The 26 Best Lesbian Knifeplay Scenes in TV History
Update 3/3/22: In honor of Killing Eve returning for its fourth and final season (and also in honor of the fact that Autostraddle is recapping the show weekly for the first time!), I thought it was high time to update this very important work of cultural criticism and investigative journalism. As with the first time around, the definitions of “knife,” “knifeplay,” “gay,” and even “TV” are interpreted broadly. The only rule about this list is that there are no rules.
Whether Killing Eve’s Eve and Villanelle want to end each other’s lives literally by way of murder or just end each other, like, sexually is a complicated question because the answer is both and yet neither. What Villanelle and Eve have for each other is, in turns but also sometimes all at once, seductive and dangerous. Their knifeplay has birthed many a fanfic, and I should know, because I read them as if they were cute lil bedtime stories.
But while Eve and Villanelle may have recently popularized and perfected the art of seductive-scary knifeplay on television, they certainly did not invent it. Here are the other times gay knifeplay graced our televisions.
Villanelle gifts Eve lipstick with a razor hidden in it (Killing Eve)
So the first thing I knew I was gonna do when updating this list was add several more Killing Eve moments.
Villanelle holds a blade against Eve’s throat and says “will you give me everything I want” (Killing Eve)
Date night!
Villanelle coaches Eve in the art of ax-murder (Killing Eve)
The fact that Villanelle is this thrilled to watch Eve kill someone? The fact that this scene is closely followed by Villanelle saying “you’re mine”? Just murder wives doing murder wife shit!
Ruby and Scarlett’s whole thing (American Horror Stories)
At best, I think the Rubber(wo)man chapters of American Horror Stories are boring and uninspired. And at worst, they encapsulate tired and heteronormative ideas of kink, sexuality, and desire despite being about a young queer girl discovering herself but I digress! Anyway, here’s a pic of a makeout that also features a knife.
RoboSara holds a knife to Dr. Sharpe’s neck (Legends Of Tomorrow)
Thank you to Valerie for flagging this one!
Batwoman saves Sophie with a batarang and then Sophie saves Batwoman with a batarang (Batwoman)
What is a batarang if not a bat-shaped knife?
Kirsten and her knife (Station Eleven)
I have not seen Station Eleven yet (I know! I’m working on it!) but Drew said the following: “Station Eleven is all about a bisexual who is good at throwing knives but did she ever do so in a sexy way with a woman?” And Riese chimed in to say that indeed Kirsten is in a codependent relationship with her knife, so I’m counting it!
Taissa grabs a letter opener after making out with her wife (Yellowjackets)
Honestly, Yellowjackets as a whole has very Gay Knifeplay Vibes. In addition to this Taissa moment, shoutout to Shauna’s close relationship with knives as a teen and adult.
Below, you’ll find the original 18 moments that made the first version of this list in 2019!
Villanelle with a knife in Eve’s kitchen (Killing Eve)
Wow, just wow. This image really is Killing Eve in a nutshell.
Eve stabs Villanelle (Killing Eve)
Remember when we all thought Eve and Villanelle were going to have gay sex? But then instead, Eve STABBED her? In any case, as season two shows, Villanelle thinks Eve stabbed her because she loves her…
Tamsin pulls a circular blade out of nowhere on Bo (Lost Girl)
“You are more alive than anyone I have ever met.”
Nancy Botwin and Celia Hodes in Nancy’s kitchen (Weeds)
Okay, I’m going to need everyone with a Netflix subscription to go watch this scene right now. It happens in season three, episode 12, about three minutes into the episode. (If you don’t have Netflix, you can watch the scene here, but the quality is not great and trust me this is something you want to experience in HD!!!) Watch the scene three times. The first time, listen to Celia’s breathing. The second time, focus on Nancy’s hands. The third time, focus on Celia’s hands. The HAND ACTING that is happening in this scene is incredible and undeniably sexual. This is a sex scene, and you cannot convince me otherwise.
Faith uses her new knife on Willow (Buffy The Vampire Slayer)
Faith and her knife have almost as much chemistry as Faith and Buffy do.
Faith pushes Buffy against a wall (Buffy The Vampire Slayer)
“If you’re a screamer, feel free.”
Stahma poisons Kenya (Defiance)
Yes, technically poison is not a knife. But spiritually, this counts as knifeplay.
Root and Shaw and the iron that sparked a million fics (Person Of Interest)
Oh yes, another entry on this list that does not technically involve a knife. We’re not even halfway through here and we are spiraling out of control, but did you expect anything less?
Clarke holds a knife to Lexa’s throat (The 100)
I’M SORRY!!!!!!
Fen hurls a dagger at Margo (The Magicians)
Dagger-throwing is a commonly practiced form of lesbian foreplay.
Linda Cardellini just loving knives (A Simple Favor)
I know this is not a TV show, but clearly this list is playing it fast and loose with its own guidelines. I called Linda Cardellini’s character in A Simple Favor a Knives Lesbian in my review of the film, and I stand behind it. She collects knives; she paints knives; Blake Lively ruined her life. Knives Lesbian.
Helena Cain and her folding knife (Battlestar Galactica)
This knife passed from Helena to Kendra Shaw to Starbuck, which is both beautiful and gay.
Mona brought pie (PLL: The Perfectionists)
She! Brought! Pie!
Xena confiscates Gabrielle’s “breast knife” (Xena: Warrior Princess)
Gabrielle’s ACTUAL response to this? “It’s not like your breasts aren’t dangerous enough.”
Xena and Callisto’s fight (Xena: Warrior Princess)
This was a body-swapping arc, and body-swapping is gay.
Emperor Georgiou and Michael Burnham in the Mirror Universe (Star Trek: Discovery)
Michelle Yeoh’s top energy on Star Trek: Discovery is… too… powerful.
Rory and Paris’ fencing fight (Gilmore Girls)
In all seriousness, this is one of the greatest television scenes of all time.
Dylan pulls out a knife literally during sex with Helena (The L Word)
Somehow, this is like the most chill thing that happens in the series finale.
