Boobs on Your Tube: “The Good Place” Super Confirms Eleanor’s Super Bisexuality

Welcome to Boobs on Your Tube!

GLAAD released their annual Where We Are on TV report this week, which gave numbers to the trends we’ve been sensing and covering since Riese built our comprehensive TV database in 2017. It’s good news this year: There’s a record percentage of LGBTQ character on TV and for the first time ever, there are more characters of color than white characters! But as Riese notes: “There’s still plenty of room for improvement, which is a topic we touch on just about every day. We need more trans characters across all shows, and a lot more trans men, and more QPOC characters and more characters with disabilities and women and men should be even and wow there’s just a lot still to be done!”

This week on Autostraddle, Kayla recapped another wild episode of Riverdale, Carmen recapped another stellar episode of Black Lightning, Valerie Anne recapped Supergirl and the heckin’ gay return of Legends of Tomorrow. Drew Gregory wrote about seeing herself reflected in Supergirl’s Nia Nal. And Stitchers’ Anna Akana came out at the Streamys.

Here’s what else!

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The Good Place 305: “The Ballad of Donkey Doug”

Written by Heather

Well, I guess now we know why The Good Place‘s William Jackson Harper — who plays Chidi, the most ripped Ethics professor in the history of the world — told a UK newspaper that Eleanor is “super bisexual.” It’s because he knew Eleanor was going to try to make out with his girlfriend!

Hang on, let me start at the beginning.

Last week Michael and Janet finally came clean with Eleanor & Co. about what they’ve been up to for the last several hundred years. You know, dying, going to the Bad Place, getting rebooted in the Bad Place over and over and over, getting reincarnated, etc. They all took it pretty hard, but Eleanor ultimately decided that, even though they’re doomed, they should form a Soul Squad and try to save other people. But before they can do that, Chidi’s gotta break up with Simone. If she finds out about the afterlife and the Soul Squad, it could doom her for all eternity.

To help Chidi figure out how to break up ethically, Janet sets up a simulation for him to practice. (“I do know everything about you, and Simone, and computer programming, and virtual reality, and artificial intelligence, and the human brain, and everything else!”) Chidi tries a million different ways to get it right and finally Eleanor offers to just do it for him. She pops into the simulation to end things with Simone but the compliments she uses to soften the break-up blow turn into full-on flirting, which turns into hand-holding, which turn into Eleanor going, “Whaaaaat is happening” and leaning in for a kiss before Chidi zaps her out of the simulation. She does not care for that one bit! Neither do I! “It was just getting good,” both Eleanor and I snap!

At one point Eleanor also tells Chidi, “More guys should be bi. It’s 2018; get over yourselves.” The implication, I think, being that she herself is bi? I mean, even if that’s not what she meant, she has fallen for Tahani and now almost smooched Simone on the mouth, so that’s super canonical, baby.

I know this show already has a lot going on and the main cast is so fantastic it’s hard to root for guest characters to come in and take up space, but: a) I hope this is not the last we’ll see of Kirby Howell-Baptiste; she was brilliant as Simone. And b) I sure would like for Eleanor to legitimately date a woman, even if it’s not Tahani (although of course I obviously hope it’s Tahani).

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All American 103: “i”

Written by Natalie

This week’s episode of All American was, by far, my favorite of those that have aired thus far. It felt as embedded in the culture — black culture, gay culture, football culture — as anything the show’s done until now. That said, “i” also felt like A LOT…too much, to be honest. This one episode tried to tell so much story — Spencer vs. his new team, Spencer vs. his old team, Beverly Hills meets Crenshaw, Coop gets a girlfriend, Coop comes out, Olivia and Leila’s attempt to revive their friendship, Leila remembers her mom’s death, Jordan learns what it means to be a black in America — that very little of it carried the emotional resonance that it should have.

Before school, Coop strolls into an early morning choir practice to see her mother before she and her father leave for a retreat. She slides into a pew and wordlessly flirts with a bohemian songstress. After rehearsal, Coop greets her mom and they settle into an easy rapport, trading jokes about the house party Coop might throw while her parents are away. They hug and Coop’s mom urges her to get to school but, as her daughter walks away, she calls out, “Tamia, no boys at the house after we’re gone.”

Later, Spencer laments that his new teammates at Beverly Hills High haven’t accepted him, but Coop reminds him that acceptance goes both ways. Maybe they’ll start accepting him, she says, if he opens himself up to them. Spence chuckles at the irony: how is Coop lecturing him about honesty and acceptance when she hasn’t even told her parents she’s gay? I get where you’re going with that, Spence, but for the record: those two things are not the same.

“Have they not met me?” Coop asks, rhetorically. “How can I be anything else? Seriously, I’m not responsible for their blindness.”

When Coop and Spencer show up at his house for the family barbecue, Spencer’s teammate, Jordan, is helping his mom in the kitchen. Guess who’s coming to dinner? Spencer wanted people to get to know him and where he’s from so, much to Spence’s chagrin, Jordan’s going to do that. And guess who else is coming to dinner? The bohemian songstress from choir practice, Patience (Chelsea Tavares). She easily finds her space in the crew and Jordan, after he proves himself with some incisive hip-hop knowledge, does the same.

After an impromptu football game breaks out, Patience and Coop walk around the neighborhood, continuing the heavy flirting that started earlier at the church. Coop admits that she’s never said the words “I’m gay” before because she’s never felt the need to, she’s not hiding who she is. She admits she likes Patience and invites to her house to hang out. Inside, Coop shows off her musical chops and Patience is impressed. She compliments a bashful Coop and then leans in for a kiss (or three). The pair spends the night digging through Coop’s record collection before falling asleep on the floor, only to be woken up the next morning by Coop’s mom.

Convinced that Patience is trouble, Coop’s mom urges her daughter to stay away from her. Coop asks if her mom only thinks Patience is trouble because she’s gay and, if so, what does that make her, because she’s gay too. Her mother refuses to believe it, her daughter’s confused, she says…confused by girls like Patience.

“I am gay,” Coop says, more firmly this time. “And there is no amount of prayer that’s gonna change that. Trust me, I’ve tried.”

Her mother throws down an ultimatum — if Coop doesn’t want to abide by her parents’ rules, she can no longer live in their home — and without hesitation, Coop decides to she’ll go live elsewhere. It all happens way too fast and because of that, the scene isn’t as compelling as it should be. Plus, it shortchanges what could’ve been an interesting (and heretofore, untold) story about the lives of gay youth forced to live under “don’t ask, don’t tell” policies at home. Later, Coop shows up at Spencer’s house, everything she has stuffed into two duffel bags, and collapses in tears in Spencer’s mother’s arms.

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Charmed 102: “Let This Mother Out”

Written by Carmen

Welcome back, Charmed Ones! Did you catch my review of the series pilot last week? Here we are, already on episode two, and the gayness won’t stop coming!

First things first, Mel and Niko are getting back together. Their reunion sex last week wasn’t a one-off occasion. In fact, when Niko asks if they are starting over from scratch or if she can drop by with Italian sandwiches like nothing ever changed, Mel smiles into her cellphone and says, “bring the sandwiches.” They are soooo cute, I almost can’t stand it! (Reader, I can COMPLETELY stand it. I already want some more!)

Niko stops by for lunch – she even remembered Mel’s extra pickles! Aww! – but gets called back to the police station before their picnic can really take off. She gives Mel her “We’re Getting Back Together” present, The Cure’s 1987 Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me in mint condition, and fits in few quick kisses before she’s off! Mel wants her to bring back those handcuffs for later, if you know what she means, and I think we all know what she means.

But not too fast, you see, because Niko grabbed the wrong thermos by mistake. The sisters created a truth serum to find out if their Whitelighter, Harry, can be trusted. Unfortunately, Niko took the truth serum instead! WHOOPS! We’re hilariously clued in to the mistake when Niko tells the suspect she’s interrogating, “Eyewitness testimony is notoriously unreliable, plus those two were drunk, so we have no case.” Yeah… that’s not what you expect from a cop on the job.

A completely oblivious Niko calls Mel to tell her that she loves her (and also, that Mel is the worst driver she’s ever seen). At her admission, Mel figures out the mix-up right away! She rushes to the police station to escort her girlfriend to safety before her mouth cause any more trouble and it becomes a relay race of funny slip ups. Niko tells one white male officer, “It’s called personal space! Respect it!” She tells another, “I cannot translate the Moo Shu Palace specials for you BECAUSE I AM NOT CHINESE!”

Side Note: Niko apparently deals with a lot of microaggressions in her workplace. It’s not easy being a queer woman of color on the police force.

Niko ends her grand performance with my favorite line of the episode, declaring that her trademark glasses are fake! “I just wear them so people will take me seriously. I am hot. I don’t know why I try to hide it!” Amen, sister.

Sadly this is when our Comedy of Errors makes an abrupt turn. Niko confesses to Mel that she slept with Greta, her ex-fiancée, just last week. Technically Niko and Mel weren’t back together yet, but she feels bad about it. That’s why she bought Mel The Cure! It wasn’t a “We’re Getting Back Together” present at all. It was a guilt trip.

I worried this confession would lead directly to a break up before we even really got a chance to know the twosome at all. Thankfully, Mel’s little sister, Maggie, saves the day. Using her newly formed empathetic witch powers, Maggie reminds Mel that the past should be in the past. Niko wouldn’t have even told Mel the secret if the sisters hadn’t accidentally drugged her. Don’t burn a bridge over this.

Luckily for all of us, Mel agreed.

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The Purge 108: “The Giving Time is Here”

Written by Carmen

Welp. That was a shit show.

I suppose our journey this week starts when Lila Stanton was just 17 years old. Standing in the full length mirror of her elaborately adorned gold bedroom, in a full length white gown, nervously biting her lip, you’d be forgiven for thinking it was the eve of her wedding. It wasn’t. Instead, it was the eve of her First Purge Kill.

I have a lot of questions about this situation, such as: Why are the rituals for a First Purge the same as the already sexist rituals of marriage? Why was Lila in white? Why did she need “something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue”? Is there really just that little creativity among the fake-MAGA crowd?

