about who wrote about mortality better! Yes, I suppose I should confess that I have long had a crush on Dichen Lachman from Dollhouse, so that is definitely part of this. But still! I think we could be two nerd in harmony (not Cobel!)

Marriage Rating: 9/10

Asal Reghabi

Oh, you didn’t think I forgot about my absolute GIRL, did you?? Sure, we know almost nothing about her aside from the fact that she killed a guy and is great at doing basement brain surgery. Well…okay she’s capable of doing basement brain surgery, I don’t know that she’s GREAT at it, but I blame that on Lumon! Where does she go when she is not crashing in an abandoned building or Mark’s basement? I’d love to find out!

I think we could make something beautiful together, tbquiteh! I am very good at talking to…high strung people, and I’m down to let her putter about in the basement while I watercolor? She does have a tendency to find herself in high risk situations, and I have to imagine that would get a little tiring after a while? But look at her! I can fix her, I swear!

Marriage Rating 10/10

Dykes Discuss Steven Soderbergh’s ‘Black Bag’

The following article contains some spoilers for Black Bag.

Welcome to our series called Dykes Discuss, where we discuss media and topics that aren’t necessarily lesbian-forward but that we still want to weigh in on! We have fun!

Drew: Okay so I realized that Steven Soderbergh is actually the inspo for this series because it’s built off our article about Magic Mike’s Last Dance from a couple years ago.

Christina: And you know what? That really tracks because if you RECALL, you and I really bonded after you did that gay Ocean’s 11 table read!

Drew: Wow Steven Soderbergh bringing the gays together!! He does make work that’s sexy and full of schemes so…

Christina: And boy is Black Bag chockablock with both!

Drew: I love that I did not know this movie existed a month ago because I was just looking forward to his other new movie Presence and now I’ve seen Black Bag and it’s perfect.

He is always working. And that makes sense because he’s a Capricorn and this movie is all about work. Balancing work with being married to Cate Blanchett.

Christina: The sheer amount of films he has MADE! And you can tell that he’s interested in both the idea of working all the time and being deeply in love with your wife

Drew: While technically I am not married yet, I am also interested in both of these things.

Christina: It’s basically the plot of Black Bag.

Drew: Yeah so for the folks at home who don’t know basically Black Bag is about an MI5(?) agent who is married to another agent and he’s given a list of who might be the mole and his wife is on the list. So he does what any reasonable man would do: plans a dinner party for everyone on the list.

Christina: MI6, but yes that is basically it.

Drew: Excuse me, MI6. Do both exist?

Christina: I think they do, actually

Drew: They work for one of the UK’s evil organizations.

Christina: Hugely possible that it was part of the spy plot that someone else worked for MI5? I feel we heard both. Which goes to show, I didn’t even have a FULLEST grasp on the spy plot and still had the time of my life!

Drew: Oh I mean that’s the great thing about spy movies. It’s kind of like film noir. The plot is vibes. You have to follow it emotionally more than literally.

It’s why I think people were way too hard on The Last Thing He Wanted but that’s getting us off topic

Christina: I think that is usuallllly true for spy stuff, but I feel like one of Soderbergh’s gifts is his ability to explain the heist. But, like, I got the big stuff and that is what matters! The particular agency matters less!

Drew: That’s fair. There’s definitely some stuff in terms of when people knew what and what was going on that I’m still not 100% on. But yeah I didn’t care. And I’m excited to rewatch.

Christina: YEAH it’s gonna go right in the old rewatch pile. Honestly….I am going to see my parents this weekend, maybe I can get ‘em to the cinema. Adult Thrillers you can watch with your parents! They’re back!

Drew: Are you a Cate queer?

Christina: Like, technically yes? In that I have eyes and a semi-regular sex drive, so you know, I GET it. But I am not like….gripped by the throat by her in the way some seem to be.

However, when it comes to Cate the Actress I am literally always on board.

Drew: Yeah I’d say the same. Mostly I think she’s an incredible actor. I’m not feral for her. Although I support those in our community who are and they’ll have a lot to enjoy here.

Christina: Now I will say, her in this movie with dark hair…did something for me. Just to be fully on brand for a moment. But also there is something….almost kookier about her when she has dark hair in roles that I have come to really love.

Drew: My fully on brand moment is I’d never seen Marisa Abela in anything and I haven’t developed a crush this big and this quickly in awhile. It’s like oh sure a chaotic femme who is a flirt. That’s original, Drew. But idk I might have to watch Industry.

Christina: WE GOTTA TALK ABOUT MY GIRL

Okay confession, I’ve only seen the first two seasons of Industry. But! she is a STANDOUT in the cast and if you liked her in this oh boyo you are gonna love her in that.

Drew: Flirting with your very monogamous superior before calling out your bf for cheating and then STABBING HIM IN THE HAND?? Yeah I fell in love.

Christina: Like, she’s so good we all forgave her for Back to Black (2024)????

Drew: Lmaooo realizing that was her almost lessened my crush. But I get an actor taking that gig early in her career! I will never watch that film but I cannot judge her.

Christina: That is exactly how I feel, and again she is SO GOOD that will not blight her. Also Soderbergh like straight offered her this role, I think, didn’t even make her audition so like…go awffff

Drew: Soderbergh really just GETS hot people. In a way that doesn’t even feel pervy most of the time? It’s like a cold detached appreciation. Hot people are his espionage.

Like duh Cate and Marisa and Naomi Harris. But even casting Pierce Brosnan.

Christina: Oh thank God you mentioned Pierce, he was so good! Honestly, I thought he was going to phone it in, but he had one line read that I like gagged at during the film.

Drew: Yeah the scene with him and Cate when he’s eating the illegal fish is so good.

Christina: I also want to shout out my guy Regé-Jean Page because I do want success for him and he is good and if he is gonna get stuck playing asshole military guy, I am thrilled to see him do it in a good movie!

Drew: I hadn’t seen him in anything! He was really good!

I should watch the Dungeons and Dragons movie. I’ve heard it’s fun.

Christina: Yes that has been on my list for a while! Adding to the list of things to watch with parents this weekend (in the house edition)

He was very tall and hot in season one of Bridgerton and I would like to see him on my screen doing that more!

Drew: Let men be tall and hot and not in the military!

Christina: SAY THAT

Steven Soderbergh does remain the director of one of my favorite sex scenes in film: Out of Sight (1998).

Drew: God Out of Sight is sexyyyy

Christina: That sex scene in the hotel is MIND NUMBINGLY hot, go watch Out of Sight right this minute the world!!!

Drew: I need to give it a rewatch. I haven’t seen it since I was a kid so I’m curious what its… politics are lol

Christina: Well she is a…cop from Florida so… mixed!

Drew: I did find it interesting the ways this movie engages with the political realities of its espionage.

Christina: Yes! Like, there is killing, but God there is paperwork and meetings and POLITICS

Drew: I’m watching Succession for the first time and it reminded me of that where you end up rooting for the people who are less bad but the show smartly takes moments to remind you that nah everyone on your screen is rotted in their soul. At least a bit.

Christina: Both this film and Succession are uncommonly good at the reminding the audience part, me thinks.

Drew: I do think the reason I tend to be able to enjoy spy stuff more than cop stuff is there seems to be more awareness around the realities of the institution. Even if you’re still meant to root for certain people who are, ya know, working for the British government, the immorality is usually shown to be more ingrained in the organizations and the job rather than framed as an unfortunate exception or something that can be risen above.

I also like how this film is about how everyone chooses the ranking of their loyalties: Country, ethics, sex drive, spouse. They’re all driven by where they place their priorities.

Christina: And you know I do think that is always true…just more direct in this movie, perhaps lol

Drew: Yes this is very loud about its genre conventions being A Metaphor For Relationships

Christina: To the point where it is quite meta about it in fact!

Drew: When I realized his name was George and he was inviting younger couples over for dinner I was like oh this is Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? It’s Who’s Afraid of Agent Woolf?

Christina: LOL I had the same thought about WAOVW, first thing that came to mind.

Hmm that’s easily the funniest acronym I have ever seen. Thats terrible.

Drew: It looks like you’re a cartoon wolf seeing Cate Blanchett. Waoooovw!

Christina: Much like George was the entire time she was around. The only way a man should be!

Drew: It’s so beautiful to finally see another fictional man on-screen love his wife the way every lesbian I know loves theirs.

Christina: I am lightly loathe to talk about Fassbender due to how much he sucks, but damn that man is a good actor and HELLO the tailoring of the suits!!!!!

Drew: Yeah I don’t really understand why some things stick and some don’t in our culture but I have not forgotten that he was accused of domestic violence!

Christina: It’s a sticky one for me too.

Drew: The Me Too movement was less about people being held accountable and more that every movie I watch I now go hmm there’s at least one person here who I know sucks.

Christina: Exactly right.

Drew: I always try to question why I have the reactions I do. Like I find Brad Pitt basically unwatchable now. And I’m like is that just because I have a parasocial connection to the woman he abused? I don’t think there’s a right answer in terms of what media to engage with or not engage with or what reactions we have. But I do think it’s good to think about.

Christina: I think about that line all the time, and I think the only way anything works is if we are just constantly interrogating what those reactions are and where they’re coming from. And yet when Clarissa was like “God’s that’s hot”…well, it was!

Drew: Yup.

Christina: I mean I knew George was for me the moment he was cooking in a dress shirt and then put ANOTHER ONE ON after the first was lightly splattered.

Drew: I loved that moment. Like if he’s going to throw a dinner party as a ruse he’s still going to throw a goddamn dinner party and look pristine doing it.

Christina: Whatever SILKEN item Kathryn was wearing?? Need that on the double, thanks so much!

Drew: And while I was lusting after Clarissa I also was relating to her because if George and Kathryn were my coworkers my god I’d want to be their third so badly

Christina: My entire life would be dedicated to being a spy and getting them to love me.

Drew: I loved when she was like “you didn’t have to do that” when he tries to blackmail her. She’s like literally flirt with me for two seconds I’d say yes to anything.

Christina: “Sweetie I know you are stressed but seriously.”

Drew: Oh we also have to talk about how this movie is a tight 90!

Christina: A BREEEEEEEEZY 90!

Drew: I am not Team All Movies Should Be Short but I dooooooo think there’s something so magical about a 90 minute movie especially a thriller. Genre movies in a post-Marvel world are all so goddamn long. I love my Fast and Furious family and Mission Impossibles but my god.

Christina: Thrillers especially, it’s so easy to lose the tension? A long movie has its place, but this is just meant for 90 mins.

Also I would not be me if I did not mention that the score also RIPS.

Drew: SO GOOD. Let me fire that up on Spotify actually while we continue our discussion

Christina: David Holmes, who also did the score for Ocean’s. Which you can feel in a good way here.

Drew: Can I confess something behind this beautiful paywall of ours?

Christina: Billy Flynn voice That’s what I’m here for.

Drew: When Ocean’s 8 came out and (sorry) sucked, I was like why did they hire Gary Ross to direct instead of a talented woman director??? But now I’m a bit like… why did they hire Gary Ross instead of just paying Soderbergh whatever was needed to get him to come back.

Christina: My gut says there simply wasn’t a price he would do it for, he seemed…content to move on and WHY. It could have been GOOD.

Drew: So good.

Christina: Instead of like, largely bad with some watchable moments that all feel like they are from different movies.

Drew: I am grateful even if he’s not making more Ocean’s movie he’s still operating in that mode. Logan Lucky was such a fun heist

Christina: God Logan Lucky ROCKS. I rewatched semi recently and just had a grin on my face for so long.

Drew: Even High Flying Bird takes an NBA lockout and turns it into a heist movie of sorts (and is soooo good).

Christina: In many ways Let Them All Talk was heist.

Drew: Hahaha

Christina: It was hard to get over Lucas Hedges having my dream life.

Drew: I really enjoyed that one. I’ve heard his other Meryl movie sucks though. The Laundromat? It’s one of the few I haven’t seen. I guess you can’t work as much as he does and not make some bad movies.

I mean I hate Traffic and he won the Oscar for that. Should’ve been for Erin Brockovich that same year!

Christina: GOD HE HAS MADE SO MANY MOVIES what a freak

Black Bag is now in theatres.

Jade Carey Has Two Gold Medals AND a Girlfriend!

Jade Carey feature image by Naomi Baker via Getty Images

Happy Friday to us all! Jade Carey, member of the iconic “Golden Girls” US Women’s Gymnastics team, dropped a carousel with her girlfriend, Aimee Sinacola, director of creative content for the University of Oregon Ducks with a sweet and simple caption: “happy 🤍🔐✨💌”

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Carey won a gold in 2020 as the Olympic champion of floor exercises and won the bronze in 2024 in vault. She also won a second gold in 2024 for an overall team medal, contributing with her vault score. And now she’s medaling in gay!!

We were not the only ones delighted by this news, trust! Jade’s teammates, Simone Biles (heard of her) and Jordan Chiles were equally thrilled to see this public announcement, per Simone’s “freaking cuuuuuute❤️” and Jordan’s “Periodt!!!!❤️.”

Even though the 2024 Olympics were our gayest yet— 195 athletes representing 32 countries — per GLAAD that number still makes up for less than 2% of the entire Olympic village! Total queer takeover of Olympics better happen by the 2032 Summer games! And if you want to know about more of the gays who competed in 2024, did you know we compiled lists of couples competing, all the soccer players, all the basketball players, the queers of the paralympics, and even have a piece on the women’s rowing team? Jade Carey has now joined an elite group of out queer athletes and we’re thrilled!

Yellowjackets Episode 307 Recap: WTF (What the Frogs)

WELCOME TO YOUR YELLOWJACKETS 307 RECAP. I AM WRITING THIS INTRO IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE THIS IS ONE OF THE WILDEST EPISODES OF TELEVISION I’VE EVER SEEN (COMPLIMENTARY) AND I FEEL LIKE I’M STILL COMING DOWN FROM IT. Okay, I’ll stop for now. Below, find a painstaking breakdown of all things “Croak,” written by Alisha Brophy and Ameni Rozsa and directed by Jennifer Morrison. Can’t wait to chat in the comments! If your comment includes spoilers, just include a few non-spoiler sentences at the beginning so they don’t appear in the recent comments box on the homepage. Read past recaps! Take my Yellowjackets personality quiz! Let’s fucking gooooooo!

Heading into “Croak,” I wondered how it might sit with the shocking cliffhanger of last episode. Would we move down into a lower register to allow for a breather? Would we match “Thanksgiving (Canada)”‘s scream? “Croak” offers a brief respite in its prelude, a deft turning of the dial to tell a completely different story in a completely different tone, driving home the fact that the difference between humor and horror often comes down to context. After that, “Croak” doesn’t merely match the energy of last week’s post-Ben barbaric yawp. It turns up the volume, yielding one of the most bonkers episodes of television I’ve ever seen that still strikingly feels grounded in the world constructed by the show. I basically watched the entire thing with my jaw on the floor.

The episode opens by answering one of the season’s pressing questions: What the fuck is up with those wild ass sounds in the wilderness? The answer? Fucking frogs. As in literally frogs that are fucking. I live in central Florida and can verify I’ve often described the chorus of sounds of mating frogs as “screaming.” If I’d been malnourished and isolate for a long period of time like the Yellowjackets, I’d probably interpret those screams as even more ominous, too. The episode begins three days before the Yellowjackets are discovered dancing and screaming around Ben’s head on a spike, the first time Yellowjackets has employed this particular time device. We see close-ups of the frogs and their titular sounds. They’re being studied by a pair of scientists, a couple named Edwin and Hannah, played by Nelson Franklin and Ashley Sutton. They’re accompanied by Kodiak, a comically serious and gruff crossbow-toting wilderness guide who likes to suck on cigarettes while leaning against trees.

Kailey Schwerman/Paramount+ with SHOWTIME.

Kodi kills a rabbit for the trio to eat. Edwin tends to his torn up feet, the result of wearing too-small shoes, so Kodi asks Hannah to fetch the plates. As she’s walking back, Kodi takes off his outer layer to reveal muscles bulging out from a tank top. Hannah literally trips from ogling him. This is so fun! Mere miles away from the Yellowjackets and their world is this other, smaller, lower stakes diorama of drama between three people. My wife often talks about how the difference between humor and horror can be just the slightest turn of the wheel. Set the trailer to The Shining to different music with new narration, for example, and you’ve got a wacky family comedy. Yellowjackets often excels at these tonal shifts and bending its own genre. But this little prelude with Hannah, Edwin, and Kodiak is an overt example of that turning of the dial. A toxic love triangle between two scientists and a mystery man! All happening in the Yellowjackets’ figurative backyard!

“The wilderness provides,” Kodi says about the barbecued rabbit. These words in a new context take on a comical cadence rather than a haunting one as it does when any of the Yellowjackets say something like it.