I Still Can’t Believe Anyone on “Battlestar Galactica” Was Straight
I Still Can’t Believe is a TV Team series where we remember the things happened on television that baffle us — in good and bad ways — to this very day.
I mean, especially Kara Thrace.
The first time we see Kara Thrace (Katee Sackhoff) — more commonly known by her callsign Starbuck — she’s lightly jogging. It’s enough to tingle the gay spidey senses. Her hair is slicked back. On her, the leisure uniform worn by the Battlestar Galactica crew — a tight tank top over a second tight tank top — evokes an unmistakable air of dyke-debonair. In her next scene, when we truly meet Starbuck for the first time, the gay spidey senses are more than tingling. They’re practically quaking. Her hair is mussed now. Her dogtags are out. She clutches a cigar and cards, playing poker with her bunkmates and her asshole superior, who she eventually punches in the face after he pisses her off. Surely, we are looking at an erratic and cocky butch top.
Nope!!!!!!!! Instead, we’re supposed to fully invest in the sexual tension between Starbuck and Human Potato (slash her former ex-brother-in-law?!) Lee Adama?!?!
See also: Boomer?!
Boomer aka Number Eight (Grace Park) sports a low ponytail and what appear to be self-cut bangs when we initially meet her in the movie-length prologue episodes of BSG. I repeat: self-cut bangs. Scientifically, straight people do not know how to cut hair.
When I say I can’t believe Starbuck and Boomer are straight, what I really mean is I refuse to believe it. In fact, I have overwritten all my memories of Battlestar Galactica—which I’ve watched multiple times — to make pretty much all of the characters queer. Cylons? Gay. Humans? Gay. We all know everyone in space is gay. Battlestar Galactica’s suggestion otherwise? I simply refuse to accept it! You’re telling me the vast and mysterious expanse of the universe which is ever-expanding (a fact that never fails to break my brain) adheres to the same boring and unimaginative constraints of heteronormativity that much of our dumb bitch planet Earth does? No way. There’s no sound in space, but there’s absolutely an abundance of homosexuality.
Okay, so as far as explicit queerness goes, Battlestar Galactica does offer a little bit. Recurring character Felix Gaeta (played by Alessandro Juliani, one of genre television’s great underrated character actors) is gay, but it rarely comes up. And “sure,” gay characters do not “need” to be “defined” by their “gayness”…but…I’m not asking for some big rainbow moment. I’m just asking for queer characters to have the same fully realized and compelling relationship arcs and love interests as the straight characters do. On a show that features a lot of smooching, would it hurt to include a few more smooches of the queer variety?
We get another whisper of gay in the two-hour special “Razor,” which features Gina Inviere—one of the many aliases for Number Six (Tricia Helfer)—in a full-on relationship with Admiral Helena Cain (Michelle Forbes). To which I say: Could this not have been an arc more fully explored in the main series? Why is it relegated to the straight-to-DVD spin-off chapter?! (These are rhetorical questions. I know the answer is, broadly, homophobia.)
Ultimately, you’re far more likely to encounter relationships between robots and humans than you are to find lesbians in the BSG universe. And I do not say that to disparage robot-human relations. I’m very pro-robot-human relations, and you can feel free to quote that back to me whenever you like.
So Starbuck is one thing, but do you mean to honestly tell me most of the thirteen models of Cylon engage regularly in heterosexual activity? ALL thirteen models absolutely scream bisexual energy. Again, we do get a whisper of textual acknowledgement re:the inherent bisexuality of Cylons. There’s a brief love triangle between Gaius, Caprica Six (Helfer), and D’Anna Biers (queen of Sapphic subtext, Lucy Lawless). But considering all the chaotic bisexual energy these sexy robots are giving, there’s a shocking dearth of bisexual chaos occurring on this show.
And GET THIS: BSG creator Ronald D. Moore once said the following: “We sort of always talked about the Cylons being basically bisexual in all formats.” So the things I’m picking up were “sort of” put down in the BSG writers room. But the commitment to this “all Cylons are bisexual” ethos seems to have wavered somewhere between conception and execution. Because, again, the show simply is not bursting at the seams with textual bisexual chaos, even though it should be?????? Even though in my heart it is?
If you have not seen Battlestar Galactica and think I’m telling you to stay away, oh no! That’s not what I’m saying at all! It’s a very good show! One of my top favorites! But when we love something deeply, we are also keenly aware of its imperfections. I love Battlestar Galactica, and I wish it were gayer. I wish it were gayer, because I love Battlestar Galactica. You get it.
All 91 Actors Who Were In Both “The L Word” and “Battlestar Galactica”
Last week on the hit podcast “To L and Back,” I noted the presence of what seemed to be the fourth Battlestar Galactica actor to appear on Season One of The L Word. “I’ll make a little list on Autostraddle of all the actors who were on both shows,” I promised podcast listeners, naively imagining a list comprising between 7 and 20 actors. How young I was then. How limber.
It turns out that whopping 91 actors appeared in both programs. It also seems like all the L Word actors that weren’t on Battlestar were on Stargate, Supernatural or Smallville. This seems crazier than it is — both shows filmed in Vancouver between the years of 2003 and 2009, and both shared Heike Brandstatter and Corren Mayrs as their Canadian casting directors (they also served as Canadian casting directors for Supernatural and Smallville). They share some shooting locations too — the Waterfall Building used to represent the California Arts Center is also Roslin’s Doctor’s Office in the 2003 mini-series and serves six other purposes throughout Battlestar’s run. The Orpheum Theater, where Shane fights with Veronica Bloom, is the Opera House in Battlestar.
But still, how did nearly the entire Quorum of the Zarek/Roslin Administration end up on The L Word?
If you’re watching The L Word along with the podcast for the first time, skip the explainers underneath each photo of who the character is on The L Word, although I have made them as vague as possible to avoid spoilers.