Anyway, Liza’s dad goes on and on about how it’s normal to be nervous and how he’s so proud of her and how it’s courageous to kill the innocent (Well, he didn’t say that last part in those exact words. Except he kind of did.) Catalina, the Stanton’s maid who you may remember from her time leading The Revolution a few episodes ago, tells Liza to follow her heart. For a brief moment it almost looks like Liza won’t go through with it. As if she won’t kill this innocent old man sitting in front of her.

Then she lets a shot go right through his head in cold blood. I guess the pressure of giving up all that wealth and privilege in the name of “doing the right thing” was too much to bear.

OK. Back to Purge Night in our current timeline. Rick and Liza start bickering almost immediately when the episode picks up, while Jenna is still working through her PTSD over that neighbor they killed. At the end of one of their fights, Liza tries to bribe Rick. She’s now the sole heir to the Stanton fortune and she would like to still sponsor Rick and Jenna’s housing project — for Jenna’s own good, of course. Rick tells her that he can’t make that kind of decision on his own, and that’s when Jenna asks to be left alone with her former girlfriend.

“You sparked something in me. You knocked me off balance,” Jenna begins. Tears brim Liza’s eyes as she realizes where this conversation is headed. “It’s over.”

Liza doesn’t take the news well, and honestly I don’t blame her. She and Jenna were just declaring their love together a few weeks ago in our time, BUT EARLIER THE VERY SAME NIGHT in theirs. This is an out of nowhere, a complete 180! When Jenna thought Liza was dead, she was beside herself with grief. Now Liza is alive and suddenly it’s over? C’mon!

Liza, fully into her manipulative lesbian trope now, tries getting Rick to leave Jenna for $20 MILLION DOLLARS. Potato sack doesn’t take the money! Which I’m sorry, that’s ridiculous. If I’m a sack of potatoes and someone offered me 20 Mil, I’d take it in a heartbeat. Do you know how many fancy potato bags you can buy with that money? No more burlap sacks for you, sir!

Anyway, Rick turns Liza down and then she wilds out! She bangs him over the head, knocks him down, and prepares to shoot him dead in the eyes – just like the old man she shot during her first Purge. Jenna stops her at the last minute, and Liza lies! She says that Rick had turned violent and she was just trying to protect “OUR baby.” She was there when Rick and Jenna got pregnant, she was in the bed with them, and how dare they cut her out of their life now….

That’s when Jenna stabs her. Presumably to protect her sack of potatoes husband, but also because THIS PSYCHO ISN’T LILA! This is some trope filled personality transplant who showed up at the last minute because the writers decided that without taking drastic measures, her death would make no sense.

Lila Stanton rose from the dead, only to be murdered by the woman she loved. That’s her story. Ultimately, she was written terribly by writers who couldn’t be bothered to care. Writers who took the most ridiculous and harmful exit ramp possible, as opposed to writing a common sense ending to her arc.

Or as our Editor in Chief Riese Bernard put it, “THEY KILLED BOTH THE LESBIANS WTF!”

Indeed.

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Quick Hits

Chicago Fire 705 “A Volatile Mixture”

One of my favorite things about our TV team is every single person knows who you’re talking about and exactly what you mean when you say “Erica Hahn.” It’s a throwback to Callie’s first on-screen girlfriend on Grey’s Anatomy and even though she left the show a literal decade ago, and even though Grey’s followed it up with arguably the most important queer women’s relationship in the history of network TV, all of us watched Erica Hahn disappear into the Parking Lot of No Return and there’s still a bitterness in us about it! Which is why we all grumbled “Leslie Shay” when we heard Chicago Fire‘s got a new bisexual character on the loose. We never forget being mistreated!

However, there is a new bisexual character on the loose! Her name is Emily Foster and she’s played by Annie Ilonzeh and she’s new to the team and so we’re learning more and more about her each week. This week, it’s that she’s “had boyfriends and girlfriends.” She tells Sylvie this after bemoaning her love life using a lot of gender neutral language for the entire episode, so even if I hadn’t known she was coming out, I would have known she’s bisexual ’cause I’ve watched a lot of television and talked to a lot of queer women in my life.

I need to warn you, though: Emily and Sylvie’s case this week involves a woman with a parasite IN HER FACE. — Heather

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 401-402

Valencia has been in both of the first episodes of the series, but Beth hasn’t even been mentioned. I’m hoping they’re still dating, but we won’t know until tonight’s episode. So far, the gayest thing Valencia has done is perform a séance. — Valerie Anne

The Flash 501-503

I just wanted you to know I’m still watching The Flash for you, but there’s still no sign of the supposed “LGBT” character they’re reportedly adding in season five, nor which of those letters it will be. I’m still hoping it’s Nora, played by Jessica Parker Kennedy, because she played gay so well in Black Sails. (Related, I can’t believe that Nora and Max are played by the same person; they couldn’t be more different if they tried. JPK has skills.) — Valerie Anne

General Hospital

Hey, look, GH remembered that Kristina exists this week! Yay!

Because Alexis can’t stop herself from meddling in her daughter’s life, she stops by Kristina’s bartending gig to offer her a “real job” at the offices of one of her clients. Kristina chastises her mother for interfering, yet again, and says she can figure out her future on her own. Not knowing her path is wearing on Kristina, though, and in a moment of weakness, she calls her ex, Parker. As you can imagine, that does not go well: Parker’s moving on and happy and, on the phone, Kristina feigns the same. Once she hangs up, though, she snags a bottle of tequila from the bar and goes to get drunk in the park. Later, her former brother-in-law finds an intoxicated Kristina and brings her home. Once she’s sobered up, Kristina admits that she feels stuck.

The next time we see Kristina, she’s back at work and who would be sitting across the bar from her but Lizzie Hendrickson. Unfortunately, she’s not Maggie Stone looking for someone to fill the Bianca Montgomery size hole in her heart, she’s the town district attorney looking for brunch and an opportunity to put Kristina’s father in jail. After a chat with her father, Daisy strolls up and tries to brighten Kristina’s day by inviting her to go to a bonfire and Kristina happily accepts. — Natalie

S.W.A.T. 205: S.O.S.

A lot of times, shows like S.W.A.T. end up adding female characters just to have a damsel in distress for the leading men to rescue but, thankfully, this show is different. Bisexual badass Chris Alonso gets to play the hero this week as she and Hondo sneak on a hijacked cruise ship (Lina Esco and Shemar Moore in wet suits? Yes, please). When Hondo’s taken hostage by three of the hijackers, Chris is left alone to locate and take down the team leader on her own. It results in one of the show’s best fight scenes to date and, though things looked dicey for a while, Chris ultimately gets the drop on the bad guy and captures him.

Throughout the whole episode, Hondo and Deacon try to push Chris to be a bit less cynical about love. She can’t imagine liking someone so much that you’d agree to be trapped with them for days at a time, with no escape…which…I mean…SAME. Chris admits that she’s been dating someone new but that the demands of the job make it hard for any relationship to thrive. Hondo tries to push back but his track record with relationships doesn’t disprove Chris’ thesis. But when our heroes return to dry land, they’re greeted by Deacon’s very pregnant wife and Hondo points to them as proof: “relationships and this job don’t mix – until you find one that does.”

Chris decides to put her cynicism aside and call the girl she’s been seeing, Kira, for another date. Meanwhile, I’m sitting at home thinking, “Maybe don’t call her.” — Natalie

Boobs on Your Tube: Shay Mitchell Joins the Dead Lesbian Society, XOXO Gossip Girl

What a week for TV! The Charmed reboot finally dropped, and Carmen reviewed it for you! HBO’s remake of the British series Camping arrived and Heather was mostly underwhelmed by it. Haunting of Hill House became everyone’s binge, and Rachel feels you. (Rachel also ranked 27 X-Files monsters by gayness!) Supergirl returned (and returned to its roots), and Valerie Anne celebrated. Black Lightning was gay as all heck this week, and Carmen was there for it. And Riverdale is getting wackier and horrorier than ever, and you know Kayla’s all about it. Here’s what else!

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God Friended Me 103: “Heavenly Taco Truck”

Written by Carmen

I guess it’s time for me to come out of the closet. I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this.

You see, I am a lover of very corny television. TV where every problem can be solved in 30 minutes to an hour, where people hug and cry about how much they love each other. They are my secret, guilty pleasure shows. Though I would never watch it now for very obvious reasons, I grew up on 7^th Heaven. I grew up on Full House (I still it watch often, along with its reboot on Netflix, Candace Cameron’s conservative Christianity be damned). Some of my most peaceful memories as a child are watching Touched By An Angel in my grandmother’s apartment. I’m an incredibly corny person, but I didn’t want y’all to know that.

When God Friended Me premiered this fall, it was right up my guilty pleasure alley. Miles Finer is a atheist who hosts a podcast about his atheism. He was mysteriously friended on Facebook by God – yes, I know this sounds ridiculous, but thanks in no small part to the chemistry of the cast, it comes across as mostly sweet – and God sends him on mini-missions to help people. Every week Miles gets a new Facebook clue, solves the case, helps a person in need, and we all go home feeling better about humanity. That’s the thing, for a show that’s about “God,” it’s really about us. God Friended Me is about our ability to do good and make the world a little easier for just one person at a time. If you’re cringing right now – I understand, but there’s something in that message that warms me.

Miles is also the son a well-known Harlem minister (the minister dad is played by Scandal’s Joe Morton, so let’s call him “Minister Papa Pope”). Miles and his dad don’t get along, but I guess you could’ve figured that out from the context. Miles’ sister, Ali, is their mediator. She’s a bartender who’s finishing her PhD in psychology. She’s also gay and has just moved in with her girlfriend, which is why we are gathered here today.

Ali has a close relationship with her father, but there are some things that they just don’t talk about. Her girlfriend, Deanna, is one of them. It’s not that Minister Papa Pope doesn’t know his daughter is gay. She came out years ago. Yes, it was awkward for a while, but they found each other again. Now things have been smooth. He asks her “how is it [her relationship] going”, she says “good” and then they move on. It’s easy. She doesn’t want to rock the boat of easy, you know? But Deanna knows that keeping this secret is no way to move forward, so she pushes Ali to be brave. Tonight. At dinner with her father and brother. NOW.

