34 Feelings You Have About Voting For Joe Biden

On our most recent reader survey, we asked quite a few questions regarding the upcoming election. One of those questions/answers was taken from a Monmouth survey of Democratic voters in eight states regarding voter enthusiasm around Joe Biden. Monmouth found 33% of their sample enthusiastic about Joe Biden as the nominee, compared to 1.33% of the Democratic voters on our survey.

Sample: All U.S.-based Autostraddle survey-takers who consider themselves Democrats

Of Monmouth’s panel of Democrats in Arizona, California, Iowa, Michigan, Nevada, New Hampshire, South Carolina and Virginia; 93% said they intend to vote for Biden. On ours, 96.6% of Democrats said they intend to, and 92% of our entire group does (our entire group is 78% Democrat, .11% Independent, 10.6% Other, and less than one percent Republican.) The remaining 8% are split pretty evenly between Unsure, Voting for a Third Party Candidate and Not Voting, with a whopping .30%, or six people, of the 1,969 U.S. residents who took the survey, pledging their support to Trump.

But my friends, your comments on the “how do you feel about voting for Joe Biden” question were real shimmers of dark sunshine on a bright night. Therefore I present to you, wrestled out of context and pasted here for your entertainment, a plethora of feelings you expressed regarding your intention to vote for Joe Biden this November:

1. Fuck that dude, but also I will vote for him

2. Sigh.

3. Not a good choice, but I’d vote for a potted plant before Trump

4. I can’t believe we could have had Warren or Sanders and we went with Biden???

5. I mean I’m gonna vote for him but only because his competition is literally modern Hitler.

6. I literally hate how he managed to fail up

7. Of course I’ll vote for him over Cheetos

8. Ugh. Of all the options, this is where we ended up—?

9. We need sweeping change, not a damp water cracker.

10. I would vote for a dead dog if it was running against Trump.

11. I would vote for my dog if it was running against Trump

12. Harm reduction it is, i guess.

13. Dreaming of a day when we can get another candidate who, at the bare minimum, has zero sexual assault allegations.

14. He’s not Warren but our choices are milk that’s just started to turn sour or milk that has festered in the depths of a cave for millenia, where the combination of minerals and bat droppings have combined to form a satanic force to destroy the world.

15. I’ll vote for him but I’m gonna whine about it. And I hope he picks a good running mate so I can be happy voting for her.

16. Look, I’ve vote for a stale ham sandwich if it was running against Trump but that by no means should be taken as an endorsement of Biden

17. My Slytherin ass will still vote for him because SCOTUS, but god why can we not have a candidate who isn’t an old white man with rape allegations?

18. I’m camp Any-Idiot-But-Tr*mp 00

19. Not my first choice, but I’ll still walk on broken glass to make sure he’s elected

20. Jesus fuck I hate that Biden is the nominee and that I have to vote for him to get fuckface out of office. Middle fingers to the entire Dem establishment that made it happen.

21. He has a pulse

22. I don’t like him, but I’ll vote for him… An online comedian (I forget his name) said,”To me, voting Democrat is like condoms. Like, I’m not excited about it, but I guess it’s better than the alternative?” and I really felt that.

23. I’m dead inside at this point tbh

24. This election is cool because i get to pick between two different conservative rapists

25. Yet, I will still vote for him before a trump kills us all

26. I was way more upset/super pissed before but I’ve been worn down to dissatisfied

27. I would trust a Canadian goose over Biden! He’s the candidate I’m least enthusiastic about and I actively dislike him, but I’m fairly certain he won’t try to kill me, my friends, or my family, so vote blue no matter who.

28. I think he’ll work with party members who are committed to a functional and conventional White House, but I do not believe he will make any meaningful effort to advance progressive policies. Also I think he’s a bigot, an asshole, and probably a sexual offender. I think I have to vote for him anyway, as the best-case scenario, and I resent that enormously.

29. Any sentient adult

30. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww. But I’m still gonna vote for him.

31. I cannot even begin to describe how upset it makes me that the most diverse democratic race gave us Joe Biden. The only reason I am going to vote for him is because Angela Davis said we have to

32. Honestly I’m upset but resigned and will vote for him because the world is on fire and my alternate act would be high treason which is fine I just don’t have the skills I need to see it through so I guess it’s Biden and maybe he gets replaced real fast by his VP

33. But I’m still going to vote for him, of course, because treading water is better than drowning.

34. We could have had literally anyone!!! But I guess not!!!!