These are not in any particular order except that the more prominent roles (on either show) are near the front with pictures and the more obscure roles are near the end (mostly in alphabetical order because of how I copied them over from Airtable).
1. Michael Hogan
Irwin Fairbanks // Colonel Tigh
Irwin is Dana’s Dad.
2. Lucy Lawless
Sgt Marybeth Duffy // D’Anna Biers
Sgt Maybeth Duffy investigates an alleged murder in Season Six and the Confession Tapes.
3. Susan Hogan
Sharon Fairbanks // Captain Doyle Franks
That’s right, Dana’s parents were played by two actors who are married in real life!
4. Rekha Sharma
Lori // Tory Foster
Lori is a girl Shane almost hooks up with in a bar in Season One.
5. Simone Bailly
Grace // Shona
Grace dates Max and works with him on OurChart in Season Four of The L Word.
6. Colin Lawrence
David Waters // Lt. Hamish “Skulls” McCall
David is Kit Porter’s son.
7. Nicki Clyne
Delilah // Crewman Specialist Cally Tyrol
Delilah picks up Jenny hitchhiking after her quickie marriage to Tim.
8. Aaron Douglass
Citizen // Chief Galen Tyrol
“Citizen” appears for about 45 seconds outside the CAC in Season One.
9. Ryan Robbins
Bus Stop Man // Charlie Connor
Bette meets Bus Stop Man at the Bus Stop after her silent retreat in Season Four.
10. Judith Maxie
Dr. Wilson // Picon Delegate 
Dr. Wilson is the doctor supervising Tina’s pregnancy.
11. Lorena Gale
Delores // Elosha
Delores is one of Dana’s doctors in Season Three.
12. Tahmoh Penikett
Sherriff // Helo
The Sherriff rejects Tim’s request to go look for Jenny in Season One.
13. Luciana Carro
Lisa // Louanne “Kat” Katraine
Lisa hooks up with Shane in Season One and again in Season Two.
14. Heather Doerksen
Karen + Waitress + Woman with Clipboard // Sgt. Brandy Harder
Karen is a friend of Jodi’s in Season Four and Clipboard Girl tells Alice she can’t be on Dana’s float at Pride in Season Two.
15. Donnelley Rhodes
Colonel Jon Smythe // Dr. Sherman Cottle 
Jon Smythe works at Tasha’s base in Season Five.
16. Dominic Zamprogna
Greg/Jim // Jammer
Greg plays “Tim” in Jenny’s film, Lez Girls, in Season Five.
17. Tygh Runyan
Gene Feinberg // Private Sykes
Gene dates Jenny in Season One.
18. Veena Sood
Reporter // Quorum Delegate
Reporter interrogates Bette outside the CAC in Season One.
19. Erica Cerra
Prima Ballerina + Uta Refson // Maya
Prima Ballerina has a fling with Francesca in Season One, Uta has a fling with Alice in Season Three.
20. Christina Schild
Allison // Playa Palacios
Allison is a friend of Henry’s who comes over for a party in Season Four.
21. Alana Husband
Marcy // Nurse Sashon
Marcy is one of Shane’s three roommates in Season One.
22. Dana Delaney
Senator Barbara Grisham // Sesha Abinell
Senator Barbara Grisham meets Bette at a hearing in Season Three.
23. Chris Shields
Cop // Cpl. Venner
The Cop breaks up Lesbian Oil Wrestling in Season Five.
24. Brad Dryborough
Man on All Fours + Stephen Green // Lt. Louis Hoshi
Stephen Green is arrested in a flashback scene that opens an episode in Season One. The “Man on All Fours” is likely from the Dungeon scene at Pride in Season Two.
25. Don Thompson
Victor // Specialist 3rd Class Anthony Figurski
Victor works at the strip club where Jenny gets a job in Season Two.
26. Alisen Down
Priscilla // Jean Barolay
Priscilla is a woman with a life Veronica Bloom wants to buy the movie rights to in Season Two.
27. Brian Markinson
Aaron // Silas Nash (Battlestar: Blood & Chrome)
Aaron is one of the producers of Lez Girls in Season Five.
28. Jill Teed
Teri // Sgt. Hadrian
Teri appears in a historical flashback at the start of an episode in Season Three.
29. Andrew McIlroy
John James // Jacob Cantrell
John James is Shane’s boss at the hair salon in Season One.
30. Kwesi Ameyaw
Randy // Liner Captain (2003 TV Mini-Series)
Randy coaches the swim team with Tim in Season One.
31. Bruce Davison
Leonard Kroll // Dr. Michael Robert
Leonard is Phyllis’s husband in Seasons Four and Five.
32. Callum Keith Rennie
Danny Wilson // Leoben Conoy
Danny Wilson makes documentaries / a relationship with Dylan in Season Three.
33. Georgia Craig
Becky Haspel + Resident Nurse // Oracle Yolanda Brenn
We meet Becky in Season Three when she and her husband Tim meet up with Jenny and Max for lunch.
34. John Pyper-Ferguson
Michael Angelo // Captain Cole ‘Stinger’ Taylor
Michael Angelo is a friend of Jodi’s we meet at her lakehouse weekend in Season Four.
35. Marilyn Norry
Eve // Reza Chronides
Eve attends a consciousness-raising group at the start of an episode in Season Three.
36. Warren Christie
Leo Herrera // Tarn
Leo works at the CAC in Season Two.
37. Zak Santiago
Oscar // Captain Diaz (Blood & Chrome)
Tina volunteers for Oscar’s social justice organization in Season One.
38. Ty Olson
Jim // Captain Aaron Kelly
Jim is a friend of Henry’s in Season Four.
39. Mike Dopud
First AD // Crewman Specialist Gage
The First AD works for Veronica Bloom in Season Two.
40. Claudette Mink
Marlene // Shevon
Marlene is a friend of Henry’s in Season Three.
41. Biski Gugushe
Protestor // Reporter Sekou Hamilton
Biski was a protestor outside the CAC in Season One.
42. Alonso Oyarzun
Eduardo // Crewman Specialist Socinus
Eduardo works at the Grocery Store with Jenny in the Pilot.