That night, Ali breaks the news bluntly, in a single gasp, before physically bracing herself. She holds her breath, counting the seconds before her father completely looses it down the Christian Hate tunnel. Here’s the thing…. he doesn’t. Actually, he’s hurt. He thought that they had the kind of relationship where they could talk about anything. Instead, his daughter moved in with her girlfriend WEEKS AGO and didn’t tell him. She was scared of him. That’s a lot to take in.

Miles, also at the dinner, visits his father later. He never talks to his dad one-on-one if he can help it, but this is for his little sister. He tells Minister Papa Pope that sometimes that whole “minister” thing is hard for his kids to overcome. If he wants an open relationship, he has to come down off the pulpit every once and while.

So – get the Kleenex ready – Minister Papa Pope goes to Deanna’s apartment, housewarming gift in hand.

He stumbles over his words, embarrassed and worried that he’s overstepping, but Deanna gives him a big bear hug. He’s family. He’s welcome anytime. She leaves him alone with Ali to reconnect. Papa Pope confesses to his new tv daughter that he has no idea what he’s doing. He always thought that Ali and Miles’ mom would take care of these emotional bits, but she died and now no one’s there to light the way. Anyway, he didn’t think he had anything to contribute to the gay parts of Ali’s life. That’s not because he didn’t love her, you know? It’s because he’s old and a minister and what could his daughter possibly find useful in that?

What could she find useful in it? He’s her father. His love is all she needs.

More hugs. More tears.

I can’t help it. I love this show.

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9-1-1 205: “Awful People”

Written by Natalie

When we last checked in with Henrietta “Hen” Wilson, she’d come perilously close to being another entry on our Bury Your Gays list. Thankfully, she escaped relatively unscathed and with a new dog named Paisley. Given a new lease on life, Hen and her family — her wife, Karen, their son, Denny, and Paisley — spend the afternoon in the park with Athena’s ex-husband, Michael, and his son. Hen looks as content as we’ve ever seen her which, of course, means that the rug is about to be pulled out from under her.

Karen and Hen are setting the table for their picnic lunch, as Michael laments how easily Athena’s new boyfriend, Bobby, has connected with his family. Karen reassures Michael that, regardless of what Bobby brings to the table, he’s still the kids’ father. Meanwhile, the boys are playing catch with Paisley, when a stranger approaches and cradles the pup in her arms. Except, it’s not a stranger at all — at least not to Karen and Hen who come rushing over — it’s Eva, Hen’s ex-wife and Denny’s birth mother. The couple rushes the boys back to the picnic table and confronts Eva.

Karen reminds Eva that she’s not Denny’s real mother because she signed away all her rights when he was born. Eva readily acknowledges that fact, but then points across the street to a six-foot tall loophole: Denny’s biological father, Nathaniel, who Eva always claimed she never knew and who never signed away any of his rights. She promises that the next time they cross paths, it’ll be in court.

Days later, Karen gets the confirmation that she’s been dreading: Nathaniel is definitely Denny’s biological father. She chastises Hen for bringing Eva back into their lives and threatening their family once again. Once Karen storms out, Denny comes in trying to figure out why his mom is so upset; he wonders if it’s his fault for talking to strangers at the park, but Hen assures him it’s not.

“Can you fix the bad thing like you fix people at work?” Denny asks in that cute and innocent way that kids do. I expect Hen to respond with some platitude to placate him in that way parents do — something optimistic but with just enough wiggle room that when/if things go bad, it’s not really a lie — but, nope. Instead, she says, “Yeah. Don’t you worry, little man. Mama’s gonna fix everything.”

Well, now I’m worried.

Hen tracks down Eva at the local liquor store and watches as she scores some drugs in the parking lot. Cool, I think, she’s going to call the cops and get Eva busted for possession. That would’ve made sense, but I forgot that this is Ryan Murphy’s world that we’re in and things never happen that cleanly there. Instead, Hen follows Eva home and, after taking a call from an apologetic Karen, goes up to her apartment and bangs on the door. She arrives just in time to hear Eva collapse on the floor, having overdosed on whatever it was she just bought. Hen kicks in the door and checks Eva’s pulse. She reaches for her phone to call for help, as Eva chokes on her own vomit, but Hen hesitates. She knows her life would be easier if Eva died and, for a minute, Hen considers walking out to leave her there.

Of course, our hero turns back. She calls 9-1-1 and waits as the paramedics administer naloxone to bring her ex back to life. Eva’s convinced this means Hen loves her, but Hen just stuck around long enough to tell Eva that her parole officer will be waiting for her at the hospital. Eva’s heading back to prison, and while part of me is glad to see this plot device put to bed, I’m a bit remiss that 9-1-1 didn’t do more with this character. She may have been a hot, hot mess, but Hen once loved her. There had to be something redeemable about her and I wish they’d shown more of that.

The issue with Denny’s biological father resolves itself neatly — turns out, Nathaniel’s not a bad guy and is willing to follow Hen and Karen’s lead about visitation with Denny — and I’m left to wonder what crazy twist Ryan Murphy will involve Nathaniel next.

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All American 102: “99 Problems”

Written by Natalie

Spencer James met Tamia “Coop” Cooper on the first day of Little League. They were just six years old. Her hair tucked into her baseball cap, no one even knew Coop was a girl. She struck Spence — already the most gifted athlete in the neighborhood — out three times that day (or just twice, if he’s telling the story). When everyone discovered there was a girl beneath that cap, they told Coop she had to go play in the girls’ league. Everyone, that is, except Spencer James. He protested, refusing to play without Coop — “if she go, I go” — and because they needed him, Coop got to stay.

Spence and Coop’s friendship began that day on the baseball diamond and while they’ve both changed a lot since then, the fundamental dynamics of their friendship have remained the same: Coop gets to be who she wants to be —  the girl playing baseball on a boys’ team or a soft stud flirting with the local gangbanger’s girlfriend — and Spence protects her. The day that Spencer James decides to leave Crenshaw, that protection is gone and Coop has to find a way to survive without it.

When Coop encourages Spencer to take advantage of the opportunity that awaits him in Beverly Hills, she knows what she’s giving up, even if he doesn’t. On a midweek visit to Crenshaw, Spence spots Coop getting out of the aforementioned local gangbanger’s car. Spence jumps back into the role he’s always had in Coop’s life and warns Shawn to stay away from Coop, his house and his family. For a moment, Coop lets herself believe that it’s possible — that even with Spence gone, she can still move through the world as herself without any protection — but Shawn is quick to remind her that she needs him now.

At this point, I can’t help but wonder: needs him for what? At least thus far in All American, the only real threat to Coop’s safety has been Shawn. Is she supposed to join his crew so he won’t beat her up? When Coop opts not to roll with his crew, he seems disappointed but not threatening. Are there other folks out there threatening Coop and, if so, who are they and why haven’t we seen them? While I hate the thought of seeing Coop imperiled, the stakes to the decision she’s forced to make don’t seem real right now. Show, not tell, All American; show, not tell.

Spencer’s shown Shawn exactly how to press his buttons and so, of course, the first chance he gets, that’s exactly what Shawn does. He buys Spencer’s little brother a comic book and the moment Spence finds out, he tracks Shawn down at the playground. Spencer talks a bit too much trash and Shawn socks him in the ribs. Before Spence can fight back, someone pulls a gun out, forcing Spence to back down. When Coop shows up, she promises to roll with Shawn’s crew if they just fall back and Shawn acquiesces. The evidence of how much the dynamics of Coop’s friendship with Spencer have changed is laid bare: now she has to protect him and his future. He resists her protection, but Coop knows this is just how it has to be now, “You cannot save the world, Spencer. You got to save yourself.”

As promised, Coop shows up to hang with Shawn’s crew. He asks her to deliver a package to an apartment. She’s older now, her face weathered by the stresses of life, but I imagine the Coop that steps out of Shawn’s car — with a red baseball jersey and a matching red snapback, pulled low — looks very much like the six year old that met Spence that day at Little League. Only this time, she’s signing up for a far more dangerous lifetime commitment.

Turns out, though, that the package that Shawn has Coop deliver only had food in it – a delivery for the grandmother of one of Shawn’s crew that’s doing a bid upstate. The show settles into a narrative about Coop’s flirtation with gang life that makes far more sense than the protection angle they’ve espoused for 1.5 episodes now: Coop can finally link up with a crew that, no matter what, will never leave her behind. With Spencer gone and knowing the threat that coming out might pose at home, it makes sense that Coop would be drawn to a new family. I wish the show had started with this story.

When Spence and Coop reconnect, he lets her know he’s worried about her.

“You don’t need to be. You need to stop worrying about everybody else,” Coop tells him, as they rock gently on the playground swings. “I got it handled, for real this time, but you got to trust me.”

He does, even if he shouldn’t, and they settle back into the easy rapport that they’ve been building for most of their lives.

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How to Get Away With Murder 504: “It’s Her Kid”

Written by Natalie

Tegan’s face lights up when she spots Annalise across the dance floor and she rushes over to greet her future girlfriend colleague. Annalise’s nerves hit as Tegan approaches; this is stupid, she says, backing away. Annalise retreats to the bar to take in all the scenery — and, of course, to reflect on the Bonnie bomb Nate dropped in her lap earlier — until Tegan struts over, intent on getting her scissoring partner co-worker on the dance floor.

“You didn’t drag your ass down here to be wallpaper,” Tegan says. “Get out of your head and in your body.”

Sometimes I wonder if Tegan knows that Annalise is queer or vice versa. I keep thinking they must not know. There’s no reason to believe that Michaela’s told Annalise about Tegan and Annalise kept her relationship with Eve so secretive, it feels like I imagined it most days. Besides, surely, if they both knew the other was queer, they would’ve boned by now, right? But, after Annalise beams at Tegan at the bar and Tegan tells Annalise to “get out of your head and in your body,” there cannot be a single shred of doubt in either of their heads about the other one’s intentions. This is happening, people. It’s only a matter of time.