Kailey Schwerman/Paramount+ with SHOWTIME.

Later in the tent, Hannah tries to get Kodiak to answer some personal questions, but he remains elusive. He tells one of Aesop’s fables: “The Frogs Who Desired a King,” of the frogs who prayed to Zeus to send them a king. Zeus sent them a heron, who killed the frogs. It’s a fitting tale in the context of the Yellowjackets, who are desperate for a leader, an Antler Queen. But that leadership only ever leads to death.

Kodiak admits he doesn’t know anything about frogs but a thing or two about horticulture. Weed. He’s talking about weed. He produces a joint, and the three proceed to get high in their tent in the rain while “Fly” by Sugar Ray plays. They talk about the frogs they’re studying, who manage to stay frozen before waking up to have a big ol’ orgy. This suggests they’re studying wood frogs, who spend the winter frozen. Edwin says something about the “arctic banshee frog,” but I can’t find any information on if this is an actual species.

Edwin has the idea to call Miss Cleo, the call-in psychic from the late 90s. He’s just kidding, but Hannah wants to do it for real. They struggle over the satellite phone until the antenna snaps. “This is our lifeline!” Edwin laments. “Relax,” Kodi says. “I’m your lifeline.”

Now it’s THE DAY the trio discovers the Yellowjackets. But first, Hannah and Edwin bicker about Kodi mere feet behind him. Kodi seems amused by it. Edwin says to Hannah that Kodi could rob and murder them and no one would ever know it. Little do they know, Kodi isn’t the danger lurking in these woods. “You’re smitten,” Edwin says when he clocks the way Hannah looks at Kodi. The camera pulls back from the group and settles on a tree where the symbol is written.

At night, Edwin is still on one about trying to prove Kodi isn’t who he says he is. Edwin smells fire and thinks they should go check it out. “Wouldn’t recommend it,” Kodi says. “This far from civilization?” Edwin doesn’t care. He wants to go check it out. Hannah and Kodi go with.

And, well, we know what happens next. The trio hears the girls screaming from a distance at first. Then Hannah starts recording, and we hear the beginning of the DAT tape that’ll be played by Shauna, Tai, and Van in the future. When Lottie sees the group, she shouts “NO!!” We end on Edwin’s “what the fuck?” from last episode’s ending, and then Van exclaims in disbelief “we’re going home.” Cut to theme song.

When we return to this fraught scene at camp, Hannah apologizes and says they didn’t mean to interrupt and are just leaving. Her instincts are clearly telling her to run. Misty tries to say Ben died of natural causes. Edwin seems to piece together who they are, but then Hannah’s instincts are confirmed by what happens next: Lottie axes Edwin in the back of the head, and he collapses.

“Holy shit,” Shauna says, glee all over her face. “Lottie, what did you do?” Nat asks. “They don’t belong,” Lottie says. “It doesn’t want them here.”

Kailey Schwerman/Paramount+ with SHOWTIME.

Kodi tells Hannah to run, so they do. Nat yells at the others to bring them back alive, but the way they’re suiting up and making animal sounds suggests they’re prepared to hunt not gather. Kodi shoots his crossbow and hits Melissa in the shoulder. She begs for Shauna not to leave her, but Shauna tasks Mari with taking care of her: “She dies, you die,” she tells Mari. Nat instructs them all to clean up the Edwin scene because they don’t know who else could be coming. It’s sheer chaos.

In present day, Shauna sits on the toilet and listens to the DAT tape, hearing the moment when Edwin was struck by Lottie. But then she skips through the tape and lands on a part where Hannah talks to someone about how she wants them to be proud of her, not just see her as some mom who had a teenage pregnancy. So, it sounds like Hannah has/had a kid. We’ll circle back to this.

Shauna tells Jeff to stop spending time in the lobby, because circumstances have changed. She, meanwhile, is heading out. Jeff laments that she’s able to do whatever she wants while he just has to stay put. “I appreciate that secrecy, that’s your love language,” Jeff says. That’s not a love language, Jeff!

“I don’t deserve you, you know,” Shauna says before asking him to do something for her. She wants him to keep an eye on Callie. Shauna doesn’t know that Callie already has access to the tape. She’s also listening from the other side of the door while she searches the web for Unsolved Missing Persons + Canada + 1990s. She’s certainly not backing the fuck off like Shauna wants her to.

At the hotel where they’re staying, Van watches over a sleeping Tai, clearly still unnerved from Tai’s outburst in the middle of the night. Misty fucking Quigley then barges in unannounced, prompting Van to grab a…butter knife as a weapon. Misty drops the info that Tai met with Lottie the day she died. “You did?” Van asks. Tai says she met up with her to have a private conversation and that it doesn’t mean she murdered her.

Misty brings up that Tai has a history of “doing crazy shit and not even knowing about it.” Tai drops that it’s obvious whoever sent Shauna the tape murdered Lottie, but this is the first Misty is hearing of the tape.

Back in the chaos of the wilderness, Hannah and Kodi are running, the girls in close pursuit. Hannah wants to head back to camp, but Kodi points out they’re as good as dead if they do that and that if she wants to survive she’ll have to actually rely on her instincts. “Stick with me or you’re on your own!” he says, before splitting off. Hannah runs another way.

Kailey Schwerman/Paramount+ with SHOWTIME.

The girls run and growl, caw, snarl. Nat breaks up the group. They’re treating this like a sport, strategizing as if it were a soccer game. A chunk of Hannah’s hair gets caught on a tree. She ducks behind a log and starts recording the message Shauna will later hear, a message for her “sweet baby Alex.”

In the present, Shauna’s intercepted by Tai, Van, and Misty. She tells them there was more on the tape than just what Lottie did. Shauna, struggling initially to call Hannah by name, informs the group that she had a daughter who has clearly gotten ahold of the tape and is now out to punish them for what they did. Shauna wants to go stop her. Van asks her what she plans to do with her, and Shauna sarcastically says she’s going to sit her down and have a calm conversation with her. Van says they’re going with her, to Richmond, Virginia, where Shauna has apparently tracked down this Alex. This impresses Misty greatly. A new citizen detective has been born!

Kailey Schwerman/Paramount+ with SHOWTIME.

It’s time for a road trip! Shauna plays the rest of the tape for the group. Misty points out there was no mention of any offspring in Hannah’s obituary, but Shauna says it’s because it was a teenage pregnancy where the child was then adopted. Misty wonders why they didn’t know about the kid in the first place. “Someone did,” Van points out. Someone, after all, would have had to have gotten that tape to her. Tai says that Gen and Melissa got pretty close to Hannah, but Van points out they’re both dead. So, that’s that! It seems as if Hilary Swank As Melissa hints were a red herring. Melissa is dead. Perhaps there are no additional survivors after all. It seems much more likely now that Hilary Swank is playing this Alex character.

Misty wonders why this Alex woman would wait 25 years to enact her revenge. I have the same question!

While they stop for gas, Van confronts Tai and asks if she was ever going to tell her about going to see Lottie. Tai says she went to see Lottie to ask her to clarify more about what she meant when she said “it” was pleased for them after Nat died. “You promise you didn’t do it?” Van asks, and Tai does not answer.

Tai and Van come across Edwin, Hannah, and Kodi’s camp. They hear something in one of the tents, but it’s just a frog rattling in a jar. Van frees it and says “you’re okay, you’re free.” It’s ironic in the context of the fact that they could be free, too, if they weren’t busy hunting their way out of here. They find the satellite phone, and Van frantically tries to dial her mom. They seem, suddenly, so young again, like the boys discovered at the end of Lord of the Flies abruptly reconciling with their own youth and innocence again.

Akilah and Travis are looking through the woods together. Akilah says Lottie must have had a good reason to kill Edwin, like having a vision he was a bad guy or something. Misty approaches them and has an idea: They can corner Kodi at the “shit ridge.” Travis suggests they split up, so he and Akilah go left while Misty goes right. Travis fires a few shots to through Kodi off, and Hannah assumes it’s Kodi being shot. Shauna finds the chunk of Hannah’s hair on a branch and pockets it. Nat finds one of Hannah’s footprints, and Shauna takes out her knife.

Hannah slowly emerges and asks them not to hurt her. Nat says it’ll be okay, but Shauna of course grabs her and holds her knife against her, accusing her of shooting an arrow through Melissa. Hannah says it wasn’t her, that she has no weapons, that it was the guide they hired. Nat and Van come across them, too, and Nat tries to deescalate the whole situation. Shauna says they can still get rescued without leaving any witnesses. When a search party is sent looking for the scientists, they’ll find the Yellowjackets. Her plan is…short-sighted to say the least.  Hannah says she knows where there’s first aid supplies to help Melissa. She has her leverage.

Kailey Schwerman/Paramount+ with SHOWTIME.

In the present Misty finds a receipt for the Lincoln tunnel in Shauna’s car and pockets it. She gets a call from Walter, who tells her the DNA results from under Lottie’s nails match the hair he took from Shauna’s hat. He thinks Shauna is Lottie’s murderer. I’m still wondering if a DNA match could also indicate it was Callie! Misty frantically texts Tai and Van that Shauna killed Lottie. They’re all trapped in the car together, wondering if they’re being driven around by a murderer.

“Okay, what the fuck is going on?” Shauna asks. She makes them tell her what the fuck is going on, but before they can, Van coughs up a bunch of blood.

In the wilderness, Misty screeches while running and is almost crossbowed by Kodi. When she ducks, she loses her glasses. If we’re sticking with the Lord of the Flies comparisons for this episode, it’s like when Piggy’s glasses are stolen.

Akilah and Travis indeed corner Kodi at the cliff, and Travis aims his gun at him. “Save your bullet,” Kodi says, implying he’s going to let go and crash to his death. But they tell him to stop and help him up. “Take us back with you,” Travis says.

The women rush Van to the hospital. Tai tells the front desk she has metastatic cancer, and this is the first Misty and Shauna are hearing of it. Tai pretends to be her wife so she can go in with her. Shauna says it seems so unfair that Van has cancer, and Misty tells her to stop pretending to care, accusing her of killing Lottie. Shauna is unfazed by Misty revealing the DNA match, pointing out Lottie stayed with her so naturally would have some of her DNA on her. Based on Shauna’s reactions, I genuinely don’t think she killed Lottie. I’m all in on the Callie theory at the moment. But I also know people clocked Jeff’s indifference to the reveal Lottie was killed last episode. Is it possible he’s helping cover up for his daughter? Would he be wiling to take the blame? Past behavior indicates yes!

Shauna abandons the others at the hospital. She clearly wants to finish off the job she started.

In the hospital, Tai sits with Van. She makes an under-her-breath comment about wanting to kill the guy who is screaming in the bed next to them, and Van clutches her hand and says “don’t.” Van isn’t sure what Tai is capable of, especially if Tai thinks that sacrificing someone could save her. Van closes her eyes and hears teen Lottie saying “take a breath, now what do you hear?” We slip into a dreamstate where Adult Van encounters her teenage self. “We never actually cheated death,” Teen Van says. “It was always an even trade.” Teen Van sets fire to Van’s hospital bed. The way they’ve been engulfing Van in fire so much this season really does suggest she had something to do with the cabin fire. When she wakes up in her hospital room, she sees Tai as Other Tai, mouth covered in dirt. “Don’t worry,” she says. “I won’t let them take your eyes.”

Day breaks out in the wilderness, and Gen and Mari are trying to get the arrow out of Melissa. Lottie is bent over Edwin’s dead body, spreading his blood on their face. Gen and Mari realize they have to push the arrow through. Lottie asks to help, but Gen points out she has done enough. “Those strangers, they were going to ruin everything,” Lottie says. “Go fuck your blood-dirt, Lottie,” Mari responds.

Kailey Schwerman/Paramount+ with SHOWTIME.

They push the arrow through Melissa and extract it. We see the same shot of Lottie’s face covered in blood that appears in “Did Tai Do That?” Shauna, Tai, Van, and Nat show up back at camp with Hannah in tow. “Hi, I’m Hannah,” she says, clearly alarmed.

Callie walks in on Jeff inspecting the bed for bedbugs. She tells him that they keep telling themselves Shauna is a good person and that all the bad things that happen to her couldn’t be helped. “What if she’s actually a bad person?” Callie asks. She asks Jeff if Shauna has ever mentioned crossing paths with two frog scientists. Callie has clearly been doing a lot of citizen detective work of her own. Jeff’s reaction suggests he does already know all this. I mean, it’s reasonable to assume Shauna would have written about this in her journal, right?

Shauna arrives at her destination and slowly extracts a brand new hunting knife as “Blood Bitch” by Cocteau Twins kicks in.

I mean…what an episode! The Yellowjackets have been really keeping me on my toes this season in the most fun way imaginable. The thrills of this episode are absolutely bonkers, and the characters are behaving so wildly, but it still ultimately tracks with who they are and the journeys they’ve been on this season. Like the frogs of the fable, the Yellowjackets have over-invested in the idea of governance and leadership. All of their ruinous actions with Ben have led to this moment of them not just fumbling their chance at a rescue but actively destroying it — in Lottie’s case, killing it. The frogs were sent the king they asked for, and they suffered death as a result. Whether it’s giving too much power to Lottie’s visions or giving too much power to someone on a rage rampage like Shauna, the group is actively harming themselves by choosing these societal structures that mimic the outside world instead of truly coming together. They treat the big chase of this episode every bit as seriously as they treat the game of soccer or the bone game from earlier this season, only with this turn of the wheel, it’s much scarier.

The arrival of outside people to the wilderness further reiterates just how distant the Yellowjackets have become from the previous versions of themselves. Violence has become second nature to them. The relentlessly high intensity cadence of the episode makes for a thrilling experience, and every second of this season seems to be inching us closer to the haunting tone of the series’ opening scene.

I know some people have been struggling with the characterization of Teen Shauna as a bloodthirsty rage monster, but it has honestly been one of my favorite parts of the season. I do see the two Shauna arcs in each timeline as being very aligned, and this episode is a great example of that. In both, Shauna wants to go rogue and ignore group consensus in order to enact violence as a way of “solving” her problems. Teen Shauna wants to kill the frog crew under the assumption a rescue party sent for them will find them instead. No witnesses. Adult Shauna wants to solve the mystery of who has supposedly been targeting her with a hunting knife. Every time, she chooses self-preservation over survival. Every time, her trauma response is to pick up a knife. I didn’t know the group’s actions in the wilderness could get much worse than watching Javi die, but here we are this season, with Ben, with these outsiders who are targeted just for being that. But for as intensely violent as this episode is, in true Yellowjackets fashion we also get more than that, a turn of the wheel to give us some three-person melodrama. Edwin, Hannah, and Kodi (if that is his real name) were just living lives of minor squabbles and sexual tension until they happened across the Yellowjackets. My how fast the wheel can turn.

Last buzz:

• I ended up saying it in the comments last week but meant to work it into the main recap, but Ben’s head on a stake really feels like a reference to the “beast”‘s head on a stake in Lord of the Flies. Much like the beast in the book, our characters have found a vessel to project their own worst instincts onto, not realizing that the beast is actually within.
• Jeff’s emphasis of “poorly furnished” is too good.
• “Late. And rudely.”
• It looked like Tai also found a map of some sort in the tent.
• “I am not family, but we have a very intense trauma bond.”
• Before he’s killed, Edwin seems to recognize who the girls are. I do wonder what kind of media coverage they’ve been receiving. They seem like catnip for the tabloids — high achieving, suburban, mostly white, mostly girls gone missing mysteriously.
• So, I know a lot of us went all in on the outsiders being birders and mapped some bird metaphors onto the narrative, but let’s pivot to frogs!!!! For some reason, the fact of them being FROG scientists is so funny to me? I think just because it’s somehow giving DORK even more than birders. These poor dorks! Plus Kodi, who I’m very entertained by.

Every Queer Movie Featuring a ‘Yellowjackets’ Cast Member

When Yellowjackets was first announced, the immediate draws were director Karyn Kusama and a cast that included Melanie Lynskey, Christina Ricci, and Juliette Lewis. As a 90s queer, this trio of actors have popped up in so many of my favorite movies — movies that either are gay or just feel like gay culture. Since the younger cast has also popped up in their fair share of queer movies, I thought it would be fun to list every queer movie featuring a Yellowjackets cast member.

I had to make some judgment calls re: what counts as a queer movie. I didn’t include Sin City featuring Elijah Wood because Carla Gugino’s lesbian character is such a small part. I didn’t include Cursed starring Christina Ricci because it’s gay subplot isn’t quite big enough. I didn’t include Army of the Dead with Ella Purnell because Tig Notaro is just playing a part originally written for a man. And, alas, I did not include the Nickelodeon movie centered around a before-she-came-out Jojo Siwa that also features Mya Lowe. Oh and I didn’t include Juliette Lewis in Whip It even though there’s definitely an argument for that one.