43. Aaron Pearl
Lieutenant Finnerty // Ensign Abel Thornton
Lieutenant Finnerty worked at Tasha’s base in Season Five.
44. Aaron Brooks
Redneck Boy #1 // Mr. Buckminster
Aaron Brooks was in a pre-episode flashback montage in Season Two.
45. Adrian Holmes
Duane // Specialist Parr
Duane works for Slim Daddy in Season One.
46. Alain Chanoine
Hunky Guy // Marine Reb
“Hunky Guy” is at the club in Season Six.
47. Alison Matthews
Betty + Associate Producer // Karen Fallbrook
48. Barclay Hope
Bert Guber // Transport Pilot
49. Benjamin Ayres
Lorenzo // Lt. George ‘Catman’ Birch
Lorenzo is a “Senior VP” who Jenny and Tina meet with about “Lez Girls” in Season Four.
50. Brent Stait
Bob // Mason
Bob is the stepfather of the girl Tina and Bette want to adopt a baby from in Season Six.
51. Camille Atebe
T + Cute Girl // Sarah Ryan
52. Camille Sullivan
Valerie Goins + Helen // Pilot/Stepchild
Valerie is the girlfriend of Leigh, an artist friend of Bette’s.
53. Chelah Horsdal
Sally + Psychic // Didi Cassidy
Sally is at the consciousness-raising group flashback that opens Season Three .
54. Dan Payne
Policeman // Sean Ellison
Dan pulls Kit over in the Pilot.
55. David Richardson-Peck
Eric Sonnenberg // Naylin Stans
Eric runs the studio where Mark is pitching his documentary in Season Two.
56. Eliza Norbury
Technician // Civvie #2
57. Eric Breker
Doctor // Chu / Gemenon Captain
This character is one of Bette’s Dad’s doctors in Season Two.
58. Erin Karpluk
Susan/Alysse // Woman #1
Susan plays “Alysse” in Lez Girls in Season Five.
59. France Perras
Mrs. Greif // Sandra Roslin
Mrs. Greif is the homophobic parent of a child who Shane’s brother and Pagie’s son go to school with.
60. G. Patrick Currie
Miles // Enzo
61. Gabrielle Rose
Carol // Mrs. King
Carol is on the board of the art department at California University.
62. Georgia Mae Hacche
Luchi Santis // Petty Officer Sian
Luchi auditions for “Lez Girls” in Season Five but loses the part to Nikki.
63. Graeme Duffy
Counter Clerk // Adrien Bauer
64. Gustavo Febres
Drag Queen // Herbalist
Alice is looking for Papi at a club when she runs into the Drag Queen.
65. Holly Elissa
Chandra // Asha Janik
Chandra asks Alice out in Season Three, and Tina and Helena see her at Max’s prom fundraiser.
66. Iris Paluly
Orthodox Woman // Speaking Delegate Dahlia
67. Ivan Cermák
Heterosexual Man // Corporal D. Wallace
68. Jennifer Kitchen
Goombah Girl + Party Animal Lesbian #2 // Marine
69. Jim Shield
Simon Frunn – Bonham // Karma
Simon is approached by Bette and Tina in Season One as a potential sperm donor.
70. Kurt Max Runte
Mysterious Man // Ensign Charles Bellamy
71. Linnea Sharples
Gretchen/Nina // Lt. Emmitt ‘Sweetness’ Jones
Gretchen plays “Nina” in Lez Girls in Season Five.
72. Lori Triolo
Curator + Gallery Worker // Phoebe
73. Malcolm Stewart
Dr. Geld //Marshall Bagot
Dr. Geld is a doctor Max visits to talk about gender reassignment surgery in Season Three.
74. Marci T. House
Grand Marshall // Midwife/Herbalist
75. Mark Houghton
Robin Bookman // Vinson
Robin Bookman tells Bette and Tina he can’t give them sperm because his family has buck teeth in the pilot.
76. Michael Ryan
Senator Horsey //Ray Abinell
Senator Horsey is at a hearing Bette testifies at in Season Three.
77. Michael Tayles
Ewan // Flyboy
Ewan interviews to be Shane and Jenny’s roommate in Season Two.
78. Morris Chapdelaine
Judge // Reporter #2
The Judge is judging a dance contest fundraiser at the LA LGBT Center in Season Six.
79. Nicholas Treeshin
Tom // Sgt. Watkins
This is not the same Tom who dates Max, it’s Tom from a Season Two pre-episode flashback sequence.
80. P.J. Prinsloo
Cycling Dude #3 // Lt. Mei ‘Freaker’ Firelli
81. Patricia Idlette
Technician // Sarah Porter
82. Rachel Hayward
Ellie // Blonde Woman
Ellie is the society wife who Harry sets up with Shane to do her hair in Season One.
83. Ron Selmour
Security Guard // Seaborne
84. Samantha Ferris
Meryl Rothman // Pollux
Meryl hits on Bette at a show in Season Two.
85. Samantha Kaine
Vanessa // Off-Duty Crew Person
Vanessa is the Absolut Vodka representative working on Dana and Tanya’s wedding in Season Two.
86. Stefanie von Pfetten
Kelly // Cpt. Marcia ‘Showboat’ Case
Kelly brings flowers to Shane as part of a set-up to hook up in Season Two.
87. Steve Lawlor
Richard // Marine at Baltar’s + Guard
88. Tamara Lashley
Bisexual Girl // Sue-Shaun
89. Tammy Gillis
Tammy // Marine #2
Tammy attends bisexual speed dating in Season Three.
90. Tammy Hui
Assistant // ECO Lyla ‘Shark’ Ellway
Veronica Bloom’s assistant in Season Two who tries to rope Shane back into Veronica’s world.
91. Winston Rekert
Bon Sweeney // Priest
Max’s Dad in Season Four.
I Just Now Saw: Battlestar Galactica
Welcome to I Just Now Saw, a new column in which I attempt to conduct conversations about television shows you watched ten years ago and I just now saw, in their entirety, for the first time.