That is, of course, unless Michaela plays spoiler. She wakes up at home with monster hangover and Laurel climbing into her bed to offer her electrolytes (this is a thing that straight girls do, right?). Laurel asks Michaela what happened. She admits she was drinking excessively to try and get over Tegan. That’s not me playing with words or injecting some fanfiction into my recaps, Michaela literally says, “I drank to get over her.” Pete Nowalk is not fuckin’ around with subtext.

The Keating 4 arrive at Caplan & Gold later that morning and there’s a huge display of cheeseburger and fries awaiting the interns. It looks like heaven to a hungover Michaela who rushes to the table and inhales a burger. The firm is hosting the CEO of Ruthie’s Burgers today and Michaela — who worked at a Ruthie’s Burgers when she was a teenager — volunteers to assist, despite the fact that the franchise is facing a boycott for violations of their employees’ civil rights. When the CEO arrives at C&G, she’s thrilled to discover that a former employee has overcome the odds and Michaela takes the opportunity to butter up the CEO. Tegan rolls her eyes and Emmett goes to introduce Ruth Stephenson to their Supreme Court-winning attorney, Annalise Keating. The interaction seems innocent at first but then it goes ALL THE WAY WRONG.

After noting that Annalise is even lovelier in person than on the news, Ruth notes that her hair is different than the last time she saw her… and, as she wonders aloud if Annalise’s hair is real, she reaches out to touch it. SHE REACHES OUT TO TOUCH ANNALISE’S HAIR. It happens so fast on screen, but at home, I’m screaming “NOOOOOOO!” at my TV like it’s playing in slow motion.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Annalise asks, as she ducks out of Ruth’s reach. Ruth apologizes and assures Annalise she meant it as a compliment, but AK is, rightly, having absolutely none of that. She responds gruffly and retreats to her office. Poor Tegan has to work so hard to stifle her laughter as she ushers the CEO off for coffee. Me too, Tegan, me too.

With the partnership between C&G and Ruthie’s seeming even less likely now, Michaela swoops in with an idea to blackmail Ruth. Michaela remembers how the chain forced their employees to violate labor laws by clocking out for break and thinks the threat of a class action will be enough to bring Ruth’s business to the firm. Tegan’s reticient — there’s no proof of any of these violations — and Michaela pledges to get some before the final meeting with the CEO tomorrow.

Ultimately, Tegan doesn’t need her help. She secures Ruthie’s business, making her the African-American face of the business’ new legal team — and, literally, throws all the work that Michaela stayed up the whole night doing in the trash. Tegan was testing Michaela to see if she’d do the real work necessary to build a case.

“Does this mean you don’t hate me anymore?” the still thirsty Michaela asks as Tegan walks past.

“Yesterday, I hated you at 10. Today, you’re an 8.”

Michaela is elated! She beams, in much the same way Annalise did at the bar. Her quest to get back in Tegan’s favor, by any means necessary, is just beginning.

Also, in case you missed it, this episode was awash in purple, intentionally so, for #SpiritDay.

Annalise, Tegan, and Gabriel all rocking purple for #SpiritDay! Enough with the LGBTQIA bullying, a-holes. #HTGAWM pic.twitter.com/2IXIvjPWfT

— Pete Nowalk (@petenowalk) October 19, 2018

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You 106: “Amour Fou”

Written by Heather

Well, Peach Salinger did not die of overdosing. Neither did she die of getting smashed in the head by a rock. Unfortunately, reader, she did die. It was by her own gun! At the hands of Gossip Girl himself, Dan Humphrey! I didn’t want to be right about it, but I also didn’t see a way around it, on account of You being both the least Googlable and most problematic show of 2018. It happened thus:

Peach is recovering from Dan walloping her in the head with Beck at her side. She, of course, does not look like she has nearly died twice within the week. She looks like Shay Mitchell, only more aggrieved. She knows Dan did this shit to her, just like she knows he stole her book, just like she knows he’s stolen her laptop, just like she knows he’s stalking Beck. She’s using her near-death experience to do something about that last thing, keeping Beck with her for healing purposes and sending Dan away when he has the gall to arrive with well wishes. “Male energy in my healing space just isn’t optimal,” she correctly proclaims.

Dan decides basically right then he’s gotta kill her some more. Well, actually, it seems like maybe he’s just 75 percent convinced he’s got to murder her another time, but then she’s getting ready to whisk Beck upstate and away to Paris for some recovery and also some lesbianism, and then he decides she’s just gotta die. He tries to tell Beck that Peach is in love with her and manipulating her and etc. but she doesn’t believe him. He gets so mad! Like he wants her to be good at sussing out stalkers?

While Dan is inexplicably dressing in the clothes he saved from the dead body of Artisanal Soda Jerk Chad and driving to do his homicide, Peach decides she’s gonna make a play for Beck. For starters, there’s MDMA.

That’s it. That’s the plan. MDMA. They get high and Peach kisses Beck and Beck’s like, “Whoa, Dan Humphrey totally said you’re gay for me, but I didn’t believe him!” She bounces to an entirely different room of Peach’s upstate mansion to dance alone in the dark, but not before Peach rightly calls Dan “trash” and then hilariously tells Beck to go “slum it with the proletariat.” Then she fucks the MDMA guy. Sad.

During this adequate sexual encounter, Dan leaves his DNA literally all over Peach’s house, including in the form of his own pee. Oh, also his blood. He got into a little car accident because of a deer. Anyway, at some point he slips into a hallucination about his ex-girlfriend due to the blood loss or some pain medication or I don’t even know — and wakes up to Peach beating the devil out of him. He’s like, “You’re a stalker.” And she’s like, “You’re a stalker!” He tells her to go to Paris, she tells him to go fuck himself. They wrestle with Peach’s gun and Peach gets killed for real.

Joe, of course, frames it as a suicide. (Well, “frames.” His jar of piss is still in the house.)

I didn’t really care for this show, but I do hope Shay Mitchell plays a bitchy lesbian again soon!

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Quick Hits

The Purge 107: “Lovely Dark and Deep“

We ended last week’s episode on a cliffhanger where Lil Santon, apparently not dead after all, showed up on Rick and Jenna’s door, begging for her life. Can you believe it, Potato Sack Rick actually tries to take his time deciding whether or not to let her in? Of course you can believe it. BECAUSE HE IS THE WORST.

He eventually relents, but – surprise twist! – Lila isn’t the only person let in that night. Jenna and Rick’s neighbor, Ross, also slides right on through. You see, Ross is the kind of person who takes advantage of Purge Night to settle small, petty shit. It’s not about institutional racism or sexism or any other higher purpose for him. He’s pissed because Rick and Jenna sometimes park in front of his house. Why? Because “in this country, you can’t make your neighbor move. But you can Purge.” Wow. Whatever you say, buddy.

Anyway, Ross dies, so ultimately he isn’t relevant to anything. While the crew murders their potential murderer, Jenna decides that she can’t live in this house anymore. Fair enough, if you ask me. Meanwhile, Rick keeps pulling apart Lila’s grand escape tale from the Stanton mansion. In the end, the threesome make a pact to wait out the rest of the Purge Night together in safety. Both Rick and Lila take one of sleeping Jenna’s hands, Jenna ultimately rests her head on Lila’s shoulder, while he seethes with jealousy. Their tension isn’t over, but for now there’s at least an (uncomfortable) ceasefire.

PS: Jane murdered her sexual assaulter, Trump bro, boss. It was glorious. I think she’s going to feel bad about it later, but I sure as hell don’t. – Carmen

Boobs on Your Tube: “How to Get Away With Murder” Is So Close To Giving Us The Annalise & Tegan Hook-Up We Deserve

Welcome back to Boobs on Your Tube, your gathering place for an entire weekend of queer teevee discussion! This week, Riverdale returned and Kayla recapped the heck right out of it. Black Lighting also returned to our eager arms with a stunning episode, and Carmen delivered hard in her recap. Natalie reviewed the CW’s new teen football drama, All American, which stars Bre-Z as a lesbian named Coop! Also Natalie pointed it out to us and now we’re going to point out to you because we can’t stop thinking about it: All American doesn’t have a hyphen in it! It’s maddening! Also this week Jodie Whittaker’s Doctor Who arrived and Heather loved it. Heather also made a list of all-ages TV episodes that changed the game forever. Today, Hulu dropped the first season of Light as a Feather, which includes a lesbian character, and Valerie has gone right ahead and reviewed that for you!

Also, Carmen made a beautiful list for you called 20 Movies About Friendship and Misandry For When You Want to Burn it All Down. (It’s very good.)

Here’s what else.

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The Purge 106: “The Forgotten”

Written by Carmen

I suppose, when we started writing about a TV series based on famous horror franchise, we knew one day it would come to this. One day another queer woman would end up on Autostraddle’s “Dead Lesbian” body count list. Our tenth one this year.

I just didn’t think it would be this dead lesbian.

Last week’s The Purge ended in a cliffhanger that put Lila Stanton squarely in the show’s crosshairs, and yet this week it was AzMarie Livingston’s Bracka who found herself blunged and bloodied in a bathtub. I never want a black queer woman to die on television. There are so few of us to begin with! There’s also the compounded insult of having a character who’s race, gender, and sexuality are often rendered vulnerable by powerful straight white men – dying at the hands of a powerful straight white man. Bracka dying brings those everyday political realities right to the forefront (which seems purposeful on behalf of the show, they don’t give a free pass to the Trumpist Wall Street bro who killed her. He’s 100% the monster we think he is.).

At the same time, Bracka was an assassin. She accepted money, took a job from Jane, and went to Jane’s manager’s house with the intention of (rightfully) murdering him. I expected her to be successful in her task, everything about Brack meant serious business. It’s awful that she’s dead and this asshole gets to keep breathing. PARTICULARLY when it turns out that he likes to spend his Purge night hosting some sick, twisted version of a #MeToo free-for-all where other rich powerful white men get to sexually assault – “Over the clothes! No penetration!” they say in their defense, like it makes any difference. Shudder. – women without the fear of being ratted out to The New York Times.