That last exclusion means there is only ONE queer movie featuring Juliette Lewis on this list. That feels so wrong?? Let me know if I missed anything or maybe I’m just confusing our feelings for Juliette Lewis with the movies themselves. Also I’m pretty sure Tawny Cypress has never been in a queer movie so someone should really cast her in one ASAP please.

Bolded titles for movies where the actor plays a queer character.

Lauren Ambrose

Lauren Ambrose in Psycho Beach Party

+ In & Out (1997)
Funny, charming, and very 90s — in a mainstream way, not a New Queer Cinema way — Kevin Kline plays a teacher who thinks he’s straight until his former student outs him at the Oscars. Lauren Ambrose plays one of his students.

+ Psycho Beach Party (2000)
Drag queen Charles Busch’s movies are always fun but this riff on slashers and 1950s/60s surf pictures is his best. Ambrose is so fun in the lead as “Chicklet” — and Chicklet’s other personalities.

Jasmin Savoy Brown

Jasmin Savoy Brown and Vico Ortiz in Misdirection

+ Misdirection (2019)
This is one of my favorite short films! Vico Ortiz plays a lovesick queer with OCD who turns to magic. Jasmin Savoy Brown plays their new love interest who they could be into if they’d just give up on their straight roommate. Watch it now!

+ Scream (2022)
While I wasn’t a fan of the new Scream films — even before the producers fired Melissa Barrera from Scream VII for her support of Palestine — the best part was definitely the new cast. Brown plays a lesbian film nerd, something I found relatable.

+ Scream VI (2023)
This was a bit better than the previous installment although still not at the level of the Wes Craven films. (Yes, including Scream 3!) Brown’s character has a girlfriend in this one — a girlfriend who reaches a very brutal end.

+ Dreams in Nightmares (2024)
I really liked Shatara Michelle Ford’s previous film Test Pattern, so I’m very excited to see this. Last time I checked it was still looking for distribution? I hope it gets released soon!

Liv Hewson

Liv Hewson in Let It Snow

+ Bombshell (2019)
It says a lot about Hollywood that one of the first movies about workplace harassment after the mainstream Me Too Movement would focus on Fox News. It turns the bigotries of these women into little jokes as it uplifts them as feminist heroes. Anyway, at least Kate McKinnon and Margot Robbie’s characters have an affair and Liv Hewson is in it too.

+ Let It Snow (2019)
People were confused when I gave this corny Netflix Christmas movie a rave review. But this is exactly what a corny Christmas movie should be! Hewson and Anna Akana’s romance is one of the best of its intersecting plots.

+ Under My Skin (2020)
This is a movie about transmasculinity told from the perspective of the trans person’s cis straight(?) boyfriend. Hewson is one of four actors who plays the person who should be the main character but alas is not.

Juliette Lewis

Judy Davis and Juliette Lewis in Gaudi Afternoon

+ Gaudi Afternoon (2001)
A few things you should know about this comic take on a noir narrative: Marcia Gay Harden plays a trans woman, Lili Taylor plays her butch ex, Juliette Lewis plays the butch ex’s new girlfriend, and it’s all told from the perspective of a very befuddled Judy Davis. Extremely 2001, but delightful!

Melanie Lynskey

Melanie Lynskey in But I’m a Cheerleader

+ Heavenly Creatures (1994)
Melanie Lynskey’s importance to queer people was solidified with her first ever role. I adore this sad film about the violence beneath closeted queer adolescence and obsessive romantic friendship. For some reason, this isn’t widely available and I hope that changes soon.

+ But I’m a Cheerleader (1999)
You know it, you’ve seen it, you love it. Or, if you haven’t, lucky you! Go watch this undeniable lesbian classic.

+ The Nearly Unadventurous Life of Zoe Cadwaulder (2004)
This is such a cute short film about a woman traumatized after her parents die in a meteor accident who decides to face her fear of the world after meeting a dyke with the same name as her rooster. You can watch it right now!

+ Itty Bitty Titty Committee (2007)
Lynskey re-teamed with But I’m a Cheerleader director Jamie Babbit for this brief — but titular! — scene. She goes to a plastic surgeon for a boob job only to be met with a very-2007 lecture from the main character about embracing her itty bitty titties. Despite its many cringe moments, I have a soft spot for this movie about a group of dramatic, rebellious dykes.

+ The Intervention (2016)
Clea DuVall wrote this film for longtime friend Lynskey and Lynskey’s real-life partner Jason Ritter plays her fiancé. DuVall herself — and Natasha Lyonne — play the resident gays of the film’s friend group.

Nicole Maines

Nicole Maines in Bit

+ Bit (2019)
While far from perfect, this movie about a trans girl who gets roped into a lesbian separatist vampire crew is a lot of fun. Half a decade ago it was really rare to see a queer trans woman on-screen, so this was super exciting when it came out!

Sophie Nélisse

Sophie Nélisse and Antoine Olivier Pilon in 1:54

+ 1:54 (2016)
No matter how much you love Sophie Nélisse please do not watch this gay track and field movie based around suicide and A BOMB. She’s not even the gay one. It’s about a gay boy. Don’t watch this. Just trust me.

+ Two Women (2025)
This movie is probably the least gay one to make the list since its tale of sexual exploration only allows one brief affair with a woman amid a slew of men. But it’s directed by Chloé Robichaud whose work I love — including a gay track and field movie you should watch called Sarah Prefers to Run. In Two Women, Nélisse plays a hot girl who flirts with one of the main character’s husbands.

Christina Ricci

Christina Ricci in Monster

+ The Opposite of Sex (1998)
Christina Ricci plays a teen girl who seduces her gay brother’s boyfriend in this acerbic comedy. Ricci’s narration practically dares the audience to call the movie politically incorrect, but hidden within all that bite is a surprising depth and sweetness.

+ Monster (2003)
Charlize Theron won an Oscar for her portrayal of Aileen Wuornos in this brutal drama. Ricci plays her love interest who adds some sweetness — as well as more heartbreak — to the dour tale.

+ The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
While the original Matrix trilogy is a classic of trans subtext, Lana Wachowski’s meta reboot sequel makes the queerness more overt. Ricci only appears briefly and it feels like a nod to her role in the Wachowskis’ unfairly maligned Speed Racer.

Nia Sondaya

+ Heart Shot (2022)

Nia Sondaya in Heart Shot

The world is full of many lesbian short films, but only one is on Netflix! This romance action film stars Nia Sondaya as Samantha, a teen girl who invites her girlfriend Nikki (Elena Heuzé) to stay over when her mom and sister are out of town. Turns out Nikki has some secrets from her past and pretty soon this sweet little romance turns into a full-on shootout. You can watch the short now!

Queer Horoscopes for Aries Season 2025

Hi folks! I’m Deb with Queerstrology, here to share your horoscopes for Aries season, the first sign on the zodiac wheel.

Aries season begins with the Spring Equinox, bringing a burst of energy and youthfulness. It’s also a busy year for Aries placements with a Solar Eclipse, Venus in retrograde, and Mercury in retrograde. Later in the year, both Saturn and Neptune will go retrograde in Aries as well. The start of the astrology year encourages us to be more open to new ventures and taking chances.

Ruled by Mars, the planet of passion and drive, Aries also governs the 1st house associated with self-understanding. This means you may feel significant effects in these areas of your birth chart, particularly where Aries and Mars reside, as well as any activity in your 1st house.

Aries season brings an energy of letting things go and allowing yourself to have fun, releasing some of the pressure you’ve been feeling. Embracing this season will give your inner child the chance to express itself.

Key Dates to Note:

Aries season begins Thursday, March 20th at 5:01 am ET. The Sun moves into the constellation of Aries, ending on April 19th, with the start of Taurus season.

March 29: New Moon in Aries
New moons symbolize rebirth, and under the influence of Aries, they bring an energy of activity and adventure. This is a time to have some fun.

March 29: Partial Solar Eclipse Aries
Solar Eclipses close out the eclipse season and initiate change. There are two a year, and this is the first one. Solar eclipse occurs when the Moon is between the Sun and Earth, causing part of the Sun to be blocked out. Under the sign of Aries indicates a need to have fun and push yourself out of your comfort zone.

April 7: Mercury Direct Pisces
Mercury is the planet of communication; it goes into retrograde 3 or 4 times a year for about 3 weeks at a time. Release the feeling of restriction around your voice and thoughts. Take what you have learned and share it.

April 12: Full Moon in Libra
Full moons bring a time of reflection, and under the sign of Libra. This encourages seeking balance. Allowing consideration of yourself in addition to others.

April 13: Venus Direct in Pisces
Venus is the planet of vulnerability; it goes into retrograde 1 time every 18 months, for about 45 days at a time. Now your connections will see a rebirth. Under the sign of Pisces, it indicates intuitive connection growth.

How Aries Season Affects Your Sign

Aries

It’s your season, bringing an explosion of energy toward your future. While both Venus and Mercury retrograde in your sign may have left you feeling drained and discouraged, now is the time to overcome obstacles and forge a path forward. Make yourself a priority but be generous in allowing others to follow your lead. Your passion and drive make you a beacon of confidence.

Taurus

For Taurus, preparing for your season begins now. Take the time to reflect on the past year and the goals you wanted to achieve. Although Aries season brings energy that may make you feel rushed, it is important to set your intentions for the future, accounting for what you have achieved and setting new goals.

Gemini

During Aries season, you begin to feel a surplus of energy. The best outlet for this buzz is group or team activities. You’re in the mood to teach others and are more open to learning from them. Through this exchange of information, a beautiful intention is born. Use the power of your voice to enhance new ideas.

Cancer

The place you call home is very precious to you. Aries season brings you the confidence and security to speak up more. Your emotions may come across as too sensitive, but now is the time to show others that emotion can be a superpower for taking action. Try doing something that will surprise the people who know you best.

Leo

Aries season is when your fellow fire sign blazes a path forward, allowing Leo to feel more secure and appreciated. What are you craving in life? Be bold and step forward. Whatever it is, you have the tools to make it work. Trust yourself, and no one will be able to outshine your glowing presence.

Virgo

Where you feel the need for perfection, Aries season urges you to let go of control. You love to have ideas and plans fully vetted, but now is the time to reconnect with parts of your life that didn’t fit into your structured lifestyle. Stop asking so many questions before acting and embrace an unpredictable experience.

Libra

You’re great at finding balance in your relationships, but during Aries season, your opposite sign brings you fearlessness. Now is your chance to act on the connections you’ve been wanting but haven’t felt worthy of making. You don’t need anyone’s approval. Determination looks good on you.

Scorpio

For Scorpio, change can be difficult. Anything new in your life must pass your test, which can lead to feelings of being stuck. Don’t get too comfortable. It’s time to make some changes. Stepping into your power requires breaking routine, which will lead to transformation. Work toward establishing a new version of yourself.

Sagittarius

Aries season encourages you to make quick decisions. It will now be important to rediscover the things you used to love. Your spirit craves independence, but sometimes that comes with sacrifices. If people can’t see the real you and support you, they don’t deserve your passion.

Capricorn

During Aries season, Capricorn is rarely seen out and about. The energy and drive give you more focus on getting things done. You don’t need others’ help, but it doesn’t hurt to have someone care for you. Allow yourself to work but remember to take care of the other parts of your life as well.

Aquarius

It’s time for your voice for humanity to turn into action. You can see a way to help make the world a better place, even if it isn’t typical. Don’t wait for a sign, use the energy of Aries season to build your strength. The transformation you experience will not be a solitary one; your connections will follow.

Pisces

All the ideas and creativity that came to you during your season have now become seeds ready to be planted. During Aries season, your dreams transform into tangible ideas. This process can help ground you, clarifying your future intentions. Looking ahead, you will begin to see who you’re becoming.

If you would like to learn more about Astrology, check out my social media @Queerstrology or drop any questions in the comments. Let’s learn from each other!

How I Learned To Enjoy Receiving (In Honor of ‘The Giver’)

Chappell Roan’s long-awaited single “The Giver” dropped last week, but it’s been playing in my home for months thanks to my girlfriend, who has been walking around singing it on a loop ever since Chappell’s Saturday Night Live appearance last November. And who can blame her? It’s not every day that a country song about lesbian sex gets released, and it feels especially special when coupled with a rise of sapphic line-dance parties like Stud Country and Buckwild, and artists like Chappell herself are topping the charts. But “The Giver” didn’t just get stuck in people’s heads; it ignited this quarter’s full-on lesbian discourse firestorm on TikTok. The song — and its promotional rollout — sparked a discussion on sexual identities within the lesbian community, with some claiming ownership of the lyrics to “The Giver” based on who should be singing them.

Lesbians, it seems, were quick to crown “The Giver” as a stone top anthem. Now, I’m not sure what led to this conclusion, since there’s specific criteria that needs to be met to call someone a stone top: the refusal or rejection of receiving. The song itself doesn’t exactly scream “touch-me-not.” Chappell sings about giving, sure — but nowhere in the lyrics does she suggest giving is her one and only jam or that she never wants to receive. No, “The Giver” is a song about a service top (or maybe even a service switch) who loves to give, and I’d argue it could just as easily be about anyone who enjoys the act of giving, regardless of how they identify. It’s about loving the game. It’s about being a giver, plain and simple.

If a stone top likes the song and it resonates with them, I think that’s beautiful. But to call Chappell a stone top and the song a stone top anthem? A reach! I try to avoid these online conversations like the plague. Unfortunately, my algorithm — much like a lesbian ex — keeps bringing them back into my feed. This is what I get for working in queer media. Hold space for me.

Now, my disdain for lesbian online discourse is rivaled only by my absolute loathing for poor media literacy. So, imagine my surprise when I see lesbians arguing about whether Pillow Princesses can even participate in a TikTok lip-sync trend for “The Giver.” And then, as if that wasn’t absurd enough, they began debating whether straight women can call themselves Pillow Princesses. Pretty soon, it became a full blown “see something, say something” of clocking bottoms based on appearances in a thirty second video. So now we’re equating femininity with bottoming and masculinity with topping. Great work, everyone!

The thing is, you can be a bottom 90% of the time and still love topping that 10%. And I know this for a fact because, a) I am a sexually active queer adult who’s well aware of life’s nuanced experiences, and b) I’m living proof of this. Sure, I top 90% of the time, but you bet your ass that if I had pipes and a pen like Chappell, I’d write a song about how much I love bottoming for a femme. Does that make me a Pillow Princess? Hardly.

Also, can we talk about how seriously people are taking carabiner signaling now? I know there’s cultural significance there but I’m genuinely asking — who has time for this? There are actual lesbians out there on TikTok policing whether someone’s carabiner is on the left or the right, and frankly, I’m confused. Do we not have more important things to do? News to catch up on? Families to raise? Rooms to clean? It’s a country pop song by a mega-famous, thin, white cis woman — stop making it your political cause of the week. Use all that energy to go top someone fuck’s sake!

I don’t mean to sound like a brat, but I think we could all benefit from a little more thoughtfulness when it comes to how we engage with media, especially queer media. A lot of Chappell’s fanbase has slapped the label of “stone top” on her without even a hint of subtext in the song’s chorus to back it up. It’s a mistake to take the sensuality that queer artists offer us in their art and twist it into something more or something different than it is. That’s a quick way to get them to stop giving us sensuality altogether.

But that’s not really what I’m here to talk about. I’m here to tell you the tale of how I realized I was not a stone top and how I learned to love to receive. Before I do, one last quick discourse-related note that I swear is relevant here…you can top with long nails! My girlfriend wears long nails permanently and I have never, not once, felt them inside of me.

Here’s how I learned to love to receive.

I stopped operating in the binary

When I first came out as a lesbian, I was around 21 years old and very femme-presenting. I naturally gravitated towards masculine presenting lesbians on dating apps and at bars when I was first exploring. At no fault of the masc lesbian community at large, I had a few unfavorable experiences with some mascs who made me absolutely hate bottoming. But ultimately, this helped me realize I had some more exploring to do about my own identity (i.e. I was not a femme nor a bottom). Once I did some more digging and realized I was nonbinary, I allowed myself to shed the expectations of certain presentations and how they’d show up in the bedroom.

I healed from previous sexual traumas

A big reason I didn’t enjoy bottoming was because of sexual trauma in my past. It was easier for me to identify as a stone top than it was to work through what I needed to and allow myself to be touched in that way again. I wouldn’t dare say I’m all the way healed, but by going to therapy, having open conversations, and relearning pleasure, I was able to dissociate bottoming/receiving penetration from trauma.