So, Battlestar Galactica. The final frontier. The sci-fi franchise y’all have been begging me to watch for years, and which I attempted to watch a few times before finally investing in it, at which point I became pretty hooked and watched it constantly for months, until I’d completed all four seasons. During that first watch I abided by my self-imposed media blackout (refusing to read anything about the show until I was done watching it). Then I read a few things, and then I went back and watched the whole series all over again so that I could write this, and now HERE WE ARE.
Before we begin — SPOILER ALERT FOR EVERYTHING. If you’ve yet to watch the show and plan to, I strongly encourage you not to read this, because some secrets (like the identities of the Final Five) are worth waiting for!
8. Starbuck Feelings
Here’s the thing about Starbuck: she’s a lesbian. Kara Thrace is a lesbian. I mean, she’s not a lesbian, but I think there’s a thing we see in a person — in a real person too, like it’s a thing I think we’ll see in Kristen Stewart and Ellen Page when they get older, that we saw in Jodie Foster — this toughness, this hardness. It’s not just toughness, but whatever the word is for this, it would be in the same general linguistic web as “toughness.” And I think it’s a toughness that is uniquely appealing to women, and attractive to women, and it’s got nothing to do with gender presentation, femininity or masculinity, although it shows up almost universally amongst “hard femmes.” This whole theory is essentialist, sure, but damn this quality makes a really fucking sexy lesbian. You know what else Starbuck is? She’s toppy. She’s fucking toppy, even when she’s not being a top. As a feminist, I appreciate that she meets men eye-to-eye and I like how she does heterosexuality, but as a queer I just want her to dyke out. Regardless, I wasn’t that into Starbuck after the first season, because…
7. Number Eight Feelings
Hey-o Sharon / Boomer / Athena! So many Number 8s, so little time. Remember when the Sharons didn’t all know about each other yet? When she was still brand new and didn’t know her spine was on fire. But meanwhile all these other eights did know. The Sixes seemed intellectually torn between humans and cylons, whereas the Eights seemed more emotionally torn, and therefore less consistent or predictable. In turns I was so mad at them (especially when Boomer was sleeping with John), but my heart-strings and sweatpants-strings got tugged again and again.
6. It’s Raining Men
There are SO MANY DUDES IN THIS SHOW. So many male faces. Here’s the thing about grown men: they’re not really all that interesting to look at. I mean it’s variations on a theme. Show me a bunch of middle-aged men and I will show you to the door so I can walk out that door, walk into a dimly lit room with a bed in it, lie down, and take a nice long nap.
But it wasn’t just that the male:female ratio on this show is criminal, it’s that the men on this show SUCK. However, I watched Battlestar twice all the way though, and my feelings about Gaius Baltar changed dramatically on the second run. Knowing the whole arc enabled me to finally see how fucking hilarious he is, in his megalomania, and to comprehend the source of his vulnerability and the insecurity that laces all his sociopathic self-preservation. But the first time through, his scenes were nails on a chalkboard and at first I hated Caprica Six by association.
Men from Battlestar who I hated a lot, in order of how much I hated them:
- Colonel Tigh
- Al from Quantam Leap
- Gaius Baltar (the first time I watched it)
- Blonde Cylon guy who could’ve been in Trainspotting
- Dark-haired Cylon guy who looks kinda like Keivn Spacey
Also, why were these douchebags always bedding hot chicks, like (as aforementioned) John with Boomer and Tigh with Number Six? Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK WAS UP WITH TIGH AND NUMBER SIX?
Don’t worry he’ll be better in about two minutes
5. High-Impact Television
These people are basically Vampire Slayers. They get thrown around and are subjected to explosions and electrical wires exploding and getting punched in the face and they just persevere. I mean seriously if I fell really hard on the deck of a ship when we got hit by a Cylon Raider, I would be in severe pain for days. These people leap out of the way when an explosion rocks the entire hall and kills three people and they’re in ship-shape like two minutes later. Was anybody else disturbed by this.
4. Does BSG Have a Race Problem?
There’s some weird shit going on in this show w/r/t race, because in a way the entire story is an allegory for racism — the human race vs. the Cylon race. Post-9/11 xenophobia as well as issues of prejudice, discrimination, classism and arbitrary divisions between people based on country-of-origin are arguably the show’s fundamental struggle. Furthermore, race as it’s defined in contemporary American society is never mentioned on the show, but how could it be when our words for different racial groups are so tied to countries and continents that don’t exist in BSG? That all being said — in my opinion, when you’ve got an opportunity to create a brand new world, why not make it as racially diverse as possible?
These things are true: Edward James Olmos, who plays Commanding Officer William Adama, is Latino. The two actors who play his children, Jamie Bamber and Tobis Mehler, are not. (Olmos’ actual son, Bodie, plays “Hot Dog.”) Kandyse McClure, who plays Dualla — a character made relevant primarily due to her relationships with high-ranking white men, and who eventually kills herself — is a light-skinned black woman. Sharon is played by Korean-Canadian actress Grace Park and Tory is played by Indian-Canadian actress Rekha Sharma. Colin Lawrence, who had a small role as “Skulls,” is black. Tahmoh Penikett, who plays Helo, is multiracial, as his mother is First Nations. So there is some racial diversity in the cast, but especially because race as we conceive of it is never talked about, I did wish that there could have been more visually apparent racial diversity.
Regardless — although casting was allegedly color-blind, I think the show could’ve benefited from a non-white-passing person of color playing Sam, Lee, Billy, Doc, Tyrol, President Roslyn or any of the pilots (e.g., Racetrack, Hardball, Narcho). Why not, you know?
Admittedly, it was Bulldog’s episode that sort of thrust the specific issue of lack-of-black-people (and lack of dark-skinned black people specifically) in my face — he’s sacrificed by Adama, and then he returns to Galactica after spending three years IN A CAGE on a Cylon ship, only to attempt to kill Adama, at which point an old white guy beats him dead with a pipe.