When Jane shows up at her boss’s house to stop the assassination in progress, she’s greeted by Bracka’s dead body and forced to “join the party.” With four episodes left in the series, I’m hoping that she grabs a knife or, I don’t know, a cocktail straw and stabs this dude in an artery. Then he can bleed out slow while she stands over him avenging Bracka’s name. Violent? Sure. Cathartic? Absolutely.

Meanwhile, after making it out of the Stanton house by the skin of their teeth, Rick and Jenna compete for a gold medal in the 50 meter dash as they sprint to their front door, Purge madness hot on their heels. They get in and lock the gates. Safe. Alone. And for Jenna, utterly despondent. She left the love of her life behind to get murdered.

Rick makes all these promises about how he’s going to do right by their child, and “won’t Jenna just give him another chance?”, and how great they could really be together and blah blah blah. Honestly every time he talked I yawned and scrolled through my phone, so perhaps I missed the specifics, but you get the idea.

Jenna tells Rick that she doesn’t still love Lila, but her own eyes call her a liar. Not able to betray her heart, she makes one last call to Lila’s phone. She’s greeted with a rain of gunshots and screaming before a male voice laughs in her ear, “Lila is dead.” She clutches her stomach and looks up at the sky. Shellshocked. It really is over.

She goes downstairs to Rick, resigned to her new boring potato bag life with him. He gets up to make her some eggs and bacon, the start of their bland future together. Just then someone bangs on the gate, shouting for her life, screeching, begging for them to open up the door. They turn on the surveillance camera and do you know who it is?

Lila Stanton. Guess she wasn’t so dead after all.

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How to Get Away With Murder 503: “The Baby Was Never Dead”

Written by Natalie

We’re almost there, folks.

The day that I’ve been waiting for since Michaela slyly outed Tegan as queer last season. Okay, well, technically, that’s not true. I’ve been waiting for it since before I even knew Tegan was family — when Tegan called Annalise hot — but that’s just how my mind works (#notsorry).

But now, it’s looks like — maybe, possibly — we might be on the precipice of a Tegan and Annalise hook-up. Not just in my overactive imagination or in the recesses of the TV Team’s Slack channel, but in CANON.

This week, Annalise has to put aside her class action appeals to work on a case that could bring some money to Caplan & Gold. Her client, Niles Harrington — who is every bit as obnoxious as his name suggests — is accused of having killed his business partner. The case against Harrington is specious and, after a forceful opening statement from AK, it looks like an easy path to getting him acquitted. But no such luck: the prosecution’s first witness, Harrington’s secretary, admits that she was lying when she gave him an alibi. Afterwards, Harrington volunteers to take the stand himself and Emmett Crawford, C&G’s Managing Partner, agrees, over Annalise’s objections.

Crawford calls in Tegan to help prep Harrington’s testimony and things go downhill, fast. One aggressive question from Annalise and Harrington goes off the rails, accusing Annalise of being the violent one and asking if the chip on her shoulder is the reason she never remarried after Sam died. I’m aghast, Harrington’s wife is aghast, Tegan is aghast — and Annalise? Well, Annalise looks like she’s about to take her earrings off and swing on him. Crawford steps in to try and defuse the situation but Harrington just keeps going, accusing Annalise of becoming bitter because she works all the time.

Tegan steps in to defend her future girlfriend Annalise with a little misandry, noting, “actually, it’s mediocre men that make women bitter.” It’s enough to draw Harrington’s attention — he notices that Tegan doesn’t have a ring on her finger either — and his ire. He encourages Tegan and Annalise to put on some heels and go catch a man. Crawford sends everyone to their corners, though not before Harrington hints at Crawford’s failings in London, and Tegan and Annalise debrief, as they share an elevator.

See, just a few weeks ago, they were sniping at each other non-stop, angry that they had to work together, and now they’re laughing and sharing office gossip in an elevator (and y’all know how they feel about elevators in Shondaland). Later, after Harrington’s gotten himself convicted for a murder he apparently didn’t commit, Annalise and Tegan head out together. Tegan’s going salsa dancing at the Dominicano and invites Annalise along — it’s a date, she asks her out on a date — but Annalise politely demurs. But later, when she’s at home, in her pajamas, brushing her teeth at her two-sink vanity, it’s clear Annalise is thinking twice about being alone.

We are so close, y’all. So, so close to Tegan and Annalise finally hooking up. We’re almost there. That is, unless Michaela gets to Tegan first.

Now, I have to say, I’ve never been aboard the Tegan and Michaela ‘ship — partly because I’m so singularly focused on Annalise but mostly because, if Michaela’s going to hook up with another woman on this show, it has to be Laurel, right? But after witnessing Michaela’s thirst in this episode, I might not be opposed to it.

Michaela’s upset because, seemingly, Tegan has forgiven everyone for the Antares mess except her. She tries to worm her way back into her mentor’s good graces by leaving her notes for an upcoming meeting but Tegan tells her to stay out of her calendar and out of her life. Michaela’s persistent, though, and tries to figure out how Laurel earned Tegan’s forgiveness. Connor posits that Laurel seduced her. Laurel jokes that maybe Michaela should try that.

“Peek into her vagina, not her calendar,” Connor suggests. “I like it.” Me too, Connor, me too. Later, Michaela slips into Tegan’s office and begs for forgiveness. She basically professes her love for Tegan and pleads for the opportunity to make things right between them. Tegan is not having it, though.

“You knew what I gave up for this job — my girlfriend, friends, a family,” Tegan explains. “It was worth it because I was about to be crowned king of this firm. But look at me now playing second fiddle to Annalise and taking orders from another flawed white man who keeps failing up. And if that weren’t bad enough, I have to see you in the halls, giddily building your career while mine’s on life support. We’re way past you making anything damn right, Michaela.”

And while that should be enough to sink that ship forever, I’m not ready to eliminate the possibility of a Tegan and Michaela hook-up entirely, especially when a chasten Michaela says, “I’m not giving up on us,” as Tegan pushes her out of the door.

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Fresh Off the Boat 501: “Fresh Off the RV”

Written by Heather

When Natalie watched last week’s Fresh Off the Boat she correctly identified it as my ultimate TV catnip. Before I get to that, though: FotB made its move to Friday night this season, as part of ABC’s revamped TGIF line-up, and did so by bringing along Jaleel White and making their own Family Matters credit sequence. It made me chuckle! And it also made me so nostalgic! I’ve been loving TV so long!

Anyhoodle, “Fresh Off the RV” is Nicole’s goodbye episode. Luna Blaise is off to star as Olive Stone in Manifest, and while I’m sad to see her go, I love the way FotB let her leave. She announces to Eddie, in the Saturn of course, that she’s moving to New York to live with her mom and to follow her dreams of studying fashion. Eddie’s a cool chill guy about it, no big deal, no problem, he’ll see her around — which super hurts her feelings, but which Even and Emery correctly identify as him ignoring his feelings because he’s unable to cope with them. Nicole tries to nudge him into really dealing with her leaving, giving him back a box of his things from the Saturn, but he refuses to acknowledge that he’s sad. Luckily, Kareem Abdul Jabbar arrives just in time and helps Eddie open up to the loss of his best friend.

Eddie rushes to her house, but he’s way later than the time she said she was leaving. Nicole knew he would be, though; she told him the wrong time. They both flash through a montage of their friendship over the years: her piercing his ear, them dancing together at their solo Halloween party, him twirling her around when she lands her first date with a girl, their gender-bending homecoming dance outfits. You know I cried. Eddie was such a baby when they met! And she didn’t even know she’s gay! Their friendship really was special. You don’t get to see guys like Eddie supporting lesbians like Nicole much on TV. He was her best ally because her was her best friend. I’m gonna miss them so much. I’m so grateful for this storyline and that Nicole got her own proper send-off.

I didn’t have to sit around feeling sad all weekend, though, because “Fresh Off the RV” also gave me something I never knew I needed: My number one favorite novelist, Jessica Huang, squaring off against my number two favorite novelist, J.K. Rowling. Yes, A Case of a Knife to the Brain finally arrived in Barnes and Noble — on the very same day as Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. This show has done some brilliant integration of major ’90s events — TuPac’s death, Shaq leaving Orlando, Princess Diana’s death, Nicole getting gay after seeing Jodie Foster in Contact — but the Harry Potter thing takes the Snitch. No one buys Jessica’s book, and she’s so mad at Harry Potter! She sits on a beanbag in the kid’s section and reads about Quidditch and hates him! But also she loves the book and can’t put it down. (“Boy Witch! Written by a homeless British teacher, of all things!”)

She fakes a book tour so the boys don’t know her book flopped, and then she cancels the fake book tour so Eddie can get home to Nicole. I honestly can’t wait to see what brilliant horrifying nonsense she writes next.

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You 105: “Living With the Enemy”

Written by Heather

The major problem with You is that our TV team cannot agree on whether or not Peach is going to get axe-murdered by Dan Humphrey. I am a firm believer that she is a g-o-n-e-r, but Natalie and Carmen think the opposite! “She has a gun,” Natalie protested today when I talked about the inevitable stabbing. “Emily Fields is going to murder Dan Humphrey and live!” Carmen declared. These precious hopeful lambs. I love them so.

Hey, but here’s something we can now all finally agree on: Peach is for sure gay! Bisexual, to be exact. (Things did not end well with her and James Franco.) How this mystery is finally confirmed to us is convoluted: Beck’s professor has a lead on some personal essays or something that Beck can write for money now that she has turned in one (1) good short story. Peach has a better idea and it’s that she’s in control of Beck’s career, so she sets up a little party at Joe’s bookshop for Peach to meet an agent she knows named Roger. Peach inexplicably takes her laptop to this party, and Dan Humphrey steals it — because trying to stalk her while she was running proved impossible because she is super fit and he is Dan Humphrey — and finds all kinds of incriminating evidence on it. And by “evidence” I mean “a stalker-level of Beck paraphernalia.”

When Peach realizes later that her laptop is missing, she knows Joe is the culprit, but Beck doesn’t seem to care too much. What suddenly does make her care, though, is Peach fakes a suicide attempt. She takes a bunch of pills but doesn’t want to call an ambulance and so instead she calls Beck and Beck comes to her rescue.