I set my ego aside

While identifying as a stone top, I got a bit addicted to the pleasure that I was able to make other people feel. I took great pride in being able to make sexual partners feel good, and that was more than enough for me to also be satisfied. But then this grew into hubris and I began to assume no one could ever take care of me the way I would want them to, so why let them try? I would insist to partners that I was fine and didn’t need anything and would slowly but surely put myself in a position where I actually wasn’t satisfied just from topping but had already set such a standard for myself. It was either set my ego aside and admit I needed something or continue to go (partially) unsatisfied. I took the road less traveled.

I learned to articulate what I wanted

Now, my stubborn assertion that no one could satisfy me was not completely unfounded. I have had many experiences where I truly did not enjoy the way I was being topped, but I would feel too bad to correct someone or request something different. I think this one truly just came with getting older and realizing life’s too short to be having mediocre sex. ALSO I realized that not everyone is a sensitive little baby like I am. More often than not, people want to be doing a good job, even if that means taking a note. This one was really paired with overcoming my overall tendency to stay silent in order to people-please.

I explored more with myself

A lot of what I’ve spoken about so far is about my experience with other people, but I think a lot of sexual intimacy and preference begins with ourselves. I started to experiment with myself to see how different toys, styles, positions, etc. felt in a controlled and trusted environment. I was then able to take what I learned with myself and introduce that to partners.

I reframed my language and thinking around receiving

This one is pretty specific to me being trans, but I hope cis folks can relate to it. I think subconsciously, I didn’t love the language around “getting fingered” or “eaten out” because they felt assigned to women. So when I started identifying as non-binary and trans, there was a bit of dysphoria happening when that language was used, and therefore, when the actions took place. But then I just started referring to it as “getting head” which felt a lot more neutral and comfortable to me. My partner does a really great job of using neutral language and instead of saying “I want to finger you,” she’ll say “I want to feel you” or “can I feel you?” She does the same for oral, too, where it’s “I want to taste you” instead of “I want to eat you out.”

None of this is to say I think all stone tops are just waiting to be convinced otherwise or need to work on themselves, because I do know there are true stone tops out there. I just wasn’t one of them. Sexual preferences and identities come in all shapes and sizes, they fluctuate by the day or by the partner, and they just shouldn’t be the topic of in-fighting.

I hope that we can all enjoy “The Giver” and any subsequent, similar song without turning into cops about it because a country song about lesbian sex is a giant step forward, but fighting about who can sing it on TikTok is two embarrassing steps backward.

No Filter: Inside Niecy Nash’s Rodeo Star-Studded Birthday Bash

feature image photo via Niecy Nash’s Instagram

Hello and welcome back to No Filter! This is the place where I tell you what our favorite famous queers were up to over the last week, via Instagram! Let’s jump right into the fun, shall we?

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A post shared by Niecy Nash (@niecynash1)

Can I get some COMMOTION for this look? No one does it like Niecy!!

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Taraji! Judy and Da Brat! Colman Domingo! Sarah Paulson! (I urge you to do yourself the favor of scrolling to see her look, I don’t think she spends a lot of time at the rodeo!)

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AND karaoke?? They really had it all, damn!

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AND AN AFTER PARTY? How on earth??? Am I too tired at 35??

https://www.instagram.com/p/DHJ210AyB5l/?img_index=1

Renee is back on the road, Towa is with her, all is well!

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One thing I admire about these two is that they STAY in a nice dress in the sand!

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Oh wait, I lied, here’s more from Nicey’s birthday! So cute!

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Call me a dork, but there is nothing better to me than BTS from the theater? Not sure why, maybe it’s just the vibe of being at a theater? Do I miss that? Much soul searching ahead!

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE ACTUAL QUEEN! In many ways, this woman raised me, and I am thrilled she is celebrating her birth…with Covergirl I guess? Why not!

https://www.instagram.com/p/DHUaAQiS5d5/

Did this inspire me to work out? Yes. Did this inspire me to work out as hard as Meg? Literally never!

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Hi helloooo I am obsessed with this shirt??

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I keep seeing clips and pics from this award show, and I keep forgetting to look up what it is and unfortch that has not changed by the time I am writing this so! Thrilled to see Doechii and Gaga!

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You say “art project” but what I am seeing is the club “BED” from the iconic “The Post-it Always Sticks Twice” episode of Sex and The City. 

https://www.instagram.com/p/DHSJiHGJl1H/?img_index=1

Gabby, you deserve it! You are carrying Traitors press right now, and I hope they have paid you!

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Noted Little One dater has music coming out so soon! Thank God, spring is for yearning with Lucy!

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Yes, this is spon, but I want to take a moment and thank Keke for not making her own brand of hair care and instead, partnering with a beloved community brand. Like what happened to just being a brand ambassador?? (I know the answer)

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I think she is the best living vocalist right now, tbQUITEh!

Nico Carney Takes On the Role of a Lifetime: A Goofy Cis Boy

Nico Carney is taking the leap from stage to screen as the goofiest teenage boy you’ll ever meet. Carney is known for his stand-up, appearing in Netflix Is A Joke: The Festival, Late Night with Seth Myers, and Just For Laughs. Now the trans male stand-up comic is adding acting to his arsenal. He co-leads alongside Misha Osherovich in the trans buddy comedy, She’s the He. Carney stars as Alex, a 17-year-old who devises a plan with his best friend Ethan (Osherovich) to pretend to be a trans girl to get his crush Sasha (Malia Pyles). When Ethan is all dolled up, it turns out that she is a trans girl.

After the SXSW premiere, Carney and I discussed everything She’s the He, from landing their first feature role, finding their camaraderie with co-star Misha Osherovich, and the significance of working with a predominantly trans cast and crew in this twist on the raunchy coming-of-age comedy.

Rendy: Well, tell me everything about how’d you get on board this project?

Nico: It was very last minute. They had already actually cast the role I ended up playing, but then Jordan [Gonzalez], the actor who was initially cast, ended up getting a big project for a Stephen King adaptation, which obviously was a really cool opportunity. So he had to back out at the last minute. So they were looking for a trans guy and hopefully a comedian. And they, Misha, my co-star’s representatives knew of me, just from standup and stuff, and recommended me. And then our director, Shiv [McCarthy], had seen one of my standup clips on my Instagram or something and was like, “Oh yeah, this guy’s funny. I’ve seen this stuff before.” So then I got an email that was like, “Hey, look, check this script out. The director would love to meet with you.” And I was like, “Whoa, that’s crazy.” And then I read it and thought it was so funny and really original and cool. And then I got on a Zoom with Shiv and Vic [Brandt] our producer, and they were like, can you come next week? And I was like, “Yeah, I can come next week.” So yeah, it all happened pretty quickly, which was honestly probably for the best. I didn’t have a lot of time to overthink it.

Rendy: Where did you guys shoot and how long was the production?

Nico: We shot for basically a month in LA. I guess technically Pasadena and Reseda. But yeah, like the Los Angeles area.

Rendy: Because you’ve done standup for so long, how was the experience going from stage to screen in this big feature capacity for the first time?

Nico: It was cool. I mean, it was fun to get to work a different element of my creativity and my performance and things like that. I’m used to doing standup. But one of the fun things I’m doing on screen is that you can do it again if you screw up or whatever, you can always do another take. And it was a nice refreshing thing where it’s like, “Oh, it’s not like in standup.” If it doesn’t go well, you can’t be like, “Let me start the joke over and go again. Yeah, let me redo that.” So that was cool to get to have more breathing room to try things. Obviously standup is such a solo pursuit. It’s really fun to be working with other people, and I just really enjoyed also being a part of something that wasn’t fully my brainchild and it was somebody and multiple other people’s work coming together. I felt that was a really fulfilling process. So, I really enjoyed it.

Rendy: Alex and Ethan, their entire relationship is the heart of She’s the He. Tell me about how you found your dynamic in chemistry with Misha, because you guys are the heart of the story and everything.

Nico: I mean, pretty immediate. I thought we hit it off really well right away, and she’s such a professional, of course, and so wonderful to work with. I knew immediately. I was like, “Oh, I’m going to have so much to learn from her and I’m excited to get to be working across from her.” I just could tell how talented she was from the jump. It also was pretty easy. We really got along quite well right away, which I think really helped to translate it into the movie. It also helped that they put me up at an Airbnb for the month while I was out there, because I’m a New York local, and Misha’s place was right around the corner. So, I would pick her up and drive her to set most days, and she usually would make us late, but I would be picking her up our diva, and that was a nice good bonding time for us to get to go to and from set together and get to talk over what we were doing that day or just get to know each other better. It definitely felt like it was really natural chemistry.

Rendy: Alex has such a snap, quick-mindedness while you’re also very chill. Was there anything that you personally did to prepare to become him?

Nico: Yeah, Like I said, I didn’t have a ton of time to prepare because it was such a quick turnaround. I watched Superbad and I watched all these other buddy comedy movies just to think about how their friendship dynamics came across and how the various characters added to that to see how that could bring that into my own performance and how my end of this dynamic needed to work. I just kept leaning into just being as hyper and goofy as I could be, but it was ultimately, there’s a lot of reading the script and in my mirror saying, trying to be like, “What is the most 17-year-old boy way I could say this,” which is very fun. It was a very fun character to play because he is so nutty and says such dumb shit all the time. So it was very fun to get to lean into that side because I am not as — thankfully — not as goofy as he is.

Rendy: When it comes to the costumes, you have such a wide array of teenage fuckboi wardrobes. How did that get you into the high schooler mindset?

Nico: Well, I have to give a good shout out to our amazing costume team, Leah [Morrison] and Robbie [Lundegard]. Our two head costumes and stuff were, I mean, when I went in for my fitting, I was like, oh, this is going to rip. This is going to be so fun. Because I just saw having read the script and getting into this character and then seeing the outfits they were going to put me in, I was like, oh yeah, that’s perfect. This guy is as loud as his clothes are. And it really did help also in getting into that character, being in those stupid outfits every day that were just to help you get into that mindset of like, okay, I’m in this zone right now. I’m dressed like a 17-year-old boy. I’m acting like a 17-year-old boy. It really definitely helped. And I mean, all the costumes for everybody were so good and it just really, yeah, it added to the texture of the movie too. It all has its own sensibility within the clothing of that world too. They all are kind of funky in the way that they dress, even the more straightforward characters who are less or aren’t as, I don’t know, idiotic as Alex’s. But yeah, the costumes definitely helped us get into that zone.

Rendy: This is such an important coming out story and specifically just seeing the rest of the cast and crew being other trans people and part of the LGBTQ community. Can you tell me the significance of being on a project that will most likely, as I hope, help teens feel seen and possibly save lives?

Nico: It was definitely one of the really exciting things for me about the project and something that I just kept telling people when I was coming back and they were asking me about it. It was just so sick to be around so many other queer and trans artists that are wanting to be scrappy and make this independent movie and doing it for us and for each other. And it just felt like there was this level of, obviously at any time you’re on a film set or something, there is something greater than us that we’re working towards this film. But at the same time, it felt like there was also this other additional, there’s something greater than us at work here. This is this community that we’re creating and this ability to bottle that community that we actually have live here in the person into this movie and distribute that to people everywhere that they could really feel just how authentic the story is and how, I don’t know, I even just watching it back today, I was like, gosh, you can really feel how authentic this is and how authentic this is to the trans experience and to this comes from a trans person and is performed by trans people. You can just really feel that.

I think there’s so often media that gets out there that it’s like for gay people or whatever, but it’s like it feels forced or phony.

Rendy: It’s like pandering.

Nico: It just really washed over me today watching it again. I was like, “wow, you can really feel the authenticity in it,” which I love. And obviously also this story requires for a couple of the characters or a couple of the actors to play with gender in a way that might feel a little bit uncomfortable or might feel a little difficult. And I know there were days on set that were harder than others for certain characters who had to be on a stage. Obviously Misha as Ethan has to sort of detransition at the beginning of this movie from who she is now and then towards who she becomes at the end of the movie. So very delicate things to be dealing with and just knowing that I was going into this with a trans director and the costume designers, trans and lighting people are all these people around us that are watching us, giving us the space if we need it to take a moment and center ourselves to be okay.

And it was always temporarily when we were talking about production and stuff, that our mental health and safety was paramount and that we needed to make sure there was always time budgeted in for anything if people needed to take a step out and have a breather or whatever. So it’s just always how important it is to be around people that understand you when it’s like you’re dealing with heavy stuff. It was really important I think as we actually got into it and we’re doing these scenes that were really intense or had these more intense moments in the movie, it’s largely a comedy, but there’s a lot of really heavy stuff too, just because of the nature of the theme of it. And it was just really heartwarming to know, okay, we can actually go there with this comedy. We can go there as an actor and we can go there for all these scenes because we have the safety around us of a really loving community who understands what it’s like to feel that way and is keeping this set warm and safe for everybody. So it really was on so many levels, a really important part of the process.

Rendy: Tell me about being under Shiv’s direction, because I could only imagine how much warmth and vibrancy they brought to the set.

Nico: I mean, they were the best and they’re so smart. So just one of those people that you’re just like, oh, this is a genius person who has just done so many things and sort of jack of all trades and could really probably just as easily be of really high end professional chef. I mean one of those people that can just do anything. And thankfully has decided to do movies so that we can all get these great films, but so great about obviously keeping the creative integrity of the project and her vision and everything, but also allowing for us to be playful on set and to do some takes where we try some other stuff or there was even a scene that we wrote, we had to cut one scene and adjust it. Me, Misha and Shiv wrote it together an hour before we shot it because we had to fix something that just naturally came up as in the process. I was just so appreciative of how collaborative it was and how by that point in the filming, it was like we had already really tapped into these characters. So it was actually probably helpful for us to be helping with the writing because it was like, oh, well, I know now how I would actually say that. Having lived this character for a couple of weeks now. And same with Misha, so just in general, so warm, such great overall vision and guidance without also allowing us the room to play and to find things and be bringing ourselves to it as well.

It always felt like this obviously, they would never say, oh, it is my movie or anything because that’s just not how Shiv is, and you could just feel the generosity of that the whole time.

Rendy: What was it like having to play with a potato gun?

Nico: That thing was not functional. It was completely fun though. We were joking around about it, whatever, and then we were, I don’t know, thought it was going to burst through the wall, and then the first time we tried it, it was like it just fell on the ground and then didn’t work again. We had to totally mess up with that in the edit and everything to make it look functional, but it was not functional.

Rendy: The power of cinema.

Nico: The power of cinema.

Rendy: Did you have to play with a lot of ad-libbing during the movie shooting? Since you see the little outtakes and everything during the credits.

Nico: That was really fun. That was one of my favorite parts that we had all those bloopers, which obviously side of a funny movie we’re cracking each other up. But Shiv was really great about obviously the writing, a lot of the humor and the writing was already there in the script, but was also let us bring a little bit of that to it just to add something punchy or in the moment if it felt right just to say something else. And also, it was very trusting of me as a comedian and my ability to come up with things on the fly or to be able to add a joke here or there, and was always like, oh dude, that’s great. I love that. Never precious about who, I don’t know, came up with it or whatever. It’s not about that. It’s about all of us making this great thing together. So yeah, again, she is so encouraging.

Rendy: Now that you have made that nice little splash into the feature side, are there any other type of genres you would love to explore next?

Nico: I mean, I would love to keep working and acting and to do TV, film, any of that would be so awesome. I was so excited by this too, because when I got it, I was like, “wait, a trans buddy comedy?” That’s awesome. That’s incredible that this is my first feature that just feels so serendipitous and for me. And I just was like, yeah. So I would love to do more comedies and I’m hoping to be able to write some of my own as well and star in things that I write too. So yeah, definitely comedy. I’m also interested in dramatic acting too, so I would totally kind of, I don’t know. I’m drawn to, I think, project to project and script to script, story to story. Not necessarily tied to a specific genre. But I would be really open to anything that just excites me and something like this where I read the script and I was like, oh, that’ll be really fun to do. Yeah. So I think I’m very open at this point. I would love to get more cool projects like this, for sure.

Rendy: I was thinking of the movie Together, Together where Patti Harrison plays a pregnant cis woman. Knowing your trans experience, I find it so amazing to see you portray this super cis straight boy character. Can you speak to the importance of being able to play across every parameter that you can?

Nico: Yeah, totally. Yeah. I mean, it’s definitely, as a trans man and an actor definitely was. It was cool for me on this to get to play a cis character because I think so often people want to pigeonhole us and to just play trans characters, which is, I also, for the record, would love to play trans characters. And often when I write things, the character I would want to play is a trans guy. I talk about it a lot on stage as a standup and I’m very drawn to a lot of storytelling about trans people and would love to play that. But at the same time, realistically in this industry, it’s just not like those projects are coming all the time. So to be able to showcase that trans people can play cis people and can do it well and can be just as believable as an actor, as any other actor is believable as that character.