Then we have Simon, who’s first introduced as the guy who kidnaps and enables the rape of a white woman (Starbuck), and later is seen near-death being lead onto the ship in chains with a restraint around his neck in order to be ruthlessly interrogated. Aside from Dee, the only black women on the show are the Geminon representative who wants to outlaw abortion and the personal priestess/oracle to Laura Roslin. Like, come on.
NOW KISS
3. We’re Here, Where are the Queers, Get Used to It?
Seriously, it’s the motherfucking future. I know sci-fi has a strange track record in this department, each franchise alternately presenting us with ahead-of-its-time homosexual possibilities (see: Lost Girl, Buffy) and retrograde heterosexuality (see: Star Trek) eons into the future. But the only lesbian in four seasons of Battlestar was Cain, who appeared for two episodes and who I hated even more than I hated most of the men on this show. Although many of the Cylon ladies are presented as being interested in sexual liaisons with both men and women, their romantic interests seem strictly male-oriented.
Gaeda is queer though, right? Everybody hated him, but I didn’t hate him as much as everyone else did. I thought it was brave what he did on New Caprica.
you and me both, baby
2. This Show Is Smarter Than Me
See, I didn’t even hate the ending, because I didn’t really realize that the ending didn’t resolve everything, because I’d only barely been keeping up with The Shit That Needed To Get Resolved.
I was so confused by the end that I was not even bothered that the end was also confusing.
I figured that I was just missing something, as I’d been all along.
I think writing this “I Just Now Saw” has taken forever because I feel like I’ll be taken less seriously as a television writer if I don’t have any deep thoughts about Battlestar. But then I realized that I could write about it, episode by episode, it’s just hard to write about the entire series all at once.
And to be honest, so much of it remains unclear.
Yet… I still loved it? And the story felt so huge, even if I couldn’t draw a map of it, I knew I was looking at something vast and ambitious and that’s the best kind of feeling you can have when you watch a story unfold before your very eyes.
But back before I educated myself, I had the following commoner opinions about the ending: I liked that Helo and Boomer got to raise their child in a place with air and grass, and that Starbuck and Lee had a final moment, and that Gaius said “I know how to farm” and started crying. I’m sentimental every 15 or so days.
1. But It Is Not Smarter Than Jacob Clifton
But you know who does have a shit-ton to say about Battlestar and who made my head explode with his Television Without Pity recaps, particularly those of the last several episodes of the series? Jacob Fucking Clifton, duh. His recaps are what all recaps dream of being; it’s a re-telling so good it begs the obnoxious question I’m often asked, which is why are you using your talents talking about this show instead of writing one/something else? But whatever, let’s just be grateful, eh? That he wrote so beautifully of this masterpiece epic of a show to begin with, that it has been done justice.
Six Badass Sci-Fi Women of Color You Should Know
Here at Autostraddle, we’ve covered fictional kickass heroines, hot sci fi women, fictional female crime fighters and action movie heroines that tickle our queer ladyboners. I’m here today to highlight the kickass women of color in sci-fi – women who sometimes get the short end of the stick in terms of screen time and storylines, but who nevertheless kick some major booty (often without displaying their own).
Sharon/Boomer/Athena/Number Eight
Played by Grace Park in the Battlestar Galactica reboot.
via Screened
SPOILERS! You have been warned.
Number Eight is a humanoid cylon and one of the main characters in Battlestar Galactica. If you haven’t seen the show, I’m here to tell you that, yes, Grace Park plays ALL of those characters – because they’re all the same… but different. Basically, there are a bunch of Eight Cylon models, two of whom (Sharon “Boomer” Valerii and Sharon “Athena” Agathon) are important recurring characters.
Both Sharons are pilots on the Battlestar Galactica, though their allegiance shifts from the Colonial Fleet to the Cylons and back over the course of the show. Regardless of their moral compass(es), Number Eights are tough fighters and more-than-capable pilots. The Cylons are designed to groupthink, but two Eight models break away and become independent with their own unique personalities.
via IGN
Though both Sharons have relationships with men, the dynamic is of the futuristic-gender-blind-society kind. Also, Cylons are presented as genderless – though not sexless – and we know that some Cylons develop feelings for their own sex (I’m lookin’ at you, Gina/Six).
Louanne “Kat” Katraine
Played by Luciana Carro in the Battlestar Galactica reboot.
via Forever Geek
Kat first appears as a rookie Viper pilot in the Colonial Fleet, but eventually climbs her way up to be named CAG (Commander of the Air Group) on Galactica. At first, she seems to exist primarily to get on Starbuck’s nerves, but we end up liking her more and more as her character arc is more fleshed out. She is feisty, rebellious and just a little bit cocky. SPOILER: In the end, she dies a big damn hero.
Note: The character Kat is portrayed as Latina (though, to be fair, the race designations in the alternate Galactica world are not the same as ours), but the actress is Canadian, of Italian descent. I point this out because there is a long, racist history of non-white characters on American TV and film being played by white actors.
Zoe
Played by Gina Torres in Firefly (RIP).
Zoe already made our fictional kickass heroines list, but she’s so awesome that her name bears repeating. As first mate to Captain Malcom Reynolds, Zoe is loyal and steadfast. Though she does heed Mal’s leadership, she challenges and questions him when necessary.
via In My Head
She’s also wife to Wash, Serenity’s pilot, and a veteran of the Unification War. And can I just say that it’s pretty rad to see a relationship like Zoe and Wash’s? Truly gender-equal heterosexual relationships are already rare on TV and Zoe and Wash present a great take on hetero spousal dynamics. Plus (as suggested by the title of this list) she kicks ass. Like, a lot of it.
Inara Serra
Played by Morena Baccarin in Firefly (RIP).
Discussions of badass women in sci-fi usually features Zoe (and for good reason) but Inara often gets skipped over, possibly because she’s way more conventionally feminine. Like Kat, the actress who plays Inara is of Italian decent (though born in Brazil), but Inara is written as a character of ambiguous ethnicity. So… she’s on the list, ok?