It is at this point that Dan decides he’s going to have to club Peach over the head the way he clubbed Artisanal Soda Shop Chad over the head. He tries it, with a rock, under a bridge — a rock, which, may I add, he doesn’t destroy or hide, despite it being covered in her blood and his fingerprints — but! Peach doesn’t die at all! She lives!

In my opinion, not for long! I guess we’ll see!

Bonus discussion: Literally what does anyone see in Beck?

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Quick Hits

Star: Episodes 1-3

Star is back and in the first three episodes, women had sex in two of them! Let’s talk about it!

Simone (who’s now freshly 18! Aww, they grow up so fast!) comes back from the Dominican Republic, where she has been living with her husband – whom she married to get out of foster care – because he was a Dreamer and got deported at the end of last season. She’s had a life, I tell ya!

Well she’s divorcing her husband, being 18 means the state of Georgia will finally recognize her as an independent adult. She’s ready to stand on her own two feet. Those two feet lead her into the bed of a mysterious, beautiful woman after a night drinking and dancing in VIP at the club. That woman turns out to be her new boss’ wife!! Whoops!

It’s ok though, the wife and the boss have an open marriage. The second episode finds them in bed with two entirely new women. So, there’s that! Now Simone has all these gay feelings for a woman who doesn’t seem to reciprocate them, and who is also married to the man in charge of her still fragile singing career! D-R-A-M-A!! — Carmen

Grey’s Anatomy 1504: “Gut Feeling”

Carina DeLuca is keeping something from her brother and I’m pretty sure it’s something serious. Too bad we have no idea what it is yet! Oh, and she’s leaving for Italy. (Possibly forever? Is Italy the new “Parking Lot of No Return?” Maybe that’s her secret? I surely hope not.) — Carmen

Boobs on Your Tube: “Grey’s Anatomy” Returns With Three Entire Queer Women

We don’t know about you, but we’ve hardly ever been more relieved to have regular season teevee back than we were these last few days. This week Riese worked up a Bi TV quiz, Carmen wrote about a beautiful fan-created Calzona comic book (which Shonda Rhimes then tweeted out!!!!), Heather published a Bad Behavior issue personal essay about the ’90s UK soap Bad Girls, Valerie recapped the Wynonna Earp (which closes out its third season next week!), and we updated our list of best bisexual characters for Bi Week! Here’s what else!

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The Purge 104: “Release the Beast”

Written by Carmen

If one of your favorite TV aesthetics is babes in ball gowns huddled in together and touching arms while speaking softly, then this is the episode for you! Jenna and Lila spend a lot of time alone and though they don’t kiss this week (don’t worry! you get to see them post-coitus in a flashback, so all is not lost!), their energy nevertheless crackles off each other. Lila can tell that Jenna still has a good heart, she’s not like Rick – who is more than willing to bow to the NFFA if it means a big paycheck. She encourages her love to leave him, really laying it all on the line. She promises that no one will love her like she can. Jenna won’t budge, she’s pregnant with Rick’s baby. Lila counters that families come in all shapes and sizes. It’s sincere and heartfelt. The “grand declaration” of great romances. You can see the flicker in Jenna’s eyes. She’s wavering, if only a little. Something tells me that small crack is all Lila needs.

In flashback we get final confirmation of what has so far been implied about the triad: Rick and Jenna found Lila when going through a slump in their marriage. All three clicked immediately, so knowing this was more than a “one night thing” Jenna and Rick quickly moved to establish the boundaries of their relationship, chief among them that neither of the married couple should have sex with Lila alone. I hated that the rules scene was done without Lila in the room. I know that polyamory works different for every couple, but without showing on screen that Lila had a say in creating their parameters it felt as if she was ultimately silenced in an uneven relationship. OBVIOUSLY Jenna and Lila hook up alone, because why would you be with a Sack of Potatoes when you could be with a hot girl instead? Exactly. Also, Lila supports Jenna. She believes in her career ambitions to make a difference for the poor. Rick seems mostly interested in dimming Jenna’s light to better shine his own.

Rick finds them together in bed one day, and that’s when it all falls apart. In the present, he becomes enraged anew at the realization that Lila and Jenna are once again spending time without him. Awww, poor man baby! I don’t care.

Here’s live dispatch from our very own Valerie on Lila and Jenna: “I’m obsessed with them even though they’re probably both going to die (probably at the hand of their father and husband somehow).” I wholeheartedly agree, even though I naively continue to believe that they won’t die! I think they’re going to band together and kill all the evil rich white men instead. And then drink from their cold, dead bodies like it’s a crossover episode with True Blood.

Speaking of misandry and murder, Jane has ridiculously left the safety of her armored work building and into the night IN THE MIDDLE OF PURGE NIGHT (side note: in real life black women are not this stupid, we have excellent self-preservation skills. Why do horror movies always get that wrong? I know why. It’s so we can die first. ANYWAY). She makes it less than two blocks and she almost gets raped. Thankfully, before the assault can go any further, the most awesome group of radical feminist Avengers show up in a off-white passenger van like it’s a white knight on a horse! They call themselves the Matron Saints. They’re strapped for business. Apparently three women are killed for every man each Purge, and that’s not including the dramatic uptick for sexual assault and rape. These bad bitches are here to “protect the females of this fair nation for the gendercide of Purge.”

FUCK. YES. (This week, especially.)

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Grey’s Anatomy 1501 – 1502: “With a Wonder and a Wild Desire” and “Broken”

Written by Carmen

I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that the two hour Grey’s Anatomy premiere last night featured THREE queer women! That’s right. Three. Which is quite a way to begin your apology tour to queer fans still licking our wounds over the lost of our beloved Dr. Arizona Robbins.

Now the bad news, not a single one of those queer women kiss anyone, touch anyone, or do anything explicitly “gay” (Well except for Intern Hellmouth Helm, because pining over an older straight woman who will never love you back is the gayest, just ask any lesbian or bisexual teen girl in America. Or half of our Autostraddle staff. Ahem.)

Let’s start with Carina DeLuca. First of all, congratulations on not getting shipped off to the Parking Lot of No Return! Way to go, hot stuff! I thought for sure that with Arizona busy rekindling her sweet, sweet love with Callie Torres underneath New York City street lights, Carina was going to be on the first thing smoking out of Seattle. I’ve never been happier to be proven wrong. She doesn’t get to do a lot, just poke fun at her little brother’s growing God complex (blerg) and make a quick gay joke! Dr. Webber calls her in to do her Dr. Orgasm song-and-dance after a male patient shoved an “unknown object” up the butt, presumably to pleasure himself. Carina correctly diagnoses the problem as straight male stupidity, because – and I quote – “gay men know how to use proper sex toys, so that they don’t get lost up there.”

Sing it, sister. Queer sex is better sex, pass it on.

Intern Hellmouth (Dammit! I mean Intern Helm. This year will be the year we call Taryn Helm by her proper name, in Lesbian Jesus we pray. Amen.) continues to openly swoon over Meredith. It’s a full on puppy dog, heart eyes meltdown. Meredith gripes or barks or says whatever snarky comment she feels like spewing that day, and poor Helm just drools over her. I want to wrap her in a blanket, warm her up some soy milk with a cinnamon stick, and warn her about the ways of our people. Sadly, Intern Helm is a fictional character and therefore I cannot.

But, do you know who can? Cece, a professional matchmaker and patient of the week at Grey Sloan Memorial. She takes one look at Helm falling over herself in Meredith’s presence and tells her the hard truth that every baby gay has to hear at some point, “I spent 35 years of my life falling for straight women.” Helm stammers that she doesn’t know what Cece’s talking about, but our sage doesn’t let up. “Hook me up to that thing and sit down, let me save you from a whole life of misery.”

Here’s the thing; I want to like Cece. She’s funny and her blonde pixie cut is gorgeous. I like her attitude. I’m always and forever going to be on team queer black women. Y’all know that about me. Plus, with Meredith hiring Cece at the end of the episode to be her match maker, I think we will be seeing more of her in the future. That’s my worry. So far, everything about how her character is deployed in the premiere gives off Magical Negro trope vibes. That, I cannot abide. I’m not ringing the alarm bells yet, but let’s just say that my Spidey senses are very much tingling. Tread lightly, Grey’s.

Post-Op Thoughts:

We don’t talk about straight romances much around these parts, but UGH WHY DID THEY BRING TEDDY ALTMAN BACK FOR THIS?? She had a happy ending already. In Germany. I wanted that for her. She deserves better than yet another re-warmed love triangle involving Owen fucking Hunt.

For my Everything Sucks! fans, I can confirm that there’s a small Peyton Kennedy sighting in the first hour of the premiere. It looks like she’s gotten taller over the summer! Cute.

Glasses and Dr. Kim – I’m very much here for this.

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How to Get Away With Murder 501: “Your Funeral”

Written by Natalie

Apparently, since the crown for the best-dressed character on television is up for grabs now that Olivia Pope has retired to the woods of Vermont, the HTGAWM wardrobe department has stepped up their game. The styling in this episode is flawless: Annalise in those leather pants. Tegan in that pencil skirt. Annalise in the bold colors (Viola Davis wears color better than anyone else in Hollywood. This is a fact). But I digress… [Editor’s note: That is not a digression!]

Annalise has her swagger back. Fresh off her big win at the Supreme Court, AK’s career prospects are looking up: she’s back in the classroom, teaching Advanced Trial Skills at Middleton, and being recruited by every law firm in Pennsylvania, both large and small. She’s unflinching in asking for what she’s worth, salary-wise, and is looking for a place to reunite her team — her, Bonnie and maybe Frank — to continue defending the plaintiffs from her class action suit. Of course, things can never be easy for AK and she’s dealt two roadblocks: first, Bonnie’s not particularly interested in leaving the DA’s office and second, as retribution for her class action suit, the governor is threatening any firm that brings Annalise onboard. All her offers are pulled and Annalise is left to wallow in a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

After a pep talk from Frank — because that’s what he’s been reduced to now, pep talks and daddy duty — Annalise marches back into Caplan & Gold and reasserts herself. Knowing that she’s up against it, the partners at C&G pushback. Annalise won’t take less than what she’s worth, and they eventually offer her a job.