Emmett [Preciado], who plays Jacob, our bad guy in our movie, is also trans. It was so cool that we got to have this fight scene between these two trans dudes, and they’re both cis in the movie, and it’s just really cool. And also for this story in particular, I know it was always important to Shiv and felt really right that a trans guy play Alex, because it just felt like it would allow us to go there with certain things. Also I think having somebody alongside Misha who understands what’s going on and understands how delicate it can be and isn’t going to say the wrong thing or be obtuse or just not understand why parts of this filming process might be a little bit more difficult or require a little extra care and stuff like that. So I think it was just on top of the fact that it’s cool that I got to play, that I actually think it was necessary that it was a trans guy doing it, or a trans person or somebody who just understands where some of this is coming from, and then also can allow us to go there with some of the humor because it’s coming from a safer voice.

She’s the He is currently playing at film festivals.

Every Good Queer and Trans Movie Streaming on HBO Max

What movies with lesbian, bisexual, queer, and trans women and/or trans men and/or non-binary people in them can a person find streaming on Max? This is a question you might have, and good news, we are here to answer it. While HBO highlights many lesbian films in its “Pride” section, that section misses so many other titles that are categorized elsewhere.

Historically, HBO has been pretty good to the LGBTQ community, producing a lot of inclusive original content, but much of it is for gay men and only a limited number of these titles are currently available on Max. Their library isn’t as robust as it once was, but it’s still a great streaming destination for really high-quality lesbian cinema.

This post was originally published in November 2020. Most recent update: 2/2/2025.

Top 10: Our Picks Of The Best and Gayest Lesbian and Bisexual Movies Streaming on HBO Max

Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022)

#70 best lesbian movie of all time 

This movie is fucking incredible, an Oscar-winning “queer masterpiece of Colossal Sincerity.” Queer actor Stephanie Hsu plays Joy, the queer daughter of Waymond (Ke Huy Quan) and Evelyn Wang (Michelle Yeoh), who run a laundromat called in for an audit (their auditor is Jamie Lee Curtis) and it’s honestly impossible to explain what happens next. It is bananas and gorgeous and if you haven’t seen this yet, you simply must!

Bessie (2015)

#78 best lesbian movie of all time

This immediate classic and multiple-Emmy-winner co-written and directed by Dee Rees (Pariah, When We Rise, Mudbound) stars Queen Latifah as bisexual American blues singer Bessie Smith and features Mo-Nique as Ma Rainey. Gabby described this “badass bisexual biopic,” declaring, “this movie is well-done, like so well-done. The vaudeville stage moments and all of the singing in clubs and giant tent revivals are lively and beautiful. The black excellence in this film is something to behold and revel in. Everyone is gorgeous. The costumes, the wigs, the make-up, the dancing: all of it is authentic and just so much damn fun to watch.”

The Watermelon Woman (1997)

#2 best lesbian movies of all time

Our Film Editor’s favorite lesbian movie of all time, this classic from Cheryl Dunye is a genre-bending fictionalized documentary / rom-com that follows Cheryl, a version of filmmaker Cheryl Dunye, a film buff working in a video store while pursuing a passion project about an obscure Black lesbian actress of the 1930s pigeonholed into stereotypical “mammy roles” of the era. “When Dunye didn’t see her story, she made it herself,” wrote Drew. “But The Watermelon Woman isn’t just her story on screen — it’s also the searching, the wanting, the necessity of that story.”

Desert Hearts (1986)

#6 best lesbian movie of all time

“Donna Deitch’s lesbian love story is set in the ’50s and was filmed in the ’80s, and is still, in 2020, a radical piece of filmmaking,” wrote Heather in her review of this classic based on Jane Rule’s novel. “It basically has an all-women cast, and — much like Carol, which is what critics tend to compare it to for all the wrong reasons — it does not center the pleasures or preferences of men, ever.”

Love Lies Bleeding (2024)

#12  best lesbian movie of all time

Love Lies Bleeding

Kristen Stewart is Lou, a reclusive gym manager who’s sucked into a self-destructive, druggy relationship with Jackie (Katy O’Brian), a bodybuilder dreaming of winning a championship in Vegas. There’s violence and dirt and sex and trust me, you’re gonna love it — we sure did!

Janet Planet (2024)

read our review of Janet Planet

“Annie Baker’s feature debut joins a small group of films — Eve’s Bayou, El Sur, Aftersun — that really capture childhood. It has all the wonder, all the magic, all the loneliness,” writes Drew of this film with a queer kid at its center. “Yes, the writing is excellent, yes, all the performances are excellent, but they’re both enhanced by a clear grasp on film language and the unique possibilities of the screen. I’ve talked to so many people who saw themselves in this movie, not because it achieves some sort of universality but because that’s what great art makes possible. It holds a reality so much more recognizable than real life.”

Gia (1998)

#36 best lesbian movie of all time

An underrated film I have personally discussed so much on this website that it may have at some point crossed the line from underrated to overrated, Angelina Jolie plays the tragically beautiful (and very bisexual) titular figure Gia Marie Carangi, known as “world’s first supermodel.”

Working Girls (1986)

#55 on best lesbian movie of all time

“Focusing on a day in the life of lesbian Molly, Working Girls reveals the boredom and mundane difficulties of working at a Manhattan brothel,” writes Drew in the entry for Working Girls in The Encyclopedia of Lesbian Cinema. “The film doesn’t romanticize sex work or sensationalize it — instead it just lets it be like any crappy job. The dynamics between Molly and her boss, her co-workers, and her clients are all compelling as they reveal more about her, the job, and society’s relationship to sex work. This is a landmark work of cinema that’s finally getting its due and a landmark work of lesbian cinema as well. ”

Je tu il Elle (1975)

#29 best lesbian movie of all time

“Je Tu Il Elle obviously centers a woman with depression,” writes Drew of this seminal entry in the cannon of lesbian cinema. “It does it wonderfully and to deny that would do the work and [Chantal] Akerman a disservice. But can there not be pleasure within? Pleasure in painting your furniture, that small amount of control, pleasure in the first taste of sugar, before it makes you sick, pleasure in crafting a letter, before it feels impossible, pleasure in meeting a stranger, before he reveals his full self, pleasure in fucking your ex, before you have to leave.”

All The Other Good Queer Movies on HBO Max

All the Beauty and the Bloodshed (2022)

“Laura Poitras’ remarkable documentary All the Beauty and the Bloodshed is about Nan Goldin and her work,” wrote Drew Gregory of this award-winning film about legendary bisexual photographer Nan Goldin. “It’s also about Goldin’s campaign to take down the Sackler family, the owners of Purdue Pharma, the company who manufactured Oxycontin. The brilliance of the film is it shows these aspects of her life to be one in the same.”

Am I Okay? (2022)

Lucy lives in Los Angeles, works at a spa, loves her best friend Jane and feels increasingly annoyed by her friend, Ben, who yearns to develop a romantic connection with her. But when Jane reveals that she’s moving to London, Lucy’s ensuing spiral leads to her revelation that she is in fact gay! There’s a lot of the talent involved in this cinema (directed by Tig Notaro and Stephanie Allyne! Starring Dakota Johnson, Sonoya Mizuno and Kiersey Clemons!), but despite all that…  but it’s not always put to effective use. YMMV!

Am I Okay?

Birds of Prey: The Fantabulous Emancipation of Harley Quinn (2020)

“There’s the gay that you know because the movie says it with their words,” Carmen wrote of the film she described as “the chaotic sparkly queer misandrist comic book movie of my dreams,” “and there’s the gay you know because you can see it with your eyes. Birds of Prey, with its neon pink and blue hues, glitter bomb grenades, pet hyenas in rhinestone collars, and car chases on roller skates, gives us both.”

The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant (1972)

Drew writes that this “cruel movie about cruel women” is worth it for its “camerawork, costume design, and incredible performances from Margit Carstensen, Hanna Schygulla, and Irm Hermann.”

Black Swan (2010)

Beauty and brutality are twisted sisters in this ballet psychological thriller packed with haunting performances. I know people are mixed on what “really” happens between Nina (Natalie Portman) and Lily (Mila Kunis), but that ambiguity is a big part of the draw of this film, and to deny its queerness is to overlook so much of the character-level storytelling.

Call Me Miss Cleo (2022, HBO)

With commentary from celebrities like (gay) Raven-Symoné, Cleo’s friends and her partners, this documentary sheds light on the mysterious life of a psychic hotline guru — “her rise to fame, fall from grace, and eventual embrace of her truest self.”

The Color Purple (2023)

Steven Spielberg’s 1985 adaptation of Alice Walker’s novel notoriously buried the book’s very clear queerness, and this adaptation of the musical promised to do better. While this version “makes clear Celie’s attraction to Shug and Shug’s interest in Celie in return,” it didn’t go quite as far as we’d hoped. Still; it’s a beautiful film full of extraordinary performances, particularly Taraji P. Henson’s turn as Shug Avery.

Taraji P. Henson and Fantasia Barrino in The Color Purple

Disobedience (2018)

It’s the lesbian spit movie! Ronit returns to her Orthodox Jewish community following the death of her rabbi father, thus stirring a reunion with Esti (Rachel McAdams), who never left and is married to Ronit’s cousin David, as her family expected. “Disobedience brims with irrepressible, sweaty-palmed longing and anticipation,” writes Kayla in her review.

The Fallout (2021)

During a school shooting, bisexual high school student Vada (Jenna Ortega) ends up hiding in the bathroom with her schoolmates, dancer Mia (Maddie Ziegler), and Quinton (Niles Fitch), whose brother os killed in the shooting. As Vada’s trauma makes her feel increasingly isolated from those closest to her and school itself, she begins spending all her time with Mia. “The two girls have nothing in common,” writes Analyssa in her review, “except for literally the most important thing to ever happen to them.” Their relationship gets increasingly intense.

I Saw the TV Glow (2024)

Two weirdo high school students become fascinated with a television show, The Pink Opaque, until it bleeds into their real (queer and trans) identities. “I Saw the TV Glow is about the art that shapes us, even if someday we grow beyond it,” wrote Drew in her review. “The film warns against looking at this art with dismissal or disdain. To do so is to look at our past selves with these same negative emotions. To do so is to deny our full personhood. To do so is to deny the tools we need to move confidently into the future.”

I Saw the TV Glow

The Laramie Project (2002)

Moises Kaufman’s 2000 play about the murder of Matthew Shepard in Laramie, Wyoming was a piece of “verbatim theater,” drawing on hundreds of interviews his theater company conducted with Laramie residents and published news reports. HBO adapted the play into a grounded, emotional GLAAD-award-winning film in 2002, starring Christina Ricci, Laura Linney, Camryn Manheim, Joshua Jackson and Clea Duvall, among others.

Multiple Maniacs (1970)

“John Waters lives up to his title Pope of Trash with this raucous celebration of counter-culture deviancy,” writes Drew of this film that opens with “a group of cishet normals making their way through a free exhibit titled The Cavalcade of Perversions” followed by Divine robbing them all at gunpoint. “Waters starts his filmography with a statement and never lets up.”

Notes on a Scandal (2006)

Judi Dench is Barbara Covett, a lonely history teacher ambling towards retirement who becomes obsessed with the school’s newest hired Sheba Hart (Cate Blanchett), who she catches having a sexual encounter with a 15-year-old student. After exacting Sheba’s confession, Barbara uses it to manipulate the object of her affection. Yes, it’s the crazy lesbian trope! But, you know. Judi Dench and Cate Blanchett.

Suited (2016)

This documentary focuses on Bindle & Keep, a Brooklyn-based custom-suit company who caters to queer, trans and gender-non-conforming humans, including a trans man preparing for his wedding and a law student struggling through job interviews.

Tangerine (2015)

Shot entirely on an iPhone, this iconic film follows two trans sex workers, Sin-Dee and Alexandra, on Christmas Eve, as just-out-of-jail Sin-Dee tracks down the pimp/boyfriend who’s been cheating on her and Alexandra’s on a journey towards her singing performance that evening.

Unpregnant (2020, HBO)

A charming little buddy comedy about a popular, successful high school girl who gets pregnant and must road trip from Missouri to New Mexico to get the abortion her boyfriend doesn’t want her to have. She recruits her former friend — weirdo lesbian Bailey (Barbie Ferreira) — to join her on this journey. Look out for a very charming Betty Who cameo!

Unpregnant

Valentine Road (2013)

The tragic story of the murder of 15-year-old trans student Larry King by his classmate Brandon McInerny is the topic of this documentary, which loooks at the circumstances that led to the crime and its complicated and far-reaching aftermath.

Whoopi Goldberg Presents Moms Mabley (2013)

Iconic African-American standup comic Jackie “Moms” Mabley is honored in this documentary featuring performance footage as well as interviews with stars like Eddie Murphy, Joan Rivers, Sidney Poitier and Kathy Griffin. The film also gives space to Moms’ lesbianism — she was out to her friends and other entertainers during her career, but it was kept a secret from the public, who were drawn to her “frumpy mom in a housedress” persona.

‘I Want To Change My Name Again’

Q:

I’m a fifteen year old trans guy, like any trans person I’ve gone through a few names. However, when I came out I was using a more androgynous name since at the time I identified as genderfluid and now that name doesn’t work for me anymore. I have a new name that I’ve been using for over a year now and I’m pretty set on it, but the problem is basically everyone in my life calls me the previous name and has for years so I feel like it’s too late to change. My mum and sister have finally started calling me the name after all this time and everyone at school only knows me as the name. Other trans students at school have changed their names and no one has minded, but I can’t help but feel like a burden. How do I tell people I’ve changed my name? And how do I not feel like a burden for it?

A:

Hey there, fellow name deliberator. You know, when I picked out my new name, I made whole lists and prioritized them in order by lots of different criteria until I picked one. It was a close tie between River and Summer.

Names are important to us, and the only thing that equals that importance is having others acknowledge them. You’re seeing first-hand just that transition is as much a social process as it is personal. Sure, the most important decisions about our transition should belong to us, but we’re still dependent on everyone around us to get us through. I’m glad to see you growing into your personal understanding of gender and making changes along the way. That’s the most literal meaning of a ‘transition’.

When it comes to your name change, I don’t think you’re wrong to be a little apprehensive. People in our lives take different amounts of time to come around. Even the supportive ones need an adjustment period. But there’s a big difference between letting people take things at their pace and suppressing your growth out of fear.

I’ll say it simply: wanting to change your name now after people have adjusted will not make you a burden. Nor are you banned from doing so after people have already settled into an existing name. Transition never really ends. Yes, trans people will make it to a point where we feel complete, but that’s not the end of a transition. Even after completion, we still need to maintain it. Your discomfort about your current name isn’t a sign that you should stop at this point. It should be a sign to make a new adjustment to bring you happiness.

Besides being trans, being an adolescent is a story of life changes and new adjustments. I’m sure you have firsthand working knowledge about how adolescence changes everything. But I have to bring it back to that point about this being a social process. Your family and others around you are also learning and changing in your adolescence. How they respond to these years of your life will reflect on all of you. It’s less a story of you making changes and meeting consequences and more about change and new knowledge flowing between everyone in your life at the same time.

I get that you’ve got nerves asking people to pick up what they’re used to and changing it again. But you’ve had to do the most frightening and high-stakes version of that yourself already. The least people can do is meet you halfway. It’s actually encouraging to hear that your family’s settled into a name change once already. It means they’re open to the idea of change and transition, even if they handle things at a slower pace than you. It’s been four years since I told my elderly parents about my trans self and they still don’t get the name down perfectly. They usually get it right, but habits stick hard. I’m also not mad when they get it wrong either because I know just how many rigid belief systems they had to dismantle to support me.

The bottom line is that the people who are already supportive of you (even the slowpokes) should still be present for you. One more change added to the pile you’re going through in adolescence shouldn’t bring the house down. If it does, then those people weren’t really supporting who you are, they were compromising with you in the hopes that you’d stop. That’s not the support we offer to our loved ones, that’s tolerance we extend to irritating housepets. You deserve better than that and it won’t be your fault if they choose not to keep up.

As to how you tell people you’ve changed your name… you do the same thing you did last time you changed it. I don’t know what you did, but it clearly worked well enough if people are using it. You’ll pick through your memories of how you brought it up that time. You’ll work through the cringe moments where it could have been done better and set aside the things that turned out to be successful. Then you give thought to how the situation and people involved have changed and make a few small adjustments to your plan. Maybe a certain person needs a different venue. Maybe you need to pick a time when your mum or sister aren’t stressed to bring it up. But pick a scenario that works and commit to it.