Inara is a Companion, which translates to a classy call girl in the Firefly ‘verse. She’s fierce, independent, gorgeous and knows how to handle swords AND guns. Plus it’s great to see a character who is both feminine and badass.
And while she’s the main love interest for Captain Mal Reynolds, we know she takes both male and female clients. Though she normally avoids physical altercations, Inara is often the one who challenges Mal’s crazy plans and stands up to the rest of the crew. Not to mention, she sometime gets involved in crime too, just to mix things up.
Dr. Allison Blake
Played by Salli Richardson-Whitfield in Eureka.
via Screened
She’s a medical doctor, a Department of Defense agent and a super intelligent scientist. In later seasons of the show, she’s head honcho of Global Dynamics and later the Medical Director at GD. She’s also a caring mother. What else? Power suits. ‘Nough said.
via Screened
Again, a lover of men, but even though she gets married (or nearly married) multiple times over the course of the show, she never lets herself or her life be defined by her relationships.
Jo Lupo
Played by Erica Cerra in Eureka.
via Wikipedia
Beginning as the sheriff’s deputy and eventually becoming head of security at Global Dynamics, Lupo is a former soldier (U.S. Army Ranger or Special Forces…unclear due to continuity issues in the show). She’s the best marksman (marksperson?) in town, extremely capable at any physical challenge and super smart to boot.
via IMFDB
And she also loves her weapons. Oooh, baby, I’d support her right to bear arms any day.
Note: Again, Erica Cerra is Canadian, of Italian descent, playing a Latina character on American TV. See a pattern?
39 Pictures of Starbuck
Thank you to the Katee Sackhoff fansite from which a majority of these photos were pilfered.
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- Bionic Woman”Paradise Lost”
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- ca. 2009 — Katee Sackoff — Image by © Adam Olszewski/Corbis Outline
Top 11 Hottest, Gun-Totingest Women of Sci-Fi
When ladies in sci-fi movies and shows aren’t pegged down as eye-candy or arm-candy, they get to kick some serious ass and wield some even more serious firepower. And we’d like to honor these unsung sci-fi heroine hotties with our (sure to be contentious) Top 10. Enjoy!
1. Ellen Ripley
Alien saga (Sigourney Weaver)
Lady Gaga Joins Rockband, Infinity Ward Drama and Hello Battlestar Galactica MMO!
AFTERSHOCK:
The Feb. 27 earthquake in Chile topped the seismic charts with a recorded magnitude of 8.8, but the initial devastation and rising death toll weren’t its only consequences. On a far less tragic but slightly more unbelievable note, the earthquake moved nearby cities:
“Concepción, the closest city to the epicentre of the recent quake, moved around 3 metres to the west, while Santiago moved about 20 centimetres to the west-south-west.”
And if relocating cities doesn’t impress upon you the quake’s strength, get this: the events of Feb. 27 actually shifted the Earth’s axis by approximately 8 centimeters, enough to shorten the length of a day. Granted you likely won’t notice the difference, but microseconds add up.
INFINITY WARD:
A lot of crazy shit went down at the Infinity Ward office last week, when parent company Activision fired two former Call of Duty head developers allova sudden. Lawsuits! Security officers! Gossip! I still don’t really understand this, it’s like Watergate, and I probably never will. Devour the Juicy Details over at Game Informer. Also nothing could ever pry this game from my cold, dead hands, so don’t even fucking TRY Activision!
GAGA ON ROCKBAND:
Lady Gaga will be joining the Rock Band ranks this holiday season. YES IT’S TRUE! Go on and pre-order, you Gaga-loonies! Go!
BSG MMO:
Apparently THERE’S GONNA BE A BATTLESTAR GALACTICA MMORPG THIS FALL, and it’s gonna be playable in YOUR BROWSER! What!! I am nervous and excited and just so very full of feelings about this!
TWO’S COMPANY:
Battlefield: Bad Company 2 just hit stores, and based on a lot of good press, the game sounds like it could give Modern Warfare 2 a run for its money. Bad Company 2 boasts a solid solo-campaign and the multiplayer, with its large strategic maps and vehicular combat, might actually improve on what’s often said to be the quintessential multiplayer gaming experience.
2009 Autostraddle Televisionary Awards: Lesbians’ Choice
Carlytron’s Very First Televisionary Graphic!
Sometimes I can’t tell if TV is amazing or terrible right now. On the one hand, I feel like scripted TV is having somewhat of a Golden Age: we definitely didn’t have so many brilliant high-calibre shows all actively dominating the grid until the last couple of years. We’ve got Mad Men, True Blood, Lost, and 30 Rock just to name a few.
Cable nets are finally able to compete with the major networks and often deliver higher-quality programming.
TV is the most accessible it’s ever been with the advancement of mobile, on demand, and web platforms.
However, on the other hand, there is more trash on TV now than I’ve ever seen before in my life: shows like Farmer Wants a Wife, Dating In The Dark, Hitched or Ditched, and Jon and Kate Plus 8 have taken “reality programming” to all-time lows (and I really love reality TV, I just think we need to draw a line someplace).
But I am an optimist; I think TV is in a really amazing place now! I used to love films but now I only see a few a year (this is due in part to how obnoxiously expensive it is to see a movie, but also I have been less excited about the film options that I’ve seen lately). I think TV is where it’s at, which is why I love it so much. I work in TV, I watch a ton of TV, I read about TV… and while some of my all-time faves have already come and gone (Newsradio, Buffy, and Arrested Development to name a few), I think our television options are great and diverse.
So now it’s time to give out some awards! These are just my opinions, I’m no expert, so sound off in the comments if you agree/disagree/want to punch me in the face.
