38 Inspirational Ways You Weirdos Described Your “Types”

Two weeks ago for the Friday Open Thread, I asked you what your “type” is and my friends, you did not let me down! It felt like a 90s slumber party with 150 of my best friends and I can’t wait to hang out with you again soon in an open thread! You all were so specific and earnest and honestly, I’m inspired to seriously hone in on who I want to crush on from now on. Thank you so much for your contribution to last week’s thread, and for your pleasure, here are 38 of the ones that inspired me to go out there and demand what I want, presented in list form.

1. Femmes who are probably social workers

2. Mean femmes

3. Glammed up butches

4. Overextended busy queers

5. Southern charm

6. Unavailable

7. “Someone who might wear a sundress sometime & tenderly murders me with a look.”

8. Shane (from The L Word)

9. “Grown-up Spinellis”

10. Bean-shaped

11. Anything but men

12. Scorpio

13. Tender sci-fi tomboys

14. Wholesome and puppyish

15. Old wealth

16. “Shirley Manson femme”

17. “Femmes who can murder you”

18. Rachel Maddow on screen

20. Rachel Maddow off screen

21. Everyone but actors

22. “Dominant nature loving perverts, willing to engage in artistic/creative endeavors, have sex in the woods, and tie me up.”

23. Nice Jewish Girl ™

24. “Andro/MOC folx with soft curvy bodies and crazy hair”

25. The recently divorced

26. Boaters

27. Bookish butches

28. Gregarious introverts

29. ?️Older women

30. Smart girls who look like they played soccer

31. Bisexual Jewish therapists

32. Assertive organized girly girls

33. “Apparently women with the name “Carmen” which started with Carmen Cortez in Spy Kids as a child until I graduated to Carmen de la Pica Morales. Women totally out of my league.”

34. Younger, hot, queer Meryl Streep

35. Little spoons

36. Scary, brooding people

37. Masculine-of-center STEM majors

38. Straight women

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Ari

Ari is a 20-something artist and educator. They are a mom to two cats, they love domesticity, ritual, and porch time. They have studied, loved, and learned in CT, Greensboro, NC, and ATX.

Ari has written 330 articles for us.

108 Comments

  5. Ah yes, the ol’ 2/6/7/38 special.

    Reel me in with your quirky, bossy confidence and then tell me I’m like the female version of your boyfriend. Tale as old as time.

  6. “Andro/MOC folx with soft curvy bodies and crazy hair” HELLO IT IS ME!! Whoever is into this follow me on instagram @maggiemcgills and be my friend.

  7. I’m feeling personally called out by 6, 17, 29, and 36. I think maybe fear turns me on? Most accurately I think my type is described as “femme mommi dom prone to habitual extra-ness”

  8. So while I remember that I explicitly said my type was Rachel Maddow off-screen (although more ice fishing after the women’s march rachel than punk rachel BUT I COULD DO BOTH, BOTH IS GOOD), historically, my type can be summed up as “37. Masculine-of-center STEM majors” and I am very much trying to get away from this thank you for the reminder

    • Look up from your Bullet Planner a moment and you may see a bevy of adoring women instantly trying to look just as busy as you.

      • Honestly, though, it’s more like if I look up I’ll see my two partners asking me to make more time for them. And they’re not wrong.

  10. Rachel Maddow ALL DAY. And Sara Ramirez.

    And also 3 / 24 / 27 / 30 / 37

    But really I don’t have a type because smarts & humor compatibility are not related to presentation. So my type for 2018 is: Surprise me. :D

  11. Literally, I’m #4 and that remains my perpetual type (example:friend I on/off crush on took time to actually text me yesterday and I swooned)
    BUT #5, 13 and 27 are dreamy types <3

  13. i appreciate how these photos insinuate that rachel maddow puts a wig on before the cameras start rolling (DOES SHE)

  15. A femme kindergarten teacher in glasses who takes off her cardigan to reveal tattoos and dances with a burlesque troupe on the weekends.

      • Damn, so close! Andro (by day) kindergarten teacher with glasses but no tats who goes out dancing with the troupe after the burlesque show (femme it up for that). Serious camper. I feel like when you almost have bingo bit not quite.

  16. I’m still very confused about the difference between daddy and mommi, can someone please explain

  17. Carmen SanDiego how is it that you are always the first to comment on everything always and yet I don’t see you here when LOOK AT #33!!!!

    (…and you’re in a league of your own, still)

      • My apologies, I was thinking of past flirtations and was remiss in failing to list Carmen SanDiego who is most assuredly out of my league. So it still works.

  18. Today I have learned that perhaps I am nobody’s type, but share a crap-ton of types with everyone else. Womp womp.

  20. Oh my god I’m a tender sci-fi tomboy and I didn’t even realize. Thank you for giving me a new gender descriptor. I definitely already knew I’m a bookish butch.

    My type isn’t really on here, although I have a deep fondness for many of these types. Well, okay, I have several main types. One is whiskey femme, a la Wynonna Earp. (For some reason I’m super attracted to girls with guns even though I hate guns.) Another is Lesbrarian of both the butch and femme varieties. Which is great, because I’m going to be a lesbrarian myself if I can ever afford to get my MLIS. Also, geek girls of any variety at all but especially cosplayers and DnD players. Oof. Rolled a nat 20 for seduction.

    I get myself into trouble when I go for the punk butches, because they are way too cool for me. But I just can’t resist them.