The same goes for people at school and social circles. If you have a circle of supportive, queer-aligned friends, that’s your first introduction. Tell them you’re making an adjustment and they should understand. Use that opportunity to build support and confidence in your new name. Tell them your plans to introduce it to others and hear out their feedback. If it all sounds good to you, talk to the next person. Then the next.

Like all of us, you’ll have to occasionally correct people during the settling in period. I’m sure you have a good gauge of when someone makes an honest mistake while adjusting to change versus when someone is being malicious. The difference between those two is like a neon light in their body language. Be prepared to gently correct and forgive people’s honest mistakes, and stand your ground when people try to drag you backwards.

There’s another thing that’s as true for transition as leadership elsewhere in life: your confidence comes first. Once you start this name change (and I think you’re ready to), you must commit to it as long as you still want it. If others see that your decision is immovable, they’ll be nudged into agreement after a while. If others see that you’re not even sure about your decision, they’ll start doubting it. If you believe in your right to choose a path forward, you’ll never feel like a burden. If you start doubting whether the path is right, the anxiety and inadequacy will leak into your life again.

So what I’m saying is, it’s your transition and you’re allowed to take it wherever you want. You already have support in different parts of your life, which is good. If that support is genuine, they’ll be around when you adjust your name again, even if they take time to come around. You just have to commit when you’re ready and take it forward one person at a time. I’m sure you’ll manage.

You can chime in with your advice in the comments and submit your own questions any time.

New Reality Show ‘You Hauled’ Puts Single Lesbians Together in One Mansion, What Could Go Wrong?

New Lesbian Dating Show Pokes Fun At a Classic Lesbian Stereotype

Move over Love is Blind and The Bachelorette, there’s a new reality show in town, and it’s gay as hell. In fact, this new queer dating show is for lesbians, even playing off a classic lesbian stereotype for the name of the show: You Hauled. (I hate to admit that this did make me giggle.)

The show, which will live exclusively on YouTube, features a group of single lesbians moving into a mansion together, and it seems being paired off before deciding if they will “move in” or “move on.” The structure is unclear to me at this time, but all I do know is that it’s going to be deliciously messy if the trailer is any indication.

The cast is made up of women of color, mostly (if not exclusively) Black women, and consists (refreshingly) of both mascs and femmes. The show has a host, Liz Smith, and a “relationship expert” — Dr. P, a Licensed Clinical Psychologist — leading the way, and their “Big Brother” element is an “AI” bot that is almost definitely just a man whose speaker is in a disco ball that was glued atop a roomba. He’s called AICE because he’s the “AI Cupid Expert,” and according to the trailer, he’s always listening.

The trailer proved what we all know: Getting that many lesbians in one place is a recipe for drama, showing a whipped cream kiss, canoodling, fighting, and even someone getting pushed into a pool in the heat of an argument. For fans of dating reality shows, this looks like it has all that chaotic goodness you’d get from shows like Are You The One or The Ultimatum: Queer Love.

You can go on You Hauled’s Instagram and see the contestants answering questions about their type, their coming out stories, and more. They also are already keeping an eye out for contestants for a potential second season, so feel free to submit if you’re looking for love and/or chaos.

Watch the full trailer here:

In their first Instagram post, on U-Hauling as a concept and also, I imagine, on this TV show format as a dating structure, they say, “We’re not saying this is a good idea. We’re just saying it’s going to be entertaining.” And I have to agree. PLEASE report back if and when you do watch this show.

Beep beep! More News!

+ Lily Gladstone and Kelly Marie Chan star as a couple alongside Bowen Yang and Han Gi-Chan in upcoming film The Wedding Banquet and the trailer looks very unserious and quite fun

+ Lucy Dacus confirmed her relationship with Julien Baker, and wants to protect it from fans with parasocial relationships

+ Janelle Monáe is releasing a graphic novel called The ArchAndroid that they describe as a “love letter to the rebels and dreamers”

+ “Freakier Friday” dropped a new trailer and the magic of the franchise said “double it and pass it on”

+ Last night’s White Lotus had some LGBTQ+ content…kind of??? And at what cost.

+ The titular Jay of the TLC series “Jay & Pamela” talks about his experience being a trans man with osteogenesis imperfecta (OI)

+ Ted Lasso was renewed for a fourth season and Ted will be coaching a women’s team, which BETTER be full of wives and girlfriends and exes

+ ICYMI, Kristen Arnett is releasing a new novel, Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One

+ Tamar Braxton says her “whole staff is LGBTQ” and knows the importance of representation on her cooking show

+ People are having a lot of fun with Chappell Roan’s new song “The Giver”

Vic Michaelis Is a Very Important Person

When a clip of nonbinary comedian Vic Michaelis hosting the improvised talk show Very Important People came across my Instagram feed, I was instantly smitten.

It was one particular reel of Vic, in a brown suit with a garish gold broach, fighting to keep a straight face in an episode with Internet royalty Ally Beardsley. The trans comedian was dressed as a fairytale pig and told the story of their mom getting stepped on by the Big Bad Wolf.

It was so charming, and as I inhaled all of the other available episodes, I learned it was also rare. On VIP, Vic as host rarely breaks. They maintain a strained desperation, an unhinged folie à deux with their guest.

The conceit behind Very Important People, which airs on Dropout TV, is that someone is put into hair and makeup without knowing what they’ll end up looking like. After the reveal, they’re required to create a character based on the look who is then interviewed by a host named Vic Michaelis played by Vic Michaelis. The show is an absolute delight and Vic’s a genius. I’m in love.

I talked to Vic about their time at Dropout TV vs. my time at Buzzfeed, their queerness and gender identity, and how exactly the show is made. The interview took place on Zoom while they sat in a basement in Hungary, because they’re there for work and that’s the only place they get wifi at night. Please enjoy.

[Vic gestures to the pipes behind them like Vanna White would gesture to the board.]

Gabe: Gorgeous! Have you named it?

Vic: The water heater? Oh, I want you to do the honors.

Gabe: Why did I think ‘Betsy?’

Vic: Oh yeah, I love that. Kind of mechanical, but also a good woman, you know?

Gabe: And part of me was like, she’s a woman in a male dominated field. Okay. Hello, Vic.

Vic: Gabe. Thank you so much for chatting with me. What a blast! The fastest “yes” I’ve ever said to anything.

Gabe: Really?

Vic: Yeah, of course. Are you kidding?

Gabe: Oh my God. Well, you started coming across my feed in the clips from Very Important People. So forgive me, I’m not a long time fan. I just arrived.

Vic: An ideal way to meet me. Tiny little doses that can be muted on a dime, I would say.

Gabe: I tried to look you up for this interview, and you’re very curated. Not a whole lot about you. Google anything and it’s mostly just Reddit trying to figure out the same shit I was trying to figure out.

Vic: How old I am.

Gabe: How old you are. Anything about you. So is that a purposeful thing?

Vic: I’m so curious your thoughts on this. I went from literally having no platform – I’m a live performer mostly and that was my bread and butter just doing improv for like 11 people at The Clubhouse, a Los Angeles staple that’s really wonderful and still exists. And just sort of overnight now people are curious about not just the characters that I was doing, or whatever I was working on, or how I was performing, but then, all of a sudden, being online, people asking, but who are you? What are you up to? And I very quickly was like, I don’t think that that is something that I have a capacity for. I’ve got my tight circle of people that I really love chatting with and trust. I’m great one on one. But online, I find it a little tricky giving of myself, and then, I guess, for lack of a better word, not having any grounding in the people that are consuming that.

Gabe: What do you mean?

Vic: Just putting myself out there and then not really knowing who or where that information is going. That to me, I think, I have a hard time wrapping my head around.

Gabe: Yeah, I mean, I started on blogs. I got popular on Tumblr in 2011 so you know, put me in a time capsule and bury me. Put me in a Viking boat and light me on fire.

Vic: No, come on, we’ll put you in a boat, but a nice cruise. We’ll get you on a lido deck somewhere.

Gabe: You’re very kind. By the time I got to Buzzfeed I was 25/26, and that catapulted me very similarly overnight. I look back, and I say this to Allison [Raskin], who I do a lot of my stuff with.

Vic: Oh, I know.

Gabe: I say that we were child stars, and she’s like, “We were fully 25.” What I mean is that I was not prepared for people to want to know everything about me, for the Googling, for the discussion.

I love Dropout TV but when I watch it, I worry for you guys because it is having a similar trajectory to what early Buzzfeed did where you guys are all getting shot to fame so quickly. And I’m like, “Is everyone okay?”

Vic: I wonder if you had this with Buzzfeed at all, but what I feel very grateful about is, there is a cohort of us that is dealing with this at a very similar time. So there’s my existing friend group that is all sort of in this same boat. And so we can all kind of turn to each other and be like, “this is kind of weird right?” Or “this is happening to me. Is this happening to you?” And the nice part of it being kind of niche, too, is then you come to Hungary, and people are just kind of mad that you’re talking on the subway. And so it’s immediately grounding.

Gabe: I was gonna say it’s probably a better version of Buzzfeed, because you guys are a little bit older as a general rule.

Vic: Oh, for sure. I’ve got a whole life, and it is really nice that I knew enough to know that I wanted my private life to be private. That’s really important to me. And I don’t know if I was 25, if I would have done that, that it would have even been something that I was thinking about. I don’t know what your experience was but for us there was no world where I was going to be an improviser making money doing improv. It was going to be hopefully getting a show off of somebody coming to a Harold [improv] night.

Gabe: And auditioning.

Vic: Yeah, exactly. My SNL audition getting linked to Youtube, and it going viral in a very negative way. And that sort of was how I was going to make it. That was my plan.

Gabe: It is beautiful to watch a group of artists that would normally be creating stuff that goes into the ether, be able to make something permanent. When you’re done with improv, it’s finished. You do the improv set. It’s gone. Now you do the improv set, it’s edited, and put together on the Internet. But for this group of artists to then be able to create and showcase themselves, especially in a way that allows you guys to get paid, it’s nice. Buzzfeed wasn’t behind a paywall and so I wonder if that sort of filters out people watching Dropout or consuming your content that might be a bit too much for you?

Vic: Yeah, definitely, we’re very protected by an edit. And it’s not endless hours of content either. And there’s not a quota we have to hit. I feel very fortunate that the powers that be, everyone in charge that we’ve run into, not just Sam [Reich, CEO of Dropout], but everyone feels it’s good for everybody to be putting a best foot forward in an instance like this. So I think we’re very lucky to have people sort of looking out and making sure the best stuff is coming to air.

Gabe: That’s the difference right there. So how did you come to Very Important People?

Vic: Sam created Very Important People way back when for Josh Ruben and Pat Cassels. Pat was sort of in my role of being the interviewer, and Josh would be the one in the hair and makeup. It was called Hello, My Name Is. And they were 5 to 7 minute videos. So from there, I got a cold email from Sam being like, “Hey, I want to reboot this series. We don’t totally know exactly what it’s going to be. We’re thinking it’s going to be a little bit more like those big armchair sit downs as opposed to a black background. We’ll probably have a set, but it’ll be like 5 to 7 minute interviews, and it’ll just be you doing an improvised interview with a rotating cast of people in hair and makeup.” And so I am crazy. I went “Okay, my part is replaceable. So I’m going to make sure that I am so tied to this show that there’s no way for them to fire me.” I shouldn’t even say that, because, you know, who knows? And maybe they could fire me. I hope they don’t, because I love working there.

Gabe: There would be a riot if it was ever hosted by someone else.

Vic: Well, thanks. So I got a call after we finished filming the first season, and they ended up retroactively giving me a raise because they were like, “We have 20 minute episodes. This is much more than we anticipated.” Which is very sweet and I just feel really grateful that they sort of were like, this is our idea and then really let me and the director kind of run with it, and put our stamp on it, which is really lovely. The idea was always that I would be “Vic” in the same way that “Pat” was Pat Cassels. And again, through the process of filming it, my character became a lot more of a person that was very separate from who I am. And honestly, it started to take a toll on me a little bit. Because I think people really started, especially people that were interacting with it in clips, really started pulling things from that character’s life and thinking they were real things in my life, and that started becoming a little bit funky for me. Because for Dropout shows, a really lovely thing that they do is [on screen] they put your name, your pronouns, your [social media] handle. So they were doing that for me, for my host card as well. But again, I’m not me. So for this season we took away all of that. So it’s just Vic, in the same way with the [interviewee] character, it’s just the character’s name sort of to indicate that I am also a character, if that makes any sense.

Gabe: Yes, it does. Even when you popped up on Zoom tonight, you’re a completely different person. The way you hold yourself, the way you’re talking, it’s completely different from the host Vic.

Vic: Thank you. Are you a comment reader at all?

Gabe: Yeah, sometimes. Do you read any of that stuff? Because it’s your Instagram account. But then it’s also Dropout. But then it’s also Very Important People, which I don’t imagine you run.

Vic: No, I don’t. But it’s really funny, because part of building the world is that host Vic is definitely the one running all the socials.

Gabe: When you’re filming, do you ever pause in between the improv?

Vic: No, we go pretty much straight through. And usually the first time I’m seeing it come all together is in the edits, which is kind of cool as well, especially because we film them all in like a week. So oftentimes I completely forget what has happened as we are filming them.

Gabe: I almost feel like if there is a pause in shooting the interview, you can’t look at each other or you’ll ruin it or break.

Vic: I try really hard to make sure when somebody has said something funny that I do laugh because, – I would imagine I haven’t done it, and people keep asking me if I would ever get in the hair and makeup, and absolutely not – that it is so hard. I don’t do characters, and I don’t do voices, and I genuinely as an improviser, feel like I try really hard to be a little bit of the audience so if somebody says something funny to just sort of be like, “That’s funny. This is funny. You’re doing a great job.”

Gabe: That is my favorite thing about you, Vic. It is the active listening and the way in which you seamlessly take us on the journey. This is my impression of you: it’s that someone will say something absolutely bonkers, and you are clocking it. And you’ll be like, “I’m sorry. Okay, so you’re a midnight louse, and you’ve never been outside in the daytime?” Like you’ll repeat what the person is saying in order to 1) let them know they’re on the right track and to keep going. And 2) that you heard them. And that “I’m with you. We’re doing this.”

Vic: Gabe, that’s so kind. I watched a shit ton of interviews. I did a bunch of Diane Sawyer. I did a bunch of Oprah, and then a bunch of comedy ones like I watched Philomena Cunk and I did a bunch of the Galfianakis stuff. I did Colbert. Anything that was a sit down interview format, and it’s a big thing that they do often, too. And it’s a little bit of an improv trick. Especially knowing that it was partially gonna play in clips, I’m big on teaching an audience how to watch a show. So thinking about the fact that some people will be sitting and watching it in the long form, but also, the majority of people are going to be watching it in tiny little clips. And if you’re only going to be scrolling on your phone really quickly, if you don’t hear the person say it, or you didn’t totally understand them when they said it the first time, me repeating it’ll definitely lock somebody into what’s being said.

Gabe: And it gives the other person confidence to just keep going with the character. When you repeat something, it lets the other person say, “Okay, this is where I’m going to go then.” I was just watching the Steffi Pops episode before this. And she says, “Hi Vic, it’s me” and you don’t even hesitate. You immediately know what she’s talking about, and that’s so smart. A lesser improviser might be like, “Oh, do I know you?”

Vic: Yeah. That’s a big thing in improv in general. It’s just so much easier for everybody. Because then you can help build something together, as opposed to only constantly having to ask somebody questions.

Gabe: Are you finding the Vic character as you’re going?

Vic: Going into it, my only idea was just that I really wanted something bigger, like I shot for the moon, which was wanting to be on a network show, and I couldn’t get that. And so this was the opportunity that I had. And even though it’s my show with my name on it, it’s not what I wanted. Everything else sort of built from there, and a lot of it was being gifted by the other improvisers because we release them non-sequentially from when we filmed them. So I’m sure at some point during that, somebody had talked about family or asked me about family, and that was when I was like, “Oh, yeah, I’ve got family,” and that’s how that stuff comes up. And then, the director and I talked a little bit about details, and then we sort of filled in a rough direction that we wanted to go for this upcoming season that sort of plays out. But again, a lot of it is like, if it happens great, but the improv and the characters come first. A lot of it is gifts from those improvisers that inform my character stuff which has been a really fun way to build a character.

Gabe: This is how you’ll know I come from fandom, but there’s so many shows that, like when you love a show, you’ve seen every single episode and there’s a full room of people paid to write this show and they’ll get to an episode, and someone will say “Oh, I’ve never actually met this character,” and in your mind you’re like “Really? Four seasons ago you were step siblings.” And then you’re just furious. But this show, even though it’s not sequential, I saw people when you were saying how many people live at your house, and they were like, “Oh, Denzel [the alien] still lives in the guest house” because the count from previous episodes was correct.