The Dearly Departed Award
The show we’ll miss the most this year is The L Word. Despite five years of inconsistencies (and that fact that it was not the way that anyone lived) it was the first show about lesbians, and we will miss having that visibility on teevee three months out of every year (also missed: Carmen’s ass). Hm. Maybe we’ll recap the first few seasons for y’all since we didn’t start up our Recap Factory ’til Season Four…and didn’t really get gooood ’til Season Five…
The Gayest Moment of the Year Award
I had to disqualify all of the awards shows from this (Tonys, AMAs, VMAs) because there were too many uber-gay moments to sift through. So I guess the gayest moment of the year would be the moment Vogue Evolution burst onto our screens on America’s Best Dance Crew this summer. On a show that boasts such bravado, seeing our favorite dancing queens take the stage each week was fun, fabulous and revolutionary.
Best New Show of the Year Award
This was so difficult for me to decide that I decided there would be a tie: both Modern Family and Nurse Jackie are the best new shows of the year.
Worst New Show of the Year Award
Three Rivers. Sorry Shane. Perhaps they figured any ol’ medical drama would succeed, but the organ donation hospital niche was about as special/exciting as Law & Order: Parking Violations Unit. Hopefully next year they’ll set a drama in my dentist’s office and I can throw a table at someone if forced to wait for over three hours.
The Least Surprising Thing That Happened This Year Award
Also not surprising? Ilene Chaiken’s L Word spin-off The Farm wasn’t picked up by Showtime.
Most Improved Show of the Year Award
Obviously I think we can all agree that Parks and Recreation is the most improved show on tv right now. I almost stopped watching it after its lackluster first season, but I’m glad I stuck with it — it’s become one of my favorite shows over the course of the year. I guess we should’ve all known better than to doubt Amy Poehler… sorry girl!
Honorable Mention: Grey’s Anatomy and Ugly Betty (though I’m sure no one will agree with me, both have improved greatly over the course of their current seasons)
The Really, Papi, Really!? Award for
the Worst Storyline of the Year
WHO KILLED JENNY SCHECTER?! And basically all of L Word season 6. What the hell happened there? This was somehow worse than all of the crap we had to endure on Grey’s Anatomy, a feat I considered impossible until I saw the final season of the L Word.
The Guiltiest Pleasure Award
There are so many guilty pleasures on tv these days, what with Jersey Shore and The Hills and everything on the E! network. But I’m still a sucker for The Real Housewives franchise. I love all of them — Jersey, NYC, Atlanta, and the original crew in the OC. They provide us with hours and hours of mindless entertainment year-round, and for that I thank them (and Bravo).
The Too Much of a Good Thing Award
You guys, I srsly love So You Think You Can Dance, but Fox’s decision to air an extra season this fall was a total disaster. The contestants weren’t as strong as previous seasons, no Mia Michaels, and there is already way too much on during the fall to be able to make time for several hours of this show per week.
The Award For the Most Bizarre Ending to an Amazing Series
Battlestar Galactica (bet you thought I was going to say The L Word, eh? The L Word isn’t really “amazing”) definitely wins this award. Half letdown, half confusing as hell… totally bizarro ending to a really fantastic show.
Best Social Commentary on Television Award
This award signals somewhat of a passing of the guard; although Battlestar Galactica has ended, Mad Men continues to thrive. Both of these shows continually delivered stellar writing and acting layered with spot-on social commentary, making them not only enjoyable to watch but some of the best television programming of the decade.
The Award For the Most Gays in a Kitchen
With all of the reality competition shows — specifically the cooking-related reality competition shows — it’s not hard to decide which features the best and most numerous gay castmembers: Top Chef on Bravo. This year we got to meet gaylady chef Ashley Merriman, who managed to charm the aprons off of everyone I know (male, female, gay, straight, otherwise).
The Syndication Awards
The syndication of television shows is a double-edged sword: on the one hand, you can see your favorite shows all the time on random channels; on the other hand, you are subject to seeing shows you hate all the time on random channels. The worst show that is on every channel at every hour is King of Queens (close runner-up: Everybody Loves Raymond); the best show that is on every channel at every hour is the Law and Order franchise.
The Best TV Event or Made-For-TV Movie Award
We should just call this the Revolutionary Costume For Today award, because even though made for tv movies can be sorta crappy, HBO’s Grey Gardens proved itself to not only be a critical success but a fan favorite worthy of Edie waving an American flag around excitedly.
The Liz Lemon Award For the Best New TV Catchphrase We Learned This Year
Generally I speak in 30 Rock-isms, but I’m actually giving this award to “tardy for the party,” a phrase that I’ve picked up from The Real Housewives of Atlanta and the name of Kim Zolciak’s ridiculous song. Hey remember that time she performed it live?
Honorable Mention: “Prostitution whore!” (Real Housewives of NJ), “That’s a dealbreaker ladies!” (30 Rock)
The Best Award Show of the Year
There were so many award shows this year, right? The Grammys, the Oscars, the Golden Globes, the Emmys, the AMAs, the VMAs, the Logo NewNowNext Awards, Bravo’s A List Awards… it’s a lot to follow. But I’d have to say that my favorite award show this year was actually the MTV Video Music Awards, due to the amount of YouTube-able moments (Kanye making Taylor Swift relevant, Gaga thanking God and the gays, all of those amazing performances!).
Next:
The funniest lady on TV, Maddow, Our favorite talk show, Shark Week, Award Shows that were worth it, the OMFG Award and more…
Weekly TV Time with Carlytron: Goodbye Battlestar & Betty, Helloooo Dollhouse & Dorota
Oh, hello there! How are you? More importantly, how’s your DVR? Great, great. Get comfy… let’s begin.
So NBC had a focus group watch some of Parks and Recreation, the new Amy Poehler comedy from the guys behind the US version of The Office. However, the focus group hated it. I hope it does well, I’m really looking forward to seeing Amy Poehler on my TV once a week again. And! They have a twitter for the show now.
Did you know that Lifetime is airing the 1996 Angelina Jolie film Foxfire right now, as I type this? How odd. Oh look, Real Housewives is on…
Oh my god, you guys. So much good TV stuff happened last week. Let’s dive right in, shall we? (more…)