  21. Just going to inwardly debate all day as to whether I’m a gregarious introvert, but wish I was talking about it with a friend.

  22. My 9/10 girlfriend says I’m 24/27 with a sprinkle of 18/20 and really thank you so much Autostraddle for bringing this to our relationship because it’s amazing.

    However, I’m disappointed I wasn’t involved in the original conversation because “Grownup Lucy Van Pelt” is 100% my type and also 100% who my girlfriend is (so thanks for that realization too???)

    • GROWN UP LUCY VAN PELT !!! ? Nikki this is so good and accurate. I usually befriend grown up Lucys, but I go weak in the knees for an assertive butch Peppermint Patty.

  24. i think i probably count as a moc stem major and this has boosted my ego a little when i desperately needed it, so thanks <3

  27. 22. “Dominant nature loving perverts, willing to engage in artistic/creative endeavors, have sex in the woods, and tie me up.”

    27. Bookish butches

    37. Masculine-of-center STEM majors

    call me ;)

  28. These threads are an interesting mix of vulnerability and Come Hither looks. Are we all kind of dating each other right now ? Love it.

  30. I think NUMBER ONE WAS MINEEEE… which is cool? Also I don’t think I’m any of these but #s 4 and 28 are the closest, so… that’s not as cool

  35. I would also like to honorably mention the subcategories of „bad for me“ and „out of my league“.

  37. Okay, so I reckon mine is a mixture of 8, 18, 27 & 37. Or, in words: somewhat masc-of-centre who looks fly af in a suit but who maybe has long hair (see also: somewhat femme-of-centre who looks fly af in a suit but has short hair) and who is interested in language and science and wants to talk about the world? But also Shane.

  39. Hahaha I am 1+31 and so are basically all of my friends from grad school (if that’s your type just hang around social work schools in big east coast cities —or probably anywhere, tbh).

  41. Honestly did not expect to find both myself and my girl here – I’m a gregarious introvert and she’s a tender sci-fi tomboy! I FEEL SO SEEN.

  42. 99% sure i wrote number 2. THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT A VICIOUS WOMAN WITH FLAWLESS MAKEUP SORRY NOT SORRY.

  43. We need stickers of all these and then some, and then metastickers that have spaces for two stickers separated by the word “seeks”.

    for example I would be “femme of center STEM major seeks rachel maddow on screen”

    Can we also talk about just how many ways to be there are represented on this list… like I would watch a show featuring one of each of these. So beautiful.

  45. my type used to be: emotionally unavailable MoC folx… that ovbs never worked out that great ??

    now im trying to move away from like aesthetic types and go more for personality. but my heart just always beats a little bit faster when i see someone thats visibly queer, i just cant help it.

  46. I was kind of seeing a 23+25, who is a 6 right now due to distance. Not fun. Also, pretty sure I suggested #11.

  47. My type is definitely too-cool-for-school turns out to be a super secret sweetie once you get to know them.

  50. I guess I’m a 24,30,37 that likes 7,17,18,30,32. But the real reason I decided to comment is where is #19?

  51. I guess I am a hardened, brooding sci-fi tomboy?

    I’d say I go for cool scary butchish girls (at least in video games)(does Morrigan from DAO count as a butch…?) but I actually go for older alternative femme/incredibly feminine women who teeter between all of the emotions and being emotionally unavailable. They will never actually date me.

  52. Are we adding late entries? I would like to submit “Aloof, with whisk(e)y.”

    Related, some store I was in had candles that were whiskey, tobacco, and leather all together and I swear to god they smell like everyone I’ve ever fallen in love with.

  54. I feel like now I need to update my okcupid profile. I’m a Bisexual Jewish Therapist seeking a Bookish Butch for long walks on the beach, theory driven passionate discussion about your fav non-fiction, and some light neurotic emotional processing.

  55. Yes, I was ‘assertive organised girly girls’! (…and Shane). Also, I like to think I’m someone who might wear a sundress and could tenderly murder you with a look, hmu

  56. Wow 31 is a really specific type,my soul is kin to the person who’s type that is. Also, 38 pretty much sums up my type, add married to that.

  58. Really wish that number 1 was Tomboy femme social worker (THAT’S ME).

    But my type has shown to consistently be “girls who look a little homeschooled and could definitely have been your jr high camp counselor”

  59. “straight girls” is usually my frowny-faced answer when people ask what my type is but y’all are so creative i feel INSPIRED

  60. I sometimes wear sundresses and I’ve been told that if there were a purge, I’d probably be the first among my friends to kill someone, so I’m basically the mean femme of at least a few people’s dreams.

  62. Omg, I thought I was so creepy and the only person in the world whose type is #14 (wholesome and puppyish). Why do I love these people so much?!

    They melt my “scary, brooding” heart.

    I’m all tough and cool on the outside, but inside, I want to smash your adorable faaaace. <_<

  64. I am a gregarious introvert and (mainly) a little sooon.

    I don’t really know what my type is IRL, except probably less femme than me (I am mainly low-maintenance femme-ish, left-wing and ideally a geeky fangirl.

    My fictional type is a kickass woman who also does heart eyes, e.g Emma Swan or Root. Someone who is tough but vulnerable. Arm muscles are a plus.

  66. Hot damn Rachel Maddow off screen. Like she was pretty cute onscreen but off is something else entirely. When will my soft sci-fi tomboy come to take me away from my troubles???

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