Vic: We are so lucky for two reasons. One, we have Tamar [Levine, the director] and she’s usually pretty good about catching and remembering a lot of that stuff and we have Johnny-Louise Nute, who is my favorite person, literally on the planet. She’s our script supervisor who came on this season. So anytime any of us improvise the name of a school, and we’re like, “Wait, hold on! Did we say a name of a school previously?” and she’ll say “no” and then we’ll be like “great,” and then we can add it in that way. And I literally don’t think we would be able to do it without her. But just watch, now that I said this, the next one, all of a sudden there’s this big thing that doesn’t make any sense.

Gabe: You’ve built such a wacky world the fans would just say it’s evidence of the multiverse.

Vic: Well, hey. I’m not saying we’re doing a multiverse thing but it’d be pretty cool, huh?

Gabe: So when you’re on the other Dropout shows, are you being more this Vic, this current Vic that I’m talking to?

Vic: Yeah, yeah, for sure. I’m pretty lucky that for the most part the stuff that I’m doing, it is a lot more me. I definitely wear a lot more makeup than I do in real life. I just came from work. So I am wearing a lot of makeup right now.

Gabe: Oh, so it’s not just for me?

Vic: It’s for you. Because from work I could have wiped it all off, and I said, “No, only half of it.” But yeah, Host Vic is a character. Other Dropout stuff is like Vic plus, you know?

Gabe: So let’s get into queerness if that’s okay.

Vic: Yes, please. Please!

Gabe: One of the first things that was so exciting was, and you mentioned this, that they put your pronouns up on the screen under your name, and – wait, was it a she/they or what was it in the first episode?

Vic: I have always used they/she but I prefer they/them. That’s really what I use in my personal life. But also I don’t want people fighting in comment sections about me, especially because I understand and I know how I present and I think it’s really reductive to just have strangers shouting at each other on my behalf for something that I’m just kind of like, “Hey? I prefer this.” It stopped fights in comment sections, but also, you know, people are very wonderful and respectful in my personal life on the whole. So that’s been really good.

Gabe: What you’re describing is the classic “femme presenting” nonbinary experience. I did the same thing. When did you start having a gender journey?

Vic: Man. It’s interesting. It’s something that I have always really felt. And then I didn’t really know that it was an option until I started really hanging out with people that were gender nonconforming and gender-bendy and nonbinary folks, and they were just sort of like, “Oh yeah, there’s not anything you have to do. If you feel that way, you just do it.” And I’m very fortunate, especially in the LA comedy community, that I talked to maybe four people about it, and then my greater circle of friends all started using correct pronouns for me. It was just a really wonderful thing. I’m really fortunate that I have Ally Beardsley, who had come before me and was in my circle – like we’d done improv for a while – and really off the bat I remember overhearing them one time when I was backstage, and they were further on stage, and somebody was like, “Oh, yeah, Vic? She’s back there” and [Ally] just did a quick pronoun correct, and that person was like, “Oh, thanks, appreciate it.” But it was just really nice to have people like that that are in the community and come before you, because I don’t know that I, even though it’s something that I would always continue to feel, I don’t know that it’s something that I would fight that hard for myself with. You know what I mean?

Gabe: Same. I would think about gender, and I’d be like, “I’m fine,” and then friends would say, “Sure, you’re fine, but you could feel joy. You could be good. It could feel nice when people refer to you.”

Vic: It feels a lot harder especially to have any kind of a presence, like to be perceived, and not be perceived. To be seen incorrectly, especially when people are referring to me as me. It just grates after a while.

Gabe: Everybody wants to feel that the people around them get them. I do think you, Vic, also have an energy that it just makes sense. When I saw you perform, even before going to your profile and seeing whatever the pronouns were, it made sense. Maybe it’s just a trans thing, but I was like, “That’s a they. That’s a they.”

Vic: Hey, thanks!

Gabe: There’s also something really kind of funny and genderless about the Vic host character. It’s not just the suit, because the suit is a female suit, and you are wearing high heels. But there is something very otherworldly or genderless about that host character.

Vic: That’s really kind. That’s always how I pictured this host character in my head. And, like I said, I just have some pals that were very down to play with that with me. You know what I mean? Especially early on, and in some of the episodes that I think are most representative of the host’s relationship to the show. Like the one with Izzy [Roland].

Gabe: My favorite episode.

Vic: It just is such a joyful episode for me, and I think was so informative on the host character, and how I, the performer, feel and see the host character, especially in that edit. I really appreciate you saying that cause I feel that way about it, too, and that makes me very happy that that’s coming across so thank you for saying that.

Gabe: I think also her giving you the nickname “Vehicular.” Like, that’s a trans name. That’s a nonbinary name. There’s some they/them out there, calling themselves Vehicular. It was as if that character [Leighanna-Jean] didn’t see your character as having a form or a gender.

Vic: Yeah, the only thing I really remember about filming that episode is Izzy was like, “Do you mind if I misgender you for this?” And I was like, “Oh, yeah, okay.” And then the version of that that she was talking about was to call me an old, British man, which was very…

Gabe: Which, like if you, you know, kind of squint?

Vic: Yeah, you’re right. And that’s not at all how I thought that was gonna happen. But, oh, man. God, I love that woman! Once again, I have to thank my friends for seeing me through that, and also helping to give me gifts that are fun for me, the performer, to play with stuff around gender and identity within characters. And so I gotta give them so much credit. I’m so grateful for those, and for getting to run with those.

Gabe: How do you identify otherwise? Nonbinary and…

Vic: I was always bi. But I think now I would probably say more like “queer,” I think. Just sort of looking at the intersection between gender and sexuality and I know it’s bigger than just the two but I came out in high school, and now knowing more, queer is more comfy.

Gabe: I only knew the word “bisexual” from La Vie Boheme in Rent.

Vic: And for me it was Tila Tequila.

Gabe: Oh, my God! I think about Dani the firefighter so often.

Vic: Every day. If the version of death is like [the movie] Coco where it’s like, as long as somebody’s thinking about you, you stay alive. That firefighter is gonna be alive forever. As long as I’m alive, they will be.

Gabe: What were your roots? Your gender root or queer root?

Vic: Root?

Gabe: Do you know what that means?

Vic: No.

Gabe: Oh, let me see if I can explain it. It’s like, the thing from childhood like “Eliza Dushku in Bring It On is what made me queer,” or stuff kind of in retrospect where you’re like, oh, that’s interesting or that’s what I want to be, like… I don’t know, bad example, but the red Power Ranger.

Vic: Hmm! That’s an amazing question. I mean, I was raised by a single dad. And any time people would refer to me as, “You’re basically his oldest son,” I just remember that being something where I was just like, “Oh, I love that.” I got to golf a lot. He just really was like, “It’s really important that you golf, because then when you go to business meetings, you know how to golf,” and just like stuff like that. Anything that would come up where it was just me and Dad. Like dads and their sons would go to do something, and it would be me and my dad getting to go do that, I’d be like, “This rocks. This is so fun. I love this part of it.” It’s not a hatred of, or a rejection of, anything feminine or femininity. It’s just a costume. When I do it, it feels like that more than anything. It’s just truly never resonated with me, and not that that’s what being a woman is. It just is an otherness. It’s like a third box. It’s like sitting on top of it a little bit and getting to look down and try things on. Does that make any sense?

Gabe: Yeah. Look at how I used to present. It was drag.

Vic: Yeah!

Gabe: I’m just getting back to a place where I’m being a little flamboyant now with men’s clothing.

Vic: It’s fun.

Gabe: Well, I’m obsessed with you.

Vic: Hey. Same. Before you even knew me. All the comments on you and Allison’s videos? That was me. You said you couldn’t find anything on me [online]. Those were all my comments.

Gabe: Oh my God, this conversation is someone’s Roman Empire.

Vic: Mine, mine, mine. What time is it in LA?

Gabe: It’s 4:48 pm. Why? What time is it for you?

Vic: 2 am. 2 am. For me. [Vic does a peace sign over their head.]

Gabe: What? Oh, my God! Goodbye!

Vic: Buh-bye.

Gabe: Jesus Christ, Vic.

You can watch Very Important People on Dropout TV.

In ‘Stop Me if You’ve Heard This One,’ It’s Clowns vs. Capitalism

As the narrator of Kristen Arnett’s new novel, Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One, points out late in the book: “There’s immense power in absurdism.” And while the language of absurdism is generally easy to access, it’s much harder to fully master it in a way where the pointed humor of the situation or the storytelling doesn’t fully veer us into nihilism and hopelessness.

When I read Arnett’s debut novel Mostly Dead Things upon its release in 2019, what struck me hardest about her work is her ability to skirt just along the edges of grief with an unassailable absurdist sense of humor. In her 2021 follow-up, With Teeth, that sharp-edged comedic timing came back not to examine the grief that follows a death but the agony of living a life that is radically different from what was planned and expected. Page after page, Arnett’s work is a reminder of something we often shy away from: What is the point of experiencing all of the pains of the human condition if we can’t, at some point, get a good laugh in about it? Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One not only continues this interrogation but also feels like a natural extension to the conversations she began in her first two novels, with the added bonus of ruminations on the power of creating art in hostile, capitalist society and of building community where you are.

The novel is told in first-person narration by Cherry Hendricks, a 28-year-old lesbian living in Orlando, Florida and doing her best to turn her love of clowning into a profitable, full-time job. Her clown alter-ego, Bunko, is a wannabe rodeo clown whose fear of horses keeps him from being able to perform at the rodeo, so instead, he performs at kids’ parties and other events around the city. Already a very funny set up — along with the absolutely wild opening scene where Cherry as Bunko is caught having sex with the mother of one the kids she’s performing for by the kid’s father in their home bathroom — the relationship between Cherry and her Bunko persona becomes even more revelatory as you continue reading. Like Bunko, Cherry’s trying to fend off some fears, too: her fear of fully confronting the death of her older brother Dwight, of always being “less than” in her mother’s eyes, of being stuck at her dead-end retail job, and, most crucially, of not succeeding as an artist in the medium she loves so much.

We watch as Cherry struggles to figure out how to pursue clowning more sustainably and hangs out with her best friend Darcy at the aquarium supply store they both work at and in various DIY queer spaces in the city. In order to make the process of doing what she loves a little easier, she attempts to enlist the mentorship of Margot the Magnificent — a gorgeous, older magician and local Orlando celebrity of sorts who has been able to turn her art into her entire career — through hooking up with and becoming somewhat unseriously romantically involved with her. Margot is interested in Cherry, also, but the specter of grief hangs around them both as they try to navigate their nuanced affection for one another — Margot is freshly separated from her partner, Portia. As the story progresses, Arnett keeps you wondering if Cherry’s ambition and her desire to keep creating art that helps make people laugh will win out or if the pressure of trying to make it work will force her to give it all up.

Although the story alone is enough to keep anyone interested, what is truly remarkable about Arnett’s work here is the way she weaves in reflections on the artistic value of comedy, the uses of sorrow when it comes to constructing jokes, and what it feels like for a performer to be fully engaged with their audience and the work they’re doing. These investigations pop up in the most unexpected places in the narrative, further exemplifying Cherry’s claim that “In order to perfect my art, I must let it swallow me whole. […] I lose myself. That’s the price I pay for art.”

One chapter starts with an intriguing explanation on how to categorize events or circumstances as “FUNNY” or “NOT FUNNY” and Arnett writes, “The selection process is more complicated than you might think. A person’s best ideas and their worst ideas live in their head simultaneously. […] Those ideas can sit there for years, all mixed together, waiting for someone to eject them into the world. When you finally put in that quarter and turn the dial, out comes something, but you can’t guarantee it’s going to be a good idea or even a smart one.” Later, Arnett writes, “It’s no big surprise that pain fuels humor. […] No matter how original an act might seem, all jokes inevitably stem from a painful source, the flotsam of our lives lifted from the world around us and collaged together to make something new.”

Arnett goes even further in her examination of the power of humor and absurdity in our lives. In a moment of elegantly written self-reflection narrated as Cherry is driving through the serene wilderness of Central Florida, Arnett reminds us of the singular importance of the role comedy and being able to laugh at the most mundane or absurd things we witness plays in our lives:

“What’s funny to a bird, I wonder, as several crows lift from a slender pine, lighting in perfect symmetry along a nearby electric wire. It dips beneath the combined weight, looking like a blackened grin with rotted black birds for teeth. Birds chattering to themselves about the car speeding past, flying faster than anything. In that moment, I’m outside myself completely. I’m the essence of something much bigger, joyful and wholly alive, and when I laugh — as loud as I want — there’s the clown inside overflowing with glee. Because I’m my own audience, first and foremost. Shouldn’t all things funny start out with a joke that’s just for me?”

This moment feels particularly poignant as the novel is coming to an end. Combined with the last few pages of the novel, it feels as if Arnett is nudging us artists to remember why we began doing whatever work we do in the first place. Sure, like clowning, all art is about engaging with others and being in conversation with the people who witness it. But as Cherry realizes later in the novel, we are the ones who get to begin those conversations and, most often, we’re beginning them in service to the parts of us that need them the most.

By the end of the novel, there is no denying that Arnett fully engulfs us in Cherry’s ongoing considerations about the art of clowning without losing the emotional core of the story. Cherry might be trying to explain the deep sense of power and pleasure she experiences by doing her art out in the world, but we never forget she’s also trying to reconcile those feelings with being able survive — and pay bills and do more of her art —- from one day to the next. Arnett’s preternatural ability to construct narratives that gracefully and successfully remind us of the everyday absurdities of our humanity without fully condemning the way we wade through the muck of those absurdities is especially highlighted throughout the narrative. Cherry might be a clown by trade, but she’s not foolish — there is a world where she can practice her art without worrying about the material repercussions of doing that. It’s never her fault that we don’t live in it.

Quiz: What Yellowjackets Prop Are You?

Yellowjackets has had some iconic props throughout its three seasons, and now it’s time to find out which one best represents YOU. Are you caught up on the show and, more importantly, my recaps? You better be! But even if you’re not, fear not, because there are no season three spoilers in the quiz below. And revisit our pick-your-own-adventure-style Which Yellowjackets Character Are You quiz!

What Yellowjackets Prop Are You?

Pick a member of the Yellowjackets cast:(Required)

Liv Hewson

Christina Ricci

Sophie Nelisse

Melanie Lynskey

Christina Ricci

Ella Purnell

Sophie Thatcher

Jasmin Savoy Brown

Simone Kessell

Tawny Cypress

Pick a Yellowjackets episode title:(Required)

Doomcoming

Blood Hive

The Dollhouse

Old Wounds

Edible Complex

Digestif

Storytelling

Thanksgiving (Canada)

Did Tai Do That?

It Girl

Pick a yellow jacket:(Required)

What would be your role in the wilderness?(Required)

Preparing the feast

Medical services including but not limited to amputation

I’d be the first to die

Entertaining the group

Constructing shelters

Making berry wine

Documenting what’s happening

Gathering

Starting a cult

Hunting

Pick a Yellowjackets line:(Required)

“It’s like Freddy Krueger and Bambi had a baby.”

"Tai, you ate her face."

“Wow Jackie, you're on fire.”

“What! There's no book club?!”

“You guys are just as fucked up as I am. You’re just better at hiding it.”

“Tomorrow night we’ll drink rotten berries and celebrate our impending death.”

“It's you and me against the whole world.”

“Aw Linda, you dumb bitch.”

"This has got to be the weirdest baby shower ever."

“I’ll perfectly calibrate my tongue as I tell you to go fuck yourself.”

Pick a threatening emoji:(Required)

🔪

💀

🔫

🏹

🦅

🩸

🗡️

💣

👤

🂽

Pick a vice:(Required)

Cannibalism

Ritual sacrifice

Betrayal

Lying

Manipulation

Scheming

Blackmail

Sleeping with your best friend’s partner

Leading a cult

Shoplifting

Pick a creature that stings:(Required)

Wasp

Scorpion

Jellyfish

Fire ant

Hornet

Tarantula hawk

Stingray

Bullet ant

Bee

Gila monster

Pick a banger from the Yellowjackets soundtrack:(Required)

Feel the Pain by Dinosaur Jr.

Zombie by The Cranberries

Mountain Song by Jane’s Addiction

Down by the Water by PJ Harvey

Today by The Smashing Pumpkins

Rebel Girl by Bikini Kill

Supernova Liz Phair

Kiss From a Rose by Seal

Mother Mother by Tracy Bonham

Glory Box by Portishead

Which of the following is scariest to you?(Required)

A text from an ex

Ghosts

Cannibalism

Plane crash

Being locked in a freezer

The deep sea

Being stranded in the wilderness

Bears

Car crash

Teen girls

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Reine #71: Fond Memories

‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ Episode 1711 Recap: Maybe This Time

As Stanislavski once said, If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna embody somebody else? We’re back with another acting challenge and the queens are once again faced with the only task harder than making their own jokes funny: making the Drag Race writers’ jokes funny.