Know who’s not thrilled about Annalise joining the ranks of Caplan & Gold? Tegan Price. She wants a clean break from the Jorge Castillo mess — and, of course, she doesn’t want to be outed as the whistleblower. She can’t do that with Annalise around. As AK finalizes her deal, Tegan looks on with a mix of fear and thirst flashing on her face.

Back in the classroom, Annalise offers a year’s worth of law school tuition for the student with the highest ranking at the end of the semester, bringing back the competition between students that we saw in the first season. Another hallmark of season one that re-emerges? Asher Millstone being on the outside looking in. Annalise nixes his involvement in the class for being inauthentic and his classmates and Baby Christopher move into a house without him. After having spent most of Thursday listening to an overly privileged straight white man snarl over not having things go his way, seeing Asher’s react to everything felt not a little too on the nose for me.

Three months from now, someone on HTGAWM will die. They’ll be walking wounded, outside the space hosting Connor and Oliver’s wedding, before collapsing to the ground, staining the pure white snow with their crimson blood. The murder is shown entirely from the victim’s perspective this time — their view becomes ours — and, as we gasp for breath, we spot Baby Christopher sitting on the snow nearby as Bonnie comes to snuff out what’s left of our life.

As is their wont, HTGAWM will spend the next seven weeks slowly revealing clues to exactly who was or wasn’t murdered during the wedding. However, as Bonnie suffocated the wounded victim — as she suffocated us — I wondered if this is how the show ends. Is this just a new camera technique the show wanted to try out? Or should we take the audience’s apparent death as a sign that the end is nigh.

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Quick Hits

Killjoys 410: “Sporemageddon”

The Season Four finale was intense and fun and great. Aneela was fantastic and The Lady saw her love for Delle Seyah as a weakness so tried to use her face to break her. And at first it seemed like it worked; Aneela said she wanted her family back (meaning Delle Seyah and Jaq) but then it looked like maybe she WASN’T really betraying Dutch, but THEN it looked like The Lady knocked her out and switched places with her. All I know for sure is that the last five minutes were fucking BONKERS and it set up next season (aka the last season) to be off to a pretty wild start. Also I don’t remember if I mentioned this but at one point this season, Zeph said, while in bed with Pip, “This is why I don’t date men,” which implies to me that she is bisexual/queer so I’m hoping that maybe Zeph can find a girlfriend to end the series with now that Pip’s gone. We’ll see! If you’re not watching this show, you now have a few months to catch up, and you should. I’ll wait. — Valerie Anne

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9-1-1 201 – 202: “Under Pressure” and “7.1”

Lest you believe that the restrained version of Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk that we were treated to on Pose this summer represented a real sea change for these two: FEAR NOT, 9-1-1 is back! Murphy and Falchuk are still concocting outlandish scenarios and writing with all the subtlety of a grenade or cement truck (both of which found their way into season two’s opening episodes). We didn’t get to see nearly enough of Aisha Hinds’ Hen this week, but given that episode 202 ended with an aftershock that sent Hen falling through the ruins of a structurally compromised hotel, I suspect next week will be a heavy episode for our favorite lesbian firefighter/paramedic. — Natalie

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Mayans M.C.

This week, Alexandra Barreto, who you might remember as Jesús and Mariana’s biological mom from The Fosters, made her debut as Antonia Pena on Mayans M.C.. Pena is the mayor of Santo Padre, a small town near the California and Mexico border. She shows up at a crime scene where an immigrant’s been shot and killed by vigilantes while attempting to cross the border. At first, everyone suspects it’s the MAGA-crowd playing target practice, but when some oxycodone turns up, Pena suspects the immigrant was killed for the drugs he was muling. She asks the Mayans to investigate. Pena’s established a detente with the MC and the cartel, but if there’s a new drug pusher in town, all bets are off. She had a brief appearance, but the show was surprisingly explicit about defining her sexuality.

“Jesus, am I the only one not getting laid at [the brothel]?” she asks, at one point.

“You’ve already got a hot wife,” Bishop, the head of the MC, snarks back.

That’s all this week from the mayor, but if the mayor’s role on Sons of Anarchy foretells what we’ll see on Mayans M.C., we’re about to see a lot more of Antonia Pena. — Natalie

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General Hospital

The last time Kristina’s mother, Alexis, interfered in her daughter’s life, she fled all the way to Oregon to escape the meddling. In the time since, it doesn’t appear that Alexis has learned her lesson because she needles Kristina for her job choice at her first opportunity. Kristina’s exhausted of her mother’s complaints and busies herself while Sam tries to talk Alexis out of interfering. Kristina understands that she’s given her mother cause for concern in the past but nothing she’s done lately — including her relationship with Parker — warrants her mother’s intrusion.

Just after Kristina’s done lamenting the lack of relationships in her life — American soaps are very subtle — she meets Daisy at the pub where she works. Daisy’s passing out flyers for a concert in the park. It’s too early to tell what’ll happen between the two — though, the last time Kristina went to a concert in the park, it was the beginning of her relationship with Parker — but they’re both adorable. As grateful as I am that there’s the prospect of romance on the horizon for Kristina, I do wonder how GH can leave the chemistry between Valerie and Kristina unexplored. — Natalie

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The First 5 – 8

I’m super sad to report that nothing much came from LisaGay Hamilton’s Kayla Price in the Season One of The First! Well, she does get to go to space, and is part of the first manned mission to Mars, so that’s something. Still, I wanted so much more from her, you know? Particularly given the immense talent of the actress playing her.

If you recall, the plot for Kayla in the first half of the season was that she was removed from her leadership position on the team to make room for Sean Penn. Well, they eventually learn how to work together. Also, she also gets to have a deeply moving scene with her wife (Heeeey Tracie Thoms!) about her final decision to go to Mars. It’s short, but a real tear jerker, and both women nail it like the acting vets that they are.

If you hate Sean Penn and decide to never watch this show, I wouldn’t blame you one bit. If you can stand looking at his smug face without losing your lunch, and are looking for the kind of sleepy show you can binge from underneath a blanket on a hazy fall afternoon – you know, a cozy tv show where the plot moves slow enough, and the music is comforting enough, that the naps you inevitably take won’t mean you miss anything, then The First will give you that. It also has bonus lesbians who love each other and support each other and no one dies or cheats on the other! So! Yay? I guess. — Carmen

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Emmerdale

This week, Charity went to confront her ailing father. Every awful thing that’s happened to her has been rooted in his decision to toss our out onto the streets and she wants to make him own his role in it all. The encounter is wholly unsatisfying; her father rewrites the history of one of Charity’s fondest childhood memories — daily trips to the beach — and replaces it with the horrible truth: they were searching for her mother’s body. Her father couldn’t take the daily reminders of his wife’s suicide so he’d thrown Charity out of the house. Knowing how abusive her father could be, Charity understands why her mother did it and forgives her for it.

Charity arrives back in Emmerdale, determined to make sure her kids don’t look at her the same way she looks at her father, but it’s a struggle. When things don’t come together right away, she takes her frustrations out on Vanessa. But once her kids all arrive and the view of her family starts to take shape, Charity apologizes and thanks Vanessa for sticking by her.

“I love you,” Charity admits for the first time. “I really, really, stupidly and completely love you.”

“Of course you do, because I wouldn’t go and fall in love with someone who didn’t love me back,” Vanessa jokes before assuring her girlfriend. “Charity Dingle, I really, really, stupidly and completely love you too.”

And my poor, poor cynical heart grew three sizes. — Natalie

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The Good Place 301: “Everything Is Bonzer”

Get this: Eleanor and Chidi aren’t soul mates anymore in this iteration of The Good Place and Eleanor already asked Tahani to move in with her. MAKE IT GAY YOU COWARDS. — Heather

Boob(s on Your) Tube: “The Purge” TV Show Is VERY VERY Gay

Well, this year’s straight white Emmys were boring as all heck, huh? We live-blogged it, but only our rage was keeping us awake. It wasn’t all sleep-inducing teevee this week, though! Valerie Anne recapped Wynonna Earp. Heather wrote about Wanda Sykes and Issa Rae’s lesbian couple on this season of BoJack Horseman. She also ranked the outfits Carol Danvers wore in the new Captain Marvel trailer by lesbianism. Kayla reviewed the year’s top Mommi murder mystery, A Simple Favor. And our TV team published something we’ve been fantasizing about for a long time: a list of shows that need to MAKE IT GAY, YOU COWARDS.

Here’s what else!

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The Purge: Episodes 1 – 3

Written by Carmen

Ah, The Purge. A horror blockbuster franchise that’s creeped into our pop culture landscape over the last five years and become so ubiquitous that even without seeing a single movie, you already know the general premise. One night a year, on Purge night, all crime is legal for a 12 hour period. Yes, all crime.

Over the course of three movies, the bloody thrillers have gradually proven to be a not-so-subtle political commentary about race and class disparities in the United States. In the near future, a political party known as the New Founding Fathers of America have assumed control of our government (in the movies, they wear a lot of Trump MAGA styled paraphernalia, in case you miss the point – wink wink). The NFFA proudly spout patriotic catchphrases and cheer about a thriving economy as proof that they’ve saved America from itself. One of the cornerstones of their political philosophy is an annual Purge. The dominant rhetoric is that allowing free crime for one night releases a “pressure valve,” bringing down crime rates the rest of the year. Underneath this thin rhetoric, the NFFA are using the Purge to genocide people of color and the American working class, slowly leaving the country free of “undesirables” for the rich white people remaining.

Now that we’re caught up on the mythos, we can talk about why we are really gathered here today: THE. GAY.