But first! After last week’s fraught elimination, the drama — and the downfall of my Arrietty love — continues. She really decided to end on a sour note with her mirror message: Onya from one smelly bitch to another please brush your teeth. This would be bitchy in any circumstances but it becomes even worse once Onya reveals that her breath is due to a medical condition which she’s privately confided in the other queens. While the edit makes it seem like Arrietty knew this, she now claims she did not. I do believe that. But it doesn’t make it less shitty for Onya and it only makes it a little less shitty of Arrietty.

It’s a new day in the workroom and Onya is in good spirits! Somehow she’s in even better spirits than Lexi who has been having nightmares that Suzie is chasing her. Suzie says she’s fine being Lexi’s personal Jason Voorhees which is the wrong 80s horror reference. Someone on Twitter said Lexi is in a one-sided feud with Suzie, Suzie is in a one-sided feud with Onya, and Onya is simply going to win the competition. Agreed!

The acting challenge is a riff on Feud: Capote vs. The Swans called Ross Matthews vs. The Ducks. As one of the six people who watched that show in its entirety, I’m thrilled the production team thought it would still be relevant a year later. Cheyenne Jackson is there as guest director and wow the reactions from the queens! Truly not trying to be shady — he’s a charming and talented man — I just didn’t realize he had fans like that. Then again, I guess he’s Orson Welles in comparison to last week’s coach.

The queens pick their own roles which results in much less drama. The only disagreement is Suzie and Jewels both want the role inspired by Tiffany Pollard. Suzie lets Jewels have it and Lydia speculates this is strategic on her end.

With Suzie and Lexi paired for one scene and Lydia and Sam paired for another, there’s some odd coupling going on in rehearsal. That’s also one of the charming aspects this late into the season. People’s friends have gone home, so they end up working with people they wouldn’t otherwise choose.

The three two-person scenes each have one person who does well and one person who struggles. Onya, Sam, and Suzie do well. Lana, Lydia, and Lexi struggle. Once again, Lexi gets thrown off by Suzie doing well and is flubbing her lines. Jewels then goes last and has to face a true acting challenge: having to deliver a performance after waiting around all day for the crew to be ready for your scene.

The next day everyone feels good, but Lydia smartly points out that it’s too late in the competition for anyone to feel that good. Someone has to be in the bottom. Someone has to go home.

The guest judge this week is Sam Smith and the runway theme is Black and White Ball. Lydia and Lexi are both in looks that feel almost boringly them, but the other looks are all great. I especially loved the smokey effect on Onya’s dress and Jewels’ hand-painted manifestation of a Hayden Williams illustration.

The acting challenge is fine. Ru really loves to watch a catfight which is how each of the scenes end. None of the queens totally bomb which is impressive given the weak material. But Lana, Lydia, and Jewels were definitely a bit lacking. Lexi pulled it off though! She learned a valuable lesson with screen acting: All you need is one good take.

As expected, Lydia, Lana, and Jewels are the bottom. Onya, Sam, Suzie, and Lexi are the top. They’re then asked who should go home. A bunch of people take the easy route and say Suzie because she’s their biggest competition. (It’s actually Onya…) Meanwhile, Suzie says Lana and Onya and Jewels say Lydia.

Suzie and Lexi are safe. And Onya wins!! It’s so clear that Michelle likes Sam more — this week and in general — but Ru likes Onya more and that’s all that matters.

Jewels is safe too which means Lana and Lydia are both lip syncing for their third time to “Unholy” by Sam Smith and Dr. Luke apologist Kim Petras. At first, it seems like it’s going to be close. Lana is doing well, but Lydia is being really funny! Unfortunately, Lydia pulls out scissors to cut herself out of her garment and it ends up taking too long. It totally throws her and she’s not able to recover.

A tough day for Butthole. But, hey, leaving Drag Race with a challenge win and a new boyfriend isn’t too shabby.

Teleport Us to Mars!! Here Are Some Random Thoughts:

+ Sam says the stars are aligned because she and Truman Capote are both from Alabama.

+ Lana shares that she won a freestyle rap challenge in elementary school and somehow this leads to Sam of all people rapping.

+ Suzie’s wig in the challenge was borrowed from Onya so the lace front very much did not match her skintone.

+ You should watch this video of Onya singing “Maybe This Time” from my favorite musical Cabaret.

+ You should also watch this video of the queens revealing even more about their astrology. Of course, Lexi has Cancer in her chart!

+ And as long as I’m sharing TikToks, is anyone else obsessed with RuPaul’s TikTok presence? When people are like “sure he’s evil but Donald Trump is the funniest person ever” I’m like no that’s actually RuPaul. Fracks, watched someone drown, but man she’s a legend and so goddamn funny.

+ Queen I’m rooting for: Onya

+ Queen I’m horniest for: my last season crush Morphine Love Dion for this shady tweet

+ Queen I want to sashay: Lexi (I’m sorry babe I love you but you’re too invested in Suzie!! Come back for All Stars with the self-love you deserve!)

Lena Waithe Joins ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ as a Hot Doctor Fighting for Her Wife

The following recap will have spoilers for Grey’s Anatomy Season 21, Episode 10, “Jump (For My Love)” – specifically and especially the gay bits.

Queer Emmy-award-winning multi-hyphenate Lena Waithe has once again put on her acting hat for a guest spot on Grey’s Anatomy, the #1 go-to destination vacation for queer actors and fictional doctors. Cynthia Erivo’s partner plays Evynne Moore, a surgeon and good friend of Catherine Fox, whose wife Tasha is at Grey Sloan for a liver transplant. But I am getting ahead of myself. Let’s jet back to the beginning.

The theme of this week’s episode, according to the voiceover: recovery!

Before recovery, though, is a little pain.

Remember when they said Meredith was leaving the show and Ellen Pompeo was only doing voiceovers from now on but then she kept being in every other episode? Well, she’s back, because she and Nick are going to Grey Sloan to check on Catherine’s stent and assist in her friend’s wife’s liver transplant.

When we first meet Lena Waithe’s Dr. Evynne Moore, she’s discussing penile reconstruction with Catherine. We learn that Evynne is a former student of Catherine’s, and they’ve grown very close. Catherine jokes that Evynne “couldn’t have cared less about a penis” before she met her, and Evynne says, “she’s not wrong” and everyone gets their gender essentialist giggles out before they start discussing Evynne’s professor wife Tasha’s case.

Obsessed with the trend of queer visiting doctors. Let’s keep it up!

Since Tasha’s case is so complicated, Catherine has called Dr. Webber to be part of her surgical team too, even though he’s still giving Meredith the cold shoulder. Tasha is confused about what’s going on, forgetting things almost as she’s reminded of them, and Evynne tells them this is part of her illness and that she’s actually very smart. Evynne is patient and sweet with her wife, and tells the team that they have been to other doctors who turned them down and there’s nowhere else they can turn. She hands them Tasha’s medical records on a flash drive, saying Catherine taught them to be their own advocates.

A healthy relationship, so rare to see in these halls!

Side note, later Evynne says that her and Catherine became so close that they used to call Evynne “kit” since she was so close to “cat” though that’s a nickname they’d never call Catherine to her face.

Outside the patient room, Catherine lectures Webber and Meredith about how they’re acting like toddlers and they have to put their beef aside to work together on this, and Meredith turns to do just that, but Richard has already stormed off, really committing to his toddler bit.

When Nick reviews the liver that had been chosen for Tasha, he says it’s too big, which could cause complications, but Evynne begs him to use it anyway, saying she’s not sure her wife can afford to wait for a new one. Meanwhile, Meredith and Webber are still fighting, this time about whether Tasha’s confusion is actually encephalitis, like Evynne said, or if it’s a stroke, which would impact the surgery decisions they’re making.

When Catherine confronts Meredith again about her and Webber fighting, she tells her a story about how when Evynne was still her student, Catherine made a mistake that she eventually caught and fixed, but she later learned Evynne had caught it sooner, and just didn’t say anything. So Catherine taught her to speak up, even against her, which sometimes bites her in the ass, but that’s the price of being a good teacher, and that’s what Webber is experiencing right now.

Dr. Evynne Moore is becoming impatient that the liver is taking so long, and it as at this point that I must briefly veer from the Moore storyline to tell you exactly how this liver got waylaid.

You see, Ben Warren and Dr. Ndugu were transporting the liver and talking about how Ndugu doesn’t go on second dates anymore when they spotted a motorcycle accident that desperately needed to surgeons to stop until the EMTs got there. In fact, even after the EMTs got there, they had to perform open heart surgery on the dusty side of the road if the man had any chance of survival. Luckily, they got his heart beating again and were able to get the organs back to Grey Sloan in time, and Ndugu even asked someone on a second date. She said no, but at least he tried. (Recovery!)

Once Moore is assured the liver is on its way, she asks to be in the gallery for the first cut so she rest assured that this surgery is finally, finally happening, and Nick reluctantly agrees.

I wouldn’t know how to say no when faced off with these two, either.

At the same time, while looking over her scans, Meredith thinks Tasha might not have encephalitis or a stroke, but some form of dementia. At the same time, Webber tells her that he called and got Tasha’s ACTUAL medical history and she was diagnosed with Alzheimers, which was conveniently left off the digital records Evynne handed them, and explains why other hospitals rejected the surgery. Meredith and Webber march in to confront Catherine about this, together (recovery!), but she assures them she also had no idea.

Meredith crashes the OR to stop the surgery, and looks up at Evynne in the gallery. She’s not going to see that first cut after all. But surely this isn’t the end of this conversation. For one thing, Meredith has no leg to stand on re: being mad at Evynne for lying to them to help her wife. (Meredith has done worse for less.) For another, who better than to tackle a tricky case involving Alzheimer’s and transplants than Dr. Meredith Grey and her boy toy? Of course, you never know on this show which cases will end in tragedy, but I haven’t given up hope on this team’s ability to save Tasha just yet.

It seems Lena Waithe’s Dr. Evynne Moore will be back again next week, but in the meantime, let’s catch up on all the other gays in the hospital, shall we? (Note: Teddy and her flirtationship Sophia Bush are MIA for this episode.)

First up, Helm is on the case of a woman who jumped off a bridge to fetch her wedding ring after tossing it into the water during her divorce party, but then realizing she could sell it. Helm is working this case with bi icon Amelia, but instead of bonding over being queer badasses, Helm spends the episode making really bad jokes (like talking about clean breaks while looking at the woman’s literally broken back) and causing awkward moments, as if they’re trying to have her fill the Schmitt gap, a gap I personally think doesn’t need to be filled.

At this point I’d almost rather her be written off than written into the ground. GIVE HER GOOD STORYLINES FFS.

She does declare she never wants to get married, though I don’t know how she could, since this show only remembers she exists and could have a love life of her own for like three episodes every other season. The tl;dr of this storyline is that Link proposes to Jo and she says yes.

As for Jules, she’s spending the day with her fellow interns at a retreat day at Bailey’s house. A man named Danny Ford comes to lead them in teambuilding exercises like icebreakers, human knots, spaghetti towers, and more. I’d say this is ridiculous but when I worked in Corporate America we had to do training like this and it was equally as silly. Jules, however, has thrown a wrench into the teambuilding by still giving Griffith the cold shoulder. And of course, they keep getting paired together, just adding fuel to the fire. When they get to the part where they’re meant to talk about silver linings, Jules breaks down about how they lost a classmate and no one is acknowledging it and it seems like everyone but her has moved on and now she’s just expected to play games. She says they can’t do team bonding because their team is broken and storms off.

Bailey finds Jules crying and looking at pictures of her and Mika like a good dramatic gay, and Bailey asks about her. Jules says Mika is fine, but doesn’t elaborate.

Portrait of a Sad Gay

Bailey offers Jules the chance to let out her frustration and anger on her, but Jules just looks at her sadly, having no fight left in her. Bailey says she organized this day of games and bonding and cooking because she knows the team is broken and she wants to help fix it. She asks Jules if she wants the same thing, and leaves her to ponder that.

Danny Ford packs up his bags and leaves before the activities are over because he realizes the doctors of Grey Sloan Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital for the Disaster Prone have gone through more than he’s equipped to handle. Bailey sighs a defeated sigh and is ready to let them go but then Jules comes in and meekly says they didn’t get to cook together yet. So Bailey apparently sends the off-shift interns home and OUR interns cook a meal together. Griffith joins Jules to help her wash dishes and offers to give her airline miles to visit Mika, but Jules says Mika said she needs space. Later, Jules reciprocates the olive branch offering by showing up at Griffith and Luca’s house with a bottle of wine. Recovery!

Forgiveness? Can you imagine.

Here’s hoping Grey’s never stops adding queer doctors to the roster, and that Owen Hunt stays wherever he was this episode and never comes back.

Chappell Roan’s ‘The Giver’ Is Country at Its Best and Gayest

At long last, we have new Chappell Roan music!!!!! Last night, Chappell released her hotly anticipated country single “The Giver,” which she first teased at the end of last year in her performance on Saturday Night Live. The lyrics suggest she fucks better than country boys, and it’s safe to say she makes better music than a lot of them, too.

With “The Giver,” Chappell joins a long legacy of queer country musicians, extending at least as far back as the 1970s with Lavender Country’s self-titled album, largely considered to the first known gay country album, but of course there could be more lost to time or from artists who were only out in certain contexts. Autostraddle writer and fellow queer country fan Stef Rubino turned me onto Lavender Country a couple years back, and if you’re a Chappell fan just dabbling in the genre, I definitely recommend. She also joins a legacy of queer musicians who mainly operate in a genre other than country but have played around in the genre for one-off projects, like Lady Gaga did for some of the songs on her studio album Joanne and Lil Nas X did for his breakout hit “Old Town Road.” Country has been queer, and Chappell also knows that. You’ll never catch her claiming to invent a subgenre. This is an artist who understands the roots, influences, and history that precede her, and her interviews about the single reflect that. It’s a perfect evolution and experiment for The Midwest Princess, because come on, can you really call yourself a Midwest Princess if you aren’t tipping your hat to country?

The influences that seem most clear for “The Giver” are big mid-90s/early-2000s country acts like The Chicks and Shania Twain. Lively fiddle backs the bouncy track, and it’s the kind of big country song that makes you want to belt and stomp your feet at the same time. The fact that it’s about confidently topping and satisfying your partner IN A GAY WAY? The cherry on top of this swinging country jam.

Yes, “The Giver” delivers everything Roan does best when it comes to songwriting: playful, overtly sexual, extremely gay lyrics. Forget “knee deep in the passenger seat” — almost every second of “The Giver” is packed with direct and cheeky lyrics about lesbian sex. “So take it like a taker / ‘Cause, baby, I’m a giver” the chorus echoes. It doesn’t feel like Chappell, who grew up surrounded by country music in Missouri, is playacting at a country performance; she’s really giving it, and her respect and passion for the genre comes out in the joyful composition of the song.

In addition to the song itself, I’ve been enjoying the promotional materials around it, including the photo series of Chappell dressed as various professions from a plumber to a dentist. A series of themed billboards and street signs also went up to promote the single, including one that riffs on the very REAL “your wife’s hot” air conditioning ads you can see throughout Florida where I live. These, along with a stylized retro infomercial for the single, were dreamed up by Chappell’s creative director Ramisha Sattar. In my opinion, we should be talking about Ramisha’s work every time we talk about Chappell’s artistry.

Now, I’ve seen a lot of chatter online in the past few days about Chappell Roan being “too commercialized” these days, so I just want to go on a little mini rant in response: If you are trying to critique Chappell for these marketing campaigns, you’re not actually frustrated with her; you’re frustrated with the music industry. Musicians always have to play the game of promotion campaigns and using singles to garner hype for eventual albums. Chappell — along with the creative direction of Ramisha — gets the job done in a way that at least still manages to be artistic. She’s the kind of pop star where every single detail — from her nails to what she wears to, yes, the marketing campaigns — aligns to make a big, bold queer spectacle.

She’s not reinventing the wheel with “The Giver” but rather pulling together a series of influences to still make something that feels distinctly her. That has been so true for so much of her career. It’s also why I am not the kind of fan who wants her to rush another album. I want her to take the time to make what she wants to make. She takes big swings; “The Giver” is an all-out stadium country banger. Not a single part of it is subtle, and that’s why I instantly love it.

I’d certainly welcome a full country album from her, but even if this is the only time she explicitly harnesses the genre, well, she nailed it on the first go. I’m certainly satisfied.

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