The television series takes place after the Purge has been around for roughly a decade. We’re following three storylines of people as they “make it through” their Purge night. For the sake of time, I’m going to rank these storylines as follows:

1. Miguel, a veteran, is looking for his sister Penelope, who’s joined a cult that believes sacrificing yourself on Purge night is a holy honor: NOT AT ALL GAY (still, it provides crucial racial commentary that I think you should be aware of)

2. Jane’s a black stockbroker. She’s hired Bracka for the Purge (played by AzMarie Livingston, most famous for her time on America’s Next Top Model and most famous in my mind for being Raven Symoné’s ex-girlfriend – I’m sorry) to assassinate her racist, sexist, asshole Trump-like bro of a boss: MEDIUM GAY (AzMarie hasn’t had much to do yet. She looks cute and does pull ups. That’s fine by me. I’ve watched the pull up scene at least a dozen times in the last two weeks alone.)

3. Jenna and Rick are well meaning white liberals attending an NFFA fundraiser on Purge night. They’re hoping to persuade an old, conservative, incredibly rich, NFFA donor to fund their mixed use/ low-income housing project. The couple runs into Lila, who definitely used to be their third in a poly relationship gone wrong! Did I mention that Lila is that old rich white guy’s daughter? And she’s still in love with Jenna? D-R-A-M-A: HIGH KEY GAY

OK. Let’s talk about the love triangle.

First of all, if Rick dies in the Purge so Jenna and Lila can finally live out their love, I wouldn’t miss him. He’s… bland. Sack of Potatoes Rick. That’s what I shall call him! Lila definitely left their triad because she loved Jenna and Jenna still loved Rick. She has some kind of revenge plot planned for dear old Sack of Potatoes, and it definitely involves her rich father, but the details remain blurred. Lila and Jenna talk to each other in whispered hush tones, in shadowed hallways, and it’s all very hot. Also… they like to make out a lot? Too bad Jenna’s pregnant (presumably with Rick’s baby), but we can work with it.

Here’s some parting notes that I, as a hardcore scaredy cat, would want to know before jumping in: It’s not as bloody as the movies (much to the whining complaints of fanboys online), but there is still medium bloodshed. I watch it in the daytime hours with no problems, but couldn’t watch it night. For context, I love the Scream movies – as long as I watch them while the sun’s out – and I hate all the Saws. I’ve seen (and loved!) American Horror Story: Coven, but that was almost too much for me to handle. You absolutely can watch this without having seen any of the movies! The social commentary isn’t subtle, but still leaves you enough to chew on if you’re into that sort of thing. AND GIRLS HAVE KISSED EVERY EPISODE!!

Ok, my loves! Go forth and… maybe don’t murder each other? XOXO.

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You 102: “The Last Nice Guy in New York”

Written by Heather Hogan

When I reviewed You‘s pilot episode, I explicitly told you not to watch it and I stand by that; there’s nothing but heartbreak here. However, if you are the kind of person who can keep yourself from becoming emotionally invested in fictional lesbians and are hanging around to get to that one scene from the show trailer where Shay Mitchell comes creeping out of her house in some lingerie holding a gun, may the goddesses bless your ministry.

This week on You, Dan Humphrey continued to torture the artisanal soda shop guy/Beck’s activity partner who is locked in a cage in his basement. Surely you know I hate Dan Humphrey and but also I hate artisanal soda shop guy, so it did bring me a small amount of pleasure every time Dan tweeted from Soda Shop’s Twitter, purposefully misspelling things and using the wrong version of “you’re.” But that’s not all this motherfucker is up to. He stalks Beck to a dinner she’s having with her professor, and when he gets handsy with her, he swoops in and saves the day. She, in turn, invites him to Peach’s party. What kind of party? The one she throws for herself on the anniversary of her parents’ divorce, obviously.

Beck ditches Dan at the party, so he wanders into Peach’s library. It’s like the one from Beauty and the Beast, only downsized for a Manhattan apartment, full of all these old books that probably came from JD Salinger himself (look, she doesn’t want to talk about the Salinger thing!). She calls him Joseph, he calls her Peaches, and then, in 30 seconds, she proceeds to interrogate him with more intellectual curiosity and suspicion than Emily Fields managed in 27 seasons of Pretty Little Liars. She’s also finally does the thing no NYC TV show ever does, which is, like, “So you met at this bookstore in the village and then you saved her on the train tracks in Greenpoint and then you just happened to be in the UWS when her professor started groping her? That’s, like, a lot of traveling in a city where most people only leave their block to go to work.” He knows she knows. She doesn’t know he knows she knows; nor does she know about the glass cage where he keeps his foes.

Peach? Longer for this world than most of Emily’s girlfriends, but not by much.

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Atypical Season Two

Written by Heather Hogan

Thank you to everyone who suggested Atypical to us! I watched both seasons this week and really enjoyed it! For the uninitiated, Atypical is about a teenage boy named Sam who’s on the autistic spectrum, and his family. One of those family members is his younger sister, Casey, who plays mostly a supporting role in season one. However, in season two she moves to a new school and starts getting her own storylines, one of which is queer!

Casey is played by real life queer person Brigette Lundy-Paine, and in season two she starts attending a private school where she engages in a tale as old as time. That tale is: Izzie, the girl she tries to befriend bullies her — but only because she likes her (likes her, likes her), which becomes fully apparent when they almost press their mouthes against each others mouths but are interrupted. GAY! It sounds kind of trite, but it’s not. There’s actually something really deep and authentic about their connection and the way their story unfolds. It gets you in your guts. In the very last episode, they don’t kiss. But they do hold hands. (It’s more powerful than it sounds.)

Lundy-Paine told Vulture:

I think Casey’s incredibly confused. She’s just turned 16. She’s very focused on school — she didn’t even want a boyfriend. But I think that her friendship with Izzie has awoken something in her. She’s been put so much out of her comfort zone that she’s able to feel these new feelings without judgment. I think it’s terrifying her, but she does feel something so intense for Izzie. I hope that it goes on in season three. She’s been awoken, as we might say, to her young queer youth. I don’t even think she’s thinking like, Oh my God, I’m gay. I think she’s like, This is really different and something about this makes me feel whole.

She thinks Casey’s sexuality will be really explored if the show gets a third season!

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Quick Hits

The Young & the Restless

Mariah returned from a work trip this week only to have her girlfriend recoil when Mariah greeted her with a hug. When asked about her reaction, Tessa makes up some excuses — she was startled, she injured herself at work — before finally admitting that she was attacked by the people to whom she owes money. Mariah’s ready to empty her savings account to eliminate this threat but Tessa won’t hear of it. Instead, she asks Mariah to help her find a better job so she repay the debt and, of course, Mariah being the best girlfriend ever, she does just that. By that evening, Mariah’s hooked Tessa up with gig at her future step-father’s new venture and even shows up on her first night at work, to keep an understandably anxious Tessa company.

I still don’t understand what Y&R‘s doing with Tessa but I thought this week’s scenes really underscored why Mariah’s so willing to believe her. The girl’s blinded by love.

“You give me so much,” Mariah assures Tessa. “You make me happy, you make me laugh and you make me feel loved which means more to me than anything.”

Also? I need for Camryn Grimes to wear that shade of lipstick forever and always. — Natalie

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Killjoys 309: “The Kids are Alright”

Our darling Delle Seyah Kendry was back in this episode, if only for a moment. And the episode ended with the triumphant return of our other Green Queen, Aneela. And this was some Tatiana Maslany shit: Dutch downed some green so Aneela could come through it and into her body and Hannah John-Kamen was LYING ON THE FLOOR and you could see the shift between the two identical-only-in-looks characters. It was truly astounding, and I have a feeling we’re in for quite the ride in the finale. (Just kidding I’ve already seen the screener I KNOW we’re in for quite the ride in the finale.) — Valerie Anne

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The First 1 – 4

Last Friday Hulu dropped the entire 10 episode season of Sean Penn’s new show The First, which is about a crew of astronauts attempting to become the first humans on Mars. When I heard Sean Penn’s name, I pretty much opted out immediately! Then I found out that LisaGay Hamilton — who I’ve loved since The Practice way back in the ‘90s! – was playing a black queer astronaut, so I agreed to give it a shot. I’m only about halfway through now, and sadly so far she doesn’t have much going on! Her character, Kayla Price, really picks up around episode three, but she’s a bit in stasis. She was removed from her leadership position to be replaced by Sean Penn’s veteran astronaut Tom Hagerty. So, rightfully, she thus far spends a lot of time complaining to her wife how powerful white men are The Worst^TM.

Oh, and guess who’s playing her wife? Tracie Thoms!! In her third queer role this year! Take a bow! It’s heartbreakingly rare to see two black women in love on television, so I’m rooting for this pairing to work out. We’ll finish catching up next week! — Carmen

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Coronation Street

Paula Martin came back to Coronation Street to defend her old classmate, Sally Metcalfe, against some spurious fraud charges, but instead she’s found herself enamored with Sally’s youngest daughter, Sophie. When she’s not hooking up with Sophie, she’s yawning and drinking copious amounts of coffee to get through legal strategy sessions with Sally…but this week she gets caught.

After a midday hook-up with Sophie, Paula’s straightening her clothes when Sally shows up unexpectedly. Paula tries to cover up her tryst with Sophie by suggesting that she’d been busy with Kevin but that lie unravels quickly when Kevin walks through the door. When Sophie emerges from upstairs, Sally starts to put the pieces together and chastises Paula for carrying on with her daughter, instead of focusing on her case. Sophie rightly points out that Sally was fine with Paula’s commitment to the case until she found it was Sophie she was carrying on with and not Kevin. Sally leaves in a huff.

Convinced that she can handle things better on her own, Sally fires Paula and then commits one self-defeating move after another, landing her in prison. There, she quickly draws the ire of her cellmate and gets beaten up when she won’t hand over her phone credits. She tearfully calls Sophie — who’s shouldering a lot of the blame for her mother’s circumstance — to ask for her to recruit Paula back to her side.

Of course, Paula agrees to come back to Sally’s legal team and she also assures Sophie that, despite what’s happened, she’s not ready to let go of the special thing they’ve found. I don’t know how long this will last but for now I’m kind of loving it…Sophie deserves someone who cares about her and won’t let her sacrifice her happiness for everyone else’s comfort. You go, Sophie Webster! — Natalie